#just trying to get through life lol

[icewindandboringhorror]

................ he 

#i feel like I posted this already but I also can't find it in any recent posts so... #......he #cats #EVEN if I did post it.. why not poast himb again? it's he #I'm like halfway through actually editing aforementioned costumes and stuff and i WANT to work on sculptures again and I have video #s and that worldbuilding slideshow and all of these things so hopefully like.. more usual stuff soon maybe.. to be posted #for now though yeah.. just cats #The end of the year is also when I panic about the passage of time and how little I've gotten done and how I will never actually be a #sucessful game maker slash author slash cat cafe owner slash set designer slash costume designer slash psychologist #who lives in like Scotland or somehting and also owns my own candle company or something ghbjhb #and will probably just be a mentally ill hermit recluse all my life who dies early of mysterious health issues with 5000 projects left #undone and blah blah the crushing weight of chronic illness and capitalism and so on and so forth #So then I scramble to get projects done to try and meet some goals but usually that means I scatter between projects #so it takes longer to finish all of them. Like instead of dedicating 8 hours to one thing and finishing it one sitting. I'll do 2 hours on #this then 2 hours on that then 2 hours on another things. so they all get done slower even though I'm still technically making progress on #them all. This is also a very poo poo pee pee stink brain way to work and is not like. the most efficent thing but it's just how my brain #organizes tasks sometimes lol #*** #(<ignore this its part of an OCD compulsion lol. anytime you see me type three asterisks I'm not bleeping out a curse word #it's just a Special Secret Foolish Thing I Have To Do At Specific Uncontrolable Times When Brain Says So gbjhhj) #ANYWAY... eeeee #Still haven't resolved my mystery chest injury though so being at te computer for too long is also kind of achey-inducing #Better get over it though because I have like 30+ hours of slideshow vidoe to edit hahaha hee hee hoo!!!!!

[lunarharp]

into the deep end - 30k T orufrey fic, focusing on memory trauma, disability, and romance.

the sweet oblivion of the victim, the poisoned freedom of the other.

for one moment - it had felt like two parts returned - the needed reunion of two disparate halves. no more secrets, no more pain.

the moment you get to give back what you never wanted to take. that moment, under the night-blooming flowers, when they had both let out the same single broken sigh of relief.

but they were never whole to begin with, were they?

qifrey swore he wouldn't say 'sorry' to this man any more if he could help it - sorry is cheap now. he didn't want to be in a position ever again where you only have 'sorry' left. so he just looks down into the threads of his blanket, strains his eye until it hurts, feeling his insides - his throat, heart and head - burn with pain. he expects more, but olly says nothing.

olly says nothing.

#witch hat tag #orufrey #sorry i wanted to make a new post for my fic since the first illustration is new. #*stands in the middle of a desolate field in the pouring rain* Please Read My Tale...Blease..Oh god please..*collapses to the ground* #someone asked if there's spoilers in it. Um...yes. Sorry...it's about everything #maybe i should describe it more? it's about qifrey becoming more and more disabled - as i feel is his canon trajectory #and both of them processing the choices that have been made. it was necessary for me to explore this in order to fully understand orufrey #and for them to have the cathartic conclusion-that's why this is important to me for my witch hat fanwork making life. this connects it all #and having dived into qifrey's mind and lived through oru's feelings i was able to get to a place that is possible for them. #the hit/kudos ratio is so pathetic idek what happened. ppl opening it realising its long and saving it for later or just bailing lmfao #idek any more i hate advertising my writing i hate trying to get more ppl to read my long fics it's so hard 🥲 #i'm so much prouder of this than my art...i was able to sink deeply into the orufrey feelings i had always wanted to fully explore #so. it's there lol.........i reread the date/kiss segment today after trying to forget about it thinking maybe the fic is just BAD lol #and like.....nope! i like it very much and this is what i was trying to get across. and it's always there to be read by anyone who wants to #and i will always remember the bliss i felt while writing when i was just lost in their world and living as them. dear GOD i love them. #i'm grateful to myself that i put in the work and love to make this so that i can always come back to it. i wanna illustrate scenes properly #but i'm never satisfied with drawing things i've written because i just can't capture the vivid experience in my mind. maybe one day.

[green-tea-lemonade]

Maybe the real girl dinner is the arms we’ve chewed on the way

#art #digital art #procreate #homestuck #solnep #nepeta leijon #sollux captor #heeyyyyyy it’s a me #I swear I’m not dead just really tired #I’ve been going through *things* lately #Gonna try and return from my void tho #Nep is me I am her #Just in a state of needing to chew because life is being a bitch and needs to get chewed #Hope y’all have been doing alright tho #More soon to come I guess lol

[artistdove]

Grian doodles cuz of MC brainrot. Most are actual skins of Grian's with slight presonal twist while others are purely for funsies

#my art #sketch #digital art #grian fanart #mcyt #hermitcraft #evo #idk how to tag this lol #now despite having cute guy i uh need to catch up with s9 of hc so that is why s9 grian is just absent #i am trying to get through some of his content but life is stressing me out #may do another set idk theses were just mindless doodles

[sonego]

every time you see news about an athlete competing while injured and everyone's reactions are praising them like a hero bc that means they actually care about the team/sport/competition or whatever, imagine me as a dog barking at an evil creature in a horror movie. thanks

#the day we STOP glorifying pain i will finally know peace #try being in pain 24/7 !!!!! then tell me again it's a heroic and morally good !!!!!!! also fuck off #it's not heroic it's not good it's not manly it's not caring about winning what it IS is dangerous and reckless #and risking permanent damage and a disability #and i bet you fuckers would then start complaining about that same athlete 'underperforming' and 'not putting in enough effort' and shit #when maybe. MAYBE. if they'd taken care of the injury when it first arose that shit wouldn't have got worse and become a Big fucking problem #to be clear when i say you i mean a vague general you i see this all the time and rn it's aimed at no one in particular #and also i'm not blaming the athetles who keep competing through injuries i don't think it's their fault #i'm blaming these shit fucking reactions that everyone KEEPS having when it happens. pundits commentators fans etc #everyone is always praising these athletes these PEOPLE for how brave and daring they are for ignoring the pain they're in so they can help #the team or get a chance to win a race or a medal or a trophy or whatever #i understand it's not an easy or fun decision as a pro athlete to give up a chance at winning something #but i think we should DEFINITELY still encourage them to fucking give it up!!! even if it sucks even if it's a big win they're giving up!! #bc the risk of the injury getting worse and permanent and fucking up their career their LIFE for a very very long time if not forever is #just not worth it and not a risk to be taken lightly #i can't believe i have to keep complaining about this!!! still!!!!!! when will everyone learn!!!!! #what prompted this rant might not even be that bad but really i don't care the culture around this in sports needs to change asap #rant over i'm fucking MAD. and in pain (funnily enough lol) #nico.txt

[ageless-aislynn]

Nowwwwww, I facetiously mentioned at the bottom of this post about the Halo: Reach achievement:

To do that, you have to go under or close to par time on pretty much each level ON LEGENDARY.

I have beaten Reach on Legendary but it probably took me closer to 30 hours than 3 because I did my slow, methodical strategies to get through. I did the par time achievement by running past everything I could on Easy. Can I combine the two successfully?

I decided to give the first level "Winter Contingency" a try (after watching some Youtube vids on getting this achievement, of course 😉). Par time is 15 minutes.

That was my third try, the first was 16 and some minutes, the second got it to 15 and some and then that one got under the par by 32 seconds! I should note that this is considered one of the easiest levels to do on Legendary and the guide I watched by the ever-awesome Halo Completionist did it under 12 minutes and you're going to need every spare second you can scrap together to give you a buffer for some of the long, difficult levels. But still!

It's silly, I know, but I feel so proud of me! I'm an old lady (well, middle-aged, if I'm being generous 😜) playing Halo with shaky hands but I made under par time on Legendary! 🥳🥳🥳

PS - Tried it again and got 13:55!

#halo #halo: reach #halo reach #this is my game tag #it's silly i know but i really am proud of me #nobody will ever realize how little i expected to be able to even finish ONE of the mcc games on easy #i wanted to be able to do it but i just didn't think i'd be able to #and then i made it through halo ce #and then the others slowly one at a time #it means something to me #i don't even know why but it does #i'm not good at games but i'm tenacious i'll keep trying #i'll watch different strategies then try to find something that'll work for me #i'll work at it until i get there #it's not pretty nobody would ever want to watch my twitch stream that's for sure lol #but i get it done #i'm proof that you don't have to be some amazing gamer to do some amazing things #i feel like there's a life lesson in there or something i dunno #is anybody still reading down this far in the tags? #have a cookie if you're still here #love you frens #thanks for letting me share with you #ageless aislynn

[freakbullet]

when deltarune first came out I bought the OST. I didn't absorb the titles that much because I was basically just listening to the whole thing on repeat. so I'd completely forgotten the name of a certain track, and when I was reminded of it the other day, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I've never really had a home that truly felt like home, for all sorts of bad reasons. but I find comfort in fantasy, especially undertale and deltarune.

2015 was one of the worst years of my life. when it started, despite struggles with PTSD and depression and more of that ilk, I was physically healthy. when the year ended, I'd nearly died - I'd been in and out of hospitals for months while doctors tried to figure out exactly what the hell was wrong with me.

the hopelessness of learning I had an illness I'd have to live with for the rest of my life, on top of the despair I already wrestled with - it was too much. I decided the only way out was to end it all.

but then I played undertale. there's nothing I can say that would ever do that experience justice, but if you know, you know. the point is, I'm still here. despite everything, it's still me. and that's not a coincidence.

so when I saw that this one beautiful, nostalgic track that wraps me up like a warm blanket every time I hear it, that reminds me of the friends, the family, I first made in these games all those years ago, is called, "You Can Always Come Home"… man, I lost it.

Toby once said about Toriel: "Your mom loves you." maybe it's silly, but I never had a mom who loved me, until her. so thanks, Toby. it means so much more to me than you could ever know, that I can always come home to my friends and family, and my mom. who loves me.

#just getting out some feelings #i dont mean for this to sound like a sob story either. im okay dont worry #i just never talk about this and wanted to get it off my chest #ive said in the past that undertale saved my life and i wasnt being hyperbolic lol #also dw this doesnt mean i replay undertale often. i try to leave them with their happy ending #there are other ways i can go home and see them. through music or fanart or videos. or deltarune :p yknow #suicide mention #illness mention #freak speak #if i forgot to tag something triggering please let me know #also /waves at people whose asks i havent answered yet. i havent forgotten you im just low on spoons <3 #wow i had to edit this big time. #why god do i get so CRINGEY any time i try to write something serious. man i am not quitting my day job any time soon

[time-is-restored]

btw this might be me swinging a bat at a hornets nest but like. absolutely none of my disappointment from the tl finale comes from ship baiting or any relationships that didn’t happen (though to be clear, i think the tedbecca fake outs were meanspirited and served no narrative purpose - in noted contrast to the season's earlier jamiekeeley fakeouts, for example, which were explicitly there to demonstrate jamie's growth + maturity)

tedpendant is a really fun concept for me, and i LOVE the characterisation + thematic potential there!

but as someone who personally resonated with a lot of ted’s struggles, the idea that ted could leave richmond so… seamlessly, for lack of a better word, really doesn’t sit right with me. the thesis of the shows entire first season - assuming it can be said to have only one - was about how everyone needs the love and support of a community, whether that comes in the flavour of someone who hypes u tf up or someone who will relentlessly call u on ur shit (or, as happened quite frequently, both!).

rebecca, roy, jamie are the clearest examples as the characters with the most screentime: they were all deeply isolated and disconnected from the people around them, and that was making them miserable. the connections they made with the team, the vulnerability they finally allowed themselves to express (the ghost banishing ceremony comes to mind!), and them going on to want *more* out of their life are what made their arcs about *progression* rather than *regression*. without that clear theme of compassion + community inspiring positive growth in everyone who encounters it, there is, frankly, no season one.

my personal favourite scene from season one comes right after michelle walks away from ted, when they’ve agreed to get divorced. ted sits down on the bench looking gutted, and a little shell shocked - and beard sits down with him. hands him the drink, and they sit there together. silent, but together. to me, that scene is an implicit promise from the episode, to the audience: ‘it’ll be okay. it’s going to be hard, but ted isn’t alone, and his friends won’t leave him behind.’

it also makes it clear to the audience that ted isn’t the saintly-giver-of-grace who needs nothing in return, as one might assume on first brush, but rather that he’s Also struggling with his own shit (as is everyone, always, in real life!) and he has something he needs from the people around him too.

and looking at the text of s3, and the conclusion to his arc in the finale, i just don’t believe that he got it. he wasn’t just sad that he was leaving (which would be understandable!), he was completely closed off. unresponsive to the people around him reaching out, borderline confused as to why they were trying so hard!

(side note, while i completely respect the read of ted and trents last interaction being rather rude + ooc on ted’s part, i personally read a different motive into it. for me, it was more like… he didn’t understand where trents enthusiasm was coming from? like, he read that as trent being too invested in what other people think of him, and responded in a way that he hoped would emphasise that ted doesn’t *need* to laugh at everything trent wrote, bc trent Already Knows that he’s done something really cool and kickass, and he shouldn’t value anyone else’s reactions above that. basically, based on his demeanour in the episode, i genuinely don’t think it would’ve even occurred to him that trent was more invested in HIS reaction than he would’ve been with anyone else.)

again, looking purely at the text, the show had already established that ted has really strong depressive + avoidant tendencies, as well as panic attacks (largely triggered by his fear of not being ‘good enough’ in various roles, ie: a father). we saw one area he was able to calm HIMSELF abt these fears (worry for henry, which is a Hell of a choice considering the ending…), but in literally every other heightened moment, he had to rely on his support system to help him make the choices that he WANTED to make, rather than ones inspired by avoidance and fear (ie: confronting michelle abt jake, talking to his mum abt why she was visiting + his dads death).

and to be clear, this is a GOOD THING! we’re not supposed to go through life alone, no matter how bad OR well we’re doing. rebecca and keeleys friendship isn’t worth less for all the scenes where they’re both in good places. if anything, the opposite is true - it’s lovely that they both have someone who want to celebrate the achievements in their life!

and fuck it, we’re sure as hell not supposed to go through life with exactly one (1) person whom we expect to fulfill ALL of our emotional needs at all times either! like, im sure i don’t need to labour my point here, but tying everything to one (1) person in ur life doesn’t make u any less isolated than if u were going it completely alone, whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a partner. i won’t pretend to know the first thing abt what it’s like to be a parent, but i don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that no parent would be at their best if they had absolutely no support/camaraderie/general love provided to them from Anyone other than their child.

so when ted is SPECIFICALLY shown to be in a bad place, over and over again (did he come to terms w his fear to be close to henry overnight???????), and then removed from his community? of COURSE the audience is left feeling unsettled, and like the rug has been pulled out from under them. there was no time in this finale dedicated to how ted would still be in contact with anyone from richmond. no promises of visits, or phone calls - fuck, nothing about emails!! according to the text, we might as well assume this is a clean break (and the maybe-dream-sequence does Fuck All to assure us otherwise. if ted doesn’t go to beards wedding, what WOULD he go to????). and since the show has ALSO completely failed to give us even an IMPLICATION of who/what ted’s support system would be in kansas, there’s… a reasonable argument to be made that this is It for ted. that, after two seasons doing NOTHING but attesting otherwise, the audience is supposed to suddenly believe that ted can (and SHOULD!) pull himself up by his bootstraps, and cope entirely on his own.

that, to me, is a betrayal of the show’s premise. we were promised a show about how, no matter how dark things may get, none of the characters would be left to struggle alone. and then they ended the show with ted alone.

i don’t know. i guess if i had to give this post a tldr; if anyone has any gen fic/meta/Literally Anything in the pipeline, i would absolutely love to be tagged/directed towards it. i’ll be endeavouring to write something myself, as well, but it might take a while before i can return to my WIP, lol.

#this is the most measured version of this post i was capable of fghjskdjhgfdgjhsfd #the least measured one is just the aromantic flag with the ‘we are going to beat u to death’ meme overlaid #look ik this is hardly impartial wrt very small + insular communities like nuclear families #but its fucking impossible to go into media analysis and not bring Anything from ur real life in there w u #so im trying to forgive myself for being a little hashtag Vulnerable + Opinionated on main #in the spirit of what this show could’ve been lol #if not here then where etc etc #Ted lasso spoilers #Ted lasso meta #Ted lasso critical #also just to be clear here im being dead serious abt that last point #im spiritually doing the jamie run to demonstrate to u all how badly i want gen shit #please. p l e a s e . #okay wait last ramble here but. this is also why the lack of information we got on trent was so crushing to me #like ur telling me this man went through the incredibly painful + harrowing process of breaking out of his (comfortable! safe) shell + #cynical journalist persona. came out to someone VERY important in his life. and has done nothing but face the music wrt acknowleding #his past mistakes + endeavouring to be better and kinder. and we never get to know if he has ANY support through all that? at all? #is he dating? what's his family situation like? does he have full custody? any friends from work? any friends period????? #like i can should must and will die on the beard + roy + higgins + colins are trents best friends hill but #its like the premise of the show stopped mattering just in time for him to be left in a legitimately depressing limbo #like 'yes everyone needs love + support bc life is rlly hard. but we're tired of making a show abt that so This Is All Ur Getting #+ screw anyone's personal life that u didn't already see in s1. You Know Enough.' #anyway i love u all this is a very silly show and im gonna go play t.o.t.k for a few hours o/ <3

[sketchy-tour]

*cracking knuckles

Alright no more putting it off! I have a few of those requests started but lack of time has made me drag my feet. No more! Though I'll be closing them now and powering through as many of these as I can just cause I really do want to give you lovely people some lovely art!!!!!

I'll try and power through one a day. And eventually I'll be through the ones I can do! Again, I won't be able to do everyone's and I'm sorry for that. But I do wanna get a good chunk of them done!!!!

#text post #just rambling #TIME TO GET ON THAT GRIND!!!!!!! #Sorry that im taking my sweet sweet time #truly i thought id be working through them more often but life has been....life. you know??? #lol but oh well! ill try not to burn myself out! #apologies if these end up on the simplier side for my own sake #so I dont lose my marbles

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

Anyway prohibitedwish dark medieval mystery drama au. The story is interjected every so often by prismo and scarab arguing over what should happen next

#random thoughts #adventure time #over time scarab learns to accept when things dont go his way (especially when prismo has a very good idea) #and prismo gets help working through his depression through the beauty of creating with another person (euphamism for gay sex lol) #hey prismo why do you want to collab with scarab hmm? to create life with another man? pretty gay it does seem #anyway in the beginning they argue because scarab wants stuff to go his way #and prismo keeps bringing up bad ideas and wanting to put jake-esque characters in everything #prismo is. not very creative #anyway their universe ends up following a sheriff and a self-declared wizard in the late-12th century (so around robin hood times) #as the sheriff hunts down a group of bandits #(prismo ends up really liking the bandits and thinking the sheriff sucks balls for hunting them down and scarab's like you just dont get it) #the self-declared wizard is very much a conman hawking snake oil (i do NOT sound like that is. very commonly interjected by prismo) #there is no magic. prismo keeps trying to put magic in there. scarab keeps shutting him down #scarab ends up trying to kill off the wizard for a dramatic moment and prismo gets upset about it #'it's a tragedy! it's supposed to be sad!' 'but WHAT IS THE POINT??? it's just tragedy for the sake of tragedy!' #'if your plan this whole time was to make me upset then congrats!!! you made everyone's friend prismo upset. im gonna do something else now' #prismo disappears and scarab feels. bad. it doesn't feel good. #eventually prismo comes back in to apologize for getting too into the story and leaving in a huff and shit and surprise!!! #the wizard is still alive! scarab LISTENED and he CONCEDED and CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT BABEY!!! #now the ending of the story they were trying to tell is more bittersweet instead of a full-on 'everyone's dead or sad' thing #btw the sheriff and the wizard end up kissing and prismo and scarab are both VERY awkward about it #scarab still likes dark edgy stuff but he recognizes the universe he created with prismo is a SHARED project and he's been kind of a pill

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

I LOVE going everywhere by bike. Don't need to wait for a bus. Don't need to cram myself into a bus with (urgh) people. Or even worse, what feels like every single student in town. I still get home in about the same amount of time. I'm so so flexible including with places. Like yeah sure, let's go there! I don't care if the next bus station is far away. Doesn't matter to me.

Stayed out late with friends recently. Two of em had to get their family to come pick them up because that's too far to walk and it was too late for buses. A different friend lives like 30 minutes away but always walks and their way goes through a small park where literally no one is at with few lanterns so it's pitch black and I could literally just walk them home and then take the bike which is faster and has its own light and feels and probably is safer than walking those dark ass streets at night alone.

Like. I can just do all that. And yeah, sometimes when I'm not doing too well I feel like collapsing afterwards and yeah, maybe my fingers feel like falling off a lot at this time of year but that's like. SO worth it. I have no idea how people can live and NOT go everywhere by bike. Like if it's more than 20-30 minutes maybe but even with hills.... I fucking love my bike.

#a biscuit's rambles #also i just love going out with friends til late?? #with the lockdown and shit that is such an entirely new experience and its great #also i like feeling useful i think. i like walking a friend home knowing ill definitely get home safe #idk #i also like my bike. a lot #been taking it literally every single day for years now and i have no regrets #EXCEPT FOR THOSE FUCKING PEDESTRIANS THAT HEAR MY BELL AND DO NOT FUCKING MOVE #AND THE OTHER BIKES THAT JUST DONT RING THEIR BELLS OR NOT EVEN HAVE ANY #LIKE THEN YOU GOTTA AT LEAST YELL AT PEOPLE TO MOVE OVER YOU NUMBNUT #A BIKE IS QUIET THEY DO NOT HEAR YOU THEY WILL NOT MOVE OVER MAGICALLY #AND IM STUCK BEHIND YOU #ALSO ITS JUST ASSHOLE BEHAVIOUR LIKE SOMEITMES WARNING SOMEONE SO THEY KEEP TO THE BLOODY SIDE IS GOOD!!! #and dont even get me STARTED ON SOME OF THE CARS #MUCH LESS THE STUPID ASS FUCKING INFRASTRUCTURE OF MY TOWN #ITS LIKE THEY WANT BIKES TO BE RUN OVER #fun fact i have been run over before #just fuckin collided with a car #nobody would listen to me try to pick apart the details of how it felt #which was probably my way of trying to cope with that experience lol #though nothing serious happened. bUT STILL #also oh god that one stupid fucking street with those stupid ass cars NOBODY NEEDS A CAR THERE JUST BAND HTEM ALREADY #AND THE. THE FUCKIGN ROADWORKS #I CAN NOT REACH MY SCHOOL WITHOUT ALMOST BEING EITHER HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A HUGE SHOVEL OR RUN OVER BY A TRUCK #AND IF THATS NOT THE CASE THEN THERES SO MANY FCKING PEOPLE THAT EVEN IF I YELL AT THEM LIKE MAD I CANT GET PAST WITHOUT RUNNING SOMEONE #THROUGH MYSELF #im very passionate about all things bike. but thinking abt it is a huge part of my life so im allowed to be

[mostlikelytofangirl]

Oh! With the previous ask in mind!

What if one day LXC ends up in a dreamscape belonging to JGY and witnesses the dadson rp???

Previous ask:

I don't think JGY would even CONSIDER saying a peep about the dadson rp to LXC, even if he'd like it. The daddy kink was mortifying enough as is

You bet JGY would rather yeet himself down the stairs again than ever as much as hint at the dadson rp ever happening, let alone wanting to do it again :))))

Lol some cultivation/meditation thing gone wrong, like trying to connect to another level and what LXC sees is JGY not only getting nicely boned by WRH, but getting done while calling the man 'daddy' and being very obviously into it --and into WRH calling 'son' in turn and 'my boy' and all those nice words that make JGY come extra hard, like the hardest LXC has ever seen him, so there's no doubt that jiggy very much enjoyed the whole thing.

That's gonna be a lot to process :'D

I wouldn't judge LXC if he needed a moment to deal with what he had just seen, but also to decide what to do now. Like, act like he saw nothing and nothing changes between them? Ask JGY directly?? Go for it and start the dadson rp when they are fucking???

It would also depend on whether JGY is aware that LXC saw anything bc ooooh boi, that's gonna be a fun conversation if he knew XD

#replies #mdzs #lan xichen #jin guangyao #xiyao #ruoyao #the levels of awkwardness would be through the roof either way #bc lxc can't lie to save his life #I think he would try to be as non judgmental as possible and somehow get jiggy to tell him if that's what he wants #but jgy would probably just die on the spot lol

[thebirdandhersong]

I remember talking to a friend last week and saying that if I'm reading obsessively it either means I'm extremely happy or extremely in need of help. alas goodreads my good pal you have GOT to be kidding me

#i have hit 60 books this year. we are three days into april. i have not been at the pinnacle of happiness this year so it is not that lol #ah well we hit rock bottom we bounce back up! i am trying to claw my way to the surface again! #granted this has been a series of not great distracting tactics to get my mind off the Horrors (i.e. through the mass consumption of #stories in book and film form) but at least i'm recognising and acknowledging it now #i need to actually deal with the Horrors so that there's a chance they'll actually go away! #but i am glad that i HAVE been surrounded by good stories. it has helped. it has been a method of conflict avoidance #in all areas of my life but it HAS helped to have those stories of hope hammered into my head and heart #anyway it looks like i HAVE lost a friend or am very close to losing one because it has been 1.5 weeks and there has been zero response #and there's a ton of Decisions i have to sort through this week #along with other mental health assessments my GP wants me to do #but God is good and He has been very patient with all the bouts of despair and loneliness and frustration etc etc #i just need to keep holding on and keep clawing my way upwards #despite all my failures as a friend and student and probably as a daughter as well this year there has been a lot of grace #and i am trying not to dwell on the past #slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in year 21

[compacflt]

I just finished rereading Slider's oneshot and I loved it just as much as I always do. I was wondering if you had any thoughts on how the conversation between Ice and Cougar went at Ice's retirement ceremony. You gave us little snippets of it from Slider's point of view, but I'd love to hear more of it if you have thoughts on it you'd like to share.

this is such a kind ask. i have no idea

for the same reason there is no explicit reaction in ch 12 when ice first hears mav say i love you—i spent a good week low key trying to figure out whether a reaction was needed there—it’s such a potent powerful cocktail of so many wild & unfamiliar emotions that i don’t personally think i have the literary juice to even attempt to try to describe it

i also am allergic to writing ice or mav explicitly coming out to anyone because it gives me secondhand embarrassment for them. the idea of the commander of the pacific fleet having to psych himself up to awkwardly mumble “um i should’ve told you all this time … i think i…i think im gay” to his friend gives me the ick sorry he’s not fifteen years old. so he Could be doing the big lgbt rite of passage of emotionally apologizing and coming out to Cougar in that conversation. but he Could Also be doing the ‘im nearly sixty years old im not gonna bullshit you’ thing of simply saying: “you and I have been very shitty to each other in the past and i apologize for that in x,y,z way and you were right about me and maverick and we’re gonna make it official this summer and if you want to come we’d really love to have you & normalize diplomatic relations between us again, you’re a real great friend when you’re not being a massive fucking douche”

#slider doesn’t get to hear that convo for the meta reason of ‘he’s a sideline character he’s not important to the narrative at all’ #And to further the theme of the slider one shot that being ices friend is learning about his life secondhand & reading lips #was it Samuel delany who wrote that the post-stonewall act of coming out is just a way to play into boring straight ideas of #normal and notnormal? #that it is counterproductive & only serves to isolate lgbt people more by making their existence an event that needs to be commented on? #speaking as someone who Did have the teary ‘i think im a lesbian’ confession with my parents at 15 like… it shouldn’t be that serious #the whole point is just—ok this is a part of me so take it or leave it. #it’s neither conversation nor announcement. it’s just life. lol. just logistics. come to my wedding or don’t idgaf #tom iceman kazansky #ron slider kerner #bill cougar cortell #top gun #edts notes #my posting schedule might be wack for a week or so—am out of the country #will try to post around 10am ET the way i usually do #but that is solidly dinner time where i am currently so might miss it #i reread the slider oneshot all the way through for the first time since posting it to answer this ask #wow it’s pretty miserable isn’t it #btw in the original draft that went up to 2022 slider marries sarah which makes him and ice brothers for real. #one big happy family #send tweet

[carpisuns]

I’ve clocked 120 hours of totk play time in three weeks girl help

I haven’t even done much side stuff!! Just the main quests! google says you’re supposed to be able to do main quest in like 60 hours but I took twice as long 🫠 the curse of being…just not good at video games but still very invested…lol

#I also have 125 hours of botw #which I played immediately before this #it probably took me 100 hours to finish those main quests but I was doing more side stuff along the way #for totk I was really trying to focus on the main storyline and STILL it took me this long #good grief #miracle I even made it through the final boss lol #I can’t believe I’ve played 245 hours of zelda in the past two months #numerical proof that I do not have a life HDSKDK #I wonder if these numbers are increased or decreased by the fact that my sister and I play together #she does most of the shrines and I do most of the dungeons and bosses #and we kind of take turns with side sfuff/exploration #but I’ve definitely played more than her #anyway #I still have so much of totk left. and I’ve barely touched the botw DLC #these games are just. Huge #And totk is even more massive #I have so many lightroots to get lol

[marathedemonoverlord]

Lesson 17 Hard Mode Spoilers(???)

Just finished Lesson 17 Hard Mode ( Don't @ me. I'm taking anything I can get to stay invested ) and like.... Did Michael just love bomb the Angels? (ಥ ͜ʖಥ)

Maybe my ass just hates gifts cause I'm so difficult but like... Weird doting vibes- Anyways weirdly I feel bad for Raphael being caught in the middle of it all - He's so awkward I see myself in him (ಥ ͜ʖಥ)(ಥ ͜ʖಥ)

#obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me nightbringer lesson 17 hard mode #obey me nightbringer lesson 17 hard mode spoilers?? #obey me nightbringer spoilers?? #Does this count as a spoiler? its literally two lines of dialogue... Interesting dialogue mind you but I'm not saying what it entailed. #I'm going through a phase of always loving men i cant have #I was obsessed with Simeon and Solomon but I feel like I get Raphael #Maybe I just dont like anybody and the fact Raphael dont like anything connects me to him #Imagine just trying to do your job as an Angel and Simeon makes it difficult - Like okay Karen take the kids and go LOL #I'm kidding Simeon's not a Karen I hope... He definitely makes life difficult for angels and demons alike #I like Simeon :> #No but like I don't try to weigh in anything with Michael cause we don't know him we only get pieces but this story bit... #I can't tell if hes mad doting with dad vibes that spoils every kid he meets or if he's someone who knows what hes doing giving gifts #I wonder if Michael and Diavolo would ever have a dynamic or ever conversed I feel like they are two people pulling Lucifer in directions #And of course Diavolo would be painted as the “good” option based on the angle of everything then Michael... #They'd probably either paint him as the opposite of Diavolo or similar to Diavolo except with darker elements under a saintly smile #Idk my mind's tired and rolling don't @ me #Still pretty odd huh.