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maverick-werewolf · 3 years

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Werewolf Fact #60 - Werewolves Have Tails

Unbelievably, I never actually did a werewolf fact on this. But... Well, it disturbs me just how many random people on the internet I see making the utterly baseless assertion, as if they actually know, that “werewolves in folklore didn’t have tails.”

That is categorically untrue.

(Although plenty of things in Hollywood spurned tails on their werewolf designs for various reasons, Underworld remains the primary culprit for popularizing the concept of “my werewolf is too edgy and unwolfish to have a tail”)

Do werewolves in folklore have tails? The answer is so simple it can be shortened to just one word:

Yes.

Now, if you ask me, I think it looks totally ridiculous to have a werewolf with a wolf (or whatever modern designs pretend passes as something remotely wolfish; let’s face it, most werewolf designs, especially movie ones, have basically nothing in common with a wolf) head and/or digitigrade legs that doesn’t have a tail. Those need tails. But don’t get me started on werewolf designs.

I also personally think it’s much scarier for a werewolf to have a tail, and I don’t buy the arguments that they are “scarier without one,” because apparently startlingly bare werewolf butts sticking out like they’re begging to have a tail pinned on them are scary (?), and I’ll tell you why at the end of this post.

Before I get into the folklore meat of this, though, I will say that part of my personal stake in werewolf studies is to push for a less broad definition of the word “werewolf.” Personally, I don’t hold to many scholars’ ideas of calling every single person turning into a wolf a “werewolf,” and this applies doubly to things involving witchcraft.

Personally, I think a “werewolf” needs to fit a certain, meaningful criteria, instead of any old person or thing who has the ability to turn into a wolf.

To start off, I will open with the very simple statement that the overwhelming majority of werewolves in folklore turned into giant wolves. Yes, just wolves. Not wolves walking upright, not wolf-men, just wolves. And what do all wolves have? Tails. Case closed.

If that isn’t enough for you, though, there are many sources that detail exactly the how and why of werewolves having tails in folklore...

Firstly, there’s Henry Boguet in “Of the Metamorphosis of Men into Beasts,” from 1590 (my version was republished in A Lycanthropy Reader: Werewolves in Western Culture, edited and compiled by Charlotte F. Otten). On page 79 of this edition, Boguet marks a difference between werewolves and witches that have turned into wolves, repeating a common belief that, when witches turn into animals, they have “no tails.”

Notice that the witches do not have tails. The werewolves, however, do, and that is even specified as an identifying attribute.

Secondly, there’s the Malleus Maleficarum, specifically question X of part I, “Whether Witches can by some Glamour Change Men into Beasts.” I’m pulling this from Monatgue Summers’ translation.

They say that, “the devil can deceive the human fancy so that a man really seems to be an animal.” This specifically refers to deception. Thus, illusion. Not a true, physical change as we get with a werewolf.

Furthermore, however, they say that “when it says that no creature can be made by the power of the devil, this is manifestly true if Made is understood to mean Created. But if the word Made is taken to refer to natural production, it is certain that devils can make some imperfect creatures.”

“Imperfect,” in this instance, generally thought to refer to “tailless,” along with a few other legends, such as a witch in animal form still bearing human eyes. Again, witches.

Bear in mind that the Malleus Maleficarum was written and compiled during a time period in which werewolves were considered a form of witchcraft, although not equal to it. One could become a werewolf via a curse, without directly practicing that witchcraft. Long story short, werewolves and witches were NOT the same thing.

This also came from a time period when werewolves were considered negative (obviously), unlike in earlier time periods, and much more like today.

Moving on, we also have Albert the Great in his book On Animals, as cited by Montague Summers, who says that devils can indeed make animals: “they can, with God’s permission, make imperfect animals.” Again on the imperfection.

There is one scholar who disputes this very, very briefly in his writing, and that is actually one of my prime sources: Montague Summers. In his book The Werewolf, he remarks, “many–but not all– authorities hold that the werewolf has no tail.” Like, dude, what? We just established that they do.

Something to remember about Summers is that firstly, he truly believed in werewolves as a form of witchcraft. To him, werewolves are more closely connected with those aforementioned witches (that I think werewolves need to be separated from). Secondly, when he makes this sweeping statement, he provides absolutely no sources whatsoever and doesn’t really make any kind of argument to back up or to defend that idea. I’m calling his BS on that one.

Thirdly, we have an overwhelming number of other sources on werewolves being depicted with tails as opposed to without. We have imagery from various time periods (as appeared in my post on werewolf appearances; there are a few more images here), in which they are virtually always depicted with tails or mid-transformation into the form of a wolf, which would have a tail. One of the only depictions we have of a tailless werewolf is the wolf-man woodcut of the one eating the baby, which is in itself a rare sight, as werewolves weren’t generally “wolf-men” very often in folklore. And, frankly, I think somebody misnamed that woodcut, because I’ve never seen any sourcing on it and I don’t even know if it’s supposed to depict a werewolf in the first place.

Descriptions of werewolves in folklore frequently refer to tails, or else refer to the werewolf as simply a “wolf” and thus lead us to assume they must have a tail, or such a radical difference would’ve been noticed by the narrator (Niceros’s tale, Bisclavret, Melion, the curse of Lykaon, Chinese legends, and many more).

There are doubtless many more citations/discussions/arguments on this, but I think you get the picture.

Werewolves have tails. And not some funky little cut-off rat tail or some stub sticking out from their spine - a wolf tail.

And you know one reason why werewolves have tails? Because, ages ago, people didn’t see a terrifying werewolf and immediately go “omg puppy uwu must pet good boi” or “werewolves are so corny lol.”

Because, ages ago, the concept of a human turning into something so inhuman was terrifying. Unfortunately, everyone today has reframed like 90% of everything into “that is bad and corny” if it’s remotely fantasy. Regardless, the idea of a human turning into something with a tail - a tail being a markedly inhuman trait - was extremely scary and startling. A werewolf with a tail will always appear much less human than a werewolf without one, and that is something that brings them closer to being terrifying beasts as opposed to just hairy dudes.

So yes, sure it’s an aesthetic choice of the creator, but werewolves in folklore had tails, whether anyone likes it or not. And if they are anything beyond a wolf-man, they’re simply going to look better with tails, and if you ask me, that’s also something that will be the case whether anyone likes it or not. You hear me, Blizzard?

(If you like my werewolf blog, be sure to check out my other stuff and consider supporting me on Patreon!

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#werewolf #werewolves #werewolf wednesday #werewolfwednesday #lycanthrope #lycanthropy #lycanthropes #folklore #random werewolf fact #werewolf fact #werewolf facts #tails #worgen #underworld #world of warcraft #wolves #wolf

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all-hail-the-witcher · 4 years

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nobody likes a claggy bit of cheese

this idea came to me in mid november while i was watching an episode of the great british bakeoff and crocheting a scarf for my sister while eating a very very healthy college lunch of apple sauce and caramel corn. someone (maybe it was paul) said the word “claggy” and i was like Wow That’s British. and then someone else (probably paul again) said “stodgy” and i was like WoW ThAts BriTisH. and then i was like you know who would appreciate these Very British Words?? my dumb friend who likes to pretend he's british. and thEn i was like Oh Shit what if he hosted great british bakeoff that would be energy oh my god. and i was About to text him that when i was like No Wait! instead of a baking competition it would be a Mac And Cheese competition because that's like,,,his wholes pride and joy. and then i was about to text him that but then i was like wAIT! this has fic written all over it oh my god i can see it now. and now here we are.

also mikey in case you didn't realize, you are my dumb fake british friend and this is your present but i mean its more of your persona slapped on race and i called it a day. its not a mothman shirt but it'll have to do eye guess

anywaymst

enjoy this trash pile

_________

ship: eye guess its platonic ralbert

genre: pure ass crack

warnings: uhmmm, race is an idiot, poorly written british accents, paul hollywood stare, uhhh, albert is Annoyed, jack is an idiot who makes bad mac, spot get Angryyy, idk im writing there before the fic is finished, katherine definitely knows the mafia

editing: lol that's funny

words: enough to fill a few pages but not enough to bore you to death like the metamorphosis

_________

“CHEESE!”

Blankets tornadoed around the room as Race jumped off the bed in a half awake sleepy haze, barely landing on his feet in a fight stance, wielding his phone like a weapon in front of him. He glared into the dark corners (not that he could even tell where the corners were considering that it was pitch dark) of the room before stumbling out into the hallway, muttering madly about cheese.

“Cheese...blue cheese…..string cheese…...mozzarella cheese….” Race barely heard his own half-mad whispers as he opened all the cabinets, rummaging around in the same matter a hurricane floods a basement, in a mad search for pasta. When he came up empty handed he scowled, sat himself up on the counter and yelled for the next best thing:

“ALLLLLLLBBEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRT!”

CRASH! That would be Albert falling out of bed. Race kicked his feet against the cabinet impatiently.

WHOOSH! SLAM! And there was Albert’s door opening and closing at an alarming speed.

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! The pictures in the living room began to shake, announcing his arrival.

“Race?! What’s going on? Are you okay??” And there was Albert, sliding into the kitchen in nothing but a pair of socks and boxers (despite the fact that it was probably 3 degrees out), weilding a single black converse high top. Race wasn’t quite sure how the shoe was supposed to help him, but he decided to ignore it. He couldn’t afford to get distracted by Albert’s weird antics when there was a legitimate crisis at hand.

“Race…?” Albert asked again, slowly lowering his shoe. “Is everything-” “We’re out of pasta.”

“We’re- what?” The shoe Albert had been holding banged to the floor. “You’re telling me that you woke me up at” he peered at the oven clock over Race’s shoulder, “three fifteen am to tell me that we’re out of pasta?”

“It’s horrible isn’t it?” Race slammed his head into the cabinet behind him. “Now I can’t make mac and cheese!” “W h y do you want to make mac and fucking cheese at three fifteen in the goddamn morning?!”

“BECAUSE ALBERT-” Race jumped down off the counter, “-I had a dream. A dream where I was competing on The Great British Bakeoff and I made my Famous mac and cheese. And Paul Hollywood, the man, the legend h i m s e l f, tasted my humble mac and said ‘Race. That is amazing.’ And gave me a handshake! And I was so honored that I awoke hungry for the wonderful, delicious, creamy taste of mac and cheese. So I wander into the kitchen and what do I find? A fridge full of cheese, but no pasta to be found!” He stepped closer to Albert, planting his hand firmly on his shoulder. “This is an emergency!”

Albert swatted away Race’s hand and rubbed his eyes, already turning back toward his room. “If Paul Hollywood deemed your mac and cheese so amazing then just hold a competition of your own and make other people make mac and cheese for you. That way I don’t have to go to Walgreens at three thirty.” He glanced back over his shoulder. “I’m going back to bed. Don’t make us lose our security deposit.”

Race stood in stunned silence as Albert disappeared down the hall and his door closed.

“That sleep deprived idiot might actually be onto something,” he muttered, launching himself onto one of the bar stools and opening his laptop. He had work to do.

•••

“You know, when I told you to host your own mac and cheese competition I thought I dreamt that entire encounter, and, now that I realize that I definitely didn’t, I especially didn't expect you to make me host it, and I certainly didn’t expect you to make me wear this dumb costume.” He tugged uncomfortably at the dark blazer and black wig.

“Oi mate, if you’re gonna be Sue yew gotta start actin like ‘er!” Race glared.

“But Race-”

“Thas Paul Hollywood to you. I don want none uh this ‘Race’ business,” he crossed his arms and gave Al his best Steely Eyed, Paul Hollywood Glare.

Albert just rolled his eyes and stomped off.

Race sighed happily as he turned to survey the tent in front of him. He had called Katherine last night after his missing pasta crisis and asked if he could use her Dad’s Hampton’s estate to host a mock version of the Great British Bakeoff but for mac and cheese. Katherine, like any good rebellious daughter, had loved the idea and called several of her “contacts” that apparently “owed her favors.” (Race didn’t understand the life of rich people, it seemed very extravagant and two-faced) And that was how Race had come to be standing in a tent with what could very well be the set up of the Great British Bakeoff laid out in front of him with he himself dressed in his very best blue button down and jeans, a spitting image of Paul Hollywood. Well, maybe Paul Hollywood 30 years ago.

His friends that he had invited on to be the contestants of the show were setting up at their stations. There was Jack, Davey, Romeo, Mush, Blink, Finch, Buttons, Specs, JoJo, Spot, Crutchie, and Smalls. Katherine had opted not to participate and instead film everyone to make it seem more like the actual show.

Someone (probably Katherine) had forced Albert to stand next to him to announce the signature challenge that they had prepared.

“Alright bakers-”

Race shot him a side glance.

“-er, mac and cheese cookers?” he tried to amend. “Today Ra-uh, Paul would like you to make a nice, hefty batch of mac and cheese. You may use whatever ingredients you would like, but he would like it to be cheesy, delicious, and contain pasta. You have 45 minutes.” Race could practically hear the sigh in his voice. “On your marks, get set, ba-cOOK!”

Finally, Race thought as his friends scrambled around their respective stations, I’m going to get some good mac.

•••

It was becoming very clear very quickly that Race may not actually be getting any good mac.

He wandered from station to station, Albert following begrudgingly behind him, progressively becoming more and more disappointed in each and every one of his friends. Didn’t any of them know how to cook?

“Roight Jack.” He leaned on the one empty scrap of counter in front of him. “What are yew makin?”

“It’s a surprise.” Jack - well he assumed it was Jack, he couldn’t really be sure with all the flour flying everywhere - ran around his workspace, which was crowded with every ingredient imaginable, from shredded cheese to, was that maple syrup?

“Jack for the sake of the show yew gotta tell us what yew’re makin.” Jack must not have the braincell today.

From somewhere in the flour cloud a timer went off. Jack yelped and dropped what sounded like several pots with an amazingly loud clatter.

“If you really must know - ouch!! - I’m making - god fUCK! - baked mac and cheese with a - SHIT! - crispy top.”

“Alright well,” Albert dodged a flying blob of flaming cheese, “we’ll leave you to it. Hopefully we get to actually eat something edible.”

“Good luck,” Race turned away from Jack’s workstation and leaned towards Albert as they made their way to Mush’s station. “Do we ave a foire extinguishah here?”

“I think so?”

“Good cause we moight need it.” Albert looked at him knowingly for a long minute before the two of them snapped out of it and approached Mush.

“So Mush,” Race said, taking in the polar opposite of the mess of a station that had been Jack’s, “what ave yew got for us?”

Mush smiled, looking up from the block of cheese that he had been grating. “Today I’m going to be making my signature mac and cheese with three kinds of cheese.”

Race let out an audible sigh of relief. Finally something that sounded edible!

“Is that pleasing enough for you, Your Highness?” Mush winked mischievously and Albert giggled.

Race straightened up, checking his mouth for drool (there was none). “Yes, oim looking forward tew it.” He watched as the cheese mush was grating flaked satisfyingly into the bowl, his mouth watering at the very sight and thought of cheese. Oh cheese. Beautiful, rich, delicious cheese. “Oi would like tew sample some cheese if yew don't mind.”

Mush straightened up, putting his hands around his cheese protectively. “And I want someone to slap me so hard my eyes fall out. We can’t all get what we want, Susan B. Anthony.”

“Hollywood, moi name is Paul Hollywood.” Race glared at Mush, horrified that he would decline him the judge a cheese sample! Paul Hollywood always got ingredient samples when he asked for them! Maybe he should have put more effort into his hair today…

“I know very well who you are,” Mush went back to grating his cheese. It was as if he were mocking Race with every bit of shredded goodness that fell onto the glorious cheese mountain.

“I do believe you’ve upset Mr. Hollywood.” Albert smirked. Of course he had to join in on the make-Race-feel-like-hes-being-mocked party.

“I don’t particularly care about Mr. Hollywood’s feelings,” Mush put down the grater and reached under his counter for a pan. “What I do care about is the fate of my mac and cheese so,” he stared at the two of them, deadpan , “be gone Thots.”

“But-”

“I SAID BE GONE THOTS!” Mush pointed a wooden spoon at the two of them menacingly and Race half expected sparks to shoot out of the end like some kind of sorcery bullshit, but all he got was a cloud of flour to the face and twelve sets of confused eyes looking at him.

“Uhh,” he mustered every ounce of Paul Hollywood that he could, “thank yew Mush.” Quickly he turned away, brushing the flour out of his sharpied on beard and mustache while Albert stifled laughter next to him. “Shut up,” he muttered.

“But that was-”

“Oi said shut- oh hoi Smalls!” He tried desperately to regain his composure as they approached the final station.

“Gucci Prada my fuckin clown wig I- oh, uh, hi!” Smalls quickly put the spatula that she had been holding behind her back.

“What are yew makin for uh today?” Race took in Smalls’s station. There was a wide array of cheese on the counter, we well as spices and breadcrumbs and pasta. But something seemed...different.

Smalls looked down at her feet, suddenly very interested in the carpet.. “I’m making gluten free baked mac and cheese.”

“Why gluten free?”

“Because,” Smalls glanced behind her briefly before hissing, “because that was the only kind of pasta I could find in my cabinet that's why you feet fucker.”

Race’s toes tingled with happiness. He do it! He could say the trademark Paul Hollywood meme thing!

“Now, when yew make mac and cheese gluten free it tends to get stickey and lose some of its taiste. Ave yew tested this to make sure that wont appen?”

“Y e s,” Smalls rolled her eyes. “I put extra oil in it so the pasta wont get sticky a n d there’s lots of spices for added flavor.” She brought her spatula out from behind her back in a soldiers salute. “I won’t disappoint you, your Highness Mr. Paul Hollywwod Sir.”

“Yew bettah not,” Race laughed as he walked back to his very official looking director’s chair (he didn’t want to know how many people Katherine had had to kill to get this).

“Sue, how much toime is left?”

“TEN MINUTES COOKERS, TEN MINUTES!”

There were varying screams of frustration from around the room as his friends scrambled to get done. The smell of cooking cheese wafted from several ovens and stoves and Race smiled contentedly. Twas almost Mac Time.

•••

Ten minutes later, as promised, Race was standing behind a Very Official looking wooden table with a fork and a glass of water, ready to taste (or spit out, depending on whose it was), his friends’ mac and cheese.

“Oilright, Davey, why don’t yew bring up yewr mac.”

Davey strode up to the table confidently, somehow without a spec of food on his apron, and placed down a plate of gooey looking pasta. Man oh man he was excited! But no, today he was Paul Hollywood. No excitement. Only glares.

He picked up his fork and took a scoop of pasta, glaring at Davey for good measure as he tasted.

He chewed for far longer than actually necessary to give Davey just enough time to get nervous before giving his verdict. “Whot yew’ve actually done is quite noice, Oi rather loike the blend of the cheddar and the goat cheese, but what yew’ve done is create something that’s so soft that its lacking textah. It’s loike Oi need somethin crunchy to offset it.”

Davey nodded. “Okay.”

“But overall noice job.” He nodded, the silent cue for Davey to take his dish and return to his station.

Race surveyed the contestants and grimaced. “Jack bring yew’re flamin bomb up here.”

He thought he heard Jack mutter some half-decent curses under his breath, but not decent enough for him to repeat.

A few seconds later a lump of orange stuff with green (???) blobs on top on a plate was placed in front of him. “Roight,” he sighed. “What ave yew got there?”

“Well this is my baked mac and cheese with green goldfish topping!” Jack said proudly.

Race looked at the plate as if it were a flesh eating disease that could kill him at any second. And, knowing Jack’s track record with food, it just might. “Any reason why you chose green goldfish?”

“Adds a pop of color!” Jack bounced on his toes.

Good gosh. Race took the tiniest bite possible on his fork and lifted it to his mouth-

“Make sure you get a goldfish!” Jack insisted. “Really adds a burst of flavor!”

“Oh sure, sure.” Race picked one up before shoving the whole abomination into his mouth. He chewed for a few seconds before swallowing down as best as he could.

“Wow that is pitiful,” Race coughed. “The pasta is overcooked, and the cheese, yew’ve cooked it too much so that it’s become gummy, and all the moistah has gone into the goldfish and made them soggy.”

“Oh,” Jack sounded deflated.

“Overall the textah is a bit claggy, and no one loikes a claggy bit of cheese.”

“Right, right.” Jack stroked his invisible beard.

“Overall its dreadful and Oi’d loike it if you removed it from my sights, preferably to the bin. Next!”

•••

Almost a half hour later Race was practically done testing all of the mac and cheese, save for Mush’s and Smalls’s. Along with Jack’s trashpile, Spot’s had also been notably horrible, it was somehow burnt and undercooked at the same time? Race didn’t even want to know. Crutchie’s and JoJo’s though had been surprisingly decent, and both were in the running to win.

“Oilroight Smalls, bring up yewr mac why don’t yew.”

A few moments later a plate of mac and cheese was dumped in front of Race with no class whatsoever. “Here you go Mr. Paul Sir.”

Race stabbed his fork into the pile of noodles. “This was the gluten free baked mac and cheese, roight?” “Yes your highness.”

Race rolled the noodles around on his tongue for a few long moments while his taste buds analyzed the flavor combinations.

“Roight so, I warned yew about this bein tasteless roight?” Smalls quirked up her eyebrow. “It’s tasteless isn’t it.”

“Yes. Get it away from me at once.”

“Of course, your lordship.” Smalls snatched the plate from the table, even curtsying to Race before making her way back to her station, picking up a fork, and digging into her own mac and cheese.

“I don't know what you’re talking about Mister Colonel Hollywood Sir, this tastes great!”

Race bushed imaginary crumbs off of his table. “And Oi’m goin tew pretend Oi didn’t hear that.” He pointed to Mush. “Mush, bring up yewr creation, if yew pleathe.”

“But of course!” Mush placed down his plate of mac and cheese in front of Race, who dug in immediately. “What you have there is parmesan, cheddar, and american cheese with elbow pasta. Enjoy.”

Race let the glorious noodles glide over his tongue as his palate was enveloped in a wonderful cheese flavor. He was amazed. He was astounded. Hell he was even speechless! What did Paul Hollywood do when he was speechless? Oh right!

“Well done Mush,” he stuck out his hand for the famous Paul Hollywood Handshake. “That’s a really great plate you’ve made.”

“Oh, thank you sir!” Mush smiled joyfully as Albert tried to sneak a bite of the mac and cheese. Race swatted his hand away with his other hand.

“In fact, it’s the best that Oi’ve had today, and Oi announce yew as Star Cooker!”

The room erupted into cheers and everyone ran to hug Mush while Race quickly finished his mac and cheese. His plan had worked perfectly. The next time he was out of pasta at three am he knew exactly who to call.

•••

“Hello? Do you need help burying the body?” A tired voice answered the phone.

“Mush, it’s Race. I’m craving mac and cheese and I don't have any pasta. Can you-”

“NO!”

_________

so how bout that huh

anyway sappy boi hours heh i love mikey and im real happy that were friends cause he's the absolute best and i cant wait to meet him next week eeee

feedback is always appreciated hmu to be on the tag list

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#saphie scribbles #newsies #newsies fic #ralbert #racetrack higgins #albert dasilva #this is not a christmas fit its just a christmas present #*fic #heh #luv you my milky tot #;)#grandpapi #papi #suburban papi #oatmeal aesthetic dad #daddy #cricket feet #u make my feet tingle with happiness #SIX DAYS MAN

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wolfieimagines · 6 years

Text

Wolf Moon pt.2

A/N: Part twoooooooo is up. yay. I should be doing my homework but Teen Wolf. Anyways please like <3. I have not proof-read this and/or edited this.

Words: 3029

Warning: Terrible plot and grammar.

“(Y/N)! Let’s go! Time to get ready! I made pancakes!” Mom yelled from downstairs.

Mom’s pancakes are the best. She only made them for special occasions, for this instance, first day of school. I raised myself onto my forearms and let out a large yawn before standing up from the large bed. My feet were sore from walking barefoot in the middle of the woods. I stretched my arms and back while looking out my window. My gazed looked over to the alarm clock, 6:30 a.m., it read. School started at 8:30, so I had about 2 hours to get ready. I ran out of my room and down the staircase. Mom was waiting for me in the kitchen with a plate of pancakes and hot water with lemon.

“Good morning mom.” I said in a deeper voice and reached for the plate of food.

“Here you go sweetie.” She said with a smile on her face then continued, “Jackson’s plate is in the microwave. When he wakes up tell him. I’m heading to work.”

She picked up her briefcase and kitten heels. She kissed my hairline and headed for the door.

“Have a good first day of school!” She said as she closed the front door.

I hummed back. The fluffy pancakes filled my mouth. I was in heaven, not literally but close. I added more syrup and drank some hot lemon water. I placed the empty plate in the sink then headed back upstairs to get ready. On my way to my room I knocked on Jackson’s door to wake him up. I could hear him grumble a few words before opening the door. He had a tired but well rested look. His hair was disheveled and worn a scowl on his face.

“Mom left you pancakes in the microwave.” I told him and in an instant, his frown turned into a smile.

He squeezed past me, acting like a child, he slid down the railing. I made this my chance to shower before he took all the hot water. I was lucky enough to get the room with a private bathroom. I laid out my outfit on the counter, a white, long sleeve bodysuit and a short, light-wash jeans. I gently placed my necklace on top of the clothes and entered the shower.

I sat in front of my vanity’s mirror, applying, or desperately trying to, a winged eyeliner onto my eyelids. Jackson knocked onto my open door, his book bag was slung across his shoulder. He gave me a look, “Are you done?”

“Yeah just about. I have to put on mascara.” I told him. He rolled his eyes.

“I’ll be waiting in my car.” He replied.

I finished applying my makeup, placed my necklace around my neck, and put my hair in a messy bun. I grabbed my purse, it carried: my laptop, stationary, and lunch. I met Jackson in his Porsche, he was playing on his phone. I opened the passenger side and slid in. He looked over and tossed his phone in the backseat. The ride to school consisted of karaoke, from the both of us. Surprisingly, Jackson sang along perfectly with the “girly” pop music, either way we were both having a good time.

“That’s what makes you beau-ti-fullllll!” Jackson screamed in the car, I laughed.

We pulled into the parking lot and he immediately turned off the radio. I sighed and prepared to exit the car. He pulled up next to the bike rack. He purposely hit a poor boy in the back with his car door. I scowled and lowly said his name, in warning. He rolled his eyes and said,

“Dude. Watch the paint job.”

Slamming his door and meeting up with Danny, ho called to him. I stepped out and fixed my shirt and shorts. My wedges made little sound on the pavement. I walked up to the boy, the one my brother hit with his Porsche. I couldn’t help over hear the conversation he was having with his friend. They were looking at an injury. I froze, remembering what happened last night.

“I’m pretty sure it was a wolf.” He began.

“A wolf bit you? His friend questioned, “No, not a chance.”

“I heard it howling.”

“No, you didn’t.” If I remembered, Stiles said.

“What do you mean, no, I didn’t? How do you know what I heard?”

“Because California doesn’t have wolves, okay? Not in like 60 years.”

I decided to jump into the conversation.

“Hey. I’m sorry that my brother hit you with the car door. It was totally all his fault. Are you okay?” I asked the one with the abdomen wound. I eyed it suspiciously.

“Woah, hey, hi (Y/N). I’m-I’m Sti-les.” He said waving fast. He had a shaved head, looks liked he was trying to grow out, and a lot of moles. I waved back.

“Thanks. Don’t worry about it. No hard feelings.” He replied, “I’m Scott.”

“Well, Scott and Stiles, I’ll see you around?” I tell them as I see Lydia walking towards my direction.

They replied in small “yeah”. I walked over to Lydia, who squealed when she saw my light pink hand bag. We hugged each other and walked with arms locked towards the front doors of the school.

“Hey, Lydia. You look, like you’re going to ignore me.” Stiles started. I raised my eyebrow and accidently locked eyes with him.

I was pretty sure Lydia also heard but choose to ignore the boy.

“You’re dragging me down to your nerd depths. I’m nerd by association! I’ve been scarlet nerded by you!” Stiles exclaimed and I let out a small chuckle.

I sat towards the front of the classroom. It was English, my least skilled subject, but I was still an honors student. I pulled out my laptop and pulled up a writing app to take notes. The teacher dragged on, before he said,

“As you all know, there indeed was a body found in the woods last night. And I am sure your eager little minds are coming up with various macabre scenarios as to what happened.” He paused looking into the bored classroom.

I turned my head and locked eyes with Scott Mccall. He looked nervous. His eyes were wide and he looked away. I opened another tab on my laptop and looked up lycanthropy. Werewolves. It’s a possibility.

Under my breath I whispered, “Scott.”

His eyes snapped over and I flashed him a smirk. I made sure he saw a glimpse of my laptop screen, before deleting the tab. I ignored him and the teacher for the time being until the door opened. The vice-principal and a “new” girl entered. Well, not technically new since this is the first day of school, everyone would be new in a sense. VP had an awkward stance, with one hand on her shoulder, not sure if he should have it there, and she just looked genuinely uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure if it was from the hand or the dozens of stares she was receiving.

“Class, this is our new student, Allison Argent. Please do your best to make her feel welcome.” VP said and I pointed a small finger gun at him with a wink. He gave me a scowl.

Allison walked towards the back of the classroom, ironically in front of Scott. He quickly gave her a pen, without any questions. My eyebrow lifted up in response. As Allison sat down, my view of Scott diminished. I returned my focus back onto the front of the classroom. The teacher returned to his podium and cleared his throat. During the whole exchange, I was unaware of the eyes that stuck to me like glue, from the boy in plaid shirt.

“Anyways, we’ll begin with Kafka’s Metamorphosis, on page 133.” The teacher announce, earning a groan from everyone.

Lydia and I were walking down the hallway. I told her about the “new” girl, Allison, coincidentally she was at her locker, which was on our way out. I saw her stare at Scott and him the same. Lydia gave me a smirk, and I returned the same.

“That jacket is absolutely killer. Where’d you get it?” Lydia asked twirling her hair.

“My mom was a buyer for a boutique back in San Francisco.” Allison replied reluctantly, I gave her a thumbs up.

“And you are my new best friend.” Lydia replied. I gasped and pretend to be hurt.

“And I’m (Y/N), former best friend of The Lydia Martin.” I said faking a tear and Lydia rolled her eyes playfully. Allison gave a small laugh.

“You know what I mean (Y/N)-Hey Jackson.” Lydia said as Jackson came up behind her while staring at Allison with lust.

I tuned out of the conversation and into the one Scott and Stiles were having.

“Can someone tell me how new girl is here all of five minutes, and she’s already hanging out with Lydia’s clique?” a random girl asked in a rude manner.

“Because she’s hot. Beautiful people herd together.” Stiles replied in a nonchalant tone.

The girl walked away giving us a stink eye.

“Stiles. When we were out in the woods looking for the body last night, I thought I saw someone else looking at the actual half.” Scott started.

“What do you mean?” Stiles asked intrigued. He was facing Scott.

“It looked like a white blur, but because it was bright and shiny I couldn’t make out what it was. I thought it was you at first, but now I think it was (Y/N)” Scott said rambling.

“(Y/N)? Really. The prettiest girl in school. Why would she be looking for a dead body?” Stiles started, “(Y/N-“

“Yes?” I asked behind Stiles.

He immediately jumped and stood next to Scott. His mouth opened and closed like a fish. My eyebrows raised and I pursed my lips. Scott looked between me and Allison before he focused on my face. I leaned on the lockers and sighed.

“Nothing. No-nothing. I’m-m good. Thanks for asking.” Stiles stuttered. I gave him a small smile, and he returned a wary one.

“Anyways.” Scott gave Stiles a look. “What were you doing last night?”

“Woah. Why do you want to know?” I asked taken back. Surely he didn’t recognized me from last night.

He looked unsure and looked towards the ground. I sighed.

“I went shopping with Lydia last night, if you so desperately wanted to know.” I said picking at my shirt.

His head shot straight up and looked me in the eyes, as if he knew if I was lying or not. I gave him a wide smile in return, which frazzled him more.

“I just wanted to tell you guys that you’re both invited to the party on Friday.” I said folding my arms.

“I don’t know.” Scott said uncertainly.

“Allison will be there.” I replied, “And a lot of good looking boys.”

I eyed the both of them and before turning back to Lydia and Jackson, I said, “See you there.”

I sat on the stands next to Lydia and Allison. I was drenched with sweat after dance try outs. Lacrosse here is like football at other school, being on the dance team is the cheer leading of this school. I’ve tried to get Lydia to audition with me, but her words were “I don’t want to because the outfits does not match with my hair color.” The roster will come out later tonight, and I do feel pretty good about my chances, not to brag.

“You doing okay there (Y/N)?” Lydia asked brushing off her shoulder from my invisible sweat.

“Yup.” I replied wiping my forehead and letting down the messy bun, making my head hurt from the direction my hair moved.

“Hi.” Allison said shyly. I gave her a big smile in return. I looked down at the field as Scott ran towards the goal with a huge stick in his hands. I turned my head to the brunette.

“Hiya. How was your first day?” I asked politely, low key not caring.

“It was great, actually, who is that?” She asked and I turned my head towards the boys. Scott was trying to catch the lacrosse ball.

“Him? I’m not sure who he is. Why?” Lydia piped in.

“He’s in our English class.” Allison said pointing between us.

“Oh. That’s Scott Mccall.” I replied nonchalantly.

It was Jackson’s turn to throw the ball at Scott. Jackson was running and Scott looked prepare, until I said this:

“Allison, do you think Scott is cute?”

She looked taken back at my bluntness, and so did Scott. The lacrosse ball smacked him hard in the face. Everyone winced as he tumbled towards the ground. Jackson made his way towards the boy, it looked like he was going to help him up but instead Jackson basically told him off.

“Ass.” I whispered under my breath.

“Isn’t that your brother?” Allison asked pointing at Jackson. I nodded.

“Not by choice, but the red head over here chose him as boyfriend.” I said pointing at Lydia with a smirk, knowing that she’s only dating him because of social status.

Allison nodded and continued to watch the practice with us. I got bored of watching the same thing over and over again, so I changed my focus to the benchwarmer, Stiles. He was practically dying, watching his friend play like a professional while he sat alone.

“I’ll be right back.” I told the girls. I made my way down to the grass and plopped right next to the lonely boy.

“Hi Stiles.” I said with a big smile.

He looked shocked by this sudden behavior. He gulped loudly and looked up at Lydia.

“You doing anything after school today?” I asked, “I was wondering if you want to hang out?”

“Yeah, no, I’m not doing anything after this, well besides hanging out with Scott, but I can totally move that for another day.” Stiles said quickly.

“Oh, no you don’t have to. Maybe I can join you two?” I gave him my puppy eyes, with lip pouting out.

“Yeah sure, though I don’t think your shoes are appropriate for the environment we’re going.”

We were back in the woods. Stiles wanted to look for the other half of the body that Scott saw last night, but covered it with searching for an inhaler. It confirmed my suspicion towards Scott. I held a grudge against him, he ruin the spirit’s chance to cross over, and if the cops found her first, her spirit might as well just be lost, haunting a poor soul. My wedges crunched the leaves on the ground. I held onto the trees we passed. The boys were talking about what happened during practice, practically forgetting that I was trailing behind them.

“I don’t- I don’t know what it was. It was like I had all the time in the world to catch the ball. And that’s not the only weird thing. I- I can- hear stuff I shouldn’t be able to hear. Smell things.” Scott said waving his arms as he walked with us.

“Smell things? Like what?” Stiles asked, and I immediately sniffed myself self-consciously.

“Like the mint mojito gum in your pocket.”

“I don’t even have any mint mojito-“Stiles let out a tiny “oh” as he pulled out a piece of gum, “So all this started with a bite.”

“No this started when I saw the bright blur before stumbling into the ditch and getting bit by the rabid animal.” Scott said, “What if it’s like an infection, like, my body’s flooding with adrenaline before I go into shock or something.”

“You know what? I actually think I’ve heard of this- It’s a specific kind of infection.” Stiles replied shoving his hands into his pocket.

“Are you serious?” Scott exclaimed and I asked the same in my head.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think it’s called- Lycanthropy.”

I froze. Scott’s mind raced. He tried to figure out where he had seen or heard the word.

“What’s that? Is it bad?” he asked warily.

“Oh, yeah, it’s the worst. But only once a month.”

Once a month? I mouthed questionly, but I knew Stiles was only joking.

“Mm-hmm. On the night of the full moon-“Stiles started before I cut him off by howling.

Both boys snapped to my direction. I shrugged.

“Hey you were the one who heard a wolf howling.” I said moving between the two.

“Hey, there could be something seriously wrong with me.”

“I know! You’re a werewolf! Rrr! Okay, obviously I’m joking.” I said as Scott threw me a look.

“But if you see me in shop class trying to melt all the silver I can find, it’s ‘cause Friday’s a full moon.” Stiles chimed in.

I gasped, “No! That’s when the party is happening.”

Scott rolled his eyes.

“I could of sworn this was it. I saw the body, the light, I dropped my inhaler here.” Scott said.

I let out a small whistle, I’m not going to lie, and even I don’t remember where the body exactly was.

“Then where is the body?” I asked digging my heel into a wet patch in the ground.

“Maybe the killer moved the body.” Stiles answered. I shivered slightly at the thought, spirits were one thing, but actual dead bodies made me feel queasy.

“If he did, I hope he left my inhaler. Those things are like 80 bucks.” Scott said kneeling down onto the ground and started to move the leaves.

I saw a blur enter my vision and stopped at a man, who looked a few years older than us. I let out a small whistle as I eyed the man up and down.

“Derek Hale. Noice.” I whispered, he lifted on eyebrow.

“What are you doing here? Huh? This is private property.” He said ignoring my comment.

“Yeah, we were just looking for something.” Scott said and I screamed in my head “half of a girl, preferably the top half, and dead.”

“Uh, forget it.” Scott groaned, “All right, come on, I gotta get to work.”

“I wonder what he’s doing back.” I said and Stiles nodded.

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foreverxdaydreaming · 6 years

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my quotes:

perhaps the reason I've usually been a quiet person is because the thoughts in my head do all the screaming.. (?/?/??)

I don’t know, I just.. ugh, god do I love you. And it sucks, yet it’s great. Because celebrity crushes don’t ever hurt you in the same way that real ones do. (7/18/17; revised 6/9/18)

I was a butterfly; flying free, spreading love and beauty warmth. But then you decided I was a moth; misguiding me to the light, smiling as you watched me burn. (7/18/17; edited 6/9/18)

i saw myself a butterfly. peaceful, loving, graceful, kind. but you saw me a moth. dirty, ugly, irritating, nuisance. then one day, i thought i'd flown into the light, thinking of bliss.. only to find out you'd set up a moth lamp, and the light burned me inside out. i cried out for help but you just laughed and told me struggling would only hurt worse, to just hold on until it would all soon be over. only you didn't know i wasn't a moth, nor a butterfly. i was a phoenix, arising from the ashes, stronger than ever before. and you, a mere fool, seeking redemption in the very light you let consume your soul. -Metaphorical Metamorphosis 🐛 (7/18/17)

they saw me crying and said they were sorry for my loss, but little did they know the person i lost was myself. (6/9/18)

Did I ever really love you? Or was I so fascinated by the pretty delusions that I refused to accept reality? (6/14/18)

To some, existence itself is a miracle. But to others, life is but a living nightmare. (6/14/18)

Demons aren’t always hideous, ten feet tall, fire-breathing creatures... sometimes they’re the people you loved the most, or even the voice in your head... (6/14/18)

Writing is a form of art, and I’ve always wanted to hone my skills. But sadly, I’m about as good an artist as I am a unicorn... (6/14/18)

Maybe I’m so fascinated by fantasy worlds and superheroes to escape my own mind... they give me a chance to pretend I’m someone stronger and cooler than I’ll ever be... (6/14/18)

Rain is fascinating. It helps sustain life, sounds relaxing, looks pretty rolling down windows, but most of all.. the rain reminds me of all the hidden tears within my shattered soul. (6/14/18; revised 7/4/18)

My body yearns for what it cannot reach.. My mind yearns for what cannot be seen.. My soul longs for that which cannot satisfy.. And yet, my heart yearns for that which can never be.. (6/14/18)

I’ve cried so much my tears may as well be an ocean, therefore I might as well be a mermaid amongst the sea. (6/14/18; revised 7/4/18)

The demons in my head scream so loud I can barely hear myself think anymore. (6/14/18)

Did I lose myself or did parts of myself just die along the way? (6/14/18)

How long did I ignore the pain for that I didn’t realize the cracks until I’d fully broken apart? (6/14/18)

Perhaps in death, the answers we could not seek throughout out lives may lie.. (6/14/18)

I used to cry at the thought of you, now I laugh at the sight of you. (6/14/18)

It’s become to troublesome to keep even a handful of people in my life at this point. Guess I’ll just stick to tv show characters instead of making new friends, they hurt me less. They can’t truly disappoint me if they’re not even real. (6/14/18; revised 7/6/18)

Life’s a pain when nearly everyone you trust just makes you not want to bother with people anymore. (6/14/18)

If I could meet myself... would I like her? Would I befriend her? Or would I fight with her the way I fight with myself, and never speak once more? (6/14/18)

The strongest battles I’ve ever fought... have always been with myself. (6/14/18)

I remember what it was like, wanting to die.. Strange, how it never truly went away. It just sort of subsided into my subconscious, waiting for the next round.. (6/14/18)

Not friends, nor family, nor therapist can help me.. I must do that myself. All they can do is guide me towards the tools to do so. But when you keep trying and failing.. sometimes you wonder what’s really worth it.. should I endure more or just give up? (6/14/18; revised 7/4/18)

It’s terrifying, not knowing what day you might snap and do something irreversible (to yourself). (6/14/18)

Sleep is both a paradise and a hell. It depends on what lies in wait beyond the passage of consciousness. Dreams and resting well are but a miracle; but more often than not, the nightmares feel like there’s nowhere left to run. (6/14/18; revised 7/4/18)

Am I capable of love? Will I ever be? Or am I destined to lust and hurt, with never much thought nor romantic interest? (6/14/18; revised 7/6/18)

What is happiness? The thought feels so utterly abstract.. I cannot even fathom it. The memories of genuine happiness feel so far and forlorn. There are better days, the usual days, bad days, and... /those/ days. /Those/ days are too often now... I miss when even my worst days didn’t feel this bad... (6/14/18; revised 7/4/18)

If I could turn back the clock and meet my younger self... I would give her so much advice. To speak up, to act out, to stop being a doormat and start living life. Maybe then... things could be different now. (6/14/18)

Would anything change if I could go back? Or was I predestined to feel this life of loneliness and misery? (6/14/18)

I miss the me who was more confident in herself and never cared about other people... how can I bring her back? (6/14/18)

I don’t hate people as much as I pretend to, I’m just scared of getting hurt and abused again. / Some days, it seems as though that’s all people like to do. (7/4/18)

Being someone who lives in a world sewn of deceit and pain is difficult when your deepest desires are laced with butterflies and sunshine. (7/4/18)

I do not seek to intentionally hurt people, not unless I feel wronged. After all, hell hath no fury like a Scorpio woman scorned. (7/4/18)

Love and trust feel great until the wrong person screws it up and poisons your kindness. Not every cruel soul began as thus, some were formed by hands not their own. (7/4/18)

They say one bad apple can ruin the bunch, but what can you do when you’re viewed as one without having gone bad? (7/4/18)

Power is one hell of a drug and jealousy is one hell of a killer. Nothing destroys you more than the sins such as arrogance and vanity. (7/4/18)

To pity yourself but never help another is to be the biggest arse whilst expecting love. You must first give what you so hope to get. (7/4/18)

Never put all your eggs in one basket; an ally today may be an enemy tomorrow. For how will you make an omelette to survive if you’ve no eggs and thy neighbor has a double supply? (7/4/18)

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, they say.. but what can you do when those you trusted were the ones who’d planted the knife instead? How does one explain a murder they set themselves up for? (7/4/18)

#my quotes #my writing #personal #rant/vent #my post #for latetr #to keep track of them all

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auroraphilealis · 6 years

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Metamorphosis (10/10)

Metamorphosis (10/10) | Once upon a time, Dan Howell and Phil Lester were best friends. They did everything together, from hanging out at each other’s house, to sitting next to each other at school - but one day, Dan was torn away from Phil by none other than Phil himself. Five years on, and Dan still doesn’t know why his best friend threw Dan away. Was it the fault of the bullies who relentlessly picked on Phil, or was it Dan himself? Dan just didn’t know. So when a chance to protect Phil and get his best friend back arises, Dan jumps on it in a heartbeat, and uses his own confidence to boost Phil’s just enough to make the bullies back away. | Phan | Teen and Up | High School AU, Bullying, Getting Together, Make Over Fic, Kissing Booth, Kissing Lessons | 3,191 Words this chapter Disclaimer: In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

Thanks again to my beta etoilesdephan for her wonderful help editing this fic <33

(Ao3) (Previous)

Chapter Ten

After, Dan and Phil lay in complete silence next to each other on Phil’s bed. Their hair was mussed, lips swollen and red, and Dan could feel an uncomfortable occurrence in his tight black jeans. Neither male had said a word since they’d stopped kissing not a few moments before, when Dan had moaned into Phil’s mouth and pulled just a little too hard on his hair.

The sound Phil had made had been enough to snap both of them out of whatever the hell they’d just got caught up in, and while Dan’s heart was racing in his chest, his mind swimming with emotions he wasn’t sure how to name, he was glad that the two had stopped kissing. Some part of Dan still knew that this meant nothing to Phil, not in the same way it meant to him, and having let it go on any longer than it already had felt like a massive mistake.

The fact that Dan had even allowed himself to kiss Phil so thoroughly felt like a mistake in many ways, but Dan couldn’t bring himself to completely regret it. No. If anyone was going to get Phil’s firsts, Dan was glad it had been him - he just hoped he hadn’t pushed any of Phil’s boundaries.

Suddenly, the sound of a sniffle broke through Dan’s thoughts, and he turned with wide eyes to take in Phil.

The other boy had turned away from Dan, his face buried in a pillow he’d grabbed from the top of the bed. His shoulders were shaking, and Dan didn’t even have to hear the second sniffle to realize that Phil was crying.

Phil was crying and Dan couldn’t help feeling like it was all his fault.

“Phil?” Dan asked, unsure. “Phil, hey,” he whispered, sitting up and reaching over to gently pat at Phil’s shoulder. It seemed the wrong thing to do, however, as Phil flinched under his touch and let out a soft, sad sounding moan that broke Dan’s heart. In an instant, Dan was climbing off of the bed and around to the other side of Phil so he could crouch at his side and try to make this right.

“Phil, please don’t cry,” Dan begged, “Did I do something wrong? Did I take it too far? I’m so sorry,” he pleaded, reaching forward awkwardly to pat at Phil’s hand. Phil flinched again, and curled even further into the loose little ball he’d begun to form with his body, and Dan nearly started crying himself. “Wait, no, please, Phil, please,” he said, and pulled away so that he was no longer touching Phil at all. “I’m sorry, don’t cry. Please. I’ll do anything, I didn’t meant to push you,” Dan cried, voice sounding miserable even to his own ears, as he got up once again and took a step away from Phil’s bed.

While he’d spent the last few minutes in absolute bliss at having gotten to kiss Phil, to properly snog him, Phil had been miserable and potentially uncomfortable with every last one of Dan’s actions. How could Dan have been so stupid as to let things get so far? He’d made Phil cry.

“Will it make you feel better if I leave?” Dan asked, desperate to do anything that would fix the apparent mess that he had made, but before he could so much as take another step back and away from Phil, Phil shouted “No!” into the pillow he’d shoved his face into, curling up tighter still into his own body, the same way he used to do when he was being beaten on the ground and Dan hadn’t been fast enough to protect him.

It took a moment for the word to register with Dan, but when it did, he nearly collapsed in relief. The last thing he’d wanted to do was leave Phil when he was feeling vulnerable like this, but he hadn’t known what else to do. Limbs shaking, and still feeling tremendously guilty, Dan climbed back onto the bed, once again in front of Phil, but this time he didn’t touch him.

“Then please, Phil,” Dan begged, voice hoarse with his own tears that were beginning to clog his throat but which hadn’t yet started to flow down the sides of his cheeks. “Just tell me how to make it better. Tell me what I did wrong.”

Phil shook his head against the pillow he still had shoved into his face. His shoulders began to heave more roughly still, as if he were suddenly being gripped by tremendous sobs, and once again he shouted “No!” through the fabric of the pillow.

Dan was at a loss. He didn’t know what to do as he sat stock still, miserable, on one side of Phil, and was forced to listen to his best friend sob immediately after Dan had stolen his first kiss.

Dan wanted to hit himself, How could he have done such a thing to Phil? How could he have let things get taken so far? How could he have been such an idiot?

And yet, even still, in the strangest way Dan couldn’t make himself regret it. He could still remember how amazing it had felt to kiss Phil, the way his skin had sparked and his heart had flipped in his chest. He could feel the desire to be with Phil rearing its ugly, ugly head, stronger and stronger with every passing second, and despite having made his best friend cry, all Dan could think was at least he’d gotten one kiss out of Phil before it was all over.

“Please Phil,” Dan tired one last time, desperate to do something, to make some sense of all of this, “Just tell me what I did wrong. Tell me how I can fix this. Tell me why you’re crying.”

It took another moment or two of Dan staring, listless, horrified, before Phil finally pulled the pillow away from his face to reveal tear stained cheeks and eyes rimmed red, his lips trembling with the leftover sobs he’d been concealing before.

Dan didn’t even get a chance to blink before Phil was admitting, “Because I wanted it to be real.”

It felt like the entire world stopped, then. Phil was staring up at Dan with eyes so blue they looked like the sky had opened up to him. His lips were kiss swollen and shaking with sobs that didn’t belong on a mouth so pretty, and despite the blotchiness to his skin, he looked ethereal in his beauty.

For a moment, Dan could do nothing but stare. This boy laying before him on his bed, crying because he’d wanted the kisses from before to be real, was everything that Dan had ever wanted in life. For the past five years, Dan had dreamed of merely having him in his life again, and now Phil was admitting that he wanted something more just as badly as Dan did.

Slowly, a grin started to take over Dan’s face. Oh, how Phil had changed in just the two days Dan had come back into his life. Who’d known all it would take was a makeover and a little bit of positive attention from their peers for Phil to finally start reaching out and taking what he wanted.

“You idiot,” Dan teased, laughing because he could now. The tears that had been gathering in his eyes slipped down his cheeks as he leaned over and got right into Phil’s face.

Those blue eyes Dan loved so much were wide and unsure, as Dan giggled against his lips.

His mouth, on the other hand, was yielding.

“It was real,” Dan argued, and kissed Phil again because he could, and this time, they both knew it meant so much more than some faux kissing lessons Phil had apparently come up with in order to get Dan to kiss him. “It’s always been real,” Dan added for good measure, in case Phil somehow convinced himself that Dan only wanted him now because of his makeover, and kissed him again.

Phil let out a shocked sounding gasp against Dan’s lips, but he didn’t fight against the way Dan kissed him. Instead, he gave into it, and when Dan slotted their lips together so he could really kiss Phil, he didn’t protest. He opened up to Dan like he’d been kissing Dan for years now, and while Dan was firmly in control, that didn’t make the sensations any less hot. In fact, it only made it more so, and Dan reached up with clammy hands to cup Phil’s cheeks and swipe his tears away.

After a few moments, Dan peeked his eyes open to see how Phil was doing, and found himself laughing into the kiss to find that Phil’s brows were screwed up in confusion despite the way his body had gone limp underneath Dan. Despite the expression being adorable, it made Dan realize that he really might need to explain this whole situation to Phil in words rather than actions, and, realizing that he would probably get to kiss Phil anytime he wanted from here on out, Dan pulled away with a final peck to Phl’s soft lips.

Dan was still smiling fondly at Phil when Phil slowly opened his eyes.

“I’m in love with you,” Dan admitted before Phil could say anything. His eyes went comically wide as Dan continued. “I’ve been in love with you since we were kids.”

Dan’s heart was practically beating right out of his ribcage, but he had nothing on the way that Phil’s breathing suddenly went uneven, unsure, and his eyes filled with surprised tears once more. Laughing for a second time, Dan gently reached out to wipe them away when they fell, and pressed one final kiss to Phil’s lips.

“I mean it,” Dan said as he pulled away. “I’ve never once looked at anyone but you.”

“What about Sarah?” Phil blurted out before Dan could even began to get as sappy as he wanted to. Brow furrowing in surprise at the question, Dan stilled above Phil and gave him a confused look.

“What about Sarah?” he asked, previous thoughts completely derailed.

Phil hesitated, looking torn and unsure, and for the first time in the last few minutes, he averted his gaze from Dan’s, seeming embarrassed.

“You said - “ Phil began, only to cut himself off after a second. Dan waited patiently for Phil to continue, confused out of his mind, but Phil didn’t.

Gently, Dan prodded, “I said?”

Phil turned his head further away from Dan, until his mouth was almost firmly pressed into the sheets below them. His words were therefore muffled as he explained, “You said you were pretty sure she had a crush on you, and then at lunch she kissed you and I thought…”

The words trailed off unsurely as comprehension suddenly dawned on Dan. Phil still wasn’t looking at him, but it was clear he had nothing else to say. There didn’t need to be words to explain what Phil had thought, and Dan suddenly understood why Phil hadn’t stuck around for lunch.

He’d seen Sarah reach over the kissing booth and kiss Dan like he were some kind of piece of meat, like he were Sarah’s boyfriend, and Phil had gotten jealous. When Dan had confronted him after school…

“I thought, if I asked you to teach me how to kiss, at least I’d have you for even just one second…” Phil suddenly added. Dan turned from where he’d began to stare blankly at the far wall, only to realize that Phil was once again looking at him. His cheeks were still stained red, his eyes bloodshot and wet, and yet he suddenly looked far more confident than he had just a moment before. “I thought, one or two kisses would be better than none.”

Phil’s eyes were shy, but he didn’t look away, and Dan found himself grinning all over again.

With another final laugh, Dan climbed over Phil on the bed, and leaned in close to nuzzle their noses together. Suddenly, he was glad for the strange misunderstanding, as it had forced Phil out of his shell enough to ask Dan to kiss him, even if it had been under a pretense.

As Dan leaned in to kiss Phil once more, something he didn’t think he was ever going to tire of, all he could think was that he was suddenly quite grateful for Sarah.

“You’re an idiot,” Dan said affectionately, and then, “But you’re my idiot,” before he kissed him again.

Walking into school Friday morning didn’t feel like walking into school. Dan was holding Phil’s hand just the same as he had been the day before, the rest of the student body was staring at them, and they were definitely not skipping class that afternoon, but… well…

There was just something amazing about realizing that all of the things you’d been dreaming of for years had finally come true, and something even more amazing to have the most important person in the world stood at your side, exactly where they belonged. So no, Dan didn’t really feel like he was going to school; he felt like he was walking up to the first day of the rest of his life, something he already knew was going to be the best it had ever been.

Not even Sarah could ruin the happy feelings surging through Dan that morning, so when she approached Dan with a look of overly sweet affection and ignored Phil at Dan’s side completely, Dan stopped and gave her a pleasant grin in return.

“Hey Dan,” she said, voice cool but flirty as she turned her back slightly to Phil. Behind her stood Franklin, the same as yesterday, kind of coolly ignoring all three of them, and yet Dan somehow felt like he was acting as Sarah’s bodyguard.

It was kind of weird, but Dan wasn’t going to question it. Perhaps Franklin was in love with Sarah; he’d been angry enough when Sarah had been cast as Dan’s love interest in the play the previous year, though Sarah had been ecstatic.

“Hey Sarah,” Dan replied politely enough. His fingers tightened around Phil’s as he realized that Phil was shrinking back, curling into himself. Dan didn’t know if Phil was having doubts about their conversation yesterday (which had been more kissing than actual words, but that was besides the point) or if he just felt uncomfortable around other people still.

Dan hoped it was the later.

Sarah slid closer then, her grin growing more seductive, and tried to wriggle herself between Dan and Phil’s bodies, but Dan didn’t let her. She didn’t fight too hard when Dan stood his ground, refusing to detach his fingers from Phil’s, and merely hid a confused glare behind a sloppy smile.

“So I was wondering when you were going to proper ask me out,” she continued on, as if she’d not just been coolly rejected by Dan very clearly and carefully holding onto Phil.

Phil’s fingers flexed under Dan’s, but Dan didn’t let him go.

Not dropping his smile for even a moment, Dan tilted his head at Sarah.

“Why would I do that?” he asked, neutral and confused, despite the fact that he was giggling inside. Sarah’s brows furrowed, and she took an offended step back from Dan as her gaze darted to Phil, and then back to Dan in annoyance. She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest, pushing out her breasts slightly, while Dan stared on in that same put upon confused way.

“What do you mean, why?” Sarah asked, her tone bossy. “I kissed you yesterday, and you kissed back. Surely you have enough respect to -”

“But I didn’t kiss you back,” Dan replied, acting shocked. He let his mouth open in a small little “o” shape, and widened his eyes as he stared in confusion at Sarah, who looked shocked and betrayed that Dan would say such a thing, let alone interrupt her. Phil’s hand was shaking, but when Dan quickly glanced over at him, he realized it wasn't because he was scared.

It was because he was trying to hide his laughter behind the palm of his hand.

Dan had to look away to keep his own facade up, and blinked innocently at Sarah all over again.

“Yes, you did!” Sarah tried to argue, but Dan shook his head.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Sarah,” Dan replied kindly. “I thought you were just trying to help out the club. I was manning a kissing booth yesterday, after all,” Dan explained, and then offered Sarah an embarrassed smile of his own. “I’m really sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but I’m already dating someone.”

Sarah’s jaw dropped open, and her expression turned into one of hate as she glared at Dan, her breathing becoming slightly more ragged. Dan really had to work not to laugh then, and he knew it was coming before she even said the words.

“Who!?” she demanded.

“Phil, of course,” Dan replied innocently. “I thought everyone knew?” From next to him, Dan listened as Phil giggled shyly, cheeks incredibly red and embarrassed, but seemingly pleased as well. All the while, Sarah’s eyes nearly bulged out of her head as she turned a glare at Phil and stepped forward aggressively, in such a fit that Franklin actually looked over and finally took in the situation unfolding in front of him.

Dan had to work hard at that point to maintain his own facade of obliviousness, but he wasn’t a theater nerd for nothing, and he managed to keep a straight face and even throw in a wince as Sarah shouted, “Him!?” and Franklin stepped forward with his fists raised like he was going to hit them.

Dan merely nodded apologetically, and after drawing Phil closer to him said, “Of course. Who else would it be?” with a smirk on his features that was unmistakeable.

Sarah absolutely raged at that, and while Dan’s fingers tightened further around Phil’s, tugging him backwards and away from a threatening looking Franklin, Dan added, “Don’t forget who my father is, Franklin. Do you really think I’m ever going to let you hurt my boyfriend again?” with a laugh so loud, he actually startled himself.

It was impossible to keep up the act after that, and while Dan burst into the brightest grin of his life and began to laugh, Phil merely did his best to hide his face and the answering grin spreading across his own cheeks. Dan’s mouth was open in a bright laugh as he stared at his boyfriend, proud that he could finally protect him and love him at the same time, all while Franklin merely stared dumbfounded and dropped his fists miserably. Dan turned just in time to watch Sarah start throwing punches at his chest, screaming at him to do something that Dan already knew Franklin would never feel safe to do again.

“We’ll see you at the meeting after school, guys! Hope you made as much money as we did, or else I might just have to suggest to Mrs. Gio that we set up some more kissing booths,” Dan teased, and with that, he used his hold on Phil to haul him away, Dan still laughing and Phil giggling quietly to himself as they both rushed into school, just far enough inside that Dan could turn and plant a big old wet kiss on his boyfriend's lips, just to make him laugh some more.

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auroraphilealis · 6 years

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Metamorphosis (9/10)

Metamorphosis (9/10) | Once upon a time, Dan Howell and Phil Lester were best friends. They did everything together, from hanging out at each other’s house, to sitting next to each other at school - but one day, Dan was torn away from Phil by none other than Phil himself. Five years on, and Dan still doesn’t know why his best friend threw Dan away. Was it the fault of the bullies who relentlessly picked on Phil, or was it Dan himself? Dan just didn’t know. So when a chance to protect Phil and get his best friend back arises, Dan jumps on it in a heartbeat, and uses his own confidence to boost Phil’s just enough to make the bullies back away. | Phan | Teen and Up | High School AU, Bullying, Getting Together, Make Over Fic, Kissing Booth, Kissing Lessons | 2,879 Words this chapter Disclaimer: In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

Thanks again to my beta etoilesdephan for her wonderful help editing this fic <33

(Ao3) (Previous)

Chapter Nine

Dan almost didn’t find Phil after school. He’d left his class the second the bell had gone, determined to catch Phil before he could take off without Dan, and he still nearly missed the now dark haired boy as he darted past the front gates and around the corner to start heading towards their homes. The only reason Dan even did notice Phil was because he nearly collided with a group of girls who instantly began giggling at his presence, and had to stumble away from them with his hood falling backwards, no longer hiding Phil from Dan’s view.

Dan stepped out in front of Phil’s escape route, and lightly touched his shoulder. He didn’t intend for Phil to jump, but he wasn’t surprised when his friend yelped and spun to face Dan with wide eyes.

“Hey,” Dan greeted, gentle and unsure. “You uh… left in a hurry earlier,” he explained with a small shrug. He wasn’t sure how to ask if he’d done something to upset Phil, nor was he sure how to bring the situation up at all without making it awkward.

Phil ducked his head and shrugged his shoulders.

“Yeah,” he agreed, but didn’t explain why he had. His shoulders were shaking, and he refused to meet Dan’s gaze, body turned like he wanted to bolt. The sight was killing Dan, who wanted nothing more than to make Phil feel safe again. What had he done? Had he really made Phil that uncomfortable?

Neither boy spoke for a moment. The silence was uncomfortable, suffocating. Dan wanted to break it, but he wasn’t sure how. Did he apologize to Phil for what he’d done? What exactly was it that he had done? Did he ask?

“I should really -”

“Phil?” Dan interrupted, reaching out a second time to catch onto Phil’s hand lightly. His fingers squeezed around Phil’s, but Phil was frozen under his touch, eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights. Dan dropped his hand. “Sorry,” he mumbled, and looked away.

The last thing he ever wanted to do in life was hurt his best friend, to scare him, or make him feel trapped, but it seemed Dan never did the right thing these days. It had only been five years… then again, Dan hadn’t done the right thing five years ago either, when he’d left Phil run off on his own.

“You can go if you want,” Dan continued after a moment. Phil hadn’t moved an inch, and Dan was afraid that he was frozen in place, too afraid to run away from Dan. Dan couldn’t have that. “I didn’t mean to… trap you, or anything,” he added for good measure, but Phil still didn’t move.

Unsure, Dan finally met Phil’s gaze again, and was surprised by how wounded he looked. His eyes were so big and round, half terrified and half upset. His body was still angled like he wanted to run away, and his cheeks were a deep crimson red. Dan couldn’t understand what was going through his head.

“Are you alright?” he ended up asking, because he didn’t know what else to say.

For a moment, it didn’t seem like Phil was going to answer. Crowds of students were rushing around them, girls and boys alike giving Phil a once over, seeming interested in who this guy was that they’d hated only twenty-four hours before, but no one stopped or interrupted them. Phil merely stood staring at Dan, while Dan stared back, mouth so carefully closed that Dan was sure he’d never get to understand what was wrong.

Then Phil opened his mouth and said, “Teach me how to kiss.”

Dan hadn’t been expecting that. In fact, he was taken so by surprise that he actually flinched backwards from Phil, and stared at him with a look of absolute astonishment. He’d expected Phil to yell at him for something Dan hadn’t even realized he’d done, or even for Phil to take off running and not speak to Dan for another five years or something. He hadn’t been expecting this.

“I - what?” he asked, blinking a few times as if it might clear his mind and make what Phil had just said make any more sense to him.

Phil only blushed harder and said again, “Teach me how to kiss,” only this time, he looked more determined and less panicky than before. He even went so far as to take a step closer to Dan, and add, “For the kissing booth. I want to know how to kiss the girls who try to get a kiss.”

Dan’s jaw fell open. He was confused. He didn’t understand what was going on. Hadn’t Phil been angry with him? Hadn’t he been running away from, avoiding, Dan? And now he was asking for kissing lessons?

Dan didn’t understand. There was a part of him that felt nothing more than ecstatic joy at the thought of kissing Phil, of having an excuse to press their mouths together and finally taste the boy he’d been in love with since he was a kid, but the other part of him was angry.

Phil hadn’t just asked for kissing lessons, he’d asked to be taught how to kiss the girls at the stupid theater club booth, and while Dan knew that that logically made sense, that that would give them the chance to make more money than they already had so far, the idea of it was abhorrent to him. Dan could feel jealousy burbling up in him already, and he was so tempted to just reach out and tell Phil that he was Dan’s, but he couldn’t do that, because Phil wasn’t Dan’s, no matter how badly Dan wished that he was.

Slowly, Dan watched as Phil’s expression changed from half terrified, to one of complete determination, and he drew himself up straighter than Dan had ever seen him.

Where was the boy from yesterday, from the last five years, who could hardly look anyone in the eye? “Please, Dan,” Phil requested, but it didn’t sound like a question.

When he offered his hand to Dan, Dan could do nothing else but take it.

“Okay,” he agreed, even as his stomach filled with acrid disappointment at the very thought of teaching Phil how to be with someone other than himself.

Phil was the one to lead them back home. Dan was too numb and distracted to do it himself. In fact, Dan was so distracted he didn’t even realize that neither he nor Phil had been bothered by anyone the entire walk home, something that hadn’t even been true for Phil a few days before. The amount of times Dan had seen Phil stopped by a few bullies so they could harass him after school was not something that Dan liked to dwell on, especially now when Dan knew that Phil had thought he was a burden to Dan and that that was the only reason he’d endured such abuse for so long.

When Phil let go of Dan’s hand in order to unlock his front door, however, Dan snapped back to his senses, and realized that he’d been staring at his feet for the last twenty minutes. Phil either hadn’t noticed, or didn’t care, because he was refusing to look at Dan as well, even as he jiggled with the lock and cursed quietly to himself for not being able to get it open.

Dan merely held his breath behind Phil, trying not to let the jealousy and nerves get to him.

He was about to kiss Phil. Phil Lester, the guy Dan had crushed on for almost as long as he’d been alive, and while that should have been the most amazing thing in the world, all Dan could think about was the fact that, come tomorrow, Phil would be using Dan’s kisses to kiss other people for the price of a quarter.

Dan frowned at the thought of it, and had to look away from Phil all over again.

He still didn’t understand why Phil had left him at lunch, but the thought was practically buried in the back of his mind thanks to his distress over giving Phil's kissing lessons.

The door finally came open, and Phil sighed in relief as he stepped inside, not looking at Dan as he motioned him inside.

“Phil?” his mum’s voice called. “Is Dan with you today?”

“Yeah, mum!” Phil shouted back, and took Dan’s hand in his again. “We’re going to work on homework upstairs, okay?” he added, not even waiting for a response before he was pulling Dan along behind him and practically running up the stairs. Dan tripped over his own two feet behind Phil, but he didn’t try to let go of Phil’s hand; the warmth of his pale skin made Dan feel safe and calm in a way that nothing else really could in that moment.

His heart felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest.

“Alright honey, have fun!” Mrs. Lester called after them. She sounded amused, like she knew they weren’t really going to be doing homework, and Dan wondered how she’d feel if she knew that he and Phil would be kissing in a few moments.

Dan swallowed thickly because he wasn’t even sure how he felt about the situation.

Backpacks bouncing against their backs, and Phil moving in such a hurry that Dan wondered if there wasn’t actually something else going on that Phil didn’t want to talk about just then, the two practically stumbled into Phil’s bedroom, and then Phil was closing the door behind them, and they were suddenly completely alone. There wasn’t a soul around who could see a thing they were doing, and despite the fact that no one had bothered them the whole way home, this somehow felt entirely different.

Never before had Dan felt such a charged atmosphere between him and Phil before.

They were stood just on the other side of Phil’s bedroom door with very little space between them, and Phil was wearing an expression that bordered on desperate. His eyes were wide, so impossibly wide and blue, his mouth bowed in that little half unsure smirk he sometimes got, unintentionally of course, and his cheeks were flaming red. Dan could feel Phil’s hand trembling around his.

He didn’t know what to say. All he knew was that he was staring into the eyes of the boy he’d been in love with for longer than he’d care to admit, with the offer of kissing lessons laid before him, and jealousy turning over and over in his stomach until Dan thought he might actually be physically sick.

“We should… sit down,” Dan whispered, gaze practically glued to Phil’s. He could see every twitch of every muscle in Phil’s face, the way his adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, unsure. It was absolutely mesmerizing, and also terrifying all at the same time.

Then Phil dropped Dan’s hand, and stepped away, and the spell was broken.

Suddenly, Dan could breathe easy again. His gaze had been ripped away from Phil’s, and the perfect silence that had encompassed them only moments before was gone. Phil was shuffling about, taking off his backpack and letting it land loudly on the ground, all while Dan watched on and realized once again that this was Phil Lester, his best friend, who wanted Dan to kiss him so that he could kiss girls at the kissing booth tomorrow.

Dan’s shoulders slumped, and he felt his heart nearly break in his chest as he removed his own backpack and trudged unhappily over to sit on the edge of Phil’s bed. Pihl didn’t join him right away, nor did he look at Dan, but it was clear that he was very aware of Dan’s presence in the room as well. Despite the heavy, crackling tension that had been between them before having disappeared, there was still something there that reminded them both that they weren’t here just to mess around.

They were here to do something that two best friends didn’t normally do, something that Dan himself wasn’t entirely sure was the best idea, and that knowledge sat heavy in the air around them.

Finally, after removing his school tie and untucking his shirt from his jeans, Phil settled down on the bed across from Dan, and the two fell completely silent.

Dan didn’t know what to say.

His stomach was curling with a mess of confused emotions, his mind whirling with ideas and thoughts half thought through and planned. He wanted to kiss Phil more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life, but not like this, but also what if he never got another chance ever again? His fingers curled into fists at his sides, and he stared at his socks again as he debated with himself over whether or not this was a fair thing for him to do.

Phil was the one who wanted to kiss him. Phil was the one who’d asked.

What kind of friend would Dan be if he didn’t do everything in his power to make Phil happy, to make his life easier, and make up for the last five years of leaving Phil to fend for himself?

So with an uneasy sigh, Dan turned his body on the bed, and finally forced himself to look at Phil.

Phil was already looking at him. His blue eyes were impossibly piercing; Dan almost felt that they were staring straight into his soul, that Phil could see the desperate desire inside of Dan to kiss him, that he could read Dan’s feelings for Phil plain as day. Phil didn’t say a word, and suddenly, that same charged energy from before was back.

Dan felt his breathing hitch, felt his mind going soft with need, and before he could think twice about it, he reached out with gentle hands and took Phil’s face carefully between his hands.

Phil didn’t so much as flinch, though Dan felt the way that Phil’s breathing hitched as well.

“This doesn’t change anything,” Dan whispered reassuringly to Phil, and couldn’t help the way his heart wrenched when Phil responded with a resounding, determined nod. Steeling himself once more, Dan said, “Just follow my lead,” and closed his eyes as he finally, finally leaned in.

Kissing Phil was… everything that Dan had ever expected it to be, and by that, he meant it was both intensely awkward and intensely amazing. Phil’s lips were soft under Dan’s, plump and not chapped like Dan’s, but they were unyielding, frozen in place and unmoving as Dan kissed him gently. They didn’t part, or move under Dan’s, and as Dan’s fingers moved to caress Phil’s cheeks, taking from this moment everything that he could get, Phil merely shuddered out a soft, unsure breath, as if he didn’t know if this was okay.

Dan didn’t push them any further than the gentle peck before he pulled away.

“Move your lips,” he instructed quietly, softly. “You don’t have to open them. It’s not - we don’t have to make out or anything, just… do what I do…”

Phil’s eyes were still closed when Dan opened his, and his cheeks were completely flushed. He looked a little like his breathing was shallow, unsteady, but Dan didn’t say a word when Phil nodded, and leaned close like he was ready for Dan to kiss him again.

So Dan did.

He pressed their lips together a second time, his eyes fluttering shut, and he coaxed them alongside Phil’s to encourage Phil in what to do. There was light suction from Dan, a little nudging, and then Phil was moving in to reciprocate the motions as well.

Kissing Phil, as it turned out, was wonderful in a way that nothing else had ever been. Sarah had kissed with vigour and passion, her mouth wet as she pushed her tongue past Dan’s lips, but Phil kissed like - well, like he’d never kissed before. He was all gentle, unsure movements that sent sparks of desire and affection surging through Dan, and his hands hesitated as they reached out and pressed lightly to Dan’s hips.

He pulled his head back, and ducked back in without Dan even having to tell him how to, and when he tilted his head and slotted his lips between Dan’s, Dan actually felt a startled thrill go through him and a tiny sigh slip through.

How his fingers ended up in Phil’s hair, Dan didn’t know, but when Phil tried to pull away, startled at the sensation, the sound from Dan’s lips, a question on his lips Dan was sure would ask if he’d done something wrong, Dan merely shook his head and said, “Don’t stop now. Please. Don’t stop now.”

So Phil didn’t.

His fingers tightened their hold against Dan’s hips, and he pushed back in to press his lips back to Dan’s, and he sighed as their lips slotted together and Dan sucked lightly on Phil’s bottom lip. Dan nudged at Phil’s mouth, practically begged him to open up, and when his tongue slipped inside of Phil’s mouth, Dan didn’t even mind that there was a little too much teeth.

He was kissing Phil Lester, his fingers buried in his short black hair, and he never wanted this to end.

(Next)

#phanfic #phanfiction #phanfictioncatalogue #phandom #phan #snowbunnylester

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auroraphilealis · 7 years

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Metamorphosis (1/10)

Metamorphosis (1/10) | Once upon a time, Dan Howell and Phil Lester were best friends. They did everything together, from hanging out at each other’s house, to sitting next to each other at school - but one day, Dan was torn away from Phil by none other than Phil himself. Five years on, and Dan still doesn’t know why his best friend threw Dan away. Was it the fault of the bullies who relentlessly picked on Phil, or was it Dan himself? Dan just didn’t know. So when a chance to protect Phil and get his best friend back arises, Dan jumps on it in a heartbeat, and uses his own confidence to boost Phil’s just enough to make the bullies back away. | Phan | Teen and Up | High School AU, Bullying, Getting Together, Make Over Fic, Kissing Booth, Kissing Lessons | 2,641 Words this chapter

Disclaimer: In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

This has been a roller coaster to work on, and I loved every second of it. It is truly the fluffiest thing I have ever written, and I truly hope that you guys will enjoy it as it goes up these next few months. As the entire fic has been pre-written, I will be posting on Wednesdays and Saturdays every week! If you’d like to receive writing updates, chapter snippets, or even be given the chapter a whole day earlier than everyone else, please consider pledging to my patreon, which can be found here!

I would also like to give special thanks to my beta @etoilesdephan for her wonderful help editing this fic. Their feedback has made me incredibly happy and, of course, they’ve done the gracious work of fixing my typos hahaha. Thank you phantom <333

(Ao3)

Chapter One

Once upon a time, Dan Howell and Phil Lester were best friends. They did everything together, from hanging out at each other’s houses, to sitting next to each other at school. They were absolutely inseparable, and for a long time, Dan had thought it would always be like that. He couldn’t imagine what his life would be like without Phil by his side, and he didn’t want to.

That’s why it came as such a shock to him when he went from seeing Phil every single day, laughing and teasing him on the playground and wrestling him for the video game controller in each other’s rooms, to not even knowing what his best friend had done over summer vacation.

It happened insanely quickly. They were eleven years old, and the school year was just coming to a close. Phil had, at one point that year, attempted to dye his hair a ridiculous shade of red when it came out orange, and while Dan had thought it was hilarious and loved the way it brought out the freckles on Phil’s pale skin, the rest of the school had taken this as an excuse to tease him even more than they already did.

He went from getting bullied from time to time when he was alone and Dan wasn’t around to give the older kids a dirty look, to being poked fun at by even the kids in their grade and below. Phil skyrocketed from that weird boy that sometimes walked the playground alone with the hood of his black jacket pulled up over his head, muttering something about “the shadow world,” to being that freak with the orange hair who bred hamsters and didn’t know how to speak up for himself.

It was horrid, and while Dan did his best to push away the people who tried to hurt his best friend, he couldn’t be there to protect Phil from everything, no matter how badly he wished he could be. See, Dan Howell, in opposition to Phil, was actually pretty well liked by most of their school, confident and just dramatic enough to make all the other kids laugh, but nice enough not to make any waves. Much of their grade questioned why Dan was even friends with a freak like Phil, but Dan had always only answered that Phil wasn’t a freak, and that if people just took the time to get to know him, they’d see that too.

The issue was, Phil was kind of an odd ball, even Dan could admit to that. He had a different way of seeing the world, a creativity that rivaled even Dan’s, and while that was something Dan loved and cherished about Phil, it wasn’t so easily accepted by the rest of their school.

So Dan did his best to protect Phil, never wanting to see his best friend change, or hurt himself because of the horrible actions of others. However, that didn’t mean that Dan could always be there to protect Phil, and it was no surprise that sometimes, Dan didn’t have enough time to prevent Phil from getting his ass kicked behind the playground, face shoved into the dirt and eyes watering from the sensation of his glasses being forcibly pressed into his skin.

Of course, that day, the final day of the year, Dan found himself cornered in the classroom by a bunch of classmates who insisted they needed a signature from Dan, because they’d all be moving off to secondary school after that summer, and some of them might never see Dan again. Unaware of anything strange going on, Dan had laughed and agreed to sign all their yearbooks, only to realize, far too late, that Phil was nowhere to be seen. The thing was, Phil was quiet, and often Dan forgot he was even around, when other people were talking, but he never went anywhere without Dan. Sometimes, Dan thought Phil was like a lost puppy, trailing after him and begging for attention, something Dan was always willing to give despite wishing Phil were more confident and sure in the friendship the two of them held.

When Dan realized Phil wasn’t there, of course, he figured out what exactly was going on.

“Where’s Phil?” he remembered himself asking, dropping the pen he’d been holding to sign yet another yearbook, and instantly shoving past the few remaining classmates in front of him in order to get out of the classroom. No one answered him, but that was answer enough, and Dan had taken off running through the sliding glass door of their old classroom out towards the playground behind the school, likely unmonitored that afternoon because school was officially out, and summer was about to start.

He was right, of course. Before he even reached the back of one of the slides, where older students were known to take their victims, Dan could hear Phil crying out as he was likely shoved into the dirt. There were other voices, shouting teasing, hurtful words, but Dan couldn’t hear a word of what they were saying for the way his heart was breaking at the sound of Phil’s near screams. He could feel his chest clenching, and he was screaming profanities inside of his own head for being so stupid as to have not made sure Phil was still there.

How had Dan let this happen?

Dan only really remembers tackling the older boys after that, the sensation of his own body hurling into the back of another, and sending them both tumbling to the floor. A fight had broken out, and Dan remembered getting his ass kicked for the very first time while, beside him, Phil cried for them to leave Dan alone.

Dan had given as good as he got, but in the end, he was left on the ground, outnumbered, and with a mix of a bloody nose and a black eye.

Phil had walked him home, and that had been the last time they spoke.

The very next day, Dan remembered waking up early and going over to Phil’s house despite his mum’s protests, only for Phil’s mum to answer the door and tell Dan uncertainly that Phil wasn’t feeling well enough for visitors right now. He’d tried again, and again, and again for a week straight, before learning that Phil had asked to visit his grandparents for the summer, and wouldn’t be home until after school started once again.

Dan had written letters that Phil’s mum promised to send, but there was something about the look on her face that told Dan she knew something that Dan did not, and that she hurt for him. The first time she told Dan that she hoped he could one day help Phil like he always had in the past, Dan finally realized that it was the end.

He waited with baited breath for Phil to show up on the first day of class, only to realize by the end of the day that Phil had gone out of his way to avoid him. The last thing he remembered clearly was the sight of Phil’s broken, sad face, as he ran straight home after school without so much as a glance backwards at Dan, who’d shouted after him to wait.

Dan never could figure out what happened that day, or why Phil had decided to stop being Dan’s friend. He didn’t understand why Phil no longer thanked him when Dan tried to save him from the bullies, or why, once, he turned on Dan and told him to get the fuck away from him, and never get in the way again. He didn’t understand how he and Phil could go from being so close they were practically one person, to becoming so different some people even forgot they’d ever been friends.

It hurt. It hurt a lot, and it was hard, but eventually, Dan got the message. For whatever strange reason, Phil didn’t want Dan protecting him anymore, didn’t even want to know him, and while Dan knew it was the fault of the bullies, he’d never forgive himself for having done something to turn Phil against him. Was it because Dan hadn’t been there to save him in the first place, that afternoon when the bullies managed to get Phil alone? Had the bullies said something to Phil about Dan that had made Phil turn on him?

Dan didn’t know, and he probably wouldn’t ever know, but that didn’t prevent him from hoping.

So Dan Howell passed every year from the age of eleven to sixteen praying that, one day, Phil would come back into his life, and he’d be able to protect the boy he’d always considered the best person in the whole entire world.

In the meantime, Dan finally started branching out and making new friends, all while he watched Phil disappear further and further into the shadows until it was almost impossible to make sure he even still existed, except for the few times Dan saw him peeking out through the curtains of his bedroom window and out over at Dan’s, like there was still a part of him that missed Dan too.

They’d been next door neighbors for so long that Dan was actually almost surprised that, by the time they were finally forced together again, it hadn’t happened any sooner.

In the Fall of year twelve, Phil Lester unexpectedly joined the theater club, and the only reason Dan even noticed him was the fact that literally every single person but Phil had grouped up on one side of the large auditorium the first day of their meeting, and were whispering about the weird, dark boy they’d never seen before. Dan wandered in with his brow furrowed, heading straight for the strange group, when he felt his shoulder bump into the body of someone he hadn’t even noticed was there.

“Sorry,” he said rather quickly, turning to offer an awkward smile to the person he’d run into, and frowning as the entire auditorium seemed to go quiet. “I didn’t see you there, uhm,” Dan started, trailing off as he waited for the other person to give him their name, only they never answered.

Instead, they dropped their face further away from Dan, as if they were ashamed to be seen by him, and only then did Dan realize it was Phil.

He was dressed in the same black hoodie Dan swore Phil had owned since he was eleven, except it couldn’t be because Phil had grown almost as tall and lanky as Dan and the thing still fit, and he had his hood up, hiding the mousy brown of his ridiculously long hair. His glasses were thick rimmed and roundish, mostly hidden by his fringe, and his face was even more pale than Dan remembered.

His hands were stuck in his pockets, and his backpack pressed tight against his back, flat, like he’d taken to carrying very little in case he was jumped.

Dan’s jaw dropped open.

“Phil?” he asked tentatively. He could feel his heart in his throat, constricting his airways, because what was Phil doing here? Did he know this was the theater club? Had he come to see Dan? Unsure, Dan reached out to take Phil’s arm in his, wanting to pull the boy close and drag him into a long needed hug - it had been so long since Phil had been close enough for Dan to touch, after all - only, before Dan could touch him, Phil jerked back and stumbled so hard, he fell flat on his ass, his hood falling back and his hair splaying everywhere, exposing the red of his heated cheeks.

His eyes were just as blue as Dan had remembered them, but they were gazing up at Dan in horror.

“Okay, break it up you two, that’s enough! Really, Daniel, I expected more from you!” Mrs. Gio suddenly shouted, sweeping into the auditorium at exactly the wrong time. Dan’s gaze snapped up from where Phil sat, practically trembling on the floor, as if he were afraid of Dan, back to his teacher with his mouth half open with the intent to explain.

Before he could, however, or even turn back to help Phil up off of the floor, the rest of the theater group behind him burst into explanations, screaming that Dan had just been trying to be nice when Phil had shoved at him and fallen to the ground himself. Dan felt his cheeks beginning to go red as he worked to get in a word edgewise, begging the others to stop, that that wasn’t what had happened, but the others were too loud for him. Mrs. Gio looked thunderstruck and a little overwhelmed, blinking wildly at the loud shouting around her, before finally she burst out with a loud “Enough!” that shut the entire room up.

“I don’t care whose fault it was,” she admonished the group, “I expect better from all of you than to harass any of the other students here, let alone a new member this year. You’re all going to be working together for the next twelve months, so you better be ready to get along!” she said.

Mortified, Dan turned back to Phil with the full intent of helping him back up off the ground, only to find that Phil had already gotten up and had retreated further away from the group, hiding his face, and clearly trying once more to fade into the shadows.

Dan bit his lip, unsure what he was meant to do. The drama teacher answered this for him, however, and before he knew it, she was clapping her hands and ordering everyone to sit in the chairs in front of her in a large group, and listen up. Dan and the others shuffled about, with Dan’s friends coming and insisting he sit with them, laughing and making jokes about summer that Dan couldn’t help responding to, all while Phil managed to find a seat still near enough to Mrs. Gio not to get in trouble, but far enough away from the rest of the group that it almost looked like he didn’t even belong.

As Mrs. Gio started talking about the two performances they were going to be putting on that year, Dan couldn’t help wondering what Phil was even doing there. He’d always been creative, sure, but Dan had never known him to be confident enough to actually perform in a play. In fact, Phil looked so out of place that Dan couldn’t imagine Phil’s confidence had grown any stronger.

Dan had always seeked to fix that when they were kids, but it had been hard work. He’d never once given up, but he’d always refused to push Phil, and now, here they were, so close and yet so far, and Dan wanted nothing more than to drag Phil into the group and make him loved. He had the most amazing mind that Dan had ever known, and despite how they’d grown apart, Dan knew that that much, at least, could not have changed.

He found his eyes following every one of Phil’s movements for the rest of the afternoon, but never once did Phil meet his gaze. Slowly but surely, Dan felt his heart sink ever more, and sighed as Mrs. Gio dismissed them and Phil took off like a ghost.

The others laughed and snickered at the new weird guy, asking what his name was again, and making fun of the way his hair hung in his face and the ugly pair of spectacles he chose to wear. Dan, all the while, did his best to tune the others out, and shuffled out of the school building to head home. He could only hope that, as time wore on, he’d finally get the chance to be friends with Phil again.

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auroraphilealis · 6 years

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Metamorphosis (8/10)

Metamorphosis (8/10) | Once upon a time, Dan Howell and Phil Lester were best friends. They did everything together, from hanging out at each other’s house, to sitting next to each other at school - but one day, Dan was torn away from Phil by none other than Phil himself. Five years on, and Dan still doesn’t know why his best friend threw Dan away. Was it the fault of the bullies who relentlessly picked on Phil, or was it Dan himself? Dan just didn’t know. So when a chance to protect Phil and get his best friend back arises, Dan jumps on it in a heartbeat, and uses his own confidence to boost Phil’s just enough to make the bullies back away. | Phan | Teen and Up | High School AU, Bullying, Getting Together, Make Over Fic, Kissing Booth, Kissing Lessons | 3,576 Words this chapter Disclaimer: In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

Thanks again to my beta etoilesdephan for her wonderful help editing this fic <33

(Ao3) (Previous)

Chapter Eight

The morning dawned bright and early. Dan blinked his eyes open with a surprising lightness to his heart that he hadn’t properly felt in years. In fact, it took him a few minutes to get his bearings enough to recognize why he was feeling so light in the first place, but then the previous afternoon came flooding back to him and Dan found himself grinning as he flopped back into bed and stared up at the ceiling above him like a love-sick teenager. He could still remember the way it had felt to have Phil back in his arms again, and how nice it had been to finally see him smile again after so long.

The sudden change to his appearance wasn’t helping matters either. Dan had always found Phil attractive, but with a shine to his eyes and a happiness to his demeanor, it made Phil look only a million times better, just as Dan had suspected. Finding out as well that it had been Phil’s idea to dye his hair black, something he’d worked up the courage to ask Fabrice himself, had made pride well inside of Dan as well, and he’d been so tempted to kiss Phil when he’d heard. He’d been a good lad and held himself back, though, because he’d known that it wasn’t something he could just spring onto Phil out of nowhere, no matter how relevant the emotions now felt to Dan.

It might have been five years of pining for Dan, but Phil had no idea of Dan’s feelings, and for all Dan knew, Phil didn’t even feel the same. The last thing Phil needed was for his one best friend to come onto him without asking first, not that Dan would ever do a thing like that.

Still. He’d wanted to kiss Phil, and while Dan’s chest ached to have so much more with Phil, he held himself in check with the memory of how hollow he’d felt not having Phil in his life. This right here was enough, he promised himself, even if it was a struggle to think of Phil in anyway less than platonic.

He’d get through it - he had to. It was a necessary thing, and, maybe, when Phil was feeling more confident in himself, Dan might just tell him what Dan was always thinking when he looked into Phil’s shining blue eyes, makeover or not. Dan grinned to himself at the thought of what Phil’s face would look like in that situation, and climbed out of bed to get ready for class. Already, his mind was forming ideas on what else he could do to help Phil with the bullies at school, and a plan for how the two of them were going to combat the kissing booth today.

Dan’s phone went off as he was yanking on his skinny jeans, and he flipped the screen on to see another text from Sarah.

Sarah: whats goin on wth u, thot we wr frnds

Dan ignored it with a roll of his eyes, and went back to pulling the overly tight jeans up his thighs. Once they were settled, he grabbed his phone and his backpack, and rushed out the front door in the hopes of catching Phil before his long lost friend could take off for school without him. The days of Phil walking alone were long gone, and if Dan could help it, he’d never let it happen again.

He’d not so much as gotten through his front door before he caught sight of Phil a few feet down the pavement, headed to school. Dan grinned, and started running, his backpack jumping against his back as he moved.

“Hey! Phil!” he shouted, waving enthusiastically as his friend stopped and turned to face him.

He wasn’t wearing his hoodie today. Instead, he had on the jacket Dan had bought him, almost lovingly stroking it with one hand, and the hood down. His dress shirt was slightly untucked, and a little rumpled, just how Dan had shown him to wear it, and his tie was loose around his neck. His jeans didn’t look so baggy now, the way they usually did, and while they didn’t cling to Phil’s legs the way Dan’s clung to his, they did look flattering for once instead of “too big.”

It was the starkness of his face against his hair that really stood out to Dan once more, and it took him a few moments to reconcile the sight he was used to seeing when he saw Phil, with this one - sans glasses and with hair darker than Dan’s jeans.

Phil really was ethereal.

As Dan jogged to catch up with Phil, a slow smile began to take over his friend's features, and Dan felt warmth surge through him to see Phil not only waiting for him, but seeming relieved, as if he’d honestly thought that Dan would not want to be seen with him after yesterday.

“Wait for me next time,” Dan said easily as he reached Phil’s side. “Sorry I’m almost so late out of bed, but I swear I’ll tie you to your mattress if you take off without me again!” Dan teased, ignoring the way Phil’s cheeks seemed to go bright red all over again at the implications. Taking Phil’s hand in his casually and easily, Dan squeezed his fingers, and started walking, pleased when Phil fell into step easily beside him.

“Sorry,” Phil replied quietly, and then, “I wasn’t sure…”

Dan waited for him to continue, to confess what Dan had seen in his stance, but Phil didn’t continue.

Casually, Dan bumped their shoulders.

“Course I want to,” Dan said, answering the unvoiced question. “I told you. You’re always going to be my best friend.”

Phil never did reply, but that was okay. Dan didn’t mind, and he could see from the relieved fall of Phil’s tense shoulders that it meant a lot to him. Instead, in an attempt to help relax Phil from the mounting terror he was likely feeling about showing up to school practically a new person today, Dan chattered away about everything that Phil had missed over the last five years.

All the while, Dan never let go of Phil’s hand, not even when they got to the wide gates of their school, and students began staring.

“They’re all kind of dicks, but they just kind of adopted me, and I kind of just went along with it. They’re nothing like you though; they’ve never even been to my house, and believe me when I say Sarah has tried! She’s completely insane,” Dan was saying, holding tighter and tighter to Phil’s hand the further they got into the crowds of students milling about outside. He could feel Phil trembling, the desire to flee making his steps faulty, but Dan didn’t let him go. He didn’t want to make Phil feel trapped, but he also didn’t want to leave him alone, and if that meant securely keeping himself at Phil’s side, then that was what he would do.

If Phil took off running, he’d have to take Dan with him.

The entire school was staring at Phil by now. There were girls chattering and giggling to each other, looking Phil up and down like they wanted to eat him up, and there were boys staring in confusion, trying to match up this appearance of Phil with the one they’d just seen yesterday. The boys Dan had told to shove off after the lunch bell rang looked particularly perplexed, but more than that, almost annoyed. Dan prayed that Phil hadn’t noticed as his eyes darted around the courtyard in terror.

“I think she might have a crush on me, but don’t tell anyone,” Dan continued on in an attempt to distract Phil.

Phil snapped his head towards Dan, gawping.

“What?”

“Howell! Who's your new friend?”

Phil was staring at Dan with wide eyes, his cheeks gone completely crimson, but there was something about his eyes that struck Dan. They looked almost panicked, almost upset, but Dan didn’t get a chance to figure out why, as his attention was almost instantly diverted by the student in front of him.

Dan didn’t know their name. Honestly, he was surprised the kid knew his, but he didn’t question it. He merely raised an eyebrow at him and the way he was staring at Phil, like he were new fodder or something, and dragged Phil closer to his side.

“It’s Phil. You know, ‘wimpy Lester?’” Dan mocked, narrowing his gaze at the bully as he startled, and peered more closely still at Phil. Phil’s trembling only seemed to increase, a thought that plagued Dan, and he tried to hold him tighter, tried to be even more reassuring than he had been previously. The bully looked confused, almost annoyed that he’d been duped, and Dan felt hatred curling in his gut for this boy.

How dare he spend his life torturing other students? How dare he feel anger that Phil was finally making a change, and standing up for himself? Dan wanted to punch the guy square in the face, but he didn’t. Instead, he said, “We’ve had enough of your shit. No one’s going to be beating Phil down anymore, understood? And if anyone has a problem with that, they can take it up with me.”

Phil jumped next to him, and turned to Dan with an expression of abject horror. He opened his mouth to speak, but the bully beat him to it, laughing at Dan like what he’d said was funny, or something.

“Seriously, Howell? Why are you defending a wimp like Lester?” he asked, genuinely looking perplexed. “I bet you’re the one who gave him the makeover. You know cutting his hair and getting him new clothes isn’t going to make him any less of a loser than he already is, right?” the bully mocked.

He took a step closer to the two of them, crowding into their personal space. Phil tried to take a step back, cowering slightly, but Dan held his ground.

“Besides, what makes you think your standing in the way is going to stop anyone from pummeling you to get to Lester?”

Dan grinned, slow and easy, and said, “Cause my father’s police. Why do you think everyone's my friend?”

Dan watched as the realization, the reminder, sunk into the bully’s head, and he remembered again the first time he’d ever called his father to help when he and Phil were being harassed. The bullies had backed off and cowered away from Dan and Phil with looks of hate in their eyes; this bully’s face resembled that so much that, for a moment, Dan was eight years old again and holding onto a sobbing, bloody Phil who still had dirt in his mouth, while Dan’s father stood protectively in front of them both.

The memory hardened Dan’s resolve, and he glared at the bully until the kid finally sneered, and turned his back on both Dan and Phil. His hands were balled in fists at his sides as he walked away, but Dan had a feeling that he’d be relaying Dan’s threat, his promise, to the rest of the school.

No one was going to be getting away with hurting Phil again.

Dan turned back to Phil.

“Shall we head in, then?”

Phil wasn’t smiling anymore. His head was ducked, and he looked like he was trying to hide behind his too short fringe, but he nodded anyway and started walking again.

Dan tried to pretend that the reaction didn’t hurt, but it did.

Dan convinced his maths teacher to let him out of class early before lunch so that he could set up the kissing booths for theater club activities that afternoon, and packed his things to head out to were the booths had been left abandoned yesterday afternoon. Franklin and the rest of the theater kids had originally set up two, forcing Dan and Phil to be separated, and Dan unable to help Phil or make sure he was being paid and treated fairly. Dan had been thinking since yesterday that it wasn’t right, and he knew just the way to fix it.

While the rest of the school was still in class, Dan messed about in the middle of the quad forcing the two kissing booths together, fixing the chairs so that Dan and Phil would be forcibly close to each other, and opting to use just one desk rather than two. He set up the queue dividers to section off a place next to the table set up where pictures could be taken, and then set both jars for collecting coins straight in the middle of the desk, so that Dan would be able to see just what the students were paying, rather than letting them run amuck doing whatever they wanted.

Then, he rushed off to the cafeteria before anyone else could get there, and smiled at the lunch lady who looked surprised to see him so early. They ended up chatting for a few moments while Dan picked out a sandwich for himself, and he didn’t even have to ask for the teriyaki bowl before she was pulling it out for him and allowing him to pay. With a fond farewell, Dan practically ran back to the quad, wanting to arrive before Phil or the rest of the school, and settled down with a loud huff of lost breath just as the bell rang and the school erupted with students all trying to rush to lunch.

Before Dan even saw Phil, he watched boys and girls, many familiar faces from yesterday, rushing to get into line in front of the kissing booth, seeming somewhat surprised and even unsure of the new set up. They kept glancing around at each other, like they were all in on some private joke, but Dan could see the insecurity beginning to form with each passing moment, as Dan stared them down, and they realized that something was different.

It wasn’t just the kissing booth, either. The worst of the bullies from yesterday were nowhere to be found.

Then Phil pushed through the crowd, taking everyone by surprise with soft, muttered, “excuse me”’s and darted to the other side of the kissing booth with wide eyes.

“Dan?” he asked at the same time as the people in line began murmuring to each other in confusion, staring at Phil like he’d grown two heads.

Dan hummed with a pleased little grin, and turned to Phil with raised eyebrows in question.

“Why - why are we together, I - ?” he stuttered out, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets which, Dan was pleased to find, Phil was still holding tight to his body, hood still down. His blue eyes were so bright without the glare of his glasses lenses hiding them, wide and unsure. Nervous.

Dan hoped that one day Phil wouldn’t be so nervous around him.

“I told you,” Dan replied pleasantly. “I’m not leaving you alone again.”

The two didn’t have any more time after that to argue or discuss Dan’s decision to move their booth into one, as not a few seconds later, one of the girls in line was shyly approaching Dan and asking for a hug. Dan offered her a smile in return while Phil dropped his stuff behind them, and the girl popped a quarter into the jar. Then, Dan was standing, and the line was moving forward, just as confused as before, but, for some strange reason, completely and utterly enamoured with this new Phil.

Dan watched for the entire hour of lunch as girl after girl came forward asking for pictures and hugs, and even a few asking for kisses until they saw the look on Phil’s face and changed their mind with soft little coo’s that they didn’t want to make Phil uncomfortable. A few boys even came over for a photo with Phil, most often wanting some cool pose that Phil awkwardly did, and then laughing at him good naturedly, rather than cruelly. Phil’s face was a cool mask of horrified confusion the entire time, but no one seemed to mind, and with nothing to hide behind, Phil was forced to open up in a way he never had before.

When girls and boys alike asked his name, and Phil admitted he was just the same old Phil, he even got a few murmured or flirtatious apologies that honestly surprised them both.

It was a good day, and when Franklin showed up with Sarah not long before the lunch bell was going to ring again for students to rush back to class, they both looked incredibly annoyed to find Phil being treated well, rather than made fun of as was their obvious initial plan.

“Daaaan,” Sarah whined as she cut into the front of the now fairly short line. “Why have you been ignoring my texts?” she asked, her back practically to Phil as she spoke. Phil was too busy to notice the slight, once again fending off the advances of another girl who wanted a kiss from him, and managing to convince her that a hug would be good enough, and that only seemed to annoy Sarah even more, who was peering sideways at Phil.

Dan shrugged his shoulders.

“I’ve been busy,” he replied, while Franklin stood off to the side on his phone, texting someone with a look of annoyance on his face. Dan hoped he wasn’t trying to plan anything, or else Dan might just have to… call his dad, if he was being honest. He would have hated himself more for the lame reaction if it weren’t Phil he was protecting, but as it was, Phil came before anything else for Dan.

Sarah whined, and took Dan’s hand in hers from across the small table. Dan turned his attention back to her, but he didn’t even try and keep up a polite smile with her as he had the other girls and boys who’d lined up to kiss, hug, and take photos with him. He merely stared at her with his brow raised in question.

“I thought we were friends,” Sarah complained, and then, after glancing at Phil again, leaned in closer to Dan. “I thought were were on our way to being more than friends,” she added.

Honestly, the admittance came as no surprise to Dan. The only real reaction he had was genuine annoyance at the idea of Sarah thinking she’d ever had a chance with Dan. He’d been careful to not give her an impression such as that, and he rarely spoke to her unless they were in a large group or doing a scene together in theater.

Pulling his hand out from underneath Sarah’s, Dan opened his mouth to protest, when Sarah reached up and dropped a quarter in the collection jar. Her grin told Dan exactly what she was about to ask for, but no words ever escaped either of their mouths. Dan didn’t even get a chance to collect his bearings before Sarah was reaching out with her now free hand to bunch her fingers into Dan’s school shirt, pull him forward, and not only shove their mouths together, but press her tongue into Dan’s mouth far too aggressively for him to even pretend to enjoy it.

Dan’s face scrunched up in disgust. He felt Sarah giggle against his lips, and made a muffled sound of protest in return. He reached up with the full intention of pushing Sarah away, only for her to pull back with a loud smack from their lips, and wink at him before promptly kissing him a second time, this time a quick peck on the lips.

Dan’s eyes were wide, lips grossly wet, and mind reeling, when Sarah said, “I’ll see you later, Dan,” and walked away.

The bell for class went, the line in front of them dispersed, and Dan was left with nothing but a nauseated sensation in the pit of his stomach. He felt almost violated in a way that kissing the other girls that day had not made him feel, while his mind spun with the realization that Sarah really thought Dan had any kind of feelings for her. Had that kiss been her way of saying they were going out now?

Dan didn’t want to go out with Sarah. He wanted to go out with Phil.

Speaking of Phil - Dan turned, wanting to lament with Phil over Sarah’s ridiculous obsession with him, not to mention the disgustingly wet kiss she’d landed on him, only for Dan to realize that Phil was no longer by his side. No, instead, Phil had already left the booth, backpack slung over his shoulders, head ducked to avoid Dan’s gaze, and walking so fast Dan knew he was trying to get away. The sight pained Dan, who’d thought the afternoon had gone rather well considering, and shouted after Phil’s back, “Wait, Phil!” but Phil didn’t so much as look back.

Dan felt his heart crumble in reaction as he glanced down at the two half full jars in front of him, at the place Phil had just been standing, so close their shoulders had practically been touching, and then back at the lunch Dan had managed to grab them before lunch had even began.

Then, Dan looked back up at Phil’s retreating back, and mumbled to himself, “I got us some lunch…”

(Next)

#phanfic #phanfiction #phanfictioncatalogue #phandom #phan #snowbunnylester

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auroraphilealis · 6 years

Text

Metamorphosis (5/10)

Metamorphosis (5/10) | Once upon a time, Dan Howell and Phil Lester were best friends. They did everything together, from hanging out at each other’s house, to sitting next to each other at school - but one day, Dan was torn away from Phil by none other than Phil himself. Five years on, and Dan still doesn’t know why his best friend threw Dan away. Was it the fault of the bullies who relentlessly picked on Phil, or was it Dan himself? Dan just didn’t know. So when a chance to protect Phil and get his best friend back arises, Dan jumps on it in a heartbeat, and uses his own confidence to boost Phil’s just enough to make the bullies back away. | Phan | Teen and Up | High School AU, Bullying, Getting Together, Make Over Fic, Kissing Booth, Kissing Lessons | 2,733 Words this chapter

Disclaimer: In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

Thanks again to my beta etoilesdephan for her wonderful help editing this fic <33

(Ao3) (Previous)

Chapter Five

“Alright,” Dan announced when the two had finally wiped their tears away and picked themselves up off the ground. Phil’s face was completely red and flushed, a mix of embarrassment and the remnants of his crying, but he was at least looking at Dan rather than shying his gaze away. In fact, there was so much wonderment in his gaze that it made Dan’s heart hurt, and he offered a smile in return. “About the theater club,” he began, despite the fact that he’d rather not bring it up at all if he could avoid it.

Unfortunately for him, the theater club was the whole reason he and Phil were even here, now.

Instantly, Phil’s gaze fell away, and he took a small step backwards. Dan bit his lip against protesting, but he felt his arms twitch at his sides, wanting to reach out and stop Phil from running away. He didn’t, however, never wanting to make Phil uncomfortable. Instead, he sighed and shoved his own hands into his pockets.

“I’m really sorry about the whole kissing booth thing. I didn’t want to put you in that situation,” he said, getting straight to the heart of the matter. His gaze trailed to his own feet, and he scuffed the toe of one sneaker against the linoleum of the cafeteria floor. “Franklin's an asshole, and the others just kind of… don’t know how to think for themselves,” Dan explained. “I wish I’d thought of something for us to do before Franklin could put us in this situation, but…” and this time, when Dan trailed off, he straightened his shoulders and stared at Phil straight on. “But I promise I’m going to make it better.”

At that, Phil’s head snapped up in surprise. He hadn’t put his hood back on from earlier, and his hair was an absolute mess on top of his head, but despite how disheveled it was, he actually looked… good. For a moment, Dan was actually distracted by the vision in front of him; Phil with his fringe side swept over his forehead, eyes sparkling wide behind his glasses, face actually visible for once, and… strangely even more attractive than Dan had once remembered it.

Phil had always been attractive, but now, he looked entirely ethereal.

“How?” Phil asked, but Dan wasn’t listening. His mind was already far, far away, tumbling down a rabbit hole of plans and ideas that might just help Phil to get along better with their classmates; at least so far as getting them to back off from taking advantage of him. A slow grin started to take over Dan’s face, and, without wasting another moment, he pushed into Phil’s personal space and begin to fiddle with his clothes.

Phil squeaked instantly, cheeks going so red that Dan thought Phil’s face might set aflame. Rolling his eyes in reaction, Dan reached up and snatched Phil’s glasses away from his face, brushed his bangs further to the side until it was completely out of his eyes, and unzipped his jacket in order to yank it free from Phil’s form and reveal his crumbled uniform beneath.

“What are you doing?” Phil squeaked, trying to stumble back and away from Dan, but Dan didn’t let him. Instead, he laced his fingers into Phil’s belt loops, and pulled him back towards him until their chests were practically touching. The warmth of Phil instantly seeped into Dan’s body, and he found himself rather more interested in the sensation than he probably should have been, but he ignored it to instead focus on yanking Phil’s shirt out from being tucked into his pants.

“Changing your appearance to make you more confident,” Dan replied, grinning up at Phil and laughing a little when Phil reared his head back as if Dan’s face were too close to his own. “Calm down, Phil, I’m not going to do anything,” he promised the other boy, though his thoughts flashed over kiss more so than punch the way Dan was certain Phil was thinking of. He really wouldn’t mind kissing the other boy, but that was neither here nor there.

Phil didn’t need to know that Dan had long since felt far more than friendship for the boy he’d once been so close to.

It wasn’t something Dan thought too much on anyway. He’d never wanted to complicate their friendship when Phil was already struggling so much with his own self confidence, so it didn’t matter at all, now. In this instance, despite Dan enjoying the closeness of their bodies, nothing was going to happen; Dan would make sure of that. Phil needed to feel safe and secure first, if anything ever did happen, but if it didn’t, that would be okay too.

“Now come here,” Dan insisted after he’d loosened Phil’s tie and taken a step away from him, doing a quick glance up and down to make sure he looked to Dan’s satisfaction. “Let me take a picture of you, and then you’ll see what I’ve done,” Dan explained, pushing Phil over towards a blank wall so he could get a good shot. Phil went easily enough, though he stumbled over his own two feet, and had to catch himself on the wall before he turned around. The sight made Dan smile, and he shook his head with a little chuckle as Phil ducked his head and messed up the way Dan had situated his hair.

Stepping forward again, Dan pushed it to the side, and murmured, “Stay still,” to Phil, watching as Phil’s face went a deep red all over again and he appeared to catch and hold his breath.

Deciding not to think too much on this fact, Dan moved back away, pulled out his phone, and snapped a photo before Phil could do anything to mess up Dan’s carefully constructed image of him.

“Part of the reason the others want to take pictures with you in order to make fun of you is because you make it so easy with the way you dress,” Dan began to explain, snapping another two photos for good measure, mostly for himself, before clicking on his gallery and picking out which one he liked the most. “You hide your face like you’re ashamed of it, hide your body like you don’t want anyone to see… it makes people want to take advantage of that fact,” he continued as he bit his lip and squinted at the images of Phil. He had a good idea of which one he liked, but he had a feeling Phil would find this one more appealing... “That’s probably why Franklin came up with the kissing booth idea in the first place. He knew you weren’t going to have any confidence to fight off the assholes, and that would just make bullying you easier.” Stopping on the photo Dan liked, he then stepped forward in order to hand Phil his glasses so his friend could actually see the photo Dan had taken of him.

As Phil took his glasses and Dan’s phone from him, Dan continued to speak.

“The first step to building confidence is dressing like you care about yourself, even if you don’t. Do you think any of the assholes in our school actually have any self confidence? No, they just dress themselves up so they look good and they can pretend the whole world wants to kiss their feet,” Dan explained, noting the way Phil’s eyes widened as he looked at his picture. Dan felt satisfaction curl through him as Phil raised a hand to tentatively tap at the photo, as if he couldn’t quite believe it was real.

“That’s why I think we should start building up your confidence by working on your appearance, and then we’ll get back to work on helping you see just how wonderful you actually are,” Dan explained, a slow smile taking over his own features as he continued to stare at the photo Dan had taken in in total awe. “Maybe if we work on changing the fact that you try so hard to blend into the shadows, the other kids will stop bothering you so much, because they won’t see you as such an easy target.”

Phil almost didn’t seem to be listening. He was too busy smiling, his entire expression having lit up in a way that Dan wanted to see for the rest of his life.

Gently, he reached out and placed his hand on Phil’s shoulder.

“You aren’t alone anymore, and the next time we have to run those stupid kissing booths, I won’t leave your side for even a second.”

Neither Dan nor Phil ended up going to the rest of their afternoon classes. Instead, Phil devoured the remainder of his lunch, and then he and Dan snuck out a backdoor out of the school and headed out to town. Phil’s hands were shoved into his hoodie pockets, and he’d pulled the hood back up, but he was chatting quietly with Dan and didn’t even seem to mind too much when Dan bumped his shoulders with Phil’s. It was a massive improvement from even that afternoon at lunch together, and it was something that Dan would not underestimate.

Some of the ease of his friendship with Phil was slowly slipping back, and it was wonderful.

“So first of all,” Dan began as the two of them turned into town and the Manchester shopping center with their backpacks hoisted on their backs and a few passerby giving them strange looks, “You need a haircut.”

Phil blinked owlishly at Dan from under his hood, thick bangs still mostly hiding his eyes, but Dan knew how wonderful he could look if he just tried to style it all.

Dan patted his friend on the shoulder.

“It’ll be fine. You don’t have to cut it short, just something more manageable than what you’ve got. Remember when we were kids, you always wanted to cut your hair like the emo guys in our favorite bands?” Dan asked, teasing a little, and then pointing at his own fringed hair. “Like mine, see?”

Phil’s cheeks instantly went red, out of embarrassment, Dan assumed, and he looked away like he didn’t even want to face Dan. Dan tried not to frown at that as he was forced to remember just how long it had been since he’d properly spoken to his best friend.

“Unless you’re not like… into that anymore. I just figured, it’s a place to start,” Dan added quietly. He couldn’t help the little tinge of sadness to his voice, and he shoved his hands into his pockets. “We could look through some magazines or something instead, if you’d like. Or we could just skip the whole thing altogether,” Dan continued when Phil said nothing, suddenly regretting he’d ever even brought any of this up. What was he thinking, trying to change Phil? What kind of a friend did that?

Before Dan could berate himself any further, however, Phil turned with a wild look in his eye and practically shouted, “no!”

His face burned an even deeper shade of red as a few passerby in the street stopped to give the two of them strange looks, and his feet seemed suddenly glued to the floor as he came to an abrupt stop. Dan watched as Phil ripped his gaze to the floor, seemingly ashamed, and stopped walking as well. Slowly, Dan turned on his heel to stare worriedly at his friend.

“Phil?” he asked.

Phil shook his head.

He’d yanked a hand from his pocket and moved it to cover his mouth. If Dan hadn’t known any better, he would have thought Phil was crying, but then he realized that he didn’t know any better, and he felt his heart shatter all over again.

“Look, Phil, I didn’t mean to say - we don’t have to change anything about you. I could just give you pointers on how to dress a little more confidently, if you like. You don’t have to get a haircut or anything, I just -”

“That’s not it!” Phil blurted out again, interrupting Dan and finally managing to lock eyes with Dan. They were wild, unsure, and yet held a certain amount of terrified desire that Dan’s heart actually skipped a beat. His mouth dropped open, but he didn’t say anything else, waiting for Phil to explain himself.

“It’s just -” Phil began, cutting himself off and looking away. “I don’t… think it’ll look as good on me as it does you,” he finally admitted after another moment.

If Dan’s mouth hadn’t already been open, it would have dropped open then.

How could Phil think such a thing, let alone say it? Didn’t he know how wonderful he looked already with long hair? He just needed to add a little style to it and get it out of his face, and he’d probably be the most attractive guy at their school. Eyes wide, Dan merely stared at Phil numbly for a moment, and then laughed.

The sound was loud in the middle of the pavement, attracting another few concerned looks as passerby took in their stopped forms and strange behavior. Phil’s gaze snapped back to Dan’s all over again, the sun glinting off of his spectacles, and Dan offered him a gentle smile.

“You’re an idiot,” Dan said, still chuckling a little bit. “You really think you couldn’t pull it off better than me? Phil Lester, I have to straighten my hair every day to get it like this! Imagine how wonderful you’d look if you just styled your hair a little bit. Remember the photo I took earlier?” Dan asked, waiting for Phil’s embarrassed nod before continuing on, “Imagine how much better you’d look if your hair were styled that way, and not just combed out of your face.”

Phil didn’t respond, but he did duck his head again, and that seemed plenty enough of a response to Dan. Sighing softly, he stepped forward, and without regard to how it would look, pressed his fingers underneath Phil’s chin and forced him to look up. The touch must have startled Phil, because his head snapped up without Dan having to guide it, and he stared at Dan with wide eyes. Dan merely offered him a gentle smile.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Dan asked. “If you don’t like it, you can crop it short and it’ll grow back again. Right?”

Phil’s eyes were so very blue. There was that swirl of yellow Dan had long dreamt about getting to properly see again, and just the fairest hint of green. Hazel blue eyes, Phil had. Beautiful, hazel blue eyes, trembling with fear.

He swallowed, and Dan watched as his adam’s apple bobbed.

Finally, Phil nodded, and for the briefest of moments, Phil flashed Dan a smile.

“Okay,” he managed, voice so small that Dan had to strain to hear the words. “Let’s do it.”

Instantly, Dan was grinning, and he made a low “whoop!” as he reached out and took Phil’s hand in his own. He didn’t even care when Phil’s cheeks stained crimson again, or the way his fingers flexed in Dan’s like he was unsure. Dan chose to just have that moment, and he turned to start leading Phil down the street again. It just felt so good to be doing something for Phil that Dan was sure would help him.

Sometimes, something as simple as stepping out of your comfort zone could change everything.

“Great! Maybe you can dye it black like you always wanted as well!”

Phil laughed, the sound gentle and small, almost broken, like he hadn’t properly done so in a long time, but it made Dan grin nonetheless. His expression, when Dan glanced at him, was pleasantly surprised, as if he hadn’t been expecting the sound to come from his own mouth either.

“Yeah. Maybe,” Phil agreed, and allowed Dan to lead him inside of a beauty salon, where a maninstantly walked over with a giant smile, and took one amused look at Phil, before turning back to Dan.

“Hey Daniel. I’m assuming since you were just here last week that it’s your friend I’ll be helping today?”

“Hi Fabrice,” Dan greeted in return with a grin. Gently, he let go of Phil’s hand and pushed him forward via a gentle shove against his back. “This is Phil, and he’s in desperate need of a makeover.”

(Next)

#phanfic #phanfiction #phanfictioncatalogue #phandom #phan #snowbunnylester

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auroraphilealis · 6 years

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Metamorphosis (6/10)

Metamorphosis (6/10) | Once upon a time, Dan Howell and Phil Lester were best friends. They did everything together, from hanging out at each other’s house, to sitting next to each other at school - but one day, Dan was torn away from Phil by none other than Phil himself. Five years on, and Dan still doesn’t know why his best friend threw Dan away. Was it the fault of the bullies who relentlessly picked on Phil, or was it Dan himself? Dan just didn’t know. So when a chance to protect Phil and get his best friend back arises, Dan jumps on it in a heartbeat, and uses his own confidence to boost Phil’s just enough to make the bullies back away. | Phan | Teen and Up | High School AU, Bullying, Getting Together, Make Over Fic, Kissing Booth, Kissing Lessons | 2,410 Words this chapter Disclaimer: In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

Thanks again to my beta etoilesdephan for her wonderful help editing this fic <33

(Ao3) (Previous)

Chapter Six

Dan wasn’t allowed to stay in the salon while Phil was getting his hair styled. In fact, Fabrice actually kicked him out and told him not to return until he’d gotten a text from Phil - which had resulted in the awkward exchanging of numbers that actually made Dan feel guilty in that moment. Phil had looked uncomfortable, almost like he was regretting being friends with Dan all over again, and Dan had resolved to offer to delete his number after the whole salon fiasco if that’s what Phil wanted.

In the meantime, he’d been delegated the task of finding Phil a few new clothes, including a more updated school tie, and a pair of sneakers that Dan thought Phil might like. Embarrassed to admit that Dan hadn’t spoken to Phil in years, and that the last time he had Phil had confessed to “the funkier the better,” being his preferred style, Dan had merely nodded at Fabrice and taken off. Phil hadn’t spoken up, but Dan hadn’t really expected him to, considering that fact that Phil rarely spoke up to anyone, let alone a complete and utter stranger.

The only thing for it was to keep the receipts, and bring Phil a few clothes Dan thought he might still like.

It was an interesting task.

He browsed through topman for the first hour, unsure of what Phil wore when he wasn’t in uniform, but still managing to pick out a cool blue top that changed color when you touched it, and another with Pikachu and Ash on the front. He also ended up finding a cool space themed blazer in shades of purple that reminded Dan so strongly of Phil that he didn’t even hesitate before picking it out.

With those purchases in a bag, Dan anxiously checked his phone for any messages - finding only one from Sarah asking where the hell Dan was that he ignored - and then headed off to his favorite shoe store. He only had a guess of what Phil’s sizes were, but as the boy had always been about the same as Dan, Dan had picked out the same shirt size he would have gotten, and figured he could do the same for Phil’s shoes. He ended up browsing for a while before he came upon a red-white pair that reminded Dan of Phil, and he grinned as he bought them.

He could feel his wallet getting sorely empty, at least emptier than he’d started that morning, but he refused to tell Phil just how much any of it had cost if he could manage to get away with it, and checked his phone again.

Still no text from Phil. Concerned and a bit anxious that Fabrice might have taken advantage of Phil, Dan started heading back to the salon, making only one last stop at Hot Topic to pick out a replacement tie for Phil, before rushing back to Phil’s side. With all of his purchases hanging from his fingertips, Dan figured fuck it. So what if Phil had yet to text him to come back; surely he was just too nervous to tell Fabrice what he wanted, and if Dan wasn’t there to protect him, he’d only end up resenting Dan even more.

Dan just couldn’t have that.

It only took a few more minutes for Dan to reach the front door’s of the salon, and he didn’t even bother loitering outside awkwardly before stumbling inside. His hands pushed at the front door, and he walked in with worried eyes as he looked for Phil.

What he found was not what he’d been expecting. He’d thought Phil would still be sat in the hairdressers chair, eyes wide and anxious as he sat, stock still, while Fabrice chopped at his hair. It had been over an hour and a half by then, and Phil still hadn’t texted him, so surely something had to be wrong?

But no. What Dan found when his eyes finally located Phil was anything but the terrified boy he’d left here over an hour ago. Instead, he was met with the rather exciting sight of Phil Lester stood in front of a mirror, grinning like an idiot, with his hair newly shorn and black.

Just how he’d always wanted it.

Dan felt himself falling that little bit more in love, and wasn’t surprised by the way his blood seemed to pump harder through his veins. He could feel his limbs shake, and his eyes go wide, his heart thumping aggressively against his chest. It had been a long time since Dan had properly felt this level of affection and attraction to his long lost friend, but watching Phil stood there with a look of newfound confidence on his face, the happiness practically radiating from him, made Dan want nothing more than to kiss him right then and there.

But he couldn’t, and he knew that he wouldn’t even be able to consider it. He could never do that to the boy who already had self confidence and self worth issues. If Dan was going to kiss Phil, it was going to be on Phil’s terms, and nothing less.

“Wow,” Dan breathed out, unable to help himself.

The word was enough to shock Phil out of his staring, and he whirled on Dan with red cheeks and wide eyes. His shoulders slumped as he curled into himself a little, trying to hide behind his bangs, only to realize that he couldn’t quite do that anymore. His hair was framed in opposition to Dan’s, fringe going right instead of left, with the sides shorn tight to his head, and the top fluffy and long. It didn’t hide his eyes anymore, though; instead, it hung just above his eyebrows, showing off the striking sharpness of them.

“Does it look terrible?” Phil asked, suddenly unsure of himself.

Dan didn’t hesitate even a moment before shaking his head. His grin seemed infectious, as Phil started to smile nervously in return, and Dan stepped forward easily.

“No. It looks amazing. Look at you, Phil,” Dan gushed, dropping his bags at his feet and moving another step forward into Phil’s personal space. Phil giggled, a soft, unsure sound, as Dan took his shoulders and forced his body to turn and look back into the mirror once more. They stared at each other’s eyes through the glass, Phil tentative and shy, Dan so, so endlessly proud.

“You look gorgeous, Phil,” Dan said, and he meant every word of it. Phil’s cheeks darkened further, and he tried to avert his gaze, but Dan shook him slightly and he looked up at Dan once again. “I’m so proud of you. And the color, too. Looks like you were right, all those years ago. It makes your face absolutely pop.”

Dan couldn’t help the way his voice went soft as he gushed over Phil, and he laughed as he reached up to ruffle Phil’s hair. It rumpled up, and then fell back into place perfectly, as Phil giggled again and ducked his head.

“Thanks,” he muttered, voice low and happy. Still, he averted his gaze, unsure, shy, and Dan felt his heart thump with affection for this boy. His eyes never left Phil’s as the boy in front of him darted glance after glance at Dan, completely unsure of himself, and yet smiling that same surprised confident smile he’d had on when Dan had first walked into the salon.

Phil Lester was beautiful, and to see the boy looking even a fraction more confident than he had been just that afternoon was warming Dan’s heart in a way that he could not even began to describe.

Gently, Dan reached up and brushed a bit of Phil’s fringe back into place, and watched as Phil’s eyes widened behind the frames of his glasses.

“How’s he look, Dan?” Fabrice suddenly asked from behind him, startling both Dan and Phil. Instantly, Phil curled into himself, and flinched away from Dan, while Dan gently and easily let him go and turned to face Fabrice. His hair dresser looked slightly concerned for Phil, but more excited as he waited for Dan’s response.

Dan merely smiled at him.

“He looks amazing! Thank you so much for doing this. I think you’ve really given him a confidence boost!” Dan exclaimed with a bright smile.

Fabrice laughed, the sound loud in the salon, and threw his head back with a happy grin. He seemed absolutely chuffed by Dan’s reaction, and merely reached out to pat Dan on the shoulder.

“I sure hope so! He’s a handsome man, he deserves to be proud of himself,” Fabrice said, tossing Phil a wink. Dan couldn’t help laughing at the way Phil shrunk back from that, his cheeks going a deep red, and reached into his pocket for his wallet. He’d used up almost all of his savings on Phil today, but he didn’t even mind as he reached into it to pull out a few pounds. Before he could, however, Fabrice’s eyebrows shot up and he shook his head insistently.

“Oh no, no no. This one’s on the house, so long as your friend promises to come back again,” Fabrice insisted with an easy smile. He waved a hand in Phil’s direction, shoved away the hand Dan was offering him with money in it, and turned to disappear back into the salon where the rest of the hairdressers were laughing and teasing their own clients.

With a soft laugh of his own and a shake of his head, Dan shoved the remainder of his savings back into his wallet, and turned back to Phil.

“Well, then. I guess you’ve found a new hairdresser,” he teased, and offered Phil his hand. Phil’s expression was still unsure, mouth dropped open in a surprised little “o”, but he was looking at Dan, at least. He blinked a few times, eyes bright behind the wide frames of his glasses, and then he finally reached out and took Dan’s hand.

Dan’s grin might have rivaled the sun at that, and he beamed as he picked up the bags of clothing he’d picked out for Phil and started to lead the two of them out of the shop. Phil just avoided Dan’s gaze, blushing so hard, Dan thought he might spontaneously combust.

It was a cute look on him regardless.

They ended up stopping in at the optometrist, where Dan and Phil waited in line for a good hour just to be seen by the front clerk who took note of Phil’s last name, and pulled up a prescription she could match to a brand of daily contacts supported by his insurance. Phil trembled at Dan’s side the entire time, never once letting go of his hand, and squeezing roughly whenever he got scared. His fingers were sweaty, but Dan didn’t mind, as long as he got to act as Phil’s protector and had his friend back.

Finally, Phil was taken away to a little table where the optometrist assistant taught him how to put in, take out, and clean his new contact lenses, and then the two of them were off once again, Dan loaded down with bags of new things for Phil, and Phil practically vibrating in place with the smallest of excited grins having taken over his face.

His glasses now resided in his jeans pocket, folded up neatly, and his eyes shown bright under the afternoon sun with nothing to impede the sight of them. Everything about Phil now glowed, even as he wore his slightly creased school uniform, rumpled from how Dan had played with it to make Phil more presentable.

“Feeling better already?” Dan teased as the two of them headed home, Dan fully intent on heading inside with Phil to watch him try on his new clothes. “You certainly look chuffed.”

Phil giggled and ducked his head, that same embarrassed tint of red on his cheeks, but nodded nonetheless. It was the first time Dan had ever seen Phil proud of himself, and despite his shy nature, willing to show that. Dan’s heart swelled at the sight of it.

His fingers were still laced with Phil’s, who seemed much more relaxed now, and he bumped his shoulder lightly.

“Good. I’m glad. You deserve to like the way you look.”

Phil didn’t say anything to that, but it didn’t matter. Dan could practically see the way Phil’s chest expanded with the realization that yeah, yeah he actually did deserve that, and he straightened up in a way Dan hadn’t expected. It was almost as if Phil were finally coming to realize that he didn’t have to be what everyone had always told him; strange, queer, ugly. He could be whatever he wanted, and it was something Dan had tried to teach him for years before they’d lost contact.

To see him finally starting to understand that now… it meant the world to Dan.

Eventually, the two came to their street, and slowed to a halt in front of Phil’s front lawn. Phil’s easy smile had slipped a little, and he seemed unsure as he looked at his front door, Dan, and the bags he was holding. Dan watched as Phil bit his bottom lip, and squeezed his fingers around Dan’s before letting go.

Instantly, Dan missed the warmth of Phil’s palm against his.

Unsurely, Phil reached up to fiddle with his hood, as if he were going to pull it back over his head the way he usually wore it, but didn’t. His mouth opened and closed a few times, and he finally met Dan’s gaze again. Dan watched him patiently with his own easy smile still on his face.

Phil said nothing.

“Are you going to invite me in, you spork?” Dan teased after a while longer of waiting. He lifted the bags he was carrying slightly, so Phil would look at them again, and said, “I’m not leaving until I’ve seen you try this all on. Come on, it’s not as if I’ve never been over before!”

Still, he waited for Phil to make the first move, not wanting to push himself any more onto Phil than he already had, and watched as Phil’s eyes went large and round.

Quite suddenly, he grinned again, and nodded his head. His gaze was shy as he said, “Yeah, I’d really like that, Dan.”

Dan’s answering grin was dazzling as he took Phil’s hand in his once again, and stepped forward onto the pavement of a home he’d never thought he’d be invited inside of again.

(Next)

#phanfiction #phanfic #phanfictioncatalogue #phandom #phan #snowbunnylester

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auroraphilealis · 6 years

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Metamorphosis (4/10)

Metamorphosis (4/10) | Once upon a time, Dan Howell and Phil Lester were best friends. They did everything together, from hanging out at each other’s house, to sitting next to each other at school - but one day, Dan was torn away from Phil by none other than Phil himself. Five years on, and Dan still doesn’t know why his best friend threw Dan away. Was it the fault of the bullies who relentlessly picked on Phil, or was it Dan himself? Dan just didn’t know. So when a chance to protect Phil and get his best friend back arises, Dan jumps on it in a heartbeat, and uses his own confidence to boost Phil’s just enough to make the bullies back away. | Phan | Teen and Up | High School AU, Bullying, Getting Together, Make Over Fic, Kissing Booth, Kissing Lessons | 3,323 Words this chapter Disclaimer: In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

Thanks again to my beta etoilesdephan for her wonderful help editing this fic <33

(Ao3) (Previous)

Chapter Four

The lunch lady had, in fact, stowed a teriyaki bowl away for Dan, and she was gracious enough to let Dan and Phil into the cafeteria to not only buy lunch, but to eat, once she saw their passes from Mrs. Gio. Her smile was motherly and genuine as she heated up chips for Dan and saturated them in a healthy dose of ranch, tossing a few jokes Dan’s way for good measure. Dan ended up buying a cheeseburger as well for himself, shoving Phil away when he tried to pull out his wallet and slip in a few pounds to pay for his part of lunch, and Dan waved Miss Kray, the lunch lady, off with a bright grin.

Hands full, Dan was unable to take Phil’s in his as they walked into the usually loud lunch room and found a seat in the middle. Despite wishing that he could be as close to Phil as possible every second of the day to make up for lost time, Dan figured it was for the best. Phil looked like he needed a moment to himself to process what the hell was going on, and Dan couldn’t blame him. They hadn’t exactly made up yet, and it had been five years since they’d spoken. At the thought, Dan’s bright smile wilted some, and he felt his heart sink all over again.

He still didn’t know what he’d done to hurt Phil, after all. Was it truly possible that Phil might think Dan had abandoned him that day five years ago when Phil had been cornered alone on the playground? Dan didn’t know, but he wanted too.

“Here,” he said once they’d settled in across from each other. Pushing the teriyaki bowl over to Phil, Dan started to unwrap his cheeseburger in order to dig in. Phil, however, stared at Dan with a look of absolute horror and regret written all over his face. Before the burger had even touched his lips, Dan was lowering it and staring back at Phil with a little frown on his face.

“What’s wrong? Do you… not like it anymore?” Dan asked. After all, Phil hadn’t answered when Dan had gone off on a ramble before, and it was very possible his friend's tastes had changed, but Dan suddenly felt insanely guilty. He’d bought the cheeseburger for himself. If he’d known Phil wouldn’t want the teriyaki bowl, he would have let Phil pick something else out for himself.

Phil was shaking his head, though, cheeks red as he hid his gaze all over again. He seemed dumbstruck, just as quiet as he’d been when he and Dan first started becoming friends, and it was hard on Dan when he’d gotten so used to Phil being able to open to him. He didn’t know how to help, though. What was one to do when their best friend had been estranged from them for so long?

“It’s - it’s fine if you don’t, Phil. I can get you something else, I don’t mind. I’m sure I’ve got another few pounds in my wallet. Here,” Dan said, putting down his own meal all together as he reached into his pocket for his wallet. His hands fumbled with it as he pulled it free, unsure how much change he actually had left, but before he could even attempt to yank out a note or two, Phil’s pale hands reached out and rested on top of his own. It was such a surprise that Dan actually froze, mouth dropping open and eyes snapping up to Phil’s instantly.

Phil’s face was absolutely flaming. His eyes were wild and desperate, and his mouth parted like he’d just been about to shout at Dan. He didn’t, though. Instead, he opened and closed his mouth a few times like a fish, before finally staring down at the lunch table in defeat. Snatching his hands back to his chest as if he’d been burned, Phil spoke up quietly.

“No. I - I do still like it. It’s just, It’s yours, Dan. The lunch lady saves it for you, not me. You should have it.”

Just like that, Dan understood. Phil was just being Phil, unwilling to easily take anything from Dan unless Dan insisted. Smile turning gentle, Dan reached over and patted Phil lightly on the shoulder. It wasn’t enough to get Phil to pull his gaze up and away from the table, but Dan didn’t mind. There had been a time when Phil had been able to look at Dan with a certain level of confidence, and Dan fully planned on getting that back once again.

“Phil. I want you to have it. It’s fine. I only ever really get it for you,” he reassured him, and turned back to reach for his own meal. “I thought, maybe if I just keep saving it for you, one day you’ll actually be around for me to give it too.”

Dan picked his burger back up then, and without waiting for a response from Phil, tucked right in. Doing his best not to look at Phil in the hopes that it would make him more comfortable with starting his own meal, Dan shoved their communal fries between the two of them, and hummed softly to himself as he chewed. He wanted to talk to Phil, wanted to get him to open up, maybe answer Dan’s earlier question, but he was being cautious. It was the only way to be with Phil when he was like this, all clammed up inside and very obviously scared.

Eventually, Dan saw Phil reach for the teriyaki bowl and pick the lid off the top, and he felt his heart soar. It was such a simple movement, and yet it felt like everything to Dan, because it meant that Phil had accepted what Dan was trying to give him. Sometimes, even that was difficult with Phil.

Doing his best not to react, Dan just continued to dig into his own burger, and, when that was finished, started in on the fries.

Phil ate carefully. Every movement was perfectly measured and slow, as if he were afraid if he made too much movement, he was going to catch someone’s eye. It definitely explained to Dan how Phil had gotten so good at blending into the background, enough that Dan had lost track of him, despite trying, for the past three years. It made his heart ache as well, though, to know that Phil was so afraid of the world that he couldn’t even eat naturally. He moved as if he wasn’t even allowed to enjoy his meals, and that… that was too much, even for Dan.

He just wanted to help his friend, like he had when they were younger. It had been the little things that had given Dan hope that one day, Phil might just be able to pick himself up and defend himself with just enough confidence that the bullies would leave him be. Things had changed, sure, but Dan hadn’t given up hope; it wasn’t too late, and if it was the last thing he ever did, he’d at least help Phil survive the final two years of school before they went off to university.

Then, Dan hoped that he’d get to go off with Phil, but that was a thought for another day.

When about half of the fries were finished, Dan stopped munching on those as well, hoping Phil would realize that it meant he could have the rest. Trying to make Phil feel even more safe to just eat as he might at home, Dan settled back in his lunch chair, closed his eyes, and tipped his head back.

So much for going back to class after they’d eaten. Dan didn’t think that was going to be happening anytime soon, not if he was going to make sure Phil had had plenty to eat and they’d gotten a chance to speak. Ah well. One day of skipping the latter half of the day wasn’t going to kill them, Dan didn’t care what anyone might say. Their teachers could bite him.

After another few minutes of silence, time which Dan hoped Phil was using to actually eat, though he was so quiet Dan couldn’t be sure, Phil quite suddenly cleared his throat. Startled by the sound, Dan’s eyes snapped open and he leaned forward a little too quickly. His eyes were wide, he was sure, as he hadn’t been expecting anything from Phil, let alone a noise made so clearly to get Dan’s attention, something that clearly startled Phil as well. His best friends shaded eyes were just as wide as Dan’s, and he’d dropped his fork in startled surprise at himself.

Suddenly, his cheeks flushed, and he glanced away as if he were ashamed. Dan felt his brow furrow, and he opened his mouth to reassure Phil that everything was fine, when Phil spoke first.

“You don’t have to do this,” he mumbled. His hands were safely hidden beneath the table, but Dan could see his lips quivering, and was willing to bet his hands were too. “Hang out with me, save me lunch, protect me,” he continued, sounding as if he wanted to be spitting the words out, but couldn’t bring himself to do so.

It reminded Dan so much of back when Phil had told Dan to stop helping him that he felt his heart breaking all over again. He just wanted to know what he’d done wrong.

“I told you already,” Dan replied simply, “I want to do those things. I… I just wish I knew why you were so against it.” His own voice had gone quiet and unsure, and he found himself glancing down at the table in front of him. There were food stains on it, sticky marks from lunch earlier that day. Dan was sure the janitor always put off cleaning up the cafeteria until the end of the day for how gross it could get, and he found himself picking at the edges of the table as if he were going to accomplish anything by doing so.

“Can you tell me what I did wrong?” Dan finally asked after another moment of tense silence between the two of them. Phil still wasn’t looking at him, mousy hair blocking even the sight of his eyes from Dan, who just wanted to fix this. Whatever he’d done, he’d make it okay again. “Please. Just that much. And if you want me to go after, I’ll go, and I’ll never bother you again,” Dan promised, because it was the only thing he could think to do to make Phil tell him.

To at least get a chance to apologize for it, if it was the last thing he ever got to do for Phil.

Phil didn’t answer. He didn’t so much as twitch. If Dan hadn’t known any better, he would have thought that Phil was simply… ignoring him. He did know better, though, and he knew that Phil was always, always hyper aware of his surroundings, that he was probably weighing up the options in front of him, and trying to think of the easiest one to get him out of this situation.

Dan knew what the answer was almost before Phil pushed himself to his feet, and closed his eyes in defeat.

Bang!

The sound reverberated loudly in the near silence of the cafeteria. It was so loud, Dan actually jumped in his seat, eyes snapping open as his mouth dropped open and he stared up at Phil in absolute stunned surprise.

The other boys hands were flat on the table in front of them, the clear cause of the sound that had shocked Dan so, and an angry red from the force of him slamming them down. His hood had fallen back, and his hair had fallen almost sideways against his forehead from the sudden movement. For the first time in a long time, Dan could almost clearly see Phil’s face, and the shock of his blue, green, yellow eyes staring so bluntly at Dan was enough to silence him completely.

Phil’s chest was heaving, his lips parted and his eyes wild with a mix of desperation, terror, and anger. Dan could see the muscles straining in his forearms from where he’d slammed them against their table when he’d stood up, his chair pushed back so far it had actually fallen on the floor. He was trembling, but for the first time in all the time Dan had known him, Phil was not backing down.

“You didn’t do anything, don’t you understand!?” Phil shouted, “You never did anything, except that you did everything!”

The words made no sense to Dan, but it was clear they made no sense to Phil either, as he groaned in frustration. Dan watched as Phil reached up to wipe furiously at his eyes, as if he were crying from the desire to get out what he wanted to say, but didn’t know how. Dan wanted to reach out and comfort his friend, but he couldn’t; not only did he feel frozen in place at Phil’s sudden outburst, but he knew that there was nothing now he could do to help except let Phil get it all out.

“You can’t - you can’t just keep protecting, me, Dan. I can’t expect that of you!” he continued nonsensically, shaking his head and turning, finally, to glare at Dan. His eyes were wet, just as Dan had expected, the sight of which broke his heart all over again. “Don’t you understand? I was ruining your life! Everyone hated me, and you were there, throwing away everything to protect me! How can you expect me to let you keep doing that?”

Phil’s chest was heaving, his arms shaking, but he didn’t back down. In all the time Dan had known him, he’d never seen Phil like this, standing up for himself and for something he believed in. Even as Dan’s head spun with the revelation Phil had given him, he couldn’t help feeling a surge of pride and hope burst through his chest at having Phil being strong for the first time.

Slowly, tears dripped down Phil’s cheeks, catching on the edges of his glasses, and his mouth twisted up into a pained frown.

“You can’t protect me forever, and I - I had to let you go,” he finally managed to get out, and collapsed, defeated, on the floor of the cafeteria, while Dan watched, completely stricken. “You don’t owe me protection, Dan. I was tired of being your burden.”

With Phil’s chair shoved back away from the lunch table, and his body crumpled on the floor, all Dan could really do for a moment was stare at his best friend. He’d curled himself into a semblance of a ball, knees drawn up to his chest like he was cowering away, and his face was tucked into his knees. It reminded Dan of the days when he used to find Phil curled up behind the playground in primary school, or after some other kids had run away from kicking and punching a defenseless Phil laying on the floor.

It wasn’t a good memory at all, and to have Phil react that way now, with Dan of all people, hurt more than Dan could say.

“Phil,” he whispered, struck.

His heart was still racing from the rather sudden onslaught of Phil’s anger, but more than that, he just felt relieved. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He’d never hurt Phil. That had been a plague on Dan’s mind for years that he didn’t think anyone could understand.

“You’re not a burden,” Dan managed to fumble out next, only for Phil to groan and shake his head venehemtely from his space on the cafeteria ground. “You’re not,” Dan said again, stronger this time, and pushed himself out of his chair.

Phil wasn’t having it though. He scrambled backwards on the floor until his back had hit the legs of a chair at the next table over, and pulled his face away from his knees just to say, “I am though! I’ve always been! All I’ve ever done is bring you down! I don’t understand how you can’t see it, Dan. How can you be so blind!?”

Phil’s eyes were wild, his hair a tangled mess in his face, nothing like what Dan knew he could be. For the first time ever, Dan suddenly felt like the bully, the person causing Phil far more pain than he’d ever want to, and it was killing him.

Still. He rose from his seat, and, not wanting to scare Phil away, took a hesitant step over to where he sat frozen on the floor, tears streaming down his cheeks, and eyes wide with that same mix of terror, pain, and anger he’d had before.

“Phil,” Dan said again, frowning and hoping that Phil would notice the sheer amount of anguish he was experiencing just then. “Please. You’ve never been a burden to me. All I’ve ever wanted is just… to help you. Don’t you understand? You’re my best friend,” Dan tried to argue, tried to plea, only for Phil to shake his head all over again, his brow crumbling further as he let out soft little sniffles that bellied just how bad he was feeling just then.

Dan didn’t hesitate again.

With quick steps, he moved over to Phil and fell to his knees at his side, ignoring the way Phil flinched at the action because it came as no surprise to him that he would. Phil used to flinch when Dan so much as moved too quickly, even when they’d been friends, so to have him do it now… Dan at least understood. His eyes were starting to grow wet, however, and he reached out to gently pry Phil’s arms apart and take them carefully between his own. He did his best to make sure Phil didn’t feel trapped, and yet understood that Dan didn’t want to let go.

“Can’t you see?” he murmured. “I care about you, Phil, far more than I care about anyone else at this school, or my reputation. I never would have left your side had I known -” Dan cut himself off, shaking his head and pushing the negative thoughts away. He didn’t want to blame Phil, didn’t want to make him feel like he’d done something wrong, when he already felt like he’d been holding Dan captive in some inane way that Dan couldn’t even wrap his head around.

“You are more important to me than anything, Phil, and you’ve never once brought me down. If anything, you’ve made me a stronger person. Protecting you… it doesn’t feel like a chore to me. You don’t feel like a chore to me. You just feel like you… Phil… my best friend.”

Dan squeezed Phil’s fingers in his, ever so lightly, and tried his best for a watery smile as he felt his own tears beginning to cascade gently down his cheeks.

“You’ve always been my best friend, even when you were away. All this time, I’ve just been hoping that one day I could have you back.” Swallowing thickly, Dan closed his eyes for a brief moment, and then stared back at Phil once more.

His once best friend was staring back, wary and broken all at once, desperate for something that Dan wished he could give him. Trust? Dan didn’t know.

All he knew was that he was going to fix this.

“I miss you, Phil. So please… can we just try again?”

The tiny imperceptible nod Phil finally gave him in response was everything to Dan, and he let out a gust of air at the same time as he drew the tiny, frail body of Phil Lester into his own and finally, finally hugged him once again.

Holding Phil was heaven, and Dan felt whole for the first time in three years.

(Next)

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auroraphilealis · 7 years

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Metamorphosis (2/10)

Metamorphosis (2/10) | Once upon a time, Dan Howell and Phil Lester were best friends. They did everything together, from hanging out at each other’s house, to sitting next to each other at school - but one day, Dan was torn away from Phil by none other than Phil himself. Five years on, and Dan still doesn’t know why his best friend threw Dan away. Was it the fault of the bullies who relentlessly picked on Phil, or was it Dan himself? Dan just didn’t know. So when a chance to protect Phil and get his best friend back arises, Dan jumps on it in a heartbeat, and uses his own confidence to boost Phil’s just enough to make the bullies back away. | Phan | Teen and Up | High School AU, Bullying, Getting Together, Make Over Fic, Kissing Booth, Kissing Lessons | 2,647 Words this chapter Disclaimer: In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

Thanks again to my beta etoilesdephan for her wonderful help editing this fic <33

(Ao3) (Previous)

Chapter Two

Over the course of the next few months, Dan didn’t quite get the chance to try and be friends with Phil again. While Phil showed up to every theater meeting after school, he kept just as much distance from the others as he had the first day. He talked in a quiet, low voice to Mrs. Gio at the beginning of their second meeting about something, Dan didn’t know what, that seemed to keep him safe from the humiliating, but admittedly fun, group exercises the rest of the group did, and stood in the corner seemingly brooding and not meeting anyone else’s gaze.

It became quite clear after the first month that Phil was only there because he’d been forced to join a club, and the revelation warmed Dan deep to his core as he considered the fact that Phil might have picked theater because he’d known Dan would be there. The idea that Dan still made Phil feel safe was almost enough to make up for the fact that his best friend still refused to come anywhere near Dan, and while that hurt almost more than anything else Phil had ever done to him, Dan couldn’t bring himself to hate Phil.

Instead, he did his best to reassure Phil everyday with gentle smiles and loud admonishments to the others when they tried to tease him. Once, Dan even thought he might have seen Phil shoot a grateful smile at him, but he couldn’t be sure.

Instead, he focused on the fact that Phil was becoming more and more of an outcast. He hadn’t realized it, but over the last five years, Phil had practically become a scapegoat. Nearly no one knew him as anything other than “Lester,” while others didn’t even know his name. He was out of sight, out of mind, but when they did see him, the majority of the student body took to calling him names like “sissy” and “fag,” spitting the words into his face as if he were the scum of the Earth.

The more time Dan spent around Phil in the auditorium during theater, the more Dan began to notice Phil around school. The bigger boys of their grade ran into him far more than was necessary, and more than once Dan had to watch him get pushed to the floor, only for Phil to hardly even react. The bullies laughed, and left Phil alone, but they tripped him up every chance they got, and thought it was hilarious when “Lester” fell on his ass. The other students mostly ignored this behavior, but others continued to use Phil as a punching bag, and talked him down so badly it was no wonder to Dan that Phil still had an issue with self confidence.

Never once did Phil stand up for himself, much the same as when they were in elementary school, and Dan wished more than anything that he could get between Phil and the rest of the school, and show them what was what.

He didn’t though, because Phil didn’t want him to. Because Phil had told him to get away.

Three months into the start of the school year, and just after the Theater Club had began rehearsals for The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, they got some bad news. Funding had dropped significantly, and where they’d previously been promised a big enough budget for props, costumes, and a proper stage, they were now being promised half as much money, with no guarantee of what they would fully be able to make out of it.

At the news, the whole of the theater club groaned in absolute distress, and seemed to sink into themselves; all except Phil, who sat just as rigid as always at the start of rehearsals, and didn’t say a word. His head was downcast, so no one could really tell how he was feeling about the whole situation, only that didn’t seem to stop the entire rest of the club from treating Phil the same way the rest of the school did - as a scapegoat.

From Dan’s left, a boy named Franklin stood and turned on Phil with a look of dark anger on his face, all while the rest of the group and Mrs. Gio watched in confusion. Dan, for his part, felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach, already foreseeing exactly what was coming, but he had no time to stop it before Franklin was stomping over to where Phil was sat, and gripping tight to the front of his jacket in order to tug at his clothes.

Dan was halfway to his feet by the time Franklin had reached Phil, and he was snarling into Phil’s face before Dan could even attempt to intervene. That didn’t prevent Dan from racing to Phil’s side this time, despite knowing that Phil had demanded that he never interfere again, and gripping tight to his arm in an attempt to yank him away from Franklin’s grasp.

“What are you laughing at, freak!? Happy to see us fail, are you? Knew you didn’t give a fuck about this club, why are you even here!?” Franklin was snarling.

Mrs. Gio was clapping her hands together in alarm and shouting for Franklin to knock it off, all while the rest of the class shouted their agreement with Franklin, that Phil was an asshole who didn’t even belong here. Had he done something to ruin their funding? Was it his fault their production wasn’t going to be as good as it could be?

Phil didn’t say a word, but Dan could feel the anger boiling up from inside of him, and, before he could stop himself, he was yanking Phil out of Franklin’s hold, who’d pulled Phil up and out of his seat, and forced Phil behind him.

Phil didn’t so much as protest. In fact, he went surprisingly willingly, something that warmed Dan’s heart, but didn’t relieve any of the anger he could feel ready to burst.

“Back off, Franklin,” Dan growled, “He didn’t laugh at us! You’re completely insane! How could any of you think this is his fault?” he demanded, turning a glare onto the rest of the group, who’d all moved in to crowd the rest of them. Mrs. Gio’s face was purple in her anger, but while she looked about ready to punish every last one of them, she was holding back as she watched Dan take a stand.

She’d always been one for letting the students work out their differences, and for the first time, Dan was actually grateful for this.

“Phil didn’t react any differently than the rest of us,” Dan started to say, only for someone, Bridgett, to interrupt him.

“I saw him smile!”

“Yeah!” shouted the rest of the group.

Dan shook his head, but he was interrupted before he could even try and defend Phil this time.

“Besides, Phil doesn’t even want to be here! We all know he only joined theater cause the school made him!” someone shouted.

“So who’s to say he didn’t do something to make the school cut our funding specifically?” someone else asked.

“Yeah!! Why are you even defending him Dan, he’s a freak!”

“That’s enough!” Mrs. Gio finally cut in, voice an octave higher than any of them had ever heard before. It was so loud, and so angry, that everyone flinched, the seeming angry mob that had formed in front of Dan slowly turning with guilty looks on their faces to the teacher who was stood towering over them from behind.

Dan’s hand was still tight over Phil’s arm, but Phil wasn’t even trying to fight to escape.

“I don’t care what your petty issues with Philip are, but I will not hear anymore of this ridiculous arguing. Philip no more laughed at this situation than the rest of you, and he had no more responsibility for the loss of Theater funding than anyone else here. I don’t want to hear another word of bad mouthing or blaming coming from any of you,” she insisted, eyes piercing as she glared over the entirety of the group, except Dan and Phil, but especially Franklin.

Her neck was straining in her anger, and her eyes practically bulging out of her head. She looked like a bull about to strike, a sight that no one, not even the returning club members, had ever seen before. Despite the expression not being pointed at Dan, even he felt the tremors of terror that shook him from the sight.

“Now,” she continued after a moment, “Back to the matter at hand. If we would like to continue with the play ahead of us, not to mention the second one we’d planned for the following semester, we are going to have to work together,” Mrs. Gio said, stressing the final words with another glare around the group gathered in front of her, “to fundraise and make up for the lack of funding we are currently receiving from the school. Do I make myself clear?” she said, giving the group one last final glare as she waited for them all to nod and agree through sheepish looks of their own.

While Mrs. Gio insisted they all return to their seats, a few of the students turned to send wistful, angry looks at Dan and Phil. As everyone began to shuffle around, most back to the front row where they usually sat, Dan’s friends stopped and turned expectant looks at him, tossing careless glares at Phil behind him. Phil, for his part, finally began to pull at Dan’s grip on his arm in an attempt to get away, but Dan didn’t budge.

For the first time in five long years, Dan did not budge, and he had no plans to let go of Phil now. Instead, he glared at his so called “friends,” and rather than follow them to where they’d been sat before, he pulled Phil to his side, flat out looped his arm through Phil’s, and began to lead him back to where he’d previously been sat alone.

The entire room went dead quiet.

Phil didn’t make a sound either. In fact, he seemed completely and utterly stunned. He tripped over his own two feet trying to keep up with Dan, and stumbled into his side at one point, pulling away instantly afterwards in such a way that his hood fell back and Dan could just make out the state of his pink, flushed cheeks. His hair continued to hide his eyes, covering his spectacles, but Dan could still make out the absolute stunned confusion in his gaze as he stared at the side of Dan’s face.

Dan offered Phil a smile in return.

“Dan?” a girl called Katie called, confused. “What are you…?”

“I’m sitting with my friend,” Dan shot back, only to be met with silence once again.

Carefully, Dan shuffled his and Phil’s form along the auditorium seats, and settled them both down next to each other. The second that Phil’s arm was free of Dan’s, he was reaching for his hood and yanking it back over his head, before turning away from Dan and hiding his face the way he usually did.

Dan didn’t complain. He could hardly blame Phil, when he’d not only just been attacked, but forcibly protected by a guy he’d told to back off years ago now. The difference was, now, Dan wasn’t planning on backing off anymore.

Dan was planning on getting his best friend back, instead.

As the rest of the group finally began to realize that they weren’t going to be getting away with harassing Phil anymore, let alone coercing Dan onto their side, they began to shuffle into their own seats as well, much to Mrs. Gio’s satisfaction. They stopped shooting wry glances behind them as well, seeming to realize, to some extent, that their behavior had been completely out of line. Eventually, the room settled down once more, and Mrs. Gio was given the floor to speak.

The plan was to spend the next few weeks leading up to the play doing various fundraisers during lunch time and after school. Mrs. Gio was open to suggestions, and wanted as many people involved as possible, hoping that by running a few different fundraisers, both to students, and to parents or to passersby outside of the school, they could raise enough money for the whole of the year.

The first few suggestions were to put money into snack bags that students could sell before and after class, which Mrs. Gio agreed to to a certain extent, not wanting to put too much money into that as it could easily be lost profit. She assigned a few volunteers to take on that role, as another few people agreed to offer car washes to parents after school every monday and friday for the next few weeks.

As the fundraising ideas became more and more ridiculous, but also more and more creative, and more and more of the group fell away with roles, Dan began to feel a note of dread pulling at his stomach. If he didn’t come up with something fast, he and Phil were going to get stuck with the most humiliating of roles, or the most time consuming, or torturous. He didn’t know what, but he was sure of it.

As Dan was about to raise his hand and suggest that he and Phil work on getting donations from the local churches and youth groups or something, Franklin rose his hand with a look of utter satisfaction and glee on his face.

“What about a kissing booth,” he suggested innocently. “Or like, a hugging booth even. Maybe students pay a quarter to hug, kiss, or take a picture with a student of their choosing, and two people could run it at lunch. Say… Dan and Phil?”

The pit in Dan’s stomach properly fell, and he reached out unthinkingly to take Phil’s hands in his own. Phil flinched as Dan held on tight, fingers curling protectively around the pale hands of the person he wanted to protect more than anything else in the world.

Mrs. Gio looked torn, her gaze flicking over towards Dan and Phil as if she didn’t want to have to put them through this, and yet couldn’t help caving under the fact that it was a pretty good idea. Dan did his best to plead “no” with his face alone, pouting out his bottom lip and letting his eyes go wide in horror. All the while, he clung to Phil as tight as he could, realizing after a moment that Phil was clutching him back just as tightly.

“I don’t know,” Mrs. Gio began, only for the rest of the group to practically roar in protest.

“Come on, Mrs. G! It’s such a good idea! Think of how many students would go for it!”

“Right!? I bet a lot of people would pay a quarter to make Dan and Phil look stupid in a picture with them!”

“And Dan’s pretty hot! I’m sure plenty of people would pay for a kiss!’

“It would just be something innocent and fun! Think of the earnings, Mrs. G!”

Their words were a roar in Dan’s ear as he watched, dazed while Mrs. Gio’s will clearly began to crumble. She kept glancing at Dan, as if apologizing, all while the rest of the students begged and pleaded with Mrs. Gio to help them save the theater club. Dan, for his part, merely wished he’d been faster in raising his hand, in claiming some kind of task for him and Phil, anything but this, and then the verdict was made. “Oh, alright! Dan, Phil, would you mind terribly?”

The rest of the group turned on them with such a look that Dan could merely swallow and nod his head for the both of them.

“Okay.”

(Next)

#phanfiction #phanfic #phanfictioncatalogue #phandom #phan #snowbunnylester

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auroraphilealis · 6 years

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Metamorphosis (3/10)

Metamorphosis (3/10) | Once upon a time, Dan Howell and Phil Lester were best friends. They did everything together, from hanging out at each other’s house, to sitting next to each other at school - but one day, Dan was torn away from Phil by none other than Phil himself. Five years on, and Dan still doesn’t know why his best friend threw Dan away. Was it the fault of the bullies who relentlessly picked on Phil, or was it Dan himself? Dan just didn’t know. So when a chance to protect Phil and get his best friend back arises, Dan jumps on it in a heartbeat, and uses his own confidence to boost Phil’s just enough to make the bullies back away. | Phan | Teen and Up | High School AU, Bullying, Getting Together, Make Over Fic, Kissing Booth, Kissing Lessons | 2,694 Words this chapter Disclaimer: In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

Thanks again to my beta etoilesdephan for her wonderful help editing this fic <33

(Ao3) (Previous)

Chapter Three

Dan never got the chance to even try and talk with Phil after the fundraisers were decided, his own words sealing their fate to work on a kissing booth together during lunch for the next few weeks. The moment Mrs. Gio dismissed them all for the night, Phil was up and out of his seat so fast, Dan nearly got whiplash trying to keep up with his movements. His hand whisked through the air trying to grab onto Phil’s sleeve, but he missed, and the next thing he knew, his ex best friend was gone.

Dan sighed, feeling his heart nearly collapsing inside of his chest. He suddenly understood why Phil might have wanted Dan to leave him alone for so long. Maybe things had been bad for Phil before, but now they were hell, and all because Dan had tried to come to his defense. In doing so, he’d painted a target on both of their backs for humiliation and revenge, Phil more so than Dan.

There was a part of Dan that hated himself in that moment for making things worse for Phil, but as he stood and the other members of the Theater club, his costars and ex friends, at least in Dan’s mind, came to his side, poking and teasing him that that was what he got for making friends with the freak, Dan felt his blood began to boil. How dare anyone treat another human being the way they treated Phil. Was there even any reason for it? No. Dan knew because he’d known Phil longer than any of these people, and Dan knew that Phil had never gone out of his way to hurt anyone.

Phil deserved better than this, and Dan was going to make this right.

“Phil’s not the freak,” Dan finally shot back. “You all are. I can’t believe anyone would treat someone else so poorly.”

That night, when Dan climbed into bed, he was sad to find that Phil had drawn his curtains firmly over his window, and his lights were long out. Dan couldn’t imagine the pain he was feeling, but he did know that he was going to turn this thing around. The kissing booth, hugging booth, humiliating picture booth, was going to be the very thing that made the rest of the world see just how amazing Phil Lester truly was, if it was the last thing that Dan Howell ever did.

As he lay in his bed, trying not to cry over the fact that he’d most likely just caused Phil more pain than the kid deserved, he came up with a plan for how to fix this. A long, long time ago Dan had worked to help develop Phil’s confidence and his ability to stand up for himself. Dan just needed to find a way to continue this, and in the process, hopefully manage to get his best friend back.

Dan knew just where to start.

The idea was a novel one. Dan Howell just needed to get Phil Lester all alone, a feat that sounded far easier than it actually was. His preference would have been to catch Phil sometime before lunch time that afternoon, so he could at least apologize for what he was about to put Phil through, but it seemed luck was not on Dan’s side. Phil was just too good at hiding, and by the time lunch had rolled around, Dan had exhausted every last avenue he could think of for where Phil might be hiding out between classes and during break.

This meant that by the time lunch had rolled around, the entirety of the Theater group had already put together the kissing booth, and had been broadcasting it so much, there was already a sizeable group stood by the amphitheater waiting with quarters in hand to harass both Dan and Phil. What upset Dan the most was the fact that Phil’s line was twice as long as Dan’s already, and most of the people there were holding made up props that were pieces of paper with horrible words written across them, most likely for Phil to hold up.

Dan wanted to throw up, or worse yet, punch every last one of these people in the face. He didn’t get a chance to, however, as that would likely not only get him expelled, but get his ass handed to him, Phil in more trouble, and the theater club out a fundraiser. Dan clenched his fists at his sides, and watched as Phil slid into his booth from seemingly out of nowhere. The crowd cheered, and the line started, all while Dan was forced to stand behind his own booth and start accepting quarters for kisses and hugs aplenty.

From beside him, loud laughs and abundant jokes ran a plenty. While Dan puckered up his lips for girls and boys alike to kiss him, and opened up his arms to be patted down and groped by unwanted hands on his body, Phil was put through hell from beside him as more and more people made fun of him and used him as the punching bag as they always had. Never once did Dan hear Phil say a word in response, ever as quiet as he’d always been, and it broke Dan’s heart. Meanwhile, he was certain he’d find more photos than he’d ever want to see of Phil on the internet that night, all for a quarter and a chance to raise some money for the Theater club.

All thanks to Franklin, and all the other assholes who, for one reason or another, thought it was okay to treat people like dirt.

Finally, the lunch bell rang, and Dan was let free after having some girl called Maddie attempt to shove her tongue down Dan’s throat. He’d done a pretty good job of fighting her off, his own lips sealed tightly shut while her tongue pressed against his lips insistently, but it didn’t change the fact that the experience had been pretty shitty all around. Dan knew it was nothing compared to what Phil was going through, and while Dan shooed away what remained of his line, and picked up his quarter jar to head to class, he realized that Phil was having no such luck getting rid of the boys currently harassing him and taking more than their fair share of pictures.

“Hey!” Dan shouted as he realized that these assholes were taking advantage of his friend. “How many quarters did you pay?” he asked them, walking confidently in front of them and how they’d positioned Phil, mostly cowering back and away from them as best as he could while they leaned over the booth to wrap their arm forcibly around Phil’s shoulders. “Cause if it wasn’t at least three pounds worth, I’m not exactly sure what you guys are doing here. Pay up, or hand over your phone,” Dan insisted, not caring how many pictures were actually taken, but determined to get something out of these bullies if it was the last thing he did. “And let Phil go. Unless you paid to hug him, you shouldn’t be touching him at all!” Dan demanded.

The three boys who’d continued to harass Phil after the bell rang stopped what they were doing at the sound of Dan’s voice, and turned to glare at Dan. Unfortunately for them, Dan wasn’t easily intimidated, and he merely glared back furiously, holding out his quarter jar and waiting patiently for the boys to give him what they owed. It was then that Dan realized Phil’s quarter jar wasn’t nearly as full as it should have been considering how many people had used his services that day, and he felt rage like none other start to build behind his eyes.

Tomorrow, Dan was going to make a certain change to these dealings that would prevent anyone else from ever taking advantage of Phil again. On top of that, Dan was going to make certain that they both actually got to eat.

“Hand it over, and get out of here, before I call the headmaster,” Dan finally added when it seemed like the boys were going to do nothing more than stare. Groaning, the boys finally rolled their eyes, dug through their pockets, and handed over the rest of their loose change, the amount of which Dan couldn’t be sure of. It didn’t matter though. Tomorrow, things would be different.

Tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that.

“Now leave,” Dan insisted, glaring at the boys' backs as they laughed and shoved at each other joyfully, shooting stupid remarks back at Phil who remained coiled up in fear and trembling behind his kissing booth.

Dan felt his heart go out to his best friend, and wished more than anything that he could take this all back.

“Hey,” he murmured gently, taking a hesitant, careful step forward so as not to scare Phil any more than he already was. He knew how sensitive Phil could be to sound, what with all the abuse he’d suffered through their childhood, and he didn’t want to set him off now. “They’re all gone now, it’s fine. Mrs. Gio gave me some notes for us so we can head to class late if we need to. Did you maybe want to catch lunch?”

The invitation was out of Dan’s mouth before he could reconsider it, not that he had any intention of taking it back. He didn’t regret the words either, only worried he’d been too straightforward and that Phil would merely run away again. Biting his bottom lip, but not wanting to trap Phil the way the rest of the assholes in the school always did, Dan merely took another step forward and gently placed his jar of quarters on the kissing booth next to Phil’s. Quietly, he waited, watching as Phil slowly seemed to uncurl, and while he didn’t look at Dan, continuing to hide his face, he also didn’t grab his bag and rush off the way he had the previous afternoon. Instead, he seemed to stop and consider the option before him.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Phil finally asked after another few moments had passed. “I - you - I thought I told you you didn’t have to protect me anymore.”

Dan wasn’t going to lie. The words kind of hurt, especially considering the fact that Phil had never exactly said that before - it had been more of a screaming that Dan should get the hell away from him, but the facts were void. What mattered now was Dan making sure that Phil was alright, and that he could somehow fix the damage that had been done.

“Yeah, well, didn’t you ever consider that maybe I want to protect you?” Dan shot back, a slight smile on his face. He crossed his arms over his chest as he shook his head at Phil, and laughed lightly. “You’re such an idiot, Phil. You’re still my best friend, you know.”

At that, Phil finally raised his head just enough to look up at Dan. His familiar mousy brown hair shown out from under his hood and hid his eyes, but Dan could still make out the vibrant blue that at one point had sparkled with happiness when he looked at Dan. Now, they just looked kind of dead inside, and it was killing Dan to see that.

Slowly, he tilted his head and allowed his smile to grow more gentle. “Did you really think I was ever going to let you go, Philip Michael Lester? I’m tired of watching you suffer from the sidelines. Do you think we could finally hang out again?”

It had been five long years of Dan watching out for signs of Phil every single day, only to find next to none, and he was tired of living like that. He wanted Phil back in his life, no matter what that would take.

Phil didn’t answer, but even behind the large round glasses he wore, and the hood covering his head, and the hair hanging straight in his face, Dan could still make out the surprise and confusion marring his face. That alone caused Dan’s smile to wilt some as his heart ached with pain. How could Phil not know how much Dan loved him. Had he really hurt Phil as much as he’d always been afraid he had?

“Why?” Phil eventually managed to get out, sounding so small and unsure that it broke Dan’s heart.

He felt his brow furrow, and his smile completely fade away.

“What do you mean, why? I never wanted to stop being your friend. It was you who pushed me away… and I still don’t understand why. What did I do, Phil?” he asked, voice quiet. “What did I do to make you go away? I’d do anything to make it better, so please, just… can you tell me what I did so I can fix it?” Dan practically begged, no longer knowing what he was meant to do in this situation. He just wanted Phil back in his life, and the fact that Phil was staring at him as if he were insane was killing him. The idea that Phil could, in anyway, think that Dan was happy he’d lost Phil three years ago was completely… wrong to Dan. He needed to find some kind of way to make it all better.

Phil, however, merely continued to stare at Dan as if he were a stranger.

Dan’s heart sunk. It felt like his world was coming down around him. He’d waited so long for the chance to be friends with Phil again, and now that the opportunity seemed to finally be in front of him, he was getting nowhere. Phil looked as if he didn’t even want to be speaking with Dan right now, and any last ounce of hope Dan had been holding on, left him in an instant.

He sighed, and closed his eyes, not even trying to hide the way his face crumpled in pain.

“Okay. I’m sorry, Phil. I don’t know what I did, but I -”

“Dan?” Phil asked, cutting him off before he could finish the apology. Startled, Dan’s head shot up and he looked at Phil with wide eyes. Phil’s voice was so tentative, so unsure, so small, and yet, in the strangest of ways, just hearing his name from Phil’s lips was renewing that sense of hope that maybe, just maybe, things were going to be okay.

Dan felt his lips part, but no words came out.

He nodded, inclined his head, and swallowed thickly.

Phil ducked his head.

“Uhm… lunch sounds good,” he finally murmured, and turned to grab his bag.

For a second, Dan thought Phil was going to rush off and disappear without saying another word to Dan. He thought Phil planned to get lunch himself, and that had been his way of dismissing Dan, but in the next moment, Phil was turning with shy eyes to glance up at Dan from under his hood, and he stood waiting for Dan to lead them both away.

Hope blossomed, and Dan grinned so wide, he thought his face must rival that of the sun. As Phil’s eyes grew wide in surprise, and his cheeks red with embarrssment, Dan bounded forward and took Phil’s hand in his, before leading them both away.

“If we hurry, I think the lunch lady might still let us buy something! Do you still like ranch with your chips? It’s like, my favorite thing ever, but I can’t eat them without thinking of you,” Dan started chattering. “Oh, and they’ve started serving teriyaki bowls in the cafeteria. I know those are your favorite! Sometimes, the lunch lady hides one for me. If you want, you can have it!” he continued, desperate to soak up every last second he had with Phil in the event that it would be the last time he’d get any time with his best friend.

Phil’s hand was warm in his, slightly clammy with nervous sweat, but Dan didn’t mind. He was just happy to finally have Phil back at his side again.

(Next)

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