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faithfromanewperspective · 6 months

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the western sydney work ethic, mental health, burnout, inequality and ableism

inspired by ashton irwin on artist friendly with joel madden and 17902 sustainable urban development at the university of technology sydney

I’ve teased the idea of writing this post for a while now, and now I’m sitting in my borrowed bed in Sydney with the graphs and maps from my course still at the back of my eyelids and still processing the Vibes of catching up with my childhood friends and wondering if it’s too early to go to bed if the sun’s still up—it’s time to let it out. Because I found a bunch of seemingly unrelated things and put them together in a way that helped me process my upbringing and the way it’s positioned me as I go through life even now.

For background of this post, the Greater Sydney metropolis has a very stark rich/poor divide, where a large strip from the west going to the south of the city have been left behind in a variety of ways. In my uni course I see the maps on income, education level, job overqualification, crime, violence… they’re nice and set out, and they validate what I already intuitively knew—just like everyone who grew up in the area I’m going to refer to vaguely as Western Sydney. These graphs put words to something I’ve lived when I was too young to process it, something I hear the impacts of in 5 seconds of summer’s songs like I’ve never seen in any other art ever.

I know many people relate too and I don’t want to say you have to be from Western Sydney to get it. There are plenty of other places with similar trends, but this strip of suburbs, half a city, is where I grew up and the case study I’m going to use for the phenomenon I’m going to describe in this post.

Having spent the last decade and a bit in a more conservative, more sheltered area of suburban Brisbane, where people take it slow and at least attempt to have fun without getting completely wasted; where people have high expectations for their lives and livelihoods they never quite meet and where they’re the kind of emotionally aware that you hear all about how stressful that experience is: this was the backdrop of my teens and young adult years to this point. It’s where I learned about mental health and neurodivergence and ableism and where I really explored what faith and spirituality is to me. It’s where I never quite felt comfortable when people were too polite, where I poured all the belief they had in me as a gifted kid plonked into that environment I wasn’t native to into the delusion that I could deconstruct the unequal education system of their own creation if I only worked harder than anyone had ever worked before. Then they would finally listen. It’s where I tried and tried to get help for my mental health and wasn’t listened to either, not when I presented so well and was simply unable to unmask until I was unable to mask at all. Where the slightest bit of hope caused me to forget everything that was hurting me, making it a struggle to work through even to this day. where I wondered if I was some superhuman for the fact that I can work my ass off without even realising it’s hard work, a smile on my face and arms open for connection as always (the mark of health they say) while being desperately unwell, hurting, thinking I had it good compared to some of the people I’d see crumple under the pressure, I should be kind to them (not understanding why I found them so, so relatable).

I am not a freak of nature, or superhuman, though I am neurodivergent and twice-exceptional. I am the product of my upbringing and my ancestors. I carry generations of culture from hectares of foreign lands my ancestors made their homes on (ethically questionably in some cases I do acknowledge) and became part of the ecosystem of. It is, like most difference, a gift and a curse. Something that makes certain measures of ableism not apply to me, but creates others in their place. I’ll get into this more later.

in the strip of suburbs united by demographics we call Western Sydney, farmers from the notoriously difficult land of the Murray-Darling and immigrants from everywhere on the planet, some Indigenous but few Indigenous to Australia, make up classrooms, neighbourhoods, workplaces. Think I Am Australian by The Seekers, but just the verses, as a snapshot of some of the stories representative of the people. Interwoven in the landscape. We celebrated Harmony Day on the 21st of March in my primary school. Everyone had a different cultural background. We heard different languages spoken on the street. There were stereotypes. There were scared people trying to find their tribe, build a life in Australia, away from the larger scale farms, get their kids a good education to do a trade or go to university. Fear and angst and hurt coexisting with an appreciation of the juxtaposition of others you’d never head admitted out loud. But the second verse of the Australian national anthem was written just for us, or might as well have been. Beneath our radiant southern cross, we’ll toil with hearts and hands… google the lyrics, you’ll get it, you’ll see why I wish the rest of Australia did too: for those who’ve come across the seas, we’ve boundless plains to share, with courage let us all combine to advance Australia fair…

No one with the power to acknowledge this I interact with these days remembers the second verse. Except 5 Seconds Of Summer, in their ridiculous little promo videos, who I’d bet the rubble that’s left of my parents’ old house as the new owners turn it into a mansion because Gentrification, have no idea of what a meaningful gesture that is.

I can feel the wounds of being torn from the good parts of that experience closing over. And so it’s time to give the often forgotten stories on an often forgotten piece of land that made me and also these four wonderful humans who we are today, the credit it deserves. Start by telling our stories.

One thing I love about Artist Friendly is it cuts straight to it. Joel Madden is just incredible like that—in a world coming out of the 2010s pop decade of dancing while the room is on fire (bloodhound, 5sos) put your rose coloured glasses on and party on (Katy Perry’s chained to the rhythm) (these I would consider more analytical quotes of the era, one whose vibe was ‘forget all the pain in the world, let’s party and sing about how horny we are’ which for all my cynicism I did find fun)—he kept up his punk edge, kept investing in new musicians, searching for and investing in what’s real. He also really loves Australia, and when you put our underdog-supporting attitude next to Good Charlotte’s songs you understand why. Anyway, the episode pretty much opens by him asking Ashton about his background, and relating from the perspective of working-class-emotionally-unavailable/immature-parents-who-showed-their-love-through-provision-and-really-did-try-to-be-there-but-had-none-of-the-resources. I like the positive take. It’s high time we stop being classist and ableist towards the people who’ve met our needs as much as they were able, but it still wasn’t enough. Who taught us how to take opportunities, work to prove our worth, and through it all couldn’t even afford therapy.

I used to think my family was rich because we lived in Australia and my parents had gone to university. Never mind the fact that I was born when they were barely older than I am now. Never mind the mould in the walls or sneaky Tuesday night washing of the school uniforms in the summer when we got sweaty and there weren’t any spares or the mismatched bargain bin clothes we wore or the bedroom I shared with my sisters. I knew the people I compared us to. And now I do really believe if I’d grown up a bit less frugal or even a few k’s out of the area I did I wouldn’t be who I am. I wouldn’t have the perspectives I have, nor would this podcast episode have me feeling so seen. Like, yes I lived a bit further into the city than these guys, close to the train line without any farmland where the house values shot up seemingly overnight and meant the area I grew up in is experiencing a very weird disparity as two cities collide within it today. But we grew up in the same era in western sydney, we grew up loved and knowing that was a privilege and we grew up knowing from a very young age we had to spend our whole lives working hard if we wanted life to be manageable and we better be polite and better not ask for too much.

yet we also grew up with hurt. From the trauma we inherited from our caregivers as we encountered the attitudes and fears with which they faces the world. From what we saw our peers go through much too young to be able to draw boundaries with the empathy we felt too much of and understood nothing of. From broken family relationships that were all too common. From religion that hurting people used to cause or at least stagnate hurt instead of healing.

when I was burning out and struggling as an unrecognised neurodivergent I used to wonder why my father would place such value on the Protestant work ethic when Jesus died exactly so we wouldn’t have to strive. And I acknowledge that the PWE is harmful to many disabled folk or literally anyone who has experienced the demands of life and had their stress invalidated for it. Including myself. But never having the expectation of a life of ease and luxury? I do appreciate that. It’s given me a whole different metric for how I view life, one none of my friends except those who are from those years of my life understand. No one in Brisbane or my online international friends seem to get it. But I’m sure when you see yourself in this post, that some of you will (we might be the largely unheard minority but I’m sure we exist. Joel Madden is proof of that). It’s given me a differently calibrated emotional pain scale in many ways. Different standards for when the warning lights come on (and I’m very perceptive of angst and disappointment and always see them in others to be worse than they are because of it). And when I look at everything this band has accomplished, I know it’s the same for them.

I have spent a lot of time these last years advocating for neurodivergent acceptance. I’ve done so in a way that made sense of the decade previous, of existing in a world of inequality I’ve always been so sensitive to and of expectations that I took on as opportunities (because what else have I been trained to do)? And yet so much of it is about funding and resources. And when there isn’t that? You make room for my favourite thing ever: grassroots, unofficial but beautifully organic loving neurodivergent affirmation. Plenty of rural folks, my grandparents included, hate labels, prefer focusing on strengths and equipping young people based on those than accommodating difficulties. They’re often seen as conservative, bigoted, ableist, and some of them are. But they bring with them an important lesson about how to live with the realities of the economy that they struggle in too, too much to support someone else. They don’t have the same impossible expectations of their neurodivergent progeny and protegees and community members that many who hold in their heads an idea of perfection they hope to bring to their families do (the kind of things sometimes only a diagnosis can free someone from, and nothing from the memory and shame of) and that—that is an important attitude for all of us to have.

Some people are unconventionally neurodivergent affirming while knowing none of the terms, or maybe trying to hold off using them because of the same economic and confidence reasons I’ve tried to unpack. Some rely on simple kindnesses and explanations that centre around possibility, and go nowhere near deficit. Some people know intuitively or through hard life lessons themselves (usually the latter) the value of stripping all but essentials from the functionality of everyday life. Not making it any harder than it is.

Of course you can drum on the tables in math class. My son is a musician, I get how it is.

Liz Hemmings is the only valid neurodivergence parent—I’ll say no more, it is how it is

Sometimes when we advocate for things we have to be aware that the way the dominant in-power often wealthy culture has figured it out isn’t always the best way to do things. Environmentalism is a prime example of this. This is why we need brown environmentalism and to decolonise and listen to our Indigenous stewards and share power.

You can take a lot of lessons from a place that’s as culturally diverse as Western Sydney. And you can see how a work ethic is facilitated, rather than gatekept. You can see why Ash, when asked by Joel if he’s scared of every getting back to that life (ref to poverty) his attitude is actually one of gratitude and almost reverence for the place that shaped him, that brought the band together and everything that came from that point forwards. That shaped their attitude and birthed the grit that got them through being on tour with one direction and I don’t think he said it but in Ash’s case I bet the empathy he has for the fans and the way he just wants to connect and create a fun experience but also one where we’re deeply seen by moving songs is because he knows what it’s like for so many people. You can’t not if you grew up like we did. You can see why Luke at any chance will say ‘we’re from Sydney Australia’. It has a way of sticking to you, the rich culture that’s a patchwork of orphaned cultures, the way everyday life is like one of those adventures you emerge from with strong bonds usually only found in fantasy novels. You can see that the band is proof that those bonds exist in real life.

after a decade and a bit pretending I know what leisure is and how to have fun without Bad Angst I’m glad that this proof is still in my life. I’ve still got close friends from primary school and few can boast that (we might not quite be Calum and Michael in that regard, but they still have other friends from primary who they’ve kept in touch with despite geographical separation as I have).

Now I’ve acknowledged this and traced the strings that are much easier to see when my own life is mirrored in a podcast episode, maybe I can find the good among the cultural dysphoria in the circles I do have in Brisbane, and do value still for what they are even if they’re not quite the same. Now that I can see how a world of too many opportunities and not enough freedom can burn someone out who came from this background, with the type of brain that flourishes on being a latchkey kid and sketchy hangouts with deep conversations and questionable substances but crumples under expectation and too much choice and politeness, I can put my life back together in a way that validates who I am and where I come from, rather than what those around me tell me should be good for me.

as, I can tell by this interview, these guys have. I want to be able to talk about suffering without people acting like it shouldn’t be something we can comfortably say out loud, as Ashton does here and through music. My art isn’t quite the same, but the purpose behind it is so, so similar. I relate a lot to the importance he places on spirituality, even if I’ve tried to do something with Christianity that it, in the mainstream at least, isn’t built for and probably can only partially do on its own. Maybe the epitome of humility is being able to learn from other religions and see them as gifts from God even as, and I include Christianity here as well, anything can be dangerous if used in a way that it wasn’t meant for: anything with power to heal has power or hurt too. I’ve got so much respect for how Ash does it. I think this episode really cemented for me that, and I feel like it’s something we as a fandom don’t talk about enough because of their characterisation (and fair enough, if you’re famous you don’t want people dissecting every part of you, and I’m not going to do that just give a generalised compliment): these guys are so incredibly resilient and intelligent and invested in creating healing and they’re really fucking good at it. They might present themselves as goofs with one braincell that create bops and fan over other celebrities as if they themselves aren’t famous too, but so much of that is humility and them baring themselves in ways that are sustainable and really emotionally mature (for the most part) to be relatable to us as fans and invest in making that connection genuine. They’re not pretending, because they understand how it is to be human.

and you don’t get there by being some sort of Untouchable Philosophical Genius Figure. you get there because you’ve lived in community and you’ve survived hard things because of other people who’ve done similar and created authentic art too. You get there often because you have to: because putting on a fake show and doing stuff for likes and popularity was never going to work and will only screw you up in the long run and you’re worldly enough to see that from a young age and learn from your own intuition and empathy and experiences. You get there because you lived your whole life being resourceful and being street smart and doing what it takes to make good decisions and invest in yourself (who else do you have who’s worth more than that) and your future. Doing what it takes to make sure you’re alive to learn how to do better at things you’re behind in that might keep food on the table in the future, because there’s none of that oh-it-won’t-happen-to-me attitude. That part is very sustainable which I love. I also really really relate to it and have found it something I would get complimented on when I was younger, too young to be so mature. But I never attributed it to myself. I knew somehow, abstractly, I was disabled and nearing my limit and everything I do I did so I could survive. It’s the western Sydney work ethic.

and yet this often beautiful phenomenon has its ugly side. If you know you’re neurodivergent even without the words—more often than not the only people you see who you relate to are those who didn’t make it, who fell off the horse of functionality and into things like addiction and other things that exacerbate the inability to empower yourself. You figure that when you’re honest with yourself you’ll be dead by 25. Sometimes you give up on trying to prevent that and wonder if it’s even worth it to attempt to keep going: is your life really worth that effort?? What I’ve described is a combination of the experiences of many people I know, aspects of it are mine, and aspects mirror things I know these guys have mentioned about themselves (I’m going to leave it at that vague level of detail). You wonder why people believe in you, is it only because any other option is unmentionable? But what if you let them down like you know (fear) you will? And burnout is the epitome of this: the need to let go of trying. And without a decent amount of privilege it’s impossible to return from.

I’ve been there and scrounged at straws of privilege I do have, pretending I’m doing my job to the level that others expect while letting go of every expectation I have on myself. Still problem solving outside every box on how to get back on my feet because I know nothing else, radically accepting that I might not and whittling down all my needs in life to the most essential, that I might still survive even at my limited and diminishing capacity. While always relating to those our society sees as failures. I’ve borrowed from other cultures that aren’t my own to have a stubborn sense of worth while trying to keep afloat in a society and economy that says it’s conditional. My spirituality comes in here, as do my problem-solving skills: again, maybe this culture fears burnout more than anything, but maybe it has half a toolkit on how to get out of it. Only half. I have to pair it with what I learn from others too.

and even through that, I’m immensely privileged to have savant skills and a generally able body. Just like when you make it big as a musician you’re privileged by that. Against a backdrop of I’m-nothing-special. I’ve always struggled with questions of my felt worth, because I’m so conscious of my privilege and ability that sometimes I get the two muddled (though I know my ability doesn’t define my worth in things I do poorly at, and my persistence technically doesn’t either but I’ll be damned if I don’t try and try and actually find doing badly more validating of how I see myself than when I do well, so I chase it again and again, my dad is the same, it’s what makes us so adventurous). I understand the consciousness of things that are going well not lasting, and pouring creativity for new ventures into things like selling candles. Instead of letting achievements make me believe I’m someone more important than I am, using them as ways of giving myself space to do whatever’s next, dial off the pressure a little bit.

I understand appreciating others’ sensitivity and the social capital they bring everywhere rather than their material wealth or achievement and when Ash praised Calum for that and said it made him look bad I felt that. Both the experience of being that counter-cultural person who doesn’t give a shit about money but values connection so, so much more (and from all I’ve written, you can see why, can’t you) to still never being able to be as good a person as I see the need for in the world.

I understand missing family and constantly grieving that, as I weigh up the city of my childhood with the friends and culture I love versus the city of my youth with my feathered family who are my children and who I hate to miss birthdays of and the like, same goes for my sisters and parents and grandparents, the way Ashton, the only band member with younger siblings, hates missing all their milestones too. I feel privileged that Brisbane and Sydney are so close to each other and nothing in my life is as far as Los Angeles. I understand the nostalgia for Sydney. This whole post is proof of it.

I understand the unbreakable bonds between people who make this kind of art together. I understand putting disagreements on the back burner and realising the connection through writing is so much bigger and the connection can overcome whatever is going wrong. Heck, I feel privileged to understand and relate to how such brilliant brains work (nature: neurodivergence I won’t go any further into as well as nurture) as well as the environment that made them what they are.

all my life I’ve longed for that kind of community and connection I’ve seen largely in fiction, sometimes between people in real life. And I think having written this analysis (it’s taken me til my bedtime or later) I do have all the ingredients there. All the ability to make it, both in the practical way I relate to and am there for my friends and whatever I do in my silver bridges tag. In the neighbourhoods I eventually design that foster communities with all the good parts I’ve described but without the inequality and minimal poverty and hurt and violence. To everyone who’s shown me these things in myself that are so worth working for and I know I’m not savantly immediately good at, I am so so incredibly grateful. the city as a whole. My family and friends. The celebrities I grew up nearby and those who invest in people like them. People like me. May I keep investing in people: people like you. because what is humility but knowing there’s always something to learn, and what will bring all of us forward but learning it and putting it into practice in love and empathy that drives a grit that no amount of striving for striving’s sake can manufacture?

#western sydney #western sydney work ethic #neurodivergence #burnout #personal mental health tag #ashton irwin #artist friendly interview #5 seconds of summer #calum hood #luke hemmings #michael clifford #5sos #community #urban design #growing up poor #I did a big analysis and I will do this again #5sos5 city #silver bridges #neurodivergent liberation

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roo-bastmoon · 1 year

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Tin Foil Hat Time!

Okay.

Let me start by saying this post right here is prolly full-tilt delulu and really not meant to be taken super seriously. But put your tin foil hat on and come with me...

Ready?

Here's a photo that JK's brother uploaded on Christmas Eve to his Instagram. It's adorable. Please take note of the gray travel pillow resting on top of a blanket that seems to have some blue and white stripes in one little section.

And here's a photo Jimin uploaded on Christmas Eve on WeVerse. Please take note of the gray travel pillow resting on top of a blanket that seems to have some blue and white stripes.

It's probably nothing.

There's plenty of gray pillows and striped blankets in the world. Right?

We absolutely cannot go around saying that Jimin spent the holidays with Jungkook and his family.

But now, we also can't NOT say that.

Again, I gotta stress: probably just a coincidence. Coincidences happen.

But let's just keep in mind that we only catch a glimpse, a little sliver, of their actual lives. Eventually, more always comes to light, but sometimes it takes months or even years for them to share the details with us, if at all. Someday, Jimin might mention that he was with JK and his brother on Christmas, and it would not be totally out of left field.

Since coming home from Vegas, when the press published news about Jimin's apartment "seizure," we haven't seen Jikook ride in cars, glom all over each other, or hang out together in public off schedule. And that's a steep departure from the Jikook we saw in the past.

But we have seen dropped honorifics, watching each other carefully, inside jokes and pop culture references, wearing similar jewelry, hugs and hand holding, teasing the hell out of each other, knowledge of each others' diets and drinking habits, plenty of affectionate interactions, and very. intimate. birthday. posts.

Sometimes we see very, very little... but when we do see it--the vibes, y'all.

Of course, their vibes don't mean they are dating. But the silence also doesn't signify a breakup. Whatever their status is, they are absolutely okay with each other. We can all see they are very much more than okay with each other.

And maybe possibly perhaps they still hang out with each other quite often, but they are just not sharing it with the public, considering the terrible invasions of privacy and god awful threats of violence that occurred this year.

Then there's just weird coincidences that might mean nothing. Like the way Jimin got YOUTH tattooed behind his ear, and later that's where JK chose to get his 7. Or the way JK's moon has craters in and Jimin's... well... take a look at this:

Kinda looks like a moon couple tattoo, if you squint. But it could just mean they really like the same kind of art style. *shrug* They did get them at different times and we know Taehyung inspired Jimin by showing him fan art... It could be related, or not. They do sometimes use the same artists. I guess it's open to interpretation, much like everything with these two.

The same way that CCTV footage of JK in a convenience store back in October with someone dressed all in white kinda looks like Jimin to me. Looks like his height, his shoulders, his fingers, his hat. But we can't see his face, so it could just be another member or non-BTS friend. (I'm not gonna post it because it's their private time and taken without consent, but it made the rounds on Twitter this week and initially folks were saying it was Taehyung in the store. Of course it is possible that Taehyung and Jungkook were at a mini mart close by Jimin's apartment in October, but, the camera angle made Tae look super short if so.)

What's my point? Do I have a point? Get to the point, Roo!!

Can I say for sure Jikook are a thing? No. And it would be super irresponsible of me to do so.

But it would also be premature for me to say for sure they aren't close any more.

Okay, now you guys can take your tin foil hats off, and put your birthday party hats on.

It was Tae's birthday and Jimin brought that soulmate energy in full force, of course. Even though there was no live to end the great bear/tiger cake debate of 2022, Jimin still posted several times on WeVerse and even dug around and found his Insta password, lol.

This photo was likely taken by JK the day that Vminkook played basketball in the rain in In The Soop.

And Tae seemed to appreciate it a lot because he commented "I love you" right under that post:

This alone should be enough to stop the ship wars. This alone should shut the haters up about fanservice and fake friends. I know it won't but... it's clear as day, whether we see them hang out or not, that these guys all love each other.

As Army, we should honor that and trust them.

Love,

Roo

#jimin #jikook #vminkook

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butterflydm · 1 year

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wot on prime rewatch: 1x5 - blood calls blood

spoilers through the end of season one of the wheel of time. I will do a reblog of this soon after I post it, with additional book-related spoilers.

1. We open on the funeral for the fallen and I just love the bookends that this episode gives us. Lan is the one who bury the fallen king (appropriate!) and Stepin is the one to bury Kerene. Stepin also takes Kerene’s ring with him (to take back to the White Tower. In this burial, they go straight into the ground, with a shroud covering them. And Lan also puts a hand on Stepin’s shoulder to comfort him. Lan and Moiraine share a wordless moment after Kerene has been laid to rest. The way the burial site is structured as a wheel really plays into the theme of the Wheel and reincarnation. I love how often we get nods to the importance of the Wheel of Time in all of the customs of the westlands. It really does make the world feel so grounded in the metaphysics of how their world works.

2. And now we get our “one month later” time skip. This is the real place where I mourn Rafe not getting ten episodes (*shakes fist at amazon*), because I feel very sure that we would have had at least one episode set here during what is currently a big time skip of everyone traveling towards Tar Valon. But, to recap how their journeys are going: Nynaeve, Moiraine, & Lan - solemn but uneventful, with pretty much everything put on hold until the White Tower; Perrin & Egwene - chill and uneventful, company and dances and plenty of hot food; Rand and Mat - hellish trauma-bonding nightmare where Mat is constantly getting worse and worse and they don’t dare get to close to anyone lest that person get murdered by the Fade that is chasing them. Everyone else kinda gets to take a break during the travel to Tar Valon, but Mat and Rand are going through an extremely traumatic month together. Extreme prolonged trauma can literally rewire the way your brain works; just something to keep in mind for the future!

3. Now that he isn’t a channeler anymore, Logain isn’t being transported in a cage, only on a horse with a noose around around his neck. He is chained up, but it’s clear that he’s not being taken seriously as a danger anymore. And he looks so empty and blank here.

4. Lan and Moiraine have a brief conversation on the meaning of home -- Moiraine says that she views her life traveling with him as her companion as her home, not Tar Valon. We also get a brief update on Nynaeve’s status: eating every night at the Warders’ fire but not having any deep conversations with anyone. And probably avoiding the Aes Sedai as much as possible, lol. We also,know, from what Nynaeve said in episode 8, that she stops being able to ‘hear the wind’ after her burst of power at the end of episode 4, so she’s probably also struggling with that right now. She’s basically lost her ‘sixth sense’. But Lan can tell that Nynaeve is worrying over Stepin and his reaction to losing Kerene.

5. Something of interest to me is... the emptiness of losing an Aes Sedai kinda feels like it parallels the emptiness of an Aes Sedai losing their connection to the One Power? I guess it feels like Stepin and Logain have similar vibes right now -- they’ve both essentially lost their will to live, because of much of that will was tethered to this greater purpose that they’d had.

6. Next we check in on Rand and Mat. And, boy, Mat looks ROUGH. He also snaps at a child who accidentally runs into him, which of course worries Rand because Mat is so good with kids and very gentle with them, so this is majorly out of character. Rand worries over Mat and Mat tries to brush him off. It’s confirmed that they’ve spent “a month without a warm bed” during the time skip - they’ve just been on the run the whole time. They also lost their horses at some point -- possibly traded so that they would have money for food and for the cloaks that they’re wearing over the clothes they had before, because I don’t think we saw those before.

7. When Rand sees Dragonmount, he feels struck by it, as if he’s seen it before. Another gorgeous landscape shot that shows us Tar Valon and Dragonmount behind it. Then they enter Tar Valon itself. I love this shot too. We can see the mountain in the distance again and the city itself has so many different people going on (camels! parrots!). Rand tries some of the sample street food, but Mat says he’s not hungry. Instead of going to the White Tower directly, Rand leads them to an inn that Thom told him about. We know from what Rand tells Nynaeve later that this is mostly due to worrying about what the idea of going to the White Tower might mean with Mat displaying so many symptoms of potentially being able to channel.

8. I do think we’re getting a big heap of “Rand in denial” during this episode. Mat is so visibly sick and so visibly not himself that it’s probably easy for Rand to believe that all this must mean that Mat is the Dragon, and that any oddities about Rand’s own past are just that - oddities that he can dismiss as important. Deep in the back of Rand’s mind, he’s worried that it has to be him, but Mat is just so CLEARLY unwell.

9. Oh! Fainspotting! I actually did notice the whistling first, and then you only see him from the back, but he’s watching as Rand and Mat make their way through the streets of Tar Valon. Given that Fain DOES use the dagger at the end of the season, I’m thinking that he did go through Shadar Logoth during his search for the kiddos? I must once again be a touch sad that we were lost the episode 8 Mat-Fain standoff that was likely written in the original, pre-covid version of the episode. I love the 7th & 8th episodes, but I definitely agree that they likely would have been even more epic if they hadn’t needed to do emergency re-writes for everything that they lost due to the covid delay (as a reminder, they lost: a whole entire main character actor (Mat); an important secondary character actor (Ingtar); an entire set location (the Blight); and their entire Trolloc stunt-team (which meant they needed to be CG instead of practical). It’s astonishing that episodes 7 & 8 are as good as they are, given how much they needed to scramble and replace. The fact that Rafe was able to do so well in such incredibly adverse circumstances made me MORE inclined to trust his hand on the tiller, not less. That is some tough showrunning to wrangle! Anyway, back to Fain -- guessing that he was called in by the Fade that Dana called? Rand and Mat’s group is really the only ones who are isolated enough that they can be spied on this way tbh.

10. They get a room for the night (which Rand notes is more expensive than a whole month would have been at the Winespring Inn back home), and Mat immediately lies down on one of the two beds, with Rand’s worry just radiating off him. Mat asks for reassurance from Rand, to tell him that he didn’t kill the family/the little girl back on the farm, and Rand reassures him that he didn’t. Mat is so full of self-loathing here and Rand is So Soft (amazingly enough, this still wasn’t what made me ship them, though I am completely heart-eyes over it now) when he tries to comfort Mat and tell him that he didn’t kill that family. It’s clear that Rand has needed to reassure Mat on this point many times over the course of their month together.

11. Moiraine and Lan escort Nynaeve into the White Tower. She’s going to be staying in the Warders quarters. I am, again, loving this thing that S1 has set up where Nynaeve clearly feels a much strong bond (lol) to the Warders than to the Aes Sedai. Love it. Moiraine tells her that this is the safest place for her to hide from all the other Sisters, and Nynaeve breaks in to tell her that she doesn’t care at all about Aes Sedai politics - she cares about the missing kiddos. Moiraine says that she has eyes-and-ears in the city itself, so she’ll know when/if the kiddos arrive. Nynaeve, though, doesn’t trust that Moiraine will actually tell her and, tbh, she probably would not have. Moiraine warns Nynaeve to be careful around the Aes Sedai in the Tower, and that the Aes Sedai will want her to be a novice.

12. Moiraine tries to bond with Nynaeve here and Nynaeve is Not Ready for this bonding experience. It really is kinda funny here how obvious it feels that Moiraine definitely has become fond of Nynaeve and that Nynaeve really doesn’t see it at all.

13. Perrin and Egwene as they travel on with the Tuatha’an. Perrin is still trying to poke holes in their life philosophy. Perrin says they’re being hypocrites by preaching non-violence but letting their dogs eat meat; Aram says that they don’t deny that violence exists - they accept it. Egwene is so bubbly and happy here. Even though some things were adjusted so that Egwene HAD to go rather than choosing to go, we do see here her delight in engaging with another culture and getting to go on an adventure. It’s pretty clear that Egwene has had a relaxing and enjoyable month. We also get a fun wolf joke here “One more turnip curry and I’ll be joining the dogs”.

14. They are in sight of the White Tower and Egwene reaffirms to Perrin that she’s sure their friends will be waiting for them (and she’s being very cute here, jumping on Perrin and then holding his arm). But! They are now about to face their own trauma after getting to have a relaxing month: Whitecloaks are blocking them. But not just any Whitecloaks, but the ones that they met back during episode 2 - including Valda, who promised that he would remember all their faces.

15. Valda spots them from a distance and orders them to be brought to him. The Tuatha’an stand in the Whitecloaks way to give Perrin and Egwene a chance to get out of there. The Whitecloaks get violent with the Tuatha’an but Aram reassures Egwene that they won’t KILL them, only hurt them. Unfortunately, despite the Tuatha’an best efforts, the Whitecloaks do capture Egwene and Perrin.

16. Just an easter egg at this point, but Rand is looking at the Prophecies of the Dragon right before he meets Loial. We see that Rand is on a hair-trigger as well, not just Mat. There’s also an interesting canon change here where Ogier are unknown by the general people of Tar Valon. Poor Rand is just deeply confused by Loial and a bit put-off by Loial’s insistence that he’s Aiel. I’m also fine with how they made Loial look -- it’s much more cost-effective to have practical make-up than CG for his ears, etc, so it will hopefully mean we get more scenes with him in S2 & the future. Loial has already decided that he likes Rand, because Rand is an oddity.

17. We got a bit of nostalgia from Egwene in the last episode, and now another bit of it from Rand here. But then he spots Mat outside the window and dashes out to keep an eye on him. Mat climbs up to sit in a window to watch the official procession of Logain being brought back to the Tower (now back in a cage). They are basically pretending to the city that he can still channel and that they’re doing things The Proper Way. People are jeering at him and throwing vegetables. Mat is watching with quite a lot of melancholy.

18. I really love this scene between Rand and Mat so much. The Promise (TM). The worry that Rand has towards Mat, and the muted worry that he has about himself as well. You can feel Rand’s affection towards Mat so strongly here. But the focus here is on Rand’s worry for Mat, and not on himself. Given what we see in the PoV, I do think that Logain does ‘actually’ laugh here, but he doesn’t press his face against the bars. But, yes, this moment between Mat and Rand is... just so good. Mat desperately not wanting to end up like Logain and Rand trying to reassure him about it. And Rand’s hair is so fluffy and curly here. And, also, the contrast between the way Mat reacts to literally anyone else vs how he reacts to Rand.

19. More of the show fleshing out the Warders! I love it! We do get confirmation here that white is the funeral color in at least some of the countries in the westlands (possibly all?). I like getting to hear Stepin’s backstory, because it tells us more about what sort of people end up becoming Warders. Kerene became friends with Stepin before she asked him to become her Warder, which I really like. The show seeds in a LOT of useful information here, too -- that bonding another Warder could help Stepin with his feelings of loss, but that he doesn’t want that. I also love the Warder Hall in general.

20. And this entire thing where the rings for the new Aes Sedai are made out of the rings of Aes Sedai who have died? Galaxy-brained idea. Fits so perfectly into the reincarnation cycle.

21. Then we have that gorgeous wordless scene afterwards where Lan goes to Moiraine in her room and they silently comfort and grieve with each other and think about the task ahead of them. Beautiful, beautiful scene.

22. The scenes with the Whitecloaks are well-done but I’m not sure I can talk much about them. Valda is awful, the Questioners are awful. But this storyline leads both of them to embracing their respective powers (Egwene channels and Perrin communicates with the wolves to get them to help). Egwene and Perrin are great in these scenes but they are tough to watch.

23. We can hear the wolves howling in the distance as Valda tortures Perrin. He also tries to set them against each other, by basically saying “well, one of you is going to die no matter what, so let’s see who cracks first by giving me what I want”.

24. Stepin goes to Nynaeve for more of her herbs that help with sleeping, and we get to see more of how difficult it is for Warders to deal with not having their Aes Sedai. Nynaeve has a very good bedside manner with her patients which is... not always the case in the books, lol. But it works well here. And then she goes wandering in the Warder Hall and who should pop up but Liandrin, ready for another try at trying to bond with Nynaeve.

25. Nynaeve pokes at Red Sisters not having Warders, and we get to hear some of Liandrin’s justifications for her path in life. Again, I really like this. Liandrin was not a terribly fleshed-out character in the books and she feels so vivid and real in the show.

26. Nynaeve goes to the White Tower gardens, runs into Loial, who recognizes her as “a woman from the Two Rivers” and brings her to Rand (assuming she was the woman that Rand was talking about in the library aka Egwene; “I found the woman you spoke of”). It is definitely a convenient plot beat but this city currently has three ta’veren in it. There should be convenient plot beats (I’d love the show to talk more about ta’veren next season; they only briefly mention it in S1).

27. Nynaeve’s reunion with Rand and Mat here is so wonderful! Her tight hug with Rand <3. I love the super-sweet moment of surprised joy that we can see on Mat’s face when he realizes that Nynaeve is alive and here. I’m really glad we get that moment before we get the reaction of him snapping at her, so we can see the contrast. Outside the room, Rand tells Nynaeve about his worries -- he’s worried that Mat can channel, he’s not sure he can trust Moiraine, he’s worried that Mat will end up like Logain. And Nynaeve does a wonderful job trying to reassure him here, both about Mat and then about Egwene.

28. In an effort to try to convince Egwene to simply let him get killed by Valda so that she can be let go, he confesses to her about accidentally killing his wife in the heat of the battle. But, yeah, this is so much more emotional and more effective than “I killed two Whitecloaks in self-defense”. And, in the end, Egwene is able to trick Valda, while Perrin (accidentally) calls wolves, and they are able to escape. Sadly, Egwene does not kill Valda but she does stab him in the shoulder. (I am okay with Valda getting freaked-out by Perrin’s color-changing eyes; that is outside his experience in a way that Aes Sedai are not). And then the wolves cover their escape.

29. Liandrin lets us know that Moiraine has been gone from the Tower for the past two years. Liandrin continues to have Weird Vibes with people. Here is the first place that I think the show confirms that Yellow Ajah does healing. Liandrin is wrong that Nynaeve has any inclination towards Red Ajah, but Nyaneve DOES want everyone to follow her rules, lol.

30. Another big lore drop here -- Stepin is doing offerings “to ward off the Forsaken”. Stepin namedrops “Ishamael; Father of Lies”, which the show already mentioned in episode 3 -- Dana notes that Ishamael “brought the Dragon before the Dark One” in the last Age and is still famous now. We’re told that they were sealed away by the last Dragon but that they had sold their souls to the Dark One for eternal llife.

31. Now we have a conversation between Alanna and Moiraine about Warders. Alanna has offered to take Stepin on as a Warder, but she’s not certain if she’ll accept. When Moiraine wonders about the possibility of the bond being released, Alanna tries to reassure her that she doesn’t have to worry about dying anytime soon. Moiraine sidesteps the conversation to ask why Alanna is visiting her now. We get the news that the Amrylin has returned from Caemlyn (!) and is going to be summoning their group to answer for gentling Logain without a trial.

32. We get another reminder of Moiraine’s relative strength in the Power and also how ~mysterious~ her goals are to everyone around her. I do really love this relationship between Moiraine and Alanna in the show. They’re friends, but Alanna isn’t within her secret heart. I love that Moiraine goes and looks at the picture after this, too. But I’ll talk more about the picture next time. <3

33. Stepin and Lan talk, and we get another nod at being queer being considered more accepted here, as Stepin casually talks about the idea of being with Ivron and Maksim ‘when’ he bonds with Alanna (though this is a bit of a ruse on Stepin’s behalf, of course). But this is a nice quiet conversation, where Stepin tries to encourage Lan to explore his feelings for Nynaeve if he gets the chance (but then becomes bittersweet as we realize that Stepin drugged him because he’s about to go kill himself). Heartbreaking.

34. And then we get a Warder funeral to mirror the funeral at the start of the episode. This bookending of the episode with two funerals worked really well for me and it still does. It really, again, does a good job to ground the Warder culture by showing us that they have their own traditions, separate from the Aes Sedai (though there are Sisters present, presumably to support their Warders). The giving of a role of an official mourner who expresses the emotion for the rest of the group works effectively here as well, for me.

35. Ultimately, I really loved this episode expanding on Warders and Warder culture so much, and I feel like it will pay dividends in the future as well. We also get some strong trauma-bonding with both the Mat&Rand and Perrin&Egwene pairs. I really wonder how that argument in episode 7 would have shaken out with Mat present too.

#wot #wheel of time #wot on prime #wot rewatch #nynaeve al'meara #lan mandragoran #moiraine damodred #egwene al'vere #perrin aybara #rand al'thor #mat cauthon #wot show

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haleigh-sloth · 1 year

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What do you think about the moment Dabi burned Toga’s home down? This isn’t a way to disagree with you btw, I just see surprisingly little people talking about it

When that chapter dropped, there wasn't too little people talking about it, plenty were, especially in the space I was in, because a widespread take on that scene was that Touya was like embracing the LOV as his fucking family or something

I saw lots of takes I both agreed and disagreed with. When the chapter came out I was already experiencing my hardcore rejection of the LOV found family bullshit so my reading wasn't so sappy of it, but I did read it as a moment of compassion for Touya out of everything else we've seen from him. And even now, when I'm pretty comfortable embracing Touya for the dramatic, generally uncaring person that he is in canon, I still feel that it was meant to come across as a soft moment for him. Too many things surrounding it still support that, but what I don't vibe with is:

"Touya is Toga's big brother!"--no

2. "Touya thinks of Toga as family!"--no where did people even get this take

And then a different type of take that I still feel is stupid:

3. "Touya was MAniPUlaTInG TOGA INTO STAYING A VILLAIN"--also no, what

Reasons the first two takes, to me, are dumb and are completely rejected by canon:

That moment was it, THAT WAS IT. THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE. I took the L on Toga going after Hawks for revenge, I got that part wrong, but I was NOT wrong when I said Toga and Touya are not about to form some dynamic duo and create this revenge plot together to solidify their friendship with the LOV. THAT did not happen. And at this point it's not going to.

Touya burning her house means a number of things now that we have more context on Touya's past, because at the time we didn't.

Touya and Toga and Tomura share similarities in their family lives, but what Toga and Touya have in common is that, unlike Tomura, their families are alive. So they both are left with this untouched grief of losing them, even though they're not gone. And this hits even harder when 9 chapters later we get the chapter where Touya WENT BACK HOME. Just like Toga. Looking at the moment in context, I think Touya was just hardcore relating to Toga, because why wouldn't he? He did the same. fucking. thing. she did. To some extent, he does know how she's feeling more than anyone else probably can.

However, that's where it stops. He relates, and then he burns the house down that holds nothing but painful memories for her. But he doesn't do this to his own house, and we know he could have because he burned that orphanage down, so it's SUCH a mystery why he didn't burn his own house down when he had the perfect opportunity. I wonder WHYYYYYY. Seriously though, I read him burning her house as him hardcore projecting, AND his way of telling her to leave it all behind like he did, because there's no going back, and there's no point in holding onto the past (funny coming from someone whose so tied to his past it's slowly cooking him alive). Toga says she views this as a kind gesture, and I think for Touya, it was kind. But the thing is that Touya and Toga are very different. Toga at that time was still holding onto some semblance of hope. We know this because she went after Izuku as soon as the war started. She isn't suicidal like Touya, she isn't sacrificial like Twice, she doesn't feel that she has NO reason to live like Spinner, and she doesn't want to actually get rid of everything like Tomura. She is nothing like the League, and MAN we are seeing all of that happening in real time now! Touya telling Toga to smile, imo, isn't as sweet and sappy as everyone thinks it is. Because Touya himself doesn't even believe in what he's saying. Touya talks about tomorrow, laughing, smiling. But meanwhile, he's trying to kill himself. So people reading this as this beautiful gesture of hopefulness to Toga (who at the time, still had way more hope in her than any of the LOV), I feel are ignoring Touya's character. He is the last person you should be taking "hopeful" advice from, as he himself doesn't believe in it, and he isn't sitting there hoping to see Toga smile by giving her Twice's blood. That's not what Toga is doing with it right now. Currently in canon she's having an emotional break down because of Twice's blood. So maybe don't look at that moment as this sweet optimistic message from Touya to Toga. But maybe that's just me.

Other things unrelated to just Toga and Touya about that chapter: THAT WAS NOT A HAPPY CHAPTER. Switch over to Spinner and Tomura and what do you see!! BADD bad things happening. AND THEY WERE BAD. We saw the fall out from it on Spinner, we saw what Tomura whose "sake" he was doing all of this for. Just, that was not a happy chapter, it was a melancholy chapter with a lot of hints of despair. The chapter cover is a picture emulating grief, spider lilies, Toga painted like Twice. And it directly contrasts with chapter 342 where it's much more light hearted and all three kids talk about their feelings toward their villains. It's not a happy chapter and it's not supposed to be. And further context with all the chapters that have come out since this support this.

Now, the last take:

3. Touya probably could manipulate people around him if he ever so wanted to, but honestly I don't see his character giving even that much of a shit to do that. He's got his mind focused on one thing and that's it. Why is he manipulating Toga to stay? He's not lol. My own guess is that if Toga did run off, he wouldn't give a shit. In fact, she DID run off in the PLF war and, well, he didn't give a shit. I don't think much has changed. Idk why I'm even entertaining this take because this was just another attempt at both hero standom and the radical villain standom who hate Touya (because he ruins their found family uwu) to make him out worse than he is. So I find this take incredibly dumb. Toga is the most free willing member of the LOV at this point, SHE ALWAYS HAS BEEN. She doesn't need Touya's magical AFO powers to make her stay.

I'm being very harsh on Touya, but he's still my #2 fav, and he's still very special to me and I still have the same ending in mind I've had since 2020 when I started the manga. The thing about Touya is that he really is this uncaring person, because the entire point is that he's detached himself. But what's funny is that he's been separated from his family members the entire story and he's been able to remain detached. As soon as Endeavor and Shouto are in front of him he's no longer keeping his cool (hehe). His fight with Shouto, the way his flames were going absolutely nuts reflecting his emotions reflecting on his past, TELLING SHOUTO HIS PAST CHOICES, and then of course the way the fight came to a halt with the panel of Touya and Shouto crying--those walls are starting to break. But it's happening in the most Touya-way it possibly can. The family he lost and is now trying to destroy with his entire being is what's getting through to him now, even Shouto! Who he doesn't know, and who he's certainly not done with.

So yeah, Touya rant about chapter 341--the night that chapter dropped was kind of annoying because of these 3 takes floating around but we've gotten so much more context on Touya since then that I can safely say this is how I view the scene. It was a relatable moment for Touya seeing Toga go back home, why wouldn't it be, and that's it.

#todoroki touya #toga himiko #bnha asks #anonymous #todofam

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dogmetaph0r · 4 days

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10, 13 (alfie - i mean i have to - plus one of your choice) and 14 for salty asks game 👉👈

OOOH HERE WE GOOO

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

I didn’t not like it narratively, but I didn’t particularly enjoy the whole arc of trying to get Linda and Arthur back together :/ I did appreciate it in a “fellas we are never breaking the cycle” way, but it kinda drove a wedge between me and my enjoyment of Arthur’s boyfailure arc at some points. Linda kinda reminds me of my adorable little WASP-y mom so seeing her threatened and upset because a man will do anything but go to therapy……eugh, hard watch.

13. Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

Alfie - this is gonna maybe be a bit controversial (or not? idk it took a while for me to wrap my noggin around the vibes) but……I don’t think Alf is all that religious? He is very very involved in his community and seems to be a well respected member of Jewish society in Camden Town, but idk how much he really practices in his day-to-day. I could be entirely wrong (would be happy for a Jewish PB fan to correct me if I am, and honestly I much prefer the headcanons that imply it matters a bit to him because as you’re about to see….I love cultural exchange) but Alfie’s irreverence and self-deification don’t really come across as terribly devout to me. If you consider the non-TV works to be canon, he definitely seems to be of the impression that nothing really matters beyond the carnal. He does seem to believe in a God, but that God’s existence isn’t really consequential to him. So I think his Jewish identity is more forged in community than shared reverence! I can relate, in a way; I never practiced Catholicism, but because my entire dad’s side did and I grew up in a highly Catholic neighborhood, it impacts how I interact with the world. So that’s how I kinda see it: it’s not the religion that he practices, but more the identity of someone raised with the religion.

I also wanna doooooo……..

Polly - she wasn’t always a wise, rational woman throughout the show. There were plenty of times she acted out of anger, fear, stubbornness… and while I do love that we kinda treat her as our voice of reason, she’s still as flawed as the rest of them. I feel like I’ve seen a lot of fics fall into the idea that Polly knows everything. It makes for a good story driver, but I feel like that unfortunately just doesn’t encompass who Polly is as a person. I don’t wanna ramble super long AGAIN but I think a lot of her interactions with/about Michael kinda demonstrate that. She’s easily blinded by her fear of loss in particular, and in a way it’s very similar to Tommy’s motivations. I think that’s part of why they butt heads sometimes. I’d like to explore that more myself!

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

Oooh boy, this one is kinda tough to say. But I think we have a looooong way to go as a fandom in terms of cultural sensitivity. I know we’re working with source material that already has a pretty problematic and shallow way of going about Romani characters, but I think it’s our duty as fans to sorta….grapple with that a bit? Address it with nuance? Or at least listen to POC, particularly Romani, creators who take issue with the things done in the show and in fan content. There are SO many aspects of the show itself that play into racist stereotypes about Romani people, and I’ve seen a number of tropes and fic concepts that revolve around those stereotypes in particularly shocking ways (for example, maybe don’t have “sold to the Shelby family” or “magical g**** fortune teller” as a plot point??? Many levels of inappropriate to that). I do largely give people the benefit of the doubt because I know that not everyone knows what to look out for, especially if they themselves are not targeted personally by bigotry in their communities, and fewer people know where to go to figure that out…. but I feel like specifically Romanichal culture is a strong enough theme in the show to warrant SOME promotion of cultural research. Of course we all have work to do (I’m no exception, and I wholeheartedly welcome concrit if anything in the story seems off) but I feel like some people really lean into exoticism and stereotypes without any unpacking of why they’re doing it. And, when other people express discomfort, I’ve seen more than once the sort of response that sums up to “well so-and-so said it’s not a slur/bad trope/stereotype so I’m gonna keep using it”. Thankfully it’s less prevalent here on tumblr but it’s still a problem! Let’s rid ourselves of the idea that any one culture is a monolith! Cultural exchange and education are exciting! Decolonize your writing! Respect and an open mind go a long way!

BUT YEAH basically that’s it teehee :•)

#telegram #for the last point: again I’m still learning as I go #but actually talking to/hearing from romani people and their varied opinions of the show have been very helpful #esp in navigating the more controversial plot points #and even just avoiding little things #like one throwaway line can leave a bad taste in someone’s mouth even if it wasn’t meant to be racist #so it’s good to know as much as you can to try and handle these topics appropriately

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ultfan · 6 months

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anonymous sent in: Umm, what was Nagito's thoughts on Mikan before and after the third execution? I'm asking because I'm so normal about their relationship ✨️✨️✨️

oh boy! i love komaeda's thoughts on people. prior to the execution, i think komaeda greatly admires her. as he does with all the other shsl students. she has that very meek, anxious, prey-animal vibe about her that does make komaeda "worry" about her a little bit. we see him scolding hinata when he interprets that he's bullying her after all. but the thing is that at the start... i think komaeda has very uncomplicated feelings about pretty much everyone on the island.

believe it or not, komaeda's thought process is very simple (crazy, i know). he either reveres you or thinks you're worthless. i really think the only person he has any somewhat nuanced thoughts about early in the game is hinata, and that's only because of his ??? talent and the fact that komaeda can't help but see similarities between them.

that doesn't mean komaeda isn't paying close attention to people, though. he's an observant person, regardless of how much he downplays his intelligence he's very good at piecing things together. despite that i don't think he really cares to analyze her on an emotional or personal level. he absolutely could could if he wanted to! and i think he'd do it very well. but her quirks aren't really his business or what interest him about her. his kindness and admiration are surface level at best. as with everyone else, komaeda cares about her talent. sure he'll say he wants to be friends with her (with everyone), and he believes he means that, but he would never care to get to know her beyond her talent.

one thing i think komaeda really likes about tsumiki compared to everyone else is just how much her talent defines her. it's easy to see that the only time she seems competent and put together is when she is when she's doing something health-related. over explaining medical things, taking care of others, etc. she is the shsl health committee member after all. (jfc that's a mouthful, we're sticking to nurse).

for tsumiki to believe she only has real value when others are helpless and depending on her to take care of them completely aligns with komaeda's own philosophy. of course that is where she gets the most power, where she's the most in control, where she's in her element. he finds that wonderful for her! to truly resonate with her talent in such a way... for her talent to show off all the "best" parts of her. so, like the shsl fanboy komaeda is, he is also a huge tsumiki fanboy.

all of that changed the second she started taking care of him when he contracted despair disease. and when she did too. tsumiki had to be around komaeda the most out of the other patients since he was the most sickly, likely due to his already present health conditions. this meant that he had plenty of time to see her for who she "truly" was. after all, she did get her memories back.

while i don't think komaeda learned anything more than what was said at the trial given his confusion at the end... i do really love the idea that tsumiki might've taken great pleasure in having an incredibly weak komaeda — who both couldn't fight back against her and couldn't properly communicate to anyone even when he was conscious — at her mercy. given that he was the most out of it, i can see her slipping a little around him (which would make sense given she was able to fool everyone else, yet a delirious komaeda was able to sense the change in how she carried herself. unless we're to believe komaeda's observational skill are THAT fucking good, which i also wound't doubt given what we have seen of him).

it's clear from the very beginning of the trial — and during the investigation — that komaeda was well aware that she was the culprit. yet instead of actively helping her out, like he did with earlier culprits, he mostly stays quiet during the trial. he doesn't say anything to mislead the other ultimates during the actual events of the trial (during the investigation is another story, but he did that to make a point later in the trial). of course komaeda would never call her out directly even if she committed a crime he couldn't forgive. not until someone else did. this is because komaeda would rather be a bystander to everyone else's greatness, only piping in when they ask or they need an extra push in the right direction.

i think this immediately communicates the change in his opinion of her. he isn't as aggressive as he is when he learns about the remnant despairs later on, but that's also because he has nothing to go off of beyond "she did this while overcome with despair." even when the remembering thing is brought up he still doesn't know the specifics, so he can only look at her with disapproval and disdain.

i do think he hates her, even if he isn't as mean about it as he will be to others in the future. she was a shsl student who threw away her hope and succumbed to despair. it goes against his entire philosophy. he isn't disappointed like he is with the other executions before this (what a shame your hope wasn't strong enough...), but actively says he can't forgive her or her crimes. and once she's dead he's very quick to move on. he doesn't mourn her (not that he really mourns for anyone in general, but still).

he says regardless of whether she succumbed to the despair disease or just became that way because she remembered, she was always unfit to be a symbol of hope. and he's immediately ready to forget her and encourages everyone to change this despair into hope. just completely ready to move on with their lives and not caring to give anyone a chance to grieve or be confused about what happened with her.

the second she's out of the picture, komaeda simply stops caring about her altogether. i don't think he's the type to loathe someone after their death unless he has a reason for it (junko). to him tsumiki is a worthless person who never deserved her shsl title in the first place. hardly fit to attend hope's peak.

meeting her after waking up, i don't think komaeda's opinions of anyone have really improved. including her. it really depends on how she acts upon their ah... "reunion" i guess, but as a blanket rule i do not think komaeda is ready to just accept all his old classmates with open arms. even though he was ALSO a remnant despair. because he's a hypocrite.

at the end of the day any hope komaeda has for the others is paper thin. he is not at all generous with them, and while he would like to think they could rise from the depths junko dragged them to, he wouldn't be surprised if they didn't. actually, he probably doesn't expect them to at all, he just would like it if they surprised him. that would be poggers for him. not because he cares for them personally bettering themselves, just because he still wants to see that ultimate hope that could destroy any despair. and so long as they're stuck on this island together they're really his only chance to see that. i think he acts very similarly to post-final dead room komaeda for the most part. he may sprinkle in a pep talk or to, but any encouragement is not even close to how genuine he was at the start of dr2.

i can see a very flip-floppy thing where komaeda gives out his classic "create a hope to overcome this despair"-style support only to immediately switch up the second there is any sort of half-assed or negative response to it. so that would apply to tsumiki as well. insincere admiration coming and going every now and then which easily falls away to that harsh, unforgiving, and condescending attitude he has for all the remnant despairs.

he hates her fake ass. get better. smh. like it's hard???

#anonymous #♡₊˚ ☘️・₊✧ » ic : study ─ 𝘏𝘖𝘗𝘌 𝘚𝘗𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎𝘚 𝘌𝘛𝘌𝘙𝘕𝘈𝘓 𝘍𝘙𝘖𝘔 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘏𝘜𝘔𝘈𝘕 𝘉𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘛. ❞#♡₊˚ ☘️・₊✧ » ooc : ask ─ 𝘓𝘌𝘙𝘍 𝘈𝘕𝘚𝘞𝘌𝘙𝘚. ❞

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aroace-pancake · 2 years

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Hi! I just discovered your blog. I also just discovered I’m probably aspec. Specifically, I think I’m pretty strongly aromantic, which is right now not something I’m super excited about. Kind of in the grieving process of knowing that it’ll take a miracle for me to be comfortable in a romantic relationship, and not sure if it’s a trauma thing (I was in a relationship that kind of sucked a lot of life out of me in hindsight and idk how much that factors in) I need to work out or if I’ve just always been like this and I need to accept it. Idk, do you have any advice for a struggling arospec who doesn’t really know what to do and is definitely grieving more than anything else?

Hello friend!

I sort of relate to this sentiment to an extent! There are many aspec folks who have voiced similar thoughts as well, and it's always difficult to come to a place of acceptance, especially for ourselves

Mostly my grieving comes from a fear of loneliness for not wanting a traditional romantic relationship. I had tried to date a few people as well with no luck, both relationships ended up being bad for me too. I don't think that trauma factors in for me personally, but has created frustration and deterred me from pursuing other relationships.

Whether it is partially caused by past trauma or not, I want to emphasize your identity is still valid regardless

However, when it comes to romantic relationships I want to offer a bit of advice my therapist mentioned which was, "have you ever been in a close relationship with an aro person?" To which the response was a resounding no from myself. I have no idea what a close relationship would be like with another aro person because I haven't tried it!

If a romantic relationship is something you still desire, this is something to consider! As much as it is a clique and grinds the ears of our community, perhaps you haven't found someone you really can vibe with?

There are aro folks out there who do want romantic relationships despite not feeling attraction etc,. Identity is complex and it's understandable to feel confused or resentful

On the flip side, if you want to give up on the endeavour, there are many avenues you have yet to explore!

For me personally, finding acceptance has meant becoming more involved with my local community! Sometimes I go to knitting nights or volunteer. Whatever it is, I feel comfortable with my identity because I have created a network of relationships in my community.

I understand that not everyone finds this ideal. You could instead find a QPR relationship, which is defined within your own standards (and your partners).

Another option would be to adopt an animal, as I have found caring for another (if you're in the position) helps foster meaning in ones life

This doesn't sum up everything ofc, and there are plenty of things to consider. Mostly, I want to emphasize to you that you will reach a point of acceptance for yourself. It's important to grieve, but equally so to explore outside what you can see in front of you

Unfortunately, because the world is built around systems which confine our ideals of what community, relationships, and our own lives can look like, so, we have to build from the ground up. However, this is equally a blessing as there is so much potential to form meaningful relationships with others and ourselves that exist outside the norm

Not to throw in Marie Kondo here, but she has this bit where she asks others to imagine what kind of life they want in their homes. It may be useful to apply this to your life as well and think about what you want

Have faith friend, it's alright to feel the way you do. You're feelings are valid because you have them! If anyone else has advice or resources they would like to share, feel free to send them!

I hope this is helpful! I know it's difficult, but have an open mind and consider your options. You will reach a point where you feel okay with your identity!

#this got a lil exestential at parts #but i hope this is sound advice and you find it helpful #this is stuff i personally try to think about when i get too caught up in worrying about how my identity will affect my future #i mean this stuff sorta applies to life in general as well but i think identity exists at an intersection because it affects us so much #aro #aroace #asexual #aromantic #ace #aromantism #asks

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anchormuses · 2 years

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since i’m moving flat, have some moving home plot ideas! please let me know if any of these interest you. alternatively if you like one and want to make a starter for it, please do! no permission needed! separated into verse options.

or if you have any related ideas, you can throw those at me too!

mainverse but our muses don’t know each other:

morse moves in next door to your muse. he’s equal parts lovely neighbour and horrible neighbour to have. your muse is constantly getting woken up by morse coming back from work late at night, stumbling around, limping, generally struggling due to work injuries. oh, and the opera. he plays opera at 3am sometimes. BUT if your muse needs anything, he’ll give it. he’ll jump at the chance to help them out and if anything bad happens, he’ll be there to protect them.

same as above, he moves in next door, but he catches sight of your muse and instantly develops heart eyes.

morse moves in next door or nearby and he and your muse happen to have similar work schedules. somehow the idea is proposed that they share the commute. either getting public transport together, walking part of the way together, or if one has a car, someone giving the other a lift. plenty of bonding time there.

“hey i’m a detective and i just moved in nearby but this guy i’ve been trying to arrest just tried to attack me in my own home, would you mind if i use your phone to call someone?? :)”

mainverse but our muses are acquaintances:

morse and your muse move into a new place together for financial reasons. perhaps they’re colleagues or met via work. either way, they’re both broke and need to save money by sharing a flat. from there, we have several routes:

they get along very well — perhaps too well. morse develops a crush on your muse. perhaps it’s requited or perhaps not but either way, he’s not particularly subtle about it.

they become closer friends via living together. seeing new sides of each other and sharing experiences brings them closer together.

they drive each other up the wall, and it’s very entertaining to write.

through seeing more vulnerable parts of each other, one muse essentially adopts the other.

ship verses:

morse is moving flat. your muse is helping him. what a perfect opportunity to take a look at some of his belongings! help him sort his new place out!

morse and your muse have been seeing each other for a long while and have decided to get a place together. combining individual belongings into shared spaces, figuring each other’s living habits out, seeing sides of each other they’d only glimpsed before.

similarly, one muse is moving into the other’s place. slightly different because one muse is already settled and the other might feel awkward or uncertain about how to incorporate their things into the same space.

that one time morse gets burgled — a perfect opportunity for his partner to go ‘hey why don’t you just move in with me?’

one of the many times morse is in hospital and maybe needs someone to keep an eye on him after he’s discharged, perhaps your muse has offered to let him stay with them while he recovers, but then neither of them really want him to go home afterwards.

or very similarly, they’re staying at his place to keep an eye on him, and this gives them a chance to see how morse is living. the state of his little flat and his battered belongings and the general lonely vibe of his place. how can they want to leave him to live alone like this after that?

we just moved in together ( friend or acquaintance or ship verses work! ) ideas:

morse doesn’t know how to cook. watch the disaster unfold and then choose to help or not help him.

very specific but has prompted some funny conversations: your muse sees morse in his ‘pyjamas’ for the first time. he wears actual pyjama bottoms, but with a vest top instead of a normal pyjama top. and socks. and his watch. that’s what he sleeps in. some muses have fun opinions on his sleepwear choices.

again very specific, but sitting on the couch. how do they sit? if morse is sitting already, how close will they sit to him?👀 next to him? opposite end? opposite arm of the sofa? sit sideways, shove feet on his lap? head in his lap? if morse is lounging across the sofa, what then? will they move his legs? sit on them? sit on the sofa arm? demand that he moves? drag him off when he refuses? try to force him to move? fun things to know👀

morse likes to sit on the floor sometimes. there’s this one scene where there are like 3 chairs in the room and yet he’s still sitting on the floor. how does your muse feel about that? do they approve of floor time? will they join him on the floor? step on him? if he falls asleep there, will they let him sleep? wake him?

sometimes if morse is at home on a rare day off, he might like to come and sit near your muse. he’s like a cat. he may be yearning for attention but will not ask for it, so will come and do his crossword nearby, waiting to see whether he will receive any attention. will he get it? what attention will he get?

morse has some annoying habits. how is your muse gonna deal with those? some of them are him stimming but he doesn’t always notice that the noises annoy other people. for example, the pen clicking. he holds his pen by his ear and clicks it on and off repeatedly. he likes the noise but if your muse is trying to concentrate, it might be a little annoying. he might also.... think it’s a little bit funny. to carry on doing it. to annoy them.

child morse verse, where your muse recently took him in:

if it’s a big place, morse might feel a little lost. back at his stepmother’s place, he stayed in his room as much as possible. he might hesitate to wander around the home or when he does, he might lose track of time or get lost.

it’s fun to figure out where baby morse might decide is a safe place in the home. he’ll pick a few different spots where he’s like “okay it’s safe to sit here with my book and read” and then migrate between them. and then your muse will be able to see when he’s started to relax around them and their home because he’ll start sitting in different places and choosing more and more places to hang out at home.

baby morse probably initially will behave as though your muse is the best person alive, and will be very curious about them and what they do. he’ll want to follow them around and check out what they’re doing. whether he’ll actually do so is another matter, but if he’s encouraged to be interested in what they’re doing, he’ll do it.

he’s had a number of really horrible experiences, but as a child with few people to talk to, it’s difficult for him to know just how awful or unusual these things are. as a result, he may say things quite casually, either because he genuinely thinks it’s a normal thing to say, or as a test. he’ll test your muse quite a bit, because he wants to figure out what sort of behaviour gets what reaction. he may casually mention being able to shoot very well. he’s handled guns.

baby morse will take it upon himself to do chores around the house and try to take care of your muse. that’s what he’s used to. he may behave as though your muse needs his help or that he should be looking after them, which is probably quite disconcerting for an adult.

#wishlist.#plotting call.#tw hospitalisation #tw guns

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soupyshroom · 2 years

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New Jeans <3

So, everyone who stans kpop knows about New Jeans by now – the newly debuted group of 14-18 year olds. Yes, they're pretty young to debut, especially considering they have an '08 baby in their midst, but they're talented as well.

In summary, these girls are wonderful, gifted youths who are trying to make it big in the world. Their songs are wonderful (besides some interesting lyrics in their song 'Cookie') and their concept is refreshing (besides some odd wardrobe choices). I really do love these girls, and I wish we could protect them from things they shouldn't need to worry about.

If you want an elaboration, click the 'read more' button.

(Just note, I am not an expert on these matters; these are merely the ramblings of a concerned fan. Some of my information may be wrong or possibly uneducated. I do not mean to spread false information – I have taken some information from many kpop websites, forums, and the like, so if I had said something false it is most likely the error of me not researching deep enough.)

Upcoming word vomit below the cut: warning – very lengthy

They debuted on the 1st of August, but before their official debut they already had their own MVs on the HYBE Labels Youtube channel. This sparked plenty of attention (get it, because one of their songs is called 'Attention'-) amongst kpop stans and fans alike.

Not many groups have it in their budget to start off with multiple solid MVs before their debut.

New Jeans' concept, the 2000s vibe, is also really refreshing. All of the nostalgic stuff from 'back then' has really brought a new light into the industry. As well as that, the girls themselves are cheerful and full of life. Girls their age can relate to them on a deeper level, due to their age range.

In my humble opinion, my preferences in terms of their songs is: Hype Boy > Attention > Hurt > Cookie

They even have their own Weverse app called 'Phoning', which basically works like a regular Weverse, except it has a special UI (User Interface) that looks akin to something from a 2000s Nokia screen.

Like, way to go girls; they're making it big in the world!

However, it has come to my attention that there may be some more... darker aspects of this girl group – not the girls specifically, but mostly behind the scenes.

Firstly, I watched this Youtube video (time stamp: 1.23): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGXN8qJrrFs

It talked a lot about young idols (minors specifically) debuting in the industry and the adverse effects it could have on their mental health.

Obviously, this applies to New Jeans, considering their youngest member is fourteen years old. That's an 8th grader in Australia.

Think of how some girls already get bad mental health in their current environment. And now think of how young kpop idols in the stressful environment that is known as the kpop industry will fare. Yeah, not really good.

There was another video that I watched about Min Heejin's unsavoury and almost borderline (if not outright) paedophilic actions – however, let it be known that these have not been confirmed; it's just a controversy. That should be the biggest, brightest, red flag ever. I can't find the exact video, but if you search up on Youtube 'Min Heejin controversy' or something similar to that, you can gain some more information.

This, paired with some of the worrisome stuff I've observed in this girl group, has sparked some concern within me.

'What worrisome stuff, tumblr user soupyshroom? What could possibly worry you about a group of young girls who are led by their red flag of a producer?'

Well...

One thing to say is some of their outfits. Don't misunderstand, their outfits are really cool – if they were for older women (preferably not minors). I, myself, envy their wardrobe and wish I could wear those outfits too.

But, it's odd. You can argue and say, "oh, but girls their age dress like that all the time!"

Yes, girls their age do dress like that all the time, and good for them! But, it's not the girls who dress themselves, is it? No, they have personal stylists.

And these personal stylists, adults mind you, are dressing these young girls in tiny tops and skimpy clothing. Why would an adult dress a child in tiny tops?

It's one thing to dress yourself up, but it's another thing entirely for someone to put you in revealing clothing. Especially when it's someone years older than you.

Examples of these outfits can be found in the Attention MV (found on the HYBE Labels Youtube channel). Danielle is wearing a folded over football jersey, Hanni is wearing a bandana top (seriously, a tied together bandana), and Hyein (their youngest member) is wearing a tiny black tube top.

Really, these stylists are just exposing these girls to some of the worst people possible: pedophiles. There, I said it! These girls could be in danger of something darker – especially when their producer has controversy sparking around that exact matter. Does this not concern you?

I can hear your protests from here. I'm aware that girls who wear these clothes also expose themselves to the same risks. But, it's their choice – not the choices of their parents or their guardians. I'm also aware that it's the current trend now and it can further boost their popularity with their generation. But, it can gain popularity with the wrong people.

Following up this rather disturbing fact is that their new song, 'Cookie', has had some odd translations. These translations sound like sexual innuendos, according to many fans who have listened to the song.

Why put sexual innuendos in a song that's sung by children?

Many people have defended this, saying, "it's just a mistranslation! It's much more innocent in Korean!" or, "it's just about a high school crush and how they want to give their affection to them in the form of a cookie!"

Okay, maybe you have a point – but really, I don't like the way they 'translated' the song. I'm not sure, because I don't speak Korean myself. However, it is something I have to mention. There are too many slip ups for this to be a mistake or a mistranslation. It's too sketchy to be considered an 'innocent crush' type of song.

It's a shame too, since their previous songs have been done so well – Hype Boy is my favourite for sure.

I love these girls, truly I do. I don't want to stop supporting them because of their concerning debut. These girls are doing their best, and I'm proud of them. It is not their fault that the work behind the scenes is sketchy. It is not their fault that they are treated this way. I hope that people won't end up sexualising them – especially older kpop fans.

Maybe the girls are all aware of this. Maybe they're not. But, one thing's for sure: we need to protect our girls. We need to protect our idols. We need to stop this trend of debuting earlier and earlier.

There's so much more I want to say, but I'm worried that I'm boring you now with this entire spiel. Do I feel guilty for supporting them? Yes! I do! Because if I support them then that means I enable this disturbing ordeal going on. Do I regret preordering their album? No! These girls deserve to know that people enjoy them and their songs.

I have very mixed feelings on this, but here is my entire word vomit on the HYBE girl group, New Jeans.

#new jeans #HYBE #kpop #dont sexualise minors #protect our children #protect our girls #i really love these girls so much #i hope they dont run into any trouble because they deserve the world

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qu-film-history-to-1968 · 8 months

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The Influences that Nosferatu has had on Contemporary Villains

By Julia Merolle

After watching Nosferatu (1922) this week, I made many connections to his character and modern-day, contemporary monsters in more recent films. The characters that I chose to connect to Nosferatu, also known as Count Orlok, were Freddy Krueger from A Nightmare on Elm Street and Lord Voldemort from the Harry Potter film series. The reason I picked Freddy Krueger to connect to Nosferatu is because of the obvious appearance of their hands. Nosferatu has long fingers that are extremely pointy at the ends. I feel as if the creator of Freddy Krueger took inspiration from this because while he has a glove over his hand, his hand has long pieces of metal, resembling knives, in order to kill his victims. The hands and fingers of Nosferatu are long and skinny, just like Freddy’s glove. For Voldemort, I thought that Nosferatu gave a similar vibe to him because, at least for the most part, they don’t really have a lot of screen time. For Nosferatu, he was in a few scenes, but honestly took the spotlight away from the other actors. Even though Voldemort does have plenty of screen time, I honestly feel like it isn’t until the later movies anyway. For example, he is really only shown through Horcruxes throughout the first few movies and you don’t see him as an actual being until the end. Another reason I think that Nosferatu is similar to Voldemort is because of their looks. They are tall, slender figures who are very pale and are bald. I also think that having bald villains shows that they are in a sense morally decaying, representing their evilness. I think both the creators of Freddy Krueger and Voldemort have taken characteristics from Nosferatu and used them to create their own villains. There are even more similarities, for example between the entirety of the characters Knock and Peter Pettigrew, but I am mainly focusing on Nosferatu’s influences.

The movie clip that I decided to add based on the similarities between Nosferatu and Freddy Krueger is the final scene from A Nightmare on Elm Street. I chose this scene because you don’t actually see Freddy Krueger’s body except for his hand, which I find to be the important part when relating him to Nosferatu anyway. It’s a bit of a funny clip but I’m just relating the overall characteristics of these villains to each other. The screenshot that I decided to add between Nosferatu and Lord Voldemort is this side-by-side photo of a headshot of Voldemort with a full body shot of Nosferatu in the doorway, probably the most famous picture of Nosferatu (especially from that one episode of Spongebob). From both the movie clip from A Nightmare on Elm Street and the photo of Voldemort from the Harry Potter series, the resemblance shown to Nosferatu can be seen. It is obvious that both Wes Craven, the creator of Freddy Kreuger, and J.K. Rowling, the creator of Harry Potter, had some inspiration in taking certain characteristics based on Nosferatu and applying them to their own characters. This is also interesting because Nosferatu is considered a horror/fantasy movie, and the Harry Potter series is also considered fantasy, yet A Nightmare on Elm Street is considered a horror/slasher film, going back to the horror route that Nosferatu started.

#submission

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uwusillygirl · 1 year

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different anon - hearing your take on normal people was so fascinating. i admittedly am not the biggest sally rooney fan for a # of nit-picky reasons (i did like the show more than the book). i do think she excels the most at writing the once-in-occasion absolute devastating BANGER of a line. speaking of it in relation to your work, one of the things that REALLY always ground my gears was rooney's very... bizarre? treatment of (and seemingly a complete misunderstanding of?) bdsm in her books (normal people esp, this also comes up in conv. w friends). i could and have gone on rambling rants about this that i don't want to burden you with. i did always think there seems to be the common thread that the sign that marianne & connell are "good" for each other (i.e. genuinely, truly in love) is that connell does not indulge her whenever she asks for pain. this also brings in the bizarre treatment of consent where it seems like the reason connell does not hurt marianne is because he knows she doesn't TRULY want it, because she only wants it because she is trying to punish herself. something which on the surface i found to be just a very frustrating experience to read (and also... quite dangerous general assumptions about bdsm culture lol i'm sure plenty of people will find great offense with the idea that the only reason why they'd want to be choked during sex is because they're mentally and emotionally damaged and secretly hate themselves). & i want to say this exact issue is something that you remedy in your work so brilliantly. eddie trusts chrissy to know whatever weird thing she wants (and even trusts her enough to help her figure out what she could potentially want through some guidance/encouragement), and as you mentioned i think eddie genuinely does enjoy providing her with this and playing this dominant role, at least to some extent, where connell is just SO turned off by it. i'm not going to go on and on because my complaints re: normal people pale in comparison to your brilliant analysis, that actually made me re-consider a lot of my gripes with it. perhaps a re-read is in my future. i'm so sorry for the long ask, i just wanted to re-affirm that i feel like your work is like... what i needed from normal people. what i needed for a girl like a marianne. to see a girl similar to her find true genuine companionship and partnership with all of her emotional turmoil and dangerous devotion and subservience to be so deeply loved and understood. and not just by someone who "goes along" with her weirdness but truly delights in it and loves her even more for it.

okay i'd like to start by saying some of you guys occasionally make me genuinely emotional and the tail end of this ask like made me sort of heartachey. thank you so much for saying that. i genuinely just do this for fun and for my own weird shit but i do like to think we can have some more space for the masochistic freak girls who are like... not all put together on that front. and that they can still have nice things happen to them. (which i did not believe was true even like two years ago but am starting to believe now! not to get too personal!)

anyways. i don't think it's weird at ALL to not be a fan of rooney. i really appreciate what she does in a lot of senses (won't get into it here because don't wanna get like endlessly into the weeds), but there is also a certain self-indulgence to her work if you resonate with any of her characters - which, not to overshare, but if you're catching the very obvious vibe here there's definitely some resonance there for me.

but her work in bdsm IS bizarre! to me, too! i think a lot about what she was trying to attempt and pull off, especially with marianne - i don't think she's partaking in bdsm as much as like self-destruction. none of the people she's with are like actual, ethical sadists/dominants as much as godawful men. the swedish guy particularly pisses me off, though, because that whole bit with "the game" and the degradation and everything that is like structured bdsm and is presented as such but missing the key part where like... none of the basic rules are being followed lmao

as for connell's failure to indulge her in her like tangible masochistic fantasies, i actually quite like that for his character because he's got this compulsive need to be a "good person" and a "good man" and yet he treats marianne, at points, as much like shit as other men - but he can delude himself that it's like just some weird soulmate shit they have going on instead of him taking pleasure in having total control over her - most dizzyingly in that one bit where he's almost smugly and quietly certain he knows her so well he can read her mind. (but most obvious example is her offer of "you can do whatever you want" totally gets him off, and then he gets the ego boost of i can but i won't and that makes me so amazing and a good person - but would he be fucking marianne ever if it weren't for the way she's openly subservient and submissive to him? hard to say).

i actually vaguely remember daisy edgar jones (and maybe mescal) having this sort of interview where they were like "oh no marianne's sexual stuff doesn't come from her childhood trauma!" which everyone was like girl, it clearly does... but i think what they were trying to do was actually well-intentioned in that they were trying to be like if you want to be ethically masochistic you're not like inherently a "damaged girl". the fact that they felt they needed to make that (admittedly clumsy) clarification says a lot about maybe where rooney's attempt fell flat

#asks #normal people #partial first one's free inspiration

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sobwritesthings · 2 years

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song blog 1 of n: drive me round

Oh, I identified with this immediately :---) It had a very chill vibe and the singer was just talking to the beat. My headspace for this is being in that cycle of liking someone and convincing yourself. I mean,

Are you still awake? I know you're up late Lately you can't sleep You're the same as me

Talking to someone late at night awakens this feeling of intimacy. I think anyone, as long as you speak with them frequently at ungodly hours in the night, can create some sort of kinship. The things they tell you might start to feel more like secrets but you'll never know. And once you start relating them to yourself, you're a goner. It will be the smallest things like having the same favorite snack as their mom or them liking the same boring flavor of ice cream as you do (and defend it well when questioned). Sometimes it's just identifying what they're saying, like knowing the name of the show although you are not too familiar, then allow yourself to gain interest because of it or because of them, rather.

Is it wrong to call Just to say goodnight? I should hide my phone I should let it die

Once some slight feelings set in, you soon find yourself making all these excuses to revive the conversation. The bargain between hearing from them and losing some self-dignity happens during those ungodly hours. We miss them if we choose ourselves but also feel sorry for ourselves the second we hit send.

They think I'm insane I think we're the same

I think liking someone comes with this puzzle kind of. Especially when it's one-sided. When you build enough of these similarities and connections maybe even reasons in our defense, we fail to see the situation as it really is. That maybe they are just bored. Or awake at 2:36 am because they can't sleep. Or they really just did want to wish you good luck on that test then never speak again.

I think this song just tapped into the unhealthy cycle I had of liking these very unavailable people. But looking at it, it could be even deeper like a desperate attempt at connection where every favorite drink, cousin's birthday nightmare fiasco, sibling rivalry rant, or history channel remark is heavily weighted. I also fail to recognize if a connection now is real or not. Maybe I've wrongly added all the points in my head. Maybe it was sincere. After presenting the numbers with this debate against myself, it ends in the same feeling either way: I snap out of it alone. If I'm so bothered by their silence then losing them would give me some peace of mind, right? Right?

All the roads are empty, say I love you plenty Like you got a sports car, two seat, you and me

#sobpersonalpost #sobsongblog

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feuqueerfire · 2 years

Text

Cutie Pie Live Blogging

I was really looking forward to this before it aired because of the concept and how high budget it seemed. I know a bit about what happened in the first few episodes before I muted the hashtags related to the show and from the general comments I’ve seen, it seems like it takes a while for situations to like... change or progress. An episode would come out and the discussion around it would be like the same as the previous 3 episodes lol (maybe with some excitement for nsfw scenes though). I hope me binging will make that not as noticeable and that I end up really liking this. I remember everybody loving the first few episodes though, so maybe watching them will bring my own hype and excitement again.

Episode 1 (May 25)

1-1

I like Nuea and Diao’s friendship

Not to be shallow but to be shallow, how often does Zee wear suits in this? Suits do less than nothing for me, I just remember seeing a few gifsets of him in casual clothes in this show and I hope that happens often.

Oh yeah, the rebuke of this ad. Sets the tone for how kinda melodramatic the show will be (’and then everybody clapped’ vibes) but I’ll let it slide because like it’s a criticism of media punching down queer people. do wish they explicitly mentioned dark skin isn’t undesirable.

I like Kuea, as Kirin being all cool and also when he’s being snarky in his head while being Nu-Kuea

Couldn’t escape the reducing women to villains/boy-crazy trope huh? All these men and the only interactions with women thus far have been the 2 servers who were speaking about Lian (so Kuea had to be sassy to them) and the business partner who’s also clearly moves on Lian. like goddamn let girls live

1-2

someone kick Lian, why is he needlessly cruel?

I don’t get why the show tried to make the Annabelle comment funny? It happens during a sad scene bro

1-3 and 1-4

a secret House?!

Kuea and Diao are cute, once again

many flashbacks. tbh I don’t get the grandpa’s reasoning for this engagement lol

when this episode was released, i was surprised to learn that lian learns about kuea/kirin so early on

oh yeah, that dream sequence lol I just finished Cherry Blossoms After Winter and it had a similar scene to that too

Episode 2 (May 25)

2-1

Dude even Kuea’s voice sounds different when he’s with his friends vs his parents/Lian. His voice sounds to nasally when he’s speaking to Lian but it sounds much more pleasant to me when he’s speaking with school friends/Diao

Naur, Diao coming in to take care of Kuea and also the flashback to him taking over cooking from Kuea ummm they’re very cute together. The day we get two cute, soft boys as the couple in a BL... we get plenty of masc4masc couples, how about fem4fem or just softer characters

broooo Kuea literally beginning Diao to marry him instead, why can’t they get together fr

2-2

I remember people being confused about what Yi/Diao’s deal was and I too am confused about that.

So true Kuea, what is up with Yi and Diao? Why do they act to tough and mysterious? It’s just not my type

Bro, what’s up with the “doing it” conversation, how can you be 20 something and be so scandalized about just talking about sex. It’s one thing to be like I haven’t had sex/I don’t want to have sex/I’ll wait until marriage/etc but what’s up with being so blushy blushy about it

Why does Lian as so dang detached to Kuea goddamn. Like even if he’s unsure about Kuea’s feelings or wants to be better for Kuea, he’s so impersonal with him

Kuea and Diao are freaking cute

I like Foei lol

Zee has very pretty eyes and eyelashes

2-3

I do like that New can sing, so Kuea’s singing is fine + the lyrics and song break make sense with the story.

Kuea’s really endearing

No like fr what’s up with Yi/Diao. What’s their relationship

2-4

Not Diao crying his eyes out suddenly and Yi being unsure what to do. Did Yi kinda get teary eyed too?

Perth’s character’s “You know my Thai isn’t that good”

lmfao Perth’s character and Kuea interacting, then panning to Lian watching them

Kuea seeing Lian everywhere T.T but also not recognizing actual Lian lmfao

Dang what does Perth’s character Jay have with Lian? Maybe Lian has contact with him because he knew Kuea would perform as Kiring at Jay’s club? I suppose he’s actually the one Lian called when he was like “save my usual spot” at the club

Bruh how is Lian able to just take a drunk, protesting Kuea out of the club with no resistance from the other patrons?

Me *handshake* Lian being very endeared by Kuea and his confusion

Also, I was waiting for Lian to show up in these casual clothes, he looks attractive in them + his smile

Ayo that last scene </3 Kuea T.T

For that last car scene I was just thinking wow this is really well done but if I was reading a well-written and well-crafted novel/fic with this scene, it would’ve changed me

From the r/boys_love thread for ep 2, seems like they thought it was a let down from episode 1 but I think I enjoyed them the same amount. I didn’t find it to be too draggy, I liked the Kuea/Diao scenes and also part 4 with all the Lian/Kuea.

Also they spoke about how Lian maybe has sat at that table and watched Kuea as Kirin previously and that’s sooooo cute actually.

Should I go through the people I follow’s cutie pie tags from when this episode was released to look through them? I kinda want to but I kinda wanna watch ep 3 too. hmm maybe I’ll just go through like 2-3 blogs.

Episode 3 (May 25)

3-1

At first I was like aww Lian wiping away Kuea’s tears but now this kissing scene has been going on for too long like why do we need a minute of them making out like that when it’s supposed to be heartbreaking lol

What’s interesting is that the whole plot is that Lian doesn’t know the real Kuea but also, we see that Kuea doesn’t know Lian all that well either. Keeps thinking the Lian he’s met is sooo different from his Hia Lian that it can’t be him at all, doesn’t know how Lian wants to kiss him and that he loves him, doesn’t know why Lian acts the way he does etc.

Glimpses of Kuea’s engagement ring is so <333

Will they not show us the aftermath of Yi/Diao’s scene? I think I read that apparently Diao was pretending to cry to get Yi off his back and idk how I feel about that, so I hope they show it soon

3-2

This is kinda funny and cute but also I’m like uhhh your relationship is on the verge of falling apart, is this the time for such fun

Wtf, I kinda find Mat or his character Yi cute in this scene

Getting to see the other best friends Yi and Lian spend time together is fun

Wait so the maid takes days off when she’s not supposed to but what does the mom not like about praying to the deities behind their house and what’s writing numbers on paper about? Maybe I’ll find some post that explains it

Okay, we get the confirmation that Lian’s doing all this to prove himself worthy of marrying Kuea but damn even his dad was like hey, talk to Kuea about your plans

3-3

Bro Jay’s caping for Lian so hard, why?

3-4

Kuea and Diao are freaking cute bro they’re so cute with Kuea’s sorry for making Yi lose and make up lunch date and the sandwiches Diao prepared for Kuea

Oh, I thought this Nuer kid had a different love interest but I guess he starts off liking Kuea

But why did Diao lie?! It’d be easy to say he’ll be grabbing food with Kuea

I don’t like how authoritative Lian is. Him tryna order Kuea is annoying

No but like I really don’t get what Lian’s plan is. I know he wants Kuea to live with him and I’d guess he wants Kuea to come clean about who he is but how are those correlated? In the preview for next episode, he tells Foei to make the house so nice that Kuea never wants to leave, which makes no sense like why would he want that? I don’t get it man.

Episode 4 (May 26)

4-1

The tone of this show really does throw me off like it’s serious but it’s silly

I really do have to turn my brain off to watch this because how are Kuea’s mom and fiance forcing him to live with his fiance even though he doesn’t want to agh

I think Lian and I both like it when Kuea has enough of Lian’s looming and just stands up and says what he wants lol. That one part where Kuea was actually the one moving forward while speaking and Lian was the one moving backwards

aw, does Kuea refer to himself and Qilin’s papa? a motorcycle dad

4-2

It’s funny how confident Lian and Yi each are about their standing in their own romantic relationships while being completely wrong

4-3

Killing me how people have been dying to know what Yi/Diao’s relationship is for the past 3 episodes while apparently Lian doesn’t even know despite being good friends with Yi lol

Kuea making the two stuffed animals have a conversation as him and Lian, cuteee

4-4

lol watching the car scene with Kuea silently crying while Lian ignores it just made I Knew You Were Trouble pop up in my mind “ No apologies / He'll never see you cry / Pretends he doesn't know / That he's the reason why / You're drowning”

girl what kinda blackbeard “don’t ever go to that room” vibes? He probably doesn’t have human bodies in there but rather something for Kuea because he knows Kuea’ll disobey? Maybe just something cute or like a Kirin memento to show that he knows it all actually?

Lian’s so annoying, what’s up with the “we’ll share a room” give Kuea choices or I’ll kick you

Like here’s the thinggggg it could be a good and fun game Lian’s playing if it didn’t hurt Kuea this bad. Tell him you love him and continue to play this game. You could even be like “hmm I think I kinda like you but maybe we should live together to see it blossom to love before we get properly engaged?” and we’d get the cohabitation but happier and it wouldn’t hurt so bad and we’d still have the conflicts of “I like Lian more than he likes me” and “I’m hiding secrets from Lian” and “Kuea’s not telling me everything”

Also it’s beyond me how Kuea thinks Lian doesn’t know everything despite everything literally being on Youtube and also Lian stating he knows everything.

Episode 5 (May 26)

5-1

Okayy they don’t have to actually share rooms

bold Kuea is always great, so he does still get shy or comply

loll Kuea also being tired of Lian putting his face so close and them just walking back and forth with mostly Lian looming

“A housewarming present ~From Hia” is actually really cute lol. A drumset that you know he’ll like behind a door you told him not to go to but you know he won’t listen.

The CCTV observing isn’t as cute though lol

5-2

The music that plays when Diao’s apologizing to Yi is the same was ep 5 part 4 in Bad Buddy after the fight, I’m pretty sure. That little episode was sooo much better than this, I wish they used a different song lol

Okay like Yi really doesn’t do anything to Diao or really even yell at him, so I’m confused why Diao doesn’t just tell him the truth about where he goes/what he does. If he doesn’t want to tell him at all, why doesn’t he communicate that?

5-3

Kuea thinking he’s tricking Lian but he’s actually the one being tricked ! cute

lmfao “Kuea, maybe telling the truth isn’t all that bad” - Diao

Oh, Kuea’s singing the Tilly Bird song Just Being Friendly, which is fair enough but I also associate this song with Bad Buddy lol I do like this performance though because listening to the other people in the club singing is also freaking fun. Makes it more dynamic

What exactly does Kuea do that’s “naughty” except lying?

5-4

Lian knowing Kuea doesn’t eat ginger and so giving him the bowl without it before Kuea even says anything... murder attempt against Feu, I really nearly died, love shown through food >>>>>, arrow straight to the heart etc

Anyway, Zee in casual clothes for the 2nd time

The cheek kiss + susunakrab + Foei combo is entertaining and cute

bro I hope the Nuer/Kuea scenes end soon lol The scenes with his other friends are fine

Episode 6 (May 26)

6-1

Is Foei’s actor in other shows? I might give them a try too, he’s entertaining

Buying the Keerati mansion? Why would Lian buy the mansion

Syn’s adorable lol so earnest

6-2

The friends pretending to be prim and proper computer engineers is killing me. Not all the humour of this show works with me (esp when I think it should be a more serious scene) but this one does

do I care about Yi/Diao...

6-3

The Ai’Hia! is great

It just makes me :< because Kuea feels trapped and like he can’t do what he wants while Lian’s giggling by himself, thinking this is just a fun game

6-4

Rip getting mistaken to be brothers while on an awkward ass date to begin with

Kuea talking more and more casually with Lian even by accident is sooo cute and Lian’s slighted face

Their little talk in the garden was sweet. They’re both trying but still, the secrets :<

Why can’t they kiss while Kuea’s not crying about his insecurities and about Lian not loving him

ngl I did skip a few times because the kissing lasts so long but I really liked how Kuea was atop the counter and Lian having to look up at him. Also Lian kissing his shoulders and jaw

In the BL Babes podcast, they mentioned in the book reason Lian wants to be partners with Gemini in ep 4 or smth is because Gemini isn’t booming except on days when Kirin performs. He wants to make sure it doesn’t close because of the lack of profits on other days so that Kuea will have Gemini to come back to whenever he wants. That is soooo cute bro >.< Much better than the kinda possessive vibes in the show because it doesn’t explain his reasoning at all

Episode 7 (May 26)

7-1

They show the whole make out scene again? I didn’t rewatch most of it but I do think the rings on their fingers is attractive

Oh yeah +1 Lian’s casual clothes counter: 3

7-2

Tbh we don’t know anything about Lian, it’s either his official self or stuff he’s doing to impress Kuea, so this dancing goofy thing is probably one of the only truly Lian bits we’ve seen, along with the cooking

I don’t really understand Yi and Diao but I stopped caring and wanting to tbh. Skipped most of their kiss scene too

At least Kuea and Diao don’t seem to be shying away from the kisses and seem to be fairly bold, which I like

7-3

Destabilized Nuer after the eye contact with Syn is interesting

Boun is sooo attractive.

7-4

Queer rights speech!

Girl, this Never Have I Ever at the club with the owner of the club while you’re late 20s? Funny writing choice to get Kuea to reveal things

Bruh whyyy would Lian say “Never Have I Kissed A Stranger” with the intention of making Kuea drink bc he thinks Lian that night was a stranger ?! alksdfj doesn’t that make them look bad because Kuea’s been engaged to Lian since forever ?!

What is this declaration in public in front of their friends and if Lian has always loved him, then why did he say he didn’t in the first episode?

Anyway, as always, I like Kuea taking the initiative and being bold after Lian pulls away but I’m still fastforwarding the long ass kiss, so rip the friends who have to just... sit there. They seemed to like it though, BounPrem’s characters are cute.

I think my method of having as little critical thought as possible while watching this is the best way because the character motivations is not the writer’s strongest suit lol. I think they had some quite cute moments this episode and that’ll tide me over.

Also, I haven’t watched anything with BounPrem except this and some tiktoks but Boun is seriously sooo gorgeous to me.

Episode 8 (May 26)

8-1

“I didn’t want to say [I love you] carelessly” but you said the opposite... said he didn’t love Kuea and that marriage doesn’t need love and they could live apart... I feel like they wanted the beginning to be SO DRAMATIC that it doesn’t align with the character or what he’s been saying since then

Here’s how I feel about this sex scene: I will not be watching all that but good for you. In between my fast forwarding, seems like the characters both really desired it and had fun and good for them. I am who I am so I liked seeing Kuea above Lian and kissing all over him. Also, as always, the glimpses of their rings is so good; like I’m not even into marriage like that but I guess it’s different when it’s gay

8-2

Lian puffing out his cheek for a kiss and the sniff kiss attack was cute

8-3

Nuer’s so sleek with the calling and then sniffing him

Foei’s first thought being like “oh I should punch him” “oh I should burn this” when Lian means much more mundane things by “sort out” is hilarious

I was kinda spoiled that in the novel Lian’s buying stuff because the Keerati family is going through tough times and he’s helping them out, so I’m not super suspicious of him even though he’s buying behaviour is suspicious

The Yi/Diao date would’ve been cuter if I cared about them at all. I’m more into the 3rd Nuer/Syn couple than them

8-4

What I don’t get is why does Kuea keep still worrying about whether Lian will like the real him when he knows that Lian was the one he kissed that night? So Lian knows he’s Kirin

Kuea and Diao are good as always, it’s just Yi/Diao is hard to care about

Kuea and Lian dinner meeting was so cute and domestic

Episode 9 (May 27)

9-1

Bro, Lian talking about how he wasn’t born rich and had to work as a kid etc is literally reminding me of immigrant parents’ stories to their children like why does it seem to fatherly i’m dead

9-2

Lian casual clothes counter +2: 5

Why did that scene speaking about queer rights need to be in the bathtub lol

woahh Kuea coming down with his Automotive Engineering shirt and earring on

Feoi!

9-3

Honestly Nuer and Syn are kinda cutee. Their scenes are kinda not NuerSyn scenes cuz Nuer still looks at Kuea sometimes but then Syn looks at Nuer and it is, in fact, a NuerSyn scene

9-4

I don’t care about Yi and Diao anymore bruh let their scenes end I want more of Kuea being Kirin and how the main couple will deal with that. I wanna see Lian’s reaction and stuff man

Like that’s the main conflict of the story right, Kuea’s hiding something and doesn’t know how Lian would react. Shouldn’t they tie that up properly soon

Oof, Kuea found all the documents where Lian’s taking over the Keerati family properties

Episode 10 (May 27)

10-1

Why did Yi buy Diao a dog while thinking he might be scared of them tf

Kuea’s gonna pay for food and delivery at the Pentagon? Why do they even do delivery, it’s a club. Maybe delivery works differently in Thailand

Yeah Kuea call your mom! Get her to tell you why all the deeds are in Lian’s name since she and your dad would’ve had to sign off on it! I don’t get why they didn’t explain it to Kuea from the start like lasdf

Dang, Kuea waiting for Lian to explain the documents on his own. It’s kinda like a reversal of how Lian was waiting for Kuea to tell him about Kirin/the house/racing/etc.

10-2

Girl, he saw you in your automotive engineering uniform lmfao

No but why are Syn and Nuer so cute to me. Everyone talks about being bored of the engineering guys falling for each other but I guess I’m not

Ooh, boundary setting between friends when Kuea tells his friend to stop joking about ~hot night with the fiancé~. Interesting to see

rip Kuea crying. I know in ep 11 Kuea rejects Lian’s public proposal and I guess that’s because this still hasn’t been cleared up by then?

10-3

No but for real though why did nobody tell Kuea anything?

Why am I :D watching the NuerSyn scene?

This Yi/Diao scene was cuter than the last few

10-4

The love confession from Yi was... okay, though we still don’t know what he was originally gonna tell Diao. I fully skipped the nsfw scene though. Not even fast forwarding here and there the way I did for Lian/Kuea but just full skip forward because why are you wasting time showing this right now, there are 2 episodes left agh

Okayyy Kuea’s finalllyyyyyy calling his mom. I hope his mom actually tells him everything

lol I just went and rewatched the NuerSyn scene from 10-3 because it was cute ! Sitting beside each other and the knee hold was cute ! I only care about them and Kuea/Diao friendship tbh (+ some Kuea/friends)

Episode 11 (May 27)

I’m like... dreading watching this lol I was kinda bored during ep 10 and I know there’s a rejection of a public proposal in this ep like what if I just skip this ep and go to ep 12 lol but I won’t

11-1

So the call cleared up nothing

These supposedly cute scenes between KueaLian like ep 10 “be my boyfriend” and the happy scene here are like... not happy because we know Kuea’s just pretending and like agh. Reminds me of Dark Blue Kiss PeteKao where I wasn’t having a fun time during cute moments because of all the secrets

Why doesn’t he ask Liannnnnnn or why didn’t he tell his mom what he saw? Get an actual explanation instead of being haunted by those documents and decide to pretend they don’t exist and everything’s fine. Not to mention I still haven’t gotten a satisfying enough conclusion to the Kirin/Kuea’s secret identity arc because they still haven’t addressed it. Kuea still thinks Lian believes he’s in Computer Engineering for fuck’s sake.

Nuchy’s hardly there but at least she got to kick Ton’s ass about “are you annoyed because you’re on your period?” bs

No like why is it that this show is supposed to be new and have unique dynamics but it’s fucking up with the writing so bad that the engineering students’ antics + the 3rd couple engineering students are my favourite parts. Syn’s “I don’t usually go to places like that but if you go, I'll go too” > KueaLian and YiDiao’s sexy times where they’re hiding things from each other or being annoying.

11-2

Foei kills me every time alksjf Drops the apple pen or whatever and is like “Khun Lian krab, could you get that?” alskdjf At least when he said it about the paper a few episodes ago the paper was actually on Lian’s side of the table.

Yes! I was hoping we’d get another Lian with Kuea’s friends scene

aaaakkkkk. How do I feel about that? First the accidental kiss lol cringe but Nuer made it better with the “That wasn’t a kiss, this is a kiss” and kissing Syn properly buttttt why is it with all their friends just staring bruh? This show freaking loves PDA with an enraptured audience but it’s so awkward. I like how when Nuer pulled back, Syn stumbled a little chasing his lips.

Diao’s curfew being 9pm kills me because even I’m allowed to stay out till 11/12

11-3

I truly don’t get it, so Kuea still thinks Lian doesn’t know he’s Kirin even though Lian admitted to being that person that night? Or is Kuea like maybe Lian didn’t know what he was saying yes to

Okay, so they do discuss the land deeds documents here.

“Why didn’t you ask me when you same them?” Yeah bro, Kuea should’ve just been like hey what’s this?

So Lian’s gonna propose publicly after this whole ordeal?

Alright, I’ll watch the last part and ep 12 tomorrow lol I can’t watch the rest rn

11-4

Girl I don’t wanna watch this lol A public proposal is cringe enough but one where mans is rejected ?! Nope.

Yeah I don’t get how we’re at last part for episode 11 and still Kuea doesn’t straight up tell everything to Lian and act like himself around him, rather much more polite and soft.

I’ve been watching most of this 4th part but especially since Lian started singing as watching 1 second, fast forwarding 5 secs, watching 1 sec, fast forward 5 secs

It’s such an awkward place to do propose brother. At Lian’s father’s very grand 60th birthday party where Kuea knows and is comfortable with like 2 people total. Also, the guests are like... business people too I’m assuming? Lian was just gassed up and introduced as the new CEO or whatever, taking his dad’s place in everything, and then gets publicly rejected? Gosh lol

“It’s better if we don’t” omg

Anyway, skip skip skip I can’t watch this. Saw some glimpses of tears and walking away. Like I’m not even invested enough in the relationship or characters for this to be like painful or sad for me, just anxious and embarrassing.

This comment under the part 4 video by Made In Busan kinda summed up all my thoughts: “This was hard to watch but expected. They lied to each other throughout the whole relationship. The only truth they ever told each other is that they love each other but everything else was an unnecessary lie. And like Kuea said in episode 9: "love is not just about the two of us, there are many factors involved". As a kid, Lian felt insecure about not being good enough because he was just an ice delivery boy and Kuea was from a wealthy family. As an adult, Kuea lied about his studies and his singing career because he felt that he was not fancy enough for serious, businessman Lian. Lian lies to Kuea about his family property and does stuff behind his back without telling him about any of it. At least the lies that Kuea told don't really affect Lian's life, whereas Lian keeping the Keerati property thing from him is a big deal that is tied to Kuea's inheritance and wealth. It's a mess and it's true that this is not how a relationship should be so it's expected that Kuea doesn't feel comfortable being engaged to him anymore. He just wants to be his equal and for them to be honest with each other. I totally understand him but I also wish I didn't have to see Lian cry in front of all his family and friends. I'm heartbroken for both of them. I hate public proposals LOL”

I wish the show just had better writing and character development lol. Like I don’t get how in ep 2 or something Kuea called off his engagement because he was upset and wanted to show everybody who he was and then in freaking episode 11 he feels guilty for keeping secrets and not showing the real him and so he rejects the proposal.

Anyway, I’m not even that annoyed or upset because I knew it was gonna happen and the writing has been bad the whole show and I’m not invested enough, my feelings are mostly bored and yikes!

Episode 12 (May 28)

People said episode 12 is a much better ending than expected considering where episode 11 left off, so that’s good at least

12-1

Doing all this in front of the guests, my gosh. This shit is the reason my mom is always like “pray we return with all our man-shomman (honour-respect)” before we go anywhere lmfao

12-2

Like, couldn’t the episode 11 dramatic falling out be a little less dramatic? Because it’s being wrapped up easily and quickly here compared to how big I’d think the actual ramifications would be

Anyway, this show could’ve been so much better if this conversation of them discussing Kuea’s alternate identity was discussed a few episodes into the show and we got to see them fall in love as their true selves.

The Yi/Diao conclusion didn’t flesh out anything at all lol but it’s fine sure

12-3

Bro Syn and Nuer are sooo like average and common, so why do I find them cute >.< like they’re any and every side BL couple, so I’m not like super invested or anything, it’s just I like them the most out of the 3 I guess? Or maybe tied with KueaLian

loll Feoi with Yi’s personal assistant?

I wonder how this show is affecting the viewers’ thoughts of gay marriage. There must be people out of the millions who are watching who don’t support legalization of gay marriage and I wonder if this’ll sway them?

12-4

We get to see Kuea be more forward and open with Lian but why must it be sooo late in the show man

Lian continually thwarting Kuea’s plans to propose ?! lol

Kuea kissing Diao’s cheek and him getting getting shy haha

I know Lian’s pulling a little joke but just the thought of this couple having a second public proposal go horribly wrong is like aging me by 10 years. Had to pause and do some other stuff lol

Foei’s greatt

Me skipping the long ass confessions and marriage stuff because I really cannot handle that many sappy words. This show’s really pushing for marriage legality rights though and I really am curious to see if it has any irl effects (not that I’ll really be able to tell) and whether other shows will take a stance like this too. Like this show managed to say “yeah, sadly we don’t have all the rights” without veering off into depressing queer territory, so maybe other BLs might? I’d be curious to see

It’s true, the last episode is quite good. Wish some of this happened earlier so that we could’ve actually seen Kuea and Lian be themselves around each other without secrets. Throughout the show, Kuea flip-flopped so much between being forward or rebellious against Lian or being obedient and ”good”.

So much of this show felt... filler and repetitive because the overarching plot wasn’t really moving. Wish it was 10 episodes, the Kuea/Kirin stuff was wrapped up in the first few episodes, we get to see them falling in love and we can have some small internal drama here too, maybe the land deeds drama, and finally 1 external drama in episode 9 that causes conflict but we still get to see that they love each other and will fight for each other, etc. Instead, the same thing was dragged on and on and on.

Didn’t like Yi/Diao because their relationship wasn’t explained well and didn’t have much draw. I don’t like love interests like Lian and Yi, so there’s that - the actors are both quite beautiful though but still not enough to make me like the characters. Like Diao and Kuea’s friendship, as well as Lian and Yi’s. I liked Kuea’s friendship with his classmates too and how they interacted with each other, both looking out for one another but also being forthright when they didn’t like another’s behaviour. I liked Foei.

I think people really liked the makeout and nsfw scenes because apparently they had great chemistry and ease but I skipped through pretty much all of them, so that wasn’t a draw for me. I have to like the characters and be invested in the relationship to really like the more physically intimate scenes (exception: Y-Destiny Puth and Kaeng) but I didn’t like either couple like that.

Astonishing that this show was supposed to give me some uniqueness, some new dynamics and characters and plot and setting, etc. Instead, I thought the engineering friend group was endearing and NuerSyn’s few scenes were the cutest even though it was sooo typical. Although, I did end up skipping through their kissing scene too.

I was impressed by New and his acting, so I hope he does well in his next series too.

My overall feelings about this series is: mild annoyance and mile boredom and mild enjoyment.

Rating: 5.5/10

Tiktoks

Saved this before I watched the show and while I still had hope that it’d be good lol it’s from ep 1 while Kuea was waiting for Lian to be finished and played the airdrums to Lian looking on with “I love everything you do~” in the bg

this random NuerSyn (TutorYim) parallels to UWMA WinTeam (BounPrem)

“Hia?” “Khap”

Lian imitating what Kuea looks like when he’s mad

random video of Tutor “being jealous” of Yim with NetJames but actually I saved it because Yim just kept getting mandled by everyone

NuerSyn kiss in the club

Nuer and Syn looking over the project together and then the knees thing

umm look away, TutorYim dowry price negotiation @ the fans

#ep by ep commentary #cutie pie the series

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poisonouswritings · 2 years

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oh did y'all think we were done with the creepy Pokédex scenarios?

no we ain't

There's so many creepy Pokémon and I feel like that needs to get explored/played with more

TW: mostly just stalking, heat exhaustion, don't worry no one dies (I'm not that mean)

Gn!reader, kinda long

You thought that after taming Dialga and Palkia (and Giratina) that the space-time distortions would stop. When it became clear that wasn't the case then you figured they'd at least be smaller, or bring weaker Pokémon or something.

You were wrong.

They aren't getting stronger persay but there are new Pokémon. Ones you only vaguely recognize from old research. Ones you completely forgot existed. Ones that no one in Hisui has ever seen or will ever see again.

You know that you're lucky. Not only do you have the unique position of being the closest thing to a Champion that this region has - meaning you have plenty of allies who are willing to give you information - but you have knowledge of the future.

If your MC was the protag of D/P, you had to learn about other regions' dangerous Pokémon as part of your Champion duties. If your MC was just a normal person, you probably learned a few things in school and other things through word of mouth.

It's that knowledge of the future (well, that knowledge of space-time-related Pokémon) that's led Adaman to call you to the Diamond Clan settlement.

It's the summer months, and the Crimson Mirelands isn't exactly known for it's pleasant weather this time of year. You show up early in the morning with the hopes of getting this over with before the sun hits it's zenith and burns the land. You aren't particularly optimistic but hey, at least you'll get to see one of your friends

You set off on Wrydeer, needing the speed. It's only seven in the morning or so and beads of sweat are already pricking at your forehead. You're decidedly Not Pleased™ but there's nothing for it. Maybe if you get this done fast enough, you can invite Adaman to the Cobalt Coastlands?

Adaman in swimming trunks?? It's enough to spur you onwards

You bring Wrydeer to a stop once you reach the first set of torches that mark the entrance to the settlement. The Pokémon vanishes in a familiar flash of white. That's teleportation for you. You idly wonder if the deer is going to kill time in the shade beside a pond, snacking on dewy grass. Vibing.

Wow you're envious of a deer.

You shake your head and roll your shoulders, hand drifting down to the two canteens on your hip. You've got Samurott with you in case you need more water, because you trust him to be cleaner than the toxic-sludge-filled-bogs that are spread throughout the land, but you'd like to avoid that if possible.

Waiting for you on the edge of the settlement is not just one clan leader, but two

Irida in a swimsuit? Oh you have to get today's issue resolved fast.

Irida explains that since these are space-time distortions, she oughta come along. Plus the Icelands have been getting similar outcroppings of foreign Pokémon so she wants to learn everything she can as fast as she can.

Can't argue with that. You're just happy you get to go out with your friends.

So the three of you set off. There's been a few reports of unfamiliar Pokémon wandering around. Most of them are at least recognizable to you;

A circle of metal that ominously rattles. You're pretty sure that's Klefki but it's significantly funnier to think a ring of keys just gained sentience

A bag of trash that you think is Trubbish

A giant angry pinecone that is, respectively, Pineco.

Pokemon are weird sometimes

Anyways none of those particularly worry you. It's the fourth sighting that has you on edge because you're not even sure it is a Pokémon. The reports keep calling it a plant of some sort. The issue is it's there one day and gone the next. What concerns you the most is that Rei and Akari have sworn they've seen the things moving in the dead of night, creeping through the shadows in a little group. Luckily the kids were smart enough to run but

Someone less Pokémon-savy might not be so lucky. There hasn't been any reports of people going missing but that doesn't mean much. It's only been a few days, and missing reports don't usually come in until at least week. And there are smaller villages, bands of travelers and the like that pass through these lands and can't be accounted for. Either way the situation puts a knot in the pit of your stomach.

So here you are with Adaman and Irida, trying to track down 4-5 plant/Pokémon/things.

And the Mirelands? It's big. Even with Adaman's knowledge of his homeland there's still so much ground to cover. And with the sun creeping up the sky and the temperature steadily climbing, you and Irida really don't want to stay out here any longer than you absolutely have to

Adaman suggests you can save time by splitting up. You know your way around pretty well and since the Mirelands is pretty flat, even a fool like Irida should be able to sweep her area in a reasonable amount of time.

Irida rolls her eyes and punches his shoulder. He yelps and rubs the spot but he's biting back a grin. You hide a laugh behind your hand. These two get along much better now but they'll probably always tease each other like this. You wouldn't have it any other way though.

You're not thrilled at the prospect but it's just the Mirelands. The Pokémon here aren't that strong. Adaman lives here so he knows what he's up against. And you've personally seen Irida hold her own in a battle. You all agree to meet back at the settlement by sundown. And you make them both promise that they won't intentionally pick a fight with these plant/things. All they're doing is gathering intel and reporting back to you.

You just don't want either of them getting hurt

Irida gives the both of you a small pouch of Oran berries and tells you both to be safe.

Since you have the help of noble Pokémon, you have the biggest slice of land to cover. With Braviary you soar over the land. Lady Sneasler helps you scale steep edifices. Basculegion lets you cut through rivers. Ursaluna sniffs out hidden goodies so at least you won't be going home empty-handed. And Wrydeer leaves clouds of dust in your wake as you tear through the plains.

It's Hot. You feel woozy. You sip on your canteens and resist the impulse to drain them dry. Or is it better to drain them and just get as much energy as you can now? You aren't actually sure. Why is your Survey Corps uniform so sweaty and heavy and itchy? Eventually you have to take a break. You find a decent enough tree near one of the ponds in the Holm of Trials. You bring Wrydeer to a stop and hop to the ground, giving him a few pats on the side. Sweat runs in rivulets down your face. You glance around. Adaman is taking everything north of the settlement, from the Heath to the Brava Arena. And Irida is handling the east, from Lake Valor to the Droning Meadow. You're out to the southwest, about as far from them as could be. So you undo the belt around your waist and tug off your uniform, leaving you in the tank top and shorts that you always wear underneath.

You set your uniform on the branch of a tree and settle - stumbling a bit, the temperature is leaving you light-headed - under the shade, pulling out your ArcPhone to check the map. You make a mental list of the places you've checked - The Solaceon Ruins, the Scarlet Bog, Ursa's Ring, you've been across the land. Could the Pokémon have left through another space-time distortion? It's possible. But you don't want to be wrong about this

A chill runs up your spine. It's like a sixth sense, something you've developed since coming to Hisui. So you open your eyes and glance around. Is there something targeting you? You don't see anything, but... You suddenly feel vulnerable. You feel like you're being watched. You pop Samurott out of his ball. He stands guard while you get dressed. He seems uneasy too, but neither of you see anything.

Just trees. Trees and plants. So why does something feel so wrong?

You summon Wrydeer. Your body feels feverish and heavy but you push yourself onto the saddle.

You return Samurott.

You set off back across the plains, still feeling ice creeping up your spine.

No matter how fast you run, swim, or fly, you still feel like something is watching you.

And you still feel unbearably hot.

You get back to the Diamond settlement a few minutes after sundown, but at least there's still light out. You're still burning up. Adaman is waiting for you with a grin. He points out that you're late as he tosses you a fresh canteen. You roll your eyes at his laughter. Drain the ice cold water. It's a welcome relief but you still feel pretty sick. You're so hot that you're starting to feel a chill. You ask where Irida is. Adaman snorts and points out that she's never cared about time before, so why would now be any different?

The two of you stand around for a few minutes. He points out how red your face is and teasingly asks if you're blushing. You aim a light kick at his shins but your leg is too heavy. He must notice because he reaches into one of the pockets of his haori and hands you a bottle of pink-purple liquid you've come to recognize as the Diamond clan's unique brand of medicine. You tell him to save it for Irida, knowing how sore the snow-loving girl will be after a day in the blistering sun. Neither of you found anything but you both felt like you were being followed.

The last rays of sunlight finally slip away. A tense silence falls over the both of you.

Irida is twenty minutes late.

Adaman pulls out his pouch of Oran berries at the same time as you summon Ursaluna.

Sniff...sniff... Snort!

To be honest, you normally don't use Ursaluna that often. But it's times like these you're thankful for the bear.

You and Adaman hop on and Ursaluna takes off. It isn't the fastest runner. It takes you nearly fifteen minutes to reach Droning Meadows.

Ursaluna slows down. You must be getting close.

You slide off the bear and walk along beside it to wake yourself up a bit. You keep your fingers tangled in rusty brown fur to stay standing, trying not to let on how dizzy you feel. Adaman stays mounted, scanning your surroundings.

Shadows. There are so many shadows. The stars above are so bright and clear that it's easy to see the dark shapes on the rocky ground. Shapes that are moving. Not your shapes. Adaman dismounts from Ursaluna. He doesn't see anything. But you can both see shadows. You send the big bear away, knowing it won't help much in battle. You feel like you're being watched.

Oh. You're not.

But Irida is.

You know how much Irida hates the heat. You should have seen this coming. You feel even worse than before, seeing her sprawled out in the dirt with sunburnt skin. How long has she been laying there?

How long have those things been surrounding her?

There's six of them. Each around four feet tall. They've got thorns running down their arms and legs. At first you think it's a hat that's pulled down low over those sickly yellow eyes, but a second look tells you it's actually part of their bodies. They are... Pokémon. It isn't until you finally see them that you realize what they are

Cacturne.

And they're all circling closer to the unconscious Irida.

Surprisingly it's Adaman - never one to waste time - that acts first. He throws his Pokéball right in the nearest Cacturne's face. Leafeon emerges in a brilliant flood of light and immediately begins scratching.

The other Cacturne start to run. You grab two Pokéballs and open them both. Samurott - you frantically tell him to cool Irida down - and Decidueye - who flies sharply forward and uses his claws to scratch at the nearest enemy. You run after them, blood rushing in your ears.

The heat of the day has sapped your energy too. If it wasn't for Decidueye's flurry of fast attacks, the Cacturne would probably be all over you. You know it as soon as you look one of them dead in the eye.

But what would they do? No time to think. Now that the sun has set, the air is starting to turn a little cooler. But it's not enough. There's a gnash in your stomach and a cramp in your thigh as you narrowly roll out of the way of a Pin Missle. It tears the back of your uniform. The sound of ripping fabric echoes in your ears.

You're lucky that Decidueye is so well-trained. Even without your orders direction he goes about beating the wild Pokémon back. There's a familiar crack of thunder as a space-time distortion appears nearby.

You grit your teeth, suck in a breath, and run. Your muscles scream in protest but you press on, letting out a loud whistle to Decidueye as you streak past. You stumble a bit. The Cacturne turn and face you. Decidueye blocks their way to the already-unconscious Irida, so you're the next easiest picking around here.

Pounding footsteps follow you.

You rush head-long into the distortion and throw yourself into a path of tall grass. You cover your mouth, pulse slamming way too fast in your ears. The world spins around you but you can't tell if that's from exhaustion or the peculiarities of this area.

The Cacturne enter. The other wild Pokémon, those brought forth by the rip in reality, don't pay them any mind. You can barely see them from where you're positioned.

Your eyes shut. You struggle to open them again. It's hard, so hard,,,, you're so,,,,, tired an,,,,d y,,,o,u ju,,,,s, t w,,,an,,t ,,, to sl,,,,,eep,,,,,,,

,,,,,,

You snap awake. The Cacturne are surrounding you in a circle that's gradually tightening. You really don't think you can run anymore so you just close your eyes again.

Another crack of thunder.

Cool air. Yanma buzzing. Murkrows cawing in the distance. Claws lightly brush against your shoulder.

With Decidueye's help you get to your feet. You still feel sick but the night is getting cooler. You reach the others. Adaman had Irida's feet slightly inclined, and Samurott is alternating between blowing cool mist in her face and using hid flippers to fan her. You sit down next to her, catching some of the mist when the wind blows the right way.

Adaman tosses you the potion again and this time you accept it gratefully. It's disgustingly bitter but, hey, it works. At least you don't feel like you're about to pass out anymore.

He asks you what it was the Cacturne were planning. You look down at Irida and shrug, carefully brushing a few loose strands of hair off her forehead. Her skin still feels too warm, but she's probably a lot better off than she was earlier. She responds just slightly to your touch, mumbling something half-lucid under her breath, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

You really don't know what those Cacturne wanted.

But you're glad you didn't have to find out.

#i think the idea of watchers with unknown intentions can be #pretty horrifying #Pokemon #pokedex #pokemon legends arceus #pla #legends arceus #very little bit of adaman x reader x irida #adaman x reader ish #irida x reader ish #ozzy daydreams #tw stalking #stalking

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