#like im allowed to have boundaries and to feel hurt by her behavior

[natjennie]

the vibe fucking sucks right now

#i know it's not her fault i know and i know its not my fault #like im allowed to have boundaries and to feel hurt by her behavior #but it just makes me feel so guilty. to get mad or upset or whatever when i know she's going through worse #and it's really easy to say shit like yknow everyone's struggle is valid #but its a lot fucking harder to actually sit with it and take it in #and allow yourself to be upset without the guilt that comes with it

[nereidprinc3ss]

BESTIE. I was just casually thinking about your whole dybmn series and now I’m wondering, as both reader and Spencer become more confident with their spicy dynamics, what kind of lover would Spencer become with her? New k!nks, maybe?, I JUST genuinely think that Spencer is so whipped for her that he would definitely use toys and anything else, not only to experiment but to get to know and find out about all of her secret facets.

I believe she would be his “creation” like he would be so proud to see her development in her confidence in spicy times like smirking all over as she does anything to please him and he’d be like “yeah, I created that” because I’M BITING MY PILLOW RIGHT NOW and gonna dig up a hole after this to hide myself because my thoughts are so hideous. Girlie, what did you do to me? I wasn’t like this. 😩

oh let’s discuss

18+ long ass rambling and things i think about A Lot ……..

in my opinion (which is not the end all be all everyone can perceive them however they’d like) reader and spencer definitely bring out more sexually adventurous sides of each other like they just have a shit ton of chemistry and for a while ithink spencer would just be easing reader into sexuality so nothing that crazy would happen aside from the power dynamics we see pretty much from the start. i think those would definitely get stronger and occasionally more variable. im not usually into sub!spence but i think there would be times he would definitely allow reader to have more control (i don’t ever think he’d be like calling them mommy lmfao) but aside from that i could also see him veering VERY rarely in a slightly harder!dom direction. like he’ll never hurt or seriously degrade you but in p3 reader says something about liking it when he acts like they belong to him and he was really into that. as the relationship progresses i think he would almost start taking more ownership of r’s body in a way, like obviously nothing is ever nonconsensual but he just knows you so well that it’s like… well he knows you better than you know yourself sooo you let him call the shots, but at his core i think spencer is forever oriented to please. he just wants to make you feel good, that’s always gonna be his goal, so he’s always going to listen and even if the power dynamic is weighed in his favor you are actually always the one in control bc he’d do anything for u lol

in terms of kinks…. idk, i never really see spencer as a super kinky guy? like he just knows too much about paraphilia and obviously sexual violence ties into a lot of his job so i sincerely doubt he’d find giving or receiving pain arousing beyond like slapping your ass or you scratching his back or whatever. love is always at the heart of sex for him and that’s going to be the most important part, he’ll never be able to see you just as a body. he’ll always see you as the person he’s in love with and there are things he’s simply not willing to do to the person he loves.

because of his trauma he’s super duper hesitant about bondage BUT i think he wouldn’t be completely opposed to very light restraints on you or him, he’d just have to be in a specific mood. i also never see him as being someone who’s super into toys because he’s such a luddite, he can barely stand having an email i doubt he’s going to have an extensive collection of sex toys. but he would so use your vibrator on you or make you use it on yourself in front of him again if he’s in a very specific mood

oh but YES he DELIGHTS in having defiled and corrupted you. idc idc im not accepting criticism on this. like he spoils you so much that you’re used to getting him whenever you want and so you’re not very subtle about it. if you get all needy in public and start draping yourself all over him and giving him looks and pulling on his sleeve because you want to go home he’ll fuck you in rossi’s bathroom because he wants to encourage your lewd behavior.

obviously he has boundaries tho and he has respect for you and the people around him like he won’t do anything that draws attention and he’ll only ever do things he knows he can get away with without anyone else noticing

later seasons spence also LOVES when you leave marks on him he thinks it’s cute how you mark your territory and he’s not at all embarrassed if there is a hickey above his collar at work. in his mind it’s like. why would he care about other peoples opinions on his sex life when they have nothing to do with it god i think about this all the time

anyway im sorry if this was disappointing😭 idkidk, thank you for asking about my thoughts tho bc i am always down for headcanons

#ramblings #asks

[uncloseted]

how do I make someone respect my boundaries? my stepfather teases me all the time and he complains about everything i do, and he does it mostly to be annoying and won't stop even if i say clearly i don't like it. him and my mom have no consideration of me nor my time, they don't respect when i say i don't like something and when i try to call them out on something they say im ignorant and rude, please what do i do? is so frustrating it makes me feel emotional cuz is like they're disregarding my feelings it feels really condensing of them and idk how to change that

The thing about people is that, as much as we want to, we can't really make them do anything. We can only let them know what we're comfortable with and what we're not; what they do is up to them. So setting boundaries is really for ourselves more than it is for other people. Boundaries aren't rules other people have to follow when they're around us; they're terms that we set for ourselves about how we'll allow other people to interact with us. Setting boundaries can include things like telling someone when they've done something that makes you uncomfortable, learning to say no, being honest and transparent about how you're feeling, and removing yourself from situations that make you uncomfortable. It doesn't look like giving a person a set of rules that they have to follow when they're around you.

However, the fact that boundaries are for the person setting them can be difficult, especially in situations where there's an uneven power balance. Setting boundaries with parents can be especially hard when you're a minor since they're in control of a lot of aspects of your life. That said, most of the time it can be done, but unfortunately, you're probably going to need to be the mature one in this situation.

I would start by talking to your mom about the situation. Do it at a time where nobody is emotional- so not right after your stepfather has said something you don't like, not when either of you are tired, hungry, or upset, not when you mom has had a long day at work, etc. Maybe let her know that you appreciate that your stepfather is trying to connect with you by teasing you, but that you don't like it when he teases you and that you feel like your boundaries aren't being respected. It's a good idea to acknowledge the intention of the action and to demonstrate appreciation for what her and your stepfather do, so acknowledging that your stepfather is probably trying to connect with you through his teasing or that his criticisms are trying to help you improve the way you do things can go a long way in making your mom feel comfortable with the conversation. Try to keep things positive even though this is a difficult conversation to have.

Be clear and concise about what the issue is and why it hurts you without assigning blame to her or to your stepfather. Identify how the behavior makes you feel, and don't apologize for the way that you're feeling. Try to be compassionate to the position your mom is in, since she's mediating between you and your stepfather. If you can, suggest an alternative- "I know he's trying to bond with me, but maybe we could do it a different way. I know he really likes [insert activity here]. Maybe I could do that with him sometime?"

If this discussion goes well, your mom might help you to set boundaries with your stepfather as well. If not, you might need to have this same type of conversation with him. Once you've had that initial conversation, you may have to repeat yourself as he gets used to treating you differently. Any time he starts teasing you, remind him that you appreciate that he's trying to connect with you, but when he teases you, you feel uncomfortable. This demonstrates that you're sticking to the boundaries that you've set and that they're important to you. If you can, exit the situation when it becomes too much or when the boundaries have been crossed.

If setting and maintaining these boundaries isn't working after a few months, you may be stuck. If you can, this is the point where it would be helpful to bring in a therapist or counselor, but that can be difficult to suggest when you're still a minor. Until you're an adult, you may have to physically remove yourself from the situation (such as by spending more time at a friend's house, at school, at the library, etc) or find ways to cope on your own.

[groggyaeneator]

Not my place but since your sharing online im sending this ask,

Do you think, that this person, your metamore. Would like you posting about them like this? Like. Idk man it seems like you didnt bother to ask them about their relationship, and this waxing and waning, if you cared you know, you wouldve but from my perspective you didnt, and dont. You said it yourself you had an unhealthy relationship with that one girl, but, their partner, someone you barely knew??? Like get a grip?

Also how much of their relationship do you know about, how can you be sure of their feelings about these events? things that occured, your just projecting. Is what it comes down too. Like? Idk man. kinda weird to talk about someone you only tangentially knew.

This is my blog to post my personal thoughts and vents. That post has reblogs turned off for a pretty significant reason. None of my followers even know who this person is, they were someone who I interacted with in real life and very rarely online. (The only way someone would know who I was talking about is if they are my ex or someone from my ex's life violating my boundaries and checking up on my blog after I have repeatedly asked for that behavior to stop, so I find this ask pretty interesting...! Its almost like these people are telling on themselves when they accuse me of similar things.)

I was emotionally abused to the point that the situation almost killed me. I'm in therapy for it now and I've gotten a "grip," but the emotions are still a lot to process, and I've been encouraged to write about it. So yeah, sometimes I do throw shit into the void with my tumblr blog. I'm really hurt and wounded after what happened. Frankly, compared to how much my ex publicly posted about me, directly mentioning me by name, after being very loose with photos of me and location information, to hundreds of followers....? I have less than 25 followers on this blog and I'm being generic as hell, so I really don't see how I'm being problematic. I'm keeping names out of my mouth. That's more than what has been done about me.

In theory there's no way my former metamour should have been able to see that post, unless they were violating my boundaries. If they came across it regardless, somehow, I would hope they would understand that I'm venting my feelings and regrets in a way that in no way traces back to them.

You're still right, though.

If I cared about their relationship, if I had these concerns, I would have talked to them. I didn't. And I'm guilty as hell about it. I feel like shit about that. And I'm sorry about that. I could blame it on a lot of things: that our girlfriend tried to convince me they were a competitor, that they were someone I should avoid "becoming," that I should have her back when they are being "useless." But at the end of the day, she didn't make me not talk to this person. She didn't make me buy in to those beliefs. I was selfish about it! I was awful about it! I had every opportunity to reach out and check in: After every incident, I could have, and SHOULD have, reached out. I should have been a better friend in general, too! I had a lot of opportunities, and I didn't. And I was being incredibly selfish. They have every right to be upset at me.

That's why I wrote that letter.

And it's true that I don't know what every aspect of their relationship is like. There's a lot that I don't know about. But I can only, and have only, spoken on what I have personally witnessed, which was largely reflections of my own abuse: the gaslighting, love bombing, the disrespect and dehumanization. Personally I don't believe any amount of good can outweigh what I witnessed, but I'm open to being wrong.

If this IS you, like I think it is, you're allowed to be mad. Furious even! At me, at that post, at whatever. But I do have a bit of unsolicited advice. I know your girlfriend has been pushing therapy on you, like she did me... Go. Do it. I know I gave you the information for my office and they have other queer therapists there besides mine who I could see you meshing well with. Even if I'm 100% wrong about your situation, I still think it will be incredibly beneficial, and if I'm wrong there's nothing for you to be afraid of. But if I'm even a smidgen right, they can also help you deal with it.

Lastly: I've blocked you on most platforms and I know you've blocked me. I ask that you respect that distance and not try to circumvent that. I don't want you seeing what I post in my private spheres. I'm not checking up on you and looking to see what you and your girlfriend post, so I ask that you offer me the same. If you DO ever want to reach out and have a real, legitimate discussion, you have my phone number. You can use that to reach me, and I'll be willing to talk. But if you can refrain from stalking my social medias, I'd appreciate it.

#Anonymous #ga is typing #answered #I refuse to believe this is a neutral third party btw lmao it is so obviously not idk why you're pretending #Bestie you're making a lot of bold assumptions in this ask that no one who has just been seeing my posts would be able to make. #To not even try to disguise the writing style from the last anon you sent me either.............. #Idk if this is [metamour] or [ex] or [one of their cronies] but wild to know i take up this much space in your mind

[earth2carmen]

I haven't really been posting tbh I kinda forgot about this shit my life been so busy lately just work work work I dont have any days off I work 7 days a week, 2 jobs and one of them is third shift which in itself its hard asf not bc the job is hard but because I have to stay up until 7 am and come in at 10 or 11 depending on what they schedule me on, I have lost 15 pounds since feb 19th or around that date and its now march 5th so that's really good, at this rate ill be at my goal weight soon. just gotta keep consistent that's the key. my diet has literally been consisting of a sf vanilla iced coffee from McDonalds, gateroade zero, bacon and egg salad and sometimes if im feeling crazy LMAO a Big Mac w out the bun. so basically staying under 25 carbs a day, I found keto bread so that w sum better. I be fucking that shit up, I have to get on top of my school work bc I haven't been doing it. me and my moms relationship hasn't gotten any better , we joke and have fun but after an hour we can't be together its too painful, we argue and fight like so bad. we can't be around each other for long and that hurts. I love my mom but im seeing that its toxic for us to be together and I know I am part of the problem no matter how much we make each other laugh its not worth the damage and strain it puts on our relationship and each other. with that being said I am not cutting her off I just need to set extremely healthy and stern boundaries. I can't allow myself to suffer anymore. I need to rest even if it means being lonely. im tired for fighting for peace. if she won't change certain behaviors its up to me to remove myself. hopefully one day we can truly mend but after I told her about what happened to me and she said I was lying, I truly felt a small piece of myself remove myself from her, I felt so detached and just in overall shock, I never would have thought she would do that EVER. after she said that the next day she was still mad at me and this carried on until later that day and she acted like nothing happened, we haven't spoken of it since and I won't bring it up but definitely that changed my outlook on her. and its so hard when I work with her, so I have to see her everyday unless I want to call out but I dont have time for immature games and being petty, I need to pay my bills and get my shit together. im fucking grown and won't let her control my emotions anymore

[damisnap]

jesus CHRIST i talked with my mom for like two (2) mins and already i was met with frustration because i misworded something regarding my plan for tomorrow LIKE. OKAY?

#my mom has been having mood swings with me lately and has been #getting VERY easily frustrated at me for the smallest things #and like i get it and shes aware of it too #gorgeek.txt #but this shit like? hurts a bit and throws me for a loop #if thats the treatment im going to get without any apology #or some improvement in behavior #then i dont really? wanna be around her that much? #i understand some of the cause of it (bc she told me what her + her therapist discovered) #BUT STILL it be like that i suppose #like shes been very forgetful and has needed things repeated today and im like #BITCH ME TOO TF THATS ME EVERYDAY #but sometimes i feel that. SHES allowed to be bothered and get upset with things like that #but IM not ya know? and she gets frustrated/raises her tone when my tone raises or she thinks im frustrated #its just one buig 😭 #she assumes im frustrated/mad when im not also dhdhdhdhd #SO THATS FUN ive told her multiple times that im hardly ever upset even if i come off that way #idk i can only tell her and remind her so much lmao #but i know shes been very involved with work and work issues its become like? her life she doesnt have the boundary line #between work and home #dndndjdjdjjx

[polyadvice]

I'm dating someone who puts his wife ahead of me - what do I do?

I was hoping for some advice about a situation. I'm married and poly. I have a partner of about 8 months now. He's in a DADT relationship. He prefers not to meet on weekends as that's his time with his wife - which leaves us Tuesdays (I work 4 -10 he shifts). He unfortunately had some health things to work through so we've gone extended periods without seeing one another. The times we have seen one another it's usually within a 3 hour window.

A lot of our plans fall through because of health or because his wife needs him. We have talked about boundaries and I know he is capable of loving another person, and when we don't see each other we talk all day long every day. First good morning and last goodnight. I fell in love with him.

I'm worried that I'm allowing myself to stay in a place that won't be good for me. Sporadic visits, I often have to ask for reassurance for feelings. I know he cares about me, but it hurts when he cancels and it hurts to know that if this specific time frame doesn't work we won't see each other.

This morning we had plans fall through and I feel hurt and tearful. And while he verbalized that he misses me and wishes he could be here to console me - he also reminded me that when his wife isn’t feeling her best that's his priority.

I am not asking for him to every put me first. I'm asking to feel important. I'm asking to matter. I'm asking to exist outside of a window of time that is often lost/missed etc. I love him. He has become such an important part of my life but also a very painful part. Im not sure what I'm asking but I'm lost.

This guy has given you very clear information about what he can and what he cannot provide for you in a relationship. He is holding his boundaries and explicitly defining what sort of relationship he is able and willing to be in.

You now have plenty of information with which to make an informed choice. Are you okay being in a relationship under those terms? If yes, then you need to commit to accepting those boundaries and find a way to make it work. If no, then you need to leave the relationship. Continuing to ask him to do things that he has told you that he cannot or will not do is not going to be a good use of your time.

I also want to make a note about some of your wording here: you say that you are “asking to feel important” and that you are “asking to matter.” Those aren’t really things you can ask of your partner. He can’t make you feel, or be, any sort of way.

You can identify “here are things you can do that would make me feel important,” and it sounds like you have done that, and he’s said that he can’t do those things, so you have some pretty clear information.

You matter, and you are important, inherently, as a human being - another person’s behavior can’t change that. And it’s entirely possible that you matter very much and are very important to this guy - but that he isn’t able to translate his feelings for you into behavior that translates into your “love language.”

Try to be grateful that this guy is not trying to gaslight you, lead you on, or manipulate you. He’s been very up front about who he is, what he wants from your relationship, and what you can expect from him. It is sad that what you want from him isn’t something he can give you, but that’s not going to change, so all you can do is choose what you want to do with that information.

Think about it this way: You really want pepperoni pizza, and you’ve just walked into a pizza shop that only sells cheese. Do you want to let go of your desire for pepperoni and enjoy some cheese pizza, or leave this shop and continue looking for somewhere that will serve you pepperoni? Both of those are fine options, but “stay in the cheese-only shop while continuing to ask and hope for pepperoni” is not.

#dadt #dating #marriage #hierarchy

[randombubblegum]

just. okay. this whole parasocial twitter trashfire is so..... stupid. lol 😐 just the fact that it COULD have been a turning point for how awsten and the fandom interact but he just refuses to learn, refuses to change, and is in fact dedicated to ruining his own life? apparently???

like sure okay all the twitter parxies are going after this one suckup big parxie for being a shitty person, WHICH SHE OBVIOUSLY IS, but theyre completely letting EVERY OTHER PERSON who does the exact same shit as her off the hook?? and even like agreeing with and sucking up to them. these other “big parxies” do the SAMEEE SHIT and just bc theyve turned on their former friend (pretty indicative of what awful ppl they are to gang up on a friend to save their skins but i digress) doesnt mean they havent spent years doing the exact same stupid shit acting like awsten was their friend and overstepping parasocial boundaries and starting fights and drama in the fandom for clout????

and all this started bc awsten expressed negative fan interactions take a toll on him!!! and then what did awsten do immediately after chaos broke out in his little parasocial enclave? thats right, he pretended to give himself a matching tattoo w another “big parxie” who fights for his attention and thinks theyre friends 😐😐😐 like howww HOW do you not see you are causing your own problems!!!! how do you refuse to understand that you should not be close with specific fans and single them out for increased attention from you? do you actually not see that you are fueling these interactions by offering a reward for incessant attempts to get your attention? WHY do you refuse to understand that that is what fuels the toxic parasocial fandom that you claim to hate so much. are you genuinely that fucking brain dead? or are you just unwilling to examine and change your own behavior??????

so now what weve got is the dunces on parx twitter struggling (granted, closer than ive seen them come before) to reach the logical conclusion that everyone with a brain and basic understanding of parasocial relationships (or human interaction in general) has had for years: that awsten should not be singling out specific fans to make them feel like his personal friends because it gives them a god complex and allows them to run rampant in his already insane fandom. and people who see that and want the same attention will suck up to those fans and create this toxic hierarchy among chronically online individuals that then spirals out of control and the blowback then hurts awsten and parx.

and yknow what? it makes being a fan of parx unfun. it sucks!!! even here on tumblr where most of us (most. not all) are sane and understand fan boundaries and why unchecked parasociality is bad, im having a bad time!!! all i do is repeat the same logic, like a broken record in an echo chamber, and bc i refuse to engage w the weirdos causing shit on twitter it never reaches the ppl who need to understand it most. and it sours my view of awsten and quite frankly ruins the enjoyment of engaging w parx?!!??! like how am i supposed to keep writing my silly little fics we all have fun with when i KNOW hes out there on twitter as we speak digging himself a deeper hole. like bitch this is the grave YOU DUG and the fans youve enabled are just the ones to push you in

anyway i dunno its just really sapped my affection towards parx and i like cant enjoy anything they do lately lol :/ like ill see awsten get travis on stage and ill be like “ok cool......... anyway” and it sucks tbh. i want to like parx. i do like parx? but awsten genuinely makes it so hard to be a fan of him and his band lately it is insane -__-

#SORRY TO VENT ITS JUST BEEN RLY RUINING MY FUN THIS WEEK and thinking about parx has made me :/ #i dont feel its unreasonable to expect SOME maturity from these 30yos #like my bad maybe for thinkig parx fandom could stop being sooo awful for a sec but the members ARE OLD #older than me at least so why. mcyt ppl are way bigger AND more online and dont deal w this #neg

[mlm-mod-taka]

Hi, I wrote this about the mafia. The reader practically lives in the same castle with hired killers, so he knows how to influence them and stop them from doing stupid things (murders or attacks). The reader has many friends among colleagues, they used to go to the same high school and he is ready to take any job to help or protect them, but he does not mind reminding them that some behavior is terrible, as if a parent who gives much more freedom than real. When the reader is in Hope's Peak Academy, he keeps his ears open to come to any showdown and, as a judge to tell who is right, or just to submit something, bring, BUT will not allow himself to be treated like Celestia treats Hifumi! The reader will put such a person in his place. So Byakuya needs protection from Jill's genocide when he goes beyond what is allowed. Hope I was able to explain 333

MAFIA S/O • byakuya x gn reader

hi anon! i hope i did this correctly, feel free to message me if you want anything changed. im sorry if these are a little short, im not the best at mafia readers, but i can try! i hope you enjoy your hcs.

tws/cws: g3n0c1d3 j4ck/j1ll, murd3r mention, sc1ss0rs, bl00d and w0unds.

|| -> mod taka <3

was probably a little intimidated by you, but he couldnt show it. he was a part of the togami empire, so he needed to be stoic at all times.

luckily, you werent as cruel as the stereotypes in the movies and comics. you were actually quite lenient and reasonable, and sort of a parental figure in a way. that relieved him, at least.

when you two started dating, toko was very nuch jealous. she would often look at you with disgust and envy, this behaviour included her other personality as well.

genocider jill has threatened to kill you multiple times, simply because you were with togami. you were a part of the mafia, so you werent very shaken up. sure, she was a mass murderer, but you've been terrorized by a lot more scary people. you saw it as nothing more than an empty threat.

that was, until, she went a little too far than what you think is excuseable. she refused to let you get anywhere near byakuya, even though he was your boyfriend, and when you tried to sneak past her, she'd cut you with her scissors.

there was now a deep, bleeding wound on your cheek, and not only were you hurt physically, you were pissed. you were really regretting letting her think you were some submissive person by simply not taking too much action to stop her.

byakuya yelled at toko/genocide for hurting his actual lover, and said that he'd never love someone as pitiful as her. that was enough to make her run away, for now.

you'd start to put boundaries, giving toko the coldest stare possible. everytime she got too close for comfort, you'd pull out one of your many weapons on your person.

shes probably terrified of you once she realizes that you're not as aloof as she made you out to be, and eventually leaves you alone. toko avoids all eye contact with you and byakuya, which is for the best.

he'd probably not show it, but hes so relieved and greatful that toko finally left him alone. admittedly, it was becoming a little suffocating to have her follow him around all the time.

likes how you perfectly balance being both calm when its not necessary, while also standing up for you both when its needed. he just really likes your duality.

#📍 dismissal ∆ #byakuya togami #byakuya #byakuya togami x reader #byakuya x reader #danganronpa x reader #danganronpa headcanons

[just-vibingfr]

Ok ok I want 23 13, and i forgot the number but it said like I’m sorry I’m such a burden so yea with jj maybank im a sucker for angst

Same! Like mood 25/8 is angst, angst, angst!

WARNINGS: Mentions of rape, suicide, self harm, close friends and family thinking you are a liar, ANGST ANGST ANGST, cursing, reader will be using They/Them pronouns.

A/N: I went really angst in this one, this will be all angst with no fluff, at all, like none. Please do not read if anything mentioned will trigger you. This is going to be one of the last OBX fics for a few weeks, I’m going to finish the other four requests I have then I will be writing some Harry Potter Marauders Era stuff! Thank you all for being so patient! I love you guys ❤️ 💕 Bold will be flashbacks!

ABDUCTED

Prompts- 13:God I wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you. 23:I was kidnapped, I was r@ped! 49: I-I-I’m sorry I’m such a burden

JJ POV:

Thirteen weeks. Thirteen fucking weeks. That’s how long it’s been since they went missing. God, all I can think about is our last conversation.

“I slept with her okay?! I cheated on you and I don’t regret it. At all. You have been nothing but a pain in my ass trying to fix me. Setting me in a path to what, redemption?! Well guess what it’s never gonna fucking happen because I’m a no good, dirty, pogue! My whole family has been doomed to live here, always poor, always a bunch of dead beat losers! I cant be fixed, this is my destiny, so go fuck yourself and you pathetic hopes and dreams and morals! Because none of us liked you anyways, we were only using you to help us grieve after we lost John B. He’s back now, so we don’t fucking need you okay?! I don’t need you! I never have and I never will!”, I ranted. I’m angry at my dad, angry at myself for cheating, angry at Rafe for getting away with everything, angry at Ward for being a bastard, angry at Y/N for making me fall in love with them. I am just so angry. I didn’t mean to take it out on them, but they were there. They’ve always been there even when I treated them like shit. That’s the problem, they were there. I don’t know what to do, I’m so used to pointless hook ups, empty relationships, and abusive behavior, that when someone puts me in a freaking pedestal like I’m actually worth something I flip. I have been looking down for the past five minutes. All I know is their muffled sobs, how their eyes are probably red rimmed and bloodshot, how they’re probably pulling on their wrists like they do when they’re stressed. If I look up I might just crack. “God I wish that you had thought this the before I went and fell in love with you!”, they screamed, letting out all of their emotions. “You said I was different, you said you saw a future together! You told me you fucking loves me! You fucking piece of shit! I hope you get everything you want in the sickest sense! I hope you remember me and feel nothing but pain and guilt! I’m done with you Maybank!”,Those words cut deeper than any blade or bullet could. Being told those venomous words by the person I love most in the world hurts, but I deserve it. I hurt them more than anything, I broke them.

But, now I see truth in their words. Every time I think of them all I can feel is pain, guilt, and remorse. It was all my fault.

Y/N POV

I stumbled through woods. Safety. That’s all I can think. Safety. Safety. I kept stumbling around going anywhere, anywhere as long as it’s away from fucking Jules. That’s what they would call my kidnapper and rapist, Jules. He earned that name because he would take a piece of jewelry off of every virgin he raped. Pathetic. My lower half ached, my mind fuzzy, my wrists scarred. Thirteen weeks, that’s how long I’ve been missing. Thirteen weeks or rape and abuse. Twelve weeks of self harm. I started slitting vanes on my ankles, and the back of my knees, to feel something. Something other than the pain he caused. Self inflicted pain was a way out, a way to still have freedom and independence. Sick and twisted, I know, but it was my way of rebellion. I started to break down crying in the middle of, woods?! It these woods are familiar and I can hear the sound of the ocean. Outer Banks… Outer Banks! Thank God! I’m home. I’m safer, I’m back. I kept stumbling around, my tears making it harder to see. Up ahead I saw what looked like porch lights. “Help! Help!”, I yelled out, although the dryness of my throat mad it extremely difficult.I sped up, basically running to reach a sense of haven. Once I arrived at the house I realized where I was. The Chateau. Anywhere but here. But I needed help, and I was lucky I even found my way here. I knocked on the door, actually I pounded on the door. I was desperate. I heard shuffling and then the door opened revealing a very disheveled Pope, Kiara, Sarah, John B, and JJ.

“Y/N?! How-What-! Just- just come in!” Pope said frantically .

“What happened?!”, Kiara and Sarah said in unison. The boys nodding their heads in agreement to the question.

“I-erm- I was kidnapped, I was raped. I was held in a where house with the other girls. This bitch named Jules was the one in charge. He would take turn with the girls. It was terrifying. I thought he was going to kill me once he saw me helping one of the girls with her miscarriage. I had already had three or four myself and a few of the girls actually gave birth in that where house. The youngest to have a baby was eleven. Eleven fucking years old. I just ran out of the door one day, I got shot. It’s been a few days, maybe five or six? All I know is that I had to burn the wound to stop the bleeding. And I feel really sick right now. I think I’m going to vomit.”, I said before passing out.

I woke up in a hospital bed. The lights burning my eyes. The sheets clean. Someone had bathed me and changed my clothes. I felt clean, it felt good. Everyone scrambled to get up at my sudden consciousness. Looking at me with that pity in their eyes. That pitiful look that made me regret telling them. I didn’t want their fucking pity, I just wanted them to know I have new boundaries, and as my friends they deserved to know. The doctor came rushing in, asking me to explain what happened. I explained everything, the trauma bringing ugly sobs. I didn’t care. I had just been through hell and back, I was allowed to shed some god damn tears.

I was discharged later that day when they had diagnosed me with PTSD, anxiety, ADHD, and self harm. Yay. Weeks went by with my friends checking up on me, never leaving my side: I loved them all for it, but I could see the look of boredom in their eyes, the look that said as soon as I was good enough to be on my own they would leave me to my own devices. It hurt, everything did. I didn’t deserve to put them through this, watching me fall apart. I didn’t deserve this. I needed to end the pain. I had to. And I needed to do it now. I pulled out a piece of paper and a pen, went to the nearest flat surface and began writing.

“ I’m sorry I’m such a burden. But thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for supporting me. I didn’t really get to know you before John B and Sarah, I see that I really missed out on some good people. Kie, you have been nothing but amazing to me. I can’t thank you enough. Pope, you are like a workers mix of older brother, younger brother, and dad. It always amazes me how you can be protective as fuck, need protecting, and are always prepared with that mind of yours. JJ, I’m sorry. Sorry that we ended things on such terrible terms. You deserve the world and I couldn’t give that to you, I truly apologize for holding you back. But you did break me that night, I was going to end it then, but I was abducted. Ironic how I’m ending it now. I love you all and wish you the best! “

Love, Y/N ❤️

I folded the letter and set it on the island with the pen. Then I crawled into the tub, slit my wrists, and let the darkness take over, sweet, safe, darkness.

@hannahnikohl

#kiara outer banks #outer banks #pope heyward #jj maybank #john b routledge #sarah cameron #pogues for life #outer banks angst

[chat-noir-always-here]

Debunking “Adrien is perfect”

  To voice a rather non-Marinette-like opinion of Adrien: He’s not perfect. He’s never been perfect. He has, in fact, been riddled with flaws from the very beginning. Part of the reason Chat Noir gets hate is because he serves to exaggerate Adrien’s flaws and make them more obvious, destroying the perfectionism façade. And the sooner Marinette tosses the “I love the perfect Adrien” filter in the trash where it belongs, and starts actively recognizing and acknowledging his faults, the better off the endgame relationship will be.

 Long post is long and I don’t like cuts, cuz i’ve lost a few posts in the past using them. Please filter the tag “long post” I use it for walls of texts like these. 

First of all, flaws are just one of the many things that happen when someone either learns something the wrong way, spends too much time in the wrong environment, lack any decent role models... really there are a plethora of causes. What i mean is character shortcomings aren’t necessarily reasons to hate the character themselves. They’re more or less internal obstacles put there to be overcome in order to portray character growth. Of course spending an exaggerated amount of time with these characters without seeing them overcome particular shortcomings is frustrating it does not necessarily mean they will never be redeemed or developed and are/were deserving of hate.

 Except for Gabriel. That creature belongs behind bars.

 Most of Adrien’s flaws come from his toxic home situation:

The Miraculous Wiki puts Adrien at fifteen. Meaning Adrien has only been actively leaving the house (for public school and the occasional social get-together) for about a year. His fourteenth birthday was one of the earliest episodes and im assuming his fifteenth birthday happened off screen between the s3 finale and the new york special.

Regardless the majority of his life was spent in isolation and his only company was his immediate family, Nathalie, Felix and Chloe. None of whom are particularly good role models except for Emilie. Maybe.

He’s rather overworked for a 14 y.o. boy. On top of school, he has fencing, piano and Chinese lessons. This leaves him with very little time for himself. 

He lost his mother. In Feast, Adrien expresses Emilie was a source of joy in his life--”Only Mom can make me laugh like that.” Felix marked the one year anniversary of her disappearance.  Worse still, we’re led to assume all Adrien knows is that Emilie disappeared. Did she abandon him? Was she kidnapped and killed? He doesn’t know. He has no closure regarding her absence. 

On top of losing his mother, his only remaining parent is an emotionally manipulative and abusive prick. Gabriel has denied Adrien a birthday party, threatened to take Adrien out of school just because he can, never lets him have friends over for any reason, hardly ever makes time for Adrien and only once in a blue moon will actually sit and eat a meal with the poor kid.

And on top of all of this he’s not out of the woods yet. He’s still living with his abusive father. He’s still not allowed to see his friends outside of school much. He’s still got a packed schedule. He still doesn’t have closure regarding his mother’s “disappearance.”

Looking at it like this paints Adrien in a rather sympathetic light.

 Marinette doesn’t know Gabriel is Hawk Moth either, but she does understand Adrien is lonely, isolated and in need of a source of love and comfort. She also understands to some degree that his heart is delicate, so she constantly handles him with kid gloves and looks on him with a perfection filter. 

We see how Mari reacts to upsetting Adrien in Malediktator when she softly whispers an apology after Adrien expresses his sorrow over everyone celebrating Chloe’s departure. She’s seems pained and distraught over causing him to be upset. Thus the reason Marinette calls Adrien perfect isn’t that she never sees any of his flaws--she just cannot acknowledge or process them under these conditions. Shes too busy trying not to hurt him. She also has shown some signs of having extreme anxiety, which messes with ones head and makes it difficult--nearly impossible--to think straight. She wants to be the source of love and comfort he desires (and already is in a way) so his faults go unprocessed.

But what are Adrien’s flaws?

1. He has trouble standing up for himself. 

He’ll take a stand for others.

 He stood up to Chloe on Mylene’s behalf in Horrificator and on Marinette/ Cheng Sifu’s behalf in Kung Food. He stood up to Lila in Oni-chan and Ladybug. He stood up to Gabriel in Simon Says--but as Chat Noir, not Adrien. 

There have only been two-ish instances of Adrien, not Chat Noir, standing up for himself. I say -ish only because he was kinda standing up for Lila in the first and Chloe in the second. 

First in Volpina he stood up to Ladybug for how she handled the situation with Lila. He personally believed she handled the situation poorly (which she did--there were/are serious consequences for that. still) and although he was kinda wishy-washy in conveying that it was only because he was scared of sounding too much like Chat Noir. Her partner. Her chief-of-staff. Who can and will call her out on such behavior. 

Second in Malediktator, when he more or less told Marinette she was wrong to be happy about Chloe leaving. Granted this was partly him standing up for Chloe, but aside from her—he, Adrien, was deeply upset chloe was leaving on such bad terms and made sure Marinette understood that. 

Abused children tend to be somewhat submissive/agreeable/etc. They have trouble speaking out when they’re uncomfortable or don’t want something or think a particular action is wrong. Usually because they are anticipating some kind of punishment for speaking out or afraid of offending the other person to the point that said person wants nothing to do with them anymore, or both.

 For Adrien to fix this particular flaw, he needs to prioritize himself and his own wants more. However he also needs someone who doesn’t chastise him for doing things he likes, tending to his own needs and setting boundaries. Kagami is not that person--she’s actually quite demanding of him and cold. Her understanding of relationships isnt great either, which is why these two really aren’t that great for each other. 

2. He puts his faith in the wrong people

  Adrien’s fucking household is about as toxic as it can get (please don’t take this as a challenge, S4). On top of his immediate family consisting of his abusive, toxic, terrorist father, there’s his cousin Felix. Felix who squished cheese under Adrien’s pillow, stole his phone, pretended to be him and sent an outrageous and awful video to his friends. 

 There’s also his mother Emilie whom, despite his love and adoration of her, lied to him for who knows how long and messed around with a broken miraculous to the point it forced her into an indefinite coma and left Adrien at his father’s mercy. There are theories that she did this for her family but nothing concrete or canon has been proven--all we know is that Emilie had been having frequent dizzy spells while she was still awake and using the peacock miraculous, and that she anticipated her fate and Gabriel apparently promised to save her.

There’s Lila, as well. “She’s not dangerous. She just craves attention.” Wrong, Adrien, she’s very dangerous. She is conspiring with your father to spy on you, attempted to get Marinette expelled from school, tricked you into leaving Ladybug alone with a supervillain whom she personally requested to kill Ladybug, pinned Marinette against a bathroom wall and almost got her akumatized, actually got Marinette akumatized and nearly cost you both the Ladybug Miraculous and TIkki. She isn’t just dangerous she is an actual threat, whether or not she is the future Hawk Moth who sent Timetagger after you when you were children with time-sensitive powers. Adrien has a slightly better understanding of that after the events of Ladybug and Oni-chan, so hopefully he will be on his guard at least in regards to Lila.

 The reason for Adrien’s overly trusting nature may lie in the fact that literally everyone closest to him, everyone for the first thirteen years or so, was toxic and/or a liar. You know what happens when you can’t trust anyone around you? You live with it. You accept all these bad people as they are, without making any effort to establish healthy boundaries. Adrien certainly lived with it--how’s an abused, isolated boxed-and-sheltered son supposed to know what healthy boundaries are when he’s lacking any healthy connections? I bet he can just barely endure all the anguish but he can’t stand to be alone so he just tolerates it. Not to mention the most guilty is his father. Where else is he supposed to go?

Like a frog sitting in a pot of water, you don’t realize you’re in trouble until the water is too hot. So you just accept it--all the bad feelings--you accept it, live with it and it still hurts but you rarely complain. Because anything is better than being alone. 

I think Adrien understands, deep down, that the love he is clinging to, the love provided by his relatives, isn’t really there. But if he looks at it too long and lets this knowledge sink in he’ll lose it. He really did lose it in Chat Blanc-- just that sky-crashing-down-on-him realization that he didn’t have his fathers love, hadn’t had it for a long time, just completely ruined our boy. 

 Of course the knowledge is there. It’s literally right there in front of his face and it’s only a matter of time before he is forced to turn and look and face the music. At which point I hope Marinette knows who he is and has a plan to save him otherwise Chat Blanc is just going to happen again. 

3. Yes, he takes the flirting too far sometimes

No--that doesn’t make him toxic.

Yes, Adrien overreacted to Ladybug never showing up in Glaciator. He shouldn’t have been upset with her in Frozen for not accepting the rose. He should have told her the damn truth about being forced to leave the city at the same time she was in the New York special. 

 However, he also apologized for overreacting in both Glaciator and Frozen. And again, abused kids live in anticipation of punishment for their mistakes. Adrien’s father has taught him that the slightest mistake can result in loss of freedom or trust, even if its circumstances beyond his control. And he now understands that Ladybug isn’t going to blindly punish him for being honest with her, which he now knows to do. 

 He makes mistakes, apologizes for them, and learns from them. That’s not fucking toxic--it’s natural, human and allowed. 

 He’s flirty and suggestive, yes, but the minute she signals she doesn’t want it or isn’t feeling it he stops. He has had immense trouble with not flirting with her, despite her telling him she isn’t interested multiple times. That much is true. But he truly and deeply cares for her and he would never force himself on her and it isn’t because he knows she’ll kick his ass if he does. It’s because unlike the vast majority of his family, he’s actually a decent human being. 

 He has even begun to “flirt platonically,” toasting their partnership and friendship rather than offering a romantic relationship she can never say yes to. If that isn’t the most soft and respectful fluff I don’t know what is.

 4. He is leading Kagami on

Did he cheat? I’m actually not sure. Thomas is being vague in his tweets and won’t give us a decent answer (because he likes “watching fandom burn”--i mean MOOD but clarify please). 

 Here’s what we know and have observed: 1. Chat Noir told Ladybug “I have a girlfriend” 2. He immediately followed that up with “It’s not good at all. I just said that to make you jealous”  3. He allowed Kagami to kiss him in the new york special 4. but he has trouble telling girls not to touch him--been a problem since episode one. Yes its generally cheek kisses chloe gives him but sometimes its not and he looked downright uncomfortable in a lot of cases of physical contact with her and with Lila 5. he seemed rather comfortable with kagami kissing him--except he did say no to her kissing him in the finale 6. but he’s also trying to move on from Ladybug and be with Kagami  7. If he were in a relationship with Kagami, he’d likely keep it a secret because both of their parents are controlling of them and may not allow it 8. His understanding of relationships and girls is kinda dreadful due to not having his mom around for advice and his father’s general lack of a concept of what healthy romantic relationships and boundaries are, and, as Nino put it, not being able to understand signals very well

Adrien’s current relationship status is up in the air. I’m about eighty percent certain he’s dating Kagami--but there’s still that twenty percent chance he’s not.

 Putting aside the question of whether or not he and Kagami are official, Adrien’s been attempting to move past his feelings for Ladybug. Which--won’t sugarcoat it--he kinda sucks at. At the same time, Kagami is aware he is in love with another but lacks the understanding that his moving on will take time. 

 The main issues here is that Adrien knows who he wants but can’t have her. Kagami is a wonderful person herself and he wants to get to know her better, but they aren’t really a good match and they are both going to get hurt in the end (Love Victor anyone???). Until that happens we are going to have some questionable moments in the show, and we just need to remember that Adrien is a child with a poor understanding of relationships, and not an evil person. Kagami doesn’t necessarily have a great understanding of them either--”Your indecision hurts me Adrien,” “Adrien you and I are perfect for each other!”--and she has flaws of her own she needs to unlearn. 

 For the time being, Adrien is leading Kagami on (it needs to be said--even if they aren’t dating he’s flirted with her, given her roses etc.) I say leading her on because, no matter how much Adrien believes Marinette is just a friend and they weren’t flirting in New York, loyal boyfriends who wish to be monogamous don’t dance with other women.

 Or look this happy when that other woman touches them

Does this make Adrien a deceitful and hateful character? No. Does this make him an unworthy character? No. It makes him an abused child with little to no concept of healthy relationships. 

Also Adrien’s friends, including Marinette, have no reason to believe he is dating Kagami. They know he is interested in her and she in him, but as Nino said, Adrien has a hard time picking up signals and understanding their meaning. Not to mention the boy is fifteen. Flirting skills, understanding boundaries, and other relationship concepts are a challenge even for ordinary fifteen year olds in healthy environments to grasp--case in point: Marinette.

Adrigami and Lukanette are simply not going to end well. The Love Square is the endgame and ultimately both Lukanette and Adrigami are going to fall apart to make that happen--I knew that going into the possible Adrigami and Lukanette  territory that the finale created.

 Kagami is a strong, intelligent person--she’s likely going to be the one to end it given what we’ve seen. I don’t like to think about what might happen then--she may be akumatized and Chat Noir would feel rather guilty and may not be able to fight her. But they will both come out of it with something they needed--Kagami will understand (as Marinette needs to) that Adrien isn’t her perfect soul mate incapable of making mistakes. Adrien will understand relationships better. 

 Its unfortunate that this has to happen in order for Adrien to learn due lessons, given that he actually does have someone who can talk to him about girls and relationships and loyalty: Nino.

 Given what Nino wasted no time in scolding Mari for spying on Adrien and Lila when she confessed doing so in Chameleon, as well as how he treats Alya, I undoubtedly believe Nino would be the one to come out and say “You can’t dance with Marinette when you’re with Kagami.” 

 Assuming he is with Kagami. 

In conclusion: Adrien is flawed but not deserving of hate. He is a traumatuzed child stuck in a toxic household who lacks proper mentors. Marinette, Alya and Nino are out of the loop about his potential relationship with Kagami. And Marinette and Kagami both need to acknowledge Adrien is imperfect. Nino and Adrien need to do guy talk like two seasons ago. 

Also Marinette probably has some intense anxiety issues. But more on that later.

#long post #adriennette #love square #miraculous ladybug #mlb new york #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste

[sukirichi]

— 💌 ; a love letter from @kyriaan

long post below regarding broken records. cw includes adultery, physical assault, toxic relationships, broken records spoilers, and mature content

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

Okay! I finally had time to actually sit down and properly read chap 5 cause ill be damned and burned if i dont pay special attention to one of my favorite series here! Rather drown or be sting by bees slowly 😒

🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃 I for the first time don't even know where to start so allow me to be all over the place cause my emotions are also all over the place with this chapter ✌️

Ill start by y/n's dad caN GO FUCK HIMSELF? Like okay sir you might have fallen in love with our mom (ill give him the benefit of the doubt regarding his feelings) BUT SIR YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HONEST? FROM THE BEGINNING? ALSO BRUH YOU KIDDING ME??? SIR YOU LEGIT ABANDONED YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER AND THEN YOU PROCESS TO 'LEAVE US' I- YOOOOO I WOULD BITCH SLAP HIM I SWEAR!!

Also ALSO ILL SCREAM FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK NO KID HAS EVER TO BE BLAMED FOR BEING BORN!! Y/n mom's line: 'we have to atone for our sins' its legit BULLSHIT it wad NOT y/n fault her DAD COULDNT KEEP HIS DICK INSIDE HIS PANTS NOR ITS Y/N FAULT THAT HER DAD CHEATED!!! ATONE FOR OUR SINS MY ASS!! the father is the one that has to take responsibility for all this shitty situation we do NOT nor any kid out there in this situation has to be taken accountable by this!!

And now Suna 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 bruh im just gonna cry... Everything he does just makes me heart swell i feel so cozy when i read his parts like how sweet and present he is I- bruh I never had that... Actually seeing y/n breaking up with him when shes clearly falling in love with him just breaks me cause Girl for real Suna would be there for you... I get it shes afraid and shes acting on that fear but girl... Pls he truly loves you deeply not everyone is like your dad. There are happy endings. There are good people Sunas one of them pls 🥺🥺🥺 also MY LOVE TSUMU BEING A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND EVEN THO SUNA GOT THE GIRL BRUH TSUMU I FUCKING LOVE YOU MY CHILDISH YET ADORABLY SMUG BOY 😭😭😭😭😭

Nagisas a bitch btw ✌️ so far i see no redemption not excuse in what she did so far. I get her reasons but that does NOT excuse her behavior. She has to lash out at her cunt of a dad not at a innocent woman who was also a victim all along. Nor even her half sister. I get her mentality behind this but doesnt excuse her behavior at all- its basically the same as being a victim from a bully and playing bully after aswell.

Overall YOU MADE ME CRY AGAIN SUKI! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS BUT ALSO UGH MY HEART SUKI!

[ from suki ] 

BROKEN RECORDS IS UR FAVE SERIES??? babe pls you’re gonna me cry !! nah nah fr his dishonesty caused all this mess. YEAHA SAKLAA tbh I love mama lucy but her words of ‘atoning for their sins’ or her mindset of ‘we don’t deserve to be happy when we’ve hurt others’ really messed up YN. she was only 21 and vulnerable with all the shambles happening in her family + the sudden assault from nagisa, that when her mother said those words, she struggled to let go of it. to her, it became like a final verdict that dictated how she lived her life.

SUNA URGHHH PLEASE GIVE SUNA A CHANCE HE HAS PURE AND GOOD INTENTIONS BUT I CANT BLAME HER EITHER AHSJAKA. and the comparison of nagisa being a bully’s victim only to become the next bully is true. nagisa should lash out at their shitty excuse of a father. ALSO AAAAHH THE NEXT CHAPTER (007) IS WORSE AHSJKAAL

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

I know shins attractive I mean mans perfect?? Does he even have any flaw?? And the way he cried when he got his jersey MYGOD FHDHFHFJSKS but I still look at him and im like.... Hmmmm nah i wouldnt date him its just not my... Do i dare say type? Cause i dont think i have a type ghfhfisofbd but like I just 🧍‍♀️

I love him i just dont love him i guess

The makeout scene tho ill give you that 🥵🥵🥵 made me bark (i would still walk out next day like was a good fuck kita byeeee🚉🏃‍♀️💨)

... More drama regarding mari... And you said this will have like 10 chapters... And from 8 on will be angsty.... 🙂 *traumatized noises*

[ from suki ] 

YUUHHH KITA IS PERFECT HERE AHSJKAA IDK MAYBE ITS MY SIMPING FOR NAOYA CONVERTED TO KITA ALREADY BEING PERFECT AS HE ALREADY IS AND I AMPED IT UP BCOS THE SIMP MODE IS ACTIVATED AHSKAA. the make out scene !! pls sir i’m on my knees spare some love in ur heart AAAAAAHHHHHH. also. i assure you. businessman! kita got game. he’s gonna make you walk funny if you give him the chance HSJKA

yeah i just finished writing the outline for track7 right now and the drama is HSJKAA it gave me a headache sobs 

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 006

I want to give you my usual thoughts on the new chapter and at the same ahm...

I just saw myself on Suna... Deeply....and it kinda slapped me harder than i was expecting...there were too many things from him giving himself to mari/treating her like he wants to be treated... To deleting his best friend from social media thanks to his girlfriend... And it really hurt me ahah..

I would vent but.. Yeah

But yes this chapter i saw myself in suna and i had to take quite the long breaks cause it was getting to me 😅😅😅 also if anything i learned from my experiences is that MARI SCREAMS RED FLAGS and even Osamu can see that pls

I would honestly end Mari there, i wouldnt even bother to just retort i would walk my way into to the damn apartment and fucking take Suna for myself cause Mari does not deserve him. Shes manipulative, and in a way abusive.. Not allowing him to keep contact with his best friend his a total redflag and o know its because Suna had feelings for y/n and vice versa but Suna never gave het a reason to distrust him.

The moment he said he was best friends with y/n and was single she immediately clinged himself to him and for what? To then dump him like he was trash...

He gave himself to her, he proved he was there for her he even took her back this boy deserves the fucking world and its not Mari...

I kinda want to say it's not y/n at this point either cause the way she broke his heart was kinda the same Mari did.. Y/n disregarded his feelings and just broke it up.. Mari disregarded his feelings abd broke it up... But y/n stated from the very beginning that she would eventually break up Mari just shrugged and didn't care so i can in a way forgive y/n i cant forgive mari

Besides y/n was supportive from the beginning while Mari was obsessive and controlling.

Another really insanely well written chapter as usual (albeit this one making me ball my eyes off harder because yeah) but yes~ eagerly waiting for the next one~

Take your time tho 😌🙌

Mari can go fuck off 💗💓💞💕❣️❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍💯💝💖💋💅

Suna x y/n pls

Y/n deserves to have a healthy love life with someone she loves (hence why npt Kita) and loves her back

And Suna deserve the fucking world and be treated right

[ from suki ] 

NAHHHH cuz when you said suna was treating mari the way he wanted YN to treat her... that’s right. on point. they’re all so complicated sobs. MARI IS A WALKING RED FLAG THAT OSAMU CAN SMELL FROM A MILE AWAY. ALSO yes mari is manipulative and borderline possessive when it came to suna. like yeah, let’s be real, she could tell a long time ago that suna was in love with YN and it made her insecure / jealous, but the whole time, YN kept her distance. she was supportive over their relationship from afar as to make mari comfortable. suna also did everything he could to make sure she was well cared for. for three years, he was focused on her and only her. he gave love a second chance despite being brokenhearted. suna never mari a chance to doubt because he, too, was sure he could be happy with her.

until mari left him.

and now suna is back with YN because they will always have each other. but honestly,,,if we think about it, if mari never broke up with suna or at least gave him the chance to explain himself - if mari didn’t do the exact thing YN did to suna years ago - he honestly would’ve been really happy with mari. they were going well. like yeah mari has always been toxic by pushing suna’s boundaries and asking him to unfollow his own best friend on social media, but he did it anyway. because he trusted their relationship. he wanted the best for them. 

also yeah, the parallels between mari and YN were intentional !! 

HEHEHEHE THE KITA X YN SHIP everyone loves them im so happy about that bcos kita is so amazing in my eyes. PREACH FOR THAT THO !! SUNA DESERVES THE BEST. SUNA DESERVES TO BE TREATED RIGHT. HE DESERVES THE WORLD AND SO MUCH MORE

thank you for taking the time to send me this, kya, it means a lot to me and it motivates me to work harder on the future chapters !! <33

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #besties #series ( broken records ) #tw: physical assault #tw: toxic #tw: toxic relationships #tw: adultery

[trickstarbrave]

i get to make posts abt whatever i want and i like the long form ability tumblr has so im gonna make a post here abt it instead of a 29 tweets long thread abt it on twitter.com’s hellsite even if its a bigger thing there for ppl to yell at me: 

“how can you be NB and a woman? why even bother being aligned? why be more than one category? how do you know this isn’t a common experience with womanhood and it’s just misogyny?” 

there is no one experience of womanhood. this is true. i don’t know if this is a truly common or uncommon experience. i dont know how every woman feels. maybe a great deal binary women feel the same way, and maybe how i feel is entirely different from how women feel. but gender is not just an internal thing but an external thing. it’s, for me, both. no, wearing a dress or feminine clothes doesnt make you a woman and wearing masculine clothes make you a man, but how we live our lives and process our own thoughts is informed by the society and culture around us. all i can do is use that lens i have been given to interpret how i feel.

i dont think i am a binary woman. i use he/him and don’t like she/her or many feminine parts of language used to describe me, which isn’t something i see many binary women do. sure i can use pronouns i dont even like, much like how i can change my name to something i dont like, but im more so in the business of doing things that hurt no one for my own comfort and going from there. still though, not all of my behaviors are not unlike how i think womanhood is. i experience society primarily as someone interpreted as a woman. im okay to a degree with it too. i am subjected to misogyny and sexism. i am a primary target of those. i feel i have a vested interest in women’s rights not just because someone may mistake me for a woman but bc for all intense purposes i kind of am one. i love women and my attraction to women is based on that. i am attracted to other nb ppl with a relation to womanhood. 

for me it means i am partially out of the box. standing with one foot in and one foot out of it into something that isn’t manhood. for a while i assumed if i dont feel 100% like a woman the alternative was manhood. or gender fluidity. or that there is only a handful of experiences you’re allowed with being nonbinary like being entirely third gendered or agender. i relate to womanhood, and sometimes i dont at all. i feel it doesn’t quite fit, a label that applies only half the time and the other half manhood doesn’t apply to me at all either. for women’s issues and women’s spaces there are times i will be heavily involved and present bc they are issues that concern me and have resources i want and need. 

binary society, however, says you’re not allowed to have these varied experiences. you either feel like a woman and use she/her pronouns and look and act a certain way, or you feel like a man, use he/him pronouns, and look and act a different way. that if you don’t your existence is incoherent and irrelevant. it does not account for what each of these parts mean and serve (how pronouns can be very different from presentation or how people can be unable or unwilling to present a certain way), it just says “this is a list of things women do and this is a list of things men do”, and i say “well i do a lot of things on the woman’s list but don’t fill in the checklist entirely”. im on the fringe of womanhood, but orbit it enough that it’s still applicable as a category. 

not everyone will feel like me and reject being a woman and a man entirely, but i reject the idea that there is two distinct boxes that can only be solved by adding a third or fourth box. being nonbinary for me is existing in some level outside of strict boundaries or roles to any degree, and that means you dont have to reject womanhood or manhood to do so. you dont have to reject femininity or masculinity to do so. that some of us will be close enough to the box it might seem like it’s unnecessary to count us as outside it in any way but i say it does matter if we say it does. maybe most people exist outside of these boundaries to varying degrees and it doesn’t impact them, but it impacts me. being nonbinary means you may not be easily understood by other people. just like how bisexuals do not need to have an equal amount of partners who are men and women to be “real”, their bisexuality is important. if a bi woman dates 30 women and 1 man genuinely then she is still bi, not “basically a lesbian”. if a bi man dates 30 women and 1 man, he is not “basically straight”. i am not “basically a woman who should change my pronouns and language”, im woman aligned nb.

nb ppl can also be gay, or lesbian, or bi, or any other complicated sexuality bc they are unaligned and like women or men specifically, or only like nb ppl like them and we dont rly have good words for that ppl recognize. a binary gender system is like binary code, which means youre either a 0 or 1. theres no room for numbers between that, nor numbers outside it. all you can do is break the binary system that no longer servers a good purpose. and that also means we have to think in different ways about sexuality as we know, which was informed by a binary. 

nonbinary isn’t a clear cut thing. it isn’t as easy to understand as manhood and womanhood. our society wasn’t built to explain and understand it so i don’t fault people who dont. but trying to simplify nb identities into something easier to understand for you is wrong. being a woman or man isn’t smth as simplistic as people like to act like it is either. for now this is how i feel and communicate it. im a nb lesbian. i use he/him. pronouns dont determine my gender as unaligned nb ppl can use any pronouns like they as well, and manhood is more complex than simply using 1 set of pronouns. if you think im a man you look silly. if you think i share everything in common with women you look silly. it isnt entirely intuitive or straightforward but i am making due with what i have in a way that doesnt hurt others and isn’t based on bigotry. i dont reject womanhood because of bigotry, i know it exists and i fight against it. i love women and feel im close enough that women can love me too. i feel alienated partially because im a lesbian even, and other lesbians go through this to varying degrees too. 

[androidemotions]

wait a second im feeling sad about data

time for unfiltered thoughts bc i dont have the brain to edit this, so just pasted directly from my docs kjdskjcsk

watching this ep called hero worship where this boy starts mimicking data

i wish they would acknowledge that data has been a parental figure before and i suspect hes relating back to that experience with this, it explains why he seems so eager to get away when every other time he’s been presented with a chance to get close to a human experience he’s gone for it. its also because he doesnt want to hurt this boy more

i also think he very very much refuses to acknowledge any emotion he has (because he does have some even if its diff from a humans !!) because he feels like that would insensitive to what this kid has been through, even tho we’ve seen data connect with people on a level he’s avoiding here.

i think data is drawing in on himself as much as this kid is 

also when deanna asks him to tell this kid what attracts him to humanity, the conversation goes like this: (data talks about how he’s seen humans enjoy food and wishes he had the same ability) “you sound like you dont want to be an android” “i am an android. That will never change.” “but if you could change… would you?” “I have often wished to be human. I study people carefully in order to more closely approximate human behavior.” “Why? We’re stronger and smarter than humans. We can do more than they can.” “But I cannot take pride in my abilities. I cannot take pleasure in my accomplishments.” “But we never have to feel bad either.” “I would gladly risk feeling bad at times if it also meant that I could… taste my desert.”

a number of things i wanna talk about right here, the phrasing data uses here, the fact that he specifically used tasting, which is not inherently emotional (which is not something data entirely lacks) but instead something physical that he would only have as a human, not even as an android with emotion.

That’s important because data does feel he just doesn’t imagine he actually can because he’s been told he cant and he clearly does not have the same reactions as a human. that’s the distinction, this boy asks him what the scariest thing that has ever happened to him was, data has been afraid, he was afraid for geordi, he was afraid for lal, he was afraid for the enterprise, he was afraid for dr soong, its just not the same kind of visceral response a human has, which is why he doesnt even try to approximate an answer even when he’s tried before in other circumstances to relate to emotion (a recent example being when he was talking to that doctor about her son and he told her that he would be sad). Data can understand what was being asked of him there, what is the worst thing he’s been through, and he has been in plenty of dire situations before but they dont effect him the same way they would a human and especially not a child and data is also aware of this and i think that makes him feel like he shouldnt try to engage at all for fear of causing more harm. 

there’s also the way he phrases things, he says “i would be happy to, im sorry, I gladly would” we know that data picks up human speech patterns and phrasing but he also constantly refuses to allow himself to claim emotion because he thinks it would be insensitive, that he would be overstepping his boundaries or even being deceptive. Yet still, he says things like this. fascinating.

in fact, he sometimes smiles, he frowns as well, furrows his brow. even thought when he’s told to grin or “look happy” he is very stiff unnatural about it because his own understanding of what it means to look happy is distorted to that of expressive humans. so we sometimes see him smile to himself.

It’s also sort of funny that data told spock he looked to picard for how to be more human right after spock said he was super reserved and critical for a human, and you think about his distorted understanding of his own feelings and the fact that picard is extremely withdrawn in his own emotions.

honestly, the fact that data specifically has a fondness for humans is telling, because he could seek out deanna to learn more about emotion and being alive, but he’s specifically attached to humans. and he has feelings about them specifically and even tho she’s half human, she’s also half betazoid and she doesnt have the same experience of humanity.

#data #note to myself #waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah i have feeeeeeelings and so does data !!!!!!!

[peppersbian]

March 23 2021

I missed my daily thing on habitica for this so it like says I lost my streak which is bullshit and kinda annoys me but whatever. It's not technically all about points but it makes me feel better and I dislike that they did that to me. Scoff.

I had a pretty busy day today. I feel really good about myself.

I got through my English class and did the work I was assigned for the asynchronous time done during that time. I feel really good about that because I usually swerve and mess it up.

I made myself eggs and sausage for breakfast just before needing to sit down for math.

I was kinda unfocused during math, because I was working on the Open house presentation. So at least it wasn't time too badly wasted. I did my math homework due at 4 complete and on time! I feel so great about that. I feel good that I learned how to use the TI84, but also kinda embarrassed that it took me this long to sit down and fucking do that. But whatever.

Mom brought a pizza for late lunch/early dinner.

I went w mom to pick up some of the buy nothing stuff she got. I got some styrofoam balls which I will be sure to have fun with.

I got the PowerPoint done just in time for them meeting. I was a few minutes late for it but they hadn't really started anywys like they usually do. It went really well, I need to do some last polishes and I'll be great to go for the open house.

I don't think I'm going to go to the open house. It's sounds boring and I'm tired and also need to cram my English thing tomorrow. I feel bad though because I feel like I'm neglecting all my other classes by honing on one. I get too tired to do more than one thing a day.

Honestly all I could think about at the meeting was how I feel like I've never had any real connection or friendship with literally anyone in the troop. That I'm just a tack on to everything else. I thought about Nicole and the summer trip and how she made it so tiring and impossible to get around and be with other people and even making us late because she wanted to go to every fucking phone case stand. I feel bad for feeling that way because she's disabled or whatever but I can't help but feel like I got out with her because no one else wanted me and certainly no one else tolerates her. I though about catalina and how when I asked her at boating if she wanted to be partners, said "potentially", walked alway from em and talked to like three other people. One group was a group of three and I was all alone. It was humiliating. The lifeguard pittied me. I hate that. I love legend but it so tiring. It's just like a reminder I'm never wanted, cared about, or fit in. As much as the idea of sisterhood and community is preached it's never truly practiced. I wish it was though,

Gibson is so sweet. She seems so passionate and excited. I hope she gets the best from us. I feel bad that her freshmen year is being spent like this. She said she felt bad for me but honestly my times already been wasted so there's no real use in feeling bad about whats actively being taken. Loss is loss. I hope she never has to feel like me.

I'm tearing up again. These journals are hard. Today was a good day and I feel kinda silly for hanging up on these one or two bad things but that also stupid, it's good to feel. Human range of emotion and experiences or whatever. Sigh. Wish it was more convient.

I like Bojack horseman video essays. I can watch that shit forever. I watched a good one bout mr peanut butter and his defining trait being addicted to unconditional unwavering affection. I don't think I'm like that to the degree he is. I have at least some concept of boundaries and that people find joy and intert from different things. But I kinda felt that. Need to be needed. Except not really because that's not the same thing. Need to be swaddled and hugged and attended to, emotionally.

I had a vision of my future. Always being in a relationship even if it's not super great just because I want someone to love me or at least claim too in some capacity.

I know my friends love me and I them, But that's not the way that I mean or want. Sigh. I do love them though.

I ate the leftover from pizza lunch for dinner. Cold pizza rocks.

Today was a good day. I really need to make more art and work on studio. Im anxious about grades and shit it's really a bad underlying stress I can't get over. I haven't checked my grades at all and it feels a little suffocating lol. It is what it is though. After this weeek it's spring break which I desperately need.

I hope to work on miku, I'm gonna place my jo Ann's order so hopefully I can get my lace and my leather paint. Super excited. I keep bouncing around from projects, I have a lot of motivation but no time. It's frustrating. Just a Girlboss living in a Gatekeep world I guess.

I've been feeling kind a guilt about Mel. I haven't checked my message requests in so long. It's kinda og just become a part of the system, and since it's not a notification to be cleared it's been easy to not make it bug me. She's 23. I knew that but it only really kinda occurred to me. That's like 6 years. I wish she knew some fucking boundaries. Maybe if someone removed you as a follower twice, blocks you, and doesn't respond to your messages you should let it be. I feel bad for doing this and not just saying it outright but I'm scared of hurting her feelings with words. Like actions are much better. But I hate interacting with her. She has done nothing wrong or innapropriate I'm just annoyed by her. She's annoying. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't like engaging with her. It feels good to say that straight and honestly and not w a fucking feeling cushion or smthn. I keep dancing around my words like this isn't my private journal jfc. Anywyss I wish she'd go away. I feel bad about having to like take action to block her or whatever. I'm not gonna tonight. But I should. Guilty consciousness though won't go. I know I should vocalize smth but I just really don't want to. And I think I'm allowed to do that.

I feel bad for saying she's annoying and I hate interacting w her Anf her incomprehensible speech because she's disabled. Why do so many disabled people try and be my friend? It's nothing against them. It's just a trend I've noticed where I'm sweet and then can't set boundaries because I feel guilty about not letting them do what the want. Sigh. I don't think there's really a way to win at that. I don't think it's ableist to say that some neurodivergent behaviors are annoying and boundary breaking and I don't want to engage w that specifc behavior. I don't.

I wonder how many words this was.

[jasnnine]

Opinions on the moon signs, Part II

Here's my part one:

Scorpio moon 🦂🖤

Ah yes, my closest cousin and mother. Two people i charish and value very much. I cant describe the connection i have with these moon signs, but it is indeed intense and something like no other. Scorpio moons are deeply loyal and strong individuals. All the ones ive met love to plunge themselves into the depths of their mind. They are super sensitive and have a hard time with confidence. They test others because they dont think they deserve to be loved, when in reality they are amazing lovers/friends and deserve every inch in return. A lot of them have a hard time coping with the realities of life and in some cases like to turn to drugs/alcohol in order to escape. My cousin doesnt like dealing with her emotions and my mom sees them as a sign of weakness. You should really let yourself feel whatever you need to, scorpio moon. Its better to live life being true to yourself than hiding away in fear of not being "enough" or judged by others. You are so interesting and intricate in fascinating ways. Your true friends will stay by no matter what because of how much they respect having you by their side.

I love this moon sign, 11/10

Sagittarius moon 🍃🧘🏽‍♀️

Ive only known a few people with this placement and ooh wee are they a good time! You guys are so fun and have a really nice personality. Usually the guy/gal cracking jokes and trying to make their friends laugh and usually succeeds cuz of their wicked sense of humor. Finds joy in the little things and has interesting tastes. Has awesome style and is super smart bookwise. However, the ones I've known have been irresponsible due to their impulsive behaviors. Also loves a good debate which may sometimes lead to arguments between good friends/partners, doesn't like someone telling them what to do and will run at the first hint of possessiveness. Their lives usually seem like a whirlwind, but their positive attitudes help them through.

Real fun peeps, but not exactly people who i tend to keep around or who willingly stick around themselves. Its a 6/10 from me.

Capricorn moon 👶🏽👴🏽

Old in the mind but children at heart, this placement has to be my favorite of them all. My bestfriend has this moon sign along with my sister. You guys are so practical and hardworking. Always looking out for your a fam, a really good colleague and friend. Knows when to act serious and when to put in the effort to reach their goals, always has a goal. Doesn't spend too much time lingering in the past, unless there are other water placements, and likes to take higher steps in life. Usually the manager/boss type who likes their dominance. Has deep feelings but just needs the right person to express them too. Is the friend who gives you realistic advice when you need it. Financially aware. One thing i have noticed with this moon sign, is they have a hard time handling their emotions. I imagine it comes to them in waves and they're not sure how to calm it down and therefor get into episodes of panick or anxiety. Werent really allowed to feel while growing up because of all the expectations set upon them by family and thus creates someone with a lot of built up tension and discomfort. You guys should sit down and acknowledge whats going through your head and avoid letting it build up. There are people near you who care, you dont have to battle life alone.

Fav moon sign for sure :>

Aquarius moon 🤬💥💎

Most of the aquarius moons ive known had earth sun signs so here we go:

You guys are real interesting folk with a good sense of humor, have HELLA FRIENDS, loves to party or waste your time doing nothing, and are unconventional to a fault. Always interested in the world or some type of spiritual path, open minded as well, and have probably done everything your parents warned you not to do. Restless spirits. Bold af. Very quick to learn new skills. Maybe a tad bit too restless, ignoring boundaries and getting trouble often. Rebellious as can be. Humanitarian.

Im giving this one a 7/10

Pisces moon 💌💫

What a placement, huh? This one is mine, and mann is it a trip. I haven't met a lot of pisces mooners in my life, but hey im one and that counts right? I guess what i can say is that i have a really weird fucking mind and sometimes believe im not like most people, I for sure pity myself a lot and feel like im comfortable with melancholy. Its true that reality is just a sound in the distance and instead i keep my attention focused on building my ideal lifestyle; I get upset/hurt easily plus have a difficult time accepting criticism in a healthy form. Being the way i am with all my flaws, i have a lot to say about the negatives, but i often fail to notice that i am only human after all. And so are you my little pisces reading this. One thing a lot of us fail to see is how admirable our creativeness and willingness to easily accept others is. We love love and have no problem helping out our friends and even strangers on the street. We are big sweethearts and are actually very courageous. Wear your heart on your sleeve with pride pisces, it takes courage to be that vulnerable. Go out and heal the world with that endless energy you have, everyone deserves just a little bit of it.

Thank you all for reading! I hope you have a good day 💋

#tumblr astrology #astrology #moon signs #scorpio moon #sagittarius moon #capricorn moon #aquarius moon #pisces moon #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #birth chart #placements #for fun #thank you