#like it's been explicitly stated that the poor lad does not like to show off his robotic innards to others

[silverbastardgoldenfool]

Realm of the Quarantine Reread End-of-Book Questionnaire: Assassin’s Quest

Any differences between your first/previous reading experience and this one?

Keep in mind I’m writing this months after finishing the book lol (it’s mental illness innit). I have LOTS of notes to go off but yeah, things aren’t as fresh in my mind overall. With that said the biggest difference I can think of between my first and second experience with AQ is my feelings towards Kettricken. I think the first time around reading you know that Fitz is an unreliable narrator but you are still limited by his viewpoint so you can get a bit trapped seeing things the way he does. For this reason, I think I pretty much just forgave Kettricken when he did on my first read, whereas on this read I was like……. Waiting for her to actually apologise and show some sympathy towards Fitz and it just…. Never happened.

Like, don’t get me wrong, I still love Kettricken as a character and I fully recognise that she has been traumatised. I don’t expect her to be nice or act rationally, and in the case of being willing to take Nettle for the crown… It’s cold but she’s doing what she feels she has to. My issue is - do what you have to, but don’t expect Fitz to understand or forgive you (same with Starling). But I think what bothered me the most was how Kettricken would constantly confide in Fitz and break down to him and he was always there to let her do so, yet she NEVER gives Fitz the chance to do the same. The one time he does “open up” in a sense is when she forces him to air out his traumas in front of everyone, and she didn’t show him any sympathy for what he’d been through then or later. She has been through hell, absolutely, but while her plight may not have been any better than Fitz’s it certainly wasn’t any worse. She pretty much had two modes in this book: completely cold or a crying wreck - but she was only ever crying for herself. She lets Fitz console her but she never consoles him. Again, this is a result of her own trauma and I don’t expect her to act any differently, but it just reaffirmed for me that while she and Fitz care for each other deeply it is not an equal relationship. Fitz feels an obligation to serve her and she - knowingly or not - takes advantage of that. Like, after realising that this is their dynamic it is so obvious that the same is true in Royal Assassin as well, and it will be interesting to see how it changes (or doesn’t) in Tawny Man as I don’t remember it well enough to say.

Must reiterate: Kettricken is still a great character and I still have a lot of respect for her, unfortunately she just falls into the overfull camp of people who love Fitz but have an unhealthy power dynamic with him.

The other big difference I noticed was that the Verity stuff just wasn’t as devastating this time. Not because it was any less sad but it just didn’t tear out my heart like it did the first time. That’s not a fault with the writing at all, I think it’s just the fact that, knowing what would happen to Verity and that we wouldn’t see the real Verity again, I kind of already let go of him at the end of Royal Assassin.

Something you can’t believe you forgot

I guess more of a misinterpretation/wishful thinking but like, realising that there is no passage explicitly stating that Fitz and the Fool were actually spooning in the mountains murdered me and spat on my corpse.

Oh also!!! Fitz yeeting himself out the window at Tradeford castle jskaskjf

Favourite character introduction moments/scenes

I love Kettle in general and the way we’re introduced to her as a cranky old lady sets her up perfectly

Favourite character arcs

Man they’re all so fucking sad lol but I guess the Fool? He goes from thinking Fitz is dead and his purpose failed to reuniting with Fitz, their relationship growing into something really real for the first time, and actually completing his mission - at least for now lol. This book is really the first time you get to see the Fool be properly vulnerable. Even when he was getting beaten up by Regal’s guards he always had his veneer of snark and superiority to hide behind - and I doubt when he went through his sicknesses at Buckkeep he would have revealed his weakness to anyone in order to be helped. But in the mountains he lets so much of that facade of the King’s Fool fall away - at least when it’s just him and Fitz. When he and Fitz meet again he lets Fitz see his grief and pain and hopelessness and joy as the Fool looks after Fitz, and then later when it’s the Fool who needs looking after he lets Fitz look after him. When was the last time the Fool had anyone really care for him like that, ya know? Had someone protect him purely out of love? Ouch dude!!!!

Also he gets to kiss Fitz at the end so good for him!!!!!!!!!! Be gay ride dragons!!

Favourite quote/s

“I would kill Regal. It only seemed fair. He had killed me first.”

“I had looked into the heart of my enemy. I still could not comprehend him.”

“The more I drank, the less tolerable my situation seemed. And the more intolerable I became to my friends.”

“I had never thought to be disdained by a tree.”

“The Fool, the Fool, only the Fool. I sought for him. I almost found him. Oh, he was passing strange, and surpassing strange. He darted and eluded me, like a bright gold carp in a weedy pool, like the motes that dance before one’s eyes after being dazzled by the sun. As well to clutch at the moon’s reflection in a still midnight pond as to seek a grip on that bright mind. I knew his beauty and his power in the briefest flashes of insight. In a moment I understood and marvelled at all that he was, and in the next I had forgotten that understanding.”

“When you can either laugh or cry, you might as well laugh.” - the Fool

Favourite relationships

Fitzandthefoolfitzandthefoolfitzandthefoolbahslbghabfhalgngjba 

Also fitz and nighteyes (speaking of which, Nighteyes’ arc in this book is also fascinating and surprisingly complex) and Fitz/Nighteyes/Fool mwah magnifico chef’s kiss

Favourite setting

Kelsingra baybeyyy. I remember the first time reading this having no fucking clue what was happening in that chapter but I guess it was the gay agenda all along

Favourite chapter

It’s gotta be the chapter where Fitz and the Fool reunite, right? Catch me just gradually losing my grip on reality with every lingering stare 

Most loved character

Foooooooooool

Most hated character

Ya know, for a minute I was actually wondering if I would like Starling this time round but yeah no lol. She was actually okay for a while but as soon as she sold Fitz/Nettle out she became The Worst, just as I remembered her. It’s not even because she betrays Fitz but because, like Kettricken, she expects Fitz to forgive her for it, to the point of running to tattle to the queen because Fitz isn’t giving her enough attention (I’m also not impressed with Kettricken for actually getting involved instead of just telling her to grow up). Not to mention her constantly misgendering/gendering (??) the Fool or just assuming the Fool’s gender and loudly fucking proclaiming it to everybody is just truly fucking disgusting. Like I cannot even explain how furious I was reading her incessantly using she/her pronouns for the Fool despite no confirmation that her theory is right or that the Fool is comfortable with this and despite EVERYONE ELSE using he/him pronouns. God I’m mad now lol. She just acts like a spoilt brat and it makes my blood boil. But that’s probably because I have known many people like this so… Good character writing lol congrats

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimised by Robin Hobb (most heartbreaking and/or visceral moments)

The whole first chapter/s are just so heavy and carry on that gut wrenching feeling from the end of Royal Assassin. Fitz just has no real desire to live and watching him systematically severing the last few ties he has to his human life is just so sad.

Even though I wasn’t as attached to Verity this time, his goodbye to Fitz still made me cry

As did Fitz giving Kettle her skill back

Verity using Fitz’s body to have sex with Kettricken really got to me this time, mostly because I either didn’t notice the first time or had forgotten just how much it affects Fitz. It’s no wonder he doesn’t want to acknowledge Dutiful as his son when the event that brought that fact into being was so fucked up and traumatic. It’s really upsetting.

Burrich saying he almost took Fitz to Chivalry and he should have never let the Farseers take Fitz just …… breaks my heart. Just seeing Burrich so raw like that in general is so unusual it really takes you aback.

Details, observations, spoilery notes made with the benefit of the full picture

Strap in lads this part is lonnnngggggggg

Is it bad to immediately want to cry just from seeing “Sandsedge” on the map and thinking of Sandsedge brandy

I never really thought about how poor Hap didn’t get the real Fitz all those years and how their relationship could have been if Fitz hadn’t been partially forged

Pls I have no idea why but to picture someone as emotionally repressed as Fitz actually sitting down and writing about his life makes me want to fucking cryyyyeeeee

Fitz in the prologue talks about needing a purpose as something to distract himself from sinking [into his chronic pain, mental illness and addiction] and boy howdy if that ain’t relatable. As someone with mental illness and chronic pain Fitz is just painfully relatable way too often.

“I have never forgiven myself the triumph I ceded him when I took poison and died.” Fitz :(((( my guy :((((((( forgive yourself for surviving however you could baby!!!!!

This book mentions Bingtown providing slaves to Chalced

It’s so funny to me when people expect Fitz to have social skills as if he didn’t literally live as a fucking wolf for weeks at a time. It’s a miracle he bloody speaks

The state Fitz is in at the beginning of this book was literally Burrich’s greatest fear for him, yet Burrich doesn’t just say I told you so and leave. He stays, is patient and even optimistic.

“He (Burrich) is not bigger than I.” Why does this feel so wrong lol??? I just can’t picture Fitz as bigger than Burrich

“When you were younger and not supposed to go into taverns without me…” So it’s fine if the child goes into taverns and gets drunk as long as you’re also there. Got it, Burrich.

Fitz calling Chade “the grey one” wow get rekd old man river

Seeing Chade and Burrich interact is so bizarre

Fitz is still having seizures at the beginning of this book! I had forgotten that

God okay so idk if I can articulate this point super well but the whole thing of Fitz going through this extensive abuse and then essentially becoming an animal feels like a metaphor for the way your brain’s “higher” needs and functions just shut off sometimes under certain levels of stress. Like in order to cope with the trauma you don’t think about concepts, or long-term goals, or other people. You just take care of your basic needs - food, sleep, shelter, water - long enough that you start to feel safe and secure again, at which point your brain can open up a bit more and allow you to really think again; to want again, to plan again etc. Like obviously literally becoming an animal is a heightened version of reality, but the functionality of it is the same; our wounds and our fear stop us from fully embodying ourselves.

Burrich be like, Fitz was getting way too dependent on drugs before all this so let’s steer clear of those. :) LET’S GET HIM ABSOLUTELY SHITFACED INSTEAD

I  love how Fitz has his own unique relationship with Lacey and she’s not just Patience’s servant in his mind

Fitz talking about how even his memories from before his time in the dungeons are soiled by his trauma :( baby boy

Dude it’s so rich Chade lecturing Fitz about not making a life for himself, having friends or just chilling out like???? WHO TRAINED HIM TO BE AN ASSASSIN CHADE?? Like I get your point but what the hell kind of life did you think he was gonna have? Who ever took the time to teach him the importance of making connections with people for their own sake, and when would he have ever had the time anyway? I think Chade himself doesn’t actually know what he expects from Fitz.

Fitz saying he’s bad at making decisions because he’s never actually been allowed to make any is literally a point I’ve made lol. This is what happens when you teach teenagers how to murder in lieu of any basic life skills.

Burrich + Chiv were luv at first sight. No I will not elaborate.

“We kept you a boy, looked after you too much.” Huh??????? Fitz was never fucking sheltered lol. He didn’t have autonomy. There’s a difference.

I’m so fucking glad Fitz hugged Burrich before he left and that they actually left off on okay-ish terms. I didn’t remember that and it vaguely dulls the blow of knowing we don’t see Burrich again til Fool’s Fate (and that he thinks Fitz is dead the entire time between now and then).

“If I shaved my hair back from my brow” bitch disgusting

“Honey was the older of the two women. Perhaps my age.” jskfjnajgbl my guy those aren’t women then those are children!!!!!! U freak

I was wondering for ages why Fitz doesn’t mention the Fool like literally at all bc that’s so unusual right? Even in Assassin’s Apprentice he thinks of him when he goes to Moonseye and just in general the Fool usually enters Fitz’s thoughts pretty frequently. So why now, when Fitz doesn’t even know if the Fool is okay, is he just not thinking about him? And then I realised that that is exactly why. Because the only two people from his old life he doesn’t think about are the two people whose fates he knows nothing of: Kettricken and the Fool. So he can let his mind wander to think what Patience and Lacey might be up to at Buckkeep, or who Molly is with or whatever, because he knows they are all safe. But in such a fragile state I don’t think he can bring himself to really wonder whether Kettricken and the Fool made it to their destination - he probably doesn’t really believe they could have, and that is far too painful a road to go down when you are trying not to think at all.

I know the first act of this book is slow and that bothers some people, but I think it is so necessary, not only for Fitz’s arc but also because it really demonstrates just how severe the situation has gotten with the red ships and forged ones AND it shows just how destructive a king Regal is. Without this perspective it would probably be much harder to buy that the extreme measures taken at the end of the book are really worth the sacrifice.

Fitz is Demisexual, Exhibit A: when Honey is coming onto him, all he can think about is Molly.

Fitz is so scared of the Forged ones :( his trauma affects everything. He has no faith in himself and less heart for the violence than ever.

Speaking of trauma metaphors: the way Fitz tends to drift off into the wit or Skill after a traumatic experience is… pretty much just dissociation but magique

I forgot that witted folk can apparently communicate with each other mentally, not just with animals

“Her head was the size of a bushel basket.” Ah, yes, a bushel basket, a thing whose size we are all intimately familiar with.

Fitz finally finds others like him and even then he is not fully accepted. Told he is doing the wit wrong. Othered by the Others. It’s the queer experience innit.

Also forgot that apparently the forged are attracted to the wit as well as the Skill?

“I wondered if I had as many wolf mannerisms as they had halk and bear.” Yeah no probably not you only bloody LIVED as a wolf, Fitz.

Okay I know it doesn’t need saying but Patience is just so fucking cool!!!!!

Jesus fucking christ, Fitz skilling out to Molly when he knows Will knows he’s alive and is looking for him is just… so dumb. So so dumb. I know he’s just fixating on her because he’s miserable and she’s like this unsullied thing he had before everything went wrong but holy moly is it frustrating 

Not to mention he doesn’t connect the dots between the fact that Burrich went to “help a friend” and every time he reaches out for Molly he sees Burrich sajkdbshkhja dude

Nighteyes leaving just goes to show that Fitz cannot rely solely on Nighteyes for companionship. No matter how innately the same they are they are equally as innately different. Fitz needs Nighteyes but he shouldn’t have JUST Nighteyes (which is why he, Nighteyes and the Fool are the holy trinity). When Nighteyes leaves, Fitz is in way too fragile a state to be left alone, but Nighteyes cannot think of the future or what might happen. All he knows is he’ll be back at some point and that’s all that matters.

“My anger fed my competence” whatever you need to tell yourself sweetie

I think I had blocked out the fact the Regal was keeping animals trapped in filthy cages so they could ravage people in the king’s circle uggggghhhhhhhhh I hate him

Fitz is down on himself saying that without Shrewd’s largesse, Chade’s information and Verity’s protection his idea of himself has been stripped away and that he’s not actually competent etc. but like. This is an extreme situation!! You’re literally alone in the wilderness with nothing and no one!! Who would thrive in this situation? And nobody gets by without help anyway! The people in our lives do define us to an extent. You don’t have to be able to stand 100% on your own at all times with zero resources to be considered capable. It’s human to depend on others. Yes I am chiding myself as much as Fitz here :))))

Burrich’s earring is the repressed gay earring. No I will not elaborate.

Fitz refusing to sell Burrich’s earring is frustrating yet something I would 100% do lol

Direct from my notes: Celery hiding out in caves?? Bad bitch

“I felt I was within the flames looking deeply into the Fool’s eyes” um okay gay

It’s actually surprising that Fitz admits he would not have gone after Molly even if he had known she was pregnant when she left. On one hand so self aware yet this doesn’t stop him from completely idealising their relationship.

And then you have Molly who says he was supposed to come after her “so she could forgive him”, that he was supposed to be the one to light the candles for her childbirth etc. The fact that she in any way thought he was mature enough to be a father just shows how little they really knew each other.

Burrich treating Molly like a horse while delivering Nettle is way funnier than it has a right to be jskakjasd makes me think of Dwight treating Phyllis’ back injury in The Office lol

The first thing Burrich notices about Nettle is that she has Chivalry’s brow are you fucking kidding me. Gay!

Fitz is Demisexual, Exhibit B: He had no interest in Tassin whatsoever until she literally started kissing him. At this point his body reacted, which is normal, but as soon as he got a second to actually think about it he stopped, because for him it would not be satisfying to sleep with someone he didn’t have feelings for.

“It seemed to take years for the dried beans and lentils to soften.” Okay mood

I love how Fitz just assumes Molly will take him back. “I have a woman and child awaiting me.” Says who bitch?

Small ferret? More like big legend

Ya know, we give Fitz so much shit but honestly with so much physical, mental and emotional stress on this journey how can we expect his mental faculties to be at 100%? I wouldn’t be making good decisions either, in fact I would be long dead.

Starling telling Nik that the earring once belonged to Chivalry is truly a smooth brain move

“Do not fear, little brother, I am here to take care of you again.” Words can’t explain how much I love Nighteyes and how often his dialogue makes me smile :’)

It’s so cute how Nighteyes is worried about Molly and Nettle until he knows that Burrich is taking care of them

It’s really interesting when Fitz claims “I’d rather be with Molly even if it meant rocking a crying baby in the middle of the night” because, well, he’s literally made other claims to the contrary, saying he wouldn’t have gone with her even if he’d known she was pregnant. Because at the end of the day as much as Fitz is compelled by others to do work for the greater good, I think deep down a lot of the time it is what he would do anyway. Like I really don’t think he could actually enjoy being with Molly knowing that the world is burning down around them. He would want to get out there and help somehow; not only to secure their own future but to reduce other people’s suffering as well. He’s an empathetic boy even though he’d like to be selfish.

Every time Fitz calls Molly his wife I lose ten years off my life

Again, I understand why he’s thinking like this, but Fitz’s ownership of Molly is just so uncomfortable. The fact that he can’t imagine her not having a place ready and waiting for him in her life when he returns just illustrates that she is not a fully realised person to him. She is just a comforting idea.

Oh yes, it was definitely Starling’s “pillowtalk” that got you captured and not the fact that you fit the exact description of the witted bastard right down to having Chivalry’s earring and a whole ass wolf

Somehow forgot that Jhaampe is basically a city of tents with only a few permanent buildings and people constantly coming and going

Fitz’s first words to the Fool are “I’ve come to you.” I’m gonna fucking die

Literally every single word from the moment Fitz realises it’s the Fool and starts describing him is a full body assault and personal attack I am seeking reparations

God the tenderness, the angst, the relief……… shall i pass away

“I doubted he was much taller, but his body was no longer a child’s.” My dude this is a gay awakening if I ever saw one

Fitz be like *spends 87 pages describing the Fool in painstaking detail* anyway I love being a heterosexual male

I’ve heard ppl cite Fitz’s descriptions of Kettricken as evidence of a crush (hard disagree) but literally nothingggggg even comes close to the way he describes the Fool. Not just this once but over and over again it’s insane.

“Talk fell off between us. The bottle of brandy was empty. We were reduced to silence, staring at one another drunkenly.” skjakfnajghajgnaLNGJ is it gay to silently gaze into thine homie’s eyes

The Fool protecting Fitz from everyone - especially Starling - in Jhaampe is often hilarious and always heartwarming

Realising Fitz was skinny enough for the Fool to lift on his own ahhh no wonder he said the famous “When I recall how beautiful you were” line, Fitz is a total wreck

I love that the Fool actually gives Chade shit for his plan to take Nettle. I love him.

“Too few folk cared for me. I could not hate a single one of them.” Oh, Fitz :(

I always wonder how the Fool really feels about Molly. Is he jealous? Does he compare himself to this woman Fitz idolises and he doesn’t know? Does he know that Fitz is barking up the wrong tree or is he stuck thinking Molly must really be Fitz’s soulmate since he won’t shut up about how much he loves her and can’t wait to get back to her? He just never really lets on how it makes him feel when Fitz has relationships with women. We know Fitz gets jealous of the Fool (for litch rally like no reason lol), so with the Fool being much more honest with himself/in general about his love for Fitz and having much more legitimate reason to be jealous, is he? Or is it just something he’s made his peace with, that these women give Fitz something that he cannot? Is he okay with that cos he has to be or does he have a different, less monogamous view of love and relationships (he does have three parents after all). I dunnoooo dude I just have so many questions. Like obviously - OBVIOUSLY - if Fitz and the Fool didn’t have romantic feelings for each other before, there is no doubting that romantic feelings appeared the moment Fitz appeared in the Fool’s hut. Fitz won’t admit that but mere chapters later the Fool is talking about how he loves Fitz in every way so like. He knows. So how does he feel when Fitz is calling out for Molly in his sleep, or openly speaking of seeking her out when all this is over, and lying to the Fool to protect Molly and his daughter. Really makes u think!!!!

Fitz reuniting with Sooty and going to see her every day in Jhaampe is so cuuuute and made me so happy. Sooty is a good girl :’)

Fitz be like *leans against the table where the Fool is carving and watches his fingers at work like a true repressed gay*

Verity is literally so strong???? He submerged himself in skill and was able to pull himself back from the stream can u imagine? Go off king!

Bro I literally can’t with the Fool mentioning Jofron so casually and Fitz immediately thinking wow oh my god they’re definitely fucking oh my god the Fool has a girlfriend - Fitz sweetie calm down

I love how Fitz and the Fool just naturally walk together :))) and Nighteyes babysitting Kettle is so cute

Molly never once says that she misses Fitz. She says she always expected him to do the right thing, to come after her and not leave her alone with a child. But she doesn’t look back on their time together fondly or have much positive to say about him as a person. And all that is fair, but it’s also just… Not really the behaviour of someone who’s been separated from their soulmate. It’s more just someone who’s been left in a shitty position by someone they cared about but hardly knew.

Fitz asking the Fool what is between him and Starling when they’re literally just being civil is sooooo fucking funny. Not everyone finds the Fool as irresistible as you do, Fitz.

The Fool just casually finding a pretext to call Fitz the light of his life

Fitz telling Kettricken firmly that he will not travel if the Fool is ill is one of the only times he ever puts his foot down with her GEE I WONDER WHY

I’ve said it before I’ll say it again…… there really do be something about the way Fitz can’t meet the Fool’s eyes………. It’s not like they’re weird and colourless anymore like they used to be!!!

The Fool already talking about Clerres in this book!

Fitz and the Fool and Nighteyes playing in the stream is too fucking pure omg, it’s what they deserve

And then Starling has to bloody ruin it bc she’s homophobique

But seriously, Fitz actually lets go for the first time in ages and has a nice evening only for Starling to go tattling to Kettricken, and Kettricken having the gall to confront Fitz about it. And then Fitz solves the problem by saying he doesn’t disdain her when like!! He has every right to!!!! She sold him out, sold his daughter out. She never even apologised but instead has just been totally petty and self-righteous and stirring up trouble amongst the group. She hasn’t earned or even asked for his forgiveness. So fitting that she’s the one constantly judging Fitz for his relationship with Lord Golden in Tawny Man lol, she just cannot let Fitz and the Fool be the queer icons they are!!!

Verrrrrrrrrrry interesting that Fitz only “suddenly missed the human warmth and comfort” of Starling taking his arm or sleeping against him literally IMMEDIATELY after the plumbing and love confrontation with the Fool. I mean he has been doing all of those things with the Fool (sleeping together, walking arm in arm etc.) so it’s not about human touch at all, it’s about convincing himself that a WOMAN’S touch is somehow inherently different.

He does the same thing with Starling as with Kettricken. She technically apologises but it’s not sincere and that’s not why he forgives her. Same as Kettricken, she tells her sob story and he can’t hold onto his anger. It makes sense, but it’s just very toxic. It would be nice if at least one person would really recognise how much they’ve hurt Fitz and really, genuinely want to atone for it, or apologise without expecting forgiveness. The onus should not be on Fitz to forgive Starling but on Starling to grow up and not need Fitz to like her in order to remain civil and do what they have to. Also “I do not find your wit bond offensive” has the same energy as someone telling you out of nowhere like “It’s fine that you’re gay :)” like wow thank u?? lol

Fitz is Demisexual, Exhibit C: “I wanted her with a desperation that had nothing to do with love, and even, I believe, little to do with lust.”

“By his love he is betrayed, and his love betrayed also.” So fate agrees with me, Fitz and the Fool are in love? :)

Anytime the potential that Fitz might have to choose between Molly and Nighteyes I lose brain cells. That’s ur brother Fitz!!! It’s not even a choice!! How dare u

It’s just sooooo intentionally laid out for us in this book that Fitz’s relationship with Molly really wasn’t good or healthy and that his fixation on it is misguided, and I think that’s why I struggled sooooo hard with the ending of Fool’s Fate, because it kind of implied the exact opposite. I’m hoping on this reread I will pick up on it being laid out as a result of Fitz getting his memories/teen feelings back rather than it just feeling like a lowkey retcon, but I guess we’ll see lol

“I felt I was a bit in love with him, you know. That sort of lift to the heart.” the confirmation that the Fool KNOWS HOW IT FEELS TO BE IN LOVE sends me deep into the swamps goodbyeeeeeeeeeeee

“The one who loves him best will betray him most foully.” So fate agrees, the Fool loves Fitz best :)

“You do love me! … Before, it was words. I always feared it was born out of pity.” Godddddd Foooooooooool!!!!!!!!!!! 

Everything about Fitz, the Fool and Nighteyes meeting in the skill for the first time is just truly perfect iconic unparalleled.

Fitz’s love for Verity hurts my heart so much. Just think of the relationship they could have had if they weren’t stupid royals.

Kettle’s whole speech about Fitz and Molly… Just yes to every word.

Look I’m just gonna say it… The way Burrich reacts to Molly’s advances … like I know it’s probably not intentional but it just reads as very much fitting in with my headcanon that he is gay. As soon as she makes it clear she wants to sleep with him he like leaps across the room lol. I do believe he cares for her and loves her in his way, but it does feel mostly like he’ll just do whatever he needs to to care for her and the baby.  Sowwy

I wonder why the Fool wasn’t as affected by his giving up of memories to Girl-on-a-Dragon?? Or was he, and he just gets them back before we see him again in Tawny Man?

“Take my hurt that I never knew my father, take my hours of staring up at his portrait when the great hall was empty and I could do so alone.” um this is so fucking sad

It was the Fool who sent Starling to find Fitz after Verity uses his body and again I have to ask, wtf is going on in your mind, Fool!

Fitz is Demisexual, Exhibit D: Even once he actually sleeps with Starling he has no enthusiasm about it, he just kind of goes along with it, likely to prove to himself that he has really let go of his past/Molly. 

I always wonder why the Fool leaves now. Is it because he thinks their work is done and doesn’t want to risk messing things up by hanging around his catalyst like at the end of Tawny Man? Does he intend to come back and find Fitz again but get sidetracked by a lead or a new dream? Like it’s just weird because at first he was like “Prophet and Catalyst stick together” and was gonna stay with Fitz - or was that just an excuse because he was obsessed with Girl-on-a-Dragon? Fool u spicy lil enigma

It’s blood and the wit that wakes the stone dragons so does that mean King Wisdom was witted? Or is that obvious lol

Fitz isn’t even bothered by the Fool’s kiss, just shocked. I am looking.

Patience shouting orders at Verity-as-Dragon is beautiful ksjjk

Of courrrrrssse Burrich names his first son Chivalry

In the epilogue, the Fool is the only one Fitz actually says he misses. Exquisite.

I know some people have an issue with Regal’s death but personally I find it delicious

Okay that’s all (I say as if this wasn’t 139841989 pages long). See y’all in 92 years when my sister finally starts reading Liveship!

#realm of the elderlings #realm of the quarantine #assassin's quest #long post #fitz and the fool #Fitzchivalry Farseer #rote #ehhh idk what else to tag lol #if u read all this congrats and i'm sorry

[the-gay-prometheus]

🍄🍂🌻🌿 for the main three of your AU + Ernest

What are your OCs favourite snacks? Their favourite comfort food which always cheers them up when they’re down? Favourite meal to make? Do they enjoy baking and cooking and are they any good in the kitchen?

>Victor: Oat cakes? Oat cakes. ...Oat cakes. Yes I am 100% leaning heavily into the Victor Loves Oat Cakes thing. Because I also love oat cakes. He can't cook to save his life though. This poor man couldn't even make toast without it ending up either raw or literally turned to charcoal. All of which is highly ironic because he actually had cooking lessons due to ~circumstances of his birth~ - he just never paid any attention.

>Henry: Henry's favorite snack is literally any kind of bread. If Henry gives you his bread, that must mean he really likes you, because Henry would never give his bread away to just anyone. (<casually thinking back to the 'home again' segment where Henry smuggles like half his bread to take back to Victor> heh. gay.) Anyways- As for go to comfort food, rabbit stew - because when he, Victor, Ernest, and Elizabeth were all allowed to spend a weekend essentially camping in the woods, the first meal he cooked on that outing was an improvised rabbit stew. It didn't turn out well the first time, but the memories surrounding it are what made it special - so now even though he's really perfected his recipe and techniques and what he makes is practically unrecognizable to that first attempt, he can't help but feel all warm and fuzzy with the thought of spending the night goofing off with all his best friends. As for if he enjoys cooking, he loves it! It's one of his favorite things to do! He loves the creativity and freedom he finds in cooking for himself, and especially loves seeing others enjoying what he makes.

>Creature/Agape: For most of the AU he would say any sort of wild nuts and berries are his favorite snack because, well, they're just about the only snack he's ever really had access to. Later on he'll agree with Henry that bread is The Best, but is made even better when accompanied with a good goat cheese - so that easily becomes his favorite snack. As for comfort food, really just... Anything anybody cooks for him - the mere gesture of somebody making him food is enough to make him feel so incredibly loved, so it doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's being made with care. When it comes to cooking, he definitely enjoys it! He's not quite on Henry's level, but Henry is a great teacher and he cherishes every moment he gets to spend helping to prepare meals with him.

>Ernest: Favorite snack is... Any kind of sweet he can get his hands on. Bonus points for cakes and cookies. As for comfort food, he doesn't really have a comfort *food* but his comfort drink is hot cocoa, mostly because it's delicious but also because he has fond memories of sneaking into the kitchen with Victor late at night and making hot cocoa - because everyone knows the best thing to accompany Victor's "world famous" ghost stories was hot cocoa! As for cooking.. Ernest doesn't cook. He's convinced he's no good at it despite really never having tried. This is much to his detriment because when everyone else is gone and all the servants have been laid off, Elizabeth is the only one left to cook - and Elizabeth's cooking is.... Edible, at best.

Does your OC enjoy hugs? What do they do as a show of affection for: their friends, their family, their significant other(s) or for strangers? Over all what are they like with recieving affection from others?

>Victor: ...Sort of enjoys hugs. Victor is a little iffy about touch being initiated by anyone other than Henry. He prefers to show affection to others by way of compliments (or by clearly-sarcastic insults if it's someone he really trusts), and prefers to have affection shown to him the same way. There are only some exceptions to this rule, all of which include him either initiating physical contact himself or by explicitly stating that it's ok to touch him.

>Henry: Oh Henry loves hugs 🥺 Henry loves giving everyone hugs. You get a hug! You get a hug! Everybody gets a hug!!! Victor is his favorite hugging target obviously. Despite being a generally sharp and pointy object, Victor is surprisingly very huggable - this is probably because he just absolutely melts in Henry's arms. Henry gives hugs to show just about anyone affection tho, and loves getting hugs in return.

>Creature/Agape: How do you say "absolutely fucking touch starved on main" in french? Because yeah. Yeah. That's him. If you hug him he will cry. If you let him hug you he will cry. If you so much as rest your hand on him he will cry. And by cry in every case I mean a mixture of emotions ranging from joyful at the thought the somebody really cares and that they’re not afraid of him/don’t hate him - to mourning the fact that such acts of affection are seen as a rarity and something he’s not worthy of. As for showing or receiving affection, his best ways of showing it are either by giving gifts or by mimicking a person's behavior, or by just telling them he really appreciates them. And as for receiving affection, he'll take all the platonic/familial affection he can possibly get. It doesn't matter what kind.

>Ernest: Eh. Hugs are alright. They've gotta be gentle tho because Joints Hurty. Generally he shows affection to others by offering to do things for them or trying to help them with tasks, and as for his preferred way of receiving affection? Simple. Tell him not to help you. Let him have a fucking break for once in his life and he'll be absolutely thrilled. Either that or just tell him you can see he's really doing his best.

What little things do they notice about people or the world around them that make them happy? What tiny little treasures do they find in the normal every day that makes the world seem a little brighter for them?

>Victor: <gestures vaguely at Henry> This guy. This guy right here. Everything about this guy. Literally everything. I would go on but that would make this post way longer than it already is. So just. Everything. Also mountains, forests, grass in early spring, waterfalls, any body of water really - all of those things make him happy too. Also bones and shiny rocks. Oh. And moss and lichen. And moths. And stars!

>Henry: <gestures vaguely at Victor> I mean seriously loving each other is like 90% of these guys' personality. (that's not true but still lmao) Anyways other than Victor, he also is made happy by just about anything in nature, as well as just... Life itself. He thinks life is a wonderful gift and he's just glad to be living it.

>Creature/Agape: <gestures vaguely at literally everything all the time every day> Agape is a simple lad. He sees nature, he sees people that care about him, and he is filled with so much goddamn serotonin. Or at least he would be if he wasn't also filled with so much anxiety and trauma. The only thing that doesn't make him happy is people he doesn't know. People absolutely terrify him.

>Ernest: Ernest tries to see the best in everyone around him, so any time he does that he can't help but smile and feel a little more hopeful. Other than that, he's thankful for having such a beautiful home and, despite all the tragedy and all the responsibility that was placed on him because of it, he does enjoy the freedom of just... Being able to live as he pleases for the most part. Tending to the gardens outside makes him happy, finding new litters of rabbits emerging from their warrens makes him happy, baby goats make him happy, goats in general make him happy (humble goat farmer Ernest simply loves to vibe in the field with his goats), sharp pointy objects make him happy - so many things make him happy. So then why is he so sad all the time?

What way does your OC show that they care without using words? What way do others show your OC that they’re cared about without using speech?

>Victor: Despite generally not being a very touchy person, his best way to show that he cares without speaking is through touch. Either by taking that person's hand, resting a hand on their shoulder or back, giving them a hug, just... Anything to let them know he's there for them. As for how someone can show him they care? If it's Henry, literally anything will do. Hugs, hand holding, snuggling, gentle little kisses on the cheek or forehead or lips too. If it's anyone else, the best thing they can do is just... Sit with him. Just be there beside him. They don't have to say anything, just exist in his general space and that would be enough. He'll let them know if/when he needs any more reassurance than that.

>Henry: Did I mention Henry loves hugs? Hugs are the go to method for showing somebody he cares. He also loves receiving hugs as signals that somebody else cares. The H in Henry stands for Hugs.

>Creature/Agape: Well ideally he would show he cares by being attentive to their needs - so like, say, if it's Henry he'll give him a hug, if it's Victor he'll just sit with him for a bit (as long as Victor is ok with that). But unfortunately usually he feels like the best way he can show he cares without words is... by disappearing. He still thinks of his presences as being unnerving or a nuisance, so he often feels the best way he can let somebody know he cares is just by... leaving them entirely alone. As for how other show him they care, very few do, but those who do know the best way is through some kind of physical contact.

>Ernest: Growing up with a variety of different kinds of personalities meant that Ernest came to realize very quickly that there is no 'one size fits all' for how to show others he cares. So if it has to be done without speaking, then he'll simply try to find something to write on and try to ask through writing what the person needs. Either that, or sometimes he'll pull out his guitar and play them something to help get their mind off of whatever it is they're worrying about. As for others showing him they care, just leave him be, usually. Either that or write him a note just saying 'im here if you need to talk.'

#ask games! #this took so long but honestly it was such a good distraction ;~; #thank you so much mist ;~;

[forsaken-melodies]

Do the whole list I dare you

“Oh you just had to go and dare me didn’t you? Very well. You want a peek inside my head darling you have it.”

BY THE FATES this took forever. *snicker* I hope you find out what you were looking for! And remember, I’ll do this thing for ANY of my boys, if asked. NSFW is, of course, below the cut. I take no responsibility of you reading something you aught not, given that I have warned you!

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

J’areth is heavy on cuddling. When he is with a partner he trusts enough to not simply quickie and run, the man is all about taking care of one another’s comfort after the fact, be it a nice soak and a nap, a small meal while clad in naught but the tousled sheets. He is as affectionate as one would expect of a solitary partner, to each and every one of his lovers, without fail.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Now that is difficult. A well made form is as good as a well written song to J’areth, and it doesn’t matter the verse, he likes them all! However if he had to pick, hes rather fond of lips, a well built jaw, masculine or feminine, and a throat he can nibble while the deed is done. He is a bit nippy when things get going after all!

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

When it comes to cream the catte has copious amounts of it, but never fear, he does his very best not to waste a single drop. Buried within his partner is where he finds his peak, unless otherwise asked. However if he must make a mess, he will insist that it gets cleaned up.. one way or another. This goes for his partner’s release as well, though depending on the flavor, he may insist on a bath in the tub instead, so make certain your diet is pleasing!!

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Secrets? What are those? Sweetie if you ask him he’s bound to tell you about anything he likes, he has very little true shame in the way of sex. (Though he has been known to be shy with those he harbors deep seated feelings for.) From toys to positions, top, bottom, switch, you name it, you ask, and he will give you a rather definitive answer of yes or no.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He has led a very… interesting… life up until this point. His first excursions to Ul’dah landed him in the debt of a particular Lalafel’s cronies… and he was forced to pay it off any way he could. Young then, he gained quite a bit of experience in the subject, early on it was forced, but he learned, survived, and then, thanks to the kindness and compassion of a very few souls, broke away from that life. Now, He simply does as such because he -enjoys- it. And he gets to pick WHO and WHEN… and he can say no. Something he never had the luxury of before. Experience? He has plenty, and he bets he can show you areas that you didn’t even know you HAD to gain pleasure from.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Positions depend upon the partner, relative size, gender, how rough or gentle they want it. Absolute favorites? Face to face, either laying down or sitting up, so that he can hold his partner, and often lavish them with kisses and nibbles. However if he is with a more.. dominant.. partner, never let it be said he didn’t enjoy being pinned against a wall or the bed and ravished until he can barely walk! 

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

That entirely depends on his partner and their pleasure. If they are more relaxed, there may be some soft joking or taunting, a light bought of wrestling. 

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

His body hair is near non-existant save for a little darkened trail leading down from his navel to his nethers. Below the belt, it is well trimmed, shaped and everything is kept as velvet - soft as his fur or the hair on his head, and yes, everything is that ebony black, tinged with navy blue. Yes, my dears. that color is -natural-.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

This goes along with G. If they are more the romantic type, he can do that too, seriousness and silver tongued, singing his partner’s praises past little kisses. He lives to please, and will often cater his responses to his partner. HOWEVER, if it is someone he cares for, he will be more likely to be romantic, more-so than outright -sexual- with his actions. Massage, cuddling, sweet nothings and the like.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Masturbation? Yes. Often. Boy is insatiable. So much of his emotion is based upon -touch- that touching is often something he does to calm himself from a rough day, or even simply when he’s lonely, and none of his lovers are available. He will often picture one, or more often than not, more than one of them, sharing his bed and his form. If he is feeling -particularly- needy, he may combine one of his many toys with the act to enhance his daydreams.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Well, that’s a long list Lets go with simple things. He’s a biter. He uses his claws. He will attempt to be careful if asked, but when you are with this one expect to go home with a few ‘love marks’. He adores being able to make his partners growl, groan, moan or generally make a LOT of noise. His ears are sensitive, and his hearing extremely acute, and the reverberations of such noises during the act enhance it for him. He has been known to ‘play’ as someone’s affectionate pet, however he is just as eager to be the one holding the leash. Be forewarned, boy’s a switch.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Bed, bath and beyond? Seriously. Whether at home or somewhere in the wilds, he is equally happy. Partner have a kink for getting it on where they may get caught? J’areth would be more than happy to play into that role, just warn him ahead of time so he wears the right pants! In all fairness, where-ever his partner or partners are most comfortable tends to be his venue of choice. 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Teasing, sexual tension, foreplay. He LOVES getting all worked up and taking a tumble when he can’t hardly think straight. But he is equally fond of a slow build up, and can even enjoy imparting experience on those of lesser knowledge.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Honestly? No underage. That should be a given, in this day and age. Nothing to do with scat, nothing to do with vomit. There may be -mild- bloodletting from claws, or teeth, but NO gore, vore, or otherwise nasty things like that. Past these things, Ask. The worst that will happen is he will give you a funny look and tell you no if he doesn’t like the idea. He’s very open about communication, really.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Oh now that? THAT is a big favorite. He loves it. Giving, receiving? He’s all around fond of using that tongue of his to his partner’s absolute pleasure. He is quite skilled, and being a bard by class, one can just imagine what he can do, given the chance. (Oh, and a hint for male partners? No gag reflex, and he can purr while he goes down on you. Interested?)

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

That one depends on how worked up the two of you are before hand. He has been known to go a bit overboard with the foreplay, to  the tune of a really rough tumble wherever he and his partner fell, however he is equally at home taking HOURS pleasing one another. (and yes, he -can- last that long. Can you?)

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He’s been more than known to have a few of these. It can help relieve stress, bond, quickly with a busy partner, and when someone nearby is in heat, well. You can expect a fast rutting from the poor lad, so driven out of his senses by the scent. Don’t worry though, if that is the case, and you wanted something longer? Give him about a half an hour and he’ll be ready to go again, and this time, take his time doing it.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

You want to go at it in the middle of hostile territory? At the top of a tree, dangling over the branches? Sure, sounds fun! You just got this new swing from the leather worker and want to try it out? Game. Whips are a no go but the occasional spanking from a crop? Sure. Basically, along the lines of communication again. You want something from the catte, you gotta tell him. He’ll normally be game to try anything once, but if you don’t ask, you’re likely to get told to do it yourself!

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

As mentioned in previous questions, Hours. His longest session to date has been six hours but he is more than willing to test that limit. (and no, that wasn’t solid sex all the way through, lest you worry about friction rashes and the like.) As far as how -often- in a setting can he go at it? He’s got about four -good sized- releases in him before it becomes a bit too sensitive to be touched.. or looked at. Frequency? as previously stated, give him about a half an hour in between to catch his breath, and maybe cuddle a bit, and he will be ready to go again.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Yes. He has a variable box from the goldsmith, leather worker, and other shops. (along with several different scented lubes from an alchemist friend. Cause safety after all.) Between various sized plugs, cages, phallus’s, crops, blindfolds, bindings, Even a few strap ons for the more adventurous femme fatals. He’s a kinky boy. He’s certainly used many on himself, and is more than happy to use them on partners!

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh explicitly. He LOVES driving his partner up a wall, and down the other side with -wanting- him so bad they can barely speak the words. Rarely is it fair, often its dirty whispers or the subtle touch in public, where  they cannot react to it, to drive them insane by the time they are alone.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He purrs, he mewls, he yowls. He groans sweet nothings and praises the fates for bringing his partner to him. He is -very- vocal. (and you might want to make sure if you don’t want to be heard, the room is soundproofed, or tell him he -has- to be quiet. Fair warning, gags may be necessary.)

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Since joining his current free company, he has actually cut -back- on the random encounters. More so than not he has been spending his time either with his chosen lovers, or with close companions. It’s not that he won’t accept other advances, however when he has attempted to ‘find some strange’ in the past few weeks, They’ve all been engaged, and that rather killed his mood.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He is fairly average for a man standing at roughly 5′9″.He is 1.8 inches in Diameter, 5.5 inches flaccid, 8.5 inches erect. It is circumcised, kept immaculately clean, a slightly darker tan than the rest of his body, especially when aroused. He has a small steel ring through the frenum, which shines a bright sapphire blue. His scrotum is of average size as well, and holds fairly close to his form, is smooth, with a light dusting of hair, clearly kept as trimmed and clean as that which rests above his length.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

May as well be a rabbit or a randy teenager. The man’s sex drive is through the roof. Aroused at the drop of a hat, though keep in mind that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s -hard-. It might not -show- just how dirty his thoughts are, but believe me, they are.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

After the first go? No chance. Pulling an all nightter? by the end of it hes curled up like a content kitten who’s had all the fish and cream he could desire, ready for nothing more than a good snuggle and to purr his partner to sleep as he snoozes. 

@garlean-nonsense Thank you for the ask/dare. Hope you found out what you wanted to know! *wink*@ellwelune you said you were curious about the ask settup. You should totally do it too!

#garlean-nonsense

[rabasaur]

Harry Potter and the Conspiracy Theories That Keep Me Up At Night

Harry Potter and the Conspiracy Theories That Keep Me Up at Night

Fan girl post purely for fan girling purposes. Harry Potter is to my brain what my vibrator is to my Mavis.

I re-read the entire series at least once a year and now almost 20 years after the release of the first book I am still pondering over plot holes and losing my mind over conspiracy theories.

So I’ve compiled a list of my favourite ones in a f.r.i.e.n.d.s style format that give me the most satisfying Pottergasms to be enjoyed and analysed by my like minded muggle friends.

1. The One Where Its All A Dream

During a recent Harry Potter movie marathon my boyfriend (try throw that in there wherever possible because that’s an actual thing that’s happening right now; side note at pushing thirty can I just say I still think this makes us pretty cool.) flippantly suggested that the neglect and malnourishment that Harry is subjected to at the Dursleys makes for pretty solid grounds that the wizarding world we all love is in fact a cock load of fuck.

That Harry’s mental state has diminished so greatly that he’s hallucinate or dreaming an entirely imaginary life.

Why this never crossed my mind I don’t know but having since looked into it some more it’s frighteningly likely that this is the case. Apparently this is a relatively popular theory which completely went over the top of my head. So much so that the bold JK herself refuses to either confirm or deny this theory which puts me on a one way train to prolapse.

2. The One Where Malfoy Is A Werewolve

I like this only because I like Remus.

I read once that JK wrote Remus’ character the same as if she were writing about someone inflicted with a life altering condition like HIV or AIDS which I thought was pretty clever it made me think about it completely differently and it’s a nice little nod at issues attached to stigmatisation etc etc anyway back to Malfoy. (I HEART REMUS SO MUCH)

So so so so as far as my understanding of this theory goes. Malfoy isn’t a Deatheater. Harry never sees the dark mark on Dracos arm although he assumes he is a Deatheater there’s no real evidence to suggest this is legit.

What does happen though is this…

Fenrir Greyback (absolute lad) is introduced as a punisher type character who bites the children of wrong doers (in a nut shell) turns them to werewolves and adds to the big bad basturt brigade.

It’s explicitly mentioned that he is the one who infected Lupin (bae) and therefore puts down a good foundation to later entertain this idea with Draco after Lucius repeatedly fails when serving Voldemort.

In Borgin and Burkes’ while showing Borgin the mark on his arm, Draco says that Fenrir Greyback is a close personal friend and he’d hate for him to have a to pay a visit.

Finally Voldemort says, “Maybe you can babysit the cubs,” to Draco when the Death Eaters find out that Remus and Tonks are having a baby. This is a throwaway if he is not a werewolf.

There is actually a website dedicated to this theory. Dracamalfoyisawerewolf.com.

Mind blown.

3. The One Where Dumbledore Is Death

I think this is my favourite one (even though it doesn’t involve Lupin, boooo). It’s the most credible fan theory I think and ties everything off quite nicely.

The Tale of the Three Brothers is pure my fave from The Beadle Bard (obviously) and The Deathly Hallows was the tittays so this one really beat to my drum.

This is a tumblr born theory (all the best ones are) and it makes perfect sense.

The theory says that Voldemort is the oldest brother, murdered in his bed by someone who sought the Elder Wand. Snape is seen as the middle brother, who was driven to suicide after resurrecting the girl “he had once hoped to marry, before her untimely Death.” Harry would be the youngest brother, who escapes Death with the cloak until giving it to his son, greeting “Death as an old friend” and going with him gladly. The Tumblr user, though, posits that Dumbledore is Death. “He greeted Harry at King’s Cross and was the one behind Snape and Voldemort’s death….He’s the one who gave Harry the invisibility cloak too…And he had the stone and the wand too.”

I think I just wet myself.

4. The One Where The Dursleys Are Mad Because Harry Is A Horcrux

Whit the actual fuck. This makes perfect sense.

Ok another tumblr born theory (yassss)

I always kind of thought that Harry was a Horcrux of sorts. Part of Voldemorts soul had always been with him.

“Neither can live while the other survives”

Although Harry wasn’t subject to the same ritual as the rest of the Horcruxes it wouldn’t be too much of a reach to say that the Dursleys were raj 24/7 because of the side effects that come with being in prolonged contact with a Horcrux.

Also Harry does tend to attract despair, death and misery. He ruins almost every occasion just by existing. Poor bastard. He must be a Horcrux. Nobody is that unlucky.

*flashback to awkward naked Harry and Hermione moment*

Long and short of this one is the Dursleys are still massive cunts regardless.

5. The One Where Crookshanks Is Lily Potter

Your basics here with the worlds most theorised cat are these:

The cats ginger, has green eyes and hates scabbers AKA Peter Pettigrew (don’t we all though?) therefore gotsta be Lily Potter.

Canny say this ever crossed my mind at any point ever but it’s a bloody lovely theory and it’s even spawned it’s own fan fiction called “The Mother That Lived” and if that doesn’t make you want to greet I don’t know what will.

This is hunner percent a reach but I like cats and I like conspiracies so here we are.

Since reading up on it more people seem to believe that Crookshanks belonged to Lily Potter, as revealed in Deathly Hallows she owned a cat, and that Crookshanks is special kind of clever cat (although I think all cats are special and clever) called a Kneazle, which would explain how she was always noising up thon scabbers and such.

Apparently JK confirmed this on Pottermore but then removed it. Salty.

If this hasn’t got you in the mood for a binge then by Merlins beard do you even Potterhead bro.

Hope you’re all as soaking as I am right now.

Goodbye forever.

#harry potter #harrypotter #dumbledore #jk rowling #hermione granger #ron weasley #remus lupin #sirius black #fenrir #draco malfoy #lucius malfoy #gryffindor #slytherin #hogwarts #hufflepuff #ravenclaw #i wrote a thing #stuff i wrote #my writing #writers on tumblr #writing #writer #fanfic #conspiracy #new blog #blogging #blogger

[republicstandard]

The Football Lads Alliance: Extremists?

Britain is my homeland. For all her flaws that I find in myself and all her greatness that so often I do not, there is a part of me that is forever England.

Editor's Note: This piece was originally published on my now permanently banned Medium.com account on October 13, 2017. It is still accurate in my opinion, so I have republished it here. ~A.S

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Having lived overseas for some time now, I am in a peculiar position- every time I return home, the landscape is a little different. Is it England that is changing, or I, or both? What I have noticed, is that as ever, the United Kingdom absorbs cultural norms from America, across the gossamer fine Atlantic membrane that separates our civilizations like opiates crossing the blood/brain barrier.

Scaremongering about the far right is just the latest phenomena in this grand cultural ‘exchange’.

For years, the archetype of the British socialist has fallen into one of two broadly defined categories. Firstly, there are the so-called ‘champagne socialists’ who will wring their hands at the problems of the poor and the racial minorities. Ask them to visit a soup kitchen with you, and you will be drowned under a deluge of pressing engagements and nonspecified excuses. They are, however, well versed in how jolly awful capitalism is, despite having no real desire to change anything about it.

Second come the children of these middle-class dilettantes; they who are studying Gender Studies & Sociology at a university in the middle of nowhere, with professors produced by the same system as they are. Dutch door anarchy. These kids are the twins of the ones who have taken up shields with NO HATE emblazoned on them in the US. All the better to beat veterans in wheelchairs with, my dears. The red blood of these angry men (and feminists) is fashionably juxtaposed with the black, the black of bloc anarchist.

Technically speaking, there is a third kind of quasi-socialist who flits in between the parent and child socialists at will, selling pot to both. This is, of course, the true anarchist, the greebo, the hippy. Politically and culturally irrelevant, these strange critters cloak themselves in cold war German military jackets and patchouli.

For some reason, they never age, only seeming to be replaced by a never-ending cycle of dropped out kids, who burn out on acid, decide the system is fucked, and that psytrance raves on mountains are better than houses and jobs anyway.

All three groups are rarely comprised of stupid people. Ideologues, for sure. But never stupid. They have read Proust. They understand Sartre or at least tell you they do over a poorly rolled joint with a THC content lower than their contribution to the national GDP. These people are our intellectual elite.

Do you know who is stupid? I mean, really stupid?

Football (soccer) fans. They are stupid. They fight each other over tribalist nonsense. They spend vast sums of money earned working on building sites on tickets and paraphernalia that swells the off-shore accounts of Russian billionaires. Their simple minds turn to junk food when their team loses. They don’t care about politics. They are working class, by and large. They vote as their parents voted.

Except.

Except recently this has changed, and dramatically. For decades, the left has bemoaned the lack of political engagement among the working class of Britain. The leftist wrings his hands about ways to engage the youth of today in politics. For, as we all know, the 18–24 demographic now outnumber the baby boomers, and if only they would get out and vote- well. Socialist eutopia beckons.

Jeremy Corbyn, with some… friends

This is not what has happened.

The predominantly working-class men who follow football have begun to be politicized, alright. Oh yes, they have. As Rudyard Kipling wrote,

It was not preached to the crowd. It was not taught by the state. No man spoke it aloud When the English began to hate.

The Football Lads Alliance, an ostensibly apolitical movement against all forms of extremism, on the surface looks ideologically naive. Formed in the wake of Islamic terrorist attacks in Britain that are all too soon scrubbed from the mind, the FLA planned a march through London, on June 24th.

The March Against Extremism disavowed the far right, but is in essence a response to the lack of action taken by the UK government against Islamic Extremism. After all, Islamic Extremism is by far the most threatening and deadly extremist behavior in the nation. The march paused to pay respects at London Bridge, site of the horrific van and knife attacks.

Naturally, the March has been portrayed in the press as organized by the far right. Naturally, the usual suspects on the left the communist Unite Against Fascism (UAF) and the Socialist Worker were quick to jump on the bandwagon. What is a leftist movement if you have no enemies to purge.

In all, ten thousand working-class men marched through the capital, with no violence, a far-right presence tiny enough to be insignificant, and yet, there the leftists were. Crying ‘NAZI’ at the top of their little lungs.

But, this article is not about the march. The march organizers claim to be apolitical, which is idealistic in the extreme. In the case of any social movement, you play politics, or you will be played with politics. As the Socialist Worker newspaper points out with accuracy:

“By pointing out to softer elements of the FLA that they are being used by fascists, the opposition can drive a wedge into this new right-wing movement to split it too.”

This is correct. It doesn’t matter if the Football Lads Alliance is 0% fascist. It only matters what the optics are, and who controls the narrative. Outside the group, the narrative is controlled by the left, who have successfully painted the FLA as an offshoot of the English Defence League, a nationalist group that has been explicitly shunned by the FLA. It is also indicative of the desired outcome of the socialists that the “softer elements” be brought over to their camp. As ever, when the far left cannot convince through argument, it will attempt to subvert through slander.

The Football Lads Alliance, 07 October 2017

That really should prove my point. On the inside of this growing movement, there is the danger of infiltration by the far right. Outside the group, the press and the far left are already lumping the movement in with far-right nationalism. It’s a great recruiting tactic if you are a budding Antifa, who is all dressed up and with no one to mace.

I hope I have given a complete enough overview of the situation around these events, coming as they are hot on the heels of Muslim gangs raping white girls, children losing their lives to nail bombs at pop shows, stabbings in pubs and an attempted bombing of a train, this last, that has been met with a resounding ‘so what.’

While our politicians, cowards to the last, exhort us all to Keep Calm and Carry On, You Bloody Plebs it is the working class who are finally realizing who -and what- has come for dinner.

“I already am eating from the trash can all the time. The name of this trash can is ideology. The material force of ideology makes me not see what I am effectively eating.” - Slavoj Zizek, on ideology.

Does it take a bunch of football fans to point this out? Are we Brits so mentally enchained so to be unable to discuss the elephant in the room?

So it appears, that to discuss the problem of Islam in the United Kingdom online gets one arrested. To talk about it in the workplace will result in unemployment. To talk about it in the home will split your family. To talk about it with your friends loses you your friends.

*Just part and parcel of living in a big city. *

Where then, as a culture, are we to look? We have built bridges on our walls because we are not racist enough to build walls around our nation. We quibble over Brexit, the democratically mandated will of the people because middle-class socialists like easy holidays in Tuscany. Freedom of movement across Europe is jolly good, but it doesn’t mean a damn thing on the dole queue.

Here is the clarion call that is loud and clear. The people on the Football Lads march are the people of Rotherham. The people of Newcastle. The people of Manchester. The people of London. Their opponents live in the green belts. Their opponents cry “Not All”, when the argument is never about all or none, and never has been.

Unlike the United States, the actual violent aspects of the left are incredibly small in the United Kingdom. This is proportional to the numbers of active far-right street groups, who can barely draw more than a hundred people to a rally. The idea that a bunch of sports fans can drown out both sides with a non-partisan message is highly encouraging to me. There are still dangers ahead.

On October 7th, another Football Lads Alliance march took place in London. The organizers are of the opinion that a turnout of 50,000 or more people peacefully marched through the city. This is encouraging- although for some reason the BBC and other mainstream media outlets ignored it.

The press ignored the march because there was no violence. Without violence, the march cannot be held up as an example of far-right bigotry against the left, the religion of peace, and globalism. What. A. Pity.

Despite this great success, I hope to see some development in organization within the Football Lads Alliance to protect themselves from their enemies- who are numerous, vocal, and politically astute.

Here is the issue. The Football Lads are one hundred percent correct in opposing extremism from Islam and the far right. They fail to understand that this will not deflect criticism from the leftist media that the march is a smokescreen for the far right, regardless of intentions. It will also not prevent, as the Socialist Worker again correctly noted, that the far right will recruit on these marches if they can.

And so we come to the problem inherent in having such a laudable but vague goal. Marching against extremism sounds nice enough; except that extremism is a subjective term.

Without context, extremism is meaningless, and so is the opposition to it. Extremism itself is not in and of itself an enemy. As Sam Harris has said, extremist Jains walk around looking at the floor, so to avoid treading on ants. While there is no need for the Football Lads to become a political movement, the understanding must be that the movement is political.

The Football Lads Alliance has only recently begun, and so we should not be too critical of their organization yet. Still, as friends, we should not allow friends to fumble blindly in the dark in a room full of knives.

The wry comedy we can all at least enjoy, however successful this nascent movement might be, is that the decades-long struggle for the leftists to instill class consciousness in the proletariat may be at an end. It’s just not ending up the way their Critical Theory professors told them it would. The working class has awoken, and shockingly enough, they have decided that being told that they are racist, homophobes and Islamophobes, when they are not, is a crock. About bloody time.

And where are our police force while all this goes on?

What has happened is that our police force is busy pandering to an LGBT+ crowd with freshly painted squad cars. The use of no-no words on social media will see you arrested. The very idea of criticising Islam in public will have you on a watch list. The watch list that we already have in the UK, that of 23,000 known jihadis or fundraisers for terrorists, lies gathering dust.

This is not to say the security services in the United Kingdom do not do a seriously heroic job preventing and catching terrorists when they are allowed to. Our leaders were told for years that cutting the policing budget in the face of Islamic Terrorism was an awful idea. Those senior officers who said so were ignored and portrayed in the press as simply greedy for more tax revenue.

It’s good to know who our masters consider to be the real problem. It’s not the terrorists. It’s not the socialists. It’s everyone else. It’s you, with concern for your family as another rape gang is arrested and passed off in the press as simply Asian. Strangely we are yet to see a group of Japanese men in the dock for passing around teenage white girls like sex dolls. It’s the people who voted for Brexit. It’s the working class themselves, who resolutely vote against what they are told is in their best interests.

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And so, tired of being ignored, sick of being disparaged, the English have begun to march. Let us all hope they do not begin to hate.

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