#literally dont know why im struggling so hard at work today

[notastumph]

cannot pull myself together at work and it's infuriating.

but anyway, if i have to be sad, then so do others who enjoy this for whatever reason. 🥲🫶

#literally dont know why im struggling so hard at work today #imposter syndrome is eating me alive rn its overwhelming #fob fanfic #ao3 #depressing things everywhere #peterick fic #peterick #brutal love sequel #fob

[eyesxxyou]

Angst about dad hobie/spiderpunk so warning! But it becomes a slight fluff?

Hobie having a afab reader as their lover. The reader actually gets pregnant from yknow, and hobie doesnt want them doing an unsafe abortion since they mightve been illegal back then or still are, and he doesnt want reader being hurt. So they have a kid and hobie stays with them no matter how hard it is being spiderman and being scared of your family being killed.

This was years ago, he shouldve been more safe, he shouldve done more. That what he tells himself as hes at your and his 8 year old daughters grave. Having a heart locket necklace that he bought for you on his neck, having a ring that he had made for his daughter and would let her wear it on special occasions on the same necklace. And inside the necklace is a photo of you three a couple of days before he lost the both of you. He has patches and stuff from both of yall on his leather jacket. Or if your crafty and make stuff or made him a leather jacket it becomes his main leather jacket he wears as it was a gift from you. Or any pins or anything he purs it on the jacket. He knows you or her wouldnt want him to blame himself but he cant stop, so he protects other familys woth his whole life. He knows how hard it is losing the hellspawn you created or the person you fell in love with. He distracts himself all the time with work, music, riots. Work+music+riots all together. Destroying osborn. Destroying villains. He overworks himself not to feel the immense pain and guilt he feels. He almost had bled out a couple of times if not for captain anarchy. You would patch him up and he got used to you doing it, he stopped doing it to himself. And he stopped caring about himself and if it happened, he just wanted his world back. He used to care about himself, you and yalls daughter did as well. Youd comfort him and now your gone, he doesnt know how to do with his feelings or anything , so thats why he distracts himself or doesnt care what happens to him. But no matter what on yalls anniversary, your birthday, your daughters birthday, his, honestly no matter what he always went to visit your grave everyday. He felt closer to you and your daughter. He was a little closer then he thought as yall were right their with him whenever hed come to visit, or just watching over him. You were his guardian angels physically and liter. He doesnt know that yet, he will once you accidentally show yourself to him when hes bleeding out when no ones around and he hears your and your daughters blissful voice. But its not his day, not today. Not yet. You give him another kiss before making sure he doesnt bleed out and his daighter also gives him kiss and cuddles him while you fix where his wounds at. He doesnt believe its real until he wakes up in an alleyway with karl shaking him and his wound is wrapped like how youd wrap it. Hed just need to change it, karl would help him with that. He still felt your and your daughters presence, and that motivates him a lot more. He is able to get more done and he finally gives himself a break. Visiting yours and his daughters grave with flowers while he is working on a new song to help anyone struggling with something similar he went to. Bit he also lets himself go to the park and relieve yalls memories from when you were kids to teens to young adults, to where yall had yalls daughter as probably 18/19/20 year olds (i dont want teen pregn in this guys even though that exist. Thatd also be a little weird writing ahout this.) But anyways while he revisits the memories he knows you and your daughter are right with him, when are yall not? And now he knows how yall feel and yalls presence, so he now always knows yall are always with him

Im sorry this shit isnt profread so sorry for any errors in my spelling but i thought this was cute, i hope you enjoyed this. A little angst but its cute (i almost cried when writing this)

-🍄

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

#{eye's inbox} #{👁️ inbox} #🍄 anon

[itsdappleagain]

i know csweekly is on hold now, but I still have to catch up on The Luchadora Tango Caper, so here it is!!

Season 3 is maybe my least favorite season out of any of them, but I still love it, so I'm really excited to get into this!

Notes under the cut as always and please ignore the fact that I'm a month late on this thx

NEW CASTLE!!! NEW CASTLE YAYYY

sometimes I think this whole series is Maelstrom just talking about shit for like 14 hours

cleo sympathizing with guys in skirts <3 she knows ur struggle boys

love how they slapped up a giant glowing green world map and copper sulfate burning chandeliers before they put in insulation or heat

brunt, girl, calm down. they were just doing their evil minion bagpipe job

british on british violence

that was such a cute nod when this season first dropped. haha theres been no sign of her all summer because of the hiatus you are so clever

they rlly thought they had something with the turn them against each other thing. i cant believe they thought they tvy7 rating would let shadowsan and carmen kill each other 🙄

"carmen is DEAD" (cheery tango music)

i mean it works because we know hes wrong and stupid but like

no offense but the tango dancers are animated in a way that is reminiscent of a kid manually moving their barbie dolls legs to make them walk

our girl <3

tell me why dropping 200 feet onto the top of the metal detector was more sneaky than literally anything else she could have done

ok. yes. but the fact she is robbing it does not negate the fact that she will be on the news for breaking into a bank dsjfsdghfkdsa

1021 is the number on the box- could it mean something? in a strictly doylist sense. october 21st doesn't seem to have any significant holidays...I can't find anything, might just be a random number set.

good god the "i...have his eyes." hits me like a truck every time

gina pulled it out with the voice acting in this one

she WAS a very cute baby

"another" link girl what else has there been you should be ecstatic

ayyy its the character literally everyone except spintrap-stan and amaryllis solely remember for being voiced by dante basco

i love how snarky carmen immediately gets. if he knows her name and what she looks like, obviously he's an operative, so she gets to have a little fun in immediately declining him while still gaining valuable information, almost immediately, about who he is and what his talent will be

everyone is very stretched today

this is not my favorite fight scene honestly (at least until flytrap gets here. dont even get me started on her fighting style im in love with it) because its literally just like ooh. he kicks. she dodges. wow. they really do try with the tango parallels but idk

wow!! other people can kick too??? who knew

she protected the face

cutely runs into oncoming traffic

those cars were not even slowing down girl they were just like HONK MOVE OR DIE

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS FLYTRAP MY GIRL

okay mini rant incoming i already did a post on this like a billion years ago but flytrap is one of my favorites because in my opinion she and paper star are the most dangerous villains we ever see in the show. let me. try to find that post actually

yeah here it is

flytrap is also so hot and has the same va as luz so she's just top tier. idk if the team put half the episode budget into celebrity voice actors and thats why we only got 5 episodes but you know what

love how carmen is literally stopping her attempts to get free to banter. girl. stop

shadowsan <3

love how they do not even bother showing the fight they just get their asses handed to them

why didnt they start in veracruz just asking

not the table

ok guys. you can stop with the tango thing now. its okay

that little conversation between ivy and shadowsan is so good

comrades??? sir its not the cold war

article from 17 years ago, thank you for that easy to understand slang

carmen plot armored her way out of getting her skull smashed in on that train so hard that she made maelstrom stupid

its canon both in and outside of the show that color theory is so prevalent that any sort of red at all immediately signals carmen

the colors are so beautiful in this scene. carmen doesnt have her coat or jacket on, everythings just a little desaturated as she searches

THE ACME GANG <3333

not the finger guns and glasses wheeze hes such a loser i love him

THE FORESHADOWING TO EGYPT WITH THE PYRAMIDS ON HER LAPTOP!!!!

love how all we get of julia this season is her being pissed off and then leaving

he was such an asshole for closing her laptop why did he do that 😭

has carmen just been ignoring vile missions for the last season of the year to research her mom or

girlie is so sad about everything

ah yes, the door, the thing you wish to have opened, the best place to lean your full body against after you knock,

i'M SOrry. did you NOT attend a school for THIEVES

HSDGGDG HEY. just broke into your house. im your long lost daughter

i love how she goes DONT TOUCH ANYTHING and then immediately drags her whole arm across the wall and cabinet

also her face when she sees the masks is perfect

okay be honest how many of you have replayed carmen saying maybe mommy at least once. who. raise your hands

shes sooo buff

love how everyone is taking this so seriously and then carmen is just completely apathetic about anything thats going on

dont deadname lupe, carmen

her hair catching a gust of indoor wind for the sole purpose of making her look sick as hell in her intro card is so iconic

as ivy absolutely obliterating zack in the foreground is so fucking funny

she got that "EH EH EH." titter of "HEY NO. DONT YOU DO THAT" down scary well

devineaux strutting im sobbing. julia was doing SO well and then she got paired with devineaux AGAIN

that cab driver looks so concerned about the hulking texan in his backseat

remember when the trailer dropped and we thought those roses were for julia. good times

everyone narrowly avoiding each other as they pull in

you just know ivy smacked zack when he protested to decoy time hdsafhadsg

gotta say the "EH?" while getsuring to the trophies is fucking hilarious. obviously julia knows she wouldnt go after those but its so funny

i do love the way carmen just shrinks any time brunt appears. she is soooo traumatized

VAMOOSE EL MASKO SHES SO ACCURATREIUSDHKFSKHFD SHES EXACTLY WHAT MIDDLE AGED AMERICAN SOUTHERNERS SOUND LIKE

LUPE IS SO FUCKING COOL

devineaux showcasing his braincells for a spilt second this episode

ah, so begins the not a good time mantra

devineaux getting absolutely decimated because he thinks coach brunt thinks hes handsome is so funny

the referee watching two apparent civilians enter the ring: 🙂

carmen is so funny here. she uncuffs herself and then just leaves devineaux to die like fuck his ass he can get smooshed

carmen getting increasingly mad at devineaux while she drags him places is my favorite part of the episode

also, either carmen got stronger or devineaux had a few bouts of crazed research where he didnt eat, but she can drag him easily now as opposed to when she was struggling back at the trap in poitiers

they put this shot in the trailer and without context it just looked like carmen was standing there glaring at brunt menacingly

the cat burglar <3

worst fucking ref on the planet i love him

was carmen stopping to listen to julia's voice i would like to think so

ah the devineaux and cars gag. i mean, to be fair, it wasnt his fault this time

starts beatboxing

carmen really just dumped her whole life story on lupe thats so funny. girlie started the day preparing for a match, got her house broken into, and then ended the day learning about a global crime syndicate

they really ended s2 going THE NEXT SEASON WILL FOCUS ON CARMENS MOM and then started s3 going well actually um okay so

theres our transition sentence

lupe's yellow and blue palette btw!! cs color theory i love you

lupe is more of a mom than carlotta ever gets to be thats sad honestly

carmens little smile ough

here is a shot that very succinctly illustrates the dynamics in the coming seasons. the three at the table stand strong- always have. roundy is basically a footnote no one cares about him and then brunt...brunt is sort of on the edge. this carries over all the way into s4 when malestrom tries to drown her

oh my god i forgot about the weird halloween thing the faculty has going on this season i love it

my analysis is right in time for spooky season >:) halloween IS nearly upon us!!!

OKAY well my thoughts on the luchadora tango caper...pretty good. honestly its kind of net zero information because we introduce the premise of finding carmens mom and then immediately abandon it but it sets up um....well....it sets up....what does it set up

anyway- not my favorite episode, even though lupe is fucking awesome. i think it suffers a little from deviating from that classic caper structure and jumping around, but it does its job as an introductory episode.

until we return, sayonara, mon amigos!

#csweekly #carmen sandiego weekly #cs weekly #carmen sandiego

[rianafying]

i’m having a really bad day emotionally. idk if it’s my period hormones or bpd but i’m just in a really sucky mood today. yesterday i recovered from one illness that i had since late jan. i’ve been desperately waiting to feel better and this morning i woke up with another kind of illness. and i’m doing my best to recover from this as well. and something triggered my abandonment response and im just having a really really hard time right now. and i can’t even freely talk about it to anyone or even write about it in my journal. i’m just. so sad right now. i’m not abandoned but i feel that way. i have been feeling abandoned for a while now and a small thing that happened last night really amped it up. then this morning i woke up with a crazy amount of physical pain and fever from said illness and im also severely dehydrated because i have been too upset to drink water so i’ve been forcing myself to drink lots of water all day. and had to take painkillers and sleep the fever off. all by myself. i hate being by myself. but it was worse when i was living with family back in bangladesh. somehow i felt even lonelier and more horrible there. lately i’ve had very little hope about myself and my future. i’m just going through a rough time mentally. so are my loved ones. i’m sobbing as i’m writing about this. this isn’t even bad. like it’s just my mental illness over reacting and my hormones possibly amplifying the negative emotions. but nothing terrible has actually happened it’s just that i wanted something and i can’t have it and even in my dreams, my desires plague me. it all sounds vague but that’s on purpose because i can’t openly talk about it. even when faced with much greater difficulty, i have handled things better but right now even though it’s not actually that bad, i feel exceptionally sad. i did my groceries. made the right decisions. i literally did my very fucking best today. and yet i feel nothing but awful awful awful. even some self hatred and self pity. i’m having a hard time trying to logic myself out of this one. maybe it just needs some time. the problem is that i don’t have all that much time to give. i have a class early tomorrow and it’s one of those classes that i really have to participate in and even though i normally look forward to this class, im dreading it right now. i dont have the energy to learn a whole bunch of things right now. and my friends invited me for drinks after classes, which is great but sucks because i literally have 5$ in my bank account to last me the whole week, and today was just monday. idk how this happened. actually i know exactly how this happened, i paid of my medical bills when i got paid this weekend. that’s why i have nothing left. but it’s a big relief. that i have paid off all my hospital debt. it’s a huge deal. and it’s done. now temporarily i’ll struggle a little but it’ll be okay soon. also it was just 11:11pm and i made a good wish. i’m going to try my best to bring it to fruition. rn im still a bit sick, and im not gonna beat myself up for having a bad couple of days. i know im doing my best. my best is not as good as other people’s but it’s mine. and i am choosing to go easy on myself. i’m feeling a fever coming back. the plan for the rest of the night is to maybe rest till my fever goes away. then watch the movies i downloaded w the library wifi, because guess what, i didn’t have money to get wifi this month. so i barely use my data and i try to download as much as i can at uni and at the library. it has been kind of good for me. to be off the internet mostly. this reminds me i should deactivate my instagram soon. idc if i loose my work flow. or maybe try to find balance between life offline and online. after i’m done resting and my fever subsides, ill boil some eggs and what not. i deserve to eat well. nvm im back to crying in my fetal position. oh god i feel so bad. i feel so bad right now. i can’t do anything about this. and the things that i can fix, i don’t. this is literally my life. crying about things i can’t control and ignoring the things i can control

this is the worst i have felt in 2024 so far. i’m so sad that it’s giving me a headache. i’m so disoriented and confused and tired and sad i don’t wanna do anything. i’m depressed as fuck. why does this happen to me. oh god i let a couple of hours pass, and i’m doing a little bit better. this is so stupid.

#personal #journal entry

[disco-cola]

ok im boutta rant so hard. so honestly the reaction of people (or sometimes lack thereof) to the recent events between palestine and israel is so telling… so many people even in my own surroundings are so ignorant and stupid and one-sided. being in support of a free independent palestine and still acknowledging the ongoing nearly daily mistreatments of Palestinian people by the IDF in the gaza strip west bank etc. even now after those recent horrible attacks on israel (which are not condonable or justifiable ever to me) does not make you a „terror sympathizer“ or even „anti-semitic“ like be so for real. this is exactly what the western media has been trying to make people believe for all those past years and they‘re doing it again now and using it for propaganda- which is why it’s so important to ALSO get updates from Palestinian sources (I use eye.on.palestine and theimeu and byplestia on insta since getting back from the trip and actually learning about the situation in 2020 and they are doing educational work on top of news too but beware it also contains uncensored extremely disturbing footage that a lot of western media just casually completely refuses to report about). It’s this complete disregard and erasure of Palestinian struggles for the past nearly eight decades and history under israeli occupation. The complete justification of the counterattack and pledges of unwavering solidarity in the big western newspapers without telling the whole story NEUTRALLY. Like what I’ve read in newspaper articles in the past days is actually SCARY bc it sounds like absolute brainwashing and is not neutral truthful reporting at all. I will say it as it is I don’t give a flying fuck about any of those violent colonialist settlers losing their lives. I also dont give a shit about any violent hamas member who killed an israeli civilian involved bc they are just as racist and evil. Scum like that needs to be wiped off the earth so that maybe one day this place really can find a solution in peace. And I really do wish that for Palestinian AND Israeli people, for Jewish AND Muslim people. I‘m so sorry for all the innocent lives lost who get caught in the crossfire but you also can’t tell me, and I’ve literally read this today in a big newspaper that I quote „israeli forces will do anything to protect Palestinian civilian lives“ bc it doesn’t line up at all with the footage shared from targeted regions in Gaza and that „Palestinian terrorists will use their children as shields and then cry into cameras and we cannot show sympathy for them“ when all I’ve seen are traumatized mothers or fathers who couldn’t even walk or stand up straight bc they were crying so hard. It’s inhuman to not show empathy like hello? I can’t believe this is actually what they’re printing and people are buying into it bc they think this is the right and political correct thing to do.

Also don’t forget about the fact Israel has one of the top high tech modern military forces in the world. Israel has iron dome and david’s sling (and thank god they do bc it does prevent more senseless deaths) which are highly advanced air defense systems which are said to have a catch rate of 90%. they are not catching and preventing ALL missiles from hitting sadly but A LOT of them. however when israeli military fires missiles on gaza, they KNOW for sure they WILL hit. Even if they apparently give „warnings“ to the population before starting an attack. In Gaza at least 900 civilians have already died in in the last 3 days, reportedly half of whom are women and children. Please think about them too when you mourn the victims, even if their pictures are not shown in the newspapers.

#Roger Waters is also always dubbed anti semitic for speaking out #and I used to blindly believe everything I heard on tv too especially back in 2014 when it also escalated violently #it literally took me winning an educational trip there on a fucking TOMBOLA and seeing stuff first hand to also see the other side #i also Read today shani louk is apparently in critical condition but ALIVE in a Gaza hospital #and I’m so damn glad but if they keep bombing it the way they do she still wont come home #free palestine #palestine

[daydadahlias]

16, 17, 20, 40🗿, 44, 56 for the writer game :D

how are u today?

why thank u for asking <33 im very curious abt this little face emoji and cant wait to figure out the reasoning when I go look at question 40. also i'm great! I finished my sophomore year today!! summer and fanfic here i come <3

from this ask game <3

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

oh too many. always too many. literally cannot even count the amount of docs in my google drive. i'm trying to focus on MiM right now but there's this fucking weird mashton fic tentatively called Sweet Tea I want to write at some point that's about Ashton owning a rodeo. it's like... subversive sugar daddy.

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

talk to friends! If I'm really struggling with something I'll hop on over to someone (usually Ashley these days <3) and say "hey, do you have any ideas for this?" Or, sometimes, I just like to talk through things and I'll solve my own problems by just discussing them w/ someone!! Molly and Crystal especially are great sounding boards <3

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

yeah, to be honest I think if you've read all my stuff, you'll notice I'm a bit of a one trick pony. I reuse the same lines, the same style, over and over again. I say "just" a lot and "well" and "made to love" and stuff like that. My dirty talk is basically the same in every fic lol. I incorporate writing/theatre into a lot of fics as well! And I'm a whore for some violent imagery. Like the whole "it's so BLANK it hurts." Usually it's shit, like, "it feels like home so much it hurts." I love describing love as being painful <3

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

hehe ok now i know what the little rock guy is for. well, I'll just say that fanart is literally the nicest thing ever and I dont think I will ever have enough words to accurately express just how much I love receiving stuff for fics. getting art/moodboards/edits is just a whole other level and something I never really considered I would get when I first started writing fanfic. and I have a little folder on my computer where i save every moodboard / piece of art anyone's ever made me for a fic bc it's a really really beautiful thing I'll never take for granted. As for specific stuff... uHhh. I don't know!! I can say that I always love black and white style the most and, like, sketchy stuff. I don't know, my favorite thing is seeing what people choose to draw / make!! i wanna know what readers like; it doesnt really matter what I like. <3

44. What mistakes do you keep making no matter how many times your beta corrects you?

most of my mistakes are html formatting. and, then, grammar stuff is usually just, like... I happen to look over it. i swear i know grammar you guys i do it for a living :sob: but sometimes it sneaks through the cracks. im also an overwriter by nature.

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

oo my dialogue. I think I make people talk like people and that shit is hard to do. because my dialogue used to be <33 really really bad <33 so there's definite improvement. I think you can see it just between my earlier fics and now tbh. I've definitely improved as I've kept writing!!

#pigeon #io #thank u for asking so many i luv speaking #sorry i cant give u anything concrete for the fanart question #i just dont know!! #i like sketchy stuff and slice of life #like the one you did at the bean was literally my DREAM style of fanart #the stuff that could actually exist within the world of the fic #a long time ago Miki drew me luke's copy of The Normal Heart #like put some little doodles/notes on it #and tbh that was everything to me #yeah it's stuff like that <33

[orenjibot]

Man okay i’m feeling kind of shit today but idk why?? Like i will say that i have a lot of stuff on my mind, but i just… it’s been kinda hard dealing with all of that.

I need help but i’ll have to… figure that out myself. Its such a pain and a hassle 😭

This time though, i dont actually have anything specific to gripe about. I realized a few things and also know that it was inherently a me thing. Like just again, too much baggage from the whole compass commu/server thing that i need to kinda work out on my own.

I think its cause it’s all connected to that specific commu that it’s hard not to see everyone there as an enemy or smth like that. I dont feel that way towards every person i met there, but i can say that i have a lot of personal thoughts about my time there. I enjoyed it but it was kind of… i slowly started to feel more unwelcomed there over time. Not only that but in the smaller circles of ppl too… i keep feeling like i’m constantly pushing ppl away with how i am as a person that it was beginning to weigh down on me in general. Like i wasn’t the one putting the distance, but its them distancing themselves from me. I began to doubt myself a lot with everyone there and it kinda blew up in my face afterwards.

It was why i had that rly long rant about my time there. It rly felt like ppl hated me cause i’m not the fandom blorbo (real person) and they wanted me out of there. They wanted me gone cause i’m only in the way. They all think i did a terrible job at being a mod and a welcoming person in general.

Like damn sorry for being so neurodivergent that it made me socially inept?? Sorry my mental illness didn’t make me quirky and fun to be around ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But anyways, i digress. It really is because of this that it was kind of weighing over how i interacted with ppl for a few months after i left. It just. Sucks, honestly. Like i was ready to leave but still wanted to help, but nah. They sort of ruined it for me. I still like the game but i dont want anything to do with the fandom lol

And in turn, it made me doubt everyone there. And i still have my doubts. I honestly dont think anyone likes me… at all. Like the more you talk to me, the more i become someone u dont like. I’m sorry im not the person u thought i was.

Well maybe i just feel lonely honestly. I feel like just existing makes ppl hate me or they find me uncomfy to be around. I cant get along with anyone now too… like idk how to talk to ppl and i literally cant lie about how i feel. I can’t fake it or pretend to be polite. I physically cant do that and it shows. I dunno how to sound like i’m engaged or interested. I dont know shit. I dunno how to talk or connect with ppl and it just fucking sucks. Im trying!!! Im trying!!!! But i just…

I dont,,, i’m such an incomplete human being. It just sucks. It feels like no matter what i do, i cant talk to ppl anymore. Socializing is hard, esp for me, but… I feel… so inadequate just having a hard time talking to ppl and coming up with a response. I hate it but ive always struggled with this in general so its like “lmao what’s new?”

But alas i reap what i sow. Maybe its just how things are meant to be for me.

#ah fek whats my vent tag again lmfao #it keeps yeeting it to the ether so idr it #vent #rant #teru’s complaining again

[justagirllost]

I dont know why im on here maybe be because i need a safe space to put all of my thoughts is this even "safe" idk but i think ive been doing good with everything even though its so hard and all i think about is food. especially cheesy food i love cheese so much but im just trying to lose this damn weight idk how anyone likes being fat I think all the people who talk about body positive are fucking full of it literally because no one should be happy above 250 and thats just me being generous why are people like that i was on tiktok earlier and came across a fat influencer struggling to walk onto a plane and being upset the stewardess didnt push her...like girl your easily 400lbs thats way to freaking much for an average person to push a random ass Tuesday she needs to lose the weight period people like her make me sick shes complaining that it isnt fair her fat ass had to walk but in a couple videos down she was eating a lot of fat greasy food saying 'i love eating food with the word fat in it' like sweetie you cant get mad someone doesnt want to push you in a wheel chair and yet you still eat absolutely disgusting.... anyway im just blabbing anything to not eat lol i did some jump ropes yesterday and that was nice i plan to do more today yesterday i did 700 jumps so ill do the same amount today and tomorrow and then on Tuesday ill bump it up to 800 i started at like maybe 500 ? jumps idk but im wanting my weight to come off so im not like the lady who had to walk onto to a plane and damn near passed out. im down about 10 pounds already so i know what im doing is working i just want more and more gone every time i look at the scale, i weigh myself on Wednesday so hopefully i can be down like 5 more pounds that would make me so happy but im so scared it will be the same or worse more which i dont know how it would go up im just scared thats all anyway thats it for now this is way longer than i expected it to be.

THIS IS A EDIT IM NOT TRYING TO BE MEAN IM JUST VENTING MY OWN FRUSTRATIONS

#fat people #ana #weight loss tips

[crazybiaatch]

I'm going to sound like super emo rn but

why does no one in this home understand me???

again, not in like an emo "im just so edgy no on gets me" kinda way. they just act like im not speaking.

VENT

just had a convo with my mum, i asked if it would be cool if i made my own dinner tonight, and she flipped out and said that she cant keep making 100 differnt meals, i explained "nah, I'll do the cooking, its all g" and i went on to say i would rather i cook for myself bc i know what i like, and bc my (only by a year) older sister is allowed to do that. my mother said she pays, i said that i would be more than happy to pay for shopping, or do my own grocery shopping, my mum said i need to get a job first

i have a job

i literally work for her

i earn 50$ a fortnight, not a lot rn, but im looking for more work and it'll do for now, i can durvive off of 50$ a fortnight of food

she talks more abt cooking

she then says "well maybe if you paid you would be able to"

i point out i literally just offered to pay and do my own shopping

she says im not an adult yet

i point out that when she was my age, my sister had moved out and had a kid and was being treated like an adult, so what really counts as an adult?

she says my sister was paying rent

my sister hasnt had a job since she had the baby

the rent is coming from the government

this same thing happens when i talk abt school. I'll say "hey Italian is really hard, nearly failed out today, really need u guys to help me with the school staff since they intimidate me too much to talk to alone" and all they seem to hear is "if u dont let me drop out I'll stop doing my work"

like

no

why would i want to drop out

i graduate in september

i only have like 40ish school days left

why would i drop out now

I'm not trying to fail, im genuinely struggling with multiple classes and the school is threatening to kick me out because of it, and I Do Not Want That

or my struggles with finding a job

ill say "ive applied to every single retail job in the area, i have applied online, i have handed in my resume to every retailer in this town and the next one over, i am so desperate that i am moving on to fast food even though i have crippiling social anixety" and all they hear is that i applied online so clearly i wasnt trying hard enough. They didnt actually get how hard it is for me to get a job until McDonalds literally ghosted me, and they were there watching me frantically call and email them

i just

i cant deal with this anymore

I'm like actually on the edge of a breakdown and all im getting from the people around me is what feels like purposeful misinterpretation at this point

and on top of all of this my dog is fucking dying :(

#vent post #vent #i sound so emo

[the-kipsabian]

So. What I think about you. It’ll take some telling to get there. Might get a bit sappy but here goes nothing.

So I’m a pretty new fan of wrestling, less than a year of proper watching still. It was a bit of a spontaneous thing, a friend made watching another sport would post things, and eventually I decided to take a peek and see what all the fuss was about. And in the end, I really enjoyed what I saw. I could get into that, but it’s not exactly important to where I’m going with this.

I don’t remember exactly when I first saw Kip. It was after his feud with OC, but still close to new years. And I thought, geez this guy is neat. Had no idea what was going on with any of his past work, I just liked the way he moved, I guess. So I thought, let me dig a little deeper into this. Eventually I ended up at your blog, and let me tell you, you were a hell of a resource to this baby fan. I’ve always been a bit nervous about following new people (had some bad experiences in the past I’m not eager to repeat) so I think I sort of lurked a while before I actually hit that follow, probably by accident honestly.

So then was Kip and Penny’s trip to Japan, and this is where I got introduced to Chris Brookes, who I’m not sure I even have words for how fond I am of him now. So I very much attribute that to you, and I’m pretty thankful for the introduction to an absolute bastard giraffe man who I adore.

Eventually I got a bit more settled into my new interest, started posting a bit on tumblr, reblogging gifs and the like. And then, just like how I got into wrestling, another fairly distant mutual joked about being interested in what they were seeing. So we talked a bit, I recommended some of what got me interested, and I think in the end that got me a new friend. In a way, I can wrap that back around to you, too.

I see that you struggle a lot. Sometimes it’s with writing, or art. You still make cool things, and I’m pretty awed by that. I’m looking forward to what you’ll make next. I doodled a rabbit on the back of a shopping list today, for the first time in months. It felt like a little victory. I wonder sometimes if your writing, your art, feels like that too. I’ll still celebrate it as if it is.

I’m not really sure how to end this. I guess I just want to say, we aren’t exactly friends, or at least, I don’t feel I can claim that we are right now. But I do think about you, and root for you. And in myriad little ways, you’ve changed my life. That feels a little strange to write, but it’s not untrue. I suppose no one can really know what impact we have on anyone else. At any rate, I hope you’re doing well, I saw you were sick this week.

-🐓

first of all: CHICKEN ANON YOURE BACK HELLO!! its been a while i hope youre doing well! 💜

legit when i read this first thing in the morning, i fucking cried. just.. theres a lot to unpack here, i try not to ramble but this. something like this is literally why ive been keeping on posting everything i do despite occasionally feeling like theres no point to sharing anything. ive always been telling myself that i first do it for myself, and then share it in case theres someone somewhere down the line that might be looking for this content later

and to hear that there is even one (1) person literally like this out there, using my blog and the content i put out to familiarize themselves with my blorbo, im... like oh my god 💜💜

im really glad it has helped you make friends too 💜 and while i dont know who you are, i would consider us friends no matter what tho, especially after hearing this. so glad things like this have helped you to get more into the community, thats amazing! and to touch up on the art thing, yeah its hard at times to pick things up again after a long while of not doing anything - i literally wrote a drabble last night after not writing anything for a week and i havent even seen my drawing tablet in like two months now lmao - but im so happy to hear about your grocery list rabbit!! little doodles here and there are definitely better than nothing, especially if you enjoy doing them!

youre so precious anon, i hope youre having a good day. im still slightly sick, getting better now thankfully so i should be fully operational the next few days and oooooh when that happens its all over you fuckers when i get back to writing (this is affectionate i swear LMAO)

thank you, i love you 💜

#also. when you say you liked the way he moved. same brain cause i remember that was literally the same thing i was originally drawn to #about him. it was back in the superbad days when it was even more.. slutty i should say lmao but still #thank you for this. i will treasure it forever #anonymous #thank you for asking! <3 #xoxo

[paralien]

i think the thing that sucks the most abt having a really hard period as an adult, (like, emotionally and physically) is that yes i can cry at work. done. but all i want to do when i come home is like, curl up really tight in my bedroom and feel bad for myself for days yeah? but i can't. bc i have to go grocery shopping later today for more kitchen towels and bread and I need to wash my sheets and the apartment is a mess and I'm literally moving within the next 3 to 5 days so I need to keep packing and like, I need to do it. and im gonna do it. but then my brain is also like hah! you go grocery shopping? then you're not feeling bad. fool! faker! bah!

and like, I know it's obv to others I'm not doing well atm, I dont live alone anymore (hi👋) and I have rly good friends who care abt me who are watching oit for me and like all things, this'll pass. Bc it's 'only' happening bc I've had a big life change at the same time that I've been working way too much AND while im preparing to move again and it makes sense stuff is hard!!! but also like, I was like sick sick as a teen, so now as an adult when I'm not that sick I'm like hm am I really doing bad? but like. it's good im not doing that bad! good that I can like, clean i guess. but bwah. it still feels bad and I still just kinda wanna feel bad for myself for days bc I do feel bad. like, im genuinely in a lot of physical pain wvery day and that's making my brain struggle. but then i also get annoyed that like, im awful at being a martyr and just sucking it up and gling im fine dw ♡ and then idk being super man and getting everything done and being super available emotionally and phyeically to everyone and being like this perfecf godlike being the kind youd feel awful for in movi3s but also thats unrealistif and stupid. and also i never shut up so if i do feel bad everyone knows abt it. but thats also why i wish i wws better at like. being wuiet? bc i feel childish. and i dont want ppl to think im childish. im an adukt im just really stupid. and selfish. and whiny. byt qlso my ass is nice so theres tgat. idk where I'm going w this!!!!! I'm procrastinating getting started on the rush of the last 2hrs of work where I've gotta do breakfast prep. mm.

bwah. my stomach hurts again at work :(

#fanya.txt #vent? or. ramble #i just have a lot of feelings lately!!! and i get frustrated when im not perfect at habdling them #like argh youre selfih and everyone u know is gonna tell you to kys bc m. msny reasons #its not logical #also conpletely off toping its POURING oitside rn and murder basement is low key flooding again #so i might need to sacrifice a secind towel

[kidkintsugi]

one of my lecturers is pissing me off so badly

they CAN be nice, i see how they interact with others, but i feel like they sometimes just flat out refuse to be nice. of course you have good and bad days but come ON

> they frequently take smoke breaks, which in of itself isnt that big of an issue but it gets to the point that part of the lesson is cut off because of that. last time they had a meeting and didnt return. after 20 minutes after our break had officially ended we looked out of the window and saw them smoking. they returned an HOUR later.

> they push us to be as professional as possible but today i had to listen to stuff like "why are you like this" and other passive aggressive shit i genuinely am not in the mood for. like im trying my best? i cant always give a 100% and we are ENCOURAGED to ask questions but whenever we do i feel like they talk down to us

its the passive aggressive comments i get that really get to me. on one hand its a nice motivation to get even better than i already am just to show them theyre wrong but i already woke up feeling like crap today so it really just hit the ball home for me. stuff like "why are you like this", "you know what? i dont even wanna know", aggressive side glances when i ask a question and over dramatic sighing (as if im expected to get everything right on the first try), and the one that shook me to the core: "you have to learn to do as youre told" when i literally just missed one step because i tried to help someone else.

to top it all off i have like. 3-4 people that constantly ask questions about simpler things, which in of itself isnt bad as i like to help, but why cant they just google it, ESPECIALLY when they see that im struggling as well? i always google stuff because i get uncomfortable asking for help so why cant they? stop relying on me so much goddamn!!!

one of them also always HAS to comment on everything thats going on meaning that theyre also aggressively sighing and whining ans moaning and bitching when im not as quick as they want me to be when theyre VERY CLEARLY not even able to do it on their own.

im gonna fucking bite one day im not ready to play along much longer.

tomorrow im gonna have to work in groups again which is already pissing me off tbh. its so hard to work with some of them because they tend to work without any plan and then complain to ME that they had to make unnecessary work. like damn. imagine u wouldve listened to me when i told you to plan things out.

[ging3rbr3adh3ad]

Man I cant stop myself from being flabbergasted at just how worse it all continues to get and then shortly after something else is going on.

I literally cannot get to the doctor to get a fucking neuro referral because of one thing or another and I keep fucking up so my health is getting worse it seems by the day but I think im just exaggerating. I CANT go to the ER super late (questionable if at all on work days) because I NEED to keep my job, I am so happy and im finally completing my dream. I've already missed too many days since being hired I *absolutely* cannot miss any more unless it is an extremely serious emergency like a close family member dying or me being in the hospital for several days, things along those lines. But I've genuinely been trying so many various routes (and I've been trying to get past my debilitating phobia and anxiety attacks around immediate care medical centers but I havent been able to do it successfully sadly) and each time, EACH of the FEW times I was actually able to successfully find a dr/place and be able to book in to go, something magically moves or pops up right during when im supposed to be doing the appointment so I end up having to reschedule or cancel. I've avoided seeking care for so long and now that I want help I cant even get to physically see my/a doctor in person! And some fuckshits been going on at work which is nothing new at my company so thats stressing me out, and then today we get a past rent due for the month and if we don't pay in 3 days we are evicted. But my boyfriend has literally called 5 separate times since June 3rd to meet up with her to pay (because the app isn't set up yet 🙄 and they've owned the building for two months now.) And they. Wont. Answer. Or. Call. Back. So thats another SERIOUS thing on my fucking plate because he is currently between jobs trying really hard to find a new one so im the only one making money which is a struggle enough as it is without all this other shit added. This upcoming week genuinely feels like a hurricane coming from the distance towards me. The kids have been gone for 2 weeks for summer, so that's gonna be a big struggle to transition back, and then the two children who have the hardest time emotionally and socially (twins) also just moved into a new house so that will most likely add to potential behaviors. Not to mention my coteacher will be out of town all week so I have to be the main main teacher with a sub in who barely knows the kids or the classroom. And we have all the other center's kids starting after they closed their location, and I guess there is a LOT of behaviors and WE DONT HAVE OUR MHDB SPECIALIST AND THE COACH WILL BE GONE WE ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT HAVE ENOUGH PEOPLE. I'm absolutely terrified of this upcoming week. I'm really worried it will have a serious effect on my health. I really really really am going to try so hard to go to the doctor to at the very least get access to a neurologist before Monday but God I do not know if I can do it. I feel so weak and pathetic, I've been telling my boyfriend over and over "oh im gonna go today" "oh im going after work" and then I cant do it. The anxiety attack is just to the level I cannot take it. I'm trying so hard and I dont know why it keeps getting worse, or how there keeps being ways for it to get more worse. I dread and fear and every synonym in English, what could potentially happen next.

#long #personal #ive long crossed over into where i just. cannot cry anymore pretty much #i still feel sad and angry but mostly numb at this point #its wholeheartedly the only way im able to keep pushing through and holding together the pieces #not to mention my boyfriend is finally trying to work through his trauma really struggling with that and ive been trying to support him #hes making good progress on therapy book i suggested to him and he said it is actually helping him though #i see so many positive changes already and i am so unbelievably proud of him

[berandomness]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, WHY DIDNT ANY OF MY FRIENDS REPLY TO MY SNAP! FUCK! I SAID ITS A HORRIBLE WORLD BUT ATLEAST THERE ARE STILL PRETTY PINK SUNSETS! MY CAMERA DIDNT DO IT JUSTICE BUT IT DID MAKE ME CRY, I SENT IT TO MY TWO (COUNT EM) (2) FRIENDS! MY ONE FRIEND WHO LIVES IN TORONTO REPLAYED IT BUT THATS IT, MY OTHER FRIEND (WHO I KNOW IS GOING THROUGH A ROUGH TIME, THATS WHY I SENT IT TO THEM, THEY DO GET A PASS FOR NO REPLY) JUST OPENED IT, THATS FINE. AND THEN, BECAUSE THERES MORE, IM LIKE CIRCLING THE DRAIN OF GETTING A PARTNER, THEY MESSAGED ME ON BUMBLE AND IM TRYING SO HARD, IM DOING MY BEST, WE STARTED TALKING ON SUNDAY AND IT WAS GOING REALLY WELL I THOUGHT, I DID MY BEST TO STAY ON TOPIC, AND BE RESPONSIVE, AND BE ATTENTIVE, AND I THINK, I REALLY HOPE, I DID A GOOD JOB, I SURE HAVENT MENTIONED THIS TO ANYONE ELSE (LOL WHO, WHO EVEN CARES, LONELY PERSON STRUGGLES TO TALK TO WOMAN, BIG WHOOP, LITERALLY BOTTOM BARREL NEWS) BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING WELL, I THINK I PACED THE CONVERSATION REALLY WELL AND DID A GOOD JOB OF NOT LETTING IT BE ONESIDED, I DONT THINK I TALKED TO MUCH OR TOO WEIRD, AND LIKE, CONVERSATION MOVED FROM BUMBLE TO TEXT, GOLD STAR, CONVERSATION CAME TO A NATURAL CONCLUSUON MONDAY EVENING, SUCCESS, I WAITED SO PATIENTLY UNTIL TUESDAY EVENING AND THEN STARTED A CONVO WITH HER AND IT WENT PRETTY WELL BUT ENDED A BIT EARLY AND A BIT AWKWARD, SHE KNEW I HAD A DINNER WEDNESDAY NIGHT SO SHE DIDNT START A CONVO UNTIL THURSDAY EVENING, (THATS TODAY!), AND I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING WELL, SHES SO AWESOME, BUT I FINALLY WORKED INTO THE CONVERSATION PROPERLY/AS COMFORTABLY AS POSSIBLE ASKING HER OUT FOR COFFEE ON SATURDAY, AND NO REPLY, ITS BEEN HALF AN HOUR, WHEN PREVIOUSLY IT WAS REPLYING EVERY FEW MINUTES, I FUCKED IT UP DIDNT I, SHE HATES ME, AND SAW THROUGH MY EFFORT TOR GARBAGE PERSON I AM AND SHE SEES SO MANY RED FLAGS AND ITS ALL BAD. ITS RUINED, ITS GONE, IM ONLY HALF SERIOUS BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT IM THINKING, OF COURSE ITS JUST PANIC AND OVER REACTING AND OVERTHINKING, IM BEING AS PATIENT AS POSSIBLE BUT THIS SUCKS. BETTER HERE THEN IN MY HEAD.

#better here then in my head

[3dayweeknd]

u know what time it is (sorry)

no major tw except one mention of body image

hhbkfkjfgd so like. my mom drove my cousin to campus cuz she has a friend who was having a party. and shes a senior in high school and has a lot of friends and parties and u know the deal. and my mom already compares me to her like cuz she’s on a premed/PA track so we have similar goals and stuff and she gets good grades and does well in school even with her busy social life. and then my mom also knows that like she’s more fit than me and skinnier than me cuz i wear larger sizes than her and i don't exercise. and today after she dropped my cousin off she started going all why don't u be more like her and make friends and go to parties and join social groups blah blah blah and i told her how hard it is and she knows its hard for me i even told her i had discussed it with my therapist and then she started lecturing me about if i had discussed it with my therapist then why haven't i made friends why haven't i joined clubs. and being questioned really upsets me because im always gonna feel like she thinks im not trying. and she always goes like do u even want to make friends or are u just avoiding people? and i hate that i hate that she doesn't see how sensitive of a topic it is for me and i always end up being upset because i think i already pressure myself enough on these kinds of things i already feel bad enough about it i don't want reminders i don’t want lectures and my mom knows this and still she brings it up when my cousin is around so it’ll always feel like a comparison. and then i got quiet bc i didn't wanna talk about it and she said did i upset you did i make u sad? like what the fuck do you think mom do u think i got quiet because i was happy that u compared my life to someone else? and i didn't want to talk about it and then she said if u don't speak up and verbalize im going to stop paying for therapy. why do we always have to bring my therapy and mental health treatment into this? she thinks that because i didn't want to or because i struggle to verbalize my feelings and thoughts that therapy doesn't help. so yeah mom that makes sense lets take away the one thing that DOES get me to practice communicating my thoughts and feelings and lets take away the one thing that does let me have human interaction without feelings unsafe and lets take away the one person who i can tell things to that doesn't upset me that's a great idea. lets threaten to take away part of my health care because i didn't do something you wanted. like do you fucking hear yourself you sound insane rn and u are being incredibly manipulative. she just doesn’t want to let things go and let me work on it without telling her every single detail about personal things i have trouble talking about. like maybe if you listened to me and what i needed instead of being defensive and making things all about you then we might get somewhere. she knows how i feel about being compared to people especially my cousin like we talk about it again and again. she even asked me again later tonight about my cousin and acknowledged that she knows i dont like comparisons. but she never apologizes she just says i cant help it. like i dont give a fuck if you cant help it because u never show that you feel bad about it or that you see how much it upsets me. im literally telling you that comparisons are unhealthy for me and that i am extremely hard on myself because i do it too and instead of understanding or saying sorry you then ask me the details of wHo aRe yOu cOmpaRinG yOurSeLf tO and yOuRe bEinG rUde bY sAyiNg iTs nOnE oF mY bUsiNess i literally dont give a fuck. i dont fucking care if you think its rude i am taking care of myself and i am not telling you othings i am not comfortable telling you. because u are no help ever. i can never be what you want and i will not surpass my cousins and you will just have to live with that. god like i just want her to get that im killing myself putting myself down thinking about how im never going to be what she wants and im never going to be like other people kids im killing myself over it 

#vent #tw body image

[yamagucji]

Reacting to their s/o breaking down

ft. atsumu, oikawa, aone, and sakusa

warnings. little angst, lots of crying but lots of fluff

ATSUMU

when he saw you sprinting to your bedroom as soon as you came home, he was enraged to say the least

because those are definitely tears on your eyes, and atsumu’s now wondering as to who might’ve hurt you

he straight up panicks at first, because he doesn’t know if it’s a good time to approach you or not. so he does what he’s done to comfort his brother before— by giving you company outside your door

“angel?” he knocked lightly, sliding down to the floor and leaning his head against the door. he can hear your muffled sobs, it hurts. he wishes it were him instead of you

“if ya wanna talk just let me know, but... if not, i’ll be here waiting for you.”

so atsumu waits. he waits for as long as you need; 30 minutes, 1 hours, to a couple hours. it doesn’t matter, because when you open the door he’ll be there

after calming down a bit, you called out to him under your bedroom sheets. “tsumu...?”

he replies, almost instantly. “yeah? what do you need?”

“...you.”

and just like that he barges into your room, nearly jumping into bed and engulfing you in his arms

“feelin’ better?” he mumbled against you, rubbing the back of your head with his palm

atsumu will do his best not to barge you with his questions, waiting for you to open up at your own pace

now this man will literally turn into a whole COMEDIAN trying to make you feel better afterwards

yes put a red plush on his nose and call him clown atsumu <3

would also offer to take you to a convenience store

“ice cream? chips? what else d’you want babe?” atsumu peeked from the aisle over, his arms already loaded with goods

it’s 2 in the morning but atsumu doesn’t give a F!CK especially after seeing you so distraught a while ago. he’ll do anything to make you feel better quickly

OIKAWA

you never meant to break down over such a small accident, but you slipping on the floor along with your plate of food had made you tip over

out of such a terrible week, even your food couldn’t be spared

oikawa had watched you from the couch and was about to break into laughter (whole heartedly) if it wasn’t for the sight of you bringing your knees against your chest and sobbing

“love?” oikawa rushed over to you. “hey it’s alright, i can prepare you another plate of food” he cooed, feeling guilty of what had happened

he saves the cleaning for later, leaving the spilled food on the floor

“ah, come on look at me,” he pulled your head out of your knees, realizing now that your cause of breakdown wasn’t just because of the food

oikawa knows just how it feels to have a bad day, and on top of that, to eventually tip over because of all the heavy weight. so he makes you talk it out with him

tears, hiccups and probably snot running down your nose— oikawa will listen to every word you muster to say to him

“is that why? why didn’t you tell me earlier?” he wipes a tear off your face, his gentle voice cradling you

“b- because,” you hiccuped, “i didnt want to bother you with my problems” :(

he’ll wipe every tear off your face, giving you a few headpats and soft kisses on your forehead

“you’ll never bother me,” he mumbled against you. “next time, don’t be afraid to tell me what’s wrong okay?”

he sits with you for a little while longer, letting you pour everything you’ve bottled up out of you. and once you’ve finally calmed down does he start cleaning up

of course, all you need to do is get comfortable on the dining chair while he does the rest of the work

oikawa will put on the silly apron that you got him with pride, making sure to show it off and ease up your mood

“ha! don’t i look good?”

you huffed out a laugh, finally letting out your first smile of the night

whatever it is you want to eat, he’ll cook it for you <3

even though he’s already eaten just a couple hours ago, oikawa will also make a plate for himself so you don’t have to eat alone

AONE

you’ve been trying to get through your school work for hours now, but it’s just too difficult

“one more,” you told aone, bouncing to another question on your paper only to find that it’s even more difficult to answer than the rest

he sat quietly beside you; finally giving you space after asking if he could help you a few times before

you see... you definitely needed his help and although you’re sure aone was doing pretty well in this subject, you didn’t want to bother him nor show him that you were struggling :(

but before you knew it, tears were pooling down your face and onto your workbook

“hey,” aone mumbled, immediately soothing gentle motions over your back. “let’s take a break.” you know there’s no point in arguing— not with the way he’s closing up your materials

but you do, anyway. “but i- i have to finish this,” you huffed out defeatedly

seeing aone’s concerned expression makes you cry out more, and it doesn’t help when he starts to pull your face closer to his, wiping away at your cheeks

“hm, we’ll do it together, okay love? i am positive you’ll be able to get through this,”

“but right now,” he takes your hand, coaxing you over to his bed. “i think it’s time for a break”

the two of you will lay together on his bed, with your head on aone’s chest and his palms running over your back

it’s more of a quiet moment— save for your muffled sobbing

though once in a while aone will put his lips close to your ear and whisper words of affirmations to you

“im proud of you today. you should be, too,”

“i can see that you work really hard on your studies... but it’s okay to take a break sometimes”

he pulls your head slightly away from his chest, slipping a kiss to your forehead. “taking a break just means you’ll become even more stronger,”

and you know just how much those words weigh, especially coming from aone

aone won’t mind if you fall asleep. he’ll actually be more than grateful— to finally see you at peace

so the next time you get through with your work, he’ll be there with you <3

(he’ll even offer to have you sit on his lap as the two of you do work but only if you’re comfy)

SAKUSA

sakusa’s a very careful person, but his words can be jarring at times

you know that as his s/o, he never has an intent to hurt you. but this time... he’d struck a nerve without meaning to

“i just don’t see why it’s such a serious matter to you,” he replied, staring straight ahead on the pathway ahead of him

the two of you were talking about something from your past— something that continues to bother you

you took his words as: why are you so sensitive about it?

when sakusa had actually meant: there’s no need to be so worried

it had felt as if sakusa didn’t care about your situation, so you left the conversation there and sulked in silence for the rest of your walk home

he certainly noticed

just as he was unlocking the entrance door with his keys, sakusa had mumbled in frustration. “what’s going on with you today...”

and that was the last straw

you turned to him with frustration, too, the build-up tears finally escaping your eyes

“what do you mean-” you hiccuped, “what do you mean what’s going on with me today? i tried to tell you but it seemed like...”

sakusa lets go of the keys, the entrance door still closed. “like what?” he dared to whisper

“like you didn’t care, omi...”

he paused for a moment, watching as you looked down from him; hiding your face and your feelings

sakusa doesn’t know what overcame him— it’s not like him to act on instinct but he did just now

he brings you to his arms, taking off his mask in the process and leaning his cheek beside your head

“i dont,” he says cautiously this time. “i don’t know what made you think that, but i can assure you that i care about you,”

“the most,” sakusa added

he was hugging you a bit tighter than usual, his chest beathing in a frenzy against your ears

sakusa will clarify to you what he had said earlier, making sure to voice out his true intentions and feelings

and yes, you’re sobbing in his arms outside the house but he doesn’t give any care to that at all

sakusa presses a kiss on top of your head, gently pulling you off of him after your sobbing had calmed down

“let’s come in,” his fingers intertwines with yours, finally pulling you inside

ah, but you remembered something. “oh, sorry... i took a lot of time out of our chores today”

sakusa turns back to you, scruffling your head

“don’t worry about it. i’m taking care of you today.”

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