#literally. literally such meaningless things . i'll destroy them all | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

boyloversxo · 1 month

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but what if the thing your working towards is unattainable or you used to have the thing and then fucked everything up and lost it

ill tell you a story

it was only two years ago that I met a guy. he was amazing. literally anything I could have ever wanted in a guy, he was, and I fell in love with him immediately. he felt the same way about me. it was crazy because I hadn't a clue as to why he wouldve chose me to begin with, let alone that quickly, but he did, and both of us were happy. I've told him secrets I still have yet to tell anyone else, same with him. I've done insane things to be with him. I was 16 but absolutely insane for this guy.

my previous boyfriend had cheated on my during our entire relationship. it was scary because I had no idea he had been doing it until he told me himself in a spur of the moment confession. he'd been perfect too but that all crumbled down so quickly and it shattered me. so I was so scared to lose this guy, and I knew he had other people who liked him, so in order to keep him around I treated him like shit. I wouldn't let him talk to anyone in private, I either had to be there or he had to have records of the entire interaction and if he didn't I threatened to break up with him and did but only for like a day before he apologized to me. I told him these were my "boundaries" and spent a while convincing (manipulating) him to agree to them.

it eventually got to be too much for him and he broke up with me. I spiralled. I freaked out on him and threatened to kill his new boyfriend (who happened to be my best friend). he later told me there'd been a chance that the three of us could have a relationship together but that I'd ruined it when I said that. I didn't mean it of course, I'd never hurt anyone, let alone my best friend. but that's what hurt so much. a meaningless hollow threat I'd made during the heat of the moment destroyed my chance to be with the guy of my dreams.

it took me a bit of grieving but eventually a few weeks later I reflected on what happened. I realized that I was the problem, that I never wanted to hurt him but it was all I knew to do because I was so afraid of losing him to someone else. it ended up being the reason I lost him to someone else. I stayed out of relationships for about a year and a half, spending my time healing and thinking about what I'd done and how I could heal myself so that I wouldn't freak out on the next person I date. turns out I have bad BPD that I was receiving no therapy for, so it festered inside me that whole time. not saying that people with BPD are as abusive as I was, I just had emotions and breakdowns that came from that that I didn't understand so it ended up turning into that.

fast forward a few months, I'm in a very happy relationship with a new guy who is just as special as my other guy was. I give him space. I let him talk to people. yes there are times I'll admit where I get my fur ruffled up, but I vent it out through jokes and he reassures me that I'm his. I'm a very different person from who I was before, and yes, I did apologize to the other guy. I let him know that what I did was wrong and that I was healing from it and trying to change, and that nothing I did was his fault, that he was a victim, and that he shouldn't let what I did to him affect how he goes into his future relationships. he's forgiven me and we don't talk anymore

every so often I'll think about him, about what we had. his pictures. his art. his little crafts. he loved playing guitar. he has a little sister. his skin is the most perfect shade of chocolate brown you could ever see. sometimes I yearn for it and miss it. it used to make me sad. but its bittersweet now, because as I look at it, he was a trial. I was in a bad place, he happened to be there for me at the wrong time, and I hurt him. but he showed me how not to love. he showed me how not to keep them around. I had to lose someone as perfect as him to be perfect for someone who is just as important to me.

my whole point is, sometimes things are unattainable. sometimes you do lose things. but it's up to you to make the most of it. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong- I'm just saying that nothing right has happened yet so far, but that doesn't mean it wont. you need to be patient and be self reflective, pay attention to how you're approaching things and how things are turning out. don't be afraid to change and don't be afraid to lose people. whoever you're pining for, they're not the only one. if you know you cant have them, you need to move on. losing someone is never inherently a bad thing. its one of the best things that's ever happened to me, because it made me a better lover and person, and it gave me a story and a lesson to pass down to someone like you. I promise there is love for you, waiting, or it might even already be here. you just need to keep holding on. its there, I promise.

if you ever need to talk feel free to dm me on here or on my main. Id like to hear more about your specific situation so that I can better help you, if you're comfortable and/or feel you need that. if not, I hope you can take something away from this and use it to help you. it used to be hard to admit this all but Ive made peace with it and I'm hoping it can help at least someone.

#asks #anon #not an mlm post #kieran speaks #tw vent #just tagging this as a vent cuz this is a pretty heavy post n it's kind of out of character for this blog

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amuhav · 1 year

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2, 3, 5, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 18, 25, 26 for TAYUIN.

What does your OCs handwriting look like?

What architectural or design aesthetic would best suit them?

The Winchester Mystery House, where he can run and hide from the consequences of all of his actions. listen I get one troll answer okay this has been a JOB.

What character from myth or fairytale best represents them?

Kai; The Snow Queen. Not so much Kai's role in the story as what the splinters of the mirror do to him. Originally an innocent young boy, when the splinters become lodged in his heart and eye, his heart begins to freeze, and he can no longer see beauty in the world, with most things now appearing ugly to him, only seeing the worst in people. He becomes cruel and aggressive, destroys the things people love to hurt them, and mockingly imitates people to make others laugh. Much of this is to the people closest to him, those who genuinely care about him.

I think Tay tends to see the world in a very similar way, even more so himself. He considers the world to be cruel, a breaker of fragile things, so he tries to make himself unbreakable, and to break things (and occasionally people) first before they can get to him.

If your OC were to imagine their idyllic life (realistically or otherwise) what would it be like?

This feels spoilery LOL, so I'll only answer the way Tay thinks he wants his life to be, though even then, there are once again ~layers~.

On the very tiptop surface, Tay almost wants what his people assumed he was born to be; to be special, unique, celebrated as something never seen before amongst his kind, with powers that set him above the rest. To be put on a pedestal and revered. But even he knows it's too late for that. Even if he gained that, it doesn't undo the ways he was shunned for most of his life before, and it would ring hollow and meaningless.

Underneath that, he'd settle for just being "ordinary", at least amongst the Eladrin. To only have a connection to one of his birth seasons (probably winter, if he had the chance to choose), to fit in and just be a "normal" prince with the powers he should have had to start with. To have his family treat him as equal, to not be a burden, to be able to do his duties as a royal, to join the Frostguard, as expected of a winter Prince of Arbor'sai.

Deeper than that, though? What Tayuin would really want? Well. That's a ~secret~

What piece of moody poetry or novel quote best encompasses your character?

"He said it was better to belong where you don't belong than not to belong where you used to belong, remembering when you used to belong there."

– Terry Pratchett, Wee Free Men

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"There are so many fragile things, after all. People break so easily, and so do dreams and hearts."

– Neil Gaiman, Fragile Things

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"Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive."

– Josephine Harper, Damage

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"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places."

– Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

Who is your muse's muse? (What or whom inspires/drives them?)

Himself. No, literally. He doesn't think well enough of anyone else to be "inspired". I suppose, at most, he took on aspects of a few of his family members he saw as useful (the pride and indifference of Eth, the easy charm of Ailos etc), but I wouldn't call that "inspired by". And his main drive is just... survival, with perhaps some glimpses of fun and gratification along the way.

What is their character theme song and why? If it has lyrics, which line best fits them?

"I won't hold on like someone who believes it." Persona Non Grata - Whale Bones

I mean, I was very tempted to quote the entire song, to be quite honest. Especially the first verse and the chorus. The meaning behind the song is just so damn applicable to Tayuin. He's done putting his trust in people, of being used while it's convenient, of being discarded for not being what they wanted him to be. But I think that line in particular really is where Tay is at right now, because, most of all, he's done holding on to the belief they'll change, or that anyone else won't just do exactly the same if given the chance.

Is your character bilingual or multilingual? Which language are they most comfortable in or prefer using? How did they come to learn them?

Multilingual. Tayuin's mother tongue is a highly differentiated form of Fae specific to the isolationist Eladrin, but as a royal, there were certain expectations regarding his education. He had to obviously learn the common tongue, fae and high elven, but also most "higher" languages as well, anything spoken by nobles of races the Eladrin might ever need diplomatic talks with (rare, because again, v isolationist, but still). It's one of the subjects Tay excelled in, as it required a certain amount of social mimicking, and as someone who was always observing others to uncover ways to fit in, it came naturally to him.

Whilst Eladrin Fae is obviously what comes most naturally to him, he's spent enough time moving through the world that common is his default. He is fluent and comfortable enough to pass as a native speaker in most languages he can speak, though. However, as the secluded Eladrin are probably not up to date on the more obscure languages or more specialised dialects, he'd probably sound archaic or overly formal in any of those.

Do they have an accent? How do they or others think of it?

Following the last question, no. Tay has always taken great care to also sound like a native speaker in anything he speaks.

What is a common misconception about your OC? (Alternatively, what do people assume about them which is either incorrect or misconstrued?)

It depends on which layer of Tayuin the person has access to. Surface layer Tay is, for example, what the public following the trials get to see, as well as the average person he met in his journeys since leaving the Faelyn Wilds. He's sweet, innocent, if a little cheeky. All charming smiles and a heart of gold. Even seemingly naïve at times, the cute little lost boy with the big blue eyes, how could you ever suspect him?

Then there's what most of the other contestants probably all see by now, nothing more than a scheming little brat that would do anything to get ahead. And, in a lot of ways, they're not exactly wrong. But it's still not really him; it's just another layer, another defence, another wall to protect himself.

What sort of role do they take on in relationships, either familial, romantic or platonic. i.e. are they a defender, protector, nurturer, etc.

Currently, Tayuin sees nearly every form of relationship as transactional. "I give something, I get something, and if I do it right, I get more than I give" kind of mentality. So almost every relationship is based on that at its root. His familial relationships are the only ones that aren't/weren't, as he always sought nurturing yet obtained little. Depending on the family member, he received cold distance, pity, or even torment instead. Not sure what you call that "role" lol. Victim? (⚆_⚆;)

"Romantic" relationships currently do not exist to Tay. Any, uh... (⚆_⚆;) dalliance so far has also been very transactional, either figuratively or, uh, literally, lol. Any real romantic relationship would have to be very special to break him out of that thinking, but if it did... I think Tay desperately wants to feel safe, or at least cared for, to belong. But for someone to ever become that important to him? I could see him becoming extremely protective in return. So... Protector and Protected?

What is one thing that they only let those closest to them see?

Vulnerability. And even then, you're gonna have to get reeeeeal close for him to let you see it willingly.

If they were to lose the person closest to them, how would they mourn them and how would they handle their grief?

why does this question exist

Depends. Tay doesn't generally let people close enough to care. For someone to become that special that it would affect him? He'd probably see it as further evidence of his old view being correct, that the world is cruel and against him, entrenching him back into that mindset. And he'd be even more sure never to let himself be so vulnerable as to let it happen to him again. ಥ_ಥ

#ask my characters #lazysunjade #OC Asks: Tayuin Eth'salin #holy FUCK this is SO LONG JADE #I'm not even sorry most of these are sad AF #it's what you DESERVE #dat song tho #literally first time I heard it I was like oh this is fuckin Tay #spotify random recommends do be doing good sometimes #anyway no thoughts left #only pain #enjoy and suffer #LAYERS #onions have layers. FAERIES HAVE ~LAYERS~

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ilynpilled · 11 months

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idk if my ask got swallowed by beast that is tumblr or you ignored it so i'll just ask again: do you think ser waymar royce in the prologue is a jaime parallel? he's a commander, young and handsome, cocky and snarky, and a son to a lord, who takes a final stand against the dark and dies bravely fighting an Other with no one else but the reader knowing of his deed.

nah imo. these parallels are pretty surface level. as for the these themes present in the prologue it is not exclusive to a single pov (especially would not say jaime) like this it just permeates the series as a whole. im going from memory here but waymar royce’s whole deal to me is mostly about class/feudalism/meritocracy (more like the lack of), westerosi primogeniture, and the tragedy of young men trying to put meaning to their existence in ‘war’ when there is no place else for them, see the NW also functioning as a place to shove the many knights, lords, criminals, smallfolk etc. with no land/income/resources because nothing is distributed in a sensible way in this feudal society. courage/cowardice/gallantry is significant in the chapter too (what is brave? what is practical? what is selfish and egodriven? is dying for nothing but some personal triumph of overcoming fear like this anything but tragic? is the inherent meaning within that action enough? is it more admirable to try to live to tell the significant tale which would actually save lives? and so on)

these themes r not exclusive to jaime (he likely was not even fully realized as a character by this point anyway), and i dont even think he deals with them in the same way. i do like the idea of jaime’s heroism not being known in whatever form that takes when it concerns endgame because it is poignant with him and his story, and if you want jaime’s story to end thematically on true bravery (i pretty much want the same) then for him imo it wouldnt really be about some gallant fight and ‘dignity’ in the face of death. like even if he falls against the others, at a deeper level it wouldnt really be about that. the text frames bravery as something that can only exist when one is afraid. jaime doesnt fear death. it is reinforced by his actions as well as two clear and sincere statements. especially death in battle. jaime does not want to live that bad, he is consumed by despair enough to not fear losing his life. jaime repeatedly being referred to as courageous by other characters is therefore deconstructed (gets overt especially when he is called craven by brienne during a very important scene), because he isn’t truly brave yet. jaime is afraid to “live.” more specifically standing up and facing despair and the horrors and contradictions of the world. that is what he keeps running away from, and why he stagnated so hard post aerys. he is terrified in the dream. and he is not terrified of powerful figures coming at him with swords, but them coming at him with contradicting oaths, his guilt, and complex truths. he is scared of loss and abandonment. his own darkness. and it is that terror of his light going out when confronted with these things and that truly leaving him in darkness that really scares him. that would mean all purpose being destroyed, and existence being rendered meaningless. “why would the stars want to look down on such as me?” is emblematic of that feeling. it would be the final push into complete nihilism. “choices”, the thesis of his arc, becoming meaningless. this is a big part of him never confessing the aerys situation, because if the result of the confession is like the one in the dream, then that is what will happen. it is deeper than ned, u see him expecting him to come out, but it is not him “it was never him.”everything would become meaningless if that choice of his, in its full context, would be rejected by his ‘heroes’. the whole thing is symbolic of an idealist burning out with his “flame” literally being withered by the complicated reality of what feels like a fundamentally unjust world.

which is why it is so meaningful that he jumps into the pit willingly and kills the beast. it mirrors the abyss that he is shoved into screaming in the dream. if you are not in the pit, you will never confront what you fear most. accepting the horrors of the world and and refusing to fight it under the guise of cynicism and nihilism is cowardice on his part. if you dare to have hope be reignited, it might result in the flame dying out for eternity. and there is no greater risk than that. that is what reconstructing “the brave knight” is about. this is also why he is only really afraid, and tyrion (who says he has never seen jaime afraid like this when talking about the similarities between his and joffrey’s eyes during the latter’s death, as well as repeatedly noting jaime’s bravery) notices it and is taken off guard by it, when he is confessing the tysha situation. imo, him being truly brave is confronting truth, confronting the darkness, and being brave enough to not let the light go out, just like the example brienne shows, and allowing hope to exist. allowing yourself to still care despite the horrors that rendered you so cynical. not letting that flame be withered and destroyed by them (is that flame your humanity, hope, or whatever else of the sort? i think the symbolism is ambiguous enough to allow and encourage interpretation, but i read it as deeper than just literal ‘life’. it is purpose to existence) as far as dying is concerned, i dont really care atp. it is kinda open still with cersei saying “you will die when the flames die” and brienne’s still burns, so there is light in “his darkness.” but i can see his arc potentially building up to some kind of tragedy/death. i just hope to see him believe in and understand true heroism by the end of his story, and know that his choices hold meaning despite the contradictions and that the horrors can and should be fought, no matter the cost, personal pride and fear and despair be damned. no more going away inside.

feast makes it clear that the vows cannot compromise, so it is time to choose. brienne is the key representation of that for him. and there is a reason her sword keeps burning. there is a reason he dreamed of her. a reason he dares to dream again. there is a reason he comes back.

and i think all that can still exist in a ‘tragic’ or a bittersweet ending.

#ask #been a while since i’ve read it though so

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aurik6 · 11 months

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My silly hcs on phantom blood au 😮‍💨

Phantom Blood seems to fit in my top 3 fav parts since it has young Dio haha. That's the reason I'm so inspired to create smth in that timeline...

♡ So the relationships between Dio and Jonathan are kinda obvious in canon, but I'd like to see more of their interactions at the younger age when Dio's personality hasn't fully formed yet, so he'd probably be able to hesitate about his *evil* actions towards Jojo. Yeah, in canon he's been treating Jonathan badly from the very beginning, hasn't even hiding it, but according to his immaturity he could feel conflicted sometimes? Maybe thoughts like : "and what if I just leave this plan of destroying Joestars' lives and try to adapt to this new "better" family which surely gives me opportunities to reach high places or gain authority in the future???" Although then I'm missing Dio's maximalism.

If only who could have some thoughts of embracing new reality and Jojo as the brother? Jojo is the best option to u know.. comfort ppl? Literally, there are all conditions to make a gentle human being out of Dio, huh.

Also I just want to write more double-meaning situations between these two. When from Dio's side it's not obvious wether he's a pure evil creature (from his early teens) or he's just so traumatized that he acts violent unintentionally and is silent about seeking some help (because of pride or fear or stuff) from the outer world (aka Joestars family). And Jonathan who doesn't want to believe that Dio sincerely hates him but can't justify his actions and also hesitant to explicitly explain his step bro's behavior. The "dumbness" of Jorge Joestar is kinda fitting, since the trope of parent who devalue one of his children's words towards other child's wild actions is perfect. Haha.

So it works like a psychological horror because everything is unclear and weird

♡ The figure like a true-ally for Dio. We've seen Pucci as this type of faithful follower, in Diego's case it was Hot Pants, although she's more independent, but still. And Part 1 Dio had some... weird minions lol. So another Italian catholic person would fit in perfectly, tho it's better to make a reasonable circumstance why these two will work well together. At first I thought about Hot Pants alter-ego, still the reason behind this thing is meh. Love? Certainly big no, it's meaningless for both of them. A common aim? Well Dio's was to become the richest man in the entire world, destroy the Joestars, then denial of his own humanity. And hers, who's a religious person? What would that possibly be what also crosses Dio's interests? Idk. Maybe another pov on religion or Christianity itself and fanatism of Dio? Supporting him at this rate? Boring. I'll fuck this shit up immediately.

♡ Demons. Yes we have vampires there, yes some magic things like stands, hamon, saint corpse, those freaking arrows, the mask... Demons isn't something which isn't suitable 🤧.

So Dio's ancestors were dealing with demons, kings of Hell. And maybe Dario owes something to a greedy demon even after his death, so the debt goes to the son. I want to use the image of King Paimon (because I love Hereditary lol). And Dio learns some weird stuff from this demon before becoming a vampire, so this creature becomes his new ideal, since he didn't have any role models. Tho, Dario aka anti-role model. And here's this demonic great king of Hell huh. So they'll have some sort of contract, after their interactions Dio has ambitions of becoming as great as this demon. And also reject the humanity because of demon's influence. Also King Paimon will tell him about his own origins aka Heaven and this funny story how Lucifer and Paimon and other rebellions were banished from there. And THIS will be the motivation for Dio to think about reaching heaven himself, since you need to have almost a God power to reach it, although even the strongest creatures like Lucifer and Paimon (aka former high class angels) couldn't fight for it for a long time huh and were defeated by God's army.

♡ About King Paimon. Originally I wanted him to be a spiritual demon who chooses the body to reincarnate in Hot Pant's alter ego in Phantom Blood universe. And in this case it'll be her ancestors who were dealing with demons to become rich etc etc, so the girl tried to wash away her sins by praying to God, BUT it didn't help huh🧐. So King Paimon found her and made her his vessel. However he didn't like the body as it was female and the demon prefers to be in male one (stolen from Hereditary I don't even hide it.) So HP would be partially (?) possessed and somehow Paimon choose Dio as his male vessel — tho I didn't make up why Dio and how. If Paimon sees "evil origins" of Dio's soul it's too naive, huh. And then, since Paimon chose Dio's male body he'd like to stay with HE'S female head since he likes her feminine face. It's from description of Paimon – "he's a man woth effeminate face". That's funny and cooperates woth canon story where Dio's body was destroyed by Jonathan, so there was only his head. As the result, it turns out that Paimon is kinda faceless, because he prefers human's appearance.

But idk why I felt conflicted about it. So I manged to make him a proper look as a demon, his true appearance. Guess he'll be a tall young-looking man with greyish skintone, but he'd look more like middle eastern person and would wear some south eastern clothes. The main colours are black and golden, his eyes would be completely white and shining in his demon form – in human they'd be jet black to make his gaze soulless. Also dark lips and eerie smile. Most of the time he'd be calm. I'd like to imagine him and his dromedary are wearing crowns. Armenian ones are just perfect! Paimon would have dark long hair which are covered with his headdress. I don't want to show his hair much, it's like I want to define his face with headdressing and loose scarf around his neck. Also he'd wear a lot of golden eastern jewelry, the ones which look like coins on chains arounf the forehead. Also earrings and rings.

#lol #kirua9 #phantom blood silly au

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puppiekit · 1 year

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You know what seeing my tumblr homies talk about their ocs has really motivated me to do the same. So im going to ramble about the cast of my comic LOL

Firstly, on to the worldbuilding...

The world of my comic takes place in the far future, long after global warming has taken its course and messed up a good chunk of modern society. All of the rich have long fled to Mars, out of attempt to escape the consequences of destroying their home planet.

A few centuries later, however, they realize their attempts at survival are futile and attempt to return back, much to the anger of those who were left behind, and managed to rebuild all on their own. To say the least, their conflict quickly became violent.

To reflect the hard societal reset that happened on Earth, a lot of the setting and technology present is 70s / 80s / 90s inspired, with a fancier polish to reflect their place hundreds of years in the future, of course.

Inspiration...

Now, the world of my comic is inspired by many things!!! To help you gather an idea of what I have in mind, i'll list them here:

Now on to my silly skrunkly characters!!!

This is Laika, weird cat-dog thing, local societal menace, and genuine war criminal. Hes in his 30s, a short king (only around 5'3), and has all the pent up rage and anger to show for it.

In spite of his sad emo childhood backstory, I have crafted him specifically to be the most insufferable (in the most lovable way) character to ever exist on planet earth. Hes cruel, selfish, aggressive, short-tempered, and prone to violence (derives pleasure from the harm and vulnerability of others, really). He has 0 self awareness and loves to play the victim in every given scenario.

To put it in simple terms, he never mentally developed beyond his traumatized childhood self. Hes under a constant state of survival and self-preservation.

Now in his adult years, he works for the government to develop nuclear weapons. Despite his shitty attitude, he is incredibly smart, especially in regards to science / physics. Still, however, I think it is a rather dumb move on the governments part to hand a ticking time-bomb like him literal nukes. Might just be me, though!

These are Laikas coworkers. They do not have any individual references just yet, so sadly I must rant about them together based off of this puny sketch!

Goose:

Albino raccoon , he/they , Lead Engineer for the Government war effort. Also... Laikas ex! Awkward! This fool is 6ft+ and a walking brick wall of flesh and muscle, but lacks the self awareness necessary to come off as anything beyond mildly intimidating. He comes from a long line of Aviators, Engineers, and Pilots, birthing his life-long fixation on the subject.

Goose is air-headed, and endearing to those who only know him by passing. But in reality hes equally as insufferable as Laika. He's selfish, egotistical, and has a multitude of narcissistic tenancies. He will find any reason at all to passively-aggressively drag others down in meaningless, petty ways, just to make him feel better about himself. His tendency to place himself on a pedestal is almost entirely fueled by insecurities he refuses to acknowledge, which directly bounces off of Laikas hate-fueled enjoyment of picking at others.

He and Laika were childhood best-friends, High-School sweethearts, and lifelong partners... Before they both reunited after Laikas time on the battlefield, however, and realized they had both grown into something they can no longer tolerate. And yet their burning hatred has circled back around into some weird, toxic form of passionate love... Still hooking up and all over eachother, same as before!

Paradox:

Weird coyote thing, they/them, late 30s / early 40s ... Develops chemical weapons for the Government. VERY passionate about their work. Super into conspiracies. This scrawny canine is simply unhinged, to be totally honest. They couldn't be bothered to open up about their family or past, leaving their peers to wonder how exactly they became the way they did.

All that is known is that Paradox's chemical burns... Are most certainly caused from some past self experimentation. (They 100% DIY'd their own top surgery btw. They are indeed that genre of Transgender Scientist). Like the rest of the cast, Paradox is an ass, in one way or another. They lack total care of empathy for others. They have, and will, throw a baby in an incinerator for science.

Paradox lives in the basement of their workplace, pretty much, spending the good majority of their days working away at new weapons, committing unethical science experiments on Prisoners of War, or trying to frantically piece together proof that the moon landing was fake. (yes, even despite the fact that their entire War effort... IS IN SPACE). They are simultaneously stupid and genius, which is why I adore them.

Juno:

Borzoi / Afghan-Hound , she/her , 50s. A lot of people who see this woman call her... a MILF. And perhaps she is. But she is a very EVIL one. Your time with her will not be enjoyable brother. Besides, shes married, unfortunately for her husband. Juno develops Biological weapons for the Government. She was once a Biology teacher for a local Middle School, but lost her job after fighting a student.

Juno is ... A Karen. Mean, selfish, overtly-controlling, and will never pass up an opportunity to complain or jab at those she views beneath her (which is everybody ever, to be honest). If you ever see somebody yelling at a minimum wage worker for something stupid, that is her. If you've ever had to deal with a nosy, bitchy coworker, that is her.

Juno is very spiritual (the embodiment of those christian girls on Instagram who spew out bigotry with sweet bible quotes in her bio), she very much believes in the whole 'this crystal will ward off evil energy' thing. Shes also a vegan, and views feral animals as above society as a whole. She views her fellow man as pests, leeches on the Earth, who are cruel to the innocent animals that inhabit it.

She derives pleasure from using her live for biology as a means for harming/killing her fellow man, and usually in the most unethical ways possible. She has planted Termites in the homes of many of her enemies.

To make a long story short... This entire comic is about assholes living the most painful inconvenienced lives ever possible. It is hilarious. You should ask me about them btw pspspsps come here pspsps

#art #doodle #oc #original art #original character #canine #feline #anthro #transgender #nonbinary #ramble #long post #story #wip #ask me about them pls #puppiekit nation

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handicappedbuenchico · 4 months

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What I love your blog: You saw a couple of two-dimensional side characters from a sequel that gets ignored by much of the fandom, said "Screw that, Carlos and Spencer are MINE now!" and are always wracking your brain to give them the complex emotions, motivations & backstories you feel they deserve. Huge "I know this character better than their creator" energy and I'm SO here for it. (Same thing I did with Jimmy tbh.)

What needs improvement about your blog: You're much too harsh on yourself! RP should be fun, relaxing, cathartic, creatively challenging even--but it's not a school assignment, every word doesn't need to be perfect. Posting ten paragraphs of rambling headcanons with no basis in the source material that are meaningless to everyone but you? An extensive playlist for every half-baked AU to cross your mind? Aesthetic moodboards out the arse? All are beautiful expressions of fandom joy I love to see. And it's not any more "cringe" to be obsessed with our adopted muses than a novelist being passionate about their original characters, in my humble correct opinion ;)

Call me Child Character Protective Services because I am protecting these literal children from the incompetence of every adult involved with them and their existence. Both in canon and in a meta context because the way they got treated was absolutely unacceptable, I would also call it disrespectful even, and I will not stand for that. I do know Carlos and Spencer better than R.achel T.alalay and M.icheal D.e L.uca actually, because I don't even think those two even KNEW who Carlos and Spencer were SUPPOSED TO BE (the unfortunate byproduct of a script that was whipped up last minute with a rock and two shit sticks to rub together I'm afraid).

I know not everything HAS to be perfect. Trust me, I know. My sense of insecurity and even imposter syndrome came purely as a result of attending school for art in a good 4-year span. My sense of perfection and security in my own skills and abilities were absolutely destroyed during that time to the point where I haven't drawn in over two years and now this looming sense is leaking into any other creative medium I try. It's annoying, I hate it, and I wish it would leave me the hell alone. I guess what also makes me feel bad about posting my random 1 AM headcanon ramblings or aesthetic/musings related things is this sense of...guilt over not doing things like answering asks, replying to threads, continuing starters made for me specifically, and just doing other general roleplay stuff. This feeling of guilt gets especially bad when I haven't been active in a while. Plus, I just get these moods where everything I do just sucks in my mind. Like most things that go through my brain, it'll pass on eventually and I'll be fine.

#coffinbreath #thank you for this

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gentlyouttatime · 1 year

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finally taking the time to make my way through the hard battles instead of forcing my way through s3. i've already reached that infamous amazing convo between simeon and diavolo. thoughts:

diavolo himself is very open and honest (and of course can tell when people are lying to him) and in some ways simeon is also. but because of the ways simeon is cagey about himself and the celestial realm, diavolo doesn't get along with him. (and contrast that to the ways luke is so very blunt and obvious about his feelings. hmm) it's just so interesting and crunchy to me that diavolo says he doesn't like simeon because simeon hides his intentions too well, when he is literally closest to the two characters who do this on purpose all the time.

in his 2022(?) birthday event, barbatos tells mc that he still has wants/desires despite being good at suppressing/concealing them for the sake of his job and his love for/relationship with diavolo. and he constantly constantly emphasizes that he never wants to take actions that would pit himself and diavolo against each other. since i'm only partway through s3 normal i can't talk about any s4 stuff yet but i'm excited to get to it. with lucifer, we learn as early as beel's parts in s1 that diavolo is ultra important to him when dia snaps him out of his rage in the underground tomb. we see during the video game chapter during the body swap that lucifer puts on a serious face and works hard for diavolo's sake. as soon as the stakes are literally meaningless for the real world? he can slack off as much as he wants, because none of it will reflect on diavolo. (side note: the little peeks at mephisto that various chats/events/devilgrams have been giving me are destroying me. what is UP with this guy he worships diavolo sooo much) then ofc on the romantic side there's all the times where he keeps his thoughts about mc close to his chest because he thinks his brothers are being foolish when they're open about it (can you tell i think about the hellfire newt syrup a lot)

but diavolo can't read simeon and that bothers him. like is he irritated specifically because simeon is an angel??? is it because compared to lucy and barb, simeon is a free agent who isn't loyal to him??? (personally this one veers too close to "diavolo only likes characters he has power over" territory, which is an interpretation of his character i don't really like.) is it because simeon downplays himself and denies having any particular goals/intentions or that he's "inserting" himself into devildom business?? to be sure there's subtle jabs in what he says. the whole time i felt an undercurrent of "you're overthinking this diavolo :) what's wrong? :) i'm just an angel, aren't you the demon king's amazing son? :)" then he fucking leaves!!! aaa that scene was so good.

another part of s2 hard mode has solomon ask why diavolo is hesitating to coordinate with simeon about all of the disasters, and again he says he's not fond of him. that he finds him difficult to deal with. that he's "too good" at hiding his true intentions. that he got sarcastic. and that's not surprising! solomon says that simeon has a different way of thinking that other high-ranking angels. and when it comes to mc, simeon has no problem being direct about what he wants. (he is private about his feelings, but i'd say no more than lucifer is.)

but like. i don't think simeon is doing any of this maliciously. part of him seriously misses the way things were before the brothers became demons, but simeon very much understands that no matter how much he wants it, he can't go back to that. he wrote a fuckton of books about the brothers after they left! he got demoted! and thinking about this is painful for him!

this got longer than i expected... oops... i'll have to come back to this later

#obmposting #i had to write out my thoughts on dia and simeon but i'm already having MORE thoughts on lucy simeon similarities...#i say 'write out my thoughts' but this feels like a bunch of rambling. lmao

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eirikrjs · 3 years

Note

Making Baldur an angry gruff tough guy was probably the funniest "liberty" GoW 2018 took with the mythology, but the weirdest/worst has to be them making Modi an implied pedophile for no apparent reason. Literally WTF were they thinking.

Okay, I found the Modi reference and it's easy to miss but even so, what the fuck??? I never particularly cared about the Greek gods getting their comeuppance from a raging testosterone man, but since the Norse gods are fated underdogs it does paint them as more sympathetic. So of course, in God of War they need invented negative traits to artificially turn them into villains, and that's the problem. And yes, this makes Baldur's issues in the game hilarious because it's... not Baldur at all.

Killing the survivors of Ragnarok (Magni and Modi) is such a thoughtless plot decision due to how important prophecy and fate is in Norse myth (the main god is obsessed with it), rendering a key facet of the myths meaningless. I dunno, I could go on and on but I'll say just searching for the Modi thing I found people asking questions about if the game was accurate with answers ranging from helpful to "exclusively reads the GoW 2018 TVTropes page." We know how bad Demeter and Inanna are but imagine that conversation with a game that sells 10 million copies instead of in the hundreds of thousands!

Also:

What David Jaffe talked about doing was — and I’m not sure how it would happen — basically, you destroy Greek mythology and then Norse mythology is right around the corner. That’s the next thing that Kratos would go after. It becomes clear at the end that he’s going to become this harbinger of death across different mythologies in the world and maybe carry the series on from there. Cory Barlog talked about Kratos becoming Death. He pretty much becomes the Grim Reaper at the end of the game and his blades become sickles. They’re both incredibly good ideas, but you need a director to be passionate about the story and understand it intimately. If I had used Dave or Cory’s idea, I wouldn’t have been as passionate about it.

Bolded my emphasis, lol. Well, it doesn't get any clearer than this. Though him becoming the skeletal God of Death almost sounds interesting. Good on Cory "Sheev Palpatine Apologist" Barlog.

#god of war #kratos

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silverhandjoytoys · 3 years

Text

I got you, V.

Those words ricocheted off the walls of her mind, steadily growing louder with each passing second.

Told you that was a bad idea, but you just don't fuckin' listen.

Even when V was drifting somewhere between life and death, she could still hear the voice of the asshole rocker boy that lived in her.

The glitching was worse than it had ever been, making her feel as if her head was going to explode. She wasn't ready to die, but it seemed to be a foregone conclusion. It didn't matter how deep they went into finding a way to stop it, they were still so far away from a solution.

Come on, V, fight it.

Her eyes fluttered open sometime later. The smell of cigarettes and a dingy motel room filled her nostrils.

"Wha- fuck… Johnny?" She said, willing herself to sit up.

"Stay down, V. Need to take it easy." He appeared next to her, crouching next to the bed.

"What... where-" the room was blurred, objects barely formed as she tried to focus.

The only thing she could see clearly was Johnny. A hint of concern etched across his face, but she assumed it was just her vision.

"Brought you to a safe place. Those fucks won't find us here." Johnny said, answering a question she felt like she asked hours ago.

"Where... is here?" She struggled to return to full consciousness, head buzzing and vision distorting.

"Motel outside of the city. Stayed here a long time ago," he answered.

"This a they don't care if you vomit on the carpet kinda place?"

"Can't smell the aroma of vomit's past?" He asked with a little smirk.

V tried to laugh but she was hit with a shit storm of nausea and couldn't hold it back. She leaned over the edge of the bed and emptied the contents of her stomach at Johnny's feet.

"Barely missed me." He moved back.

V rolled back on the bed, feeling slightly better, "did you- how did you get me here?"

"Had to take your body over for a while. Only choice I had to keep you alive," he explained, stepping around her vomit to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Surprised I'm still alive after what you did the first time you were in control," she smirked and propped herself up against the headboard.

"Wasn't about to leave you in a pool of your own fluids." He kept his gaze on her.

V felt like she'd been hit by a truck, "thanks. I don't know what I'd do without you riding shotgun." She smiled slightly, trying to ignore the buzzing in her head.

"Guess there are some benefits to sharing the same body." He pulled a cigarette out and lit it.

There was something oddly comforting about it. Like a certain amount of stability had returned just from seeing him smoke. Normalcy in the midst of chaos.

"You ever wish you'd gotten stuck with someone else?" V asked.

"Someone with a dick maybe." He passed the cigarette to V.

"I can only imagine the chaos you'd cause if you had full access to someone's dick." She took the cigarette from his fingers.

Normally she wasn't one for smoking, but it was becoming a habit after a black out.

"You have terrible taste in sex partners," he chided.

"Still won't let the whole River thing go, huh?" V grinned and passed the cigarette back as she blew out a stream of smoke.

"A cop, V. You made me fuck a cop."

"Oh, then I can only assume you came too? Does that mean... you enjoyed it?" She grinned.

"Fuck you." Johnny shook his head and plucked the cigarette from her fingers.

"Had to feel good since you're feeling everything same as me. River is a God with his tongue." V pulled her knees up to her chest and watched Johnny take a long drag of the cigarette.

"Can we at least talk about future fucking? I should have a say," he said after a long silence.

"Okay, who did you have in mind?" V was curious if this was something he'd put actual thought into.

"Anyone with tits and a pussy." He said.

"That narrows it down a bit. I'm all for fucking chicks, but can we be a little more... selective?"

"Selective? The fuck does that mean?" Johnny furrowed his brow.

"No back alley hookers for one." V explained.

"Joytoys need attention too, V."

"Wait, so you'll bitch about flirting with Judy, but you're okay with back alley hookers?" She asked.

"Don't get me started on Judy," he warned, passing her the cigarette.

"Sound a little jealous there, Silverhand."

"Never been jealous before, ain't about to start." He shook his head.

V grinned and scooted closer, placing her hand on his shoulder, "don't deny it, you get all grumpy when Judy's around."

"Don't get grumpy either." He shrugged her hand off his shoulder.

V burst out laughing, even though it hurt to do so. "When are you not grumpy?"

"All the time, just said it," he replied without hesitation.

"Liar," V said, feeling his side for another cigarette.

"Told ya smoking is bad. No more," he grumbled, pushing her hand away.

"Seriously? Your first words when you crawled out of my psyche were where are my smokes." V reached for him again.

"No more. Need to keep your health up, what's left of it." He grabbed her wrist.

"Johnny, how do you feel when you're denied smokes?" She inquired.

"Doesn't matter what I feel, this is about you." He pulled another cigarette out and lit it.

"I'm literally getting taken over by you. Give me a goddamn cigarette." She reached for the one between his lips, but he caught her arms.

"Don't make me tie you up." He was able to hold her arms back with little effort.

If V hadn't been curious about him tying her up, she would've been concerned about her lack of strength.

"You wouldn't. Plus, you need me mobile so we can destroy shit."

"Not tonight, I don't. Told you to rest," he warned again.

"I'm not tired. At least let me sit up and smoke with you," V pushed, scooting closer to him.

"You're being more annoying than usual. Upset I used your body without permission?"

"Used my body would be an understatement. You took my body for a joyride." V tried for the cigarette again, this time winning the fight.

She knew it was only because he allowed her too though.

"Got you back in one piece, didn't I?" He asked.

"Barely. I'll need a week soaking in a tub and another week to sleep." She put the cigarette up to her lips.

"Gonna have to accept sleeping on a bed stained with bodily fluids and a shower that might not work."

"You couldn't bring me to a resort?" V joked.

"I brought you here for a reason, V," he admitted without so much as a glance in her direction.

V sat up a little more, "what reason is that? Getting tetanus?"

"Can you stand?" He turned towards her.

"Yeah, wh-"

"Come over here." He stood without explanation.

V slid off the bed and stood up slowly, letting her legs adjust for a moment before straightening up. She shuffled towards the kitchen, trying to avoid the large stains on the floor.

"Open up that cabinet and lift up the bottom board." He leaned against the wall while she carefully crouched to open it up.

"What am I lookin' for?" She asked, searching for a good spot to lift up the board.

She popped the board out and sat it to the side. She reached in and grabbed two metal dog tags on a chain.

"Are these-"

"Mine." He answered.

V sat back against the wall, turning the tags in her hands, "they've been here all this time?"

"Had to pry that board up myself," he said, stepping in front of her.

"Johnny... I- why are you giving me these?" V felt the significance of the moment right away. Johnny wouldn't do something like that if it was meaningless to him.

"Never found anyone worthy of having them, not one, until I met you, V." Johnny struggled to look up at her.

"Johnny-"

"You had to accept me coming into your life with no warning. Probably know me better than anyone ever has." He watched as she put them around her neck.

"Really didn't have much of a choice, but I'll be honest, I like having you around," V replied, letting the tags rest between her cleavage.

"Of all the people I could've ended up stuck in, I'm glad it was you."

The softest grin played on his lips and V realized it was the first time she'd seen him genuinely smile. No hint of anger, spite, or sarcasm at all.

She could've come back with a snarky comment like their usual banter but reconsidered. She couldn't ruin the surprisingly soft side he just revealed.

"I uh... thanks, Johnny. Means a lot." She stepped closer and kissed his cheek.

Johnny tensed and V froze, both of them realizing they'd never actually been this close to one another, even though they were connected. V placed her hand on his cheek and turned towards him, hesitating before pressing her lips to his softly.

V noticed his hesitation immediately and began to pull away, but he grabbed her hips and brought her back.

"You don't have to... I- I probably shouldn't have... "

He silenced her with a soft kiss that quickly turned harsh. He grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her in closer, his lips moving perfectly against hers. When he finally released her she was in a daze, feeling like the breath had been taken from her lungs.

"Johnny, I-"

"Been curious about that." He said.

"Yeah? Why'd you wait so long?" She teased as she tried to regain her composure.

"Didn't think you wanted it. Why'd you waste your time on the cop?"

"Just can't let that go, can ya?" She laughed and leaned in for a hug.

"Never will. Still annoys me." He pulled her in and held her pressed against his chest.

"I wouldn't have fucked him had I known you wanted this." V was enjoying the softness of his touch as he ran his hands down her sides to her hips.

"Guess we need to communicate better," he said.

"And here I thought our problem was too much communication." She kissed his neck without thinking and paused, unsure if he was ready for more.

Johnny let out a soft sigh, "you need to rest."

"I'm not tired. Especially not now." V said, not moving away from him.

"Not really sure of this is a good idea." Johnny said.

"Since when do you worry about that?" V pressed her lips to his neck again.

"Since I started to like havin' you around," he admitted, but he made no move to stop you.

"Isn't that a good reason to keep going?" She pulled back, searching his expression for an answer.

"Relationships with me tend to break down once the fucking starts."

"It's not like you can leave though." V shrugged.

"Might not work out like you think." He stood still and let her continue to kiss along his jaw.

"It might work out better than you think." V placed her hand on his chest.

"Stop and think it over before you keep doin' that, V." He let out a low grunt as she continued to kiss closer to his lips.

"Already thought about it, Johnny," she whispered, breath hot against his skin.

His hand was around her throat in an instant as he shifted their positions, pressing her back against the wall.

"Ain't no going back after. Sure you want this?" Johnny's lips were close, but just out of reach for her.

"Yes, Johnny. Tell me you don't?" She was already panting for him.

"Pretty sure you know the answer to that, V," he said softly.

"Then take what you want," she whispered, eyes darting between his eyes and lips.

"Exactly what I've always done and it usually doesn't end well."

"But not with me." V was struggling to keep from begging.

"V-"

"Please, Johnny?" She asked softly, hoping he'd give in to what they both wanted.

He pulled her into a harsh kiss, making her moan at the sudden contact.

His hands moved down her sides to grab the hem of her tanktop and pull it over her head. The sound of his dog tags clinging as they fell back to her chest was like music to his ears.

Johnny returned his lips to hers as if he was dying for another taste. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him flush against her. His hands moved down to her pants, working at the button and her belt until he could push her pants down to her knees.

He had to concentrate on being gentle with her after what happened. That wasn't his usual style, but for her, he was willing to change things up. He was finally understanding why it could be satisfying to put someone else's needs above his own. V more than deserved that, especially after he was dropped unceremoniously into her psyche.

"Damn shoes." She sighed as she worked to get them off.

"No rush, V." Johnny said as he trailed his lips down her neck.

She finally got them off and shuffled out of her pants. She pulled him close and kissed him again, needing to feel his lips against her once more.

"We're going slow. Can't have you feeling worse." He slowly walked her towards the bed and gently laid her down.

"You don't have to treat me like glass, Johnny. Not gonna break that easy."

"No doubts that you're tough, V. But you need to take it easy." He crawled on the bed and peeled her panties off, settling between her thighs.

"Just relax," he said as he lowered his head and slid his tongue up her cunt.

V inhaled sharply at the feeling of his tongue flicking over her clit.

"Fuck, Johnny." She squirmed.

"Still, V." He ordered and ducked his head back down to focus on eating her out.

She gripped the sheets beneath her and tried to stay still, but it was proving to be a lot harder than she thought.

The only sounds in the room were her shallow breaths and the faint sound of Johnny's tongue lapping at her clit.

The bed creaked beneath her the harder he pressed her into the mattress.

"Johnny..." V panted for him the closer she got to coming.

"Let go for me, V." Johnny said.

She held on as long as she could, not ready for it to end.

"Don't be stubborn, V," he said, breath warm against her skin.

"You're the stubborn one, Johnny, remember?" She moaned as she squirmed beneath him.

Johnny grinned and dove back in, moving his tongue faster and easing two fingers into her. V bucked and writhed until she couldn't hold on any longer.

"Fuck... don't stop- right there." She moaned loudly as she came.

#johnny silverhand #johnny x v #cyberpunk 2077 #the joytoys write

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retphienix · 3 years

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youtube

I Have A Lot To Say So I'll Read More This.

The short of it?

I'm glad I played Joker- I played it because I wanted to know how DQM evolved when it reached the DS and I got my answer.

It's mediocre. Not bad exactly, I enjoyed playing it, it adds some REALLY appreciated features to the DQM series and if you were playing it at release it had online play which plays well with the post game content which I haven't touched by the time I wrote this:

-but there are some engine/console specific things that made it a drag and there are some parts of the game that are just weaker than the previous games which is amusing since the previous games were simple GBC titles.

And finally, I don't really recommend playing through Joker 1. Can't speak on the sequels, but Joker 1 was a pretty middling experience for me so I'm the wrong person to get a positive recommendation from.

And since the opportunity presents itself: If you like monster RPGs and haven't tried it- go emulate Dragon Warrior Monsters 2 for the GBC, it's really good and also if you emulate you can fast forward the GBC era grind if that's your taste- really a win all around.

On to my rambling:

I debated on writing, rewriting, rewriting, and better presenting my thoughts on this game and the series as a whole but nah, Joker ain't getting that, I'm ramblin'- lol

I will split it slightly between "The ending" and "The game as a whole" though.

Ending:

1:07 - This is slightly a 'game a a whole' thing but honestly it's funny to me that you unlock a permanent repel in this game by doing the main quest. I entered this dungeon feeling strong enough to beat the game, so I just avoided 90% of encounters entirely.

5:00 - I genuinely got a laugh out of Sparkpug's whole deal in this finale. Not story wise, that's fine, no complaints- I mean that Sparkpug is clearly built to be a monster that can carry an ineffective team. He's clearly meant to be bred a few times and a god tier member of a potentially inexperienced player's team- but I literally never used him after the intro.

So during this scene it's supposed to be like "I'm a demi-god monster, you can't possibly beat me" and I'm thinking "Dude, you're like level 10 and shit tier, you can't win, this is hilarious."

Obviously it's a real boss fight and not 'face the monster you once had' but I was having fun roasting him behind the scenes of this recording.

45:00 - What an entirely unexpected change of pace.

Like, I had it spoiled for me by a screenshot that Dr. Snap becomes a monster or something- but I thought maybe he was always a monster or something, and also I got a bad look at him.

HE TURNS INTO A BODY HORROR BEAST, THAT'S NUTS.

Genuinely a highlight of the game.

52:00 - I fucking laughed what a meaningless exchange where the payoff is saying "He was stupid!", it's honestly just silly and dumb but not necessarily bad just dumb lol

55:00 - Not a great 'you won' victory lap. Like at all. Kinda feels like they should have just made this all a cutscene where I appear back at town and see that Solitaire is the leader now etc etc.

I kinda don't understand why it's a victory lap at all? Because all anyone says is "They picked a weird successor to Snap >:(" or "Snap went to the island? I bet he was stopping the calamity :)"

If you have 2 lines of dialogue prepared, maybe don't make a victory lap???

1:00:00 - What a fucking stupid payoff lol

Like sincerely, Solitaire does NOTHING the entire game! She's meaningless from start to finish! And the 'surprise' is that she's the new commish??? And she got the position because she's a rich spoiled brat??? Like LITERALLY that's why????????

What a stupid fucking ending lol

Now her proposed evolution of the contest is fair enough, I mean it's childish as hell, but to be fair- more contests is a fine idea especially since prior games and this game demonstrated the public's interest in watching monster fights. And the goal being to fight her as the final fight is fucking egotistical and stupid- BUT- it does play into the fact that the player didn't get to fight her the whole game so it's whatever?

1:03:00 - This is both the best and worst lol.

This game has no story, like at all, it's fucking empty front to back, and only explodes with like- 1 event at the very end.

This moment is a montage of memorable moments with your 'best friend' Sparkpug. It's cinematically very nice to be honest! Even includes a moment I don't remember at the arena which probably didn't happen lol.

So visually it's cool- I dig seeing the camera zoom out as we run across the beach, and the flashback moments intersplice over us making our way to the scout memorial- that's very well done.

The content is empty lol

As I said there's no story, these moments are nothing lol

And that's that.

All said the ending was a very nice challenge to face with my team- I had to abuse items like mad but I MADE IT! It was a GOOD fight.

The rest I've already said.

On to the game as a whole:

I have issues with this game, but there's good too. It's really like 4 steps forward 6-7 steps back it's weird, it's really weird.

Positives are neat!

> First and foremost- TRAITS!

Monsters in Dragon Quest Monsters have always had a problem with keeping their identity for long. The way I'd explain it to an outsider to the series is that Monsters DO have special stat variance and intended movesets and all that jazz- but the breeding system completely and entirely destroys that relatively early into the game.

While a monster might normally have really high defense and low other stats while knowing buffing magic- breeding, EVEN UNINTENTIONALLY, will have that same monster come out with 9 billion attack and all ice magic.

Monsters in DQM have a habit of becoming canvases for the breeding effects rather than their own mons- and this is undeniably a downside. It makes the game feel unique, it doesn't 'hurt' it, but when by mid-game monsters are more easily identified as sprites rather than strengths and weaknesses or even types (family) it's a slight downer on the series.

Traits fix this a lot by making every specific monster have unchangeable traits which offer things like "immunity to x type of damage" or "higher crit chance"- it's small, but it gives each monster more identity.

> Second and secondmost- SKILLS!

The older games didn't use trees, it used each individual spell as a potential pass on during breeding.

Each monster could have 8 spells, and when you breed two monsters you pass on all 16 spells to the offspring (they don't learn them all at once, they learn them as they level up) as well as the natural spells the monster would learn by level up.

So in the older games it is really easy to end up with a refined and overpowered list of 8 spells on each of your monsters.

Now spells are tied to Skill trees and your monsters can have 3 skill trees total (which are passed on as OPTIONS when breeding).

All to say skills do a lot for removing the "Master of all, weakness of none" spell lists that the older games made trivial to make, now you have to limit your builds and be more specialized- also they added skills like "Attack up" to add more variance to a build- instead of having spells you might just have high stat buffs as skill trees.

Overall I think Skills are an improvement because coupled with Traits it makes each monster feel much more specialized and unique and less like a sprite with no identity.

> Breeding is improved.

This is very much because of skills and traits- again- but also the system is just improved in general. Instead of being told "That's a monster you haven't had before!" and judging your decisions based on the name of the offspring breed, now you get to see a small sprite of the resulting monster to help you decide- ALSO instead of getting 1 result for every combo (to the point where you have to back out and choose Monster A + Monster B and Monster B + Monster A as separate options), you now get up to 3 results to pick between for every breeding opportunity.

It's just better.

> The engine is impressive.

At least to me. This is a DS title using (from what I read) a rework of the DQ8 PS2 game's engine- it certainly looks like it.

Combat models are nice, using moves looks nice, overworld exploration looks nice- it looks nice.

Now for some negative and general nonsense- all of which is more often than not 'weird'.

> I gotta be unfair and say "The Story" first and foremost.

DQM 1 and 2 are not intense story games. They aren't.

But they both knew how to handle their story well for what they wanted to tell, I can and will praise both for their narratives because they know what they are and do it well.

DQM:J does not. It's fucking bad.

Basically: The overall story doesn't exist- you're told to be a spy, but that comes up 1 time towards the end of the game and LITERALLY doesn't matter at any other moment INCLUDING the one time it comes up.

You have NO meaningful objective from the start up until near the end of the game. You show up and have no goal- so you get told to get some crystals with no meaning behind it (not even a lie because they are clearly evil- not even a lie to motivate you! NO MEANING IS PRESENTED! JUST DO IT! TO DO THE CONTEST I GUESS! WHY? SHUT UP!)

So 90% of the game time you're not doing anything meaningful. So what about the islands? Any small narratives to keep things moving?

NO!

NOT AT ALL!

So you go 90% of the game having no real objective, just kinda wandering forward mindlessly- and then the game suddenly goes "Oh! Guy who seemed sus! He's evil! He's gonna unleash the calamity that you were 'kinda but not directly' working towards with your dog! You know, that plot point that's kept vague and paid 0% attention to the entire game? Yeah it's happening! Aaaaand you're done! GG!"

Basically there's just nothing going on in this game, it's all background noise until the last 10% of the game. And that's lame.

DQM1 had a light story- but from the very intro cutscene you have a clear objective which makes every action you do seem relevant as you are working towards that goal.

From the start of the game you know "My sister is gone! The king says a magic wish can get her back! I'll go do that!" and then you do!

DQM2 has a much better story!

You have a goal from the start (The kingdom is physically dying and you have to save it by getting a new plug!) AND it has stories for each world you visit!

THAT'S MILES BETTER! THIS GAME COULD HAVE DONE THAT FOR THE ISLANDS!

Anywho. Story is lacking and empty and lame especially when DQM2 has a similar format but does every part better- you have a clear objective you're working towards AND side stories to keep the light narrative moving!

WTH!

The spy plotline doesn't matter! It could have been used to build suspicion on who's the good guy!

The islands are so empty of story!

DQM2 has a fun mix on how a rival character works which makes every world interesting to see how they get involved!

This game has a rival that does NOTHING!!!!!!!!!

It's just such a step back from the previous games, it's weird to see DQM 1 land a solid simple story and DQM 2 build a great format to expand the story going forward- and then DQM:J just slams its head into the dirt and wipes out.

> Game's slow.

The engine switch is a good thing overall, but it makes combat slower (a lot), adds loading screens to combat (primarily), and they didn't bother speeding up the grind from previous games.

Because of the grind still existing which isn't a problem in and of itself- the game becomes SLOW AS HELL because the engine makes that grind take longer.

Also world exploration is slow which is to be expected when moving from 2d to 3d, but this is countered by adding things to the world to find or do- and Joker tries but it's still noticeable. The world exploration isn't a problem, it just stands out alongside the combat being slow as hell.

The engine change was a great thing- but it feels like they should have put more work into speeding up combat to counter the slowdown of load times and flashy animations.

A GOOD WAY TO FIX THAT MIGHT BE XP!

> Music ain't great in my opinion.

DQ has amazing music. This game has some weak renditions in my opinion. The CELL HQ theme song is a pretty good poster child for the worst there is, but just in general even the better music is lacking compared to the chiptunes of the GBC or the better mixes of the main series.

Maybe it's unfair, it's a DS game, I don't know, I just know I ended up just muting most of the game because it didn't sound great. I played the GBC games OSTs instead for a large portion of my playthrough. I listened to videos instead for the bulk of the game.

It's just not pleasant to me, sorry to say.

> XP!!!!!!!

I'm being a spoiled ass on this but yeah!

XP SUCKS IN THIS!

There aren't good placed to grind until you beat the game! (apparently)

The first level blatantly has too low xp which makes you grind before you can tackle the boss of the island- and the late game has you mindlessly grinding low xp rewards in order to be ready to face the final boss.

It's WEIRD!

Why is it so low!

> Tech is weird!

I could ramble on this alone but here's the short version:

DQ has a unique fantasy world aesthetic that each game has explored in its own way. It's basically "swords, magic, monsters, and charm- things feel light but aren't afraid to get scary sometimes :)"

This game... doesn't.

This game has fuckin' tech watches, jet skis, TOWER PCS????

This ISN'T dragon quest on a world building level.

It's like, contemporary modern world but with slimes.

And that could be good I guess, but it feels so fucking weird to see PCs right alongside swords and axes and a dracky.

Like... why?

It's a poor aesthetic according to my tastes. Maybe I'm an ass for that. The tech is weird.

All to say, in a poor rambling "I gotta get this out of me" kinda way, is Joker was fine.

I enjoyed breeding. I enjoyed seeing the engine. I enjoyed the unique additions like a 'hero monster'.

But I also had to grind mindlessly on a slower game.

I had to endure a story that forgot to show up until the very end.

I sat there thinking about replaying the older ones the whole time.

It was fine.

It's mediocre.

I'm glad I played it.

I'm done now :)

#RetPlays #Dragon Quest Monsters: Joker #Dragon Quest #Dragon Quest Monsters #Dragon Warrior Monsters #DQM #DWM #DQM:J #DS #Nintendo

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fimawari · 4 years

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Thoughts on the comic and Skully's Identity. [Slight Spoiler Warning? Not really any plot spoilers just details and characters.]

So a lot of people accept that Jay is probably Skully, either surviving or something else. However there's also speculation that it could be Alex, Jessica, or even Seth Wilson, a few thinking about Tim. (Though I would rule him out as the artist drew what he looked like in the Comic on another post) So I raked out every detail I can. Of course it can all just be a stylistic choice but whatever - make of it what you will.

It could just be some new random asshole, but It's a given they know Jessica, so it is very likely to be Jay. He presumed she was gone, unless he watched the last Entry. That would also explain "It's you" sort of "oh shit" moment. Jay was also set on looking for Jessica, so if he did survive, you could assume that would still be one of his motives. Tim wouldn't likely have that "it's you" moment because he knows Jessica is alive. Alex might have that reaction though. I believe he presumed that she was gone.

It also takes two things from Brian and Tim. The hoodie and the plastic mask. So this person has likely seen both of them and came to imitate their appearance.

Coat Buttons

The Jacket appears to have snap on metal buttons. It's typical for this style of jacket (similar to a utility jacket, which would be useful and warm to run all over the goddamn woods at night) to have the buttons placed on top of the left side for a men's jacket. (Of course it could just be any person in a men's styled jacket, but still.)

I picked this out because it's paid attention to very carefully as a detail. Of course that's good for continuity, but I know for filming Marble Hornets they were very careful with detail and hinting at things.

2. Height

They're only seen crouching up to a door with Jessica on the other side, but if they both stood straight, they'd come to be about the same height, which was true for Jay and Jessica in the series.

3. You are broken but you CAN be fixed

This is what the masked figure says to Jessica. Similar to ToTheArks video saying Alex was broken, but couldn't be fixed. That might line up with Jay's motives because he continued to think he could solve the situation. It could be argued he also believed Alex could be saved from the Operator. It it were Alex, it could be his own changed perspective in whatever "form" this is now. That would be quite interesting to see why he would go from wanting to destroy the tapes to actively giving someone the tapes.

4. Not a point but something I noticed.

On the Rosswood bulletin, there is a blurry poster that looks like it could be a "Missing" sign. Who for - I don't know, but it does kind of appear they have glasses, so it could be Alex? This could also just be meaningless background illustration.

In the same frame, Adam also talks about people getting lost in the woods and says, "The Majority of them were recovered safely but," and he stops. That's a pretty cliffhanger "but" there Adam.

Closer inspection of the Rosswood Map shows Rosswood Rd, mentioned in the series, and was supposed to be the road off the usual parking lot they stopped in when meeting up, and an X location to hard to read atm, but it is off the beaten path.

5. In a silly doodle drawing in the comic files, I did notice this poster with a skull on it. It may just be nothing but could also be implying that whoever is in the skull mask died and came back.

Also I appreciate that the soda is Conk.

6. It's Fall about 10 years later after the first incidents in Rosswood began, in the timeline 2019 ish, but that is apparent from the trees outside and the time the comic was created at.

7. Jessica has a "Sarah" in her phone. Could he literally the millions of Sarah's but I'll point it out anyway. But more interesting barely covered is Tim's contact.

8. I was thinking about why their seems to be Blue Lenses in Skully's mask, they're even visible from a distance. Now this is really digging at the bottom of barrel but when Jessica grabs the pipe to defend herself, it's highlighted by red for emphasis. Red and Blue have often been a scheme for duelity and such.

This repeats again in the second title page:

A lot could be discerned from it. Maybe she is Skully, like a second half of her, as one of her nightmares is fighting against herself. May also not mean that and be another symbol of duelity, red vs blue.

I don't think the blue is styling choice because you can quite clearly see eyes in Masky's drawing. I believe there is definitely something covering their eyes - like lenses. Their "fashion choices" are also leaning towards the expensive side I noticed. Unless they just stole it went to a goodwill and got lucky. A utility jacket like that would cost somewhere beyond a $100 unless you're lucky. I'd pay to see a cryptid running around in Gucci in butt-fuck-nowhere Alabama in the middle of the night. Or who knows maybe Alex got some prescription lenses put in that shit.

9. Do I even have to explain the symbolism of a Jay.

10. I can say with good certainty this probably symbolises Jessica's memory of Alex.

11. Some damning evidence, whoever is in the mask has access to the original entry files, not just downloaded YouTube stuff. Jay, Tim, Totheark would likely have access to that. Alex was pretty dead-set on having all the traces deleted, I'd doubt he'd have them all uploaded to a computer.

12. No idea what this might represent besides some metaphor for life being a merry go round, but in the postcard Skully is chilling on a horse lmao. "Stuck in a loop of unhappiness." Ring a bell?

13. Can't attach another photo but the abandoned house Jessica goes to has "Bones" written on it, much like the Hospital did. In the original series they said that graffiti was just there, so maybe they decided to work with it? Who knows maybe it's some kind of new group? Maybe ToTheArk vs "Bones?" You CAN'T be fixed vs You CAN be fixed.

14. I also can't speculate what it exactly means, but it's obvious Skully can talk, not seen previously with the others. Whether out of an inability or just not wanting to. Could be argued it's a person behind the mask by choice, not volition. We also don't really know if Brian chose his path or became that. But he became a masked cryptid after supposedly "dying". We also never see people "die" just assume they have died or are dead and they disappear. Tim implies that it's just feeding off them, physically or mentally. They always die off camera or get fucked off somewhere by the egg head. They appear dead afterwords, with Jay and Brian, but still missing. All of their bodies were taken by the monster and are god knows where in some seperate dimension. This is borderline r/im14andthisisdeep but what is "death" in this series. Does it mean gone permanently or just "gone" ... For an unknown amount of time. People die, but do they stay that way? Or do they die ... In one sense, but not the other, Losing something of themselves from before, and becoming something new. That would awfully explain Brian's behavior after Alex "killed" him. It's also implied there are others apart of ToTheArk that were never shown in the series, suspected to be other members of the original cast who maybe had "died" and come back as someone else. Something broken.

Tim seems to be an outlier. It's presumed he has avoided death, and essentially kept his mentality. But still slips into another form out of his control, usually in response to the monster or the hooded man being near and stealing his pills and shit. Is he between death? Is that why doucheslender follows him? "The one that got away." Istg I don't take drugs.

That was Michael from Vsauce thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

#Marble Hornets #mh skully #mh jessica #mh tim wright #mh jay merrick #mh alex #Mh theories #idk what else #marble hornets comic #pulling shit out of my ass #updated #fima

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papatens-blog · 7 years

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Haechan || I'll Make It Up To You (ang/f.)

+Where his instincts cause a girl to be put in the hospital, feeling guilty he decides to make it up to her somehow only to find he may feel more than guilty towards her+ "Kill me now!" My friend groaned while slamming her head on her locker. "With pleasure." I roll my eyes only to have her glare at me. "What's wrong now you angsty millennial?" I ask as she takes her books from my arms and shoves them in to her cramped locker. Highschool. We all hate it whether it's academics or the people there. I for one hate both, I mean academics aren't the worst but they aren't the best either. However, the people are another story. Of course I had my own group of friends but there were more groups such as the scene kids, the drama kids, vegans, potheads etc. I wasnt much for labels but sadly this is what society conditions us to consider. "Mark hasn't talked to me in a while.... I just think something is up you know?" I scoffed and waited for her to close her locker so we could start walking to my locker. "I don't, honey incase you forgot I dont know anything about the anatomy of said male species." I said, she glared at me again this time I knew it was serious. "Im sorry kiddo it's just when it comes to boys I'm not the one you should be coming to." I gave her shoulder a pat before walking ahead of her to catch my locker. She leaned on the locker beside mine and frowned, it was a sunny day but with her it felt really cloudy. "Just talk to him, maybe he's just going through something and needs some space...." I trailed off as I noticed the red liquid ooze out of my locker like honey. "Ah! What the fuck!" My friend shrieked and grabbed my shoulder to pull me back with her. "What in the...." I looked around to see who could've done this only to find myself groaning internally. "Of fucking course it was her it's always her." I muttered and closed my locker. "Sorry babe I'll catch up to you later!" I said as I walked straight to my class. As I entered all eyes were on me, of course they would there was fake blood all over me who wouldn't even glance? "What's your deal?" I said angrily to the blonde girl with the black oily roots who stood there just smirking at me obviously finding my anger amusing. "You're so stupid! All my books were in there you fucking idiot, sorry to break it to you but unlike you I can't tell my daddy to buy me something everytime I want! you little spoiled bitch!" It wasn't common of me to be so angry usually I wouldn't care but something about the fact that ALL my shit was there really pissed me off. She was smirking at me but suddenly dropped the smirk only to replace it with tears. I stood back in surprise and turned around only to make eye contact with to ever to lovely Haechan. Of course, just when I was at my worst he had to appear. He dropped his backpack and literally ran towards the crying girl, "What the fuck is your problem?!" He yelled at me as he put the her behind him in a protective manner. I was way beyond angry, beyond furious, there was no word to describe it all I know is that there was probably smoke coming out of my nostrils. "I don't know who you think you are but she's playing victim and right now you look stupid defending the wrong per-" I was cut off by his angry shove which left me literally flying across the room like some person in some stupid overrated action movie. All I could hear was gasps of shock, my vision was getting blury from the tears if pain. My head was banging and my ears were ringing before suddenly I knocked out. 2:45pm I laid in the hospital bed not yet awake but very aware of my surroundings. Feeling like I was stalling too much I decided to finally open my eyes so that I could intake my surroundings properly. "Oh look a chair, oh look another chair, hey~ it's a window...." I said to myself with full sarcasm. I felt something tight on my head so out of instinct I reached up to snatch it off only to realize it was a band that was probably put there to help close up the wound that kid caused. "That stupid kid, if only he knew...." I huffed. "Oh Miss y/n! I see you're finally awake! We're currently talking to your parents you'll be out of here in no time!" The nurse smiled and she walked over to me, I thankfully nodded and turned my attention elsewhere. Wait till I get my hands on you Haehcan just you wait. ||The next day|| Sleeping was a pain. My head was constantly banging, my nose was stuffed, my hair was tied into this weird thing, I felt like I was sleeping with a condom on my fucking head. I was angry. "Mom no. You can't be serious!" I argued, it was only a few ten hours after my discharge from the hospital and instead of my required rest I was to be sent to stress in my ever so lovely school. "Hon, it's for the best there will be no one here and at least if you faint this time someone will be able to do something about it." She gave me a stern look signaling she was not about to argue anymore meaning all I could do was just sigh in defeat. "Now hurry and get dressed!" She yelled from the other room. || 7:00am|| I'm not very fond of hats or anything but today was one of those days where I was forced to put something on my head to avoid questions about why I have a bandage on my crusty ass forehead. As I walked through the halls I was relieved to only have stares being thrown at me and not meaningless conversations. I walked closer to my locker expecting a huge mess from yesterday but to my surprise I found much more. It was clean. The outside of my locker was no longer stained fake blood, but if someone cleaned my locker what did they do to the inside? I could only be eager to find out. I hesitantly opened it only to see I had my hopes up too high. Everything was messier than before, my books were still covered in the red liquid which obviously caused great damage but I was more heartbroken to see that someone had the nerve to steal my personal belongings and if they didn't steal them they were right there....broken or soggy. I felt like breaking down and falling, I just wanted to cry it out. I could only let out a disappointed sigh as I closed my locker slowly to avoid getting the fake blood on me again. I began to walk towards class only to hear someone call my name. "Y/n!" I turned around and didn't hesitate to give them a weird look. It was my best friend. "There you are! I've been looking for you since yesterday I can't believe you left me alone!" She smiled and gave me the tightest hug I've ever gotten. "I can't believe it either...." i mumbled into her shoulder before letting go and telling her I was heading to class. It was loud and almost everyone was running inside, I really can't believe my classmates are such animals. However, once I stepped inside everything I was already on the floor thankfully I didn't hit my head like last time but my bottom hurt so bad. A hand was offered to me and I was about to take it but thankfully I saw who it was and stood up myself despite the fiery pain. As much as I would've liked a hand to help me I couldn't accept Haechan's. He was clearly angry that I rejected his offer but he did nothing to express it besides the look on his face he so unhesitatingly wore. I could only walk to my seat slowly and in silence. Throughout class I felt eyes just blazing on me, there was no breaks it was every fucking minute of class. Thankfully break rolled along quite quickly, right as the bell rung I wanted to just zoom out of class but I couldn't. I just sat down in silence and minded my own business as I turned my head towards the windows and stared at the scenery outside. "Im sorry." A voice was heard right next to me, I knew exactly who's it was too. "Do you even know why you should be sorry? Or are you just saying it to ease your guilt?" I couldn't look at him, I really really couldn't and I didn't know why. He was silent, I took a deep breath before turning to face him, his face fell. "Do you realize what you did to me yesterday?" He put his head down in defeat, "Do you?" I stressed. "Sorry doesn't make up for the fact that you publicly and incorrectly humiliated me, sorry can't pay expensive ass hospital bills, sorry can't bring back my personal belongings that were destroyed, it can't bring back the money I have to pay for the damage of those book, sorry can't....bring back my feelings for you." As soon as I felt a tear slide down my cheeks I grabbed my backpack and left class. I can't believe I just did that. ||Author pov|| It hurt Haechan to have those words thrown at him but he knew it was the truth. He didn't like to hurt people but he always caught himself unintentionally doing so. And to make things worse he hurt the one person he swore to never even lay a finger on. His heart could only ache at her stinging words. After she stormed out of class he wanted to leave her to do her own thing but he couldn't. As he stepped out of class and looked for her he knew he could only do one of two things, hurt her more or make things better. She hadn't got very far from the class as she was walking very slowly therefore it was very easy to catch up to her. Knowing she wouldn't want to stop and talk he grabbed her hand with a tight grip and lead her out of campus until they were in a park nearby. ||Back to you|| "What are you doing?!" I yelled angrily as we stopped walking. "Shut up and sit down we need to talk." I scoffed at his words. "Have fun talking to yourself bec-" He grabbed my hand and pulled my down with his only I wasn't beside him, I was on him. I could feel my cheeks redden and my palms get sweaty from the sudden action. His face was also red, as if he didn't expect to do that, his palms were also heating up against my own. "Do I have your attention now?" He said, I could only nod. "Good. Listen, about yesterday I'm actually very sorry. I had no idea what was going on and it was my mistake for acting out of instinct. I'm sorry I really am. When I heard what really happened you don't know how much I just wanted to fall face first down a flight of 1000 stairs.... I was looking for you everywhere and I got so scared because I couldn't find you-" "I was at the hospital? Didn't an ambulance come to pick me up?" "No.... Jeno actually carried you to the nurses office and then I couldn't find you anywhere. You don't know how much I wanted to run after you but I was so in shock from what I did that I couldn't correctly." He looked down and suddenly his fingers were intertwined with my own. "You don't have to worry about bills by the way, your bills are being payed by the daddy's girl that started this in the first place." I sighed feeling a heavy weight being lifted off my chest. "Im sorry, and I promise.... I'll make it up to you." He smiled. "And how will you do that?" He was in thought for a long time before suddenly springing up an idea. "How about a date? I'll pay for everything, you just need to show up?" I could only nod and smile excitedly. -Admin So this summer hopefully im very active on here now that I'm done studying for a few months and all. Hope you guys enjoy this little scenario btw I have a Ten scenario on the way soon!! I hope you guys have a good summer!! AND BTW SUMMER 127 IS A BOP WE CAN FIGHT ON THIS

#Nct #nct127 #nctu #nctdream #ncthaechan #nctscenarios #haechanfluff #smrookies #nctfluffscenarios

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deiupvote · 5 years

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It's been a while since I've been able to update, I'm sorry if this post is as long as my prior one. Alot has happened in the last few months and I haven't been able to post information about it until now. It's nearly impossible to explain the situation without a long backstory so you'd have to have seen my prior post. I'll try to give a short summary here.https://ift.tt/2A6qbhq I spent almost 20 years living with my mother. I have 3 younger siblings. 16 of those years I suffered through abuse. Had her hold a knife to my neck, kicked me down the stairs frequently, beaten me with extension cords/bats/fists/chairs/belts/etc, beaten me unconscious & bloody countless times, verbally abusive aka telling me i was worthless and how she couldn't stand me or how I looked like my dad daily. I lost count of how many times I woke up to heavy closed fist punches to the face at like 3am on school days because the dishes weren't washed or I didn't fold her laundry or whatever and then being forced to do chores until I went to school. Teachers weren't helpful. Family turned a blind eye. My dad wasn't around. This wasn't once in a while. This was everyday. I didn't have much freedom as she rarely let me leave the house (Deadbolt lock on the front door and I wasnt allowed to have keys) or get a few hours of reprieve outside of school where I did horribly because the only thing I was interested in was people liking me instead of actual schoolwork. I've called the police on her a total about 2 times. She never got in trouble and the police generally believed her over me and she'd dismiss all my allegations. I was a really skinny kid, I was not a threat and I couldn't defend myself. Either way, I hated violence so I never raised a hand to her or took it out on anyone else. My only reprieve was all the ways I sabotaged her food, the satisfaction of making eye contact as she ate off of a spoon I rubbed between my buttcheeks or when she enjoyed a cup of my special home brew lipton tea. Lots of little malicious compliances which usually ended with punishment.It was just her and I (my older sister was taken away very early) until I hit my teens when my younger siblings were born (not all at the same time). She didn't beat them as bad and treated them fairly better. I was alone for most of it. I didn't really connect with them because they were always around her and I tried to minimize the time spent around my Mother when I hit my teens and after when I started having slightly more freedom. After abusing me for years then carrying on to abuse my siblings, lying to me about having a place to live if I went to college, countless other reasons, and her literally laughing at me when I told her I was homeless.. This is after I explained how it's been hard for me and how the abuse affected me. She's never owned up it. Never apologized. Nothing. I was done. I decided I was going to ruin her life. Regardless of whether it makes me a bad person or not. I had photos of my own bruises/cuts/etc saved from YEARS with my mother. My little sister sent me a few via social media. I compiled it all and went to CPS. They went with police to do a check and coincidentally got there while my mother was beating my sister. Cue an emergency removal and her losing her kids. I reached out to her job and made them aware she lied about her degree (I was the one who wrote all her resumes and etc). She lost her $75k+ salary job days later and got blacklisted. I even deleted every single gmail account and etc I made for her just because fuck her.But as this is an update and not a repost of how trash my past was, I'll try not to repeat myself too much.UpdateI'll give an update on me personally first. My camera was stolen and instead of trying to get another one, I decided to take a break from photography. I appreciate all of the support you guys gave me after my first post. It's been extremely hard, taking pictures was the only thing I really did that helped me feel okay but I'm learning to build resilience. In the mean time, I swallowed my pride and moved into a homeless shelter in my city specifically for people with jobs & a savings. I'll be able to continue saving while I work on bettering myself as a person. I created an action plan and mapped out all my goals and how I want to achieve them. Up until recently, I wasn't even planning on being alive. Sorry if that's too dark. I honestly always had these thoughts wishing my mother would have finished the job with me and made life easier. But as of late, I'm becoming more and more curious of what I'm capable of if I gave myself the chance. I've been able to visit my younger siblings and have gotten to know my little sister abit better because of the experience. I feel like a horrible person for admitting I still feel nothing for them or really anyone, but I won't let my feelings get in the way of the promise I made to myself or them. I've also only drank 3 times in the last 4 months compared to every other day in the past, which isn't great but its a change.My younger siblings are still with CPS but I can't go into detail. My mother was supposed to go to a hearing to get them back but things got complicated (important). My mothers best friend's son (who I've known 8yrs) does his best to relay all the shit my mother tells her while they talk on the phone all day. Things had gotten worse for her. She hasn't been keeping up with her mortgage payments. Her fiance, my youngest siblings dad, is no longer her fiance anymore and is trying to file for custody. I heard she was a wreck then went ghost but it didn't make me feel better. There weren't supposed to be any winners. Honestly, I wasn't even going to update. I initially just wanted to tell someone for once but one thing changed my mind. Something I was not expecting months after I set this all in motion. A phone call from my mother. In the past seeing her calls, even after movingg out, would set me on edge but that hasn't been the case lately. It was just another thing that happened. Just another event. Meaningless but at the same time... She always had my number but NEVER reached out. Even when things first started going to shit, I doubt she even gave me a second thought. But I'm sure you're all curious to know what was said.My mother is gone. A few weeks after my post, the state I'm in brought felony charges up against her. She left the country shortly after and went to her home country in South America. I have no idea how she was even allowed to leave but they didn't take her passport. She avoided specifics on that part. She mentioned staying with a family friend temporarily and tried to frame it as a short vacation. She didn't even start off with a hello, she started the conversation by ordering me to go somewhere quiet before launching into a sob story about how things have been going for her. This is after months of no contact. After laughing at me for being homeless and denying she ever abused me months ago. Just yammering away like it was nothing but I let her talk. It was surreal. I felt so cold just listening to her talk. It was like talking to a stranger. She mentions losing out on "so much money" and how she doesn't know how all it happened and then finally she hits the topic dujour.Cue her bringing up my little sister and the night of the emergency removal. She starts complaining about how she misses my little sister and brothers, mentions something about how it messes up tax season?, and then she had the audacity to start trying to convince me that I should go talk to the caseworkers for her to back up her claim that " she never abused them or me and I should know that..." She said that to me. After everything. Of all people. 9 minutes into the conversation. Like nothing ever happened. But it wasn't anything new. Of course I cut her off but at that point my mind was already made up. I asked her if she remembered when I used to make iced tea for her all those years. She was a little thrown off but said yes. I paused for a few seconds before slowly telling her in detail about all the ways i sabotaged her lipton iced tea. She tried interrupt me once but I didn't stop talking. I told her about how I'd always put too much sugar and she'd never taste it and keep drinking more which was why I always insisted. There was just silence on the phone but I know she was listening. I told her waiting until after dinner when I got home from school to shower so I could rub her spoons between my buttcheeks for maximum damage and how I'd mix it into her food to mask it. At this point I'm not even sure she's listening anymore but im still describing specific days I remember doing it that I know she would remember. She finally LOUDLY interrupts me screaming at me disgusting evil things. She cursed me the way she used to back in the days when shed be standing over me with an extension cord beating the skin off of me when I was younger. She's blaming me for ruining her life and how she wish she had a better child (All without knowing that I directly caused the destruction of her current life though she's speaking about the past). I just let her waste her breath. She couldn't touch me or my siblings. It only lasted a few seconds. Now I remember spending years daydreaming of all things I'd say to my mother if I had the chance but I just bottled it up with all my other baggage and kept trying to exist. A lot of people from my original post also gave me some ideas.When she finally shut her mouth I calmly told her "Look Mom, You don't know what abuse is and honestly its your own fucking fault this is all happening to you. Also, my bad for pissing in your iced tea." Then I just hung up the phone and blocked her number. That was the last day I drank. I haven't talked to her since. I'm not sure she's aware (or maybe she is) how bad of an idea it was to leave the country with all this going down, even if it was for a few weeks. At this point im done with her. I don't want an apology. I just want to move forward and be a better person. I know that's hard to believe after everything I just told you but it's the truth. I try my best to put as much positivity into the world and share it with the people around me as much as possible. But fuck her. I don't know if she knows it was me but I didn't tell her. I'm sure she can guess though if she really tried. Anyways.. That's my revenge. It's still actively fucking her life up but im not taking any active part in it. I wish it wasn't like this. I wish I had a real family that loved me and I knew how to love back the right way. I wish I had a real relationship with my mother and none of those things happened. I wish I could have turned out like one of the happy people in the world but I can spend spend all day wishing. Sorry for the super long post. This is my last update. Wish me luck next year.TL;DR - My mother abused me for most of my life. I had to drop out of college and support myself after she basically drove me to homelessness. She laughs at me about me being homeless and denies abuse. So I ruined her life by reporting the abuse my siblings and I dealt with resulting in an emergency removal by CPS & her getting criminal charges, exposing her lies to her job which she lost, putting her in a situation that ruined her engagement, and ultimately causing her to flee the country which might result in even worse charges if/when she comes back. via /r/ProRevenge

#apoc

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