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loveabledirtbag · 5 months

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1.08 - Braciole

Uffda, we’ve gotten to the end of season one of the bear! and it’s only now that i realize all the things i wanted to say, and still haven’t as we’ve gotten to the end of the season!

i might have to do a whole season recap and final thoughts post too! AND THEN we get into season two! uffda…i might finish this before season three comes

but anyway, let’s get into it…

i love the surrealist intro we get. it’s just a little different than most of what we’ve seen up to this point. there is a sort of lucid, dreamlike air over the whole season, but getting this really intense, disturbing cooking show nightmare scenario followed by bears in the background is just….it hits different.

but the slow descent into horror, and bleeding into his panic attack as carmy has flashbacks to his behavior in the previous episode. it’s just so well done.

the fact that he’s wearing a different color shirt when not at the restaurant, or having come from the restaurant or going to the restaurant. i like that touch. it gives the idea that carmy’s white t-shirts truly are his uniform. and his life is just so engrossed in the beef that he’s almost always on his way to, currently at, or coming home from being there. but we now have confirmation he has a shirt that’s just for him. an at home piece. plus the fact that it is black when compared to his usual white is probably significant too. we’re coming off the fact that carmy just had a major blowup at work, descending into every learned character trait from his traumatic family upbringing and working experience. he’s at his darkest moment: no longer the good knight trying to save a restaurant that means something to a community and help bring the people who work there to their fullest potential. he’s now the villain that yells and is abusive and harms those around him.

the fact that he looks at his cook books to come down is also so telling. thinking of the dishes inside of them, potentially dishes he’s made from reading them. it’s just continuing to show how broken and single minded he’s been his whole life and how harmful being so one-track can be.

hearing mikey, and (maybe? maybe not) carmy speaking as carmy is spiraling and trying to come down from his anxiety attack: hearing “let it rip” which is clearly mikey but also, “i’m gonna burn this fucking place down” which i think might be mikey but could also be carmy? honestly? not sure if anyone has confirmation on it. but with carmy’s themes of fire this season, it might be him. but of course, we also know mikey had his own fire story (which we’ll talk about in season two when we the audience learn mikey also has stories about starting fires…)

it is good, and showing on carmy’s part of how he wants to grow and change for the better, that when he woke up after his bad day and his ongoing panic attack he went to an all family meeting for al-anon. i still think it’s so weird that so many people shit on carmy for being so abusive and toxic (which he is!) but don’t talk about how he’s trying so hard to try and get better.

listen. carmy’s 8 minute long, one-take speech is absolutely, unequivocally one of the greatest things put to film. i don’t even know how to properly talk about it. but it is absolutely at least 50% of the reason why jeremy allan white deserved best actor, and why the bear deserved every award it won (and maybe a few more). it’s stunning. go watch it. now. go. this will still be here when you get back.

i think it’s interesting that carmy talks about mikey’s charisma and how everyone liked him. because we get that sense in the quick flashback we see of mikey. BUT we don’t really see that when we spend more time with mikey in season two for the “Fishes” episode. i’m curious if we’ll see a sort of marrying of the two mikey’s as the show goes on. how did the charismatic “everybody’s best friend” mikey turn into the depressive, animalistic, explosive mikey, before finally dying by suicide before season one begins. (it’s one of my notes, that maybe i’ll talk about in a later post)

but we get another little tidbit in carmy’s psychology that shows how he likes torturing himself. there’s been a few examples throughout the season that carmy actually likes all the shit he goes through. i know i mentioned them in the concurring episodes, but the one that comes to mind is when he’s talking to nat on the phone and she asks him about working at the restaurant in new york and he talks about throwing up before work every day, and when she sympathizes with him he says “i kinda dug it”, and then when he notices her reaction to him saying that he says “oh, no, no it was horrible.”. but in his monologue he talks about having oily and dry skin, having greasy hair, and getting knife cuts and garlic and onions in the cuts, and callouses and his stomach was fucked and it was….everything. like there’s something that carmy feels when he’s going through shit; a twisted love for going through pain. i think it’s a really nuanced, balanced, and deep character trait that they thread throughout the show. where you hear him say something once and you might not pay close attention to it, or maybe you’re like “oh, yeah. i kind of get that feeling. like when you work really hard and accomplish a goal.” but when you stack all of the times he makes a comment like that together you go, “ohhhhh….thats not good.”

which, i think that’s what happened with mikey. mikey was charming and charismatic and fun! but the people who were closest to him knew that he had a drug problem, and had moments of dark depressive episodes. and maybe they were far and few enough between that no one thought anything of it. and then one day mikey was dead. i think that’s one of the hardest things to realize and understand and then see with the people around you. sometimes you gotta stack up comments on top of each other with context and go, “oh. hey. everything okay?”

what follows after the 8 minute monologue masterpiece (that i will forever be jealous i can’t use in my high school theater class, but whatever i’m over it. i’m 30. i’m not THAT mad about it) is honestly an almost unsettling chill episode. and that might sound wrong or stupid to those who’ve seen it, knowing what is coming. but the way it’s filmed, the way it’s presented on screen, the way the rest of the episode plays out is this really calm, muted, sorta quiet, oppressive episode.

it sorta feels like when you have a manic episode and then what follows immediately after is a depressive episode. the anxiety hangover. we had this loud, fast, angry, explosive previous episode and what follows is the exhaustion that comes afterwards.

“she just missed the asshole. like, what happens if you get stabbed in the asshole? you can’t sew an asshole.” “i’ve seen assholes.” GOD. ebra is a comedic genius of a character and there’s never enough of him in each episode.

telling everyone that dinner service is canceled because you’re hosting a bachelor party THE MORNING of the event is a douche move. and i FULLY understand that this is TV logic of moving plot succinctly, but in real life that’s about as big a dick move as anything carmy does the whole season. which might sound severe, but private events are the FUCKING WORST. because the tips for the FOH (front of house) go out the door, and you don’t get to go in a groove of people come in and out, which means your BOH (back of house) becomes bouncers and waiters and caretakers to the guests. which they all hate doing. plus, the large amount of money you get upfront when the group rents out the place is immediately stretched thinner as the night wares on and the people stop ordering more food, but you’re also missing out on potential rushes and money. PLUS, they’re not even making money from the event, because they’re paying off a debt to cicero, so they’re losing out on all that money, AND they’re not making anything from a down payment. i wish they had thrown a line into the show of like carmy saying he just found out the news that morning too, just so the hate i feel doesn’t burn towards carmy. but i know -i know- that this is just TV stuff to make everything move along faster so we can move past it to the main plot of the show.

i do enjoy the dinner that syd and marcus have. it’s very pleasant. i also get romantic vibes here (which we’ll keep talking about in season two), and it makes things complicated because i don’t think i’m reading too deeply into things? there are ways that editors and directors craft scenes so that when you’re watching at home you pick up a vibe and like….i pick that vibe up….? is it just me? (i mean, it’s clearly not just me, because of season two. but again….more on that later)

for the entire essay i wrote on the last episode, syd and marcus complaining about carmy really rubs me the wrong way. because a lot of the stress that came about that day was their fault, and then made worse by their walking out. NOW, if i were syd or marcus would i be doing the EXACT SAME THING with my coworker? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY! and yes, carmy does deserve some hate for how he reacted when it all went shit. but like…i still think they’re conversation shows they feel absolutely no guilt or shame for their own actions and failings that caused a lot of problems last episode, and that has always rubbed me the wrong way. like…shit on carmy. he was an asshole, he deserves to be shit on. BUT LIKE…not even a line of like “i wish i had double checked the to-go orders and made sure it was turned off for preorders.” “i wish i didn’t become obsessed with donuts so much that i stopped doing my job for weeks straight. and then when shit hit the fan, i continued to make donuts as if nothing else was going on.”

“my moms like that…” i think this is the first reference to sydney’s mom. with everything we learn in season two, i wonder if this is sydney lying, or sydney remembering and using the present tense to pretend her is still alive? (sorry for spoilers for season two).

ok. so, the dish sydney makes. LOOKS INCREDIBLE. but we get a shot of the dish, and it’s just sitting in oil. just like a puddle or a small soup of oil. not the end of the world, not wrong or bad in and of itself. BUT THEN SHE DRIZZLES MORE ON? like, syd! that’s so much fucking oil! now, once again, i know that they have a real life, talented, hardcore chef who made sure everything was as perfect and realistic as possible. which means that this HAS TO be some sort of TV thing. like, they want to keep sydney moving as she talks to keep the scene dynamic, so they have her drizzle something before she serves and because of the specific dish she’s making the only thing she could drizzle without ruining the dish is more oil. but like….idk, maybe choose a different dish then? it has bugged me since the first time i watched this show and it’ll never not bug me. because it’s not only wasteful, and gonna make this dish just so incredibly oily, but like….you don’t garnish a dish with something you already added as the base of the dish. you don’t make an ice cream sundae and then on top drizzle MORE vanilla ice cream! it’s just weird.

tina checking in with carmy is so sweet. it’s speaks so much to how good the show is that my LEAST favorite character could become one of my favorites in like the course of two episodes. love mama bear tina.

the calm, familial love between richie and carmy that has slowly but surely been prodding itself out more and more each episode is just so beautifully done.

listen, you might say to yourself that violence is never the answer, but tiny pipsqueak carmy jumping into every fight possible to stop people from fighting is the most noble thing ever. like…what hope does he ever have of stopping these tall midwesterners from fighting? he just continually gets the shit kicked out of him for trying to stop people fighting and i kinda love that about him. and richie coming in to the rescue both times is also a vibe. love that about richie, stepping in as a protective older brother.

…of course this time richie almost kills a a guy and gets arrested so. not the best.

if you had put “richie gets arrested for assault, with possible charge of manslaughter depending on if the customer he punched to break up a fight” on your bingo card, good for you! i didn’t see that coming.

that richie “bad news” uses his one phone call to call his ex wife, and then realizing that he always calls with bad news decides instead to NOT tell her that he’s in prison, but instead apologizes for the argument he got in with her dad at some point in their relationship…wow. it breaks your heart all over again. richie is just such a broken, sad guy.

that carmy is waiting for richie, asleep in the foyer is just…precious. it’s family. that’s family. that carmy used the shop’s two week parachute money to bail richie out, meaning that financially the beef has gone right back to where it started in episode one is…well, again. it’s family. a shop, when doing it right, ACTUALLY cares about its employees. because carmy feels like the person who would have done that for anyone in the beef, not just richie. i know owners and managers saying “we’re family here” has turned into a red flag that is code for “we don’t pay you enough, we take advantage of you, and we emotionally manipulate you”. but what family ACTUALLY DOES is when battling the evils of capitalism, and struggling to get by, you use what little you had saved up to help those who make it possible to do what you do. i wish more places actually did things like this. paid for bail, or medical procedures. but the only businesses i’ve heard that have done this are small ma and pa, independently owned restaurants. and it’s probably because you work so close to these people all day every day that they really do become your family.

the fact that we then symbolically and visually go back to the beginning of the show: they’re getting ball breaker ready for a tournament, they have no money, carmy’s on the floor hand scrubbing stains again, lu fucks up their meat order. the same song from the first episode plays. we zoom in on the ever present and oppressive clock.

ok. so marcus returns, and carmy literally goes out of his way to say he’s so sorry and he’s glad he’s back. carmy proves that once again, he is trying to be better, he’s trying to rise above his family, above his old bosses and be the bigger and better person and apologize for his mistakes and show that he does care about marcus….but marcus doesn’t say anything back. AGAIN, i know that carmy’s blowup is visually, and thematically way bigger and more prominent. but marcus couldn’t have said like, “sorry that i took advantage of your trust and your belief in me. that while you were working 24/7 to try and make sure this place didn’t go under you still allowed me to purchase and explore and do whatever i wanted with my workday, and all i had to do in return was make the cakes that were my idea in the first places, which i then repeatedly didn’t do. i’m sorry about that.” like…it blows my mind that the writing team, director, producer, and everyone else didn’t have a moment where they were like “should marcus apologize for what he did at all? like, he hurt the store which was already hurting? he put the shop at more risk of closing because of his actions. should he apologize for that?”

the beautiful conclusion to the braised short rib dish. in an earlier post i talked about how there’s an ongoing subtle storyline with it that is deeper than carmy just being an asshole and saying it wasn’t ready without giving pointers to make it better. and we see as he covers sydney’s shift he finds her little black notebook with the recipe and that’s when he learns what’s wrong with the dish: that it needs acid. he didn’t know before. when sydney had him try it, he knew it was missing something but he wasn’t sure what. it might have been his own pride: he didn’t want to admit syd that he didn’t know what was missing. and he didn’t want to ask for her recipe to find out, because he’s supposed to be the best. he should know every ingredient that’s in the dish, and he should know what’s missing and what needs to be added. and he didn’t. so he couldn’t ask syd for her recipe, he couldn’t tell her he didn’t know what it needed. and maybe, there was a part of him that didn’t want her dish to succeed, because he saw her as the competition, like he admitted in his monologue earlier in this episode. but it comes from such a place of trauma, and pain, and self-hatred. it’s so well done and so sad.

what i think is truly fascinating is that we get this scene where we see the staff deep cleaning everything. soap and water. the whole kitchen looks amazing. we cut to the lowboys, we cut to the floor, we cut to the shelves with all the plates. spotless. and then in just a few scenes carmy is looking around and it’s wrecked. it’s filthy. and i wonder….is it actually wrecked, or is it in carmy’s own perception of the place. because one interpretation could be that; well, you’re a restaurant. you’re gonna clean, it’s gonna get dirty, you’re gonna clean, it’s gonna get dirty. and carmy is just sick of the repetition. that he’s getting worn out from it all. the other is that he’s in such a hole in his own head that he thinks the place looks like a wreck when in actuality it’s still cleaner and nicer than it was when he started working there.

i personally like the second option. for one, it mirrors the truth of the shop. we get a lot of repeated themes and moments from the first episode. carmy is probably feeling like he’s right back to where he started. he just spent 7 episodes “cleaning up the place”, and now it’s “dirty again”. but in actuality, he has a staff that has fully embraced his system over mikey’s, he has an updated menu that is making strides in the community. i mean, in seven episodes he was able to get ahead of the tidal wave of debt and bills to create a two week parachute while trying to fight for everyone’s respect and loyalty in the shop. now he has their respect, so he should make that parachute back up even faster. but he’s so emotionally and mentally drained and damaged that he can’t see that progress, he can’t see how much “cleaner” the shop is. he just sees the filth.

this is backed up, in my mind, that while carmy is having his anxiety and depressive episode, stuck in this cycle of dread, we get clips of everyone else crushing their jobs. they’re refilling condiment cups, they’re prepping eggs for cake, they’re dicing and cooking onions, chopping into a chicken. they look like a well-oiled machine. and then we cut to looking at carmy from the side, and the kitchen behind him looks clean. white. crisp. it makes me think that all the grime and disgusting stuff we saw was only in his head

HOWEVER; we also see an olive oil squeeze bottle on its side over the stove dripping into it, and then in the next scene when carmy turns the stove on it instantly bursts into flames. so. maybe it’s not fully in his head? idk, i go back and forth on this one.

i wish they could make a realistic cgi fire. i’m not sure if it’s because fire already kinda looks fake, so to then make fake fire becomes impossible to make look real? or if they simply didn’t have the budget to make it look real. but the two times there’s been fire in this show it has looked so fake.

i think the theme of fire that we see from carmy is interesting. carmy talked about how the day after he won a james beard award he started a fire and watched it burn for a moment. we get that quick snippet in the very beginning of this episode “shoulda let it fucking burn down” which i dont know if it was mikey or carmy saying that. carmy almost set his own apartment on fire while cooking. there’s a lot about fire in this season. (and a lot about trying to put the fire out next season…but more on that later…)

but i love that when everyone comes to put out the fire (which….thats symbolic, right? for community? carmy needed help, he started a fire, and they came around him and put his fire out), richie comes up to carmy and instead of being angry, or sarcastic, or mean, just wants to know if carmy is ok. because he understands now; richie has been going through a lot because of mikey, so obviously so is carmy. he’s thinking about others now for the first time.

and that’s when richie gives carmy the letter from mikey that he found in episode two. because richie finally realized that he’s not okay. and that because richie knows that he’s not okay, he realizes carmy is not okay. and that instead of the two of them not addressing why they’re not okay, it’s time to heal and move forward. so he gives carmy the letter. and i love that there’s a moment where carmy is a little mad; richie knew about a letter that mikey made out to carmy. but richie admits the truth: he didn’t want to give it to carmy because it meant that mikey was really gone. and carmy’s not mad anymore, because he understands. it’s a shared moment of intimacy that i just love how subtle and slow and quiet and understated it is. the care between carmy and richie in this moment, and sorta in the episode overall is just kinda beautiful. this episode does such a good job of not being in your face like the rest of the season is, even while arguably more intense stuff happens this episode than in any of the previous ones.

call it friendship, call it a budding romance, call it emotional dependency that is unhealthy (i’ve seen cases for all three), but i think it means something that carmy has this letter from mikey, and instead of reading it first he instead texts syd. this sort of thing will happen again in season two, and we’ll talk about it. but, i think it means something that before he can address and face mikey’s last words to him, he needs to make sure he doesn’t follow in mikey’s footsteps, he needs to make sure that he doesn’t leave anyone hanging with unneeded or unwanted anger without resolution. and top of his list is syd.

also, not important. but the outfit that syd is wearing this scene, while COOKING and making sauces that is splatterig, IS SO COOL. i don’t often notice outfits, unless there’s something deeper in the outfits that speaks to characters (carmy’s white shirt uniform, richie’s sweat pants and beef t-shirts), but syd’s shirt is fucking fire

“i love you dude. let it rip” is so….so. like it speaks volumes and it’s so mikey and its just a hit to the heart. but at the same time, that’s all he said. no long heartfelt goodbye. just i love you. let it rip. and family spaghetti recipe on the back. the same one carmy axed from the menu in episode one. it’s really nice touch that carmy decides to honor his brother, finally coming to terms with his death, by making the dish for family dinner. plus we learn why there’s so many smaller cans of tomato’s when bigger ones are cheaper per ounce! mikey thought they tasted better…

also. we get a quick cut of marcus making the cake again. and the first time we see him drizzle the chocolate on it looks SO DRY, but this time it actually looks moist and tasty!

i love that once again there’s like a…undercurrent of charge between fak and richie. fak is talking all low and quiet about how cool it was that richie got stabbed and walked it off, and i can’t help but think….do these two secretly love each other?! wouldn’t be surprised.

there’s $300,000 hidden in these cans of tomatoes! which, when i learned that, my very first thought was “didn’t carmy toss a can in episode one??? how much money was in that can! is there like 100 cans? that’s like $3,000! FUCK! even if there’s like 300 cans, that’s still $1,000? not great!

i think it’s pretty fair and fitting to say that in a capitalist society, all of the problems we just went through over the course of 8 episodes magically disappears because of money. like, these working class people are suddenly without a problem because $300,000 fell into their lap.

but that also brings me to one of my only guilts for this season. the deus ex machina of: we go through 8 episodes of problems and trying to climb out of this hole by the skin of our teeth, and ope! instead of accomplishing it ourselves we just found $300k. and everything is (sorta) wrapped up nicely. and yes, the way it all sorta gets revealed is done about as well as could be. the threat of making the spaghetti, carmy wondering about why they get the smaller cans, going over the books and seeing this weird amount of payments to KBL electric for the amount cicero gave to mikey. it all was leading here: finding the money. and it’s not superb genius twist, i assumed something was up and then was like “oh! the money!” before the money was revealed. but it also doesn’t need to be a super plot twisty thing. the bear isn’t going for that. so they do a great job with the plot point, it’s just not my favorite plot point.

but i do love that sydney comes back; for what, we’re not fully sure. to ask for her old job back? maybe. to pick up her last check and be done? possibly. but she stumbles upon this group of rough around the edges lovable dirtbags surrounded by tomato sauce and money and richie (and it’s perfect that it’s richie) is like, “hey! you’re part of this family! get a can opener and let’s boogie!”

i also loved that carmy and syd just look at each other and they without even questioning it start designing the new restaurant. but i have to believe that i wasn’t the only one that when syd asks, “okay, what do we call it?” and the camera holds for just a second too long on carmy’s face, i immediately yelled “OH SHIT! THE BEAR!”

and then it ends perfectly. the whole family eating pasta and laughing because they’re finally gonna be ok. the beef is gonna close, the bear is gonna open, and it’s gonna be amazing.

i also love the meaningful shot of carmy walking out of the kitchen and for the first time we see him pull the towels off his apron, and take his apron off. he’s not cooking. and everyone is smiling, and everyone is happy.

and then we get this shot, and it means something. because carmy is wearing a black shirt again, and he looks up just past the camera and smiles. and then we cut to mikey, who turns to look just past the camera and we realize that mikey and carmy are looking at each other smiling.

and then it ends. *chefs kiss*

i do……..think it’s a little glossed over that mikey knew about carmy’s dream of opening a shop together, loved that idea and would talk to him about it. and then realized that the beef was poison, so he hurt his relationship with carmy to keep carmy away, which sent carmy onto a path of fine dining. mikey saw that, knew that carmy could fix things, so he borrowed $300k from cicero, then took his own life and gave carmy the restaurant so that carmy would then uncover his plot and be able to start the restaurant of his dreams. i understand mental health plays a lot into this, but uffda. mikey. there are other ways to do this…other ways that are also just a smidge less convoluted.

but that’s the episode! and not just the episode, but the season! uffda. i honestly think it’s just about as perfect as perfect could be! yes, there are a few gripes, but man those gripes aren’t enough to even come close to stopping this from being my favorite show ever and one of the best shows ever made. i love it. i love it so much.

season two awaits! someday…

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