#lucky to have had good parents

[eldritch-queern-magicat]

Honestly, I think I should have expected that I have introjects from romance visual novels. I legit forgot how much I enjoyed those. Especially with all the yummy vampires.

I also finally figured out where Alice originated. I did have a brief Twilight phase (then I discovered the problems with it and simply put it down; at least I only borrowed the books and didn't end up buying them), and I totally fell in love with her. But before too long, she adapted to our mind. That was over ten years ago that she adapted. I gobbled up the first book in a single day at the end of my senior year of high school. It usually takes me some time to get around to testing out anything mainstream, because I tend to be a contrarian when it's not that serious.

Unless it was something my parents enjoyed that happened to be mainstream, because their opinions on media and stuff were frequently all but gospel. Because they were pretty good as people and were like saints to me. They treated me better than almost anyone else. So if they liked a show, I often did, too.

-Lilu 💎😺

#dissociative identity disorder #alters #did #did system #introjects #fictrojects #personal shit #romance visual novel #vampire romance #my twilight phase #high school #mainstream media #good parents #lucky to have had good parents #ramblings

[uncanny-tranny]

I think what might actually help the families of trans loved ones is to actually engage with where the trans person is at - especially if the family isn't quite understanding yet. When I came out, I was completely alone in figuring out my manhood. I had peers and I had exposed myself to so many trans people who explored gender, and while it was amazing, it isn't quite the same at times. I grieve quietly, sometimes, about all the missed opportunities that might have just made it easier for my family to have seen how utterly happy I was. It took them a very long time to actually notice that I was happy, especially once I got on testosterone. I'm lucky that they saw that happiness eventually, and slowly accepted it. My manhood is completely detached from their influence, both to my relief and chagrin. It's sad to me that I learned to shave from a kind online stranger, somebody who didn't even have a father and yet, I do. I have a father. I grieve at the loss of a potential shared experience. I grieve about the pain I went through when I was in that stage of transition, especially because it was raw and vulnerable. I grieve that many trans people today are traversing the path I had to, because it's sometimes lonely (even when you do have other forms of support).

It's hard to know that I will never have gotten my sense of being from my family. In many ways, it has severed a lot of connection with them because there were so many times that I was begging them to see happiness when they were focused on the idea that I was almost in a state of purgatory - flesh which felt warm but held no familiarity to them. I don't harbor ill-will toward them, I hope I don't leave the impression that I despise them. I understand what they felt, even if I can't conceptualize it myself. However, it's a raw wound in my heart, and I don't want to leave anybody else feeling that way, either.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #ally advice #i'm thankful that my manhood is the way it is. but it was a painful journey to get here and i did it partially alone #i absolutely am grateful to have had my friends and the trans people who made themselves known though. i owe these people my life #i still think it's not unreasonable to have wished for my /family/ to have been part of that journey sooner especially when i was young #sometimes it seems like parents who believe their child has died after they express their transness make that a self-fulfilling prophecy... #...in that the parent often aloenates themself/themselves from their child in a variety of ways... #...i was alienated from my dad when he threatened my transition - it became a self-fulfilling prophecy in that i shut myself down... #...i retreated inward and in a way became a ghost - corporeal to the touch but a spirit who may not be seen... #...in many ways i felt in limbo between life and death. it was a cycle of purgatory #and that is something i think is best avoided. it's lonely and scary and it makes it hard to imagine a future #i need to emphasize that even though this was shitty i am still lucky in so many ways #i just faced a lot of undue shit even so - shit i don't think was conducive to a good environment or well-being

[craycraybluejay]

yes i am an adult male who loves high school dramas this is because i literally never experienced normal coming of age drama like ever and am disconnected from the collective experience of having a relatable peer group forever hope that helps

#i JUST want to experience high school #without like. my whole shitty life thing having gone on #i want to go to high school and have stupid drama and sexuality crises and worries about grades #not... That #i never had that im never going to have that #can i get (one) permission to go a little crazy if i survive into a university #fuck everyone befriend and be-enemy everyone get all up in peoples stupid mind numbingly low stakes drama #i want that sweet golden experience where the worst thing ill ever fear is annoying my classmates #or accidentally spilling something on someone at a dance #i deserve it i deserve to have had a childhood and a young adulthood and a life #i deserve to have dealt with unserious issues to prepare me for bigger ones #rather than serious danger that leaves me permanently severed from normal people and life #and makes me incapable of reacting proportionally or finding it in me to care about less serious problems #like yes it sucks your mom is going to miss college graduation #but i thank my lucky stars that you are not dying or being abused or starved or beaten or exploited #i literally dont know how to take things seriously a lot of the time like im not able to even if i try #because to me the mildest real problem is someone purposefully isolating you and ruining your health #the MILDEST #i try to care ab simple stuff i really do i just CANT #and it sucks so much trying to be a good friend and kind feeling like i cant do enough #the loud thought 'i wish that hapoened to me/i wish i worried about that/i wish the people i love only had that as a problem' #i get so envious. like thank fucking god your parents divorced like normal adults when it should be over #thank fucking god that 'friend' cut you off when they were actively insulting you and betraying your trust #thank the fucking universe that shitty partner dumped you before you fkn hurt yourself over them #yk? #and its a 'mean/cold' way to think about it but i just dont have the capacity to think or feel the little picture #i can imagine my friends subjected to such horror even tho i dont want to

[skunkes]

what they dont tell you about being incredibly introspective is that you'll think you're done making realizations and then you'll just make more realizations always all the time forever

#dude. guess who just found out the reason he's incapable of imagining himself in a good relationship #is bc he's never witnessed any growing up. #my parents dont have a relationship i would want #only one of my siblings is married and her husband sucks. other has never dated while ive been alive (im much younger) #+ my other sibling had. a strange relationship i wont mention details of but this was also like 5 yrs ago and he hasnt dated since #i have very few close friends and none of them dated as we grew up either #or even with some its like. i wldnt want your relationship lol... #the only Good relationships i see are online from ppl i follow. and then i cant trust em bc we only see the Good Parts #so like. do they even exist... i dont think so.... #if i wasnt starved for physical touch id consider throwing in the towel permanently #but idk maybe ill buy one of those pillows with the arms that wrap around you #and a few more **** and try and cope with it in kenland or al's farm forever #talkys #im still 100% serious about ppl who have good relationships being lucky bc i feel like #the chances of finding someone you mesh with and are attracted to and can communicate with. are so slim. #i can barely ever find someone meeting one of many requirements. i can barely make friends. etc

[literallyaflame]

so basically “the gifted kid” is a smokescreen for increasing and/or affirming white privilege/white supremacy?

i’m not the right person to explain this at great length, so i won’t, but—intelligence testing has a long and complicated relationship with classism and racism. gifted (and other sped) programs rely on that testing.

that’s as far as i’m willing to explain as a non-expert, lmao. if you want to know more, there’s about 573857 pages of research/opinions/documented personal experiences available for you to sift through, both within and outside of ‘academic’ circles. here’s an excerpt from the abstract of a case study on the topic:

“We show how gifted and talented status meets the criteria of white property interests and is defended by recourse to law and policy. Efforts to improve identification of students for gifted services reveal that the implicit operation of these Interests is an important reason why identification practices favoring white and middle-class children have been resistant to change. Dismantling underlying white property interests in gifted and talented identification is a necessary, though not sufficient step, toward a more just educational system.” [DOI]

i haven’t read this case study in full—i’m just using it to point out that this is a prominent, ongoing discussion. in my opinion, this should be a much larger part of the “former gifted kid” conversation, but alas

#i was a poor kid and i only got shuffled into GT because of a very specific set of circumstances #my teachers were resistant to it lmao #all the kids they nominated themselves were white AND well off AND often had parents’ with good social standing #and because it was an overwhelmingly white & well-off bunch #it was a shitty environment for anyone else #by the end of it the kids who didn’t ‘belong’ didn’t pursue the advanced track in high school #meanwhile the kids in sped were basically getting tortured and the kids in between were subject to all kinds of nonsense #i can’t imagine looking back at all that and thinking ‘wow. the real evil is that i was held to a higher standard’ #like yeah it kinda sucked and i valued my academic abilities way fucking more than i should have #but #in hindsight i’m one of the lucky ones #*parents why the hell did i make that possessive smh #clearly my gifted education was worthless anyway /j

[suffarustuffaru]

friendly reminder that reinhard is approximately the same age as his parents when they had him

#suffaru post #IM SORRY MAYBE THIS IS A REINHARD BLOG NOW…. #i have an essay due at 11:59 pm but instead i am doing this HAH… #OK BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT RIGHT of course rezero is medieval fantasy and full of death traps so of course u got people having kids younger #but theres another layer here in that like 1. heinkel didnt become sword saint and theresia was growing older so he was basically required #to have a kid earlier than usual im sure. and of course heinkel and louanna got lucky bc they truly loved each other #and then theres like. bc louanna has sleeping beauty syndrome shes eternally stuck at 20 yrs old rn. reinhard is the same age as his #comatose mom. shes been in a coma since he was like two. #and reinhard too is expected to have kids to pass down the sword saint blessing. that shit is a family curse at this rate i swear 😭😭 #reinhard van astrea #heinkel astrea #louanna astrea #ok also i know having kids at like 20 is probs like pretty good for medieval standards and all. but its still like. young. and then as we #all know shit goes sideways in the astrea family very quickly after reinhard is born and heinkel has his descent into madness arc which #recontextualized a bit with the fact that he was a young parent that suddenly lost a whole lot of things. #and there are no therapists in rezero so 😭😭😭😭 #also ok yes i am assuming louanna was either 19 or 20 when she had reinhard… #meanwhile heinkel we know for sure was like 20 yrs old yeah. #re:zero

[rosicheeks]

Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..

I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.

I was texting my sister today about it and she said

“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”

I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences

#I relate to all of this so much #and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma #I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine #it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian #honestly at this point I have no clue what i am #even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma #but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents #growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold #cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them #but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there #their perfect angel fell from heaven #and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything #it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith #it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally #the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church #when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with #wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was #YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away #and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone) #but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life #but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it #which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to #^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop #sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma #yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse #sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 #and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past #please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best #it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family #I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help

[ratstuckinamarble]

the rat is SICK? :( poor poor rat.....

stay snuggly and stay warm <3

Oh my goodness how are you this adorable T-T I don't even know what to say...

I want to glue this to my heart. May not help me get well sooner but it sure is making me so happy ๑ï

Thank you, truly.

I'll try my best to stay snuggly and warm, though I could never reach the comfort of your drawing. In the meantime, you stay cozy and safe too <3

#you didn't have to do thaaat you wonderful wonderful being #I'd really love to draw something too but you know... can't really do that right now >:( #gosh you had me happy stimming so hard... I dunno what I did to deserve to have met you; but I'm so glad. I'm so glad. #not just for getting to see your art or experiencing the sheer joy & honour of having some made just for me (unfathomable. I feel so lucky) #but because I get to experience what you're like as a person. and you're pretty damn amazing #I mean that with every bone in my body (does that even make any sense) #...I want to live this. I want to be the round rat in a cozy little home who's befriended a hand snail and an adorable werewolf #I can't but. this gets pretty damn close #(I really do look like my rat right now though dhsjsj) but the blanket. I want it in my house ;_; It's perfect; the lil bats & pumpkins... #“rat stuck in a bed” that's meee- hehe that made me grin #you included the plushy T-T and my cat!!! my darling boy!!! really captured his essence too (everything is better with a cat by your side) #but gosh... wolf and snail you coming in with the soup. that gets me. that gets me good. #the concerned lil “shhh” and the droopy ears I CAN'T. And I love getting to see the snail again. such a handsome hand #ya made the lights look extra grinny too... I love this. I love this so so much you don't even understand; I can't express it #this feels like finding something in one of my parents' old yellowed books; except the book can read my soul #you know what I mean? it reminds me of those illustrations #I love getting to see your handwriting. it feels so safe ...sick me is sentimental. not that I'm not usually that #my own printer is trash but I know someone who has access to a good one. they could do that for me tomorrow. I need this on my wall #...I really appreciate you #rätposting #ask by: #a-dauntless-daffodil #and of course #art by dauntless

[dmclemblems]

yeah um this is TELLING

#Three Hopes #Sylvain #bro STRAIGHT up just said his parents are bad parents GETTEM #shit tho man sylvain has like the shittiest home life #it's no wonder he's the mom friend with dimi ingrid and felix #the whole family is a fucking disaster and i wouldn't be surprised if his mom married his dad because #they needed a child with a crest and it became part of why sylvain hated having a crest #the worst part is that him and miklan don't have the same mother so matthias ended up #with a woman he obviously didn't get along with and it sounds like there was some abuse going on??? #like jesus fucking christ sylvain you need to get out of that household stat #miklan was probably LUCKY he got disowned and had to leave like ??? it doesn't sound like sylvain wants to be there #hey rodrigue would u mind just taking ur son in law in and for that matter take ur daughter in law in too #just officially take in all four of them bc ur the only good dad left apparently with lambert gone #seriously someone get sylvain OUT OF THERE

[daddy-socrates]

so glad i have therapy tonight im. Ready to talk about scary things

#gonna talk more seriously about hrt. im so scared but theres been Enough happening that makes me feel. ready ig #it's the yearning it's the longing it's the being envious of my friends when i am actually overjoyed for them #it's the i want to be a visibly trans philosopher it's the fathers day special on npr that made me sob in my car #it's the singing along w my favorite songs makes me cry it's the i dont sing on the rare occasion i go to church it's the. uh. #i don't go cuz i want to i go because i want to see what's being shared in the sermon bc that's what people take messages from #mini book reports and challenging the passages selected bc sometimes they are Vague or whatever #it's the i have a complicated relationship w religion in general lmfao #i am very scared of ruining my relationship w my parents though #im incredibly lucky and incredibly grateful every day that i had a good childhood and good relationship w them #never ever want to take that for granted #but im terrified bc i told them my name and mom carefully didnt show a reaction and dad uh. idk we were at starbucks and i did the order #bc im a starbucks girlie zillennial #and i gave my name and he went 😶🤨 #this is my blog i can say what i want here but im baring my soul in the tags becauee i trust ~3.2k strangers more than my father xo #anyway #blah blah blah in the tags

[jonny-b-meowborn]

I am genuinely so terrified of the fact that I have to find a job now. I'm trying to think of or look up a job that's suitable for my mentally ill autistic ass and I just. I don't know. Everything either requires some very specific qualifications that I don't have, or seems at best awfully exhausting, at worst literally putting me in danger. And I'm not even exaggerating, I genuinely think that working in retail, for example, could possibly kill me if I was forced to do that job for long enough. I sometimes get overwhelmed to the point of crying when there's too many other customers while I'm shopping, I can't imagine working in an environment like that. I suppose physical jobs could work, I've been to this blueberry plantation twice last week and mentally I was fine, but it was. So tiring. And you don't even make that much money a day, I don't think I could earn enough even if I did work there everyday, not to mention it's only a seasonal job. Right now it's fine for me to go there every now and then, but if I wanted to move out and become independent I'd have to get an actual day job. And that sounds impossible. The only job that sounds good to me is being an artist, it's not too mentally or physically difficult, and it's something I enjoy. But I'd have to get commissions constantly or start a small business or something like that to actually survive. And I'm not saying it's impossible, I know that people can live by being an artist, but it's so hard to get into that field. I wish I could do it but I dont know if it's possible for me. Makes me wanna cry. I hate this I hate that my brain isn't suited for this world and still I have to participate in all that shit that everyone has to do. My brain isn't made for working like that

#I've talked about this a lot with my sister who is also autistic #and were both like. on a similar level of autism i dont know how to properly explain it #were functioning in similar ways i guess #and we both agreed that we're in this awkward spot of being autistic #where we're not suited for living in this world the way we're expected #but we're good enough at surviving that we can't really ask for help #like from the government or smth #im not sure if im making sense #but like neither of us ever had a normal job for longer than a few days #she's incredibly lucky bc her boyfriend (also autistic lol) has rich parents #so he's able to have a small business where hes making youtube content and games and merch #and he gets financial support from his parents. so he can have the job he feels comfortable with and enjoys #and my sister is now able to work with him. theyre both making their silly little games and trinkets and are able to live normally #which is just so great for her i love that. im also so jealous lmao #and then theres me who also is made for creating art and not much else but im not lucky enough to be able to do that and survive #idk. my mom is great and doesn't put too much pressure on me. she was the one to take me to that blueberry job #and she really supprts my plans to be an artist full time #but still. thats really difficult to do. ugh #sometimes i wish that i either wasnt autistic at all or was 'less functioning' so at least i could get some help with living #bee buzz

[hotgirlscoups]

.

#the older i get the more i realise that people who are born with good parents are legitimately so unbelievably lucky #and i just had the most horrendous luck and having bad parents is going to haunt me for the rest of my life . whatever LOL

[wikagirl]

every time when I make an oc the character is some weird little mix between traits that I see in my friendgroup. For example a lot of my ocs are adhders and and some form of queer because that's how my friendgroup is.

I have this one friend that is a walking talking manifestation of everything that people who insist that there are only two genders HATE so every time I take a piece of them and toss it into the oc-making-blender I basicly sit here going.

#they actually have xxy chromosomes #its more common than you'd think actually #around 1-2 out of 1000 people that are “supposed” to have xy chromosomes have it but only like 25% get it actually diagnosed #putting the supposed in “-” bc it makes it sound like there is something very wrong with my friend #even tho its really just nature doing its silly little thing #and there is a suspicion that people with the condition have a higher chance of being autistic and/or have adhd apparently? not sure tho #also yes I have their consent to talk about this bc they think its cool too #they talk about it a lot themselves actually bc they work with kids that had to be removed from their home for their own safety #as a way to go “hey we're both weirdos so you're not alone and you are valid in your identity” #a lot of the kids are queer and rejected by their parents #we actually have like monitored living complexes for teens and young adults that don't want to be put in foster care #but idk how those work really bc I'm lucky enough to have parents who do not give a shit #also angelo if you by some miracle end up seeing this: ily and you still owe me 5 bucks for that döner kebab at gamescom <3 #start reading tags you silly little goober that's where people hide the good stuff

[raise-me-up-take-me-up]

i should just print out "your experiences are not universal" pamphlets and hand them out whenever people react like ive just cursed their grandma after me admitting that i dont know a certain song/havent watched a certain show/eaten at a certain restaurant/been to a certain place

#how are you even [insert nationality] if you havent had a [censored] burger!??!?!? my good bitch. im vegetarian #how have you not heard [song from 1980s america]!??!?! its a classic!! my parents played it all the time!! #my good bitch. im an immigrant. my parents are from a different country than yours. how tf would i have heard that in my childhood. #how have you not read hunger games before?!?!? it was everyones childhood!!! my good bitc #this post is inspired by two diff people being amazed that i hadnt heard tear for fears everybody wants to rule the world b4 #but its happened a lot because my family is conservative and we dont do a lot of things that '''normal''' families do. SO?!?! #i dont feel very worlds lucky 10 thousand rn

[ilonacho]

the fucking audacity of watching the pixar short film “going home” while i’m home for my grandma’s funeral.

#like….. yeah #2 weeks ago i did not know id be here rn #i did not know she would take a turn for the worse this fast #im very thankful things worked out to where i could be here #for my wife and her support and i guess my boss and coworkers for their understanding #i have been lucky to not have been here for the very tough times #im thankful to be here with my family now #theyre doing a lot of new housing in my town now #many buildings i walked by as a kid have been demolished and are being rebuilt #we emptied my grandmas room today. she had only lived there for about 3 weeks before passing #we drive by my mom olds house. the house i grew up in. the new owner still hasnt torn down my old curtains in my old room #the old curtains my grandma had sewn for me when i was a baby #my dad is thinking about moving too. too many new buildings too many new people too much noise #two of my cousins have kids now! and the third one is getting married soonish? her fiance seems nice. he seems like he cares about her #my nephew and niece are so big now. i still havent met my other niece #i wonder if any of my old classmates have had kids? if they moved too? #ill be leaving again on tuesday. itll be a looong day #my parents have more and more grey hairs every time i see them #i dont see my brother as much as id like. hes following his dreams and im proud of him. hes a good kid #anyway the guy who made said short film is literally just like me fr #from germany and had been in the us 5 years (at the time) and making this short film? #just like me fr #anyway. this became one of those diaries for me posts haha #it just really captured how it is really well

[dreamyberry]

Someone told me you’re never gonna be 100% happy anyway. So what are we here for? Heartbreaks and paying the rent and distracting yourself with hobbies 2 hours a week to forget you’d rather be d3ad?

#I thought I could have. anew beginning but I keep feeling terrible #and I also have to look for a new home thanks to my landlord #who happily told me she’s excited to get new people in the house 2 days ago #in a way it could be good to change air #go to a bit nicer city maybe #but idk how hard it will be #i feel so emptied out #think of him and want to cut my throat #I am a burden to myself #I’m so sick of hoping I die in a car accident I have been doing that since I am 14 #had a 2 year break and here I am #I just hope I manage to see some friends or so-called people #and guess what I have to help my housemate deep clean the house on the weekend #apparently I heard he said on the phone friends of him from Germany are coming on Monday #so I guess that’s it #the only tiny reason I would be sorry about if I die is my parents #my colleague/boss told me I am really lucky to have parents like that after he met them #I feel so much like a failure #I was brought into this world and all I can hope for myself is to stop living #I want to go to a therapist but as I am stranded and probably will have to change municipality I probably have to wait applying for it #I’ve never felt like I needed it more than now #I’ve had multiple times people saying I’m too silent which to me is total bullshit but anyway #when I start talking I go on too long especially about mental things and I end up feeling ashamed #at least with a therapist I wouldn’t be ashamed cause it’s their fucking job to just listen or ignore me but I will let it out and not feel #so cool:( #why can’t I be happy like in 2018 #the only year where I could actually answer I was feeling good and like wanted to show it