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kaminokatie · 9 months

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We Meet Again || Darth Maul

Synopsis - It's been years since you had last seen him, but now you're fighting for the opposite side. Can Maul convince you to join him again after years of brainwashing from the Jedi?

Warnings - SFW.

Word Count - 0.9k.

[Caffeinate Me]

“You never even came to find me,” Maul hissed at you, red lightsaber clashing against your own green one.

“I was told you were dead,” you snapped back. You twirled around and used the force to push Maul backwards giving yourself an opportunity to relax before he was swinging at you again.

“You could have tried,” he growled. “Instead you joined what we swore to destroy together!”

“I had no choice!” You said angrily.

“We always have a choice Y/N,” Maul snapped. He was hurting inside. “You just chose wrong!”

“If I knew you were alive, I would have done anything to find you,” you said, stepping backwards and turning off your lightsaber. Maul looked at you completely perplexed as you laid your lightsaber on the ground and held your hands up.

“What are you doing?” He asked, still standing in a defensive stance.

“Laying down my weapon, Maul,” you said simply.

“But why?” He hissed. “Pick it up, I’m not through with you yet.”

“Yes you are. I’m not fighting you anymore, Maul. If you want to kill me, go ahead.”

Maul shook his head, retracting his lightsaber and staring at you with wide eyes. This had to be some sort of trick, something Kenobi had set up. Using you as bait was a low blow, but something he wouldn’t put past the Jedi. After all these years of working with the Jedi, you must have told them the details about the nature of your relationship with him. He placed his lightsaber back on his hilt and outstretched his hand to you. “Killing you would only kill me,” he whispered softly. “Take my hand. Join me once more.” You bit your lip, hesitated for a moment. You had spent the last few years of your life dedicating yourself to the Jedi after all the wrongdoings you had done by Maul’s side. After you learned of his ‘death’ you hoped you could put that life behind you, but with the Zabrak standing in front of you very much alive, you highly doubted yourself to turn him down. His yellow eyes gazed into yours and you felt your heartbeat pick up a few paces as Maul walked towards you, hand still outstretched. “Think about what we had Y/N.”

“I am!” You snapped, taking a few steps backwards. “It wasn’t good for either of us.”

“You don’t mean that,” he whispered, still stalking towards you. “You were my stars in the galaxy, the light that guided my way. Please, come with me. I need you. Please.”

How could you deny him when he begged so deliciously for you and only you. You sighed and closed your eyes slowly for a few seconds while you thought long and hard about what you were going to do. Images from your past flashed through your mind; your time with Maul, the good and the bad. It clouded your senses and you were sure this was Maul’s doing. When you opened your eyes, Maul was standing directly in front of you. His breath, short and shallow, fanned across your face. His eyes pleaded to you silently. “What do you want from me, Maul?” You asked, knowing the answer was damn well you.

“You know what I want,” he whispered, leaning his face closer to yours. Your breath hitched in your throat as his lips skimmed your own, making their way to your ear. “I can’t live without you by my side any longer. Not after seeing you again.”

You felt your knees buckle at his words, despite how simple they were. You believed him too, knew he was being truthful. His hand grazed your waist gently, pulling you closer to his body. You willingly leaned into his touch. It had been years since someone had touched you the way Maul was touching you now, as if you were glass that could be broken with a simple flick of the wrist. “Maul,” you whispered, your chest rising and falling sharply with each breath you took.

“I know,” he cooed, face moving to be in front of yours once more. Without warning, Maul pressed his lips to yours quickly. His warm hands came up to cup your face gently, pulling your face as close to his as possible. You stiffened as his lips connected with yours as the thoughts swirled around in your mind: what were you doing! You couldn’t let him get to you. Couldn’t let him ruin what you’d worked so hard for since you had last seen him, but it was too late, your arms had already instinctively wrapped around his neck. Maul smirked against your lips and deepened the kiss, his hands dropped to your waist and grasped at the fabric that separated him from your bare skin. When he pulled away from the kiss, Maul pressed his forehead against yours and sighed contently. “Join me, baby.” Your heart clenched at the pet name. Maul knew exactly what to say and do to turn you to the Dark Side and you hated that. You wished you were strong enough to resist him, but when he looked at you the way he was looking at you right now, you couldn’t say no. You nodded your head and Maul smirked. He moved his forehead away from yours and pressed a kiss to your right temple. “I’ve missed you, my love,” he whispered against your head, pulling you into a sweet embrace.

“I’ve missed you too,” you whispered into his chest. It was then that the tears welled in your eyes. All the emotions came flooding back to you, emotions that you had kept buried for years. Your place was by his side; you knew it and so did he. He wasn’t going to let you get away from him again, no matter what it took.

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polyhexian · 7 months

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Thinking about the emotional rollercoaster that is Hunter and Jasper's newfound developing relationship after Jasper's no longer dying of infection and everything's come to light. Hunter now knows the truth, but can he HANDLE the truth? He was already having, like, seven ongoing crises, and now he has THIS on top of them. He's just learned about a dozen new things he gets to be angry over!

Your approach to writing Hunter's trauma recovery has always been very raw. I like a good saccharine hurt/comfort fic as much as the next person, but I really appreciate the raw approach, too. Recovery isn't perfect, it can be ugly and uncomfortable and painful, and you've never shied away from that. So I'm thinking of a still-reeling-from-Hollow-Mind Hunter, freshly dumped in another dimension with his weirdo stalker who turns out to be the father he'd just gotten used to thinking never existed, and I'm looking over at Agony!Hunter and Lament!Hunter for comparison and wincing.

I commented on another post about how I feel like Hunter would WILDLY vacillate between "you should've just kidnapped me by force!" and "yeah I was definitely super brainwashed and would've run back to tell Belos everything first chance I got" for the first…however long it takes for him to come to terms with this. But I can also see him lashing out at Jasper, like, here's some of the awful things Belos did to me, I hope that telling you about them makes you hurt because I feel like you abandoned me and I'm angry. But then that eventually goes in the complete opposite direction, like, I'm not going to tell you about what horrible memory gave me nightmares tonight even though I'd feel better if I did, because I know you love me and you were trying your best and you've been hurting every day for 16 years while you tried to get me back, and I don't want to hurt you more.

Jasper just…trying to get his kid to talk to him if he needs to. Probably at some point when Hunter's clammed up Jasper has to open up a bit himself like, look, nothing you could say is going to surprise me, that man gave me more opportunities to look at my insides than I want to remember; I'll be angry and sad about what you went through, but I've spent 16 years thinking about what he might have been doing to you and trust me, nothing you say is going to send me into a horrified shock response. Maybe he's reluctant to talk about his own experiences much because 1) Remembering sucks, and 2) He doesn't want Hunter thinking he's trying to upstage his pain, but like…they have adjacent trauma from the same abuser, they're gonna understand each other on a wavelength most other people won't get.

I do feel at the very least though Jasper would nip whatever personhood-related crisis Hunter might be having in the bud. Nope, nope, none of that; it took me 12 years to figure out I was a real person with feelings, and I didn't bargain with Belos to convince him to allow you the privilege of thinking you're a person just for you to start questioning it because you found out you're part vegetable. You've got 16 years experience of believing you're a person, that's a fantastic foundation that you should NOT take a sledgehammer to. Are we real people? We damn well BETTER be after all the work I put into figuring out emotions! Maybe this is like, the one thing Jasper really puts his foot down on. He's fine if Hunter's angry at him or if Hunter never forgives him or whatever, but he absolutely draws the line at Hunter thinking he might not be a real person.

Probably doesn't help that the whole situation is likely compounded by Hunter's guilt that oh, all his friends had to leave their family behind and are super worried about them, and he just GOT his dad back but he can't even be grateful about it?? What kind of horrible person is he??

And later on, when they've progressed past the worst of the anger, and Hunter has realized that yeah, he really does want a relationship with his dad. Then his issues of self-worth and believing love is conditional come into play.

I'm imagining some point where they're having a quiet conversation, maybe on the couch late at night. Maybe it started with Hunter asking why - why did you even care, why were you so willing to die for me when you barely knew me for two minutes. And Jasper is like I don't know, I just did, but that's not good enough for Hunter so he keeps talking. He talks about growing Hunter, all the work he put in and the attention to detail, about how excited he was, how he'd quietly talk to the planter box and spill out what he was only starting to realize were real feelings, about how he'd put his finger in Hunter's little palm and feel his heart stutter when his hand closed around it.

And Hunter listens to all of this in silence, watches Jasper smiling at the memories while he speaks, and he starts thinking about himself. About how he's never been able to maintain Belos's approval, how he's never been able to impress the coven heads, how he's just a half-a-witch who's never been anywhere near as powerful as Jasper is, how he's never been able to beat the Martlet in combat, how he's got so many punishment scars, how he's been such an awful, ungrateful brat these last few weeks to this man who loves him so much; love is conditional and Hunter has done nothing to earn Jasper's love and he probably needs to figure out how to fix that before he loses what seems to be a good thing, except his failures are many and his debt to Jasper is enormous and there is absolutely no way he will ever be able to impress or repay this man.

Jasper is still smiling into the middle distance as he says something about how badly he wanted to meet Hunter and how curious he was about what kind of person he'd be when he emerged.

Hunter feels a rock sink in his stomach, and very quietly says, "Sorry for the disappointment."

And Jasper blinks and looks down at Hunter, pure confusion on his face, and asks, "Why would I be disappointed?"

ahhHHHH

jasper completely blindsided by this. he doesn't have the proper experience with hunter's self worth issues yet to expect stuff like this, its just fully like. what?? disappointed??? when did i say that?? did i make it sound like that??? shit im doing a really bad job at this i guess. but also like. disappointed?? how could i ever be disappointed? you're alive! you have friends! I'm so happy! this is everything i ever wanted! and hunter is like no, i mean, disappointed by me and what i turned out like, i'm not nearly as brave or loyal as you, im a coward. and jasper is just floored. like ???? no! you are so smart and creative and kind and you are brave! what are you talking about??? you're a great kid! cue hunter bursting into tears

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lizsurvived · 1 year

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What do you do when you dated a man for nearly 2 years who started to hurt you at around 6 months into moving in together, who you for some stupid fucked up reason were hopelessly in love with, almost strangles you to death but you have no real proof?

Okay wait I'm sorry, I need to explain a little more. When I met him, he was a 2 years sober musician and welding artist and we spent the bulk of our time together working out and working in the garage on painting and welding everyday for hours. Sometimes 4 to 6 hrs a day late into the night after work. He was not an affectionate person with me. Women loved him, he was good looking and he let everyone know it. He had a very huge ego. He stopped using meth intravenously 2 yrs before we met. He fell off the wagon when his mother had a brain aneurysm 6 months into the relationship.

Everything spiraled out of control. There were about month-long periods he would go sober, the next month he'd be shooting up every 2 mins for two weeks, then repeat. His behavior became more violent and paranoid as the months went on. There came a point when I came to the conclusion that it was in my best interest to not upset him, at all costs. And I was addicted to him. I was addicted to the person that I met, not who he was becoming more and more every day.

The only way I can describe why I felt like I couldn't leave for so long is... I can only compare it to a Manson-like brainwashing. He got me legal prescription uppers which I abused all day for a week each month. The ups were so high and the amount of canvases I painted and the amount of art the both he and I were coming out with was unbelievable. But when the high was over and the pills ran out, the lows... The lows were extremely and unbearably low. Being poisonously, blindly in love with an evil man is something that I never thought that I would ever in a million years understand. I'm sad to say that now, I do understand.

Fast forward to the end of the two year relationship. Things were getting better and he was sober and healthy. Other than being an asshole pig, he seemed almost sane. I realized that if I was going to leave, I needed to leave and asap. Him being stable-ish left more potential for the breakup going semi "smoothly". One morning he left for the gym and it was as if someone was whispering to me to get what I could grab quickly and throw my belongings into trash bags and throw it all in my car. I called my sister who lived 6 hours away, and we planned for my getaway. I waited until he got back, we had a reasonable breakup and I left. I actually got out of there unscathed.

I'm ashamed to say we were texting and talking on and off when I first moved away because I clearly was having issues letting go. I was so used to a constant fight-or-flight state of mind, state of being, that I couldnt separate myself him completely. Not to mention he decided that he had an epiphany that he "didn't know he was in love with me till I left" kind of thing. I could tell he believed he meant that. Regardless of whether or not it was true... I digress. I told him I hooked up with someone and he started sending me pictures of his wrists slit deeply and started taunting me on the phone while he was cutting himself over and over.

Things were done at that point.

Now, flash forward about 3 months. We meet at a hotel and have sex and spend that weekend together. I have bipolar disorder and my impulsivity was very high. Not to mention I had no one to talk to, no friends and my sister and I had a falling out, not that any of that is any excuse.

He was high. I didn't get hurt. He professed love and seemed to really believe himself about it. It was hard not to be drawn into his declarations of love because I had spent two years in love with the man when he never returned any romantic affection and hardly kissed me. It was so illuring that I felt that I couldn't resist. We part ways and plan to see each other again.

We text on and off. Then I visit him again at his home for a week. It was time for me to leave. I was getting ready to go. Apparently he was looking through my phone and found an old picture of someone I was talking to on a dating site.

This is when it happens.

The first thing he does is punch me square in the mouth and my lip is instantly split in three places. There is blood everywhere and he is punching me in the top, sides and back of the head while holding me down on the bed.

This part is hard for me. Well, all of this is hard but I worry this will impact me for a long time and in the future. He grabbed my head with his hands and placed his thumbs over my eyes and pushed hard with all of his weight. He was trying to push my eyes in. I screamed bloody murder and managed to bite his right pointer finger and bit hard, sinking my canine tooth into his finger and refusing to let it go.

It seemed that he thought I had "gone too far" because the level of rage that I was experiencing from him seemed to double, and he started to strangle me, holding me down on the bed. I wish this wasn't true but it was minutes long where I could not breath and I was fighting for my life writhing around and straining my back, arms and legs to somehow free myself. His right arm was holding my left arm down while I was on my back on the bed while he kept my legs from moving by blocking them with his legs, all the while he is strangling me with his left hand... I started to feel myself slipping away, and I knew I was about to pass out and possibly die.

Something nudged me to start mouthing, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Over and over just as I could feel my lights going out, because I thought there must be a chance that he'll stop if I say something he might want to hear. Thank fuck I was right. I can't remember him letting go of me but I remember I scrambled off of the bed and into the corner of the room, half screaming, half crying as I coughed and gasped for air. That's when he said, "I'm sorry liz but you're aren't leaving." Then he picked up a knife from inside the bedside drawer (a dull steak knife) and and he was cutting himself with it and pacing around the room. I was sure that I was about to be stabbed to death.

I left everything I had, even my phone, but I ran out the front door crying and screaming and I realized he was in his underwear and shirt. We we're both on the front lawn in the middle of the night. He claimed that he was turning it into something sexual or something... He tried to put my hand on his dick and I recoiled and stepped back. I actually laughed and said "you tried to kill me... You tried to kill me!!!" And I ran to my car and drove off. Luckily my keys were still in my back pocket. God that was so lucky...

Everyone I spoke to that night to call for help told me NOT to go to the ER or report him. Honestly... Everyone was scared of what he might do if I reported him. No one wanted me to "start anything". I'm honestly still too afraid of him to report him. The only proof I even have is an unwashed, bloody t shirt in a box. Not really sure why I'm posting this. I just am so sick of this feeling like such a secret. I want to warn the entire world to stay away from this man at all costs and yet my family and I are too fearful for our lives and well-beings to do so.... But I'm truly, truly worried for his next victim(s). He's extremely strong. He's an amateur MMA fighter and when he's on drugs he's even stronger than normal. He's completely unhinged. He is a monster.

Please. Run the fuck away as soon as that little voice tells you too, don't wait before it's too late. It was almost too late for me. And please, if your loved one is in a physically abusive relationship or if you suspect they are, find a legal loophole to find a way to remove them from that household, against their will if necessary. I wish someone had done that for me a long time ago. The way we are taught to handle adult physical abuse is WRONG. We shame those who are in abusive relationships to the point where they begin to ostracize themselves from their loved ones, only driving them further into the relationship and the abuse. It's all they know. Human beings can get used to anything. Get them out. Now. Find a way.

Also, if you have any advice on how to get this guy thrown away in prison ig lemme know, cuz I'm at a loss. (this all happened less than 5 months ago)

-Liz

#domestic violent relationships #voilence #relationships #boyfriend #abusiveboyfriend #substance abuse #narcissistic abuse #physical abuse

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riahlynn101 · 1 year

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"Pandora's Box" (1).

Trigger warnings: Implied child abuse and brainwashing

Second part to “Rose-tinted Nostalgia.”

Summary: Midoriya Izuku sometimes thinks he remembers a time that never existed (according to his never-present, workaholic father). And for a long time, Izuku has no choice but to believe him (as his mom seems to have conveniently forgotten a good chunk of his early childhood). Until he receives One for All and realizes he might not be as crazy as previously thought.

Chapter One

Yoichi wakes up with a start. His racing heart and sweaty skin, the only signs of the nightmare he’s already started to forget. A quick glance around the room shows everything in order, but he can’t shake the feeling of wrong. His (soon-to-be) husband, Nisuke, is still fast asleep. A peaceful look on his handsome face.

He thinks of waking him, but the rebellion’s been driving him ragged. These days it’s rare to see him get a moment of rest, and Yoichi refuses to ruin that. Especially for something as small as a bad dream.

With a subdued sigh, he turns to his alarm clock. “Only….3am.” He groans.

A shrill cry breaks him from his thoughts. The sound now an automatic alarm button for both men. Yoichi hears his fiancé start to stir. “I got him. Go back to sleep. I love you.” He leans over to kiss Nisuke on the cheek and stays just long enough to make sure the other man listens.

Their son’s room is right next to theirs. It’s small and lacks any sort of design. Something that they’ve both explained to their son as “giving him room to grow” (not that Izuku has the capacity to care. His entire world, for now, starts and ends with Nisuke and him, his caretakers, his parents). Truthfully, money’s been tight for a while now. They spent all the cash they earned-Nisuke from his time as a guard outside his vault (and isn’t that ironic), and he from the tips he earned from doing tasks for people at the base-to buy an apartment in a better part of Japan. The city is one of the less judgmental ones, and they’ve already identified which daycare they want to enroll Izuku in once he grows old enough. But the peace is as tentative as anywhere else.

An unspoken agreement between meta and non-meta users:

We won’t hurt you, if you don’t hurt us.

Of course, and to their disappointment, mutation-based abilities aren’t included in that. Just yesterday the local news had a segment on ten ways to protect yourself in the case of a “monster attack.”

Absolutely sickening!

He reaches into his son’s crib, devoid of any blankets, pillows, or stuffed animals (per Asa’s strongly worded advice on safe sleeping). Izuku’s dressed in a spiderman sleep-sack (a gift from Sanshirou’s ten-year-old cousin, Hikage), which looks like a slightly more comfortable straitjacket (and Yoichi would know, because strait jackets were the first method his brother tried before the vault). But it’s wintertime, and they can’t afford to crank the heat up. Besides Asa said these are just as good, if not better, than actual blankets.

His son sniffles, chubby face ruddy and wet from crying.

“Oh, what’s the matter?” He asks, voice a pitch higher than normal. It always seems to do that when he talks to his son.

Izuku answers with another sniffle.

He lifts him from the bed, being mindful to support his neck. “Hungry?” Yoichi guesses, cradling the newborn in his arms.

His son makes a noise that could mean anything from, “yes” to “I want to destroy you and everything you hold dear.” But his son’s diaper isn’t squishy and there isn’t a weird smell, so it’s the only other thing he can think of.

In any case, he would never turn away more bonding time.

He lays Izuku on the changing table, releasing him from the straitjacket. The moment his little arms are free, he raises them in the air, his little mouth opening into a yawn.

“Big stretch,” Yoichi says, grabbing a thin baby blanket, and scooping Izuku up.

With the fact that Izuku’s now one-month-old, you would think they’d remember to have bottles already made for middle of the night feedings.

They don’t.

No matter, Yoichi used to be a waiter as a young teenager, and none of those skills have failed him yet. He maneuvers around the kitchen, babbling baby in one arm, and a bottle in the other.

He hums to himself, pouring the correct measurements into the container.

Izuku whines, seeing his food so close.

“Almost done-”

Izuku cries, squirming.

“And done!” He gives Izuku the bottle. Instantly, all the squirming and noises stop. “Oh, so dramatic,” he teases.

The baby ignores him, content with his bottle.

Yoichi settles with his son on the couch in the living room. He hums “You Are My Sunshine,” wiping at Izuku’s mouth with a cloth.

Once his son has finished and has been burped, Yoichi rests him once again in the crook of his arm. Gently, he covers him with the baby blanket. Izuku’s big green eyes, so much like his own, blink lazily up at him. He yawns, nestling closer to his father.

“Tired?” He asks. “Go back to sleep, bunny.”

Yoichi pets his son’s head with a finger. The baby’s hair is dark and oh-so soft, like the fluff of a duckling. Or the fur of a baby bunny. Hence the nickname.

“I love you so much,” he tells Izuku, who has taken his father’s advice and fallen right back to sleep. “And sometimes that scares me.”

His son’s soft, even breathing is the only response he gets.

“My brother, your uncle, loved me as well. But he was such a- not a nice person, that he forgot how to show that. Sometimes I worry I’ll end up like him.”

“You won’t,” Nisuke says.

Yoichi tenses but quickly relaxes seeing it’s just his fiance. “I didn’t know you were up.”

“I saw you were missing and wanted to come join the party. Is he-”

“Asleep. Gave him a bottle and he conked right back out.”

“Ah.”

Nisuke joins him and Izuku on the couch.

They sit in silence. There are the distant sounds of footsteps in the hallways and ever-present noise of dogs barking.

“You’re not like him,” Nisuke says, breaking the silence, “I hope you know that. Your brother and you couldn’t be more different if you were born into completely different families, thousands of miles apart.”

Yoichi gives a nod, staring down at their son.

Nisuke moves closer, wrapping his arms around him (and by proxy, Izuku). He rests his chin on Yoichi’s shoulder. “Please, talk to me when you get these thoughts.” He presses a kiss to Yoichi’s temple. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

-x-x-x-

Centuries later and miles below ground, Izuku colors a picture of a family that he can only remember from foggy memories and stories told by his uncle dad.

The door to his prison vault bedroom is opened. His dad walks in, dressed in his usual suit (without the tie).

“Izuku,” he says, voice slightly more excited than normal, “it’s time.” He holds out a large hand.

(And that’s wrong because his daddy’s hands were small and thin and frail. And papa’s hands were rough but looked nothing like his hands).

Izuku puts down the crayon he used to try to capture his distant memories (dreams? His dad says he has an active imagination). He gets up from the tiny table he’d been provided for eating and doing arts and crafts and joins his dad at the door.

“Time for what?” He asks, voice barely above a whisper.

“Time for both of us to be a family again.”

“Aren’t we already a family?”

“Yes,” his dad answers, tucking a piece of curly white hair behind his ear (and Izuku has to force himself to stay still), “we are. But you’ve been here for so long that I think it’s time you get to be a part of a real family.”

Izuku looks up and tilts his head to the side.

His dad chuckles. “I found you a mom.”

Izuku shrinks back. The feelings of wrongness increase ten-fold.

His dad must notice his reluctance, because he clears his throat. “If you want to remain here, all you have to do is say so.”

Izuku shakes his head, furiously. “No-no, that’s not what I….sorry. I’m just nervous.”

The hard, cruel look in his dad’s eyes disappears. “It’s normal to be nervous, but she’s very kind. She’s very excited to meet you.”

Izuku swallows down his doubts and smiles. “Really?” He asks, putting his too-tiny hand into his dad’s.

“Really,” his dad says.

He straightens up. “Well, we should get going. There’s much to do before you meet her.”

His dad heads for his bedroom door, tugging Izuku behind him. More wrongness fills him when they cross the entry point. He gets only one more look at his prison bedroom before the door closes.

“Where’re we going?”

His dad ignores him, mumbling out loud.

They arrive at a metal door that slides open after his dad enters some numbers into a keypad.

The room is large and very cold. Izuku shivers, wearing only a pair of overalls over a t-shirt. This room feels familiar, for some reason.

(They made him forget; he doesn’t want to forget. He needs to run away! Runaway fast!)

His dad pats him on the head before reaching down to scoop him off the ground. He’s deposited onto an even colder metal table.

A short, stout, older man appears from behind a monitor.

“Ah, Dr.Garaki. Long time, no see.”

“Too long, indeed, Sensei. You as well, Shigaraki-Kun.”

“My last name’s actually Harada,” Izuku blurts out.

Both of the men look at him, stunned. Dr. Garaki turns to his dad. “Another round of memory alteration?”

(Runaway! Runaway!)

“Yes, I’ll be introducing him to Inko, so we can’t have him saying things like that.”

Izuku’s heart is racing but he can’t move (and even if he could, there’s nowhere to run). “I-I don’t want to,” he tells his dad, because surely, he’d understand.

(He doesn’t; he never does).

“It’s okay, ducky,” his dad says, leaning into his space. “It’ll all be okay, soon.”

He feels a pinch in his arm, and everything suddenly goes dark.

#mha afo #mha izuku #mha fanfiction #mha au #mha yoichi #mha inko #mha second one for all user #cross posted on ao3

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bylightofdawn · 1 year

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I finished writing a schmoopy JasPlo scene in between all the turmoil Jaster has been facing in this chapter and I feel vaguely blech about talking about Traviss in my last post that I'm gonna try and put some sappy goodness out into the world instead.

It's tricky trying to work around major story spoilers right now, ya'll. Uhh only context needed is they captured some Death Watch members and realized that Vizsla has been potentially brainwashing/drugging his people into compliance which is oretty awful in Jaster's book. So he reached out to Plo to see if he and his Jedi Healers could examine one of them and see if there's anything that can bring them back from the proverbial dark side.

“And you are thinking a Jedi healer could help her?”

“I heard a rumor once that you have Jedi who are trained to heal wounds of the mind.”

“It’s not quite like that but we do have healers who are trained to handle psychological trauma and to help someone work their way through that trauma though it’s not so dissimilar from the psychological treatment you can find elsewhere.”

“I’m just trying to see if she’s even capable of coming back from whatever Tor has done to her. Or if it would be better for everyone if she is locked away somewhere where she cannot hurt herself or others."

“I understand, naas te anasthin. I will speak with the healers and see if they can assist her.” Plo assured him with warm affection suffusing his tone. The usage of that brand new term of affection had Jaster’s heart turning over in his chest.

“Thanks, ner kar'ta.” He murmured, fighting back a tired sounding sigh. “We’re planning on taking her back to base and securing her in a room.”

“I hope you have considered the legal ramifications of this? She is technically a wanted terrorist and you are holding her against her will I am assuming? I don’t need to tell you how that will look if it comes out?”

“We are detaining her temporarily while assessing if she is a further danger to others or herself. Depending on how that assessment goes, we might have to remand her back to Mandalore or turn her over to Coruscant authorities.” Jaster stated blandly.

“Those are very pretty words but I don’t believe Detective Yoan will feel the same way.” The Kel Dor pointed out equally blandly. “Please be careful, Jaster.”

“I’m trying to, I assure you. And if you don’t want to get tangled up in this bantha rodeo, I completely understand. I’m sure we can find a psychologist here to check her out.”

“I will most likely need to speak with Master Yoda about this but if she is suffering as much as you seem to think she is, I don’t think he will object too strenuously. You mentioned there were other Death Watch members, are you sure they haven’t also been similarly brainwashed?”

“I suspect there’s a level of brainwashing going on with all of them. But I’ll have Mij run some tests and see if he finds that same level of drugging. Not going to lie, Plo? I kinda liked it more when I didn’t have to question if the people I’ve spent the past twenty years hating and fighting with aren’t potentially victims who have been brainwashed by Tor Vizsla’s rhetoric and drugged out of their minds to make them compliant.”

“It’s easier to not humanize the people who you are fighting with. But that makes you a better person than your enemy if you are able to keep that in mind. Your compassion isn’t a weakness.”

“I don’t know if I’m to a place of compassion just yet.”

“I think [Spoiler Character] would disagree.”

“Stop tying to make me a better person, Plo.”

That earned him a quiet chuckle. “You’re a good person all on your own, I’m simply pointing it out to you.”

“Bah. Look, I need to get back to it. I’ll touch base with you later. Comm me when you have an answer.”

“Of course, stay safe and try to get some rest. I suspect all of you could use some sleep after the night you have had.”

“I am not twenty years old anymore and my body is definitely reminding me of that.” Jaster agreed wryly.

“I know, I can hear it in your voice.” The Kel Dor said sympathetically. “Go deal with your people, we will talk later once you’ve gotten some sleep.”

“Alright, talk to you then, ner kar'ta.” Jaster assured him as he disconnected the connection. Talking with Plo had helped settle his mind and conscience a little bit and when he steeled himself to head further into the warehouse to seek out Kal and his prisoner, he felt a little bit more calm and centered about the entire affair.

#el writes #fanfiction snippets #jasplo #jaster/plo koon #seeds for the future fic #jaster mereel/plo koon

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lilgrdn · 1 year

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Born

Check tags before reading

My mother, Gracie, had also been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at some point in her life. Her mother, Barbara, had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It definitely runs in the family, you could say.

My mother was a drug addict and pregnant at 17 or 18 years old, forgive me, my timeline is rough because I have had to piece together the truth after years of brainwashing by my grandmother Barbara.

She conceived me at a party out of state while temporarily living with her aunt that she was named after. I was the product of a one night stand.

After finding out she was pregnant, she told my dad, Brandon. Both coming from good old fashioned LDS Mormon households, they tried to make it work and be together, but my mom was just too young and "crazy" still. She can come back and haunt me for saying that if she pleases. She would run away frequently and skip states like they were concrete slabs of a sidewalk. I was often with her, she was terrified of me being taken from her.

My mom was raised in an abusive household, and she got it the worst because, as Barbara would put it, "Gracie just didn't care, no matter how much I punished her, she did what she was going to do"

When I was an infant and my mom didn't have the right support no matter where she turned, being hurt and abused by every side of the family she went to, she often neglected and abused me as an outlet, I'm to assume.

I remember the day my mom asked me for a pack of cigarettes out of her room and I told her no, so she beat me with a studded leather belt until I bled enough to need bandages.

I think the only reason I wasn't taken from her at this point is because of how much we were hidden from everyone.

My mom really enjoyed a good party, being a Sagittarius young woman. I met many different bad bad people. And I don't even think she knew. I hope she didn't know what happened to me at one of the parties. But my grandmother told me my mom made money in ways she didn't talk about, so I've spent my life being unsure about those happenings.

I remember making my own food as soon as I learned how to walk, and I obviously mean messy bowls of cereal, bags of bread left open, pickles from the cabinet jar, etc.

If she didnt have a boyfriend, we slept on the couch together, I was always laid on top of the side of her body, kind of resembling a sloth.

I know she wanted to love me right, and I don't believe she was evil. I believe she was young, willful, and didn't have a single right role model or a shred of ability to trust.

I don't remember her voice, but sometimes it feels like I do, and I feel her talking to me. I know I remember seeing her in the mirrors, hearing her talk to me while I dreamt. I have more memories of dreams about her than I have of memories spending time with her.

She passed away from a drug overdose of morphine when I was 4 1/2 years old. My grandmother swore up and down that I wasn't there when she died, but I remember. I remember the ambulance lights outside, I remember what the sky looked like, and I remember seeing the stretcher.

The next memory I have is of the funeral, being carried by my grandmother, and seeing my mom dead in the casket. I sobbed and wailed and begged to be put in her arms. I thought I could bring her back. Processing the emotions of my mom being torn from me uncontrollably wasn't something I was capable of doing. So I didn't, really. This began the "alternate world" I would visit regularly.

This is a start, not necessarily how I wanted my story to be told, but I at least need to get all the details down.

#tw drug mention #tw death #tw family abuse #tw abuse #my story

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musclesandhammering · 3 years

Text

Every Single Issue I Have With S*lki (It’s Not Just The Selfcest)

Here goes. I threatened to post this a few days ago and never did, but I just saw a s*lki stan Twitter account claim that Loki caring about Sylvie more than the whole multiverse was a Good And Romantic thing and it pushed me over the fucking edge, so now you all have to read this. I’ve divided it into categories cause there’s just THAT much.

OOC Bullshit

• First and foremost, no amount of mental gymnastics you do will ever make me believe that this specific Loki- the one that just invaded New York, that just came off a year of Thanos Torture, that just got done being influenced by the sceptre, that was literally in the middle of a crisis already, and then on top of that went through all the trauma of Ep 1- would even be worried about a romantic relationship. That would be the furthest thing from his mind. Go back and watch how he acted in Avengers- you think that guy would abandon his previous mission to become a snivelling simp for a girl he’d just met 3 days prior? Yeah, there’s no universe in which that makes sense.

• “It’s very in character for Loki to fall in love with himself lololol-“ NO, it’s literally not. Out of all the characters in the mcu, I don’t think I can think of anyone that genuinely hates themselves more than Loki. He even referred to all his other male variants as “monsters” and said meeting them was “a nightmare” in this series. He’s got so much self-loathing, plus the fact that he genuinely thinks himself to be an evil backstabbing scourge- so there’s no evidence at all suggesting that he would ever develop a fondness for, or even be inclined to trust, another version of himself, after only knowing them for 3 days.

• Building on that, the whole concept of Loki falling in love with a version of himself just feeds into the annoying ass misconception that he’s a narcissist. No matter which way you stack it, he’s not. If you’re referring to NPD, he doesn’t fit the criteria, and if you’re saying “narcissist” just as a slang term meaning “selfish and arrogant”, that still doesn’t accurately describe him. But when creators like Waldron and Herron do things like having him fall in love with himself, it makes it so much easier for casual viewers to think that he is.

Shitty LGBT Rep

• It’s kinda sus that Loki’s are allegedly genderfluid and yet the only female-presenting variant we see (and apparently the only female-presenting variant there is, cause the male Loki’s all seemed unfamiliar with the concept) is treated as some kind of mind-bogglingly special paradox. Also very sus that, out of all the Loki variants, the one our Loki falls in love with just so happens to be the only female one. What a coincidence.

• The fact that the creators of the show went around bragging about Loki’s bisexuality and Marvel purposefully (lbr) allowed stories about Loki possibly having a male love interest to circulate, specifically enticing queer viewers to watch the show (you know, the definition of queerbaiting), and then instead of having a male love interest (Loki was the first queer main character, so it was the perfect opportunity) they gave us *gestures to this dumpster fire* this… it’s just a middle finger to LGBT fans. The fact that they would rather have this relationship with all its myriad of problems than have a gay relationship is just……. Very telling.

• While him being with a woman obviously doesn’t refute his bisexuality, the fact that they showed/talked about him being interested in 3 different women (flight attendant, Sylvie, Sif) and never even hinted at him being attracted to a man, definitely makes it seem like they were trying to cover up his bisexuality to smooth things over with the more homophobic viewers. You know? It’s like “I know you’re pissed that we sorta confirmed Loki as bi, so we promise we’ll never mention it again! Or even hint at it! As a matter of fact, we’ll give him lots of female lovies and make him seem as straight as possible! That’ll take your mind off of that horrible crumb of queer rep, right? Please please please keep giving us your money!!!”

• Aside from all the other issues, at its core, the biggest reason why I think I’m so irritated with s*lki is that it took one of the most interesting, complex, and diverse characters in cinema atm and squished him into a tired ass unnecessary heteronormative subplot…. Like literally every. single. other. protagonist. ever. Loki is such a unique character, and it’s so so so incredibly disappointing that they stuck him into that same boring cookie cutter romance that happens to every other character in every other movie I’ve ever seen. It’s a disservice, and it’s honestly just not compelling or entertaining at all.

Thematic Issues Galore

• His arc didn’t need a romance. With anyone. It was unnecessary and it didn’t make sense plot-wise. In fact, one of the reasons he was my fav prior to this was because he was the only big-name mcu character whose story wasn’t muddied-up by a romance that didn’t need to be there. So much for that.

• He wasn’t emotionally ready for a romantic relationship with anyone. Hell, just a genuine friendship would’ve been pushing it for him at this point. He was in such a bad state that any relationship he got into would’ve been toxic and unhealthy for both him and the other person, and it doesn’t make sense why the writers would want to put him in one when there were so many cons and essentially no pros (other than “Uwu aren’t they cute together”).

• Sylvie’s character in general was unnecessary and Loki’s character was robbed just by her being there. The whole show became about her post-Ep 2. They spent most of the time giving her backstory, building her up, telling us how awesome she is, trying to convince us to like her, etc when what they really needed to be doing was building Loki up- cause I gotta say, if I had to describe TVA!Loki in a few words, they would be Flat, Boring, and Weak.

• The romance overtakes the plot. They spend time portraying their supposed connection that could’ve been spent adding depth and complexity to literally any of the characters. They make the big Nexus Event them giving each other googly eyes on Lamentis when it could’ve been so many other way more profound things that speak to the fundamental nature of Loki’s. They have the climax of the finale be “oh no she betrayed him to kill He Who Remains” when it could’ve been something way more compelling (Loki having a moral crisis over whether or not to kill HWR, Loki contemplating the state of the multiverse and weighing the pros and cons of freedom vs order, Loki looking into some What If situations and getting emotional about what could’ve been regarding his family, Loki realising the gravity of HWR’s offer and finally coming to terms with how important he is to the universal cycle, etc etc). The entire plot suffered in favour of a romance that half of us didn’t even want.

• It essentially reduced all of Loki’s potential character growth down to “He did it for his crush.” He seemed to at least have some motivations of his own in Ep 1-2 (feeble as they were) but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, literally every action he took was just him being a simp for her. Why did he lie in the interrogation? To try to protect Sylvie. Why did he fight the minutemen and Timekeepers? To survive kinda, but mostly cause it was important to Sylvie. Why did he get pruned? Cause he got distracted trying to confess his crush to Sylvie. Why did he try to get out of The Void? Cause he thought Sylvie needed him. Why did he stay in The Void? Cause Sylvie was staying. Why did he try to enchant Alioth? Cause Sylvie told him to. Why did the multiverse get cracked open, leading to an infinite number of Kangs waging war on all of existence? Cause Loki didn’t wanna hurt Sylvie in their fight at the Citadel and then get distracted by her kissing him. It’s uninteresting and honestly pretty embarrassing.

• Throughout their “relationship arc” the writers do their absolute damndest to convince us that we should like Sylvie more than Loki. And you know what? It’s the most hypocritical shit I’ve ever seen. They preach and preach about how Sylvie’s life has been so difficult/we should feel bad for her/she had it so bad/poor poor sylvie/she had it SO much worse than pampered prince Loki…. But then they never even touch on any of Loki’s trauma of hardships (the ones that have been ignored for literally 3 movies now). They frame Sylvie as a good person and a Freedom Fighter after she spent literal decades/centuries mass-murdering brainwashed TVA agents and showing exactly zero remorse for it….. but then they make it their mission to constantly remind us that Loki is a terrible person and constantly put him in situations where he’s forced to acknowledge his wrongdoings/show remorse/admit to how “evil” he is for being a mass murderer for like 2 years. They show him on-screen having a wider range of powers than her, and perpetuate his whole shtick of being a “master manipulator” or whatever….. But then they make Sylvie “the brawn” more competent, intelligent, and physically capable than him. Tell me how it’s a good thing for a ship to be so narratively biased toward one character.

Missed Opportunities

• If they absolutely had to have a romance subplot, then they could’ve paired Loki with one of the characters that have already been established OR one of the characters that were a big part of the whole TVA storyline anyway. It would’ve been so interesting if they’d revealed that Loki had a history with some of the players from previous films (Sif and Fandral both come to mind). It also would’ve been really interesting if they’d given Loki a love interest that actually had some allegiance to the TVA as a whole (Mobius maybe, but not necessarily. It also could’ve been Renslayer or B-15). Hell, imo it would’ve been cool if they’d followed through with that “See you again someday” line that he said to the flight attendant in Ep 1. ALL of these characters have way more chemistry with him than Sylvie, and they were also already relevant to the plot without wasting half the show to give background info on them.

• If they absolutely had to have a hetero-presenting love story involving an enchantress-type figure, then there’s a whole Enchantress (Amora) that was actually Loki’s love interest in the comics. Plus, fans have been screaming for Amora to appear in the mcu for years. Plus, Tom literally pitched an Amora/Loki storyline way back in 2012-13. Also, Lorelei (another enchantress) is also one of Loki’s love interests in the comics, and she already exists in the mcu (she was on Agents of SHIELD). There were several different established characters for them to choose from. Creating a whole knew amalgamation of a character and going with the “she’s a Loki variant” storyline was just completely unnecessary and made no sense.

• They completely robbed us of a Chaos Twins dynamic. Had they handled Sylvie better and not forced her and Loki to smooch, the two of them could’ve had a really really complex and interesting sibling relationship. Loki could’ve stepped into Thor’s shoes and sort of used that new role to gain some self importance, and Sylvie could’ve finally had somebody to look out for her/teach her magic/be there for her. It would’ve been very aesthetically pleasing, the vibes would’ve been out of this world, it would’ve been way more profound than this bs, and frankly it would’ve been much more entertaining to watch.

• Loki’s relationship (read: obsession) with Sylvie completely overshadows all Loki’s other relationships in the show. Loki and Mobius were literally the focal point of the series in Ep 1-2, but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, they barely had any interactions with each other, and Mobius pretty much faded to the background entirely. Loki had the beginnings of a pretty interesting antagonistic relationship with Renslayer (with her wanting him pruned, then arguing with Mobius that he couldn’t be trusted), but after Sylvie showed up the dynamic shifted to focus on the history between her and Ravonna. Loki and B-15 started off very badly and openly disliked each other throughout Ep 1-2, and then in the end of Ep 2, Loki showed a little bit of concern for her when she was possessed, hinting that they might be inching toward a reconciliation- especially considering how obvious it was that Loki was gonna uncover the TVA’s sins eventually. There was so much potential for him to be the one to give her her memories back and convince her to change sides, but no, of course that honor went to Sylvie. In fact, after Sylvie showed up, Loki and B-15 never even spoke to each other again.

Various S*lki Fails

• If they were trying to convince us that this affection was mutual, they completely failed. There’s nothing I’ve seen that even hints at Sylvie feeling the same way about Loki that he does about her. At most, I’d say she has a slight endearment to him. She finds him likeable and she’s grudgingly fond of him, but she definitely isn’t in love with the guy. Maybe she thinks he’s cute and hopes that he gets out of this mess alright, but her mission obviously comes before him- whereas, it’s been confirmed multiple times that Loki cares about her above anything else. She doesn’t trust him, she looks at him like he’s an incompetent fool half the time, she shows little to no reaction during most of his confession moments, and she kissed him as a means to distract him so that she could get him out of her way. Look, all I’m saying is, when you get into a relationship where one of you is way more invested than the other, it never ends well.

• This goes without saying for a lot of us, but the selfcest is just straight up odd and cringey. If you’re cool with that sort of thing, fine! People can ship what they want! But don’t pretend it’s not at least a little bit uncomfortable. Yes, I know they’re not technically siblings so it’s not technically incest, and they’re also not technically the exact same person, but they’re similar enough that it makes things weird. And yes I know selfcest can’t happen in real life, so there’s no way to judge it morally, but neither can most of the other stuff that happens in these shows/movies (the Snap, Loki destroying jotunheim, superhero with powers being held accountable, mind control) and yet we still find ways to judge their morality, because they all mirror real-world events. (The snap= genocide; Loki destroying Jotunheim= bombing other countries; superhero accountability= weapons accountability; mind control= grooming and coercion). And lbr the closest real-world mirror to two versions of the same person (who may or may not share DNA, family, backgrounds, physical and emotion characteristics) being romantically involved with one another is incest. And you can be ok with that if you want- that’s your prerogative- but don’t get pissy just cause a lot of us are squicked out by it.

• The whole mirror metaphor (learning self love via each other) thing just fell completely flat. First of all, having Loki learn to love himself by looking at someone who mirrors him did not, in any way shape or form, require them to be romantically involved. But they were. Of course. Secondly, the creators have contradicted themselves so many times on whether Loki and Sylvie are the same or not, that it doesn’t even really register to the viewer that the mirroring thing was what they were going for. Finally, Loki and Sylvie are shown to have so little in common- and to have only the most bare minimum of similarities personality-wise- that it doesn’t even make sense that Loki would “learn to love himself through loving her”. Like? They’re nothing alike. So how would he make the connection that he himself is actually pretty cool, based on her alone? There’s virtually nothing in her that reflects him.

• I know the objective of the entire show was to convince us of how awesome and unique Sylvie is, but honestly her relationship with Loki just did the opposite. A hallmark of a Mary Sue is having her constantly upstage the male lead, and then having him instantly fall madly in love with her anyway. And that’s.. exactly what happened here. Everything they’re doing to try to force her character to be more stan-able is really just forcing her to look more like their self-insert OC. Which is exactly what she is. It would’ve been so much more satisfying if she didn’t have to try so hard to look cool, if they didn’t have to try so hard to make her backstory tear-inducing, if they didn’t have to turn our protagonist into a snivelling simp just to prove how incredible she supposedly is. Very much #GirlBoss energy and we all know how performative and cheap that is.

• The entire thing was too rushed, there was too little build-up, and it was nowhere near believable. As stated above, it’s ridiculously unlikely that Loki would canonically even be interested in Sylvie, and this show did nothing to explain why he was. He just suddenly was. There was nothing they showed us as viewers that would justify a guy as closed-off and preoccupied as Loki falling head-over-heels for a girl he just met. Their was no explanation, no big revelation, no reasoning, it just… kinda happened. And I’m also severely skeptical of any love story that has the characters go in this deep after only 3 45-minute episodes of exposition.

I’m sure there’s other stuff, so if anyone thinks of anything, let me know and I’ll be more than happy to add it. Tagging @janetsnakehole02 @raifenlf @natures-marvel and @brightredsunset800 for expressing interest. This is all your faults.

#antisylki #loki meta #kinda #loki series critical #loki series negativity #anti loki x sylvie #anti loki series #anti sylvie #frosty bby #loki deserved better #I don’t even like TVA!Loki tho so I guess it doesn’t matter with him lmao #tva loki #loki laufeyson

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earlgreydream · 3 years

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lover of mine.

| winter soldier!bucky barnes x reader | angst | fluff |

lover of mine.

/When I take a look at my life/And all of my crimes/You're the only thing that I think I got right//I watched the world fall from your eyes/All my regrets/And things you can't forget/Light them all up/Kiss them goodbye/

“You loved him once. You can love him again.”

“I never stopped loving him. That’s what you don’t understand.”

The fellow Avengers had watched the world fall from your eyes, the joy draining from you with every headline that involved Bucky. Not only had he changed, but you had too. You became completely enthralled with your missions, pouring every waking second into the Avengers. Because if you thought about anything else, you would break.

Steve begged you to take breaks, begged you to take time off. You insisted you were fine, never wanting to be left alone with your thoughts. You didn’t want to think about the newsreels of Bucky-- the winter soldier-- wielding machine guns.

You couldn’t bear to see the love of your life slaughtering people.

“I’m not picking up Parker from school... He’s in high school, he doesn’t need me to pick him up! He can take the subway! Or use his webs!” You snapped at Stark, who stared at you impatiently.

“You need to rest. This is how you’re filling your afternoon.” Stark was insistent, and you shook your head, grabbing the keys to a Tesla.

“Steve?”

“Go, Y/N.”

You sighed and went down to the garage, driving uptown to get the teenager from school. You parked outside of the high school, leaning against the hood of your car while you waited.

You never got used to the modernity. You were like Steve and Bucky. You’d been alive in the 40s, and frozen like they were. Luckily, you’d fallen to S.H.I.E.L.D. instead of Hydra. You’d managed to stay safe with Steve, and become an Avenger, not suffering Bucky’s fate.

Before the war, you and Bucky had been married. The memories in your mind of dancing in the kitchen, jazz bars, drive-ins, and reading the Hobbit when it came out, were all raw. Before he was deployed, there was a wedding.

You’d been surrounded by flowers and your friends, celebrating the love of your life. Steve was the best man. You’d left the ceremony with Bucky in his yellow vintage car, going to the coast for your honeymoon.

You remembered the beach house, and running in the sand with your young husband. It was perfect back then, before Hydra got their hands on him. He was loving and gentle, the kind of man who danced with you in the kitchen and brought you flowers.

You remembered when he’d gone off to war. You wore his dog tags, and hung a flag in your window. You’d kissed him goodbye, tears blinding you as you tried to focus on the silver eyes that were full of adoration and love. You remembered when Steve came back, and Bucky didn’t.

There were so many memories of crying in Steve’s arms, and falling asleep with him beside you. Even when you’d moved to Stark Tower with him, even after becoming an avenger decades later, you still slept beside him. He’d listened to you sob for Bucky a million times; Steve had witnessed a lifetime of your heartbreak.

You remembered waking up from being frozen, and finding out who James Buchanan Barnes had become.

“Y/N?!” Parker’s cheerful voice snapped you out of your thoughts as he came bounding down the stairs of the high school.

“Hey kiddo. Stark sent me to get you.” You stood up off the car and hugged him. He waved goodbye to his friends and got in the passenger seat. He immediately started chattering, and you welcomed it, appreciating the distraction from the deafening silence. That was why you were fond of Parker, he was easy to be around, and he was always happy to fill the silence.

“Let’s go to Starbucks!” He announced as the two of you drove back to the tower.

“Are you joking?”

“No! It’s on me.”

“It’s on Stark,” you smirked, and Parker broke out into a wide grin.

You and Peter walked into Stark Tower a half hour later, chattering and laughing. Parker was the only one of the Avengers who cheered you up, and he never made you feel bad for not wanting to talk about Bucky. He was bubbly and warm, and always made you laugh. You were giggling at a story from his school as you went upstairs to the penthouse, unaware of what you were walking1 into.

You nearly crashed into him, stopping dead in your tracks.

“Y/N!” The voice was so familiar, and yet, you thought you’d never hear it again.

You were suffocating. The air was ripped from your lungs, and you couldn’t breathe. It felt like the earth was swaying underneath you, everything shattered.

Steve ran to you as you passed out, and Parker caught you with a shout before you hit the floor. He knelt on the marble, your head in his lap, and Steve shouted for Banner, who came running to follow you to his medical lab.

“Stevie, what’s wrong with her?!” Bucky demanded, and everyone looked at him.

“It’s the shock of seeing you.” Steve admitted, and Bucky looked like he was going to break.

“I’m better now, I’m no longer the...” he couldn’t even say it, his eyes anxious and frightened.

Bucky had spent months trying to free himself of Hydra’s psychological bonds. He was free now, motivated by the thought of coming home to you. Bucky had waited years. Now, he was home, and the second he said your name and laid eyes on him, you’d panicked and blacked out.

Steve attempted to comfort him, and even Parker, the boy he didn’t know. They tried to explain to Bucky that you were just in shock, but his heart broke.

“I took care of her, Buck. She still loves you, she always has. Just give her some time. Seeing you like that...”

“I know,” Bucky breathed.

Everyone left Bucky alone with you, giving you privacy. He sat beside the bed where you were asleep, Banner assuring everyone that you were fine, you had only fainted.

He watched you. Bucky hadn’t watched you sleep like this since the 1940s.

He was suddenly back, leaning in the doorway, the soft light pouring behind him as he drank a cup of coffee, taking in the sight of his sweet wife sleeping before he went to work. You’d glow in the golden light of the morning, your face peaceful and serene. It was so intimate back then.

Bucky sat up as you stirred, familiar eyes slowly opening. You didn’t know where you were at first, your mind running through events. You’d picked Parker up from school, stopped for a snack, and came back to the tower. And seen your husband.

You sat up suddenly, and he put his arms out, one made of vibranium. His eyes were soft, full of love, not the empty steel you’d seen on the news. Your name fell from his lips, desperate and anxious.

You jerked away at first, startled by the reality of what was happening. You were frightened, alone in the room with your husband. You scrambled back against the headboard, trying to put distance between you and his outstretched hands.

You were about to scream when you realized he looked just as frightened as you. You slowly sank back against the headboard, slowing your breathing as you stared at him.

“James?”

“It’s me, doll. I’m home.”

You didn’t know how long the silence lasted, but it felt like hours. The two of you stared at each other, and when you finally decided he wasn’t going to hurt you, you gingerly moved toward him.

“I’m free from them. It’s just me, it’s not the winter soldier anymore,” Bucky’s voice was soft, and you blinked back tears.

“It can’t be you. You were gone.” Your voice trembled as you spoke.

“I’m back now. I came back for you. I’m never going to hurt you, or anyone else again.”

“James-”

“I’m not a killer anymore.”

The plea broke your heart, the shattered boy begging you to believe him, begging you to take him back. Tears slid down his cheeks, terrified of your reaction.

“James, I love you.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

Bucky felt like he’d waited a million years to say it, and the words spread through you, filling your empty soul.

You wanted to fall into his arms, to hold him close and feel him again. You wanted all of it to happen instantly, but that’s not how it was. You needed time, time to adjust, and time to trust him again before you returned to your husband fully.

You reached out to touch his arm, and he noticed the wedding ring wasn’t around your finger. His eyes flitted up to yours, and you pulled the chain from around your neck that hid beneath your shirt. It held his dog tags, and your wedding ring. Relief flooded Bucky, and you offered a the slightest hint of a smile.

“What happened?” You asked, cautiously running your fingers along the vibranium.

“I lost my arm when I fell from the train. Steve told you?”

“A bit... you fell, he didn’t know what happened after.”

“Can I touch you?” Bucky spoke gently, understanding your hesitation and being patient.

You nodded, and his hand slowly lifted to your face, fingers brushing over the curves of your skin. You laid your hand over his, kissing the inside of his wrist. He cried softly, a smile crossing his face as he felt you, promising it wasn’t a dream.

“Bucky, we need you for a meeting.” Stark leaned into the bedroom, hours later.

“Stark, now?”

“I’m sorry. Y/N will be here when you get back.”

“I’ll wait for you.” You promised, and he nodded, the words falling heavy between you.

Bucky followed Stark out, and you sat on the bed, processing the day. Bucky had quietly explained the Hydra brainwashing, about how he was held captive in his own mind. You believed him, but it would always be hard to shake those memories of him on the news.

“Hey, we didn’t mean to just drop this on you.” Steve came inside, sitting down on the mattress.

“You couldn’t have kept from me that my husband was suddenly free and home. Is he really, though? It is him? He won’t kill me in my sleep?” You asked, and Steve gave you a sad smile.

“It is. He’s traumatized, he won’t be the same as before the war. But it’s not the winter soldier, it’s Bucky.”

You knew it was true. You knew the man before you, his heart and his soul, and you were going to grow to know his mind again.

You were curled up in bed, Steve beside you on the other side of the large mattress.

“Stevie? Y/N?” you heard a soft voice from the doorway, and you sat up in the dark. You had trouble sleeping, and you were awake when he came in during the middle of the night.

“Bucky?”

“I can’t sleep.”

“Come here,” you whispered, moving over in bed, closer to Steve, who was waking from the disturbance. You didn’t fear Bucky, especially not when he looked so frightened and upset.

You lifted the blanket, and Bucky got in on the other side of the bed. You pulled him to you, silently wrapping your arms around him. You felt Steve against your back, leaning over to place his hand on Bucky’s arm, smoothing over the skin slowly to comfort him.

“You’re okay now, it’s over, my love,” you whispered, settling between the warm bodies.

Your head rested on Bucky’s chest, and you realized how long you’d spent waiting for it. You felt his lips press a kiss to the top of your head, and Steve bury his face into the back of your neck, needing to be close.

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rose2jam · 3 years

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Why It Was Practically Inevitable That Severus Snape Would Join A Cult, an essay by Rose Jam

So, let’s talk about Cults. Disclaimer: This is just information I’ve gathered over the years from my personal fascination with religious cults. I’m in no way an expert or a psychologist or whatever. This is just my personal understanding from the research I’ve done.

A cult is started when a wildly charismatic Leader feels like they have a purpose, a higher calling, or a mission to be fulfilled (or they could also just be an egomaniac). Maybe they really do feel like what makes them special comes directly from a higher power, be that God, or the Heir of Slytherin, but either way, this person has a pathological need to be worshiped, and they need followers in order to do that.

So, how does one obtain Followers easily? By finding the misunderstood misfits of society, and promising them something. The people who feel like no one else understands them, or their ideologies. But this Leader? This Leader GETS IT, MAN! The Leader understands them perfectly, vindicates them, and makes them promises along the way. Like, if they stick with the Leader, then not only will they finally be understood, but they themselves will also be revered. That they will rise above all of the others who have put them down for so long, and will come out on top as a superior being.

Any of this sounding familiar?

Charles Manson preyed on young people in the middle of the hippie movement, mostly women, who were feeling lost, lonely, and in need of guidance, or in terms of the men he recruited, seeking power over others. Not all of these people were poor or helpless; some of them came from middle class, or even rich homes and families. Yes, some of them came from broken homes, but all of them felt “broken” themselves, in some way. So Manson used their desires to have a family to draw them in. He then used LSD and other drugs to keep them under his control, and he created a manipulative environment where the members of his “family” felt they could never leave him, and if they didn’t follow his commands, something horrible would happen to them. I’m not going to go into full detail on the Manson Family Murders, but if you’re personally interested, check out the Podcast “Cults” on Spotify.

So back to basics, this Leader draws in Followers with flowery promises of community, power, family, or whatever. But once the Leader has that following, the terror will begin. Cult Leaders are usually master manipulators, and have completely brainwashed their followers into believing the “us vs them” mentality, that the outside world is evil, that the outside world will only harm them, that the outside world would never understand what they’re doing on the inside. And that the Leader is the only one who knows the truth, so they better stick with him. Or maybe the Leader has gaslit his followers so completely, that they become dependent on him for everything, to the point where they don’t know how they would possibly function without the Leader. Or, the Leader has created an environment that’s so hostile, that Followers are too afraid of what might happen to them if they tried to leave, or didn’t do what the Leader commanded. Typically, it’s a combination of all of the above. Destructive cults will either hurt others outside of their circle (The Manson Family, Sect of Nacozari), harm themselves (Heaven’s Gate, The Ant Hill Kids), or both (The People’s Temple, Aum Sinrikyo).

Now that I’ve laid this foundation, I’m going to tell you why it was practically inevitable that Severus Snape would join a cult.

Snape’s childhood ultimately laid the foundation for the mental state he would be in when he decided to join the Death Eaters. He grew up in an abusive household, where his father, the muggle, had his magical wife so thoroughly whipped, that she couldn’t (or chose not to) use magic to defend herself, or her son (1). Eileen had obviously told Severus about magic, about Hogwarts, about what a wonderful place it was, and what a wonderful gift magic could be. Severus also watched as Tobias beat the magic out of her. (I know it’s debated whether Tobias actually physically abused his family, but he certainly verbally/mentally/emotionally abused them, so the term “beat” could be used figuratively as well). I don’t think it’s unreasonable to believe that Severus developed an extreme hatred of muggles with “burn the witch” mentalities from a very young age because of this.

Enter Lily, perhaps the only other magical person in his life besides his mother up to this point. He sees her using magic out in the open, perhaps recklessly, for fun, and he sees an opportunity to make a friend (and, admittedly, to be smarter than someone about something for a while). He was so eager to tell her all about magic, because getting to learn magic, and go to Hogwarts, has possibly been the only thing keeping him going in his young life. And now he’s made a friend, a real friend who doesn’t think he’s weird because he’s magical. Unlike Petunia, yet another muggle who makes fun of him for being weird (2). And Lily actually seems to like him back. For a kid who probably hasn’t received a lot of affection in his life, this is monumental. This friendship is everything. Why wouldn’t he love her?

So the time finally comes to go to Hogwarts. Severus gets to escape his abusive household, and finally has an opportunity to embrace magic for the first time in his life. But almost immediately, he’s met with a hic-up. Specifically, James Potter and Sirius Black. So Severus is no longer facing abuse exclusively from muggles who think he’s weird, but now he’s also getting it from other magical people who think he’s weird (3). And this started on the fucking TRAIN before he even GOT to Hogwarts. You can’t tell me that wouldn’t sour a kids dream right off the fucking bat. And then, when he finally gets there, he’s separated from his only friend, by being sorted into different houses (4). What a way for a life-long dream to be thoroughly dashed in less than 24 hours.

Let’s look at Snape’s Hogwarts experience. He’s a good student, and he pours himself into learning as much magic as possible, and at being the best he can possibly be, probably motivated by a desire to be better than what his Father thinks possible. During this time, he is regularly bullied and abused by the Marauders. Sometime before his 5th year, the Incident at the Shrieking Shack took place. It definitely sucks to have been so thoroughly fucking duped, and put into a life-threatening situation involving a goddamn werewolf (5). But perhaps even worse than that, the salt in the wound, was that no one fucking did anything about it (6). He saw Sirius and James and Remus get out of that situation without facing any sort of proper punishment (as in, they all still stayed at the school as opposed to being expelled like they DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE BEEN (At least Sirius should have been)). Dumbledore was looking out for the Marauders, but no one was looking out for Severus. On top of that, Severus isn’t allowed to TELL anyone about it, not even Lily. So, he goes through what was possibly one of the most traumatic experiences of his life, and he can’t even tell anyone that it happened.

So, what sort of support system does Severus have during all this? He has Lily, sure (who literally told him he should be GRATEFUL to James, one of his abusers). But, what he really has, is Slytherin House (7). I’ll say it plainly: Severus was sorted into a house that was already full of existing cult members. McGonagall says in Sorcerer’s Stone that “Your house will be like your family” (she at least says it in the movies, I’m too lazy to get up and reference my books rn lol). So, Severus’ family, his support system, for 10 months out of every year, is a house that is already full to the brim with pureblood elitists with prejudiced ideals, who would absolutely vindicate Severus in his dislike for muggles. As a kid first getting sorted into the house, it’s obviously not unreasonable to become friends with the people you’re literally living with. His dorm mates became his family. So, when his dorm mates started to become Death Eaters… This is headcanon, I fully admit, but like, fuck, Severus didn’t have a lot of friends, and was probably already drifting apart from Lily. Do you really think he was going to tell the people he had to live with every single day, not to mention the only people that had been supporting him for years, to go fuck themselves for using Dark Magic? Especially when he was probably feeling like he was on the verge of thinking that their rhetoric made some sense?

On to Snape’s Worst Memory (8). At this point, he’s spent 5 years in Slytherin House, with fellow students who casually throw around the M word. He gets attacked by James and Sirius, he’s practically defenseless, and then the girl who he’d considered his closest friend for so long… has to force herself not to smile when he’s thrown upside down and exposed to everyone on the grounds. Sure, she was trying to defend him at first, but she also fucking nearly smiled at his humiliation, his pain, his abuse. So he hurls the one word that he knows is going to cut the deepest, that will hopefully hurt her as badly as she has hurt him. And it works.

Severus had been beaten down his entire life. By Muggles and Magic Folk alike. And finally, he’s betrayed by Lily, his last lifeline to the light. He betrayed her as well, of course. But he did try to show remorse. And she doesn’t forgive him (9), which was her prerogative, of course.

So. Who does he have left?

I’ve placed little (numbers) throughout my writing here. Each of those numbers denote the specific events that led Severus to becoming an angry young man, who hates muggles, hates (some) magic folk, and resulted in him feeling weak, helpless, and desperate. For what? For power, for a family, for a community. For a world where he is no longer the weird one. For a world where he’s respected, strong. For the world he thought he was going to be a part of, when he arrived at Hogwarts in his first year.

And it just so happens that this is the exact world that Voldemort is (allegedly) trying to create.

Severus Snape was angry, and vulnerable, and as such, he was practically the poster child for the type of person who would be susceptible to falling for a cult. Maybe he was recruited by his friends in Slytherin House. Maybe he was recruited directly. Either way, charismatic Tom Riddle came along, understood how he felt, where he was coming from, told him he deserved better, and offered him all of the things he never had in his life. And being at rock bottom, being the lowest of the low, to Severus it must have seemed like a miracle of an opportunity, or perhaps, like the only chance he had left.

Now, let me be extremely clear; everything I’ve written is not trying to EXCUSE Severus Snape for his actions. There is always a point where personal responsibility must come into play. Except for children born into cults or victims of kidnapping, nearly every person who has ever joined a cult has made the personal decision to join it. I’m just trying to express how unbelievably easy it is, for a Cult Leader to find people with damaged lives and low self-worth, to suck them in with promises of a fulfilling life and grandeur, and for those people to be easily swept up and brainwashed into believing that what they are doing is right. (Or that what they are doing is required, because the alternative is more horrifying.)

The type of people who joined the Death Eaters are the same type of people who joined Heaven’s Gate, or The People’s Temple, or yes, The Manson Family. Now, I’m just going to say, from my own personal point of view, I do not vilify anyone who’s ever joined a destructive cult. On the contrary, I feel sorry for them. Because most people who join a cult, don’t necessarily do it signing up for the… end result of what happened to them. Some of them totally do, like Heaven’s Gate. Most of them knew that the end result was going to be the “evacuation of their earthly vessel”. But the people who joined the Manson Family, for instance, did not initially join it KNOWING how it was going to end. They were part of the family long before Manson even came up with Helter Skelter, and by the time the Tate-LaBianca Murders took place, they were already too far gone to go against it.

I highly recommend anyone who’s interested in a humanizing view of former cult members, to read the essay “Leslie Van Houten: A Friendship” by John Waters. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/leslie-van-houten-a-frien_b_246953

Or, at the very least, listen to this 7 minute NPR interview with John Waters about the essay https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=111585116

It’s the story of how notorious film maker John Waters, became friends with former Manson Girl, Leslie Van Houten, and about how she broke away from the cult after her conviction, how she’s spent the last 51 years of her life recovering from the psychotic influence of a maniac who’d promised her the world, and how even though she was convicted to life WITH a possibility of parole, it’s never been granted to her, despite the fact that she has done literally everything possible to try and atone for her crimes.

Maybe I’m just a bleeding heart. I’m pretty much the only person I know who feels sorry for Leslie Van Houten and other cult members who were brainwashed, abused, and manipulated into doing a lot of the horrible things they’ve done. But there are people in the world, who have committed FAR more heinous crimes than the Manson Family murders, and who are far less repentant than Leslie, but because those crimes weren’t as notorious, they get to walk free.

Addendum: When I first posted this, I had a few people point out to me that they had always associated Voldemort and the Death Eaters with Hitler and Nazi Germany. This is a perfectly fair point, but one that I personally don’t jive with, and the reason is simply the numbers. There were literally millions of people in the Nazi party during WW2. Death Eaters don’t even reach triple digits, as far as I’m aware. As I hinted at in this essay, I consider Voldemort and the Death Eaters to be MUCH closer to Charles Manson and the Manson Family. The Manson Family 100% had Nazi ideology, of course. "Helter Skelter” was Charles Manson’s prediction that there was going to be a massive race war; one that the Whites were going to lose, and that he and his Pure White family would emerge from it in order to rule over the remaining Blacks. Kinda... sounds like a Death Eater thing, huh?

Sorry. Back to Snape. There is a lot we don’t know about Severus’ actual time as a Death Eater. I think it can be reasonably assumed he’s never actually killed anyone before Dumbledore (In Prince’s Tale, Severus questions if his soul would be safe from killing Dumbledore, and Dumbledore implies that his soul would not be damaged by helping an old man avoid pain and humiliation. This leads me to believe that Severus never committed any soul-damaging murders before this). Beyond being a sneaky spy and delivering the prophecy to Voldemort, his time as a Death Eater is all up for conjecture.

Severus does make one important deviation from the typical cult member mold, however. In the end, he manages to break away from the cult. The scales fall from his eyes. In a figurative sense, the LSD has worn off. What made him sober up, was the threat to his last lifeline to the light. The one good fucking thing he’d ever had in his miserable life. He was brought back by genuine love. Ya know, the ENTIRE MESSAGE OF THE HP SERIES. And not only did he leave the cult, but he then spent the rest of his life actively attempting to destroy it, and atone for the mistakes he’s made, in an effort to bring back the world he’d been excited for, as an 11-year-old kid, so full of hope.

#Snape Meta #Severus Snape #Pro Snape #Snapedom #Snape Community #This will be the TRUE test of the tags #Essay Jam #Why It Was Practically Inevitable That Severus Snape Would Join A Cult

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ingek73 · 2 years

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Levin: The Windsors are ‘deeply hurt’ that the Sussexes are going to The Hague

April 12, 2022

By Kaiser

I’ve believed for some time now that the reason the Duchess of Sussex looked so chilled out at the 2020 Commonwealth Day service was because she knew it was the last time she would have to interact with, as she recently put it, “my husband’s family.” That was the last time she saw the lot of them in person. She rocked her green cape, listened to some music, said a prayer and then she walked away. She was free. She was alive. She didn’t even bring Archie to the UK for that week-long trip. They were not getting their hands on her babies, ever. I think of that often, especially when the deranged royal reporters accuse Meghan of disrespecting the Queen or “refusing” to come back to that toxic environment. We’re in for another round of it now that Meghan has confirmed that she’ll be flying into The Netherlands to support her husband at the Invictus Games.

The Queen is said to be “deeply hurt” after “publicity-hungry” Meghan and Harry chose to go to Holland over Prince Philip’s memorial. Meghan, 40, will join Harry at his Invictus Games in Holland in her first trip out of America since Megxit – and the pair will be followed around by Netflix cameras. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex will both be in The Hague for the opening ceremony of Harry’s games for wounded soldiers on Saturday. It will be the first time the couple have been together in Europe since Megxit two years ago.

But royal experts have claimed that this is a “snub” to the Queen – after they refused to attend Prince Philip’s memorial just days ago. And despite it being “unnecessary” for Meghan to be at the Invictus Games, she “wouldn’t want to miss out on the publicity,” it’s been claimed.

Royal expert Angela Levin told The Sun Online: “‘I think it’s truly shocking. I think the royal family are deeply hurt, but that’s precisely what they must want, otherwise, they wouldn’t act like that. We saw the queen, you can’t help but feel desperately sorry for her, she would have loved to have Harry there for the day. I just think it’s unbelievable. Meghan is going because they’re doing the next Netflix documentary. They’re going with cameras, and she wouldn’t want to miss out on the publicity. It’s such snub, you cannot believe that Harry is the same person as he was in 2018 when I met him. It looks as if he’s been somewhat brainwashed to hate his family.”

[From The Sun]

Angela Levin is deranged. There’s something wrong with her, I’m pretty sure. Some screws loose or something worse. It’s pretty rich for Levin to claim that Meghan is “seeking publicity” when Meghan has spent most of the past two years minding her business and not seeking the limelight. Think of how easy it would be for Meghan to give weekly interviews, or appear on the cover of Vanity Fair, or write a tell-all book. As for the royal family being “deeply hurt” – let’s be real. No one is hurt. William is going to be engorged with rage when Meghan and Harry get wall-to-wall positive coverage at the games. Kate will watch Meghan’s styling so that Kate can copykeen each and every look. Charles is too busy defanging the Cambridges to care. And the Queen? Well, I doubt she cares, honestly.

#prince harry #meghan markle #duke of sussex #duchess of sussex #invictusgames #invictus games20 #the hague #celebitchy #kaiser #royal reporters

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sergeantbuckybarnes · 3 years

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serendipity // bucky barnes

PART TWO

Summary: You end up stuck in 1942 without a way to come back, but when you meet the young and charming version of Bucky Barnes, do you really want to go back to the present?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: mentions of cheating, reader is a bitch, sad bucky, angst, fluff, lack of ‘40s knowledge

A/N: As always, please remember English is not my first language. Also, thanks to @coffee-books-music for proofreading this!

divider by @firefly-graphics

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Red. Everything went red. Your vision blurred as a flame curled in the pit of your stomach. You enter the building with a firm step, walking through the hallways, anger building inside you, trying to take over the sadness you didn’t want to feel. Your phone vibrated in the pocket of your jeans, you reach for it only to see the name of your sister on the screen. Memories weighed down on you, but you would not allow yourself to break down anymore. Instead, your heart turned ice cold and slunk into the shadows as your brain took complete control. You screamed in frustration and threw the phone against the nearest wall. How dare she call you? You took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

“Are you okay?” a voice called from behind you. You turned to face a man you had never seen before. He was tall, with long dark hair for his shoulders and piercing steel-blue eyes. His face changed once he saw you, going from worried to shocked.

“Y/N?” he asked cautiously, his voice was so soft, with a hidden hope you didn’t catch on.

“Do I know you?” you asked, not really caring for him, but getting annoyed for how he was looking at you.

“Is it really you?” he asked again, not believing what his eyes were seeing. Maybe so much brainwashing had really messed with him.

“Look dude, it’s really not a good time,” you wanted to leave, but he grabbed your arm, not forcefully, but with enough force for you not to have the chance to leave. You yanked your arm from his grasp and realized that where his left arm was supposed to be, there was, instead, a metal arm. Who the fuck was this guy?

“Don’t touch me,” you rebuked. Waves of fury rolled off you as the blood rose to your cheeks. The term anger barely even touched the tip of the volcano that you so clearly were in that moment.

He took a step back, not wanting to upset you even more, but he could not help himself, he needed to know if it was really you. He wished it was really you.

“Y/N, Bucky? What’s going on here?” the voice of Steve Rogers flooded your ears, and you let out a sigh of relief.

“Ask your friend,” you said before giving a not-so-friendly glare to the guy before picking the pieces of your phone and making your way to your room, leaving the men behind you.

You groaned in frustration against the pillow. You were such a bitch when you met him. There were times when your brain fries up. It was no excuse you know; you owned your behavior. It was like a trigger flicked inside you. Your emotions turned cold, fearful, anxious... You back away, flee or strike out at someone. Those are the moments where you’re not proud of who you are. You fail to be the warrior you were always told you were born to be. Instead, you show the frightened child within, damaged and afraid, the one still hiding from the monsters under the bed. You knew these are things you have to work on. You had spent so much time caring for others, pouring out love without measure, yet never receiving it in return. So like a stupid child, you hold out for love.

Now you understand why Bucky acted so weird around you that day in the compound. He remembered you. He remembered you from that night in the dance hall. But… how could he? It hadn’t happened yet. Well, technically yes, but at the same time, no.

“What are you thinking about?” Wanda pulled out from your thoughts, you turned your head to look at her.

“Nothing,” you lied.

“Y/N, we’ve known each other for a long time, I can tell when you’re lying.”

After a few minutes in silence you finally speak up, “I was thinking about the first day I met Bucky,” the tone of your voice betraying you.

“Y/N, you just find out your fiancé cheated on you with your sister. It’s normal you acted the way you did. You were angry.”

“And what about the other times?” you sat up and faced your best friend. “I had been nothing but mean to him.”

That morning you woke up later than usual so when you entered the kitchen, the breakfast was long gone. You groaned, you really needed a coffee.

“Sorry kiddo,” Tony patted your back before leaving the room. Sam and Steve made their way to the gym. Wanda and Nat were chatting on the counter, and the new guy was standing a few steps away from them looking at you. Again.

“Do you have some problem with me?” you asked annoyed, alarming the girls of your presence. They turned to look at you. “You are always staring at me.”

“S-sorry,” he muttered, tearing his gaze away from you. You rolled your eyes and made your way to your friends. “Here,” he offered you a mug of coffee. “It’s still warm.”

You looked at him confused, “You always drink a cup of coffee in the mornings, so when I noticed you weren’t coming anytime soon, I poured one for you in case you would come out later,” Nat and Wanda shared a smile on their faces, melting at how sweet the former winter soldier was being.

Your reaction was very different, though. “I want nothing from you,” and you left the kitchen, leaving the guy with a heartbreaking look on his face, and a shocking one on both of your friends’.

“You can do nothing to change the past, what has happened has happened. But you can change from now on.”

“You think I still have time?”

“You’ll have to try”

You had hurt Bucky so much; you took out all the anger you felt inside you on him. It was unfair. No matter how badly you treated him, he always sent a smile your way, he had been nothing but nice to you. You were a horrible person.

Everyone had their reasons for being how they were. Some people get past their troubles and grow mature, others get stuck in a sort of basic mode of fear and reactions, loving responses becoming absent or portioned out for personal gain. You were the latter type.

This had been the ninth time you checked to see if Wanda was really asleep. You felt like you were sixteen again and you were sneaking out of your house to meet your boyfriend. But you needed to go to the dance hall, needed to see if he would still be there.

You made the pillows form the shape of your body and covered them with the duvet, and you tiptoed out the room.

You walked through the Brooklyn streets one more time, those streets, so familiar but at the same time, so different to you. You spotted the dance hall you were in last night. The night where you met Bucky, and you danced with him…. you kissed him. Immediately, you felt the heat rising to your cheeks when you remembered the feeling of his soft lips on yours. You. brushed your thumb across your lips and a smile crept its way across your face.

You searched through the club, looking for the soldier. What if he wasn’t here tonight? What if he had already met someone else, and he’s dancing with them? You disliked the pit that formed in your stomach when your head was clouded with the thought of Bucky with someone else, holding them the same way that he had held you, showing them that beautiful smile of his….. his lips on someone else’s.

“Looking for someone, doll?” you turned around at the sound of his voice, even though you hastily left last night with no explanation, he didn’t seem mad about it, his face still plastered the same smile.

“H-hi.”

“You’re going shy on me now, doll?” he asked, “What happened the previous night? Never had a dame running away from me so fast,” he joked.

You chuckled lightly, “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, no worries,”

The same song that you danced to last night started playing, your eyes caught a few couples starting moving to the music. When you turned to look at Bucky again, he had his head tilted to one side and a hopeful smile playing on his lips.

You stretched out your arm to him, “Shall we?”

He didn’t think twice and took your hand in his. “So, what made you come back?” he asked. His hands were on your hips and your arms wrapped loosely around his neck, just like last night while you swayed to the music.

“I wouldn’t miss the opportunity to dance to our song one more time.” you were feeling pretty bold, and you liked it, and by the grin forming on Bucky’s face, you were sure he liked it too.

“Our song?”

You hummed. “That’s our song. So you can’t dance it with anyone else,” you replied, “Just me.”

He chuckled, “I have no problem with that, doll.”

As you both kept swaying to the music, you leaned towards his body and let your head rest on his chest. You felt the way his heartbeat quickened and smiled, knowing you were the cause for it. All of your thoughts stopped. It was like your heart took over your head when you were with him. You realized that you never felt this way when you were in Jake’s arms.

You wanted a love that was passionate and determined, fire with earth, yet was also a serenity soul that you could dwell in forever. When the song finally ended, you felt his intense gaze on you, and your insecurity took over, “Is everything okay?” you asked looking at him.

“If I kissed you now, would you run away from me again?”

You laughed, and shook your head, “No, not again.”

“Promise? Because my heart wouldn’t be able to handle it again.”

You looked into his blue eyes, and you cursed yourself for not realizing before how beautiful his eyes were… every piece of him was beautiful. He was a masterpiece. You didn’t answer his question, but instead, you stood on your tiptoes and closed the gap between the two of you before he could say anything else.

“I’m telling you, it’s her.” Bucky was losing his nerves to the disbelief of his best friend.

“Buck, it’s been over 80 years, there’s no way it’s her.”

You were the exact same replica of the woman that stole his heart back in 1942 in that dance hall. It was you. He was sure about that. No matter how crazy it would have sounded.

If he and Steve were still here, why couldn’t you be too?

“Alright, then why didn't she recognize you?” Steve wasn’t trying to be mean, he knew his friend really loved that girl since the second she bumped into him. But he also knew that the chances of it being the same person were slim. Maybe you were her granddaughter. But that wasn’t an option Bucky could consider.

“I don’t know,” the soldier didn’t have an explanation for that. Maybe they had brainwashed you the same way they did with him and you forgot about your past… about him? If that was the case, he would try his best to make you remember. “But I will not lose her again.”

He wouldn’t give up on you. Not again.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes one shot #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine #bucky barnes #sebastian stan

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sketching-shark · 3 years

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Monkie kid fandom: o well macaques a morally grey character he’s got a traumatic past and Sun Wukongs so mean and evil for leaving him

Reality: Macaque is literally ment to the representative of Sun Wukongs EVIL side and having a “traumatic past” doesn’t justify literally trying to kill people who had nothing to do with it he also traumatised Mk because he can and because he’s connected to Sun Wukong. Sun Wukong choose to change his ways macaque just decided “you no what am going to kill this monk because he’s connected to somebody who left me.” I don’t understand how people try so hard to Villainise Sun Wukong when’s he’s literally ment to be one of the first ever superheroes.

Haha oh geez that is how it often feels.

Like at this point there does seem to be something of an effort to make Sun Wukong look bad in order to absolve Macaque of a lot of wrong-doing...But as you mentioned, besides it being the case that the Six-Eared Macaque was originally made to function as a representative and/or living embodiment of Sun Wukong's anger and violent tendencies (hence why Sun Wukong's a lot less prone to sudden acts of violence after he kills the six-eared simian in JTTW), given all the murder attempts and manipulation and literal acts of kidnapping/brainwashing/mind control he's committed in the lego monkey show, personally I feel like the dude is pretty much as viciously jealous & as willing to throw people under the bus to achieve his aims as he is in Journey to the West.

Like I know that Monkie Kid diverges from JTTW in a number of ways (a big change being that Sun Wukong had beat up a lot of demons instead of smashing them into meat patties lol), but one of the things that does feel like it's being lost in translation, as it were, is that the Six Ear Macaque was a villain not just because he beat up the Tang Monk, but because he wanted to take over Sun Wukong's entire life and identity so he could have all that glory and prestige for himself. To quote the macaque himself from the Anthony C. Yu translation, "I struck the T'ang monk and I took the luggage...precisely because I want to go to the West all by myself to ask Buddha for the scriptures. When I deliver them to the Land of the East, it will be my success and no one else's. Those people of the South Jambudvipa Continent will honor me then as their patriarch and my fame will last for all posterity." And in order to do this, the Six Eared Macaque had apparently made Sun Wukong's "little ones," his monkey family, his captives through either trickery or force, and gotten a number of them to take on the appearance of Tang Sanzang and the other pilgrims. It's also made clear that in direct contrast to Sun Wukong he doesn't care about these monkeys beyond how they might serve him, given that after Sha Wujing kills the monkey posing as him the Six Eared Macaque not only all but immediately replaces him with another, but also "told his little ones to have the dead monkey skinned. Then his meat was taken to be fried and served as food along with coconut and grape wines." So this monkey is not only willing to risk the lives of a lot of other monkeys for his own benefit, but is also a literal cannibal.

In Monkie Kid (at least according to Macaque, who is an unreliable narrator at best), he had been best of friends with Sun Wukong before Sun Wukong presumably went off to live in Heaven & abandoned all of his friends on Earth. And it is true that in Journey to the West, Sun Wukong had spent over a century of earthly years in heaven just enjoying himself before he gets into trouble by ruining the Immortal Peach Banquet and heading back down to his yaoguai kingdom. So in that regard, Macaque does have justification to hate Sun Wukong for having brought heaven's army to their mountain (of course you could say that starting a war over one banquet is a bit of an overreaction but that's a conversation for another day). What this does omit, however, is that the main reason Sun Wukong went to heaven in the first place is to see if he could get all of his monkeys to live up there, that he had spent centuries fortifying Flower Fruit Mountain from any and all threats beforehand, and that he brings back a bounty of immortality-granting wine, which all the monkeys eagerly drink. And perhaps most importantly, in the following war with heaven itself all of the assembled yaoguai were behind Sun Wukong 100%. He had already done so much for them, and they had already heard about how their great king was made to serve as a stable hand in heaven, and so got some sense of how little the heavens thought of them. This isn't to say that the Six Eared Macaque doesn't have reason to be mad at Sun Wukong or that the Monkey King doesn't share a lot of the blame for the events that led to the burning of Flower Fruit Mountain, but rather to say that all the assembled yaoguai weren't dragged into this war kicking and screaming. They seem to have regarded it as much as a power struggle with great potential rewards and which they could win as much as Sun Wukong did.

But going back to this version of the Six Eared Macaque, I find him interesting because I read him not as morally grey but rather as this frightening, somewhat tragic figure who's jealously of and resentment against Sun Wukong seems to have festered and grown to the point where it's become the sole defining feature of his life; like he's just gone from wanting to literally be Sun Wukong to wanting revenge against the Monkey King, and in all his centuries of living he hasn't allowed anything else to shape his life. After 500 years of apparently not really doing anything, after Sun Wukong made a reappearance Macaque just seem to be targeting anyone and anything that he thinks will let him hurt Sun Wukong, no matter the cost to others or to himself. It's like he was put into the role of Sun Wukong's doppelganger/shadow/evil clone, and he's now hellbent on staying in that position, no matter how much it hurts him or holds him back from cultivating his own individuality or his own story because that's the only way he feels he gain back his past power and/or stay connected to the Monkey King. There is something really tragic about a character who feels so damaged by and/or is so obsessed with the past that they stay in this stagnant position where they never even attempt to try something different from their destructive and self-damaging behavior, but that's precisely what makes Macaque a good villain as well. Besides being a clever and calculating villain, he never developed a sense of morality like Sun Wukong, he still treats everyone around him like tools, and his self-righteousness gives him "permission" to be a relentless monster to MK, all of MK's loved ones, and Sun Wukong himself. I know it's pretty common in media these days to start a villain down the path of redemption & into the bosom of team good guy by having them be hurt by an even worse villain, but personally I would love to see a story arc where Macaque actually has a realization of how horrible his behavior has been and to feel genuine remorse for it (maybe brought about by the violence he's likely suffering at the hands of the Lady Bone Demon, in a kind of "hey being manipulated and hurt for the benefit of others actually sucks oh no I can't believe I thought it was okay when I did it"), but then also has to face the consequence of his former student and former best friend (actually likely the entire monkie crew given the whole kidnapping/brainwashing/mind-controlling thing) never wanting anything to do with him again & cutting him out of their lives completely. I think he could still change for the better under such a scenario, but the seriousness of his bad actions shouldn't be swept under the rug.

In conclusion, I think a "redemption without forgiveness" story line could work really well for Monkie Kid's version of the Six-Eared Macaque in a kind of "you can't just do horrible things and then cry about your past like that somehow makes it okay" way, and smh at the Monkie Kid fandom for all the work put into giving Sun Wukong and only Sun Wukong flak for his and Macaque's fight.

Like if you have to demonize the Monkey King, at least go after him for having been a warlord.

#monkie kid #lego monkie kid #lmk #lmk sun wukong #lmk monkey king #lmk macaque #lmk mk #lmk six eared macaque #six eared macaque #anon submission #qi xiaotian

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snafu-maniac1 · 3 years

Text

Zuko deserved better

So I rewatched Avatar the Last Airbender recently and let me tell you......

I wanna murder several people.

Looking back on this entire series I’ve come to notice something. I watched the show just like any other audience member and only saw the good and the bad characters. One of these prime examples is Zuko. Zuko’s redemption arc has been praised as one of the greatest in history, succeeding where others have failed. But watching it all again......it wasn’t redemption. Not to me personally.

Before everyone gets angry and defensive at me, please finish reading my post and hear what I have to say. I do not wish to start any fandom wars or discredit or disrespect anyone’s opinion, this is just my personal psychological analysis of Zuko’s character....Sigh and let me give you a warning.

It’s gonna be LONG.

So if you’re not interested or don’t want to hear it or don’t feel like reading something this long that’s fine, you can go ahead and just click away and ignore this post.

Starting from book 2.

Now you may be wondering why I’m starting here and not from the start of Zuko’s childhood but I first want to address the one question everyone had been wondering since the series 2 finale. What would have happened if Zuko hadn’t sided with Azula?

My answer is.....that wouldn’t have happened.

Everyone’s been focusing on the entire arc where Zuko was struggling to accept that the war was wrong and how Iroh was trying to get through to him when he tried to capture Appa and afterwards, but here’s something everyone tends to ignore.

Why didn’t Iroh try sooner?

Why didn’t he try to stop Zuko before Aang came, before he’d gotten so deep and desperate to the point that he continuously committed heinous acts to capture the Avatar? People would justify it by saying Iroh wanted Zuko to realize the wrongs of his father and Nation by himself to shape him into his own person. But that is in no way the appropriate way to approach a physically, psychologically and mentally unstable and abused child. Zuko was a thirteen year old boy when he was burned and banished. This is where we go into his childhood. Zuko was raised like any other Fire Nation citizen. As we’ve seen in book 3 and in the Pirate comic book, The Fire Nation citizens were led to believe that the other Nations were ‘savages’ and ‘barbarians’. It villainizes the Fire Nation even more. The very fact that they would spread heinous lies against other people when they themselves were responsible for the war that ruined so many lives. But when you realize, what Sozin and the other Fire Lords did was a solid battle tactic. Making the opposing side out to be these horrendous monsters. Making lies or accentuating every one of their worst traits to dehumanize their enemies so that the people would not have any qualms about fighting them. All of the Fire Nation schools were taught these lies. And Zuko was no exception.

Zuko was a member of the Royal family. And from what was shown in the Avatar series, the Royal family was isolated from the rest of Fire Nation society. Zuko had no way of knowing what the other Nations were really like, no way of knowing the truth about the war and no one had bothered to explain it to him. The one person that could have, did NOT. And yet people had expected him to just automatically know that he was being lied to and that his people were the villains. Zuko’s only social exposure was with Fire Lord Azulon, Fire Lord Ozai, Dragon Of The West General and Crown Prince Iroh, his cousin Prince Lu Ten, his mother Princess Ursa and his younger sister Princess Azula and her friends Mai and Ty Lee. All of whom believed in the Fire Nation propaganda and all of whom had no problem in participating in the war and making jokes about burning Ba Sing Se to the ground. Zuko was under scrutiny and aggression from Ozai. Ozai was Zuko’s ‘handler’, his ‘groomer’. He groomed Zuko into a certain type of submissive and obedient behavior. Zuko was not allowed to show any type of emotion otherwise he would suffer severe repercussions. Ozai and Azula taunted Zuko for having a sense of compassion and with how he was ostracized in a war loving family, he began to believe his behavior and way of thinking was unusual. It was like Azula said to Mai, “Your mother had certain expectations of you and when you strayed from them you were shot down.” In Zuko’s case, the expectations he strayed from resulted in severe punishment. Ozai was willing to permanently disfigure and traumatize Zuko when he was a thirteen year old boy. It’s not unusual to think that his punishments towards Zuko would sometimes very likely be physical and many people even write alternate universes of the Avatar series where Ozai was even more abusive than he already was. He was a manipulative man who brainwashed his daughter into being his perfect, obedient little slave and manipulated his son into questioning his own sense of reality. He would tell him that Azula was born lucky and he was lucky to be born, cementing Azula’s view of herself of receiving everything she wanted and turning her personality toxic while he made Zuko feel inferior and faulty. If there was something wrong with him, his father would tell him and he needed to fix it. But he never could. He strayed towards his mother, who like Iroh, abandoned Azula because of Ozai’s manipulation and did nothing to help her like they ‘helped’ Zuko.

When Zuko was thirteen he wanted to ‘prove’ himself to his father by attending one of his war meetings. Zuko very likely only wished to do what his father wanted because by then, Iroh had abandoned him when he left after the Siege of Ba Sing Se, his mother disappeared and his grandfather and cousin were both dead. The only ones he had left of his family were his father and sister who both abused him and he only wished for their approval and their affection. Humans need mutual affection. Children who do not receive affection from their parents, tend to not take that type of neglect well. Because people need affection to properly function. Our parents love us from when we are young and that emotional connection is something very important to every human being’s mental state. However, Zuko’s only source of affection, his mother, was taken away from him. Azula herself, had no source of affection. Not from her mother, who thought she was demented from her father’s brainwashing, nor from her brother who feared her, nor from her father who used her as a tool. Returning to the day of the Agni Kai, Zuko wished to be of use to his father, he craved his affection because that is what the abuser does. They make you believe they are the only ones who can validate you and if you do not abide by their rules or follow their orders then you mean nothing. Zuko for the most part from what I could see in the flashback, held his promise and did not speak. But when he refused to back down when his people were in danger, Ozai was not pleased. This is because he is an abuser. He is Zuko’s ‘handler’ and when someone who is abusing another person witnesses this type of behavior, they have a feeling of loss of control. They desire control, they crave it, over the abusee especially. So when Zuko showed empathy towards the Fire Nation citizens and did not do as Ozai wished, he decided to ‘rectify’ that. In the most BRUTAL way possible. An Agni Kai. A public spectacle where he would establish dominance over his son, over his pawn and he would make a show of it. He would show everyone that HE was the one in control and NO ONE could defy him. When Zuko refused to fight Ozai, because of his love for his father, Ozai only saw that as a weakness. Ozai is a psychotic man. The fact that he did not have any problem in burning his son so cruelly shows that he does not have any sense of morals. Going back to Zuko, a thirteen year old child at the time, he had just been punished for disobedience, for straying from his father’s expectations, in the worst way possible.

Zuko did what many people would say is the right thing to do. He tried to defend his people from a cruel man intent on sending them to their deaths. But in doing so, he had defied his father and was punished for it. He was punished....for trying to HELP people. His life was essentially DESTROYED and he was thrown out of his home...for trying to help people. For showing empathy towards others. He was punished in the worst way possible for defying his father. His entire perception of right and wrong was thrown out of balance. He was taught that the war was right and that the Fire Lord, his father, was all knowing. And his mother tried to teach him kindness and her lessons of kindness got him punished. The amount of physical and mental damage he had sustained from such a punishment would in some cases be irreversible. Iroh was right there with Zuko and he did nothing. I CAN understand why he did not step in during the Agni Kai. He had been gone from the Fire Nation, his brother had taken the throne and he could have very well himself been punished severely for intervening. However, why did he allow Zuko to continue to believe he was the one at fault? Everyone of us has seen Zhao, has seen the way he treated Zuko during his banishment. Zuko very likely spent those entire two years before Aang’s arrival, being subjected to that type of behavior from everyone around him. All of them blamed him, all of them very likely said that he’d deserved what had happened to him. No one was on his side. He ended up turning aggressive and cruel towards others, because that was the way his father behaved and it was his empathy towards others that got him punished in the first place. He said in The Storm ‘the safety of the crew doesn’t matter’, just like the general that called the 41st division ‘fresh meat’. It was easier for Zuko to lash out at others and be aggressive than to let them see his vulnerabilities and hurt him for them again. It was the same with Song and her mother. Ozai tried to force him to be cruel, he tried to groom him the same way he did Azula. They dehumanized the other Nations and Zuko behaved the exact same way he was expected to. ‘Their compassion would cost them’. It was exactly the way his father wanted him to be. It was what Iroh did not wish for him, and yet despite claiming he thought of Zuko as a son, he did not in any way try to convince Zuko to give up his quest during the two years he had been searching for something that at the time was believed did not exist. The only instance we were shown of Iroh saying anything against his search, and even that is a stretch, was in the Western Air Temple episode where Zuko has a flashback of Iroh telling him that ‘destiny was a funny thing’ when Zuko said it was his destiny to capture the Avatar. Iroh had time to run the White Lotus, an antiwar organization for two YEARS maybe even longer and he did not think of taking two MINUTES to talk to Zuko, to ease him into realizing the wrongs of the war. Okay, yes he could have passed it off as character growth. But how do you expect a person, surrounded by people telling him he was at fault, he had no choice, either obey or never come back, to realize something like that? How do you expect an abuse victim to accept help all by themselves when their abuser forces them to depend on them? Did Iroh take him to some Earth Kingdom villages to see that they aren’t the vicious savages the Fire Nation portrays them to be? Did he take Zuko to the Southern Water Tribe to see the damage done to them at the hands of his own country? No. Instead he acted like an oblivious old man who had no interest other than Pai Sho and speaking proverbs that Zuko could not hope to understand.

Two years Zuko spent looking and looking and he turned desperate to the point that he was willing to do anything to go home. And then The Avatar finally returned. And then the people that Zuko was raised to perceive as brutal savages continued to stand in his way. And did Iroh intervene? No. He still did nothing. He allowed Zuko to continue his pursuit and turn into the worst possible version of himself. People say that Zuko should own up to the consequences of his actions. And he should. But would he have done those actions had Iroh stopped him earlier? Would he have done any of the things he did when the only remaining adult figure in his life had told him otherwise? Would he have listened to Iroh? The answer is yes. He was willing to do what Ozai had expected of him so why would he not listen to Iroh with time and patience instead of waiting till the last possible moment to do so? Children don’t automatically know right from wrong from the moment of their birth. They are taught by their parents, by the adults in their lives and Zuko had Ozai as his parental influence. And Iroh knew that. He knew the type of man his brother was and he did not try to overwrite his brother’s abuse to help his nephew until Zuko was already on the path of no return. When they became refugees Iroh still did nothing until they got to Ba Sing Se and until Zuko, again in an act of desperation, tried to capture Appa. That was when he FINALLY decided to step in. Three years since Zuko’s banishment, sixteen years of his father’s influence and abuse and he decides the very moment his nephew is close to the brink of insanity is the perfect opportunity to DESTROY his entire world view. He had worked day in and day out for two years before Aang appeared, only for his uncle, someone he TRUSTED, to tell him it was all for NOTHING. Two years of TORTURING himself. A year of fighting against his Nation’s enemies and SUDDENLY he’s being told it was all for nothing. When Iroh and Zuko reunited, Iroh told him he found his way again ‘on his own’ like how Zuko told Ozai he had to learn everything ‘on his own’. And they were both right. Zuko had no one to help him. He had to suffer through so much on his own, without anyone’s help and they’re SURPRISED he acted the way he did. When everything came to ahead in Ba Sing Se with Katara, people thought ‘Oh Zuko has changed he’s going to help Katara.’ And when he did not they HATED him for it.

The reason for this is because Katara was the ‘good guy’ and Zuko was the ‘bad guy’. Black and white. Katara and Zuko shared a moment of understanding from both losing their mothers and Katara offered to heal his scar and he chose to side with Azula and both Katara and the viewers saw this as a betrayal on Zuko’s part. This assumption however is completely unjustified and unfounded. Everyone sees Zuko and the Fire Nation as the bad guys. The villains of the story. But Katara and the Water Tribes and Earth Kingdom were the bad guys in the Fire Nation’s eyes. Katara was the ‘savage’ standing in the way of Zuko going home. The Avatar was his home’s greatest ENEMY and THREAT. Had the situation been reversed and Katara had to choose between Zuko and the Water Tribe and her brother and father, people would have supported her choice because they were the good guys. Zuko’s people were the bad guys so it had to be the wrong decision and a betrayal to Katara and Iroh. But Zuko was an unstable, traumatized child who did not wish to believe his people were bad, who did not want to fight his home after he spent so long trying to capture Aang, his home’s greatest THREAT and ENEMY. Katara hated Zuko because he represented everything that the Fire Nation did to her family. And Zuko hated her because she was the ‘savage’ keeping him from his one way home. To Zuko, Katara was the bad guy. And looking back at their moment of sympathy where Katara said he betrayed her trust I can only ask one thing....how could Zuko have known that Katara wasn’t trying to trick him? Now, the viewers would automatically respond ‘Katara’s not like that! She wouldn’t do that!’ but the fact is, we the viewers KNOW Katara. We know she’s not that type of person because we got to know her through out the series. Zuko does NOT know her. To Zuko, she’s just another faceless enemy out to KILL his father. He chose Azula’s side because he could not accept what Iroh was saying to him because why hadn’t Iroh said so sooner? He did not want to join Aang’s side cause this was the AVATAR. The one out to KILL his FATHER and take down his HOME. When Zuko returned, he was conflicted about what he had done because he had begun to see how wrong his father and sister’s behavior and The Fire Nation’s war truly was. And Iroh cemented that further by proclaiming Zuko’s struggle was because of Roku and Sozin’s conflict when that was clearly not the case. Zuko was groomed and brainwashed by the Fire Nation propaganda like every other citizen but he was not dispelled from that belief by anyone. No one tried to make him question that belief. Iroh did not try to ‘help Zuko’ until the very last moment in Ba Sing Se. People believe Zuko betrayed Iroh because that’s how it’s supposed to be when Zuko was the ‘bad guy’ and Iroh was the ‘caring’ Uncle and ‘voice of reason’. And yet he did not think to ‘reason’ with Zuko before this entire mess even started. He did not in any way try to disrupt Zuko’s view of the other Nations or his father. In my opinion, IROH was the one who betrayed ZUKO. Iroh KNEW the entire time that what Zuko was doing was wrong. Zuko was a child who was not allowed to think for himself and Iroh KNEW Zuko was brainwashed by the exact same propaganda he himself had believed before he lost his son. If Iroh, who had believed in the Fire Nation for so many years, was unable to realize the wrongs of the war until his ADULTHOOD when he lost his son, how in the world did he expect a 13 year old child to do so? And Zuko became even more unstable and then he chose the Fire Nation.

When he realized it was wrong and went to join team Avatar, they were reasonably mistrusting.

Zuko’s redemption arc from a simple perspective, from team Avatar’s perspective was very well done. Team Avatar did not know what Zuko had been through. To them he was just another Fire Nation monster who had hurt them. To the audience, he was just another Fire Nation monster who had hurt the good guys. No one would think that deep into a fictional character’s perspective or psychological and mental state. No one would think past the ‘good guy’ and the ‘bad guy’. But one thing I cannot justify is Katara’s accusation of betrayal towards Zuko. As we have mentioned, Zuko and Katara were enemies who had a mutual hatred towards each other before his ‘redemption’. They had one single moment of shared empathy and understanding and that is NOT the basis for earned trust. What would Katara have done had she been in Zuko’s shoes? Fighting her enemies, fighting people she sees as nothing more than monsters and she has to choose between her long time enemy and her sibling and her home and her family. If she was in that position, she would choose Sokka and Hakoda and Aang and the Water Tribe over Zuko in a heartbeat because those are her FAMILY members and her FRIENDS and people would justify her because she’s the ‘good guy’. The hero. But Zuko is the villain so his actions automatically AREN’T justifiable. I understand Katara’s mistrust towards Zuko because of their history and because again, she doesn’t know anything about him or what he went through. But she cannot expect him to just automatically leave behind everything he’s ever known and ever believed in because of one single moment of understanding. Zuko should have done everything he could to make it up to the group because he owed it to them and they again, did not know any of his reasons for hunting them. But Zuko does not deserve to be labeled simply as ‘a bad guy turned good’ when he was NEVER a bad guy to begin with. When he was never even mentally stable enough to make that type of decision for himself. In today’s day and age Zuko and Azula would have BOTH ended up in a mental institution. And after all of the things he went through, Zuko was the one who ended up going back to Iroh and apologizing when Iroh was the one who abandoned him and then Zuko at 16 years old ended up as the leader of a nearly fallen apart country. He had to suffer through insomnia, assassination attempts and mental instability and abandonment. Iroh left to Ba Sing Se and only made two appearances in a total of SIX comic books after the end of the War and one of those was entirely brief. So while Iroh gets to enjoy the rest of his life selling tea, Zuko has to suffer the consequences for what his family did. He was also abandoned by Mai which brings me to another point.

Zuko’s toxic relationships.

Some people say they dislike Mai because she is emotionally abusive towards Zuko. It never occurred to me before but looking at it now, I have to say that I agree. In the comics after book 2 had ended it was shown that Azula used Mai’s childhood crush on Zuko to manipulate him into going back to the Fire Nation with her. And Mai.....I don’t even know how to get started on the entire mess that is their relationship. Mai is a person who does not like emotion. She doesn’t like to express herself and immediately shuts down anything even close to emotion. The same applies to Zuko. Zuko is a very emotionally unstable and insecure person. And instead of reassuring and calming him, Mai immediately cuts him off whenever he loses a handle of his emotions and just flat out ends their relationship on the spot. She gives Zuko no explanation, just gets angry at him and then all of a sudden when Zuko can’t take anymore and explodes she suddenly says she cares about him. Their relationship is toxic. Mai demeans his problems and things that trouble him. Quote “I just asked if you were cold, I didn’t ask for your whole life story.” when Zuko was nervous about going back home. She demeans his guilt towards Iroh and tries to make him feel better by ordering servants around. And then in the Boiling Rock episode she attacks him for his letter which is reasonable on her part, but there is the problem that despite being Zuko’s girlfriend, up until that point she was Azula’s subordinate first and foremost and she could have tried to let Azula know. Still was a shitty way of ending their relationship, I’m not gonna act like it wasn’t but I still wanted to put that perspective out there just for thought. Not to mention how she ended things in the comic books. The trust issue I understand. But I don’t understand how ONE single mistake would lead to her just immediately ending things instead of at least TRYING to work it out. She could have listened to him and seen why he was so upset and scared of messing up that he went to Ozai of all people for help. She did not stick by him when he needed her and that was what forever ruined their relationship for me.

In simple terms, Zuko was a bad guy who became a good guy and redeemed himself.

In psychological terms, Zuko was an abuse victim who was brainwashed since his childhood, blamed for it and made into a scapegoat while his sister ended up in a mental institution because of her father’s influence and because the same people who ‘helped’ Zuko didn’t think she deserved it too.

So from what I’ve seen while rewatching the series....

Zuko never needed redeeming. Zuko needed help.

And he didn’t get it.

#avatar the last airbender #zuko #zuko deserved better #azula #azula deserved better #zuko needs therapy #azula needs therapy

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