#man. thinking of how the series kinda butchered her character has me sad :(

[safyresky]

Been thinking about CS!TSCS for a month at this point. Please enjoy these lil' doodles about it!

[ID in ALT and typed dialogue under cut :D]

Numero 1

Jacquie: Up the CHIMNEY?!

Carol: RIGHT UP IT! MID DISCUSSION!

Jacquie: GIRL, DUMP HIS ASS!!!!

Numero 2

Santa: How did you even GET that vest, huh?!?!

Jacqueline: I MURDERED my PREDECESSOR.

Santa: you what

Numero 3

Jack: Good day at work today, little flurry?

Jacqueline: Mmmmmm yep! Told Santa I killed you for the vest and the title >:)

Jack, turning around sharply and full of pride: HA! NICE!

---

These were the doods I meant to post last last Thursday after this scrimbly Jacqueline, lol. When I tell you that Crystal Springs TSCS has been IN MY HEAD, I AM NOT JOKING!

The reason I didn't post these sooner is bc I really wanted to draw the last one and hadn't gotten around to it as of yet, and I also wanted to colour these PROPER scrimblies because holy SHIT I LOVE COLOURING 🤩🤩🤩🤩

More fun facts about CS in TSCS:

Carol and Jacqueline have regular vent sessions. Mostly Carol; Jacqueline's just there for the TEA (and emotional support)

Her catchphrase could very much be "CAROL. DUMP HIS ASS" in this cs au

"Don't you mean tscs au?" NO. TSCS IS AN AU IN ITSELF AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

She frustrates Santa to no end bc A) She's Jack Frost and he has previous biases, and B) she goes OUT OF HER WAY to bother him.

When I say Jacqueline dislikes tscs!Scott, I am not joking. It is not hyperbole. She can't STAND him. And she tells him that to his FACE. MULTIPLE TIMES. And adds insult to injury bc she's buds with Carol and Buddy and Sandy, lol, and all the new gen elves are like, chill with her

(I have a silly hc that Betty is a Bernelle kid and Jacquie's her godmother, lollllll)

She and I both dislike people who need change and refuse to work on themselves/believe they're FINE and it SHOWS.

After she made the claim about murdering Jack, Santa was TERRIFIED on top of his usual distaste for Jack's successor lmao

She was quite delighted at how Santa took that tale. Elaborated a bit. I imagine it went something like this:

"...you what?" Her murderous look intensified. Santa could easily picture the darkness gathering around her the way it did in cartoons when the evil character was. Well. Being evil. "You heard me!" She sounded way too delighted, Santa noted. "I killed my predecessor! You know, the guy before me? Yeah. Stabbed him right dead. Pulled the vest out of the melted pile of slush that was once Jack Frost the first and put it right on." "...Jesus Christ."

Anyway, after that, she goes home and Jack pops in for 4 o'clock coffee and the final image ensues, lol. This interaction follows that:

"And he believed you?" Jack asked, pulling out the chair next to her and plunking down, stretching out his legs and crossing them at the ankles. "Damn near shat himself about it, too," Jacqueline confirmed, looking sly over the top of her mug. Jack laughed. "Oh that's, that's marvellous." "Mm! It was! THEN I elaborated. Told him I took the vest like a war trophy, you know? Didn't even wash it or anything. Shame I said SLUSH instead of BLOOD because I bet he would've like. DIED on the spot picturing me putting on a blood soaked vest, ehehe. I swear Jack, I could see his soul leave his body. Definitely top 5 best days at work. Maybe top 3, even."

Jack is deffs enjoying retirement in this au! Going full vacation mode, spending most days in various hot spots on various beaches with various drinks, usually popping by the family home for 4 o'clock coffee and cocoa--and a break from the sun since he burns and Winter worries

YES he IS still wearing his suit pants. I thought that'd be funny and just about died picturing him in khakis

With every Jack I draw his hair grows more powerful, AS IT SHOULD BE!!

I DID draw a chair behind Jacqueline but her poofy hair ate it~

I think she is A) older in this au than she regularly is and B) is already married to Dite. I'm still on the fence about both those things, but she feels older in this au--probably because the entire cast is older lmao

Late night post is late bc I finished colouring this and wanted to share it asap, DAMN THE TIME!!!!

#the santa clauses #the santa clause #the santa clause 3 #cs au #tscs!cs #cs!tscs #I am still unsure which way to tag this collection BUT WE'LL GET THERE #as i fear the only way to stop thinking about these scenarios is to. GASP. write em #i WILL be morning AND afternoon reblogging these bad boys! sorry NOT sorry! #they brought me joy and this is MY SWAMP! #dani speaks #dani doodles #crystal springs #i'm gonna post this so i know it goes up okay #then update the alts with the image ids :D #OH AND ALSO. APOLOGIES FOR PHOTO QUALITY. #as previously stated. I DONT HAVE A GOOD PLACE WITH NATURAL LIGHTING IN MY LIL 30S HOUSE #AHHHH #ALSO also I am actually a BIG FAN of the mrs c look they gave carol in the series #i loved the big bun and the cowl is my FAVE THING #she should wear it ALL THE TIME over EVERYTHING #THIS INCLUDES THE SHANIA TWAIN BAND TEE AND JEANS LOOK #A N D THE I AM TRYING TO BE GOTH LIKE MY DAUGHTER LOOK #man. thinking of how the series kinda butchered her character has me sad :(

[steve-damngoodbabysitter]

You know there’s something so personal about queer sci-fi or supernatural comics... like I feel like cryptids and mysteries and aliens and monsters are just such a big thing in queer youth or just queer existence in general, at least for me it is. Comic books with supernatural or sci-fi elements that have queer characters as the main role are just so good. Anyways idk I just felt like talking about it cause it’s been such a big part of me discovering myself and my indentity...

Anywhoodle here’s some good comics/graphic novels that fit into the genre (both physical and digital)(be warned I’m kinda terrible at giving summaries without spoiling things so the descriptions may be vague):

- Are you listening By Tillie Walden

Abt two women going on a “road trip” discovering each other and themselves while also dealing with some magical forces (v cool author legit love all of her graphic novels)(physical book)

-On a Sunbeam By Tillie Walden -

Edit: I JUST READ THIS ONE AND HOLY SHIT IS IT GOOD!! Pretty much all of the characters are queer, and the story line is gorgeous! It has found family and sci-fi so it’s like the best thing ever. Definitely cried while reading it!!(physical book)

-Taproot By Keezy Young -

Cute graphic novel about a ghost and a gardeners relationship (I think both physical and digital)

-Lumberjanes By “a whole bunch of authors because it changes from book to book sometimes” -

Series that revolves around these kids at summer camp with some magic/supernatural elements thrown into the mix (physical book series)(Boom! Studios-the people that produce? Publish? the book- change artists every other book sometimes, it seems, in order to give different artists a chance to work on it, so that’s why the authors switch up)

-The Backstagers By “multiple authors/artists cause its published(?) By Boom! Studios” -

Comic abt this high schooler who joins the stage crew of the theater club and the adventures/chaos of the group! Has supernatural elements <3(physical series)

-Paper Rose by v-0-3 on Tapas -

Can’t remember the plot very well cause I haven’t reread it in a while but the basics are “robot man and human man = love+hardship” (Tapas is a free digital reading app which has a ton of awesome comics u should totally check it out!!) (series/story not finished)

-Eerie Crests by Caleb on Tapas -

This series’s art is legit awesome!!I recommend bingeing the updates all in one go so that you don’t forget the plot in between updates like I did :-)) can’t remember a lot of the plot but basically is abt a group of teens in a small town dealing with grief+the supernatural+friendship+relationships+etc (digital book/series) (not finished yet)

-Ghost Lights by fantakoi on Tapas -

IN LOVE WITH THIS SERIES AND JUST FINISHED BINGE REREADING IT ALL!! Has a v unique supernatural story to it and awesome art!! Slow burn romance abt a boy and his best friend who knew each other as supernatural creatures in a past life trying to remember and discover their past(digital series)(not finished yet) (most of the Tapas series are continuously being updated)

-Long Exposure by mars on Tapas -

Nerd+bully gain superpowers after being forced to work on school project with each other+discovering themselves/each other+ dealing with supernatural pwrs (digital series)(completed)

-A Matter of Life and Death by Snarpers -

I can not tell you how much I love this web comic and was so sad when I saw that it wasn’t gonna get finished!! GORGEOUS ART AND GREAT STORY CONCEPT THAT I WILL BUTCHER AT EXPLAINING BUT basically different gods living together+inside tension+slow burn romance+secrets+forgotten memories. Focuses mainly around the gods Life and Death! (digital series) (discontinued, but sooo worth the read because the art is literally stunning)

I’m sure there’s tons more out there, but these are just ones I’ve personally read/know of!

(Also sorry that all the webcomic ones are all mlm and no wlw!! I found them when I was really young around the time when the digital apps were -just- starting to highlight queer content, and most, if not all, of the queer content highlighted was gay (mlm)! There’s definitely more wlw options on Tapas now, I just don’t look regularly for new comics on it to find out what they are) (if I do stumble across some I’ll link them here <3)

#queer comics #queer graphic novel #web comics #tapas comic #tillie walden #lgbtq #cryptid #supernatural #(not the show) #sci fi #are you listening? #on a sunbeam #taproot #the backstagers #lumberjanes #paper roses #eerie crest #ghost lights #long exposure #a matter of life and death #boom! studios

[gayninjas]

(1/2) Okay so I'm still new to Naruto so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. Also, this is long. I'm sorry. I'll split it.😅

Out of the K12 kids, Naruto, Sasuke and Neji were fucked over by Konoha (either by their clans, the old man hokage or the villagers). I'd include Rock Lee but I think he was just bullied as a small kid for being... weird? or not having chakra?? And he worked super hard and that didn't last long.

Anyway, I've read plenty of reviews about how the series ended poorly and how messages like "you can change your fate" were disregarded. That the the Naruto franchise would've done better staying an actiony, ninja shonen that focused more on changing the shinobi system instead of turning into the forced romantic shojo that it became. I agree with all of that.

And I said that to say this, I really am disgusted with how things went for Naruto, Sasuke and Neji. Naruto doesn't receive any apologies from those who should give him one (like the villagers! I think the old hokage bastard died so.. no apology there I guess). Like, I know Iruka apologizes to him and I don't know why. I know Iruka was Naruto's first bond, what'd he and only him have to apologize for.

Not only that but Naruto just accepts everyone and then hides the fact that those in charge of Konoha planned the Uchiha massacre!!! (Does Sasuke know he's doing that?) It's ridiculous to just hide the genocide committed by the state (because he's patriotic? Wants to stick to the status quo as much as possible while trying to change things??). And it's somehow worse to hide it when you have this intensely close relationship with the lone survivor of that genocide.

Like, why write Naruto like that? To receive no actual closure (imo) on how he grew up in Konoha and tp make him a top tier bootlicker

included the second part of the ask

(2/2) With Sasuke, that genocide happened and he was just left to his own devices on the outskirts. And he's treated as a villian for justifiably wanting to "destroy" Konoha and wanting a revolution. It gets under my skin how much the K12 kids don't give a fuck about stuff like this. (I like all of them (except for 2) and stuff like this sours my opinion on them)

Not only is he treated as a villain, it appears that no one pay's for the Uchiha massacre (except for Itachi?) which is bullshit. It's just swept under the rug. And THEN Sasuke is written to become another Konoha bootlicker??! He has to go off on his own to atone for his sins? What!

And finally Neji. He died as he knew he would, for the main house family. I will hate that forever and always. His destiny didn't change. Little!Neji in the chunin exams exposing how fucked up the Hyuuga clan is, no one (except Naruto?) cares. He gave Hinata a chance to back out before he killed her, which was allowed, she didn't, he was about to end it and then 4 teachers(?) jump in to save her because, special treatment. Can't let the (former) Hyuuga heir die, she means more than the other kids.

And he was treated as an antagonist for being rightfully pissed off. But no, he just gets over it I guess after befriending Naruto, the Hyuuga clan continues with its slavery bullshit and he dies sacrificing himself for Hinata. What a way to go.

And I know they don't address the slavery Neji wanted to abolish in Boruto. They just ignore it and act like everything's fine and dandy. Naruto isn't one of those series where things just happen offscreen and we know it's cool, right? They can't just expect ppl to think the Hyuuga clan changed right? They don't even focus on them, Neji died and so did any relevance to the Hyuugas because Hinata doesn't do anything.

(Had Neji lived I know he also would've been turned into a major bootlicker too)

In conclusion I can't stand how these 3 boys were screwed over by the village in many ways and then screwed over by bad writing. It's irritating. I love Naruto but there's so many problems with it.

i tried to be concise, hope i covered everything!

I agree that if the Naruto franchise didn’t end off with lackluster romance plots and instead gave closure for all the things they left open ended after the end of the war it would have made a much better ending to the series.

Kishimoto had even admitted he had trouble writing romance in as he hadn’t ever planned on it. He never considered it that relevant so when they did include it, the whole thing felt so forced and awkward it was even kinda ooc for Naruto and Sasuke (scenes like narutos flat ‘im not in touch with my emotions’ reaction to hinatas confession that butchered his character were an absolute pain to sit through)

Nejis death being an awful plot devise to develop NH was a terrible move, like neji sacrificed himself for someone who moments later held narutos hand and went "his hands are warm"??

Don’t even wanna list anything I dislike about ss cause their marriage is so lifeless i feel dead thinking about it.

As for the villagers, they were happy to alienate a poor kid who couldn’t fend for himself and let him believe he was a demon and was deserving of it all but then started licking his boots when they realized they had the equivalent of a nuclear weapon desperate to protect them, and even then they weren’t remorseful of their actions, its all very sickening really,

I think the whole end of Naruto was handled in a way that went against the characters values? like I can easily imagine Naruto being rightfully enraged at the people who issued the massacre of hundreds of innocents, and he wouldn’t ever think of hiding anything like that, especially from the victim who was also his friend??.

How they wrote sasuke as someone who now fucking bows down and becomes a soldier for a village that destroyed him and has done nothing for him is just absolute bs. Although with sasuke, even if one argues his loyalty was for Naruto, the patriotic lines are just too much.

As for the rest, I don’t have much to say cause they never tried to understand why sasuke was doing what he did, they only saw a power hungry uchiha who was seeking revenge.

And yes nejis end was tragic for all the wrong reasons, i was more pissed than sad watching it. He was treated as a tool for nh and his anger at the hyuga clan and their issues was brushed off without much thought because the series never delved into it or resolved it.

And yes we got no real closure for the uchiha massacre, all the messed up things in the hyuga clan and the way Naruto was mistreated his whole life etc. Its aggravating how they expect us to believe its all fixed and fine now

I really do love the pre shippuden arcs like the zabuza and haku arc especially though. They were the peak naruto experience for me and are always the scenes I reminisce and often get nostalgic over.

#thanks for the ask anon #sharing my opinions and interpretations

[tacosandtomcos]

Me Going Through Star Vs Tv Tropes

So while Tv tropes is a fan thing similar to the Star vs Wiki and is imperfect in many ways. i was curious to check it out and see what had been put there for some aspects i was interested in in terms of the show.

And boy, is it interesting.

I checked out cleaved first because i heard so much about how this page was outright going on about how much the finale messed up, and they weren’t wrong, it actually feels like whoever wrote this was pretty mad themselves.

There’s discussion about the implied genocide, the implied dangers of merging worlds, heck, this entire page went over obvious plot holes.

It is the most salty thing i have seen in awhile, and it’s kinda funny in a way, this one got to me man:

it hits on mos of the critisim towards the episode and some more that some people may of missed upon first glance, so for all it’s faults i give it credit for finding new ways of disscussing everything wrong with the finale in ways that make it easier to understand where things went wrong for others.

I will admit though, the page does try to jusitify star’s actions despite also pointing out how bad they are with the “Saving of the monsters”, and it feels like someone should add the fact that there were other solutions available as pointed out by previous episodes and star’s actions aren’t easily forgivable considering the damage her actions caused outweigh the good intentions.

I think people are happy she wanted to save the monsters and wouldn’t let them die but the magic destroying thing would have massive consequences and the ideas behind it are not fleshed out enough to justify this was the best course of action for mewni and it’s future.

The monsters are saved, but will the destruction of a vital source for the universe mean better for everyone across all dimensions, including the monsters?.

After i wanted to check out tom’s family junk, see what they had, and at least someone added the fact eclipsa’s family and tom’s family almost seem to be parallels because even though people picked up on it, and me myself wanted more done with that....clearly nothing came of it, so i’m glad they have a section on that.

 though someone did forget to add wrathmelior having wings to her section.

Honestly this little tidbit stings considering the ending: 

Honestly what they have for dave is the weirder section cause since his character got shoved to the wayside and little was done with him, most of his section is a lot more guesswork about his relation with tom then anything

Like some of the tropes with him and wrath are funny because well, they fall into some fun couple troupes, all his stuff with tom are more...like putting his original abusive persona mixed with what he’s like now: 

Honestly in show where tom got his anger from relationship wise is not made clear since his parents were in 2 episodes.

like THIS was a detail that was a thing when tom’s dad was still an abusive demon, but i really don’t know how much this applies now. Dave seems to maybe have anger issues (I mean the dude threw a chair out of a window), but how tom feels about it or how big they are is put into question now.

Not to mention the “Big Guy” thing also seems like an abandoned part of OG dad and it feels like the show was going to make him a major character but abandoned it.

Like again, i wonder if these details should even be there because their canoncity is put into question since this stuff is coming from the original design of tom’s dad and not this current iteration. And i’m not sure if we have enough to even imply that dave is oblivious or has a serious temper since his anger has been shown once in the series.

i mean this is interesting cause i get to see what they put as far as minor characters and yeah it makes me wish the characters were used more because then the show could’ve done something with dave to actually give him a more clear character then having people base his personality and relationships off probably outdated info?

or at least, daron should’ve actively disbanded that info herself at one point or another if it’s untrue. It just feels like dave is supposed to be a wildly different character now but his og character is leaking in cause the show refused to give him anything to make people think of him differently.

tv tropes even mentions this was the original pitch, the abusive demon thing, so it’s weird they kept these elements while knowing they were adabonded

most of the rest of his page is pretty fine i was mostly curious about his page because i wanted to see how this thing would handle a minor character who was changed so drastically

Moved on to tom’s section, it’s decent at showing his flaws but reminding the people reading of his arc and improvement.

I love at least it addresses a lot of stuff i’ve been saying for years though

as someone who is used to people downplaying tom as a character, it’s neat here they do indeed consider tom is basically be almost the 3rd most important character in later seasons.

though concept alone did not gather him such a prominent fanbase, tom was just a good and interesting character in general and even the crew knew it, which is why even after the show ended how it did so many fans still consider tom a bright spot in it.

Tom still has a bunch of haters who refuse to like him no matter what and will probably never like him no matter what.

But most can agree he had a proper arc and his character remained likable and enjoyable at a time where a lot of characters were becoming increasingly hard to watch.

Tom didn’t just have a cool design, he was just a good character, and he and eclipsa have similar reasons for still being beloved even despite everything, the show never really ruined them for anyone, if anything, people cared about them WAY more then most of the other characters because they never got butchered like moon, star, or marco felt like they did.

Then i moved on to stuff about after the finale, and yes, the page remains salty.

I mean, i knew the show was being screwed bit by bit because as a fan i was keeping a close eye on this stuff, commercials, time, dates, ect. It hurts to see it though cause at the time people thought moving to Disney channel was gonna mean GOOD things for the series.

which sucks because THIS was also very true:

they did so much on their twitter to boost star, heck, it was designed to look like star, they showed star fanart, had star livestreams. Like Disney used to push this show hard till it slowly seemed to stop caring.

The Ama is also addressed briefly, especially Daron’s reaction, and yeah....

Still makes me pretty mad tbh.

Here’s some interesting stuff i found as well

From Friend-enemies 

apparently this was gonna be a thing.

Also from tom’s section, which makes me wish we got stomco instead of what we got cause it’s so clear that finale had those implications and sad to see where it ended up.

Oh, and my favorite one:

Me too Rider, me too.

I hope someday you get better treatment for your character, especially since it was clear you loved playing him so much, i would’ve been mad too.

Yeah, so i checked out Tv Tropes under star to look at some things, it’s not perfect but kinda interesting, and hopefully i find time to go into stuff like this more in the future on this blog.

#star vs the forces of evil #svstfoe #svtfoe #Tom the Demon #tom lucitor #marco #marco diaz #star butterfly #Dave Lucitor #king lucitor #queen lucitor #moon mention #wrathmelior lucitor #analysis

[chucklestheechidona]

Doctor Who: The Jodie Review

(Long post)

(Sorry)

Introduction

I decided, still being locked down, to watch some Doctor Who.

Hadn’t watched it in a while, told myself I’d always catch up when I had the time, and the universe decided to give me a lot of it.

I had stopped watching Matt quite some time ago, but caught up about 4 years ago to Capaldi’s first season. I had meant to carry on with it but slow-going times and I forgot and all the other jazz that fills in the space between not doing things.

But I thought I’d storm through them and get them over with. I had heard bad things going onwards, but hey, I’m one of those sad losers that LIKE Love and Monsters. It’s not great but I thought what it did well, it did great.

So, off I went to finally catch up on a show that formulated so much of my younger self, my love for time-travel, interesting sci-fi that ended up getting me into the genre, and a love for character interactions and lore.

I went through Capaldi, and his last two seasons, yeah, they had an odd episode here and there, Sleep No More is a disaster, but I carried on through. I’m a trooper, I got through Fear Her after all.

But I fell in love with the Doctor again. Heaven Sent is easily the best DW has offered so far, the character building with him and Clara and Bill and hell, Nardole, are superb. The stories were interesting, the Doctor was great and evolved, and the companions were the perfect fit for Capaldi.

And then, after a brilliant goodbye, he was gone.

“Be kind.“

And here we go, we’re with Jodie, she’s northern, she’s confused, and she’s in need of some pockets, falling through the sky, yeah, 200 degrees that’s why they call her missus fahrenheit-

Not Jodie, but Chibnall

I’m not going to drag this out too far, I ain’t gonna make you read this for ages just to see if I like it. If you don’t want to see me complain about two seasons, this is your point to head out.

I think these are the lowest series of Modern Doctor Who.

But like the title says, it’s not Jodie’s fault. She’s an amazing actress, and she plays the part well. Hell, so does Bradley, Tosin and Mandip. Each one of them is a good actor and when the scene calls for them, they pull it off well.

The issue here is the writing.

And I feel I should go through why I think that.

But first, I think I should point out the good.

The Good: On historical topics and representation

This is the most diverse Doctor Who has been in a while. It was pretty diverse before mind you, let’s not forget the Doctor seems a bit flexible, the companions have been a mix of sexualities, gender, age and race, and each one of them is loved by many. Hell, Jack Harkness was so popular he got his own tv show.

But Thirteenth has gone and made sure that there was more.

Characters just pointing out they’re gay and it’s just a matter of fact. It’s a statement, not an argument, not being out there or subvertive, it just is. People are more than fine with this. 

I’m surprised Graham the bus driver is so accepting of everyone at the start, but it speaks testament to his character. He fell in love with Grace, he raised a son with a disability, he stands up for those that dare have a go at any of that. Graham didn’t have to grow to learn this in the Tardis, he was accepting from the get-go. 

Well, there’s some conflict about Ryan blaming things on Dyspraxia in the first episode but it comes out of a place of fear of their lives. But any tensions between them are resolved quite well, to the point they can count on each other.

Either way, representation is important and Jodie’s season has it in spades.

As for historical topics, the Doctor tackles them quite well. Honestly, the episodes in the past are her strong suit. And as she’s a woman now, she has a new battle against her. History wasn’t always kind, and the gag of them addressing Graham each time is a genuinely good idea.

Also, Rosa had the opportunity to be butchered. It could have been written badly, it could have been handled with hardly any care, but it was the standout episode of the season. Each character gets some good lines, the gang has to face moral decisions and it’s a genuinely good look into a past that America would sometimes like to forget.

As an aside, I think Bill, even as one character, explored the sexuality thing more and the diversity she faced from it, I think thirteenth doesn’t do a bad job. I liked the astronauts as shown above quite a bit to be fair.

Graham

The standout star of the show.

This will be unfortunately brought up in my negatives for the show too, but this is the good side.

Graham’s lost his wife, he has to connect to her grandson, his cancer is a constant worry in his head and he comes with the Doctor in an attempt to escape/confront all three.

He is the one who evolves the most as a character in the first season, coming to terms with the death of Grace is something he battles with throughout, he still blames himself. For whatever reason, even in the Rosa Parks episode, he gets the most emotional writing. Ryan and Yaz do get good writing in the same episode mind you, (which is unfortunately one of the few times Yaz does) but it’s heartbreaking to see Graham realise what he has to do.

The Acting

I unfortunately have to put Ryan, Yaz and the Doctor here in one group category. and I hate to do that, but I feel it’d be a disservice not to mention them.

Their actors can act well. When the script calls for it, they do amazing work.

The scene where Jodie is angry and confused at the other Doctor, where Ryan is actually there to support his friend, when Yaz is comforting Ryan about America, where Jodie is fucking pissed at the Master, all good scenes.

But this is a perfect segway into -

The Bad: Asides the retcon

Holy shit where do I start.

I mean, we’ve got the good out of the way, so you know where I stand on the issues a bunch of people wrong accused the show of being. A female doctor is more than fine, the diverse cast is great, the topics of exploring the past is done good.

And I’m not going into the retcon just yet, I feel like going ITS BAD BECAUSE OF THIS ignores so much of the problems to be had

But let’s start with

The Doctor

This should have been her outfit just saying

I find the best way of describing most of this doctors run so far is...

Imagine, if you will, that you need to write a Doctor Who book. They’ve given you a plot to go with, but they haven’t told you which Doctor it’s for. But tight schedules and they still haven’t told you, so you write up a draft. A template. But you leave the Doctor’s text ambiguous. A template for a Doctor. With some work, you could make it the 12th, the 5th, the 1st, once you add mannerisms and how the doctor would react personally in a situation. So you write in this template Doctor and go to sleep. But you wake up and your assistant has only gone and submitted it.

The Doctor is kinder than any other iteration of her Doctor, but that’s it. I get why the natural progression from Capaldi, and Jodie sells a nice Doctor superbly, but ... 

There’s nothing really there to distinguish her as her own Doctor. She’s nice, a bit confused, LOVES things and calls people fam.

But like, that’s it. Where the 9th had coldness, 10 had eccentric, 11 had old man and 12 was furious, Jodie has... nice. But a Doctor needs an edge. 

She’s quiet about her home life and she doesn’t really talk much to her companions about it, but like, that’s understandable, she doesn’t really talk one on one to them or even much about their home lives.

She doesn’t get an arc until Spyfall, and even then it’s largely just turned into “She’s well moody”, and apparently well moody is just being kinda quiet. Jodie says it right when she shouts at them in one scene “You don’t know me!”

And she’s right, but then the companions trust her with everything and they’re part of a FAM and super close but they don’t really talk with each other. Jodie doesn’t have these quiet talks like the other Doctors would have with the companions, it’s just... not there.

And because it’s not there we’re supposed to believe they think of themselves as a tightly knit group but also very apart as characters. And the companions, to their credit, try and confront her on it, but the conflict is over so quick as to not be there at all.

Yaz and Ryan

This is the best scene of them in, and one of the rare times Yaz makes an impact on a story which isn’t just supporting the Doctor

What they did to these two actors is cruel.

Ryan at least gets to join in on Grahams arc, because it is Grahams arc, not Ryans, really. There’s a plot about his Dad that’s done quite well, so that’s why Ryan doesn’t suffer the same poor fate as Yaz does.

Yaz has absolutely no agency. She wants to be a successful Policewoman but it’s not really much addressed outside of the first episode and the dream episode (which admittedly, is a good episode and explores each character). She gets told by everyone she’s the heart of the team and super brave and like, she hasn’t got an arc, she pretty much blindly follows the Doctor, she has no reason to be there much other than her family’s a bit annoying.

Her actress plays the scenes well, and there’s some touching moments with her in Rosa and the dream episode about how she is the way she is, why she does the things she does. But 2 episodes out of 20 isn’t enough.

Ryan gets a couple of good episodes, a touching one especially comes with horrors of the future and not being there for his friends plaguing his mind, and he manages to get help for his depressed friend, which is touching.

But the two episodes? That’s kind of it.

Ryan gets a nice Dalek episode though.

Orphan 55

The worst episode in Doctor Who. Took any good faith from Spyfall and plonked S12 in bottom tier before we even got to the retcon.

If I talked about everything it did wrong here this would go on too long.

It was just the worst 45 minutes of DW

At least Sleep No More was just boring.

Character Arcs, What Are They

Graham’s arms give out in season 1 for carrying the team.

The Doctor against Tim Shaw is laughable, there’s no conflict past killing a couple of people, so Graham has to have that moral dilemma instead, Ryan manages to respect him and call him gramps, but that’s more Grahams arc than Ryans. Yaz has nothing, the Doctor learns nothing.

But series 2, the Doctor’s given an arc, which is something, considering that before this it was a throwaway line about Timeless Child from a piece of cloth.

Gallifrey is gone again, the insurance rates at this point are through the roof on this planet, she’s been told the Master did it for learning a terrible truth. But she of course doesn’t explore the ruins until she has to, but ah well, we can live with that, that’s fine in Doctor Who. I’m not even being sarcastic, the Doctor through all iterations isn’t very clever.

It gives her a bit of a mood that’s not really explored too much past that, but then we’re given Jo Martin as The Other Doctor

My opinions on throwing in Doctors from the past aside, (I love you John Hurt but damnit), Jo plays a competent Doctor, and her attitude clashes so well with Jodie that both actresses get to act well in good written scenes.

But then she’s just very confused until Gallifrey rolls around again.

We’ll ignore the retcon, again, but once she learns she gets super fucking pissed. And for good reason. Against the Master, against the Time Lords, against everyone, she’s shouting at everything, lost in her life.

But it’s sorted out very quickly by Jo intervention and then she’s much the same as ever.

Well, I say that, what I mean is “Willing to burn and kill all life on Gallifrey” with a button press. Yeah I know that the Time Lords are dead and the Master is about to kill everyone but you wouldn’t let a Spider be shot through mercy killing and you expect me to jump to “Would absolutely murder the Master and desecrate the bodies of the Time Lords”

It doesn’t matter anyway, for she has not the will to do so.

But she lets someone else do it

For fucks sa-

And at the end, what has she learned? That the thing she only knew half an hour ago shouldn’t affect her, so back to status quo

Wasted potential - Monsters

Imagine a super cool idea for a monster? Cool, add it into an episode.

And now get rid of it super quickly or butcher the premise.

REGENERATING CYBERMEN? Let’s have one shoot the other to show how bad it would be and then kill them immediately.

The Pting, capabale of disrupting a ships infrastructure an- Nah, just dick around with the lights.

A TIME TRAVELLING RACIST WHO KNOWS HOW TO FUCK UP THE TIMELINE

Let’s not even reference him 15 episodes later

Cyberman hybrid? 

You get the idea.

The Master, or rather, the Missy Issue

The Master is putting on his best Simms Master homage, and like, I get it. It’s a good Master, and Sacha really puts his all into it.

I can only hope that this Master is before Yana. Missy’s exit was poetic, done well. Of course, just when she could feel ok joining the Doctor, the obstacle in her way was herself. 

It’s not even the fact she died and why is he back now, it’s ... this Master has almost no nuance to him. He wants the Doctor to know the truth, which is at least some Master motives, but then its just wanton destruction for the sake of it. Like Simms but “what if we made him more crazy” The Master is more than this, can be more than this. It was nice seeing Jodie try and relate to him but this Master has thrown out three years of compelling evolution of the character. To throw it all out seems ... odd.

I can’t fault his performance though, he can be real damn quiet and sinister and really out there when he’s screaming at things.

The episodes themselves

Good cast, good side characters, good ideas, butchered in execution by not exploring the main cast, falling flat on the ideas and by the second season, losing the fun side characters.

Episodes I liked

Woman Who Fell To Earth

Rosa

Demons of the Punjab

WitchFinders

Takes You Away

Fugitive of the Judoon

Can you Hear me

Episodes I hated

Orphan 55

Arachnids

The Timeless Children

The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos (for cutting everything short)

Everything else was mostly unmemorable I fell asleep on Ascension of the Cybermen, had to rewind it.

The Retcon

You knew this was coming.

I put it last for I feel there’s a hundred and one issues here and it’d be cruel to just go for the obvious first. Maybe people would think I’d be against this one thing and that’s why I hate the rest. God no, I was so annoyed going into this episode, let alone for what it was about to deliver.

I don’t outright hate past Doctors. Hell, shove the brains of Morbius in there. It shits a bit on Hartnell and established lore a bit, but still.

“But the Brains of Morbius said-“

The eighth doctor said he was half-human, there are some bits of this canon we ignore.

But oh well, it’s not the main crux of the issue.

The Doctor, before this, was a Time Lord. He wasn’t much of a good one, by Time Lord standards at least. Ran from the schism, wasn’t as good as the Master in school, didn’t like the stuffy nature of his race, or their non-intervention policy. Ran off in a stolen ship with a knackered console and wanted to see the universe.

He flouted the rules. He stood up for people where Time Lords wouldn’t. Observe, don’t intervene. But the Doctor couldn’t, too curious, too inquisitive. He got a fondness for humans, god knows why. 

But this Time Lord was against his own people, he was kinder than them, but alien to us. He wanted to learn, and left his planet to see if there was good in the universe. He was a rather shit Time Lord but helped where he could, making a difference in other people’s lives, trying to be the best he could be, learning.

This got him into trouble with the Time Lords of course, but, hey, it’s a funny old universe.

And we like that, as British folk. An underdog common person just trying to help out and be good.

What we’re not a fan of is saying the the Doctor isn’t just some Time Lord that likes helping out, but a chosen one who is the reason that Time Lords exist in the first place and is of another dimensional world and there were 50 of them and they knew kung fu in the super secret Time Lord service but they wiped her mind because it was super secret guys and she can live forever and is immortal and-

I was annoyed when the 50th made a slight mockery of the Time War. I get we don’t always have to stick so closely to canon, but holy shit the Timeless Child.

The fact it was exposition dumped on us and then wrapped up 10 minutes after with NEW ADVENTURES AT CHRISTMAS was just the icing on the cake.

If you wanted to pull this off, this should have been the Doctor’s struggle for the next season, coming to terms that her life is missing, that the Time Lords did this, that she didn’t even know what was right or not

But no, resolved. Felt not like adding to the lore but upending it on its head to say he could.

It’s why I don’t blame Jodie, who does an excellent job. Or the cast.

I blame Chibnall.

And it wouldn’t be as bad if the writing leading up to it helped serve the episode. But there was nothing there. 

Conclusion

The writing is trash, the Doctor is underdeveloped, the cast outside of Graham aren’t explored, the setup for the finales are weak and uninspired, the retcons are going to cause major issues down the line and you’ve changed the very nature of the Doctor’s character and didn’t even have good writing behind it nor did much to explore it.

And I’m sorry it had to happen to such a good casting decision.

Here’s hoping you sign on to Big Finish and they give you some good storylines Jodie, you deserve it.

#Doctor Who #Thirteenth Doctor #chibnall #Jodie Whittaker #Graham #Ryan #Yaz #Peter Capaldi #Review #The Doctor

[black-clover-incorrect-quotes]

Attack on Titans, Seven Deadly Sins (fandom) - RillCharmy, GaucheGrey (ship) - Patri, Nero (characters)

Answer to this ask game. 

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Attack on Titan

Favorite character: Annie. 

Least Favorite character: Levi >:/

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): SashaxConnie, AnnieXBertholdt. I don’t think I can get to 5 ships sorry! I was never into AoT for the ships.

Character I find most attractive: Jean maybe? The artstyle doesn’t do any character any favours LOL 

Character I would marry: Armin !! He’s so cute

Character I would be best friends with: Sasha. She seems very fun to be around. 

a random thought: It was my very first anime (if you don’t count Naruto, that I wacthed since I was a toddler lol). so I’m very attached to AoT, but I gave up reading the manga roughly an year ago because I didn’t like the story anymore. I’m looking forward to the manga to be completed so I can binge read it. 

An unpopular opinion:I have some opinions on Ereri, but there’s a question for that so I think the new arc is BS. It was supposed to be humans vs titans, not humans vs other humans. 

My Canon OTP: None sadly. 

My Non-canon OTP: AnniexBertholdt. 

Most Badass Character: MIkasa? 

Most Epic Villain: Gotta say Zeke, even though I don’t know him well as a character

Pairing I am not a fan of: Ereri.There got to be a 20 year age gap....I don’t know what everyone is on, probably crack. Why is it even the most popular ship?

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Annie!!! When i stopped reading, she was still in a coma. I heard she came back lately but come on, it’s been so long. 

Favourite Friendship: The Scouting Legion veterans. 

Character I most identify with: Armin. Minus the brains. 

Character I wish I could be: I wouldn’t wish to be fighting Titans at all. Thanks but no. Some dude in the inner walls. 

Seven Deadly Sins

Favorite character: Escanor or Arthurt, can’t pick. 

Least Favorite character: Meliodas. 

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): DianexKIng, MargaretxGilthunder, DerierixMoonspeet for some reason. Lowkey ship Escanor and Merlin but only because I wanted him to be happy lol

Character I find most attractive: Ban? I dunno. I don’t think there’s anyone particulary attractive in SDS

Character I would marry: King. 

Character I would be best friends with: I don’t know if we’d get along, but I’d want to befriend Arthur given the chance. 

a random thought: After the Demon King was defeated, the manga should have ended. I don’t get why they did that mini-arc on Merlin resurrecting Arthur butchering Merlin’s character like that lol

An unpopular opinion: I feel like the series has a lot of pedo undertones, but you can’t really call them out because “Elaine is an adult, she just looks like a kid” “Meliodas knowing Elizabeth since she was a baby is cute because soulmates” “Meliodas in hundreds of years old, he just looks young” and so on. They just try to justify drawing children in romantic situations. 

My Canon OTP: DianexKing

My Non-canon OTP: None really. 

Most Badass Character: Ban. I mean, he couldn’t die.

Most Epic Villain: I like Herickson the best out of all the villains. 

Pairing I am not a fan of: Banx Elaine. Also what they tried to pull with Gowther and Elizabeth’s aunt (I think?). 

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Escanor. He really didn’t have to be the only one to die. 

Favourite Friendship: Not really a friendship but a platonic relationship, Merlin and Arthur. Too bad she apparenlty grew him as a host for chaos, but I don’t recognize that as canon so LOL

Character I most identify with: KIng. Leave me alone to sleep all day and I’m happy. Slooooooth.

Character I wish I could be: They are all very happy in the end. Meliodas or Elizabeth, since they have everything figured out and had their happy ever after. 

Send me a ship and I will tell you:

RillCharmy

When I started shipping them: I never considered it untill RIll shipped himself with Charmy, so it was pretty recently. 

My thoughts: I honestly don’t think they have a future. RIll is clealy in love with an idea more than Charmy herself, and she has eyes only for Yuno. I won’t cry if they don’t become canon, but shipping is free isn’t it?

What makes me happy about them: Moslty, all the possibilities. Tabata could write a lot of things with them. 

What makes me sad about them: As I said, that I don’t think they’ll ever become canon. 

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: I don’t read fanfics so i don’t know

Things I look for in fanfic: :( 

My wishlist: Please Tabata just develop their relationship some more. I don’t care how.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Not really a big fan of CharmyxYuno, but that would be my first choice. As for Rill, I’m not sure. A nice artistic girl, maybe.

My happily ever after for them: As sad as it would be to see Charmy leave the BB, she could join his squad. 

GaucheGray

When I started shipping them: I didn’t care for this ship much until some of the lastest chapters, so it’s a fairly new ship for me. 

My thoughts: Unlike RIllCharmy I think Tabata wants to make them endgame (if he’s going to have canon ships in the end). At the beggining I thought it was lazy, because they were held together by nothing but getting caught up in the same shit everytime, but I like that he’s actually building some backstory and interactions for them.

What makes me happy about them: I think they both could be very beneficial to the other. 

What makes me sad about them: Nothing really? That’s a pretty fluff and light hearted ship. 

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: N/A

Things I look for in fanfic: N/A

My wishlist: I’m waiting and seeing where Tabata is going with them. For now, to see them again in the manga would be nice. 

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: I don’t ship them with anyone else. I guess I wouldn’t mind any ship for them to be endgame. 

My happily ever after for them: I can’t picture anything but them staying in the BB. They wouldn’t be the most affectionate couple with Gray being so shy and Gauche being Gauche, but they’d probably go on jobs together and whatnot.

Give me a character & I will tell you:

Patry

How I feel about this character: I don’t like him. I’m sorry, I feel bad for his hardships and all but he was a moron and his actions can’t be excused so easily. 

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: No one. He didn’t have many chance to have romantic interactions I suppose? I usually don’t ship villains, and he didn’t appear much outside his role as antagonist. I’ll just wait and see for possible ships in the future.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Licht. . 

My unpopular opinion about this character: As I said, I don’t think everyone -both in universe and in the fandom - should be so quick at excusing and forgiving him. The fact that he isn’t in a jail is nuts.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I’d say that I wanted him to be held accountable for what he’s done, but that’d be rendundant at this point so I wish he could joins the Golden Dawn, because he was basically the one pickying each and every memeber, he’s the captain as much as WIlliam. 

Favorite friendship for this character: WIlliam. 

My crossover ship:.......I don’t know sorry

Nero

How I feel about this character: Oh boy. Firstly, I didn’t think much of her, she was just the  animal mascot. Then, I kinda hated her. It was not a good plot twist, and the fact that she was there fighting the last boss rather than Noelle or characters that were in BC since the beginning irked me. With time, she grew on me. Now I like her quite a bit.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Only the First Wizard King. I moslty liker her because of this ship eheh

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Asta

My unpopular opinion about this character:As I said, I think Nero turning into a woman was kind of a sloppy and lazy plot twist. It was not foreshadowed or anything. I like Secre now, but I don’t understand why Tabata went that direction with her, and why he didn’t give us some hints. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish she got more time with Lumiere. 

Favorite friendship for this character: Gotta say Asta again...man, this girl should interact with more people.

My crossover ship: I duuuuno.

#thanks for the ask #ask #ask game #long post

[crowsent]

Reaper At The Gates

Full disclosure, this book has 458 pages and I kinda cried on page 448 so this may or may not make sense because I am FUCKED UP right now. Page 448 has no goddamn diddly fucking RIGHT to be that emotional and Page 449 is fucking CRUEL. The page header. The fucking PAGE HEADER telling me which goddamn POV the chapter is in made my heart SAD and that shit should be illegal. Chapter LVIII had no fucking RIGHT and I’m suing for emotional trauma.

I am crying in the goddamn club right now. I am inundating this club with my tears and bringing about the second great flood because THIS FUCKING BOOK.

If you’ve been with me for ANY amount of time, you already know about this book because I started this book in the goddamn SUMMER of 2K19 and I only just finished today, on the day of our lord, February 10th 20 FUCKING 20. Took me a goddamn year to read this book and honestly?

Honestly I should have fucking finished this book earlier because HOLY SHIT.

The book is a rollercoaster that I got shoved on without a seatbelt or something to hold onto, then subsequently yeeted into a sea of emotions that hit me on the head like a fucking WARHAMMER. The author, Sabaa Tahir, is a goddamn sorceress. Her words are twists and turns and it is all I can do to hold on.

With every fibre of my being, from the pull of my muscles to the creaking of my very bones, I wish so so desperately to have copies of the first two books so I can experience them again. So I can start the journey all over again. So that when I read this FUCKING BOOK, everything is fresh on my mind.

It’s the third book in the Ember In The Ashes series and when I say that I am shooketh. This book swung for my goddamn kneecaps and went for my jugular.

It is painful.

Let me say this right fucking now that it is PAINFUL. The imagery is beautiful and brutal. The sentences are skillfully crafted knives that are thrown at me with precision. It is a thunderstorm that has long since been spotted but has yet to strike. Anticipation builds and builds and builds until you feel like you’re going to crack under the pressure. And then the storm comes. And you break.

This book is fucking painful. Characters I’ve loved, characters I saw laughing, crying, howling with hurt, characters that I’ve grown attached to, are subjected to so many things that I can’t help but feel for them. They are clay, Tahir is the sculptor, and I am the poor fool watching them get broken down to be molded again, hoping desperately that this time, this time, they’ll be fine.

It’s fucking painful.

And beautiful.

Because this book is a goddamn thunderstorm, and it finally struck. It set fires that burned down trees and houses, but lit up a dark night. These characters grow so much and I grow with them. My mind is constantly thinking with every page I turned, trying to find some comfort when the book offered me pain, trying to find the wounds when I am offered mercy.

The plot is strong. The characters are stronger. All three of the main leads are thoughtfully crafted. You can see into their minds when they speak. You can feel every beat of their heart when they act. You can hear their goddamn fucking souls crying out with every atrocity they face and witness and commit. And the villain? I pity him. I pity him and hate him and love him. The villain is not a force of pure evil. The villain is broken. And some part of me wants him to win. The side characters are no slouch either. That small snippet of Alistar made my breath hitch and my heart harden. And Alistar is one of the lesser side characters, not as prominent as Harper or Dex, but he was there and I was not okay. And Keris. Just. Keris.

And the best part is that ALL of the characters change. They grow, for better or worse.

I don’t think it’s for everyone because of its kind of sensitive content. War. Slavery. The brutality of mankind on full display. Pain and pain and pain with nothing to show for it. Failure and sadness and betrayal. Hurt that runs so deep it colours the soul. But if you can handle that kind of content, read it.

You kind of have to read the first two books, but the third one is worth it. The first two books are good, but this one is visceral. I felt empty when I finished, and I felt different when I finished. Not in any kind of profound way, mind you. This book didn’t change my life or anything, but it did change me.

It made me think of things a little bit too deep for my usual shitposting fuckall veneer. It made me think of life and death, of duty and sacrifice, of pain and love and of people. Not everyone is black and white. Even the darkest of souls, the most monstrous of monsters, the most ruthless, heartless, cruel, vicious beasts have some good in them. They can love and they can mourn. They can fight to the death for what they believe in. And even the kindest people, the ones with bright smiles and gentle hands, the ones who are sunlight on a dark day, can be capable of wickedness.

I don’t think about the duality of man that often. By that I mean never. On a subconscious, hidden part of me, I know that mankind is never black and white. Everyone is grey. Someone who hated you so deeply can love someone so much it aches. Someone you would bring the stars down for could be a hideous sinful creature. And this book brought that to the surface. It made me LOOK.

The series was always a little dark, but I underestimated how deep this cesspool of emotions ran. The line “Skies save me from the men in my life and all the things they think they know” did not, in any way, reveal just how much of a painful, beautiful, vicious thing this book was.

The prophecies made me wrack my head for an answer. And just when I think I have it in my grasp, something else gets revealed. “When the Butcher bows to the deepest love of all.” A love for kinsmen, for the Butcher’s people, for the Butcher’s family. And the Ghost? “The Ghost will fall, her flesh will wither.” When the meaning, the TRUE meaning of that line got revealed, I lost my shit. This book yall. This fucking book.

My only major gripe about it is how much it used the word “bleeding” as a swear word. Y’all call Keris “piece of shit human being” Veturia the Bitch of Blackcliff but y’all won’t let Laia of Serra say the word fuck? Okay. But we ain’t talking about that.

Fourth book is coming and boy fucking howdy I was not prepared for how much I want it. I want it so much I can’t put it into words. What I can put into words, somewhat, is how much I feel for THAT scene. You know. THAT scene. Spoilers for the three things that destroyed me the most emotionally below

What we are talking about, is Helene Aquilla. She deserved none of the shit that happened to her. My beautiful, beautiful daughter deserved none of the pain, none of the suffering, none of the tears and the worry and the strife she was given. My daughter deserves to be HAPPY goddammit. And what? First you subject her to emotional trauma by having Marcus torture her sister over and over. You poison Livvy and subject Helene to a terror so visceral and vicious that she blames herself for putting Livvy in danger even though it wasn’t her fault? You tease the Harper thing but then you take it away from her. Just like you take everything away from her.

How fucking dareth????? Helene deserves more than that??? Like the Harper/Helene ship has set sail and docked in the empty harbour of my heart. Their interactions are so goddamn GOOD and then you take everything away just like that. They kiss near the end of the book and all of a sudden, it’s gone. It’s nothing.

That moment in Navium? Where Helene was almost killed but saved at the last and final moment? The scene where Harper urges Helene to trust him, to let him carry some of her burdens, to allow Harper to see part of her. “Needing protection is not a weakness. Refusing to trust your allies is.” That quote ripped me the fuck apart. And I think it was this moment that the Helene/Harper ship truly and irrevocably burrowed within me. I will not let this go. I will, and I do not say this lightly, go down with this fucking ship. Even if it burns and drops into the bottom of the ocean as nothing but wasted wood, I will go down with this fucking ship because BRUH.

And Laia of Serra? First you have her captured. Then you have her see her people beaten over and over again. Then, and fucking THEN you have her discover her mother’s identity and the violence her mother has committed right before her meeting with Cook? You fucking do that shit?????? HELLO?????

That reveal destroyed me. Cook has been with us since the first book. She was something familiar. Amidst all the chaos and suffering, cook was the one single constant in the book. No matter how much the scene changed, or how the plot shifted, Cook was always there. Always present. And we learn that she is Laia’s mother. And THEN she fucking dies. And Laia has to live the rest of her life knowing that her mother had been so close to her, and she never noticed. Knowing that her mother died to protect her. Like nani the fucko was up with that??????

But you know what really hurts about Cook? What really hammers the rusty nail of pain inside my long-dead heart?

It’s the stutter.

For some goddamn fucking reason, when Cook said “You’re just like your f-f-f-fath-” I FELT that. Some part of me recoiled. I wanted to put the book down. Because while I knew that she killed her daughter and husband, I never had to actually KNOW that she killed her daughter and husband. That scene was impersonal. That scene was much like how Mirra of Serra snapped the necks of the people she loved. Quick. Painless. I did not know that she killed her daughter and husband because when that scene happened, Mirra of Serra was just putting them to sleep. But then she stuttered. “L-L-L-L-Lis.” “F-fath-fath” And she can’t say it. Because their deaths haunt them.

Because she killed them.

That was the moment it sank in for me. She is not Mirra of Serra. She is Cook. Because Mirra of Serra died with Lis. Because Mirra of Serra died with her husband. Because Mirra of Serra died long ago and this was the moment I realised it. “Curse this world for what it does to the mothers, for what it does to the daughters,” Helene said. I fucking agree. Out of everyone in the cast, the world took the most from Cook. I will never get over that.

But you know the one thing that really destroyed me? The one thing that made me realise that this book IS merciless and this book WILL shoot for a killing blow?

LVIII

The penultimate chapter.

The bitch of a chapter that took what’s left of my heart, raw and bleeding from the miraculous escape and alliance in the previous chapter, and just shattered it. It squeezed my raw, vulnerable, bleeding heart until it was nothing but dust.

Look at the chapter title.

LVIII: The Soul Catcher

Not Elias. The Soul Catcher.

He’s not Elias anymore.

Elias is gone.

He’s just the Soul Catcher now.

#book review #reading ramble #ember in the ashes #crowsas reviews #ember quartet

[astarkey]

IN DEPTH FANDOM QUESTIONS: Charmed and FDTD! 💖💖💖

It’s kinda long, so I’m gonna have it under the cut lol.

Charmed

Top 5 favorite characters: Piper Halliwell, Prue Halliwell, Phoebe Halliwell, Paige Matthews, Andy Trudeau Other characters you like: Darryl Morris, Leo Wyatt, Cole Turner, Barbas Least favorite characters: Billie Jenkins, (Adult) Chris Halliwell Otps: Prue/Andy, Piper/Leo, Phoebe/Cole, Prue/Bane Notps: Prue/Jack, Phoebe/Coop Favorite friendships: The Halliwells and Darryl Favorite family: The Halliwell sisters (Paige included) Favorite episodes: “Murphy’s Luck,” “Ex Libris,” “A Witch’s Tail,” “The Day the Magic Died,” and “Oh My Goddess.” Favorite season/book/movie: Season 2 Favorite quotes: “I know it’s not very P.C. but I want romance. Long, slow kisses, late night talks, candlelight. I love love.,” “It’s the 21st century. It’s the woman’s job to save the day.,” “I don’t obsess. I think, intensely.,” “I think from now on I’m gonna stop trying to control every little moment. The best ones kinda sneak up on you, anyway.” Best musical moment: All the musical guest at the club, P3. Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: I think when I saw Bane make a re-appearence when he kidnapped Prue 😂 I don’t think I fangirl'd too hard, I was calm and surprised about it haha. When it really disappointed you: When they added Billie. I don’t know, I didn’t really like much of season 8 ‘cause I felt like they were making the focus on her and didn’t know what to do with the rest of the main characters. I hardly watched that season anyway, it just felt dragged out and confusing. Saddest moment: When Phoebe vanquished Cole Most well done character death: I don’t know, I guess Andy’s. Favorite guest star: John Cho Favorite cast member: Holly Marie Combs Character you wish was still alive: Prue Halliwell AND Andy Trudeau. One thing you hope really happens: I don’t know. It would’ve been nice to see the next generation of Halliwells kicking demon ass lol. Most shocking twist: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ When did you start watching/reading?: Probably around the time that s4 aired. I always saw glimpses of episodes on TNT when my mom used to do my hair before taking me to school, and I just decided to sit and watch it with her when they were showing new episodes on WB (CW). Best animal/creature: I think the Grimlocks. They kinda scared me when I was a kid lol. Favorite location: The Halliwell house Trope you wish they would stop using: I don’t know... I don’t know if it’s necessarily a trope, but I kinda noticed how they would make the big sisters seem a little bossy. Like Prue was the big sister and she was bossy, and then when she died and Piper ended up being the big sister, she became bossy later on, too. It’s like they have to have one of the sisters being the boss in the trio and it’s like why??? lol.  One thing this show/book/film does better than others: It’s three sisters that are witches and kicking demon ass. How cool is that lol  Funniest moments: Piper on the ground kicking and screaming in that episode “Is There a Woogy in the House,” and Piper calling some dude skid mark lol. Couple you would like to see: I don’t know. Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: I’m not sure. Favorite outfit: Phoebe’s outfit here [Link] It’s always been my favorite. Favorite item: The Book of Shadows Do you own anything related to this show/book/film?: No What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?: I don’t know. Most boring plotline: I don’t know, I kinda stopped investing in the show when they did the whole Wyatt going to magic school like going to Hogwarts, and the warlock running the school wanted to steal Wyatt and make him evil so he could be evil!Wyatt in the future. It was like around that season and when Oded Fehr played that demon (I forgot his name, but I know it starts with a “Z”) and when Billie showed up, it just got boring later on. Most laughably bad moment: Piper’s Halloween costume as Gilda the witch from The Wizard of Oz. Best flashback/flashfoward if any: Idk, I can’t remember. There were so many 😂 Most layered character: Piper Halliwell Most one dimensional character: Uh... I don’t know. I wanna say (Adult) Chris Halliwell lmao. Scariest moment: I think a reporter was in the sewers trying to report on the Charmed Ones, but then a Grimlock popped up in front of the camera and attacked the reporter. Grossest moment: I don’t remember. Best looking male: Bane Jessup (let’s be honest here, people, lol) Best looking female: All of the sisters are good looking, lol. But I’ll say Phoebe Halliwell. Who you’re crushing on (if any): Nobody lol. Favorite cast moment: I don’t know. Favorite transportation: Orbing Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): The dream sequences in the “Dream Sorcerer” episode. Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: I know the reason (the Shannen and Alyssa beef while filming), but it’s weird that Prue’s spirit never shows up whenever the family’s spirits are called upon, like Grams’ and Penny’s spirit. Even in the last episode of the show, Prue never showed up, and even the characters questioned that! 😂 Best promo: I have no idea. At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: I don’t know, it kinda grew on me lol. I liked the idea of witches fighting evil, and the show gave off this warm nostalgic feeling (kinda like Practical Magic), and I think that’s what drew me to the show, as well.

From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series

Top 5 favorite characters: Seth Gecko, Kate Fuller, Richie Gecko, Kisa, and Eddie Cruickshank.  Other characters you like: Freddie Gonzalez, Scott Fuller, Ximena Vasconcelos, Jacob Fuller, Burt, Kalinda, Dakota Block, Rafa Infante, Vanessa Styles, Celestino Oculto 😎, and Kalinda Least favorite characters: Aiden Tanner, Carlos Madrigal, Sonja Lam Otps: Seth/Kate, Richie/Kate Notps: Scott/Kate, Seth/Richie, Kate/Carlos, and shipping anybody with Aiden lol. Favorite friendships: Seth and Kisa, Seth and Kalinda (even though it was extremely short, their interaction was just so nice to see), Kate and Rafa, and Richie and Kisa (I wanna say they’re otp, but I also like the mutual relationship they have) Favorite family: The Fuller family including the Gecko brothers... and Uncle Eddie 😂 Favorite episodes: “Let’s Get Ramblin’,”Santa Sangre,” “Shady Glen,” and “Dark Side of the Sun.” Favorite season/book/movie: Season 2 Favorite quotes: “And every spidey since I got is tingling in every nook and cranny from eyeballs to balls-balls.,” “’Got your balls on?’ ‘Screwed on tight.,’” “’Are you here for redemption? In whose eyes? Your God’s?’ No. In the eyes of the people I love.,’“ “My family might survive if we stick together because we’re better together. When we’re alone, we’re lost.,” “Now like it or not, we are a family. A broken, messed up, sad excuse for a family. But goddamn it, we got love for each other, don’t we? Love and forgiveness. That’s how you get through the day, right?,” “Next one that pipes up gets a stake through the heart. Reptile, regular jackass, I don’t really give a shit. Got it? Fantastic.,” “You, be cool.” Best musical moment: Uh... Every musical moment was pretty mediocre, so I guess Fanglorious on stage was pretty great (those are the only 2 musical moments I know). Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: Los Tres Geckos robbing a bank at the end of s3 lol. When it really disappointed you: How the creators just decided to change Sex Machine’s character from the movie into this total perv/predator in the show, like wtf. Movie version Sex Machine was my fav. AND THEY KEPT BRINGING HIM BACK EACH SEASON WHEN NO ONE WANTED HIM BACK, LIKE MAJORITY OF US COLLECTIVELY WANTED HIM TO STAY DEAD! Saddest moment: In the “Straightjacket” episode when Seth was tied up and trying to talk to Richie to get his normal self to come back while his shadow-self took over. They really got me with that one. Most well done character death: Carlos getting butchered by the main characters, leaving Scott to finish him off by decapitating his head. That was some pretty poetic shit right there lol. Favorite guest star: Tom Savini Favorite cast member: D.J. Cotrona Character you wish was still alive: Pretty much majority of the ones that have died 😂 I’ll just say everyone except Malvado, Carlos, and Aiden Tanner. One thing you hope really happens: Dude, I just wanna see Seth and Kate kiss, that’s all man 😆 Most shocking twist: I mean I wasn’t expecting Kate to show up with the brothers robbing a bank, so that was a shock lol. When did you start watching/reading?: Pfff, pretty much five years ago, now, in March! Lol.  Best animal/creature: Culebras Favorite location: I’d say the run-down motel in the beginning of s2 😂 Also Uncle Eddie’s shop. Trope you wish they would stop using: Idk... Idk if it’s a trope, but it kinda sucks seeing innocent girls getting treated like shit and killed, and then they come back from the dead and like some part of them is stripped away like they’re not as they used to be, and they’re out for blood. I don’t know... One thing this show/book/film does better than others: As cheesy as this show is, it has Robert Rodriguez all over it, which kept me hooked. It also incorporates Mesoamerican mythology and folklore, which I’m a huge sucker for, AND VAMPIRES!!!!! Funniest moments: Richie sliding out when Seth told him to shut up at the liquor store, Carlos pretending to hand something to Malvado when he’s handing him nothing and saying he’s all out of fucks to give, Seth shooting a gun in the garage with a straight face, and Seth protecting his crotch before he attempts to shoot a gas tank. Couple you would like to see: Idk, I guess Seth/Kate??? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: Salma Hayek (I still wanna know why she wasn’t on the show. She would’ve been amazing as one of the nine lords) Favorite outfit: [Here], [here], and [HERE] Favorite item: Kate’s cross? Idk. Do you own anything related to this show/book/film?: Yep! A shirt of a fanart of the Gecko bros., a sethkate cup, and a fanart sethkate iTouch case. What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?: I don’t know. Probably a culebra lol. Most boring plotline: None of them were really boring.  Most laughably bad moment: Richie just staring off into space as he’s drawing circles in his book like right after Seth said that Richie wasn’t crazy lol. Best flashback/flashfoward if any: Kisa’s flashbacks. Most layered character: Idk, there’s a lot of characters that are equally layered. Most one dimensional character: I don’t think there’s any 😂 Scariest moment: The Head Games monster taking the skull out of his victims was pretty crazy. Grossest moment: When that dude peed on Freddie while he was tied up. I’d say that was disgusting. Best looking male: That’s a tie between Seth and Richie. Best looking female: Kisa Who you’re crushing on (if any): SETH GECKO Favorite cast moment: When they all went on a group chat, and reminisced on the show and shared pics when they were on set filming. Favorite transportation: The rv, even though that rv needs to be cleansed thoroughly. Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): Kate swimming and floating in the pool (before the water turns red lol) Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: Like... there’s no way anyone could come out cold turkey that friggin’ quick within a couple hours. It usually would last within three days. Best promo: Season 3, I think. At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: I think it was the scene when Kate had the conversation with Richie by the pool. I loved how the creators made the interaction less creepy compared to the movie, and I found it pleasing with all these changes they made from the movie for the show. There were a lot of things they changed that I found it appealing, AND THEY CHANGED SETH’S ANSWER AND WANTED KATE TO ACCOMPANY HIM, LIKE THAT’S WHAT I WANTED TO HAPPEN FOR 20 YEARS, AND IT HAPPENED! 😩🙌🏽 It’s like they gave me everything I wanted, but wasn’t expecting to happen lmao.

Geez, sorry this took so long lol! Thank you so much for asking me these!!!! 😁💗

#yossariandawn #questions and mentions

[bigbadwolf619]

Just watched the 1st Episode of Neo Yokio...

...It sucks, I was so bored of it instantly, who was intended for? Jaden Smith himself, I am not gonna bother watching the other episodes, the voice-acting is terrible, everyone sounds bored, the animation looks crap and there's nothing memorable about it, the character Kaz Kaan is freakin unbearable, he's so annoying, bitchy (kinda like Jaden himself) keeps whining and why does he talk like it's poetry? Why are the characters here so bland? Why is Jude Law in this? There are better roles for him Some of you may say it's good, in my opinion it's boring When I watched Castlevania I was like "Aww Adorable beginning" then "Whoa! What are you doing?! What are you doing?! That's his wife!" Loved it, can't wait for season 2 Miss Kobayashi "Haha, this is funny and adorable" Hajimete No Gal, while I hate Harem Anime, that had a charm to it and it was funny Seven Deadly Sins, loved it, season 2 too short though but loved all the characters and the badass action Seven Mortal Sins, Ass and Tittys-Ass and Tittys, who cares about the plot when you have a bunch of sexy demons and angels fighting? Queens Blade...need I say more? Gurren Lagann, mechas and tittys while fighting gods! What else do I have to say?! Kill la Kill, Don't lose your way! Little Witch Acadamia, nothing sexual but adorable and heart-warming Dragon Ball series, it's Dragon Ball! Elfen Lied, odd story and weird sexual moments but had me tears with the sadness and...give me a moment... Medaka Box, loved it, where the hell is season 3?! Code Geass, has a prick protaganist you would side with Hellsing...Eh, it's ok Hellsing Ultimate, Fuck yeah! Blast them Vampires and Nazis! Real vampires don't sparkle! Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood (never watched the original) Loved it, great story, great characters, sad moments, funny moments, heart-warming finish Cross Ange, a bit odd, but a good show, quite sexy too, uncensored please? Ajin, don't underestimate that immortal oldman, he's sinister, how can you make a gentle oldman, into a evil genius badass? Great! One Punch Man...One Puuuuuuunch! High School Of The Dead, anime Shaun of the Dead with tits High School DXD, Rias Gremory please step on me, hehe Blue Exocist, fun show, Shura you can also step on me Netzoru Trap (I may butchered the title there) Kiss her! Fucking kiss her already! You're killing me! Cowboy Bebop, so charming, can I have Ein, I wanna dog like that too Sword Art Online, 1st season ok, 2nd was garbage, 3rd Sinon is bae, fuck you Kirito nobody likes you RWBY, I can't explain it, I just love it! Ruroni Kenshin (I think) Charming Samurai Champaloo (maybe) Freakin badass and funny Black Lagoon, go watch it! Do it! Or I'll call Revy on you! Plenty of great Anime I've watched (if RWBY counts) This show, Neo Yokio...is that a demon joke? What is it? What is it suppose to be?! It's unbearable, kinda cringey too, not even anything sexy to redeem it, maybe the Helena character but even she sounds annoying, it's boring, Jaden you'll never be as great as your Father Will Smith, Will Fucking Smith who I would want as a best friend, he's son is annoying, not sure about his daughter though, either way Neo Yokio sucks, just wanted to let it out, sorry...

[analogscum]

CHRISTMAS EVIL (1980, d. Lewis Jackson)

MERRY SCUMSMAS! Welcome to the very first installment of our 4-part Christmas series, in which we’ll be covering some truly twisted holiday flicks! Now, if you’re anything like me, you may find the Christmas season to be a difficult time of year. Sure, there are decorations and hot cocoa and all of your favorite animated TV specials return for their yearly viewings, but something about Christmas just feels…sad. Hollow. Disappointing. The opposite of Halloween, if I really had to put a finger on it. Maybe all the cheer only reinforces what a crappy year you’ve had. Or you find splurging on gifts to be a financial strain. But what I really think it all boils down to is a human problem. It’s hard to wish for peace on Earth and goodwill towards your fellow man when your fellow man seems dead set on making sure that Earth is anything but peaceful. Hell, it seems like most people don’t even care enough to put in the effort to simply just be nice. They’d rather just settle for naughty. Well, wouldn’t you know it, that very problem is addressed, albeit by a maniac in a dirty red costume, in our very first film, 1980’s Christmas Evil!

We open on Christmas Eve, 1947. Two little boys, Harry and Phil, and their mother sit on the staircase and watch as Santa Claus shoots down the chimney. Now, this is the first instance in which I was genuinely surprised and confused. Does this film exist in a universe where Santa Claus is real? I saw that motherfucker shoot down the chimney, don’t try to gaslight me on this one! Or, is this supposed to be viewed as just a childhood memory, laced with some magic realism? Don’t worry, we never quite get a straight answer. Anyway, Santa leaves a bunch of presents, hears one of the boys giggling, gives them a wink, and shoots back up the chimney (again, do NOT try and gaslight me here!) Then all of a sudden the boys and mom disappear, like that one shot in Blue Velvet after Frank Booth yells “I’ll fuck anything that moves!” Now Phil, the younger of the brothers, does not believe that that was the real Santa that they just saw. Harry, however, still believes that the big man exists, so he heads back downstairs for some unspecified reason, and what doe he see? It seems that Santa Claus has snuck back into the house, and Mommy is, um, doing a little bit more than kissing him underneath the mistletoe. In fact, Mommy is writhing in pleasure while Santa Claus says hi to the little man in the boat. Yikes! Harry, totally traumatized, runs upstairs to the attic, where he smashes a snow globe and slices his hand open with one of the shards of glass, spilling blood everywhere. And thus, the horror movie trope of Santa Claus as a lecherous old creep was born!

Now it is present day. Harry, despite the fact that he saw Chris Cringle feasting on his mom’s lady sandwich all those years ago, seems to be totally well-adjusted and normal. Well, there is the fact that he listens to Christmas music all year round. Oh, and his apartment is furnished with Christmas decorations even when it’s not Christmas. Right, and when he shaves in the morning he gives himself a shaving cream beard and goes Ho Ho Ho! into the bathroom mirror. Yup, totally well-adjusted and normal. Another hobby Harry has that is very healthy and not deeply disturbing at all is spying on the neighborhood kids from the roof of his apartment building via binoculars. Don’t worry, he’s only doing it so that he can record which of them have been naughty and which of them have been nice! And c’mon, it’s not like he’s whispering incredibly creepy things to himself while he watches them, like oh what a sweetheart and oh my dear little angel and…wait, no, never mind, he’s definitely whispering those things to himself. One boy takes out the trash, so he’s good. A girl is brushing her doll’s hair, which strikes me more as neutral but Harry seems very taken with it. However, this one little bastard named Moss Garcia is looking at the centerfold of a Penthouse magazine! Ooooh, does that ever burn Harry’s grits! How he hates Moss Garcia! In his book of naughty children, he notes that Moss “throws rocks at dogs, uses profane language, picks his nose, impure thoughts, negative body hygiene.” Ummm, hey, at least the guy is observant?

Would it surprise you to learn that Harry works at a toy factory? I didn’t think it would. Over at the Jolly Dreams toy factory, Harry is bummed out. On one hand, he’s been promoted to an office job, but he misses working on the factory line, because he cares about the quality of the toys. You know who doesn’t? The fat cats in corporate, that’s who! However, his former coworkers on the factory line aren’t much better, they’re portrayed as lazy and cynical. In fact, one such working stiff, a guy named Frank, basically bullies Harry into working his shift so that he can leave for vacation with his family early. Harry begrudgingly agrees, but when he’s walking home later that night, he passes by the local redneck bar, and who does he see? Why, it’s Frank! And he’s knocking back some brewskis and yukking it up with his roughneck buddies, laughing his head off about how he lied about leaving for vacation and shoved his shift off on that schmuck Harry! Harry handles this incredibly well, i.e. he runs home like an embarrassed child, then angrily hums “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” while crushing a doll in his bare hands. Could this be, I dunno, some sort of fancy pants foreshadowing? Well read on, college boy!

It’s Thanksgiving, and now we get to meet Harry’s younger brother Phil, who is played by one of my favorite character actors, Jeffrey DeMunn! This seems to be one of the first in a series of uptight assholes that DeMunn made a career out of bringing to irritated, deeply caucasian life, and for my money, few out there play an uptight asshole better than Jeffrey DeMunn. In the case of Phil, he’s always yelling at his kids to turn down the volume on the TV, and he seems to be offended by the very existence of his brother Harry. He thinks that Harry is a loser and an emotional cripple, which is kinda harsh. But at the same time, his wife makes up for this by going TOO easy on Harry, and is basically like, hey, Jeffrey DeMunn, when Harry comes over for Thanksgiving dinner, could you maybe not bring up the fact that he works in a factory and lives in a shitty poor part of town and is clearly mentally ill and possibly a pedophile? To which Jeffrey DeMunn is like, grumble grumble grumble I’m Jeffrey DeMunn! As it turns out, he needn’t have worried, because literally a minute after having this conversation, Harry phones up the house and is like, hey, it’s me Harry, I can’t make it to Thanksgiving this year, because I’ve got to take some nascent steps into full on Santa psychosis, ok byeeeee.

Harry goes about setting his plans into motion. The guy’s a bonafide craftsman; he’s sewing himself a Santa Claus suit, he’s in his basement like, smelting his own toys, he’s painting a sled on the side of his creeper-ass Econoline van, he even manages to smear some mud on his face and hands and terrorize that little shit Moss Garcia, ooooh he’s just the worst with his potty mouth and nudie mags! Anyway, now it’s time for the Jolly Dreams factory Christmas party! Everyone is getting super schwasted and dancing to a terrible disco version of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” (does this now qualify as a motif?) when Harry is introduced to a new exec named Gordon. Gordon, it turns out, spearheaded a project wherein Jolly Dreams is going to donate a bunch of their surplus toys to a local children’s hospital. Harry is like, this plan seems really nebulous and non-specific, like, how many toys should we be setting aside, how many children are at this hospital, etc. And Gordon is just like, hey, I dunno, it’s just a publicity thing, who cares about those sick kids, it’s the me decade, babe! As you can probably imagine, this does not sit well with Harry. He storms out of the party, stealing a bunch of Jolly Dreams products on his way out the door, goes home, and immediately attaches a fake beard to his chin. He laughs and winces in the mirror, mumbling to himself, “it’s me!”

Now, I’m going to jump ahead a bit, usually I reserve final judgments for, well, the end of these pieces, but I’ve gotta say, I really enjoyed this movie, and part of what makes it hold together so well is the lead performance by Brandon Maggart as Harry. Maggart usually played supporting or cameo roles throughout his career, but here he truly gets to shine, totally revealing the wide range of Harry’s psychosis, and making you ultimately sympathize with him, even when he goes totally off the deep end and starts straight up murderizing people. Speaking of which…

Hey everyone, it’s Christmas Eve! But instead of St. Nick, it’s fuckin’ Harry Claus roaming the streets in his creeper-ass Econoline van. He breaks into Phil’s house and swaps out all of the presents for the kids with his homemade presents. He goes to the children’s hospital and almost gets shot by a hundred year old security guard, but then everyone is like look he brought presents what an awesome Santa Claus! He even gets in one final swipe at that rotten shitheel Moss Garcia by leaving him a giant sack full of dirt! Haha, take that you little pervert! Things kinda go off the rails a bit when Harry finds himself in front of this ridiculously gigantic church that looks straight outta Tim Burton’s Gotham City, and these three upper crust preppy assholes decide to poke fun of him for absolutely no reason. Sho what does Harry do? He pulls out a hatchet and butchers these people to death right there on the church steps in front of at least a hundred witnesses. Do any of them try to stop him? Nope!

So Harry is on the lam, and he finds himself at a very cheery Christmas party. All of the adults are super nice to him, and the kids are happy to see him, so he just plays along for awhile, and he’s in his element. He’s dancing the polka and giving the kids presents and knocking down shots that people are handing to him, they’re lovin’ this Papa Nöel, and apparently don’t notice the giant blood stains on his robes. When he decides it’s time to leave and go pay Frank and his family a visit, Harry Claus leaves the children with the following speech:

“Be good little girls and boys. Listen to your parents and do what they say. Obey your teachers and learn a whole lot. If you do this, I’ll make sure you get wonderful presents every year...But if you’re bad little girls and boys then your name goes into the bad little girls and boys book. And I’ll make sure you get something...horrible."

Shit, if that ain’t genuinely chilling, then your chill-o-meter may be broken.

Harry is really feeling his Santa Claus oats at this point, so he hilariously tries to actually go down the chimney, and nearly breaks his back. So he just breaks in through the back, the kids see him leaving some presents, and then Harry makes his way back to the master bedroom. Frank wakes up and is like, uhhh, Harry? What are you doing here, ya schmuck? And Harry starts to smother him with his bag full of toys! Whoa! Somehow this doesn’t wake up Frank’s wife, and Harry starts to get bored, so he grabs the star from a miniature Christmas tree next to the bed and fuckin’ SLASHES FRANK’S THROAT WITH IT! The wife wakes up and starts screaming, the kids watch as Harry Claus flees the premises. Ummm, Merry Christmas?

Christmas morning arrives, and Phil has an uneasy feeling. He just knows that Harry was somehow involved with these murders and break-ins last night. His wife, of course, is like, you’re being too hard on Harry, you’re totally blinded by your disappointment in him as a brother, you need to be nicer to him, to which of course he replies, grumble grumble grumble I’m Jeffrey DeMunn! Meanwhile, the cops are on the hunt for a murderous Santa, pulling in all sorts of drunken reprobates and mall goons for lineups. Harry, apparently realizing that the jig may be up soon, goes over to Jolly Dreams and destroys the rest of their toys. When he’s driving his creeper-ass Econoline van home, it gets stuck in a snowbank, and he finds himself on a gorgeous, picturesque suburban street lined with beautiful Christmas lights, and a bunch of kids are like, Yaaaay it’s Santa! He’s like oh, hey kids, here are the last of my presents from my murder satchel! The parents of these kids, meanwhile, realize that this guy must be the murderer, so one of them, this fuckin’ guy who’s dressed like a 1920s street tough for some reason, pulls out a switchblade and is like, the show’s over, Cringle! You make one move towards those tots and I’ll box your ears, seeeeee?! And Harry is like, you dumb asshole, you’ve forgotten the meaning of Christmas, children need an adult figure to look up to, who can teach them the difference between right and wrong, and the whole goddamn world seems to be in dereliction of that duty. Our 1920s street tough, of course, understands none of this, and despite protests from both the children and the fellow parents, who just wanna let the cops handle it, this guy lunges at Harry, and a minor brawl ensues, but Harry gets away.

Now, here’s where things start to get a bit…loopy. All of a sudden, these adults have formed a LYNCH MOB, and they’re chasing Harry down the streets while brandishing TORCHES AND PITCHFORKS! Where the hell did all of these Frankenstein-esque accessories come from?! So Harry hightails it to Phil’s house, where they finally duke it out once and for all. Phil is like, I always wanted a normal, strong older brother to look up to, and you let me down, and now you’re murdering people you sicko, to which Harry is like, you broke my heart by not believing in Santa Claus and I saw some crazy shit that you wouldn’t understand, to which Phil, quite understandably, is like, all of this shit is because of something I said when I was six years old?!?! THAT’S BULLSHIT, HARRY! GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE, I’M JEFFREY DEMUNN!!! And he fuckin’ chokes Harry out until he’s unconscious. He brings Harry’s lifeless body out to the van, at which point Harry wakes up and hilariously sucker punches Phil in the face, and goes speeding off. But oh balls, he’s surrounded! He’s got the angry mob coming from this direction, his angry brother coming from that direction, so what does he do? He drives his creeper-ass Econoline van off of a bridge. So that should be the end…but hark! What is that I spy? A dirty white van, and it’s starting to fly! In the light of the moon, all the townsfolk are stunned! They’re totally speechless, even Jeffrey DeMunn! “And I heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight, Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night!” GODDAMN WHAT AN ENDING!

So yeah, I highly recommend Christmas Evil. Based on the title, I was expecting your typical high body count, gory slasher faire in the vein of the Silent Night, Deadly Night series, but instead I got something way more special: a dark character study about a vigilante loner who just so happens to be obsessed with Santa Claus. Like Travis Bickle but with a red stocking cap instead of a mohawk. And it helps that this is a genuinely well-made film too. The pacing is on point, the camerawork is full of really good tracking shots, and the soundtrack is buzzing with industrial Lynchian madness. It’s too bad that the director, Lewis Jackson, never made another film aside from this one. Still not convinced that Christmas Evil deserves to be a weirdo holiday classic? Well, here’s what no less an authority than John Goddamn Waters had to say about it, in his 1985 essay “Why I Love Christmas:”

“Forget White Christmas, It’s a Wonderful Life and all the other hackneyed trash,” Waters tells us. “Go for the classics: Silent Night, Bloody Night, Black Christmas or the best seasonal film of all time, Christmas Evil (“He’ll sleigh you”).

This true cinematic masterpiece only played theatrically for a few seconds, but it’s now available on videocassette and no holiday family get-together is complete without it…I wish I had kids. I’d make them watch it every year and if they didn’t like it, they’d be punished.”

Well that settles it, Scumbags! If this movie is good enough for the Prince of Puke, then it’s sure as heck good enough for me!

#ANALOG SCUM #Merry Scumsmas #Christmas Evil #1980 #Lewis Jackson #Brandon Taggart #Jeffrey DeMunn #horror #thriller #slasher #gore #drama #vigilante #exploitation #John Waters #low budget #cult #cultmovie #vhs #vhsishappiness #vhsisnotdead #feedyourvcr #bekindrewind #tapehead #tapeheads