#me arguing with my anxiety

[winter-seance]

The Road Within (2014)

#me arguing with my anxiety #robertsheehanedit #the road within #robert sheehan #dev patel #my gifs #mygifs:the road within #mygifs:rsheehan

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

#this is objectively bad advice #don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this #but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries #.... it IS fun #i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him. #bc i used to get SO fucking upset #i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it #and now i just LITERALLY do not engage #instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation #i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection #they like the rush they get from arguing #but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me #so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru #NORMAL CONVERSATION #he doesn't get it yet #i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?'' #'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''

[nerdy-hyperfixations]

I think I’m just finding any excuse to draw Donnie instead of being a functioning human and doing functioning human things… like eating. Also perspective is not my forte, I apologize.

@trubblegumm love your AU 💜 idk why I saw your dtiys and decided I was going to synthwave the shit outta Donnie, but that’s what I did lol.

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #trubblegumm3k #bloodbath au #rottmnt donnatello #rottmnt donnie #rise donatello #rise donnie #I’m for some reason anxious that because Donnie’s mask is more pink than purple people will argue with me about whether it’s truly Donnie- #like ‘no this is Raph clearly’ #as if there aren’t… other distinct factors #side note that sleeve bugs me please don’t mention it #ughh my anxiety is high rn bleh #does anyone even read these tags?

[naomiknight-17]

"How can you say your cat supports gay rights when cats have no concept of sexuality?"

Well, imaginary critical voice in my head, you see I am queer, and my cat loves me. And my sibling is genderqueer, and my cat loves them. And my Dad is intersex and trans, and my cat loves him. Therefore, my cat loves queer people. Ergo, my cat supports gay rights!

#both my cats love all these people. though leon is more shy around most of them because he is just like that #anyway #mod post #cats #just arguing out loud with my anxiety don't mind me. i do that #lgbt+ #also in case it comes up; my dad is a trans intersex woman who uses he/him pronouns. he is a complicated lady

[brittlebutch]

it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

#N posts stuff #one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety #now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body #but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself #like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao #bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something' #like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with #is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again #and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than #'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it #which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that #so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :) #if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively #like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away. #and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered #like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?' #dimension 20 #d20: stupendous stoats #tula #d20lb

[starfilled-galaxy]

guys. guys.. not to be like. the crazy one, but like

i dont fucking care that there was "news" about the rps at vidcon

actually kinda scared for the rps to come back??

Like, idk after I learned a LOT about issues with Mystreet, it's not very exciting anymore. Plus I have this whole story in my head now, a rewrite, my version, and I dont want a new season of Mys to remind me that my little version of this story is extremely not canon. Also that canon is worse.

Oh and I actually despise the remake of MCD. I hate it so much. Like maybe I'd be more excited if she was continuing the og MCD, but no it's going to be the remake of course because she abandoned the original.

#dont even get me started on MID #not saying that if you like these or are excited for it that you're wrong or smth btw #aphblr #im not gonna put much aphmau tags just because of my irrational fear of jess seeing this post #mystreet #hot take ig? #......just in case i'll just say if you're gonna respond especially arguing against my post pls do so kindly (and maybe with tone tags) #my anxiety may not be able to take it so??? pls be nice #i mean im kinda a small blog so i dont really expect anyone to care about this post but ya know just playing it safe #niko.txt

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

...

#trying /really really hard/ not to let the overuse of terms such as 'secular' bug me here at school #but honestly I'm starting to get annoyed with it :') #ugh dear Lord I am trying SO HARD not to be argumentative and annoying and avoid my real problems in life by being snarky and unteachable #but it is HARD SOMETIMES LOL #bc I really want to argue #I really need the energy release it provides #even when I don't really care about the subject being argued about #college complaining #I think I'm using a different tag by accident every time lol #I'm trying so hard to grow up and put away childish things but I'm feeling so worn out. the problems aren't fixed. #and venting on tumblr isn't fixing it but I don't want to ask to schedule another appointment with my councilor bc I know it costs a lot #and I don't want to burden anyone here at school with my problems. that's self-seeking isn't it? and it's not fair to expect other people t #fix my problems. #I should turn to Christ alone since He should be enough for me. right? #I don't know and I hope I'm not being rude or blasphemous but I'm tired some of the depression/anxiety symptoms are showing up again #and I don't want to go back to shaking in fear and not being able to get out of bed for days in a row

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#oh wow... #i just had an oh shit fuck moment #wow #i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying #if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time #and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted #so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself #because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to #go in myself either way was way worse to me #because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to #''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever #and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in #and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day... #all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed #although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words: #''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in'' #which is ridiculous #but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it? #forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me? #pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread? #panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head? #yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)? #isn't that literally what masking is?! #and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem'' #when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?! #you know what's the best part about all this #that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above] #my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''.... #same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit'' #ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...

[sidhewrites]

maybe you should go to therapy

I have, that’s why i don’t have anxiety or depression anymore. it’s actually some asshole living in my head named Clarence who hates my guts and wants me to feel lonely and shitty all the time. Sucks for him because I love myself and I’m amazing and nothing he ever said is true.

#ask #anonymous #is this because I posted about an anxiety spiral? dude calm down #no amount of therapy will ever stop me from having them but I can cope with them and move on with my life #also Clarence is literally what I call my negative and irrational demonstrably false #thoughts like my friends hate me or I’m abusing my cat. it’s not true and it’s easier to deal with by blaming something outside myself #rather than letting it fester and argue with my own head

[machianery]

listen. to me. the powerscaling of gw2 vs ffxiv are completely different.

uh spoilers for both of these games below

but at the end of the day gw2's final boss battle (End of Dragons) was won by getting all of your thousands of allies of the past 10 years to fight together on all fronts (with a magic power up mixed in there for you halfway thru the fight), and ffxiv's final boss battle (Endwalker) was won by you taking on the big bad functionally alone but with seven friends (with a Different magic power up mixed in there for you halfway thru That fight)

and these bosses are both, like, entropy given form so im going to say theyre functionally the same in strength.

but. ok. the gw2 fight needs multiple armies of people to win. and the ffxiv fight is won with a handful of adventurers.

not to belittle either game. in gw2 you fight for the world so the world can fight for itself. you are not the sole hero or the Most Important Person, just a fulcrum. in ffxiv you love the world and the world loves you back, granting you its hopes and thus its power. you become its symbol. its beloved. And both games are very good at portraying their ideas. i thoroughly enjoy both perspectives.

that said. it should be obvious. in a one on one fight the wol would absolutely trounce the commander. no amount of eating corpse meat made the commander as strong as 1/8th of their world's combined armies. which, using this metric, is how strong the wol is.

like. im lying in bed after a long day and i may not be making any sense but thosere my thoughts. anyway i guess this doesnt actually matter because they would kiss instead.

#gw2 #ffxiv #kyle speaks #ok to rb #youre free to disagree but im not good at internet arguing it gives me anxiety so pls be polite if you tell me so #gw2 has always had a greater sense of physical realism to me than ffxiv. which has anime physics logic #oh and i literally have my wol and commander having the same last name because they would be husbands if they existed in the same universe #they specifically would kiss

[dkettchen]

My "no bad vibes" online safe-guarding rule may have been the best decision I've ever made cause I can just block whoever I feel like now without my brain making me feel bad for it 😩🙏

#someone with a marvel/green man themed blog in the year of our lorde 2023 digging up my old posts? Gone! #someone whose tags or reply even vaguely annoyed me? Bye bye forever! #I highly recommend being kind to yourself online #don't argue just disengage #block that person whose stupid comment ruined your day #unfollow that person whose posts give you anxiety #unfollow that person who keeps posting other stuff you aren't jiving with when you just followed them for their art #(this can include me btw x'D) #block random people who post about stuff you don't wanna see or hear about #block people whose vibe is off #it's all ok and you don't need to feel bad about it #we're all just strangers on the internet and there's plenty more out there

[palesoftangel]

my heart is about to stop

#my anxiety is through the roof #had to submit 3 reports just now #Gaza is getting bombed people are dying #I've been arguing with close friends #Palestinians in the west bank are being treated like shit and the media is not talking about it #I'm scared for my life rn #AND someone from my past has reached out to me just now #I'm seriously in pain

[pleckthaniel]

It's an election year, and a rather big one, so all the "if you're thinking about not voting you are a BAD PERSON and if you have legitimate concerns about the policy plans of my preferred candidate you are an EVEN WORSE PERSON" so let me just say.

there is no universe in which I will ever vote for Joe Biden. telling people like me they're not leftists for not supporting literally will not make us change our minds, it will just make us stop taking your political opinions seriously lol

every single one of these posts i see conflates not voting in the presidential with not voting at all, which feels like borderline misinformation - if you are non-american, a minor, or just don't know, be aware that you can vote in state and local elections WITHOUT giving the thumbs up to EITHER the red or the blue genocidal maniac. vote when it actually matters, obviously. but you should NEVER vote 'just to vote'. there is nothing inherently virtuous in voting, you have to vote FOR something. this seems like civics 101 but what do i know

smarter people than me have pointed out the inherent illogic in saying that Biden is above criticism in an election year and continuing vote blue no matter who rhetoric. but.

finally. it seems to me that posting and reblogging this rhetoric on the fucking Anxiety Website, knowing that accusing others baselessly of being a Bad Person is likely to get them to shut down critical thinking and just do what you want, is perhaps a sign that you Are Not Actually the Fucking good guy, and that deep down you may be aware of how fucking morally bankrupt the Democrats are, and don't care because you'd rather indulge in your superiority complex by being Right and making others acknowledge you as Right than actually do the hard work of being empathetic and compassionate and like, actually trying to behave morally.

#voting posts spike my anxiety which is already so so bad rn lol so if anyone argues with me im killing you with a laser 👍 #scout talks #us politics

[dragoncxv360]

Due to some personal stuff I'm thinking of pulling the zombie au out of fnaf and making them just ocs. So I'm curious what other people think. Please don't just say do what you want/what makes you happy. I don't know what I want, that's why I'm asking for other people's opinions. I'm gonna schedule this for in a few days so I'll hopefully be feeling better (nvm I'm moving it to now, July 1st instead of July 3rd 'cause I'm an impatient bitch and the waiting is actually giving me more anxiety)

I'm just lost on what to do and would like to know what anybody who follows this au (if there's anybody) would like to see

Reblogs are off 'cause this is personal. Please leave any comments you would put in the tags in the replies instead

The gist is that some people have been uncomfortable with the au having pregnancy (idk who specifically as I was not told to my face) and I'm wondering if it might be better to just pull the au away from the fandom entirely, especially since Sun is canonically a guy and I think that's part of why people are so uncomfortable.

But yeah, I just feel very down about the way people have reacted to this au and am wondering if it'd be better to just sever it from fnaf completely so that hopefully people react slightly less disgusted.

Which is absolutely a valid feeling, don't get me wrong. It's just frustrating as a trans masc person that non female or non female presenting pregnant characters (and not to mention irl people) seem to get treated like it's a disgusting thing they're doing whereas female pregnancy is put on a pedistal as the most amazing thing a woman can do. Which is also wrong, everything about it is sexist and transphobic.

Honestly I thought about discontinuing it entirely, but I won't. I worked hard on the art and characters for it and the depression and anxiety don't get to decide this shit for me.

#zombie au #zombie apocolypse au #ellery speaks #poll #tumblr poll #ellery's art #ellery's writing #sundrop #moondrop #fnaf au #i'm trying to be vague as to what exactly happened since idk if i'm even allowed to talk about it #which fucking sucks 'cause it fucking hurts what happened #but if i complain i'm the bad guy 'cause *I* made people uncomfortable #so i'm just supposed to shut up and take it even if it's personally fucking over my mental health #and sending me into anxiety spirals so bad my meds can't help and i can't sleep easily and when i do i get nightmares #i'm just tired #i'm tired of feeling like i'm not allowed to be upset because i'm not the victim #and if i speak up at all i'll get treated like i'm trying to argue and say i did nothing wrong and get pushed out entirely #i'm tired of being me #of being anxious and depressed #i just wanna have normal reactions to things #not feeling like smashing plates and hurting myself when things go wrong

[likeabxrdinflight]

something has gone fundamentally wrong in your church if hang ups around sex persist longer than hang ups around blasphemy after leaving it.

after all this time I find it easier to deny the resurrection than to consider the possibility that a man named yeshua of nazareth might have had sex. read that again. it is easier for me, someone raised devoutly catholic, to deny the divinity of jesus than his virginity.

something has gone very wrong there, because one of those things is objectively a far more damning sin than the other should this religion be true. and yet.

#I didn't realize writing a kiss scene with JC and Judas was going to awaken this much anxiety in me #but it sure did #I've blasphemed all over this fic in all kinds of ways #but this was the scene that got me anxious about damnation and divine retribution #from a god that (and I cannot emphasize this enough) I don't believe in anymore #and it is easier for me to say that- I don't believe in the christian god- than it was to write that kiss #the sex shaming and purity programming (also threats of hell and punishment for deviating from that) went deep #and I'd argue based on my reactions here that it was more deeply ingrained than the cornerstones of the faith itself #at least it was for me #and that's fucked up #can I argue that this stuff is inherently abusive? that to wrap up ideals of hell and punishment with sexuality is inherently harmful? #...I'm certainly tempted to #ex catholic tag

[solreefs]

one time I had a psychiatrist who was an elon musk stan and it did more damage to my psyche than she could ever hope to fix

#solreefspeak #said psychiatrist also mocked me for my interests + anxiety + clumsiness + difficulty processing emotions + dislike of eye contact #and fought with me over my meds on a weekly basis. and tried to undermine my therapist. and was constantly condescending. #and argued with my parents. and acted like she was my therapist even after i actually got one. and made fun of me for playing with the #fidget toys that SHE offered me. and was just bad at her job.