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#melissa matthews
anewnewcrest · 4 months
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"What do you mean, you don't want to match anymore? You're twins, you have to match!"
"Mason and Mitchell aren't matching!"
"That's different!"
"Why is that different?"
"Because they're boys! You're young ladies! And you're only fourteen, you don't know how to pick modest outfits yet!"
"But..."
"NO! I am your mother, and I will pick what you are wearing until you are old enough!"
"And when will that be, when I'm THIRTY?"
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daiwild · 5 months
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Uncle Paul 🤝 Richie Lipschitz : Meowing for no reason
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rentumblsstuff · 2 months
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ssszlami · 2 months
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hatchetfield as onion articles :)
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i will never get sick of these
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taiturner · 8 months
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We did terrible things in Its name. And I thought that, when we were rescued, that we left it there, but now I realize: We brought It back with us.
YELLOWJACKETS APPRECIATION WEEK Day 4, Favorite Quote: 2x09 "Storytelling"
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teranobriss · 3 months
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Honestly, kudos to Mariah for being able to deliver her lines so smoothly while Joey was jumping around shirtless and barking in one panel and Jon was leaning over Nick's microphone and meowing at her in another
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nocakesformissedith · 4 months
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Pokey: Welcome to the first meeting of the "Fuck Paul Matthews" club! Members, please introduce yourselves. 😊
Emma, Mr. Davison, Greenpeace Girl, Melissa, Bill, and Ted, sweating: Um, I think we misunderstood what this club was about.
Pokey: No…. you were right. 😔
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second-best-sibling · 5 months
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Hatchetfield as text posts part 1
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Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5
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anewnewcrest · 4 months
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From the Matthews Family Simstagram
The most important thing about raising Watcher-loving children are their character qualities! And I'm proud to say that I'm raising such diligent little warriors for the Watcher! Mitchell recently came to us to ask for our blessing to look for a job, and now he's cleaning tables at a local fast food restaurant! So much initiative and such a desire to be a good provider for his future family!
Our girls are just as diligent as Mitchell is. Melanie and Melissa are so anxious that everything in the house needs to be just right! It must be their natural instincts as girls to want to have everything nice and pretty and clean and orderly, because Morgan, Mackenzie and Miranda are already following into their footsteps. Of course I have to remind them occasionally about their jurisdictions and about the standards we have in our house, but they're such wonderful little helpers and they aim to please so much, it's a joy to see!
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Morgan: "Did we get everything done? Let me check the list again! And the doctor's set, did you get that, Kenzie?"
Mackenzie: "Yes!"
Madison: "I'm always scared when mom comes back home. She always screams at us, even when we get the whole list done."
Morgan: "Don't say that out loud, Maddie! You know you're in for a world of pain when mom hears you."
Madison: "I'm sorry. It's just... it's so hard to keep it inside."
Mackenzie: "I know. For me, too. I hate how she goes on and on and on about how we must be blind and stupid for not seeing a spot on the sink, or how we have to step up when there's another sibling, and how she isn't raising us to be all play and no work."
Morgan: "And don't look scared, either! We need to have pleasant countenances!"
Mackenzie: "I wish Lanie and Lissa were home."
Madison: "Hush! Here's mom!"
Morgan: "Oh no, Mitchell let Miranda out, run! Distract mom at all costs and I'll get her back inside!"
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hilacopter · 3 months
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Starkid looked at The Individual Who Was Unfond of Musical Theatre and said yes but what if he had clones on the moon and got stockholm syndrome'd into being a cat. They really said put that guy in a situation.
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samscorch · 3 months
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The discord server hated this one so I gotta inflict it on yall too
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theziggystardustt · 3 months
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Headcanons below!
Linda has a wardrobe of clothes she’s never even touched. It’s just there.
Ted desperately tries to message Jenny but she changed her number years ago.
Emma dyes Richie‘s hair blue every other month. Paul tries not to watch- the sight of dye mixture in hair makes him feel extremely uncomfortable.
Before Paul, Emma would go to the clubs with Zoey on most Friday nights- they hate eachothers guts but are kinda okayish friends.
Max dreams about fist fighting god.
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nataliesscatorccio · 5 months
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I like that for the most part, the girls don't really morally quibble with themselves over the cannibalism. van is glad she's alive. mari is making deadpan jokes at breakfast. natalie gives her thanks the same way she would to any creature she hunted. lottie didn't ask for it, but she doesn't turn it away. misty, crystal, gen and melissa aren't shy about being ready for seconds. shauna's complicated feelings predate the cannibalism, which is a footnote in the story of her and jackie. in much the same way, I'd argue tai is more disgusted with her lack of memory and control than she really is with the fact she ate someone's face. and I just think, yeah, it wouldn't be that hard to eat your dead teammate if you were hungry. the act itself isn't more horrible than the grief that comes before and after it. I think about what it means to be a star athlete. what that means for your body. how you condition it, how you think about it, how you position it in relation to your teammates. your body, a machine. your body, part of the team. your body, the play. a moving part, a medium for winning. a means to an end. in the pilot, jackie hits the victory goal in with her head. she doesn't think about it, she throws her body at it for the team. and then I think about what growing up in a girl's body is like. what that means for a body, how you view it. who you're taught it belongs to. how you move it through the world. how you dress it, how you barter it. your body, for men's pleasure. your body, a tool. your body, a provocation. your body, everybody else's hunger for it. for the youth of it, or the sex of it, or the commodity of it. and I think to be an athlete is to sacrifice your body at the altar of the team's benefit. and I think being a girl is the same thing. and if your body has never been yours, and your body has already been consumed, and if you know the other girls on your team have already divorced their bodies and been eaten by the world too, it wouldn't be that hard. and I like that they don't pretend it was. what is a body anyway? without anything to animate it. shells with nothing inside. eat up.
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keepthebeanscool · 5 months
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i love how paul matthews is referred to as the “normal guy” but also he has several clones making a colony on the moon and he once smuggled his coworker out of the hospital and willingly pretended to be her pet cat because he developed stockholms syndrome and his greatest dream is to be a 4 foot tall anthropomorphic squirrel
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penguin-scribbles · 4 months
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Melissa, the original Human Pet Guy
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cartoonchaos · 9 days
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paulkins really is perfect bisexual representation because from the outside they seem like the most normal couple on earth but separate them and one evolves into a crotchety lesbian pot farmer and the other becomes a full time submissive catboy. also the world usually ends before they ever get the chance to truly understand their love for each other. also in the one timeline where they make it past the awkward flirting stage and get married, their love is only able to flourish when they themselves are the earth-shattering twist, revealing to each other just how abnormal they are, and how perfect they fit in each other’s arms. did i mention the catboy thing
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