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imminent-danger-came · 5 months

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Can we take a moment to appreciate how many hats SWK manages to keep crammed on his head in lmk?

That man was doomed by the narrative, is mourned by the narrative, is and was haunted by the narrative AND is haunting the narrative, all at the same time! And lmk isn’t his story, and he doesn’t think of it as his story, and he doesn’t want it to be his story, but it’s also exactly his story, just a little to the left, and he is trying to remove himself from this new story, but also can't escape it because this isn't his story but also it is, and he's taking steps to ensure this don’t end up like his story, and is accidentally contributing to problems that are making it like his story all over again as a result. What a character!

To quote Anne Carson,

"To live past the end of your myth is a perilous thing".

I think, strangely enough, most characters in Lego Monkie Kid are living past the end of their myth (jttw). You have Wukong who is the only original pilgrim still alive and around, you have Tang, Mei, Pigsy, and Sandy who are all reincarnations of the pilgrims (supposedly), and then you have all the antagonists who try and continue their stories in their own way. DBK was freed from under the mountain, almost killing his wife and son in his continued pursuit of world domination. LBD escaped her prison early, continuing her plan for a perfect world which ended in her defeat, her end. Spider Queen refused to accept the end of her empire, and ultimately was killed by LBD for it. Azure Lion had been sealed in the scroll, and after being released immediately tried to continue his rebellion, his hubris, martyrdom, and refusal to change becoming his downfall.

I think in Wukong's own way, he does something similar—falling into old habits and becoming his own undoing. His search for the samadhi fire was exactly what Macaque was upset about in the 4x11 argument:

"You're the one always running off! Searching for more power, or more sources of immortality: you're the one who wouldn't quit while we were ahead!"

MK earlier in the special makes the point "Why didn't he just stop, right here? He was already so much stronger than anyone ever needed to be." to which Macaque replies, "Wukong didn't think so, he always thought he had to be stronger—more immortal." And that's what he does in s2 isn't it? He still isn't strong enough. He can't defeat LBD, so he has to go find the power that will make him strong enough to do just that—and Wukong finds the samadhi fire. Which in turn leaves MK behind, and has him relive his life's story again.

Like, this dude is CRAZZZYYYY

#literally one of the character of all time #Don't even get me started on the og pilgrims living past the end of their myths through the main gang #Like. COME ON DUDE #COME ON #THEY'RE ALL JUST DEAD MEN BRO #WITH THEIR INHERITED DEAD MAN WEAPONS #MEI'S DOUBLY SO #Everyone is just carrying on their stories that should have ended a long time ago #Which is such a fun take since this is a ''modern retelling''#They are like. ''This is a modern retelling but should this story be retold? Should it continue?''#Yet they're also like ''Telling the same stores of friendship and courage and redemption are part of being human''#And I'm like. bro #BRO #story motif is everything to me #Cause you know like in 4x03. When Tang is like ''The next chapter is calling...it's time to answer the call!''#And the way that none of the characters do that lol. Lmao #Like they sure should move on but they don't. Lol. Lmao #I'm insane about it. I'm losing my mind #Like they had the stupid fucking boneless skinless grandpa parallel most of their characters do you know how insane I feel #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk analysis #story motif #lmk SWK #asks #anne carson #also didn't check to make sure the things I quoted were 100% correct #Like I think I've just memorized it. But I'm not sure #Oh well

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mattodore · 1 year

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I would like to shamelessly and respectfully ask about the bed talk between Matthias and Theo.

your mind... yeah, i'll talk about this. slipping my reply under a readmore for this one bc i'm just going to speak candidly <3

so on theo's part, he doesn't say much during sex. in the same way he has a lot of difficulty expressing his feelings inside his relationship with matthias, he also has a hard time expressing his desires. theo is... kind of mired down by shame and repression. like, even when theo is actively fucking men he's still repressing a lot of what he really wants and feels. it's interesting, though, because he definitely isn't shy about sex. it's just... he can't speak what he wants out loud, because then he might really get it, you know? and i think he's scared by how that would feel... like having it be that easy to get what he wants after all the years of shutting everything up inside his heart and burying it down so deep. honestly, theo has a hard time even making sounds during sex. he holds his breath, bites on matthias's arms, clenches his teeth... he's just always holding himself back. he can't help it, really.

matthias can sometimes get a few words out of theo if he's prompting them, though. he likes to make theo say please 🙄... and i think matthias will prod and ask theo if it's good, if he likes it, and theo will kind of nod and say yeah, yeah it's good... and i think during those first few times, that question makes theo flush real fast and get all teary. because it really does feel good... and i think theo needs that. and i think he probably... god, well... i think he sort of realizes that he's never really had anything as good in his life. not, like... not in a wow-matthias-is-a-sex-god way, but in a way where it's like, okay. theo is being treated well. time and care went into making sure he wasn't hurt. he's being listened to and matthias is carefully watching each of his reactions. when he says stop, matthias stops. and theo never had that before. so... it's very intense and it's probably both the hardest thing theo's ever had to say during sex while also being the easiest. the crying is an emotional release.

matthias, on the other hand... as you can probably already tell by, well... every other bit of information i've shared about this man... he's filthy. i do think matthias is more sweet with theo than he's ever been with any of his previous sexual partners, but nonetheless... he's still kind of nasty even with theo. i mean, one of his main character traits is his amorality and a complete lack of shame or guilt for anything he feels. so he's very uninhibited and you can definitely tell by the way he talks during sex. every word under the sun that you think is too perverse is probably going to be said while he's fucking someone. i think he really enjoys saying and doing things that society at large deem as Reprehensible... like, just in general. so. yeah, he gets off on saying/doing the things most would gasp and clutch their pearls at.

with that said, matthias does actually tone it down for theo's sake, because i think theo isn't necessarily comfortable with half of what matthias says lmao. but matthias still pushes theo sometimes, because he has this scary accurate sense of what theo needs, and he knows that theo desperately needs to have some of that shame razed from his skin... and what better a way to do it than by making theo realize the things he's so scared of can actually turn him on so bad it makes him shake? so... he talks a lot. it's sort of one-sided, but he's always asking rhetoricals anyway, so i think he's fine with that. however, he definitely doesn't like that theo doesn't make sounds often... tho that changes pretty fast when he starts having fun with it... 🙄 he sees it as a game, like, just where do i need to touch, how far do i push, what do i need to say, to make this little mouse squeak... HORRIBLE MAN.

but when matthias gets theo worked up enough that theo's too dazed to tamp the sounds down, matthias actually starts being incredibly sweet. lots of you're so lovelys and i'd never let anyone hurt yous (...) fall pretty fast from his lips. and he kisses theo alllllllll over. lots of cheek kisses in particular, because he really likes theo's cheeks. and, to clarify, it's not always dirty talk in the bedroom... sometimes it's just intimacy and matthias kissing theo and touching him and making him feel good. matthias's one redeeming quality is how well he takes care of theo, what can i say...

for specifics... hm. theo says: please. it's good. it's too much. more. harder. wait. keep going. switch. like, just little things to direct matthias, in a way... and he never says more than he needs to. he's very sharp and clipped.

matthias is harder to pinpoint specific dialogue for because he just says so fucking much....... like you can really tell that this man loves talking to himself by the way he talks dirty in theo's ear. but i'd say some common phrases are: do you want it? what're you gonna do for it? do you like that? hold still. open up. where are you going? feel that? go ahead and ask for it.

but waaaay down the line, when they've been together for a couple of years and theo's worked past a lot of his issues, i think theo actually becomes comfortable enough to do everything he wants. i think he starts to boss matthias around and take control more... and matthias has always liked when theo is mean, so theo kind of... plays with that a bit. i think he degrades matthias and matthias laps at the palm of his hand for it. matthias has always wanted to be challenged, so. later on, there's definitely a shift in their dynamic, sexually speaking.

#river dipping #asks #anonymous #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #a burning house to live in #echthroi #oc extras #nsft #my ask box starts working again and this is one of the first two messages i receive <3 #so now here i am replying and posting this at four p.m. on a monday of all days............... lmao #took me forever to getting around to it i'm sawrry </3 #that room is actually a veeeeeery early rough draft of theo's room later on in the story...#it's not his apartment either it's in one of matthias's homes... i'm thinking the chateau but i haven't decided #matthias has five homes four that he inherited and one he bought himself #it's either the chateau or the home he bought that theo moves into for a bit...#theo has a very different decoration style than matthias tho so the room would clash like crazyyy in the home matthias bought for himself #i think theo's emotional repression definitely shows even in his decoration style tho bc his apartment is like. maximalism.#but when he moves in with matthias for a bit it's just modern everything instead....#theo's actually a bit of a hoarder and has a ton of knickknacks and furniture he subconsciously views as an outward show of his personality #bc theo has a really hard time like. knowing who he is. so he uses objects to try and piece it all together for himself and for others #especially because he doesn't outwardly express himself often... so his things are like... well. they're him in a way.#but he still is soooo locked up that even when he temporarily is staying with matthias he doesn't actually Show Himself in that way #so it's all just items matthias bought for his room (that theo picked but... kind of at random) and a few things theo's brought from home #.....anyway.#hello everyone <333333

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hel-phoenyx · 5 months

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A will reading is quite the difficult task. Would it be from a normal family, or one as dysfunctionnal and shattered as the van Heel were.

They were back there a month after Adelheid's tragic death by morphine-induced euthanasia. A family reunion most unexpected, gathering not only the children of the first dutch fortune, but also her brother, unable to hide his vindictive smile, his ex-wife, recently divorced after a serial cheating scandal, and all of the little cousins : some here willingly, some forced, and Annelies, who even if she wasn't the five year-old child they knew before the van Heel trial anymore, didn't understand at all what was at stake.

All she knew was that her cousins she hasn't seen in person for so long were back, and that they brought her presents for her birthday. It didn't matter that said birthday was a month ago, the happiness was still there.

Her delighted screams were the only light of that somber day.

"Emerens! Elvira! Mareva! I missed you so much!"

A tired smile formed on her cousin's lips. Annelies wasn't the only one who missed her cousins, and her smile full of joy was enough for Emerens to hope this day woudn't be too tiring.

"Hi, Annie. Nice to see you too, lil' fairy. Still into dinosaurs ?"

"You bet ! Are those presents for me ?"

"Well, I doubt Leonard would enjoy pterodactly-shaped presents..."

Said Leonard rolled his eyes, but kept his mouth shut. After all, it was about the happiness of his little sister, the only one in the family that didn't hate him the slightest. And he knew better than to cross Emerens when he had that tired expression.

All of them knew better.

Annelies unpacking her gifts, Emerens sighed before shaking hands with the rest of the family. Even Leonard, which was surprising, or his aunt, looking at him with a sort-of regretful look. The only one ignored, be it by Emerens or his sisters, was their uncle.

Even at almost sixty, he still knew how to scoff disapprovingly.

"Where are your manners, boy?"

"I would ask you the same thing," hissed Mareva with a rictus. "You didn't even look in our general direction."

Their uncle completely ignored the youngest van Heel sister. He was fixiated on Emerens, his eyes gleaming with victory. After all, he thought, that will reading only means one thing for him : That fortune Adelheid ripped away from him years ago was finally back into his hands. Years late, but who cared ? He was a very patient man. And his nieces and nephew were deemed unworthy.

Emerens knew that. As much as he knew his uncle didn't care about his stance on the matter as much as he himself didn't care about that will.

As such, why would he care about a sad, sad man pursuing money he didn't want ? Being here was enough of a force of will. Knowing their family, there would be a mandatory trip to the retirement house their grandparents were, after the visit of the tomb where rested a woman presenting him as a poisoned gift her very last moments.

Both the family and the money they harbored were a poison.

"Please try to be civil, uncle. The whole family is here."

"With most difficulties to reunite, may I remind you, boy," sneered the man, savoring his victory. "What were you doing in Japan, exaclty, that warranted a month between poor Addie's death and the will reading ? Still indulging in that childish lifestyle of yours?"

Mareva crossed her arms in disapproval.

"Just say you wanted to see the money in your account immediatly and get it over with, uncle. None of us care about your antics nor your opinion."

The sharp tone of the youngest sister, added with her signature icy stare, promplty put and end to the venom-spitting. That, added with the realisation the inheritance cost him the approval of the rest of his family, was enough to bring back the silence in the attorney's waiting room. A silence only broken by the sound of Annelies playing with her new toys, and the occasionnal sound coming from Justen's phone.

Finally, the door opened, revealing master Berkenbosch in the flesh, holding a sealed enveloppe. He went to shake hands with all of the family, including Annelies pushed by her mother to say hello to the attorney. The courtesy were quickly cut short by a very in a rush uncle, hurrying in the office to sit on one chair.

"Money-hungry fucker," grumbled Carlijn, talking for the first time since the beginning of the family reunion. "At least act a little bit sad, your fucking sister just died."

"That would be hypocritical," said Emerens, a little wicked smile forming on his lips. "Do I look sad to you?"

"Fair point."

She followed her father in the office, before Leonard who sighed and took Justen and Annelies by the hand. Their mother soon followed, leaving only the siblings and Willelmien in the waiting room.

Willy shrugged, looking at Emerens.

"I still don't get why we all had to be here."

"Adelheid's wishes," said Elvira. "Frankly I don't get it either. Both Emerens and I are exonered of that by law. But we still had to be here... I have a bad feeling about this."

"Yeah, me too," added Mareva, the worry weighing on her face. "She woudn't make that much drama to just give it all to her brother."

Emerens closed his eyes.

"Let's not talk about bad outcomes, you're gonna jinx it. Let's just get this over with."

The three women nodded, and followed Emerens in the office, taking the last available chairs. Master Berkenbosch waited for them to settle before showing to all the enveloppe, thick enough to hold the whole van Heel empire.

"Apologises for the delay. You see, mister and mrs van Heel's deaths were so close that we had to first handle the matter of mr van Heel's will. Since he left all of his possessions to mrs van Heel, we had to treat them as part of her last wishes."

His face went a bit sour.

"It was most difficult considering her will was sealed. But we managed to reach a legal outcome satisfying enough. Some things probably will still need to be worked out after the reading, though."

"Sealed ?!" Exclamed Leonard, his face dripping absolute stupefaction. "Why would it be sealed ? She wasn't stupid to the point where she, sick and bedridden, would believe herself sharp enough to handle alone the succession of a whole financial empire !"

"Yes, sealed," sighed the attorney. "She got legal councelling of course, more considering she was unable to write, but my colleague has swore secrecy. This made things complicated."

"I told you not to jinx it," grumbled Emerens in a low voice. Willy laughed a little bit. Not for long, though. The implications of Adelheid's will being sealed were too heavy, and all the van Heels were starting to realise that.

Why would it be sealed if not to make it a surprise for everyone involved, secret until it would be impossible to change for any of the involved parties ?

Doubt was creeping on the so-proud uncle's face. Said doubt that gripped Emerens's heart with the strenght of a falcon's claw. All this time he would slither out of evey family related matter. His emancipation, the trial, Adelheid's last moments, all this done to cut ties with a heavy-blooded past.

But falcons always were snakes' predators.

The attorney unsealed the enveloppe, pulling out pages and pages of the will. All would be handled well, he trusted, according to the law : Adelheid van Heel wasn't woman who didn't think of all outcomes. He was well-prepared for whatever he would say to the only living and able members of the family, all gathered in front of him.

Despite all this, however, his face turned into a frown when he read the first words.

"I, Adelheid Elizabeth Leonora van Heel, hereby leave all my possessions..."

The uncle winced in surprise. All of it ? Even he didn't hope to have that much. He expected at least part of the money to go to his children, espacially considering the help Leonard and Justen were in managing the empire during her sickness. Maybe some of it to Mareva, considering Adelheid was hellbent on keeping him out of her business. but not all of it to one person.

He was starting to believe this person wasn't him.

No matther, he thought. The heir would probably be Leonard. Justen was too young to handle the whole weight of the empire. And he still had enough grip on his son to at the very least get enough money for a comfortable retirement with all he ever wanted, on his foolish younger sister's money.

In the entirety of humankind, a man had never been more wrong.

"My actions, my entreprises, my housing and all my personal fortune..."

Stress was rising in the office for very different reasons.

But the attorney carried on. Merciless.

"... To my son, Emerens Michael Andreas van Heel, effective the moment the present will is read."

There was more words to be said.

But none of them could hear them.

Only the buzzing of Adelheid very last trick was ringing in their ears.

Nine heads turned towards Emerens. Nine looks varying from worry to extreme disgust, going through absolute surprise.

Nothing close of the horror displayed on his face.

"What ?!?!?"

***

"You piece of shit !!!"

The expression on the face of the ridiculed uncle was far, far from that never-ending calm and smooth victory he displayed earlier. Once out of the attorney's office, after hours and hours of legal talking, his very first action was to grab his nephew by the collar, pushing him against the wall.

Green eyes looked in green eyes with the exact same disgust.

"How the fuck are YOU the one favored ?! You're not even a part of this family anymore because of your fucking childish behavior !"

"Father, shouted Leonard, let him go right now-"

But there was no one to listen to that very well-meaning demand. Emerens felt the hands of his uncle tighten on his neck, ready for the kill. Not that it would benefit him. Would he die right now, all his possessions would go to his daughter as of the law.

Maybe he should make a will too. After all, we never know when the self-destructing feeling would win against his willpower.

"Why are you asking me ?" He hissed, putting all the disgust that sad, angry man inspired him in his sultry voice. "Do you think I wanted this ? Do I look like the kind of man that would only come back in a family he got emancipated from only to get all the money?"

The obvious answer was no, and even the stupidest of idiots would get that. Leonard, trying with all his little jurist's strenght to pull his father away from his cousin, got that. Carlijn, looking at the confrontation with ureadable eyes, got that. Even his aunt, whose presence indicated she probably hoped to get something more from the divorce, got that.

But the uncle, lost in his rage and loss and stupefaction, didn't.

"Don't sass me, boy. You know damn well you're not entirely a stranger in this mess ! I could so easily sue you for abuse of the inheritance laws... Who's to tell you didn't kill her and fabricated the will, you little bitch ?!"

The accusation was heavy. Heavier than the sudden silence in the waiting room. Leonard stopped pulling his father's arms, Carlijn's eyes were wide in stupefaction, and even Justen and Annelies weren't saying a damn thing. Rage was burning on Elvira and Mareva's side, with Willy looking absolutely disgusted by her father, but nothing could compare to Emerens' face, trapped in the coldest of ice.

"How dare you, uncle ?! Screamed Elvira with absolute disgust. Were you there when she died to throw such words to us?!"

"Fucking apologize," hissed Mareva. "Apologize to all that damned family for that damned scene!"

But there was no reasoning to be done.

Knowing he hit a nerve, the uncle smiled. Wickedly.

"Not denying, are we ? Yes, boy, I know you were there when she died, alone in the same room! I know the executor of the euthanasia was made unclear on the contract, I know doctors weren't present for a long time! What conjecture is there to be made, Emerens ?"

Maybe he thought he won, with his threat, far less empty than we would believe it to be. Maybe he thought he would see his nephew, a boy he considered so weak, fold and renegociate the terms of the will to avoid a scandal. Maybe he thought he could manipulate the heir van Heel.

Whatever he thought didn't prepare him to the venomous expression his victim harbored.

Claws gripped the uncle's wrist, eyes widened, and slitted pupils pierced through that oh so solid resistance he believed to harbor.

Words followed that piercing gaze. Words carrying icebergs with every letter.

"What's the rush, uncle ? You look so eager to put me to court, I'd almost believe there is a hidden motive. Tell me, do I have to learn about more illegitimate cousins you have to pay pension to?"

the sudden noise coming from behind was probably the sound of Leonard choking on his own saliva, or maybe Carlijn hysterical laugh or the outraged exclamations of his aunt put in front of the evidence. None of that noise reached Emerens, though. His uncle was still holding his collar, but his wicked expression was shattering, revealing behind a world of shock and panic.

Not that he cared about that.

"Throwing accusations so hastily, a shame for the legacy you are so proud of, wouldn't you think ? And so baseless compared to the countless mothers that come to trial to try and rip from you part of the family fortune. Yes, I know all about your little scheming," he smiled, more and more icy. "You never were a man to be trusted with secrecy..."

"Why you-!"

"So yeah, take me to court for a fortune I never wanted, see what good it brings to you when the judge realize there is no proof of what you are accusing me. Prove to the world why exactly you weren't even a part of that will. Expose how much you were unfit of being the heir van Heel."

A prey. That's what was his uncle at this exact moment. Holding the snake's neck does nothing about the venom he spit in your mouth. And the grip of that detested nephew was less of fingers grabbing his wrist, and more of the trap laid by a boa's tail, ready to swallow hin whole.

There was no rebuttal to be done.

Only running away to save what was left of him.

One by one, the van Heels left the attorney's waiting room. Some of them spared a worried look to Emerens, still against the wall, still engulfed in ice. Finally, were only left him, his sisters and Willy, looking at him with a sisterly-worried gaze.

Her first words, however, werent what he expected them to be.

"Did you kill her ?"

"Of course not, he sighed. I have every reason to, but she doesn't deserve my falling in madness. She did, however, die in front of me."

"Yeah, I expected as much, said Elvira. That outcome is weird, tho."

"Agreed, added Willy. Like, after today even more, I knew that piec of crap woudn't get anything, acting like he did. But I didn't expect all of this to go to you. Why not Mareva, or even Leonard and Justen ?"

Mareva grimaced.

"I have a theory, if Emerens wants me to say it..."

"Go ahead. We'll probably agree on that, anyway."

She nodded.

"Adelheid was hellbent on creating her own lineage. The problem is that it was doomed from the start, after Emerens's emancipation and our running away. Giving her possessions back to her brother would be an acknowledgment of defeat. And I don't think she believed Leonard or Justen fit to handle everything. No matter what happened, it would be the end of the van Heel legacy as she believed it to be."

"So," completed Emerens with a tired tone, "she did exactly what she knew would piss off all of us the most. She gave everything to the most unwilling one."

Elvira gritted her teeth in disgust, eyes brimming with rage.

"That old, stupid, disgusting fucking hag-"

"I do believe she still thought of you as the most fit for the job, Emerens, added Mareva, cutting right through Elvira's insults. You did show abilities she endorsed as worthy. But for the rest, I agree with you. She couldn't have not known you would destroy everything she worked for the moment you got the option to."

A smirk found its way on Emerens's face, full of the spite he harbored since he was thirteen.

"You bet I will. Let's have a little cousin reunion so I can share all of this shit in the most anticapitalist way."

#hel ocs #la peste moderne #lpm #hel stories #hel writing #gosh that took longer than I expected. but here it is #I wanted a lil text about the van Heel inheritance without polluting my wattpad with an Emerens overdose sooooo #let's just say their family history is complicated.#Emerens will probably end up giving to the state all the actions and entreprises and share the money btwn charity and his cousins btw #he's a die-hard socialist

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zhivchik · 8 months

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youtube

Royalty | Charn x Tinn | Laws of Attraction (AU) One forgot and one remembered too clearly.

Say I'm cold hearted But I'm just getting started

#laws of attraction #กฎแห่งรักดึงดูด #sorry stortytelling or any telling isn't my strong strength at all #and i saw only one drama with modern royalty)#and this whole thing exists because of the archery scene so... i tried x)#also someone explain me the last sign that doesn't get small'ed whenever i post a video and delete a yb tag i think?#so the story probably: 20 years ago tinn's father got killed and he himself almost died #but was saved and stolen by some concerned soul #he forgot #chan (as his friend was a witness but run away #couldn't forget; grew a thick skin; dreamed of revenge; a keeper of tinn's niece's house #and she's gonna inherit eveything #also one big coincidence because destiny and second chances #...this vid doesn't deserve this much tagging argh

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sirsparklepants · 2 years

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Sometimes you read a story where literally everything in the background is set up for the perfect horror movie and you find the author is merrily charging past the implications of all that and writing a romcom instead.

#oh yeah it makes perfect sense for your modern au evil dictator to have a family home that's actually a plantation #and it makes sense for them to have a strained relationship they work on ignoring #it does not make sense to present the family as actually warm and caring with no irony and to say the house has 'happy memories'#or even acknowledge the fact that it's a plantation and the family money is inherited from slavery in favor of 'its a pretty house'#you've cut the trailer for a classic southern gothic story into love actually and I can't with it

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apricops · 3 months

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So, the thing about Don Quixote.

The thing about Don Quixote is that he tilts at windmills - tilts in the archaic sense of ‘charge at with a lance,’ because it’s the story of a guy who read so much chivalric romance that he lost his mind and started larping as a knight-errant. He was, if you’ll pardon the phrasing, chivalrybrained.

The thing about Don Quixote is, sometimes people take it as this story of whimsical and bravely misguided individualism or ‘being yourself’ or whatever, and they’re wrong. If it took place in the modern day, Don Quixote would absolutely be the story of a trust fund kid who blew his inheritance being a gacha whale until his internet got cut off so now he wanders around insisting that people refer to him as ‘Gudako.’

But the real thing about Don Quixote is that it was published in the early 1600s, and the thing about the 1600s is that Europe was one big tire fire. This is because 1600s Europe was still organized around feudalism (or ‘vassalage and manorialism’ if ya nasty), which assumed that land (and the peasants attached to it) were the only source of wealth. And that had worked just fine (well, ‘just fine,’ it was still feudalism) for a long time, because Europe had been a relative backwater with little in the way of urbanization or large-scale trade.

That was no longer true for Europe in the 1600s. The combination of urban development, technological advances, and brutal Spanish colonialism meant that land was no longer the sole source of wealth. Sudden there was a new class of business-savvy, investment-minded upwardly-mobile commoners, and another new class of downwardly-mobile gentry who simply couldn’t compete in this new fast-paced economy. Cervantes saw this process with his own eyes.

One of the symbols of this new age was the windmill, a complicated piece of engineering that was expensive to build but would then produce profits indefinitely - in other words, a windmill was capital.

The thing about Don Quixote is, when he tilts at windmills, he has correctly identified his nemesis.

#don quixote #effortpost

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beescake · 4 months

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i am in love with your sollux i think

sollux love party :]

if you’re interested heres some of my personal fondness thoughts on him.. big warning for the mega long read ahead aye

as we alr know sollux's rejection of participation somewhat mirrors dave's rejection of heroism, but even without getting cooked to completion i still find sollux's character v compelling beyond the fourth wall

as someone who doesnt get a pinch of that Protagonist Sparkle to begin with, he can openly say he wants to leave anytime…. and unlike dave, he actually Can leave the scene anytime. but he can never be truly Free from the story via permanent character death like the other trolls.

his irrelevancy is indeed relevant - he’s there so u can point him out.

while his image is intended to be a relic of past internet subculture, his role is not only about hehehaha being a Chad or a 2000s cyberforum 2²chan haxxor ragequit gamebro.

his continued existence also happens to add a Bit to the overarching themes of homestuck! a Bit that gives him longer-lasting thematic relevance compared to the trolls who could’ve had more character potential but didnt get to survive beyond the main story.

the Bit in question:

his defiance contributes to the illusion of agency (treating characters = people with autonomy). he’s “aware” of it, and that recognition is worth noting enough to forcibly keep him alive as both reward and punishment.

considering how his personality & classpect is designed its definitely a very haha thing for hussie to do LOL. he’s made to be op asf so he's resigned to doing dirty work, gradually deteriorating along the way but never truly dying. as fans have mentioned before, him openly rejecting involvement after a while of grim tolerance is like if the sim u were controlling suddenly stopped, looked up and gave u the finger while u were step six into the walkthrough for Every Possible Sim Death Animation.

but since he’s just a sim… the more he hates it, the more you keep him around. if ur sim started complaining abt your whimsical household storyline you’d definitely keep that little fuck.

but yeah i like that sollux is just idling. the significance of his presence being that one dude who's always reliably Somewhere, root core Unchanged, no individual ambitions (possibly due to fear of consequence?), and design-wise: a staple representative product of his time.

compared to dirk's character, who has aged phenomenally well into the present (themes of control + AR + artificial intelligence, clearer exploration around navigating relationships/sexuality, infinite possibilities of self-splinterhood and trait inheritance), sollux's potential is really... contained. bitter. defeatist. limiting and frustrating in the way old tech is.

the world continues moving on to shinier, brighter, more advanced automated things - minimalist and metaverse or whatever but sollux is still here 🧍‍♂️ going woohoo redblue 3d. (tho personally i imagine his vibe similar to what the kids call cassette futurism on pinterest mixed w more grimy grunge insectoid influences eheh)

conceptually-speaking,

at the foundation of it all, the rapid pace of modern development was built off the understanding of ppl like sollux in the past, who were There actively at work while the dough was still beginning to rise

thats one of the cool things abt the idea of trolls preceding humans! the idea that trolls like sollux excelled back when lots of basic shit still needed to be discovered, building structures like networks and codes from scratch, and humans will eventually inherit and reinvent that knowledge in ways that become so optimized it makes the old manual effort seem archaic, slow, and labour-intensive.

but despite information/resources/shortcuts being more accessible now, much of the new highly-anticipated stuff released on trend still end up unfinished, inefficient, or expiring quickly due to cutting corners under severe capitalistic pressures

meanwhile, some of the old stuff frm past generations of thorough, exploratory and perfectionistic development still remains working, complete, and ever so sturdy.

those things continue to exist, just outside our periphery with either:

zero purpose left for modern needs (outdated/obsolete)

far too important to replace or destroy, bcs of its surprisingly essential and circumstantial usefulness in one niche specific area.

which are honestly? both points that sum up sollux pree well.

dramatic ending sorry. anw are u still on the fence or are u Sick abt him like me </3

#ask #anon #sollux captor #homestuck #hs2 spoilers #2023 #vioart #hs2 sollux explaining girls and bitches to john: 🗣️🗣️🗣️#mr foods‚ setting up the visuals: LMAO ok pause. cool story bro theyre all gone its just u n ur sandwich bro.#now that i think abt it sol's kind of a toaster? awkwardly takes up countertop space #lacks the versatility and sociability of an air fryer/pressure cooker. unwashed and littered w crumbs!#but sometimes the clear‚ frank simplicity of the toaster is a temporary lifesaver for ppl who struggle w low appetite / decision fatigue #or ppl who just have a habit of eating toast for breakfast LOL #and eh ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ even if u dont feel like toasting today thats ok he's still gonna be sitting there 👍👍#a funnyman..... i curse him in my pan but root for him in my biscuit 🫶

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hyprfxtdbstrd · 2 months

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I'm seeing everyone pointing out the possible issues with Epic the Musical's deviation from the original story of Circe and Odysseus, and as someone who's studied Ancient Greece/ancient Greek myths a bit, I wanted to say some stuff about it. This will be a bit of a long one, so apologies for my rambling!

Note that I'm not trying to shit on SA survivor's perspectives and (completely valid) arguments. I'm just trying to offer some context surrounding the original myth and how it fits (or rather, doesn't fit) with a modern audience. If I'm wrong with any of this, feel free to call me out! Criticize the shit out of me! I like learning about Greek culture and myths and would 100% love to hear other perspectives on this.

So, a few points about Ancient Greek myths to kind of explain the context around Circe and Odysseus:

Greek myths generally did not have good views/depictions of women. Women were almost always depicted as conniving, selfish, sexually insatiable creatures. To largely summarize the process within actual Greek society, women had three/four stages in their life: child, dangerous/wild virgin (after first menstruation), married woman (whose wildness was tamed by her husband), and then a "real" woman (a mother). There are a few deviations from the "evil" trope, the most prominent of which being Penelope herself—she's basically the ideal Greek wife, staying loyal to her husband for 20 years and all that.

Adultery only applied to women. Husbands cheating on their wives wasn't merely tolerated, but expected. Marital sex wasn't seen as enjoyable, rather something that had to be done for the sake of reproduction and continuing the bloodline/securing inheritance. Men cheated on their wives with various kinds of prostitutes, concubines, mistresses, etc, but sleeping with unmarried women (that weren't specifically prostitutes) or married women was looked down upon. Women didn't have this same standard. They could only sleep with their husbands, hell, their husbands were pretty much the only men they could even interact with (excluding family, obviously).

The original myth has Hermes very plainly lay out how Odysseus' confrontation with Circe will go: Odysseus will eat the moly, draw his sword at her, she'll proposition him, and Hermes directly tells Odysseus to accept. Basically a "sleep with her if you want your men to live" situation. (See this post for more specifics on this).

So, let's apply this to Epic: The Musical. Here's some reasons I think may explain the Circe myth being changed:

The Greek "women being evil" stereotype is... problematic. While I 100% understand that it's important to acknowledge male victims of SA, I don't think the original myth was focusing on Odysseus being a victim—I saw it more of an emphasis on Circe being a sexually selfish woman, as all Greek women were believed to be. Changing Circe to be less conniving and evil deviates from the concerning Greek stereotype.

The SA in the myth is not actually very clearly SA. Yes, with a modern perspective, it absolutely is sexual coercion, but for Greeks, not so much. It made sense to them that sex could be transactional. It's already been established that Epic, while still generally accurate to the original myth, does change things relating to morality/themes in order to better align with modern Western ideas (i.e. OG Odysseus not being as remorseful and merciful, as that was expected of a Greek hero, but Epic Odysseus having more empathy because that's more modernly heroic). If something from the original myth doesn't translate well into modern culture, then it's understandable to want to change or omit it.

In the case that the original Circe myth wasn't SA (I'm not saying one is more right than the other, I'm just covering all the bases), then it wouldn't even constitute as cheating. Like I described earlier, it was perfectly acceptable and expected for men to sleep with women that weren't their wives. Plus, being a goddess, she's already kinda exempt from being blamed if Odysseus slept with her—only women are ever really blamed for sleeping with (or being SAed by) gods, and even then, their husbands sometimes don't even give a shit. But modernly, we would not see it that way. To us, it's not societally acceptable for a married man to sleep with another woman (without his wife's consent, at least). While Ancient Greeks viewed Odysseus as a good (or at least okay) husband, a modern audience wouldn't. Making Odysseus loyal to Penelope and not sleeping with other women (assuming this wasn't SA, but again that's one interpretation) makes him the good, loyal, empathic, modernly heroic man that Epic is clearly aiming for. Repeating my last point: If something from the original myth doesn't translate well into modern culture, then it's understandable to want to change or omit it.

Applying modern perspectives on Ancient Greek society and mythology isn't worth it. Like, we all joke about Ancient Greece being super gay, but they didn't actually like gay men. Homosexuality was literally only acceptable when it was between a young man and a prepubescent boy (it was called pederasty if you want to know more) or between women (they only considered penetrative sex to be 'real' sex so they didn't really care what women did with other women). Y'know the Hades and Persephone story? Like, the original one with the kidnapping? Yeah, that was normal. The myth of Demeter and Persephone is tragic, yes, but it was so normal that wedding ceremonies often included references/recreations of it! Girls got married off ASAP after their first menstruation to men of at least 30 years old. We don't tolerate that shit today (for the most part, at least)! But it was normal in Ancient Greece. Applying modern rules and standards to ancient culture just does not work.

Anyways, I'll shut up now! I'm gonna go keep listening to The Circe Saga lmao

EDIT: there is good criticism in the reblogs of this post that adds more perspective and corrects some of my generalizations/insights!!

#can you tell im a history major #seriously tho im not trying to shit on the opinions of SA survivors talking about this #the greeks were just kinda fucked up #greek mythology #epic the musical #odysseus #the odyssey #circe #circe saga #the circe saga #hermes #epic the circe saga #ancient greece #history

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nkjemisin · 5 days

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Hello! I’ve been seeing a lot about your work on social media lately and would love to read your books. What series do you recommend I start with?

Thanks ☺️

That depends on your taste/interest. I don't really write the same kind of thing from series to series, because I get bored easily and often want to try new subgenres/styles/etc. So I'll just briefly list my series and you can pick the one that appeals the most.

There's the Inheritance Trilogy, (link goes to the first book) my first published novels. A secondary world that has enslaved its own gods deals with the repercussions of that, from the POVs of three mortals. There's an overarching plot arc for all three books -- and there are some side-stories for this trilogy, too -- but each has a different narrator and takes place at different times. First person past tense, if you care about that sort of thing. (I don't, but some people seem weirdly attached to/repulsed by particular persons/tenses, so I'm including that info here.)

Then there's the Dreamblood Duology, which were actually written before the Inheritance books but I couldn't get them published at first because publishing in the 2000s was hella racist, basically. (I know, it hasn't changed much... but that little bit of change was enough for me to break in.) These books are as close to traditional fantasy as I'm probably ever going to get, except that they take place in faux ancient Egypt instead of faux medieval Europe. The story follows priests of the dream goddess as they're forced to deal with a conspiracy that threatens to inflict horrors on their society. Third person past tense for both books.

Next up is the Broken Earth trilogy. That's my experimental one, with first, second, and third-person POVs, present tense, a completely non-Earth world, and some heavy themes. All three books form a single story spanning, oh, forty thousand years or so, but mostly they're centered on one incredibly angry middle-aged mother who is on a roaring rampage of revenge/revolution. Features earthbenders, anti-magic groomers, magic statue people, and the apocalypse (again). Lots of "dark" themes and horror moments (harm to children, systemic bigotry, people-eating bugs, more).

My most recent books are the Great Cities duology. Urban fantasy set in modern-day New York, third person multiple POV ensemble cast. Turns out cities come to life once they hit a certain point, and then they claim a human avatar to represent and protect them. New York turns out to have six. It's also got some very unwanted tourists in the form of Lovecraftian entities that are trying to destroy it, along with reality as we know it. I meant for these to be lighthearted and silly and I think they kind of are, but there are still some notable political elements in them. (I mean, it's set in modern-day New York, and I started them the year Trump got elected, so...) It's lighthearted for me, anyway.

So, pick your poison!

#answered asks

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modern-inheritance · 2 months

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Audio on, please, I spent time on this.

EDIT: Okay I'm actually having trouble getting these boots OFF now.

#eragon #inheritance cycle #the cyclists #modern inheritance #the inheritance cycle #ket's modern inheritance cycle #modern inheritance stories #arya drottningu #arya #when you're trying to escape hell but you cAN'T GET YOUR FUCKING BOOTS ON

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feminist-cult-following · 8 months

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it’s honestly very frustrating to try and see people paint alicent as some sort of karen and rhaenyra as some sort of feminist icon. newsflash: none of the women in this show are feminists. AND THAT IS OKAY!! we’re looking at a story that predates those sort of progressive ideals and it’s not fair to hold either character to such a modern standard.

rhaenyra is out for herself and for her own claim, she’s not fighting for the right of all women to sit the iron throne. this is pretty clearly spelled out for us when she tells rhaenys that baela and jacerys’ sons will inherit the iron throne. but this isn’t a criticism of rhaenyra, she’s a woman living in an incredibly oppressive time, and while it could make for a great story, it should not be her responsibility to fight for the hypothetical claims of other women. as the the legitimate heir to the throne, her only concern should be fighting to take back her crown from the usurper.

as for alicent, she can really only cling to two things: duty/honor and trying to protect her children. her whole life has been nothing but miserable. losing her mother, being pawned off to viserys by her own father, being forced to have four children while she was still a child herself. and in the aftermath of all this, she’s lost her best friend and one true love. so of course she’s bitter and resentful, and of course she’s so preoccupied with duty. all she’s done since she was 14 years old is give and give, and it’s been rotten, thankless work.

it’s pretty easy to understand why both of these women are the way they are, and to acknowledge their deep complexity. sometimes it feels like people are being willfully obtuse in order to stay loyal to their respective “teams”, and I know it’s not that deep and the end of the day, but it’s still very frustrating.

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acealistair · 8 months

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RPG Character Development Questions!

Trying my hand at making one of these, specifically aimed towards D&D characters but it should also work for other TTRPGs and video games like Dragon Age.

Send me any number of emojis for any of my characters! Anyone is welcome to reblog! 😊

~*~*~CHARACTER DESIGN~*~*~

👀: Describe their physical appearance in as much detail as possible. Facial features, colors, height, build, etc. 👄: How do they talk? What's their vocabulary like? What does their voice sound like? Any accent, verbal tics, etc? 👃: Do they smell like anything in particular? Why do they smell like that? 🏷️: What is their full name? Do any of their names have any special meaning? How did you come up with them? 🌳: What physical traits did they inherit from their biological parents? Do they look more like one parent than the other? ♦️: Are there any motifs you associate with them? What do those motifs represent thematically? 🎨: What is their color scheme? Or at least colors you associate them with? 🔮: If they were to feature in the art of a tarot card, which one would it be and why? 💭: What was the original concept for your OC? Has it changed at all since then? 📺: Is your OC inspired at all by characters from other media? Which one(s) and what traits do they have in common? 🛡️: How does their class inform their characterization? How does their personality match or clash with the stereotype for that class? 📖: Describe your ideal character arc for them. How do you envision them changing by the end of the story?

~*~*~SKILLS/HOBBIES~*~*~

📊: What is their best stat? What is their worst/dump stat? How do these affect how you roleplay as them? 🗡️: What type of weapon do they normally use? Is there a particular reason for it? ✨: Are they a magic user? If so, how did they come to learn it (born with it, studied, acquired, etc.)? What does their magic look like when cast? If not, what is their attitude towards magic? 🖌️: What is their go-to hobby? When did they start learning it? Why do they like it? 🔨: Do they have any practical skills they wouldn't consider a hobby? What sorts of skills and how/why did they learn them? 🍳: Are they good at cooking? Do they like to? Why and how did they learn to cook, or, if they didn't, why didn't they? 🎵: Are they any good at singing? What situations do/would they sing in? Would they sing in the shower? 🎻: Do they know how to play an instrument? If so which one(s)? Do they enjoy music in general? 💃: How do they feel about dancing and are they any good at it? Do they prefer solo, partnered, or group dancing? 🚗: In a modern AU, what kind of job would they have, if any? 🎁: If they needed to give a friend a gift, how would they go about choosing one? Would they buy it, make it, or do something else? Would others consider them good at gift-giving? 📚: Do they like to read books? If so, what sorts of books do they prefer to read? If not, why don't they like reading? ✍: What does your character's handwriting look like? Do they write letters often? What other contexts do they usually write in, if any?

~*~*~PERSONALITY~*~*~

🙂: What are three of their personality traits that others would generally consider positive? 🙁: What are three of their personality traits that others would generally consider negative? 😱: Do they have any irrational fears/phobias? How do they cope with them? Has a phobia ever impacted the game you play them in? 😭: How easily do they cry? Do they ever cry in front of other people? When was the last time they cried? 💢: How quick are they to anger? What is a surefire way to piss them off? What do they act like when angry? 😄: How can you tell when they're really happy? What sorts of things make them happy? How often do they smile? 😳: How easily are they embarrassed/flustered? What sorts of things catch them off-guard and make them lose their cool? 🏁: What do they consider to be their main goal in life, the thing that motivates most of their actions? 🤲: Do they have any deep desires that they don't talk about and/or don't even realize they have? Do these desires conflict with their main goal at all? 🗣️: How social are they? Do they speak to strangers because they like to or only when necessary? How differently do they act with strangers vs. friends? 🐾: How do they feel about animals? Do they have/want any pets? Do they have a favorite animal?

~*~*~BACKSTORY~*~*~

😬: Did they ever make a major decision in their past that they regret? How are they handling it now? 🙏: What are their feelings on religion? If they are religious, what do they practice? How much of an impact does it have on their daily life? 🎓: What was their education like? Do they have any favorite subjects? What is their preferred learning style? 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦: What is their family like? Are there any family members that are particularly influential and/or important to them (whether in a positive or negative sense)? 🛝: Do they have any childhood friends? If so, are they still in touch with them? What is their relationship like now (or why did it end)? 🧸: What was their favorite childhood toy and why? 🚸: Would they consider their childhood to have been a happy one? Why or why not? Does their perception of that differ from yours as their player? 🌹: Are they experienced romantically? How many romantic partners have they had? How has this affected their view of romance? 😡: Do they have any enemies and/or rivals from their past? How serious of a threat are they to your OC?

~*~*~RELATIONSHIPS~*~*~

💘: Do they have a "canon" romantic partner? If so, who is it and what is their relationship like? If not, what kind of person would be the optimal romantic partner for them (the most interesting narratively, not necessarily the healthiest/what they think their preferences are)? 😍: What traits, physical and/or mental, do they find attractive in other people? 💒: How does your character feel about marriage? Have their feelings on marriage ever changed? 🎉: Who are their party members/companions? Describe each of their relationships with your OC (however brief or detailed you want). 💍: Among their current companions, are there any that are narrative foils to your OC? How so? 🍼: How do they feel about children in general? Do kids get along with them? Do they have/want kids of their own (now or down the line)? 🤝: How do they express platonic affection? When does an acquaintance become a friend for them? 🥰: Who do they currently consider to be their best friend and why? Has their best friend changed over time? 🫂: How are they with casual physical touch? Do they have different boundaries based on how well they know a person? Is there a specific reason behind their comfort level?

#been working on this for a while! i'm certain i'll think of more questions after posting but at this point i just gotta post it #u can find my characters in my pinned post if u'd like to send me any! :3 cosette is who i'm fixating on atm since baldy gate lol #but finch is always a hit too #and of course feel free to reblog for urself!#oc ask game #oc ask meme #oc ask prompts

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fastcardotmp3 · 5 months

Text

fluke

for @steddiemicrofic December 2023 prompt: PINE | words: 508 | rated: G | established relationship; no CW (I wrote fluff, are you proud of me?)

They come into the land by a total and complete fluke.

An empty Tennessee plot that hasn't seen use in decades, it's got a shed of a cabin built by Eddie's great grandfather, likely no modern plumbing, and it's perfect.

A perfect fucking fluke that the Munson family is fractured in enough ways that Eddie and Wayne are the only direct decedents around to inherit the land and all of its endless potential.

Or so Steve calls it.

“I mean, look! A balcony,” he jogs out a handful of yards across the snow-dusted plot of land, spreads his arms wide like he can see it, “right here-- a table and chairs-- a spot to look out at the view.”

The view is also a fluke. A gorgeous overlook of the Blue Ridge Mountains sort of fluke.

“It could even be two-story with stairs,” he gestures upward, such a skip in his step and a flush to his cheeks that Eddie can't help but think that he's a perfect sort of fluke too, Steve Harrington, “that lead right up to a second balcony right outside the bedroom. Yeah?”

He's beaming, positively glowing, and Eddie is mostly just stunned when he nods in agreement. Arms crossed tight to hold in the warmth of his coat and the hair not tucked into his knit cap whipping across his face in the wind, he nods.

Next month, Eddie will turn thirty years old even though he was supposed to die at nineteen, and Steve Harrington's face is going soft with something like understanding as he plans out the blueprints for the house they'll grow old in.

High up in the mountains. So far from the holes in the ground that once tried to drag them to hell.

“C'mere,” Steve strides back over to him, some of the broad exuberance leaving his step but none of the joy as he grapples for Eddie's hand and drags him to the other side of the plot, “okay, so from about here--” he gestures to where they stand, “to over by those trees, there's space for a guest house, don't you think?”

“A guest house?” Eddie looks at Steve questioningly.

“For Wayne. Now that he's finally retiring.”

Eddie may be the creative force when it comes to words and sound between them, but it's in moments like this that Steve proves the kind of vision he has. He can stand here on a nearly empty plot of land, a cabin so neglected the windows are boarded up and the porch rotted through, and still he sees a life.

A future. A family. Not just a fantasy but their prize, if they choose to take it.

“Hardwood floors. Pine,” Steve says, grin only growing as Eddie gapes at him in awe, takes his face between gloved palms, “oak furniture-- I'll build it myself.”

Eddie exhales, fog of breath dancing across Steve's crooked nose. “You really would, wouldn't you?”

Steve grins and kisses him soundly in the place that will become their home.

What a remarkable little fluke.

#dot fic #steddiemicrofic #steddiemicrofic december #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #fluff I say! a fun challenge while i try to figure out how to be excited about my own writing again i say!#i wanted to write like a bunch more of this actually so paring it down was tricky

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foone · 5 months

Text

Alternative names for humanity along the lines of "Homo sapiens" (Wise man) and "Pan narrans" (Storytelling Chimpanzee) that I'm too lazy to look up/make up Latin for:

chef ape

throwing ape

walking ape

The idea being that we're apparently unique in the animal kingdom in that we cook our food, so we're the Chef Apes. We're also one of the best animals at throwing things: humans have more accuracy and strength when throwing stuff than other apes, by a long shot

And apparently our ability to walk slowly for ages was key to our early survival as persistence predators. We can't outrun a gazelle or mammoth or whatever, but we don't tire easily and so we can just keep following it until it runs out of stamina

Pan basipila: the baseball playing Bonobo

If only baseball had a cooking element, it would be the perfect Human Sport.

We need to devise a sport where you cook something, follow someone for a long time, and then throw it at them.

The most human thing is the surprise pie to the face

Also as much as I like Terry Pratchett's suggestion of "Pan narrans" I wouldn't be surprised if we turn out to not be the only animal that tells stories...

Elephants. I bet elephants do.

Like, there was that case where an injured elephant went to a ranger station for help. One it had never been to before, but other elephants had.

The theory being then that some other elephant had told this elephant "hey if you're hurt, go here, the humans will help"

That, combined with how they have burial rituals (some which might indicate there's an elephant religion!), and that we're working on figuring out how elephants communicate...

It wouldn't surprise me if we learn sometimes in the next decade or two that "oh yeah, elephants tell stories too. They've got FICTION."

So "Pan narrans" isn't what I'd want to bet on as our uniquely human thing.

But at the end of the day, maybe the whole idea of there being a uniquely human thing is, in itself, just another story we're telling.

So maybe it is a good fit after all.

But I especially like the idea that we're the Baseball Ape because I have this image in my head of a galactic council of aliens. Some angry alien who looks like Cthulhu had a baby with a spider has the floor, and they're ranting about "why do the Hu-mons deserve a seat?"

The Crogath are stronger, the Eldru are smarter, the Cybernetic Essense lives longer, the Dromans go farther and faster, the Moltriri have us beat in fiction and poetry, what is so special about these damn bipedal fleshbags that makes them unique in the universe?

And then WHAM. Right between the eyes. A handheld translator device, a bit bigger than a modern smartphone, beans the speaker out of nowhere.

And there's an (untranslated) yell in the chamber as the prime representative calls for order.

"WE CAN THROW, MOTHERFUCKER!"

(it takes a while to properly explain the insult. Crogathi (especially drones) don't really have mothers or sexual reproduction, so they don't really get why that would be an insult. It's finally translated as something like "bud-biter")

and it's true. even after the World Series becomes the Galactic Series, no non-human team ever manages to win.

The Eldrul Librarians almost make the cut in 2486 but accidentally piss off the ghost of Colonel Sanders and end up inheriting the Hanshin Tigers' curse.

alien textbooks describe The Colonel as some kind of human patron deity of baseball and cooked avian food, who should not be disrespected at all costs, or his vengeance from his place beyond the grave will be swift and punishing

(they're right)

"Look, we can't PROVE he was why Gemini Noctis went supernova unexpectedly, but given the protests that had happened right beforehand, and the incredible powers ascribed to the human spirits, do you really want to risk it?"

the funniest possible future: humanity gets a key place in galactic politics because we're never able to adequately convince the universe at large that our ghost stories are just that, stories, and they're terrified shitless that we'll unleash spectral torment on them

"humans? look man, living humans are a pushover. you can easily rip them in half, crack their planets with a quark bomb, their ships are little more than tin cans with a tachyon drive taped on the side. but it's not the living humans you have to worry about... it's the ghosts."

"humans are a bit like the Nontilek, with a two-stage lifespan, a grub and an adult. What you think of as "adult" humans is just their infant stage, and they only fully transform once they "die". Once fully hatched into Ghost form, their powers are almost limitless."

you want humans off a colony planet and bomb them from orbit? good luck, now you have a few million ascended humans who can pass through solid matter and can't be killed, and they will never rest until you and your descendants are gone or dead.

you don't believe me? look at this: One of their most popular stories is about them building an empire that spanned a large chunk of their little planet, then having it MURDER THEIR OWN GOD.

It only worked for a few revolutions, and he just came back, promising that one day all of them would join him in the next phase of their lifespan.

They still, to this day, thousands of orbits later, erect little statues of the means they used to execute their deity.

not even the Crogathi, who literally worship death itself, tell stories that frightening to their newly hatched grubs.

Humans are scary, man, stay away and just give them whatever they want.

the rest of the alien's education on the dangers of humans is just a selection of human movies. the sixth sense, poltergeist, ghostbusters, the shining, the devil's backbone, and, of course, field of dreams.

ghosts AND baseball? it's everything they're scared about humans all in one package!

the obvious twist you could do, of course, is simple:

the aliens are right.

humans are a two-phase species where the elder form has immense power but leaves communication and decision making to the younger form, which will be confused and angry if you acknowledge the presence of their elder-stage members among them.

this often leads to them cutting off contact or their elder-stage members causing immense damage through seeming "accidents" on the contacting vessel. This is believed to be some kind of religious prohibition that they are not able to explain.

so it's official contact protocol to pretend you cannot perceive the elder-stage humans among them, and to give them what they want to avoid possible retribution.

No means to combat elder-stage humans has yet been found, and the limits of their power is not known.

All alien captains are required to study the fate of the SS Ennolon, which contacted a lone human craft in the galactic year of 12,783. They had initiated contact and were getting along fine, until the human showed the Droman captain a picture of their "late father".

Captain Droless, accounting for the difficulty in telling humans apart, then pointed at the father sitting in a chair nearby and said "That is them, correct?".

The human looked at the chair, reacted in confusion, then anger, and asked the contacting crew to immediately leave.

It was another 400 cycles before contact could be reestablished between the Droman Federation and the Human Alliance.

the intergalactic guide describes humans as a powerful race of immortal energy beings who have the strange habit of sending their larvae out on missions around the galaxy, occasionally contacting other races, but refusing to acknowledge their elders, except in stories

they seem to frequently put their young in dangerous situations without lifting a hand to help, so this is suspected to be some sort of pilgrimage or coming-of-age ritual.

(From a twitter thread on October 1st, 2022)

#my writing #twitter threads #baseball ape

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