In the midst of planning a vacation for my sister’s 40th birthday with my sister, mom and brother.
This will be the first time in 4 years that I’ve taken a vacation without my kiddo and I FEEL SO BAD because I know he’s not going to take it well (he’ll miss me a lot).
I know I deserve to take vacation on my own but I seriously am sick with guilt.
People with two kids, how the hell do you do it. I just found out my baby has hip dysplasia and I’m only getting sleep when she’s sleeping on me. They say the first one is easier and that makes you want a second but holy cow. No way, especially after how traumatic birth is!
My 4 month old was diagnosed with COVID last Thursday. So naturally I had to get my son tested before he went to school. He had no symptoms so I thought the test would negative. Boy was I wrong... He came back positive which means that he cannot go back to school until the following Monday. Ughh! Stuck at home with two energetic boys and a sick 4 month old. My house is a wreck, I need to shower and all I want to do is sit on the couch and do nothing. I feel so bad for my boys. They want to play and do so much and all we can do is sit in side, play toys and watch TV.. NO ONE come at me for screen time.... I can only do so much. The TV keeps them quiet and I need them quiet so my baby can sleep. She needs her rest. Lately I feel as if my baby blues are there more than I realize them to be. I thought before that I was okay but now as all these things in my life are crumbling. My job, my relationship, my kids getting sick, my oldest getting in trouble at school and I have no one that relates to my situation. I feel like I am alone, and all I can say is "You need to do better"
Talking of roles, our feelings of inadequacy can come from a pressure we put ourselves under to measure up to what we or others’ expect – but for one thing, everyone has their own version or projection of us and it’s not possible to know what this is, let alone live up to it. For another, in my observation, other people are not even really looking at what we’re doing or not doing most of the time…
Mom Guilt is an immersive Twine experience that tells one woman's story of single motherhood--the good, the bad, the whacky, the unexpected. There are consequential choices, but no wrong choices. Just human choices. Runtime aprox. 25 mins.
becoming a mom is such an amazing thing but I didn’t know how draining it is giving your 120% of everything you. Then to turn around and have to put on a front of being and feeling sexy for your husband. I don’t want to do anything, I really just want a hot shower and you to take the baby without me feeling anxious you won’t need me for the next 5 minutes.
I hope you had a phenomenal work week! If it was anything less than what you desired, take a deep breath and give yourself some love. You deserve it all.
Motherhood is not defined by those moments of dysregulation when we lose our cool. We all have those moments. You are the sum of all the beautiful, patient, and precious moments that are easy to forget when mom guilt sinks in.
Learning to regulate our emotions is a journey, and it's okay to make mistakes. We give so much to our children that we can become drained and that can lead to struggling with our emotional regulation. We're not perfect and being a mom is a tough job. Despite the challenges, we are constantly learning to do better to break cycles and teach our kiddos the ability to handle their own emotions.
I see other moms who are happy with their kids, they’re reading books, they’re singing songs, they’re taking their kids out in public by themselves for activities.. that just isn’t our life. We walk on egg shells with Peyton. Any little thing that doesn’t go her way, lay the way she wants it to, something is missing, something isn’t absolutely perfect - you can bet your ass you’re going to have a hell of a time. Going out to dinner should be enjoyable for a family. For us, it’s a chore and a nightmare of a time. When she’s happy, she’s SO happy. When she loves, she loves so hard. Peyton has the biggest heart and will do anything for anyone.. until something doesn’t go the right away. She screams, she kicks, she whines to where you can’t even get a word in. She doesn’t sit still, she runs her mouth 500000 words a minute, her thoughts can’t keep up with her words, and sometimes her words hurt. There are many places we can’t go, people she can’t be trusted with because she can’t be handled, and more often than I’d like to admit, we stay home because it’s better than dealing with the embarrassment and anxiety it brings everyone to be out in public. We can’t do Walmart trips, we can’t take her shopping, we can’t run in the store to grab one thing, no matter how many times she promises she will be good - she gets inside, emotions take over, her senses are heightened, and our 5 minute quick trips ends up with taking a screaming child to the car. I’m constantly exhausted. I’m constantly annoyed. I’m impatient, I just want a direct answer to a question that I ask. I just want one task completed that I ask to be done. I just want my child to be like other children. I could never be a stay at home mom. After 48 hours home, I can’t wait to go back to work just to have a break. I feel so awful for feeling this way when we are having a good day, a good time, a moment where I see that something so small can make her so happy. I feel like such an awful parent for having any thoughts - such as, wanting to get away from my child to let my blood pressure readjust. Just a simple dollar store necklace, a travel size bath and body perfume, a sparkly make up bag I no longer use - I give these things to her and she says it’s the best day ever. How, just an hour ago, how was I counting down minutes until bedtime so I could have a break from her? & she goes to bed, I go into her room to readjust her and cover her up, and it all sets in.. I think about what a hard day she has every single day while I’m watching her sleep. Her emotions are everywhere. I know how exhausted I am, I can’t imagine what her brain is dealing with when she’s sleeping. She goes through so many emotions so fast, so many times a day, I don’t know how her little body can keep up.