#breaking cycles

[iplaywithstring]

I had an interesting realization this week. See, my kid is going to university in the fall, moving to stay with family while she's in school. So every now and then I've been bringing up sorting through her things because she can't bring everything with her. Her response has consistently been "what I don't need, I'll leave here for when I'm home", which is perfectly reasonable, so I'd agree and leave it there. But then this persistent need to clear out her things kept being in the back of my mind as a thing that must happen before she moves out.

And I realized that I only have about 5 things from my childhood in my current home. When I left home at 18 to go to school, I had to clear out most of my stuff - what I wasn't taking either had to be stored away (very little space) or thrown out/donated. I think I had two boxes stored, but when I couldn't take them with me on my cross country move, most of that was either donated or thrown out.

My parents still live in the house I grew up in, but nothing of mine is still there - they've even repurposed the bedroom I was in. There is nothing there that says it was ever my home. That makes sense at 40, I suppose, but it was also true when I was 22.

So I apologized today to my daughter and explained I kept bringing it up because it was my experience, but I don't want it to be hers. I told her that her things are hers, to fill her own space as she wants and she will have a space in our home. She told me she noticed I didn't have things from my childhood, and it made her sad.

I had never recognized it as sad. It's just what was, just reality. And I'm so glad her experience is different from mine.

#this is my life #breaking cycles #life is good #not even sure how I feel about it but needed to write it down and make it solid

[feralchaton]

It's all an illusion.

Some of it, anyway.

No... most of it, at least until some decision is made as to what is real or not. A lot of that is personal choice. What and who is worth our precious time, energy, devotion, dedication, consideration, respect, integrity, love...

How we could treat ourselves and teach others to treat us (*ideal) but usually pour all of it into something or someone else.

Then when we don't have someone do that for us, there are 'realizations and emotional responses'. Like the fact that we are supposed to be that special person in our own lives.

Some of us have been taught to give everything in and of ourselves to and for someone else. Some of us have learned to take with no regard for anything or anyone else.

A hope for some 'greater thing' that promises imaginary wonders all the while breadcrumbing ourselves into starvation mode. A place of desperation and blindness; forgetting yourself...

Forgetting how you can, and should, save, and more importantly, savor yourself.

That's not an illusion. That's where true magic exists.

#spilled ink #healing is a process #feralchaton #spilled thoughts #quotes #keep going #spilled truths #magic #illusion #disillusion #self love #self care #breaking cycles

[thedarkmaidenn]

The Pisces New Moon is a great one to begin putting effort towards breaking a destructive cycle in your life. For this New Moon in Pisces, I’m focusing on facing my emotional/binge eating. This thread can be applied to any self destructive tendency you’re trying to overcome.

#witchblr #shadow work #shadow work witch #shadow work prompts #journal prompts #divination #journaling #astrology #witch #new moon #Pisces #Pisces season #Pisces new moon #new moon Pisces #emotional eating #binge eating recovery #recovery #breaking cycles #moon magic

[recovering-catholic]

*gripping the sides of the sink, yelling at my crying reflection*

"It ran in the family until it ran into me!"

#i saw a graphic with this quote #and it's stuck with me ever since #emily speaks #family dynamics #generational trauma #breaking cycles #exvangelical #ex catholic #excatholic #ex christian #exchristian #apostate #deconstruction #deconversion #deconvert #religious trauma #catholic guilt #apostate humour #kind of

[cult-of-the-eye]

I curl up at the foot of my bed like a dog. Waiting for you to take your place at the head. My hair smells like chlorine and the walls are covered in drawings. I can't remember what your face looks like.

She curls up in my arms, furless and without canines. I take my place at the head, having drawn fur on my arms in crayon. Her hair smells like chlorine and the walls are covered in drawings. I hope you remember what my face looks like.

#poems and poetry #poem #dog motif #childhood #generational trauma #breaking cycles #rambles #cult rambles

[intuitive-wanderess]

Surrender to Uncertainty; Create Powerfully

When something breaks a part LET IT, keep creating. You get fired, but now you’re trying to reconcile but when you ask yourself “did I really like my job” you discover it’s a no. Okay then let go and keep creating. Being in the unknown is unfamiliar so we rush back to what we know because it’s FAMILIAR. Embrace the space and chaotic energy that becomes yours when you let go and move on from energetic bonds that do not serve you. Meditation and lowering the volume on emotions that don’t serve you (guilt, lack, uncomfortable, uncertain, doubtful, suffering) all the emotions that make you want to go back to your old pattern so you don’t have to feel them. Meditation helps you to slow down and detach from all of the people, things, feelings, thoughts and circumstances that reaffirm the identity you’ve created so far. You are NOT your identity. You are NOT your current reality.

Staying the wish fulfilled

Embodiment

Alignment

Self concept aligns with what you want to create more of not less of.

#feeling of the wish fulfilled #the intuitive wanderess #unwavering faith #surrender to the god in you #trust #unknown #breaking cycles #meditation #embodiment #self concept

[unwelcome-ozian]

#breaking cycles #recovery #abuse recovery

[anonymousfury]

january 14

my first act of the day today: getting advice on platonic breakups

time: 5:30am

forum answers: split

#no sleep gang #i tried #maybe more later #breaking cycles #one step at a time #advice welcome

[sweeeeeeetness]

sometimes i see people on here complain about manipulative shit stupid boys do and i think to myself “fuck….im just a stupid boy sometimes.”

so i want to apologize for my individual contribution to stupid boy behavior. end my personal cycle of sad, hopeless boy behavior, and commit to beginning a new era of purely sweet, humble, slutty boy behavior from here on out.

thank you for your inspiration 🤟🏾🤟🏾

#me #text #committing #change #still learning #moving forward #self forgiveness #self love #breaking cycles

[rebelwheelsnycpoetry]

Bucko (And The Lesson of Love Vs Infatuation)

BUCKO (AND THE LESSON OF LOVE VS INFATUATION) by RebelwheelsNYC / Michele Sommerstein

My stranger, turned best friend, turned lover, (turned love) turned friend, turned almost stranger, again STOP! these crossroads this, strange silence, as if we were never lovers just… random and quiet souls, bumbling through the city streets, mumbling to ourselves how I long for the days before we made a mess, of this love do you remember when we used to just talk! freely, laugh! be!?

(We had so much to unlearn) in that head of yours, I am so thirsty for your thoughts, and in that heart of yours and in your soul, are you aching? are you nothing? tell me!

and yes, so what! love isn’t what we thought. Disney, Hollywood, radio love songs, swooning us to some ideal, some idea, that it all just magically works out. conflicting with our parent’s tainted versions of love (Our parents who were never in love) making us cynics before our time poisoning us with the idea that it doesn’t get better then what they had never once giving a hint to what love really was

clumsy and struggling, like fish out of water these sons and daughters, raised on dysfunction clutching… grasping but never really knowing no one ever taught us what does one do with love?

and now our once free hearts and tongues, that could only spew out words of love and affection, and lust spew out, watered down answers, stifled answers they now struggle in the awkwardness, and barriers of this love affair damaged and repeated,

(This, that broke our hearts this, that broke our bond this, that needed to happen in order for us, to grow. For we, were not ready, for love.) This poem was taken from the zine Rebelwheels NYC: A Call For Healing And Rebellion. Please check it out.

#poetry #poem #disabled poet #love poem #lessons in life #what is love #real love #infatuation #breaking cycles #growing

[m-mvibes]

I’m so tired of dating. I have dreamed of the romance ever since I was little and now I’m starting to think that romance I was dreaming about is not as common as I thought it was. And all the women in my family seem to think they’re not really anything without a man and the men I’ve seen growing up we’re not great examples. and it breaks my heart even though I crave that intimacy with someone I still believe I have worth even if I’m not getting intwined with someone. I’m doing everything I can to break that cycle. But god sometimes I’m just tired of being the only one that loves myself and sees that I might bring value to something.

#dating #romance #unlucky #in love #with love #i miss them #breaking cycles

[the-healing-mindset]

Keep pushing forward!

Source: https://twitter.com/nate_postlethwt/status/1315067552897228800

#cycle breaker #breaking free #breaking cycles #healing #recovery #growth #trauma #generational trauma #generational healing

[effimer0]

Io divento la donna che scrive...

Hai iniziato da piccola, a guardare incantata le famiglie degli altri. Che talento che hai sviluppato: riconoscere le famiglie felici. Va sempre così, chi ha una famiglia felice, spesso non ci fa caso, ma chi non ne ha mai avuta una, le capta subito. E tu le riconoscevi, ne osservavi incantata i meccanismi, per te del tutto sconosciuti: fratelli, sorelle, qualcuno con cui giocare e bisticciare, una mamma e un papà che si baciano mentre ricordano il passato.

Le belle case, disordinate dalle vite che le abitano, e proprio per questo belle. Dio, con quanta disperazione hai pensato "Vorrei essere quella mensola, o un qualsiasi pezzo dell'arredamento, basta esserne parte". Con quanta disperazione hai finto di essere una figlia in più, ogni volta in cui gli amichetti ti invitavano a casa e i genitori ti accarezzavano la testa?

Sei così triste e non sai ancora pronunciare la parola tristezza, forse neanche scriverla.

Sei triste quando torni a casa e compari quello che hanno loro e quello che hai tu e capisci che qualcosa non torna: nessun fratello o sorella con cui giocare, nessuna mamma e papà a baciarsi e ricordare il passato. No, nella tua casa mamma e papà litigano per quel passato che entrambi rinnegano. Separazione, divorzio, tutti paroloni che non comprendi. E tu continui a osservare, ora anche a tremare perché sai che qualcosa non va nel modo in cui papà avanza verso mamma, le sputa, la insulta, a volte lancia oggetti per ferirla. E oltre alla tristezza senti la paura. Poi arriva la rabbia, qualche anno dopo. Urli basta, tiri dei pugni contro papà. Sei così piccola ma anche così grande. Ti chiedi dove siano i vicini di casa, se sentano le urla, se qualche famiglia felice avrà pietà di te e ti verrà a prendere.

Poi gli anni passano, i litigi cessano, nessuno ne parla e tu li affondi in una parte della tua mente che non visiti mai. Forse hai immaginato tutto. Anche se fosse accaduto davvero, ogni famiglia ha i suoi difetti, no? Alla fine quello è tuo papà, è gentile con te e ha fatto tanti sacrifici per il tuo futuro. Tutti ti dicono che ti adora e anche tu sai che è così. E poi, lui non ha mai picchiato mamma. Quindi non è vera violenza, no? La violenza è fatta di lividi e percosse. Se non ci sono, allora non è così grave. Quanto sarà pericolosa questa idea scavata nella tua mente quando comincerai a uscire con i ragazzi?

Lo sarà fin quando un giorno non ti troverai a immaginare la tua di famiglia, quella che vorresti. E ti renderai conto di avere un solo timore: sbagliare a scegliere. Scegli l'uomo sbagliato e sei finita. Sì, perché poi arriverà un'altra bambina, simile a te, che si troverà a guardare con occhi incantati un'altra famiglia felice, e a smaniare di esserne parte, anche solo come tappezzeria. Un ciclo disfunzionale che passa di generazione in generazione. Tua mamma non ha avuto una famiglia felice, neanche tua nonna, lo stesso destino tocca a te, a tua figlia, ai tuoi nipoti...

E allora la prospettiva cambia, tu cambi, io cambio. I ricordi tornano a galla, io li devo far tornare a galla, perché quella merda mi serve. Così la smetto di essere una bimba che osserva e divento una donna che scrive, che pensa, che capisce. Divento quella indipendente, libera, che cerca di non perdere la sua sensibilità. Ora non riconosco solo le famiglie felici ma anche le persone che contribuiscono a rendermi felice. Ora so quando rimanere o andare, so perdonare, essere gentile e comprensiva, ma so anche essere così tanto cattiva o indifferente (con chi lo merita) che a volte mi faccio paura da sola. E mi piace così tanto essere così.

Perché sento di essere quella che spezza questo ciclo di merda che si trascina da generazioni. Lo devo a quella bambina che da piccola ha smesso di osservare e ha trovato il coraggio di dire basta, di colpire chi l'ha messa al mondo. Sono quella che traccia il limite che lei mi ha indicato.

Forse un giorno sarò madre o forse no, in ogni caso, qualsiasi trauma abbia tormentato la mia famiglia fino ad ora, non passerà alla generazione successiva.

#disfunctional family #famiglia disfunzionale #trauma #breaking cycles #inner child #childood trauma

[recovering-catholic]

#peace be with queue #not my photo #breaking cycles #family dynamics #eldest daughter syndrome #parentified child #exvangelical #ex catholic #excatholic #ex christian #exchristian #apostate #deconstruction #deconversion #deconvert #religious trauma #mental health

[scoffing-scholar-of-torrance]

#trauma #intergenerational trauma #growth #healing #trauma quotes #black sheep #rebelling #breaking cycles #abuse

[castielscarma]

Breaking cycles softly

Already from the beginning, there's this friction between John and Mary. He has the audacity to think he's gonna protect her from a life that she's been living forever and he's known for what... is it even a month? Dont avoid your issues, John. But that's easier said than done. Side note: I gotta say, I really enjoyed watching Drake play evil and possessed John. xD There are a lot of subtle things that remind me of Destiel. That barn made me think of them, especially with the added bonus of that hand print on the door that the soucouyant left. It's not a surprise that John's dad was abusive. It's this cyclical curse that affects not only John but his children and a curse that Dean broke. This is how it works in the SPN universe, Generational trauma and how it possesses you, only to ultimately destroy you. Because its legacy is so often death and violence and destruction of self. This is ironic because the person who has endured the trauma really wants to protect themself. But in doing so, only cause harm, to themselves and others. As Lata says as she bravely steps in front of John to protect him from getting shot (more so when she said earlier that she has nothing to offer, she's not a hunter, only the brains and in doing so questioned her worth in the group) she says: "More violence isn't the answer, not when you spent a lifetime with it, when it's touched everything you ever had", as she steps in front of John, shielding him. So yes, it's John who fights back but Mac (the possessor) realizes that truth and lets go, freeing both himself and John. In an earlier meta, I said that these episodes, the writing feels more hopeful, almost cathartic and I couldn't quite put my finger on why... I think it's this: Many of the conflicts are solved by acknowledging the pain the characters have and the wrongdoings they did (or that happened to them) in the past. When fellow hunter Tracy said she was sorry for what she did to Mac (for blowing up the cave with c4 and killing him) ... that she hadn't known how to help him, that's what finally made him let go. Not a gunshot to the head or a blade to the chest. Lata essentially said to Mac, that it's not too late and that he can break the cycle. She used her words and non-violence in an episode where she questioned her worth and value within the group as a non-hunter. And her strength and her bravery, her words saved them all affirming that there are more ways to fight than with guns and knives. We end with John being honest when pushed as he talks to Mary. He admits to her that what she said was true. That he had used her (and his concern for her safety) as an excuse to avoid his own problems. And later he goes to Lata to ask her how not to live with anger and violence. This all speaks of hope and love and trying to break free of damaging cycles and anger and the past. But I have to say. Although I really love it (and I do lol, it heals me) I'm still suspicious af. Is this really our world? How John is so willing to admit fault and growth is making me question again if this is the same world or timeline as the one where our Dean and Cas and Sam and Jack were in? Are TCF in the same world as TFW or... maybe in some parallel universe. I hope we'll get some definite answers. It's not something I'll really think too deeply about and write meta about but...that feeling won't leave me.

#spnwin 1x06 #my meta #john winchester #mary winchester #latika desai #breaking cycles #communication