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danikatze · 11 months

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Muddle

a multi-chapter Saraiya Goyou fic

[ID in alt text]

Chapter 1: What the Hell was the Hurry

Summary: The Five Leaves decide to leave Edo with Masa and Yaichi. Ume and Okinu are the first to arrive in their new home town, soon followed by Matsu. While Ume wants to give "opening up" a try, Matsu struggles with Feelings more than ever. An unexpected relationship develops between the two.

Read it on AO3 - or read it here:

Matsu arrived in town much, much sooner than Ume expected.

At the moment he and Okinu left Edo, heading for the place the Five Leaves had decided to try and make their new home, Matsu was still frantically running around (that is to say, walking everywhere much faster than a short guy like him should realistically be able to do) trying to get things done before his own departure.

The news that Matsu was closing up shop and moving someplace else must've spread like wildfire. The day after the Five Leaves agreed to leave Edo with Masa and Yaichi, there was a small, but undeniable queue of servants from rich families in front of his row house. Some he could please with the few hairpins or pipes that were still lying around and wanted to get rid of before moving anyway. The others placed more specific orders.

Otake, Ginta and Matsu still hung out at Ume's place while Ume and Okinu were preparing to leave, and every time Matsu was there he heartily complained about the orders. He hadn't declined any that Ume was aware of. Matsu was not good at refusing clientele.

Ume and Okinu were the first to start their trek to their potential new hometown, and, predictably, they were also the first to reach their destination. The two were planning to stay at an inn and explore the town from there. Miraculously, they found a vacant row house within mere hours of their arrival.

On her trip to the market the next day, at the end of the afternoon, Okinu spotted Matsu in the crowd. She was shocked to see him: not only did she not expect him to be there yet, he looked exhausted. As usual Matsu insisted that he was fine and asked her directions to the nearest inn. Okinu didn't believe it for one second, and dragged him home with her without completing her shopping.

As soon as Matsu stepped into the row house he collapsed. He was burning up and slept for nearly a full twenty-four hours.

Ume managed to get water and tiny amounts of porridge into Matsu in moments of sort of consciousness. Still, when Matsu finally woke up fully, he was craving food. His fever had gone down, but he looked pretty worse for wear still: he was very pale, his eyes were puffy and the fact that he hadn't shaved for almost two days didn't really help him. He was usually so presentable, which made this sight all the more concerning. It actually reminded Ume of the time Masa just rescued Matsu, after being held in the storage room of that candle maker for a few days. At the very least he didn't have any injuries this time.

Ume made him an elaborate meal, with a little help from his neighbours. They were already quite friendly to Ume, thanks to Okinu. He always let her introduce herself first, and made sure she mentioned he raised her on his own. Ume wasn't really comfortable taking the credit for that. She'd done so much of it herself, somehow. It was a really good ice-breaker, though. People were always much less scared of him when they knew that he'd single-handedly raised such a lovely girl.

"So hey," Ume stepped into the row house with a pot of tea that his elderly neighbour on the right made for them. Ume waited a moment for a sign of acknowledgement from Matsu. It did not come because he was too busy scarfing down the contents of one of many bowls Ume put in front of him ten minutes prior. It went in so fast Ume was unable to discern what exactly it was. Ume continued anyway: "did you do the impossible and say 'no' to your customers?"

Matsu put the empty bowl away and grabbed a grilled fish with his chopsticks. Before he himself seemed to realize it, he'd taken a big bite. He held up a hand, asking for Ume's patience. After a moment it appeared that he didn't have any patience himself, because he just moved the fish inside his cheeks so he could reply.

"Nah," Matsu said, then, realising his cheeks could not contain all the fish while talking, attempted to swallow a portion of his large bite and seemingly hurt himself in the process. With a strained expression he thumped his chest a few times, as if that would make the food go down easier, and continued with a tight voice, "I just kinda hid from people at some point, so I could finish everything in time."

"In time?" Ume placed two cups on the floor, and started to pour out the tea, but paused to squint suspiciously at Matsu. "For what?"

"Didn't wanna take longer than a week, or -- ow," Matsu now attempted to swallow a chunk of rice that apparently did not fit down his throat. Ume waited calmly - and judgmentally - for Matsu to get it down and start breathing normally again.

"- or I would've been stuck in Edo forever," Matsu finally finished his sentence.

Ume tried doing the maths in his head - this just obviously didn't add up. Admittedly, he and Okinu hadn't exactly rushed their journey, but they didn't make a leisurely trip of it either. The whole thing had taken them over two weeks.

If Matsu really did leave a week after them, that meant he'd done it in a week and a half.

Ume looked at Matsu, just woken up from sleeping pretty much twenty-four hours straight. He saw the bags under Matsu's eyes and the amount of food that he was currently consuming, and suddenly started to get very annoyed indeed. He sat up straight and crossed his arms. If Matsu noticed, he didn't show it: he only had eyes for the food before him.

"And you made the deadline?" Ume asked, hoping Matsu would say he finished everything sooner than he thought.

"By a hair," Matsu said, casually.

"What the hell was the hurry, you idiot?!" Ume failed miserably at staying calm. It was the indifference that really pissed him off. "Did you even sleep or eat?"

"Of course I did," Matsu's glower would almost be endearing if it hadn't been preceded by one of those infuriating eye rolls. To make matters worse Matsu decided to add, "I just didn't waste time on a bunch of hour long breaks in between, like you guys probably did."

"I'll have ya know that I didn't practically drop dead at our doorstep when we got here," Ume fumed, "and neither did my kid!"

"Good for you," grumbled Matsu, while stuffing some more rice in his face. "Anyway its none of your business how I travel."

"Oh yeah?" Ume laughed incredulously, "well then, in that case feeding you is none of my business either, lemme clear everything away for you."

"Don't --" Matsu practicality threw himself over the food that surrounded him, to shield it from Ume, "- touch anything."

His pale face flushed with embarrassment, although it didn't stop him from grabbing a bowl of miso and slurping it down as soon as Ume turned away in a huff.

Ume's blood was boiling, but he was really not in the mood for any of the bickering that he and Matsu normally liked to engage in. He was pretty tired from the trip himself, despite taking all the necessary rest stops at the roadside, in addition to the longer breaks they took for food and sleep. The first night they spent in their new place, it knocked both him and Okinu out for about two hours longer than usual.

Ume looked over at Matsu and narrowly avoided snorting at him. Matsu scowled so hard that his eyes almost vanished in his frown. A smile formed on Ume's face before he remembered that he was, in fact, still angry.

Well.. no, he wasn't in the mood for that either. And maybe it wasn't really fair to go all parental on a grown man who managed to run a successful business for a good while back in Edo.

He's so bad at taking care of himself though!

His anger subsided, but got the urge to make Matsu feel a bit self-conscious with a fun little snarky remark. Y'know, a little reward for not arguing.

"I'm impressed you still manage to get food in there, the way you're scrunching up your face," he said, with a self-satisfied grin.

"I'm impressed you- you're..," Matsu faltered, "Shut up, I'm exhausted.."

Ume's grin broadened. Matsu turned into such a pubescent teenager whenever Ume went into dad mode. He looked at the few signs of age on Matsu's face, and wondered how old he could be. In his thirties probably? None of the Five Leaves knew any of the other's ages, and they never asked. Ume didn't ask this time either. Instead, he collected some empty bowls to wash up, and left Matsu to simmer down a bit as well.

When Ume returned Matsu had cleared out all the dishes and was stretched out on the floor with his hands on his stuffed belly. At the sound of the door sliding open and Ume stepping in, Matsu lazily looked over, his head lolling to the side. After following Ume with his gaze for a bit, and Ume pretending he didn't notice while collecting more bowls, Matsu sighed.

"Thanks, Ume," he said.

"My pleasure. I like cooking," Ume presented the empty bowls, "and seeing people enjoy my food."

"I didn't mean the food," Matsu stared at the ceiling, and patted his belly, "although, thanks for that as well."

"Then what?" "Dunno,"

Matsu shrugged, "for worrying, I guess."

"Oh," this took Ume by surprise. He hadn't expected Matsu to cool down this much, "yeah, no problem. I have years of worrying experience, raising a sickly kid by myself and all." He laughed a bit and then added in a quasi stern tone, "She was never as damned reckless as you were, thank fuck."

"Hah," Matsu covered his eyes with his hands, groaning, "Masa used the same word to describe me ages ago. I should really do something about that."

It took Matsu a few more days to really get back on his feet again. If it were up to him he would've set out to find a place to stay for himself the very same day he woke up. Ume wouldn't hear of it, and made Matsu rest until he felt fit for at least one full day.

He didn't trust Matsu to be honest about that, but he was fairly good at evaluating someone's well-being. He'd been through too many instances of Okinu claiming she was better, and her falling ill again the next day. Once he started implementing his a-full-day-fit rule, she experienced much fewer relapses.

Matsu grumbled about it a lot and then, to Ume's great surprise and suspicion, put up a lot less resistance than he had prepared for. Ume kept an eye on Matsu as much as he could, and the only way to achieve that was to have Matsu take part in Ume's chores and other activities. As time went on it seemed that Ume didn't need to be distrustful of Matsu's compliance. In fact, if Ume hadn't known any better, he would have said Matsu enjoyed being forced into slowing down.

In the meantime Okinu used her charms to find a place for Matsu to live. In no time at all she managed to get half of her neighbourhood either keeping an eye out, or actively searching for a vacant row house. By the time Ume allowed Matsu to go free, he could move into one that was only a fifteen minute walk away from Ume's - or probably ten minutes at Matsu's pace.

Ume started looking for a building that would be suitable for an izakaya, because his little row house of course wouldn't do. That didn't stop him from providing his neighbours with home cooked snacks and (side) dishes. A bit of advertisement for his as of yet non-existent izakaya. He didn't have much luck yet though. Not that he expected to find something after being there for only a week or so, but he was a bit jealous of Matsu, as unlike him, he would easily be able to set up his business from a row house.

#Saraiya Goyou #House of Five Leaves #I posted a link to chapter 1 yesterday but I don't like the post? It's messy so let's try again #who knows how many chapters there will be lol #I'll post chapter 2 later (it's already on ao3) and I started writing chapter 3 and 4 #right now it looks like there'll be like six or seven idk #I'm not known for writing fanfic so I will not be surprised if this doesn't get many hits #or sad even - I'm just glad I'm writing it down #I made so many notes and connecting the dots is super satisfying (and hard)#it's mostly me getting my post canon hcs down on paper in a comprehensible - and hopefully nice to read - way #Matsukichi #Umezou #UmeMatsu #fanfiction #muddle fic

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qroier · 2 months

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I know roier cubito is one of the biggest believers in revenge ever trust me I know but. sometimes I wish he'd show it. sometimes I wish he'd show his anger and he'd push back in ways people can see. somebody please put him in one of those rage rooms except it's not a room it's the entire island and specifically every federation building ever he more than deserves the fun at this point

#roier #speaking #are these works idk idk my brain is muddled i've been reading avatar fic all day no one tell luna #qsmp

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artsyunderstudy · 2 days

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Après la Pluie, le Beau Temps

Rating: Mature

Words: ~4.5k

Chapters: 1/4

Summary:

When a brewing electromagnetic storm takes down communications, leaving the USS Redemption in chaos and Simon and Baz stranded on a freezing and desolate moon, everyone must confront their own communication breakdowns in order to survive.

For @raenestee

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endwersed · 1 month

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WIP Wednesday

Tagged by the brilliant @dear-massacre 🥰

I haven't been able to work on my current WIP much this week, so here's a li'l something from the nanny AU I started a while ago instead!

“The novelty starts to wear off around the time they learn the word why,” his dad adds drily, a teasing eyebrow quirked. “You should have at least a year to enjoy before that, though.”

Stiles refuses to let his brain drift to thoughts of whether he’ll even be around in a year to see it. Not now, not when Derek’s smile is huge and warm and so full of unbridled love as he looks between his son and Stiles, not when Jake is babbling an impressively steady stream of dadadada, much to all of their delight.

In that moment, he simply decides – fuck it.

It’s absolutely true that none of this is real. But he’s going to enjoy every second of it that he can before it all blows up in his face.

The rest of his dad’s brief visit passes easily enough; Jake regaling them all with his new word while the rest of the conversation flows freely around it. Derek is polite, saying all the right things to make the Sheriff like him, regard him with a quiet sense of approval.

When it’s time for him to head off, his dad and Derek shake hands before he rubs an affectionate hand over the growing hair on Jake’s head. Stiles offers to walk with him to his car, and they chat amiably up until they reach his cruiser, at which point his dad cuts off with a frown, leaning against the closed door of the car and levelling Stiles with a look he hasn’t seen since he was a teenager.

“What?” Stiles asks, eyes wide and something like dread welling up inside him.

His dad doesn’t answer immediately. His gaze slides along the path they just travelled before pulling back to meet Stiles’ eyes. Stiles feels his heartbeat quicken as his dad narrows his eyes.

“You need to be careful here, Stiles,” he says.

Stiles does everything he can to not show a single visible sign of how those words affect him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replies, forcing nonchalance.

“He’s married,” his dad presses on, as always too goddamn switched on. “He won’t feel the same way you do. And that’s not even getting into the fact that he’s your boss.”

“I don’t,” Stiles starts to deny.

“You need to get over your feelings,” his dad cuts over him, “and if you can’t do that – you need to quit.”

Stiles swallows thickly. Unconsciously, his eyes dart over to the blanket where Derek and Jake sit, Derek still with an utterly astonished look on his face as Jake repeats those two incredible syllables again and again and again. His dad’s face is kind, sympathetic, when he looks back to him, and Stiles nods once, stiff and quick.

“It’s just a crush,” he lies. “I’ll get over it.”

After a long moment, his dad nods in return. He pushes away from the car and tugs Stiles into a hug, one hand at the back of his head as he presses his lips lightly against Stiles’ temple.

“I’m just a phone call away if you ever need me,” his dad says, pulling away to look him right in the eye. “And I mean ever. You got that?”

Stiles smiles wanly. “It’s just a crush, dad. It’ll be fine.”

It's just as much of a lie for his own, stupid heart.

No pressure tags! @crownofstardustandbone @raisesomehale @thotpuppy @renmackree

#sterek #my fic #i do have plans to come back and finish this fic off at some point #but my main wip atm is still the abo fic i posted the other week #my inspo/motivation has been a little... muddled lately lol #but i have kept my entire upcoming weekend free and i WILL write!

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moonliched · 11 months

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Life is cushy, working on a subterranean research facility on an underexplored ocean planet. As the resident handyman, most of your work takes place underwater - lucky for you, cave diving is your passion. With the building between bi-annual research teams, and the next lot yet to arrive, you find yourself with an excess of free time. All you have to do is fulfil your weekly duties, prepare the facility for the next team of researchers, and relax. Oh, and track down the net that went missing some time ago.

And then you find it. In a submerged cave. Trapping a mermaid.

You really wish this wasn't your responsibility.

(Moon thinks he should have listened to Sun and stuck to hunting in warmer waters. Why does this bizarre two-tailed mermaid keep coming at him with sharp instruments?)

My futuristic mermay fic has finally begun, as May ends. I have a lot pre-written, but I'm a over-editor, so it's just the first two chapters up right now🐠 I’m super excited about this you have no idea

#at least i hope both chapters are up! the site went a bit wonky when i was uploading the second chap #also this is my first AO3 fic so please bear with me as i muddle through formatting etc #fnaf #fnaf sb #fnaf fic #fnaf fanfiction #fic #fnaf mermaid au #mermay #fnaf mermay #fnaf sun #fnaf moondrop #fnaf dca #mersun #mermoon #There Are Many Benefits #my writing #fanfic

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uhbasicallyjustmilex · 6 months

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four walls playlist

#wow i feel weirdly self conscious about sharing this actually 😅#it's such a random assortment of songs lol #i would like to note that often the music i write to isn’t the same as the music i listen to for me #idk if any other writers here are the same about this??#but yeah the stuff on this playlist is really just whatever has helped me get into the right mood or headspace for the fic #for example #inhaler is on that list and i find them weirdly good to write to for this fic but also i literally never listen to them in my own time #same goes for coldplay #but then also there are obviously some artists i ADORE with all my heart on that list too (hello mansions and qotsa)#also maybe this is weird but i don't actually listen to a lot of miles/am stuff while i'm writing this fic #the stuff i do is all from just before/after the time period the fic is set #which i find SUPER helpful for getting into their headspaces #and i don't like to muddle it much with things they wrote later if that makes any sense??#anyway #i'll stop rambling about it now #hope anyone who checks it out enjoys!! 😘#ps #new chapter of four walls is coming very sooooooooooon!#milex #milex fic #four walls #lulu posts

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amethystina · 1 month

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Hey! That ask you answered about protective Yo Han reminded me of this gem from the script book. I don't know if you're interested in anything script-related, but in case you are, here it is. A slightly different way the scene in E3 was supposed to go, when Yo Han came to the factory and attacked the man who put a bomb in the painting. (Also, 'forced' means 'Yo Han', all translators use this word instead of his name for some reason).

Personally, I loved the "do you know who you hurt?", the madness "increasingly" filling Yo Han's eyes, and him glaring at K when he asked if this was about Ga On. I'm amazed that he got so protective of him so quickly, it's just E3. To think of what he'd do post-canon... thank God (and you, of course!) for your amazing story. I can't tell you how much I'm waiting for everything you're going to bring down on us.

Hope you're doing better!

I haven't gone out of my way to look for the script, no, but I do read the little snippets I might run into on Tumblr and such. So I'm not NOT interested? But also too lazy to go look for it xD

And, tbh, I don't want to accidentally mistake something that was written in the script — but then taken out — as something that actually happened in canon. I have a really good memory but I don't always remember WHERE I read/saw/heard a specific fact so there's a chance I might mistake it as a part of canon even if it's not x'D

But, all that said, I am FASCINATED by this new information, not going to lie. I think that the increasing madness was still captured pretty well in the final version, but the "Do you know who you hurt?" Oh yes, I'm into that. Because while it COULD still just mean that Yo Han is referring to himself, I like that it leaves room for speculation. Very nice.

Though, at the same time, I feel like I have to be a responsible person and point out that, most likely, the reason why Yo Han reacts so violently as early as episode 3 is probably because of Isaac, not Ga On. Like, at that point, I think Yo Han is still struggling a bit with separating the two. Not that he ever mistakes them for each other, obviously, but it's probably a little disorienting until he gets to know Ga On better and can see all the differences more clearly. So it wouldn't surprise me if some of that protectiveness is because Ga On looks like Isaac, at least this early. It brings back very bad memories, and all.

But post-canon? That protectiveness would be for Ga On only. And, as always, Yo Han would hold nothing back.

And we will be exploring that a bit in Who Holds the Devil, yes. Not quite on the level of "I'm going to bring the entire country to its knees," but hopefully still enough to satisfy everyone's need for protective Yo Han ;)

Thank you so much for sending me this! I hope you have a wonderful evening 💜

#Amethystina Replies #k-s-morgan #The Devil Judge #I know it might sound weird that I want to limit the amount of information I have #It's usually the other way around #But I soak up facts like a sponge #But as mentioned don't always know where I got it from #And it can get muddled pretty quickly #Which is also one of the reasons why I'm not really reading any fics #Because I might accidentally steal something from someone else #Like an impression or an idea or a characterisation detail #So I limit it as best I can #Not that I run in the other direction if I happen to stumble over something #But I don't go searching for it either #It's better if it's just me and canon #My brain will do the rest xD

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hippolotamus · 7 months

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Fuck it Friday 🥃

Tagged by @ladydorian05 @daffi-990 @wikiangela thank you loves (don't forget to check their fabulous snippets!) 💖

no pressure tagging @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @giddyupbuck @stereopticons @disasterbuckdiaz @monsterrae1 @spotsandsocks @honestlydarkprincess @eddiediaztho @thewolvesof1998 @forthewolves @chaosandwolves @wildlife4life @spaceprincessem @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @heartshapedvows @loserdiaz @watchyourbuck @your-catfish-friend @statueinthestone @buddierights @911onabc @jesuisici33 @pirrusstuff @cowboy-buddie @the-likesofus @fionaswhvre @steadfastsaturnsrings @barbiediaz @eowon and anyone else who wants to (if i forgot to tag you no i didn't)

I was at a bit of a loss as to what to share today. Ultimately it's more of you're where I wanna go. This is from a later chapter but takes place earlier than any of the previous snippets. IDK the scene came to me and here we are 😘

“‘nother, please.” Buck hails the barkeep, not paying attention to whether or not his request was heard. He swirls the last of the amber liquid in his glass, studying it like it contains the answers to everything in the universe. Maybe it does. Has anyone really proved that it doesn’t? People read tea leaves and tell fortunes and base their entire lives on where the cosmos were the night they were born. Why can’t he take meaning from a thin pool of translucent whisky? It’s not like he’s got much else going for him. He turns the tumbler over, holding it over his open mouth and sticking his tongue out to catch any droplets that might fall when it's taken from his hand. “Hey! Tha’smine.” Someone took his drink! Buck looks down at the shiny lacquered bartop only to see a full whisky, dark and glimmering. How did that get there? Did he ask for it? Maybe the filthy crook that swiped his first one took pity and gave him a new one.

He rests his cheek on his hand, eye level with the cheaply cut crystal. His mother would hate this glass. Would say it’s not even worth having. The same as he’s not worth having. Her and Philip never really wanted Buck. Eddie doesn’t want him. Christ, why did he even come back? Oh, right. Maddie. The one person who’s ever loved him consistently and with purpose. Except she’s gone now, too. Buck lifts his head and drains the glass, scrunching his eyes closed and grunting as it burns his tongue and throat. Doesn’t matter. He should suffer and feel pain and disappointment. At least that’s something he knows he’s good at. “We’re closin’. Time to go.” William – or maybe it’s Billy or Mac? – raps his knuckles on the counter and takes Buck’s empty drink. “Don’t wanna. Not ready,” Buck mumbles, laying his forehead against the cool wood. “Sorry, kid. I can give ya a few minutes to pull yourself together. But ya gotta leave.” William doesn’t sound very sorry. More annoyed that he has to shuffle a handful of drunks out of his tavern. Buck groans with the effort of sitting upright. He rubs at his eyes, hoping that will make the spinning stop. Unfortunately it doesn’t. He lays a few bills on the counter before dropping his feet to the floor, using his stool for support. Thankfully, he only sways a little once he lets go.

#buck is having one hell of a time #he is *heartbroken* and going through it big time #just muddling his way through life as he currently knows it #no direction and no idea what he's doing #he’s a very unreliable narrator right now #fuck it friday #buddie wip #hippo writes #fic: you’re where i wanna go #historical au #spot the music reference

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umlewis · 6 months

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lewis hamilton is interviewed during the drivers parade, brazil - november 5, 2023

#sorry for not transcribing guys. a lot of it's muddled and i'm having some sensory issues today 💔#lewis hamilton #f1 #formula 1 #brazilian gp 2023 #fic ref #fic ref 2023 #brazil #brazil 2023 #brazil 2023 sunday

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sysig · 6 months

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Gotta sweep up all this Dust (Patreon)

#Doodles #Mother 3 #Duster #I am still thinking of He and yet he still hasn't completely come back into my crosshairs #If you can believe it - it was actually the fic printing that was like halfway to the goal of going out of my mind about him again and well-#Lol ♪ I do still plan to! I just underestimated how much of a run-up to him it would be #I'll get there! Certainly keeping busy in the meanwhile lol #But he does get /some/ screentime in the meantime at least haha #I actually injured my own ankle a while ago :P Couldn't tell you exactly when or what but it's been kinda flaring up lately #Mostly when I got for walks - doesn't have to be super long walks either which I'm not super jazzed about #But I did get an ankle compress-brace which has been good for it :) Can walk a bit more regularly!#It was mostly giving my pain away that prompted him back lol sorry Duster #I did at least power up the game to try and see which side his limp is on - it's hard to tell!#It looks like his strides are more confident/longer with his left leg but with the way his sprite mirrors sometimes but not other times #I don't know if he actually says which leg it is somewhere in the game either so I'm just projecting for now lol #I imagine it's only easier to stress out the strong side by overextending - why not both!#It's also still really fun to draw him covered in scars haha #Probably could've gone for arm hair too but it might've muddled the scars and aren't those the important part lol #And a little singy Duster/Lucky to round out :)#I imagine he has a weak voice if he tried projecting but hmm I'm not sure! I really do want to get to know him better!#There's gotta be a reason he was put on the bass right haha #Probably a nice whispery singing voice ♪

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tennessoui · 9 days

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I always figured throat Obi-Wan and Anakin would end up, like, dismantling slave rings. Obi-Wan gets to work for justice and help people, Anakin gets to dismember any slaver who does not instantly surrender and/or says something mean to Obi-Wan. Everyone wins!

I almost feel like that that’s too morally good and too much karmic good for throat fic obikin to be putting out into the galaxy though you’re right it’s a pretty good compromise - obi-wan is definitely a calming influence on his master in a way that most padawan obi-wans are for their master anakins, but this obi-wan also has his own sort of dark side/bloody side (one of the things anakin loves about him) and I think that any sequel for throat fic that gets published explores obi-wan’s capacity for darkness

….especially because it’s told from vaderkin’s pov so there’s more time to show the master’s manipulations on the former padawan when the first fic showed the successful manipulations from padawan to master

#asks #throat fic au #squick tag: a/b/o dynamics #im unsure exactly how I want that to play out though tbh #like they get a happy ever after obviously #but I want to show its a push and pull between them all the time about what they’re doing and how they’re doing it #they’re putting good out in the universe but I want it to be more muddled good #than freeing slaves because that’s just. always good.#I want like. criminal underbelly of whichever planet they settle on #mercenary work or something #everyone gets bloody and the good is short lived and the hands remember the stains of the blood #etc etc

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danikatze · 10 months

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Muddle

a multi-chapter Saraiya Goyou fic

[ID in alt text]

Chapter 2: Jumble

Summary: Matsu and Okinu bond over feeling like a burden.

Read it on AO3 - or read it here:

Matsu was squatting in front of his house, grilling some fish when he saw someone approach from the corner of his eye. Looking up, he saw it was Okinu, beaming down at him.

"Hey, Kinu," he greeted her, quickly looking away.

She crouched down next to him, wrapping her arms around her knees.

"Hiya, Matsu-san," her voice was beaming too, "What've you been up to?"

"Trying to get back in business, y'know," he said, poking the sizzling fish. It didn't need poking, but his hands demanded something to do, and his eyes something to look at, other than Okinu. "Bought materials, advertised my services."

"You'll be drowning in commissions again in no-time, I'm sure!" Matsu involuntarily glanced at her and, catching his eye, Okinu winked. Matsu looked back at the grill and attempted to flip the fish. It was a bit stuck.

"Dad's worried about you."

Oh, here it comes...

"Wishes you'd drop by for a drink at least, to show you're alive," she joked. It wasn't really a joke, though, Matsu knew.

It had already been a few days since Ume had reluctantly allowed Matsu to go his own way. Okinu walked with him, as she had trouble describing where exactly his new place was, with them both being so new to town. Ume tagged along, so that he would know where it was too.

Matsu hadn't gone back to see them since. He was genuinely busy preparing - he was sure that either of the two had come to see him before, and he'd just been gone at the time - but that was only one part of it. There was something inside him holding him back, as well, and he couldn't begin to explain why. Even to himself.

He'd wanted to drop in for breakfast the very next morning, and when he didn't do that he thought of stopping by for an afternoon snack - or maybe they'd have him for dinner. Every time he thought of visiting his head had a whole slew of counter arguments ready for him.

It wasn't a neat list, more a jumble of half-finished thoughts, that all sounded very legitimate and important, talking over and interrupting each other. Every now and again a sharp dig at himself would cut through, clear and well articulated, emphasizing each of the very sensible reasons for not going. Yet.

This muddle in his head wasn't anything new to him, so he focused on his work. That's where he felt competent: he was good at his craft and he was good at selling it. People respected him as a craftsman. After two days of talking himself out of visiting Ume and Okinu, he had decided that the right time to do so would be after getting his first commission. They could have a drink together, to celebrate.

He got his first commission today and he was, very obviously, not having a drink with Ume.

The jumble resurfaced.

"I can take care of myself," he meant it to sound reassuring. It came out more gruff than anything else. He half turned to Okinu, looking at the grains of dirt on her white socks, rather than at her, and added in a softer tone: "I promise."

"Matsu-san..."

Like her dad Okinu wasn't exactly shy about letting people know she didn't agree with things. She and her dad were entirely on opposite sides of the criticism spectrum, yet equally easy to shrug off. Where Ume would complain loudly, she would smile fondly and call people silly.

This was different.

"I'm a bit worried about you too," she sounded almost mournful and it felt like a punch in Matsu's gut. He didn't say anything and for a moment, neither did she.

"I didn't tell dad," when she spoke again there was a bit of mischief in her voice, "because knowing I'm on his side would convince him that he's right, and when he's absolutely sure of himself, he's unbearable."

"Even more so?"

"hehe, yes."

Matsu smiled, in spite of himself, then he sighed. Let's have this conversation. Why not.

"But you agree with him then. Why?"

"Because you seem to have such a hard time accepting help," Okinu said, "I was kind of hoping you'd gotten over feeling like a burden, seeing as you stayed with us until dad was satisfied, but then you just disappeared without a trace again."

Okinu, still hugging her legs, rested her head on her knees and looked at Matsu. He didn't look back. It didn't seem like she expected him to anyway. He wondered how Okinu knew that he felt like a burden. His instinct was to blame Masa: Matsu had told him about some of his insecurities in confidence and it was just like him to accidentally blab it to the others. Or maybe I'm just really obvious after all. How pathetic.

"None of us doubt that you can do everything on your own, Matsu-san," Okinu continued, "but wouldn't it be just a bit faster or easier or simply less lonely if you stop insisting on doing everything by yourself?"

"It's not that simple," Matsu said, a little irritated. Easy for her to say. "You've had your dad supporting you all your life and mine left me to fix everything myself."

From the corner of his eye Matsu saw Okinu lift her head from her knees, and looked over at her, feeling a bit defiant. He'd never shared anything about his youth before and he expected her to look surprised at this insight. Instead he saw that she looked annoyed herself - an expression she'd never worn in his presence before. He was so taken aback that he didn't look away when she met his glance with what could almost be described as a glare.

"I understand you much better than you think, Matsu-san," Okinu said, "even if it comes from a different place."

"What do you mean?"

"You must know that my parents were quite young when I was born, and then my mum died when I was four."

"I do," Matsu said.

"So my dad was basically a still kid and without family and inexperienced and grieving. And I was sick a lot. We managed together, but it was so, so hard. I've been awfully angry at myself for making my dad's life harder than it already was. Whenever I got ill he would close the izakaya to care for me and miss out on money that could've been crucial to our survival."

"Ume probably felt the same way about you," Matsu interrupted, "that he made your life harder than it already was."

"Probably," Okinu agreed, "but I never saw it that way."

"I get the feeling he didn't either."

"Likely, but still," she resumed pointedly, "If anyone knows what it is to feel like a burden, it's me, Matsu-san. In your case it was an unkind parent, and in mine it was my own body."

She squeezed herself a little tighter as she said this.

"Dad always says I practically raised myself, and while I think he gives himself way too little credit, I really did have to do a large part of it myself. And that's not his fault - he did what he could and I love him for it."

Matsu's chest still squeezed tight whenever Ume's dedicated parenting was brought up and he still couldn't help thinking of his own kid, whom he never met, now farther out of reach than ever. The tightness and the thought weren't painful like they used to be - simply a knee-jerk reaction of his mind - and both had passed before Okinu's next words.

"So at one point," she said, "I decided I was grown up enough to fix everything myself as well. I got good at hiding when I was sick and tired, just to be able to help out at the izakaya. I served drinks, I did the shopping, I entertained customers - just to pay my dad back for what he did for me."

Okinu fidgeted with the hem of her kimono and put her chin on her knees.

"I guess that didn't go so well," Matsu said. Okinu glanced over at him and grinned guiltily.

"It didn't," the grin faded, "I got so terribly ill at some point, that it took me a month or so to recover, instead of a few days. When dad found out what I did, he lectured me good, hahah.. From then on we worked really hard on me being ok with things as they were, and I've actually gotten quite a lot stronger in the last three years!"

She smiled at Matsu, and started happily rocking side to side a little, with her head still on her knees. The story was over. He got what she was saying: "share your troubles and things will feel less heavy," or something like that.

"Well, I don't have-" he started.

"a crappy immune system like me?" the interruption was casual, like she predicted what he was going to say. While it wasn't exactly what het been on his mind, she did get the gist. Her smiling and rocking didn't stop.

"Matsu-san, everyone feels bad sometimes. You don't have to be on death's door to ask for help. Or for a good time with friends."

Matsu looked at the fish on the grill next to him, forgotten during Okinu's story. It was still edible by the looks of it. He grabbed his chopsticks and moved the fish to the bowl of rice that he'd prepared before coming outside.

"That smells good," Okinu said, "I bet it's tasty. I feel like it's missing something, though."

"What?" Matsu asked. He knew the quality of his cooking wasn't anything close to that of Ume, but it sufficed.

"Good sake!" Okinu said, cheekily.

Ohhyes.. That would be nice. Any sake Matsu had consumed since leaving Edo had been a bit disappointing, including the sake Ume had served him during his recovery there. No one was more frustrated about that than Ume himself.

"Did Ume find some then?" Matsu said, sarcastically. He took the whole fish between his chopsticks and took a bite. It was nice and salty and the skin crunched satisfyingly between his teeth. He had remembered it just in time.

As he went in for his second bite, he realised Okinu had not yet answered his question. When he looked over at her to see if she was distracted by him, she looked straight at him and her eyes were sparkling with enthusiasm. He couldn't believe it.

"He did?"

"He did!"

"Damn, Kinu," Matsu grumbled and started shovelling food in his mouth so fast that Okinu finally stopped rocking and stared, mesmerized, "why didn't you lead with that?"

Matsu had been living in his new residence nearly a week when the lone woman two doors down passed away. He felt like a massive opportunist when he prepared to approach to the mourning family that gathered there, basically to ask if he could have the now vacant row house, before anyone else could get to it. Then again, his friends were bound to arrive any day now, and they needed somewhere to stay.

He intended to use a bit more grace and tact than that, of course. He found his late neighbour's eldest child, a woman in her early thirties, and expressed his condolences with the appropriate solemnity. He praised the kindness of the woman's mother, and stated his sadness at not being able to get to know her better.

Matsu could be very charming if he wanted, and in no time at all he had the woman, and her younger siblings who later joined the conversation, wrapped around his finger. They sympathised with Matsu looking out for his dear friends, and finding a new home for them. Of course they could have the place.

Okinu moved in to keep the place reserved, and lo and behold, the very next day Otake and Ginta came knocking at Matsu's door, escorted by Ume. It was quite late in the evening and the two looked very tired.

"We were so close," Ginta explained after they dropped their things off at the row house that was now theirs, "and we didn't really wanna look for somewhere to sleep again, just to walk for two more hours and get where we wanted to be."

"It's been a long time since I've felt so drained of energy," Otake groaned and started rubbing her feet, in a way that was a bit less elegant and dignified than everyone was used of her. Matsu quickly sat down next to her.

"Here," he reached out his hands to her, "let me."

Otake readily put her feet on Matsu's lap. Judging by the low grunt coming from the doorway, Ume was very likely staring at the scene with disapproval and jealousy. Matsu didn't look to check, but was amused by it.

"If only you took such good care of yourself, Matsu," Otake sighed with contentment as soon Matsu started to massage her. Now he did look at Ume, annoyed himself. Ume did not attempt to hide the malicious joy he obviously felt.

"What?" he said, "had to explain why you got here before them, despite leaving last."

"I'm working on it," Matsu told Otake.

Okinu walked up to her dad and took him by the arm.

"It's late, daddy," she said, "let's go home and make sure we get up early, so we have a nice breakfast ready for everyone tomorrow morning."

#House of Five Leaves #Saraiya Goyou #Matsukichi #Okinu #Fanfiction #muddle fic

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