#my meds are fucked up my mental state is fucked up my house is a mess and my job is running me into the fucking ground

[housewifebuck]

Is anyone else feeling so fucking burnt out lately they’re about ready to end it all fr

#personal #my meds are fucked up my mental state is fucked up my house is a mess and my job is running me into the fucking ground #I’m just like. feeling very Done lately #I’m not gonna like….do anything ……I havr too much on my plate to hoist off onto anyone else rn #but by god I want to. lol

[callsign-dexter]

Saving Grace 18+

Major Trigger Warning: Domestic and Child Abuse

Request: Ok, I blame your blog for my growing desire on Kelly Severide 😭😭😭 and your smut was soo goood! I'm in Love with your writing !

Sooooo I kindly want to ask you for a little bday (it's Sunday but it's fine if you don't have time) present with angsty Kelly, cause I'm sure we'll love some fluff too 🤗🙊 maybe a little something where they are a couple and she's a paramedic and he's always cute around her and wants her to be save on every call. But one time they're all get called to a gang fight and as she's treating a victim she gets attacked with a knife which nearly kills her and Kelly's world stops when she's in his arms full of blood and barely hanging on. He never leaves her side when she's taken to Med and even there he's by her side begging her to come back to him. Just cute and fluffy Kelly cause daaaaaamn he's so great 🥹 oh and ofc it's a Happy Ending with them 🤗❤️

Pairings: Kelly Severide x Fiancée!Paramedic!Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, hospitals, stabbing, knife, blood, inaccurate medical talk, smut

Masterlist

A/N: Happy belated birthday to the anon that sent this in!

A/N 2: Yes even though this is fluff with angst there is smut so @imagine-all-the-fandoms and @talesofreading please prepare yourselves!

You had known Kelly Severide ever since you were both kids, considering you were next door neighbors. You didn't have the best childhood and needed a friend and you found that in Kelly. You two had grown up and had been there for each other through thick and thin. Through bad breakups with shitty boyfriends and girlfriends. You shut down all the rumors going around about Kelly even though you probably knew they were true especially with him being a womanizer, but you had to defend your friend and crush. 

——————————————————————

Middle school hit and your friendship was stronger than ever and you two had stayed thick as thieves no matter how popular he had become. When his girlfriend, and also the captain of the soccer team, tried to get him to stop hanging around you because she didn't like you, he immediately broke up with her. One particular night they yelling and the fighting got so bad at your house that it became physical and your father had hit you and then threw a plate against the wall, breaking it and some of it cut you. Your mother tried to stop it but your father turned on her and she looked at you with a particular look and you ran, you ran to Kelly. When he saw you and the shape you were in, he grew furious but he took you up to your room and cleaned you up and held you that night.  

——————————————————————

When high school came around your friendship and crush were still going strong. It became normal around the school to see each other with each other, so normal that his friends started becoming your friends and vice versa. Around sophomore year a particularly bad night occurred over at the Y/L/N Household. Your mother had just passed away due to some complications from the abuse your father had laid on her, the next day your father started to drink heavily starting in the morning and didn't end at all. You had just come home from school to find your father sitting at the kitchen table drinking. “About time you came home.” He said with a bite in his tone.

“I was at school.” You said slightly trembling. Your father looked up at you in rage.

“From now on you're not going to school. You're staying here.” He said not really in the right mental state.

“Dad, I can't do that. I need to go to school.” You said you wanted Kelly.

“Not anymore. Now make dinner.” He said harshly. 

“No, Dad. I have homework to do and I promised Kelly I would meet up with him to help him.” You said and the anger flashed through your father’s face.

“You're always with him. Kelly this, Kelly that. I bet you've probably fucked him you slut.” He said and that brought tears to your eyes. 

“No, I haven't.” You said “I'm not with him.” You added and your dad scoffed. 

“Whatever. Now, get to cleaning this place is dirty and cooking. I'm hungry.” He spoke 

“No, I need to do homework and then meet Kelly. I've told you this.” You said something must've snapped in him because he was suddenly picking up his glass and throwing it at you. It grazed you and hit the wall exploding in a million pieces and most of those cut you and you ducked for cover. Your dad stalked over to you and grabbed you by the hair and slammed you up against the wall he was yelling and threatening you. Tears were coming out fast. 

“Stop you're crying.” He said and punched you in the face and you cradled your face and that just made him grow angrier. He slammed your head into the wall and then threw you down onto the ground. He kicked you twice in the ribs, breaking some, and several in the stomach. There were plates on a shelf next to you and he reached over and pulled that down over you, they broke all over you and cut you. You were sure you were bloody and not a very good sight to look at. You were close to passing out and you just wanted Kelly. 

“Kelly.” You mumbled and your dad rolled his eyes.

“There you go saying his name. He can't save you now.” Your dad said and then brought his boot cover foot and it connected it with your head and that brought stars to your vision. Kelly, you wanted Kelly and now. Your dad finally stopped his attack on you and then stormed away, grabbed his keys and left considering you heard his truck start up. He left the door standing wide open.

Kelly had just gotten home from his baseball practice when he noticed your car in the driveway but not your dad's. He also noticed the door left wide open and that made his stomach drop. He quickly pulled into your driveway and got out and rushed in and the scene before his eyes made his blood boil. You were laid there in a pool of your own blood and semi-conscious. “Son of a bitch.” He said to himself he made it very clear that he didn't like your dad early on. “Hey, Angel. Wake up for me. Please.” Kelly said while stroking your cheek but nothing had worked. “You’re really scaring me.” He said. You heard a voice and it sounded like Kelly’s.

“Kel?” You asked, slurring your words and eyes cracking open. You saw him crouching down in front of you.

“Yea, it's me.” He said 

“Dad-” You began but he shushed you.

“I know, Angel. I know.” He said smiling sadly and then pulled out his phone. “I’m gonna call 911. Just hang tight.” He said and you just stared at him everything sounded underwater. You could hear him talking but couldn’t pay attention. Your eyes started to close “Hey, hey, hey. Keep those eyes open for me.” He said but they were already shutting “Y/N-” he said and the last thing you heard before you let the darkness win.

The next thing you remember was waking up in the hospital with Kelly asleep by your side. You hurt all over and you vowed to yourself that you would become a paramedic to help people in need. You tried sitting up and groaned and that is what woke him up. “Woah. Hey. It’s ok, Angel.” He said and got up helped you lay back down.

“Dad?” You asked and he smiled sadly.

“He was found with his truck wrapped around a tree, he survived and when he gets healthy enough, he is going to prison.” He said and you nodded and then your eyes were closing. “Go to sleep, Angel. I’ll be right here.” He said and you let your eyes slip closed. 

“I love you, Kel. More than a friend.” You said and he smiled.

“I love you too. More than a friend.” He repeated and you smiled and then fell asleep. When you woke up again, he brought up what you said and told him it was true and he smiled and told you that he felt the same way. From that day you two started to date. 

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When you both graduated high school you decided to follow Kelly everywhere and owed him your life because he saved your life. You ended up going with him to the fire academy and excelling through it and had graduated as a paramedic and him as a firefighter. After graduation he had proposed to you and it was an immediate yes. 

Considering that you both had gotten engaged you both followed each other through the different firehouses and both ended up at Firehouse 51. When you got the position for a paramedic on Ambulance 61, he got his position on Rescue Squad 3 and you both were so happy. It was exciting and both were so happy.

Kelly and you had talked about kids and decided not to wait until you both were married and when it happened then it happened. You loved the thought of getting married but were happy to be engaged with the love of your life. Getting with you and getting engaged changed Kelly for the good, he stopped being a womanizer and he devoted himself to you and only you. 

——————————————————————

You both had been sleeping soundly in your own bed at your house after being off for 3 days and having a lot of fun in the bedroom trying but not really trying for a child. Your alarm had gone off at 6:30 AM and you jolted awake. When you turned over and saw the time you groaned and shut the alarm off. “Is it time already?” Kelly asked with a gravely and sleep ridden voice and you smiled and rolled over looking at him. You didn’t have to go in until 8:00 AM.

“Sadly yes.” You said and kissed him and he returned the kiss. “But hey, we'll be with each other for the next 2 days.” You said and he smiled.

“That we will, Angel.” Kelly said and kissed you rolling over to where he was pinning you underneath him. The kissing got more intense and you were planning on letting it go further but you needed to get to work before Boden had both of your heads.

“As much as I want to continue this. We really need to get to work.” You said and he bowed his head and sighed in defeat. He knew you right. 

“You’re always right.” He said and you smiled and kissed him again but he continued his attack on you. 

“Kel.” You warned but he just continued his attack on your neck and then he was inching his way down your body until he got to the hem of his shirt that you stole from him. “Baby.” You moaned out and he smirked and went lower to your underwear cover pussy. He pushed your legs open and began kissing the inside of your thighs as he slid your underwear down your legs and threw them somewhere. Then he dove straight in and your head was thrown back “Kelly!” You shouted but turned into a moan. Your hands went to his head he licked a broad stripe up your folds as his hands kept your thighs spread. He swirled his tongue around your entrance and then bit your clit gently and that had you letting out a pornographic moan. Your back arched pleasure and that rubber band feeling was creeping up a tall tale sign you were about to cum. “I’m gonna cum.” You warned and he quickened his pace and when he sucked on your clit and gently bit it again for the second time had you coming undone. “I'm cumming!” You moaned out and that rubber band snapped and you saw stars. You came all over his face and he was licking it up like it was his last meal. When you came down from your high, he was sitting up and lying next to you. You laid there for a few minutes catching your breath “That was amazing.” You said and he smiled and leaned over and kissed you, you could taste yourself on his tongue.

“Have to take care of my girl.” He said after he broke the kiss and you smiled.

“Now we have to get ready.” You said and got up. He laid there watching you. Once you had disappeared into the bathroom, he and when he heard the shower running, he got up and smirked. He stripped off his sweats and underwear leaving him nude. He walked into the bathroom and when you heard the shower door open you smiled.

“Just couldn’t stand it could you?” You asked and he smirked.

“How can? Especially knowing my sexy fiancée is in here all alone and may need some assistance.” He said and you laughed as he started to finish what you had started and then it was your turn to help him. As you were soaping him up and rinsing him off you got down to his very erect and noticeable hard on, you smirked.

“Want me to help you with that?” You asked and he smirked.

“I would never say no to you.” He said and you smiled and he helped you ease your way down once he knew what you were doing. All soap was gone and both of you were clean but you always did enjoy standing there under the hot water. Your hand traveled down to his cock and pumped it while you kissed the tip and kitten licked it and that had him moaning. “Oh, Angel. That feels so good.” He said and you smirked and took the tip into your mouth and swirled it with your tongue and then you started moving your head up and down. Kelly’s head was thrown back in pleasure. One hand went to your head and the other braced himself on the shower wall. “Angel.” He moaned out. You kept changing your speed and then you hollowed your cheeks and took him deeper until he hit the back of your throat. You breathed through your nose “I’m close, Y/N/N.” He said and you knew it was true especially when your other hand that wasn’t on his cock went to his balls you felt them tightening up. What did him in was when you squeezed his cock and his balls at the same time “I’m cumming, Angel.” He moaned out and then his thick load shot into the back of your throat and you swallowed it all. When he was done you slowly drug your mouth off his cock and released him with a pop. He helped you stand up and kissed you tasting himself. You smiled at him “Thank you, Angel.” He said and tucked a piece of wet hair behind your ear.

“Anytime babe.” You said and then you both were getting out and getting ready. Once everything was ready to go you looked at your phone 7:20 AM it read and your eyes bugged out of your head. 

“What is it, Angel?” He asked when he noticed your expression.

“We’re gonna be late.” You said and he smirked. 

“Then let me drive.” He said and you groaned but agreed. You both walked out to his Jeep and he booked it to the firehouse. 7:50 AM, you had cut it close but now you felt nauseous.

“Never letting you drive again.” You said as you grabbed your bag.

“Oh, come on. I got us here on time.” He said and you just shook your head and the both of you headed in. Both of you put your bags in the locker room and went to hear the reports and once that was over your 2-day shift started. 

6 hours into your shift nothing really exciting happened, just a few small calls that didn’t require everyone to go out. You were grateful for the silent morning and not much happening because that meant you could spend time with Kelly and plan your wedding with your bridesmaids, Sylvie Brett and Grabriela Dawson and maid of honor, Stella Kidd. “So, have you picked a color yet?” Sylvie asked.

“I have 2 picked out navy blue and sage green.” You said and she nodded.

“Oh, navy blue would look so pretty.” Stella said and you smiled as you flipped through some magazines. You were mid flip when Kelly walked into the room you looked up when you saw him coming over and kissed you.

“How is my beautiful fiancée doing?” He asked and you smiled and you could hear the girls aweing at you both and you rolled your eyes at them.

“Oh hush. I’m doing well. A little bit achy from the rambunctious patient we had last call.” You said and he gave you a look “Kel, I’m fine nothing major happened and we handled it.” You said and he eased up.

“You know I want you to be safe on every call.” He said and you nodded and watched him walk over to the fridge and grab two bottles of water and something to snack on and brought it to you. You gladly accepted them.

“You two are so adorable.” Gabby said and you chuckled and made room for Kelly to sit down and then you leaned into him and started flipping through the magazine again as he fed you some of his snack. “So, you have a cake picked out?” She asked and you nodded.

“We do. It’s a chocolate strawberry cake.” Kelly said “It’s her favorite and I want her to be happy on her special day.” He said and kissed your temple. You smiled and played with your engagement ring.

“Hey it’s your day too.” You argued and looked at him.

“Yes, but to me it’s going to be all about you and celebrating you being with me.” He said and again the girls awed at the both of you and again you rolled your eyes but smiled. The wedding talk continues and Kelly put his input in. When the urge to go to the bathroom was needed you got up and he whined. “Where are you going?” He asked pouting and you turned to him.

“I have to go to the bathroom, Babe. Unless you want to join.” You said as a joke and he started to get up but you stopped him “I was joking. I’ll be back soon.” You said and he pouted again.

“Fine. I’ll miss you.” He said and you laughed.

“I’ll be right back.” You said and the girls all laughed. You went to the bathroom and as you were washing your hands the bells rang signaling for Rescue Squad 3, Truck 81, Ambulance 61, and Engine 51. It must be serious if they were sending everyone out. You quickly rushed the ambulance and he stopped you before you got in and he kissed you hard and you returned the kiss. “I love you.” You said as you hopped into the vehicle.

“I love you too.” He said and then you both got in your vehicles and then you were off to the call. The call was made by a bystander that had witnessed a gang fight had taken place and there were some casualties but also some that needed medical attention as well as a fire that had broken out due to a bullet hitting a gas tank of a car. Intelligence was also called since it was their case they were working on. You were quick to jump out when the ambulance had stopped. Boden gave orders and everyone got to work. You, Sylvie, and Gabby along with Herrmann, Otis, Kelly, Brian and Peter moved people that needed serious attention to one place and the ones that didn't move to another then the deceased to another with sheets laying over them. Intelligence and other police officers were booking left and right. You had just finished with one patient when Jay grabbed your attention. 

“Hey, Y/N! I need you over here!” He said and you rushed over with your bag. When you got there a man in his mid-20s was lying unconscious on the ground but breathing. You knelt down next to him and Jay. Jay was waiting to do anything to help.

“Sir, can you hear me?” You asked while taking a listen to him and everything sounded normal. You still hadn't gotten a response so you made your hand into a fist and rubbed his sternum. That definitely got a reaction out of him because before Jay could stop him, he had grabbed a knife that was in his back pocket and drove it first into your stomach. At first you didn't feel it and Jay was just shocked. You Felt it when the knife pulled out and found its way into your ribs. Jay took action and was quick to apprehend the person and cuff him. He called for someone to get the person off the ground and once they were gone Jay turned his direction to you. 

“Hey it's ok. You're going to be ok.” Jay said as he started putting pressure on your wounds.

“Kelly. Want Kelly.” You mumbled out and Jay nodded and looked up looking for your fiancé and when he found him, he shouted his name.

“Kelly!” Jay shouted and that caused Kelly to look up and his face drained of color when he saw you on the ground with blood and Jay trying to help. He was rushing over to get to you. 

“What the hell happened?” Kelly asked when he arrived and took over for Jay but Jay stayed close wanting to help his friends. 

“I found a guy on the ground unconscious and called her over since she was available. She was checking on him and trying to wake him up and he woke up startled and took out a knife we both didn't see and stabbed her before I could do anything. He was quick and got a second stab in.” Jay said and Kelly nodded, not mad at anyone this could happen to anyone. He knew moving someone without knowing their injuries could end up making it worse for them. 

“Kel?” You asked and he looked down and saw you staring at him with wild unfocused eyes. You looked so scared.

“I'm here, Angel. I'm here.” He said and pressed harder on your wounds. Blood was starting to seep out between his fingers. “Jay, go and get Sylvie and Gabby. Tell them it's Y/N. Tell them to bring the gurney and hurry.” He said and Jay nodded and went to find them.

“I'm sorry.” You said and Kelly looked at you confused.

“Why are you sorry?” He asked

“I didn't see the knife.” You said and he shook his head.

“Nobody could've seen it. You and Jay did the right thing in not moving him.” He said and you nodded and then you started coughing which brought blood and it was getting harder to breathe. “Hey hey, don't you give up on me yet.” He said and grabbed your gloved hand and he could feel your ring through it. He decided he needed to be skin to skin with you so he ripped the gloves off and your diamond ring was out on display for everyone to see.  “We have so many plans, Angel. Don't leave me.” He added you so desperately tried to keep your eyes open and you were winning the fight but barely. 

“Oh my god.” Sylvie gasped and both her and Gabby got to work. The commotion caught the attention of a few others and they were quick to come over. “Hey, Y/N/N. Can you hear me?” Sylvie asked and you nodded your head and looked over at her.

“Kel?” You asked, losing a lot of blood.

“I'm right here, Y/N. I'm right here.” He said and your head lolled over to look at him. Then your eyes closed and your breathing stopped. “Y/N! No no no no.” Kelly said and removed his hands and started chest compression and that kicked everyone into gear. Gabby put a pulse ox on you and connected leads to you and it showed a flatline and tears came to Kelly's, well everyone's, eyes. “Come on. Come on.” He said and continued CPR. About 2 minutes later your heart started beating again and he sighed in relief. Gabby started an IV and Kelly’s hands went to the puncture wounds again.

Everyone started talking and then you felt yourself being lifted up and onto the gurney by several people. You were moving and it felt like you were floating. Nothing was in focus and every sound was underwater. You were loaded into the back of the ambulance and then you were speeding away. Kelly never once left your side and nobody argued with him.

Getting to Med felt like forever but it was only a short 3 minutes but in those 3 minutes Kelly's world stopped again. Your heart was beating strong and then all of a sudden it just stopped. Gabby was quick to start CPR again. “If we don't get her back soon, her chances to survive are low.” She said and just as soon as the ambulance pulled up to Med your heart started again. When the doors opened there was Connor and a few nurses standing there and as soon as the gurney was off the ambulance you were being wheeled away. Talking was heard but you couldn't focus on it. Your eyes were closed. 

“Kelly, you know you can't go back with us.” Connor said

“I know. Just take care of her. Angel, I'll be here when you're done. Keep fighting.” Kelly said, bending down and kissing your forehead and then your ring. “I love you.” Kelly added as tears ran down his face and you were wheeled behind the door. Kelly just stood there not knowing what to do until Otis came behind him and grabbed his shoulders and led him to the waiting room. Before they wheeled you behind the doors, they had taken your engagement ring off and gave it to him. He looked up and saw most of everyone there but nobody said a word. He looked down at your engagement ring and just started to let tears escape. He needed you.

——————————————————————

“Alright I want a quick x-ray and an ultrasound then I want her prepped and quickly.” Conner said and everybody let him know that they understood and then they were on it. An x-ray was taken and the tech froze.

“Uh, Conner. I might want to come and take a look at this.” He said and Connor rushed over.

“She’s pregnant.” He confirmed “Someone call Dr. Manning. Tell her it is an emergency.” He said 

“On it!” A nurse said and was quick to get her on the phone. In no time Natalie was rushing into the OR, she was getting the ultrasound up and running and was quick to get it on you.

“It looks like she is 9 weeks pregnant and it looks like the knife didn’t even touch the placenta but it looks like it caught her kidney.” She said “I’ll stay and monitor the baby.” She said and Connor nodded and started giving directions out. The surgery was stressful but it was coming along great. “The baby's heart rate and breathing are great.” Natalie said just about the time your heart rate was beginning to drop.

“Heart is dropping and her breathing is labored.” The surgical nurse said and that concerned both of the doctors. Then your heart monitor flatlined. 

“Starting CPR!” Connor said and he started the chest compressions. “Come on, Y/N/N. You got a fiancé that is worried sick about you and a baby to grow and raise” he said and you must be listening because after about 3 minutes of CPR your heart started to beat again. “Ok, she’s back! Let’s hurry this and get her into recovery.” He said calmly and they finished quickly. They had to fix your lung and remove one of your kidneys but you were going to survive.

——————————————————————

4 hours is how long everyone had to wait. Your team members, who were your family, weren’t going to go anywhere especially not when one of their own was fighting for her life. Kelly was a nervous wreck and he hadn’t even said a word since he arrived, nobody was going to push him to talk. Boden had declared him off since it was his fiancée in there and that considered him family. Nobody had come out and whenever someone had come out it wasn’t Connor and his heart sank a little more each time. The plans that you two had made and planned on making were running through his head. He thought about starting a family with you and the wedding you two were going to have. As he was thinking about it all, he remembered your diamond ring in his hand, it shouldn’t be in his hand, it should be on your finger. He took one last look at it and then took his chain off around his neck and unclasped it and slid on it, he then put the chain back around his neck.

Finally, Connor came out and he stood there for a minute until he saw Kelly and the crew. He walked over to them and when Kelly heard footsteps he looked up and quickly stood up. “Connor?” Kelly asked Connor, looked at him and smiled.

“They’re both going to be just fine.” He said and Kelly looked at him shocked.

“Both?” Kelly questioned 

“Yes, Y/N is 9 weeks pregnant. I take it neither of you knew.” He said, reading the expression on Kelly’s face.

“No. We’ve been trying but not really trying.” He said and Connor smiled. “How is Y/N?” He asked

“We lost her once but got her back quickly. The knife got her kidney so we had to remove that and we fixed her lung. I’m suggesting a few weeks to a month off from work but she can do very light duty.” Connor said and everyone nodded, mostly Boden. “I can take you to her now.” He said.

“Please.” Kelly said and Connor smiled and nodded. He led Kelly the way and while he was walking past his crew, they gave him a chorus of ‘Congratulations’. They weren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Kelly and Connor arrived at your room and he walked in and sat down on the chair. “If something happens, please grab one of the nurses and they’ll either page me or Natalie or both of us will be here.” He said and Kelly nodded “Oh and Kelly?” He added and Kelly looked up at him. “Congratulations.” He said and Kelly smiled and Connor was off. He was left there sitting with you and letting tears fall.

“You scared me, Angel. When I saw you lying there with Jay putting pressure on your wounds, my world stopped. Then when you stopped breathing and your heart stopped twice on the way here, it scared the shit out of me. We’re going to be parents, Angel. I don’t know if you can hear me but you, I’m so glad you chose to stay with me. I would be so lost without you. I love you so much.” He said and kissed your forehead. 

Nurses were in and out checking on you and the baby and the crew came and saw you but couldn’t stay long and Kelly understood and he knew you would understand too. Kelly wasn’t going to leave your side for nothing and nobody was going to make him and Boden understood. He wanted to put your ring back on but refrained against it because he didn’t want them taking it off again.

2 days had passed and you still hadn’t woken up but that was to be understood it helped your body heal. They kept IVs running to keep you and the baby hydrated and it had some nutrients in it to keep you both nourished from the lack of food being eaten. It was during the night when you woke up and you looked around the room taking in the noise and where you were at. Then you looked over to your right and saw Kelly sleeping. You reached a hand over and stroked his cheek which woke him up and then when he saw you were awake, he was up with a start. About that time Connor and Natalie had come and smiled. “Nice to see you awake.” Connor said and you smiled and then grimaced in pain when you tried to move. 

“Take it easy. You just had some major surgery. We also don’t want to stress the baby out.” Natalie said and you pulled a confused face.

“Baby?” You asked voice scratchy and Kelly was quick to grab the cup of water and bring the straw to your lips and you drank some and pushed it away.

“Yes, we did an x-ray to see where the knife had hit and when the baby popped up, I was called in and I did an ultrasound to confirm that you are 9 weeks pregnant. I take it you didn’t know.” Natalie said and you shook your head but smiled “Congratulations.” She said with a small smile and you smiled back.

“Thank you. We were trying for a kid but haven’t been trying very hard.” You said and she smiled.

“The knife punctured your kidney and your lung. We removed your kidney and repaired your lung. I want you to take it very easy for a few weeks and if you go back to work then it’s going to have to be very light duty.” Connor said and you nodded. He and Natalie went over a few things with you and then left. They wanted you to stay in the hospital for at least a week to make sure everything was ok and no complications and you agreed along with Kelly. 

“We’re going to be parents.” You said and he smiled and nodded then you looked down at your bare hand “Where is my ring?” You asked almost panicked and he smiled and pulled it out on his chain.

“Right here baby.” He said and pulled it off and took it off and put it back on your hand where it belonged. You let out a yawn and he chuckled. “Go back to sleep baby. I’ll be here when you wake up.” He said and leaned up and kissed your forehead again. 

As you fell back asleep you smiled and thought about your baby. The two of you were going to be parents and you couldn’t wait. All you could think about is how good of a father Kelly was going to make and you couldn’t wait. You couldn’t wait to marry him and raise his kid with him. The three of you were going to be one happy family and that was something worth staying for.

Tag list:

@kmc1989

@els-marvelvsp

@atarmychick007

@nyx2021

@grandstrangerphantom

@angenu01-blog

@talesofreading

@docockschest

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[orisquirrelking]

May I please have p1 dude x reader Headcanons 💕 I love him so much (sob)

Also I'm from the RWS server LOL

P1 dude/reader HCs

I’m not gonna lie to you chief i am writing this in my lecture hall because i have no time otherwise LMAOO

Enjoy !!

——————————-

He’s not very social so the fact that you two even met in the first place is lowkey a miracle. He’ll dwell on this a lot. Were it not for the fact that the two of you were coincidentally at the same grocery store at the same time, he doesn’t think you would’ve ever even have heard of him.

(this is more of a gen headcanon, but) adding on to his antisocial personality, it’s been years since the incident in paradise (however you may interpret it, whether it be just a dream or an actual, physical event,) that lead to his long-term hospitalization at the paradise psychiatric ward. He had been staying there for as long as he can remember, only being released very recently due to medical advancements with medication for mental health issues. It’s not exactly a topic he likes to talk about though he may crack a joke that you’re not sure you can laugh at every once in a while.

Very schedule oriented. When you two began dating it was difficult for him to adjust to having another presence in his life. In the beginning he usually had to host dates at his place, just because he didn’t want to adjust at all. Its a push and pull process but the two of you are working on a more relaxed, healthier schedule.

You’ll notice that he patrols the borders of his house every once in a while. His paranoia can get high and at times he feels unsafe in his home. It’s mostly harmless behavior, and he doesn’t mind if you join him. 

You're going to be subject to a LOT of rambling about his weapons. He's a big collector, doesn't matter if they don't work, as long as they can look pretty. He keeps his “real” firearms and ammunition in safeboxes around his house. If you don't already know, he's teaching you how to use them.

As I've stated in other writings, I think that all of the dudes enjoy physical contact in one way or another. Unlike P2, P1 dude prefers to initiate physical contact and be able to pull away at any time. Don’t get him wrong, he loves physical contact, but he can be overstimulated at times and would prefer to not be in a pissy mood when around you.

When you start getting him to go out, he prefers to be able to go out to somewhere more spacious and more nature oriented, (as stated in the dating HCs.) so he can bring baby Champ with him.

Speaking of Champ, that puppy is his fucking lifeline. I like to think that in this universe Champ is his service dog in training, and is the first thing he received when he left the ward. If you don’t fw Champ, the chances of you two getting together are lower than 0%. On the other hand, nothing brings him more joy than when you’re lazing around at his home together and you start playing with Champ. He thoroughly enjoys it when you help him with Champ’s training, he loves seeing his two favorites get along!

Does not like it when he misses taking his meds. You’re going to have to assure him that missing one dosage isn’t going to erase all of the progress he’s made. Dude would be more on edge on the days when that happens. Sometimes this will lead to a meltdown, and honestly (as somebody who has the same issues that he does,) there really isn’t much you can do except be there for him.

Appreciates everything you do for him and will not hesitate to try to one-up you. You’ve offhandedly bought him food? He’s treating you to dinner. Homemade. Take care of him when he’s sick? Flowers, chocolate, and a day out with Champ. He doesn’t have the most money in the world but he wants to show you that he cares too.

Doesn’t want to seem dependent on anything, so sometimes he might pull away from you. He’s been independent for most of his life, so it hits an insecurity when he thinks he might have been “burdening” you with his issues. He’s not exactly used to being treated with so much kindness.

Overall? Be patient with this man for the love of god. It’ll take him some time to open up and yeah, he’s got his issues, but in the end he’s just a guy trying to make the best of a life full of experiences he never asked for.

#oris writes #postal dude x reader #p1 dude x reader

[moonlit-void-to-the-far-unknown]

Logan Roy would 1000% send his children to be institutionalised if they were more blatant about there mental illnesses.

Like all of the Roy family has sever mental illnesses let’s be real here how can they not growing up like they did.

But I see so many ‘being the youngest Roy sibling’ HC and I keep thinking about being the youngest Roy sibling and showing sever signs of bi polar or depression or schizophrenia *hey hey I have bi polar, depression and had schizoaffective disorder so I can say that shit ain’t fun* so here some Hc? Brain dribble about that.

So it’s under readmore and yeah also I am

Someone who has been in a psych ward many times *dont ask* so I feel qualified to make this.

Like they show signs of it being sever, sever and like they get dealt with, when there like a kid and Logan just punishes them like they are having tantrums. But by like maybe early to mid 20s it becomes very clear when they try to off themselves.

That’s when Logan says ‘fine we’ll deal with this the old fashion way’ and let’s just say the siblings are ya know sitting with the youngest Roy at Logan’s house when the men in white jackets come and basically yank them up and the whole time the others are screaming like ‘the fuck is going on?!’ And the youngest is just screaming for them to let them go and maybe even tries to grab onto Kendall or Roman or shiv while being dragged out.

After logan explains, your just going to a hospital that can better treat you, and help you deal with your mental state better.

Connor fully riots when he hears this happened, storms into Logan’s office with Kendall and Roman behind him trying to ya know stop the fight that’s about to kick off and Connor is fuming like

“You fucking bastard! You already locked my mother up, your once wife! But that’s not enough so you lock your fucking kid up?!” Like this is an anger I don’t think anyone’s ever seen in Connor.

And Connor is the one to visit you every day, he brings you things you may need, or just things he hopes you can decorate your little space in your room with.

Roman brings you like the things you can’t sleep with out at night, like a special stuffed animal or a blanket or pillow. He’s the one who jokes about you being the actual crazy one, and like he gets the need to deflect with dark humor.

Shiv is the one who brings you the clothes you actually would wear, and not the random stuff that Logan had a house keeper pack for you. When she first visits to bring them your in a full on hospital gown because you refuse to wear what Logan gave you.

Kendall is the most awkward when he visits because yeah he went to rehab but like, this is way more lock down and he maybe realises that this could have happened to him if he didn’t ya know get a control on his shit like he tries to.

You meet Tom while still in the ya know hospital and fully tell shiv if she marries him you have a free bed in your room if she needs it.

Logan basically 51-50ed you so like the resentment against him is real, it’s like not good.

You spend like a solid almost 2 years institutionalised. But when you get out, Connor has a welcome home party for you. Everyone comes out, except Logan cause Connor was not about to have that KO fight happen.

You have always been closest to Roman, not really sure why but you two just get each other better and oh the jokes you both make at each other, like makes everyone else so uncomfortable. When eating at the like welcome back dinner he switches your silver wear for plastic and you joke like

“Plastic can still hurt. Wanna see” and like he knows it’s a joke but everyone else gets that like uncomfortable vibe about them

“If I can’t joke about it, I’ll cry about it, so we joke yes? Do you want me to jump off the roof cause-“

Roman casually jokingly makes sure your taking your meds everyday like texts or calls or quips like

“So how’s today? You eat? Take your fucking crazy pills that make you see god or whatever…” like very obvious but very Roman.

I just, I have feelings alright…

#roman succession #Roman Roy #roman roy succession #succession #roman roy x reader #baby sibling Roy #Kendall Roy #shiv roy #Logan Roy #Connor Roy #tom wambsgans

[angelsanarchy]

Glass Houses: Jack Thurlow x Y/N One-Shot Series PRT 26

Tagging:@roryculkinluvr@thatsthewrongwallcraig@icarus-star @cc-luvr @madamemaximoff06@shady-the-simp @quicksilversg1rl @s-0lar @kristennero-wallacewellsver@ophelialaufey @mayathepsychic1999 @x-prettyboy-x @rorylover71 @auggiethecreator @tempt-ress @blacksoul-27

Jack had woken up the next day feeling like absolute shit. Dr. Carty had told him that he needed to be checked in for a short stay just to get him back on track and Jack reluctantly agreed. He wasn't sure how he could fall so far with all the progress he had made. He knew bits and pieces of what happened last night but it was Dr. Carty who explained to him that Y/n had been with him and left in a hurry not wanting anything to do with him once the doctor had gotten there.

"Do you think I have time to stop by Y/n's and let her know I'll be gone for a bit?" Jack asked standing on the front porch.

"I suppose you could but if she isn't ready to forgive you Jack, don't push her." Dr. Carty pressed as he nodded his head. He walked across the street and knocked on the door, pulling his sleeves down to hide the bandages. Y/n opened the door and stared at him, unmoving.

"Hi." Jack croaked unable to really look at her.

"Um I just wanted to let you know that I'm going in for treatment for a little while. Carty thinks is best to get me back on track since I let some stupid shit take me out-"

"Don't make excuses. You stopped taking your meds because you wanted to punish yourself. Then instead of just taking it out on yourself, you took it out on me." Y/n had no sympathy for him.

"I'm not trying to make excuses, I'm just trying to let you know what's happening. I told you I was a lot to handle." Jack reminded her.

"Yeah you did and I still wanted to be apart of your life but you aren't going to use your mental health as an excuse to be a shit person. You don't get to say horrible things to me and just get away with it. You damn sure don't get to put your hands on me and get away with it either." Y/n stepped towards Jack and he stepped down off the porch.

"Did...did I hurt you? I don't remember putting my hands on you." Jack looked her body over and she shook her head.

"Shanda said you didn't remember hitting her either. She called me after talking to your doctor. She loves you a lot." Y/n cleared her throat.

"I would understand if you never want to speak to me again-"

"Oh fuck off Jack. Don't pull that poor pitiful shit with me. You know I'm not going to fall for it." She spat.

"You fucked up because you decided to hurt yourself. Now you need to go and get your shit together. I'm not going to be anyone's punching bag ever." Jack heard those words and feared he had actually struck her.

"Have I ruined this? Be honest with me Y/n. Will I have something to come back here for with you?" Jack finally looked up at Y/n and she sighed.

"I shouldn't be what you're worried about right now. You need to go and get your shit together, maybe work on a real apology instead of the abundance of excuses you just showed up with. But most importantly, I want you to get better for you." Y/n seemed sincere and Jack nodded his head.

"I want you to know that I would have never hurt you if I was in my right state of mind. I would have never wanted to make you scared of me." Jack confessed and she nodded.

"I'm not scared of you Jack. I'm scared for you. I want you to control your mental illness, not let it control you." Y/n stepped down into his space.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered.

"Tell me that again when you've had time to sit with all of it." Y/n looked at his eyes and could see such an overwhelming sadness. He looked lost like he had just woken up for the first time in years. She rubbed her thumb on his forehead and sniffled, like she was trying not to make herself upset.

"Take care of yourself Jack." She turned on her heel and walked back inside. Jack kept his gaze on the door for a few moments before leaving and seeing Dr. Carty standing by his car.

"How did it go?" He asked curiously.

"She told me to go get my shit together and when I get back, we can talk then." Jack rubbed the back of his neck and Dr. Carty shook his head.

"Then we have some work to do. You can't just go to treatment, get your meds right and then come back, you know that right? You have to go through assessment again and see where you're at before we can release you. We have to know you won't hurt yourself or come off your meds again." Dr. Carty explained. Jack knew he fucked up but he didn't realize how badly he fucked up.

The last time he was sent for assessment, they held him for a year. What if they kept him for another year? What if Y/n moved on with her life and he never gets the chance to really apologize to her? What if he just fucked his whole life up for no reason?

"Don't let yourself get overwhelmed by the prospect of having to stay longer than you want Jack. You know you need the treatment, the time and the hands on care. You are no good to come out sooner than what you should if you plan to get back to this life you've created with people you care about." Dr. Carty squeezed his shoulder.

"I know...I just don't want to lose her trying to find myself again. It took me too long to get back to who I was before." Jack looked at his doctor who gave him a sad smile.

"I don't think you are back to that shell Jack. I think you just had a weak moment and we need to take care of that to avoid bigger issues in the future."Jack looked at Y/n's front door again and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Alright Doc...let's get to work." Jack got into the car with his doctor and kept his head down as they drove towards the hospital. Y/n watched the car pull out of the driveway and she finally let herself cry. The last 24 hours was so heavy and she hated that she let herself get so caught up in her feelings for Jack, she forgot that he had struggles just like her.

Later that night, she got a call from Dr. Carty she wasn't expecting.

"I know it's late but we just got Jack settled in for the night and I wanted to get your permission before I fulfilled his request." Dr. Carty said.

"What request would that be?" She asked concerned.

"Jack would like to add you to his emergency contacts. It means I can share his medical updates with you. He has no living family so it would only be you and Shanda. I personally think it would be a good idea since you're so much closer than she is." He explained. Y/n stayed silent for a moment.

"Would you be comfortable with that?" He asked.

"Yeah I'm fine with that...just don't tell him I said I agreed okay?" She didn't want him thinking he was in the clear just because she cared about his health.

"He's going to be okay Y/n. So will you. You're a very strong young lady. I hope you do what's best for your life and I hope that includes Jack." Dr. Carty was so far off book and he knew that but Y/n could hear how much he cared about Jack as more than just a patient.

#Jack Thurlow #Jack Goes Home #Jack Thurlow x Y/n #Glass Houses #Glass Houses Series #One Shot Series #Culkin Cult #Rory Culkin #26/38

[cupcraft]

i hate when they gaslight house about his pain. i definitely think that sometimes his physical pain is exacerbated by his stress/mental pain but that isnt something to disregard either. When hes stressed he thinks about his pain more even if it doesnt hurt any more than it did yesterday and people brush him off like it isnt a real thing. like 😭😭😭It still hurts guys

Exactly.

Like stress, anxiety, trauma, etc. are all things that can exacerbate pain and make it worse. They are things that can be caused by the pain, intersect with it, etc. It can make the pain harder to process and manage. Many things. Chronic pain and your mental state are linked but that DOES NOT mean his pain is "made up" just "psychological".

House needing therapy and addiction counseling aside, his pain is still real. It's always real. HIs pain being amplified by stress isn't fake. His pain causing stress which then causes it to be amplified in a cycle isn't fake. His pain is real and deserves to be taken seriously. Every fucking doctor in this show has no fuckign clue what chronic pain is like and it shows. They also act like House being addicted to vicodin is some moral failing when in fact like um he also does need pain management...and opiates are a form of pain management and a consequence of long term opiate pain management can be addiction which becomes a chronic illness on its own that deseves its own patience and management. People, other than fellow patients and disabled characters that also get what he's going through, see House's pain as a made up moral failing that is just his long sinister plan to be drug seeking which is just one of the most gutting parts of the show (and unfortunately a reality for how many people and the medical system treats disabled people and also addicts).

I think it becomes the most jarring when there's a narrative how many people defend Stacy's decision to break House's medical consent and autonomy, and the near sort of judgement he gets for not wanting an amputation. His decision over his body part is his own, his relationship to his leg is his own, his autonomy over wanting a prosthetic versus a leg and a cane is his own. There should be no morality assigned to what House wanted to do with his leg injury. And maybe, that morality is assigned as a sense of guilt people (especially Cuddy) have for the fact the only reason he was injured in the first place is that people gaslit him to think his pain was made up and that he was just some drug seeking individual (see the lecture episode where he talks about this especially amplified about how even the med students thought this patient who was really him was drug seeking and not having a blood clot).

There's also a way that many characters weaponize his pain, like they're trying to teach him a lesson to his "ego" and "selfishness". For example, I think to the episode where they took his parking space and made him and another disabled doctor be pit against each other. I think to how like "well technically the ADA and your accomodations says you can walk 50 feet so your new parking spot is exactly 46 feet so that means youre full of shit house!" and I think to how Cuddy was like "um being ambulatory is less disabled than non-ambulatory" which is gross and fucked up. I hate how she made him "prove" his disability by making him use a wheelchair, and I hate how she punished him for standing to save a patient's life. I hate how she was unreceptive to House being like "hey well 46feet or not you dont understand how much goes into my day planning where to walk, when I use the bathroom, when the elevator's out, etc. My whole day revolves around managing and mitgating my chronic pain" and like telling her there's more to his accomodations just being like "50 feet" because it is in fact more nuanced than that. And instead, it's again, yet another moral failing. The narrative pushed on house of "If only he amputated his leg and stopped seeking drugs he'd be so much better" versus the reality f addiction and chronic paina nd how that intersects with mental health

#tea.cakes #ask #house md #meta #tw ableism #ask to tag #sorry this is long i am crazy about this topic

[buysomecheese]

I've seen two posts about what jobs the kidads would have outside of D.A.D.D.I.E.S. which means I am giving my own input now

Grant- librarian (canon), I think he thought about doing competitive soccer like Professionally but he was in one college game and had Four Knights (?? forgot how to spell?) flashbacks. Same with competitive gaming/e-sports. Librarian is safe and quiet and flexible

Marco- fuck I think he's a contractor right? Also an be fairly flexible, weird hours so definitely could work with Grant as far as homeschooling goes. I really think he Wanted to be a fireman though

Nicky- saw someone say that Nicholas said he wanted to be a forensic psychologist, Nick said he wanted to be a rocker, both secretly wanted to be a marine biologist to live in a submarine and actually I've decided that's so real and true. I also like the animator idea someone else said so I think that's what they ended up doing. Generally I think they spent too much time in hell to do a job that requires stable hours

Cassandra- canon voice actress, queen shit

TJ- this is entirely me projecting but I think he's in a long-form school to become a doctor. Like not your typical med school path but idk fucky things kept happening so universities and such had to adapt, schools can have a much more self-paced course syllabus and such. He learned basic first aid in Faerune and decided that *someone* needed to be able to do that shit forever, and then got really into the sciences behind it. On track to become an EMT but wants to do either general/family physician work or become a medical professor (he really likes his substitute teacher work)

Veronica- I like the idea that she works in sales/marketing for Casey's ale company. I also have next to no thoughts about her so idrk what I think she might do

Lark- I like the idea that he worked at Mercedes' radio station for some time. I think he would've continued it but he got Really Shitty mentally and like just fucking drove around the "state" of "California" for a few weeks, and then holed himself up in D.A.D.D.I.E.S. HQ and reinforced a bunch of random shit. Definitely was almost recruited into some military organization as a weapons specialist but was too flighty (hah) and non-committal about it

Sparrow- works with the Swallows ice cream business, but he really just kind of wants to be a house husband. He's actually really tired all of the time and he loves having the house to himself (but will never admit it) and he needs that time to decompress and not have to mask so severely, but he'll never tell Rebecca that so rip

Rebecca- future Swallows CEO; would probably try and work in a creative field if she didn't feel she had to. Unaware that she'd have both Sparrow and Lark's full support and she refuses to talk to them about it. Wow these guys are great at grinning and bearing things they don't have to, huh

#this is also in age order of the kidads #and then their spouses because Brain Organization #I feel very strongly about TJ #dndads #dungeon and daddies #grant wilson #nicky foster #terry jr #lark garcia #sparrow oak swallows garcia #alrighty it's bio time

[olderthannetfic]

Alright I got kinda a bananas questions for you, but how much time do you think should be divided up between work, hobbies and people. Actually wait more specifically what do you think is a good goal to just sit down and do work, but like actually doing work. Like sitting down for 90 minutes and finishing something not working on said thing for 5 hours then finish it. Over the past couple years I kinda erm, just sorta stopped? My mental health has steadily going to shit and covid fucked that all to hell and I was spending so much time in what was essentially a state of panic(didn’t realize it at the time, but that’s essentially what was happening) that I was too exhausted to do anything and just kind of stopped. I didn’t realize it the time but now that I’m finally getting better Ive noticed how little I was doing and how doing little really negatively effects me. Its become a good marker for me to check that I’ve been actually painting, seeing friends, going for a swim but sometimes it still all goes belly up and I’m trying to figure out what is a good goal.(and whats a good marker for when fucking up) Like a realistic long term goal I can strive for and keep track of. I could real easily just say “go for a swim everyday” but that feels unrealistic. In fact I put exercise in same spot as painting so it would be more like “do hobby for an hour a day” but even that feels like a lot. The thought of that feels exhausting so at least for me it should probs be do hobby thing at least 5 times week. Big goal is to swim 3 times and paint twice or vice a versa. its just hard to do that and then I’ll feel like crap and then notice that I haven’t exercised at all for 8 days and I just don’t move around enough to do that. I’m like a dog or walking house plant that needs to go outside and move around for sunshine and blood flow otherwise I start to physically and mentally feel awful. Its just hard to notice you know? Ugh its annoying because there’s so much shit. Its not just that I need some kinda exercise I also need to do some kinda hobby thing for me and other shit that I like to do. And that isn’t even including the work I need to do. I wasn’t even working before I cannot express enough how much of “doing nothing” I was doing. I’m doing better know with meds and therapy and what not and it is helping but I’ll still get home at 7 and just look at my phone and do some combo of read fanfictin/ play sudoko till I get tired and fall asleep. Then I wake up and shocking, I’m still on bullshit. Sometimes its feels to much to shower (at least with that one I know that I can get away with one at most 2 days with out shower so if I didn’t shower the day before I can mostly just force myself into the shower) that’s what I’m trying to figure out for everything else so I can look at my self force my self to stop looking at phone and paint a shitty flower or something. I was doing pretty good but The other week I house sitter for a friend and was immediately back on bullshit. I barely left her apartment the entire time I was there I’m sure that if I actually went to class, got exercise, painted (I brought all my paints then did fuck all) I would have been able to get more work done. I think Im only actually productive when I’m actually getting up and doing crap. I’m in a contact state of “working” and doing nothing but time is moving forward. I have no idea what this anon is. Ugh whatever I’ll submit it anyway

TL;DR trying to be better at actually do stuff and not doing fuck all. Any idea on what’s a good goal to strive for and what’s a good marker for shits getting fuck go for a walk

--

Social time is going to be extremely variable. I'm an extrovert and thus lots of social time is no problem. I also do okay not seeing people though as long as I'm busy.

Exercise should be prioritized above most other things, much as I hate this. You should be doing something basically every day. I agree that swimming is likely not realistic on that schedule, but maybe a walk around the block? It sucks, but forcing yourself to get off your ass every day will help with the rest of it. Also, exercise that takes you out of the house, even if only briefly, requires that you put on clothes, which is also helpful.

Get off of social media. If you're having trouble managing things, now is the time to take a break from anything that involves doom scrolling and time just disappearing.

(I say from my bed where I'm wearing the dirty sweatshirt I slept in and no pants while answering asks instead of working on my next novel. Hmm...)

It's obviously important to you to prioritize painting, but I see the difficulty there: you have to get set up and clean up afterwards, and you can't leave paints sitting around or they dry out. I'd try to schedule one longer session per week for now. If you have something else like sketching, you can schedule more frequent shorter sessions because that's easier to pick up and put down without a lot of prep/cleanup.

I do find little morning rituals like making tea helpful. They pry me out of bed and add some structure to my day.

[ocean-in-my-rebel-soul]

Vent post. Cw: food, shitty living situation, mental health

So yesterday mom and I talked about the state of the fridge.

There are five people in the house, of which four use the fridge with regularity. I keep my food to one of the crisper drawers as much as possible. I don't really have access to the kitchen, so it's sandwich supplies and maybe a pre-made uncrustable. As of last night, it held a couple jars of overnight oats, as well.

The reason I keep to this one drawer is because the rest of the fridge gets full quickly, and the situation is tense. We have a habit of sticking full baking pans in the fridge after meals, and keep leftovers even though we don't really go through them (I have texture and flavor issues, so leftovers aren't usually things I eat or enjoy). When I brought up the issue of there being no room in the fridge for my food (which isn't a lot, I swear!), mom just kinda huffed and was like "well if you ate leftovers and cleaned out the fridge it would be fine," but that wouldn't negate that we put things in there that take up a lot of room.

(And don't get me started about how she already throws out my food! The other day, she threw out a whole box of uncrustables from the freezer because she "didn't know whose they were." That was 13 whole bucks! I don't have a lot of money!!)

But I can't just ask for a fridge in the basement, because that would be a whole other layer of drama, and she and my uncle would just be snotty about how I wouldn't be doing my part to make things work and how I'd be cutting off my nose to spite my face, being passive-aggressive, yada yada. I know my family, and that's exactly what they'd think.

I asked Beloved to get me copies of their pay stubs from the last few months, and they got snippy at me, too. I know we don't have the cash up front to move out right this second, but I want to at least have those documents to get a sense for what we can afford. Places here require 3x monthly rent for a income basis! I'm not making as much as I used to be when I was working with clients, since I'm stuck in the office with no overtime, but I have a rough estimate of how much I could make with a certain amount of hours each week.

I'm just so goddamn frustrated. I need out of here. The family's asshole dogs keep harassing my cats whenever I let them out of my room, and the dogs piss and shit in my room if I leave the door open for the cats. Does anyone do anything to correct this? Noooo, because apparently, it's not worth it. I need more than a single bedroom to live in. It's so uncomfortable in the family room, since there's only a broken couch that my mom sits on and my uncle's recliner, and then the dinner table set, where the chairs mess up my back and hips. There's no place for me to be that isn't my room, but when I just stick to my room, they don't include me in things like dinner.

I'm so fucking frustrated here. Beloved is nearing a mental health crisis, I'm nearing a crisis, my cats are unhappy, and there's no outlet for any of us to help ourselves. The therapist I had started seeing suddenly left the practice they'd been at, and now I don't know where they are or what they're doing. Beloved can't do therapy because they don't trust it and they don't have a schedule that would work with standing appointments, and they can't take meds due to federal regulations.

And Beloved doesn't wanna beg on the internet for help again, which is understandable but incredibly frustrating.

I don't know what to do.

#ocean waves

[iamthunderhearmehowl]

Stardew Valley: The Dark of The Valley Chapter 1

AN: Omg after 5,000 years I finally wrote the first chapter. Also please forgive me - this is my first fanfic. I've never actually wrote anything that other people would read. This can also be found on wattpad! (Link)

All my chapters and everything related to this fic can be found here <3

Please enjoy!

Donnie kicked open the door to the guest house. He could feel the sweat drip down his brow and dampen the back of his black t-shirt. It was the beginning of summer and the heat, along with it’s warm rays were beating down on him. He grunted as he struggled to bring in his luggage and the groceries. Seven bags were lined up and hanging off of each of his arms; he was using his pinky finger to roll his suitcase behind him and his mouth was holding a bag of beef jerky that he had been eating in the car.

“Donnie, for the love of God. Just make two trips!” Tanner rubbed his temple as he strolled in behind Donnie. Donnie responded back by aggressively spitting out the bag of jerky onto the counter.

“No. Two trips are for losers”. He set the rest of the groceries down on the counter and collapsed in the chairs at the kitchen table. It was so much hotter in Stardew Valley than it was back home. Donnie wasn’t trying to be a big baby about it, but anti-depressants and the heat did not mix well. He had been on them for about three months and while they were working well for his mental health, they were taking a toll on his body. Too much heat and he would collapse, his sex life was not as it was the three months before he started his meds, and he had gained a little bit of weight. He just wanted to hide away in his bedroom this summer. He felt as if he wasn’t the same person, and he didn’t know whether it scared him or not. Unfortunately, two weeks prior Tanner had burst open his bedroom door and opened the windows. His smile was contagious, there was excitement in his emerald, green eyes and a fire in his heart as he told Donnie about a summer long work vacation opportunity. Donnie, of course, pulled his covers back over his head and fell back asleep as Tanner went on and on about how good it would be for him. His mistake was that in his sleepy state he had agreed to Tanner’s plan. So here he was in Stardew Valley on Tanner’s Aunt’s farm, currently dying of a heat stroke.

“Here” Tanner handed Donnie a cold rag.

“Thanks”

“I’ll go turn the air on. When Annalise gets in here make sure she eats something other than Starbucks” Tanner said loudly as he rounded the corner of the guest cabin.

“No promises, dude. Your little sister is fucking goblin for that shit.”

“I heard that!” Annalise walked through the door flipping her auburn locks. She tilted her big heart shaped sunglasses to glare at Donnie. In response Donnie picked up sandwich bag that had a ham and cheese sandwich at it and chucked it at her. Annalise caught it with one hand and flipped him off with the other. Tanner’s little sister was fourteen years old and she an attitude that would make even the pope himself want to smack her. Most adults would see her and say that she was disrespectful. Donnie, on the other hand, saw through the attitude and knew that she just wanted to fit in with her older brother and his best friend. Though it may seem like Annalise and him were mortal enemies, they were actually pretty close and witty banter and insults were part of their normal.

As everyone settled into the cabin for the afternoon, they started to make their plans for the day. Tanner was going to head to the beach to meet with the other youth coach. Annalise would help Aunt Amelia and Uncle Shane prepare for the pot luck in the community center tonight.  Donnie on the other hand didn't really have any plans. He could've chosen to go with Tanner but he was afraid that the midday heat would kill him. He sighed as he waved them out the door. Pelican Town was indeed very small in comparison to home. There were no shopping outlets, no mall, and not even a park to hangout at. There was, however, some very scenic empty roads all around town. Donnie grabbed his bike helmet and leather black riding jacket. It was a perfect day for a ride.

-----------------------------

 Sebastain sipped on coffee as he scrolled through his email. There were fifty-seven requests for him to program websites. He groaned as he thought of all the long nights, he would have to work to pull off getting these done in the correct amount of time. All this work for so little pay. Had he gone to college and gotten an actual degree he might have made enough money to move out and get an apartment in the city. Unfortunately for him college was out of the question. Despite the fact that his mother was a successful carpenter and his stepfather was a scientist, they didn't make nearly enough money to send him off to college. Not to mention the fight that it would cause them to get into. Demetrious, his stepfather, had set aside a college fund for Maru. Sebastien’s half-sister was a brilliant 4.0 student who racked up scholarships. She more than likely could get into whatever university she wanted for a full ride. The money that was saved up for her could technically go to Sebastien, however Demetrious insisted that it all go to Maru because she had worked so hard. Sebastien sipped more of his coffee and loudly tapped the down arrow key to scroll through more emails. Maru was a princess and could do no wrong. She was the apple of Demetrius' eye. Sebastain, on the other hand, was the pauper of the family. No one gave him the attention that Maru got. “You're an adult. You should be able to support yourself and move out” his stepfather would say to him. It enraged Sebastien. He wasn't always an adult. He was just a kid when Robin and Demetrious got married and yet no one stopped to think about a college fund for him. Of course a fund could have been made before they got married but it wasn't possible with his mother being a single parent. It wasn't Seb's fault that his biological father just upped and left them, but he knows that every time Robin looks at him all she sees is her ex-lover.  He remembers the morning when it happened. Mother was sitting at the kitchen table sobbing. He had asked where his dad was and it only made her sob harder.

He slammed his coffee back down on his desk. Work wasn't going to happen today, not when his mind was reeling like this and his emotions were all displaced. Sebastien grabbed his bike helmet and riding jacket. He needed some time to clear his mind.

Sebastain sped through the empty scenic roads of Stardew Valley. The sun was beginning to set, making the world look like an instagram filter. The smell of bonfires and honey was on the breeze. He zipped down the curving roads enjoying every adrenaline rush. As he was rounding another curve something zipped past him.

Another rider? In Stardew Valley? Sebastien has never seen anyone else ride so far out from the city. It was unlikely that it was anyone in Pelican Town. Perhaps it was a tourist? But nobody comes out here to ride. Most people come out here for their fairs and for camping trips. The rider slowed down a bit and began to ride next to him. The motorcycle he was on was definitely more expensive and up to date than Seb's. It was a black matte sports CBR with racing windshield. The rider was also decked out in all black riding gear. He nodded at Seb and made pointed two fingers to the ground, creating an inverted peace sign. This was a sign of respect between bikers. Sebastien returned the favor and made the same sign. The rider then revved his bike, as if to say “Wanna race?”

Sebastain revved his bike. It was on. They began to speed down the road and Seb struggled to keep up. His bike was a cruiser, not at all made for racing. That didn't stop him from trying though. This was the most fun he’ had in a very long time. No longer was he feeling the cloud over his head. He felt free. The other rider sped ahead of him and leaned into the sharp turn. Did this man have a death wish? It looked almost professional. The rider was almost laying sideways and didn't show an ounce of fear. Any wrong move and the guy would be grated like cheese on the road.

They kept riding together for another fifteen minutes before the rider signaled that he was going to pull off on the side of the road. Sebastien followed, curious to meet the new friend he had made. They parked next to each other and when he took off his helmet, Sebastien was quite surprised. The man was very attractive. He looked to be of Asian descent with fair skin, perfect teeth, and charming smile. Each piercing on his face complimented it perfectly: the septum piercing, the snake bites, the left brow piercing, the gauges. His dark hair was cut into a fauxhawk and he shook it to fix his helmet hair it fell into the perfect places. The rider got off his bike and unzipped his jacket as he walked towards him. Sebastain couldn't help but to noticed that he was covered in tattoos. The one that stood out the most to him was the black death moth tattooed on his neck.

“Hey good job keeping up with me on a cruiser. That's a pretty sick bike" he shook Sebastain’s hand so confidently he was almost taken aback. Was this person even real or was Sebastien in some Tumblr's girls’ girlish fanfiction? People like this don't exist in real life, right?

“My bike is nothing compared yours. Mine's just an old one I happened to fix up"

“That's actually really impressive. Something happens with mine and I just take it to the shop.”

Sebastain stood up off of his bike and then realized that this guy was a whole five inches shorter than him. Seb was about five feet ten inches tall so that means this guy was about. . . .  five feet five inches tall.

“Uh you good dude?”

“Oh yeah! My bad, just spaced out a bit" Sebastien hadn't realized that he had been staring and replied back in a panic.

“My name's Donavan, but my friends call me Donnie"

“Sebastain. Where are you from? I know you're not from around here. No one here can get a bike like that, not without paying the arm and the leg they need for shipping costs"

“I'm from a town way past ZuZu City. I'm just here staying for the summer at my buddy's family farm. Her name is Amelia? She's married to Shane? I don't know if you know them"

“Oh yeah! My mom's the town carpenter so she's built all her barns and chicken pens”

“Oh sweet. Hey, I'm supposed to be heading back to town to go to this community pot luck thing. You going?”

“Yeah actually my mom is making me go"

“Listen, I don't have any friends here other than Tanner, which is Amelia's nephew, I'm sure you'll meet him when we get there. You wanna race back together and keep each other company? It kind of sounds like it's an event for old people, honestly.”

Sebastain smiled and agreed. With that the two hopped back on their bikes and headed for town.

AN: Kay hope you guys liked it! <3 Chapter will have Alex and Haley in there! And it will be posted, uh whenever I get the chance to lmao

#sdv #sdv community #sdv sebastian #sdv shane #sdv maru #sdv alex #sdv haley #sdv fanfic #sdv fic #sdv-fic #stardew valley #stardew sebastian #stardew valley fanfiction #stardew valley fanfic #stardew valley fandom #Spotify

[gosuperdonnie]

(THIS IS A VENT POST. if you come on here to ask me if I’ve tried XYZ or if I’ve looked at ABC, I can assure you: I have and the service is either not available to me or will not meet my needs. also, I will block you.)

love to have a long-existing but recently identified psychotic disorder in a state where all the extant services for people with psychosis are either:

a) “early intervention” programs designed for people whose psychosis was identified early,

b) programs that for some reason have one set of eligibility criteria listed and then if you call them to set up a screening, they inform you that they actually have a much different set of eligibility criteria that is much more restrictive, or

c) institutionalization.

so since I’m in crisis from a condition I’ve had since I was 10 but was not diagnosed until last year, but I have a job and stable housing and haven’t been institutionalized long-term or arrested, my options are either:

a) non-specialized services (read: CBT or DBT) with providers that know nothing about psychosis – which amounts to at most 1 hour of therapy a week.

b) medication management (read: psychiatrists prescribing me whatever antipsychotic they give all their psychotic clients and treating me like I can’t possibly have any insight or thoughts about my treatment)

c) institutionalization.

and, of course, even if I could find a program that was community-based and not shitty, they probably wouldn’t take me because MH services have no idea how to work with people with co-occurring IDD. so most of them just say “you’re not eligible for services if you have an IDD” and turn us over to IDD services … which just means ABA.

I have a meeting with a social worker on Friday, at which point I’m very likely to be told “you don’t qualify for ACT, you don’t qualify for any community-based treatments other than therapy and meds, if you’re really that much in crisis, go to the hospital.” because fuck me if I want access to community services to help me stay in the community and keep my job and housing, right? I should have to get institutionalized, lose my job, and make me and my partner homeless in order to even have a chance of getting proper care, because that’s how the system works apparently.

but if I get angry at the social worker, or try to explain why I’m frustrated at the lack of *any* community services for people with dual diagnosis IDD/SPMI, I’ll get labeled as “treatment resistant” or “hostile.” because apparently resisting ineffective and inhumane treatment is a bad thing. apparently it’s “hostile” to be upset at a system and gatekeepers who fundamentally exist to prevent people from getting help.

and people wonder why I’m angry and tired and unwilling to cooperate. because my entire life has been not getting anything close to the help I needed while people insisted I was selfish and a burden for getting even the most basic level of care. because there are no options for me that won’t fuck up my life for years if not forever because someone decided I haven’t suffered enough to deserve adequate care.

I fucking hate living like this. especially when my state is “the best in the country” for IDD waiver services, except that fuck you if you have IDD/MI dual diagnosis. because the mental health system won’t do shit for people with IDD and the IDD waiver system basically will not pay for anything that has a mental health component. “professionals” here love to crow about person-centered planning and positive supports and integrated care and it’s all a fucking joke. if you have IDD (especially IDD where you are obviously disabled and need substantial accommodations for care) and mental illness (especially SPMI or anything more impactful than like mild depression or anxiety), there are functionally no services. unless you want to live in a group home or a psych ward or a “residential treatment facility” or other institution.

#donnie talks #donnie vents #institutionalization cn #institutions cn #ABA cn #mental health shit #‘person centered planning’ and ‘positive supports’ are fucking jokes #nothing has made me more suicidal and more in crisis than the entire fucking lack of any competent community supports #suicide cn #I guess

[filamints]

gordon: 1, 10, 14. tommy: 20, 48. benrey: 36

this is so so so fucking LONG IM SORRY i just got excited to talk so now i wont shut up. it will be readmore'd to save ur dash

gordon:

1) What does their bedroom look like? Like a shithole, mostly. All his life, its always been too cluttered with junk in a haphazard stack of piles. If he lives in one place too long, eventually every inch of wall space gets coatings of posters and papers and sticky notes. Its overwhelming visual stimulus.

Take his tendency for all those behaviors, and mix them with post-canon agoraphobia and depression, and the stacks of magazines and games get stacks of garbage on top. Door dashed takeout containers pile up, endless empty bottles of beer and bottom shelf vodka, bags get stacked in towers by the door for when he get brave enough to leave his apartment to sprint to the dumpsters (not nearly often enough).

The apartment he's currently is was only supposed to be short term, off site housing set up by Black Mesa before the new compound dorm/apartments were finished and he could move there. He at least started with a pretty clean apartment fresh from that move, so most of the current mess is honestly just nesting in depression trash now that his next move has been obliterated off the face of the earth. The only thing different about his bedroom vs the rest of the house is that's the room with the bed in it, a box spring and mattress directly on the floor, the frame leaning against a wall behind unpacked boxes, never assembled. Pull yourself together, man. (This will happen eventually at least)

vv More below because all of my answers are this long. vv

10) Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such? CHRIST hes got brain problems. He has had ADHD all of his life of course. Hes also has anxiety & depression, look at him. Hes aware of those at least. The one hes not aware of, at least preResCas, is bipolar disorder. ADHD was an easy diagnosis as a kid, visible from the outside. The anxiety & depression troughs are what made him seek out meds in college. But it can be hard to see the bipolar cycles from the inside, especially with the neat and easy depression diagnosis right there obscuring half of it. He just thinks every time he hits his unstoppable stride that hes 100% over his shit and hes gonna get better and hes fucking unkillable untouchable unstoppable.

And then he falls off a fucking cliff and he can look back and beat himself to shit that he should have known better, this happens every time and this time the hell is just gonna last forever as punishment. Repeat for a good decade of his life.

Post canon, add that agoraphobia mentioned before here, as well as a good dose of PTSD. Between being tracked by the military, every time hes seen the fucking sky for the duration of canon he will shortly have bullets or missiles raining down on him, and general paranoia that he is still a wanted man, 'going outside' is just too much. (He even states in canon that he has ptsd from the grenades and even soda cans look too similar and freak him out lol) I feel like he would also be very anxious about the dark after Black Mesa. He had been sleeping in random rooms still brightly lit, and the dark was always bad news with the most heavily damaged sections of the compound + he got his hand literally cut off in the dark. He has to go pussy mode and sleep with lights on or nightlights at least and he will beat himself up about being a child for it endlessly. Speaking of that incident again, grabbing or restraining his right arm will also send him into a meltdown. This is a fun fact that he will learn about only in the most embarrassing bedroom meltdown over toy handcuffs.

14) Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.) And on the non-mental end, theres the hand. Although reattached to his body, its still not perfect. Most days its not too bad, a bit slower and less sensitive. But sometimes it acts up, pins and needles, weird aches, grip strength weakness, a kind of lag in input that leaves him dropping things or breaking them. Particularly at night, it tends to hurt. Touching the skin around and on the reattachment scar really skeeves him out for a long while, the location of physical touch doesn't quite map with where his brain thinks it should be, like his nerve map is slightly to the left of where it all should be.

tommy:

20) Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them? Not an illness persay but it did take quite a while for him to get the autism diagnosis. A lot of the symptoms that stand out at weird in boychilds get glossed over in girlchild, not speaking is just 'being shy', the tiptoe walk is just 'high heels walking', etc. Especially as a girlchild in the foster care system. It wasn't until like, late middle school that was figured out when the social aspects and meltdowns made paying attention to the symptoms inevitable, looking back it was Very Obvious.

48) How do they express love? Certainly not verbally, lol. If we are going by the typical love language categories, its more on the 'quality time' side. He's the type to like parallel play type activities. There's also gifts, but its food gifts 90% of the time. Very good at memorizing people's preferred orders at any given restaurant or coffee place and will pick you up your favorite treat. :)

benrey:

36) What makes them feel guilty? Not gonna lie, he's very hard to make feel guilty on account that he doesn't view most of what he does as either wrong or at least not his fault. I think it takes up until the boss battle for him to even get he did something wrong and feel bad about it. Because it was unintended, there really wasn't any guilt for him. I think to make him feel guilt, whatever he does would have to have a very visible and understandable detriment to someone he cares about, and if you want him to feel guilty without telling him why he SHOULD be, his involvement better be obvious.

It seems funny, but i think he would have a lot more genuine guilt over something simple and cause/effect like knocking over and breaking a glass or eating someone else's food in the communal fridge as opposed to something more abstract, like someone getting hurt as a consequence of something else that he did but genuinely thought was harmless.

#answers #hlvrai

[adelle-ein]

the state of disability activism online atm is so depressing to me; it feels so motivated by hatred and superiority and not compassion or kindness or anything but a desire to be Better than other people

i'm not talking about posts like "hey guys it really does help depression if you take your meds on time and get some sunlight!" i'm talking about "if you don't have friends and don't go outside every day then you're a pathetic disgusting lump who's making yourself disabled on purpose" type shit. which i see. every day. on every site. Constantly. who is this strawman that stays home for weeks at a time and enjoys it and doesn't know that it's bad for them and is happily making themselves sicker on purpose?? who is this person?? oh right. they don't exist. you just hate anyone who's less functional than you.

and it is a constant thing. for example "intrusive thoughts discourse" where everyone talks about "intrusive thoughts are not Eat Crunchy Leaf it's thinking horrible violent sexual things you don't want to think! and if yours aren't that bad then you're a faker!" i have ocd (yes, diagnosed) and yeah i do have intrusive thoughts like that, often, and they're very distressing, etc etc. but like. i also have intrusive thoughts where i just fixate on something completely benign and physically can't stop thinking about it (ie something getting dirty, my neighbor making a weird noise) to the point of intense distress and even panic attacks. is that lol quirky weirdgirl faker because it doesn't involve anything violent or sexual? even though this is a serious and debilitating part of my illness where i don't sleep because i'm lying awake worried that the toilet might get dirty tomorrow??

and why are the go-to insults from these people always "bet you can't drive! bet you haven't left the house in weeks! bet you don't tell a waiter your order's wrong! bet you can't order a pizza without shaking!!" (i see that last one SO OFTEN don't fucking know why.) like yes. punch up at those nasties with agoraphobia and avpd and social anxiety. definitely anyone who doesn't drive is doing so out of sheer laziness and there is no reason to be scared of people other than just being pathetic. you sure are showing them. what a good little activist you are!

the mentally ill vs physically ill "discourse" is a huge source of this. as someone who is Both i can tell you that both are horrible and significantly impeding my life and the physically ill people talking about how depression doesn't count and the mentally ill people talking about how you just have to go outside more to Cure Everything and both of them fighting each other and infighting and whatever are just. a vortex of exhausting bullshit. not that every struggle on every "side" is the same but i so rarely see nuanced discussions of this just "ew, [insert disability the person in question thinks is for babies here]"

just a lot of nasty hate and gatekeeping and yes ableism from people who should really know better but they don't care. again i'm not saying that "get more fresh air!" is ableist or whatever but oh my god you people are so sick and hateful. the really sad part is i have seen people who used to be genuinely kind and helpful sink into this horrible us vs them mentality, where the only way to Win is to be the Least Visibly Disabled but simultaneously the one who has a dx list as long as their arm, so when someone says "my agoraphobia makes it hard to leave the house and i haven't been out in two weeks" they can turn around and go "well I have agoraphobia AND fibromyalgia and *I* leave the house every day so what's your excuse you disgusting tumblr virgin??" as if that isn't just straight up ableism and bullying somehow. not that there aren't people who act cruel and then go "i'm disabled so this is okay!!" or reply to innocent posts with "i'm disabled how dare you imply that i try to shower regularly??" but the people who go "i'm disabled but i'm Normal not like those other gross cripples" are even worse tbh

this is again on every website. twitter tumblr all of 'em. it's not just a tumblr thing. i don't want to talk about the poor chili lady and the reaction to her but the "ironic" and/or "morally just" internet bullying has gotten completely insane.

like i said it feels like the goal from this particular breed of people is to have a ton of disabilities but act completely "normal" and symptom free so that you can brag about your superiority to the Other Disableds while pointing at your dx to go "but, look, see, I'M normal!!! and you're not!!! meaning you're inferior to me!!! freak!!! disability rights tho :)"

anyway yeah i would love to have a ~disability community~ but i don't bc this vortex of being The Most Superior Disabled Person is disgusting and exhausting and i see so many people participating it for no goddamn discernible reason other than a desire to hurt others which. sucks.

#txt

[disabledopossum]

I'm stressed..

Dealing with a lot right now, and it's getting to the point where being awake is absolutely overwhelming. I'm trying my best to hold out until October, because that's when I have a psych appointment and will be seeing my Primary Care Doc.

I need to get back on meds for my mental health, and possibly see a therapist so I can get help with getting my mental and emotional state back on track, hopefully. It's frustrating, but I am trying.

...still haven't really processed my Dad being gone. But I sort of have? ( His ashes are being delivered sometime this month...at least a portion of them. Won't go into how fucked up that made me feel. Buying an urn broke me completely.. )

I'm sorry to vent about this, I don't really have friends and I cannot talk to my wife about this, because I don't need to stress her out anymore than she already is. It's too much for her to handle right now, she has enough on her plate.

Just venting while trying not to break further..

Having a cane is making things easier, I suppose? I keep forgetting I have it, and have to stumble throughout my house when I do remember it exists. It sucks, and I do try to remember to use it - but my memory issues cause me a lot of problems.

Still waiting to hear back from my disability case worker and I'm trying to stay positive. I miss my Dad...I miss talking to him. My days feel scattered and blended together all at the same time.

I'm tired..

#spoonie #bpd #bipolar 2 #borderline blog #actually borderline #borderline personality disorder #transgender #severe anxiety #chronically ill #mentally ill #depression #disabled