#nadja wwdits smut

[marilynthornhilllover]

Hey!! just started following you and I would absolutely love if you wrote some "what we do in the shadows" Nadja x reader, vampire smut :') Also if you haven't watched the show Oh My God, its my current obsession. gay vampires what more could you want.

The Halloween Snack

Vampire Nadja x humanfem!reader

Warning: smut, praise kink, slight degradation, choking kink, biting kink, slight draw of blood, cunniligus, fingering, slight overstiumlation, pet names, nipple play, feral play, not much dialog etc.

A/n: I've never really watched the show actually but I've definitely seen her in edits and I can remember watching season 1 I think, it was a pleasure to write this! Hope you enjoyed darling, also sorry this took so long.

You groaned in frustration as you looked at your reflection through the mirror. This was the fifth dress that you tried on that you didn't like or you thought didn't suit your personality very much. It was a skin tight black dress that stopped right above your knees with strip back openings.

Nadja had asked you to be her plus one for a Halloween party last minute - well two weeks ago to be exact. You just didn't know what to wear. Not that Nadja would judge you but, you wanted to atleast impress her but luck just wasn't on your side tonight.

Nadja and you had been friends for quite some time. She was funny, kind..... sometimes, sassy, fashionable and excruciatingly evil. But to be fair she was the most kindness towards you. That might be hard for some people to believe because when you first became her roommate other students had told you that she hated the presence of humans, every semester they would place her in a dorm by herself.

They said, One slip up and she just might rip you to shreds making a fine dress for herself out of your flesh.

Or that you'd constantly be walking on egg shells, one day she'd like you being around then quickly get tired of you, and possibly rip your throat out. Everyone on campus had their fair share of horrific experience with the vampire. But on the first day of moving in, as dark as everyone claimed her to be she was actually your light, a sunshine. Now as cliché or ironic as that might sound it was the God given truth. You saw the way nadja talked to people, treated them, looked at them. Never once was she ever the same with you.

When it came to you she was like a puppy lover, soft and compassionate. Thoughtful even. For your birthday once she gaved you a gold bat pendant necklace with her initial on it. You started developing feelings for her, I mean everyone had feelings for nadja. She was insufferable, hot and a total vibe. She would call you specific pet names that she specially came up with such as, darling, babes, and love.

Whenever she called you by one of theses names you had to try your best not to fall falt on your face. Being with her made you weak to your knees. Her accent was so dreamy, the way your name rolled off her tongue had you squirming or blushing like a silly school girl in love, you especially loved the way she would read out loud her romance book that she writes at night whenever she thinks that you'd already fallen asleep.

Her eyes were also another factor that had you Turing as red as a tomato. Every time she glanced at you or gazed at you with her sultry eyes , you had to try your best not to scream your voice out. Soon Nadja would noticed the way you could clench your thighs whenever she spoke in a raspy voice towards you whenever she got upset with you at something. Or how you would whisper a little " oh god" whenever she winked at you or called you a" good little pet".

She used this to her advantage and teased you constantly non - stop , it's safe to say she knew what to do to have you on your knees in no time..... and we're not talking about vampire powers here.

You sighed once again in frustration as you sat on your bed with tears in your eyes. It's not like you didn't have enough time to plan for this party, you just didn't know what to wear. And everything you had looked either too girly or just not Halloween themed. You heard a soft knock before the door to your room opened as nadja peeked her head in.

" you ready or what babes?" she asked approaching you. When your didn't respond to her, she entered the room taking slow but carful strides towards you, tilting her head slightly to get a good look at your face, she noticed that you were crying. Upon seeing this she quickly knelt infront of you and gently grabbed hold of your chin to get you to look at you.

" aw darling what's wrong?" You sniffed and rolled your eyes as you moved to stand, nadja standing quickly with you. You felt small. You didn't want her to see you cry, she'd probably think your weak or cast you away for being a cry baby, but not answering her won't help the situation. It will only make it worse.

" Well, are you gonna fucking answer me or do I need to stand here all night and act as your therapist that you pay for extra tissues?" it was a rhetorical question but you heard the frustration in her voice. You sighed as you turned to look at her. God her eyes.... they would deadly poisoning when she was upset. her eyebrows were quirked in a worried expression and her lips stayed pinched as she studied your every move.

" i don't know what to wear" you spoke in annoyance as you turned to look into the mirror once more. Nadja bit her lip as her expression dropped. What started questioning if maybe what she was thinking was harsh or maybe what she was seeing was wrong. On your body was a perfectly well fitted dress, that matched the occasion you were going to attend and one that she didn't see a problem with.

" forgive me if I'm blind sweetheart but I really don't see anything wrong with this outfit, my love". you huffed, walking into your closet you began to toss out numerous pairs of clothes onto the floor. Nadja watched in awe as you looked through your closet, she smirked tilting her head to the side, admiring the way the dress was hooked on your body.

Your curves, the way your hips swayed. The thoughts got the best of her, she watched as you bent down to pick up a shirt and got back up. The dress you were wearing now showed off your curves plainly.

You turned to glance at her before continuing your hunt.

" and what are you supposed to be dresses as?" You heard as she sat on your bed and sighed, groaning as she cracked her back before proceeding to respond.

" myself duh" she spoke watching as you fought to unzip your zipper on the side of your dress. She got up and walked back over to help you. She gently gripped your hips and pulled the zipper down, you were too busy looking for a skirt to notice that she got lost in a trance as she stared at your red lace underwear like a pyscopath or perhaps - a total vampire pervert. She reached out her hand too touch your skin but pulled back. She was utterly desperate......

Your skin looked smooth, the density of the flesh twinkled in her eyes. Just one touch.... one bite.... even the smallest nibble will suit her well....

Her eyes flicked up towards your neck, the delicate flesh with a irritable beating pluse. When she bit into the sweet flesh, to hear your moan, taste your blood, Oh what she would give to taste you. Both your blood and your -

" nadja?" She flinched as her body forced her snapped out her corrupted trance. She realized that she was now face to face with your lips as you looked at her confused. Temptation was running high for nadja, her pupils delayed, her eyes darkening as she looked up at you.

" may I kiss your neck, darling please" you were a bit taken back by the suddeness and randomness that the question held but who were you to deny 'the nadja ' a taste of your skin, after all you'd be lying to yourself if you said you hadn't dreama about this moment. You gulped as nodded slowly, titling your neck to provide her with the required access. She smirked as her eyes beamed at your approval. Her super speed allowed her to push you up against the wall. Both her hands grapped your hips firmly as her body laid flush against yours. Before she could lean down to began what ever mission she had intended to do, you gently pushed against her biceps.

" please don't bite me nadja" she chuckled softly but nodded her head, silently agreeing. Her lips hovered over your skin debating whether or not to truly bite or to just enjoy the moment, who knows it might just be the last time she even gets to touch you. As soon as her lips made contact with your neck, it was a if a light switch went off for her. She immediately started nipping and sucking at the tender flesh.

You whimpered when you felt her finger tips grazing across your scalp, carefully pulling on your hair. you exclaimed when nadja's fangs scrape across your flesh.

" f- fuck nads no hickeys either" you manged to crack out slightly pulling away to look at her. She looked straight back at you with predatory eyes. It was evident that she was absolutely blood thirsty. But you couldn't let her bite you - you just couldn't..... fuck it, who cares about rules and morals.

Your lips met nadjas lips in a hasty passionate kiss as you used your body to push her back against your bed. She fell onto the soft mattress with a gentle thud and a small gasp. Biting her lips with lidded eyes she used her body strength to turn you over beneath her, straddling you instead.

" looks like someone's a little eager" she teased, her voice dripping with honey. You moaned as you felt her thigh slip in between your legs, parting them away from eachother. Nadja smirked she then moved to attacked your neck once more.

" oh God nadja p-please" you moaned as you titled your head providing her with more access to your neck. You could hear her chuckle softly before feeling a dull but sharp pain in your neck. You winced as your back arched as you felt her fangs dig into the skin of you flesh, drawing a slight blood flow.

You feel nadja body relax above you, as she whimpered quietly. She then slowly removed her fangs from the wound before placing a chaste kiss there. She removed the straps of your dress exposing your breasts to her. Her eyes lingered on them before they flicked up to yours.

You granted her the permission her eyes searched for. She took it upon herself to latch her mouth onto one of the already erected bud. Your eyes rolled back as your hands flew to her hair. A moan escaped from you causing nadja to look up at the sinful sight about her. As You arched your chest into her mouth your grip in her hair tightened even more.

Your body temperature began to increase and so did the heat in your core. Your breathing picked up when nadja slide her hand down your stomach, she toyed with the hemming of the dress before pushing it up around your hips then proceeding to pull your underwear to the side.

She realesed your nipple with a pop before moving to the other one. You whimpered as your eyes rolled back, pleasure started taking over your mind leaving you fuzzy and completely under nadja mercy.

She wasted no time bringing her fingers back to her mouth where she then spat on them before quickly sliding them in and out of you without warning. You gasped as you spread your thighs even wider hoping that she was go deeper.

She slowly sinks two fingers back into your cunt, curling them slowly, before pulling out completely, spreading your wetness to your clit. you let out quiet whimpers at the stimulation as your eyes flicked back, her fingers gently teased your pulsing clit. you call her name in a quiet whisper, in attempt for her to give you what you wanted.... what you needed most. its a plead you can’t help but let out. her actions send waves of heat surging throughout your body.

She then shoved her two digits back into your dripping cunt. You let out a silent sob at the sudden intrusion. Nadja curled her fingers at the right spot where she felt you clench down tightly. She grunted as she started sucking brutally on your nipple as if she's getting milk from doing so.

Your gummy walls hugged her two digits so good that she picked up the pace. You were a hot mess beneath her, gasping and moaning ever so slightly. Nadjas fingers curled deep within you which caused you to erupt in pleasure.

" That's it darling, God I wish I had taken it upon myself to fuck you sooner" she muttered while looking down at you. Your hair was completely ruined and sprawled out on the pillows, tears were evident in your eyes as your mascara started running down your cheek. You looked gorgeous.

You couldn't even think straight, you began muttering incorhent sentences. She could feel your walls already spasming around her fingers indicating your close to your first orgasm.

Nadja pulled her fingers from your cunt at the right moment just before you reached your high. Seeing the confusion mixed with frustration in your eyes boosted her ego to destroy you even more.

She crawled down to the end of the bed coming face to face with your aroused pussy. She smirked before putting both of your legs on her shoulder, kissing your ankle while doing so.

Again like some sort of feral animal that hadn't eaten for days she wasted no time, she enveloped her mouth around your clit, her tongue flicking and sucking on the tiny bud furiously in a attempt to make you cum quickly. After all you both had places to be right after this.... well... let's just say inconvenient...

You grabbed the bed sheets tightly, if you were hulk your sure that they sheets would be torn by now. You let out a pornographic moan as you felt nadja fingers slip into you once more, this time her pace was absolutely brutal and quick, making squelching noises as she hit your g- spot over and over again.

You felt coils after coils snap in you before feeling as a big one was building. You prompted yourself up on your elbows to look at nadja. Her eyes flicked up to yours for a split second before she started slurping your cunt eagerly and rapidly eating you out.

You fell back in a silent scream, feeling your legs as they began shaking dramatically. You felt as she realesed your clit with a pop but her fingers were absolutely driving you insane.

It felt so fucking good you started hyperventilating. Nadja then pushed her fingers knuckles deep into you before curling her finger and doing the barel movement.

" such a good fucking slut for mommy mhm" she cooed as her other hand wrapped around your neck tightly. its not long before you’re teetering on the edge of your orgasm, nadjas thumb rubbing tight circles around your clit, finger’s pumping in and out of your dripping cunt so deliciously.

You began seeing stars as the raven hair vampire pushed you further and further into oblivion. You shook your everything inside you as your orgasm hit you like a passing train going at a high speed.

You felt a completely drenched feeling of liquid slowly make its away from your throbbing hole to your thighs and further down. You knew exactly what just happened..... you squirted.

You blinked rapidly until you could no longer see the tiny white flying balls in your vision before sitting up straight and looking down at nadja.

She smiled softly at you before she kissed your forehead while caressing your arm.

" now that you feel like the princess that you are, you have five minutes to refreshing up so that we can hit the road my love" nadja winked before playfully smacking your biceps.

Before she left she brought her fingers to her mouth and gaved them kitten licks before smirking sheepishly at you.

She opened the door and left, leaving you in complete awe and limited time to get re- dressed. You knew that this was not the end of tonight and that after you both came back home, she's going to make you do that all over again until your screaming her name for the entire campus to hear...... and you honestly could not wait......

#what we do in the shadows #wlw smut #smut fanfic #marilynthornhilllover fanfics #fanfic #fypシ゚viral #love #vampire #vampire smut #vampire fanfic wlw #nadja wwdits #nadja wwdits smut

[witchthewriter]

do you have any headcannons about nadja of antipaxos with a shy girlfriend?? do you think she would tease them alot(especially during sex), would she be really soft around them, or how would she try to help them come out of their shell?

𝐍𝐚𝐝𝐣𝐚 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐲 𝐬/𝐨:

⤷ female, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!

Warnings: violence, blood, swearing, 🔞18+ talk so no minors please!

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ

𝑁𝑆𝐹𝑊 🔞 thank you for your question!

ENTJ

Slytherin

Chaotic Neutral

Scorpio Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Scorpio Rising

・What your question reminds me of is Jenna back in season 1 where Nadja sees her being bullied and goes 'She's gonna make those motherfuckers pay' (obviously not in those exact words as I cannot remember)

・And then without thinking she makes Jenna into a vampire so she can get her revenge

・But I think Nadja has a part of her that's soft for girls that are outsiders, or forgotten about or deemed unworthy.

・She would definitely help the girl/young woman come out of her shell. Either by changing them into a vampire (if they so desire), because that would definitely be her first option in helping you

・Then she would bring a piece of parchment, an inkpot and quill - and ask about what scares you. After writing it down, she would go and experience your fears with you

・I don't think she would tease you, not until you have spent a lot of time together. I'm talking like a couple months to years. Because she knows it would be cruel to tease someone who isn't confident give tit for tat.

・But when you have sex, she does like to tease you, to make you beg for what you want. She likes to hear it.

・Nadja would flirt with you here and there throughout your time together

・But when she keeps on seeing you, there's this tension that would start building

・And her playfulness starts to dissipate and transform into lust

・She would try to keep it from you but it would be way too obvious with her comments about how good you look or how nice you smell

・And obviously you ... have the same feelings ... so you give the same comments. And for a while, it's a sort of cat and mouse game.

・And then one day, she just ... pounced on you. And with as much vigor, you reciprocated.

・Being around Nadja just gives you this extra confidence.

・If you stayed human, then she would be into blood play - sucking a little of your blood from your neck and kissing you

・She's obsessed with your smell and the way your body moves when you're together

・She could smell you from a mile away

・Oh and she would LOVE public sex. She has absolutely no shame. Because she can get away with anything and everything.

・There are no limits with Nadja; she can help you to transform into the person you want to be easily

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

Curious and Wide-Eyed x Has Seen Everything, Thinks It’s Cute

Literal Angel (You) x Smooth Devil (Nadja)

Cold Hearted (Nadja) x The One Who Makes Them Soft (You)

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆    

Older Woman Woos Younger Woman

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Living Dead Girl by Rob Zombie

#witchthewriter #headcanons #nadja smut #nadja x you #nadja headcanons #nadja x reader #nadja of antipaxos #nadja wwdits #guillermo #nandor #wwdits fx #what we do in the shadows #what we do in the shadows headcanons #witch the writer's headcanons

[cornettotism]

WWDITS fans write more than just smut for any Laszlo ship challenge (IMPOSSIBLE)

#i get it #yall like smut #hes sexy #but jesus christ please #hes also a very fascinating character #laszlo cravensworth #nadja of antipaxos #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless #sean rinaldi #colin robinson #what we do in the shadows #wwdits

[little-wicked10]

My Sultan (Nandor the Relentless x ofc🥵)

While the boys are away, Nadja and Nandor’s human lover have a girls night in of swapping juicy secrets. Nadja reveals to her mortal friend that Nandor gets a hard on when being called “sultan”, the ultimate position of power and dominance for a once great and aspiring Ottoman general. Nadja, and the whole house, will soon realize what Nandor is capable of.

Warnings: SMUT 18+ (EXPLICIT!!! Seriously) and cursing

( // means it cuts to, from, or between interviews, documentary/not documentary footage, and perspective)

——

It was odd that Nadja had not joined the boys on a hunt. She loved the thrill of a good feeding followed by feral lovemaking with her husband. Regardless of the reason behind her staying put, I was happy to have my friend in the house to keep me company. “Come, little one, let us indulge in a, as you humans say, girls night,” she smiled giddily as she led me to the fancy room. It was strange to hear her say it, but I was all for her enthusiasm.

//

“Nandor and I met when he approached me on the street claiming I was some Greek princess or goddess,” I said crossing my legs as I sat across from the camera crew.

“Did you find that strange?” a crewman asks.

I laughed, “Of course I did. I thought he was one of those weird LARPing guys or an Emo kid that never grew out of that phase. His approach was definitely random and odd.”

//

“The night I met my mortal lover, Laszlo had pointed her out as a potential meal. An easy on-the-go snack,” Nandor admitted while seated in an ornate chair in the library, “I approached her to hypnotize her, but instead she bewitched me with her feminine wiles….not my proudest moment as a warrior.”

//

“I thought him mad when my great warrior friend nearly fell to his knees for some woman. A mortal one at that. Then I found it quite funny,” Laszlo complained.

“I myself was not surprised,” Nadja added, “I’ve had a great many mortal lovers in my time. And to be frank, Nandor does not have a good reputation among lady vampires.”

Both husband and wife laugh, clearly remembering the blunders of Nandor’s string of failed attempts at finding a partner.

“Though mortal, I do admire the young lady,” Laszlo adds once through laughing, “She’s got moxie, as the Americans say. And she makes sure the bloody oaf blows out the candles so he won’t burn the fucking house down.”

“Yes, that is a plus,” Nadja chimes in, “Also, I don’t have many ‘girl’ friends. It’s exciting to have another woman to talk to. At least one who understand trying to be in a relationship with an idiot vampire.”

//

Nadja and I had decided to drink. She opted for her stash of wino’s blood while I took advantage of my own bottle of red wine. After each drinking two glasses and feeling a wonderful buzz, we decided to rummage through the boys’ clothes. Laszlo was forever stuck in the Victorian era. “Oh try this one on!” Nadja threw a puffy pirate shirt at me and a scarf with some garish and dark pattern. I giggled and threw the shirt over my clothes before Nadja came to my aid to tie the scarf around my neck.

“Did he steal all this from a homosexual pirate?”

Nadja, with blood alcohol on her breath, laughed as she finished the knot, “A…a homosexual pirate!”

Her laughter made me laugh even more as I gave my best pirate Laszlo impression, “Argh! I’m Laszlo Cravensworth! I’ve come for yer booty!”

Nadja stumbled a bit as she laughed and returned to the closet door way, sipping on her third glass of blood to find her something to scrutinize. She put on ANOTHER of his pirate shirts and a waist coat before we both began acting like pirate Laszlo.

“We should see what Nandor has!” I said as the idea popped into my buzzed brain.

“You are so brilliant, little mortal!” Nadja said as she lightly smacked her head wishing she had thought of it.

We both scurried out to the bedroom of my boyfriend. After another glass for each of us and throwing on Nandor’s strange Persian hats and his fur-lined cloaks, we sat in the fancy room talking about the men whose entire wardrobe we ransacked.

“Ok, ok. What does Laszlo like to be called in bed…or coffin I guess,” I asked very bubbly.

“His highness,” Nadja replied with a regal tone in her voice.

“You’re kidding? His highness?” I giggled as I leaned back against the couch.

“The second I call him that,” she snaps her fingers, “straight at attention.”

We both knew the camera crew was having a hay day with us spilling dirty secrets about our love and sex lives in front of them. I doubt it wasn’t anything the vampires haven’t overshared already. “What about donkey dick, hm?” Nadja asked.

“Besides that he has one?” I smirked and held my hands up to show, exaggeratedly, the size of my man’s dick.

Nadja made a face of disgust before repeating her question, “No, no. Ew. What does Nandor like to be called when making love?”

“I don’t call him anything. Just his name,” I answered truthfully.

Nadja’s face suddenly became very mischievous. Her red lips turned up into a playful smirk making the tips of her fangs appear, “Oh, he hasn’t told you yet?”

I looked at her curiously. She studied my face before gasping and rushing to my side and sitting beside me on the couch. “You must know what I’m about to tell you!” She exclaimed grabbing my shoulders.

I glanced at the camera before looking back to her, “Should I be scared?”

She smirked, “No, but I believe you will thank me once you realize the power this secret has.”

Now I’m interested.

//

The men returned from their hunt expecting to hear their women chatting away or waiting for them naked and willing (at least that’s what they kept hoping for). “I say a good hunt, old sport. You’ve not lost your ways of the warrior,” Laszlo complimented as he took off his hat to give to Guillermo.

“Thank you, Laszlo. You did very well in selecting our prey,” Nandor complimented in return.

After removing his coat and patting the pockets of his waist coat, Laszlo looked around, “Now where is my darling succubus of a wife? That feeding has me in the mood to storm the castle, if you catch my drift, Nandy.”

“I too wish to engage in the sexy times with my love,” Nandor admits.

Both men call out to their women with no answer. They both sniff the air and begin to follow the smell of wine and blood. Their noses lead them to the Fancy Room and Laszlo pulls back the curtain to reveal a funny sight. Both women are dressed in a strange assortment of each of their clothings and spooning, Nadja obviously being the big spoon, on the couch using one of Nandor’s cloaks as a blanket.

“I say, old chap, I have no fucking clue what happened here, but I’m slightly aroused by it,” Laszlo admits.

“Why are they wearing our clothes?” Nandor asks.

//

“What’s sex like with Nandor?” a producer asks.

I sigh and think a moment, “Sex with Nandor is wonderful. A lot better than with a human man. We’ve yet to have rough sex just, as he and everyone in this house says, make love. But that might change after what Nadja told me last night.”

//

“My darling human loves our lovemaking. I’ve yet to not satisfy her,” Nandor brags, “And I am very satisfied with her as well.”

“She said that you’ve not had rough sex yet. Why’s that?” producer asks.

“I don’t think my little human is interested in such things. Plus my vampire strength could kill her if I am not careful,” Nandor admits, “so there is that.”

//

I had it planned perfectly. Nadja and I had talked about it at length until we passed out.

I sat in the library with Laszlo and Nadja. Nandor and Guillermo were about to return from going to the store, and I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. I’m not ashamed of my sex life with Nandor. In this house, it wasn’t hard to get familiar with the vampires and their sexual proclivities. Nadja and Laszlo certainly weren’t quiet about any of it.

The front door opened then closed, and I could hear Nandor and Guillermo talking. I glanced over at Nadja who gave me a knowing look and I adjusted the black silk robe I wore. Not uncommon for me to wear around the house since Nandor could be insatiable at times. If I’m being honest, Nadja looked just as excited as I felt. “Good evening, everyone. My darling,” Nandor greeted leaning down and kissing my head.

“Laszlo, I picked up new ascot for you since I accidentally used your other one as a napkin,” Nandor apologized handing Laszlo a little black box.

“I’m going to my crypt to watch Guillermo reorganize my closet,” Nandor gave Nadja a sideways glance before turning to retreat down the hall.

I jumped up to sit on my knees and lean against the back of the couch before calling to him, “Should I join you, my sultan?”

Nandor froze in his tracks. Laszlo choked on his pipe. I smirked playfully at Nandor’s back, “Or will you not be need my services tonight?”

I heard Nadja giggle with delight as Laszlo continued to choke, “S-Sultan?” Nandor slowly turned around and the look on his face was strange, intense. He suddenly rushed toward me, his boots echoing on the wood floor. When he stood before me, he made me look up at him with a finger under my chin, “What did you say?”

“Oh shit,” Laszlo said before Nadja shushed him. I could feel both of them staring at us intensely.

“Will you not be needing my services tonight, my sultan?” I batted my eyelashes innocently with a smirk still on my lips.

Laszlo whispered, “Why the fuck does she keep calling him that?”

Nandor barred his fangs a bit, “Crypt. Now.”

I guess he decided I wasn’t going to be fast enough because he had me thrown over his shoulder. I shrieked and laughed as my warrior carried me off. “Do not disturb us for we will be engaging in sexy times,” Nandor shouted. He slammed the door of his crypt shut and locked it before tossing me on his couch layered with furs. I watched as he threw off his over coat. His red and gold tunic just made him look all the more powerful for some reason.

“Where did you learn to call me that?” he asks stepping towards me.

“A woman has her ways,” I began untying the belt of my robe, “Does it not please you, my sultan?”

Nandor growled and rolled his neck at the name, “You have no idea how much it does.”

I opened my robe to reveal my naked body to him, rubbing my thighs together, “Show me. Take what you want then, great warrior.”

Nandor pounced on me like a beast. He held my neck firmly in one hand and claimed my lips in a bruising kiss, pinning me beneath him. His hips shoved against mine making me gasp and roll mine for friction. He bit my bottom lip and I felt his fang puncture it and cause the taste of blood to fill both our mouths. Nandor groaned and he pulled away, sitting up enough to rip my robe to shreds as he licked my blood from his lips, “Your Sultan wants to taste more than blood tonight, my desert flower.” He leant down and trailed his lips along my jaw, down my neck, towards my chest, letting his fangs graze the swell of my breasts and making me shiver. The heat was rising and twisting in my body from watching him change so quickly and give into something more dominant. It felt like I was going to explode with anticipation.

I grasped the arm of the couch above my head with both hands and prepared as he reached the apex of my thighs, spreading my legs roughly and digging his strong fingers into my thighs. “I will have my fill of you, and you will not push me away,” he ordered.

“Yes, my sultan,” the smirk forming on my lips changed into an ‘o’ as he devoured my cunt. I felt his tongue enter me and his nose press into my swollen clit. “Na-Nandor!” I cried which spurred him to fuck me with his mouth even more. I rolled my hips into his mouth and held the arm of the couch with one hand while the other tangled into his hair. Nandor moved his mouth to suck on my clit and shoved two thick fingers inside me and curled them. I keened and arched my back off the couch, grasping his head with both hands.

“Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Nandor!” These words were like a song and the only ones my mind could form.

I was sped towards the edge so quickly that I crashed over the edge before I knew it, my whole body shaking. Nandor didn’t stop as he replaced his fingers with his tongue and threw my legs over his shoulders. My obscene cries and moans increased as I pushed on his shoulders to slow down but that only resulted in him taking my hands and pinning them to my sides. Tears pricked my eyes as I was at the mercy of his overstimulating, delicious torture. I held on to his hands for dear life as the feeling of his tongue fucking me and his fangs slightly grazing against me became too much, “T-too m-much! Nandor!”

His only response was to growl and reach up and pinch my clit between his fingers. Something snapped inside me and my vision went black around the edges.

//

There was suddenly a loud scream full of ecstasy echoing from Nandor’s room. Laszlo didn’t even look up from his book, “Well done, old chap.”

//

It felt like the aftershocks of having electricity running through my body. I trembled with a wonderful euphoric feeling as Nandor released me to collapse back onto the couch so he could crawl up my body. When I opened my eyes, I saw Nandor’s handsome face completely soaked. “We are not finished yet, my mortal concubine,” he smirks, lust having blown his pupils.

“Yes,” I gasped, “Yes, sultan.”

“Let your sultan conquer every part of you,” he growled, and before I knew it, he was completely undressed, cold body against mine.

He threw my legs around his waist and pinned my hands to the couch arm before spearing me with his cock. I cried and moaned as he stretched me. Nandor fucked me at a brutal pace that had my eyes rolling to the back of my head and my toes curling.

//

Laszlo and Nadja were both huddled by Nandor’s door. After that last orgasm, neither could resist trying to see what was going on. Nadja had her ear pressed to the door while Laszlo was kneeled down trying to look through the peephole. “I’m so proud of our little human. Very much being the seductress I knew she was,” Nadja smiled.

“I’ll be honest, I never thought Nandor could fuck like that,” Laszlo admitted, “Why hasn’t he fucked us like that in our orgies?”

“My darling, there’s ‘orgy’ sex and then there’s ‘making love to your love’ sex,” Nadja explained.

Both husband and wife were jolted away from the door when two bodies slammed against the other side of it.

//

Nandor had thrown my legs over his shoulders and was fucking me into the door. His mouth was only an inch from mine, breathing each others air while ravishing one another like we will die tomorrow. The door creaked every time he thrust into me and all I could do was hold on to his neck as he took what he wanted. “The whole house will know who rules over this body,” Nandor grunted, “Tell me who does.”

“Y-you do! Y-ou! Fuck you feel so good in-inside me!” I panted like a bitch in heat.

“Your sweet cunt keeps pulling me back in,” Nandor growled before he moved my legs to wrap around his waist and sunk his fangs into my neck.

I moaned and gripped his black hair tightly as an overwhelming feeling of euphoria spread throughout my body. This was the first time he had ever fed on me while fucking, and I now know why Nadja went on and on about it last night. It felt like the pleasure was in my veins and effecting every single sense. It felt so intimate and raw. I couldn’t describe it with the right words if I wanted to.

Before I could blink, we had moved off the door and back on the couch. I was bent over the arm with Nandor’s chest pressed to my back and his hips thrusting deep and hard as he licked away the blood around the puncture wounds. He jerked my head back by my hair so his mouth was near to my ear, “You’re blood drives me mad, my dearest. Just as my cock does you.” His other hand snaked around to grip tightly on one of my breasts, tweaking my nipple and slapping the sensitive flesh. I could only moan as my answer. It truly felt like I was being conquered by a warrior, and I loved being at his mercy.

Every time I tried to speak, it came out as gibberish mixed with moans and whines. My mind was fuzzy and only focused on the feeling of his cock pushing me closer and closer to another orgasm. Nandor pushed my shoulders down to the couch with the hand in my hair allowing him to thrust directly into my g-spot. My eyes rolled to the back of my head, and I screamed his praises as I felt a gushing explosion around his cock. He shoved himself as deep as he could inside me and released his seed with a mighty roar as my vision blacked out.

Nandor fell on top of me, his forehead resting against my temple. All was silent except for his feral panting and my quiet whimpers. I felt his fingers untangle from my hair and his hands wonder along my convulsing body in an attempt to bring me back to reality. “Sssh, my darling,” he whispered in my ear as he left gentle kisses along my face and neck. I suddenly felt the weight of his body begin to leave mine and his cock being removed from inside me. I whined desperately and grabbed his neck to keep him from disappearing. I could still feel him throbbing inside me and my body wasn’t ready to feel empty just yet. “Did I hurt you?” he asked, worry laced in his words. I shook my head.

“I’m sorry, my love. I was too rough with you. And I did not ask permissions to feed on you,” he chided himself. My man had returned from being a conquering sultan.

“N-no. No, Nandor. J-just need a m-moment. P-please d-don’t leave,” I managed to stutter.

Nandor seemed to understand, and he began to delicately change our position. I felt him move us to be laying on our sides with my back to his chest, never once disconnecting us. He wrapped his arms around me and comforted me until my body stopped shaking. “I must leave your insides before you arouse me for another round of sexy times,” he whispered. I nodded my head, whimpering as I felt him gently slip out of me and a rush of our releases spilled out with an obscene sound.

“Was it as satisfactory for you as it was me?” he asked.

“More than satisfactory, my love,” I smiled as I took his hand to kiss the back of it.

“Mm good because I will be ready to go again in a few minutes,” he admitted.

“Really?” I asked shocked, “Nandor, I need to recoup for a minute.”

Suddenly, I felt him harden against my back as he gripped me tighter, “I still have more conquering to do.”

#smut #Nandor the relentless #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #kayvan novak #wwdits nandor #Nandor the relentless smut #Nandor smut #Nadja #laszlo cravensworth #what we do in the shadows smut #fanfic #fanfiction #Nandor the relentless imagine #Kayvan Novak smut

[liv-does-stuff]

WHAT EVEN WAS EPISODE 6!?

#eddie munson #nancy wheeler #eddie munson x reader #steve harrington #robin buckley #stranger things 4 #wwdits laszlo #wwdits guillermo #wwdits #nandor the relentless #nandor x reader #nadermo #guillermo de la cruz #guillermo de la cruz with colon #collin robinson #nadja of antipaxos #nadja and laszlo #the guide #fypage #kpop smut #lgbtq

[myquestforselfparody99]

The invitation - nea9 - What We Do in the Shadows

I've had almost a full year of writer's block, and it was pretty depressing. This is the first thing I've managed to write in almost 12 months. It's a theme I've written before, but it was the only thing that would open up.

My version of the night Nadja stepped through Laszlo's window and made him a vampire.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/52450955

#this just turned into a bit of gothic smut I think #but it's where the wind blew me #fanfic #nadja of antipaxos #laszlo cravensworth #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #nadja wwdits #nadja and laszlo

[collinrobinsonsglasses]

hi!! if it's ok I'd love to make a request!

please can you write a oneshot with Nandor x reader (fem/gender neutral) where reader is feeling insecure and Nandor comforts them? hoping for something really fluffy and if you're comfortable with writing smut then it'd be amazing (if not then no worries, SFW is fine with me :D)

thank you!!

Nandor x F!Reader

Masterlist

Word count: 1.9k

This was my first time writing something for WWDITS, and my first time writing something a little spicier. It was a lot of fun. Thank you for the request @just-a-little-cellist

Warnings: NSFW, This is a little more smutty than my usual stuff, so 18+ only please!!

Getting More Familiar

Having recently moved back to the city in search of a fresh start, you found yourself working at the local movie theater without a clear sense of direction. It was during this time that two mysterious figures, dressed in Victorian garb, approached you with an enticing job offer. The prospect of escaping your unfulfilling job and gaining a new place to live seemed too good to pass up. When Nadja and Laszo revealed they were vampires that night, it didn’t faze or shock you at all; it felt entirely ordinary. Reflecting on the encounter, you couldn’t help but wonder if you had fallen under their hypnotic influence. Strangely, this realization didn’t bother you; instead, it added an intriguing layer to your newfound life. 

As Nadja and Laszlo’s familiar, you found yourself responsible for managing the entire household, which included their two roommates. Nadja and Laszlo were low-maintenance, devoting the majority of their free time to activities that Laszlo referred to as “fucking and sucking.” You quickly learned to avoid Colin Robinson, as he never missed a chance to drain your energy–whether through incessant talking or attempting to piss you off. You found Nandor to be your favorite vampire companion, and he, too, seemed to enjoy spending time with you. He shared that his familiar, Guillermo, was currently on a break, and Nandor appeared somewhat lonely.

Nandor relished recounting his human past, regaling you with tales of the villages he relentlessly pillaged and reminiscing about his time as the nation’s Supreme Viceroy. You consistently listened to Nadnor’s stories with genuine interest, asking questions and sharing laughter at his jokes. Despite Nandor’s formidable warrior background, it appeared that the years as a vampire had softened him. What he seemed to need most was someone who would listen and genuinely care about what he had to say. Being that person came easily to you, and you couldn’t help but imagine that Guillermo had played a similar role before his departure. 

You couldn’t deny that Nandor was quite easy on the eyes, though it felt somewhere cliché to admit, considering he was a vampire. His undeniable strength became clear when he assisted you in carrying heavy bodies for disposal. Nandor had long, soft, black hair, and on some mornings, he’d ask you to brush it before he retreated into his casket. When the group ventured into the city at night, he displayed a protective streak, keeping a watchful eye on your whereabouts and warding off other vampires who showed too much interest in you. Though you harbored strong feelings for him, you refrained from admitting it, acknowledging that a 761-year-old vampire likely wouldn’t share your romantic feelings. Despite this, you cherished the moments spent in his company, savoring the connection whenever possible. 

Today unfolded like any other ordinary day, with you rising a few hours before sunset to tidy up the house before the vampires stirred. In the library, Colin sat absorbed in his newspaper, a familiar sight as you diligently dusted the room. It seemed that Colin was perpetually awake, his presence a constant in the early evening routine. Colin prattled on about something from the newspaper, but you didn’t mind, anticipating the upcoming time with Nandor. As you continued to dust, Colin’s chatter ceased, likely realizing his attempts to drain your energy in this way were futile. 

“You know, it’s interesting…” Colin Robinson began, peering out above his newspaper toward you. “Laszlo and Nadja usually have sex with their familiar by now, but they haven’t with you. Makes you wonder what’s wrong with you.” With that, he folded his newspaper with glee and left the room, his eyes glowing blue and a smirk on his face. 

He had gotten to you. The rush of energy left your body as you started to ponder if Colin’s words held truth. What was wrong with you? You never saw yourself as beautiful or sexy, considering yourself cute at best. Memories of past men you liked referring to you as “like a sister” flashed through your mind. Colin Robinson had hit on an insecurity that had lingered for most of your life–you didn’t feel desirable. You were kind and easy to be around, but the realization sank in that there was probably a reason those two vampires wouldn’t have any interest in you. Those thoughts circled in your mind for the next few hours as you continued cleaning the house, leaving you feeling intensely self-conscious by the time the sun set. You made a decision to try to avoid everyone tonight, unless they genuinely needed you. 

You kept yourself busy in the fancy room after greeting Nadja and Laszlo. Fortunately, they made their way to the room with the piano, engrossed in practicing some of their old songs. This allowed you to maintain a bit of distance and focus on your tasks for the night. After an hour, Nandor found you, greeting you with a sheepish smile while idly playing with his fingers. “Oh, there you are,” his voice rang out with his usual, endearing accent. 

You replied with a forced smile, that being the best you could muster while feeling embarrassed for letting Colin Robinson get to you. Despite your attempts to conceal your emotions, Nandor noticed immediately. 

“You’re glum,” Nandor remarked as he sat on the couch, gesturing for you to join him. When you opened your mouth to speak, nothing came out. “Don’t deny it. I can tell.” Feeling vulnerable, you decided to tell him the truth, but you looked to the ground while speaking. “Do Nadja and Laszlo sleep with all their familiars?” 

“Nadja and Laszlo would fuck anything with a pulse,” Nandor chuckled, seemingly misreading the situation completely. “Well, I guess technically they wouldn’t even need a pulse, because we’re vampires.” 

“So Colin Robinson was right. There must be something wrong with me.” You leaned your head back against the couch, tears forming in your eyes. All the past stings of rejection came rushing back in that moment. You glanced over towards Nandor, realizing he looked confused, and you felt silly for allowing yourself to get emotional in front of him. Trying to compose yourself, you sat up, wiped away the forming tears and mustered a weak smile. 

“Why do you think there is something wrong with you?” Nandor asked, genuine confusion painting his face. 

“Colin Robinson said there has to be a reason Nadja and Laszlo haven’t tried to make a move on me. I guess I’m just not desirable in that way… even though I have a pulse,” you said, trying to make a joke out of it now. You realized that Nandor probably wanted nothing to do with this conversation. 

“Fucking guy,” Nandor grumbled, his expression darkening as he glared straight ahead. When he looked back at you, his demeanor softened. “I believe you are incredibly beautiful… and you have a rocking body.”

You didn’t believe a word he was saying, knowing this was most likely just him trying to cheer you up and move on quickly. “Thanks, Nandor, but you don’t have to do that.” 

“I don’t understand. What am I doing?” Nandor questioned, a perplexed expression on his face. 

“Trying to cheer me up, but it’s silly. I”ll get over it.” 

Nandor moved towards you, placing his cold hand against your cheek and wiping the remnant of a tear from your face. “I, Nandor the Relentless, have had 37 wives and even more lovers. I believe you are one of the most beautiful, sensitive, and poetic creatures I have ever laid my eyes upon.” In this moment, Nandor spoke with authority, unlike the shy version of Nandor you usually encountered. 

Inhaling quickly in shock, you looked into Nandor’s dark brown eyes. You stayed silent, unsure if this was a trick or if it was real. 

“If you do not believe you are desirable, I’ll have to show you how desirable I think you are,” he whispered, gazing over you with his eyes. “If that is what you want.” 

You replied with a quick nod, your eyes widening, and your heart picking up speed. Your emotions flooded with longing, and you looked down towards Nandor’s lips. 

Nandor’s lips found yours, his hands firmly holding your face as he drew you in. Closing your eyes, you relished the feeling of his cold lips against yours. A gasp escaped you as his kisses trailed down your neck. Nandor guided you to lay on the couch, his body intimately pressed against yours. You sensed the touch of his cold fingers tracing across your thigh beneath your dress, eliciting a moan from you, muffled by the embrace of his kiss. He momentarily paused, his fingers delicately tracing the contours of your underwear, while looking into your eyes. 

Nandor whispered, uncertainty clouding his face, “Is this truly what you desire?” 

“Yes,” you replied with conviction, “Ever since I started working as Nadja and Laszlo’s familiar, I’ve been into you, Nandor.” 

“How should I put this… it is you who are the person who I am into… too.” His genuine smile grew, while looking down at you. 

With that, you sensed his fingers skillfully maneuvering around the fabric of your underwear, and gasped as his finger rubbed against you. You felt your hips instinctively lift at his touch and you observed him with a gaze filled with desire. As his finger slid inside of you, your eyes closed involuntarily, wanting to commit the sensation of his touch into memory. The soft sound of his chuckle reached your ears, acknowledging your reaction, while he removed your underwear tossing them onto the ground. You then experienced his icy kisses trailing up your thighs before he was between your legs. His tongue and lips provided a heavenly sensation causing you to moan and grind your hips against his mouth. 

“You taste delicious,” Nandor growled. 

Rising from the couch, he stood up, gently pulling you to your feet and enveloping you in a deep kiss. The intensity of the kiss heightened as he pressed you against one of the room’s walls. Effortlessly lifting you up, your legs encircling him, he pressed against you. Your hand descended, deftly unbuttoning his pants, causing him to moan as you led him inside of you. A momentary pause ensued as you locked eyes, desire vividly painting both of your faces. Nandor’s vampire strength proved formidable; he held you aloft, as you began a slow rotation of your hips. Closing his eyes, he emitted a low groan, surrendering to the intensity of the moment. Entwined with Nandor, a genuine feeling of beauty enveloped you, relishing in the pleasure you both felt. The feeling of being desired by Nandor dispelled any lingering doubts Colin Robinson had left in your head. Nandor thought you were sexy and he wanted you. 

🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇

“Well, if I”m being honest,” Nandor candidly addressed the camera, “I asked Laszlo and Nadja to not fuck her… because I liked her… I guess I could have told her that, but I think it worked out.” A smirk played on Nandor’s lips as he glanced towards the camera, nervously playing with his fingers. Just then, Nadja’s voice echoed from the other room, causing his smirk to drop. 

“About fucking time you made a move, you big idiot.” 

#nandor the relentless #nandor x reader #nandor #Nandor smut #Nandor the relentless smut #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #wwdits smut #Nandor the relentless x reader

[of-apollo]

—> NAVIGATION

—> THE IMPORTANT LINKS:

Masterlist

Wattpad

Ko-Fi

Ship requests

—> WHO I WRITE FOR:

Ted Lasso: Dani, Sam, Jamie + Keeley

MCU: Bucky, Steve + Yelena

PJO: Apollo (God, not Lester)

ASSORTED: Enjolras, Grantaire (Les Mis), Black Noir (The Boys), Miguel O’Hara (Spiderverse)

PLATONIC PREFERRED, I will consider romantic if requested, but generally I like to default to platonic for the following:

WWDITS: Nandor, Guillermo, Nadja, Laszlo

OFMD: Ed, Stede

Good Omens: Aziraphale, Crowley

BBC Ghosts: Any characters!

NOTE: I may add more, but this is what I’m currently 100% comfy writing for! You’re welcome to ask about requesting other fandoms/characters not mentioned here, but I can’t guarantee I’ll write for them!

—> RULES FOR REQUESTING

As a hurt/comfort lover, I am comfortable writing about most sensitive topics.

However, I will NOT write about pregnancy or suicide/self-harm, nor any degree of smut (with the exception of like simple making out).

I will always DM to reject a request, unless it is on anon.

I am happy writing either headcanons or full length imagines, so try to clarify! I’ll usually default to headcanons otherwise.

I use they/them pronouns for all writing unless you request otherwise.

—> RULES FOR MY BLOG:

I’m happy to make friends - my asks are always open for a chat or anything!

I probably won’t close requests often, but requests sent in during closing will be deleted.

A bit about me: I’m Welsh, a history lover and musical theatre nerd. I also love Taylor Swift a whole lot. Talk to me about any of those things, you have my heart.

credit for the red heart dividers used on this blog goes to cafekitsune <3 !

#ted lasso x reader #dani rojas x reader #sam obisanya x reader #jamie tartt x reader #keeley jones x reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #yelena belova x reader #apollo x reader #wwdits x reader #nandor the relentless x reader #guillermo de la cruz x reader #nadja of antipaxos x reader #laszlo cravensworth x reader #edward teach x reader #blackbeard x reader #stede bonnet x reader #aziraphale x reader #crowley x reader #bbc ghosts x reader

[zamoimagines]

UPCOMING WORKS:

AHS:

Cordelia Goode x Reader - next door neighbors plot, fluff (series)

Ally Mayfair Richards x Reader - post breakup plot, angst (oneshot)

Sally McKenna x Reader - breakup plot, angst (oneshot, potential series)

Sally McKenna x Reader - last great american dynasty inspired plot (taylor swift's folklore series)

Someone Else's Baby - Sally McKenna x Billie Dean Howard x Reader (chapter 3)

There's Your Trouble - Wilhemina Venable x Reader (chapter 3)

WWDITS:

Nadja x Reader - being hired as nadja's new act, potential smut (oneshot, possible series)

Nadja x Reader - taking care of blood drunk Nadja, fluff/smut (oneshot)

OUAT:

Regina Mills x Reader - arranged marriage plot, angst/fluff/smut (series)

Overall HCs for the women of OUAT (let me know if there are any characters ya'll want me to specifically include!)

CAOS:

Lilith x Reader - being the queen of hell's new pet, heavy smut (oneshot, potential series)

Lilith x Reader - sex dream plot, smut/fluff (oneshot)

Zelda Spellman x Reader - earworm plot, smut/fluff (oneshot)

MCU:

Wanda Maximoff x Reader - yandere plot, smut/angst (potential series)

ABBOTT ELEMENTARY:

Ava Coleman x Reader - flirting with the new girl, fluff/flirtation heavy (oneshot, potential series)

Melissa Schemmenti x Reader - having a crush, fluff/smut mentioned (headcanons)

Overall HCS of the women of Abbott

OCEAN'S 8:

Overall HCS of the women of Ocean's 8

Lou Miller x Reader content (TBD)

OWL HOUSE:

Eda Clawthorne x Reader content (TBD)

RUN:

Diane Sherman x Reader - greta (2018) inspired plot, dark!fic/angst (series)

WEDNESDAY:

Wednesday Addams x Reader content (TBD)

Morticia Addams x Reader content (TBD)

NATIONAL TREASURE: EDGE OF HISTORY

Billie Pearce x Reader content (TBD)

Overall HCs of the women of NTEOF

STAR TREK DISCOVERY:

Phillipa Georgiou x Reader content (TBD)

Overall HCs of the women of Discovery (any in particular that ya'll want me to include, please let me know!) DESCENDANTS:

Overall content (TBD)

Disney's ZOMBIES:

Overall content (TBD)

#meal planning (queue) #have i got some DINNERS planned out for ya'll #stay tuned #admin post

[resowrites]

What We Do In The Shadows - From Russia With Love (oneshot).

Summary: Laszlo discovers Nadja’s long kept secret and Guillermo has to dissuade Nandor from going on a treasure hunt (this oneshot predates the events of season 4).

Characters: WWDITS cast.

Warnings: NSFW, 18+only MINORS DNI, language, allusions to smut, mention of a homophobic slur, adult themes/humour, Laszlo being Laszlo, lovelorn Guillermo, lightly beta’d.

WC: 2835

My work must not be copied, reposted, or translated elsewhere. Likes, follows, reblogs and comments are thoroughly welcome and appreciated! No copyright infringement intended, gifs/pics not my own. I hope you all enjoy and thanks for visiting!

From Russia With Love - a What We Do In The Shadows oneshot.

At the vampire compound.

"Ok, good evening everyone, thank you for attending tonight's house meeting. I'll get straight to it, last night I had an unfortunate encounter with a young woman…"

"Wasn't it more unfortunate for her?" Laszlo smirked at Nandor, eliciting an exasperated sigh from the older vampire.

"Laszlo please… this is serious. I don't care whose guest she was, you must allow visitors back out again if you don't intend to finish them off…" this elicited giggles all around. Nadja, who'd been darning an old pair of stockings, suddenly looked up having missed most of the conversation.

"What are you talking about Nandor? I never leave my dinner unattended… do you know what he's talking about Laszlo?" The vampire to her right shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Oh alright, it was me, I invited the young lady back here but when she started droning on and on about her blasted student exchange programme… well, it was enough to put a chap right off his dinner." Nandor stared at him confused.

"Well, why didn't you show her the way out?"

"I dunno… I got bored and wandered off. Shit happens." Nandor rolled his eyes and moved on to the next item on his agenda.

"Is that why you decided to sign me up for online dating? Boredom? Really Laszlo, that wasn't very nice and I'd appreciate it if in future you--" Nadja then cut him off.

"What's this? Is loves biggest loser finally putting himself back out there? Good for you Nandor…" he tried to respond only for Guillermo to pipe up.

"Wait… how would that work exactly, is it a vampire dating site?"

"Don't be stupid Guillermo, why would Vampires need help dating?" Nandor avoided Nadja's eyes and shot a look at the cameraman.

"Okay everyone, great meeting, but I think we should continue this some other time…"

"Hang on a mo, Gizmo raises a good point, a vampire dating site is an excellent idea. Why, a man could get all the chuff he desires at a click of a button." Nadja rolled her eyes.

"Since when did you need help finding chuff? You are practically a chuff hound, my love…" Lazlo doffed his imaginary cap and decided to repay what he considered the highest compliment.

"As are you, my love. We have both been highly blessed in the sexual arts." Guillermo now rolled his eyes though he couldn't help but feel bad for his master, who was now shifting uncomfortably in his heavily booted feet.

"That is true… my loves have been broad and wide. And I'm not just talking about the variety…" at that Nandor stormed off, leaving Guillermo to trail after him.

Nadja and Laszlo to the interviewer:

"You know my darling wife has always been in high demand… personally, I thought she would have made an excellent courtesan…"

"Yes… but I don't like working weekends. Or in the day." The pair nodded in agreement.

"I do however think a vampire sex exchange website is a marvellous idea…"

"I think they call them 'hookups' Laszlo…" he waved his hand at her.

"Whatever… but I may look into the idea, by which I mean I'll get Gizmo to cook something up." Nadja shook her head.

"He's too busy with his head up Nandor's arse…"

"He wishes…" the pair then shrieked with laughter.

"You know now that I think about it, I don't actually think it is a good idea… I mean what if an ex-lover uses it to contact you?" Laszlo looked at her confused.

"And what's wrong with that? I've had many a woman desire a return trip to mount Laszlo…" Nadja scoffed.

"I don't know… look what happened with Gregor, there are some lovers I definitely wouldn't want to hear from again…"

"Oh yeah? Like who?" Nadja considered the long list in her mind for a moment.

"Well, there's Reginald the butcher's son, though I think he died going to work too early one morning. Then there's Rolph… though I think he's settled in New Orleans with a nice shapeshifter now…"

"Oooh, I bet they have fun…" Laszlo sucked on the end of his pipe saucily.

"Then there's Rasputin but I'm pretty sure they eventually managed to kill him…" Laszlo choked loudly.

"Come again? You were courted by Rasputin?" Nadja pursed her lips trying to recall such long ago memories.

"Well, it wasn't so much courting as rogering in every room in the palace… I'm pretty sure we did it in the gardens as well because I remember my bum getting frozen stuck against the lawn…"

"Hold on, hold on… how did you even meet the guy?"

"Well I joined a travelling band of gypsies and you know Rasputin…"

"No, I don't. No one does."

"Well anyway, I showed him a few tricks and he became quite taken with me…" she smiled proudly at the camera.

"Well that I don't doubt my darling, but why did you never tell me?" He looked at her with a woundedly.

"What do you mean? It's not that much of a big deal…"

"It's a huge bloody deal, we're talking Rasputin. Russia's greatest love machine as the song so aptly describes. I don't mind telling you I'm rather upset…" she looked at him bewildered.

"What about? Believe me darling, it was a more mental than physical thing." Laszlo turned to look towards the camera.

At a Substation near the vampire compound.

"You know it's really too bad you can't try some of this, it's sooo good…" Guillermo stared down lovingly at his food while Nandor just sighed and rested his head in his hand.

"You know it's very drab and depressing in here… I can see why you like this place, Guillermo." The familiar looked towards the cameraman exasperated.

"You know master, if you're feeling that lonely, maybe we could give the dating website thing a try…" but Nandor seemed fixated on something in front of him. "Master? Did you hear what I was saying?"

"Shhh Guillermo, look what I've found!" He then held up the same kid's activity sheet that was placed on all the other tables.

"Yeah? What about it?" Guillermo glumly took a bite of his sandwich, annoyed at the conversation already having moved on.

"Don't you see? It's a treasure map? They've hidden treasure somewhere near here for us to find!" Guillermo choked on his drink.

"No, master, that's just a game. I'm pretty sure there's a QR code that links to their app--" but Nandor sprung to his feet, leaving Guillermo to hastily wrap up his sandwich and chase after him.

"Master - where are you going? There's no treasure near here, it's just a made up map…" but Nandor was holding it up to a streetlight, carefully examining the details.

"It says if we walk twenty paces in that direction…" he held out his arm to the left, "we'll find the next clue… come, Guillermo, we have no time to waste."

Back at the vampire compound.

Nadja and Laszlo were sitting in less than companionable silence. Colin Robison sat between them, torn between wanting to break the awkward silence but also finding it an opportune feeding moment. "That's it… I won't sit here in silence any longer, tell me the truth, was he a better lover than I?" Laszlo had jumped to his feet and began pacing back and forth. Nadja glanced up from her book with a look of exhaustion on her carefully powdered face.

"Who are you talking about my love?"

"You know damn bloody well who I'm talking about, your little Russian conquest…" she rolled her eyes and flipped to the next page of her book, determined not to engage him in this foolishness.

"You know it's interesting you mention Russian conquest…"

"I highly doubt that Colin Robinson…" Laszlo was determined to cut him off before he could get started but the energy vampire was undeterred.

"No, it's true, did you know that Alexander the second, who actually abolished serfdom in 1861, was killed on the very day he signed a document agreeing to political reform?"

"That's wonderful Colin Robinson… you know I heard he employed witchcraft, I bet that was responsible for his hold over you…" Nadja threw her book to the side, clearly, she wasn't going to be allowed to read in peace.

"For God's sake Laszlo, it was hundreds of years ago, give it up…"

"No, you can't tell me you 'hooked up' with the same man who had his hand down the pants of everyone in Russia, and not expect me to react."

"Are you guys talking about Rasputin?"

"Quiet Colin Robinson." The energy vampire simply shrugged his shoulders at the cameraman. "Laszlo my love, you know you're my main guy, why get so upset about something that happened so very long ago?"

"Because the man was a legend!" He bellowed out dramatically. "And what's there to remember about me?" Nadja frowned.

"So this is what it's really about? You're worried about your legacy?" She sighed as she slumped back onto the couch.

"You don't understand my love, there are certain things men have to do to remain men…"

"You know that reminds me of that song, you know the one where the question is asked, how many roads must a man walk down, before you can call him a man?" The other two vampires shouted in unison.

"Shut up Colin Robinson!"

Somewhere near a parking lot at midnight.

"Master please, it's cold and it's late, why don't we just go home?" But Nandor frantically consulted his map.

"No - we are getting close I know it, just a few more steps in this direction." He began goose stepping several feet forwards. Guillermo had had enough.

"Master stop… what treasure could you possibly want? You're hundreds of years old, you've accumulated so much stuff in that time, so much knowledge… what could some random parking lot give you that you don't already have? Don't you see what's happening? You're upset about being alone, so you're latching on to whatever comes along. Look at us, we're standing in an empty car park!" He gripped his master's arms harder to comfort him. But Nandor shrugged him away.

"Get off me you little imp. And I'm not making you stay here you know… go on, away with you, be gone."

"No… no, I'll stay master…" Guillermo looked guiltily toward the cameraman. Just then, a small group of burly looking men appeared from behind a suspicious looking van. "Er… master, I think we better get going, we don't wanna get mixed up with those--"

"Hey, hey you there! Phantom of the opera?" Nandor hurriedly looked behind him causing Guillermo to shoot the cameraman another knowing look.

"Excuse me? Are you talking to me?"

"Yeah I'm talking to you nancy boy, what the hell do you think you're doing here?"

"Looking for treasure, what else? And who is Nancy?" Nandor chuckled lightly, confused as to why he was being asked such questions.

"Is that supposed to be funny asshole?" The grin quickly disappeared from Nandor's face.

"Perhaps I should teach you and your boyfriend here a lesson…" Nandor then laughed again.

"Oh… no, he's not my boyfriend." Guillermo cast him a sad sideways glance.

"Oh yeah? I bet he squeals like he's your boyfriend…" the man then hoisted Guillermo up by his shirt collar.

"Hey! You leave my familiar alone! Only I'm permitted to manhandle him!" Nandor delivered a swift roundhouse kick, which sent both the man and Guillermo soaring through the air. He quickly scrambled to his feet and fled along with other men. Nandor stepped up to Guillermo casually and extended his hand.

"… Are you alright Guillermo?" His familiar was badly shaken but otherwise unhurt.

"Yes… I am, thanks to you. You saved me master… why?" Nandor furrowed his brow.

"You're my familiar… I… I have come to depend on you." He then awkwardly placed a large hand on his familiar's shoulder. Guillermo beamed from ear to ear.

"Come on Nandor, I know a place where we can get some treasure.

Sometime later at the vampire compound.

Nadia sauntered into the living room to find a miserable looking Laszlo and a dozing Colin Robinson. "What's up with him?"

"He fell asleep… I guess he gorged himself on my misery…" Nadja bit back a smirk and unscrolled the piece of paper in her hands. She cleared her throat.

"Laszlo Cravensworth, I have here a list detailing all your exploits since your time on this earth. Once I'm finished, I hope you'll see that you really have nothing to be jealous of--"

"I'm not jealous… why, was he bigger than me?" Nadja avoided his eyes and made no reply. He tutted and sunk back in his chair scowling.

"One - you kept all the major whore houses in London in business, they even named a street after you, Helmet Row." Laszlo nodded in recognition. "Two - you were Jack The Ripper, London's most notorious murderer even if no one knows it." His frown then returned. "Three - you're a sexy bad boy who follows his own rules and there is a baby hundreds of years old in another state to prove it." But Laszlo was unconvinced. "And finally - you not only captured my heart, but you have also kept it, after all these many years. I may have broken up with Rasputin, but I'll never break up with you…" it was the kind of statement worthy of an applause break but Laszlo jumped to his feet in alarm.

"What the devil do you mean you broke up with him? Nobody turns down the great Rasputin! But if he couldn't keep your heart, with his magic tongue and black magic powers, what chance do I stand?" He slumped back down onto his chair dejectedly.

"Oh, my love… he had something you'll never have…"

"Oh, and what's that my deadly nightshade?"

"It's simple my love, ambition…"

"What? What the deuce do you mean, ambition?" Nadja bit her lip, hoping he wouldn't take it the wrong way.

"What's there to understand my love? He was a big crazy megalomaniac who wanted to take over the world, all you want to do is shag your dinner and suck blood - what more could I need?" Laszlo furrowed his impressive brow.

"Are you calling me lazy my dear? Because I'll have you know, one can't make hundreds of adult films sat on his jacksy…"

"Of course not, and you needn't worry, there's still plenty of time to continue building your legacy." Laszlo jumped up again.

"By God woman, you're right, I could even make more films, vampires have never been more popular! I'll show them a Twilight they won't soon forget…" Nadja rubbed her forehead.

"No, that's not quite what I meant my love…"

"I could even recreate the one I did with Betti Page… I think I still have the feather boas somewhere…" Nadja looked up at him suspiciously.

"What do you mean Betti Page? You made a porno with America's premiere burlesque sweetheart?" Laszlo gulped nervously and stared at the cameraman. He then dashed from the room with Nadja chasing after him. Suddenly, Colin Robinson stirred in his seat.

"Hey… where'd everybody go?

Later that evening.

"Look everybody, look what Guillermo got for me!" Nandor's booming voice bought everybody into the hallway.

"I say… what on earth have you got there chap?" Nandor grinned as he held up the tiny metal award.

"It's a trophy! It says 'best master in the world!'" Nadja and Laszlo stared at each other.

"Oh is that from Don's trophies and collectables? Yeah… they framed my employee of the month certificate. Great prices, they also have a good range of--"

"Yes that's very nice Colin Robinson, come, Guillermo, we must find the right spot for this…" he then swept out of the room, again with Guillermo trailing after him.

Guillermo to the interviewer:

"You know it's important to recognise that vampires are actually pretty sensitive. You might think that because they've lived for ages, they don't care what others think about them but it's the complete opposite… take tonight. I mean, Nandor might not have cared about some guys threatening to beat him up in a parking lot, but the minute they threatened me he came to my defense. There was no way I'd let him go home empty handed. Because when all's said and done… he really is a good master.

Nandor then burst in carrying his trophy and one of its handles in his other hand.

"What is the meaning of this Guillermo? I go to polish my trophy and it breaks in my hands! Is this any way to treat the best master in the world? Fix it immediately…" he then threw it to the floor and stormed out in a huff, leaving Guillermo to sigh into the camera.

End credits.

A/N: Hi guys, as a huge fan of the film and tv series, it’s my pleasure to present this oneshot! I hope you all enjoy the story and feel I captured something of the spirit of the show. Any feedback is appreciated and I hope you’ll continue to stick around and enjoy new stories in the future!

To be updated on when I post please follow @resowrites and turn on post notifications.

#what we do in the shadows #wwdits #comedy #wwdits fx #funny

[arielmagicesi]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: What We Do in the Shadows (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja Characters: Laszlo Cravensworth, Nadja (What We Do in the Shadows TV), Gregor | Jeff Suckler, Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV), Colin Robinson Additional Tags: 5+1 Things, Grief/Mourning, Decapitation, Masturbation, Pining, primarily laszlo/nadja but there's like. a little baby bit of nandor/guillermo at the end, and 'whole found family' vibes, guillermo is not here though sorry :(, the crux of the plot of this whole thing is that laszlo is really fucking stupid, loves his wife. but unfortunately. dumb as shit Summary:

Five times Laszlo Cravensworth ran away (and dearly missed his wife), and one time he came back (and actually talked to his wife).

#that makes five wwdits fics kill me... #i'm proud of it though #laszlo x nadja #my writing #written by me #wwdits fic #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #if you don't like reading smut then skip the jackie daytona section. it is definitely skippable

[chelsfic]

Chels’s WWDITS Master Post

Yeesh, it’s a lot. I’ve included very brief warnings/tags for each fic, however once you click through to AO3 you will see the complete list of tags and warnings! Enjoy!

Dark

Guillermo the Heartless (nickname Dark Gigi)- Guillermo/Nandor, Dark Role Swap AU, non-con. COMPLETE

Your Kingdom for a Horse - Guillermo/Nandor, Historical AU, Pillager!Nandor, non-con. ONE-SHOT

Devotions - Guillermo/Nandor, Angst, Minor Character Death, Lover as Deity. Sequel to Maybe One Day, My Love. 2/2 OF COMPLETE SERIES

Adieu - Laszlo/Reader, Reader Death. ONE-SHOT

Things My Heart Used to Know - Guillermo/Nandor, Hypnosis, Brain Scramblies, dub-con/non-con. COMPLETE

Sense of Belonging - Guillermo/Nandor, Dom/Sub, Punishment. ONE-SHOT

Memo the Murderous (nickname Mapula) - Guillermo/Rapula, Dom/Sub, drug (blood) use. WIP

General Smut

I Fell into Fantasy - Guillermo/Nandor, Blood-drinking, frottage. ONE-SHOT

A Familiar’s Familiar AU Series - Guillermo/Gender Neutral Reader, Dom/Sub. Series of ONE-SHOTS.

Praise You - Guillermo/Nandor, Body Worship, Body Positivity, Forced Praise. ONE-SHOT

Do you Wanna Touch? Do Your Wanna Taste? - Guillermo/Nandor, 80s AU smut. ONE-SHOT

Let Me See You Come Undone - Guillermo/Nandor, sex toys. ONE-SHOT (companion fic to @safetyhazardfics​’s Early Bird)

A Brief History of Self Love (nickname: Memo Masturbation Montage) - Guillermo/Nandor, Masturbation. ONE-SHOT.

Volume Control - Guillermo/Nandor, Exhibitionism. ONE-SHOT

Save Room for Dessert - Guillermo/Nandor, Frottage, Blood-Drinking. ONE-SHOT

The Dangers of Laundry - Guillermo/Nandor, Near Death Experience Caused by Guillermo’s Thirst. ONE-SHOT

Bury My Love - Guillermo/Nandor, Grave-digging, Vampire Turning fic, temporary character death (Guillermo is turned into a vampire)

Fluff and Crack

Vampire Seeking Familiar - Guillermo/Nandor, First Meetings, Crack. ONE-SHOT

I Think We Could Do It if We Tried - Guillermo/Nandor, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss. ONE-SHOT

Make a Wish - Guillermo/Nandor, Fluff, Crack, Pretend Dating. ONE-SHOT

Five Times Nandor Tried and Failed to Make a New Vampire, and One Time He Succeeded - Guillermo/Nandor, Smut, Getting Together, Crack, Angst. ONE-SHOT

The Hot List, in which the NYC Familiar Discord Rank their Masters - Guillermo/Nandor, Crack, Angst. ONE-SHOT

Midnight Snack - Guillermo/Nandor, First Meetings, Angst, Comfort. ONE-SHOT

Dreamers Often Lie - Guillermo/Nandor, Fluff and Angst

You've Got Electronic Letters: The Unholy Correspondence of Nandor the Relentless, Guillermo de la Cruz and Other Miscellaneous Dark Creatures - Guillermo/Nandor, Collab with @jackiegaytona​

Santa Baby - Guillermo/Nandor, Fluff, Holiday. ONE-SHOT

Zoological Curiosity - Guillermo/Nandor, Cryptid!Nandor, fluff, emotional hurt/comfort. ONE-SHOT

Spectral Disturbance - pre-Jenna/Nadja, Jenna-centric Ghost Hunter AU. ONE-SHOT.

Frost Bite - Guillermo/Nandor, Blood-drinking. ONE-SHOT

Let’s Boogy! - Guillermo/Nandor, Ficlet, fluff. ONE-SHOT

Sugar Lumps - Guillermo/Nandor, Funeral for a Friend. Horse death. Fluff and crack. ONE-SHOT

Inoculation - Guillermo/Nandor, post-Animal Control, mention of needles. Pure fluff. ONE-SHOT

Get Well Soon - Guillermo/Nandor, alternate ending to Manhattan Night Club. Featured in WWCITS Fangzine. ONE-SHOT

Connection - Guillermo/Nandor, First Meeting, Slight Angst. ONE-SHOT

Garlic Pizza, Mint Kisses, and Hellhound Etiquette - Guillermo/Nandor, Featuring the Baron and the Hellhound! My season 3 spec ficlet.

Defy Categorization/General Angst

Not Yet - Black Peter (Human)/Lilith, Black Peter (Human)/Laszlo - Angst. ONE-SHOT

Unseemly Desire, or Nandor's Season of Self-Discovery - Guillermo/Nandor, Angst, Pining, Crack. HIATUS

Leftovers - Nandor/Reader, Angst. COMPLETE

Not Entirely Unrequited - Guillermo/Nandor, Angst, Fluff, First Kiss, Alternate Ending to Colin’s Promotion

Kiss Me to Life - Guillermo/Nandor, Light Angst, Getting Together, First Kiss, Blood Drinking. ONE-SHOT

Dark Gigi Spin-off fics

Just Like a Real Boy (nickname Darker Gigi) - Guillermo/Nandor, Dark, dark, dark, dark. Smut, dehumanization. WIP.

Compelled - Guillermo/Nandor, Phobias, Hypnosis. ONE-SHOT

It’s the Superb Owl, Guillermo the Heartless! - Guillermo/Nandor, Fluffy ONE-SHOT

Familiars Rule (WAP) - Guillermo/Nandor, Fluff. ONE-SHOT

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #guillermo x nandor #nandermo #what we do in the shadows fanfic #wwdits fanfic #masterpost #chels masterpost #chelsfic #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless

[kraviolis]

do you have any wwdits fic recs?

oh buddy i sure do

blanket warning that uhhh some of these fics are rated explicit so. beware the warnings & tags and such.

first one, obvious, is scenes from an alliance.

its a fantasy & arranged marriage AU where guillermo from the de la cruz clan of vampire slayers agrees to marry the infamous vampire warlord, nandor the relentless. it's a very different dynamic between the two of them because they start off as equals but guillermo is just as ambitious & crafty and nandor is just as controlling & bad at communication.

it's still on going (100k words and counting) and normally i dont rec fics that arent finished/close to finished but this one is so juicy, like even if it doesnt ever finish i'd still be glad to have read it. fully recommend it.

going 180 from lengthy & meaty AU fics is this really fun and cute one called better get a chaperone. it's laszlo and guillermo fake dating to make nandor jealous and it fucking rules and i need like 7 more of these little bitches right now.

i lied about the whales is a season 3 finale au/fix it where nandor and guillermo do go on their roadtrip but also try to talk about their feelings. so fucking good so fucking delicious go read it rn.

this one is rated explicit so fair warning, but scars is a rlly good trans guillermo/nandermo fic. do be very mindful of the tags, it is not a lighthearted fic!! but it IS very cathartic and explores guillermo's religious trauma & his transness in a very enjoyable and realistic way. (it DOES make guillermo's dad out to be extremely transphobic btw cus i know thats a deal breaker for many people)

a different trans guillermo fic that isnt as heavy is portraits, which is technically nandermo but pre-slash. its by the same author as scars but its entirely fluff about guillermo braiding nandor's hair and coming out to him. its just cute tbh.

ofc there's also this absolute fucking delight there is a shortage in the blood supply (but there is no shortage of blood) which is also very much rated explicit. its a season 3 canon divergence nandermo slow burn with smut. very simple and fucking entirely delightful.

if you like accidental baby acquisition, here's a short and sweet and funny fic about that called Guillermo Has a Secret, Nandor Suspects Cats, and Laszlo and Nadja Couldn't Give a Fuck, Except That They Do. the title says it all i think.

OHHH okay i'm gonna need you to read this one called you're dead (and out of this world) which yeah classic title but it was written post-s2 and pre-s3 and is a funky and really fun and super fucking interesting AU about guillermo having more than just quick reflexes and sharp aim passed down from his great (x30) grandfather. so fucking fun i love it.

human teeth is just... man. MAN. it's a post-wellness center fic about nandor's deprogramming and its so fuckin...... i dont even know what to say just read it i promise its good.

of friendships, reunions, and wooden knitting needles is a season 4 speculation fic where guillermo is stuck in england with nadja. technically its also trans guillermo but thats only mentioned briefly. its a really nice fic and it definitely helped to sate my hunger for season 4 content.

another season 4 speculative fic is ship to wreck which is entirely nadja & guillermo being stuck on the ship together and having forced bonding time and i LOVE IT. its done so well and its so so so fucking good i really love it.

here's another season 4 fic about my favorite concept to think about these days, guillermo being turned into a vampire! its called to die in england is no fun. contrary to the title it is a very fun fic, short & sweet too, feat. nadja & guillermo friendship.

another fun vampire guillermo fic is we all bleed the same damned blood but SURPRISE its another fic with trans guillermo and trans laszlo !! its transgenderism just for you!! very fluffy & sweet and just nice 2 read.

and to round this up for now is another fun vampire guillermo fic that is actually mostly just a nandor whump fic called deliria.

and ok i KNOW that doesnt sound fun but its my favorite kind of hurt/no comfort which is kidnapping & torture with some yearning mixed in. dont ask me why its my favorite, im not sure, but its pretty good fic if you just want to hurt emotionally for a while. though i will warn you the ending is not satisfying and is very open ended. be wary of the tags ok i warned u you legally cannot get mad at me.

i hope you approve of these fics!! i didnt have them all bookmarked so i had to go scouring my ao3 history & the wwdits tag to find em.

#qna #anonymous #fic recs #wwdits

[rallamajoop]

What We Do In The Shadows

So (surprising probably no-one) I, er, would seem to have tripped and fallen into yet another vampire canon.

To chuck the elevator-pitch for why-you-should-ABSOLUTELY-watch-this-show up top: it is laugh-out-loud hilarious, gleefully queer, and still manages to be both brilliantly paced and just so wonderfully satisfying on a narrative level too. (And you’d better believe I am going to end up writing the most ridiculous smut for this thing that I have created since I last wrote for Deadpool, you see if I don’t!)

This whole thing is so very much my jam that it might surprise you to know how long it took the-friend-who-got-me-into-it to convince me to give it a go. Terrific as the original 2014 film was, I couldn’t imagine how a regular TV series could hope to capture that same tone and level of brilliance. It had to be a mistake even to try, surely?

Rarely have I been so thrilled to be so wrong.

In some not-insignificant ways, What We Do In The Shadows the show is even better than even the film, which – great as it legitimately was – was a bit much of a sausage-fest for my preferences. Whereas the show gives us the magnificent Nadja, billed right up there with the top cast:

Who I am pleased to say is a) every bit as much of a lovably ridiculous moron as all the rest of her housemates, and b) allowed to be horny AF without ever being treated in a skeezy, male-gazey way.

(And it kind of has to be said – one female character out of five mains is still pretty much the bare minimum. But with so many more memorable female characters rounding out the guest cast and with how much the household has come to feel like two-couples-plus-Colin-Robinson, I’m not sure I’d could tell you I’d want it any other way.)

And then there’s how gloriously queer this show is, which is just YES. Vampires have not been this openly pansexual since they heyday of Anne Rice (may she rest in peace / rise again, whichever seems more appropriate). But then, I could happily give anyone willing to stand still long enough this whole spiel on how the entire vampire literary tradition has always been so a lot queerer than it gets credit for – and if you’re going to do a spoof like WWDITS, not acknowledging that front-and-centre would be a crime. Which WWDITS has obvious not committed, given how every vampire (and many of the humans) on this show seem to exist on a spectrum starting at “at least heteroflexible” and going upwards from there.

And just for a change, our most enthusiastically equal-opportunity character is one of the dudes.

Meet Laszlo, who has been on screen maybe two minutes in the first episode before we’re hearing the charming tale of the time he and his wife both cheated on each other with the same man.

(And who I had to stare at way too long before realising I was recognising him as the boss from the IT Crowd, who is somewhere very far down the list of “actors I least suspected would someday play my new favourite bi male character,” but hell is he perfect in the role.)

As much as all the queer-rep talk about this show tends to focus on the Nandor/Guillermo not-even-subtext-anymore (and-I-mean-was-it-ever?), Laszlo still takes the prize for being not so much out-and-proud as horny-and-does-not-give-a-fuck.

But as much as I love Nadja and Laszlo (and, you know, EVERYONE), I’d have to admit that WWDITS is, to me, still pretty much The Guillermo Show, starring Guillermo.

(Yeah, like a Van Helsing descendent whose wardrobe consists mostly of cardigans and Serious Business vests was ever gonna be a hard sell to me.)

Though he starts out as the vampires’ awkward, much abused live-in slave “familiar”, Guillermo’s character arc – as he discovers a nigh-supernatural knack for vampire-slaying, develops some self-respect, and finally starts demanding and getting it – has been easily the best part of what was already a truly excellent show (and not least because Harvey Guillen turns out to be unexpectedly brilliant at action scenes).

Of course, you can’t talk about Guillermo without also talking about his twisted relationship with Nandor (the master he is so obviously in love with from the very first episode), and boy has that been a ride.

Over three seasons, I’ve gone from “oh, Guillermo, you can do better,” to “if this show DOESN’T end with them fucking happily ever after, I do not know what I am going to do.” Which is always a kind of nerve-wracking place to be in with a gay ship on mainstream TV – even on a show that seems to be so very eager to go there – but there, we can only wait, gnaw our fingernails, and see how far The Powers That Be are going to let this go.

And there are just so many things in this show that should not work, but do. For example:

The casual attitude to murder. These vampires produce the kind of innocent body-count that could only work in a comedy, but the fact they remain so lovable throughout still kind of blows my mind. And it’s not like death doesn’t matter on this show: Guillermo has never been comfortable being an accessory to so much murder, and he’s more than once been reminded that these are people his masters eat (even people he knows and cares about, sometimes) and all that implies. By all logic, that should tumble this straight into dark tragedy – how on earth does this show manage to balance all that baggage and still stay so light-hearted? I am more sensitive to this sort of thing than many (The Good Place has some brilliant writing, for example, and I still struggled with the horrifying subtext where this is a world where effectively everyone goes to hell) and yet WWDITS pulls it all off without a hitch. That’s a tonal balancing act worthy of some sort of oscar.  

For such a dumbass sitcom mockumentary, this thing is surprisingly and adorably affirmational. It’s not just Guillermo, going from pudgy, forgotten butt-monkey to certified badass – you’ve also got smaller players like Jenna, the awkward, nervous, LARPer nerd, who gets singled out by Nadja, and follows a similar of 0-to-awesome arc in much less time. People who look like Jenna don’t get arcs like that, if they even appear on TV at all. It’s fantastic what the mockumentary format lets you do. Then you have characters like Gail, who has been on-again, off-again with Nandor for 40 years (but still isn’t ready to settle down), putting her well into her 60’s – and he’s still just as eager to go for another round. Or the scene where all those witches revert to their ‘true’ (ie. aged) selves, and Nandor and Laszlo’s instant reactions are “still into it.” Like, you know how the original movie ends with Viago getting back together with his now-geriatric ex and not caring one bit that she’s aged? That’s clearly still the whole ethos of this franchise, and I love it.  

 Did I mention how ridiculously horny the whole vampire world is, without the show ever feeling creepy because of it? Because I feel that deserves to be mentioned again.  

Colin Robinson the Energy Vampire. You know we had to get to him eventually. Because Colin is exactly the sort of gag character who should get old fast, and yet somehow never does – if anything, he does the show a massive service just by giving them a whole other genre of comedy potential to tap into.  

And for all the death and stupidity and other nonsense, maybe the best thing that’s carried on from the movie is just how unashamedly heart-warming this show can be. It would be so easy to take this gang of murderous idiots and let us laugh at how hateable they are – heck, you could probably still get great TV out of that angle – but they don’t, and I love them for it.

In short: you should watch this thing.

As of writing, it’s at three seasons and counting (season 4 due out around April, I believe), with each season consisting of 10 twenty minute-ish episodes. It’s available on Hulu (I believe) in the US, on Binge here in AU, and I have to say, it is almost too bingeable viewing (seriously, I watched the whole thing in a weekend and slightly regretted it afterwards). The original 2014 film (if you haven’t seen it already) is worth tracking down, but not essential viewing to follow the show. As always, I can only speculate whether later seasons are going to be able to keep up the amazing standard they’ve set for themselves so far – but I have to say, they’d have to sink like a stone to lose me now.

(I do feel it badly needs more lesbian vampires. But considering that my review of many adaptations of Carmilla would probably go “needs more lesbian vampires” you may take that as you will.)

#What We Do In The Shadows #WWDITS #fannish rambling

[heartoreadallthequeerthingz]

Send in requests!

 I’m working on the chapter fics but feel free to send in one-shot requests

I only feel like doing character x reader or multiple characters

I like to do gender neutral pronouns, I will also do non-binary reader and trans man reader. I’m non-binary so yeah. Also I like it when everyone can see themselves as reader. If you request fem reader I’ll just write the fic but w neutral pronouns

I’ll only write the guys as side characters cuz who cares

What I’ll write (you can basically combine this stuff however you want, if it’s too complicated for a oneshot I’ll just write it and take away an element).

-Age regression fics 

-Romance fics (no smut)

-Fluff and/or angst

-Fantasy, au stuff

-LGBTQ+ characters or reader (If you’re a trans woman and you want me to write a trans woman reader I’ll do it, but I’m not just gonna write those whenever cuz I don’t wanna speak from and experience that’s not mine. But also, I understand having a character you love validating you feels nice and I wanna make my trans community feel loved). Same goes for other LGBTQ+ identities I don’t hold, I’ll write them upon request and whether I feel I could do a good job

Characters I write for:

Marvel:

-Natasha Romanoff

-Yelena Belova

-Wanda Maximoff

-Maria Hill

-Carol Danvers

-Valkyrie

-Combinations of the folks, will also do Nat and Yelena dating everyone except eachother if it was like a lil group dating. That make sense? I know they’re not blood siblings but the bond is still there so I’m like nah. 

What we do in the Shadows (love this show):

Nadja (I keep imagining Nadja and the crew with a Little and it would be hilarious lol they’re so chaotic but v loving secretly loll). Also I’m in love with Nadja if anyone ever wants to gush about WWDITS lmk haha

Supergirl:

-Lena Luthor

-Kara Danvers

-Alex Danvers

-Maggie Sawyer

-Nia Nal

-Lucy Lane

Probably other shows I’m not thinking of-feel free to ask!

#requests #marvel women x reader #Supergirl women x reader

[roleplayfinder]

Hey there! 18+ roleplayer here looking for partners interested in rping What We Do In The Shadows (wwdits). I'll play anyone, though I prefer Nandor, Nadja, or Jackie Daytona as my main muse. My partner must be 18+ as well. I'm perfectly fine with raunchy content, but I will not participate in explicit smut. DM me, or feel free to add me on discord [ Beanbag Chair#0769 ]

Beanbag Chair#0769

#eighteen and over #wwdits #wwdits roleplay #wwdits rp