#never felt so normal actually

[evnne]

#fuma #murata fuma #andteam #&team #dailybg #malegroupsnet #*g #dearestmillie #useroro #aleksbestie #im so sos os sos os normal #never felt so normal actually

[stuckinapril]

I genuinely love not having a crush like I’m not over here feeling physically sick over some mid guy being dry to me I’m literally chilling

#Spring semester of last year was so bad bc I was unironically into 3 guys at once and they were all #Being dry and cryptic to me #And then before that in 2022 I had my horrid situationship #I had a mini obsession arc in dec 2023 over someone but now there hasn’t been anyone since #And my palette is so cleansed #When a girl is like I miss having a crush I’m like you’re literally a masochist #There was very briefly a girl I thought I had a crush on when I realized I’m bicurious but #I haven’t put effort into talking to her bc the idea of pursuing anyone makes me wanna claw my eyes out #I’m pretty sure I ghosted her by like just not responding to her last messsge actually #Not on purpose but more so bc I realized I was feeling the same anxiety I felt whenever I had a crush so I was like #Yeah I’m dropping this for now #I’m also always the most present for my friends when I don’t have a crush so idk #Like I don’t wanna be consumed by anyone I just wanna chill #The solution to not having normal attraction to people is just to not be attracted to anyone at all #I fr cracked it #I always just crave the butterflies out of it and never an actual relationship anyway #But they’re so not worth it #Which is why I always get bored of guys who’re forthright like oh ok you actually WANT something…. U don’t wanna just have fun #Not for me #I think the guys I’m into and I typically diverge in the sense that neither of us wants a relationship but they just wanna fuck me #And I more so just want the butterflies experience / to playact couple for like a couple months but nothing too serious #Which is why it never works #Like it’s not that it doesn’t work bc either of us wants a relationship it’s more that what we want out of the situationship is different #So lame #Ok this was a lot but I literally came to this epiphany while writing these tags

[dazednmatthews]

no cause the thing abt this is that i’m sooooo chill and normal abt this. like i literally don’t even care fr like pffffttt like whaaaat who cares. no like i literally am so chill and normal and fine abt this. like genuinely whatever. i’m sooooo normal. mr cool girl over here. brrrrr. feel that? i’m so chill. toooo chill. chill asf actually. it’s nothing like who even cares.

#cherriespeaks #i’m going to rip my hair out #oh my god i’ve never felt less normal in my fucking life #matthew sturniolo the man that you are #matt please give me a chance like PLEASE. #cause mind you that’s my nigga. #and yes i took the picture #my man my man my mannnnn #like that’s my man #like i’m going to WAR FOR IT #i actually cannot breathe #like what the FUCK IS THIS #every time this mf wear a hat my lifespan gets shorter #like what if i d*ed rn like he did it it’s his fault #i’m actually burning up #i’m not chill at all #i’m going feral #i need him so badly it’s KILLING ME #oh my god this can’t be #LIKE IT CANT #yall what do i do im losing my mind #I NEED HIM IN MY DRAWLS NEOW! #GODDDDDDDD FUCKKKKKKKK #matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #he knows like he fucking KNOWS.

[amelia-yap]

AUEGH

#ruby rose #rwby #obligatory tiny distressed ruby #my art #HELLO I HAVE OFFICALLY FINISHED YET AGAIN ANOTHER ONE OF MY SEMESTERS #and holy shit it was the most awful by far #i felt like absolute shit the entire sem and was behind in literally all of my classes #it was so shit that i actually skipped a class because of the stress of being behind on work. which i had never done before. #i am a criminal now lmao i feel so bad #also a little mad at myself because i know i could've done better. i've been doing the bare minimum and cutting corners #which was very noticeable lol #im gonna actually split my upcoming semester this time my ass and health cannot do this anymore #BUT ANYWAY I FINISHED MY SEMESTER RAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #COUGHS OUT BLOOD AND SINKS BACK INTO EARTH'S CORE AND EVAPORATES #IM DONE!!! #also my eyes are really red now for some reason #probably from the lack of sleep or the long hours staring at my bloody laptop idk #probably both #yeah i should go sleep now lol bye #ranting in the tags because i don't know how to talk like a normal person lmao #sorry if you read all this nonsense jkdhkfsdhfkhd #but i should be more active around here again!

[xinyuehui]

静还决 JING HUAN JUE HANFU for 国风大典

#国风大典 #hanfu #chinese fashion #chineseartistsinc #chinesemedia #caps #姐姐们给个姬会吧！！ #<this tag never felt so fitting up until this point in the universe #ignore the bad colouring its all about the pretty ladies 🩷🩷🩷🩷 #im actually very normal about the last gif (she is not)the smile im 😳😳😳😳😳

[ode2rin]

hi... (runs away)

#HELLO (comes back w better confidence) #i miss all of you :< #will respond soonest #!!! #have you guys seen rin' #s official arts #it's been occupying my mind lately #esp that one where he looks like a knight or sumn #imagine rin as a grumpy yet so damn protective knight??? yeah that (like a grumpy obi...)(I ROOTED FOR OBI) #anw!! i turned 20!!! #aaaaa 20 is like... a scary number #i've never thought i'll made it this far and i haven't planned anything up to this pot #*point #so i've been really anxious abt it lol #but then it happened #and it felt just like another normal day #i ate some pie (bec its pi day lol) and had some wine #watched your name (for the 6th time????) #and just. existed. normally #the world doesn't spin differently when you turn 20 i suppose #or any age actually #so it doesn't have to be scary :> #i'm treating it as a reminder #that i am here #despite it all :> #SO THERES MY LIL UPDATE #i'm alive i swear #mimi rambles ᐢᗜᐢ

[wonder-worker]

I've been thinking about the tragedy of Elizabeth Woodville living to see the death of her family name.

I don't mean her family with her husband, which lived on through her daughter and grandson. I mean her own.

Her sisters died, one by one, many of them after 1485. When Elizabeth died, only Katherine was left, and she would die before the turn of the century as well.

All her brothers died, too. Lewis died in childhood. John was executed. Anthony was murdered. Lionel died suddenly in the peak of Richard's reign, unable to see his niece become queen. Edward perished at war. Richard died in grieving peace. For all the violence and judgement the family endured, it was "an accident of biology" that ended their line: none of the brothers left heirs, and the Woodville name was extinguished. We know the family was aware of this. We know they mourned it, too:

“Buy a bell to be a tenor at Grafton to the bells now there, for a remembrance of the last of my blood.”

Elizabeth lived through the deposition and death of her young sons, and lived to see the end of her own family name. It must have been such a haunting loss, on both sides.

#(the quote is by Richard Woodville in his deathbed will; he was the last of the Woodville brothers to die) #elizabeth woodville #woodvilles #my post #to be clear I am not arguing that the death of an English gentry family name is some kind of giant tragedy (it absolutely the fuck is not) #I'm trying to put it into perspective with regards to what Elizabeth may have felt because we know her family DID feel this way #writing this kinda reminded me of how I am just not fond at all about the way Elizabeth's experiences in 1483-85 are written about #and the way lots so many of the unprecedentedly horrifying aspects are overlooked or treated so casually: #the seizure and murder of two MINOR sons and the illegal execution of another; #her sheer vulnerability in every way compared to all her queenly predecessors; how she was harassed by 'dire threats' for months; #how she had 5 very young daughters with her to look after at the time (Bridget and Katherine were literally 3 and 4 years old); #how unprecedented Richard's treatment of her was: EW was the first queen of england to be officially declared an adulteress; #and the first and ONLY queen to be officially accused of witchcraft #(Joan of Navarre was accused of her treason; she was never explicitly accused of witchcraft on an official level like EW was) #the first crowned queen of england to have her marriage annulled; and the first queen to have her children officially bastardized #what former queens endured through rumors* were turned into horrifying realities for her. #(I'm not trying to downplay the nightmare of that but this was fundamentally on a different level altogether) #nor did Elizabeth get a trial or appeal to the church. like I cannot emphasize this enough: this was not normal for queens #and not normal for depositions. ultimately what Richard did *was* unprecedented #and of course let's not forget that Elizabeth had literally just been unexpectedly widowed like 20 days before everything happened #I really don't feel like any of this is emphasized as much as it should be? #apart from the horrifying death of her sons - but most modern books never call it murder they just write that they 'disappeared' #and emphasize that ACTUALLY we don't know what happened to them (this includes Arlene Okerlund) #rather than allowing her to have that grief (at the very least) #more time is spent dealing with accusations that she was a heartless bitch or inconsistent intriguer for making a deal with Richard instead #it also feels like a waste because there's a lot that can be analyzed about queenship and R3's usurpation if this is ever explored properly #anyway - it's kinda sad that even after Henry won and her daughter became queen EW didn't really get a break #her family kept dying one by one and the Woodville name was extinguished. and she lived to see it #it's kinda heartbreaking - it was such a dramatic rise and such a slow haunting fall #makes for a great story tho

[brisquad-unit-4402]

Congrants on the 100 followers 4402!!! You deserve much more for your amazing writing<3

For the event, can i request 28. princess carry with ikey? If im not wrong, he already said he likes being carried like a princess!!

So maybe after a day out w him he starts complaining about how his feet hurt from wearing heels for such a long time and reader just starts carrying him like the princess he is

thank you for the compliment, i appreciate it!

kyaaaa… does anyone else’s heart lurch and jump and do a sick dance move when they think about being swept off their feet and carried like a princess or is it just me… i’m doing research, like, totally…!

tags: established relationship, fluff, gender neutral reader

#100 followers for 4402 - 28. princess carry

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Isn’t it beautiful?” You hold Ike’s hand within your own as the ocean waves lap along the shore. It’s a peaceful beach, with sloping sands and sprouted grass right where you stand, dividing the sand and the stable dirt under your feet. “I discovered it a while ago. It’s hard to find, so people don’t usually visit here, even though it’s so calm. It’s for just the two of us.”

“It is. I love it,” Ike says. He looks contented, but his eyes drift to his shoes. “It’s just that, when you said we were going to the beach, I thought you meant the side with the boardwalk.”

“Oh. Right.” You forgot. Ike usually wears boots with a high heel. Stilettos and sand are sworn enemies.

“Um, don’t worry! I’ll figure something out.”

“But how? You’ll sink.”

“Yeah… You have a point, I guess.” He sours. “My feet kind of hurt from all the walking, too.”

“They do?”

“It’s fine. I’ll manage.”

“But I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“It’s not the first time, and definitely won’t be the last. I’m used to it. It’s not that bad after so long, but still, the sand is going to be a problem – aah!”

Ike’s thought gets cut off as you squat, swing your arm under his legs, and gather him all up in a bundle. In his surprise, he grabbed the first thing his hands landed on – your shoulder – and your hands support him as you hold him gingerly.

He sputters, so small in your arms. “R-Reader! What are you – did you seriously just –“

“You said it yourself, the sand’s a problem, right?”

You readjust. Ike clings to your neck as he bounces once in your grasp, and shoves his head along your shoulder and out of sight. “How can you even carry me?”

You step forward to where the beach starts with a playful grin. “I’m much stronger than I look.”

Your shoes meet the doughy sand at a lower level than the grass. A short breath frosts down the scruff of your neck while you jump down and Ike buries himself closer to you. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see his ears glow red between the gold earrings.

“Look at me, princess?”

Ike shoots up at the pet name, and sure enough, the rest of his face glows in the same blush all the way down to his neck. He doesn’t even want to fight how that name runs straight through his veins and into his heart. He’s too set in your arms to resist.

He melts like a sigh as you hold him higher. Ike tastes like ocean against your lips.

The sticky, salty air glues his mouth to yours for a blink longer than intended. “Let me treat you like royalty,” you murmur.

Ike nods, transfixed.

For Ike, you are eternal. Your face is every reflection off the bubbling sea and every sparkle shed by the sun. To be held like this is enough. The kiss is enough. You are enough. The minutes pass but the world is stuck in a selfish pause, and he replays all your love on loop.

For you, he is loyal and love, and you know he is too precious to last another moment like this. The second goes by. You let it go.

So you hoot and holler, the quiet broken, and he squeaks in response as you run along the shore. “Incoming, please make way for Your Royal Highness, the lovely Princess Ike!”

Your princess cracks into songbird chirps and a red-faced smile. “What are you doing, there’s no one around!”

“Sorry, can’t hear you, too busy spreading the good word of my beloved princess.” You stop to stare at the ocean. The seafoam rises and falls flat against itself, and rustles out the music of the waves as the whitewater dies out on the wet sand. “YO, OCEAN, YOU’RE NOTHING COMPARED TO MY IKEY!”

You spin around, and his earrings swing with the motion. Ike squeals. The sea breeze picks up a spray of water that flicks against your faces, but his laughter is high-pitched and uncontrollable, and persists even when the saltwater gets in his mouth.

Bubbly like the ocean backdrop, but he’s far more breathtaking than the beach could ever be. Especially at this angle, where his eyes can barely stay open because he’s smiling so wide, and the tousled ends of his hair matches the bottle-blue waves behind him, and he is so close that his giggles breathe life back at you. Your hands are flush along his back where they belong. The sandy grasp treasures the tide.

#ike eveland #ike eveland x reader #luxiem x reader #ike eveland fluff #luxiem #nijisanji x reader #nijisanji en #100 followers for 4402 #4402 writes #i was angry bc an hour ago i woke up after ~7 hours of sleep total in the last two days because my neck and stomach felt so bad #and then i posted this fic and my body felt so much better..... what..... #i am never going to complain about that solution tho #as much as i write for y'all i also make my own food with your requests lol #tysm to everyone who requests short ike fics they're healing me singlehandedly even when my body doesn't feel like the verge of death #and also every request actually. everything i've gotten for this event so far is so fulfilling. ty for your patience #update i took a nap and got a normal amount of sleep yaaaaay

[bitchwholikesshitposting]

Fucking love the idea of the chassis being an amplifier because you kinda get the best of both worlds from the whole chassis theory argument where wheatley's still being influenced but you keep the complexity of his character intact, plus you get the double whammy existential crisis of being driven to do horrible things but still having to deal with the fact after you come to your senses that no matter which way you look at it was still all you. In this essay I will

Ignore the giant rant in the tags its 1 AM

#portal #portal 2 #wheatley #bc like the chassis definitely AFFECTED wheat man. but i think that some people it was like mind control??? and nah its more like #someones being a big asshole to you and you half-jokingly go in your head “im gonna kill this person”. because you're genuinely that annoye #but you dont actually do it bc obviously you shouldnt and you were never intending to actually do so. #yeah imagine if you actually DID that #you HAD that thought. you FELT that anger. #and the only thing that you needed to pull the trigger on that gun was a little push over the cliff. and you put yourself on the edge of it #imagine that and thats how i see that #a lot of the stuff wheatley blurts out in the chassis is from like a genuine place too #he sounds genuinely hurt #genuinely angry and sad and confused #hes genuinely THAT upset. #plus there are even points where he seems to be enjoying his time in the chassis. #he does these goofy villain lines and laughs at the thought of you fucking dying #obviously the chassis is a terrible thing to be in and the bad moments outweigh the good but nontheless. #this seems less like straight up direct control #or just him functioning normally #this sounds like what happens when you remove a very fucked up man's inhibitions and just let him go apeshit #because lets be real. wheatleys always been slightly unhinged. just in the funne haha tumblr way up until that point #he smashed a window casually and briefly laughed while a bunch of turrets were being thrown into a fire #hes not exactly evil either but hes definitley not like #okay #i mean we all knew that look at the fucking boss battle lines but #anyways the point is i fucking love the implications of that #the existential crisis that would cause #imagine going through that and having to question like #what was you? did you really want all of that? did you ALWAYS want it? where does the chassis begin and you END? #GODDDDD that headcannon goes so hard

[bugflies00]

like going “hey guys see those lyrics about hating yourself and being a bad person? well since that guy actually turned out to be a bad person you shouldve known” Is Not The Take You Think It Is. purely for the reason that so many people who are mentally ill and/or struggle with self loathing RELATED to that. but unlike him they were not ACTUALLY the bad person being described. i dont know if im being coherent but like. ive seen takes that are essentially implying “hey look at those lyrics that were so relatable to so many people because of mental illness? yeah anyone with a BRAIN couldve seen a bad person wrote that like who ELSE than pieces of shit would relate to that lol”. same goes for his character. people can struggle with mental illness and hate themselves and ALSO be horrible abusive pieces of shit. but do not equate the two or act like we shouldve KNOWN the former because of the latter. that has horrible implications think before you speak idk

#alex.rambles.txt #tw abuse #tw SA #cc!wilbur #mcyt #ask to tag #people pissing me the fuck off #telling so many people who related to lyrics + a character about hating yourself and seeing yourself as the - #- scum of the earth that essentially they shouldve known Because those thoughts were expressed #its just so fucked up just be fucking normal for a second #im glad you never felt close to his music but christ so many people did and they felt SEEN #and it SUCKS when you hate yourself and you constantly fear being a bad person to see someone- #- who reflected those feelings Actually Be A Horrible Person. ive seen friends doubt whether they were themselves- #- horrible bc the person who wrote lyrics that spoke to them so much Was In Fact Horrible

[da-proti-toku-grem]

how do you know the difference between a huge anxiety attack and a panic attack?

#i think i had a panic attack yesterday but idk...... #god it felt so awful and it went on for like 3 hours #but i also had like a hundred things going on so idk if it was like the accumulation of everything or if it was really a panic attack yk #i was at the fair with my family waiting for my best friend to arrive bc i was going to hang out with her #and yk it's a place full of people and we were standing right next to a huge speaker hearing a man talk #and also each place in the fair has different music playing super loud and you can hear all of them at the same time (+ the flashing lights #all that causes me anxiety every since i was little (even if i didn't know it was anxiety back then) #so i *knew* i was going to have the greatest time and i didn't really want to go there in the first place #but even with that i wasn't really haven't a bad time (yet) #we were just stading there and i was waiting for my friend to call me so we could go somewhere else #she called me to tell me she was coming and right when i hung up the phone i felt a really strong pang on my belly #and idk at first i thought it was period cramps but it was weird bc my period had actually stopped that same morning #also i had taken a painkiller right before going there bc all that i mentioned earlier also gives me migraines so there's that too #so yeah the pangs kept getting stronger and it hurt so fucking bad to the point my legs started trembeling #my vision blured and every sound around me seemed to almost fade away #there wasn't any place i could sit down so i gad to cling to my dad and he had to hold me so i didn't fall to the ground #i think i almost (?) fainted in his arms too #after a while the dizzines went away and my dad went to get me smth to drink and i mostly got my hearing and vision back to normal #all that was like 10 minutes max but then the pangs kept hitting every minute or so for the next 3 hours #we found a place to sit and find smth to eat but i couldn't eat anything without wanting to throw up #my legs wouldn't stop shaking like fucking crazy and i kept going from feeling like i was freezing to sweating from how hot i felt #idk i've had smth like this (w/o the pangs) happen to me before a bunch of times but never That strong and it usually lasted 5-10min max #we ended up having to go home and i had to take some more painkillers and my sleeping pills to be able to calm down a little #i'm pretty sure i fell asleep from exhaustion after everything and i'm still feeling a bit weird after almost 24 hours since it happened #anyways. the thing is idk if all that was caused bc of my anxiety #or if it was smth completely unrelated and i just had such a bad tummy ache that it made me feel bad enough to cause All That yknow #i think it felt pretty much like how i've heard people describe a panic attack but again i'm not sure #yeah......... #maca speaks

[archduke-enver-gortash]

mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW

#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again. #sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does #like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful #while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child #like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all. #imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child #only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you #his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you #agree deep down #and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept #but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide #and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke #and you discarded it and got a new one #and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow #and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it #until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly #and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different #and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child #and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da #and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand #but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs! #so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee #his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing #and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately. #but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when. #like. imagine that. jesus dude. #like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love #or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do #with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here. #but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like

[micahthemoon]

May 27 2023 Okay, you know what: I am low key angry about all the buzz that Käärijä is getting for having a normal body. People call him ‘fat’ and having to ‘lose weight’ but to me, he looks muscular and healthy. And it is not just online since I first encountered it irl with two girls calling him ‘Winnie the Pooh’. Do you know how much I’d give to have his body? To have his confidence? He is out there proudly showing his surgical scars and his tummy, and all people can see is that he is not model thin.

#this turned out to be more about jere/käärijä than my own gender identity so I'll elaborate a bit here #when people go after käärijä like this it hurts me and probably other like me since I do really wish I looked like jere #my gender envy tells me that this is the ideal to go for #I have actually never really felt drawn to the hollywood thin men and scrawny boys makes me anxious that I'll break them by touching them #and I know I'll never be thin #so people going after jere feels like an attack because if he is not good enough for you guys I'd never be good enough either #I have a strongly feminine coded body and I hate it even if people compliments it #so if let's say I actually ended up looking like jere then how would people even see me? these people's action tells me that they'd scorn me #scorn me for looking like my ideal self #for looking freaking normal #think about all the people looking like jere right - you are putting them down as well #by commenting negatively on one person's body you do not only hurt the person themselves but everybody with the same body type #or idiots like me having this bodytype as their ideal #micah out #käärijä #jere pöyhönen #esc #esc2023 #transgender #nonbinary #transmasc #gender envy #late entry #entry #findingmicah #also sorry for the rant

[songsintheattic]

wow, i really am the self-medication campeão do mundo. these drugs got me enjoying things again

#didn't even occur to me i actually had fun working with Gimp™️ today #which i used to do all the time and enjoyed a lot #and then one day just stopped and never got back into it #would use it occasionally when i had to but i never had any fun with it #also apparently i have unlocked A Sense Of Accomplishment which i don't know if i have ever felt before #im so normal now

[srldesigns6277]

.

#personal #sometimes i wish i knew what it was like to be someone people want to talk to #or at least had students who could listen to what i say for just five minutes #god i hate yelling then they say thats all i do when if i talked normally no one fucking listens #then i take it way too hard when they say they dont like me when at least i stepped up to take their class #a class that had already ran off one teacher #but no im too useless because i actually make them do work and tried to have rules #last year was hard but at least i felt fulfilled by the end of the year with all my classes #i have never craved the end of the year so much or as much as i have this year #its not even both classes either its just this one that makes me dread working with them as much as they apparently hate me #sadly i can understand why their teacher left #and i know im not the best replacement since im learning how to teach them as they learn from me #but im just tired #its only a month left but i am so ready to never see any of them again #but depression does as it does and makes me question if im even good enough to get another job #one actually teaching my correct subject that i love #i hope like hell that i get a job and one i really want because i dont want to have to come back to this school #*it has the most substitute jobs #i dont like being loud even if no one believes me i dont like being mean though i know when i have too i just dont feel good enough #if i was i think i would have a job by now i mean im 28 and its been 5 schools in 5 years #sorry being sad on main #if you read this #thanks

[queerstudiesnatural]

i think my brain should be studied i'm being fr

#surely this isn't normal #my dreams are like a portal to another life #sometimes i dream about the next day in advance #like with full details. and i often plan lessons in my sleep #sometimes i dream up entire stories with full fledged characters and backstories and intricate plot points etc #last night i dreamt up not just one but about ten such episodes #in the same night i also dreamt that i started taking T and had sex with a random girl and then had. a kinky adventure with dean winchester #(i love being ace about also this dream sex was pretty nice!) #i'm not gonna tell all the stories bc we would be here all day but #there were a Lot of different stories in my dream #full stories that all felt like they happened over the course of days or weeks or months or years in some cases #god i met so many different people in one night and they don't even exist #how i am expected to function properly when my head is so full of memories from lives i never lived but also kind of did #i feel like there's a hundred different universes in my memories and they're all from dreams but they all feel super real #like oh yeah remember that time i was part of a forest dwelling society that started gaining powers and we all thought they were #evil powers but it turns out the forest had given us the ability to communicate with it and to fly and to heal #or oh yeah i traveled the world once and then on my way back i had to cheat customs that wanted to charge me an exorbitant amount of money #for my luggage #by jumping down the luggage slide and travelling with the luggage #or oh yeah i was on T once and actually lost my T pills in a swamp but i dug around and ended up finding them #and i started to grow facial hair after like a week #like stoooop that's too many lives to live #every single night i go through another portal and live a whole ass life #rain.stuff