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miatsai · 6 months

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nanowrimo time!

once again, it is november. despite having one of the busiest and most stressful back halves of the year i have had in a while, i'm deciding yeah, i'm throwing down for nano, and yeah, i'm gonna go nuts doing it. because there's no better time than the present to just get your shit done.

excerpt:

This is the ending where they live.

That’s what Teya thinks as she lies beside Isi, her eyes closed, careful to put a small pause at each end of her breaths so Isi won’t suspect anything. She repeats it to herself even as she considers the mostly empty glass of water beside the bed and how easily she could break it, drag its transparent fineness across Isi’s neck before the other woman could finish flinching herself awake. Just as easily, Teya could slash that edge down her forearms and join Isi in the spiritual cloud beyond the physical world, waiting for the dual comets to once again light the sky, heralding their return.

The pain wouldn’t even register. It’d be a small thing, a speck against the unfathomable, infinite hollow that would be a life without Isi. Teya can imagine herself doing it: two movements, efficient, fast, driven by the conviction that the only anguish worse than learning your loved one is dead is the knowledge that you’re the one who killed them.

But this is the ending where they live. Isi, too, is thinking this as she reaches out for Teya, her pale, theorem-tattooed arm coming to a rest on Teya’s sun-darkened shoulder. Isi’s apartment is thirty-four stories up, with a big picture window that overlooks the carved dunes of the Sea of Sand bordering the city. The theorem she etched into her left arm speaks of space and time and gravity, of how simple a task it would be for Isi to divert the ground’s pull from Teya so that she could be lifted, how Isi could hold Teya in her arms, then crash through the window, manipulating mathematics so intricate as to be magic to triple their weight and streak swift and final to the ground before Teya can call the wind spirits to her and fly.

Teya opens her eyes and turns her head to face Isi. She skims her fingertips across Isi’s skin, following the line of her arm to her shoulder, then her collarbone, then to the thin, single-link hoviren chain on which a coin of skyglass is strung. Teya takes the coin between her fingers, watching as the glass brightens from space-black to azure. She remembers it: the old magic and how Isi wielded it so many lifetimes ago, reborn each time with her like a breath upon an ember.

“We live,” Isi whispers. Her chest aches. “The stars have seen it.”

Once a diviner, always a diviner. Teya returns the coin to Isi, pressing it against her skin, where it darkens to a star-speckled black. “I want you to be right.”

#it's fated lovers time #no i don't have a plan #but i do have a plan sort of #anyway this is the opening line and i hope it never changes

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kauma-kardia · 8 months

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@miramiravictories

"Heya, Izzy said you could use my assistance with something? What's on the docket?"

#Celia ;;#post ;; closed starter #//#no i don't have a plan #nor is the muse important #so let's improv lol

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iamanartichoke · 9 months

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I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -

I am fine with "the audience" -

downloading my fics

printing my fics

copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics

sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3

making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss

doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc

I am not fine with "the audience"

doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity

feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever

Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.

Enjoy the fandom things.

#fanfic #ao3 #archive of our own #fandom things #tumblr things #i may have said this at some point #i'm sure i have #but whatever - just in case #i don't say this with the presumption that i'm so amazing and people are clamoring to save my fics #but just if anyone is so inclined that's all #ftr i don't intend on ever removing my fics from ao3 or deleting fandom things from this blog #i've always shared my fandom things with the intent of keeping them shared bc that's the whole point of posting #but the fandom atmosphere and ao3 constantly being under attack who knows what can happen #not that this applies to anyone but should all else fail you can also reach out to me and i will personally give you a copy #at least of fics bc i save everything #not so much the tumblr things but this is a good reminder to myself that i should do that for the things i care about #that i've made or done and only posted here #anyway sorry i have now used up my quota of the putting words into sentences doing for today #i have plans to stare into the void now

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twistcmyk · 2 months

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which of these "special effect" enamel pins would you prefer? i gotta choose ONE…

#if you're minding him #don't worry #i have plans for him

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egophiliac · 6 months

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LET THE BOY HAVE AN EDUCATION

officially at the point where we're starting to see where it's all headed and I am just going NYEEHEEHEE in delight at it all. ahhh...next week can't come soon enough...

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #stage in playful land #stage in playfulland #leona: (devises an actually somewhat clever plan to take out the staff-puppets without breaking any rules)#leona: (taken out two seconds later because he sat down in the wrong place)#at this point i'm half expecting the ssr boys to actually bust in with a big sandwich platter or something #a cake with 'please don't kidnap people :)' written on it in shaky icing #kalim isn't good at plans but he DOES throw a good shindig and by god he's going to play to his strengths #also IT WASN'T SHINY TICKETS IT WAS GIDEL?!#MY BOY #MY BEAUTIFUL MAGICAL FELINE BOY #i mean i'm assuming at this point but that seems to be the implication #genuinely kind of shocked that they actually WERE being magicked into being extra gullible #it was ✨foreshadowing✨ all along...#the blot though! what about the blot!#is that going to be an issue or are we going to have enough to deal with already!#i have rocketed from 'i find these villains entertaining' to 'i am suddenly incredibly invested in them as characters'#LOOK there is one thing better than characters with sort of unhealthy codependent relationships #and that is characters with sort of unhealthy codependent relationships but TWIST IT'S NOT THE WAY YOU THINK #nyeeheeheeeeeee

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becca-e-barnes · 8 months

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Bucky pinning you down so you can’t squirm and he’s just sitting inside you while he tortures your clit feeling you clench around him. He makes you cum over and over until he finally cums.

Overstimulation + super soldier stamina = …

- 🍯

Dear God, I know I just don't have it in me to behave during cock-warming. When it comes down to it, I genuinely have no patience at all 😵‍💫

"You..." Bucky begins, pressing you down onto the bed before gripping your ankles and forcing you to flip over onto your front. "Have a problem with control."

With your face turned away from him, you can't help but smile to yourself. No one has ever said it out loud but you know he's right.

Being in control is where you're most comfortable. No hands are safer than your own. Except maybe his. You know he won't fuck this up.

"And you..." He continues, gathering your wrists behind your back, holding them tightly with one hand. "Need to learn how it feels to have control taken from you. Do you understand?"

As soon as you begin to nod your head, you feel him start to tape around your wrists, holding them together behind your back. Once he's content they're secure, he sits on the edge of the bed, facing the mirror before he pulls you onto his lap.

"Legs spread over the top of mine." He orders and you do as you're told, not because you have to but because you want to.

You notice the way your cunt is already glistening in the mirror and you're almost embarrassed because he hasn't even touched you yet.

"Fuck, you're made for this." He groans, lining his cock up to your slick entrance and you wonder if he's holding his breath too while he slides into you, as deep as your bodies will allow.

You're obsessed with the sight in front of you; your own naked body, with your legs spread so far apart you can see how your cunt is stuffed full of him.

Being shorter though, your feet can't touch the ground like this. There's no way you'll get enough leverage to fuck yourself on him but as soon as you start to tell him that, he silences you with two thick fingers between your lips.

"I'm not letting you fuck me." His free hand roams over your body, squeezing your breasts, pinching your nipples and then settling between your spread thighs.

"I'm going to play with you. I'm going to see how much you can take. I'm going to work out exactly how you like your clit stroked and I'm going to do that until your legs are shaking and your body won't let you cum any more. Maybe then I'll fuck you but sweetheart, that will be hours from now." His breath is hot against the side of your face, his fingers slipping from your mouth to your waist while he starts to flick gently against your clit.

"I'm going to start slowly. I'm going to do everything I can to drag this out as long as possible. I can feel every clench and flutter of this pretty little cunt and I'm going to enjoy it until you're dripping over my balls." At this rate, it won't be long until you're dripping onto the carpet, never mind over him. You dreamed he'd want to take control like this but you never imagined the way your body would respond.

"And then, when you've cum more times than you can handle, I'm going to tell you that I love you while I fuck you like I don't."

Update: Part 2

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses · 2 months

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got a worm nibbling my brain. can someone help me find a piece of obscure media?

webcomic/indie comic from the 2010s. basically a sci-fi short story about a young girl (with red hair?) who was being raised by scientists as part of an experiment. she receives a haircut/has her head shaved, in preparation for her annual brain scan/testing. it is revealed that while her body is human, her "brain" is artificial, made of computer implants throughout her skull and spine. at some point her biological mother (also a scientist on the same campus?) encounters her and is repulsed, viewing her as a machine who has murdered her daughter.

it was very poignant and it bruised my heart and i can NOT find it anywhere

#i thought it was made by the creator of 'O Human Star' for some reason but apparently not?#goddammit goddammit goddammit #'i don't have to write down the title of this piece of media i encountered in my formative years bc i'll always remember it'#*cut to ten years later frantic googling*#fun fact 'a.i.' is now a completely useless search term #google in general is useless #and stuff i read 3+ years ago regularly vanishes from the internet #bookmarks are not enough! if you like indie media--download that shit! buy digital/physical copies while you can #save it to the cloud back it up and organize that shit!!!#keep a list of the stuff you read (organized by date/media type and possibly with keywords if you want it to be useful longterm)#(or a spreadsheet even if you're like me and rabidly consume short stories/comics like a pack of amnesiac piranhas on a feeding frenzy)#(that stuff PILES UP over the years ok. if you wanna make sure you'll be able to find it again a decade later--curation is key)#because art WILL touch your soul and then vanish into the void leaving naught but a 404 Error in its wake #i am an old man shaking my fist at the kids on my lawn but the kids on my lawn are me and my longterm digital planning skills circa 2012

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khytal · 6 months

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liar, liar

#apollo justice #ace attorney #khyt.art #I can have a little fun with the perceive mechanic. as a treat #side effects include headaches and tired eyes......much like how I'm feeling after working on thi—#anyway. hi HSFJHSJDH #I was not planning on doing this tonight but I've had the idea sitting around for a bit #aaaaaaaannnddd I haven't drawn apollo since the forehead reduction surgery post. so :]#I feel rusty n there's definitely mistakes and stuff but I don't wanna fix them lol #woe. justice be upon ye

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ionomycin · 4 months

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2023 favorites

#artists on tumblr #so colorful this year #the first pieces i have planned for 2024 are more horror themed again #doing my best to relax until the new year #i love freelancing but i haven't had a single vacation this year #so trying to actually just... not draw for a few days :')#i always feel guilty when i don't #but no matter how much you love something you need to do other things too #be a person outside of it #even if the algorithms hate that #i hope everyone has a great rest of the year #especially sending strength and good vibes to anyone working customer service over the holidays #been there #i wish a very “step on a lego” for any customer being shitty to you

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pastawayallday · 11 days

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#🧍‍♂️#look i don't what to say #i wasn't expecting a lot for my mid twenties era but the turtles are a surprise anyway #have them sillies #save rottmnt #rottmnt #save rise of the tmnt #unpauserottmnt #unpause rise of the tmnt #rottmnt raph #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt leo #rottmnt mikey #i was planning a background but procreate decided to be omophobic and limited me to 25 layers smh

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laundrybiscuits · 9 months

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(ETA: now edited and up on AO3)

Look. Eddie knows he can be a little uptight about these things, but. There are rules. If you become a vampire, you don’t need to go full gothic Count Von Dickhead or whatever, but you absolutely cannot just wander around in a puffy vest and light-wash jeans.

“Why not?” says Steve. He’s leaning back in an armchair, sipping on a bloodbag like it’s a goddamn juicebox. “What, are the vampire police going to arrest me?”

He pauses. “Wait. There aren’t vampire police, are there?”

“No,” says Eddie. “Probably not. I don’t know. But there are standards which you are refusing to uphold, Steven.”

“Thought you were all about hating conformity, Edward,” Steve says. He’s got an obnoxiously cocky little smirk, the smug undead fucker.

Eddie grimaces. “Don’t call me that, asswipe. Don’t you feel, like—the call of the night? The siren song of life coursing through fragile human veins? A hunger for destruction that those paltry plastic bags of blood can never truly slake?”

“The bloodbags aren’t so bad,” says Steve, around the straw. “Better than protein shakes.”

“I actually hate you,” Eddie tells him. “Vampirism is wasted on you.”

Steve noisily slurps the last of the blood out of the bottom of the bag. “Come on, you can’t really picture me in some Dracula getup, can you?”

The problem, of course, is that Eddie really, really can. When Robin had read him in on the whole situation, obviously he’d been horrified and concerned—but also, a whole wing of his brain had immediately been cordoned off to work overtime imagining Steve in elaborate Dark Prince regalia, maybe leaning elegantly out of a castle window on the moors, gazing into the foggy dusk. Velvet might’ve been involved.

“...guess not,” says Eddie. It doesn’t sound incredibly convincing to his own ears, but Steve just shrugs and gets up to throw the bloodbag away.

“There you go, man,” he says, clapping Eddie on the shoulder as he passes. “It’s the 80s. Vampires can be whatever we wanna be.”

———

It gets way too easy to forget about Steve’s condition, until Eddie ends up having to haul him out of a bar in Indy before they get banned for life.

“Simmer down, buddy,” Eddie says, pulling him into the shadow of the van. “Let’s get those fangs packed away before any of the nice villagers wander by with torches and pitchforks.”

“I’m good,” pants Steve. “It’s all good. Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”

Eddie lifts an unimpressed eyebrow. “Sure, that’s why your eyes are glowing red and you’re, like, fully vamped out. Which, by the way, looks extremely dumb with the whole clean-cut vibe you decided to rock tonight.”

“Fuck you, I look great,” says Steve, pushing a hand through his hair. He’s not wrong, it’s just not relevant to how he also looks extremely dumb like this, wearing a pristine henley with fangs hanging out in the parking lot for anyone to see.

“So what the hell happened in there, man? I was finally starting to get somewhere with Todd, and…” Eddie trails off in dawning realization.

“Holy shit, am I—I’m like your territory, aren’t I? Your stupid vampire brain got all screwy and decided to loop me in with Robin and the kids as part of your freaky human coven.”

“Uh,” says Steve. He looks unhappy in a shifty kind of way. “Something like that, maybe.”

“Wait, so, are Nancy and Jonathan—are you okay with them because they’re both already in the vamp pack? Is Vickie gonna have to be inaugurated before she and Robin can bone down?” Eddie perks up. “Shit, is there a ceremony? We could totally do a ceremony.” He bets he can get the kids to liberate some velour curtains from the drama club. With a few candles, they could get some serious atmosphere going.

“No, shut up, nobody’s doing a damn ceremony,” Steve groans. “Vickie’s fine.”

“Okay,” says Eddie. “So…you gonna tell me what all that was about, then? Do I have to start running guys past you first so your vamp instincts don’t wig out? Or…hm, maybe Argyle’d be down to mess around sometime.”

Steve lets out an actual snarl with weird animal echoes, then claps a hand over his mouth.

“Sorry,” he says, muffled. The shadows around them seem darker somehow.

“So I’m just not allowed to get laid ever again,” says Eddie slowly. “For vampire reasons.”

“Do whatever you want, man.” Steve’s still got his hand pressed tight over his mouth.

“And it’s…just me?” Eddie peers at the tightness around Steve’s eyes; the way he’s scowling stubbornly at his feet. “Huh. Kind of…possessive, Harrington.”

“It’s—weird,” says Steve miserably, dropping his hand at last. “I know it’s fucking weird.”

“Maybe.” Eddie shrugs, biting down on the grin he can feel tugging at his mouth. “Lucky for you, I’m into that shit.”

“What?” Steve frowns. “You’re…”

“Always wanted a vampire boyfriend,” says Eddie. “Like, are you kidding? I would’ve sold my fucking soul at 15 for something like that.”

“I’m starting to feel a little objectified here,” says Steve, but he’s smiling, and he reaches out to snag Eddie’s belt loop and tug him stumbling closer. “Just in it for the fangs, huh?”

“Well, you’re kind of a shitty vampire, actually.” Eddie drapes his arms over Steve’s shoulders. “So I guess I must just be in it for you.”

Steve hesitates, searching Eddie’s face. Stray red lights are still sparking like embers in Steve’s irises. “Okay, but—you’re in it? Right?”

“Couldn’t get rid of me if you tried, Bunnicula. I’ll send the vampire police after you, just watch me,” says Eddie, and kisses him.

#steddie #vampire steve harrington #I don't know what happened; I just sat down and wrote this even though I have a million other things to do #I was briefly possessed by the spirit of 'what if steve harrington were the least genre-appropriate vampire of all time'#and also my perpetual need to write people with terrible communication skills #I may edit this a bit more when it's not 3am but ftr I am not planning on any continuations

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flickering-nightfall · 5 months

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Experiments with pupils and mouths that devolved into shenanigans :)

#you can really tell I was having a normal one when I drew these #I like many of the pupil experiments but don't really like mouths on my iterators #i've seen some people do mouths on itties well though #...really enjoyed noisy cat spearmaster with a mouth tbh #no plans on changing how i usually draw things rn. this was just for fun #Sometimes I miss having pupils and mouths to work with (on slugcats and itties)#Not having either on iterators can be a unique challenge that forces me to practice my body language more #which I like drawing anyways so it works out #antennae are suuuper fun to use for expressions too #rain world #flickerdoodles #art #group pic

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elysiantrait · 7 months

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Sims 4 Default Eye Replacements

now with separate non default add-on colors and a heterochromia accessory!

original base: sims3melancholic #101 contacts

I was pleasantly surprised to see so many people interested in these the first time I shared them. As I had mentioned, these were a personal edit I created for myself about a year ago and I haven't gone back since haha. With such a high volume of downloads I of course received some request or criticism, so I have come back to deliver! With the original package, the eyes weren't correctly working as default replacements, resulting in premade townies such as Mortimer Goth to walk around with blue eyes instead of the correct eye swatch intended for them. This was pointed out to me recently, so I wanted to fix this. Along with that, I got quite a few people asking for me to make a version of my defaults that included just the EA colors without all the extras, so to kill two birds with one stone, I have made a new version of the default overrides which makes it so they work correctly on premade sims, and only includes the 18 base game eye colors.

If you liked all the extra colors, don't worry! I have included them in a separate, non default option for you to download as well if you would like. I would like to add as a warning that any sims you made with the old version of the defaults will likely appear with the wrong swatch with these, so be prepared for that. Moving forward though, you won't have to worry about any new sims you make loading in later on with the wrong color swatch.

And of course, with a good pare of default eyes, comes a heterochromia optional accessory for your sims! I'm a bit of noob when it comes to cc so it took me a long time to figure out how I could accomplish this for you guys, but with some help from @nyssasims, utilizing the mesh from these lovely heterochromia eyes they converted, I was able to get it done. I didn't want to overwhelm myself too much, so these only come in the 18 base game colors, but I felt that was enough to give you a wide variety of possible combinations. You can find these bad boys in the skin details category under acne. These also do come for all ages, infant through elder, and may conflict with most necklaces due to the placement of the mesh.

Check out this post to see info on version 2 of the non-default and heterochromia packages.

download @ simsfileshare

download @ patreon

I would again like to extend my thanks to @nyssasims and to @sims3melancholic, who originally made these beautiful contacts that I fell in love with. If you use these, feel free to tag me, I'd love to see your sims! 🤍

Sims 4 Reemplazos de Ojos

¡ahora con colores complementarios separados y un accesorio de heterocromía!

base original: sims3melancholic #101 contacts

Me sorprendió gratamente ver tanta gente interesada en estos la primera vez que los compartí. Como mencioné, estas fueron una edición personal que creé para mí misma hace aproximadamente un año y no he vuelto desde entonces jaja. Con un volumen tan alto de descargas, por supuesto recibí algunas solicitudes o críticas, ¡así que he vuelto para cumplir! Con el paquete original, los ojos no funcionaban correctamente como reemplazos predeterminados, lo que provocaba que los habitantes prediseñados como Mortimer Goth caminaran con ojos azules en lugar de los ojos correctos predeterminados a ellos. Esto me lo señalaron recientemente, así que quería solucionarlo. Además de eso, muchas personas me pidieron que hiciera una versión de mis ojos predeterminados que incluyera solo los colores de EA sin todos los extras, así que para matar dos pájaros de un tiro, hice una nueva versión que funcionen correctamente en sims prefabricados y solo incluye los 18 colores de ojos del juego base.

Si te gustaron todos los colores extra, ¡no te preocupes! Los he incluido en una opción separada, no predeterminada, para que usted también los descargue si lo desea. Me gustaría agregar como advertencia que cualquier Sim que hayas creado con la versión anterior de los valores predeterminados probablemente aparecerá con el color de ojos incorrecto, así que prepárate para eso. Sin embargo, en el futuro, no tendrás que preocuparte por los nuevos Sims que creaste te aparescan con la muestra de color incorrecta.

Y, por supuesto, con un buen par de ojos predeterminados, ¡viene un accesorio opcional de heterocromía para tus Sims! Soy un poco novato cuando se trata de cc, así que me tomó mucho tiempo descubrir cómo podría lograr esto para ustedes, pero con un poco de ayuda de @nyssasims, utilizando la base de estos encantadores ojos de heterocromía que convirtieron, pude lograrlo. No quería abrumarme demasiado, así que estos solo vienen en los 18 colores del juego base, pero sentí que era suficiente para brindarte una amplia variedad de combinaciones posibles. Puedes encontrar al accesorio en la categoría de detalles de la piel en Acné. Estos también vienen para todas las edades, desde bebés hasta mayores, y pueden entrar en conflicto con la mayoría de los collares debido a la ubicación de la base.

descarga @ simsfileshare

descarga @ patreon

Nuevamente me gustaría extender mi agradecimiento a @nyssasims y a @sims3melancholic, quienes originalmente hicieron estos hermosos contactos de los que me enamoré. Si usas estos, no dudes en etiquetarme, ¡me encantaría ver tus Sims! 🤍

#ts4 cc #ts4 eyes #sims 4 cc #ts4 default eyes #ts4 heterochromia #s4cc #the sims 4 #los sims 4 #sims3melancholic #elysiantrait #I know somebody might ask #but no #I don't have plans to make contacts at the moment

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steddiehyperfixation · 6 months

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don't you forget about me (steddie fic)

saw this post and was inspired to write something angsty <3

The first thing Eddie is aware of when he wakes up, before he even opens his eyes, is the dull, aching pain throbbing through pretty much his entire body. The second thing he’s aware of is that someone is holding his hand.

“Eddie?” The hand in his tightens its grip as Eddie begins to stir; the voice it presumably belongs to sounds immeasurably relieved, yet only vaguely familiar.

Eddie groans. His eyelids flutter, blinking awake, and he groggily rolls his head to the side to get a look at whoever had spoken.

The voice sighs again, “Oh thank god-”

“Harrington?” Eddie’s eyes fly open wide now as they land on the mystery man sitting beside him on the edge of the bed - a man he most definitely is not close enough with to be holding his hand, and a bed that is most definitely not his own. He snatches his hand away. “What the hell are you doing? Where am I?”

“Ed-” Another man’s voice, this one just as relieved and infinitely more familiar. It fills Eddie with relief too as he looks to his other side to find his uncle Wayne rising from a nearby chair to come up next to him.

“Wayne, what-?” His surroundings are becoming more clear. “What happened? Why am I in a hospital? And why the fuck is King Steve at my bedside?” Eddie tries to sit up only to gasp and wince in pain as the dull ache in his sides sharpens to near agony at the movement.

“Take it easy, son.” Wayne’s hand lands on his shoulder, gently but firmly pushing him back down onto the pillows. “You were hurt real bad.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Eddie grumbles out. He sucks in a deep, intentional breath and exhales slowly, the pain beginning to dull again now that he’s settled. His questions are still largely unanswered, though. Blank mind reaching desperately for any logical piece to this bizarre puzzle, he turns an accusing glare to Harrington. “Did you land me in here? Is that why you’re here, some sort of weird guilt thing?”

Harrington’s looking at him like a kicked puppy. “What? No, I-” he falters, takes a shaky breath and swallows painfully like he’s trying not to cry. “You don’t remember?”

“I don’t remember what? Will someone just tell me what happened?” Eddie’s confusion is rising more and more into agitation with every second he remains without an explanation.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Harrington asks quietly.

“I was driving home from school, just found out I wasn’t gonna graduate again.” Eddie frowns as he thinks back, still trying to put pieces together. “Did I crash my car? Is that it? I was emotional and not paying attention and got into an accident?”

Yet again, he receives no answers.

“Eddie, what month is it?” Wayne asks instead, his tone dangerously measured and serious. “What year?”

“May…” Eddie says warily, “1985.”

His words hold a weight he doesn’t understand, landing heavy on the others in the room and thickening the air. It sends a chill of dread down his spine, the way his answer etches concern deep into the lines of Wayne’s face, the way Steve Harrington seems to take it like a blow to the chest.

Harrington exhales sharply as if he’s been punched, standing abruptly and taking a few stumbling steps back. Wayne says, “It’s April of ‘86, Ed.”

Eddie’s blood runs cold. “No. No, it can’t be.”

“I’m gonna go tell the nurse you’re awake,” Harrington mumbles, his voice strained and his eyes glassy with barely held-back tears.

“I’ll go,” Wayne offers, pushing himself away from Eddie’s bed. He gives Harrington a meaningful look, though what that meaning is, Eddie can’t decipher.

Harrington turns his devastated gaze to the older man. “But, Wayne, he doesn’t-”

“I know, kid.” Wayne gives a sad smile and places a sympathetic hand on Harrington’s shoulder as he passes by. “Just talk to him.”

Eddie is thrown off by this familiarity between them. Since when were those two close? He feels like he’s entered some sort of parallel universe where everything is just ever so slightly wrong. It leaves an itch beneath his skin, uncomfortable and out of place, like he no longer quite fits in his own body, in his own life. He’s lost 11 months, apparently, and this world is no longer his; he doesn’t know where he fits into it anymore.

Wayne leaves the room, and Eddie wants to protest: Don’t leave me here with this guy I don’t know in this time I don’t know, please, you’re the only thing that feels safe and familiar! Anxiety is crawling through him like a thousand tiny bugs in his veins. He wants to scream, he wants to cry, he wants to run. Anything to shake this feeling loose. But he’s confined to this bed, trapped both by his pain and by all these machines he’s hooked up to, and he sure as shit isn’t going to have a breakdown in front of Steve goddamn Harrington.

Instead, Eddie resigns himself to this situation and casts a sideways glance at Harrington who very much looks like he’s also trying not to have a breakdown. “I’m freaking out, man,” Eddie says finally, hating how shaky and pathetic his voice sounds. “I swear to god, Harrington, if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on…”

Harrington worries his lip between his teeth as he hesitates. “It’s a lot to explain.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Eddie scoffs out a humorless laugh. “I’m missing nearly an entire year, of course it’s a lot to fill in. Unless I’ve been here this whole time?”

“No.” Harrington shakes his head. “No, you’ve only been here about a week. I- I don’t know why you’re missing so much time, the whole Vecna thing only started like a week before that-”

“Vecna?” Eddie interrupts to question. “What does any of this have to do with the D&D campaign I was planning? And, also, how the fuck do you know about that?”

Harrington closes his eyes for a second and takes a breath, like having this conversation is the most painful thing he’s ever had to do. “I’m not talking about D&D, Ed. Vecna was a real-life monster from a real-life alternate dimension we called the Upside-Down. The kids only called him Vecna because we didn’t know who he was at the time and he, like, cursed people before he killed them, but he was actually Henry Creel, which is a whole other fucked up story.”

“Okay…” Eddie doesn’t know who ‘the kids’ are and he’s skeptical of the way Harrington talks so factually about monsters and dimensions and curses existing in the real world, but he does remember his uncle telling him stories about the demonic tragedy of the Creel family, which is the only thing that makes any of this even halfway believable. It still doesn’t explain how Eddie wound up in the hospital with his entire body feeling like it’d been run through a blender, though, or why the former king of Hawkin’s High was hovering over his sickbed. He gestures for Harrington to continue.

“I never wanted you to get involved in all this Upside-Down shit,” Harrington’s voice breaks. He steps closer to Eddie’s bed again, and he looks so so sad as he stares down at him that it makes Eddie’s own heart ache, just a little bit. Harrington’s hand twitches at his side as if he means to reach out for Eddie but then thinks better of it, running the hand through his hair instead as he continues, “I tried to keep you from it for so long, I really did, but then Vecna killed Chrissy in your trailer and the whole town blamed you and you were just a part of things then, there was no getting around it. You helped us fight him - Vecna. You kept his army of bats off our ass while we weakened his body and El weakened his mind. If it weren’t for you we never would’ve defeated him and we certainly wouldn’t have all made it out alive.” Harrington’s gaze softens, as does his voice, his next words almost a whisper, “You were a hero, Eddie.”

“That doesn’t sound like me,” Eddie says, like that’s the least plausible part of Harrington’s story. And, really, it is. He can wrap his mind around a lot of things: a murder in his trailer - sure, Forest Hills always was a shady place; the whole town accusing him of being a killer - yeah, of course, that tracks; even an evil wizard from another dimension with an army of bats - fine, okay, why the hell not. But Eddie Munson is no hero, and he’s definitely not any sort of fighter either.

“No, you never did think so, did you?” Harrington mutters with a sad sort of fondness and the barest trace of a wistful smile. “But it’s true. Dustin was in danger and you didn’t even think twice. You ran right into the fray without a second thought, sacrificed yourself so that the rest of us might survive. Those bats nearly killed you, b-” he breaks, choking on whatever word he was going to say. His eyes swim with yet more unshed tears. “I almost thought they had killed you, you know. I thought you were dead when I carried you out of the Upside-Down,” he admits shakily, choked up and barely managed, “and even when I brought you here and you were stable, I was still so scared you wouldn’t wake up…”

Eddie doesn’t know how to react to any of that information or to such a display of emotion. His own hands twitch now with the urge to reach out and comfort him, but he too denies that instinct. He tries for humor instead, something lighter, cracking a grin and teasing, “Aw, Stevie, I didn’t know you cared.”

Harrington makes a sound halfway between a sob and a laugh. “Oh, Ed, you have no idea.”

“We were friends then, weren’t we?” Eddie guesses now, carefully. It’s rapidly becoming the only possible explanation for the guy’s behavior around him. “Before all the Vecna stuff?”

“Yeah,” Harrington manages, forcing a small, sad smile as his eyes finally overflow and streak his cheeks with tears. “Yeah, we were good friends.”

Wayne reenters the room then with a nurse in tow, and Steve quickly turns away and rubs his hands over his face. He needs to pull himself together; he can’t break down right now, not yet, not here.

He listens, distantly, as the nurse asks Eddie a bunch of questions and then tells the rest of them that she needs to take him in for some tests to determine the cause and prognosis of Eddie’s amnesia. He watches, numbly, as she wheels Eddie’s entire bed out of the room.

Steve can barely hear, barely see, his emotion clouding his eyes and roaring in his ears. He stares blankly through the open doorway and struggles to swallow down the ever-rising lump in his throat.

Wayne’s voice rumbles from somewhere beside him, but he can’t quite make out the words. “What?”

“I’ll take that as a no, then,” Wayne says, the sound reaching Steve’s ears a little clearer now. “I asked if you were alright.”

Steve shakes his head. His voice comes out coarse and raw, “‘Course I’m not alright.”

“Right, ‘course you’re not,” Wayne echoes. He follows Steve’s mournful gaze to the door Eddie had disappeared through. “What did you tell him?”

“Told him he was a hero,” Steve croaks, “...and that we were good friends.”

“Ah…” Steve’s vision is so blurred behind a thick layer of tears he can’t see the sympathetic frown on the old man’s face, but he knows it’s there. “At least he’s alive, kid,” Wayne tries to be comforting. “You can always start over.”

“Yeah, I know, but I don’t- I don’t want to start over, I just want-” Steve chokes back a sob. He just wants Eddie.

It’s a horrible thought, but Steve almost thinks that this just might be worse than if Eddie really had died… Because how is Steve supposed to handle the fact that his boyfriend of 9 months no longer knows him? How is he supposed to cope now that the love of his life looks right at him and no longer sees him?

He closes his eyes, presses the heels of his palms into his eyelids, inhaling a shaky breath and exhaling an even shakier sigh. Steve whispers, “It feels like I’m losing him all over again.”

(part two is here!)

#i have plans to fix it don't worry. eventually. maybe #i'm really really bad at writing longer multi-part fics but i've got a lot of ideas spinning around my head for this one so #hopefully i will continue it if any of y'all are interested in more of this #steddie #steddie angst #steddie fic #steddie ficlet #eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #ficlet #fanfic #mine #1k #dyfamsteddiefic #<- tag to follow for this story

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