#nostalgic campfire rambles

[system-of-a-feather]

Nostalgic Campfire Rambles: Childhood Fictive -> Primary Host Ramble

I feel that is a good title to summarize what this is generally probably going to be centered on cause I got back from watching the new Wonka movie, and I always forget how much "Pure Imagination" and it's variants and the themes surrounding and shows that use it have always really hit home a lot as a part

Cause for those that don't know (which I don't think I've talked much about it because I personally don't even think back to it often let alone talk about it) before being host, before being really anything, I was originally introjected first and foremost as a "knight" "guardian" and imaginary play friend to keep our previous host at the time both company, having fun exploring both internally and in external play, and to generally keep said host and a few other parts hopeful and believing in a better end for us than what most of the system really stuck with.

And when childhood moves resulted in a lot of social stress and high pressure demands to adapt to new environments and make friends rapidly, I ended up also taking on social protector for a combination of positive and negative reasons, but one of which being that my ability to both engage other kids with fun imaginative worlds to self express in and ALSO my affinity to appeal to those struggling / outcasted by the fact I solely existed to accompany a traumatized outcasted child made me very good - as a child - for making friends.

And at the core of it, that was 85% of my function and existence for the first like 5-7 years of me "existing" and I always forget - having been primary host for at least 8 years now - that I was not *meant* to be out this long, that I wasn't *meant* to be host, that I wasn't *meant* to be a complex or elaborate part or anything like that.

And I don't mean that in a derogatory or doomer manner, but more so that the very means of which my perception and way of approaching the world was solely meant to be used as a survival mechanism in shitty situations to nurse and soothe high levels of distress. I'm *supposed* to be unbelievable, undying, and unrealistic hope and optimism that the system can blindly believe in when they are at the lowest of lows and that isn't *supposed* to be something that is meant to be kept up for *eight years* as the *primary fronter*.

And I forget just how extremely hard and long it took to modify the shit I was "given" and reconstruct it into something that could work as a host.

And I remember back in the first like 5-6 years of being "host", I almost always approached it as a "I am here just to fix it so that one of the True Owners can come back to a better life" and for those 5-6 years, being a "host" was a temporary job I "stepped up to" (more so got chucked it after one of the two original hosts completely dipped into dormancy and the other one already had 'given up on reality') until it was safe for one of the two to take their life back.

But over the years, and a lot of DID focused therapy, did I realize it was very much not going to happen and that this was a "for the foreseeable future" position and that if it were to change, it would almost certainly be through fusion / splitting rather than anything else. And it was a really guilty thing to realize for the first half year to a year and it was something that really didn't work for the longest time.

Honestly it only worked because I have one of the most fucking complex subsystems (which we fuse and unfuse regularly these days as its convenient) which made it possible to be functioning at an IMPOSSIBLY unsustainable manner for so long.

These days, being host is a lot more sustainable and easier and its honestly most of what I know and I'm good with that because I've really learned how to live As A Host in a sustainable way and really managed to hang up my "caretaker" and "protector" default lens in favor for a default host lense. Instead I pick those lenses up as they are helpful and it's done a lot to help my mental state, functioning, etc etc

But every so often, I think back to where I came from as a part in specific, and I realize.... despite all that growth, all that splitting and fusion that honestly leaves me HARDLY identifying with my source at all, I still very much operate on the same "machinery" of my original split-function as a very core aspect of how I engage with the world, the system, and how I just perceive things.

If anything, parts split and fused and shaped partially around it, to make it so that my natural nature and my role could co-exist sustainably - its part of why XIV and I are a "must have" duo for either of us to sustainably host.

But in the end of the day? I, as a part, am still a part very deeply driven by a very ideal and desired image of what I want to see and what I want to make happen in our life and in the world. I have very clear images of what I intend to see and intend to do and I am really anchored in making that a reality and making people - internal and external - believe in my ability to make that a reality.

I always have done that, I just have gone and taken it to the real world and our system had to adapt to the fact that its not something you can really separate from me as a part and thus something that we had to work safety plans and adaptations around as to make it possible to be undyingly dedicated and fully confident in my own vision. And it's honestly kind of an unnatural and unwavering confidence, dedication, and stubborn patience that I think really only comes from someone who originally split off as a fucking Shounen Protagonist troped character who sat around talking about escaping and exploring far away worlds and the conflicts of light and dark and nothingness and overcoming shit and all that crap.

I don't really operate well in a way of "I dream" or "I want" or "it would be nice" because I don't - from my original splitting off purpose - have the understanding of having luxury of being at all unsure or doubting in my vision of a better future for our system. It's all "I will" and "when I", because growing up, within my original function, if we were in crisis and completely low on hope - telling the traumatized depressed and desperate kid I existed to be the hopeful best buddy of that "I hope" and "I would like" and "I dream" that we would be able to be happy, be free, have anything worth living for, would not suffice to keep us alive and engaged in our own survival.

Back then, there wasn't room for "it would be nice" - there was only room for me to AUTHENTICALLY say and believe "Hey, you know, when we get the chance, we will go out and do this, we will have this and that and we will have these things to make sure we are always happy and safe. Of course we will because I have a plan. I know what we are doing, where we are going, and I know how to navigate obstacles. As long as you stay with me, I promise, there is no world where I will fail to show you that future that we can make when we get the chance"

And for better or worse, it's really gotten us far. It came at a huge fucking cost because the sheer number of times I had huge mental breakdowns and massive collapses and the system had scary crisis moments back when we were trying to figure out a way to keep me mentally sane WHILE literally having other severely depressed and suicidal parts literally (they had admitted it) waiting for *me* to give up and loose faith so they could feel ok *fully giving up* and thus forcing me to sustain the unrealistic and unsustainable sense of confidence and vision.... but like

Honestly, ever since XIV has been co-host, that hasn't been an issue because the two of us serve as eachother's "hope providing unwavering best friend" so now that there are two of us, we can both alternate and fill in for one another in the system when one of us is "down" and we can also serve the same role back to pull one another up.

And its been like three years or so since we established that dynamic and it really almost completely negated the "unsustainable" nature of the whole way our part of the brain approaches things and instead almost like... developed a "infinite unwavering confidence and faith in our ability to make whatever we think of a reality glitch" cause XIV and I loop endlessly in supporting one another and both of us exude enough dedication, ruthlessness, and vision to provide hope and engagement to the entire system

And it's really neat. Cause for the most part - this whole thing also applies to XIV as we are split from the same "original introject", we just both internalized and adapted our original functions in VERY drastically different ways.

But I dunno, I was just feeling a bit nostalgic and wanted to ramble and share. Feel free to chat and comment and add on if you like to this. This isn't really a vent but just kinda a "I wanted to share a story / reflection with you all" and so I gladly welcome and encourage anyone to be nostalgic and/or ramble and/or chat about anything this post might bring up in yall

Imagine we are at a cozy campfire in the forest with clear skies and bright stars just sharing the story of our lives. If you all wanna share, its the nature of the campfire and are more than welcome

I honestly might make that a tag "nostalgic campfire rambles"

-----

(Endos and anyone who identifies as someone with DID, someone with a CDD, plural, and/or a system are welcome to engage in this post. We're just out here chatting about life and existence, it doesn't have to be clinical or too serious and I just like chatting)

#nostalgic campfire rambles #alter: riku #fictive #fictional introject #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #sysconversation #conversysion #system conversation #endos welcome #endos safe

[ziggymightbeonfire]

I feel the need to ramble, so here I am

I just discovered Over The Garden Wall and OH MY LORD has it awoken something within me. That whole show feels likes a warm blanket being wrapped up around you while your drinking hot chocolate in a cabin in the woods. Deep within the woods. There's a sence of eerieness to it, but it isn't too disturbing in a sence that I can still watch it at night without feeling paranoid. And the soundtrack - oh, the soundtrack! It makes me sob in all honesty. Kind of like how the vast majority of In Case I Make It (but specifically White Noise) makes me cry. It's not a feeling of sadness, though. I can only describe it as warm. It's a weird feeling. Possibly nostalgic? I don't know. Whatever it is, I like it. It's the same feeling Gravity Falls gives to me. Just thinking about Gravity Falls makes me feel happy. Or I think it's happiness? I can't tell. Emotions are hard. Gravity Falls changed my life in one way or another. It was the first TV show I watched in it's entirty. Sometimes I wish I could thank everyone who's ever worked on that show because I don't know where I'd be without it.

I want to discuss that 'warm' feeling I've discussed earlier because I have no idea what it is. I think it's some sort of deja vu or nostalgia or something along the lines of that. It's annoying me that I can't describe it properly because I desperately crave answers. Well, whatever it is, I like it. That feeling usually only comes to me with these specific things: Kimya Dawson songs, some of Will Woods stuff, Over The Garden Wall, Gravity Falls and those stupid campfire songs that always end with the last word of a verse leading into the first word of a separate verse. I wish I had any sort of way to explain this feeling that does it justice, but I can't. All I know is that it makes me like living. It makes me think about the fact that out of everything I could've been, I'm me. And the thing is, this feeling almost never occurrs with my biggest interests.

I love liking things. I love the fact that I can name every HHN icon. I love the fact that I've learned and still am learning everything I can about The Director. I love the way I overlook literally the simplest metaphors in songs. I love being alive.

Thanks for reading this. Seriously, I hate the internet because it's mostly all negative stuff that just completely ruins any sort of good mood I get. And to you, random stranger. I hope everythings going well or okayish at the very least. You're still here and you should be proud of that. It's cheesy and an oversaid statement, but I don't care. You're aloud to be proud of yourself. Even if it's just getting out of bed, that's something you can say you did. Enjoy existing. You wouldn't be here if someone didn't need you.

#over the garden wall #gravity falls #kimya dawson #music #will wood #hhn #does anyone actually read these? #negativity can kiss my ass #ramblings #potatoes and molasses #i actually only watched the first episode of over the garden wall and I'm already in love #wirt is Frodo #idk if that's how you spell wirt #adelaide parade #Soundtracks

[alphamale77]

Cerberus : Fortnite, Season 5, Chapter 2

Set in Omegaverse

Y/N is 23

Cerberus one-shot🫢😘

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Y/n was one of the higher ups in the Society, in between Valeria and Montague in status and power. As he is the son of Montague and his husband Zen. One day Y/n got called to his father's study for something important.

    "What!? I have to go to the Underworld!? What for? You barely ever let me even go out for missions farther than Classy Courts and Reckless! Sometimes you let me go see Oscar at Lavish. So what's with the sudden change." You were desperately confused. It was warranted as well, why would your father just now let you go on a solo mission to the Underworld?

    "Well mon cher, I figured this mission would be easy enough for you to do and that you'd like to go on a solo mission for once. Don't worry, you don't have to speak to Hades or anything, you're specifically going to Grim Gate, where Cerberus is." Your eyes widened a bit. You didn't expect to go to Grim Gate.

    "I'm sorry, Grim Gate? Cerberus!? That's a death sentence, Father. He's rumored to be so deadly, I mean he guards the gates of the underworld for heavens sake!" You rambled on. How could your father say it was a simple and easy task to go to Grim Gate!?

    "Don't worry Mon Cher, all you have to do is spy on him. You're good at spying, you've been labeled as the best spy across the entire Society and Unground too. You have nothing to fear."

    You found yourself at the the train stop by Grim Gate. Valeria sent a train down there for you so it wouldn't look suspicious if a car drove into the Underworld. You had to walk the rest of the way though. So you kept your knife clutched in hand, it was a gift from Aphrodite from a time you helped her awhile back. She gave you her golden knife as a thank you gift.

    You were a bit sweaty but thankfully it didn't let off a scent since you had taken extra strong suppressents since Cereubus was a wolf and all. Not only that but an Alpha, it was a good thing you weren't an Omega. You happened to be a Beta so you're scent wasn't as strong as a Omega's would be, but you still had to be careful around Alpha's, especially Cerberus.

    You decided it would be best to go to the back of Grim Gate and not the front where Cerberus normally was since you were shown pictures of it to make you could find the best spot to watch from. As you got closer you started smelling a faint wooden smell, like the smell of childhood campfire that you'll never forget. It made you feel warm inside and a bit nostalgic but you had to keep focused on the task at hand. You quietly walked at a slow pace trying to find a beginning spot but as you got inside Grim Gate the scent only grew stronger.

    It made your mind almost go a little fuzzy, and when you realized that you started feeling that way, you couldn't help but wonder if it was Cerberus who was letting off the scent. You quickly shook that thought out of your head, there was no way his scent would be so nice. "He probably smells like a wet dog who's covered in mud, and rolled around in a pile of dead bodies." You muttered to yourself, chuckling a bit.

    As you got to the higher floors the smell only got stronger and your mind kept getting more cloudy. Your cheeks were flushed a tint of red and you started feeling a bit warm as well. The thought crossed your mind again but you tried to turn away again. Why were you thinking of Cerberus so often and why associate him with the scent? There was no way he was the cause of the scent, it was probably just a trap he set for people.

    In the higher levels of the area you were in you noticed it wasn't as broken or crumbled as the rest. It was more but up and solid, you figured this must be were Cerberus is when he's waiting to get summoned by his statue out front. In recent years people having been coming to the island less and less so he didn't have to protect the underworld from humans as often.

    At a few points you swear you heard footsteps around you but you didn't believe that they were actually there because of your head being a bit clouded. At one point it god so clouded that you stumbled and had to stable yourself against a wall. You entire body felt fuzzy and hot. Your breath became shallow and shaky. As you caught yourself up, you heard a faint growl behind you.

    You froze, you felt a hot breath tickle the back of your neck as another low growl could be heard. Even though it was a growl, it didn't sound hostile. Your mind was so clouded that you couldn't do anything. Suddenly you felt warm hands on your chest, one of his hands travel to his waist. His grip on your waist his hard in a almost comforting way, especially with his scent.

    "You shouldn't have come here." He growls out softly into your ear. Your cheeks fire up, and you realize just exactly why the scent was so strong. Everyone knew he was an alpha, and it hit you like truck. He was in rut and you happened to stroll in right in the middle of it. You felt him press his nose against your scent glad and his nose was cold. "You smell like cherries."

    Cherries? You're scent had always been weak since you were a beta so you could never smell it yourself or if you could it was so faint you couldn't tell what it smelt like. Your face was horribly red and you could feel your heart pounding. Somehow him telling you what you smelled liked made your heart flutter. "Cherries..?"

    "Mm." He answered, his voice just dripping in arousel. The hand that rested on your chest groped at it lightly and you shudder.

   "W-wait.." You mutter out, with his touched and his raging hormones pooling out around you, you found yourself inching closer and closer to having an induced rut. Since you were a beta you had a mix of both Omega and Alpha but you had always had more Alpha traits so when it came to it, you'd go into rut when induced. Beta's didn't go through natural heats or ruts but they can be medically induced(M.I.H/M.I.R) as well as induced by the pheromones around them like how Cerberus' heavy pheromones was inching you closer to being clouded by rut as well.

   He made it obvious that he heard you but that he just wants to touch you. He rubs your hips as if he wants to edge you closer to rut, he wants you to be just as needy as him. He wants you to want him. "I've wanted you for so long. Hades is so done with me talking about you. He would always tell me there was no way you'd ever come here because of your father. But here you are, under my touch. Enjoying yourself."

    You were shocked. You always knew Cerberus to be horrid and ruthless, yet here he was caressing your body and telling you he basically fangirled over you. He praised you, he turned you around to face him. He kneeled in front of you, his hand on your sides. He looked up to with adoring eyes. You couldn't help blush more. Those eyes. No one had ever looked at you like that.

    His soft hands rubbed up and down your sides. His fingertips were ice cold but his palms were warm. It actually made sense how his body heat worked, especially now that he was in rut. With his lightly his hands touched you it was almost obvious that he was just silently praising your body. Without realizing it your hand tracked to his face and you cupped his cheek. It then almost looked like he had hearts for pupils and all the sudden he was carrying you bridal style somewhere.

    He took you to a bedroom that you assumed was his. He set you on the bed, on your back and he kneeled in between your spread legs, he had big puppy dog eyes that made you re descover your old idealization for him. Your cheeks were burning hot and your mouth was slightly parted. You didn't even see just Cerberus anymore, you saw this innocent entity that you need to ruin. And that's exactly what you planned to do.

    You sat up fully with him sit in-between your legs, your eyes were those of predator which was ironic considering Cerberus was the one between your legs. You grabbed his chin, staring right into his eyes. He accepted all your touch gratefully, you could so fully tell he wasn't lying when he said he was waiting for this.

    You peppered kisses starting just right near the front of his snout, starting my kissing his nose, and making your way down from his jawline, to his neck, to his collarbone. He tail was wagging happily behind him, as slower pace. He felt almost giddy with how puppy like he was being, at how soft he was with you. How the freaked Cerberus was acting like a teenager in the puppy love act.

    You softly rubbed your hands up and down his sides, taking your time, taking in every curve, dent, scar, or ruff of fur on his body. You slowly made your way down to his waistline, giving longer but still soft kisses on more sensitive spots, taking not of any soft gasp, twitch or flick of his tail. As you left soft kisses on his waistline right above his pants, you slowly undid his belt, teasing him as you went. You tossed his belt somewhere across the room, and you tugged on his pants, watching him wither under you already.

    "Look at you, the big bad wolf of grim gate. Withering and squirming over simple touches.." You teased as you pulled his pants down, and tossed his pants in a random direction. His dick sprung up and your eyes lit up when you say his tip was the same bright beautiful teal as the tips of his ears and his fingers. Precum already slightly leaking out of his tip, you decided to be a bit of a brat as flicked the tip softly and looked up at him. He left out a half gasp, half whimper, as you snickered. Something about tormenting Cerberus, the big bad gaurd of grim gate and Hades himself, was so euphoric.

    You kissed the tip, and licked a stripe on the underside of his cock and deep throated it in one go. He let out a groan that was mixed with a growl, and it was honestly kinda hot. You bobbed your head up and down, humming ever so slightly to give him more pleasure and break him more, he squirmed and gripped at the bedsheets, deep breaths, panting even. His back arching, his ear dropped back and his tailed twitching and flicking every so often. You kept your hands firmly gripped on his thighs, to keep that part him stabilized enough so that you could control the lower part of his abdomen.

    You could feel his dick twitching more, you tell he was getting close. You knew he was about to cum, mainly cause of how much higher his moans had gotten, and you decided that right he was about to release, you let off his dick with a pop. He let out a high pitched whine and you could see tears almost prickling his eyes. His eyes begging you to continue, but all you did was smirk at him. His tip brighter than when you started.

    "Please.." He begged, but you shook your head shushed him. You sat on his upper abdomen and guided his hand to your navel.

    "Go ahead, le bébé-phoque, you have free reign now." You said in a low sultry voice. He eyes lit up and he immediately grabbed your side and sat up, placing you more in his lap. He eagerly touched you up and slipped your shirt off and tossed it. He placed his hand your chest and felt it up, groped at it, watching as soft moans and pants left you mouth. He couldn't help but decide to latch himself on one of your nipples and suck on it listening to your cries of pleasure, as he groped your other one with his hand. His free hand tracked to your rock hard dick and rubbed on it too, watch to stimulate multiple places at once.

    Your cries and pants were music to his ears, they twitched in delight. "Fuck.. please stop teasing.." You panted out, at that point he put his hands down your pants and groped your ass, as he teased your hole. He stuck one finger in you and thrusted it in and out at a fast pace. Your pleas and cried got louder and more high pitched. He knew he got you so close to your rut, that your mind would be so clouded that you couldn't even think. Soon, one finger turned to two, and two turned to three. When he got to three his main goal was just to hit that sweet spot and keep you close on edge for a bit.

    Your head rested on his shoulder as tears prickled your eyes cause of close he kept getting you and ruining your orgasms. You wanted to cum so bad but he wasn't going to let you, not yet at least. After what felt like hours of teasing you and edging you, he finally flipped you over on your back and ripped your pants and boxers off. He placed your ankles on his shoulders and lined up with your entrance, he didn't give you anytime to adjust to the new position.

    He rammed into and watch breathed in your broken son of a moan. He pounded into at an inhumane pace as you begged him to keep going. Your hands gripped at the bed sheets so hard they might as well rip at that point. Your high pitched moans could probably be heard all across the island. He rammed into you and once he knew he hit your prostate, by the way your back arched when he hit a certain spot. So he immediately aimed for that spot and watched your break under him. Turning your head slightly into the pillow and sobbing with a big smile, as drool dribbled down your chin.

    Your core burned as you knew you were getting close. Your dick twitched and leaked pre cum, as it bounced uselessly between the two moving bodies. He knew both of your were getting close he slowed his pace down a bit and placed you into the mating press and pounded into you at a new angle that reached even deeper into your guts. Hit you so well that your eyes rolled to the back of your head, as you screamed with pleasure. His thrusts got more sloppy the closer he got, and no matter how close you got he told you to wait. At one pot you almost came but he grabbed onto your cock and placed his thumb over the slit to keep your from coming.

    You begged your release no matter how much he denied you, telling you to wait and that it'd fell so much better together. His dick twitching inside you as he senselessly pounded into you. As soon as he got close enough to release, he lifted his thumb off the slit of your dick and stocked it at the same pace as his thrusts. A high pitched moan came from you as your body spasmed and strings of cum spurted out of you. But that didn't stop Cerberus from still stroking you through your orgasm. Soon after he came as well, filling you up completely. Growing but keeping up and trying to collapse on top of you. He stared at you through the bliss of both of your orgasms and admired your afterglow.

    He pulled out a bit after and picked you up. You rested your head on his chest as you panted, calming down for the intensity of what just happened. He drew the too of you a bath and you rested you back to his chest as he washed your hair. He happily peppered soft sweet kisses on your shoulders from time to time. You both were happy, and that's all you wanted at a time like this. All you had to figure you out was what to tell your father when you got back home.

#fortnite #autism #wth #smut #fanfic #smutshot #oneshot

[morporkian-cryptid]

Lupin III - The Castle of Cagliostro, and its extremely gay and romantic title scene

Hello everyone, this is your new installment of “Elliott rambles about her fandoms”!

Today I am going to be talking (well, mostly yelling) about the opening credits of Lupin III - The Castle of Cagliostro.

Because I’ve rewatched that movie almost two weeks ago, and I’m still going into a fit of hysterics every time I so much as think about it.

[Image description: Lupin and Jigen sitting in front of the Fiat, with a small nomad cooking space set up. It is night, Lupin is reading a map and Jigen is holding a pan above a small gas stove. The lighting is dim and comes only for the stove. The subtitles of the song lyrics read “My love for you burns”]

https://twitter.com/spacequeenemily/status/1118274079662977025?lang=en

This Twitter link is the only video of the title scene I could find online; the image quality is a bit low but at least it’s the full scene. Please watch it, I promise you won’t regret it.

Fair warning: long post with much capslock, very swearing.

Okay, so.

The lyrics of this song, Fire Treasure, go more or less like this (from the subtitles of the movie, which I assume are the official translation) :

I want to go with you, searching for happiness / No matter how hard the road or how the night may grow cold / I just want to wander on with you

Who else is there to comfort and hold / This lonely traveler when their heart grows cold? / Who else but you can make all my dreams come true?

Like a raging fire my love for you burns / All I want is for you to know how I feel / Make me your prisoner and never let go

(additional lyrics which are on the wiki but not in the title sequence)

You, who wander the wasteland  / I want to let you sleep / The shooting star is for you

I want only you to understand / This love of mine that blazes with flames / I'll clear away the enigmatic mist

You can find the official japanese lyrics here on the Lupin III fandom wiki.

Now this is a pretty basic love song, and we know most of the theme songs in this series are love songs and it doesn’t always mean anything (looking at you, Red Jacket opening theme). The music itself (without the lyrics) is used several times during the movie, especially in scenes with Lupin and Clarisse; and reused later in several movies involving similar dynamics.

But the only time the whole song, with lyrics, plays in The Castle of Cagliostro, it’s during the opening credits / title sequence. Aka, Lupin and Jigen’s road trip.

Yeah. This longing, yearning love song about a lonely traveler and the person who silently loves them and wants to follow them through all the troubles of the road and look for happiness by their side... Is played along with of a video of Jigen and Lupin traveling together.

And oh, if only it was just that...

It could have been two guys being bros, two friends having a fun road trip together. They could have shown the banter and playful fights between them that we see in the rest of the movie. But NO. THIS is what they gave us instead:

[The silhouettes of Jigen and Lupin sitting on and leaning against the Fiat, with a boat in the background and an orange sunset-like sky]

[the Fiat driving on a narrow bridge in the middle of an expanse of water glistening and reflecting the pink and purple sky]

[Lupin lying on his back in the grass, and Jigen sitting near him and cooking in front of a small portable gas stove, the Fiat parked next to them. It is night, and the gaz stove gives a soft glow, the only source of light in the picture.]

[Lupin sitting on the roof of the Fiat and Jigen standing left of it. They are waiting for a train with wooden wagons to pass. There are white flowers in the foreground on the right of the screen.]

[Night time, on a backdrop of dark blue sky with white stars. Lupin is sitting on the roof of the Fiat, lighting a cigarette (the Fiat itself isn’t in the frame). Jigen is standing near him, smoking a cigarette, with only his head visible. The subtitles of the song lyrics write “Make me your prisoner and never let go”.]

[The same scene from a different angle, the Fiat is now visible, with grass in the foreground, Lupin is seen from the back and Jigen from head to feet. The dark blue sky is fading into white at the bottom, suggesting sunrise.]

They could have given us a fun, “straight pals being bros” road trip. Instead, they decided to give us a soft, nostalgic ambiance, with orange and pink sunsets, the boys wistfully looking into the distance under a starry night sky, smoking cigarettes together in silence, with the soft glow of a shared meal around a campfire. THEY MADE THE CHOICE TO MAKE THIS AS FUCKING ROMANTIC AS POSSIBLE. THEY WILLINGLY MADE THAT DECISION.

We all know that this franchise’s subtext is not exactly subtle in establishing, to name just one obvious example, Jigen’s orientation (hum hum kabuki-related slang, hum hum bootleg playboy magazine, hum hum shameless flirting with burly soldiers).

But THIS. This isn’t a “I hate women” joke. This isn’t a two-second frame showing a bootleg gay pinup magazine. This isn’t a subtle parallel between Lupin’s relationships with Fujiko and with Jigen. This is the most OBVIOUS and EXPLICIT bit of subtext I have ever seen in this goddamn subtext-packed series. This is A FUCKING LOVE SONG, WITH THE WORDS “MY LOVE FOR YOU BURNS” EXPLICITLY IN IT, PLAYED ON A VIDEO OF JIGEN AND LUPIN ON A ROAD TRIP WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC AND SOFT VISUALS POSSIBLE. ONE MINUTE AND FIFTY FIVE SECONDS OF TYPICAL ROMANTIC SCENE WITH TYPICAL ROMANTIC VISUALS AND A FUCKING LOVE SONG.

This can’t be an accident. You can’t accidentally make a scene like this. I mean come on, “Like a raging fire my love for you burns, I just want you to know how I feel” with a panning shot of a starry night sky and Lupin and Jigen silently sharing a smoke? HOW DO THEY THINK WE ARE GOING TO INTERPRET THIS? IS THERE ANY OTHER POSSIBLE FUCKING INTERPRETATION THAN “JIGEN IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH LUPIN?“ NO THERE ISN’T. THERE FUCKING ISN’T.

They go and try to tell us that Lupin and Jigen are just friends, they give Jigen barely believable female love interests whom he has little to no chemistry with, they write Jigen getting angry when he thinks Lupin might be gay, and then they turn around and make THIS. FUCKING. TITLE SEQUENCE.

It kills me because IT’S CANON but also it’s not! They’re not stating that Jigen loves Lupin, they’re not confirming that they’re a couple, at no point in the 50 years of existence of this damn franchise has either of them explicitly declared that they were in love with the other, and that is most likely never going to happen. But this fucking scene exists. This fucking scene is CANON, and it’s technically still subtext, but it is the most OBVIOUS and IN YOUR GODDAMN FACE subtext EVER.

Disclaimer: I agree that most of the anime and movies’ (still relatively un-subtle) subtext can be disregarded or interpreted as platonic if you want, and I absolutely respect anyone’s desire to interpret them as platonic friends. All visions and interpretations can coexist. That being said, I’m sorry but for this specific scene I will not, ever, budge from the position that it is a fucking romantic love scene and that there is no other possible interpretation, I’m sorry but just FUCKING LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT IT AND TELL ME THIS ISN’T MEANT TO BE ROMANTIC. I DARE YOU.

This scene is just at the VERY LIMIT of explicitly stating Jigen and Lupin’s love. But it’s STILL NOT EXPLICIT. The song says “I love you” but neither Jigen nor Lupin does. The song on its own could relate to any number of characters (and in the rest of the movie it relates mostly to Clarisse, and more generally to all the girls Lupin leaves behind). The video without the music, while being very sweet and having a romantic vibe, could still be interpreted as a road trip between friends. And yet. AND YET. They made the conscious decision to put THAT SONG with THESE IMAGES. And to then “leave it to our interpretation”.

The Castle of Cagliostro was the second movie of the Lupin III franchise. It came out in 1979, not even ten years after the first episode of the anime aired. This is one of the establishing movies of the franchise, the one that propelled Lupin III on the international scene, the door through which generations of fans have been introduced to the series. A now iconic and unmissable pillar of the pop culture myth that Lupin III has become, a jewel of hand-drawn animation, produced by one of Japan’s most internationally well known animated movie director, future founder of one of its most iconic studios.

This isn’t a “blink and you’ll miss it” nudge in an largely forgettable TV special with weird chara designs and a plot created by writers seemingly on crack. This isn’t a subtle nod to long time fans and shippers like Part 5 did in 2018. This is the FUCKING TITLE SEQUENCE of the CASTLE OF MOTHERFUCKING CAGLIOSTRO by HAYAO GODDAMN MIYAZAKI. AND IT’S A LOVE STORY.

It’s been a week and a half, guys. And I still want to scream. I will never be free. Lupin and Jigen are in love and the world needs to know.

#in conclusion: they are in love your honour #no i did not just spend a whole hour typing this #i just #i want to scream about it on the rooftops #i needed to get this shit off my chest somewhere else than in my best friend's discord chat #ITS SUBTEXT. ITS STILL SUBTEXT HOW CAN THIS STILL BE SUBTEXT. #ITS CANON #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH #IM SO FRUSTRATED #long post #lupin iii #lupin iii : castle of cagliostro #hayao miyazaki #lupin the third #jigen #jigen daisuke #daisuke jigen #lupjig #jiglup #lupin x jigen #fire treasure #lupin iii ost #the castle of cagliostro #the hobbit rambles

[genshin-scenarios]

By The Lantern's Light... (Xiao/OC)

A/N: Tysm to @windblumeodes for commissioning me 🥺🥺

this is an excerpt of the fic I wrote, centered around Xiao and her OC, Bedelia!

Wordcount: 1.7k

My commissions are still open! DM if interested + more info here!

Having moved to Liyue, Bedelia was reminded daily of just why she was so taken by the nation. Qingce Village was especially picturesque with a kind community, and when her vision sang for another adventure or story to pen down, she’d venture to other parts of the land to satiate that desire.

She felt spoiled to be able to wander through breathtaking plains and mountains as she wished, though perhaps this was a blessing from her homeland’s archon, who she'd like to imagine smiled upon the pursuit of such luxury. 

Lantern Rite festivities were well underway; children played around the marketplace whilst foodies perused the stalls, new and old friends alike gathered to release lanterns and enjoy feasts. 

The biggest finale, however, was scheduled for later tonight. Her neighbours insisted she venture here to witness it in all its glory, and so she did, booking a few nights at Wangshu Inn. It wasn't as lively there as in the main city, though it seemed that it was more than enough to deter a certain yaksha...

Bedelia had long left the bustling crowds in the city to search for a spot to watch the fireworks. It was earlier than needed, but she also wanted to walk off the food in her stomach and savor the quiet nature outside.

The grass underneath her feet crinkled softly as she made her way up. Bedelia was far enough from the city that it was quiet, save for the chirp of animals and random bursts of smaller fireworks. A nostalgic feeling hugged her shoulders like the ghost of a friend. Back in Mondstadt, she would wander out at night to watch the stars, a cloak and notebook in hand that made her feel the littlest bit like she was on an adventure.

She couldn’t help but smile to herself. Her life might not be the most eventful, but it was certainly far from a boring one; she’d make sure of that.

Bedelia encountered a few people in passing, finding stray lanterns that landed in the oddest places after someone or another released them. It occurred to her that social workers would have to clean them up eventually, earning a pang of pity in her chest. She looked up to notice one caught in the branches of a tree. 

Considering that it wouldn't be any good for animals, she made to retrieve it from its precarious position. These must be bothersome too… 

For reasons unknown, this made her think of Xiao. Perhaps he'd say this was why he didn't bother with human ways, calling them unfathomable and fickle. She could almost hear him saying it, arms crossed and all. The smile that crept onto Bedelia's lips turned a little regretful; it was too bad she never got to see him in the weeks leading up to today. The nation was celebrating a well-loved tradition after all, it would’ve been fun to talk to him about it.

Xiao must be busy… 

Lost in her thoughts, Bedelia wandered around the bend of the mountain rather than continue to climb it. She'd eyed a taller point earlier as a potential viewing spot, however, a small break was in order. She grew used to the weight of the lantern in her arms and was now looking for a convenient place to leave it. 

She noticed a chamber on the side of the mountain - a cave. It wasn't too large of a space, but it was enough to sport the traces of a campfire and adventurer supplies. 

Bedelia almost dropped the lantern when something moved. Beneath the darkness was the gleam of golden eyes, she summoned her weapon instinctively, lowered into a cautious position when she realised…

Xiao?

"Wait- What the hell are you doing here?!" She sputtered. For what reason could Xiao have to rest in such a dark place in the middle of nowhere? "Even the fire isn't lit! I thought you were a panther or something!"

"There aren't any panthers in the area." Xiao paused. His polearm laid beside him where he sat. "You surprised me too, I didn't expect to see you here."

"You don't sound very surprised." Bedelia held her head in exasperation. Slowly, she picked her way into the cave and lit the leftover wood with her vision, sitting down near it.

Xiao swirled the fire with anemo, helping it burn. "I could hear your footsteps, it sounded human enough."

She didn't want to imagine what could've happened if he mistook her for a hilichurl. With the campfire burning, the cave danced in its light. Bedelia turned to reply only to freeze at the sight of Xiao; his skin was littered with remnants of battle, fresh and untreated.

"Did you just fight something?" Her eyes scanned for any serious wounds. "Do you need healing?"

"It's nothing." At Bedelia's unconvinced look, he lifted his arm to demonstrate that there was no difficulty. "Just the usual."

What's the extent of your usual? Her mouth pressed into a line. Xiao hadn't been around Wangshu Inn in weeks, meaning that he was busy warding off evil spirits. Did enough people notice the sacrifices he made for Liyue in the shadows?

"Were you going to release a lantern?"

Bedelia blinked, then followed his gaze to the item in question. She waved her hand as she answered. "Oh, this isn't mine. I found it while I was walking around, thought I’d pick it up since it landed awkwardly in a tree.”

Xiao sighed. “Those lanterns aren’t truly needed for an adeptus to hear your calls.” He took the curious look in Bedelia’s eyes as a sign to continue. “So long as you speak our names in prayer, or with enough will… It is possible it’ll stand out among the rest.”

“Does that mean you can normally sense it?” Her body leaned forward in interest. She’d heard of gods and beings that had this ability but never looked into it.

He pondered, making Bedelia wonder if he was listening to someone’s words as he glanced away. “I can’t speak for the others, but I can at least sense the strength of people’s prayers. Wishes for good health, hopes for a brighter future…” Xiao’s eyelashes fluttered close. “Sometimes they can be desperate, but it’s like a pool.”

“I see...” The words swam away in a whisper. “Have you ever heard my voice in that pool?” As quickly as she said it, Bedelia thought of another question. “Have any adepti contributed to it before?”

At that, he opened his eyes. Xiao was never easy to read, but it was even harder now when she’d said a bit too much; always stepped on the line, never more. Bedelia felt an odd twist in her chest at the idea that if she did cross over, Xiao might never be willing to see her again. So she backtracked, and straightened, with an uncharacteristic hurry in her voice. “Ah... I’m sorry, I didn’t mean... Please pretend I never said that.” Her hair curtained her from having to see his reaction as she lowered it in apology. “I forget, it’s hard to call us friends, right? Or maybe we are friends-- But it’s still not something I should’ve said.”

Bedelia stopped herself before she could ramble more, the words pouring out like a dam broke open. She scolded herself in her mind; what was she doing?

The sound of fireworks outside drew their attention, louder than before. Bedelia almost forgot her reason for coming here after having been distracted by Xiao.

It's a buildup to the Mingxiao Lantern's release, she thought. If she wanted to watch the show, she should get to a higher place quickly.

As if reading her mind, Xiao gestured for them to leave and guided her around the mountainside. They exchanged no more than a few words as he escorted her up, taking shortcuts and supporting her climb at trickier parts until they reached their destination - a peaceful spot graced with a singular qingxin bloom, and a clear view of Liyue Harbour from afar. 

Bedelia did her best to calm her racing heartbeat and focus on the lanterns that dotted the city like fireflies. Like they had numerous times in the past, the pair sat and watched the scenery together in each other's company. Except this time, it was a view neither of them were too accustomed to.

Finally, Xiao broke the silence. "It's not unheard of for an adeptus to call the name of another." It struck Bedelia that his quietness was because he was considering what she'd asked. "But in my field, there's no one to call to other than myself."

Bedelia's throat dried at its transparency; he was the last yaksha. "I can't imagine how endless the pool must feel when you're the only one braving it…" Her eyes were downcast. How lonely… But I can’t offend him more by saying that.

Xiao picked the qingxin, studying the flower in his hand. "I'm used to it. It’s simply my job, there's nothing for you to be sorry about." He raised his gaze to catch hers; timeless and solitary, like an adeptus' should be, but clear. "It's not like you're the cause of demons."

He offered the qingxin to Bedelia, who accepted it with a smile curved with slight disbelief. "It's true what they say about the adepti’s benevolence." Should she be surprised at all? Xiao had always been… "Or perhaps it's just you that is too good for the world."

Xiao held her gaze, so earnest in her view that he could not bring himself to deflect it. Instead; "If you'd released a lantern, what would you have wished for?"

The launch of the Mingxiao Lantern interrupted them, booming and flaring to life like a thousand stars, though Xiao did not look away from Bedelia's lips as she answered, or the micro-expressions that flitted across her face.

He stored those words into the depths of his mind as he turned his attention to the Lantern Rite's finale. As he watched the likeness of an old friend gallop into the night, he wondered if his dreams would ever see the same path into the sky.

At the very least, Xiao was certain that Bedelia's would. For he knew she could shake the stars with her impossibly determined flames, and he'd make sure nothing could ever dare to extinguish it.

#genshin imagines #genshin oc #xiao x oc #gi xiao #writing commissions #commission complete #xiao genimp #traveler wishes

[saladejin]

Admire | 06

Seokjin x Fem!Reader | arranged marriage!au, husband!Seokjin | Strangers to lovers, angst, self discovery, loneliness in luxury, touch starvation (eventual smut), eventual domestic fluff

Summary: You’d never needed anyone else. Growing up alone, living alone, existing alone. It all came naturally and effortlessly, quite like breathing. That was until your somewhat distant parents finally decided it was time to make good on a promise. One they’d made before you were even born.

Warnings: There’s only one bed - but nothing too saucy lol, touching

Word Count: 2.4k

A/N: Just a mixture of fluff and angst for you guys hehe

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When you came out of the tiny bathroom that night, the lights were already off, and all you could see was the mounded shape of Seokjin underneath the bedcovers. He must have been pretty tired, as he’d been the one with the most hours of driving under his belt so far. You stood and appreciated the way the lamps from outside cast tiny slivers of light across the surface of the duvet.

You climbed in, wishing that the bed was a lot bigger so that you didn’t have to feel or sense his presence anywhere near you, the idea of little proximity making your knees weak … also considering his lack of shirt.

You wanted to be close to him, to feel his skin against yours, to hear the way he inhaled and exhaled small puffs of air as he slept, or even just the sound of his gentle heartbeat. Having that sense of closeness would make you feel so incredibly relaxed. You didn’t know how badly you craved it until now, and you didn’t know why that was.

Then he was turning over, and it was slow enough to make you panic, but not slow enough to give you the time to inch further away or turn yourself around. You were face to face with him, and his cursed eyes as they took in your slightly parted lips frozen from fear. 

Why is he even awake?

He didn’t say a word, just blinked and waited for your tensed up muscles to loosen. As you sighed and ran a hand through your hair in frustration, he lifted one corner of his lips ever so slightly into a knowing smirk.

“You scared me, idiot,” you whined in a low tone, turning to face him again but keeping your eyes fixated to a point above his face. You couldn’t really bear the shame of looking into his amused gaze again. In truth, it didn’t seem like he wasn’t amused but rather just as curious as ever.

“Why can’t you sleep?” he wondered aloud with a certain rasp to his tone that you found much too attractive. A loud part of you wanted to ask him to just keep talking, not even caring what or who he talked about. You only realised then that you’d brought a finger up to start tracing the outlines of his shoulders leading into his collarbone, the feeling of his lean muscle putting your mind at ease for some strange reason.

“Physical contact, right?” he then said almost to himself.

Your finger stopped in its tracks and you lifted your eyes to his in confusion. You must have been way too tired to even form rational thoughts. Had you seriously just been touching his bare skin without hesitation?

“What?” was the only thing you could blurt out in your state of conflict.

He didn’t answer, but your shock was soon replaced by a tingling warmth when you felt one of his hands grazing the exposed skin of your waist, precisely where your shirt had ridden up the most. The way you shivered and sighed at the contact was too immediate to be considered normal, and you heard the way he softly inhaled at the reaction.

“You never really mention how badly you need it. I can barely understand it, or you,” he commented calmly.

“Your needs are different from mine. How can you understand something if you’ve never had to think about it? When you’ve never yearned for it so much that you almost lose your mind every time someone looks at you?” you said with a tinge of shame flaring immediately after the quiet outburst. You were too vulnerable, too much like an open book for him to read.

He seemed to be trying to keep his emotions concealed, but it was obvious how intrigued he was to watch your inner turmoil. He continued to run his hand downwards and then followed the slope of your hip back up towards your goose-bumped shoulders.

You were so happy to finally receive the touch and attention you wanted that you couldn’t help but shift closer to him. You heard a tiny murmur of disbelief rumble deep in his throat, but ignored it. You only moved to press your colder hand to his chest and run it upwards, and eventually burrowed your face deep into the crook of his neck. He was so warm, and it made you feel so unbelievably secure. You surrounded yourself with the scent of him and let out a large unbridled sigh of relief.

The wide hand that had stilled on your back from the shock began to move again. He gently brought your figure further into his and let his deft fingers continue tracing patterns onto your back over the fabric of the shirt.

“Since the wedding, I’ve made sure to keep my distance because I was sure we’d be out of this almost as soon as it started. I’ve always been reserved to people in my life and that hasn’t changed,” he said so quietly that you would’ve missed it if you hadn’t been so close to him.

“So, I don’t get what you’re seeing in me now really. I know you better than to think you’re seeing me as a simple warm body, it’s much deeper than that. Why do you feel the sudden change in attitude, after all this time?” Seokjin murmured. It was questionably the longest time you’d heard his voice speak in succession.

“I guess I just wanted to be this close to someone for once,” you whispered with a sad smile. “It’s like that one time we were dancing but a zillion times worse. Since the start, I’ve battled with loneliness and thought of myself as self-sufficient and independent, but for some reason it’s all suddenly changing, and I don’t really know how to feel.”

Right then was when you’d let your walls crumble into a dusty pile of bricks and stone. You were so exposed; you may as well have been sitting stark naked in front of the man. All your insecurities were laid out on the slab for him to see … One. By. One.

You continued in a breathy voice, one beat away from breaking. “It has nothing to do with how you’re not the warmest or most companionable husband out there. That didn’t matter to me before, and it sure as hell doesn’t matter now. Think of the life I’ve lived…”

It was silent for a few moments as you let him mull over his thoughts. The rhythmic sound of his relaxed breathing soothed you into your next words.

“A partner. That is what you are to me, and that means you’re kind of irreplaceable since I’ve never had one before. It doesn’t matter if you’re distant, or cold, or even confusing at times because at the end of the day we only have each other to come home to. And if you’ll indulge me sometimes, I’d like to see you as the rock that keeps me grounded. The one common denominator reminding me that I’m not alone in that big, empty house.”

You paused, not knowing if you should continue due to the lack of response. When he seemed to still be running it over in his head, your sudden spark of confidence fizzled and almost died out completely.

“I’m probably the most selfish person for this, but to put it simply I’m using you as a security blanket. Wrapping myself up in the familiarity just to feel safe. Because you always just seem to have it together whenever I’m the one breaking down.”

He was just starting to open up to me as well, yet here I am scaring him away like a madwoman.

“That’s why you wanted to stick with me since the beginning, right?” he spoke surprisingly after a few heavy moments. “At all those first parties and balls you had no idea of what you were doing, so you asked to stay beside me because you were the outsider and I was the one stranger out of all of them that you just happened to know a little more.”

he mused, cast into a thoughtful sense of amazement. “I saw that you were scared, but didn’t know that you felt that way back then.”

You couldn’t help but shift your gaze upwards to garner any kind of visual reaction from Seokjin. When you only found his eyes looking down at you with a profound look of shining sympathy, you blinked away the tears pricking at the corners of your own and buried your face deep into the space between his neck and shoulder. He was a like refuge, and you were only hiding from your own disgrace.

The sound of his deep even breathing was lulling you into a sleepiness so strong that you could feel your lashes kissing your cheekbones every few seconds. Your chest was positively alight with a burning bittersweet combination of happiness and regret.

He was holding you close, giving in to your cry for help even though your past self would have never believed it.

~

Days passed, and ultimately so did your roadside adventure.

The last night was proving to be an absolute delight, with the whole group sharing toasted marshmallows on large twigs around a crackling campfire. The vehicles were parked around you, casting long looming shadows along the grass while you all reminisced about your healthy time spent away from work and life in general.

For you, the highlights had definitely been the beach. Feeling the sun-kissed sand underneath your toes and listening to the sounds of rolling ocean waves had almost put you in a trance of sorts, a serenity you could barely describe. Other memories were things such as shopping in the old town stores, dining on the most nostalgic meals, spending the summery nights gathering with family members and catching up on your busy lives.

These were all just some of your favourite moments spent on the trip, but they couldn’t compare to the ones you had experienced with Seokjin. Even now, as you sat near the campfire surrounded by the busy ramblings of your real family, his magnetic field of a presence drew you in.

There he sat next to your grandfather; three fingers pressed firmly to the strings of an acoustic guitar while the older greying man showed him how to strum out the chord. You felt your heart squeeze when Seokjin smiled lightly and took over from the elderly man. He began playing the instrument shyly, fingers still shaky from inexperience but getting the hang of skill as if it were something as simple as breathing.

“(Y/n).” His steady voice broke into your thoughts like a freight train. You brought yourself back into focus to see him tapping the tightened strings of the guitar gently. The warm orange glow of the nearby fire flickering its own cadence of hues onto his flawless features.

“I’m getting one of these when we get home.”

Everything within you stuttered at his matter-of-factly statement, and for some reason the smile plastered on your face began to falter.

‘When we get home.’

Why did these simple words cause your bottom lip to quiver ever so slightly, or your eyes to brim with unbidden salty tears? You couldn’t even pick apart the emotions within you to decipher whether they were ones of happiness or sadness. Everything was a jumble.

“Sorry,” you excused yourself before placing your stick covered in gooey marshmallow remnants on the flat log below. Nobody really took notice as you made your way briskly towards your motorhome, face tingling with pent up feelings and mind a whirring mess.

I’m happy, and surprisingly enough, that’s a bad thing.

You let the motorhome door click shut and threw yourself onto the soft pillowy bed face-first.

I’m happy on this trip, but that isn’t the problem. I’m happy with him…

A lonely tear of frustration escaped the confines of your willpower, trailing a warm path down your cheek in a sad descent. It soaked into the white fabric underneath.

I’m not meant to be happy with him! I’m meant to be just waiting it out until we go our separate ways. I’m meant to be disengaged, disinterested.

You gripped the bedcovers harshly, knowing that your own foolish need for his touch had gotten you into this chaotic disarray. You were so happy to know that he wasn’t an asshole, that he wasn’t some douchebag who had his head stuck up his own ass. You were ecstatic to find out that the man you’d been condemned to marry just wasn’t the whiny juvenile brat you’d expected.

“But why would everything be easier if he was?” you whimpered to yourself.

Then the door was being pulled open and the sounds of the chirping crickets flooded into the van, all the way to your throbbing ears.

“Hey, what’re you doing?”

Hearing Seokjin’s voice after mentally recalling every aspect about him you admired only twisted the knife deeper into your gut. You knew you should have pretended to be tired and needing sleep, but under his watchful eye it just wasn’t going to happen. Slowly, you sat up and combed the flowing hair out of your face with firm unforgiving fingers.  

At the sight of your tear-stained skin and blotchy eyes, Seokjin’s gaze softened and he exhaled loudly before making his way over. You were so upset at yourself for letting things happen the way they had, but this time you didn’t hide your emotions away out of courtesy.

“I’m sorry Seokjin.” You cleared your throat and sniffed. “I’m sorry for letting myself believe... I’ve gotten so used to fooling other people about us that I forgot to exclude myself. So, I’ve been fooled.”

By now the tears were gone, and the only evidence remaining of your explosive breakdown was the hoarse edge to your voice. You knew he probably wouldn’t understand the confession, and it wouldn’t hurt his feelings. You were the only one dumb enough to pull the veil back over your eyes. The veil convincing everyone watching that you were in love, and in turn seeing it all through the same shroud.

You couldn’t lie to yourself anymore. You were in love with him. 

Copyright © 2020 by salade. All rights reserved.

#seokjin x reader #seokjin scenarios #seokjin smut #seokjin imagines #seokjin series #jin smut #seokjin angst #seokjin fluff #arranged marriage au #husband jin #bts jin #bts smut #jin angst #admire #saladejin

[angsty-nerd]

If you don’t mind, I’d like you to talk about your favorite song or songs 💖

Oooh!! ILY for asking this question. It’s SO good and SO HARD to answer. How do people pick just one favorite song? I was watching yesterday’s Colbert this morning, and he started a new segment called the Colbert Questionert... and one of his questions on it was, “if you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be?” And dear god, that sounds awful to me.

But we also had a similar game at a work staff meeting recently and after struggling for a bit I finally showed up with Closer to Fine by the Indigo Girls. It’s a song that I’ve loved since I was in middle school and it just makes me happy to listen to it and sing along, especially around a campfire when I’m choking on smoke and all of my favorite people in the world are with me. So if I have to pick one, that would probably be it.

But, like, this is why I loved that 30 Days of Music meme that I did last year. Because CATEGORIES are fun. Like so...

My favorite angst bomb/empowerment combination all in one song?

My favorite sappy emo song?

My favorite fuck you?

My favorite romantic/nostalgic punk song?

My favorite song that currently makes me want to cry because of all the feels that it gives me (namely over one Max Evans)

My favorite pumped up for a road trip song?

My favorite sappy inspirational travel nostalgia for 2008 in Europe song?

Honestly I could probably keep going and list 20 bazillion more tracks, but at some point Tumblr will cut me off and I’ll never finish, but I hope you enjoyed me rambling and sharing songs! And thank you for the ask 😘

#music of my soul #i gots me an ask! #memories and nostalgia #feeling the feels

[bills-pokedex]

I have a question to ask

Fifty years ago, when I was a young woman, I was hiking in Stark Mountain. I had stopped at a hotspring to escape from the cold and to camp, and as a finished setting up my tent and campfire, a very large, white deerlike Pokemon with golden spiked rings around its middle and red-green eyes emerged from the darkness and submerged itself into the hotspring. It was like nothing I had ever seen before or since, and when I went into the hotspring too to enjoy the water, it was utterly unafraid of my presence.

It was something of a magical experience, being in the proximity of this magnificent beast, and when I got ready to go to bed it left as quickly, silently and mysteriously as it arrived. To this day I still think about it and I wonder if I were to go back would I see it again? But nostalgic rambling aside, do you think you might know what this Pokemon was? Every other professional cannot seem to identify it by the description I gave.

Bill: I'm sorry, anonymous, but seeing an albino sawsbuck who had just gotten away with stealing the gold-plated rings from a rock concert or circus act in Sinnoh is more of a once-in-a-lifetime event.

#submissions #submission #sawsbuck #arceus #long post #{Yes readers he knows what this actually is dw.}

[gaymessonmain]

Serendipities and details

I wanted to write self-indulging Beauyasha. Sue me. 

It is my headcanon that Beau learns things to impress Yasha but never gets to actually do it the way it’s planned because she’s a hecking disaster and I went with the most obvious one here. There will be more cause I can’t help myself.

Just a skit, barely fanfiction. Hope you enjoy.

It’s during second watch, well into the night. They’re stranded in the middle of nowhere, rain pouring down and thunder rumbling too close for comfort. The sounds of the storm are so loud they have to yell at each other to be heard, the clank of metal against metal and the roar of magic flames drowning their voices and the cries of the falling and retreating figures around them.

Beauregard tries to focus, making use of all of her training, forces her eyes away from the blurry image of Yasha cleaving through a brigand like he’s made out of butter.

Yasha is blissfully unaware.

It doesn’t help that this is the first night after a long, long month of Yasha being away. Beauregard basks in her presence whenever she’s blessed with it, feels safer with her there than it’s probably wise to. The aasimar looks untouchable like this, prey to the addicting sensation of the rage coursing through her veins, fueling her movements and guiding the Magician’s Judge deep into some other bandit’s gut. The rush of adrenaline makes her whole body sing, muscles taut and pupils blown, the hint of a smirk playing on her lips when the thud of yet another body is lost to the growl of the tempest overhead.

It’s a sight to behold, but Beauregard shakes her head and turns, tapping the end of her bo against a sensitive spot on the lower back of a woman wilding dual daggers. The stranger sinks to her knees like a puppet whose strings have been severed, gasping for air.

They are used to this. Front line combat together. Since the very beginning, they’ve had this weird sort of synergism and they’ve become lethal with time and practice. Usually, they fight close to one another and turn into an unbreakable barrier, protectors and sentinels. The communication is easy, fluid, their bodies speak a language that’s primordial, instinctual. It takes no effort to understand the meaning behind a movement or a stance and that’s what makes them deadly, because they don’t need to talk. Because why waste precious time. Because they are women of action and it shows clearly in the battlefield.

They have no such luck this time, the ambush has left them divided and they can barely see each other through the curtain of rain. They need their words and they need them loud.

“Yash! Behind you!”

Maybe it’s dumb luck, or maybe Kord wouldn’t risk such a devoted worshiper as Yasha, but the skies keep quiet for those invaluable seconds and Beauregard hears Yasha roar. It’s followed by the sickening sound of flesh being carved through. The man once sneaking towards Yasha is now a lump on the ground. Lightning lights up the night sky. Beauregard sees his unfocused eyes and broken body, but Yasha ignores it, already moving towards the next target.

It’s something to be grateful for. The fact that Yasha has a habit of delving too deep in her thoughts, her instincts, her feelings, and pays little attention to the world around her.

Beau is personally appreciative of that because there would be no explaining many of the looks the monk sends her way at times. Curiosity or amusement are innocent enough. Lust, that could put her in a more compromising position, but she’s Beauregard and those who know her expect that from her already, so she could get away with it. Sometimes it’s unadulterated adoration of a kind that would put Jester’s speeches about the Traveler to shame and if Yasha ever noticed those, Beau would be utterly terrified.

Her friends notice, of course.

Caduceus is a force to be reckoned when it comes to catching her slip ups, but he’s the most respectful of the bunch of assholes she’s come consider her chosen family. Jester, Caleb and Fjord know too much not notice and they would bring them up at first, but now they’re wise enough to avoid the topic altogether after a few complicated confrontations. Nott, if she notices, decides to let go of it because they’ve had to deal with a grumpier-than-usual-Beau and nobody benefits from it. Clever girl.

Unavoidable, comes the thought. The hell Molly would put her through if he was here. It actually makes her smile even when the pang of pain hits her. The ache, she has come to learn, feels now dulled but will never entirely go away.

Right now, Beauregard considers while she parries a sword and her bo groans in protest, in the frenzy of battle and doing this thing she usually does where she runs her mouth without fucking thinking, she’s more grateful than ever for Yasha’s distinctive obliviousness.

This is the first time Celestial has slipped past her lips in the presence of another being since she learned enough of it to speak it out loud. This could have been catastrophic, if Yasha would have noticed. If anyone would have—

Caleb’s attention, Beauregard can tell as she kicks the sword away from the body at her feet, is fixated upon her.

The myriad of emotions hit her immediately; embarrassment at being caught red handed, fear at being confronted again, frustration at having no answer for the questions to come, resignation because this won’t be the last time this happens. It was happening way too often as of late and she just can’t help it.

Ultimately, Beauregard settles for containing the urge to groan and faceplant the ground and lay there forever. Just keep fighting, keep punching, keep dodging. Priorities. Stay alive.

The battle is over too soon.

Beauregard thinks of avoiding Caleb, but that would be a stupid move when they could still be being tailed by vengeful criminals who want them dead. Caleb is, in Nott’s words, very smart. He doesn’t utter a word about it. He keeps his mouth shut and Beauregard is so grateful she gives his shoulder a soft bump when she walks by him. Immediately regretting it when she catches his knowing eyes and this time, she does groan and rolls hers.

This is the first time it happens, and Yasha doesn’t notice until days after.

It comes to her, as it usually does, in a dream. A pretty vivid one, too. They’re sitting by a campfire, Beauregard and her. The monk is rambling, nothing new, but Yasha is mesmerized by it. She knows the words, broken as they sound, and they reach and pull somewhere deep inside of her. They make her feel nostalgic.

Beau grins goofily and the feeling dissipates as soon as it comes and Yasha wakes with a start.

Caleb is at her side going through a thick volume. It’s a quiet night and the stars are visible on the black canvas above; the cold autumn breeze can’t bother them while they stay inside the hut and the glowing orb above the wizard provides more than enough light to read. It makes him look eerily older and wiser, Yasha thinks. She tries to shake off the sensation left behind by the dream and stares blankly at Caleb, who is now staring back at her.

Everyone else is asleep, Frumpkin patrolling the area.

“Caleb, does— Did Beauregard—What languages does she speak?”

Yasha whispers, only for him to hear. Caleb mutters something in Zemnian and shakes his head, patting Yasha’s knee before going back to his book. It feels condescending and she’s about to say so, but he gives an unusual warm smile and speaks then, eyes still trained on the page.

“You should probably ask her in the morning,” is all he answers.

There are many battles Yasha has fought and won during her time with the Nein, and one that’s become impossible. While she lies there, pretending to rest, Yasha is glad Beauregard sleeps like a rock because her eyes drift towards her one too many times before the sun rises.

Beauregard, thank the Stormlord, is blissfully unaware.

#Beauyasha #Yashregard #Sentinel Babes #Beauregard Lionett #Yasha Nydoorin #Critical Role #Critical Role fanfiction #Critical Role fic #Critfic

[gucciwoojin]

Aesthetics Game Tag

rules- bold any of the aesthetics that match you. in the end, put your aesthetic!!!

side a - the city

glittering lights, yawning skyscrapers, broken glass shards, street gangs, hip hop music, late night strolls, blinking stars, sleek cars, flickering neon signs, glittery earrings, small tattoos, empty subways, dark eye shadow, snapping cameras, cozy apartments, fried churros, silver necklaces, dyed hair, ripped jeans, bright lipstick, dazzling smiles

side b - the book nerd

large glasses, steaming hot chocolate, thick books, lofi music, hot pastries, soft smiles, large sweaters, quiet libraries, small flowers, melting candles, sweetened coffee, messy hair buns, soft pillows, fairy lights, vanilla scents

side c - the stereotypical girl

soft pinks, mini skirts, crop tops, romantic fantasies, love songs, strawberry milkshakes, lipgloss, high ponytails, candy hearts, nail polish, starbucks coffee, clear skies, hoop earrings, excited ramblings, stuttering heartbeats, rose bouquets, soft blushes

side d - the stereotypical boy

arcade games, graphic t-shirts, baseball caps, chocolate milkshakes, messy rooms, acoustic guitars, chocolate chip cookies, multi-colored bruises, rap music, nightly escapades, stolen glances, pencil-drumming, chocolate milk boxes, low hums

side e - the nature hippie

mini plants, cloud-watching, star gazing, damp forests, sandy beaches, ocean waves, wildflowers, hiking, iced lemon tea, gardening, hippie music, buttered toast, birds chirping, multi-colored leaves, evening sunlight, fruit cups, sundresses

side f - the rebel

cherry lollipops, devil hand signs, grape flavored bubble gum, rock music, killer boots, dark make-up, horror movies, denim jackets, switchblades, handguns, stargazing on rooftops, glowing cigarettes, large headphones, skull rings, converse shoes, graffiti murals, glowing moonlight, rose thorns, fishnet stockings

side g - the winter

busy cafes, oversized hoodies, drizzling rain, small snowflakes, marshmallows in hot chocolate, loose hair, sad music, reading a book, blanket forts, frozen lakes, crackling fireplaces, old movies

side h - the summer

tank tops, lemonade, sunny days, dripping popsicles, short haircuts, tinted sunglasses, cotton candy, amusement parks, traveling, blasting music on the car radio, wagging dog tails, large sunflowers, snow cones

side i - the autumn

pumpkin lattes, warm bakeries, warm colors, hair braids, soft sweaters, colorful leaves, purring cats, dark chocolate bars, romance movies, soft music, zentangling, vintage cameras

side j - the spring

floral scents, peach tea, mint shampoo, tinkling laughter, video cassettes, colorful paintings, excited smiles, lollipop sticks, blooming flowers, melting snow, action movies, singing in the shower

side k - peachy–renjun’s aesthetic

Milky midday baths, stardew valley, light eyeshadow, lip gloss, soft hair, eye smiles, freckles, ripped jeans, soft sweaters, loose camisoles, dainty rings, sunny days, beaches, loud music, long car rides with the windows down, bad singing, fruits and flowers, iced tea, ice cream, lingering hugs, flirtatious smiles, kissing, white sheets, morning smiles, baking at midnight, tattoos

side l -eating-boy-hearts’ aesthetic

horror movies, finger guns, hotel rooms, steaming hot showers, silly costumes, neck kisses, lipstick stains, faded perfume, 5am skies, pink sand beaches, silk ties, ripe peaches, sleepy eyes, convenience store trips, gothic buildings, rainy nights, pillow forts, love bites, hopeless romantic thoughts, romeo and juliet type love, angel’s voice from above.

side m - caiuscassiuss’ aesthetic

neon lights, pouring rain, white silk, glittering diamonds, possessive embraces, hickeys, glass and concrete, stumbling on a sidewalk at 2am, late night grocery trips, redlips, long road trips at midnight, moonlight through a window, intense gazes, half-smirks, sharp cheekbones, smoke, dim rooms, tinted glasses, city skylines, city symphony, a cool kind of love

side n - plumtry’s aesthetic

awkward handshakes, lackluster winking, inside jokes, rainbows after it rains, broken earphones, dainty bracelets, stud earrings, clear mascara, holding hands, piggyback rides, dramatic entrances, crying over movies, loving anything to do with love, random posters, soft hugs, unruly baby hair, binge-watching shows

side o - guccijaee’s aesthetic

sad music, crying at three am, dark eye makeup, hopeless romantic, getting high together, all black clothes, pink hair, horror movies, spacers, love bites, chokers, acrylic nails, pencil drawings, early morning cuddles, energy drinks, soft blankets, late night ‘i love you’ texts, running hands through hair, sleeping all day

side p - def-initely-soul’s aesthetic

red velvet, dark makeup, vintage clothing, combat boots, tattoos, big earphones, painted nails, melancholy, drinking with friends at a rooftop at 3 am, star gazing, writing soft love stories, dramatic singing, smirks, hickeys, fishnet stockings, biting lips, horror movies, the occult, soft summer breeze, sun on skin, the smell of the ocean

side q - ellrouxx’s aesthetic

sad music, pastel colors, oldschool vans, indie rock, lofi, late night car lifts, spring nights at a rooftop, smell of flowers, deep green shades, dark hair, nostalgic anime movies, light makeup, campfires, sand beaches, travel thirst, cheek kisses, soft smiles, cold hands, black coffee, strawberry jam, gothic cathedrals, museum dating

side r - gucciwoojin’s aesthetic

light eye makeup, pets, pattern pants, tired sighs, earbuds, questionably hot showers, denim jackets, rainy days, reading, tea, small plants, ear piercings, tattoos, Netflix documentaries, short hair, fruit, physical activity, stressed 24/7, astrology, emotional, lowkey needy, lonely, quiet crying, inside jokes, cameras, blankets, hightop Converse, colourful 

Tagged by: @guccijaee​ and @ellrouxx​

Tagging: @dofroyo​ @tokyoblack​ @tokyoseo​ @uhuhtytrack @starryyuta and whoever else that wants to do it!