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imagining-in-the-margins · 1 year

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Inexperienced (S.R.)

Summary: Virgin!Reader has a secret no one expected, least of all Spencer.

Request: The reader is an overtly confident, social butterfly but has a secret… she’s still a virgin in every way, and it really bothers her. She’s also afraid to make the moves on her crush, Spencer, because of her inexperience. A/N: This is about Reader getting her first kiss. Check out the sequel linked at the end! Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Fluff (for Part 1) Content Warning: Embarrassment, truth or dare (game), playful teasing, confessions, first kiss, kissing Word Count: 3.5k

MASTERLIST

I’d always tried to tell the truth. Ever since I was a young girl, I found even the whitest of lies to be a little too guilt inducing to be worth it.

In fact, there had been times I’d even questioned whether my truth was, unbeknownst to me, a lie. Because of that, it had certainly been an odd experience to perform my lie detector test when I first applied for the FBI.

Over the recent years, however, I’d perfected my ability to lie — about most things, anyway.

There had been one exception. A very handsome exception who was sat beside me fiddling with the buttons on his cardigan.

Spencer Reid, my team partner of choice and the love of my life.

He just didn’t know about that second part yet.

But of course, my friends had been very aware of my feelings for the BAU’s boy genius, as well as the fact I was absolutely petrified of him finding out. So, as I sat in the comfort of Emily’s apartment, surrounded by my friends and playing a lighthearted game, I thought I would be safe.

“Truth,” I said with confidence.

I had been very, very wrong.

“Again?! Really?!” Penelope groaned.

Emily was quick to follow, with her fingers and eyebrows raised, “That is the fourth truths in a row. Seventh—if you include Spencer’s.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s a record,” JJ confirmed.

The conversation was bouncing so quickly, with each of them having perfected predicting each other’s next sentence. It was a well-oiled team, after all.

But Spencer broke pattern, butting in between quick quips to ask, “Why are we including mine?”

“I mean, by all means,” I shouted with a smile, “feel free to skip me!”

Penelope saw the easy out she’d given be and obstinately refused.

“No way. Nu-uh. If you’re going to be a party pooper, I’m going to make you pay!”

The rest of the team — including Luke this time but excluding Spencer — let out a harmony of “oooohs” in response to the threat.

“I’m ready,” I dared.

I should’ve known better than to dare.

“Do you think I’m bluffing?” she balked.

I really should’ve known better.

“You tell me, Pen-el-o-pe.”

“Okay, Miss Profiler, fine! Then my truth question to you is…”

I had been so cocky, so sure that Penelope wouldn’t dare take advantage of an innocent crush. But once she’d started, with an ever-escalating pitch until her breath ran out, I knew that I was sorely mistaken.

Penelope had a twinkle in her eye and a sickly-sweet smile on her face as she asked calmly, “Why won’t you tell boy wonder over here how you feel?”

The whole team devolved into chaos within a second. The peanut gallery was loud, but the heartbeat in my ears was even louder.

“Pfft, what?” I scoffed.

I hadn’t meant to look at him. Really, it was the last thing I’d wanted to do. But my brain couldn’t resist following her finger until she pointed directly at the boy to my right.

Spencer looked at me, also. We both stared at each other for a second with confusion and — more notably — embarrassment plastered all over our faces.

I wondered which part of it embarrassed him. I’d hoped it had been the attention, but the quiet voice in my head assured me that it was me that he found embarrassing.

“What? Spencer?” I asked.

As soon as I said his name, I watched one side of his lip twitch into a smile. It made my stomach fully flip, and I looked away as quickly as I could. Of course, that just put my attention back on the group currently laughing at how we were the perfect pair of obvious and oblivious.

“Uh-yeah,” Penelope snickered.

“What are you talking about? We’re friends. He knows that,” I stated so matter-of-factly that it almost sounded fake.

We were friends. I just wanted a little more than… friends.

I turned to the man in question again, but this time, his smile was different. It was lopsided and half-hearted, and it made me feel even worse for putting the spotlight on him.

“Right?” I asked him.

For a second, Spencer looked like he wanted to say something. But then he just cleared his throat.

“Yeah, of course,” he said. “We’re friends.”

Just friends.

JJ, the typical mother of the group, had tried her best not to laugh. However, after four glasses of wine and no intentions of driving home that night, JJ’s lips had gotten loose.

“Is that what they’re calling it nowadays?” she slurred in a feigned whisper to the woman beside her.

Emily was less inebriated than the others, it seemed. At least, that seemed to be the simplest answer for why she sighed and waved her hand in an attempt to quiet the group.

“You guys, we better stop or they’re never going to admit it.”

Her attempt failed, however, courtesy of Penelope’s number one fan.

“Yeah, right,” Luke laughed, “I give it a week. Maybe a month.”

Everything was going so fast that it felt like my brain was running in slow motion. I’d been there before. In that loud, suffocating moment where I wanted to say anything to stop the ridicule.

‘These are my friends,’ I reminded myself, ‘they’re just poking fun.’

They were good people. They just didn’t realize that in their banter, they’d stumbled into my greatest insecurity. It wasn’t entirely their fault. I’d never told them.

I’d never told them that the reason I didn’t want to confront my feelings was because it was the first time that I’d really felt like this. For most of my life, I’d convinced myself that the right time was never coming for me.

But then I met Spencer. I met him and it seemed like waiting hadn’t been a mistake, but cosmic design.

I thought Spencer had been like me. I thought it wouldn’t be humiliating to tell him that I’d never actually been kissed, much less…

I thought he was like me. It had only taken one poorly timed joke about his ex-girlfriends before I realized that I had been wrong. It only took one polaroid, one story about the time he sucked face with a serial killer for me to realize that Spencer Reid — bona fide nerd, multiple graduate, scrawny, clueless Spencer Reid — was so far out of my fucking league.

The thought of him learning all of this now, in front of all of our friends, was a little too much to handle. Like the monster in the Tell-Tale Heart, my paranoia grew until I was about ready to confess. The truth was going to come out. I couldn’t lie to him.

My breathing picked up and I felt the wine rising in my throat. No matter how hard I swallowed it, my eyes still started to feel with tears.

‘Not now,’ I begged, ‘Not like this.’

“Dare!” Spencer yelled.

Again, the group descended into chaos. This time, it was quieter. This time, the whispers and snickers were aimed towards the man who’d just done what was least expected of him.

“I-I pick dare,” Spencer repeated, “I’ll go.”

Any relief I’d felt was so, so short lived, though. Because not even a second after he’d finished his sentence, Luke spoke.

“Oh, now you’re brave? Alright, then, white knight, I dare you to kiss her.”

Spencer looked at me, and my eyes shut tightly enough to free a few of the droplets that had gathered on the edge.

I wanted to shout, to say anything at all. But ultimately, it wouldn’t take the pain away. No matter how quickly they began to pick up on the shifted tone, the damage was already done.

Before anyone could say a word to make it any worse – or worse, try to apologize – I’d stood from my seat and bolted out of the room. Just as I turned the corner into the guest bedroom, however, I’d heard a familiar voice calling my name as he followed.

Spencer hadn’t been able to stop me, though.

I shut the door and tried to catch my breath. I tried to shake off the anxiety and shame that had led me to the empty room in the first place.

I wouldn’t be alone for nearly long enough.

Spencer, knowing he was the very last person I’d wanted to see in that moment, only gave me a few seconds of silence before his voice could be heard on the other side of the door.

“Hey, are you alright?”

I stepped away from it like I would be able to hide. When I didn’t answer, though, he became bolder. The doorknob turned slowly, and before I could say no, the light from the hallway was peeking through into the room.

“I’m so sorry—" he started.

“Go away!” I shouted back while frantically wiping tears off my face.

I refused to turn around. I was too scared. Too scared of the pity on his face and my propensity for telling the truth. I was so scared that if I opened my mouth to say anything but a beg for him to leave, I would say something so much harder to forgive.

But his stubbornness was part of the reason why I’d loved him in the first place. I couldn’t fault him for only shutting the door after he’d stepped inside. I couldn’t hate him for reaching out and holding my wrist like it would shatter on impact.

If I could hate him for caring about me, this would be so much easier.

“I’m really sorry,” he whispered. He had nothing to apologize for. Still, I felt how much he’d meant it. I could feel the hesitation and trembling in his thumb as he strokes the underside of my wrist.

He never stopped long enough to count my pulse — not even for the card counting savant. There was nothing nefarious. Nothing stopping me from lying to him if I wanted to.

With my back still to him, he stepped closer. I could hear his regret in shaky breath when he said, “I should’ve told them to stop.”

“No, I’m sorry,” I answered immediately. My treacherous body turned to face him and more. My wrist twisted until it was so easy for him to lace our fingers together.

The words flowed from me so easily as long as I didn’t look him in the eyes.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m not mad at you or anything, I just… I don’t know.”

From my peripherals, I saw how Spencer tilted his head and shoulders down to meet my shrunken figure. Without saying anything, he managed to make me look up at him.

With tears in my eyes and my bottom lip firmly between my teeth, Spencer looked at me and managed to make me feel beautiful.

“If you’re worried about hurting my feelings, I just want you to know that it’s totally okay if you don’t… want to kiss me,” he said.

It almost sounded like a lie.

“I completely understand and I would never want you to do anything that makes you even remotely uncomfortable and—“

“Spencer, that’s not the problem.”

Of all the possible rejections he’d expected, that apparently hadn’t been one of them. The boy genius was caught so off guard that he didn’t even know how to reply. His body relaxed, but his jaw remained tense as he tried to run through what possibilities he had failed to account for.

Coming up short, he was forced to ask the question I’d been dreading.

“So… what is?”

“This is humiliating,” I mumbled mostly to myself.

“Why?” he asked.

I looked into eyes that always made me smile and I felt my heart stop. In fact, time itself seemed to stop. The clocks on the walls got louder and slower, like a countdown to the end of something.

Spencer looked terrified, like he was waiting for something horrible. If the voice in my head was to be believed, I guess he was, in a way.

Something would change if I told him the truth. I couldn’t know what or how, but I knew that nothing would be the same.

But… maybe that wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Maybe… it could be better.

“I didn’t want you to kiss me because I…”

I could have lied to him.

I just didn’t want to.

“I really want you to kiss me,” I said. “Just… not like this.”

Spencer’s hand went slack in mine. In a way, he’d let go without actually letting go. Just a gentle shift of his fingers from desperation to shock.

Spencer didn’t pull away. He mostly just… stood there, with his mouth hung open and his mind working slower than it ever had before. But my mind was racing, and my lips felt inclined to follow the train of thought that was now racing down the tracks.

“I want you to kiss me because you want to kiss me. Not because of a stupid dare.”

“Oh,” he said with a shaky exhale.

That was all he’d given me to work with. In a way, it was a blessing, because it didn’t sound enough like an outright rejection for me to stop my loose lips from continuing to spill the contents of my heart in front of him.

“I just wanted… if you kissed me, I wanted it to be more special than that. I wanted it to mean something.”

Like a light switch had flipped on in his brain, Spencer jolted back to his usual energy. That frantic, curious kid trapped in a man’s body was so quick to figure it out.

“Wait, have you never kissed anyone before?” he theorized.

And yeah, he was right, but he didn’t have to say it.

“Freaking profilers,” I grumbled, pulling my hand away from his to cross my arms firmly against my chest. I turned ever-so-slightly away from him before deciding, “You know what? Never mind, I don’t want you to kiss me anymore.”

A bold lie.

Spencer didn’t believe me nor let me get too far. With both hands on my shoulders, he quickly turned me back to him.

“Wait! Wait, is that why you were embarrassed?”

My lips puckered to stop my heart from letting anything else out. My eyes avoided his, no matter how insistent and inviting he was. I pursed my lips tightly enough together that Spencer could hear the answer in the body language.

And with the sweetest, shyest smile I’ve ever seen, he whispered back, “(Y/n) that’s… that’s really sweet.”

It was just so genuine. I was no good at telling when someone was lying, but I had been very experienced in telling the truth.

I knew he had meant it. I just didn’t know why. But in the spirit of truth telling, I decided to simply ask.

“How is that sweet?”

“You want me to be your first kiss,” he said. With incredulity in every part of his expression, he chuckled, “I’m flattered you think so highly of me.”

“I don’t know why, seeing as no one else was interested,” I grumbled.

Spencer did not appreciate the self-deprecating humor. In fact, he was very quick to disprove its contents.

“I promise you that there have been people that wanted to kiss you,” he assured me. Then, with a brief pause after he realized the web he’d gotten himself stuck in, Spencer gave me his own admission.

“You’re, uh… you’re looking at one of them.”

In that moment, between our lopsided smiles and white flags, I realized how silly this had all been. I wondered for a brief second how this could have gone so differently, how we had wasted so much time obstinately refusing to admit what we both felt out of fear of losing one another.

But we never would have. Still, as I reached out and embraced him without the heavy weight of that burden on my back, I didn’t regret waiting.

In fact, it almost seemed like that was how it had always been meant to be.

“Thanks, Spencer,” I said into his shirt. “Sorry I was weird.”

He just laughed, holding me even closer than I’d ever thought possible as he promised, “I wouldn’t change a single thing about you.”

And I knew that he’d meant it. There wasn’t a lie to be found.

Leaving the room after that had been so easy. The world had changed for us so quickly in a matter of minutes that I’d almost forgotten no one else knew what was going on. But I suppose the disruption had been enough of a punishment for their meddling.

I couldn’t hate them when Spencer’s hand was in mine. I couldn’t fault them at all for giving us that push — no matter how humiliating it had been — because in the end, I had everything I could ever ask for. I had everything I needed.

The rest of the night was like it always was. No one said a word about the way Spencer never let his hand leave me in some way, shape, or form. No one even mentioned the fact that our longing stares had changed to something else.

Everyone just had fun, knowing that they had been right about Mrs. Obvious and Mr. Oblivious.

As the night wound down, I found myself dreading leaving. Not only because Spencer had been the designated driver — and a terrible driver, at that — but because that meant he would have to leave.

When he parked the car in my driveway, I thought of what I could do to prolong the inevitable. I hadn’t been expecting him to be quite as much of the gentleman as he was, but I wasn’t going to complain when he hopped out of the driver’s side and ran over to open my door for me.

The walk to my door was silent and felt like forever. I almost wanted to invite him in, but I knew what his answer would be. It had been late, and a lot had happened. I was sure we both agreed that it was alright to take it slow.

I mean, look how long it had taken to get us there.

Once we arrived at my door, Spencer let go of my hand. He still stayed just as close, though. From mere inches away, he looked down at me with an affection so blatant it made my cheeks burn.

I was about to open my mouth to say goodnight when I decided that I had something better to ask, instead.

“Truth or dare?”

Spencer smiled. He swayed even closer, backing me against the entrance and whispering his answer inches from my lips.

“Dare.”

I knew he could feel the way my breath shook. He could see how my eyelids began fluttering shut before I’d given him his instruction.

That wouldn’t stop me, though.

“I dare you to kiss me.”

Spencer’s hands touched me first. He cradled my face before pressing his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes, unsure if I could handle the yearning in his eyes. I didn’t know what to expect, so I just stood patiently, counting the quick beats of my heart, and feeling the warmth of his breath fanning over my lips.

But then, just before I thought he would kiss me, he moved. Spencer tilted my head down and quickly pressed a gentle, chaste kiss against my forehead.

Even that innocent touch lit my body on fire. I opened my eyes, surprised to find that he wasn’t finished yet. I giggled as his kisses continued — one on each cheek before the quickest on the tip of my nose.

I laughed, a sound filled with excitement and my love for that silly boy. Spencer pulled away then, and I almost had the chance to be disappointed.

But then he kissed me. Without any hesitation, no moment of anticipation, he pulled my body forward while simultaneously pushing it back. He kissed me with soft lips and gentle hands.

Eventually, I had the sense to kiss him back. I knew it would be shier and less practiced, but he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he smiled against my lips once he felt it. He continued his attempts to kiss me until our smiles and laughter were too much to keep it up.

When he stepped back and away then, I felt no disappointment. I felt nothing resembling anything bad, and Spencer seemed equally satisfied.

He still felt the need to explain himself, though. Just in case.

“Not because of the dare,” he said with a shrug and a smile, “Just because I wanted to.”

Then, with the complete lack of grace that I’d loved him for, he stumbled back down the stairs with an awkward wave.

“Goodnight,” he said before I returned it with a promise.

“Until next time.”

I had a feeling we'd have even more fun with that one.

To be continued...

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