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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 10 months

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The Duff 14

Warnings: groping, insecurity, food and body issues, manipulation, and the usual. Proceed with caution.

Feedback is always welcome. Love you and thanks for the wonderful responses so far.♥♥♥♥

Image credit (I want to give dues where due but don’t want the creator to keep getting tagged in my posts as I have been approached by some before that they don’t want me in their notifs)

You skip lunch, trying to make up for missed time. The hours fly by and you only look up from your desk as Marnie packs up. You wish her a good night and Taylor leaves soon after without a word.

You cradle your forehead and pull your phone closer, flipping it over. Notifications stack on the lock screen unnoticed as you keep it muted in the office. You don't need Gloria lecturing you again about professionalism.

That most of the notifications are messages from Curtis both surprises you and doesn't. You fully thought he was too mad to bother yet he's left a scroll of texts. He's a bit much, too much.

Ugh, you don't know. You put down the phone and rub your eyes. It's just all too fast. You're panicking. And clueless. You just really don't know if you're blowing it out of proportion.

You retrieve your phone and flip up the lockscreen. You thumb through your contacts and hit Stephanie's name. You hesitate, hovering over the keyboard.

'Hey, sup?'

Hopefully she answers. You can ask her about Curtis. Or maybe you're better off just forgetting him. You're almost too embarrassed to tell anyone. You're probably being stupid.

You go back to your work. Gloria is already gone. You barely saw her before she left for the courthouse and Charles dipped out after his lunch. You might be the only person left in the office.

You enjoy the solitary. You feel like you haven't been alone in forever. You never realised how much you actually enjoy it.

Your steady typing fills the silence. You ease into the lull, the sky dimming through the windows, casting a haze over your cubicle. You save the file and check the time. You should go. At this point, you're working for free.

The click of a door handle frightens you. You assure yourself it's just the cleaner but the scuff of a sole assures you otherwise. Andy lets out a garbled noise.

"Shoot, sorry, I didn't realise anyone was still here," he says.

"Just about to leave," you grab your phone and make a face at the new alert. Even more messages and none from Stephanie.

"Avoiding home?" Andy wonders as he pulls shut his office door.

"Not exactly," you shut down your computer and grab your bag from under your desk, "just… not in a hurry."

"I know the feeling. Not rearing to sit down to a microwave steak and powdered potatoes," he kids, "you know what people never warn you about when you divorce? The cooking."

You force a laugh. It's nice of him to humour you. You suppose your problems could be worse. You don't have to worry about custody or alimony or really anything but yourself. Maybe that's why Curtis is making you so anxious.

"Not tryna be inappropriate but you have any suggestions? Might be better off grabbing something on the way."

"Er," you shoulder your bag, "the taco place isn't too bad from what I hear. My friends said it was amazing.:

"You didn't go?"

"Uh, no," you admit as you rub your neck, making the awkward shuffle towards the door ahead of him, "I was busy."

You won't admit that they didn't invite you and that you were at home watching their Insta stories about the ghost pepper salsa. No one needs to know that. You wish you could forget that altogether.

"Hmm, I don't mind Mexican," he follows you through the door, "how about you? What's for dinner?"

"I don't know, cereal," you scoff as you head down the stairs, "easier than cooking."

He's quiet as the stairs creak beneath his feet. The old building groans as you come down to the main floor. You don't even feel much like eating.

"I hate to be… too forward but you wanna join me for tacos? My treat."

"Hmm?" You pause at the door and glance back at him.

"I mean, you want something quick and I hate eating alone. Every night. In front of the TV."

You feel a pluck of sympathy. You can't tell if he's playing it up or joking. You also don't know how acceptable it would be to have dinner with your boss.

"You don't have to stay. We can grab take out and you can enjoy it at home."

You keep your hand on the door and tap your toe. It's just food, right? You hate to turn down a free meal and Andy's harmless.

"If I'm being honest, I really just don't wanna walk in by myself. I feel like a bit of a sad sack," he lowers his voice. "So?"

You tilt your head back and forth. It will be a good excuse not to look at your phone. You tuck the cell phone on the side pocket of your bag and give a smile.

"Sure, why not? If you're paying, I'm not complaining."

#curtis everett x reader #dark curtis everett #curtis everett #dark!curtis everett #snowpiercer #au #drabble #the DUFF #series #andy barber #defending jacob

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ladykibutsuji · 11 months

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“A HELPING HAND”

Tsugikuni Brothers x Reader

Yoriichi x Reader x Michikatsu / Kokushibo

MODERN AU

Fluff

This is connected to my Series named "Treat you better" but the timeline is different for it happened around their Senior High School Years. (A flashback/Backstory in short)

(PART 2 FOR "TREAT YOU BETTER" WILL BE RELEASED AFTER THIS.)

The final exams were approaching so as expected you had a lot of school works to do.

What a bad timing isn't it?

You couldn't fully focus on your school works and project due to the problems you are having at the moment, especially your "problems" at home.

Because of these distractions, school works keep on increasing and it was getting harder day by day to catch up.

Papers scattered all around your room, books tossed over to the side, ballpens on the floor, broken pencil on your side and a broken cup of coffee laying onto the cold ground.

"Fuck this!" You cussed under your breath while you placed your fingers in your hair.

You have been trying to catch up with your school works from morning to night and still now you still had a lot to do it was like nothing was progressing at all. Even your problems at home keep on getting worser and worser.

Your best friend Aizetsu offered to help but you shut them down including your other friends aswell, it was too much for you to handle at the moment and you didn't want to relay on them.

BUZZ BUZZ

You ignored the notifications coming from your phone as you continued writing on a piece of paper, one hand moving onto the paper and your other supporting your head.

RING RING

Someone was ringing you up and you got annoyed by this so you just decided to mute your phone and went back to doing your thing.

—

WITH YORIICHI AND MICHIKATSU:

"tch, she won't answer". Michikatsu huffed, he was basically spam calling the girl to get her to answer.

Yoriichi then gave him a concerned look, he was very worried for Y/N since she was acting off for the past few days and not to mention, a high schooler who was a friend of Y/N told yoriichi that she have been avoiding her own friendgroup.

Michikatsu let out a sigh and rolled his eyes at yoriichi, "This may sound stupid but we should drive over to her house to check her well-being."

"I agree" The younger brother answered without hesitation.

—

BACK WITH Y/N

You accidentally fell asleep while doing your school works. You were getting comfortable in your sleep until you heard a knock on your bedroom's door

KNOCK KNOCK

You woke up to the sounds of the knocking. irritated, you went over to the door and only opened it half-way. At the door was your maid Kyushina who came to inform you about something

"Lovely night isn't it ma'am L/N? My apologies if I am interrupting you right now I just want to let you know that you have Two visitors outside."

Without Kyushina mentioning the name you already knew who it is. "Tell them I'm not available." You said in a annoyed tone, Kyushina bowed her head before walking away "As you wish Ma'am L/N."

You then shut the door harshly which made the maid flinched.

After a few minutes you just sat in your chair and Continued on doing your project. You were about to finish it until a loud noise caught your attention. Curious you decided to check it out yourself so you walked downstairs

"Sir no! You can't visit her! Ma'am L/N's orders!"

"listen great sirs I know you are worried about ma'am L/N but we are going to get fired if you interrupt her!"

"I'M NOT GONNA STOP UNTIL SHE SHOWS HERSELF"

"brother please calm down"

"sir keep your voice down please!"

You peeked over and saw 4 of your securities struggling against the brothers and your maid Kyushina panicking and trying to convince them that you want no visitor while the other maids were terrified watching the scene Infront of them.

Feeling hopeless, you gave in and decided to fix this issue yourself since the securities and maids wasn't doing much.

"it's fine, let go of them" you demanded as the securities and maid looked at you obeying your orders.

They then walked away, leaving you with the twin brothers.

"Y/N? You look sick are you okay?" Yoriichi asked as he rushed to you, you gave him a nod.

Michikatsu walked towards the both of you slowly and as he was approaching closer he noticed how your body and face changed.

Your eyes and nose were swollen, your hair was very messy and your smell...not to mention you looked like you haven't eaten for days.

Michikatsu then placed his hand on your head gently patting it "Y/N, Tell us what happened." He asked though it was more like he was DEMANDING an answer

You wanted to lie and say that you are okay but before you could answer your head started to hurt and your vision became blurry in a second all these lead you to lost balance of yourself.

You thought you were going to land on the floor but yoriichi catched your whole body on time while michikatsu held your left hand tight.

"Are you okay?" They asked in a sync.

You couldn't answer properly since your head hurts a lot so yoriichi assisted you to sit down to the nearest couch.

Michikatsu got you a glass of water and you drank the water quickly, "Slow down." Michikatsu said. You were drinking like you haven't drink water for the whole day.

"So mind explaining to-" Yoriichi interrupted his older brother "Brother, I don't think Y/N is in the perfect condition right now to answer our questions. We should let her rest first"

Michikatsu was annoyed by the way yoriichi interrupted him but he understands yoriichi's point so he just huffed.

"I-i'm completely" she stuttered saying the full sentence and was trying to get up though it was obvious she was struggling on her knees "-fine"

Michikatsu stopped her from standing up and told her to rest there until she's completely fine, "Your body language doesn't say so." The older brother stated.

"you don't understand, I have to get up.." she took a deep breath "The deadline is in 2 days I still have a lot to do if I don't finish this I will fail and my parents will..."

Michikatsu sighed at you for being stubborn. Seeing you at your state he decided to lend you a helping hand. "I see, you have been stressing about your academics huh? no need to worry I and yoriichi will help you finish them up.", Yoriichi then looked at his brother "It's rare for you to hel-"

"shut up", with that michikatsu called Y/N's maids to help her. "I don't wanna be burden, I can't accept this" despite trying to decline their helping hand yoriichi and michikatsu didn't listened to you and they left you with no other choice than to accept their offer.

When the maids arrive they quickly assisted Y/N, bringing her food and drinks while yoriichi asked where she placed her school works. "In my room but I must say it's very chaotic there right now." You stated while eating onigiri, "permission to enter your room?" Yoriichi asked in a calm manner

You gave him a slight nod and after your approval both of them assured you that they will help you finish your school works within the day.

Upon arriving at your room yoriichi couldn't help but noticed alot of papers scattered all around and still broke cup of glass on the floor "We should clean this up first" yoriichi suggested and michikatsu just nodded his head.

TIME SKIP

After eating and taking a warm bath, you fell asleep on the guest room since your room was occupied with the tsugikuni Brothers helping you with school works.

You were sleeping soundly when you heard a gentle knock on your door which made you wake up, "Come in" you said in a sleepy tone

The younger tsugikuni brother opened the door and greeted you asking you about your condition and you just replied that you are a bit more relaxed now. He then sat on your other side of bed

"my older brother is almost done with your other project and I already did my part so I came here to check on you"

You then sat up on her bed and thanked yoriichi "I'm really sorry for making you guys do my homework" she added. "no you shouldn't be sorry, we saw how stressed you are and we don't want you to stress out because of academics. After all I don't want my future wife suffering we are friends right?" Yoriichi said with a smile

You returned him a smile, "do you wanna hangout today? to lighten up your mood" yoriichi suggested to which you happily nodded at.

"wait let me get ready" you said and yoriichi gave you a slight nod and walked out of your guest room.

After getting ready, you then went downstairs and found yoriichi there waiting for you.

"where's michikatsu?" You asked tilting your head. Yoriichi was only expecting for the both of you to be hanging out though it's okay for him to have his brother tag along but he really was expecting a little date on a hangout just between the both of you

"oh right, wait I'll call him" yoriichi rushed towards the stairs calling for his brother, after a few minutes michikatsu came down stairs and immediately asked you if you were doing okay to which you said "Yes, I'm doing fine thanks for checking up on me"

"good to know, also do you have any ideas on where we are supposed to hangout?" He asked yoriichi, yoriichi was just quiet because he actually didn't think of a place.

You noticed that yoriichi was too quiet so you just answered for him and decided to bring them to a park that is 20 minutes away. "What about we go at Asaoki park? It's also surrounded by a lot of cafes and cute restaurants" you suggested. Yoriichi agreed at your idea and so did michikatsu.

Michikatsu did the driving and yoriichi sat in the passenger's seat while you in the back. you were getting close to your destined location but michikatsu said something that caught your whole attention

"I couldn't sleep properly for the past few days ever since you have been avoiding us." He paused for a bit looking at the other side of the road "You should of have atleast opened up to us it's quite unfair when we are with you through your joyful days but can't be with you through sorrow."

Hearing his words you realized that he has a point, you can't be pushing your friends who's Just trying to help you..

You realized that they care about you more than you think which made you smiled genuinely.

Yoriichi noticed this through the mirror in the car's front, "that's more like it." He said finally having peace in him since you were getting better.

After a few more minutes you finally arrived at the park and you parked at the parking area. Yoriichi got out first opening the car door for you to exit while michikatsu followed after him

Entering the park, the 3 of you were mesmerized by the beautiful scenery it was indeed relaxing a perfect place to chill and relax if you are stressed.

Yoriichi had to excuse himself for a bit because someone was ringing his phone leaving you with michikatsu for a short while. The both of you decided to sit down at the nearest bench enjoying the calm environment.

It was silent for a while until michikatsu spotted a cute kitten near the other bench, he excused himself to you since he was planning to take the kitten and carry it back to you but unfortunately when he got a hold of the kitten some random stranger with a brown hair and green eyes approached you.

"hey there cutie~ looking sexy today do you wanna go out?" The random guy asked though it was clearly displayed on your face that you had such no interest In this.

"no." You declined but this didn't stop the stranger from trying to annoy you over and over again, michikatsu noticed your discomfort so he decided to take things onto his hands.

Michikatsu approached you and secured your waist using his arm while the other was holding a kitten, he pulled you close to him making you shocked at his sudden actions

"Do you have any problems with my girlfriend sir?" Michikatsu asked slightly tilting his head while giving him a death glare. The glare was enough to send shivers down the guy's spine.

The guy then broke a sweat and chuckled nervously "uuh no! I was just asking her for directions I'm a bit lost..i-i'll get going!" The guy quickly rushed out from both your sights.

Even when the guy was no longer in sight, michikatsu still haven't let go of your waist thus still making you still close to each other. You didn't even noticed how red you were and michikatsu was just staring at you calmly asking you if you were okay

Someone from behind you cleared their throat which caught his and your attention. Michikatsu quickly pulled away from you letting go of your waist and distancing himself. Yoriichi tilted his head "did something happened while I was gone?" He asked curiously.

The both of you answered 'no' but yoriichi was still suspicious about this, michikatsu then noticed that yoriichi have a little box in his hand, "what's that?" He asked

"a gift for Y/N" he happily answered, he walked closer to her and gave the small box to you and when you opened it there was a Heliotrope inspired necklace inside.

[Heliotrope symbolizes enternal love]

When You saw this you smiled and let out an 'aweee' sound "thank you yori!" You thanked him quickly putting the necklace on your neck while michikatsu and yoriichi watched you.

"no problem, it does reminds me of how I feel about you but I should of have gotten you a yellow hyacinth too since it reminds me of how I just felt a minute prior"

[Yellow Hyacinth symbolizes jealousy]

You didn't really know the meaning of the yellow hyacinth and heliotrope flowers so you just assumed that he probably thinks of you as a good friend while michikatsu only knowing what the heliotrope means just looked at yoriichi.

You finally found a good cafe from around the park to chill for a bit and as soon as you entered you noticed 2 girls drooling over the tsugikuni Brothers, you just sighed at this because who wouldn't find them attractive?

You were at the counter saying the tsugikuni's brothers orders and yours and when you were just about to pay for the food and drinks someone else managed to do it first.

"michikatsu? I told you it was my treat" you scolded.

"oops"

You pouted and he just gave you a smile with a peace sign on his hand, the both of you then walked over to where yoriichi is seating.

"so how's your acting lessons?" You asked the both of them to which they replied both replied "It's fine"

"I got a job offer, I'll probably take it after I finished my senior year." Michikatsu added, "are you seriously thinking about that offer from that guy?" Yoriichi asked Michikatsu in a more disgusted tone, The both just stared at each other for a short while until you broke the silence

"who's that guy?" You asked, yoriichi was about to open his mouth when michikatsu interrupted him "Forget it."

You just tilted your head In confusion and just let it pass since it looks like a sensitive topic for the both of them. Your orders then arrived after a few minutes and you happily ate in peace

"we should go to an arcade after this is done!" You suggested while happily eating your dessert, michikatsu and yoriichi agreed since it's been a while they went to an arcade.

After finishing your meals the 3 of you went to the nearest arcade, it was a big arcade and there are a few people who's playing at the machines. Yoriichi went to pay for the tokens so you guys could play and as soon as the tokens arrived you dragged both the brothers to the photo booth.

At first this wasn't so familiar to both the brothers so they just followed the instructions said by the voice inside the booth, the 3 of you sat in the chair. Yoriichi on the left Michikatsu on the right and you in the middle imagine getting sandwiched by fine brothers

Please choose a filter

You clicked on the normal one

Please stare at the camera ready?

Yoriichi muttered a 'yes' which wasn't really needed so you just slightly giggled at him

1..2..3

The 3 of you posed at the 1st shot taken and continued on doing different poses until the 6th Shot.

Perfect! Your image is being printed.

Upon hearing this you went outside the booth to collect the picture and the two brothers followed after you after receiving the picture you looked at the photo like a big idiot smiling you couldn't help it due to the fact that both the brothers were so fine and you being in the middle was the icing on the top.

"we should go there" yoriichi pointed at the claw machine and michikatsu huffed "That machine is a scam."

"well there's no harm if we just try" you said as yoriichi smiled happily approaching the claw machine, michikatsu who already got trauma for spending hundreds on this machine and still not getting any price he went to a different machine not so far away from the both of you

"calm down...focus" you said as yoriichi was moving the claw trying to find the perfect chance to drop, the both of you were so focus and invested in the machine that when the claw landed and managed to grip on a cute bunny plushie you were basically excited encouraging yoriichi to go on and yoriichi was still very focused.

After what seems like years the claw finally dropped the bunny plushie on the right spot, yoriichi muttered a 'yey' while you congratulated him for winning the price.

Yoriichi then grabbed the plushie just to give it to you, "are you sure?" You asked, you feel really bad since he just gave you a necklace a little while ago but yoriichi just gave you a smile and respond "Of course, it's for you after all you are going through your hell days aren't you? Think of this as a little gift for surviving"

You hugged him for being kind and yoriichi returned the hug, luckily for him since he was taller than you and you were still hugging him you couldn't notice the blush and smile he had on his face but the brother from the other machine noticed it

You accepted the plushie and you were basically patting its head "so cute" you expressed while yoriichi thought that you were cuter

JACKPOT JACKPOT

The loud Jackpot sound caught your and yoriichi's attention, it was michikatsu hitting the jackpot and earning about 10k Tickets

You and yoriichi then went over to michikatsu amazed by how he managed to hit the jackpot since the machine he was playing was pretty complicated, you didn't even know how it works

"congrats brother" yoriichi congratulated him and michikatsu nodded. Since there were still plenty of tokens left you decided to try a different machines with the brothers.

There were some competitive games and yoriichi always beated michikatsu which made michikatsu more eager to beat his brother, yoriichi noticing how his brother is still struggling to fight against him he just let him wins.

After the tokens ran out, michikatsu said that he will be converting his tickets into the arcade card he still has, "I still have plenty of tickets left in my arcade card since I sometimes hangout in some arcades when I'm bored, I'll just be converting my new tickets onto this card." With that he walked to the counter leaving you seating on the waiting area with yoriichi who was drinking water.

While waiting you decided to have a little chat with yoriichi about your life and you didn't even noticed that minutes have passed.

You felt a warm jacket on your shoulders only to find michikatsu's hand on your shoulders with a new jacket that's in dark purple.

"I thought that this would suit you." He expressed while yoriichi agreed at his brother's opinion.

"Well it's still pretty early don't you think we should go to the nearest beach and watch the sunset? I really want to see the sunset today.." you pleaded and michikatsu took a look on his watch

"the nearest beach is about 1 hour away, and it's currently 5:45 do you think we can make it? There might be a traff-" he stopped talking when he saw your cute face begging him to take you to the nearest beach, he couldn't resist that face of yours so he sighed "Fine, we'll do something about it."

The 3 of you rushed over to the car, and as soon as you got into the car michikatsu gave the both of you a warning "buckle up, this ride will be fast." After you and yoriichi buckled up michikatsu took a deep breath and oh boy....it was a really chaotic ride.

Michikatsu was speeding over the limits and it was a miracle of how a cop isn't onto the 3 of you yet.

Yoriichi was pretty chill about it despite of the speed but you were literally telling him to calm down a bit because there were people on the streets and you might accidentally crash into another car or worse a truck.

After a few minutes you arrived just in time.

6:50

After michikatsu parked the car, you and the brothers decided to watch at the bridge that is just above the beach. It was a perfect place to watch the sunset since it was on clear view.

Upon arriving at the bridge you sat on a bench while yoriichi sat besides you and michikatsu on the back of the bench just standing resting his arms on the back.

"why won't you seat?" You asked, "It's wet." He responded

"so?"

"I don't want to get myself dirty."

"it's just water"

"so?"

You just sighed, this man was sassy as hell.

The sun was already coming down, seeing the sunset was kinda relaxing.

Michikatsu then rested his chin on your shoulders while yoriichi was holding your hand, you took a deep breathe enjoying this moment because you may never get a moment like this again

"the sunset is beautiful isn't it?" You asked.

"I still think the moon is more beautiful"

OFF-SCREEN

• Michikatsu didn't want to let go of your waist but he had to because his younger brother was there.

• Yoriichi was actually planning to buy you a hairclip aswell but didn't had time to do so because he saw Michikatsu holding your waist.

• This story is inspired by my real life situation where I am stressed out by academics and life problems the only difference is I had no one to be there for me in times of needs.

DEAR READER,

If you are ever stressed about academics or other problems please take a break! Everybody deserves a good break.

Taking care of yourself is important and thank you so much for reading this<3

#kimetsu no yaiba #kny #fanfiction #demon slayer #yoriichi x reader #michikatsu x reader #kokushibo

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triviallytrue · 10 months

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forget if you've made a post about this but. you've talked before about the impossibility of moderation at scale & needing better tools to control a user's personal experience instead. In that area, what are the features that you'd think a site like tumblr needs/should build?

the big one is a better private blog system, more like twitter's private account system

password protected blogs have a lot of issues: they're inefficient (you have to enter the password every time you view them), they're isolated from the tumblr ecosystem (people can't follow them, their posts don't show up on the dash), they're easy to leak (just post the password!), there's no automatic system for requesting and granting access (you have to message people to ask for and distribute passwords), and there's no good way to revoke the access of a single user (you have to change your password and then redistribute it to everyone else)

twitter works on a simpler and much more elegant system:

anyone can see the header for a private account and can request to follow it, but posts (and likes and follows) are hidden

follow requests are approved or rejected by the account owner

tweets from a protected account can't be retweeted but can be liked and replied to, and are visible on the timelines of approved followers

any account can be taken private or public at any time, without compromising the access of preexisting followers

access can be revoked via a softblock (blocking and unblocking someone), at which point they can request access again but won't have it

there's a culture on twitter of both people having private accounts where they can be more personal and taking their large public accounts private when they attract a storm of harassment, and i would love to import both of those to tumblr

other nice features:

posts that can only be reblogged by people you follow. allows for discussion but prevents breaking containment.

a mute function that works as a companion to the block function in preventing you from seeing any version of a post where the muted person has a reblog with a comment, currently the only way to do this is content-filtering their username

a change to the like notifications that lets the op tell which version of a post was liked

there's some more outlandish stuff i've thought about too (mass block everyone who liked x version of y post) but these are the ones that i think would have the most immediate impact and the fewest downsides

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the-wip-project · 6 months

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SloMo WriNo: Getting Into The Writing Zone

A week into the challenge, and how are you doing?

From talking to people in the discord I’ve been hearing a similar sentiment phrased in different ways. That it’s hard to muster the self discipline to sit down and write day after day, that it’s hard to get the first words out, or to even hard to open the laptop.

If you’re not used to writing daily, after the first excitement wears off it starts to feel quite hard. And as one person said: sometimes it doesn’t feel worth it to go through the effort of starting if you’re only going to write 200 words anyway.

I have good news and bad news. The good news is that it will get easier if you stick with it. The bad news? Establishing a new habit takes work.

But here are some tips that I find helpful. (And if they look awfully similar to how to get past executive dysfunction? That’s because it’s more or less the same thing.) You don't have to implement all of them, and you won't find any secret shortcuts here. But if you're struggling, try a few things.

To start with it’s a good idea to create some small rituals and a ‘writing space’ that cue your mind and body that this is writing time. Now I’ve talked previously about being adaptable and writing at times and in places that you might not consider ideal. So how does that work for creating a writing space?

No matter where you are you can create a writing environment. Make the background color of your writing document a different color from what you use for work or play. (one you find soothing and pleasant). Make a playlist that you only listen to while writing. (Or alternatively choose something specific from an ambient sounds mixer). If you can, change your body position and location. If you normally work or do homework sitting at a desk, try standing to write, or sitting on the floor, couch, bed. Relocate to a different room, or even (and this is lux level) a different place.

If at all possible, write offline. If you can’t do that, mute or close any tabs that will ding or flash with notifications.

I’ve been told that the hands down best way to do this is having a separate laptop or tablet that you only use for writing. I’ve never done that (that pesky money thing) but if you have the finances for that it might be worth trying.

Once you’re all set up to write, set a timer, for a relatively short period of time. Somewhere in the 15-30 minutes zone, and promise yourself that all you have to do is write for that time period. If it’s not working after that you don’t have to continue. In fact, if you’re really tired/not feeling it you don’t have to write at all! Simply read over your writing from the previous session (with full permission to tweak as you wish) and then make some notes for what ideas you have about what comes next.

The trick here is obvious, usually if you get as far as looking at your words, then you end up writing a bit. But if you’re really not feeling it, do not break that promise to yourself, either by forcing yourself to write, or by feeling guilty about not writing. It makes it all the more harder to convince yourself next time if you know deep down that you’re making false promises.

What’s the point of going through all that and then not writing? Or even what is the point of it all to only write 2-300 words?

Habit.

Right now you're building a habit. Once the habit is established, it will get easier and easier to slip into the writing zone with a few cues, and easier still to write those 2-300 words without a lot of painful decision-making, stern self-discipline, or ugh, willpower. But it will take time to get there. Weeks, or maybe even longer. Do your best to find a way to stick with it.

It can help a lot if you have a buddy or group to report to. (Obligatory WIP discord mention.) Sometimes I just need to message a friend and say ‘tell me to write’ to get me past the initial inertia. (If they can write at the same time as you that’s a huge bonus!)

As I said at the beginning, nothing about any of this is new or unique advice. You’ve no doubt seen most, if not all of it before. And you can feel a little silly trying to trick your subconscious with playlists and screen colors. But it works for a lot of people. (including me!) So what have you got to lose?

(and it should go without saying, if what you’re feeling is bigger than trouble with writing, seek professional help. Your mental health is more important than any writing project.)

#slomowrino #executive dysfunction #getting into the writing zone

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armpirate · 1 month

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Kalla | Choi San || Chapter 2

MASTERLIST Previous || Next

Pairings: CEO!San x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, fluff, strangers to lovers.

Warnings: dom!San, sub!reader, voyeourism, use of sex toys, bondage, dirty talk, BDSM, exhibitionism, rough sex.

Summary: She was surprised by how fast her life went from the perfect fairytale to the destructive mess it had turned into. Dealing with a cheater ex boyfriend, having to move out to a different place because the house she lived in belonged to that man she once dreamed of spending the rest of her life with, while continuously being underappreciated at work... It was as if life was telling her to stop dreaming big, to go back to her small town, Bibury, and help her parents run the small farm her family had owned for decades.

At least until she received a call from her friend.

A sudden vacancy as an assistant showed up on one of her friend's system, having her being encouraged to take that big step and apply for it. She had no hopes for it. Mainly because she didn't have any experience on the field, and she didn't comply with most of the requirements that were added on the offer -and which most of them sounded ridiculous and exaggerated for the position, making her wonder who was the freak who needed so many guidelines in order to hire someone to pick up the phone and schedule events.

Although that hotel she'd be working on was much more than anything she could've come up with.

Choi San wasn't someone easy to deal with. After his previous assistant presented his resignation letter on his desk, he felt forced to start the whole selection process again -after merely two months.

Sure that he was being way too strict, enough to find that anyone who applied for the position wasn't enough, he asked one of his friends to be in charge of the interviews and the selection of the most adequate candidate.

Little did he know Wooyoung would hire the imperfectly perfect candidate for him, sure that she'd help him in many ways other than just in dealing with the responsibilities of his position.

A new challenge will come their way as soon as she steps inside the hotel.

Y/n will have to learn how to mold onto him and deal with all his small habits and requirements, and San will find himself trying to open up and let out all those same things that turned him into the person he was.

The more she digs in Kalla and all of its secrets and exciting corners, the deeper she'll dive into San's heart and soul... Although, maybe, she won't be able to take it.

Kalla opens its doors to you, sharing the vast amount of filthy and erotic plans it offers, and that you can join with a partner... Or maybe just by yourself.

Hope you enjoy your stay.

Chapter duration: 16 minutes

Liz: Will you go?

Rosie: Of course she will

Joanne: Unless she wants us to drag her there

Y/n rolled at the on going conversation about her, which she ironically ignored as she saw it grow on the notifications that popped on her screen, and that she only checked because her phone didn't stop buzzing.

Joane: It's a good chance

Rosie: A good chance?

Rosie: She should be thanking whatever planets got aligned today to be offered that opportunity.

She should've seen it coming when she first sent the screenshot of the email to Lizzie, before calling her out for sending out her resume even though she explicitly asked her not to do it.

Joanne: Did she mute the chat?

She didn't, but her friend had just given her an idea she didn't think about. A few taps on her screen, and the notification didn't show up at the bar and didn't make her phone make a single sound.

Despite what her friends thought, she was able to recognize the big opportunity that was offered in front of her. It was the first thought that crossed her mind when she received the confirmation email from Lizzie's company, making her aware that she was still part of a process she didn't know she was involved in. And she wasn't able to control her stomach from turning upside down when, thirty minutes later, she received another email from another company, Kalla hotel, inviting her to one short interview to get to know her.

"Your interview will take place at 4 pm. In case you didn't assist, we will believe you aren't interested in the job position anymore and your application will be erased, along with all the information we gathered from you through your resume and LinkedIn".

Excitement was slowly being replaced by a jumping into the void sensation, something that didn't let her breathe properly as she reread the email for a third time. She thought all of that was too good to be true. Even if she showed up there, she probably would end up looking ridiculous the second the interviewer tried to engage in a conversation with her in Korean -she'd certainly kill Lizzie after that. She had gone through enough humiliation in the past month, she didn't need that interview to top the cake. Because it was obvious they wouldn't pick her among all the other candidates. And, suddenly, a new scary feeling ran through her from head to toe. What if she ended up being picked and had to change her life?

She remembered how difficult it was for her to move all the way from her hometown to London to study. The uncertainty, the stress... everything was way too fresh for her, even if it had been eight years since then.

It was better if she didn't go and stayed in her lane.

But if she went and gave it a chance...

No.

—Y/n —she heard Ava's annoying voice approaching her.

Maybe it was just her personal bias, but she swore hearing her speak was only comparable to hearing nails scratching a blackboard. It almost made her whole body squirm in disgust.

—You aren't busy, right?

Her boss had sent her a research task, to find out the most common tendencies in fashion for the year, she also had to check the social media from one of the companies they worked for, not to mention she also had to prepare the documents for the meeting that would take place the next day with one of the clients... But no, she wasn't busy at all.

—Why? —she limited herself to ask, forcing a small smile.

She hated Ava with passion. And it wasn't really a type of hate that came out of the relationship they could have, which was non-existent; but a hate that was forced upon her through her actions. Ever since she stepped inside the office, supposedly to replace her because she was hired for a different job, there was a silent war going on. Although maybe it wasn't since the very beginning, when Ava still thought she was too good for the job Y/n was going to do from then and on -and that belonged to her before. It actually started when she was forced to come back, realizing she closed doors and deals before the new one was settled. After coming back, there were two people doing the same task -and clearly, that couldn't happen.

For months, she had gone through Ava's judging glares and malicious ambiguous comments. And she thought it'd be better if she passed on the promotion to give it to her, making it clear she wasn't attempting to take her place and actually respected her experience in that company -and the field. She was wrong though, it only went worse from there. She was already excluded from some gatherings among the small group of friends in the company, but it was more evident as time went by. And, if she was invited, Ava always found a way to leave it clear she wasn't welcomed -last time, by being invited and then acting like she wasn't part of the plan. It wasn't like she cared about it, she had good friends to spend quality time with; but it also went worse in the workplace, purposely excluding her from decisions that were taken as a team.

She thought freeing her way would help the situation, but it only made her ego bigger, having her looking down at Y/n at the tiniest difference in positions.

—Can you do some scrubbing? The team received a lot of feedback from all the surveys that we did, and we need the results.

—Sure. Send me the file and I'll work on it once I'm done with the tendencies.

—I need the scrubbing by the end of this week.

Y/n lifted her eyes, enraged by the ironic smile that hinted how much she enjoyed adding so much pressure on her.

As much as she would have loved to say no, she knew she couldn't. She depended on the production she did to be considered for the next promotion -either in that office or in one of the offices spread all over Europe.

—I'll do what I can —she finally nodded.

—Good.

Not even a thank you. Y/n wanted to pretend to be surprised, but she was way too used to it.

The file showed up shortly after in her email, with nothing else other than the predetermined message that Google wrote down whenever a file was shared among users. But she still shrugged it off. Y/n ignored feeling dehumanized, convincing herself she was just exaggerating the situation and taking things out of proportion.

She didn't care about it. She was already used to it. And by the time she had been working there, she had learnt to put her brain to rest when those thoughts started invading most parts of her mind.

Work was always the best way to move on from them.

At least until later that morning, when not even work was able to put her thoughts in a second place.

She was inside the small closet, where all the cleaning products were in case there was an emergency -which her coffee rushed to make after lunch all over her table. Although her body froze on the spot when she heard a voice approaching. Y/n wasn't exactly shy, but she hated those uncomfortable moments, where you had to fake a smile after you encountered someone you weren't really in a mood to see. And her boss was the last person she needed to see that day.

—It's been a busy week, but thankfully we managed to pile up all the necessary information —Adelaide stopped talking for a few seconds—. Of course, mister Banks.

Y/n recognized that name, he was one of the most important customers working with the agency. And, because of that, she worked harder on any task related to his project, looking for a visibility that could open her a door in case she decided to leave Youth for good.

—I'm glad you liked all the information we gathered, and the way it was presented. I'm really lucky with the team I have.

And just like that, her boss kicked all her effort away.

If there was any door possibly open, Adelaide slammed it in front of her face without giving it a second thought. She had done most of the work, she implanted creative ideas that even her boss praised and encouraged, and she dealt with the way it'd be presented to appeal to the design of the customer's company. Only for it all to be reduced to teamwork. A team work that never existed.

—Oh yes, Ava will lead the presentation with your partners. She's really excited to take over such a big chance.

Something broke inside of her. Her throat closed, almost as if someone was holding it in a tight grip under her skin, making it difficult for her to even breathe. She wasn't aware when she started crying, but she heard the dry sound of one of the teardrops falling over the fabric of her sneakers, rushing her to move the reverse of her hand over her cheeks and eyes to clean them up.

It was so unfair, so annoying... it made her feel so worthless. She was the one who should be presenting her work, not someone else.

She held onto the strip of her bag, looking at the building ahead of her nervously, feeling like it was taller than it was as she suddenly became smaller.

She had been thinking about the interview all day, she had been trying to fight whether to attend or not. After what happened in the archive -or better, after what she heard-, all of her will to work flew out of the window. She couldn't find any reason why to do it, and she for sure could find no motivation either. The constant questions wondering what was the point of working hard, or what would be her future in Youth were eating her alive. Or what would happen if they didn't renew her contract, or took longer than she wanted to to be promoted. She was unable to focus on her work, bombarded by her own thoughts .

Thinking about it, she didn't even finish the scrubbing that needed to be done, and that made Ava's tongue clicking sound echo in the office.

All of her questions, all of her doubts, all the reasons that left her pain aside were right in front of her, inside the tall hotel she never thought she'd step in.

She checked herself out on the clean glass that gave a clear reflection of her full body, twisting her mouth as she tried to settle the collar of her white blouse, only to have it back to the way it was before she touched it.

The reception had high walls and a long and big black counter right in the middle, with four people behind it. Her eyes lowered to her phone, checking the location again to be sure of what was the place she needed to ask four.

—Good afternoon. How may I help you? —the tall blonde woman, with both of her hands crossed over her lower belly, asked with a huge smile.

—I'm looking for meeting room number four? I don't really know if it's right. I have a job interview...

Bella, or the name she assumed she had by the white green tag hung over her dark blue blazer, gave her a comforting smile, instantly nodding.

—There have been people coming and going the past two days —she tried to reassure her—. I'll take you there. If you may follow me.

Y/n didn't know if that relaxed her a bit, or if that made her even more nervous. But she still found a way to follow the receptionist through the reception, getting into a long and wide corridor that had big translucid walls of glass every few meters, where she wasn't able to see the inside but the shape of the people that were inside of those rooms.

—You said a lot of people have been coming and going... —Y/n mentioned— What was the vibe when they left?

—The vibe? —Bella frowned, momentarily looking back at her— I guess there was a bit of everything: some were upset, others relieved, others angry... I don't really know much, but seems like the recruiter is pretty exigent.

Y/n nodded, gulping thick as she realized she was doomed whatever she said in that interview.

Probably, most of the people that left were more prepared than her. Or, at least, knew something that she didn't: the language of the country she'd work at and what was the exact position Liz applied to.

—Good luck —the blonde girl whispered as she stopped by one of the doors towards the end of the corridor, knocking at the door before leaving.

—One second —a male voice screamed from inside. After a few seconds, when she was able to hear her own breathing, he spoke again—. Come in.

Y/n pressed her lips tight, holding the silver door knob and pushing it down to get the door to open. The small room kept the same decorations and colors as the rest of the hotel, fully white with some features on the furniture in blue. The only thing that escaped the main colors were the black laptop and the man in front of it.

—Take a sit, please —he invited her.

She moved to the desk shyly, taking small steps until she reached one of the chairs to sit on it.

The man didn't seem much older than her, she'd bet he was just two or three years older. His black hair wasn't too long -enough to pick up the top on a tiny ponytail, but too short to get all of it in it-, and styled in a way that his bangs didn't move a single millimeter to his face to interrupt what he was looking at in the computer. He also wasn't as formal as she thought he'd be. Instead of the regular suit, he was wearing a blue cardigan, with nothing underneath, that allowed her to see just a glimpse of his chest.

—Y/n, right? —he interrupted, finally looking at her— You're ten minutes early.

—Am I?

She slapped herself mentally at that answer. She should've nodded and backed up the reason, giving an answer that could relate to an aptitude applicable to the position. It was already too late to change it.

—Uh-hum —he nodded—. I'm Jung Wooyoung, by the way. And I'll be leading the interview.

—Nice to meet you —she dedicated him a small smile.

He smiled back, slightly bowing at her response before he completely turned his attention on her.

—It'll be quite simple and fast —Wooyoung introduced—. You'll tell me a bit about yourself, I'll ask you some questions regarding the position, we'll also do a short practical case and we'll finish with your questions if you have any. Is that right?

—Yeah.

—Okay, start.

As she tried to think where to start exactly, she saw him getting comfortable on his chair, placing his back against the backrest. In that moment she regretted being such a conformist for the past two months while she struggled with anxiety, instead of looking for other jobs that could've given her the experience in job interviews she needed for that -or, at least, a refresher of what it was like.

—I'm currently working in a Marketing agency, as you could check in my resume. I've been working there for almost a year, doing tasks that are related to team assistance. And I also finished the Associate Degree in Business Administration four years ago.

—Why do you think you're a good candidate?

—I'm organized, I know how to work well under pressure, and I'm really passionate. I also know how to use all the resources at hand to be as efficient as possible. And I'm a fast learner. I get things easily to put them into practice fast.

—What are your strengths and your weaknesses?

— Strengths? —her eyes moved up, trying to find an answer— I'm patient, and I really mean it -I've been holding back a lot in my current position —Wooyoung giggled at that mumbled comment—. I'm also optimistic. It doesn't matter how hard the situation is, or how stressful, I always work hard to see the positive side to be able to focus on finding a solution and the proper organization. About the weaknesses...

She could've gone to the typical "I'm a perfectionist", which wasn't exactly a lie, but she didn't see it as a weakness either. Since when doing your job as good as you could was something negative?

—I'm too empathetic —she finally answered—. I guess my emotions lead my actions most of the time.

As much as she wanted to hate Ava for her attitudes, Y/n had always tried to find the reason why, getting to understand why she'd feel threatened by the new person, to the point of justifying some of her actions.

The corners of Wooyoung's eyes squinted as his smile widened at her response, nodding before he continued:

—Honestly, those three are traits you'd need to work with San —he joked—. Especially patience.

Y/n understood that he wasn't the one she'd work for.

—Do you know what's Kalla? —he felt forced to ask— Did you ever hear about it, or found information about it online?

—I know it's a hotel in Seoul after looking it up.

After looking it up, or after doing two plus two with the information Lizzie gave out as she insisted she take the interview.

—But do you know what type of hotel?

—You mean luxurious, familiar...? That type?

—Before we go on, I'm forced to tell you the nature of the hotel —he sat straight back again—. It's a love hotel.

She could feel how the muscles in her face were fighting not to open her mouth wide at that introduction.

—Kalla is a hotel that opened four years ago, and that has been consistently receiving visitors from all over the world. But also, Kalla is a line of intimate products that sells worldwide, and that has a tight connection with manufacturers in the United Kingdom. That's why English is non-negotiable. You'll assist the owner of the company, by doing the secretary work you probably know about, but you'll also do work as a communication point for partners, suppliers, clients, and you could also be required to assist the Marketing team every once in a while.

—I see —she nodded.

Considering the type of hotel it was, Y/n could just imagine the type of intimate products Wooyoung was referring to. And, all of a sudden, the position wasn't as attractive to the point of her being nervous over not getting it.

—Leaving that clear, I think we could start with the practical case. Let's say you're in charge of organizing an event in the hotel, but as a supplier, I didn't comply with the arrangements we agreed on.

As Wooyoung started to speak, Y/n paralyzed. Of course he was going to test her Korean, at the same time he tried to test her resolution skills. To avoid the uncomfortable silence that was starting to build up under his insisting gaze, Y/n finally spoke:

—I... I don't speak Korean.

Although she understood some expressions, and was proud at how she managed to understand more words than she initially expected.

—What? Your resume says...

—My friend probably added that part —she interrupted him.

Wooyoung's disappointed expression got her ready for the words that would come out of his mouth shortly after.

—I really liked your profile, but I don't think you adapt to the necessities of the position. Youdon't speak Korean, and we also need someone who has over four years of experience in a similar position, doing similar tasks.

—Four years of experience? —she cut him off, opening her eyes wide— I mean, I'd have those four years of experience if recruiters didn't keep saying they want freshly graduated people to have a decade of experience —she scoffed, trying to think through what she was saying.

—Well, it's not exactly a requirement I added, but the CEO. He wants someone that could quickly adapt to the position.

—Tell the CEO to burst his own bubble. Does he think he won't have to give some adaptation period to a person with experience? Maybe in his fairyland he won't, but in real life working fields are different, software varies from one business to another. He'd still need that person to get used to a lot of different things. Ialso don't speak Korean, so what? The translator exists. And I speak English in my current job, and it isn't like it kept my boss from degrading me. I'm a fast learner, I'm a hard worker. If you miss on it, it's your loss.

She wasn't quite sure if those last words were actually aimed at Wooyoung or at Adelaide.

She knew there was no possible way to save herself after that, she knew she was wrong in the majority of things she was saying, but she was in too deep to eat each one of those words. She couldn't backtrack after she started vomiting nonsense.

A sigh announced she was back to her senses.

—Sorry to have wasted your time.

Before Wooyoung could even speak, Y/n was already picking up all of her things and walking to the door to close it behind her.

He giggled, taking his phone out to send:

"I think I've finally found the perfect candidate for you".

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laisai · 2 years

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The OTW/AO3 Election is over

and I am going to mute my notifications now.

Go check the results here: https://www.transformativeworks.org/results-of-the-2022-board-election/ -- no, Tiffany did not win a seat.

The OTW has weathered worse than what people were scared of (like an entire Board of Directors being actively hostile to the volunteers: https://fanlore.org/wiki/OTW_2015_Board_Election or this reddit write-up) and AO3 still carried on as usual (this was 2015. I noticed nothing and I was using AO3 religiously at the time).

I won't deny that there were valid worries and concerns raised during this election, but as I've stated many, MANY times, what I am tired of seeing is overblown, exaggerated, and misinformed concerns.

We're all going to be fine, and AO3 is going to be fine. The intense response and scrutiny we had the last few days only proves that the system works. It was a good stress test and the results were positive.

There's nothing more I can add.

Good night <3

#ao3 #otw #otw elections #ao3 elections #elections #archive of our own #fanfiction #fic #fanfic

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iviarellereads · 8 months

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All Systems Red, Chapter 1

(Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Murderbot Diaries, read this one!)

In which we meet our new best friend.

(As a preface: the story is once again in past tense, but this time, first-person. "I was". My summaries will continue to be in third-person present tense because that's how my brain works, but quotes will be verbatim.)

I could have become a mass murderer after I hacked my governor module, but then I realized I could access the combined feed of entertainment channels carried on the company satellites. It had been well over 35,000 hours(1) or so since then, with still not much murdering, but probably, I don’t know, a little under 35,000 hours of movies, serials, books, plays, and music consumed.(2) As a heartless killing machine, I was a terrible failure.

Murderbot is doing its job on a new contract, hoping the two scientists, Dr. Volescu and Dr. Bharadwaj, finish soon so it can go watch episode 397 of Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon.(3) It's distracted, and kind of bored, and considers trying to figure out how to backdoor the system to listen to music without notifying the HubSystem(4) as the scientists take samples from one of the many craters on the coast.

Only, then the crater explodes.

MB doesn't call for help in the way we'd understand. It sends its visual feed directly to Dr. Mensah,(5) and scrambles down into the crater to help as it hears Mensah on the emergency comm channel calling for the others to get moving to help as well.

MB gets a bunch of conflicting commands, but knowing the emergency takes priority anyway, it ignores them and all the data it doesn't need. At the bottom of the crater, it skips the small weapons built into its arms, and gets out the projectile weapon on its back. The hostile creature is more than big enough to justify it.

MB gets Bharadwaj out of the creature's mouth, and shoves the gun down its throat, then shoots where it hopes the brain might be. The creature disappears back down its tunnel, leaving Bharadwaj in MB's care. It puts the gun away, and since its base mechanical structure is still functioning even with a bit of lost flesh and armour, it lifts her, raises its body heat to help her stay warm, and thinks about how to get out of the crater.

It sees Volescu huddled to the side, terrified, and it starts talking to him, calmly. It can't touch him to move him or drag him, because it needs to keep Bharadwaj from bleeding out, but it makes its voice firm but warm and starts gently needling Volescu to get up and come out of the crater with it and Bharadwaj. Volescu stands and staggers over, and MB tells him to hold onto its arm as they get out.

By now, Mensah has managed to mute most of the alerts and notifications and data requests, so MB only has to focus on the MedSystem feed. It gets the humans out of the crater, and coaxes Volescu a few further meters before he collapses, just in case the thing can come out further. It can feel that something in its torso is damaged, and runs its visual feed back to find that it was stabbed with some sort of tooth-like thing it can't begin to identify, because they don't educate murderbots in anything but murder.

The hopper with everyone else on the team lands, and MB turns its helmet opaque so they won't see it, then says on the comm that it can't put Bharadwaj down because of the damage. Mensah tells it to bring her into the crew cabin, following the procedures that would be required if it had a working governor module.(6)

I carried Bharadwaj up the ramp into the cabin, where Overse and Ratthi were frantically unclipping seats to make room. They had their helmets off and their suit hoods pulled back, so I got to see their horrified expressions when they took in what was left of my upper body through my torn suit. I was glad I had sealed my helmet. This is why I actually like riding with the cargo. Humans and augmented humans in close quarters with murderbots is too awkward. At least, it’s awkward for this murderbot.

MB sits on the floor, bracing Bharadwaj, as the other crew bring Volescu inside. One of them, Dr. Ratthi, offers to go get the cases of equipment left behind, and MB makes a small mistake: it yells "No!" because that's accidental suicide by monster, when it should never talk-back at the clients. Fortunately, it's hidden in the cries of "No!" from everyone else on the hopper, with Pin-Lee adding, "For fuck's sake, Ratthi!"

Ratthi, for his part, remembers that they have bigger priorities with Bharadwaj's injuries, and closes the hatch so they can take off immediately.

The hopper is still close enough to see on the cameras when another hostile, or the same one, comes up right under where it sat moments before. Mensah speeds up the vertical, and everyone ends up on the floor. Pin-Lee starts telling off Ratthi for lack of self-preservation, and Ratthi finishes the argument with a sense of it being a familiar one. Mensah also tells Ratthi that it's an order to not get himself killed. MB notes that she sounds calm, but it can see on the MedSystem that her heart is racing.(7)

Arada pulled out the emergency medical kit so they could stop the bleeding and try to stabilize Bharadwaj. I tried to be as much like an appliance as possible,(8) clamping the wounds where they told me to, using my failing body temperature to try to keep her warm, and keeping my head down so I couldn’t see them staring at me. *** PERFORMANCE RELIABILITY AT 60% AND DROPPING(9)

They make it back to the central habitat, which looks a lot less safe now that MB knows there are tunneling hostiles. Dr. Gurathin has a gurney ready, so MB can put Bharadwaj down at last. Following the humans inside, it also increases security with drone patrols and higher sensitivity on the seismic monitors, locking down the habitat so no one can leave without it.

The habitat secured, MB goes to the "security ready room" where all the supplies related to security are stored, including MB. It takes off its armour, sprays wound sealant on at MedSystem's suggestion despite that it's able to close its blood vessels automatically, and sets itself to off-duty.

It can't put on its spare armour, or even the base uniform, so it gets a survival blanket from a first aid kit and gets into its cubicle to start the repair and resupply process, as it reaches 58% function.

It's just queued up some media, not to focus on, but just to keep it company, when there's a knock on the door. Confused, it says, "Uh, yes?" Mensah enters.

She said, “Are you all right? I saw your status report.” “Uh.” That was the point where I realized that I should have just not answered and pretended to be in stasis. I pulled the blanket around my chest, hoping she hadn’t seen any of the missing chunks. Without the armor holding me together, it was much worse. “Fine.” So, I’m awkward with actual humans. It’s not paranoia about my hacked governor module, and it’s not them; it’s me. I know I’m a horrifying murderbot, and they know it, and it makes both of us nervous, which makes me even more nervous. Also, if I’m not in the armor then it’s because I’m wounded and one of my organic parts may fall off and plop on the floor at any moment and no one wants to see that.

Mensah is concerned because the report said MB lost 20% of its body mass, but MB assures her it can regrow. Mensah seems to accept this, but hesitates to leave, and tells MB it was very good with Volescu, at the attack site. MB says it's standard emergency instructions, but Mensah says she knows MedSystem was prioritizing Bharadwaj's injuries, and expected Volescu to be able to leave under his own power: it didn't account for the shock.

MB, tapped into the cameras in the main room, can see that the others are reviewing Volescu's camera feed and discussing MB, saying things like they didn't know it had a face. It knows it's stayed in its armour since arrival, mostly to maintain a distance from them. They're just contract clients, they won't be permanent, and as much as it hates people-ing, it would be pointless to interact unnecessarily.

To Mensah, MB says it's part of its job to account for the System making occasional mistakes. It thinks she should know that, it's part of the package, and why a SecUnit with its organic components(10) is a non-negotiable part of company deals. It knows she logged about ten protests, trying to get out of having a SecUnit at all.

I didn’t hold it against her. I wouldn’t have wanted me either.(11) Seriously, I don’t know why I didn’t just say you’re welcome and please get out of my cubicle so I can sit here and leak in peace.

Mensah looks at MB for objectively 2.4 seconds, subjectively twenty horrible minutes. She tells it to let her know in the feed if it needs anything sooner than its scheduled 8 hour restoration cycle, then leaves.

MB wonders why she made such a big deal of the rescue, and replays its own recording of the incident. It realizes it was talking to Volescu all the way up the crater incline, asking him if he has kids and that sort of thing.(12) It hadn't even been listening to itself at the time, more focused on Bharadwaj and the hopper's trajectory. It wonders if it's been watching too much human media. In an aside it clarifies that Volescu does have seven children with his partners in a four-way marriage back home.

All my levels were too elevated now for a rest period, so I decided I might as well get some use out of it and look at the other recordings. Then I found something weird. There was an “abort” order in the HubSystem command feed, the one that controlled, or currently believed it controlled, my governor module.(13) It had to be a glitch. It didn’t matter, because when MedSystem has priority— PERFORMANCE RELIABILITY AT 39% STASIS INITIATED FOR EMERGENCY REPAIR SEQUENCE

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(1) Just shy of 4 years, if people are measuring time the same way whenever and wherever this is set. (2) A bot after my own heart, spending as much of its time taking in media as physically possible without giving itself away by not following an order. (3) This is a show Murderbot mentions a lot. What do we think it's about, just off the top here, based on the name and the duration alone? (4) A lot of the words in this series are gonna be kinda self-explanatory. I left "governor module" alone because, in context, it makes its own sense, a module that's supposed to override anything a construct might theoretically think about doing outside mission parameters and company rules, and punish any that happen because of organic parts being unpredictable. (Oh no, I snuck in a bonus definition.) HubSystem is, similarly, the networked system that serves as a hub for everything attached to the mission, to communicate back to the company. (5) Clearly, some sort of leader or organizer, from context. (6) MB knows its rules and regs, if only to follow them with malicious minimum compliance. (7) Do we think MB hacked MedSystem, to see information it might not otherwise have access to, or is it typical for a security unit to potentially need to monitor the biofunctions of the clients it's tasked to defend? (8) MB deliberately tucking itself into its expected role, because as we see later this chapter, it's not particularly worried about its governor module being found out, it just… doesn't enjoy people. (9) A recurring status update throughout MB's point of view. Its performance reliability, its literal ability to do its job, will go up and down based on its current condition, just like any person's. I wonder if it's possible to function at 100%. I think organic bits get in the way of that by literal nature. (10) Organic components, like a human brain, which is still superior to any algorithmic training they can come up with, which will still recognize certain flaws that you can't train out of pure machines. (11) Noooo, my heart, not in the first chapter! How dare! (12) It may not like humans, but it understands how to deal with them, at least in times of stress. Maybe it's "too much media" but it's also just... a person. I'm exactly the same sort of person, I do not recharge in the presence of other people in my meatspace on any level, but I'm very good at masking and doing what needs done, whether that's politeness and asking about the weather or playing along with deeper conversation. (No need to wonder why I love these books so much. No need for me to examine why I relate so hard to a literal robot.) (13) How suspicious... but surely it can't mean anything. Surely.

#the murderbot diaries #murderbot diaries #all systems red #murderbot #secunit #ayda mensah #bharadwaj #volescu #ratthi #overse #pin-lee #gurathin #arada

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