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miss-conjayniality · 1 month

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adhd meltdown over nu’est……….need to vent

NU’EST - a name that brings about a myriad of intense, tumultuous, goosebump-inducing emotions.

look….ima queue this shit cuz the thought of posting it in real time makes me cringe 💀

sigh. i hate getting this vulnerable. it’s uncomfortable. but i have to get this off my chest. it’s been two years since their disbandment. geez. time flies. and let me just tell you, this time of the year is always so sentimental to me. it hurts. it’s also when my adhd dives into extreme hyperfixation mode for them. no group (except for seventeen and skz) can invoke such feelings from me like nu’est does.

while I can still enjoy their music with love and gratitude even post-disbandment, there are rare occasions where i have to avoid listening to their music because it’s too painful to think of how it all ended. about what could’ve been.

i’ve been a DEVOUT nu’est stan since their debut in 2012 (alongside seventeen in 2013). i saw their peaks and troughs. and it feels like not only did i watch them grow, but also grew up with them.

and no i’m not saying this in a weird, creepy parasocial way. but genuinely in the sense that i’ve been listening to them since i was just a wee little middle schooler. their music, as well as numerous other groups from that era, served as the background music to my life.

thank you nu’est. thank you so much for filling my adolescence with insurmountable happiness during a phase in my life where I was clueless and insecure. thank you for being a source of comfort during my lowest periods. thank you for showing me the importance of grit and not letting a rock bottom phase hinder me from going after what I desire. thank you for helping me find solace in a community of fellow loves whom I still speak with to this day after all these years. and even though it’s been two years since the disbandment, it’s also been 12 years (wtf….no way) since the debut. and i WILL continue enjoying your music from years on out because it transcends time. it will always be a source of comfort and solace for me.

and even though I don’t truly wish to go back to the past, I will always cherish and respect the memories I held with your discography. and even though ot5 is no more, it’ll always be ot5 in my heart. forever and beyond.

every era evokes different eras of my own life - face, action, and hello from when I was just beginning middle school, sleep talking from when i was entering 8th grade. re:birth being released on my 15th birthday 🥺. their string of cringey japanese releases from when i was about to begin high school.

and of course, that segues into my next tangent - q is and beyond. during their inception, they had one of the most viewed debuts of their time and had a promising trajectory. face, action, and hello were all well-received. but then they fell into nugudom after sleep talking. and this was their first korean cb after 2 years. I remember rejoicing in happiness when q is came out. i remember listening to it on the way to my first period english class with my headphones and then continuing listening to it during our silent reading sessions lmao 😭💀. I cried happy tears and voted obsessively for them when they were promo-ing on music shows. they never won. but I was still happy and grateful they were back nonetheless. fast forward to later that year and they came back with an amaaazziingg fall album that i always come back to every september - canvas. this album was a source of comfort for me during that turbulent period coughs….the 2016 election…and when I started taking college classes in high school

we absolutely CANNOT talk about nu’est without discussing broduce 101. this absolute dumpster fire of a show tested my patience so much. I remember being PISSED when intl fans weren’t allowed to vote this season because I wanted to support my boys the same way I supported the pledis girlz who’d soon become p-…p….pristin….but that’s a tangent for another day daahhllliinnggss🥴🥴… i was so unhinged too that I even watched it during class sometimes LMAOOO HELP this is so hilarious to look back at😭💀

anyways I felt that this was simultaneously the best and worst season of p101 ever. most of the contestants were amazing and went on to release some gooood music afterwards. but good fucking god mnet tugged at my heartstrings wayyy too hard. I couldn’t stand it. as someone who is also a dedicated predebut carat, I also watched it for my baby samuel 🥺😢 mnet did both nu’est and sammy so dirty.

I remember the p101 s2 finale so vividly. I remember it like it was yesterday. I promised myself I wouldn’t peek at any social media that day but during lunch break i ACCIDENTALLY opened twitter and the moment I saw the spoilers, tears immediately made their way to my eyes. it broke my heart so bad. that entire day I was a fucking mess trying to make it through my last three classes of the day. the moment I got home, the first thing i did was lock myself in the bathroom and cry for an hour. I then cried even more in the shower.

it hurt me so bad seeing minhyun sobbing like that. the way jr still had the biggest smile on his face with happy tears for minhyun despite not making it into wanna one’s lineup still tests my sanity.

and the final straw? seeing the camera panning to seungcheol’s somber expression and samuel’s parents. and good fucking grief…….I cannot even imagine how seungcheol must’ve felt. I don’t think I could ever fathom the level of sorrow he felt at that very moment. for both nu’est and samuel. seeing all of his former colleagues that he himself grew up with being used as mere pawns by mnet. even after all these years, I still have to hold back tears whenever I dwell on this moment.

luckily that sorrow was soon followed by joy. when they created nu’est w as a workaround for minhyun’s year at wanna one, I was elated to see how successful they were doing on the charts and the way yEoBoSaYoOoO never dies🤣💀

where you at. deja vu. help me. all solid title tracks with immaculate b-sides to top it all off. ahhh. what a breath of fresh air the nu’est w era was. seeing them finally have their redemption after years of ridicule. and look….as much as I adored wanna one, part of me couldn’t wait until minhyun was finally back with nu’est sjsjsjsjsk😭

And when that moment came? OOOOOOF OMG!!!! I cannot stress ENOUGH how much I love happily ever after!!!! WHAT A COMEBACK ALBUM THAT WAS!!! NOT A SINGLE FUCKING SKIP! I still enjoy listening to it. it was an era that showed that they’re finally back in full force.

I felt that this era reflected nu’est in their fullest, highest form. THIS is who nu’est is! THIS is what their music sounds like! THIS is their image. if I were to introduce nu’est to anyone, I’d show them this album first.

later that year, they released the table and a string of songs with spoonz. such an underrated era tbh. not as strong as happily ever after was. but BOY OH BOY these guys KNOW how to drop a solid disco style song. love me is suuuch an ear worm that deserves more appreciation tbh.

and can we talk about THEEEE fucking NOCTURNE!?!?? OH MY GOODNESS WHAT AN ERA!!!! I’m in trouble is one of my fav title tracks next to bet bet. not even joking. reason being is coz as a britney stan, it really reminds me of oops I did it again lmaooo. moondance is one of my fav nuest b-sides EVERRR! AND THE WAY IT WAS PRODUCED BY JC CHASEZ FROM NSYNC TOO!?!??? I never expected to see my worlds colliding like this. just to clarify, I have a love-hate relationship and one-sided beef with nsync because of what justin did to britney. JC DESERVED BETTER! HE DESERVED WHAT J*STIN GOT!!! AGGGH but that’s a tangent for another day daahhlliinnggsss……..😪🤐

the nocturne really comforted me during the pandemic. during this point in time, I remember thinking “wow. it’s been 8 years. and even through this moment of global darkness, they’re still going strong and bringing light to their fans”.

a year later, they released their 2nd full album and their first release under the hybe acquisition and a week before drunk-slayed🥰what a slayful month april was. inside out wasn’t my absolute fav title track but I definitely found it to be a refreshing spring anthem. AND i llooovvee me some nu’solos 🤌🏼🤌🏼

i remember hearing about the news of NU’EST’s disbandment and going WHAT!?!??? it was as if I IMMEDIATELY felt my world turning upside down. I was in the middle of studying for finals AND wrapping up my internship. it was stressful already. i also went on a cold turkey social media fast. BUT I accidentally opened youtube and it threw off my whole vibe when studying for my exams.

I felt like a fucking wreck. It wasn’t until after that shitstorm was over when I actually checked out needle and bubble (lazy ass album thanks to hybe) and sobbed THEEEE absolute UGLIEST tears ever.

it broke my heart to see hybe disbanding nu’est like at the drop of a hat because they were JUST having their second career glory. they threw all of NU’EST’s hard work down the drain. and it’s disappointing because we could’ve seen more nu’enha and nu’txt interactions (living off my very few minhyun and baekho crumbs since they’re still under hybe) 😢 we could’ve seen them and seventeen together being big brothers to the youngsters and witnessed what would’ve been the sweetest, most wholesome interactions ever. sigh. the very few nu’enha and nu’txt interactions that exist are the crumbs I will madly eat.

NU’EST’s lore/backstory is what makes them iconic. and it’s amazing how even to this day they STILL inspire “nugu” idols to get a second chance and redeem themselves. no other group has the story nu’est does and that’s also another reason I respect them so much. what they’ve accomplished is not an easy feat. and their persistence in keeping their dreams alive actually inspires me to keep going in life even when I’m at my lowest. nu’est may be ‘disbanded’, but their story lives on and will continue to inspire and motivate others.

thank you aaron. thank you jr. thank you baekho. thank you minhyun. thank you ren.

thank you nu’est.