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melloneah · 4 months

Note

How would a female near, mello, and Matt be in your opinion? Would it affect the story?

oh. my. GOD. you have opened the pandoras box rn.

so tbh ive never thought about this before u sent me this ask but god do I have some stuff to say now that I’ve given it a little tinker

obviously this will be deeply rooted in my own belief system and personal experiences bc it’s undeniably connected to gender stereotypes and nature vs nurture

Prepare for a literal essay rn. Proper punctuation and capitalisation n shit.

To start, I wanna mention that my belief is that men and women don’t differ that much in behaviours and personalities inherently or biologically, but they’re raised based on stereotypes and assumptions which forms them into individuals that are either more masculine or feminine (behaviourally, so stereotypically). This is not including the slight biological differences that testosterone vs estrogen might cause, as i do not have much knowledge on the specifics (sorry I hate biology…) and obviously some people can be born with an innate tendency towards stereotypical masculinity or femininity in their personality.

This will require me to make some assumptions regarding how old Matt, Mello and Near were when they joined Wammy’s house. Also, obviously, this analysis will be based on if they were raised as cisgendered females; this is really important to analyse how their personalities could differ based on their experiences.

So let’s assume: they all joined Wammy’s House at a young enough age to have no real recollection of their biological families. This means that their guardians’ parenting styles had no real effect on their personalities (at least no effect on their typically gendered characteristics). This also makes it easier as we have a little bit of insight into what Wammy’s could be like in the context of parenting, while we have none on the biological families. This will still pretty much be a guessing game, but at least the guesses will be somewhat calculated.

Now we could be optimistic and claim that Wammy’s is “above” gender stereotypes and the (often unconscious) differences in raising girls vs boys. As much as I would love to believe this, I feel like the story being set in the early 2000s already negates it. I am a strong believer of the fact that society and your general environment greatly affect you, no matter how hard you try to break free of the mould. There will always be internalised beliefs and tendencies for certain actions caused by your environment that are just beyond your control, and they are often unconscious. Trying to change ones biases is hard work and a long process demanding self awareness and dedication.

Roger and Wammy are old men; as much as I’d love them to be allies💅 that don’t let gender affect their decisions and behaviour towards people, I do think the bias is inherently there to some extent. They wouldn’t decide against a girl being L’s successor simply because she’s a girl - they’re above that - but I do think as girls, Matt, Mello and Near could have a tougher time at the orphanage.

Ok moving on to specifically how/why it could affect their personalities. (god this is getting so long already I am so sorry)

Mello

We all know Mello has a super fiery personality and is filled with determination, so this one is the most fun to think about for me!!!

Most importantly, her looks would be very feminine. She’d love fashion, love skirts and dresses, and be stereotypical in that context, but would be VERY PROUD OF IT!!! EXCEPT. Her personality is canonically extremely contrasting to her looks/style. She’d get in so much more trouble at Wammy’s for being loud and bullying others, because it would just be more shocking for the teachers to see a girl act that way rather than a boy. There would be no concessions. No getting out of any smallest bit of trouble just because “boys will be boys”. But this wouldn’t make her timid; it was bound to fuel her anger even more.

It was infuriating to her when people saw a "girl in a leather mini skirt", and on account of that she wasn’t taken seriously in the pursuit of her goals. But when she acted up, all eyes were on her, and the punishment was always dire.

This also brings me to the fact that getting into the mafia was NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE. Nobody took this teenaged girl in stilettos seriously, so she had to improvise. Mello as a girl would have had to be far more ruthless in her journey trying to join the mob. Crueler. Angrier. Scare people by drastic means and desperate measures into finally taking her seriously and seeing her as worthy of respect. I think female Mello would have had much more blood on her hands, and would have been really scary...

I also think Mello would be a radical feminist. She would eventually HATE MEN as a whole, as she’d get objectified SO MUCH in the mafia. She’d just be completely done with their shit, so much so, that she would just channel her anger at an entire gender bc she was just fed. up. (and probably a little traumatised)

Her most hated phrase is “that’s not ladylike”. She values her femininity very much, and hates when people use empty stereotypes to belittle it. She can scream her head off at Near and still be a Lady!

Near

Studies show that autism is only diagnosed at a 4:1 boys to girls ratio, which means that if Near were a girl, she may not have had the access to as many accomodations. She’d still be supported in many ways, but it could be done hesitantly. Her timid behaviour and hobbies could be seen as “feminine”, meaning that if she’d ask for accomodations, the necessity for them could be doubted. (I know Wammy’s probably doesn’t officially diagnose, but Near imo desperately needs accomodations to simply function) (also, this section is very much so an “if” in my mind; it could happen depending on the level of unconscious prejudice in the orphanage, but it’s extremely dependent on the staff).

I don’t think Near being a cis girl would really affect the plot, though. I genuinely believe Near’s character transcends gender a bit, maybe he’s immune to the influence of different methods of parenting? He’s just himself and doesn’t care if people tell him he should “go out and play” or “just be a boy”.

Matt

We know the least about Matt’s canon personality, so this will mostly be based on what I believe him to be like. We know that he doesn’t care about much, and he likes games.

I think Matt is the most “boyish” of our Wammy boys, so in my mind, as a girl, she’d be quite the tomboy. Her personality wouldn’t be that much different. She could have been force fed more “girly hobbies” rather than gaming (not sure if he picked up gaming himself, or if someone introduced him to it). If he was in fact introduced by someone to video games, I believe that as a girl, she could have been shown different hobbies that are more traditionally feminine instead. Or maybe just a different game, like the sims? (the sims 1 came out in 2000 so could happen) then she could branch out into different games herself.

IT is also a very masculine interest in people’s eyes, so when she found an interest for it, she may have been slightly discouraged by teachers, but that didn't stop her, and as soon as she started being decent at it, the teachers respected it.

I do feel like as a girl, the one thing that would definitely change in Matt is his attitude. She would simply care more, as she’d spent her childhood fighting wearing skirts, fighting for her hobbies and trying to run from stereotypical femininity.

She wouldn't be particularly furious at the world, more irritated, so she wouldn't chew someone out for telling her to wear a dress for an assembly - she'd just flat out refuse wearing it and ignore anyone who'd try to persuade her.

She didn't understand why everyone is so insistent on a girl having long hair or wearing make up, and it made her feel like she couldn't be herself. She always wanted to feel like a girl, but kept feeling like it was against the rules without looking feminine. She spent a long time feeling out of place, alienated and desperately wanting to be part of a community.

Once she got comfortable with herself, I feel like she'd constantly pick up typically boyish hobbies to piss people off. (But she would genuinely enjoy them too of course!!) (and be entertained by people getting mad at stupid and pointless shit like a girl being into cars)

ok jesus i spent hours on this. it’s 1400 words. i dont know how i managed this. i struggle to write 500 word essays for uni……i am normal about death note i am normal about death note i am normal about death note 🙏 ummmm enjoy? and please let me know what you guys think!!!

#asks #mello #near #matt death note #death note #mihael keehl #nate river #matt #mail jeevas #wammy boys #wammy’s house

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will-o-wips · 5 months

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It is 4 am. I'm staring at the ceiling of my bedroom, coincidentally having my phone right in my line of sight, and write this with the exasperation and intense focus that I probably won't ever have again. I'm about to attempt to make any sort of sense of the latest Hayao Miyazaki movie, The Boy and the Heron (or rather, How do you live? in Japanese), that I watched for the first time in theatres a day ago.

I cannot claim to be right, or to know everything about this movie. Actually acclaimed critics and people with obviously more braincells than me have probably better takes than I do. But I must speak, lest the insanity truly take over my brain, lest I really end up combusting because of how much I want to talk about this.

Prepare yourselves for the most incoherent train of thought and line of consciousness you will ever experience.

FILLED WITH SPOILERS READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND UNLESS YOU HAVE SEEN THE MOVIE.

Before I start with my actual thoughts, however, I'll state my personal feelings about the movie, because I feel that matters too, and this is my post anyway so! But I personally left the cinema feeling somewhat mellow. I was not insane about it yet. It was,,, "meh". The impression of the ride was great; I was giggling along with the funny and even sometimes not purposefully funny moments, I enjoyed the animation to the point I would genuinely flap my hands in excitement at how good it was, I understood the story in great lines by noticing small details and going "oh so does this mean x?". But I did not cry. Not a single tear during or after or before the movie. I did not waver with my opinion on it as I rambled about it to my friends online and irl, much to their annoyance. I did not hesitate when I put it in my silly little Studio Ghibli movie tierlist maker that I update whenever I watch another one of these films together with my friends, categorized (in)discreetly under "all vibes no plot but there's a witch/wizard". I still don't, in fact.

So, given all of this, you'd probably say that I disliked the movie. That I would not have so much to say about it, after doing my mandatory ramble and update. Wrong. I still have more to say, somehow.

Despite that, I didn't rewatch the movie itself. I read an entirety of one (1) review of it, together with one (1) random video essay of 8 or so minutes, covering the basics of it. I reblogged one (1) post about its protagonist on tumblr and otherwise kinda read through the rest of the posts on here. I did not re-experience or re-examine this movie again. I cannot (again) accurately reference anything besides that what I vaguely remember from watching it a day or two ago. It's not playing anywhere near me anymore/not out anywhere else yet, so really, I don't even know what possessed me to write about this, or even say anything. The most fascinating thing (to probably all of us here) is; what made me change my mind about it?

It might've been the review on IndieWire. David Ehrlich and his well-written review, bringing things into much needed context as to why this movie was created. It could've been the fact that I've actively processed the movie better, now a little bit of time has passed. [Honestly it deserves a second watch/view for something more concrete, but I'm repeating myself with this, you get it.]

But I don't even really understand it myself. I felt and still feel so detached from this movie in a sense. I appreciate the artistry that went into it, and I adore the way it simply tells the story and leaves it up to interpretation. It references every single film Hayao Miyazaki has ever made before, and elements of other Ghibli films can probably be found in there too, if you looked hard enough. The vibes were similar to those of Spirited Away, and Howl's Moving Castle, given how inexplicably fantastical the world was. It just existed and breathed, and we as the audience jumped straight into it. We never got more exposition than what was needed; honestly I have a feeling that the second half of the movie was the vaguest piece of media I have ever consumed in my life. But it also had this perfect balance of the more drama-focused Ghibli films. The Boy and the Heron, in my opinion, is like the golden middle between reality and fantasy, both in terms of its narrative as well as comparison between other Ghibli movies.

This might also be the reason why I felt confused. The lines between reality and fantasy were so effortlessly blurred, that you could only process a singular picture. And when things are vague to me, I constantly need to pick them apart and analyse them, simply to satisfy my own curiosity.

The moment before I stepped into the movie theatre, my friend who watched along with me told me they heard it was a film about grief. I nodded along and said "yeah, okay, that just means it's another one of many Hayao Miyazaki and Ghibli films. Most of them are about some kind of loss, and dealing with it, either way." I sat down together with them; row 9, chairs 17 and 18, with my two bottles of water (one carbonated, one stilled) and the bag of terribly sour packaged chocolate pretzels I bought at the theatre itself. Horribly overpriced for the quality, I must say. My friend held onto the popcorn, and we sat through the ads, talking and laughing, anticipating something that was supposed to blow us away.

I cannot speak for my friend, but I think they really liked the movie regardless. They didn't cry at it either, even though we both know of each other that we always cry at such things. Somehow this movie evoked a certain stillness in us both; a stalemate between emotions and confusion. Maybe delayed processing. Maybe something else entirely. We both, or at least I, hid it until later.

It was midnight, and right before we stepped on our train home, I was excitedly going on about the references and animation, the things I did appreciate. I bragged a bit about how I recognized Kenshi Yonezu's voice in the final credit song that we didn't get to listen to entirely, because it was so late and we had to rush to get home. They laughed at me and told me to take some time to actively formulate any coherent thoughts on it. I disagreed (lovingly and jokingly of course), and we left it at that.

In the train itself, the same high dimmed into a simmer, the excitement replaced with contemplation, and I kept talking.

I told them: "I believe that this truly is his last film. This felt like a goodbye." And in return, they replied: "It's crazy how this is the last time we'll ever get to live in such a moment. The release of the final Ghibli movie in theatres.

"I'm glad we got to go."

I was too.

I got home, rambled about the intrinsic way The Boy and the Heron referenced other Ghibli movies to my online friends who had yet to see it. Followed by a heated tangent about how When Marnie Was There truly could have had better direction in regards to the narrative, as well as how Only Yesterday was the most boring out of all Ghibli movies. It was a nice night. I didn't think about the movie again.

The following morning, I contacted other friends, who told me about how Robert Pattison voiced the Heron in the English dub, which I hadn't seen or heard at all. He did a great job, judging by the trailer. This led me to another opinion, namely the video essay (I will try to find it and put it in the notes later if you are curious), which claimed something similar to this (of course, paraphrased):

"This is a farewell. The one true movie to tie such an expansive career. It is another movie where you are allowed to explore the magical together with the main character, while sticking close to the processing of it all."

The review I read said it was a swan-song, that it was the question and title of the movie in Japanese, posed at us, after The Wind Rises left it open to interpretation at the end of its run. That this was a story about the legacy that Miyazaki is leaving behind, how reality and fantasy coexist together, possibly influencing each other (not explicitly said but what I interpreted that review saying, so no this is also not completely like this).

Other tumblr posts I've seen on here say it was a film most likely dedicated to his son, Goro Miyazaki. That it was a gentle "I'm sorry, the shadow I leave behind is huge. I know that you will try and fail to fill it. It's okay; you don't have to. You can leave it behind. It's alright if this legacy dies with me."

Some other sources I've seen compare the main protagonist to Miyazaki himself, trying to grapple with the ending.

Yet somehow, all of these interpretations seem to fail to explain the entirety of this movie. The bigger picture if you will. These themes and moments and interpretations are not wrong, but to me, they're not satisfying enough.

Because maybe I am the only one who actually was insane about this moment, but I will never forget the delivery room scene between Mahito and Natsuko. How Himi addresses the magic stone, pleading to let the two go, saying "Natsuko and the boy who is to be her son". (Again, paraphrased, I cannot remember the exact line.) Maybe I am the only one who witnessed the whimsical fire witch and the going back in time plots and the fact that a younger Kiriko and Himi were there, already part of an ecosystem. How we already know from the other grannies in the house that Mahito's mother disappeared once for a whole year into the tower, and then came back the same as before. How the pelicans were BROUGHT there, that they did not belong there, and yet were forgetting how to fly. How they ate the Warawara, these creatures that were rising above to be born in the upper world. How the Heron's weakness was his 7th tail feather (or something along those lines), and how the fish and the frogs chanted for Mahito to join them in the tower. That the great-great-uncle was hoping for Mahito to succeed him and build a new tower, yet the king of the parakeets butted in and haphazardly did the job, resulting in it immediately toppling over, as well as the stones getting cut.

I think about the final scene where the Heron says "It's best to forget. Do you have any keepsakes?" And Mahito shows not only older Kiriko's figure, but also a piece of the stone paths they walked upon in order to get to the centre, the beating heart, the magic stone and his great-great-uncle.

How this is taking place during a war, that the timeline goes from his mothers death that Mahito cannot get over, to the welcoming of his stepmother and his new younger sibling. Them moving back to Tokyo. The way the tower completely collapsed. Completely and utterly collapsed and perished; not even a trace of it left behind. The way that older Kiriko keeps yelling it is a trap to Mahito in the beginning, but that both he and the Heron know. That it is inevitable to tread this specific path. That he must see for himself, whether his mother is truly alive. The way she both was and wasn't; first a mirage of her older self disappearing into a puddle of water, and second a firey spirit of her younger self coming to help Mahito. The way that he reads and cries at the book she left him, the way he hits himself with a rock after his big fight with his classmates; the way Mahito in general drowns consistently in the beginning of the film. He drowns in the fire that he lost his mother in. He drowns in the mud and the dust when he tries to enter the tower at first. He drowns in his dreams, in his tears, drowns right into his quest to find Natsuko (straight through the floor, by behest of his great-great-uncle), drowns in pelicans trying to eat him, nearly drowns in the actual sea until younger Kiriko fishes him out.

Now these things may seem like me just randomly naming shit that happens in the movie. Hopefully in a slightly poetic way, possibly. I could go on and on about the imagery, truly. But my point is, this movie may have been Miyazaki's last movie, his way of closure, his way of speaking to his son about his legacy, his way of describing the grief of losing his mother (idk if this is autobiographical or not. It very well may have been), yet...

Even so, it doesn't really fit the entire picture. It feels incomplete. The analyses always focus on the true meaning behind this movie, what happens behind the scenes, this one key climactic moment between Mahito and his great-great-uncle. But that's as if you would ignore the rest of the movie in general. As if the fantastical aspects weren't there to abstractly tell a story besides just being a symbol of closure for the person that directed it.

Personally, this is a tale of rebirth. Of losing yourself, and then rediscovering yourself in a way. I associate it with my own personal loss of my grandfather; the family member I felt closest to out of everyone.

The way you look back at such a traumatic stage in your life, something that irrevocably changed you for good, something that you probably don't ever want to relive again, but also mustn't forget. The way you instinctively are afraid to learn about who the person you love and grieve was, before you were in their life.

To this day, I still cannot speak to my mother about whether my grandfather had a favourite song before me forcing him to sing along with my favourites. A favourite book before he read out bedtime stories to me tirelessly. Who the boy in him was, and what wisdom and life lessons he carried on, into his grave, into the hearts of his children.

This movie depicts so much more than just grief, it's so much more than just legacy, even. It directly reflects the way I know I would have felt had I dared to actually see things for myself. If I actually dared to go through my grandfather's old things; the books he wrote and dedicated to me, the books he read when he was young. This movie depicts not how to live, but how to live on.

And the only way to live on is to move forward. To look at the foundations upon which it was built, to evaluate whether you truly want to have this be your burden to carry for the rest of your life. Mahito's abstract grief in regards to his mother, and the solace he finds in the fact that he at least knew who she was; that he at least had her in his life as both his mother and the girl that his stepmother knew, that at the very least he knows his mother would do it all over again, if she could. That despite everything, she did not regret a thing, and that she was not afraid. That somewhere, in the past, she lives on, happily marching toward this fate, because she knows that Mahito will be there to meet her again in the future.

And Natsuko, god, she worries relentlessly about whether Mahito will accept her. She worries to the point she yells at him, telling him that she hates him and his existence, because he rejects her so coldly and yet still bothers to show up in front of her during her most vulnerable moments. That he only takes and takes and takes; he steals her cigarettes in order to learn how to sharpen a knife from one of the servants. He uses those techniques to create a bow and arrow, a weapon. He gets into fights at school, he gets gravely injured on the side of his head, leaving a lasting scar.

If I were in her shoes, I would be furious at him too. Especially if he walked straight into the delivery room, trying to drag me out of bed while I was doing my damn best to keep the other child in my belly alive.

That scene, that sheer rage, and the way it ALL FUCKING SUBSIDES the MOMENT Mahito accepts her and calls her mother. The moment Mahito understands that through the literal whirlwind of plasters, things used to tend to wounds, none of those pleasantries/guards will truly allow him to reach her. The way he tries to nurse his own wounds, as well as try to nurse hers, over the loss of their shared connection (Natsuko's older sister, Mahito's biological mother), will NEVER allow him to make a connection with her. By being careful, by being polite, he will never get to be her son.

And he realizes, in that moment, that he wants to.

The magic stone tries to stop this. The magic stone dislikes disruption; dislikes things changing, dislikes breaking traditions (the taboo of entering the delivery room). The parakeets in the tower flourish because they follow the magic stone's whims more or less. They agree to follow its rules, even if it means they are prone to its abuse, because it gives them an advantage, a place to stay. The pelicans have to eat the Warawara, because there is no other food available to them.

The way younger Kiriko says "you reek of death", and how they establish this place is mostly made up of death and dead people. Dead people, or dying people, creatures that are begging to survive another day. Creatures that are begging to be reborn. That want to change, that wish to fly once more.

My mother once gave me a poem dearest to her heart. We have always been a family filled with literature and stories, but my mother was always the best at both writing them and reciting them. She used to read them out to me, back when I was in a particularly bad spot mentally, to the point I could not get out of bed for weeks on end, to try and reach me. She read with the sincerest passion in her voice, a small plea to get me back to the girl I was before.

I cannot explain or remember the poem by heart, but once I was at my true rock bottom, she told me to look it up. A Serbian poem, written by Miroslav Antić (I will add the name of it later), that was about growing up and growing into your own person. It made me weep, for it had a phrase I think I can only translate to this:

"Run and don't look back."

Somehow, whenever I look at all of these birds and creatures in this fantasy world, trying to fly desperately, trying to get to the skies, trying to get to even live, and think about the fact that the only way they can is by leaving this place. That the only way they can fly and survive as themselves is by leaving this tower, this stone, this foundation. By leaving and being born, by leaving and being reborn.

And, after all of this. Somehow I'm not even done yet. I haven't talked about the great-great-uncle in depth, nor the king of the parakeets, nor the heron whatsoever. I have not yet even touched upon what I might think the magic stone is, and the sheer amount of like symbolism I picked apart in my brain because of my insanity.

I'm probably not the only one who noticed these things. But so far I haven't seen anyone actively share these things, so, I will do my best to continue and genuinely wrap it up as best as I can. So that this can also bring the same amount of closure as the movie does.

The magic stone is like a shooting star that came onto the earth. It realizes dreams and worlds of whoever dares to walk into it and claim to own it; like how Mahito's great-great-uncle got obsessed and built a tower around it, caging it, taming it. And yet he still had to play to its whims, consistently making sure his own tower of blocks did not fall, that all of his work did not amount to nothing. Personally, I do believe the great-great-uncle could represent Miyazaki himself. That Miyazaki is trying to express how he built Ghibli and that now it has been going on for so long, and it has become unmanageable to continue upholding it. That it is time to retire.

A thing I find interesting and remember pretty well is the conversation between the parakeet king and the great-great-uncle. How they talked about Mahito's transgression, breaking into the delivery room (side note: he broke in and broke through to Natsuko with his mother's spirit. Mahito became Natsuko's son with the blessing of his mother; with the sheer love she had for him being carried on and through), and how the great-great-uncle says something akin to this:

"It is why I wish for him [Mahito] to succeed me."

"I cannot overlook such a transgression."

I feel this is important. It is key to how the great-great-uncle views Mahito in this. Because Mahito was not sent out on this quest to find Natsuko out of pure selfishness. Sure, his uncle would have wanted him to succeed him, but the entire reason WHY he believed in Mahito to begin with, is the fact that this boy was able to break the foundation and the traditions in the first place. Mahito inherently disobeys from the chosen path. Mahito inherently does not believe the Heron when he says that all herons lie. Mahito doesn't waver when the heron flies straight at him, he doesn't sway when the frogs or the pelicans overwhelm him. Mahito stands firm in who he is, even if he is trying to deal with new circumstances. Mahito inherently goes to places he should not be in (his curiosity for the tower). Mahito has enough power on his own to create a new tower, but only by rebuilding it from scratch.

This ready acceptance that the great-great-uncle has towards Mahito's decision NOT to inherit his legacy, is what makes me believe this is what this movie is supposed to represent. Break away from the old, off into the new. Closure. Moving on.

This is also reflected in the sentiment that Mahito truly DOES move on. He goes back to his family, his father, school, he goes back with Natsuko as his mother and a new younger sibling to Tokyo. He returns there where he came from, but he is not the same anymore. He is reborn into a new Mahito.

And god I feel like I'm repeating myself to death here; I really should have thought about the structure of this, but give me some slack okay. It's like 6:30 am already and I'm still not done, despite continuously writing and labouring at this.

So, the tower that immediately falls apart by someone who always follows the whims of a dream (the parakeet king and the stone respectively). God it is just such a momentTM. Because in the end even this shows that the parakeets, too, even though they by far had it the best in that goddamn tower, had to leave. For they could not build something on their own without learning who they were outside of the already established. Outside of just following the rules and all.

They had to leave, my GODDDDD.

As I'm getting progressively more unhinged, we shall move onto the most unhinged character in this entire fucking movie. The Heron himself. God there's too much to unpack here, really, but the truth is, the Heron was supposed to be the guide to Mahito. The Heron was supposed to be Mahito's biggest, most aggressive enemy, the direct antagonist to Mahito's protagonist. The Heron doesn't want change. The Heron tries to bribe Mahito with the fact that his mother is still alive, that he need only enter the tower, and lose himself to illusions and dreams. That fantasizing about his mother being alive won't only drown him more, that it won't just let Mahito sink into the deepest pits of his despair and anguish about such a death, that losing yourself to the belief that something is there when it is not wouldn't only be counterproductive. The Heron masks himself consistently; he says that all herons lie. He says that he only has one weakness, his own feather, that allows the arrow to automatically target him. In essence, the Heron shot himself in the foot beak. He himself slipped up in his mirage world, and came out to be who he truly was, this weird little man with a huge nose and a conniving demeanour. He adamantly cannot disobey the dream, for then his true nature comes peaking out (a small detail I absolutely love is the fact that the Heron's feathers also disappear out of Mahito's hands when Mahito is called back to reality by the grannies. The grannies protect him in the dream world too, by being his tether and support system while he gets over himself and starts trusting Natsuko). The Heron doesn't WANT to be a guide, for in order to be a guide, you must tell the truth. You'd need to know some facts about the world around you and share this information with the ones seeking guidance. This is how I believe Mahito understood the Heron before we did.

It's not that all herons lie; it's just that this particular one does not want to face the truth/reality.

Another interesting detail: the whole reason why only Mahito was able to cover up the hole in the Heron's beak was reminiscent about how only those that called you out can really patch up your old image. Only those that have poked holes in your false narrative are able to fill them back up again, and even then it is not the same, and even then it will not always be comfortable/reliable.

Either way, the Heron, after this wings partially turn into hands, his true nature, is unable to fly all that well for a while. He relies on Mahito's corkscrew thing in order to relish in his comfort zone of lies again. But throughout the movie, the Heron slowly starts to ignore the corkscrew completely; simply opting to stay in his (frankly, freakish) half gremlin man half heron costume form. The Heron changes because Mahito inspired him to change. Even though his image used to be spotless before, and he tried to deceive Mahito, after a while, he stopped doing that. The mutual trust both Mahito and the Heron had grew. The Heron became a person, although his heron-ness would never go away.

The Heron thus warns Mahito that he should want to forget. That he will forget, either way. That this struggle of his to grapple with the reality of his situation, and the fantasy that he was delving into, will become a far-off memory that Mahito should not revisit. The Heron, I believe, is genuinely trying to look out for Mahito.

"Don't dwell in what you have already overcome. Don't revisit the things you have already outgrown."

And this is where the movie more or less ends. Mahito still keeps that stone, and his mother's book, and he goes back to Tokyo; the only crucial difference is that he has overcome his own grief.

Now, I've said this like a billion times now, but this is the rebirth. This is what I think this movie stands for. What it means, at its core. This is what it means to live; to move on and to cut ties with that what has no place in your life anymore. Miyazaki, I think, is trying to give us closure, a final farewell to Ghibli altogether.

Now I don't know about any speculation that he might come back again, and personally, I don't think it really matters. If he does come back, good for him. I just don't know enough to say anything for sure, so I'll just say I cannot say.

Either way, I think, even though Miyazaki conveyed the need for a new start/a rebirth, he didn't really end on the complete abolishment of all that used to be. You are allowed to keep mementos of it; even though the Heron advises not to. Mahito is allowed to reflect upon this experience, to see it as another stone in his foundation/formation, to say that, yes, the spirit of this change will always stay with me, although it has passed.

Just like how Mahito's mom was someone who returned to the past without regrets. She never came back. She was a spirit that pushed Mahito forward, and he will always remember her, but it's better that she stay a memory than become a fantasy.

This is why I'm so impressed by this movie in general. I'm so thankful that I was able to witness this with a friend of mine. I'm glad that I was able to see this, even though my insanity knows no bounds, and the fact that I didn't even think about any of this until I really sat down to look through the options of interpretations.

I'm so glad I got to go. Now it's time to run towards the future, and never look back.

#the boy and the heron #genuinely what was I on actually #I can't believe I am writing this/have written this #Disclaimer: I am really just saying shit please do not take this as the end all be all or whatever; I just need to say it just in case.#oh btw this is DEFINITELY not meant to critique or dismiss any of the people that have other opinions than I do #I just needed to put my own interpretation out there #together with my few flourishes of storytelling here and there even though I'm not even sure if it makes any sense whatsoever #the boy and the heron spoilers #spoilers #I think like. there is so much more to be said about this. there is so much more that can be touched upon #without the repetitive stuff of unstructured “just wing it” (ha ha get it. because there's so many birds and flying metaphors in this.)#essays and shit like this #like I haven't even touched upon Mahito's father and the entire airplane thing that could just be a reference but also-#it could be a metaphor in how his father is trying to overcompensate and how he just wants Mahito to fly again so he creates and works so-#hard that he eventually just ends up being absent in Mahito's life.#which is sickening. (positive/bittersweet)#anyway I am still just saying shit. enjoy the??? idk essay upon essay upon essay of late night insanity.

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siriuslysatorusimping · 4 months

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To the sweet Anon

Who asked about Rinko's shaving habits: So, I apologize for taking so long to answer you. I've gone back and forth with myself about whether I felt comfortable answering the ask at all because the explanation you gave for the question was a bit TMI since you included information that I wouldn't feel right sharing. But I don't want you to feel bad for asking your question because I don't see a real problem with it. Which is why I'm going to answer your question, just not the ask itself!

The answer to your question, along with a Kiko rant about body functions in media, is below the cut lol 😂

Q: Does Rinko shave her pubes? And what does Gojo think of whether she does/doesn't?

OOF. Okay.

I left certain things ambiguous because I felt it added more to the story to allow readers to fill in some gaps on their own. This is one reason I purposefully didn't include whether Rinko's, uhhhhhhhhhhh (I was trying so hard to think of a funny word to use for this, but I am a failure, and I cannot), pussy is smooth or hairy. If you think she would shave, then she would. If you think she wouldn't, then she wouldn't. You know?

I also didn't find those details to be necessary, especially in the context of Another Level. Most of the time, when they're included - in my opinion - it usually feels forced, and it rips me out of the story.

I understand that there's a big sentiment about including periods and other body functions in media because it's more realistic that way, but I'm of the opinion that if it doesn't contribute to the story itself, it's not needed. It's useless additions that are there simply to fill space or to make a point, which I feel subtracts from a story.

I think people have asked about Rinko's periods in the past since Another Level never showed her on her period. She has them. But it really didn't add to the story to include showing her on her period. It's a part of life, and I don't think all of those mundane things like that should have to be explicitly called out in order for us to know they exist. I also never included her peeing after sex (WHICH YOU ALWAYS SHOULD. UTIs ARE LITERALLY THE WORST) because I just didn't feel the need to include that detail.

The only note I will give on whether she 'actually' would or wouldn't is that according to some of the research I've done (because I'm oddly obsessed with being accurate about weird things when it comes to my writing as evidenced by the fact that I looked up what the Yen-USD conversation rate was in 2018...), it doesn't seem like it's common for women in Japan to shave their pubic hair, but they do trim it sometimes. So, if we're going by that standard, then Rinko likely wouldn't shave.

As for what Gojo's thoughts on it are? He's not exactly one to tell Rinko what to do with her body, so as long as she's hygienic, I honestly don't think he cares. Obviously, throughout the series, he teases her about needing to shower because she 'stinks' after training and sweating a lot. But he's clearly teasing her, and he also clearly still has no problem having sex with her lol. So, to answer that question, Gojo doesn't really care.

To continue my rant, I also despise when writers try to make it seem misogynistic for a woman to be more emotional when they're pregnant. Hormones fucking suck. And they're insanely volatile, especially when you're pregnant. While I have never been pregnant, my sister-in-laws have many times, and one of them was an OBGYN nurse for a while, too. My best friend is also pregnant right now, and let me tell you, your body fucking changes when you're growing a literal human inside you. And so sometimes, your emotions get a lil wonky because of it!

Now, what is fucked up is when people try to invalidate someone's reactions or emotions just because someone is hormonal. Emotions exist. Hormones exist. They can fuck us over and make us angry and sad and make us cry and want to eat nothing but ice cream. But that does not give anyone an excuse to invalidate someone's feelings.

Okay, that's Kiko's rant for the day lol

Thank you again, sweet Anon, for your question and I hope my answer sufficed!

#sweet asks #sweet anons #another level asks #rinko kurisaki asks #rinko kurisaki aka my favorite oc i've ever written #kiko rants

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snuffgurll · 1 year

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one of my main issues with warrior cats is how the clans are just . the same. The earlier books had this down pat since we had the singular, outsider perspective of Fireheart, but since every perspective since has been from a clan cat who was lived and raised in the clans, and we’ve had multiple (some from different clans), it’s the case that the warrior code (even the newer version) is just kind of outdated. warriors and a lot of it’s concepts would work so much better if the clans were just more visibly different from eachother. so i am proposing a change. not so much to the series itself, that’s too difficult to implement without a reboot set in the far future or some sort of alternate timeline, but just like. a way to get my thoughts out about this and how the clans could be more individual and make drama stronger. Thunderclan is still sort of the moral compass clan, it’s the clan that is the clan and it sure does clan. All of the clans used to have a sort of defined personality to them, leaving Thunderclan as the sort of main character, but now, due to the deterioration of the writing and also because this series is older than it’s target audience by at least a decade, it still remains the moral compass clan, but the rest of the clans are now nuanced and have their own perspectives, meaning the monotany is worse. Thunderclan benefits, I think, from being the most morally ‘good’ of the clans. Like, classic heroic values. Thunderclan should value power. They would believe that everyone in the clan has their place, and that newcomers can prove their place. They adhere to tradition strongly, and are tightly knit. Elders help out around camp, even after retirement. I think that even this basic characterisation, if paired with other, unique factions to be up against, would help greatly. This doesn’t mean I want them as perspective, just sort of a general how they view themselves, and how the warriors within it would act in accordance to the strong, moral principals of the clan. Shadowclan, in the first arc, were the villains. They were a bunch of slapdash, shady, and eeeevil kitties. But even with this reputation wearing off over time, they’ve still retained their sort of antihero status. Shadowclan cats, then, would be the most secretive of the clans. They do not share much information with outsiders, and they probably value stealth and privacy. Depending on who’s in power, the disposition of the clan can change greatly, but typically, they are seen as a quiet but powerful unit of cats. They value tradition, but have been known to go against it. Probably known to the other clans as somewhat standoffish, but not necessarily cruel. With more hostile leaders, their tactics can get underhanded and brutal - more brutal than any other clan, historically. They are not bound for evil, obviously, but this is like, reputation wise. Riverclan is the most interesting of the clans, in my opinion, since these are cats that swim, and cats dont do that. But in the books, they are background noise. They serve no narrative purpose other than being this clan that exists to fill out the factions. My interpretation of them is probably the most wildly different from the books, plainly because we don’t have anything to go off of. Riverclan cats have a strong sense of community. They have a tendency to shun those who aren’t as social, or didn’t originate in the clan. They are probably also the healthiest, and are very spiritually connected. They have traditions, but these traditions largely do not seem to be shared with the other clans. Obviously, all the clans have their own, unique cultures and traditions, but Riverclan cats are notable for their festivities and beliefs. Riverclan cats tend to come off as prissy and vain to outsiders, but they don’t really value the opinion of outsiders anyway. Windclan is fun because like Shadowclan, they actually have a personality to work with. In the first arc, they were really nice and sweet and great, and always seemed wise and helpful, if a bit cowardly. Now? They’re like what Shadowclan used to be, if Shadowclan was replaced with a bunch of weasels who live on a hill. Windclan are the most religious of the clans. Like, so religious. They value wisdom, and think that the other clans do not adhere to tradition enough, or are stupid and brutish. That said, Windclan cats have to be cunning and fast to avoid the hawks that swoop down onto their territory. To other clans, they come off as rude and snide, or snooty. They probably have a pretty good relationship with Riverclan, because both clans practice spiritual stuff. Finally, Skyclan. hghh. Kill me now. Skyclan is probably the least traditional. They encourage expression and are soft on punishments for breaking the code. They are not very unified, but are excellent at using their environment to enrich their lives. Because of a varied perspective of cats; some of which who are kittypets or loners who come and go- Skyclan’s belief in Starclan varies from cat to cat, and it’s not a big deal to them if you don’t believe in it. They have the lowest bar for entry, though generally, you need to at least have some sort of use. Other clans generally view their openness as stupid or naive, though Thunderclan keeps a friendly relationship with them. I also think the religion of each clan should vary a little and their traditions are based around it. starclan shouldve never been so centralised. they should be mysterious and otherworldly and cat religion has been ruined.

#warriors #warrior cats #my hand hurts #warrior cats headcanons #warrior cats rewrite #warriors headcanon

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bcofl0ve · 8 months

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🔥 Hey, first time sending an anon here. I’m coming from a neutral and peaceful place when I ask what I’m about to ask- just genuinely curious. Is there anything from your side of the fandom that irks you and is there any parts of the other side of the fandom that you low key agree with?

I’m asking not so much to be combative or cause drama…I’m just genuinely fascinated by this fandom. I’m a little removed as I’m a fan of Austin but not as die hard as you and his following (I’d say I’m pretty casually a fan). I lurk bc I had do some research for a project (I’m in the industry but not like some huge deal or anything) and I got the most sucked into the Kaustin rabbit hole compared to other fandoms as my research started around awards seasons so…here I am still checking in and curious about both sides all of these months later 😅

Being both a bit removed and being in the industry…in all bluntness and fairness, I find both sides get a few things wrong, fill in blanks with a narrative that suits their opinion, and has a few stretches of the imagination/over simplifications about the complexities of the industry and human dynamics and relationships. And obviously nobody can be 100% right about people they don’t know (hell, even about ppl we DO know we can make wrong assumptions). Plus when things get dramatic to an “ us vs them” extent it’s all too human to get further tunnel vision about your own beliefs and opinions. So I’m curious if there’s anything good or that you agree with on the other side and anything about your side that you side eye.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think they’re PR. But I also think their body language is off and do believe they’re in different places in their life for it to work out long term. I’m not telling you YOU should take my side and agree as much as I’m trying to level with ya and show my hand as I do truly come in peace here and see some aspects to both sides from my perspective. And if that’s not proof enough, here’s a bonafide peace offering: while I see good and bad and right and wrong to both sides…Pappi Austin and their at least 4-20 accounts all with caplocked insults are unhinged AF lol. I promise I see bad on their side (which I’m highlighting bc that’s one of the worst parts of that side of the fandom from my POV. I get I’m asking you and by proxy YOUR side this tough question, hence I wanted to share that part lol).

So if you’re up for it, anything you low key agree with or appreciate from their side, anything you think is off or you’re not as on board with on your side, and hell do you have any nuanced thoughts on all of it that wouldn’t naturally come up (not like a put down on either side or a compliment but just…thoughts you haven’t gotten to document that are related to this question).

Thanks for reading and thanks a bunch if you answer.

omg your first anon welcome to the crazy show hahaha. and no worries about your opinion, i have a dear friend in the twitter fandom who is in your camp there. she knows my take, i know hers and we get along just fine bc we simply talk about other things 99% of the time lolll.

my thing with certain folks on the other side that gen idk, makes me sad. is that i do think there are a select number of folks that are like. genuinely worried about austin thinking he’s being trapped in a pr relationship. and i know that worry is coming from *some* place of care for him, even if it’s severely misguided. over on twitter there’s a lot of twitter accounts that seem to be folks who maybe didn’t grow up with the internet of today, and don’t have tiptop media literacy and it *kills* me that people like pappiaustin got their hooks into those folks/has these poor people convinced an actor they love is miserable and trapped in a horrible relationship.

and as much as i do, right now, think she’s the one…shit happens and life twists and turns and that might change someday. i said a few months ago that i think a hypothetical breakup would probably be fueled by kaia having a midnight rain by taylor swift moment, and still think that. she’s so young. you will never see me deny that!

as for our side? i do think we could pick where to dig our heels in better sometimes, and we VERY much includes me. but like. they aren’t engaged right now. probably. and that’s okay! i don’t think they’re secretly engaged and when i see someone double down on thinking they are i cringe. 😅

i think ppl who aren’t anti kaia can also be really over protective of austin even about things that aren’t related to her and cross boundaries in that area at times.

like- i was in a group chat when lisa died where someone was more or less hypotheticalling about exactly how austin heard the news/how he reacted and it made me really really uncomfortable. and i mean i had fleeting thoughts on that i won’t lie. but sharing them in a huge group chat where you’re more or less writing fanfic…icky. i’m so grateful for my friends who i talked with one on one those awful two weeks because having that space to unpack my worry for him without bringing it to the masses kept my head screwed on.

also hey, speaking more generally i baby him too sometimes. but you gotta be self aware of when you’re being too much! self awareness is a gift and more people should use it!

#hot seat night with mollie

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ingravinoveritas · 1 year

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While I'm wary to an extent of season 3 potentially ruining the whole Staged thing (I always worry when things I liked get sequels), I disagree that the M/D chemistry was the only thing keeping it afloat. I was actually struck with how clever & well made it was, & genuinely funny. I can't remember any current 'comedy' thing that made such an impression on me exactly because of how it was written. So I don't agree with your view (as it seems) of Simon as some sort of leech/creative nothing.

Hi, Anon! Well thank you for writing in to share your thoughts. I do appreciate it very much, and am glad to hear other points of view.

So, it seems that I may not have been completely clear in what I was trying to convey in this post, with my thoughts about the news of season 3. I don’t think that Simon is a creative nothing, not at all. I do, however, think Staged was something that came out of a very specific set of circumstances. It’s important for us to remember that, as well as the fact that there was a lot of privilege within those circumstances that enabled the show to be made.

The world had already changed after the first series came out, and has now changed even more with the impending release of the third series. Michael and David are out of their homes, busy working. It is difficult then, in my opinion, to recreate that moment in time, especially when the limits were already being pushed with the second series. The guest stars in S2 were evidence of that, as it seemed like Simon was trying to fill the airtime by distracting from what was missing, and so I do worry that it will be a similar situation in the third season.

That is not to say that the writing was or is all terrible. Far from it, in fact! There were plenty of lines in both seasons 1 and 2 that made me laugh out loud, particularly because of how Michael and David delivered them and played off each other. The cleverness of the writing shone because of them and their reactions to some very silly situations. But whenever they weren’t on screen, the show would drag.

It was noticeable in the first season, and then extremely apparent in the second series. But what really threw it into sharp relief was how awkward the scenes were with the women (Georgia/AL/Lucy), though it’s anyone’s guess whether that was due to the acting (of one person in particular) or the writing. Simon got self-referential as well by having a scene where the women poke fun at his writing skills...but it doesn’t excuse the fact that he cannot write for female characters, and did not seem to know what to do when Michael and David weren’t on screen.

(I will actually give Simon a bit of credit, to that end, because Staged is obviously his Michael/David fanfic, and the fact that he doesn’t seem really committed to including Georgia and AL in it just makes him one of us. Haha.)

But yes...I feel like the limits of the show were already really pushed with the second series. It will be difficult to not rehash material from the first two seasons--which has already started with the promo photo of AL and GT having Georgia wearing socks with AL’s “happy breasts” drawing on it--and there is level of meta that just becomes cringey and annoying instead of funny after a while. I think we were on our way there with S2 and now may fully be there with S3.

Ultimately, I think Staged did fill a void when there was no other comedy being produced, and it did help many of us to cope with an unprecedented time in our living history. But keeping it going also runs the risk of making the show a continual reminder of a period in time that most people would like to forget. (I always think of Michael in particular, who really seemed to be in a place of depression two years ago that was only alleviated when he was filming with David.)

I love that people have enjoyed and are enjoying the show so much, by all means. But I still think it’s important to look at Staged critically and to think about what it was that made it work--the writing, and Michael and David to bring that writing to life.

I hope this helps to explain my position better, Anon. Thanks for writing in! x

#anonymous #reply post #staged #or 'Brokeback Mount Him' which is what I am referring to Staged as from here on out #michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #david tennant #soft scottish hipster gigolo #simon evans #i very much appreciate Simon for giving us more of Michael and David together in the first place #but i just feel that their chemistry could be better served in something else #the eternal optimist in me is hoping for the best #so we'll see what happens #staged 3 #discourse

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groundcontrol21 · 2 years

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2 for the ask game! And... could I hear your 7 opinions on Aramis?

2. what in your fiction has turned out differently than you expected when you began? what has always remained the same?

Well, since this came from the general section of the questions, I’ll answer more broadly: I never expected to be writing solely for fun. I started writing as a kid/preteen for fun, yes, but always with the goal of being a published author very firmly in the back (or front) of my mind. When I won my first national contest at 14, that was just enough to make it seem like this goal could actually be a reality, and to ensure that for the next four years, I almost never wrote anything purely for fun again. I tailored everything I wrote to what I thought other people wanted to see, and in large part it worked: I won contest after contest, won money for what I wrote, got pieces published in magazines and even wrote a whole novel that got published through a small indie publisher. But because I was writing purely for external validation, I began to view it as a chore, as something I had to do bc I was “the star writer”, and that’s all.

Now whether you all think any of those accolades were deserved based on the quality of writing I share here is another story 😂 but also please know that I do not share that type of writing here. I agonized over every word and plot point, edited and edited again to the point where many times I was an inch away from deleting the whole thing and starting from scratch. Not all of this obsession with perfection was bad; I learned very valuable techniques and style choices that I still use to this day, but crucially, I can now use them in a way that satisfies me and no one else. Obviously I still plan and edit my work that I share here bc I take pride in it, but the process is so more relaxed. I have found a joy and freedom in creating (both on here and on vanilla fanfic) that I don’t even think I had when I started writing as a wee child.

Maybe one day I’ll write something and have it published again, but I’ve gotten to the point that I can honestly say I’m fine if I never do. That’s what’s changed, and for the better. I take pride in my writing, that part has stayed the same through it all, but the source of it has changed from how others value my work to how I value it.

(oops kinda deep for a snz blog)

7. do you have a favourite scene of theirs in canon, or in your own work? what scene have you always wanted to see or write for them?

Psh, “can you hear my opinions on Aramis”. I will give my opinions on Aramis whether they are prompted or not! (though thank you so much for asking ofc, and hyping up my obsession). So favorites, bc in my mind there are 3 subtly different versions of the guy that I love:

Book: The mf dropped-handkerchief-intro-scene, for obvious reasons (may have a bit of a handkerchief fetish on top of it all) but also since the little verbal sparring match he gets into with D’Artagnan here contains, in my opinion, some of the funniest lines in the book. Also love the part where he gets shot and tries to be brave about it but can’t carry on

Movie musical: the part where he sings and sniffs the damn handkerchief, my god, you absolutely insane man.

BBC show: The absolute whump-filled angst fest that is episode 4, because I am a terrible person.

In terms of my writing, though, I really love him in”A Routine Occurrence”, being a good friend but not being at all happy about it. Especially when he says he thinks he’s getting a fever 😈

In terms of what I’d like to see, though perhaps not write myself bc I’d be so out of my depth, would be what I’ve sort of danced around in my fics: him in bed with his mistress, getting a little spicy only to have to put it all on hold bc he’s dreadfully ill. Or, him picking up a cold from a lady who swears she’s recovered but really isn’t after all (but of course it’s all worth it to him, the daft man).

#thank for asking!!#answered asks

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shyflameweasel · 1 year

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I am like, 12 hours into the game after playing it on and off for the past couple days and all I can say is that its meh. If you like it then all the power to you and I'd love to hear you're reasoning. This is just my little ol' opinion of the thing which I'm hoping will change as I get further into the game. Spoilers beware, you're in for a scare.

Honestly it's not worth the 60$ price tag or the 30$ dlc. Not the biggest fan of the character designs, the walking toothpaste commercial not withstanding just generally don't like any of the designs I've seen so far, especially whenever I need to talk to a character and I just see their hair clipping through their bodies or jiggle physics applied to hair/hair ornaments. Colorful looks aside a lot of them really do feel bland even when I do their support conversations. Feels like there could have been something there but so far its like drinking a flat soda filled with more melted ice than drink.

The boutique isn't for me either but I'm sure the people that want to dress up their characters in different designs are having a ball. Long as people are enjoying that feature I guess.

It is a bit weird that the possible marriage possibility that was introduced all the way back in Awakening but that may have been because the developers didn't want to turn the game into a dating sim. Or at least that's what I'm guessing but who knows, I stayed away from a lot of information regarding the game while it was in development so I wouldn't hype myself up. But with how watered down the characters are it really doesn't seem worth it to S rank anyone if it was available.

The story doesn't grip at all. It is nice to see all the locations and the four different nations plus flying sky island do offer a nice hook that it sadly didn't catch. Wake up with amnesia, get told that you're the kindest bravest person ever to live, find your mom who's a divine god dragon who's also obviously the queen of this land, get a dark and evil vision of yourself grinning evilly, queen dies because she was giving you all her power to wake up and then you go from place to place getting the pieces to dear old dead mom's jewelry collection. All I know is that Alear is the best thing since sliced bread and I would not at all be surprised if the allies on the Somneil became some weird cult.

The fighting mechanics are one of my favorites with how smooth it is at times but even then for a while I still felt something was off. That 'something' being the weapon proficiency leveling up. It doesn't do that unless you get to a high bond level with a Emblem that specializes with that weapon. Or when you change class you can increase you're weapon proficiency a whole rank or even decrease it. It feels a bit clunky still so I don't have much to say.

Also a bit iffy on the decision to get rid of the durability of most items. On one hand now people don't have to worry about their weapons randomly breaking during battle. On the other hand it feels like if you can get your hands on powerful weapons you can cheese the fights cause now you don't have to strategize as much as you did before.

Aside from the battle UI the only other things I can find enjoyment in are Sommie and the animal adoption aspect. Both are adorable and I am so getting every animal I can get my grubby little hands on.

And the Alear and Ring!Marth interactions that make me think they were a couple. Can't help but let out a cackle every so often.

Altogether, I'm just really hoping that the game does get better as I continue playing it. I'm not so much as angry at the game as I am disappointed that there's seemingly feels like there wasn't much thought put into it since it is a Fire Emblem game so obviously there's going to be people who buy it for the name alone. Only time will tell I guess.

#fire emblem engage #talked to people about it in person/over discord so why not to a bunch of people on the internet #gonna keep playing because I spent way too much money and I'm stubborn #there is a lot of heart put into the game for the series history in a gimmicky way that I love #even if it falls a bit flat its doing its best

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fire-atwill · 2 years

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Okay I’m watching Exandria Unlimited: Calamity so prepare to be sick of me! Imma tag spoilers and shouldn’t be too annoying cause ya boy is Not Commenting on everything cause these episodes are Long)

Im 2 hours into the first episode, I love them all. Brennan is incredible I love his style. I love how each of them have their own strengths, I’ve always found Matt’s knowledge of lore and his ability to connect the story in a fascinating way to be my favourite part about his DMing. For Aabria i think she does an incredible job with NPC’s I never really forget that they’re there which is cool. I haven’t actually seen much of her Critical Role DMing but I watched Misfits and Magic and her NPC’s are amazing I adore them.

Brennan brings such magic to his descriptions tho it’s incredible. He’s always tying it back to the characters themselves, allows so much freedom and yet fucks with everyone so much. He feels like a benevolent trickster god. Like if Artagan was real.

Moving on to the characters themselves!!!!! Yes my loves this will be a long post. So far I have only watched their introductions so my opinions may change

Zerxus - this man be ballsy as fuck. Yall see the fucking a weird giant being of light and tell them to stop what they’re doing??? That’s bigger than the being who’s HAND YOU ARE STANDING ON. His conversation with Elias hurt a little bit. Im sure nothing will go wrong there

Loquatius - this is just Sam. Iconic, amazing, an attention whore. The ABC’s of Sam (for legal reasons this is a joke). In all seriousness I think he genuinely does love Laerryn and it’s just not a compatible relationship anymore.

Laerryn - Im already in love. Can we take a second to appreciate Aabria absolutely freaking out over everything going on and the moment her character is introduced she goes full on role play moment Im in love!! Idk I just kinda….resonate with her a bit? Always looking for the next thing to go wrong, disliking small talk, ya know the works. Obviously I’m not gonna destroy a bunch of shit due to my hubris but that might just be because I don’t have magic soooooo

Nydas - he reminds me of Fabian so much I adore him. Morals? Who’s she? Nah I adore him. I do think he genuinely cares about people but cares more about himself and his wealth. Who knows maybe that’ll be part of his character development. I’m sure nothing will go wrong in the meantime :)

Cerrit - now y’all know I adore Travis. Cerrit is so COOL. Idk, I love the idea of someone who doesn’t have magic being in a party filled with people with magic it just amuses me. I’m very excited to see where this goes also seems like we’re getting a murder mystery?? And by murder I mean consumed by an entity of unknown origin???? Loving it

Patia - again I’m in love. Marisha Ray is incredible and The Range??????? Keyleth the most awkward motherfucker to ever exist and then Patia a stone cold ice Queen. Fuck the defrosting ice Queen trope if she burns the world down out of sheer disregard I would still kneel before her because I love her. Yes thank you I am in love with Marisha Ray and no I will not apologise

This was longer than I thought it was going to be.

#exu: calamity spoilers #exu: calamity #actually having so much fun

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winter-dayz · 2 years

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F*ck. I’m so in Love with You | 36 - The Platonic Date

Minho takes Y/N for coffee. He gives her a hard wake-up call.

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Idol!Reader Idol AU; Slice of Life; Textfic Genre: Angst; Fluff Warnings: strong language, suggestive content

“I call the last croissant.” Minho stated, while simultaneously reaching for the last of the pastries he’d bought for them. Y/N gave him a small smile before staring back down at her coffee. “Uh-uh. No. I did not bring you out today so you could be all sad.”

She looked up at her friend, brows furrowed, “Huh?”

“Listen, I know everyone else has been tip-toeing around with the sad eyes and the ‘are you okays?’ But you obviously aren’t, so vent.”

Y/N threw her head back with a loud groan. “I’m fine. I don’t need to vent, and you’re right, everyone does keep asking if I’m okay. Which, I am.”

“If you’re so ‘okay’ why did you just kill your tart.” Minho nodded down to the plate in front of her, where she had unknowingly crumbled her apple tart in her frustration.

The girl glanced down at her ruined food with a pout, eliciting a soft scoff from her friend as he slid the croissant to her instead. She beamed up at him and took a bite of the chocolate-filled pastry. When she finished, and took a sip of her iced coffee, she finally sighed, “Okay, so maybe I’m not totally over it. But do I have to be? I know we weren’t really serious or anything... and we only dated for a few months… But it’s still only been two weeks since the breakup. And like you said, everyone keeps bringing it up. It’s hard to even process my own thoughts and emotions when everyone else has an opinion to throw in too.”

“I never said you were supposed to be over it. Everyone processes things at different speeds…” Minho shrugged, “What would help you process though?”

“I don’t know.” Y/N huffed, feeling frustrated again. “I’ve never had a real relationship before so I’m not sure how to move on from it…” She added in a hush.

Minho choked a bit, “Never? Seriously?”

“Well, I mean, I had school girl crushes and valentine’s… That kind of thing. But when I started my trainee days, I took them very seriously. Then we debuted and… well, you know the backlash idols get for dating, so I avoided it.”

He nodded in understanding, “I get it… I’m just surprised because… honestly, look at you. Who wouldn’t want to date you?”

Y/N flipped her hair over her shoulder, laughing, “I never said I wasn’t pretty, Min! I just didn’t have time to date.”

“And what changed with him?”

She paused, “Nothing really… I guess I still didn’t have time for a relationship. I just finally wanted to make time.”

“Do you feel like he didn’t make time for you?”

Her eyes widened, “Oh, no! I wouldn’t say he didn’t… He just couldn’t.”

“Y/N…” Minho sighed, “Don’t bullshit with me. You can’t move on because you keep making excuses. It’s okay if he didn’t make time for you. It’s okay if you didn’t either. It doesn’t mean you didn’t like each other or shouldn’t have at least tried. It just means that you both have different priorities and it wasn’t the right time.”

“Thanks Min…” She smiled, genuinely, “The breakup wasn’t bad. Really. It was just confusing because for a long time, I didn’t even know where we stood with each other… I think I keep blaming myself. That if I liked him enough, I should’ve waited for him longer or cleared more of my schedule. But you’re right.”

“I often am.” Minho smirked, causing Y/N to giggle. “Now… Let’s talk about you and Lix…” He side-eyed her.

It was Y/N’s turn to sputter her coffee. “Why do we keep getting teased about that? We aren’t flirting!”

“Maybe not since you and Namjoon were official, but I have eyes. I’ve seen you all cuddly with him at the dorms.”

“I cuddle with you too!”

“Yeah, but you don’t stare lovingly into my eyes like you do with Felix,” Minho teased, leading Y/N out of the café. “Wait… who else noticed it?”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “Kaeo. She’s relentless in our crackhead chat. She keeps insisting we’re flirting, and we’re not.”

Minho scoffed and turned down the street, muttering under his breath so she wouldn’t hear, “Maybe you’re not…”

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Taglist: @soobin-chois

#bangtan sonyeondan #bts #blackpink #bp #got7 #red velvet #stray kids #skz #tomorrow x together #txt #reader #multi!idol x reader #angst #fluff #slice of life #textfic #f*ck. i'm so in love with you.#fily

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meltotheany · 16 days

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Goodreads | Amazon US | B&N | Blackwell’s | Bookshop ARC provided by the publisher via Netgalley i feel like before i can say anything about this book, i just have to let you all know that i was born and raised in michigan, even though i moved out west after college. but it is also important to know that michigan people love other michigan people! lol like, i am giggling while typing this, but it is also very true and i have never seen another state have this kind of instant comradery before. my family still lives about three hours away from the traverse city area, but i’ve been there so many times, especially during the summer. and this very long prologue of a review is just to say that emily henry really captured the magic of what is a michigan summer and it was absolutely perfect in my opinion. i’m also not sure a book has ever made me miss home as much as the setting of this book, and i just really wanted to emphasize how phenomenally done it was to me, and i would bet a lot of money she has lived there at some point in her life. okay the actual review – i think i can make a dot here: this book is, ironically enough, a story about one person trying to convince another person to build a home and life in a sleepy little michigan city. but let me not forget to type that these two people’s lives have crossed because both of their significant others have decided to leave them for each other! and our main character, after being dumped the morning after her fiance’s bachelor party, has nowhere to go because she picked up her life and moved it to where she thought she would finally set up roots. so she moves in with her ex’s new girlfriend’s ex (this feels so hard to type out lol), and each chapter starts with a countdown of how many days until a fundraiser at her work, at a local library, happens and then she will be able to leave. but maybe she can actually still set up those roots after the fundraiser, but in an even healthy and happier way (filled with some good healing along the way). “That’s what happens when your life partner leaves you for the nicest, sunniest, prettiest woman in the state of Michigan.” everyone is going to talk about this book on all platforms, so instead of me telling you more about this book, let me tell you some things i really loved about this story with some bullet points (besides the michigan bias, obviously): ➛ there is a very big difference between niceness and kindness and this book really shows that throughout. ➛ as you get older, making new friends can be way harder! and friendship breakups can be just as devastating as romantic breakups! but also, it can be really worth it to let people in, even after you’ve been hurt by doing so with others – maybe especially after that. “You can’t untell someone your secrets. You can’t unsay those delicate truths once you learn you can’t trust the person you handed them to.” ➛ this book also talks about some parental abuse that i honestly do not think i’ve ever read about before, and i know it is going to mean a lot to a lot of people. also the way that miles handles that trauma in the present day was something that really made me feel seen and meant more to me than i have words to put in a review here. “I need it to be okay. Because I need to be okay. As a kid, I just felt so fucking scared and powerless, all the time, and now, I just need to be okay.” ➛ and this is also just such a book about community, and carving out space and safety and love with the people who you trust and want to build a home with. especially when you’ve lived a life of not really having much stability, and the thought of it being taken away makes you scared to start to build it. ➛ libraries will always be the heart of cities, with some of the most powerful tools we have to amplify voices and create change. i am actually typing this up during national library week here, and i just can’t emphasize enough how important these buildings, these safe spaces filled with heart, and these librarians are. i would ge...

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#ARC #ARC Review #Book Blog #Book Blogger #Book Review #Book Reviewer #funny story #Funny Story by Emily Henry #meltotheany #michigan

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yourtrekker · 5 months

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Suicide 101

Welcome to the confession of a passive suicidal!

The thought of my demise has been with me for nearly 3 decades now. Since my teen age years, I have been entertaining the idea of 'killing myself'. For me, it is such a sweet reward to end life in this cruel world. Though I never had the courage to plan or attempt it, I always carry the idea that one day if things go south again, I will plan my way out.

Through out my 20s, different life events prompted me to think of ending my own life. It became stronger when my grandmother, who raised me, passed away. Her absence filled the creeping desire to end my life. Back then, I firmly believe that it is a 'sin' to realize the idea of suicide. However, meeting different people, hearing different views and opinions about life in general, and experiencing life my self, made me question about life, suicide, sin, and everything around it.

Now in my 30s, my economic status has changed. It improved, yes! I am grateful for everything. But, I faced different life challenges (the adult kind), which made me cling on the idea that when I can't bear it any longer, I would just do it. Compared to my previous issues, it became slightly better that I am able to earn and access adult money. I know better on how to escape the sadness and loneliness in my life. There's retail therapy, where you buy small (sometimes big) things to fill the void in your day or your life. There's also food! I indulge myself into self and instant gratification allowing me to forget a bad day and alas another day added into my life that I wish never existed.

Obviously, I am still here, breathing, and typing this essay of so called confession. Despite the 'catchy title' (I thought), I am not here to teach how to do it. If I am the one writing it, I may be the most unbelievable author because surely I haven't done it. There are many ways but none of them I dared to try, perhaps, because even if my mouth is blabbing about wanting to commit 'it' my subconscious mind still wants to live. Maybe that's what you call 'basic instinct'. But it would still be all about suicide. The journey of someone my kind, the 'passive suicidal'.

They said there are four types of suicide -- egoistic, altruistic, anomic, and fatalistic. Egoistic is the absence of social integration. Altruistic is to sacrifice one's own life to fulfill an obligation. Anomic is the lack of social regulation that occurs during the high levels of stress/frustration. And, Fatalistic is for when someone is placed under extreme rules or of high expectations.

I guess I am more inclined with egoistic suicide. I am just so tired of participating in this world. You wake up, work, pay bills, occasional fun, face problems, and then repeat. I don't want to be in another 3 decades feeling like 'zombie', yes you're animated but not really living. I really don't like the idea of surviving a day. In my head, I always find myself asking, why do I have to survive each day, each trial when I didn't even choose to be here? I always question my creator that if I have the desire to end it all why did I even have to be here in the first place. It is the most baffling irony one person has to come face to face with.

Another thing I wish to share to the world, especially Christians, is that we always say heaven is real. It is paradise. It is a place free of anything negative. It is a life free of worries, fears, loneliness, sadness, inequality, and the list can go on and on. But, why can't we choose to go there now? Why many of us fear death of our own even of our loved ones if we truly believe we are all going to such place? Or, are we just really trying to appease ourselves that in the long history of mortals we tell all sorts of things that can alleviate our suffering in this cruel existence?

I am envious whenever I see people fighting for their lives. Those with overflowing determination to see tomorrow. They are mostly renaissance men of their own who wants to prove the world they possess the right to live in this world. Sometimes, people with pure innocence just there standing vigorously living. Whilst, there's me ready to give up my life, easily giving it all away to anyone who would ask for it, and always feeling unfit to be part of this world.

I still believe that God is real. God is love. God is good. In my heart of heart I know I truly believe. Which is why I also learned through times to just let things unfold. Life has a way of leading our paths to where it should flow anyway.

I am not sure for how long I could hold myself together. I am not confident I could always choose to live one more day. But, whoever you are reading this, hey you, we're in the same shoes. Similar, maybe not the same, but we are still here. And we've survived all of yesterdays that we thought we won't. That's all I have to say.

#yourtrekker 🐧

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areallybadwriter · 6 months

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9/24

found the will to provide an update. got inspired whilst reading through my past posts and decided it would do me some good. and jesus christ, the last couple of posts have a lot of run-ons. i need some more practice obviously.

the city is doing me quite well at the moment. i had a brief stint of absolute disdain for my everyday life when i was unemployed and still adjusting to one of the biggest life changes a human being can experience. there was this period of feeling terrible about my self (physicality-wise) which im presuming is because its a new territory full of new people - a lot more people at that. a lot more people that i shouldn't value their passerby opinions but i do anyways. im getting over it now and am starting to like myself again but boy did i slip for a minute. ive been exploring new places, whether it be food or entertainment, which has provided me a sense of understanding of this place i live in. my friend and i were actually discussing how the city still felt a little weird to reside in, still enough foreignness to give off warning signs at times. we decided we hadn't sat at enough coffeeshops by ourselves yet, or we hadn't gotten enough groceries. i try to remember what moving from my hometown to my college town felt like but i don't recall the same amount of difficulty to adjust. i think in time i will feel better about it, maybe when the weather or just the general business of this place has chewed me up and spit me out a bit. i do hope that the winter is kind.

i had this past weekend off of work so i decided to take the train to this cute lakeside town where my very best friend (who ive known since i was 15) who now lives thousands of miles away was visiting her family's cottage. the train was gorgeous and ive never felt such excitement at the chance of listening to my music, sketching a little, and sitting in my own two seater on a train taking me to the beach. i thought of it as something so valuable i think i would only take someone who i truly love on there. to show them. they kicked us off halfway through to exit the train and board a bus to resume the rest of the trip because there was construction on the tracks. that part wasn't as fun, but i quickly arrived at my destination and had a wonderful less-than-24-hours with my best friend. the cottage her family owns has been in the family for many, many years and they've kept it pretty much the same. its an untouched but well-lived part of history and i basically foam at the mouth with adoration every time im there. its all lace and florals and carved wooden floors. we had a bonfire on the beach the night i arrived and all shared barbecue chicken pizza from this place down the road. her and i split a bottle of chianti and got a little tipsy, while her family talked and laughed amongst themselves. being away from home and familiarity for awhile, it felt really good to stretch out on the beach with all of them. it really filled the void of loneliness and missing my family. we took the train back into the city the next day after we drank coffee and ate breakfast casserole on the beach as the sailboats went by. it was a gorgeous little break and im glad i got to see her at the beginning and end of her trip. we plan on me visiting her next or both of us meeting somewhere in the middle.

one of my other best friends from high school (who is in the same friend group as the girl mentioned above) had a psychotic episode this past week and is most likely in an inpatient mental facility currently. she was my roommate up until i moved to the city and she is still living in our college town, now with her little sister and another bestie from that friend group. while we lived together throughout the years, she definitely had episodes and mentally ill tendencies (honestly, we all did) and it had gotten worse in the recent years. she had finally found some good therapy and some good meds that seemed to be doing wonders for her but i believe she went off of them, thus entering another episode. she was texting complete nonsense to a few of us in an aged group chat and from what i heard, didn't recognize her own sister and ended up calling the cops on herself. i hate being far away and not being able to help more and not being more informed on the situation. i just hope that she gets the inpatient help that she's needed for quite a long time and can get to the bottom of some of these issues. i think its interesting how many of us in the friend group have had psychotic episodes. i don't think i have personally experienced an episode exactly like that but there's something to be said about people forming friend groups around shared feelings and similar mental states.

wyoming is coming to visit me in a couple weeks. we are going to a late-night concert and then hopefully hanging out for awhile the next day. he has not been to my place in the city yet, which i think he will enjoy. the last time we were in the city together it ushered in a new era of how we interacted with each other (in a very positive light imo) so i hope this trip will provide us the same. there's something to be said about neither of us knowing many places or people up here. it lacks years of memories like our hometown so we are rid of burdens and guilt we may have experienced otherwise. maybe our purest forms. ive had a couple revelations about him recently as i haven't seen him in person in awhile and can think more clearly without constant thoughts of how our last time seeing each other was or something. the latest one was that i think i like him a lot more than he likes me. it absolutely stewed the last few days and it was hard to even talk to him over the phone because i kept reminding myself of the heartbreak. we had a conversation weeks ago about being able to love things or people and how both of us were scared that we had never actually done that. talked about how maybe every relationship up until this point had felt faked at times. we both related on these things, but he never clarified whether these feelings applied to our relationship as well. for me, unsurprisingly, it has been the most genuine connection ive ever had and there's never been a need or feeling to fake anything. and i know for a fact i love him. can just tell, and honestly ive felt it from sixteen and on. its something that freaked me out years ago but so much time has wilted the panic of it all. what scares me now is the investment of care ive put into it all, and with that comes certain moments of absolute uncertainty on whether he feels the same at all (especially if we've recently had a conversation about being able to love other people or he's in one of his distant periods). i think seeing him in person and spending that amount of alone time with him will mend some things and hopefully give me insight on how to proceed with the relationship. although at the end of the day, i know he will always be around somehow.

saved this is drafts and forgot what i was going to say next so to post it goes.

xoxo anonymous

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