#oh and also! guess who had a whole edited draft and forgot to save it?

[erenthology]

Assertive

Rugby boyfriend!Eren x fem!reader

collage au, possessive but in an infatuated boyfriend type of way. Size differences are mentioned. No matter your size, Eren is bigger than you. (Note: going to be more active now that Aot is ending. Feel free to send requests ♡)

I don’t mind if you’re ignoring me, cuz I’m ignoring you. “ he watches you bounce around the room in your thin, white nightdress. 

You continue looking for your phone, ignoring him. There’s no way you haven’t searched every inch of his dorm room by now, so you finally look at him. He’s laying on the bed shirtless, hands behind his neck, looking at you innocently. That f’ckin bastard.

“Do you have my phone, Eren?”

He flashes his teeth, “ugh, baby, you have no idea how nice it is to hear your voice again. C’mere.” he pats his lap.

You sternly put your hand on top of your hip, arching it to the side, giving Eren the perfect view. “Do you have it or not?” He doesn’t even try to hide his smirk.

”Do I? I'm not sure. You should come over and look,” stretching his arms out in an inviting pose.

Earlier, Eren’s roommate, Floch, made a joke about how he can hear when you and Eren are having sex. When you told Eren, he rushed out of the room and ordered Floch to apologize. Completely scolding him like a dad. You felt embarrassed since you didn’t want his friends to think you can’t take a joke.

You know he’s just going to grab and pull you towards him, so instead, you start walking towards the door. Eren tenses immediately and rushes towards you,

‘’Hey, hey” he grabs your hand. ”where do you think you’re going?’’ he questions with furrowed eyebrows.

‘’To ask if the guys have they’ve seen it?’’ 

His eyes flash red for a second. To have his friends see the outline of your nipples through that thin fabric of your so called pajamas? He looks you up and down, nope, not happening. You should be wearing his t-shirts to bed anyway.

 ‘’Not like that, you’re not,’’ he gives you an ‘’end of discussion’’ look, but you huff and turn anyway. Not that you get far at all, he has you slung over his shoulders before you’ve even fully turned.

The con of having a rugby player as a boyfriend is that he throws you around a lot without so much as breaking a sweat. When you’re mad at him, he has this irritating habit of lifting you off the ground and cuddling you until you’ve cooled down. Claiming it “breaks his heart watching you walk away angry.”

He walks towards the bed, ignoring your fists punching at his back. “You’re such a brat sometimes.” He doesn't mind at all though, Eren has the patience of a saint when it comes to his girl, he enjoys being the one to set you straight.

He carefully lies you down on his bed, positions himself on top and grins, ‘’gotcha,’’ then smacks a kiss on your cheek. ‘’You’re annoying.” you pinch his ear in retaliation.

“Ow, hey, you know you’re stronger than you look.” he scratches his reddened ear. ‘’I'm being deadass, baby, you could go pro in armwrestling or some shit.’’ You burst out laughing over how dramatic he’s being and his eyes lit up from the sound. Your smile always captivates him.

Feeling yourself being stared at, you grin cheekily, unable to hide your smile “weirdo, stop staring,’’ brushing your fingers against his stubble. His eyes follow the movement of your hand and begin tracing the shape of your figure when all of a sudden he starts attacking you in tickles.

You’re both advancing on each other playfully, laughing hysterically. In an attempt to roll out of his reach, Eren quickly reacts by by grabbing your hands and pins them above your head. The laughter is quickly replaced with heavy pants as you stare at him naively, your chest rising up and down.

Snapping out of his thoughts, he lets go of his grip and rests his head on your chest, “you know, it doesn’t matter if you’re mad. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable staying here.’’ he gently admits, then lifts his head,

‘’plus, I’m the only one who has a say about you in bed.” he wiggles his eyebrows.

“Gross,’’ you push his chest, apparently amusing him by the look on his face. ‘‘but it’s fine, really. I just wanted to ignore the situation, but I guess he should learn that not everything needs to be said.’’ At this, he grins and takes ahold of your chin,

‘’that’s a good girl.’’

You ignore the heat rising in your face and smack his hand away when you suddenly remember, ‘’speaking off, where is my phone? You know I need to do my nightly routine check.’’

He knows. It’s the reason he slipped it under his pillow the moment you started throwing a fit. It’s nice having the most predictable girl on the planet. ‘’You can do it later, let a man enjoy his girl for a moment. You can be mad at me after.’’

‘’I'm not mad at you’’ you look genuinely offended, causing him to snicker. “Besides, I kinda liked the whole sexy, scolding dad thing you had going on. It was kinda turning me on,” you admit, looking straight into his eyes.

His hands on your hips stiffen instantly and his whole demeanor changes. “Don’t even joke, [name] I will put a baby in you right this second,” large hands grab your ass and starts grinding your body against his.  

You attempt to leave but he drags you right back, looking at you confused. Looking down, you purr, “I really need to do my routine check,” sticking out your lower lip for extra effect.

You love to rile him up and have him mock you for being greedy and bratty. His face gets closer to yours with his eyebrows all furrowed.

“Did you just pout at me?”

“Nuh uh,” you lie and tease your hand against his belt, Eren’s eyes follow your movements then trace back up to your face, where you’re innocently meeting his eyes.

He grabs a fistful of your hair and looks down at your hand playing against his bulge. ‘’You wanna get fucked?’’ he spits with disgust, or admiration. It’s hard to tell with him.

“Know you enjoy keeping me on edge, acting all innocent when we both know,” He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, eyes lingering just a second too long on your lips. Thoughts on ways to tame you running wild in his head.

‘’Telling me it turned you on when I was commanding,’’ he shakes his head as if disappointed.‘’It's good I’m here to keep you in line. A girl like you needs that.’’

You feel the imprint of him on your stomach as his hips press you down on the bed, leaving you no space to leave. You try your best to keep your voice steady. “Just wanna make you happy,’ you breathe out. He almost laughs. 

“You know what would make me happy?‘’ Eren stands and lifts you up with him.

‘’you with my cock in your mouth.” You almost go limp in his arms from how lewd he's being. 

Giving you an expectant look, he nudges your nose with his, “are you waiting for something? get to work.” he guides you down on your knees towards his crotch. The carnal look in his eyes makes you fumble a bit with his belt, but Eren is patient. Sometimes you suspect he enjoys seeing you nervous to perform for him.

Pressing a kiss on the tip, he returns his gratitude by patting your hair in a domineering act, “make me proud.’’ he smiles, in which you relish. Keeping eye contact, you swirl your tongue around his shaft before hollowing your cheeks and start working your way down. You can’t help but gag at his size, no matter how often you blow him. 

It’s been quiet for some time now and you’re growing impatient with the lack of praise. You decide to look up at him through the tears in your eyes and catch him smiling down at you. The scene feels so filthy you can’t help but slyly drag your fingers over your panties to relieve some of the pressure, secretly humping your hips against your hand to the sound of his pants. 

He just nearly cums in your mouth when he notices what you’re up to. Shamelessly playing with yourself, mouth filled with cock, you look straight out of Eren’s nastiest fantasies, it was perfect.

He bends down and pulls your hand out from under your nightdress, “Not yet, need you to be a good girl for me.’’ Then he does the hottest thing all night, he leans down to give it a kiss. You love him. He makes you feel like a princess getting fucked by her knight.

Feeling enthusiastic again, you eagerly reach for him to continue where you left off, but are stopped yet again. Whining, you wait for him any sort of command, just to do something, anything! but he looks so unaffected it’s making you wail even louder.

 “stop whining, you don’t deserve to suck my dick.” Despite the warning, you almost do it again but stop yourself when you notice the glare you’re given. “But I really needa feel you, Eren. It hurts down there.” you were so wet it felt like you were about to explode from the lack of release. 

He's only a man after all, even he has his limits when you wail pathetically about how wet your pussy is. Now he needs to have a look. He pulls you up by your torso, ‘’does sucking me off make you wet?’’ You nod and visibly see his ego lit up.  

A thin sheen of sweat connects your bodies as he effortlessly carries you over to his bed. You take advantage of your flexibility and spread your legs as far apart as you can once he lays you down, earning a groan out of him.

He doesn't hesitate a moment further to push his face in there and peek under your dress. “such a pretty cunt, princess. no idea how often I jerk off thinking about it, about this,” kissing through your soaked panties. Your hips jerk upwards at his erotic words, desperate for friction.

“Eren, please”

He pushes your panties to the side but keeps them on. It’s like he’s so needy for you he can’t be bothered to take off either of your clothes properly, but patient enough to check out every inch of you as if seeing you like this for the first time.

Eren’s broad body consumes your smaller frame as you lie beneath him. You love this feeling, him shielding your body from anyone and anything but himself. 

 His ring covered fingers play softly with your bud, observing your reactions before lining himself against you, causing goosebumps to erupt all over your skin. The sight of Eren being almost abnormally endeavored by your pussy as he spits on his hand and pumps his cock, increases the heat pooling in your abdomen. 

You lie still, enjoying the sensation of him rubbing and tapping himself against you. His eyes are fixated entirely on your cunt and you enjoy every bit of the attention. Not to say you’re not curious about what goes on in his mind when he’s focused and quiet like this. Like your body is art and he is studying and memorizing every part of it.

Once satisfied, he pushes through the tight hindrance and sucks in a breathe, “oh, fuck.” and finally looks up at you. His heart stops a beat when he’s reminded of how beautiful you are. The urge to hide you away from anyone's eyes but his, hits him strong but he bites it back.

Time slows for a moment as you both take each other in through half lidded eyes, and for some reason, your vision has never been as clear. His fingers thread through yours as he leans in for a kiss. When he pulls away, your eyes are still closed. Eren grins and places one last kiss on your forehead before thrusting his way in. 

He’s fucking you with his hips, hard. Hands pressing down your pelvic, holding you still for him to ram into. The strap of your nightdress has slightly fallen down your shoulders, so he pushes the fabric that’s hiding you from him down further, and exposes your breasts. The moan he lets out from the sight is pure filth. 

‘’Touch yourself.’’ he demanded, pupils dilated. With glazed over eyes, you comply and start playing with yourself, twisting and grazing your nipples. The act drives him to lift your hips to reach deeper into you,’’really thought i’d let you walk out of my room looking like this.’’ he grows almost annoyed at the thought. 

Tenderly cupping his cheek, he almost flinches from how lovingly you’re looking at him, “You’re all I want, Eren.’’ and he almost melts. When you say things like that it makes him want to keep you to himself even more, resting his forehead against yours, he looks at you with almost a pained expression. ‘’that’s good, because i'm a selfish man.’’

 With your legs lifted around his waist and upper body sprawled on the bed, you’re essentially at his mercy as he connects your bodies in repeated thrusts. Again, again and again, the sound of him pushing into you echoes in the room. 

He fucks like a deprived man and speaks like a man in love. “Does it feel good, princess?’’ You nod with lovestruck eyes. ‘’Yeah? taking me so well. making me so proud.’’ The pressure feels too intense, about to snap.

He’s stretching you on his cock and looking straight into your eyes as he's doing it. Your body dissolves into pleasure as you writhe beneath him.

Your body starts squirming uncontrollably, causing him to grip your hips ever tighter, overpowering you in strength. You let out a loud sob and rake your nails on his back when your vision suddenly fades to black. He stares at you, astonished.

He raises an eyebrow, “did you just cum?” the thusting has stopped completely now but you felt his dick twitch inside you as he asked. “Tried to hold it in for you,” you stare back apologetically, eyes still sprinkled with lust. Best part is, he knows you didn’t. And you know it too. 

“Turn around,” he orders. You obey and slump towards the bed with your back against him, hiding your face in the pillows. “Don’t act all shy with me now, let’s see your face,” he leaves no room for discussion, so you slowly turn your head and face him. He looks so big staring down at you from your vulnerable position. “That’s a good, good girl.” 

Next thing you know, your cheeks are being spread and played with. Still high on ecstasy from the orgasm you just had, the energy to perform is nonexistent, so he does the job for you.

Huge hands angle your limp body upwards, then press down your back to create a beautiful arch, only for his eyes to admire. He sinks back inside and buries his cock in your warmth.

It’s hard maintaining eye contact with him when he’s like this, it feels so shameless, almost taboo, still, you can’t look away. He’s pounding into you, pulling your hips hard against him.

“This is what you’re making me do, looking at me like that. No one else will ever be able to see you like this,” he occupies his thumb by rubbing it over your clit. The contact is so delicate but rapid nonetheless.

You nod agreeably, barely able to register his words. “Are you close, Eren?’’

“Yeah,” his hands pressed down tightly on your lower abdomen, the scream you let out is almost inhumane. ‘’yes, yes.” you’re grinding back against him in heated motions, shockwaves of heat pumping through your body.

He snaps his pelvic against your ass and feels you sucking him right back in.  He thinks back to what you said before about him as a dad and his eyes roll back. The thought of you carrying his child inside you makes him come undone.

“Ugh, fuck.” He comes audibly high etc, covering you in his cum. You expect him to catch his breath but he smoothly regains his composure and pushes you on your back, his thumb finding its way right back to your clit, barely even getting started before leading you to your second orgasm.

You scream in pleasure as he cups your face, lips brushing against your ear. “That's it, princess, you did so well for daddy. made me so proud.” he praises as he pushes your hair out of your face. 

The lack of response makes him laugh, realizing he’d fucked you to sleep, litterally. chuckling, he grabs a warm cloth and cleans you up to his best effort.

You’re usually sleepy right after sex so this is a regular routine for you both. He smacks a kiss on the top of your head and covers you with his comforter then goes for a shower.

Once he’s done, he carries you up bridal style to the bathroom. “Wake up, sleepy.” he’s back to his sweet self. You grunt in response. “C’mon, you need to pee.’’ It’s true, so you comply and he leaves you to it. 

This is a conversation you’ve both had before, he feels no need to leave when you do your business but you’ve kicked him out enough times so he knows the drill by now. Eren changes the bedsheets while you clean up.

When finished, you walk back to the bed and he opens his arm for you to rest on, your phone lying beside him. You jump at the invitation and he hugs you towards him, ‘’what do you feel like eating?’’ he’s playing with your hair as you lie comfortably on his arm. 

“Not hungry.’’ you murmur.

Eren fights the urge to sigh. “Sorry, not up for debate.’’ He saves himself the trouble and orders for you both, knowing you’ll feel hungry once you see him eat.

When the food arrives, you end up wanting exactly what Eren ordered for himself.

‘’You’re a big baby.’’ he sulks and rolls his eyes, but feeds you nonetheless. You don’t miss the look on his face as you take a bite from his hand. One thing about Eren? he can and will fuck multiple times a day if you let him.

‘’down, boy. i’m not tryna have my guts rearranged after eating food.’’

He grins, ‘’I didn’t say anything’.’ knowing he’ll do exactly that when you’re done eating.

#ik i said i would look over this but i feel asleep at 5 and hust woke up so ops #someday #the the more active part… #:8 I’m planning to write for Gojo n nanami but Eren is the priority #but it takes me long to work on stuff so if u have ideas u want me to write send then now #oh and also! guess who had a whole edited draft and forgot to save it? #this is the result of that #anyway enjoy ♡ #eren smut #attack on titan eren #eren #eren jeager x reader #eren aot #eren fanfiction #eren jaeger #just in the clouds for eren #my fics #fanfics #my writing #snk eren #eren x reader #eren yeager #eren jaeger smut

[youichi-kuramochi]

dearest viv,

how the FUCK do you connect scenes?

i forgot what sign off i was gonna use

started with an r

umm

fuck. whatever

i cant remember if it was regards or respectfully. maybe respectfully?? yeah since i was yelling?? ok

respectfully,

honey ʕ ﹒ ᴥ ﹒ ʔ

ALDFKJGALDFKGDLFJ THIS WAS THE FUNNIEST ASK TO WAKE UP TO THANK YOU FOR THAT OMG

ANYWAY............ do u mean like in general or me personally lmao bc my answer to the second is probably like. totally unhelpful bc I just kinda vibe it most of the time when I’m writing adflkjagdfk at least first drafts. editing is another story (standby. we’ll get there lmao)

[sidebar: OH MY GOD THIS ANSWER GOT SO LONG I’M SO SORRY IF THIS WAS A JOKEY ASK AND I JUST RAMBLED UNNECESSARILY FOR LIKE FOREVER I am just. I am very passionate about writing even though my own process is a Mess aldkfjglkgf anyway I’m putting this under a cut bc uh. this really got away from me]

alright so theoretically??? I think transitions are less important than like. there should be a point each scene is trying to make. it either develops character or plot or relationships or any combination of those, and you need to have enough to make that point and then it can end (though I overelaborate a lot so. idk. I don’t think I follow most of this advice even though I understand it In Theory adlfkgjlkf). similarly, when you string the scenes together, they should to build towards a larger narrative arc. like because character a learned this thing about themself in the previous scene, now they can confront character b about something else. or because of this character establishing moment, we can now have this character do this thing because we, the readers, now have some insight into their motivations/fears/desires/etc. or whatever. I guess this is sort of about transitions lmao but the point is that the larger narrative should connect, not that you need to be super careful always about making the words/physical scenes themselves connect, if that makes sense

imo scenes can start and end abruptly and like as long as the narrative point is made you don’t really miss out on much. I’m terrible at actually doing this which is why my fics all wind up so long but I don’t mind it at all when I’m reading. I think it’s really cool when someone can make a really powerful point with far fewer words than I ever could. idk who told me this maybe a professor or maybe I just read it somewhere but it’s often a good move to drop readers right in the middle of the action like you don’t need that much buildup to it (unless the buildup serves a purpose. maybe your character is hesitating. maybe they’re overthinking.) you might need more buildup/general exposition in the beginning to get us acquainted with the world of the fic, but especially as you go on, exposition only as needed can be a good move. something something kill your darlings, y’know?

actually this last bit I do follow sometimes lmao I often wind up with several pages of just. unused text that I’d written and then decided was extraneous to the point I was trying to make or made a scene drag on or just didn’t click. like for my current ongoing fic, I have entire scenes I’ve cut. I wrote 2k of a high school scene that I ended up only using slivers of for flashbacks. there was a scene when onigiri miya opened at one point. for my bkak big bang fic I literally have over 6k that I took out completely that if I had kept in would’ve given the whole thing a completely different tone that I decided I didn’t like after I’d already written like half the fic. so I scrapped them. I usually save these, not do anything with really but just because deleting text forever is hard lmao so saving the writing somewhere, if not in the fic itself, makes it easier for me to cut

ALL THAT SAID it’s also totally cool to just trust your gut and run with a vague idea. like this kind of writing should be fun and I wouldn’t let worrying about this stuff get in the way of having a good time. and also everyone’s process is different!! everyone’s writing style is different and your writing probably won’t have the same tone or style as writers you admire and that’s okay!! it’s a good thing, even, imo. that’s what’s so cool about writing and honestly a lot of my favorite writers do not write like I do and I love that

and when I said I vibe it w my fics I really honestly do 90% of the time. I usually have a general sense of where I’m going but it’s more enjoyable for me discover things on the way. some people swear by outlines, I fundamentally do not other than like. AT MAX writing a short bullet point list of scenes I want to include as I think of them bc my brain is like a sieve. and usually weeks after starting something, I’ll write a line/paragraph/scene and have an epiphany like oh my god. oh my god I get what this whole piece is trying to say. (this is my favorite part of writing tbh. discovering that moment) and once I have that, it’s much easier to figure out what belongs and what doesn’t when I go back and edit earlier scenes and make sure that everything ties together

and also, finally, (sorry I know I’ve been rambling for a while now I swear this is the last point) I want to note that all of this gets easier and more natural with practice. I’ve been writing for over 10 years, on and off. ao3 says I have 500k+ of published fic, not to mention I probably as much if not more from abandoned wips that will never see the light of day AND a bunch of stuff floating around on livejournal (lol) from the pre-ao3 days, so I have written. a LOT. and over time you sort of hone your intuition about what works for you and what doesn’t and at least for me, now I think a lot less abt the nitty gritty and just go wherever my writing takes me and I’ll usually land in the general vicinity of making sense. I think anyone can get there (or wherever it is you’d like to be if this isn’t your style). the trick is just to keep writing! it’s a skill like everything else ☺️

#my english degree is like girl u know how to structure stories u know what the elements are #u know how ur supposed to use symbolism and motifs and how to construct thematic elements #but then I sit down to write and my brain just goes BRRR PINING IDIOTS and I just kinda go from there #ooooh my god this is so long I'm so sorry I am literally incapable of being concise #do u see how I keep winding up with 20k fics lmao I cannot shut up when I have a point I wanna make #god I hope someone finds this at least remotely useful I really just went full stream of consciousness for *checks* 6 paragraphs wow #do not ask me about writing unless ur prepared for this ig you learn smth new about yourself every day akdjfgldkf #if u actually read all of this I owe u my life lmao #honeyukishiro #text #ask

[steve0discusses]

The Full Metal Alchemist Live Action Movie Part 8: Watch This Episode Covered in Butts be the Only One Not Flagged by Tumblr

Gonna be risky business and not only upload all of these caps the way I screenshot them--which has just SO MANY poorly CGI’d butts but also gonna do it on the Tumblr Drafts folder, which I have been assured works now.

I’m so worried about so many things, but considering all the fears I have about like...everything else in the world right now...I guess I’ll take a risk on tumblr.

Edit: I cannot believe that I had 8ish episodes of Kaiba’s tall dueling tower get flagged but not this movie. I just....wow I cannot.

So anyway, last we left off, General Hakuro stepped in and was like “Hi guys, you like my wily plans that no one in their right mind would have ever guessed???”

Yo remember this part of the anime? Where the bodies drop from the ceiling and it’s a hunk out of the final arc--it’s here. In this movie. This movie that can’t possibly afford to do that. Lets get some CGI animated bodies in here ASAP.

(see some texture regrets under the cut)

It’s like a Monet, as the Mean Girls say, because far away and shrinked to 500 pixels this looks kinda neat. They sort of look more like those slime ball that grow in the back of your throat rather than human bodies, but they still look pretty gross hanging up there.

But then.....we zoom in. Remember again that this was full screen on my computer, and at one point was on a freakin movie screen. This level of 3d...was on a movie theater screen.

The mind boggles. The mind boggles!

Like as you know, I am an artist, and I’ve dabbled in...basically everything in my pursuit to make a dollar...and I have taken about 2 years of classes in 3D art with Maya and all those. I’m not thaaat great at it--I’m much more an illustrator/painter--but I feel like I have that reference point. Can I just say--the model is...fine...you can do a lot with layers of bump maps so you don’t need a truly detailed model (not like they did that, because they didn’t do that, but I can figure that maybe they had an intention to do that and forgot?)

But, there’s no connection of the wires to bodies. They just kinda float? The bodies are also all the same shiny-ness? To the point that it looks like a copy paste? (I don’t think it is, the wires are slightly different on a few of them) There’s just not much in the way of a texture map or a bump map. It just...there’s also something missing from the skin.

Skin is actually kind of rough to render, so when I did it back in the day, I followed like a checklist to make sure I had all the layers and steps to make someone look...clammy. Some things are kinda translucent, they reflect light a different way...especially white skin like this wouldn’t be just...white like putty. Dunno if you ever saw a white person, but we got so many veins...there was so much potential to make something really gross and fleshy.

Instead we got silly putty. It’s fine. I’m fine.

So General Hakuro decides to just...kill everyone right now.

This makes no sense to me.

That means that the whole thing of Lust killing Hughes was completely unrelated to General Hakuro. All Hakuro needed was Shou Tucker, who has been in prison for...I assume months since Ed shipped him off. And Shou was only released today? Just now? Just now when Hughes was shot?

So this all just happened at the same time by accident?

I mean the General sent us to the wrong lab initially, so he didn’t actually want us to be here, and now that we are here, he’s going to set off an entire army as a reaction to three people walking in and going “oops”?

So, lets get a look at our army.

Oh it was so disappointing, this reveal. Not just the eyeball that has a bounce light coming from below the top lip there (how did that even happen???) but also when it opened it’s mouth, it had a flat animation of skin breaking--it wasn’t actually rendered 3d skin, it was like a jpg wrapped around it or something (or at least that was the illusion I got. That is fine for a video game or a TV show, but this is a movie. This is shot so that it can be displayed in a size bigger than your own house.

What happened to the animation team on this one? Not saying I can do better, cuz no, I can’t, that 3d chapter in my life was a while back, but I’m just one guy. This was an entire animation studio and they just...didn’t render 3d face ripping (which is their entire job, to work in 3d) and then they kinda just turned on the stock physics dynamics and dropped em instead of animating them.

The way they fell was like fish from a bucket--the same amount of speed, too. they all ragdolled like a 3D shooter, their rigs just hanging on for dear life (and yes, you could see the deforming happen on the joints of these models.) I’m fine with having a computer program render something out with a physics engine...but there is a balance.

You do have to still go in there and finangle it back because...real life is hella stupid. Real physics? So stupid. It was hilarious how nonthreatening it was, too because they’re like...the size of shrimps in that zoom out image. The scale is just so wild!

It was like one bored guy in a sound booth and they multiplied his voice three times. Golden. Absolutely golden.

So these guys stride over, all of them with the same amount of speed (leading me to think it was probably a recorded walk cycle they all share with slight alterations between all of em) and they kinda just...pile on eachother in a weird way.

I will give them this: I was happy to see something that wasn’t physics or procedural. They mo-capped and animated that part for sure. It had the touch of an artist’s hand. It was also a very funny way for Hakuro to die because this guy was on screen for like 5 minutes, and maybe 7 minutes of this whole movie.

Youknow...I think it really says a lot about your nude 3d models if they’re not disturbingly human enough to trigger the tumblr filter, youknow?

Anyway, Envy looks on.

And then Gluttony saves the city.

Meanwhile, they decide to bust out the fire effects and Mustang becomes the most useful person in this entire movie. Like honestly this movie was poorly named, because it should have just been “Mustang saves the FullMetal Alchemist’s Entire Ass.”

The next part seems like I forgot a cap, or maybe missed something. I swear to you, I did not.

First off, Al becomes fullmetal and makes this happen without an alchemy circle. The show doesn’t really care to talk about that though, it’s just a thing he can do now, and you’d only notice it if you were writing a Tumblr post about it.

I swear to you, Winry is just inside of Al and there is no explanation.

There is no explanation for this.

She was on the couch...why is she not on the couch? What?

And then when you think they might have a moment, Ed’s like.

Damn.

For reals what the hell was that entire scene except for a way for Ed to get his arm stitched back on in like 2 minutes?

Outside, Envy and Lust are just strolling around the back-alley of this red brick building we have seen used for this entire movie.

And like...it’s so funny to me because they weren’t trying to run or hide. It makes complete sense why they got shot. This is what happens when you just...walk away when the whole military guard wants to kill you.

Now lets go see how Hawkeye is faring.

Luckily, all of the ambling bodies have decided to walk slowly through this one weird grass section between extremely long buildings.

And Hawkeye tells everyone “You have to shoot their heads off” and I want you to look at that scene and tell me how many of those bodies still have heads.

Oh, all of them. Don’t worry about it.

Kinda hard to see, but Ed shows up to give Mustang a hand, which was fully unnecessary but we’ll get to that in a bit.

This movie is such a gem.

Ed goes big brain and realizes that Envy is still burned up, and thus is about to pass on.

And whatever, I’ll take it. It’s not like the movie has told us that they are made out of 1000000 lives, for all we know, in the movie universe, they really are only 4 lives. Like half a cat. Maybe Father only killed half a cat instead of an entire city.

Yugi Muto would be so freakin proud of Envy for how often this guy gets hit square in the chest with fire balls. It’s basically every scene where Envy and Mustang share screen time.

And don’t worry, I don’t think Envy died? But they sure made it look like he did, which I’m sure everyone everywhere was really happy to see, since Envy’s death was one of the climaxes of the whole series. Like people used to make these lists of “top 10 saddest anime deaths” and how many people had Envy on there? Like everyone? People freakin love Envy and they did him so much dirty in this movie.

Again I have no explanation for Winry.

So Mustang is like, Ed, you make sure Winry doesn’t biff it in that corner, and I’ll do my actual job over here on this side. And yo, he did.

And so then that’s it, Lust is dead, and now we have a Sorcerer’s stone.

Man it looks delicious, right?

I’d eat the hell out of that.

Anyway, we only have one more update and we’re done with this movie!

I know!

I know! They only have 10-15 minutes to resolve pretty much everything, and that’s assuming that the credits don’t take up a heap of that. Hell, I might only have 3 caps next episode if that’s all credits. I honestly don’t remember.

Anyway, hope y’all take it easy this February, here is a link for people who just got here to read these FMA recaps in Chrono order.

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/fma/chrono

#FMA #Fullmetal Alchemist #Fullmetal Alchemist Movie #recap #photo recap #ed elric #colonel mustang #hawkeye #al elric #Winry Rockbell #so much fire #so much almost there CG

[seven-seas-of-taylor]

temporary fix | ben hardy x reader

a/n: this has been in my drafts for quite some time now,, and i wanted to post it :3 i pROMISE ILL MAKE SOMETHING SOON, i just want to make it perfect :) also, based on a song called “temporary fix” by one direction, hope u like this :)

MASTERLIST

warning/s: swearing, almost has smut but there’s none

word count: 2.2k

EDITED

saw your body language and i know how you’re feeling

you look like the type of girl who’s tired of speaking

standing with somebody but he doesn’t know what you like

“here, you want some?” your boyfriend james offered you some salad, but you shook your head.

“no, thanks.” you sighed and rest your chin on your hand.

this date is so boring.

“what do you want, hm? do you want me to order some steak for you?”

he doesn’t even know what you like!

“no. i want to go home.” you wanted to say the last sentence but you knew your boyfriend would get mad and all, so you didn’t.

you caught my attention, you were looking at me first

saw that i could teach you, waking up in my t-shirt

if your not hooked on anything, right now i can be your vice

ben looked around the restaurant and locked eyes with a girl. with you.

you looked away from his gaze, embarrassed but he was smirking.

“mate, you okay? why the hell are you smirking like that?” joe asked, raising his eyebrow.

“oh. nothing.”

you look hot in your dress, but you’d totally look hotter wearing his t-shirt.

he also noticed you were getting bored with that man. you stood up and excused yourself to go to the washroom.

“i’ll just go to the washroom joe, i’ll be back.” he stood up and walked away.

“hey, wai-“

so he followed you and tapped your shoulder. “hey...”

“o-oh, hi.” you were not expecting this guy to come up to you, especially when he’s a freaking actor.

“here’s my number. call me if you’re bored or something... we can hang out. by the way i’m sure you probably know me by the look on your face..?” he smiled and gave you a paper which has his number.

“(y/n).” you smiled back.

“so, see you, (y/n)?” he smiled again before walking away.

all you need to know is

you can call me

when you're lonely

when you can't sleep

i’ll be your temporary fix

you control me, even if it's just tonight

you thought about calling ben. you couldn’t sleep, and you were alone in bed.

your boyfriend james was away to god knows where, but you could care less.

so you reached for the nightstand to get your phone and dialed ben’s number, which you memorized not long ago.

you waited for him to pick it up, putting your phone to your ear.

“hello?”

“h-hi ben, it’s me (y/n).” you were nervous and you don’t know why.

“oh, (y/n). how are you?”

“i’m good,” you smiled. “i just couldn’t sleep and i’m alone.”

the whole night was spent by you two talking about your lives. you learned alot from him, about his life.

“goodnight (y/n).” you heard him say before drifting off to sleep.

you can call me

when you feel like

i’m your good time

i’ll be your temporary fix

you can own me, and we'll call this what you like

let me be your good night

“i saw your missed call.” james’ voice boomed. “who the fuck is ben?”

you rolled your eyes. “no one. he’s just my friend, james.”

“a friend?!” he breathed in. “i know you have been talking to him these past weeks.”

oh my god, this is unbelievable.

“w-we haven’t even met up! what the hell are you talking about?”

“so you’re planning to meet up with him?”

“so what if i am? we’re just friends. nothing more.”

he glared at you. “you know what? if you’re gonna be like that, then leave.”

“fine.” you grabbed your purse, got out, then slammed the door.

how could he?

you proceeded to the cafe since it was 12 am and your boyfriend just locked you out, plus you were sleepy so you needed coffee.

ben...

you dialed ben’s number and not even in 5 seconds, he picked it up. “what’s up (y/n)?”

“i-i need you.” you sobbed. “please...”

“alright, where are you?”

“the cafe near the restaurant we met a few weeks ago.”

the night is on your lips and i feel like i’m locked in

there’s a million eyes, i don't care if they're watching

your body is saying everything

i don't have to read your mind

ben arrived at the cafe where you were staying at. he sat on a chair, facing you.

“you look sleepy.” he stated, and you let out a dry chuckle.

“heh. i am.” you yawned. “and i have nooowhere to go. my boyfriend locked me out of the apartment because we fought.”

he gasped softly. “what? i’m taking you to my flat.”

your eyes went big as saucers. “what? no! i mean.. is it okay..?”

he let out a laugh. “of course. now come on, let’s go.”

you two went out of the cafe, and you shivered. “i fucking forgot my jacket. oh my go-“

“here.” he removed his jacket, exposing his white t-shirt. he put it around your shoulders, and warmth engulfed your figure.

“t-thank you.” your lips curled up into a smile. speaking of your lips, he was staring at it.

oh how he wants his lips to yours, just as much as you want your lips to his.

so he went in for a kiss. it was soft, yet so passionate. he could care less about the eyes watching them. all he cares about right now is you.

feel you on my neck while i’m calling a taxi

climbing over me while i climb in the backseat

now we're taking off

now we're taking it off tonight

you pulled away slowly, and look into his eyes. “b-ben...”

“i’ll be your temporary fix.” he smiled bitterly.

you rest your head on his neck, while he calls a taxi.

him? temporary fix?

well, you guess there’s nothing wrong with him being a temporary fix. besides, it’s just temporary.

the taxi arrived, so you two climbed in the backseat. ben gave his address to the driver, and you climbed on top of him, sleepy.

“go sleep, angel.” he spoke with a soft voice, not long before you drifted to sleep.

all you need to know is

you can call me

when you're lonely

when you can't sleep

i’ll be your temporary fix

you control me, even if it's just tonight

you woke up because of ben’s alarm, so you fluttered your eyes open to see yourself in his arms, and he was shirtless.

“u-uh, ben...” you called out softly, but then you noticed his sleeping figure.

he’s so peaceful...

his eyes fluttered open and went to grab his phone, turning off the alarm.

he yawned, and smiled. “good morning love, how’s your sleep?”

“fine.” you smiled back.

there was a few seconds of silence, until he spoke up. “(y/n)... uh...”

“what?”

“i need help...” he pointed down his...‘down there’. “well, my little buddy needs help...”

his morning wood.

your eyes widened as you lay there, stunned.

uh oh.

should you really do it? after what he had done for you—let you sleep in his house, took care of you, you think he deserves it.

“l-look, if you don’t wan-“

“it’s okay!” you laughed awkwardly. “it’s okay...”

he pulled you to his lap, and kissed you hungrily. you kissed back almost immediately as his hands roamed around your body, then slipping his hand under your shirt and stopping at your bra clip.

“may i?” you nodded at his question, continuing to kiss him.

you can call me

when you feel like

i’m your good time

i’ll be your temporary fix

you can own me, and we'll call this what you like

let me be your good night

after that steamy morning, you both ate breakfast.

and honestly, he was like your boyfriend instead of james.

you knew it was wrong, of course, but you couldn’t help it.

and he really did took care of you. he let you wear his shirt and sweatpants after you took a bath and cooked food for with you.

oh, how you wished he was your boyfriend. but that’s impossible, he’s just a temporary fix. he even said it himself, so you just have to come to him whenever you’re hurt because of your real boyfriend.

he drove you back to your apartment and after that, you thanked him.

“today was fun.” you stated when he rolled down his window of his car, smiling at him.

“i’m glad. you can call me when you feel like i’m your good time.”

you nodded, waving. “i will, see you.”

he smiled back, waving. you watched the car driving away as you sighed.

you walked to the door of the flat, and opened it. you went in and heard something unusual.

and it hit you.

your boyfriend james was fucking somebody.

we can roll in the darkness

let me touch you where your heart is

and if you're feeling the weakness

well i told you baby that you can call me

i’ll be your temporary fix

you can call me

you don’t know what to do. why were you feeling relief, when you should be crying at this point?

“oh james~” the girl moaned out, and you cringed.

you sat on the sofa, waiting for the two to get out of the bedroom. after some time, james and his slut went out and got startled by you.

“(y-y/n)! i d-didn’t hear you coming in-“

“save it, james. besides, i have someone else. i’m pretty sure you don’t feel the spark anymore in our relationship, right? because i don’t.” you laughed bitterly.

“oh really, when was the last time you felt the spark with him?” the slut chuckled. “you two have been dating for 11 months... while me and james have been fucking for 9 months.”

your jaw dropped. 9 months, he’s been cheating on you?

and there you felt your heart dropping as you felt tears fill up your eyes, but you refused to show it. “so, is that true, james?”

he nodded, and you slapped him hard. “i can’t fucking believe you. sure, me and ben fucked earlier, but you and that slut? for 9 months, and i didn’t know?”

he looked down. “i’m sorry (y/n)-“

“fuck off, dickwad. i’ll get my things tomorrow. go live with that slut.” you turned around, and got out of the flat.

this is so fucked up.

you grabbed your phone and called ben. he picked it up immediately. “love, what’s wrong-“

“j-james cheated on me. for 9 months and i didn’t know! please ben...” you sobbed. “i need you.”

“that dick.” he sighed. “i’ll pick you up at the cafe. for now, you can sleep at my place. stay there, and i’ll take care of you.“

you smiled. he’s the only one who can make you smile dearly. “thank you, ben.”

“anything, (y/n).”

after he ended the call, it came to your realization that...you were in love with him.

even if you just met a month ago, you felt so much love around him.

you were in love with benjamin jones.

you can call me

when you're lonely

when you can't sleep

i’ll be your temporary fix

you control me, even if it's just tonight

ben arrived at the cafe and spotted you, drinking coffee. he smiled at himself.

oh how he wanted you. how he wanted to kiss you.

how he wanted to be with you.

he walked up to you, and waved. “how are you feeling?”

“shit.” you responded, continuing to drink your coffee. he laughed and sat beside you.

“your things are still in that flat, right?” he asked and you nodded. “i could help you with your things tomorrow, but i don’t want to. you can just use my mom’s old clothes.”

you smiled. “thanks, but why does she have her clothes at your house? if you don’t mind me asking.”

“err..” he rubbed the back of his head. “her clothes there doesn’t fit her anymore, which i think fits you. she left it at my place because she said that if i have a girlfriend, my ‘girlfriend’ can use it.”

you blushed. “so... i’m your girlfriend?”

oh shit.

“i mEAN-“

“if you want to..” ben chuckled. “i want to be more than just a temporary fix for you. the first time i saw you at the restaurant, i couldn’t help but talk to you. how can someone cheat on you, hurt you?”

and he was in love with (y/n) (l/n).

you can call me

when you feel like

i’m your good time

i’ll be your temporary fix

you can own me, and we'll call this what you like

let me be your good night

you smiled. “i feel the same way, ben.”

his eyes lit up. “really?” and he kissed you. it was gentle, as if you were going to break.

after you pulled away, you looked at him and laughed. “also, why can’t you help me tomorrow?”

“i want to spend time with you, not to deal with that dick.”

the both of you intertwined fingers, and you spoke up.

“promise me you won’t hurt me?”

“i can’t promise you that.” he sighed. “i can’t promise you that i won’t hurt you. we may fight and i might hurt your feelings.” he faced you. “but i can promise to stay with you forever.”

you hugged him. years went by, yes, he sometimes hurt your feelings when the both of you fought, but he says sorry even if you were in the wrong. he doesn’t want to lose you.

but he never broke his promise: to stay with you forever.

#ben hardy #bohemian rhapsody #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy x y/n #borhap boys #bohemian rhapsody imagine #borhap cast #songfic #ben hardy songfic #ben hardy fluff #soft ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy fic

[fresh-outta-jams]

Signed, Sealed, Delivered - Part 7

Namjoon x Reader Author: Admin Mo Summary: When your soulmate tattoo shows up, an address, you figure it can’t hurt to send a letter, right? Warnings: Some swears, soulmate fluff Word Count: 2.1k

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, Epilogue

Namjoon’s letter arrived a few days after your first video call. You read it with a grin. You’d just got back from your classes. Any minute, your phone would ring with your daily call from Namjoon, as soon as he woke up, which meant you got to hear his husky morning voice and see his beautiful bare face.

The sudden buzzing sent your heart racing, and as quickly as your fingers would allow, you picked up the phone.

“You thought I would hate you for being RM?” You asked without so much as a greeting.

“Well good morning to you, too.” Namjoon chuckled. “Got my letter, huh?”

“You’re dodging the question.”

He let out a sleepy sigh that turned into a yawn. You watched the way it stretched his features, his eyes squeezing shut. God, he was so cute sometimes…

“So maybe I was a little afraid you would hate me. But can you blame me? You’re literally the coolest person on the planet, it’s no wonder you took it in stride. Anyone else...someone who had been an ARMY for a while, maybe…”

“I get it. That’s scary.” You nodded, setting him at ease. You weren’t mad at him for being afraid. You didn’t think you had it in you to be mad at him for that. “But, everything happens for a reason. There’s a reason I didn’t hear about BTS until recently. Thanks for the song recommendations, by the way, you dork.”

“Any time, darling.” He grinned. Your heart took a little leap forward. Until recently, pet names were sort of uncharted territory, they still were. So even this little one made in jest was enough to get your blood pumping. “What are your plans for the day?”

“Not much. I already finished classes, so I’ll probably just spend the rest of the night writing your letter.”

“Time zones…” Namjoon lamented. It did look a little dark outside your window…

“Time zones.” You agreed. “You’re living in the future, Joon. Your today is my tomorrow.”

“That’s deep.” He chuckled. “I sent out your Christmas present the other day. I was hoping you and I could do a video call and open them together once they both come in.”

“That’d be perfect. I sent yours out too, so it should be on the way there, but the US Postal Service is weird, so it might not get to you for a while.”

“I’m patient.”

“Good thing, too, or this whole thing wouldn’t have worked out.” You laughed, and so did he. Even though you had only been in immediate contact for a little while now, you couldn’t imagine going back to a world where you barely knew what he looked like. Now, however, you had an abundance of information about him ready at your fingertips.

“Hyunggggg,” whined a voice beside Namjoon. He continued saying something in Korean that you didn’t understand.

“It’s not my fault you stay up late playing video games.”

Oh, that must have been Namjoon’s roommate, Tae, you figured, upset that Namjoon was up so early making noise.

“Sorry about him. What were you saying?”

“It’s fine, Namjoon. Tell Tae I’m sorry for waking him up.”

“It’s okay, (Y/N)...” Tae mumbled from the next bed over, shifting and turning away from their fearless leader.

“So I’ve been watching all of your old music videos.” You grinned at the way his face paled, eyes widening. “It’s kind of fun watching little teenage Namjoon. You were what, like eighteen when you debuted?”

“Jeez, something like that, yeah. Ugh that’s so embarrassing.”

“You were still fine as hell, though.” Your face scrunched as you thought. “Well, after the mini-afro, maybe.”

Namjoon shook his head, making a noise of disbelief. “I still can’t get over the fact that you actually find me attractive.”

“Okay, but I’m not the only one, though. There are entire Facebook pages dedicated to your dimples. I joined like three of them the other day.”

“That’s ridiculous.” He laughed, showing them off. You swore, you almost swooned at the sight. “I’m really not that attractive.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re kidding me. Namjoon...I don’t know how to express this in words. You are the hottest human being I’ve ever laid my eyes on. When you’re performing, there’s just this leader energy about you and it is so sexy. And then there are those videos of you at fansigns and you are so frickin cute. I don’t even know what to do with you. You’re not allowed to be that cute and that hot simultaneously. It’s not fair.”

By the time you finished, your soulmate resembled a very flustered tomato, covering his eyes with his long fingers. “Stop…”

“Not until you realize how fine you are. I could go on and on about how much I like the way you’ve been parting your hair lately or how gorgeous you always look, even in the mornings like this when you don’t have makeup on and-”

“Okay, okay, I get it. It’s just...hard to believe things like that when it’s a literal goddess telling me.”

“Oh hush. I’m not-”

“You are. You are so, so gorgeous. All I can think about is kissing your perfect lips and running my fingers through your pink hair.” It was your turn to blush. “I seriously…” he huffed. “I really just need you in my life. I need to hold you. Like. Now. I need to hold you now. I think I’m going to die of (Y/N) deficiency at this rate.”

“Cheesy-ass dork.” You snickered, shaking your head.

Someone knocked on Namjoon’s door. When he looked up, Yoongi was coming through. “Breakfast is ready.”

“Thanks, hyung. We’ll be out in a second.” Namjoon told the shortest rapper, who nodded and left as quickly as he’d come. Namjoon looked at you, a longing look in his eyes. “I’ve gotta go, baby. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Have a good...right, it’s not morning there. Have a good night. Text me if anything interesting happens.”

“Will do. Have a good day, Joonie.”

And then you hung up, that familiar warm, yet empty feeling settling over your heart. You clicked your pen a few times, looking over the paper sitting in front of you. Recently, you’d purchased some nicer stationary with little crabs and seashells on them. You had yet to send Namjoon one of them, but you figured the purchase would encourage you to write fewer rough drafts.

You lowered the tip of the pen to the paper and the words started flowing.

***

“Dear Namjoon,

I had a very similar dream to yours. I was wrapped up in one of your sweaters. The sleeves hung past my fingers and I was baking Christmas cookies. And then you walked into the kitchen and I woke up. I’ve been trying to get back to that dream, though. It does, however, make me feel a lot better that it won’t stay a dream forever.

As you can see, I have enclosed a picture of myself from a Christmas party last year, something festive to make my Halloween picture a little less lonely. I expect a picture in return, as agreed upon.

I cannot wait to read your book. Send it whenever you’re ready for me to read it. As soon as I get off for break, I’ll have a bunch of time on my hands to work on it. Do you want edits or just feedback? I can do either. Or both. Whatever floats your boat. Ending books isn’t easy. It’s actually really hard. I think the key is to close the doors that make sense to, and leave the rest open. That way, there’s room for a sequel. It helps to read through everything again and make sure you didn’t leave any storylines hanging.

Also, after reading your letter and talking to you face to face every day since the first time, I can’t believe you were so nervous to tell me who you are. I mean, I can believe it. I get it. It’s tricky. You’re a worldwide superstar, a rising American heartthrob, if you will. I’m just a film student with no idea what she’s going to do with the rest of her life. Meanwhile, you’re filming music videos the likes of which I couldn’t even dream of creating. Spring Day’s MV seriously made me cry. The cinematography in it is so beautiful. The lighting, the colors, the song, your face...it seriously blew me away. Not to mention all of your other MVs.

I also watched some of JK’s Golden Closet Films, and I’d just like to ask: HOW? How does this boi...this BOI with no formal film education churn out something as beautiful as he always seems to? The editing, the skill, I just...wow. If you could ask him for some tips for me, I would be super grateful.

Talk to you soon,

-(Y/N)”

***

“Dear (Y/N),

I don’t think you were baking Christmas cookies in my dream. I don’t really remember all of the details. I’ve been trying to get back to it for the past few weeks, but I can’t seem to, unfortunately. I’ll keep you posted, though.

You should have warned me that you were going to send me the cutest picture on the whole planet. I love your Rudolph sweater. Does the nose light up? Also, is that your natural hair color??? You said you’d never had any crazy colors before pink, but I guess that doesn’t really apply to colors that could be deemed ‘natural’.

I have also attached a picture of myself. It was really hard to find one of me that isn’t already online, so I asked the other members for help and they managed to dig up that one that they had been saving to use for my birthday this year, but forgot. Consider it a sneak peek.

As far as my book-to-be goes, I would love edits and feedback. Really, whatever you think needs to be fixed, I will do it without a second question. After so many NaNoWriMos, you have to be a pro, right? I’ll email it to you. Mine is [email protected].

I think you forget that I’ve seen one of your film projects. I have. And it made my cry uncontrollably. It was beautiful and heart-wrenching and every other emotion I can think of. Though, to be fair, I didn’t have much to do with the production of the video. That would be our director, who has tons of experience in the field. All you need is time and then you’ll be cranking out masterpiece after masterpiece. That Oscar is right around the corner, baby, just you wait.

I asked Jungkook for some tips for you, and he said the key is to just keep playing with things until you like how they look. Play with the colors, the music, the speed, the cropping, whatever you want. Granted, he basically grew up in this industry, so it’s no wonder he’s so good at it.

I can’t believe Christmas is coming up so soon. Your last letter put me in a cookie mood, so if I put on weight because of it, I’m blaming you. Jin’s been trying out some recipes at my suggestion, and they’re all really good. His only request was that I stay the hell away from the kitchen. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m clumsy as fuck and I break and/or burn everything I touch. You have that to look forward to. Sorry jagiya.

Hope to hear from you soon,

-Namjoon”

***

Snow drifted down, covering your little city in white fluff, truly transforming it into a winter wonderland. Namjoon’s latest letter was between your fingers as you read it by the fireplace, a mug of cocoa sitting on the table beside you. At long, long last, you were home for Christmas. He’d told you in your phone call about a week ago that his tattoo had changed, and you’d had a mini heart attack before he read off the new one, only for you to discover it was your home address, where your parents lived.

So, you sat there, as cozy as you had been in a long, long time, wrapped in the softest sweater you owned, a warm blanket draped over your legs. Every once in a while, you would look up and imagine what it would be like to see Namjoon’s tall figure leaning against the doorframe to the den, mistletoe hanging over his head. Everything would be better if he was there, you decided. And yet, because of the miles and miles and miles stretched between you, you’d have to remain separate for at least a little while longer.

Your thoughts were only pulled from your warm thoughts of Namjoon when there was a knock at the door. When you opened it, it was all of your friends standing outside in the snow, wearing the ugliest Christmas sweaters they could find. You let them in with warm hugs and well-wishes.

“Merry Christmas, (Y/N).”

You smiled. “Merry Christmas...”

Tagged: @ffantasylandd, @jooniefluff, @chimchimsauce, @mrs-saeyoung-choi, @theprinceoftheundead, @angyexoxo, @copenhagenspirit, @lovelylittlekittn, @lilgaga98, @iminlovewjjk, @feed-my-geek-soul, @loveandwitch, @recoveringflowerchild, @demonic-meatball, @maddieisaacs, @scissorsandtonfas, @carirosesg, @backtonormalthings, @local-mochi, @faliwi, @spoopyela, @nanie5, @ingenu--e, @undiscovered1personality, @andalos, @calspixie, @filtermono, @fryedshiken, @mikey-girl12, @lilliaflurr, @hypophrenium, @sitkafay, @spiicyari, @andeerwilson

#kpopwonderlandtag #armyofwriters #namjoon #namjoon x reader #namjoon imagine #rm #rm x reader #rm imagine #bts imagines #bts imagine #soulmate au #bts soulmate au #signed sealed delivered

[zimuse]

All of my issues with S8 of Voltron

So. Firstly, the show is always brilliantly animated and I deeply appreciate their attention to detail. But I have WAY MORE issues than anything else, and I’m not at all happy or content with how it ended. So let me go ahead and list my gripes with the eighth season, in no particular order: 1) That whole thing with Allura violently forcing her memories on Zarkon. What the actual fuck, dude? I don’t care what Zarkon has done; this was clearly, visibly, not the same Zarkon they have been dealing with – a Zarkon who is not corrupted by quintessence, who is bewildered by what’s going on, has no clue what the hell anyone is talking about, no recollection, knowledge or memory. And she just fucking assaulted him? Moral issues aside, how do you know that that’s not going to break him and turn him into the Zarkon you do know? Oh, right, consequences; I forgot, we never think about those. And I know she’s got a lot of anger, but literally no one in the group reacted?! Not even his fellow paladins that have been trapped in this same state with him? Real heroes, guys. Bravo!   2) Zarkon calling his wife a “psychopath”. Excuse the fuck out of you, sir. She’s not a psychopath - she is doing what she believes needs to be done to get her family back. And after everything she’s been through, do I blame her? Hell no.  Her driving force, her only motivation, is her family. With Zarkon dead, her focus went to her son, and she quite literally ripped through time and space to bring him back. No, I really don’t think that qualifies as a psychopath. Using what’s basically portrayed as his corpse to control the Sincline though, that’s another story but I’ll get to that later. Anyway. Check your privilege, sir. 3) Allura “seeing the good in Honerva” like she saw “the good in everyone”. Where the hell was this in the confrontation with Lotor, who she supposedly loved? Because apparently this doesn’t at all extend to him. Honerva, as much as I adore her, did so much worse than Lotor ever could be accused of. Yes, Allura did admit in the end that Lotor sought peace but, well, it was well past the point where it mattered. Seriously. He supposedly died screaming, alone, and ended up a fused quintessence robot... Zombie thing. But Honerva? She’s Altean. So she gets off easy during the actual confrontation and on screen. 4) I HAVE SO MANY ISSUES WITH THE LIMITED AMOUNT OF LOTOR IN THIS SEASON. Yes, that deserved to be in all caps. Okay, we saw a glimpse of his body, and I get that in the narrative we're supposed to believe that he's dead. Well, as the weirdly fused robot zombie. Does anyone else have a problem with this shit? BECAUSE I FUCKING DO. The quintessence field was literally described as life itself - how in the actual fuck are you going to tell me he died, surrounded by the essence of life itself? And also, yes, we saw a glimpse of his "corpse". There's no proof that it was actually a corpse. We saw the back side of him. Until I see a FULL BODY FRONT VIEW of it, I do not believe he's dead. Whoever made this be a thing... -flips off- 5) BUT if we are to accept that he's dead... The paladins literally murdered Lotor and no one, save Honerva, even stopped to acknowledge it. And honestly? This tears at my heart. 6) Was there a reason they used the name Merla for that one Altean at the end? I didn’t see any similarities between these two characters other than betrayal. Why even include it? 7) Speaking of betrayal, is this an affliction most Alteans suffer from? Because  Coran is literally the only exception to this that we’ve seen. And supposedly Romelle, but I still don’t trust her, so I don’t include her. Fuck Romelle. 8) Keith as spokesperson for the Galra and Galra rep? Why would the remaining Galra with any authority listen to someone who doesn’t even look Galra? Randomly cheering at his speech? What is this. I can see his Krolia and Kolivan being the representatives and all, but why weren’t THEY the ones giving the speech? Oh yeah, I know why. The next point. 9) Oh, and about that speech, it was word for word literally what Lotor said to the Galra once up on a time (in s5, I believe?). Add insult to injury, why don’t you. 10) The Altean marks on Lance at the end, how does this even work? I thought it was genetic, purely Altean thing. Is it not? Can anyone acquire them? Does this mean you’re considered Altean now, Lance? WHY on earth is this a thing and why isn’t it explained? - EDIT: After thinking about this more and referring back to the series itself... I can conclude that the Altean marks are as magical as the race that is born with them. Think about it, these marks fundamentally tell you something about that character. Allura’s and Coran’s are small, just on their cheeks, and are smooth. They don’t have edges. Honerva, who has been corrupted, had elongated, jagged marks. But when she was “redeemed”, the long jagged marks we’ve seen throughout all eight seasons (after being corrupted), her marks shrink, becoming her old smooth marks post-corruption. And Lotor? His marks aren’t as long as his mothers’, but they were a tad jagged - signifying that at his core, he was a good person, yet he’d been touched by darkness and that darkness was a part of him. The Prince was born with the same unique energy signature that his parents were corrupted/killed/reanimated with. I do think that the marks take on the personality, for lack of better word, to match the individual. It’s visibly obvious that these things are magical in some way, but does that justify the “ability” to mark someone else with them? This could be up to interpretation. I don’t think so, though. It seemed like a random thing to toss in. So kind of like the Balmara (which I’ll get into in another point), if it had been seen previously in another portion of the series, I’d have accepted it as something that Alteans could do. As it stands in the current narrative, I don’t think it should be a thing, nor was it meant to be a thing in the original draft. It was supposed to be Lotor in Lance’s position, not actually Lance. Thus, I feel that scene was supposed to be the reappearance of Lotor’s own Altean marks. Not the gift of Lance’s. 11) Altea and Daibazaal came back... Why? That tells me it’s not actually their reality that they returned to. But then that raises several questions, so what do? If it’s because eliminating the rift undid everything associated with it, then that should have restored Alfor, Zarkon, Lotor, Honerva and literally everyone else involved with that too. Which I would have totally accepted. 12) Sooooo killing Lotor essentially not only led to the loss of millions of lives throughout the universe, but ultimately led to the erasing of all but one reality. And no one addressed the Voltron team’s hand in this? Seriously? 13) “Join the Coalition.” “What’s the alternative.” “There is no alternative.” That... That sounds like conquest to me. Thanks for the options, broski. 14) The whole way they dealt with Lahn. He brought up some excellent points, about Voltron/Allura having everything handed to them, but I guess the power of teamwork and friendship managed to give him a sudden bout of amnesia and sign up for the Coalition. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Way to slap a bandaid on that, guys. I hate it when writers do this. And if I ever do this? Slap me and tell me to fix it. 15) The paladins literally leaving everyone they help undefended, and then being shocked that those places have fallen to whatever villain is the focus at that time. Like, Olkarion? What were they thinking? As what was arguably the central nexus of their forces, possessing the most advanced technology they have access to, it should have been the number one priority to make sure it didn’t fall to enemy hands. But that makes way too much sense too, doesn't it? I want Shiro back as the Black Lion. Or Lotor to have returned to be the Black Lion. He did use the Black Bayard to kill Zarkon after all, and that was never revisited for... Reasons. That could have been a fantastic plot point to show that Lotor was the next Black Paladin. He’d certainly make a better one than Keith. 16) Speaking of - they never even checked up on the Olkari citizens that evacuated. Why? Was this done off-camera and just never mentioned? Because that seems really important to know WHERE your highly advanced tech/weapon makers are. Are they okay? Did they find another planet before their provisions ran out? Why are all casualties and losses either not mentioned at all or are/were glossed over? 17) Everyone treating Lotor like an immoral murderer when he was anything but. I swear. The writers present him as sympathetic and provide ample reasonable arguments on his behalf, both in show and in interviews, etc., but then proceed to have every other character treat him as though he’s a monster. Why tf are you having everyone demonize him, when you show us that it’s not true and you’re not going to bring him back for the redemption arc he deserved, and gave him the chance to explain himself? All that’s doing is affecting my opinion of the other characters lmao. 18) The paladins seriously took 5 episodes to come to the conclusion that, yes, it is Honerva that’s responsible for all of this new shenanigans. I’m honestly not sure why they’re surprised. We all knew that she went SOMEWHERE. She was the wife of Zarkon, and Lotor’s mother. She made several adversaries that Voltron struggled to face. She was the alchemic force driving the Galra Empire, and no one thought, “Hmm, we should probably keep tabs on that, she’s dangerous”? And then took another 6 episodes to figure out her motivations? There’s only one conclusion to draw from this: They’re dumb. 19) There are several opportunities taken to go to great lengths about how it’s not what you are but who you are that counts, that it doesn’t matter what you have done in the past and you can always grow from it and deserve a chance. I’m thinking specifically of the Acxa/Veronica scene, but there were a couple of other instances. I guess that we just don’t extend that courtesy to Lotor. He literally got the shit end of the stick from all directions and all of the characters are just pouring salt in the wound. -rubs temples and fumes- 20) Acxa, what the actual fuck? Lotor using their rage as half breeds? What. He never, ever let them go on a rampage, and always emphasized no killing. Zethrid and Ezor were the ones always portrayed as really bloodthirsty, but all of a sudden Ezor is the one who can’t take the anger anymore and wants out, and wants Zethrid to let go of her rage? Ezor, who was so eager to bleed and torture? Lolwat.

21) Why were there two episodes dedicated to trans-versing Honerva's mind? They were completely and utterly useless. The plot did not move forward with it, Voltron and the Paladins didn't bond stronger or learn new moves/techniques that could have helped them in their final battle with Honerva - nothing. The only thing I got from it was how much more badass Honerva actually is. She trapped SOULS in her mind and kept them prisoner. That’s terrifying and cool, but did we really need to know that? Not really. What happened to the original Paladins could have been covered in a single episode, in a different fashion. So the "dark entity" and the connection to Honerva? That didn't need to be in the narrative at all. You could argue that without it, they couldn't have saved the souls of the original paladins, but they would have been saved at the end any fucking way when Honerva and Allura sacrificed themselves to fix all the shit. Sooo. Thanks for wasting 40 minutes of our time. 22) So in episode 13, when they're chasing Honerva through the holes in dimensions... And she drains Voltron (and the paladins by extension) of energy, we see the hole CLOSE. Okay? We saw it close. That means they're stuck there forever. Done. Finito, they no longer exist - none of them, not from that dimension. Then we went to Honerva getting what she wanted at last - except she didn't. Lotor outright rejects her. I do not blame him at all for being angry if that dimension's version of his mom was dead and he's still grieving, but it was alluded to that it's been a couple years since she died. We see Zarkon protect his son in this dimension, and that he’s uncorrupted. Thus, we can assume that Honerva wasn’t corrupted either, and was never abusive towards Lotor. And he just... Didn't accept her? I know that Lotor is extremely perceptive, even as a kid, but why? If she wasn’t abusive towards him in that dimension, why does he immediately reject her? More over, his rejection seems to be the last straw - which feels... Odd, because it feels as if she’s heard it prior and that was the nail in the coffin that said “fuck it, destroy everything”. It would have made more narrative sense if Lotor had been alive, and in his own redemption arc, to tell “the witch” that his mother was dead - and that is why this dimension’s version of him saying the same thing struck such a nerve. But what bugs me the most is that Voltron came out of nowhere and continued the battle. The gateway into that dimension closed. We all saw it close. The dimension they were IN dissolved completely, so HOW did they get there?! How are they not dead at that point? This should NOT have been a thing. I’d have accepted it if they had just barely made it through the hole, but no. This is just another Dues Ex Machina, and I’m not having it. I'd have been absolutely fine with the series ending with Honerva in the alternate universe with her family, having to work to earn kid!Lotor's affection and recognition that she's his mother. That could have easily been worked on. A kid is a kid, no matter what. He'd have warmed up to her eventually. I think. And in that alternate universe, Lotor and Allura would have grown up (sort-of, she appears much older - at least a teenager at that point?) together, and more than likely still would have fallen in-love. With his father and mother there. Honerva would have had everything. 23) Did we actually need to go as big as the multi-verses being threatened? Nah. As cool as as they were, time travel would have been much easier for Honerva. And would have made a lot more sense, all things considered. If she went back to before she and her hubby were corrupted, she could have stopped ALL OF THIS SHIT from happening to begin with. THAT would have been a better ending, to have done time-travel and to fast-forward a couple years to seeing how everyone ended up. Allura and Lotor, married. ANd the rest of the cast? With the same ending as they had in the narrative, given that the original paladins either stepped down as Paladins of Voltron and let new people succeed them, or having never been involved with the plot as a whole BECAUSE the original paladins never died. I can understand that this would feel like a huge cop out, and that not everyone fancies time travel stories these days. There have been quite a number of them throughout the years. It would’ve worked here though, but I don’t think that was the point. I think the point of going to another dimension is that Honerva didn’t want to change the past - she wanted to start over, and leave the reality that she helped to fuck over.

24) What was with all of the Dues ex Machinas!? There were at least 3 or 4. That’s too many across a single episode, or even two. Like ZOOM, suddenly the Balmera were there. When did that become a thing? If it had been shown earlier in the series that they could do that, I’d have accepted it. But to bring that in so suddenly? No, the writers pulled that outta their asses. 25) And let’s not forget that Honerva used that one giant Balmera as a battery when Merla knocked out one of the towers. That mighta been a lotta crystals, but the power difference between several of those crystals and the energy of entire planets that had who even knows how much life on them, astounds and bothers me. Yeah, the crystals are used to power ships and all, but really? Those things have more energy than six planets? I need this in waaaay more detail somewhere, because until it is, this was also a Dues Ex Machina.

26) One of the two biggest issues I have with season 8 is Allurance - not because I’m against the ship nor because I dislike Lance’s character. My issue is with how it was portrayed. If you compare season 8′s Allurance with season 5 and early season 6′s Lotura, you’ll seen just how drastically different they are. We see Allura at her happiest with Lotor than we do in any other season. With Lance? She doesn’t look happy. That same spark just isn’t there. Its like she’s forcing herself to move on, and it just doesn’t work. I mean, consider the episode with the Dark Entity and how it primarily assumed Lotor’s form. She misses and longs for him, and the vision of her in the Altean robeast draining her beloved planet of quint to save it was - and I full heartedly believe this because otherwise it’s randomly there in the narrative - for Allura to feel and understand what it was like to be in Lotor’s shoes. And Lance? Lance doesn’t particularly look really happy either, honestly. Frankly, the boy looks miserable. More over, the fact that Allura has rejected him for six seasons only to sorta flirt with him in s7 and then date him in s8... Really bugs me. That’s akin to sending a message that if you persue a woman long enough, she’ll eventually cave and accept a man’s romantic feelings. No. That is not a message to send to kids ages 7 and up. Add to the fact that Lance has had thoughts of Allura clinging to his leg while he’s proclaimed as the winner and everyone is looking up to him, and that he tells Allura that he’s “great at winning prizes” which essentially hints that he thinks of her as a prize that he’s won - and this isn’t only disturbing, it’s outright revolting and sexist. If I were a parent, this is not the kind of message I’d want my child to have. Period. 27) But the most disturbing thing about season 8, and the reason it was essentially ruined, was the fate of Lotor. There were several moments throughout s8 where he could have been there. And we can clearly see in the closing scene where the lions are flying out into the cosmos that it’s not just Allura’s outline in the stars. She’s clearly with Lotor, as if he was supposed to have been there the whole time and was supposed to share her choice. Season 8 had the potential of being the most beautiful redemption story tied into a Heroine’s journey that I’ve ever seen. But instead, we see an abuse survivor that only wanted to do good, a victim of neglect that longed to be loved... Get the most graphic death in the series with absolutely no chance to redeem himself. All of his plot points are left forgotten and untouched. We’re only given more of his abusive backstory to make him a more sympathetic character. He was never given a real chance to explain his half of the story concerning the Colony; we never see the point that he killed Narti come back up between him and his generals at all, almost as though it never happened to begin with; his potential as the Black Paladin, shown when he used the Black Bayard to kill his father, is left completely unexplored; and being as he wasn’t given a redemption arc, we don’t see him get to have another chance at the White Lion trial and succeed. What we are given is the desecration of the animus, the death of a dark youth character, and the light youth Allura thus being unable to complete her heroine’s journey. The disturbing message that this sends to children, particularly to children that are/were victims of abuse themselves, is completely unacceptable. I stand with @leakinghate and @felixazrael and the others on this point. This is not the story that was written originally, and we see that in the choppiness of certain episodes, as well as the conclusion with both Allura and Lotor in the stars. Legendary Defender was always meant to be their story. I don’t personally believe that the writers who put so much thought, so much care, so much love into these characters would write them to end up as we see them in the season 8 we were given. If you haven’t already, please sign the petition to release/explain the original season eight.

#vld #vld s8 #vld s8 spoilers #spoilers ahoy #All of my issues with this season #But I will probably find more #all of the dues ex machinas #Originally I only had like #20 points but they just kept coming #oops? #Lotor deserved better #allura deserved better #Lotura forever

[ineverhadmyinternetphase]

Running Into You - No. 6

Installment number 6 in my series of AU oneshots about Dan meeting his favourite youtuber AmazingPhil for the first time.

AO3 link

Genre: Fluff, with a sort of 2009-ish feel (but it’s still AU)

Warnings: A bit of swearing and some mentions of low self-esteem but literally it’s just fluff

Prompt: Missent Text

Summary: Dan’s on his gap year, so naturally he’s spending most of his time lounging around on the internet, watching his favourite youtubers and scrolling through tumblr. When he gets an accidental text from an unknown number, he doesn’t think much of it, until a series of events start to convince him the sender might just be someone he idolises: AmazingPhil.

A/N: This draft is like 2 years old, but @agingphangirl convinced me to post this while we’re waiting for pinof. It’s epistolary form, so I hope it isn’t too confusing. Hope you like it ^_^

Phil’s texts are italics, Dan’s texts are in quotation marks

…

6. Missent Text

Where r u?

Sorry what?

Where r u I’ve been here 10 mins

…Am I supposed to be somewhere?

You said on dm you’d be here at 6, I’m getting cold ^_^

Um I’m sorry mate but you must have the wrong number

Oh crap!! Sorry!!

.Lmao it’s ok. Just checked my dms and nothing interesting enough to make me be outside in this weather sorry

Tell me about it x_x I’m freezing. But if you’re not peej then I’ll be here a while

Unfortunately for you I go by Dan

Oh. Well, hello Dan. Sorry for bothering you with my freezing antics

Nvm it’s cool

It’s more than COOL, it’s COLD enough for ICICLES

I’m sure ur exaggerating

No my nose is an actual block of ice

Where even are you? Unless you’re in the Arctic you might want to get that seen to

--

Sorry! Peej showed up eventually (the friend I thought you were). Turns out he gave me the wrong number. All sorted now. I promise not to bother you again

Honestly it’s fine. I probably need more human contact so you did me a favour

Haha, glad to be of service ^_^ also I was in Manchester. It’s so cold it snowed. My icicle nose is allowed

Manchester? That’s like waaaaay in the north

Not that far but cold enough for icicle noses :P

Yes yes ok you’re allowed an icicle nose

Haha thanks :P so where are you, if not in the north?

Reading

Ohhhh so a proper southerner

I guess you could say that

Well hello Dan the proper southerner

God no that makes me sound like a queens guard or something

Do you queens guard people have time to text?

We’re too busy dealing with the corgis and all that shit

I knew it 0.o

XD but really I’m sitting in bed on the internet lol

Actually same

Haha really?

Yep. Which sites you on?

Just the usual. Tumblr, YouTube. My favourite youtuber has a new video due out tonight

Nice ^_^

What sites are you on?

Currently uploading a video to my YouTube channel

You have a channel?!

Haha yeah ^_^

Which one? Would I know it?

I don’t know. It isn’t a huge deal but it’s fun

Yeah I mean I admire that. I’d love to have a channel

Why don’t you?

Idk too scared I guess

Awr ^_^ nothing to be scared about honest, it’s just you and a camera

And the whole of the internet xD

Haha I try not to think about that part 0.o thousands of people watching me

Thousands? Wow so you must be a pretty big channel

Heh I guess, maybe ^_^ so who are your favourite youtubers?

Oh man I have loads XD Smosh, community channel, AmazingPhil (the one I’m waiting for the new video), charlieissocoollike

That’s a good mix ^_^ my new video is 99% uploaded and stuck there x_x

Seriously? Your connection needs to sort its shit out

Haha yeah it really does. I think it’s being attacked by bees

Bees?

Or wasps

Seriously?

Tiny horned beetles?

Do they even exist?

Idk but if they do they’re attacking my wifi

I’ll send the insect spray

Haha thanks XD it must have worked as my video is finally uploaded!

—

…Great video. Especially the lion wedding, that was sweet

Haha thanks! Glad you liked it, took ages to get the dress on lioness. Plus my mum nearly walked in on me 0.o

Holy fuck you actually are AmazingPhil aren’t you

Um, well, yes.

Sorry.

AmazingPhil, FantasticPhil, Epic Youtuber

or just Phil if you prefer

I probably should have told you

Jesus shitting fuck I’m sorry for bothering you

Don’t be daft! I accidentally texted you first ^_^

Yeah but I bet you didn’t expect to end up with a weird fanboy. Um. Not that I’m a stalker I promise

Haha it’s ok Dan honestly

I’m not going to spread your number around or anything holy shit like I’m so sorry

Honestly, please don’t worry, it’s been nice talking to you ^_^ I appreciate you not spreading my number around though. I got lucky with you, don’t want to risk a creepy stalker finding me 0.o

Lmao I promise xD how do you know for sure I’m not a creepy stalker though

0.o I’ll set the bees against you

I’ll start running now

Haha

—

So out of curiosity how long have you been watching my videos for?

Oh um a couple of years now

Really? That’s awesome!

Yeah. You actually replied to one of my comments once ^_^ made my day

Aw haha that’s great, which video?

The toxic one

Oh my god >.<

Haha it’s a good video :P

I should remove it from the internet immediately

Don’t you dare! Your fans would be sad

X_x well this isn’t very fair if you know about me but I don’t know you at all

Well you know my name’s Dan

And you’re from Reading. Tell me more? ^_^

unless you don’t want to, that’s fine, I’m just curious

Haha no it’s alright. Um. I’m Dan. I just finished my A levels and now I’m taking a gap year

Oh cool ^_^ going to uni after that?

Probably. Thinking of law

Wow, that’s impressive

Haha we’ll see ^_^

Just checking but how old are you? I don’t want to be a creep 0.o

Lmao dw I’m 18 everything is legal

Phew XD Anything else I should know?

Well I’m currently undefeated at mario kart

What seriously? You’ve never lost?

Nope and I don’t plan to start :P

I’d beat you

I really wish we could test that theory

Haha that would be fun :P we could always test it over Skype sometime?

That’s probably really weird sorry

I promise I’m not a creeper

It’s ok, and yeah, I’d love to Skype sometime

Yeah? Yay! :D

Lmao you’re probably going to want to run a mile when you see me though

I doubt that very much unless you have like five eyes or something

Five eyes? Wtf XD

Idk you could be a giant spider

[insert pic] See? Not a giant spider :P

Oh wow yeah not a giant spider. I spy a cute guy :P

Shut up >.<

Nice hair

Lol I swear I had it like this before I started watching you

[insert pic] And here I thought I’d started a trend

Crap you actually are Phil >.< yeah your hair is cool enough to be a trendsetter tbh

Haha thanks XD and yeah I am Phil. Is that a problem?

Are you kidding me? Nope except I turn even more awkward than normal around people I admire

Aw well awkward people are the best. And at least there aren’t videos of you half-naked on the internet

You make a good point

—

Hey so I’m uploading a new video tonight but I can’t decide if it’s actually any good. Check it out for me?

Omfg are you seriously saying I get a sneak preview on an AmazingPhil video

Yes please ^_^ I might have overweirded. Need a second opinion

Omfg

just like

give me a moment

wtf

fucking hell

wow ok

I’m calm now

yes I would love to check your video for you

Haha thanks. It’s up as unlisted, [insert link] please be honest with me if it’s terrible

Wow man that’s awesome! I love how interactive it is!

Omfg seriously how are you this creative like you shouldn’t be allowed

Haha really? Wow thanks, I’m not sure about the shot angle though and the lighting is kinda terrible

Yeah ngl the lighting is bad but you can’t control the sun

You never know! I could be a weatherman. But you seriously think I should upload it?

[insert pic with thumbs up] totally I love it

Aw I forgot how hot you are. It’s going up tonight then

CUTE I MEANT CUTE

Gah I’m sorry

Haha it’s fine, getting called hot is never bad in my book ;)

Would you believe it was autocorrect?

Haha if you want :P sounds pretty unlikely though

I’m hiding in a pillow and never coming out

No! Then your subscribers will hate me for taking you away

[insert pic in a pillow] do you like my new home

XD don’t hide from me seriously like you have a video to upload

[insert pic] ok true it’s on 68%

Damn YouTube upload times

Tell me about it. Have you ever uploaded a video then?

Lmao there’s one of me being a boss at DDR

Yeah? Can I check it out?

>.< Um sure, I’m a lame nerd though

Dan, have you even met me?

Haha ok true :P [insert link] just don’t say I didn’t warn you

No one’s feet should be allowed to move that fast. You’re so good, I fall over whenever I try and play

Haha I could teach you

Please be my DDR master Dan-sensei

Depends what you give me :P

I’ve got Pokemon cards

I’m sold

—

[insert pikachu with a lion pic] this was too cute not to show you

Awwww! Rawr ^_^ where is that?

Shop called forbidden planet. I’m in London on work experience and went there on my break

0.o London? You’re braver than me, capital cities scare me

Aw poor Phil haha

[insert pic] do I look ready for work?

Very serious

Srs bsns

[insert scared face pic] I’ll take YouTube any day

Haha. Me too tbh. Law offices are big and dull

Why do you want to do it then?

Idk. Job security? Having a point in life?

Fair enough :P

You did English didn’t you? Sorry I swear I’m not a stalker

Haha it’s fine ^_^ and yeah, English language and linguistics. Then a masters in post-production

Wow that’s so cool. So you’re in your 20s?

22 ^_^ My masters is the only reason I know how to edit videos :P

I wish I could

Well I can always teach you

Seriously?!

Yeah of course, I reckon you’d be great at making videos

Really? Lmao I’m so awkward tho

That can work in your favour, trust me :P

Haha well if you say so, YouTube senpai

Listen well Dan-kun and you too will learn the ways of the YouTube

Haha you’re so strange

You’re just jealous

[insert pic] so much

Stop taking pics at work

But it’s so boring. At least send me one back, save me from the dullness

[insert pic] on my way to a meetup so might be a bit slow

Oh cool meetup like YouTube meetup?

I guess that must be fun

I’d love to go to one but too scared and awkward lol

Save me work is literally killing me

I can’t actually keep working here

ugh why did I ever think law was a good idea I’m going to die at uni

Whoops sorry I seem to have spammed your phone

—

Hey Dan, sorry! I forgot to bring my charger to the meetup so my phone has only just come back to me. I mourned it’s passing *plays lion king music*

Oh that’s ok

I really am sorry that I couldn’t distract you from your work

Lmao no worries

Don’t know if it’ll make it any better but I am working on a new video and lion says he thinks law is a very admirable career option

Tell lion thanks and I’d be even more grateful if he did my degree for me

He says sign him up where are you going to uni anyway?

Well I’m not there yet. I have to start applying soon

Looked around any?

Errrr I’ll get on that

Isn’t the deadline soon?

Yeah but I’m an epic procrastinator

Lion is very disappointed

Lion can suck my dick

Dan!

Lmao I was kidding

XD

besides you’re 18 you have loads of time to sort stuff out

Yeah but I have literally no idea what I’m doing

No one does. That’s why you go to uni - to figure it out

You seemed to have it all together

Haha thanks, but honestly, I was just making stupid videos in my bedroom

does that sound wrong?

Lmao a little yeah

Oops

Dw lol if you’re a sexual predator you’re a bit far away to do any real damage

True

:( I’d rather you were nearer tbh

Even if I’m a sexual predator?

Lol I don’t really think you are though

Well I’m not

And me too, Dan

—

[insert pic] last day at the office today I literally couldn’t be happier

Lol I can see from your face

[insert pic] is it that obvious

Rawr

I’ll send lioness to aid you

Lioness not lion?

She’s much fiercer

Lmao probs true either way I’ll take help

At least soon you’ll be free

Yeah I literally can’t wait

Gonna do something to celebrate? ^_^

Lol all my friends are at uni

[insert pic] well Lion and I are proud of you

Aw thanks ^_^ I still forget you’re AmazingPhil sometimes

I’m deeply offended

no but really I’m just Phil and you’re really cool

sorry

Na it’s fine I just had to work

Oops XD

I’m hiding out in the toilets now so we’re fine lmao

and I have no issues with you being Phil

I mean it could be worse at least you aren’t a creepy stalker

I hope not. Also uploading another video tonight, I think you’ll like it

!!! Best celebration ever

^_^

—

So I may have been stalking you on Twitter and it seems your birthday is soon?

0.o stalker. And yeah it is ^_^

wait you follow me? What’s your Twitter handle?

Um. Yes I follow you. And this is going to sound very awkward and stuff but I kind of want to send you a birthday present

Omg Dan you don’t have to do that

Well I’d kinda like to so :P should I use your PO box?

Nah that takes ages to check, I’ll give you my actual address

I promise not to hunt you down

Tbh if it’s you I wouldn’t even mind

Omg

[insert pic with address] there you go

Lol is that a bank statement?

Yeah I’m so profesh

Phil! I could literally rob you

Well I trust that you won’t :P

Lmao you’d better

What’s your Twitter handle btw? You never said

Uh its danisnotonfire.

But please don’t judge me oh god I’m such a nerd

Dan honestly you’re the coolest person I know

sorry was that a bit much?

No! I’m just struggling to respond to the best youtuber out there calling me cool

Not just cool, the coolest :P wow you’ve commented on my tweets quite a bit

>.<

Sorry I never noticed you properly

You accidentally texted me I think that wins

Haha true

—

Happy birthday!

Thanks! ^_^ I have family stuff but I’ll talk to you as soon as I’m done

Sure sure have a great day!

— DAN OMG

YOUR PRESENTS

YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE YOU ACTUALLY SHOULDN’T

[insert excited pic cuddling the presents] you’re amazing

you’re so amazing

I can’t believe you

honestly you’re too amazing

how did I ever meet someone this nice and funny and cool and kind and cute and sweet

honestly

and I know you must be sleeping it’s like 2am but I have to tell you

OMG you’re too adorable

who let you be like this and you’re too far away :(

I wish you could be here so I could give you a thank-you hug

Wow I’m glad you liked them :P I’ll take a thank-you hug

What are you doing still up?

Can’t sleep how was the party?

GR8 M8! My parents embarrassed me in front of everyone

Oh no what did they do?

Got the baby photos out >.<

Lmao I’d love to see that

I was ginger

OMG for real?!

Yes >.< *hides forever*

That’s adorable

You’re adorable

Your mum’s adorable

Actually shut up

:P aren’t you too old for immature arguments now

Go to sleep

Lmao I’m glad it was good though

Thanks yeah it was rly good

Looking through the photos now

Any good ones?

Mostly drunk XD [insert pic]

Who’s that guy?

My cousin

Lmao ok I was about to say hands off

XD he was really drunk

You look a bit worse for the wear too

I may be slightly intoxicated

Haha tut tut Lester

Shut up Dan :P what is your surname?

Howell

Howell? Like a wolf?

Lmao if you like

Awooooooo

You’re so strange XD

AwoloooooOooooOOOOO

it suits you though

you’re very brown

XD aren’t wolves grey?

Well yeah

but like

you have their wildness

Lmao I’m taking that as a compliment

You should

you’re hot as hell

but so young and sticky out

like a baby deer

A wolf and a baby deer?

And eyes like an owl

You and your animal metaphors

None of those are quite right though

Like your eyes are too pretty they’re more like the night sky

but coloured with earth

You’re drunk

I mean it though

…I know

I wish I had eyes like yours

No! Yours are perfect

They’re big and weird

They’re deep and beautiful and I could swim in them all day

and I’m not drunk

I should be sleeping

You’re sleep-drunk :P which is actually a thing you know

Right I’m going to sleep

Noooooooo

We’ll talk about this when we’re both more sane

But I don’t want you to go

it’s quiet and sad when you aren’t around

and I’m cold here now

and it’s my birthday

Dan?

Dan?

Happy birthday you idiot. Now go to sleep

night Dan <333

—

I’m so sorry about last night I had too much to drink

Haha it’s ok it was your birthday

Yeah but still

I’m so sorry if I made you uncomfortable

You didn’t. There’s nothing to worry about

Do we need to talk about this?

Um. Do you want to?

Kind of

But kind of not

I don’t want to make you feel awkward

I’m always awkward

Dan, for real. You know what I mean.

Yeah I think I do

Do we need to talk about it?

I think we’re both aware it’s there. Let’s just see where it goes?

Yeah ok sounds good. And no awkwardness?

None at all, I promise <3

Good <3

—

Hey Dan, are you still up for Skype at some point?

Yeah, sure ^_^ tonight?

Yeah! I’ll just finish up editing

Ooh, what’s it like?

Haha spoilers :P what’s your Skype name?

Danisnotonfire same as Twitter

Original :P

added you

‘AmazingPhil has added you to his contacts’ you’re just as original I see

Shut up and answer the call

—

So my eyes are even bluer on skype? :P

Haha shuddup

They’re even more blue in person

Are they even blue lmao they’re like 3 different colours

[insert pic] mostly blue

Greeny yellow blue

Very poetic

Shuddup :P

sorry I’ll stop

Please don’t

Lol fishing for compliments?

Well if they’re being offered

You’re impossible

That isn’t a compliment

You’re ridiculously strange?

I’ll take that

Haha of course you would :P

So what are you up to?

Actually answering a few texts for once, you?

Throwing around some video ideas but I’m bored now. Who’re you texting?

Some school friends who are at uni

Nice ^_^

Well. Sort of. It’s weird

Tell me about it?

It’s just they all have these lives that are moving forwards and away from home and leaving me behind

and I just

My ex is dating someone else and I’m in exactly the same place as I was when she broke up with me

And I’m not content but I don’t really want to go anywhere or do anything and I just don’t know what on earth I’m going to do with my life

Were you happy with them before school ended?

Idk. I thought so at the time. But I don’t think I’ve ever really been happy, not yet

It’s ok. You don’t have to know right now. And one day you’ll leave all of them behind too and move on to something better

I think I already am. Having you around is better than them

Sorry

Haha don’t apologise for being so sweet ^_^

Also I’m single now. And bi. Just to avoid confusion

I’m bi too. Probably

Probably?

Not a massive fan of labels if I’m honest

If I feel something for someone then that’s all that matters

Might be demi, might be bi, might be somewhere inbetween.

And I don’t want you to worry about your future, ok? Everything is going to fall into place

<3

And if it doesn’t I’ll be around to distract you with more lame animal comparisons

Haha I actually love you

Me too <3

—

Get on Skype!

Ok it’s late you’re probably sleeping

it’s just

ugh I don’t know who else to talk to so I’m going to rant at your phone like a completely normal person

but mum yelled at me for not doing my uni application yet

but I just don’t know what to do I mean law yes but how do I decide where?

This is huge

and I don’t want to rush into it

but she thinks I’m going to miss the deadline though there’re months left

and I just

ugh

now she isn’t talking to me

-

Dan I’m sorry I was sleeping. Skype now?

I really don’t mind you spamming my phone, please do, always, I’d rather you had somewhere to talk about this stuff

And you know, Manchester uni is good. I could show you around

—

I spoke to mum about going to look around the uni.

She asked where I would stay.

I kind of told her I have friends at uni there.

It’s a half truth right?

Awesome ^_^ Um do you think she’d like to know the truth?

Probably.

Idk.

She might freak out and be worried

Because you’re meeting a random man you’ve never met before?

Lmao when you put it like that

Are you honestly ok with this? It’s fine if you’re not

No no I’m so ok. I want to meet you. Like properly

I want that too. So much

So it’s going to happen. I’m buying train tickets

Awesome ^_^ but your mum?

Do you think I should tell her?

I think she’d be happier knowing where you are

Yeah. Yeah I know. I’ll talk to her

Give her my phone number too. And my address

Lmao you after more stalkers?

Dan I’m serious I want you to be safe

You spoon

yeah I’ll tell her everything. She might not be best pleased though

Dw if she locks you up I’ll come rescue you

<3

<3

—

I told her

!!! And?

She said yes

OMG!!!!! I’m out atm but Skype as soon as I get back?

Yes please :P

[insert happy pic]

[insert happy pic]

—

Hey Dan you should make a YouTube channel before you visit me

?? Really?

Yeah I mean you always say you want to. And we could do a collab ^_^

For serious?!

Yeah! I mean, if you want to

I’ve been wanting to do a Q and A for a while and it would be fun I think

Omfg

Is that a yes?

Hell yes it’s a yes

Um only problem is

How do I even make a video?

However you want ^_^ you’ve told me loads of good ideas

But they’re so lame lmao

They’re really not. I promise.

Why not start with an introduction? Then you can go on to your actual content

Omg but like do you really think I could?

Honestly! Yes.

Ok

Ok

My mum’s going out in a minute so I’ll have the house to myself. I could film

That’s brilliant! I’m about to head out with mum but film whilst I’m gone and we can Skype later yeah?

Ok wow

omg

ok

Phil this isn’t working I sound so stupid

fucking hell I can’t do this

You can! Act like you’re on Skype to me

Can we Skype?

Still visiting my brother sorry :( tonight we will

Ok. I’ll keep trying

You can do it! Pretend the camera is me. Or any friend. It’ll help

Ok <3

<3

—

Holy fuck Phil I have views.

And subscribers! So many subscribers!

Told you!!

This is because you tweeted it

No, it’s because you’re really bloody talented

>.< I can’t believe I did that

You did and you’re awesome and I’m so proud of you!

Can’t wait to collab :D

Me neither, if you still want to I mean

Silly, of course I want to. Best thing about this month

<3

<3

—

Um so a bit of a change of plan

??? Do I need to cancel the train tickets?

No no! Just

Turns out my parents aren’t going to be here the weekend you’re visiting.

Is that a problem?

Lmao no why would it be

are you planning to ravish me or something

>.< I don’t think I’ve ever ravished anything in my life

Well you can start with me ;)

Dan!

Seriously though. Is it ok?

Yeah. Honestly it’s great.

Are you sure?

Are you?

Yeah I mean honestly it’ll be nicer to see you without having to get around them

I just don’t want to weird you out

You won’t

I hope not

Phil honestly I can’t wait

:D me neither

where are you btw? Skype isn’t picking up

Oh yeah, my internet is down, sorry

:O no wifi?!

No wifi. I’m not sure how I’m going to survive

I’ll spam you with texts

Please!

Actually I have something better

[incoming call: AmazingPhil]

—

I’m at the train station and it’s super early I’m not even sure you’re worth it

Sorry! I’ll make it up to you with hot coffee and hugs ^_^

Ok yeah you are worth it

Aw :D

On the train next to an old man who’s threatening to fall asleep on my shoulder

x_X tell him to keep his hands off

Lmao yeah I’m sure you’d really sort him out

I could be fierce

You’re literally a muffin with an emo fringe

I’ll fill your bag with bees

I’ll tame them into my own personal army

Then you’ll be our evil overlord

Mwahahaha

Can I be on your side when you take over the world?

Your lion powers could come in useful so yeah I guess so

Awesome we can run the world together

Yes :P

ugh the train is running late

:( by how much?

Twenty minutes atm

I’ll still get to the station at ten to

Well it might be running quite late by the time we get that far north

I don’t want to miss you. I’ll be there <3

I can’t wait

Me neither

Stuck in Stoke now. Literally the weirdest station I’ve ever seen

Haha really?

Yeah. And it’s packed. I had no idea this many people travelled this early on a Saturday, I didn’t even know this time exists

It doesn’t and you’re travelling in some other dimension right now

Shut up :P

Just waved my parents off. I’ll head out to the station soon

I’m so nervous

Me too <3

Promise you won’t run a mile?

Promise. I’ll see you soon Dan

See you soon

—        

#phan #phan fluff #phanfic #2009 phan #phanfiction #iwritephanthings #runningintoyou

[witharthurkirkland]

New Year’s Phone Call

Summary: Victor’s family has a tradition: on the morning of December 31st they call a random number and wish the person who answers a happy New Year. One year this tradition leads to a very strange and faithful meeting. Everything looks set for a cute first date, except for one problem: for some reason they just can’t meet up. Is one of them lost or is there something else going on?

Note: This morning I just pulled out a notebook and wrote the first chapter. And, yes, this is actually based on a movie, but I won’t say which to not give it all away. Also, I’m going to write this one in a style different from my usual one just as an experiment.

Edit: you can now vote for this to be the next fic I write here!

(This is currently a rough draft, so I haven’t posted it on ao3, but when I finish a couple of my ongoing fics I might work on this one next. It’s not going to be long, so...)

Chapter 1: Meet me by the Bronze Horseman

The story I’m about to tell you is completely true. I was there for the last part when – well, I don’t want to spoil the whole thing. Everyone later told me their bits and I sort of put them together into one comprehensive story (at least I hope it’s comprehensive). I’ve never written stories before, you see, but this was such an odd one that I decided to give it a go, just so I’d have a record of what happened.

It all started on the morning of December 31st when Victor –

Oh, hold on. I think I’ll introduce everyone first.

My name isn’t really important for this story, but I’m sure you’ll guess it eventually. You’ve heard of Victor Nikiforov, I bet. Who hasn’t? Five-time Grand Prix champion and all that. Yes, that’s him! The handsome tall one. Yuuri Katsuki, who appears later, is a Japanese skater and one of the top skaters in the world. I should probably mention that this story is about a whole bunch of skaters who are all among the top ones in the world. That should save me some time. Right. Where was I? Oh yes.

Let’s see, there’s Chris – that’s Victor’s friend. Phichit is Yuuri’s. Mila and Yuri Plisetsky are both Victor’s rink mates. Look, I’ll just introduce the rest of them as the story progresses.

I told you: I’m not good at writing stories.

As I said, it all started on the morning of December 31st when Victor made a phone call. It doesn’t sound like much of a start, I know. Ooh, a phone call! Never heard of those before.

But they had an interesting tradition in the Nikiforov family: on the morning of the 31st they’d call a random number and wish the person who answered a happy New Year. Nice, isn’t it?

Victor made his call while standing outside with Makkachin sitting at his feet.

“Hello? Who is this?” A voice answered on the other end.

“Happy New Year!” Victor exclaimed, not bothering with any introductions (they weren’t part of the tradition, for some reason, go figure).

“Thank you!” the person on the other end said. “Happy New Year to you too! But I think you have the wrong number.”

Victor explained his family’s tradition, which I won’t repeat, otherwise I’ll just bore you.

“That’s a nice tradition,” the other person said. “My family doesn’t really have anything similar.” He sighed. “I haven’t seen them for several years. I’m visiting St. Petersburg over the holidays, but really I should be there with them.”

Victor didn’t know what to say about the stranger’s family, so he latched onto the one tidbit of information that intrigued him. “Visiting? What part of Russia are you from?”

“I’m not from Russia. I flew in from Detroit, but I’m not from there either. I’m Japanese. That’s where my family is.” He sighed again.

“I’m from St. Petersburg myself,” Victor said, still ignoring all the family-related comments (we teased him about this later, trust me). “Do you want me to show you around? We can meet up and I’ll show you all the best places in the city.”

“Sure. I’d like that.”

“Do you know where the Bronze Horseman is? We can meet there.”

“Yeah, I think I can find it.”

“Let’s meet there in… half an hour?”

“Alright.” The stranger rang off.

Victor realized too late that he forgot to give his own name and ask for the stranger’s. Victor was – and still is – a bit of an airhead.

 Half an hour later, there he was by the Bronze Horseman. I won’t bore you with a long story about it. It’s a statue of Peter the Great on the horse. If you’ve never seen it, I’m sure you’ve seen at least one statue of a king on a horse.

It was snowing and a wind blew from the Neva River. Victor walked around to keep warm. He kept his eyes open for his new friend (he’d decided to consider this person a friend already), but his surroundings remained empty.

Another twenty minutes went by.

Maybe he got lost?

Victor pulled out his phone and called again.

“Hello?” the stranger answered.

Victor looked around to make sure it was still empty. “Hello! Did you get lost?”

“No, no. I found it quickly. I’m here now, but I don’t see you.”

“I don’t see you, either,” Victor said, looking around again.

“Maybe I’m standing next to the wrong statue,” the stranger suggested. (Honestly, I wish Victor had already asked for his name, so I could refer to him by it.)

“There’s an easy way to check,” Victor said. “Turn your camera on.” He paused. “If you don’t mind, of course, and just show me the statue. Then I’ll know which it is and find you.”

“Ok,” the stranger said. He turned the camera on and followed Victor’s instructions.

Victor stared in surprise at the image of the Bronze Horseman. He looked around for what felt like the hundredth time, but still he couldn’t see anyone else anywhere.

“That’s the right statue,” he said. “I’m here too.” He turned his camera on and showed the statue. Then he turned it around to show himself in front of it to prove that he was really there. “See?” He waved. “Hello! Nice to meet you!”

“Oh my God! You’re Victor Nikiforov! I got a phone call from Victor Nikiforov!” the stranger exclaimed in shock. “I didn’t realize…”

“Oh.” Victor was used to being a celebrity, but he’d temporarily forgotten about it. Now the stranger reminded him of it and he felt a bit awkward. They’d talked so frankly! How would the stranger act now? “Can I ask that you show yourself?”

The camera turned and it was Victor’s turn to exclaim in surprise. “Yuuri Katsuki!”

“You know me?”

“Of course I do! How could I forget the way you danced with me?”

“W-what dance are you talking about?” Yuuri asked.

“The one at the banquet, of course!”

Yuuri looked really puzzled at this. “The banquet? What banquet?”

“What do you mean? The one at the Grand Prix Final.”

“But I’ve never made it to the Grand Prix Final.”

“What?” Victor asked. “What are you talking about? Of course you were there! I saw you compete!”

“I’ve never qualified for the Final,” Yuuri explained slowly. “I came close this year, but I never made it.”

#New Year’s Phone Call #fanfiction #yuri on ice #Victor Nikiforov #Yuri Katsuki #AU #fics to vote for

[psychedelictrashpanda]

stuck in the middle with me

In addition to always feeling trapped, I also get to feel like I’m always stuck at a crossroads I can’t ever make progress in deciding which direction to take. With myself of course, is it fair to the other person for me to be dating in such a poor mental state? Wearing loneliness like an old familiar jacket, it just stinks sometimes, really need to wash out that old perspective and embrace solitary living -- I used to be so good at it!

Right now I could start up this t-shirt thing. Get a screen printing set up and actually follow through on the whole idea I started years ago but abandon because heat-press tshirts were low quality trash I didn’t want to deal with.  In addition to or instead of, I can also go the mushroom route. Practice growing all sorts to sell to chefs and such, maybe in the future land an opportunity to grow cubes as a legal profession.

Both of those are entirely possible and would help me immensely. But it implies two things: a definite move away from the company, which is gonna be another obligatory rift to deal with, and staying in Oklahoma, which at least would please the family and balance out that rift? Assuming I explain the other option is getting the fuck out.

I’m still considering the vandwelling idea I’m always building on that I’ve recently categorized as a dream because it seems simultaneously so easy and close to reality but far away and something I’ll never have the courage to go through with. It’s been in my head, well really since I was a child, but in planning mode for years now before it became a trendy scene. Now Joseph gets to leave for months at a time fulfilling the dream I had and it’s all fine and okay for him because he’s volunteering when he does it I guess.

I have to pretend I’m typing so my coworker, who is my old friend from childhood that I should be more happy to talk with since I don’t see and work with often, will stop talking to me and leave me alone. Should I feel guilty? After seeing so much Larry David, to be honest, heh, I’m starting to feel less bad about the things I want. Oh you know what that reminds me -- this thing with benzos I’m going through relates. Because I’m either riddled with anxiety and apologetic and let people walk all over me and am self deprecating and blahblah a lot of the usual depression type symptoms I suppose, or I take a medicinal dose of a benzo and I don’t take any shit from anyone. I think it depends on the benzo tbh and I’m about to try a new grey market one anyway so maybe that will work in just the right medicinal way that I need it to. Only some make me sort of cranky, and valium seems to be one I guess, but it’s also because at too low a dose it doesn’t seem to do me much good so I have to get to just enough of a dose to feel sleepy from which is also enough to get edgy from. But also, I always neglect the entourage effect, and I think it applies to EVERYTHING in life. Case in point, if I weren’t already depressed and in a bad place in my life, I wouldn’t get the negative symptoms from the medicines I need as much. (side note: no really I identify a lot with Larry David, and in some twisted way that helps me)

Oh okay yeah vandwelling. I really don’t like the term. Mostly because it evokes a hipster sort of image. And I will be that hipster considering I’m going to get a good start and I suppose by the bare fact it’s by choice and not necessity? Fuck that, this is that “worrying about what other people think” bullshit I’m needing to get over. I’m so sick of it. I’m so tired of worrying about my image and what people think of me. I think so low of me because if I were looking at me through their eyes I would think low of me, curse of the gaze of the other maybe if I knew what that philosophical concept meant specifically... Keep going off track. That’s why I like Zizek so much, totally identify with his ramblings that go off in weird directions and have weird analogies and whathaveyou. I’m feeling prettay prettay prettay Larry Zizek today. Or maybe I should be Slavoj David right now with his name first because I’m feeling more pessimistic ala Zizek than go-get-the-world ala L.D. God. This rambling. I want to do the vandwelling.... let me start ANOTHER paragraph on that...

I have this Ford F150. I’m super happy I have a newish vehicle now that I don’t have to worry about but it is unfortunate it’s a V8. Probably making a bigger deal about that than I should. Being a minimalist and really just living out of a vehicle should offset the carbon footprint of that big motor, which will make itself useful I’m more than sure. I’m probably more concerned of the gas cost really, but I have to figure out avenues for income to begin with while on the road. Being a journeyman plumber and having other construction experience, it shouldn’t be hard to find side jobs if I bring my toolbags with me.  Before I even hit the road though, if I can make it happen, there’s a lot I need to do: Get a camper top. Learn some new skills to carry with me on the road; I can teach myself the skid-steer for sure, maybe even a backhoe which would be nice. Also learn digital skills for online jobs; brush up on doing some graphics like posters or maybe finally the video editing. I have a ton of outdoor camping/hiking/such equipment from always planning on doing those things but never following through so I’m good on that front. Get prescriptions to the meds I need so I don’t have to carry benz and stims on the road. Make sure I’m completely legal but stocked up on stuff like kratom or cbd and such. TONS of Soylent, powder and liquid, or try huel for powder. Maybe some cheap foodstuffs too, cans and/or ramen, etc. Got plenty of reading and writing material. Need to get those last few things on amazon to complete the vandwelling electronic necessities and things of that nature.

eh I dunno maybe I’ma save this draft but I’m posting tonight whether I finish it or not. enough of this saving a draft for days, I should be writing more everyday anyway. ugh I forgot I’m coming in at four tomorrow. and forgot to mention I think it’s official I’m fucking done with this place cause I just can’t work with family. it’s so goddamn frustrating cause no matter what I look like an asshole. it makes me fe-- ugh this is a whole other post. I gotta work too early tomorrow for how much I’ve put into this so far. 

#tshirts #vandwelling #benzo #high #grass #poptarts