#ok ok i think thats enough tagging lol

[kakujis]

making bets;

synopsis: you and gojo decide it’d be fun to make a little bet. at geto’s expense of course. ♡︎

ft + wc: geto x reader, 1.3k

warnings: afab!fem reader, pet names (good girl, brat), praise, suguru calls u a whore like one time. 👍, implied multiple rounds, creamp*e, masturbation, u and satoru talk about abo (jokingly) LOL, not proofread, uhh that shld be it.

network: @enchantedforest-network

an: WE MADE IT BESTIES REEAAHH!! here's my entry for @wakashawty's NNN collab! ♡︎ honestly, kei said there was no time limit but i wanted to finish befoee november LOL. and we did it! ngl the texts with satoru were my favorite part to write . KFJSKSKDK. the rest of the collab entries are here!

this honestly should not be this hard, but geto suguru has managed to ignore every single instance of your teasing. even when you press yourself against him, wear a shirt that’s a little too low cut, or prance around in his with nothing else on, he’s barely even spared you a glance. 

he must be a fucking saint at this point. you didn’t think celibacy for him would be so easy. a quick, “mhm” thrown out there, a simple peck on the cheek before work, completely ignoring you in bed and turning over; you’d think you’re nothing more significant than a throw pillow. 

suguru’s not stupid, the second he accepted this bet he knew you’d be throwing yourself all over him. he’s not someone who loses games, especially not to gojo satoru. and this game is easy or so he thinks. 

unfortunately for you, you need to kick it up a notch. you made a deal with gojo before the month even began. you get suguru to lose nnn for the first time, gojo pays you. with three more days left til the end of the month, you’re pretty sure you’ve got to kiss your money goodbye. but satoru’s daily texts remind you otherwise:

you giggle, before checking the time. perfect, he should be home soon. setting your phone down you excitedly pad over to your closet. you bring out the box of toys, buried under a mound of clothing and untouched in god knows how long since you stopped using them a while back. suguru suited your needs so easily, you didn’t really need them.

“uhh..” you furrow your brow, shifting through the contents, “damn how much did these all cost me?” you mutter, before grabbing your old faithful vibrator. 

satoru had a point, and you wonder why you never thought to do this beforehand. it’s his challenge, not yours, and you can definitely cum since he can’t.  you figure the easiest way to rile suguru up, is to do the things he typically commands you to do. there’s been too many times to count where he forces you to play with yourself as he watches, entranced with your fingers pumping in and out of your hole. 

quickly washing it in the bathroom sink, you settle on the bed. throwing off your bottoms, you’re always pleased by the way his shirt bunches just slightly above your hips when you spread your legs. you turn the device on hearing an old familiar purr, and you frown. 

“was this thing always this loud?” you grimace, before shrugging and settling back making sure to lay on his pillow. just a few moments before he’s home, hopefully, he won’t be able to ignore this. 

as you lay back, you focus on all the things you’d like for suguru to do if he were here. for starters, he loves to trail his tongue down from your belly to your clit before he dives in, rolling his tongue over your nub. you think about how he’ll tongue fuck you afterwards, his hands digging into your thighs, keeping you nice and spread. 

it’s easy to get lost in your thoughts, pleasure coursing through you like the blood in your veins. you don’t hear him when he first walks in, calling out for you, too focused on the hum of the vibrator and the fantasies in your head. nor do you hear the hitch of his breath when he finally finds you, fingers deep in your cunt as you writhe and moan on the bed. 

what you do hear, however, is the stomp over as he rips not only the vibrator from your hand but your wrist to ease your digits out of your cunt. 

“hey!” you whine, pouting as he glares down at you. 

“you fucking brat.” he hisses, but with a single peek you can see the tent in his pants as every bit of self control shatters within him. 

“hm? you’re being so mean sugu,” you tilt your head, fluttering your lashes up at him. 

“you know i’ve got three fucking days left and you’re gonna do this?” he shuts the vibrator off, casting it aside with a particularly angry throw. 

you shrug, continuing to feign innocence, “i’ve got no clue what you’re talking about.”

“you know what i mean.” 

“i really really don’t.” you continue teasing, “what’s wrong suguru? you’re so tense right now.” 

he wants to stay angry, wants to go off on you since he’s so close to completion, but suguru can’t deny the way he’s been wanting you, aching for you. every morning the ice cold water rushes to meet him like an eager friend, and he’s grateful for it, sometimes nearly breaking down at the sight of your sleepy face. 

that’s why he’s been distant, it’s easy to pretend you don’t see your partner if you focus on literally anything else. but man, he just can’t take it anymore. he takes your slick covered fingers and runs his tongue over them, making you squeak. 

he grins, murmuring, “where’d all that bark go?” before he’s taking your lithe digits into his mouth and groaning at the taste of your juices. god, he missed this. 

“what about the bet?” you inquire, trying to keep your own facade on, but your hole twitches when his tongue runs a lengthy line on your palm. 

“hm? i’ve got no clue what you’re talking about,” he mocks, releasing his aching cock from its confines. embarrassingly, you involuntarily moan at the sight, mouth watering at his pretty beaded tip. “if you’re gonna act like a whore guess i should fuck you like one right?” 

“so mean sugu- ah!” he gives you no warning as he slams in, your hands immediately coming up to claw at his arms. “fuck.” you hiss, jaw going lax as he sets a brutal pace. 

it’s been so long since he’s felt your fluttering walls around his cock that his head is almost spinning, as his hands come around your waist to lock you in place. your voice comes out in a pretty staccato, your moans and whimpers bouncing off the walls and straight into his ears. even better is how your tits bounce with each thrust, shirt haphazardly pushed up, with your fingers dug into its fabric. 

“shit, were you always this tight?” he grits, knowing he’s not going to last long, not when the drag of his cock against your velvet walls feels this good. there’s no response from you, other than the now incoherent babblings of “mhm!” and repeated “please, please, please.”s 

he grins, “is my pretty baby already going dumb? you missed this cock that much?” 

there’s something about geto’s voice that gets you mewling, and most likely it’s the low-timbre that echoes in your ear and fills your brain with endless haze. breathlessly you whimper out a tumble of “yes”s, before you’re clenching down around his cock, toes curling and eyes rolled. 

“that’s it,” he praises, his own seed spilling into your cunt, “cum for me baby. such a good girl.” he hangs his head back, taking in deep lungfuls of air and you mirror him, sweat now sticking to your body in a light sheen. 

you whimper as he pulls out, but his cock stays nice and hard as he flips you onto your stomach. “hips up,” he says, but he doesn’t let you do it yourself, instead pulling you up himself. you squeak as he pushes back into you, this time savoring the slow stretch of your walls. “we’re not done yet, we’ve got a lot of making up to do.” 

“wait!” you exclaim, suddenly snapped out of your haze as you push up against him. “wait, suguru, wait!” 

“what is it?” he hisses, palm pressed and impatient, ready to push between your shoulder blades to pin you against the bed. 

“i need my phone,” you whine, pouting up at him. 

he blinks. “for what?” 

you giggle, sticking your tongue out before you speak, knowing that what comes out next means suguru is probably going to pop a vein from your antics. 

“i gotta let satoru know he won.”

#NoNutNovemberCollab #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk smut #geto suguru smut #geto suguru x reader #jjk x reader #suguru geto x reader #geto suguru x you #suguru geto x you #geto smut #pibby writing #ermm ok i think thats enough for tags lol

[dizzybizz]

mr medicine seller i love you, may i steal your gender please and thank you

#yall i havent been posting bc i havent rlly been finishing anything 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #anyways have an artstyle crisis scribble #mononoke medicine seller #kusuriuri #my art #also berries if u ever read this just know i think about the stoner medicine seller and snufkin page so often #everytime i see the medicine seller or listen to the op i think about it and its still so funny to me #i look through all the magma pages every so often and they make me so happy its unbelieveble #ok thats enough sappy shit in the tags i need to stop lol #to me hes the you ever see a man so beautiful you start crying meme

[timothylawrence]

listen for heaven

Wyll isn't used to sharing a tent. Even more so, he's not quite used to having someone around when his memories come back to haunt him in the darkness of night. Rana seems to be just as new to this as he is.

2.2k words, hurt and comfort wyll/tav fic

#bg3 #wyll/tav #wyll ravengard #ok thats all going in main tags lol #sunblade #rana #ewbie writes #sorry for being a sucker for h/c i think wyll needs to be held more.... #this is what ive been doing all week LOL. i hope its decent enough. love yall as always <3

[shower-phantom-ideas]

Do yall think that like Danny would read the fanfiction people write about him?

Cause I think he would avoid it at first but you know the saying curiosity killed the cat (or bragging killed the fenton. Hey they both get brought back)

Anyway so maybe hes just online, probably tumblr or twitter, and someone is posting a summary and a link. Oh that sounds neat sure lets check it out. Maybe he lets it go to his head in classic teenager style. Sam and Tucker think it’s weird but tbh Danny needs the win.

That or hes completely disgusted by it. He is a real person not some character to be fantasised about. Sam and Tucker tease him about it but totally agree that it’s super weird and gross. I mean people aren’t actively hurting anyone but Danny doesn’t go anywhere near the internet anymore, unless it’s to game and shitpost on twitter. Tucker probably made a huge program to help so none of them have to see the ship art. Again they arent bashing anyone but hes a kid and doesn’t wanna be traumatised anymore thanks.

Idk wtf in goingnon anouy buy it’s 735am and I am so tired but I need to be up a few more hours… wait does this oart go in th tags? Wheres am I

#danny phantom #danny fenton #sam manson #tucker foley #uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh tagtagyagtagtagtag #blah blah blah blah im watching My Little Pony videos blah blah blah #if anyone wants to play phasmophobia with me sometime hit me up but im a big baby and can’t play right #uhhh right I gotta talk about the post cause apparently some of yall are checking these tags for content so ill put some #… #I don’t think danny watches anime because he isnt jock or that kinda nerd. hes science nerd ya know #he likes the cool kids and want to be like them sometime so maybe he mocks anime in an attempt to look cool #I bet he hates suoerhero movies because it’s not anything like that. he doesn’t have his hapoy ending yet so he doesn’t believe in it #I should make a post about that one #would he play league of legends though? probably not because the matches take so long on the reg. even an aram can take 30 minutes #and u can get banned for afk (see ghost attacks) so if he tried to get into it his account wouldnt last long #he can’t like spooky games because he gets to like ‘’no it’s not like that?’’ he probably gets tilted by how poorly his other half is shown #im so dehydrated my phone is bruising my hand because it’s so heavy lol #ok I think thats enough tags

[wabitwithadot]

Fuck almost forgot

Happy Birthday LBP2!

That game shaped how I am today and how I want to be in the future, if it wasnt for its existence, I probably wouldnt be an artist. (or atleast try to be one)

#little big planet #little big planet 2 #I really have to thank this game #also a lot of unthanking to do becuase i was bullied pretty heavily on there as a kid and i think it fucked up my brain in ways im not even #sure even today #I think I had online social enxiety for a while if thats even a thing lol #like social enxity exclusivly online and not in real life #ok enough tags and trauma dumping byeeeeeeeeeeee

[manwallneuer]

everybody wants 2 rule the world but bastian schweinsteiger already does

#bastian schweinsteiger #schweinsteiger #schweini #germany nt #dfb #bayern munich #bayern münchen #fc bayern #chicago fire #manchester united #manu tag was for lols i apologize #ok i think thats enough? #my edits

[jadedharleys]

accepting that ill never finish this art lol.

#ok tagging up the gore on this in every way i can think of lol #tw gore #gore #gore tw #decapitation #decapitation tw #tw decapitation #tw beheading #beheading #beheading tw #blood #blood tw #tw blood #thats probably enough. #jade arts #dirk strider #his head at least #jake english #just his hands tho #dave strider #dirkjake #im insane

[volfoss]

Done with the worst parts of sanding :)

#if the remaining bits look uneven. its on purpose. i havent sanded the right yet. i want to kind of sit with him for a bit before shaping #the smaller bits further :) #the color difference is also pretty bad 😥 i didn't realize how yellowed the body was until i got to work so... i will have to do SOMETHING #to cover that. or just embrace it idk :) the character is a robot thats used 2 be high tech and is now sort of falling apart so im not super #bothered ig with like... any of the resin color differences bc i can just say its faded from use/storage or whatever do #*so. its all ok :) the only other time ive done something like this is my little top surgery on another doll (he was brand new so had no #yellowing rly) so im like... not super bothered i think :) pretty happy w it being my second big dremel project lol. definitely have a lot #of plans w him so im happy to be feeling well enough to work on him today :) #bjd posting #twist rambles #idr what his name even is... makes me sound like a bad doll owner but when i do remember ill toss these posts in his tag :)

[rox-of-iu]

my message privileges got revoked hahahHAHAHHhdbx

what did i do to go the messageless jail (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠)

#not too worried about this as long as its not my main lol #but its funny how yesterday i got first dm on this sideblog and straight up tumblr said ok thats enough of that hahshdhbd #but i looked it up and apparently it should be easy fix if i send it to tumblr support #shhd idk i just think its funny tho hshdb #edit ooohhh im shadowbanned ok i see lol shdkjsh #cuz my posts are not in the tags #i didnt pass the tumblr vibe check

[hirokiyuu]

27. Marz/Tangent

27. things you said on the phone at 4 am

"It's just too much," blurts Tangent suddenly, and Marz startles back awake. "She... she looks at me and sees someone who doesn't exist. I don't -- I can't be the person she thinks I am."

"...I wouldn't know," says Marz, and her voice is syrupy with sleep that makes the lie come out more convincingly. "But regardless, if you aren't happy, why stay? That's not fair to either of you."

"I...."

Stars, she sounds so anguished. How sweet. For all she tries to hide it, Tangent has always cared with her whole beating heart. "Either way, darling, four in the morning isn't the time to make decisions like this, is it? Even for you."

That gets a little huff of laughter; Marzipan can picture the grimacing smile on Tangent's face that no doubt accompanies it. "I suppose."

"Mm, trust me."

"I do."

Marz feels herself smile, leaning a little against her palm. "As you should!" Another laugh, this one sounding a little less reluctant. "You can think about it after you get some rest." And then, because it's four a.m. and Marz really does love Tangent more than maybe anyone else on the planet: "Either way, I'll always be on your side."

There's a very long pause; Marz very politely pretends not to hear Tangent have to clear her throat through the line. "...Thank you, Marz."

"Of course! But don't make this a habit, I do need my beauty sleep."

"I won't." Tangent's voice has warmed; the smile Marz pictures this time is gentler than the last, the one she'd only remembered in adulthood. "I'll speak with you later. And thank you, again."

"You, my dear, are very welcome."

#marz/tang are very like.... more than friends less than lovers kidn of vibe u kno #never quite Together but theres a romacne there nonetheless. but also i think they dont want to Date u kno #anyways sorry for sol/tang agenda i jsut. love them #first run sol i think ehre...... i love wlw love triangle tho its fun #three girls kidn of wrapped up in each others lives forever LOL #thinking abt how in some ways its probably better for both of them if soltang dont date u kno #going back to how dys has a lot of weird fucked up conceptions of romacne i think tang is similar #honestly i think aro tang is a really valid read but also so is just. paralyzed by hedgehogs dilemma tang u kno #if she gets too close to sol she will be Harmed u kno. but hten how else will she get warm #(guy who watched evangelion at eighteen and never recoverd voice) #tho mpd also did this to my brain i wont lie. child broiler........ #ok thats enough tag analysis lmfao #i was a teenage exocolonist #i was a teenage exocolonist spoilers ? #in the tags at least lol #how do you writing #asks #ask meme #va1iant viridity #4am phone calls are a v good marz/tang vibe ty for this one WWWW

[cerealmonster15]

Dessert Danger [Cater/Jade]

Rating: G

Summary: Cater visits Mostro Lounge to document their latest specialty dessert for his Magicam account, and Jade readily welcomes his arrival.

Word count: 1462

[AO3 LINK]

Mostro Lounge always had great service. In fact, Cater found that he basically never had much of a wait time when he came in to order, no matter how busy they seemed. 

That’s because, at Mostro Lounge, there was one unspoken rule that all the waitstaff knew. If Cater Diamond came through those doors, then Jade Leech,  when available, was to get first dibs on greeting him, taking his order, making his order, and bringing it to him. 

No one ever dared to interrupt this flow. 

“Nice to see you, as always.” Jade said as he approached Cater. 

“Hi, Jade!” Cater beamed up at him with that bright, sunny smile that Jade loved so much. “Wow, I feel like I hardly ever have to wait anymore when I come here. You’re all so efficient!”

“Of course. Our patron’s satisfaction is most important to us here at Mostro Lounge.” Jade said with a smile. 

Cater didn’t need to know that he automatically took top priority on Jade’s customer list every time he showed up. It was a small detail, really. 

“Oh, you don’t need to sound so stiff when you’re talking to Cay-Cay!” Cater laughed, touching Jade lightly on the arm.

Jade’s businesslike smile melted into a softer, more genuine one. “Yes, of course. Now, what can I get you? Am I to assume you’re here for our seasonal special dessert for a nice Magicam photo?”

“You know me so well!” Cater nodded. “That Chocolate Peppermint Cheesecake Parfait looks absolutely stunning on the menu, and I’ll bet it’s even prettier in person.”

“I’ll get that for you right away,” Jade said. “Please, have a seat.”

Cater took a seat at the bar counter while Jade disappeared into the kitchen. 

Floyd spawned into view mere moments later. “Ohh, I knew it! Sea Bream’s come to visit again.”

“Hiya, Floyd,” Cater said with a wave. “How’d you know I was here?”

“Jade rushed to the back and got all focused on an order, and is ignorin’ anyone that tries to talk to him,” Floyd answered with his signature toothy grin. 

“O-oh…? Wow, you guys really do take care of your regulars, huh?” Cater said, subconsciously grabbing a strand of his hair to twirl between his fingers. 

“Nah, he only cares that much when it’s for Sea Bream.” 

Cater was saved from having to think up a response to such a bold statement, as Jade respawned shortly after, and Floyd disappeared just as quickly as he’d come.

“I apologize for the wait,” Jade said as he set down the glass in front of Cater.

“Oh, uh, no worries! You were like, literally only gone a few minutes.” Cater pulled out his phone and aimed it at the glass. “Ohh, shoot! I meant to ask for it in a to-go cup. Sorry, Jade!” He said while starting to take pictures. “Though I have to say, the glass makes it all the more ‘cammable!”

“A happy accident, then,” Jade said with a smile. “Perhaps you should stay a moment to enjoy, once you have taken a sufficient amount of photos. Really, there’s no need to rush out of here so soon.” His eyes were locked onto Cater as he spoke.

“Ahaha, um….” Well, now Cater was in a bind. Sure, he’d asked for the parfait, but he didn’t want to eat it. The plan was to get it to-go, take it back to Heartslabyul for a few aesthetic shots, and then pass off the dessert to someone like Ace so he wouldn’t have to eat such a sweet thing himself.

“Please, I insist. I do so love to see a look of satisfaction on the faces of those I have taken the time to prepare a meal for,” Jade said, his smile growing eerily wider. “And I’d really like to see how much you enjoy this one that I prepared just for you.”

…Did he know? Jade WAS one of the most informed students at NRC when it came to finding out secret information. Was he toying with Cater, or did he just really want to watch him eat…?

“You’re, um, a sweetheart, Jade.” Cater said, eyeing the dessert anxiously. “But you don’t have to stay over here with me! Don’t you have other customers you should be getting to?”

“Yes, he does.” Azul’s annoyed voice was heard from across the room. 

Jade simply waved his hand in the air dismissively, his wide grin unwavering. “Pay him no mind,” he said, leaning closer across the bar. “This customer is my current priority. I have all the time in the world for you.”

Cater blinked slowly as he tried not to overthink the intensity he was picking up from Jade. Damn, there really wasn’t a smooth way out of this one. 

“Ahah… alright, you win, Jade.” Cater simply accepted his fate, picking up the spoon, and poking at the dessert a few times. It really looked so sweet, and if Cater didn’t know any better, he could’ve sworn those were bits of chopped mushrooms he saw amongst the chocolate chips and crushed peppermint flakes for toppings… No, surely his eyes were playing tricks on him.

But then, perhaps the heavens heard Cater’s prayer, as his phone let out a loud ding when someone texted him. 

Trey: Which of these tarts do you think I should try baking after class for everyone tonight? I’ll only have time for one, but I can’t decide between a ginger plum galette or lemon and strawberry curd. I need your impartial opinion, because we both know which one Riddle would vote for, haha. 

Cater shook his head at his phone with a sigh and a tiny smile. Of course his buddy was having the most minor of baking woes, of all things, while Cater was currently fearing for his life - or perhaps more accurately, his taste buds.

…Same thing, really.

Jade was still watching Cater’s face. “Everything alright? You still haven’t touched your parfait. It’ll grow warm the longer you leave it, you know.”

Cater quickly pressed his phone against his chest to hide the screen. “Oh! Um… Sorry, Jade! But Trey texted me that there’s a bit of a Riddle Emergency back at Heartslabyul. I’m sure you know how it is, as Riddle’s classmate and all!”

“Ah, yes. Our dearest Riddle. I can only imagine what sort of… Situation… Is so important that it would pull you away so fast that you don’t even have time to try one bite before you leave.” Jade said as he watched Cater stand from his stool. 

Oh, god. Was he onto Cater’s lies? Really, just how much did this guy know from intuition alone!?

“And after I took extra care to craft it especially for you,” Jade said, his tone making him sound ever so hurt, but his face had barely changed from the leering smile he wore from the beginning. “Oh, what a waste it would be if you couldn’t so much as taste it before you rush out of here. My, I imagine it must be hard being as popular as you are, isn’t it, Cater?”

Now, normally Cater prided himself on assessing social  situations and trying to temper everyone’s moods. Keeping up morale was a Cay-Cay specialty!

“…Yep! So hard, so tragic; but you know a Riddle meltdown waits for no one. Sorry, Jade!”

Well, everyone had their off days. Really, at this point, it almost felt like a battle of wits, and Jade was practically challenging Cater. He couldn’t give in now! It was time to go.

Cater wasted no time hurrying towards the door. “I’ll make it up to you another day! See ya next time!” He said with a wave and his signature, cheery smile. 

“Oh, but of course. I will be eagerly awaiting your arrival next time with something so appetizing that you simply won’t be able to resist,” Jade replied with a wave back as Cater scampered away. He propped his chin up with his hand as he leaned on the counter and watched Cater’s retreating figure disappear through the Mostro Lounge doors. “Yes… Next time, I will not miss my target.”

“Sheesh, Jade,” Floyd laughed as he reappeared by the bar. “Were ya tryin’ to date him or poison him?” He asked with a grin as he took Cater’s abandoned spoon and scooped out a bite of the parfait… Only to gag and nearly spit it back out. 

“Ew, gross! Jade, did you seriously try to sneak mushrooms in here? Ugh, you’re so WEIRD!”

Jade only chuckled in amusement. At least someone got to try his more innovative experiment. One of these days, he would surely get Cater to try his cooking, too, secret mushrooms or not.

And, luckily for Cater, moray eels were very, very, patient. 

#twisted wonderland #cater diamond #jade leech #CAYJAY #twst #i know no one really tags them as that but. I DO !!!!!!!!! #cereal writes #i could not think of a better title and this was basically my working title so fklsjflsd #whatever!!! #me writing this: god is it cringe was this a bad idea should i scrap this #me remembering theres barely any fancontent for this pair: nvm the bar is low lets keep moving #i think these 2 have potential to be very cute or very funny #i went more silly this time but with some cute I Think anyway fsdjlkfdkls #idk this one just Became Something LOL #blease god someone see my vision I WILL PUSH FOR THEM WITH ALL MY EFFORT #ok thats enough tag talking BYE PLZ TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK I LOVE READING THOUGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[moodr1ng]

a funny thing ive been thinking abt recently is.. as a crazyperson dealing with delusions, the one thing that best lets me manage them is not "convince myself that its not real" (i cant actually just turn off my psychosis :/) but saying "it IS real, this IS true, but only in my reality".

like, idk whether or not "objective reality" is a real thing and im sooo not interested in finding out, but i do know there is a... communal reality? one which is based on things which are observable to anyone, and which impact and are impacted by multiple people. so if thats our basis, the communal reality, then one might consider the idea of an individual reality; one where a person may observe, be impacted by, and impact things which are inobservable to anyone else, and which no one else can interact with directly. the observability and impact of what is being perceived by the person is undeniable to them, but it is very much deniable by anyone else, because its not true in the communal reality.

the crucial part of this, to me, is that if i use this framework, the only course of action that makes sense is to determine that i should avoid doing anything that would negatively impact people, things, or myself in the communal reality based on anything i observe solely in my individual reality. those things are not in the communal reality, so i have like, a sort of moral and also just rational duty to consider them fully irrelevant to the communal reality and to act accordingly.

like, ok, sometimes i become very aware (more than usual) that theres a woman on my balcony at night, and shes looking through my bedroom window and trying to get in, and some nights im so afraid of her that i lock my bedroom door and close the metal blinds all the way and sleep with the lights on. the woman on the balcony is very real... in my individual reality. but thats kind of the reality im in! so shes very real to me!

but, i know, shes not real to anyone else. so i shouldnt do dumb shit based on her being there. i know she cant impact the communal reality (my roommate isnt in danger, etc), so... its kinda fine that shes here?

she is scary and she does want to hurt me and im scared of her and i hate her and wish she would leave. and some nights i need to do my lil 'lockdown procedures' to get away from her, and it fucking sucks, and thats a very real shitty experience.

but, well, once i am able to recognize that shes not real to other people, then she can just be something i observe. i recognize that her reach is limited; that she cant hurt me or anyone else in any meaningful way; eventually, on most days she becomes background noise. eventually, me and them, in our pocket reality no one else experiences, i start to accept them a bit. if the lady could hurt me she would have by now - and i do think the lady on the balcony is also the 'witch behind the curtains' from my childhood, so.. she's had plenty of time.

she cant really hurt me. shes just trying to spook me. shes like these actors in walk-through haunted houses who are behind cages or fences - grabbing towards the audience, putting on a big show of how scary they are.. ultimately, theyre actors in a cage, still. the woman on the balcony is like that. scaring me is the only thing she actually can do; there is no true threat, because the cage of common reality will always hold her at arms length. and sure, shes really, really good at scaring me. and i really dont like it! but i can go through it and remind myself that its all an act. a haunted house tour i didnt sign up for, sure, but none of the actors are allowed to touch me. they cant affect the common reality.

like thats been p dope? im never gonna manage to believe that its "just not real". but i can manage "its real for me and nobody else". and that makes it bearable.

i talk to the man on the ceiling now, sometimes. when i leave my room in the dark i dont turn on the light - and i have always turned on the lights! - and i talk to him. i know hes there. and for years i checked the ceiling at night, compulsively, to make sure he wasnt there. he doesnt want me to see him, right, so i had to keep checking because that way he had to remain hidden and couldnt get close to me.

now i go sit in a completely dark, closed room and i say "hey man, hows it going up there", and hes there on the ceiling, of course, but i dont check now, to be polite (if hes that committed to hiding then clearly its nicer to not look for him!). i tell him about my day a bit. he doesnt respond, obviously, but also id really hate it if he did, so its all good with me. i picture his weird, blank head hanging down from the ceiling, his featureless face hovering just above me, watching me while im blinded by the darkness.

and those are the thoughts ive tried very, very hard to avoid having for so many years! i got into a habit of ig.. very intensely thinking the lyrics of a song while going through my apartment at night, doing the choreographed circuit of turning the lights off and on to make sure i was never in the dark, because if i let my thoughts slip for just a second id think about the ceiling man right behind me, and thatd freak me out.

just sitting there in the complete darkness, knowing hes so close, listening to me talk to him? not so long ago i wouldve had a panic attack about it. but its ok. because the ceiling man cant hurt me, either. and probably isnt even trying to.

i thought about it more, and i realized that while i know the woman is trying to hurt me - shes purposeful about scaring me - the ceiling man has never really been antagonistic. he follows me around, but moreso in the way an animal would follow some strange smaller animal out of curiosity. hes not really trying to do anything to me. hes just here. thats not his fault. hes stuck with me too! so, im chill with him now i guess.

like, seriously.. just saying "the paranoia entities are real actually, but just for me" has actually really really really helped. i wish i hadnt spent all this time thinking and being told that getting better meant no longer having delusions. like, sure, thatd be great!!!! but i cant just turn them off. and theres no treatment that can just 100% make psychosis go away. so, most likely, im still gonna have delusions, and, most likely, i will for the rest of my life, and possibly itll worsen with age. its not realistic to just think "the only real option here is to convince myself that my experiences are fake". what, like im smarter than my own brain? my brains not gonna let me think this isnt real. its making it up in the first place!! so yeah. whatever! it is real. so now i can focus on "whats the best course of action to take when i have (x) experience, while remembering that it cannot infringe upon other peoples reality?", and as it turns out theres a lot more i can do while working within the delusion. damn.

#long post #very long post #ok im shoving in a readmore bc this is absurdly long and everyone gonna be mad #psychosis inducing #paranoia inducing #unreality #psychosis trigger #uhhh #unreality tw #yeah im gonna have to say i think thats enough tags? idk any other ones #anyway sorry for long ass post just wanted to blog. lol. and yes yes im high again...

[elegyofthemoon]

getting jumpscared by voice actors is so funny i was just trying to watch old dgrayman scene compiles and suddenly iAN SINCLAIR?????

#ok i didnt stick w the eng dub for super long before alskjf #i mostly watched it in jp ! but i did try eng dub for a bit #i didnt get to when they switched travis willingham for ian sinclair though for yuu and that made me go :O #like tHIS close to picking up the anime but Q _ Q i dont wannaaaaa but also....i wonder if the eng dub is good #i dont like allens va #LIKE hes fine!!! as a va !!! but i just dont like him as ALLEN i think idk #LIKE i cant remember peoples performances well enough to recall whod be good #but like. someone who can manage that perfect balance of sounding gentle and grounded HRM #i will say though whatever they did for lavi's va good job cuz like. while it wasnt exactly the voice i expected it was Amazing from the #clip i saw LOL #this isnt me reading dgm but ill tag it anyways as so #snow reads dgm #i cant tell if i like or dislike lenalee's voice in eng.... i would need more i think... #BUT ian sinclair??? bro i would love to see him do the eps w yuu and alma... #i stopped midway through alma's arc when i was first reading trhough it so i dont know their full story but ; - ; #one of these days. ill make some fancast... #OH YKNOW WHAT i can see like. whoever id pick for jack's voice actor. id give to allen too.... idk if that says anything about me. #i wouldnt even say that jacks like gentle/grounded (hes not) but THATS THE FALSE CHARM HE GOT !!!! SO I THINK ITD WORK #i say gentle but what i really mean is like gentle-borderline-empty sounding #anyways. enough me blabbing sorry sorry lol

[duckmumbo]

I thought his base plans looked a lot like asymmetrical sunglasses and it refused to leave my brain so

Day 19 of my ”mumbo doodle a day” series!

#I really wanted to make this like a fully finished drawing #but that ended up not happening and I needed something to post today #so I compromised with a nice clean colored sketch <3 #I actually really like it lol #I think he can rock the asymmetrical glasses look #ok tag time #roy talks #roy’s art #mumbo #mumbo fanart #a mumbo a day #hermitcraft fanart #hermitcraft #mcyt fanart #mumbo jumbo #mumbo jumbo fanart #that’s enough tags maybe #also don’t ask what the glasses are resting on #thats Not my business ok

[zanathan-aisling]

mary doesn’t know what a gay person is enough to be homophobic towards gary

#ib spoilers #(written after All Of This: Apologies for the brain vomit.) #this eventually turns into a screed against liking sibling ships LMFAO #ok now the tags begin: #thats the only thing stopping her #(semi-joking. like lol heehee mary hostility moments but. honestly i'm not sure she even dislikes him particularly????????) #(like. replaying the game. she's more frustrated than anything at him + obviously thinks the 'bunnies' are cute) #(she doesn't HATE the guy and has some sorta warped affection for 'im in that 'rips up your heart flower in a loves-me-not game' way but.) #(still clearly sees him as an Obstacle more than anything. a means to an end.) #(jealous of ib's trust in him in their dysfunctional three-person found family dynamic BECAUSE SHE CAN ONLY CONTEXTUALIZE #HER BABY-BRAIN AFFECTION FOR IB AS A SISTERLY THING BC WRAPPING THIS AROUND SHE DOES NOT FUCKING KNOW WHAT A GAY PERSON IS #also for the record i said this before but i Do Not Ship Them!!! and frankly mary would move on by the time she realizes what being gay actu #actually is. she's like 9 and ib was the first girl she met in her age group. we aren't having any funny buisiness here thats gross. #i. hate explaining that every fucking time i bring this up but i cannot stress enough how unwelcome *those* sorts of shipping-brains are. #it sucks. i just want to discuss the definitely-embarrassing-to-her- #.-later-in-life motives of the human sacrificing painting girl and insinuate she's gay without the precident of FREAKS getting wierd aboutit #ANYWAYS CITRUS FUCKING *SUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS* AND IF YOU SUPPORT FICTIONALIZED GLORIFICATIONS OF STEP-SIBLING SHIT DIE fJHKSDHGLKJSDG #*cough* anyways but yeah mary doesn't know what a gay person is

[deelovesbooks]

My uncle was sharing the fucking Facebook posts of "it's not happy holidays it's MERRY CHRISTMAS SHARE IF U AGREE" and the temptation to just rock up to family jesusmas and only say happy holidays this year is so so strong

#let it be known that i come by my pettiness honestly #there is a non zero chance that my mom is gonna ensure that one member of our family is missing from Christmas and all holidays #bc of drama that happened at Thanksgiving last month 😂 #and there have also been other moments of pettiness also related to this side of family christmas #of my oma (step dads mom) asking my mom to tone it down with the gifts to the other grandkids bc she feels shown up #of which i believe my moms internal response and then what we talked about was essentially fuck u imma do it even more now #like my cousins dont care if oma gives them 20 and auntie gives them like 30 or 40 they just go sweet money #but oh man thanksgiving was just drama basically about getting a family picture together with everone bc #'this could be the last time were all together' which resulted in im assuming most of us going ok whos dying in like 3 months?? #bc its not like anyone is on their deathbed currently and we all live close to eachother relatively farthest away is just under 2 hrs #and the grandparents are only in young 70s not like theyre 99 and holding on for dear life #like yeah sure accidents happen and people die thats just life but we tend not to bring that up when leaving a family gathering #and then a majority of us grandkids are old enough to look at eachother like 👀😶 #im an adult and we got ages 12-16 sequentially for 6 out of 10 and then a like 10 8 5 and 3 make up the rest #anyways ill probably make sure to enunciate at least one happy holidays this year lol #me #my textposts #jesusmas #i think i actually have a tag for that