#ok so some context! tags are out of the way i can talk now lol

[czarojay]

when you're punk but your wife is pink

#stardew valley #sam stardew valley #sdv sam #sdv fanart #fanart #art #stardew valley fanart #jade canvas #ok so some context! tags are out of the way i can talk now lol #My friend is The Pinkest Girl i know. I dont know anyone as pink as she is. #she's all pink #her wardrobe is pink #her hair was dyed light pink for a whilefor a while #she is super pink #and we play stardew together #and she is indeed married to sam and she is DOWN BAD for him #which is very funny cause i hc him as like! skate punk lolol #but yes if she could she would dress him up in-game as pink i imagine HAHHAA #i sent this to her before posting it and she was in a lecture and just started giggling while sitting right in front of the professor #was so hyped she actually listened the rest of the lecture #so AYYY PINK SAM FOR THE PROGRESS OF BIOTECHNOLOGY WOO HOO

[ballcrusher74]

hello. are you. perhaps 👉👈 willing to talk about the inspector/faux. ive only seen cool arts and no context so im rather curious.

OK!!! I actually love rambling about my ocs so small questions like this make me day. I just get nervous LOL But! I will say, there's gonna probably be a bit I'm leaving out because it does involve my friends' characters and it's still an on-going thing atm (we tend to roleplay on lethal company as our guys. btw the oc group is called Cleanup Crew ! it explains the recent reblogs and new tags I've added on posts with this guy) AND this does also involve my own little interpretations of in-game mechanics and other things, but otherwise, I'll get the rest of him down!

Inspector, also originally known by the name of Terrance Conroy (or Terry), was a typical scavenger working under 'The Company' after a couple rough times on his home planet. (This information isn't necessarily set in stone, but the idea of him being a washed-up rock star before quitting his passion to get a job that pays his rent has been bouncing around in my brain.) He used to be a normal guy, trying to find a little hope in his desperate situation, and was a social butterfly. He tend to bounce from crew to crew, sometimes staying in some for only a couple days, and some for months. He was a very careful man, and looked out for his fellow crew members.

And then, one day, his first death on the job happens.

But instead of being greeted by a bright white light at the end of a tunnel, or complete pitch darkness, he appears on the ship again- completely physically fine.

This.. confuses him at first, yet he continues on.

And then he dies again. And again, and again. Over and over, the more deaths he's endured, the more he comes to a morbid realization that he can't truly die, nor can those around him. He tries to keep this truth hidden away from the others, as they seem to not have mentioned it at all before. He remembers everything. Every time he was ripped to shreds by an eyeless dog, every time he blew up into pieces from a landmine, every time he was shot multiple times, every time he was left behind or ejected as part of the disciplinary process- He felt it all and remembered it all. This goes on for the course of years (around 8-10 roughly) and over that course of time, he begins to grow very careless. What's the point of saving someone if they'll just come back? What's the use of tears when you're only a couple dollars off quota with a shovel in hand?

What's the point of it all? And with that carelessness comes selfishness into the picture. With how long he's been stuck in the cycle, he has become a very manipulative person, putting up a playful and nice persona on the outside- almost sickeningly sweet- in order to help other's do his bidding. He believes that if he were to cause so much chaos, disorder, and disruption within a crew, to where it's like animals mauling each other apart, he'd be able to break free from it himself. He doesn't care anymore about leaving others behind. He's desperate at this point to find a way out. Faux, who is an alter ego / disguise for Inspector, ties more into the on-going events right now, but I can give a basic rundown on his personality. He's a klutzy and quiet man, typically only talking to others when it's just him and them, and nobody else around, playing himself off as a selective mute. Since this is just Inspector in a jazzy little jester outfit, he still possesses all the traits of that man, just hidden away as to not blow his cover. He's still tugging on the strings in some way, people just don't realize. Sure, he's off putting and just a tad bit strange, but how can a goofy man like that be terrifying?

WOOOW ok that's a lot more typing than expected, but here's also a couple fun facts about the guy !

He stands at 6 feet and 1 inch, and is a very lanky guy compared to others, but this wasn't always the case. He used to just stand at 5 feet and 6 inches, and had more normal human proportions. With how many times he has died and how long it's been of the cycle, it has fucked up his appearance a LOT. Other things include : his 'skin' being grey, his voice constantly sounding like it's coming from a walkie talkie, no visible neck, his face becoming the helmet itself (it still bleeds, but there's nothing in there), and inhumanly flexible.

The only thing left of him that represents his last strand of humanity, is a singular, dim eye behind the tape on his visor.

He is very much not a rational man anymore. He is quick to jump to things, and won't hesitant with his actions.

When waiting to return from death, he is able to manifest in someone's head as a disembodied voice, and will typically mock them, or try and manipulate them further. In this state, he can see everything through the eyes of the person he's haunting. ^ Fun fact about this! This was originally based off a stupid bit where my friend was streaming LC to me with other buddies on the game and I kept telling them to step on landmines and then kill someone for a promotion, and then Inspector was born!

and UH I think that's about it I have for the guy atm! If the rest of the cleanup crew gets dropped than I'll update this accordingly perhaps. As of right now, enjoy my oc slop 👍

#lethal company #lethal company oc #oc #cleanup crew #that inspector that i hate #render

[cerealmonster15]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

ty for the tag @unpredictable-probabilities! I don't usually do tag things but I'm feeling an exception today and I want to ramble lol let's GO!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Right now, 51! I think i started using ao3 back in college with rvb fic lol. I've since orphaned 2 fics so I guess there wouldve been 53.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

86,956

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now, mostly just Twisted Wonderland (and the occasional dndads, I still have a fic in my brain I kinda wanna write for that). Twst was kinda my comeback to wanting to write fics and has been my main inspiration for a lot of things and it's been the most fun i've had writing fics I think, and it's eventually what's gotten me to try to write my first multi chapter fic.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Slip Ups and Lift Ups (Stardew Valley) 444 Kudos 2. A Fishy Intervention (TWST) 354 Kudos 3. Company (TWST) 249 Kudos 4. Security Cauldron (TWST) 248 Kudos [my first twst fic i think? also has some errors in it teehee oopsie] 5. Because I Care (TWST) 234 Kudos

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes!!! I think I didn't used to? Maybe because I felt weird about my own comments changing the comment count and like it was somehow lying lol. but that's silly and i like talking to people and I Need people to Know that i Love Their Comments

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hmmm I do not write much angst, and even when I do it's more hurt/comfort, bc permasads make ME permasad. I think it was my rvb fic "forgotten" - which i always forget was my first fic uploaded to ao3 LOL, back in 2015. ironic that my first wasnt reflective of the tone i usually write for. i don't wanna reread it to check [even tho my fics from back then are WAY shorter] bc im scared to face how i wrote when i was fresh outta hs lol BUT if i remember correctly/based on the summary, it was a doc/donut fic and I think it was about how after doc had disappeared from the future cube or whatever in canon and no one knew he was gone, i wrote a scene of doc getting upset with donut bc Of All People Why Didnt You Notice I Thought I Meant Something To You 😔 kdlsjfkdlsj i think it ended with doc walking off and donut being SAD and idk maybe they broke up, idr if they were 'officially dating' in the context of that fic. but um hashtag docnut for life.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most all of my fics are happy endings with an exception of like one ^ or two lol. I don't know if i can quantify those!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not to my face if I do lol. I don't think enough people know about me to give a shit if i do stuff they dont like

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nope!!!! i dont really like smut personally and it's not the kind of genre i have story ideas for.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't think i've ever done that 🤔

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that I know of!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

girl help i cannot choose. um. well first shout out again to rvb's docnut bc u will always be strong and married in my heart. and in dndads im an oakworthy truther til i die BUT for twst. twst beloved twst i am in that pitfall of i like 50000 different ships. jamiazu is the one i write and draw the most LOL and theyre def a top fave HOWEVER. god. treycater alters my brain chemistry. rookvil marriage real. adeuce beloved fool duo for life. im physically restraining myself from mentioning more KLFJDSKLFJS especially when we get into the multiship/poly web bc god we will be here all day. i can and will be enabled but this post is already long enough GOODBYE!!!!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oooh ok well there was a dndads oakworthy thing I started like last year but pretty soon after I started it, we started seeing more of hermies forbidden other 'true' personality traits and i was like ruh roh this guy keeps pulling a fast one on me, i dont think the direction i had with this fic is fitting anymore. i had barely gotten anywhere with it and it wouldve been short anyway, but i think about what couldve been.... lololol and then for TWST umm. Hehe. Teehee even. Back during nanowrimo I used that as time to start 2 fics: kalim and the great relationship rescue, which is my current multichap fic about kalisil and jamiazu, it’s got about 3 chapters, and I’m still writing it. AND IM STILL GOING TO FINISH THAT ONE!!! but the OTHER one I started during that time and have NOT posted any of it yet was the stuff with my first twst oc, Char, and his place in my big caterella multiverse ideas lol. I’ve posted a bit about that story idea and done a lot of doodles and brianstorming for it, but I fear it would be too intimidatingly ambitious to stick to and I’m not sure writing one concrete fic is the right medium for it 🤔 plus I just don’t think many people would like it much LOL it would be very self indulgent and tapping into my soap opera brain. I feel nervous when I talk about it HAHDBFNTG so I’m not sure I could commit. But I still have what I wrote, and maybe I’ll figure out another way to go with it or maybe I’ll just wake up one day and say WHATEVER and write it anyway lol. I’ve gotten shyer again so we’ll see 🧍

16. What are your writing strengths?

umm. i do not know if it is a strength but i feel more light comedy and dialogue come more 'naturally' to me, but i do not know how well i actually can pull it off LOL also shorter, contained stories. Everything I write is a one shot, and I’m struggling on my recent attempt at a multiple chapter fic BDBFFBFNGD

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

hrhrnrngm more descriptive writing, i find im in the pitfalls of writing TOO MUCH dialogue. and i also feel like when i try to do more serious tone things it comes off as cringe or trying too hard kFDKLSHFLDSJ. no one's said that to me but yknow. fear and whatnot. also ending the story is. Hard. I feel like that’s always a weak part of my fics bc I sit there like WELL I WROTE ALL MY IDEAS HOW DO I WRAP THIS UP…. I worry my endings come off kind of half assed but I do my best lol 😔✌️

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

like are you asking if i would do it? or how i feel when it's done in fics i read? i dunno lol. i could maybe do spanish bc ive studied it a lot but i'd get nervous i think.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

on ao3 it was rvb bu teeeechnically back in my neoseeker forums days i was in there writing like, animal crossing or harvest moon or pokemon stuff. it was very bad bc i was like 10 years old LOL

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

ohoho ummmm. Well I always have fun writing jamiazu and I’ve written a LOT of those lol. I have a soft spot for The Comfort of Familiarity. That’s one of the ones hats taken me the longest to write because I was really trying hard to handle it with care, as it was a less light tone than I typically do and I was trying to explore the characters and their situation in a particular way that I really wanted to come across well with who reads it. It was hard, and I’m not sure I fully got there, but ultimately I did like it quite a a bit. on the flipside, one of my more recent fics and I think now my longest oneshot to date, Blue Raspberry Mango was VERY fun to write lol. That one’s a lot more like what I typically write, silly romcom style lmao. Cater and Idia goofing, characters bickering, friendship, me trying to sneak in as many side ships into the background for funsies, jamiazu is there, it was a good time. And that one started as a prompt suggestion which I feel like often times I end up struggling with and not delivering super well… but this one ran away from me and I had a blast lol. Idikei fixed me 😌✌️

Ty for tagging me! Umm. I am too scared to tag other people 🧍 goodbye jk @officialgleamstar 🫵 You Do It

[sorry if I missed any typos or autocorrect, part of this was on my phone and I always miss SOMETHING lol]

#I don’t know what to tag this as lol #It’s not an ask but I’m gonna put it there bc it fits the vibe #Asks

[digitalcockroach]

Hang on hang on your tags on "reverse queerbaiting" are excellent, please if you have the energy go into more detail on them doing "fanfic" romance tropes vs true romance tropes bc I think that's Exactly what I haven't been able to put into words

for context: POST: “I feel like we're almost in an era of like, reverse queerbaiting. Used to be that you'd be tricked into watching a show because the story implied there'd be gay rep, but now they're using gay rep to trick you into thinking there'll be a story.” TAGS: #tbh :/ #all the gay shows are pandering to like not even regular romance tropes but FANFIC tropes #and it's hollow af

Ok let me see if I can get my thoughts into some kind of order on this lol 

I mean to use the most egregious offender as an example, let’s talk about Good Omens s2. Like we come from s1 and the book which operate on a huge scale of time and across the globe with world ending stakes, even when it’s focused on Tadfield or London. There is a whole cast of characters outside of Aziraphael and Crowly with their own motives and agendas that intersect with each other and you can imagine existing before and after the story being told. Then we enter s2 and they’re all gone. God is gone. It’s Aziraphael and Crowley, Gabriel (and Beelzebub), and their neighbors who exist purely to be a Functional Couple oppose A+Cs dysfunctionality. This is kind of the first sin of fanfiction in this case, the world gets smaller and shallower and so do the characters within it. It’s all just feels like props and dressing to get two characters together. The whole Gabe and Beelzebub thing? The only reason I didn’t “see it coming” is because I thought there was no way they would just rip straight from the crackships of AO3 because I have READ THAT PLOT BETWEEN THESE CHARACTERS TWENTY TIMES JUST LIKE THIS. 

Gomens s2 and also the other big recent Gay Shows, Our Flag Means Death and What We Do In The Shadows, really fuckin abuse fanfic tropes to death in more specific ways too though like - a sassy lesbian couple to set the oblivious gays straight, a will-they-wont-they with completely forgone conclusion, everyone is a shy sensitive guy even when they’re ruthless killers everyone is kind of stupid and woobie and seconds from crying all over their soft little love interest, everyone talking in this self actualized therapy speak - SO much very direct TELLING and the SHOWING is just eyecandy, fanservice. The second sin the formulaic predictability and the third is prioritizing fanservice/shipping over storytelling. 

Because that’s the main thing I think? These shows - which I wanna be clear I liked at least at some point but have gotten really disappointed by as they continue - feel like they don’t have a story to tell. They’re just vehicles to get a Gay Couple together, regardless of character consistency or the way more interesting things implied going on in the world around them, and they just shed more and more detail and quality and idk variety? as the main ship’s relationship progresses and the world narrows further and further. It becomes boring, one-note. 

And to cover my bases here I don’t want to be misconstrued as believing these things can’t be or aren’t also true of straight romance shows (or movies, books, whatever) because I think we’ve all seen plenty of Boring Straight Romance, and I am being somewhat generalizing for the sake of what brevity I can accomplish here. But I think the noticeable thing with specifically these new queer romance shows is that they are being aimed at and HEAVILY pandering to yknow 18 - 30 year old chronically online fandom queers because people like Niel Gaiman and Taika Waititi and whathaveyou have witnessed first hand (and made a lot of money from) the absolute frenzy this AO3 donating demographic with go into over this exact kind of content. 

In short, people figured out you can make more money off of really dedicated weirdos with bad taste than you can writing something with depth and substance.

Not everything can be as good as Homestuck I guess!

#that last part is a joke no one come for me #i hope this makes any fucking sense im really bad at putting my thoughts into words #ok to rb

[bluewinnerangel]

right back at ya cowboy

Omg ella I'm so sorry I was gonna do this "later" and then it got buried. OK. I clicked. EDIT: I JUST FOUND THIS IN MY DRAFTS IM DOUBLE SORRY lol imma expose my ramble draft

[So in case someone's reading this thinking ???? we sometimes throw a spinning wheel of songs at each other and then just go rambling yelling analysing whatever it gives back. I've kept track with this tag, feel free to copy any of them wheels links and go off or bug someone with it actually pls do]

Oh you mean that song I for some reason like some total idiot put on first thing in the morning and just bawl my eyes out, you know when its so early you're just so vulnerable and everything feels raw and there's no thoughts just something primal happens and it's me drowning myself in this song and then the day can start I guess am I fine nobody knows. It's now my Saturday morning ritual where before coffee I see some sun and I just bawl there's something therapeutic about it. I'd recommend it. Just some sun some coffee brewin some confused pet wondering if you're OK yeah.

Anyway. The song I can place extremely easily in like "1d ended and it sucked" context, but it works with a lot. whatever I can think of him, or anyone, writing about, whatever it means to me. (general Louis' songwriting ramble incoming:) I'm looking at FITF differently compared to Walls and previous work and he's approached it differently, I feel like what he's been saying about his discography fits that as well. I think (this is a mash of what i think to hear in his lyrics and in interviews, so heavy paraphrasing:) before he had this idea he should be writing where the whole thing makes sense to be about this one situation/idea and it has to be about him too and sure perhaps a context might have been written around it, but i think in the past hes been pretty perfectionist on having every single line fit the thing he was thinking of what that song is, and now thats no longer the case. Now it's whatever works, whatever hits, feels, does it. It doesn't matter one thought/situation flows into another.

I guess that was a long rambley way of saying I wanna do line by line lyric analyses of his stuff but I don't know how to make that work as it did previously, for me at least. But on the other by temporarily running with one interpretation and seeing what you can find in the lines can really help see more angles, bring more depth to the line, and consider other meanings and stuff so.. idk not much wrong with it. I wanna do that too I think. This is I guess A Promise I'll do a Holding On To Heartache lyric breakdown. At Some Point. :D

But I think his choices of words and soundscapes and perhaps all them being little references are just wonderful. I cherish it so much. I'm slightly afraid he did the same in Perfect Now (like after seeing a web of possible perfect now lyrical referencing that song did become one of my favs as I love that idea like it gives so much more body depth meaning whatever to a song to me even if not on purpose lol its not even relevant at that point anymore anyway) and long term didn't value it much so now I'm afraid my new little more poppy fav will be his new neglected child but time will tell. Just... have an itch. Rip. EDIT yeah that itch got worse because of the track by track we got now.. it's got that bit about HOTH being a poppy one and the way he's talking about it sigh i feel him but sigh also hes sigh i dont wannt start that discourse over that shit so no. but itch. I uh... luckily don't let how I interpret his reactions to his own songs affect the way I feel about his own songs haha brainpayne this.

ok ok ok last ramble it sounds so fucking liquid? so wet?? how do I explain this why does it sound w e t EDIT: help me he said the sound is like a guitar under water like he's drowning it's flooding we're in a puddle of tears this song, it's what makes me bawl I think, because the song sounds like bawling, and your cheeks are puffed up and we,t and you find a moment of quiet and stare up at the sky with your wet lashes exhausted defeated but you're still here you're still breathing. Also the bridge with the "space between us just comes FLOODING back" at the end of it, it's not the bit that hits the hardest in an obvious way, instead it kinda gets overlooked a way, theres no moment to sit and waddle in the SHIT FLOODING BACK RIGHT THERE it just goes right into the quiet bit again,there's no time given to recover from getting crushed by the wavesm and it just does something to me... I can't leave that bit as the little end of a big thought it sounds like, but the way its sung... time just keeps ticking and we're at the end. I'm almost sure that wasn't intentional and like @ me why focus on this of all the overwhelm that's in this song, but that just feels like a reflection of the feeling I get from this song, you're just fucking sitting there in the middle of this overwhelming ache these waves of hurt and shit just moves on and youre just there stuck there with but i wasn't done? But I guess I should be? Like there's no room for me drowning in this even more but I feel like I need to still?

ramble out.

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

ok its been literally 15 minutes since the finale ended and im getting off the TOH tag.

I am SO DISAPPOINTED in a certain side of this fandom.

it took less than FIFTEEN MINUTES to see enough "lollllll lumity went canon and huntlow didn't, get WRECKED YOU STINKY STRAIGHTS LOL BURY UR GAYS UNO REVERSE LMAOOOOO HOW DOES IT FEEL NASTY ICKY BAD STRAIGHT SHIPPERS" posts to make me actually consider whether I'd rather the show have had a sad ending.

not bc of huntlow, i ship it but never put any hope or weight on it going canon. I'm not "anti-lumity" or whateverthefuck, I don't really think about ships that much in 99.9% of fandoms.

...yall are just extremely fucking

IMMATURE.

I'm queer. I understand how much pain we've dealt with even SOLELY in terms of media rep. I even understand the glee at the concept of "straightbaiting" actually being a thing that happened here.

I also understand the EXTREMELY JUSTIFIED concern and anger around some parts of the fandom seeming to abandon the BIPOC WLW main character/main ship in favor of the Sad Greasy White Boy Of The Week And His White Straight Girlfriend.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND why so many "fans" are taking this EXTREMELY POSITIVE, LITERALLY GROUNDBREAKING and immediately turning it against their fellow fans. All this amazing rep, characterization, EVERYTHING and you still find a way to be cruel to your fellow fans.

this isn't a contest.

Lumity is canon.

Huntlow is not.

Huntlow was not a focus of the finale.

I can guarantee you that after that finale, NOBODY was thinking about Huntlow until yall started being fucking mean about it.

YOU brought up the thing you claimed to want the fandom to stop focusing on, for the SINGULAR PURPOSE of enacting some sort of "revenge" on shippers that you projected a whoooole lot of Racism, Homophobia, and Evil onto, despite:

Bi Hunter, Transmasc Hunter, Transfemme Willow, and T4T Huntlow all being EXTREMELY popular hcs/themes in and out of shipping context

A fair chunk of the fandom seeing Willow as BIPOC/East Asian -coded

ALL of the masc presenting queers w parental and/or religious trauma who have spoken out about how seen they feel bc of Hunter

I'm not saying Hunter was a perfect character. He definitely wasn't the main character, or even close.

I'm saying that yall have demonized this part of the fandom SO MUCH that after THAT FINALE.

*THAT. FINALE.*

your FIRST INSTINCT was to ATTACK THEM

over the SHIP (I REPEAT MYSELF) THAT YOU SAID YOU WANTED PPL TO STOP TALKING ABOUT.

I was having a really fun, good, genuine amazing time freaking my shit over Titan!Luz, and Lumity, and Raeda, and King and The Collector and TITAN LUZ!!!!!

yknow. all the stuff the finale was actually about.

and now I'm thinking mainly of huntlow (or at least the discourse around it), angry, and extremely sad that my experience of this finale has been ruined

and that this fandom is the latest to fall into the trap of "blame other fans for actual systemic oppression, regardless of whether or not they are actually upholding it."

I don't know how to get it through your heads that a heavily T4T-headcanoned, likely biracial-coded ship that is CANONICALLY a healing narrative for trauma survivors

is not fucking reylo.

this Evil In Fandom you're angry at 1000% exists but it sure as fuck isn't here.

unless there's a Secret Second Huntlow Fandom That Is Evil And Racist And Hates Lumity that idk abt, this is just a group of sad queer kids sitting next to your own group of sad queer kids

and despite me seeing ZERO ACTUAL HUNTLOW COMMENTS ABOUT THE FINALE * AT ALL *

you, whatever side of the fandom is doing this (I honestly don't know who is making these posts) aren't proving, winning, fixing or righting anything

you're going over to another side of the fandom whose ship didnt go canon

and with ZERO PROVOKATION

you're making them feel like shit for it.

why???

WHY??????

yall "won". you won as much as you can possibly win here. everybody loves the finale. nobody is giving anything but overwhelming love, happy tears, joy and awe to "your" win.

but you still felt the need to make sure someone, somewhere, knew that they "lost".

sry im just so angry at this rn. i was having so much fun. what the fuck is this kind of behavior supposed to prove?

also btw to be clear this is NOT DIRECTED AT ALL OR MOST LUMITY SHIPPERS, LUZ STANS, ETC. ITS NOT EVEN DIRECTED AT "HUNTLOW-ANTIS" EXCEPT THE *SPECIFIC PEOPLE* WHO CHOSE TO USE THE FINALE TO BASH ON OTHERS.

AS FOR THOSE SPECIFIC PEOPLE:

YOU SUCK!!!!!! Thanks for ruining this fantastic experience for me by being a piece of shit on main over some "shipper" crap im not even in.

#toh spoilers #the owl house spoilers #vent #rant #fandom wank #discourse #Literally What The Fuck #shit like this makes it so much easier for ACTUAL PEOPLE IN POWER to write off queer narratives and fanbases #theres also legit no point #nobody is attacking yall in the toh fandom ok???? #i was having FUN #AND NOW I WANT TO CRY #NOT BC OF SHIPS #BUT BC PPL ARE BEING SO MEAN LITERALLY JUST TO BE MEAN #im blocking ship tags from now on methinkd #Grow. Up. #angry post #long post #longpost

[emcscared-whumps]

Ok I just have some Thoughts tonight about my taste in whump, and uh, I wanted to talk about it a bit in the whump space rather than my poor friend's dm lol (hi!!)

I was wondering if anyone else is also like this, or if it's just me (details in the rest of this accidentally long post lol). If you have a moment spare, please leave your thoughts in the notes/tags ^-^

So, as I have mentioned maybe a couple of times before on this blog, probably not many times (idk), that I'm actually suuuuper super squeamish

As in,

I could cut my finger a bit and actually pass out, and have done before (from a mere prick to my thumb) ^-^'

There's the context, now back to the point

It took me a while to ever figure out that I was ever into whump despite liking many shows that are generally considered whumpy in this community, like Daredevil or various other superhero movies and shows and stuff. I was probably about 17 when I first figured out "whump" was the word from it (from Tumblr posts reposted to Pinterest), then it took a little while after that to seek it out (as I was still in school suffering)

But, most of what I'd watched that was whumpy were live action/thriller/sci-fi movies, which, don't get me wrong, are still likable and enojyable to me!

Just not all that whumpy

But as soon as I started watching anime of similar genres, well, that's where it got interesting (whumpy, lmao)

But I think tonight really pointed out to me that "yeah, yeah I was right about thinking my preference was for animated/drawn/written whump"

So, Back In The Day, when I was at highschool (years 7 (12yo's) to 12 (17yo's) btw, I was maybe 14/15 at the time...?), there was an anime club hosted by my Japanese language teachers. It was pretty cool, but somehow, they managed to get away with putting on a good chunk of Tokyo Goul

I don't know HOW, but they did lmao

And I thought it was a very neat anime

I was very invested in little Kaneki and found his suffering immensely entertaining (I looooove the turned "monster" (or creature) trope), so that first couple of episodes left an impression on me

Now, the fun thing was that the club was during one of the lunch breaks, so, if you didn't want to starve in fourth and fith periods, you needed to eat something while watching the anime

Cool!

Except, apparently, for most people while watching Tokyo Goul lmao, and that's understandable because it was Very Bloody and heavy on the screams ^-^

Surprisingly enough, I did not have an issue, and I mucnhed away on my bikkies and sammies peacefully watching Kaneki's shit get wrecked

Tonight though. Yeah, that was a time.

My parents are currently watching Mr. Mercedes (the Netflix adaption I believe), in the dining room together, so VAGUE SPOILERS FOR MR. MERCEDES AHEAD, because this involves it

It's dinner time, I'm also at the dining table watching idly while texting and eating dinner, and this poor poor lady dies of arsenic poisoning, very graphically

And it was just awful to see, genuinely sickening and it really, really made it tough to eat, I had to slow down because I was pretty fucking squicked out... very... Yeah I felt a bit sick in the stomach

I mean, props to the actors and actresses and all the special effects/makeup/props artists and everyone involved because it was incredibly convincing and well performed

But FUCK it was gruesome

And it made me remember how icky I can find some live action whump gif sets and stuff like that, and it's solidified in my mind as perhaps something to avoid

I remember this one gifset of a knife getting trailed across someone's skin, not cutting, but the way it caught set my skin absolutely crawling

Ah, it's a bit of a long read, but! Thanks if you got to the end!

But yeah, I'd love to know if it's just me, or if other people are like this ^-^' Because live action whump is very popular and I feel like everyone here likes it in some (whumpy) capacity lol

#whump #whump community #whump meta #i guess??? #my whump tastes probably #whumpblr #pinterest whump #(a sammie is slang for a sandwich just btw just if it was confusing) #Tokyo Goul #Mr. Mercedes #Mr. Mercedes spoilers #live action whump

[smokedanced]

ok i have officially finished playing me3 (and taken -2000 emotional damage)

putting this under a cut but generally speaking if you want to avoid mass effect spoilers you probably should just mute the entire muse tags because, well, important plot points do come up in my writing/edits, but i’ll be nice since i’m talking about literal ending of the trilogy

in my shep’s context, specifically. i’m playing modded immediately after and among other things i’m gonna mod the ending, but for now, final choice for my shepard & reasoning:

i think the collective fandom agrees that that all the possible endings are bullshit, but let me break down wren’s reasoning for why for her canon i go with destroy & shepard lives (well, lol, other than the obvious that it’s the only canonical to the game ending where she survives, but it’s not like she takes that into consideration)

at first glance, would synthesis seem like the ideal solution? maybe, but she’d be literally rewriting people’s dna without their consent? and even if she’d risk it, she doesn’t have a single good reason to just trust the catalyst. for all she knows it’s essentially just a fancy reaper consensus.

control was never gonna be a thing (she got more renegade points interacting with the illusive man than anything else in the game lolol) after already rejecting it due to the uncertainty of was it ever going to actually work. and literally for all she knows, too, the catalyst could be just some sophisticated way to indoctrinate her, anyway. she goes with what she’s striven to do, she won’t just change up her plan when all she has is the word of one random entity. if she was sure it wasn’t lying to her, synthesis probably would have been it, but she can’t know.

very obviously she is not going to refuse to choose at all. (would i personally curl up and refuse to choose? probably, but she’s motherfucking lieutenant commander, she makes tough choices for a living.)

so, destroy the reapers and you’re rid of them for good. sacrificing edi and the geth would tear her apart (the quarians and the geth cooperate in her timeline and she considers synthetics as alive as organics are), but that brings me to...

i don’t give two shits about unmodded canon, the catalyst is lying: edi and the geth survive. we see reapers and reaper-controlled creatures (like the husk) wiped out entirely by the beam but unless i was not paying attention enough (possible, emotional damage), did we ever see any geth actually wiped out? edi’s name is on the memorial wall, but hear me out, hear me the fuck out, we got massive damage on the mass relays and shit but this is all repairable. as far as i am concerned on my blog, edi and the geth also take massive damage but are repairable. edi survives destroy, so do at least most of the geth, k thx

(and yeah, i’m flexible to adapting to my writing partner’s worldstates as long as i can make it make sense for my shepard and who she is as a person - if a destroy ending where all synthetics were wiped out is important to someone else’s portrayal, i’ll go with that.)

#; war has learned to fear her ❯ wren shepard ❪ about. ❫ #; wren shepard ❪ muse. ❫

[holdinbacksecrets]

okay i’m ready to answer your questions!

so i “named” my cat honey, short for honeybun. it fits her but it doesn’t feel like it’s for her if that’s makes sense? my mom once told me that everything loved deserves a name and i want something that really fits her. she’s laying on the pillow next to mine as i type this!

i made a tumblr to post my scenarios but i haven’t posted because i’m nervous to. i know i’ll be anon and no one will know unless i tell them it’s me but for some reason i feel like that’s such a scary step. i already made a tumblr just to post there and that was a pretty big step for me but it’s been MONTHS and i haven’t updated it. i need to hop on that soon.

what’s new in my life: i made a new friend at my job! she’s a volunteer and her smile is so bright! i now bring her snacks when i go to work. one of the other volunteers has started calling me the “snack lady”🤣i stay stocked up on snacks. earlier this week i took my mom to a dolphin encounter, where she got to meet, touch and feed a dolphin for the first time. i made another friend there and got to introduce her to some of my coworkers. it was so fun! also took a lot of photos. she had such a good day! i also found out that dolphins are NOT colorblind.. and after asking around(no one knew the answer so i used google😭) i found out that stingrays also aren’t colorblind! fascinating!! yesterday i had a pretty big shock. it’s not something i want to talk about though! and umm.. oh! i made myself a new minghao wallpaper❤️ i hope i didn’t miss anything😭how are YOU???

i hope i can word this right but you have such a way with words, and it’s just so beautiful. i think that’s why i send in requests and suggestions, because i know you’ll write it in that special way only you can. your style is so unique and stands out. i struggle to find that kind of writing style in others and i’m drawn to that style too; so i especially enjoy when you post anything at all.

ahhh, i see, and i think i get what you mean as well. is it still possible you’ll change it again? perhaps you need a little bit more time with her to land on the perfect name. in a previous ask, you described her as posh and deserving of a name fit for royalty, so i was honestly surprised to read that you’ve chosen honeybun. honeybun doesn’t strike me as posh.. more cute? that’s my opinion at least… if you don’t mind me sharing it >.<

i understand that it’s scary and daunting, but it gets easier after you start posting. the first time at anything is the hardest— it’s still unfamiliar, and you can’t be sure how it’ll go. however, i consider tumblr to be a safe place for sharing writing. furthermore, you could start by posting things and not even tagging any of it just to get yourself comfortable with the process and adjust to the feeling of sharing your writing. i remember when i first started posting fics in 2016. i was so inspired by the tumblr writers i was reading at that time and wanted to join in on the fun. because at the end of the day, it’s seriously so much fun.

omg you bring snacks 🥹 that’s so cute, and i couldn’t help but smile because this is something i’ve done as well. very wholesome. big “mom friend” energy lol. are dolphins your mom’s favorite animal? how did you land on visiting them specially? oh geez… i don’t know what to say about the big shock given the lack of context, which is obviously fine. you don’t have to tell me more than you’re comfortable with. i hope everything turns out ok. a minghao wallpaper 👏 nice. the pictures he posted yesterday/the day before yesterday(?) sent me into a tailspin

it’s less than a month until i graduate, so i’m pushing through the last of my assignments. i’m also job hunting… i hope i can find something full time and move out as soon as possible. i’m looking forward to finally having my own place and decorating it however i want to. i feel like my spirit gets a bit suppressed from living at home. if that makes sense. are you going to school?

oh my goodness 😭🥺 thank you so much for sharing kind words. ahhhh you’ve made my heart all warm and gooey >.< i will cherish your compliment, and it means so much to know you come to me specifically to send requests 😖🫂

#s talks #🐥 anon #there are sweethearts in this world

[cutemeat]

wait as a newish fan can you tell me how / why rob is misogynist? (like besides his weird things on the podcast lol idk if theres more) and also who is jordan lol

ok im gonna say first of all i was mostly just joking in those tags ur referring to KJNFGDKJ just as full disclosure before I dig into this any further. ..

that being said, me joking abt that stuff in regard to rob is bc it just seems like rob is insecure about how he's contributed to a shitty system and really screwed someone (jordan reid, aka the original Sweet Dee) over personally and after being made more aware of his place in contributing to said system he's overcompensating while he's working thru some of that.... and uh. in all honesty it's something that i find funny and make jokes about cuz i am also someone with an extremely fragile ego n it feels good to deflect and make fun of someone else for having a fragile ego LOL

so it seems like rob's talking on the podcast and in other interviews abt misogyny n trying to 'correct' himself or pulling out that fuckin button on the podcast for 'Solves the North Korea Situation'.... i think this ties into him reconnecting with Jordan (who, like i said, was the og sweet dee who got booted from the production at the last minute largely as result of her n rob breaking up n none of the other guys backing her up...) and basically writing the MQ ep A Dark Quiet Death about that whole situation and the falling out.. idk it just seems like. maybe having to reconcile the fact he has been A Part Of The Problem and an asshole has gotten to him n again it feels like he overcompensates for that in the pod n i like to exploit those insecurities im familiar with in my own ways for laughs LOL. but yknow... i am a 20 yr old unemployed HS drop out on tumblr dot com n hes got a nice mansion and successful career in the film industry so i dont feel like im gonna hurt any feelings here..

so with all that context out of the way: i dont think rob is Actually some raging misogynist ... and if he is I wouldn't know either way cuz I Dont Know The Guy! so def take what I say here with a grain of salt I am very often not being serious and bad at using tone indicators so I do apologize if any of it gets confusing kjndfgkjd. he def has been misogynistic in the ways a lot of men will be without rlly thinking much of it (think dennis' obliviousness to how insane some of his logic about women sounds on sunny, but maybe less predatory but again idk the guy lol) but as of now he seems like he's more aware of that n better late than never n all that!

(once again.. a lot of my opinions here are mostly based in my own experiences and emotions projected onto people and situations I have only heard accounts of in articles/blog posts/podcasts n interviews so def keep that in mind. don't take me as the authority on anything lol. google 'jordan reid' + 'always sunny' and read thru her old blog posts about the situation if u are so inclined and draw your own conclusions! but like i said it's a mostly interpersonal thing between two ppl i dont know and it doesnt seem like there's much bad blood on that interpersonal level anymore rather than anger with a system that failed her. that being said its def a part of the shows history that shouldn't just be forgotten or discarded as it is apart of a larger issue anyway. srry this is all so messy if it wasnt obvious by how badly i am at talking abt this stuff i feel weird talking about strangers lives even celebs but yknow. tbh if i wanna make jokes abt this shit i should be prepared to explain myself anyway. like god im so bad at talking abt any of it seriously but i always wanna know all the dirt cuz I'm so fuckin nosy I love drama n gossip and Backstory!!!)

+ this is an older article that sorta sums up the events n links to her blogpost about it!

#pretty sure The Gang Gets a New Member was a first attempt at addressing this situation #but the DQD episode is much more obvious with what its about n honestly done a little better cuz its clearer lol #in summary: parker has NO CLUE what the fuck theyre talking about and it SHOWS!

[betelguwuse]

I’m starting to think maybe I don’t want to get married. Hypothetically I’d love to be in a godly marriage with a man who respects me and sees me as the person that God does (and not only me but women as a whole), but realistically do christian men like that even exist? Mainstream christianity, especially gender discourse, is so watered down and twisted into something that’s more political than biblical. I feel like this is gonna piss off both the christians and feminists, even though I’m both (though some might say I’m not a real feminist, whatever idc lol). Might also tag as Side B because I feel like this is also maybe a Side B mood? But here goes.

Color coded by vague topic, bolded so it’s easier to read.

Like I recently heard of a pastor being criticized for saying it’s a woman’s duty to look good for her husband, and the boomer conservatives were acting like criticisms of this pastor was the end of christianity. There’s no way “looking good” in a biblical sense was anything more than basic hygiene, nowhere near the beauty standards of today; and that is if the idea of looking good for your husband is even in the bible. These people siding with the pastor were saying that any woman who doesn’t shave or hide her “flaws” with makeup or basically completely embody the tradwife meme are bad wives. Like what the literal hell.

Honestly the entire tradwife aesthetic seems to be the goal for a lot of young christian couples, when it’s not inherently biblical. I used to be into it myself because heck yeah staying home, housekeeping, taking care of children, and wearing cute flowery dresses sounds like a dream. But my goals aren’t universal! Some women don’t want kids. Some women want to work. Good and God-honoring women of the bible didn’t all have kids and stay home. I mean the timeline of the bible spans so long, so yeah maybe there were times when most women did. But that doesn’t mean women who didn’t were bad wives or lesser women. Not to mention there’s such a blurred line currently between cute tradwife lifestyle and creeps who fetishize the idea of a traditional (and by traditional they mean submissive) wife. Gross.

Another thing too many christian men do is say women can’t be in any position of power in the church. There is the whole specific issue of whether or not women should be the highest up actual pastor of the church, and I don’t know enough about that whole debate to validate or debunk it, but I’m not talking about that specifically here. Aside from that one position, a lot of christians think women can only teach other women and girls but not guys, even like literal child boys. That’s so weird, like imagine thinking a little boy has more authority than, or even equal to, a grown woman? Couldn’t be me. And this whole idea comes from an out of context “I do not permit women to speak in the church” from a regular human guy. And the reason he said this was that the women around him were spreading heresy. I still think it’s flawed logic to exclude all women from speaking in that situation just because most of them were wrong, but again, this wasn’t a command from God. This was just a guy recording his church experience and doing his flawed human best to manage it. Various women throughout the actual bible outside of this one leader’s timeline held positions of power in various churches. And modern day american christian men think biblical womanhood is all about subservience? Bro what bible are you reading?

I just want to make it clear that these are all just generalizations, but having been in various actual biblical communities and conservative christian communities, I can kinda pick up on the general sexist behaviors of the latter. But unfortunately in today’s political climate more and more young christians are only being exposed to political opinions that are surface level americanized good christian morals, but not actually biblical.

Even on top of that, even if a man knows of these biblical misconceptions, we live in a society. Like we’re constantly exposed to women’s sexualization, and it’s pretty impossible to escape that. I don’t want to spend my life with someone who’s grown up in a world where women are seen as weak, objects, pleasure machines, etc. And yeah we can unlearn these biases (honestly I hate the word unlearn but I can’t think of a substitute rn), but it feels like a hassle to casually figure out whether a guy can make an effort to understand what women go through, and if I were to just bring it up I’d scare them away. And that’s not to say I’m some perfect person who’s never sexualized men, we are all sinners after all and we live in a fallen world etc etc. But a whole society where women are so objectified that it’s normal for little boys to be watching porn, that just doesn’t really happen with little girls. I can’t speak for all women, but when I started seeing men sexually it was in my late teens when I realized like ‘oh I can sexualize men too? wild. ok I’m an adult lemme check it out’. Still sinful, but not ingrained in me from porn ads as a kid the way most young boys have been since like the creation of the internet.

Even the men currently in my life who genuinely want what’s best for me are so incredibly misogynistic it’s baffling. My male family members see any woman who breaks an imaginary dress code or ideology is some kind of deviant. I just want to make it clear that this is MY family and I’M the only one who gets to complain about them. We all love each other here even if the males are horribly wrong.

So I shaved my head for halloween and my dad could barely look at me, not because he was exactly mad or anything but just because I looked ugly to him. He always says ‘close the windows in your apartment because men will spy on you changing’ but after my hair was gone he was all ‘actually don’t bother because nobody will look at you looking like that’ like wow I wasn’t aware men only sexualized women for their hair. Like you really think a gross creeper is gonna be turned off by a fully naked oblivious vulnerable woman just because she’s bald? That’s not how any of this works. And just today my sister was watching a goth youtuber egirl or something, I didn’t see her makeup but my dad said stuff like ‘ew why does she look like that, maybe it’d be cool as a costume but how is she going to get a job’. Like, I’m not one to go ‘women don’t wear makeup for men’ (because most women who only use makeup to hide their insecurities and follow beauty standards very much just do it so they don’t get backlash from others, if not directly to please men), but when it’s a fun crazy look that’s not meant to be pretty, I’m all for that shit and generally I hate when men lose respect for a woman just for wearing something they don’t like. Like fashion isn’t real and your appearance should be as costumey or weird as you want without people losing respect for you. Also like...do men know that makeup isn’t permanent?? Like if she wanted a job that required no makeup she could easily wipe her face off and get one?? Not only that, but people can work from home and/or be self employed. Maybe youtube itself was this girl’s job. Who the hell cares man. And the worst thing here is my brother outright said one time “the root cause of feminism is pride”. B r u h. And this was back when I considered myself an anti-feminist, even then I knew that feminism started for good reason and I was absolutely furious. I think I kept it to myself like a coward lol, but if anyone said that to me now I’d tear them apart. In a debate I mean, not like literal violence.

Tldr: I’m not trying to say men are inherently more evil because there’s evil in everyone, but the way it takes shape in men in most societies is so insidious and inescapable. I love my family and guy friends, but I don’t want to deal with one in a romantic/sexual relationship because I don’t know if even the most educated and goodest christian boi in this world can see me as a true equal. It sucks because I want sex and children, but when the mainstream idea of hetero sex is female submission, it just makes me shrivel up and contemplate becoming a nun. I’m not even catholic. But even nuns are sexualized and degraded in coomer’s disgusting brains. In conclusion I’m going feral and starting my own woman-only church in the woods let’s go ladies.

#christianity #biblical womanhood #christian woman #christian feminism #feminism #side b #side b christian

[sternbilder]

Hi!! Stumbled on your blog via the buried stars tag and I'd like to say thank you so much for the kr>eng translations! There aren't many english-speaking fans so I was happy to read about the game & its characters. I was wondering, what do all the characters call each other in Korean? Or what honorifics they use? I could hear it in the audio sometimes (Gyu-hyuk: "Do-yoon-ah", or I think Seil: "Inha-ssi" ?) but I didn't catch all of them. Google tells me some of it is based off of (1/2)

(2/2) Google tells me some of it is based off of respect, friendship/closeness, or just being older/younger than one another, but I'm still new to the intricacies of what it implies about the characters' relationships and how their individual personalities are. If it isn't too much trouble, I'd love to know ^^

Hello!! You're very welcome and in fact thank you for the question, I'm always receptive to more excuses to talk about this game!

It seems like you already have some context on rules surrounding Korean honorifics. There is a lot of nuance, obviously, but to put it simply...Yes, I'd say the speech patterns the cast (particularly, the TOP5—the others are a bit more complicated) uses are what you'd see in a casual social setting between people who already know each other somewhat, but aren't necessarily friends, which is what I think I would expect from a group of twentysomethings who probably had a chance to bond socially as a cohort throughout the whole audition process (it's explained in the Q&A that they lived together in a dorm for most of the show, too). And as you've pointed out the rules there I would say are much more tied to age and closeness. I'd generally characterize their speech patterns as informal, but polite—basically, you have to use the polite form with people who are older than you, but you can use casual speech (banmal) with people who are the same age or younger. The exception is if you are close enough with someone that you mutually decide it's OK to drop honorifics despite the age difference. More on that later.

The order of the age of each of the main cast are as follows: Seungyeon (33), Juyoung (28), Gyuhyuk (27), Doyoon and Inha (25), Seil (24), and Hyesung (20). So with no other caveats we'd expect, for example, Doyoon to use polite form with Juyoung and Gyuhyuk but not with Inha and Hyesung, etc. Now, with that as the basis, here are some notes based on what I can remember, though disclaimer that my memory isn't perfect, and there are also things I might have missed because I haven't done a full playthrough yet with Korean text.

(Character spoilers for the "Other" section at the end; otherwise a few minor spoilers)

TOP5

Juyoung (28)

Juyoung is the oldest of the main cast, so she uses banmal with pretty much everyone and refers to them by name, or name + ah/ya (which is the casual vocative marker), and it's perfectly acceptable for her to do so.

The rest of the TOP5 call her 언니/누나 (unni/noona, lit. "older sister" but more generally used to refer to any slightly older female acquaintance; which one is used depends on the speaker's gender). They also sometimes call her 영이 언니/누나 (Young-i unni/noona) for short, which I thought was cute. There's actually a Q&A question that asked about this because it is a very familiar/affectionate nickname, and the director explained that Juyoung asked the others to call her that because she was afraid of seeming unapproachable due to her age and because of the fact that she was a former idol.

Gyuhyuk (27)

As the second oldest, I believe he uses banmal with everyone but Juyoung. The younger male characters all call him 형 (hyung, lit. "older brother", see above), though I can't seem to remember Inha calling him 오빠 (oppa). I might be projecting that assumption onto her based on her somewhat brash personality, since 오빠 can come off as a bit...Girlish? Cutesy? Flirtatious? in certain contexts? Idk.

Doyoon (25)

What's notable about Doyoon is that he uses the polite form with Juyoung, but not Gyuhyuk. He calls Gyuhyuk 형 (hyung), of course, but he uses the casual form, which suggests that they're close enough with each other that they've already agreed to drop formalities. Their first rapport event gives me the sense that they're especially close, too, compared to the other contestants (as does just like...waves in their general direction, but anyway,)

Inha (25)

Inha is the same age as Doyoon, so you would also expect her to use polite form with Juyoung and Gyuhyuk. However, she doesn't with either of them IIRC.

As for Juyoung, I don't remember how much of this came through in the text of the game itself, but I would guess they were probably already pretty close in a way similar to Doyoon and Gyuhyuk were. At the very least, I think I remember one of the Q&A answers indicating that they kept in touch very frequently after the events of the game.

I don't really remember too many interactions between Inha and Gyuhyuk, tbh. I do recall that she (not sure if any others do) refers to him as 규 (Gyu) at least once, which I think is adorable, LMAO. This might indicate that they may have been on close enough terms to use casual speech? But then again, she did seem to resent Gyuhyuk at least a little bit for the scholarship thing, and according to the Q&A she took much longer than Juyoung and Doyoon to see him again after the game, so??? She could just be kind of disrespectful like that, which...Kinda tracks, honestly??? 🤷‍♀️Like I said, I don't remember too much about these two, so don't take my word on this.

Hyesung (20)

Hyesung is the youngest, so you would expect him to use polite speech with everyone, but he, uh, does not. With anyone. LMAO. Maybe he's just super tight with everyone, but something tells me it's more because he's a rude little shit who's just Like That. (I mean, he uses banmal with Seil, who does hate his guts, so.) He does call everyone 형/누나 (hyung/noona), though, at least—though, now that I think about it, Seil might be an exception to that, LOL.

Since he's the youngest, everyone just calls him Hyesung.

Also, this is tangential, but I also just wanted to throw in that Hyesung notably has a slight "old man" dialect in that he sometimes uses expressions and slang that you would expect from the older generation, because growing up his only friends were the other vendors at his mom's fish market. This is unrelated to politeness, but it does come off as really funny considering how young he is, and definitely gives his speech a unique vibe.

Staff

Seil (24)

The speech patterns between Seil and the TOP5 are pretty similar to speech patterns within TOP5 itself, which is to say, fairly informal but still polite. He uses polite form with everyone older than him, and uses banmal with Hyseung. I actually wouldn't necessarily have expected this to be the case since he technically has more of a professional relationship to the TOP5 than they do with each other (so I wouldn't have been surprised if he actually used formal speech, rather than just polite), but it's probably because he's in that same age range and because he was the staff member who was closest to them socially.

I believe you are correct that he calls Inha, and Inha alone, -씨 (-ssi), which is actually formal, rather than simply polite. Probably just indicating his high level of admiration for her in particular.

The rest of the main cast just call him Seil. Hyesung also occasionally calls Seil 세일 FD님 (Seil FD-nim) which is technically extremely formal, but obviously said in sarcasm.

Seungyeon (33)

I believe she calls everyone by their full name, and uses casual speech with them. Makes sense. She's the boss.

Everyone else calls her PD님 (PD-nim, formal). Including, notably, Hyesung. AFAICR Seungyeon is the only character Hyesung shows even an ounce of deference toward in this game. 😛

Other

Suchang (27) & Suyeon (18)

AFAIK Suchang only really has in-game interactions with Doyoon and Suyeon, and Suyeon only has interactions with Suchang, who she of course calls 오빠 (oppa), in the familial sense. Though IIRC at the very end she does once refer to Doyoon as 그분 (geubun, lit. "that person") and 도윤님 (Doyoon-nim), both of which are extremely formal/deferential in tone but in kind of a "little girl talks about her crush as if they were Prince Charming" sort of way...Which causes Suchang to hilariously go into overprotective/jealous older brother mode.

The Ha siblings use casual speech with each other, which is standard among siblings. However, Suchang also talks down to Doyoon, which is pretty audacious of him considering they're strangers—he basically talks to Doyoon as if they're already friends. He's kind of an audacious guy in general, though, so I'd say that kind of fits his character.

Doyoon, on the other hand, being the polite young man that he is, uses polite speech with Suchang. There's a funny scene where he accidentally slips up and uses banmal, and then immediately gets called out by Suchang, who chews him out for talking down to someone older than him. (Though ofc Doyoon had no way of knowing this, and also, Suchang shouldn't be using banmal with a stranger in the first place.) At the very end of the true ending when they finally meet, Doyoon actually takes it up a level and calls Suchang 수창씨 (Suchang-ssi) but Suchang tells him to drop it and just call him 형 (hyung). It's sweet.

#khattikeri #Asks #Buried Stars #Meta #liveblog: bstars

[det395]

ty sm arlo @throwing-roses-into-the-abyss for tagging me :D

1- how many books are too many books in a series?

i need a lot of convincing already to agree to the commitment of any series but i think if i fall in love with one then i’d be happy if it’s pretty long. but i think 4 books is a good number for a series

2- what do you think about cliffhangers?

hhhhh i want all books to be rounded out satisfactorily, but a bit of a cliffhanger can be fun

3- hardback or paperback?

paperbacks, with a passion! they’re cheaper, smaller, lighter, easier to hold/bend into position, i hate hardcovers where the sleeves are slippin and slidin, and i dont mind the look of worn books at all in fact i think it’s pretty cute (which i might just be saying bc i wreck all my books ok im gonna shove them in my backpack it cant be helped) and i want my bookshelf to be consistently paperbacks so i get Angery when new books only come in hardcover and i have refused to buy books for that reason. but i have a few used and gifted hardcovers

4- least favourite book?

i can’t say that i hold any real grudges against any books, but there is one book “in the name of the family” that my parents gave me for christmas, maybe bc i had a GoT phase? and it’s my only 1 star book. it’s probably not a BAD book but oh my god i could not get through it, every paragraph was torture because it was just so fucking BORING and i didnt understand the historical context or what was going on, nor did i care at all

5- Love Triangle, yes or no?

i feel obliged to admit that i will still go ham for the twilight love triangle if prompted, even if some (a lot) of it annoys me i fuckin love that drama so alas i cannot claim superiority in my tastes, but usually these days if i see a love triangle i scream at my book “JUST BE POLY!”

6- the most recent book you just couldn’t finish

star eater, which made me sad to abandon! it wasn’t even bad, hell it was about cannibalistic zombie nuns so it was right up my alley, but something about it fell so flat and i didnt care at all and i had another book that i wanted to read so i DID. bc i want to dnf more easily instead of forcing myself to suffer through books im meh about. but it still made me sad to not give it a full chance, even tho i think if it’s not great for the first bit, there’s not a big chance it’s going to turn around

7- book you are currently reading

the ocean at the end of the lane by neil gaiman! i am enjoying it

8- last book you recommended to someone

the secret history by donna tartt to a couple of friends! have already promised to lend it out once i buy a copy lmao. loved ittttt SO MUCH

9- oldest book you read

maybe frankenstein, 1818? i dont read many classics, and i also dont know when they’re from usually so i could be forgetting something, but probably isn’t that likely that i’ve read anything before the 1800s

10- the most recent book you read ?

(most recently published?) probably the final volume of attack on titan!

11- favourite author?

ahhh i don’t have a favourite and that seems like a lot of pressure to choose, i just have authors that i enjoyed enough to want to try more books by. some of those authors (not in order) are patrick ness, emily st. john mandel, shirley jackson, haruki murakami, benjamin alire saenz, stephen king, maybe donna tartt now. idk none get Master status in my books that ill read anything they write and i have big issues with some of these even ghdfjs and i have the feeling that im missing some

12- buying books or borrowing books?

was just talking today about how cute it is to borrow books! but im probably the biggest reader of my irl friends so it’s usually me buying all the books and then lending them out instead of the other way around lol….

12- a book you dislike that everyone else seems to love

didn’t HATE these but just wasn’t a big fan: jane eyre, the night circus, difficult women, couple books by akwaeke emezi that i wanted to love

14 - bookmarks or dogears?

bookmarks! ahhhh dog ears stress me out no creases!! im always smoothing out creases. sidenote: someone once bought me a metal bookmark and i was like wow fancy and then it ruined the pages lmao never again

15- The book you can always reread?

i rarely do rereads, id probably get sick of any book. excited to reread the haunting of hill house tho maybe that will become mine

16- can you read while listening to music?

sometimes i need it, sometimes i have to turn it off in order to see lol

17- one POV or multi POV?

one pov preferably but multi pov can be done so well

18- do you read book in one sitting or in multiple days?

ive only ever read one book in one sitting and that was eclipse lmao. i definitely don’t have that focus anymore, it always takes me a while just because my mind wanders

19- who to tag:

ill tag @realisaonum @uttermywish @overcapitalized @natigail @tarredion if you guys want! :D

[yaz-the-spaz]

So I’m new to the Ziam fandom, I’m a strong larrie but I also couldn’t help to notice that there was something between Z*yn and L*am too. Could you tell me about the tiger tattoo? I keep hearing that its an iconic Ziam tattoo and I’m a little confused. Also, do you think Ziam is still together right now in 2020 and could you explain why? I hope this isn’t a bother.

hey nonnie, welcome to this side of the fandom! and please don’t worry, you are not a bother at all, and we are always happy to have new members! please accept this adorable gif of ziam waving hello as your welcoming gift into the ziam fandom lol! 😊🌈

now onto your question about the tiger tattoo...

hooo boy, nonnie

 idk if you know what you’re asking because this is a BIG life-altering question.

BIG.

...are you ready for this? 

are you ready to die? are you ready to have your soul ascend from your body up to the gay ziam heavens for all eternity? 

i mean it’s pretty nice up here and all but you may just wanna get your affairs in order before you continue, cause once you discover all the ways zayn javadd malik has professed his undying and eternal love for liam james payne all over his goddamn body there is no coming back.

are you absolutely sure you’re ready?

ok, here we go!

so. once upon a time way back in october 2013 zayn debuted a new tattoo of a tiger on his arm. at the time it seemed like just another tattoo in a quickly growing long list of (random) tattoos, and went by relatively untalked about among fandom (at least afaik) for a couple of years. but THEN, in early 2016 zayn followed that tattoo up with the addition of the full title of his m.o.m. album spelled out around the tiger...

seems normal, right?

first off, notice how the tiger’s tail is shaped suspiciously like an L?

well, that’s not all that’s gay i mean odd or interesting about this tattoo lol...some have also noticed that the muscles of the tiger’s back quite remarkably appear to resemble the muscles of a certain boy whose name also starts with L 

(and no i’m not talking about louis lol)

but here’s where shit really gets real because guess what? you may have noticed that the letters of the ‘mine’ part are kind of shuffled in an odd/not really consecutive order to spell out the word mine in a way that’s clearly or easily readable...that’s because zayn’s extra ass arranged it specifically so that only the i, e, and m, are all directly around the L-shaped tiger tail, while the n is just off to the side like a lonely forgotten reject

by now you might be saying to yourself okay, well that’s not really all that significant to liam, and the L could just be a coincidence/not really mean anything, couldn’t it?

wrong again!

because once more, zayn ‘i live to be as extra as humanly possible about my love for liam james payne because i don’t know any other way to live’ malik made sure to put a little tail/extra line on the side of the letter ‘e’ to make it interchangeable with an upside down letter ‘a.’ 

now again you might be thinking i don’t know if that’s really intentional or all that meaningful. but look closely. 

there is clearly an additional connected piece on that e that cannot be explained away or mistaken for just a weird blot of ink. it’s not just an error on the part of the tattoo artist (if it was i’m sure zayn would have had it fixed by now given that he’s had that tat for over 4 years at this point) and there’s also no letter ‘a’ in ‘mind of mine.’ 

so why is it there? and why does it just so happen to be right next to the i, the m, and the L-shaped tiger tail. why did zayn choose to arrange the letters of the word ‘mine’ in such a weird order instead of a more normal/easier to read format like the rest of the album title? and why did he choose put those exact letters all near each other? because it’s intentional. and because it’s meant to have a very particular double meaning.

if he was going for just a random order he could’ve put those letters anywhere. but he didn’t. and more than that he went out of his way to make sure that that additional piece on the e was added and distinct so that it could very clearly double as an (unnecessary) a. 

there’s no way you can argue that all of those things are just coincidence or that the random letter ‘a’ means absolutely nothing lol. that tattoo was clearly meant as both an homage to the album and to liam (who the album is largely believed to be about lol). and the fact that the muscles seem to match quite closely to liam’s is a nice added bonus that just helps confirm that imo. (plus there’s also the lovely little tidbit of knowledge that the tattoo is positioned in such a way that whenever zayn wears short-sleeve shirts the ‘Liam’ part is the only part clearly on display 😏😏😏)

BUT GUESS WHAT??

THAT IS NOT EVEN WHERE ZAYN’S TATTOO DEDICATIONS ENDDDD

never mind that he already had all of us ziams sobbing ourselves to death and morphing into withered soulless husks over this tattoo after he debuted the full thing in 2016, but there’s so! many! more!

boy’s body is literally a giant ass open love letter to liam and i am NOT OKAY. (have i mentioned i hate these extra ass romantic saps with every fiber of my being? no? well i do. and you’re about to find out all the reasons why)

reason #1 - all. the. goddamn. mandala. tattoos. (there are multiple but i’m only linking to this post featuring/talking about the main one, i.e. the very first one he got cause that’s the one that kills me the most but if you wanna see the others peep my ziam tattoos tag or my zayn’s tattoos tag)

reason #2 - love & marriage poem tattoo (read all the posts in this tag starting from the bottom first for full context)

reason #3 - red wolf & bat wings chest tattoo

reason #4 - wolf leg tattoo (more background details here too)

reason #5 - liam’s silhouette leg tattoo

reason #6 - smoking lips hand tattoo (which literally matches the album art for liam’s debut single exactly and was debuted on zayn’s hand months before the single’s release - scroll down to the part where you can see the red lip pics)

reason #7 - the snake tattoo (aka the snake habitat tattoo)

reason #8 - motherfuckin 25!! idk what it means but it clearly means SOMETHING important to the both of them and it still drives me insane to this day and probably will to my dying breath 🤬 

bonus - it’s not a tattoo but: zayn’s nose piercing. which along with the mandala wrist tat is literally a desi bride declaration of marriage; fun fact - tan france, a gay married british-pakistani tv personality who is part of the queer eye crew also has a mandala tat on his left hand that some have speculated may also be to symbolize his dedication to his husband)

anyway there are more tattoos of zayn’s that seem to also be related to liam (though more loosely imo) but this post is already beyonddd long enough so i figured it’s best to just stick to the main ones/most obvious ones here lol 

(side note: liam also has tattoos that are clearly dedicated to zayn/his and zayn’s relationship as well, but that’s for another post and also if my recall is correct i think zayn might actually have more?? well that we know of anyway lol)

(side note 2.0: one other thing that adds to the theory of the m.o.m. tiger tattoo being a dedication to liam/liam’s name, besides the obvious lettering thing described above, is that zayn is known to have a thing for tattooing the names of his closest loved ones on his body. the only person in his immediate family whose name he doesn’t appear to have tattooed on him is trisha’s and i’d be willing to bet that’s either because she specifically asked him not to, or he does have one but it’s just in a very hidden place. but we know that he has his father’s name, grandfather’s name, and all of his sister’s names tattooed on him so when you combine that with the weird lettering of the m.o.m. tiger tat and the fact that the album was very likely about liam/closely followed the story of the beginning of his relationship with liam, it becomes even less plausible imo that that tattoo is meant to be about anything else but liam. ain’t science grand?)

(side note 3.0: zayn’s whole left arm/left sleeve of tats seems to be specifically reserved for tattoos dedicated to liam and/or related/connected to liam’s own tattoos, and there’s a couple of good posts here - x, x, x, x - that go through some of the more specific parallels between their tattoos and how certain ones seem to mirror or directly pair with each other’s)

ok i promise that’s it for the side notes lol!

lastly, to your final question, i do believe that they are still together currently, especially considering this most recent soft outing/confirmation from one of zayn’s songwriters (who is also not the first to do that either btw lol) but that is not the only reason - see my post here for some of the biggest reasons why i believe ziam remains real and strong :)

#asks #anons #ziam #ziam tattoos #zayn's tattoos #ziam declarations of love #ziam is real #ziam remains real #obvious husbands are obvious #ziam masterposts #mine #this post took me over half the goddamn day wtf #i hate my inconsistent ass tags #why am i like this

[panharmonium]

I would like to add Gwaine to the list of friends Merlin had. Especially in the 3/4 seasons he really was ride or die for Merlin, they shared intimate details with each other, they truly trusted each other. There were instances where the show alluded that Gwaine knows about Merlin's magic and is fine with it.

hi there!  i’m assuming this is in response to the post i reblogged about will and lancelot being merlin’s only “real” friends?  

i’m actually happy to write about this, now that the question has been posed - it’s been a while since i wrote anything long about gwaine!

fair warning in advance: i don’t personally classify gwaine the same way i do will and lancelot, and that’s what this piece will cover in more detail, but these are just my own thoughts, and it is totally cool for everybody else to have different opinions.  my take is my take, but it does not have to be everyone’s take - if people wanna scroll past because this isn’t their vibe, i don’t mind in the slightest. :)

so, without further ado - i LOVE gwaine, and i have written extensively about how amazing his relationship with merlin is (some examples here, here, here, and here, if anybody’s looking).  he is the most likely of all merlin’s living friends to ditch arthur in the name of addressing merlin’s needs, which is super important, and he also has a much healthier friendship with merlin than arthur does (in my own personal opinion, of course, which nobody is obligated to share).  he definitely does go ride or die for merlin in S3/S4, i agree.

but my own thoughts on this particular point are still the same as they were in that original post.  i tend to hide my clarifications/explanations in the tags, so they might have flown by, but i’ll just copy/paste the relevant bit here for ease of access, as some background for the rest of this post.

re: will and lancelot were merlin’s only ‘real’ friends:

#what this does not mean: merlin has no other friends!  merlin doesn't have meaningful and important relationships with other people!   #what it does mean:  #every single one of merlin's other relationships is undergirded by the sickening knowledge that those friendships are conditional   #every single one of his other relationships is accompanied by the constant undercurrent of 'they would hate me if they knew'   #merlin knows his friends 'care' about him   #except they don't really; because it's not truly him they're caring about   #they care deeply - about someone merlin made up   #about a facade.   #in the most basic sense   #those relationships aren't Real   #the love merlin feels for the people in them is real   #but you cannot truly be 'friends' with somebody who doesn't even know who you are   #you cannot be loved without being known   #you certainly cannot be loved without being safe

obviously i suppose a person’s thoughts on this would be different if they headcanoned that gwaine knew about merlin’s magic, and that’s fine.  i personally do not believe canon indicates or supports that, but i’m not out to convince people to abandon their own fanon interpretations of things; i’m happy just hanging out in my own space talking about my thoughts.  me writing meta is the virtual equivalent of me talking to myself in my room - if other people have different conversations with themselves, that’s fine :)  i don’t mind if other folks organize their thoughts about things differently.  

in accordance with that - everybody please feel free to continue on with your own interpretations, and ignore mine if mine do not appeal to you!  if people are interested about how i organize my ideas on this, though, they are essentially as follows:

1) a cage fighter, a class traitor, and a fake sorcerer walk into a tavern

ok, to start with - here’s a graph.

(...who tf starts a meta post with ‘here’s a graph’ lol i just drew a venn diagram for the first time since like...middle school...i LOVE fandom, man, this is RIDICULOUS)

anyway

this is a very rough interpretation of how i think about gwaine, lancelot, and will:

to address some of these elements individually:

lancelot and will give merlin something that gwaine can’t - safety, authenticity, the comfort of being known and seen for real, a respite from constantly qualifying every friendship with ‘they would hate me if they knew’

lancelot and gwaine, likewise, give merlin something merlin wouldn’t be as likely to get from will (if will were still alive, i mean) - an understanding of merlin’s devotion to the Crown, a supportive ally in the fight to promote arthur’s reign and keep arthur/camelot safe

will and gwaine, for their part, are more likely to tell arthur to go fuck himself, if it’s important for helping merlin, and that’s a different kind of support that merlin also really needs.

and will, on his own, gives merlin something that neither lancelot NOR gwaine can provide, which is a friend who isn’t connected to or even particularly interested in arthur pendragon (merlin has nobody in his life like this, not after will dies) - somebody who knew and cared about merlin before merlin had any proximity to arthur, before this whole ’destiny’ issue reared its merciless head.

everybody in merlin’s life matters to him and gives him something important.  gwaine is STUPIDLY important to merlin.  the love there is real.  but in canon, because gwaine is not in the know, gwaine is still one of the people from whom merlin feels compelled to hide himself.  gwaine is right up there alongside gwen, arthur, elyan, percival, etc - every other person who merlin loves, who merlin nonetheless constantly, back-of-his-mind fears, ‘they would reject me if they knew.’

the above is part of why i personally have never been too interested in ‘so-and-so knows about merlin’s magic’ canon-imaginings.  there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them, and i’m sure people must have tons of fun with them - and in an AU context maybe i would have fun with them too - but as hopeful interpretations of actual canon, they don’t appeal to me.  merlin’s near-total isolation and desperate, constantly-frustrated desire for real, honest love is an inalienable aspect of his character for me, one i can’t separate from who he is and why he does the things he does and why he eventually ends up in the place where we find him towards the end of the show.  

2) i just want someone to see me for who i am

i have seen a bit of sentiment out there along the lines of ‘merlin should have told (x person) about their magic’ or ‘(x person) obviously doesn’t have a problem with sorcerers,’ but i guess i personally don’t think it’s as clear as all that, and i think me saying it is would be doing merlin a disservice.

merlin’s desire to be seen/known/accepted is literally the most base urge he has.  if he truly thought he could tell somebody safely, he would.

i think merlin knows the people in his orbit well enough to know how they feel about sorcery, at least in a general sense.  and even if they aren’t bloodthirsty bigots like uther, they aren’t exactly welcoming magic with open arms, either.  at the most basic, elementary level, merlin understands something that we don’t like to think about: none of his friends ever challenge arthur on the sorcery ban or express any dissatisfaction with the political status quo, and, even absent outright bigotry, this fact speaks loudly enough in and of itself.  merlin’s friends might not be out clamoring for sorcerers’ blood, but they aren’t criticizing a society that criminalizes sorcery, either, and they are never shown to have a problem with the way things are, even though the way things are is wrong.

The Way Things Are is, in fact, unjust.  it’s oppressive.  and allowing that state of affairs to continue, unquestioned and unchallenged, when you have access to the king’s ear and aren’t personally in danger of being persecuted, indicates that you’re okay with the injustice.  that you’re comfortable with the oppression.  that you don’t see a problem with the status quo, and that you're unbothered enough by it to let it be.

it doesn’t matter that merlin’s friends have never straight-up said ‘boy, magic sure is evil’ onscreen.  they never say that camelot’s policies are wrong, and that delivers a clear enough message on its own.

3) it is not a crime to fight for your freedom

to bring this back to gwaine specifically, since that was originally the focus of this ask -

for me, for all that i adore gwaine, and for all that i think he was, for the most part, an INCREDIBLY sound, healthy relationship for merlin, the truth is that gwaine is as much a part of this problem as everyone else.  does that mean i personally think gwaine would have summarily dumped merlin if he’d found out merlin had magic?  no.  but i don’t think it’s as uncomplicated as maybe we wish it might be, and i think merlin has every right to be as uncertain of gwaine on this issue as he does of everyone else.

for one thing, like i said before, even gwaine, who used to have fewer qualms than any of the knights about pushing back on arthur’s BS, has never said a word about camelot’s injustices, or ever acknowledged that the laws of the land are unjust to begin with.  

for another, there are specific moments that kind of make you wonder.

5.05 (’the disir’) is a good example of this - when gwaine finds osgar in the woods, the two of them have this exchange:

you are a sorcerer, a heretic, and a murderer.  

the rhetoric of this sentence frames all three of these things as equivalent entities - criminal ones.  

to pick this apart more carefully:

a) sorcerer

it’s worth noting here that we’re never told osgar has done anything worse than evading arrest for the crime of being a known sorcerer.  when leon mentions him in the council meeting, the conversation consists solely of the following:

“as you know, a few days ago our garrison in the forest of breckfire intercepted the man who goes by the name of osgar.”

“the sorcerer.”

“the same.  they were trying to apprehend him when he used his powers to escape.”

and…that’s it.  osgar’s crime, as far as we know, was simply being a sorcerer (and then, after that, attempting to escape an unjust arrest, thereby killing a knight in the process).  there’s no mention of any other activities that would have warranted his arrest in the first place, other than the possession of magic.

but magic, even on its own, IS a crime in camelot - and gwaine levels the accusation at osgar as such.

b) heretic

that’s a hell of a word to throw around, if you think sorcery is chill.

“heretic” isn’t a mild accusation.  "heretic” has vitriolic severity behind it.  people are accused of heresy when they’re perceived to be in brazen defiance of what is (in the eyes of the accuser) unquestionably right and correct.  “heretic” is like…it’s like blasphemer.  the connotation is not just that something is bad, but that it’s sinful.

for gwaine, either osgar’s association with sorcery and/or his defiance of camelot’s army makes him a heretic.  and that’s not something a person who is down with sorcery or supportive of a magic-user’s struggle for freedom would say.

c) murderer

if gwaine were cool with sorcery, we would expect him to understand that a sorcerer who resisted arrest for the crime of being a sorcerer isn’t a murderer.  

it’s like kara said in 5.11 - it is not a crime to fight for the right to be who you are.

camelot has been killing sorcerers for decades.  osgar mortally wounded a soldier (not an innocent civilian, i might note) who was trying to imprison him.  he was resisting the armed forces of an oppressive state.  that’s not murder.

somebody who understands that camelot is an oppressive regime wouldn’t think of this as murder.  they would understand that it is not a crime to protect your own life when the state has literally been trying to exterminate your people for years.  and even if osgar had been engaged in rebellious activities against the state (which as far as we know is not the case - nothing like this is ever referenced!), they would understand that people with magic have long been overdue for a righteous uprising.  

but gwaine is a little more like arthur, in this moment - he sees the “wrong” that osgar has done (in the form of sir ranulf’s death) without seeing the thousands upon thousands of wrongs that camelot visited upon the magical community first.

4) you can’t go armed into a sacred place

the rest of this episode is similar.  gwaine pays just as little heed to merlin’s warnings as the rest of the knights, when merlin admonishes them that the disir’s cave is sacred.  gwaine doesn’t relinquish his sword or take special care upon entering the cave.  in fact, he is the one who outright interrupts the disir while they’re speaking - as they’re telling arthur a series of hard truths, that he’s persecuted magic-users, “even unto slaughter;” that he’s desecrated their space: “you come here, to the most sacred of the sacred, to the very heart of the Old Religion, with weapons drawn - trampling hallowed relics - treating our sacred space like you do your kingdom - with arrogance - with conceit - with insolence - ”

and gwaine cuts them off, pushing to the front of the group and shouting at them “enough!  you speak of the king!”  and that’s when the fight starts, when mordred gets stabbed.

someone who was fully accepting of magic, or who knew anything about it at all, would not have behaved this way.  they would not have bristled at hearing how arthur’s regime unfairly persecutes the magical community.  they would have known that it was true.

5) i just want to be myself

the above is just one example, but it’s a clear enough one to illustrate what i mean.  gwaine IS an amazing friend to merlin.  he does treat merlin well.  and merlin loves him to death.  but gwaine is NOT totally chill with magic.  i’m not saying he actively hates it, but he is not, from what merlin has witnessed, entirely safe.  merlin loves him, but he can’t be himself around him.

and i do think that pains merlin terribly.  all these people who he loves so much, and every time he’s with them there’s always that whisper: ‘this is a charade.  all the love in my life is a lie.  they only like me because they don’t know me.  if they knew who i really was, this would be over.’  

and we wonder why he never tells anyone.  we tell him he ‘should’ have told gwaine, gwen, morgana, arthur, like it would have been easy, or even possible, for him to ever consider putting himself in a position where he could lose what precarious, partially make-believe connections he has.

merlin, in the later seasons, when he worries about his magic being exposed, isn’t afraid of being executed.  he’s afraid of becoming even more alone than he is now.  and he has good reason to feel that way - even people who appear to put him first aren’t fully on board with the thing that makes him who he is.  and merlin knows this.  he’s seen it.  none of his friends are out fighting for people like him at court.  some of his friends shake their heads and assure arthur “you are a good and just king” when arthur expresses concern that maybe the disir are right, maybe he has indeed transgressed.  some of merlin’s friends used to buck the system in defense of the powerless, but now they defend the regime even when the accusations levelled against it by an oppressed population are true.

merlin knows that revealing himself is a kind of risk that could very plausibly end with him utterly disowned.  every single friendship he has is subject to this justified fear, this bitter knowledge.  merlin has every reason to doubt the soundness of his relationships.

and, circling back to the thing that started all these musings - the only friends who never made him feel that way were will and lancelot.

that’s all i mean when i say that will and lancelot were merlin’s only “real” friends.  i wish there were a better word to use than that, because i really don’t mean it like…as if merlin’s relationships with other people weren’t…valid, or important, or based on true love and care.  they were.  but there’s just not a better way to express that will and lancelot were the only people who ever even knew who they were friends with, who saw merlin for exactly who he was and said “i love you still.”  they were the only ones whose friendship was something merlin didn’t have to be afraid of losing solely for existing.

i always think of morgana’s line in 2.11 - ‘i don’t want to be brave.  i just want to be myself. i don’t want to be alone anymore.’

around everyone else, merlin has to be brave.  he has to keep up the pretense, which means even when he’s surrounded by friends, he’s completely isolated.

with will and lancelot, though, he could be himself.  with will and lancelot, he wasn’t alone.

6) post-script

i really appreciate being given the opportunity to muse to myself about this in more detail - i actually needed to think through some things regarding gwaine anyway, for writing purposes, and this was actually really helpful in organizing my brain.  so thanks, anon, for the prompt!  

i know my answer probably runs counter to your own interpretation of things, but as i said, this is just my own personal outlook.  i typed it up because the message got me thinking, and because i know i have a couple of friends who might find it interesting, but my thoughts apply only to me, and i do not mind at all if folks think about these things differently!  nobody is obligated to agree with anything i write, or give it any further thought, or even read it at all - we’re all going to engage with this story in different ways, so if anybody finds that this isn’t their cup of tea, please feel free to scroll on by, and keep having fun with this show in whatever way makes you happiest! :)

#tumblr is doing something weird and not letting me use read-more's in posts that are replies to an ask #i was able to screenshot the last ask i replied to and just turn the whole thing into a text post with a read-more #because i knew the sender would see it anyway #but i'm not sure an anon will see this without getting the notification #sorry this is a #long post #i will play with it more and see if i can get the cut to actually show up #=/ #the once and future slowburn #you're the only friend i've got #meta #replies #the bravest and most noble of them all #no kings no masters

[ri-ahhh]

Ooooh but like what if it's gray getting jealous and a teeny but insecure too when MJ mentions some of her work mates and other close guy friends w whom she hangs out and drinks and parties yk?And when he finally meets them he might not be able to get some inside jokes or be pissy on how touchy one of her guy bffs is?!And just goes like"baby am I too young for you?"🥺maybe some cute fluff and hot makeup sex?? ;p Sorry if this too much or straight up lame It's cool if you don't wanna concept this

Ok, first of all, I love this. Second, this is my first MJ concept and I’m soft af🥺

If there’s one personality trait Grayson Dolan wouldn't normally attribute to himself, it’s that of being easily jealous. Why would he be? His life, despite it’s occasional heavy downs, is relatively picturesque in the grand scheme of things. He’s got a loving family, an amazing career, a beautiful girlfriend, and he’s narcissistic enough to proudly say he’s a good-looking dude.

But the little green monster first starts to stir in chest when said beautiful girlfriend lays back on his chest one morning, scrolling through Instagram while the two of them laze in bed. MJ is looking through the pictures she had been tagged in at a company dinner the night before, double-tapping her phone screen occasionally and diverting his attention away from his own phone when she does.

“Who’s that?” he asks, trying to sound as casual as possible as he eyes a certain picture with slightly narrowed eyes.

“Hm?” MJ had already scrolled down to the next photo, but she goes back to the one in question. Grayson points to the guy standing next to her. “Oh. That’s Jesse. He’s one of my teammates.”

Grayson doesn't respond right away, his gaze focused on the way the attractive young man has his arm wrapped tightly around MJ’s waist in the group photo. MJ is leaning away from him, but it still gives him a bad vibe — not from her, but from him.

“He looks friendly.”

MJ glances up at him and slaps the other side of his bare chest with the back of her hand jokingly. “Relax, we all had to squeeze in to get the picture. He’s just a colleague.”

“Yeah, to you,” Grayson mumbles. He tosses down his phone and turns on his side so he can throw his arm over her middle, nuzzling into her hair.

MJ smiles and scratches her nails up and down his sculpted arm, his warm breath tickling her ear. He’s not really the possessive type, too confident in himself and trustworthy in her for this to have ever been an issue in their relationship, but her work world is one entirely separate from him. She doesn’t think it’s too irrational for him to be suspicious, especially since she can admit feeling a little iffy about the way Jesse had so easily sidled up to her for that photo.

She shifts her head on the pillow so she’s facing him, kissing his lips softly but soundly. It’s an unspoken reassurance between them, and they both let the topic go.

A few days later, they’re in the kitchen together, a pass only she is allowed while Grayson cooks. MJ sits on the island, her feet dangling over the cabinets as Grayson stirs the vegetables he’s sautéing on the stove, when her phone buzzes on the marble countertop beside her. She picks it up and chuckles, her manicured fingers typing away.

“What’s so funny?” Grayson asks nosily.

MJ hits ‘send’ in the text response she wrote. “Jesse sent a stupid meme that reminded him of this super difficult exec we have to deal with for one of our clients.” She holds up her phone so Grayson can see it, but without the further context he doesn’t really see the humor in it. It causes a weird sensation to bubble in his stomach, one he can’t quite place, but it definitely makes him give the veggies an extra vigorous stir that has some of them flying out of the pan on accident.

He draws the line on this guy in his head when MJ sends him a text the next afternoon while he’s in a Wakeheart meeting downtown, just a few blocks from her office.

ugh baby i’m so sorry i have to cancel our lunch date :/ jesse wants to keep working on this report we have due this afternoon and i’ll look like a dick if i leave.

Grayson huffs and feels the back of his neck flush with anger. Why is Jesse controlling whether or not she can take her lunch break? She has a habit of skipping it to begin with, which Grayson can’t stand and actively tries to make sure she doesn’t do, so his irritation with this dude is through the roof now. His mind can’t help but wander to the possibility that maybe Jesse is doing it on purpose; he knows for a fact all of her coworkers know about him, so who’s to say he’s not trying to keep her to himself today? Before he can type out a heated response, however, MJ double-texts.

i promise I’ll make it up to you tonight. whatever you want, on me. literally and figuratively ;)

She knows him too well, can probably sense his frustration a few streets away. Grayson sighs, but his mouth lifts in a little smile, because he loves her and he’s low-key looking forward to that promise now.

Alright. I’ll be thinking about that to get me through this meeting. Pls eat tho baby, it makes me worry when you don’t.

me too lol. and gonna order some kreation now, don’t worry. ily

She punctuates her message with a few heart emojis, and Grayson returns the sentiment before pocketing his phone once more. His mind is far from the financial projections he’s supposed to be paying attention to, but luckily this is much more Ethan’s territory in the business than his, anyways.

Friday, he and MJ are cuddling on the couch watching a movie when out of nowhere she gasps a little and sits up from where she’s leaning on him. “Oh, I almost forgot to ask. You and E doing anything tomorrow?”

Grayson chuckles and shakes his head, amused by the suddenness of her question. He pushes a lock of her hair, damp from their shared shower, behind her ear. “Not that I know of, other than we might go to the skatepark.”

MJ grins. “Well, my boss is making us do our monthly team-building workshop at a climbing gym, if you want to tag along. I don’t think you’ll be able to join us during the middle of it, obviously, but afterwards it would give you the chance to meet some of the people I work with, if you want.”

He considers it. He hasn’t been climbing in a while, and he’s actually been itching to get back into it. Not to mention, it’ll give him a chance to keep an eye on Jesse while he’s around MJ in the skin-tight lycra she wears to work out in.

“Yeah, I’m down. I’ll ask E if he wants to come, too.”

The next day, the three of them roll up to the gym in Ethan’s Tesla. Grayson wastes no time in taking MJ’s hand in his as they walk through the parking lot, just in case a certain set of eyes are watching. MJ squeezes his fingers reassuringly; she’s not dumb, not impervious to the fact that when he kisses her goodbye once they step inside and before they go their separate ways that he had caught a glimpse of the man from the picture that put his guard up to begin with.

When he pulls back but makes no move to join Ethan on the other side of the gym, MJ shakes her head with a grin and cups his cheek softly.

“No need to stake your claim, Neanderthal,” she says.

He looks down at her with a pout that makes her heart and her panties melt. His wide hands plant themselves on her hips and tug her a little closer to him, anyways. “Am I being obvious?” he asks.

“Only to me,” she winks, rising on her toes to give him one more chaste kiss. “Now go with E, before Chanel gets here and I have to reverse the roles.”

Grayson laughs but does as he’s told, giving her waist a gentle squeeze before they part ways. MJ’s company had rented half of the gym, which was roped off for them. He chooses the open wall closest to the one they're using, eager to keep his girlfriend as nearby as possible for the couple of hours they would be separated.

As he sits on a bench and slips on his climbing shoes, Grayson can’t help but search out where Jesse is. He’s easy to spot, that’s for sure. Not only is he already next to MJ, chatting animatedly while she smiles and nods politely in return, but he stands out with his curly mop of hair, caramel-colored skin, and pale blue eyes. Maybe his attractiveness is part of the reason Grayson is somewhat intimidated by his obvious interest in MJ, but he’s also part of her everyday life, one he knows nothing about other than what she shares with him.

It’s never been something that bothers him, because it’s healthy to have a life outside of a relationship, but he’s always dated — hooked up, whatever you want to call it — in his industry. There was always a mutual understanding of what work and life in general entailed with those flings, and it’s taken Jesse for him to suddenly realize he doesn’t have the experience or the knowledge of how to handle his feelings with that not being the case with MJ. It makes him feel out of control, not good enough somehow.

Grayson Dolan does not like to be out of control and he most certainly does not like being below his own standards.

“Who’s that?”

Grayson is brought out of his daze by his brother’s voice and the hand he had clapped to his shoulder. If he were able to laugh at himself in this moment, he might have found Ethan’s question funny, since it was exactly what he’d said when he first saw Jesse, too. Ethan’s gaze is fixed on MJ and the man in question, who had placed his hand on her elbow as he talked only for MJ to duck down to ‘tie her shoe.’

“Jesse,” is all he says, standing up to buckle his chalk belt around his waist.

“Oh,” Ethan replies, nodding his head a little. “Do we like him?”

“Nope.”

“Cool.”

Ethan becomes another set of eyes for Grayson while they climb, giving him nudges or a little whistle every time he catches Jesse standing a little too close to MJ, or finding a reason to touch her, or to ‘help’ her as she climbs up the wall. Grayson glowers over every time, trying his best but probably failing to not to come off as the jealous boyfriend. Every once in a while MJ will catch his eyes, giving him a quick wave or a thumbs-up with a pretty smile just for him. It makes his heart settle some, only for his chest to tighten again when Jesse starts cheering for her a little too loud.

The two hours pass by a little faster as he settles into the rhythm of climbing, trying to put her touchy coworker in the back of his mind. He trusts MJ with everything in him, but he knows how men can be — ignorant either by choice or by idiocy to a woman’s obvious signals of disinterest.

“Gray!”

He’s just reached the top of the wall when his girlfriend’s voice cuts clear through the loud chatter around them. He looks down and sees her on the mat, hair pulled back in a cute high ponytail, freckled cheeks flushed from the exertion of the day, as she waves him down with that same bright smile.

He grins, excited to have her to himself once again. “One sec!”

Once he’s made it back down the wall, he greets her with a kiss. She’s tied her jacket around her waist, leaving her top half covered only by a pretty green sports bra that happens to be both his favorite color and one that makes her eyes pop beautifully.

“I like this,” he says suggestively, hooking his finger in one of the straps and tugging gently.

MJ rolls her eyes and reaches up to adjust the center of the Wakeheart cap he’s got backwards over his hair. “Come on. You can meet the idiots I have to put up with every day.”

She leads him to the group, who are all standing around chatting, gulping down water, gathering keys and such as they prepare to leave. He gets introduced to them a couple at a time. Some of them he recognizes by name, such as Valentina and Jude (both of whom MJ actually likes and considers friends), MJ’s intern Alessia, and Chanel, of course, who bats her eyes so obnoxiously it’s almost comical.

And then there’s Jesse, who’s immediately sizing Grayson up with those striking eyes as soon as they approach him standing in the corner on his phone. Grayson doesn’t back down in the slightest, a smirk fixing itself on his lips when MJ leans into him and wraps her arm around his back. He drapes his own over her shoulders, pulling her that much closer to him.

“Hey Jess. This is the famous boyfriend I’ve told you all about,” she introduces, patting a hand on his hard stomach and smiling up at him for a moment.

Grayson lets go of MJ long enough to extend his hand. “Grayson.”

Jesse accepts and shakes his hand politely. “Jesse. MJ and I are teammates.”

“So I’ve heard,” he says, keeping a tight smile on his face as Jesse continues to square up to him, like Grayson has posed some kind of challenge.

Jesse nods, a grin of his own popping up as he gets the idea that MJ has maybe talked about him before. Grayson wants to roll his eyes, but he stays trying to be the bigger person here.

“So what do you do, Grayson?” Jesse asks.

Another hot flash overcomes him. He’s heard the question often enough to know there are two ways people ask it: innocently and genuinely; or knowingly and almost maliciously, like Jesse is now, waiting for him to say the ‘i’ word and berate him for it passive-aggressively.

MJ tightens her arm around him some, and it calms him down enough to answer with an even tone. “I do social media.”

“That’s just the tip of the iceberg, though,” MJ steps in for him with a grin. “He and his brother have a whole production team under them. And they're CEO’s and part-owners of a fragrance company, Wakeheart. I think I’ve told you, whenever you compliment my perfume, that it’s Grayson’s, right?”

She’s incredible, really. Grayson smiles and shows off the diamonds in his teeth, which glint in the harsh artificial light. “Well, Jesse, if you like MJ’s perfume so much, I’d be glad to send you our whole collection. Maybe you’ll find one that’s right for you.”

He can see Jesse’s resolve start to waver, especially when MJ stands on her toes to kiss Grayson’s stubbled cheek. “Very generous, huh Jesse?”

Jesse clears his throat and digs his keys out of his pocket tellingly. “Ah, yeah. Thanks, man, good to meet you. See you Monday, MJ.”

He brushes past the couple without another glance, and he at least has the decency to blush a little from embarrassment. MJ turns and wraps her arms around Grayson’s middle, staring up at him with big green eyes that sparkle with amusement.

“Do you think he got the picture that I’m completely, totally, head over heels in love with you?” she asks, swaying slightly as he wraps his arms around her as well. “And that he has no chance in this universe whatsoever?”

“I don’t know, I feel like you could’ve laid it on a little thicker. Hyped me up a bit more,” Grayson jokes, dipping down to brush her lips with his. A blonde statue glares at the pair of them when he pulls back and glances over MJ’s head. “Chanel is staring daggers at us. Should we make out right here so she can see how I feel the same about you?”

MJ giggles and shakes her head. “Unfortunately, nothing will faze that bitch.” She nuzzles his nose with hers affectionately, the chaste display a perfect disguise for the dirty whispers that comes out of her mouth next. “Mm, my CEO boyfriend can take me home, though, and fuck me nice and hard in the shower.”

Grayson’s eyes turn a shade darker, and he bites his plump lower lip. He wants to slip his hands down to her ass, but he’s also very aware of how public they are right now. “If we even make it to the shower,” he murmurs.

MJ scrunches her nose and raises her brow in a look of mild disgust. “Gray, if you think I’m sucking your dick after it’s been in a cup for nearly three hours, without you taking a shower, you better think again. I don’t think even Chanel is down for that.”

Grayson lets out a belly laugh and releases her, taking her by the hand instead to go find Ethan. “Noted, baby. Noted.”

#no smut but #might post some tomorrow👀 #thank u again bb for sending this in it means a lot❤️ #dolan twins #grayson dolan #grayson mj #grayson mj blurb #blurb #g blurb