#our struggles may not be the same but they still fucking exist

[remma-demma]

Truly fucking insane to me how even some trans people have drunk the gender essentialist koolaid and think that trans men are like, inherently arms of the patriarchy and oppressors. Just like believing all cis men are each, individually responsible for patriarchy. Isn’t the point of feminism that the system and people’s unconscious upholding of the system are the thing to be criticizing?? Gender essentialism is still gender essentialism even if you do it to trans people.

I don’t know why people don’t understand that treating any group as a monolith whose experiences are all the same is like. Bad and harmful. Trans men are men but they are not cis men. Many of us have experienced girl / womanhood enforced on us by society and deeply understand the struggle. I don’t see why it’s harmful to acknowledge the fact that trans men experience misogyny!!!! Lots of trans men haven’t or won’t transition! I promise you even if we are men, see ourselves as men, the vast majority of society will not.

I really hate infighting and “calling out” whole sections of the community, and I guarantee I’m not talking about 90% of trans women who are normal but that other 10% act like trans men have betrayed women by “choosing to be men”. Isn’t that like, 1) literally gc / terf logic and 2) implying that trans people just up and choose their gender one day (not saying that some don’t but like. Being trans is a deeply personal thing that’s often not a choice.)

This is thinking that makes trans men guilty to be trans men. We’re used to hearing it from radfems but to hear it from people who are supposed to be our allies??? From people who we have something so deeply in common with? It fucking sucks!!!

#sorry I just saw three whole Twitter posts that literally were like ALL TRANS WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL AND FUNNY AND AWESOME #and all trans men are stupid and stinky and bad #trans men continue to be punching bags every three months for some fucking reason #I’m not disagreeing that trans women are put under a lot more pressure societally and that fucking sucks #but literally whenever trans men speak up we ARE dismissed. #our struggles may not be the same but they still fucking exist #this is mostly a vent but feel free to (civilly and constructively) talk to me about where my blind spots might be #I’m taking American cultural anthropology and we just learned the word intersectionality and I don’t think people truly understand that #the intersection between “being men’ and “being raised as female’ is very real #I think what that male model said was stupid in terms of like #thinking that trans women are to blame for being so visible #but what he said about the general way people are raised in gendered ways is not bullshit. #culture affects us from literally all angles and it’s wild to think that a trans man could just flip a switch one day and forget #being constantly put down and told to be kind and put others feelings above your own and be scared of being assaulted and blah blah blah #being raised as a girl shit. unless you transitioned as a child and had super supportive parents that shit is REAL #my post #trans #jfc even if you were raised in the right gender medical misogyny affects us too! our bodies are policed just like women’s are #also lol I’m not saying I just learned the term or idea intersectionality it’s just interesting to learn about it academically

[attractive-nuisance-esq]

Ed’s journey this season is going to perfectly mirror addiction and recovery, and I am so fucking here for it. Watching these first three episodes of S2 was like watching a highly dramatized AU of my own descent into rock bottom (except everyone was dressed wayyyyyy cooler than I ever was), so I have a lot of thoughts, reactions, and insights that I want to share with other fans. I’m sure many of us who have struggled with our mental health connected with Ed in these episodes, but I think addiction is the most appropriate lens through which to view him because addicts (more often than people who struggle with other mental illnesses) so wholly destroy their own lives and utterly devastate those of their loved ones. I want to share - from the perspective of someone who has steered her own ship straight into a storm and woke up alone to face some very hard choices - what is going on with Ed at the start of this season and what I think is coming.

Let me start by saying that Ed isn’t literally addicted to any one thing, despite his heavy use of drugs and alcohol, but his goal is the same as that of all addicts: escape. He does not want to sit with the pain of Stede leaving him on an immediate, surface level; on a deeper, more habitual level, he doesn’t want to sit with the pain of his own self-loathing. Of course the two are related: the former brings the latter to a head. Stede abandoning him dredges up and brightly illuminates all of his insecurities, and now Ed has to run. Get out. Escape. Don’t think about it. So he is fighting, stealing, drinking, snorting, shooting, killing - whatever it takes to not think about it.

“Demon? I’m the fuckin’ devil.” People in recovery often talk about addiction as if it were a separate, sentient monster living within them. Ed taking on the mantle of demon - a creature known specifically for possession, for removing the host’s free will - is intentional. So is his insistence that he’s not just any demon but the demon. The worst there is. (More on that when we get to The Innkeeper.)

Izzy’s confrontation of Ed in the captain’s cabin and then on deck is a form of intervention. Izzy is trying to help Ed, but of course this goes terribly for him and for Ed because interventions (I cannot stress this enough) are maybe the worst thing you could do to an addict. All addicts know things are bad, but they cannot be pushed to change one single second before they’re ready. Ed knows things are bad. He’s well-aware of how he’s spending his time, how his crew feels about him, how disappointed Izzy is. Being confronted with all of those truths by Izzy was always only going to make him do two things: 1) dig further into his unhealthy coping mechanisms, never mind that they don’t have nearly the effect that they used to; and 2) lash out at the person who forced him to think about it. Izzy lost his leg the moment he stepped into Ed’s cabin.

The impossible bird. You guys remember the song Chandelier by Sia? The one about her addiction to alcohol? The whole thing may as well come right out of Ed’s mouth at the end of that first episode, because that experience is exactly what he’s trying to convey to Frenchie. Nevermind that Frenchie has the temerity to tell him the bird can’t exist, that it has to come down sometime, that flying forever isn’t sustainable. The bird can come down on its own terms, or crash… but Frenchie’s definitely not going to say that much. Still, “that sounds like something that can’t exist” hits Ed, and leads us to the next episode.

Now we’ve got Ed forlorn, heartbroken, almost catatonic while playing with his cake toppers. We don’t actually see him crying in the opening of the episode, which is the point. He’s done crying now. The impossible bird can’t exist, and Ed has already resigned himself to this. He’s decided to die. The only sure-fire permanent way to not think about it.

When next we see Ed, he seems to be doing better, but this is a huge red flag for anyone who knows to look. He’s giving away his responsibility to Frenchie; he’s cleaning the cabin for the closure. He knows the end is coming fast, and the relief that knowledge brings him leaves him weirdly at peace. It is he eeriest part of these episodes, IMO.

Then he goes to find his first mate, the person who knows him better than anyone else in the world, the man he just fucking shot and ordered killed. Ed needs his low opinion of himself validated, and of course he thinks he’ll get it from Izzy after everything he’s done to him. He wants the one person who has stuck with him through everything to confirm that he’s now irretrievably broken and no longer worthy of his love. Ed wants someone to tell him that he’s right: he should die.

He doesn’t get that from Izzy. Interestingly, Izzy doesn’t tell him he should die. He says “Clean up your own mess.” Izzy has learned the lesson now that Ed isn’t ready to get better and that he can’t make him be ready. (This post isn’t about Izzy, but hoo boy - I have big feels about that man.)

Ed has been indulging in various forms of self-destruction in order to not feel his feelings, and steering the ship into the storm is his worst indulgence yet. This is the worst of his crimes - not beheading or arson or a red wedding. It’s when he tries to bring down everyone who has ever loved him into his misery, into believing what he believes. The audience generally (and Ed’s audience of Stede specifically) can forgive him for hurting strangers and for the non-specific mayhem whose victims we’ve never met; but it is much less certain that anyone will forgive him for hurting the only family he’s ever known.

The storm itself is the perfect metaphor for Ed’s attempt on his and, incidentally, everyone else’s lives. One of the most common metaphors used by friends and family members of addicts is that of a hurricane: that their addicted loved-ones tend to destroy everything they touch, anyone who was foolish or brave enough to stick around. And, like hurricanes, addicts aren’t malicious. Ed’s primary goal here is to get himself killed, not to kill everyone else. He wants the ship to go down so his death is certain. His firing a cannonball into the mast and asking Jim and Archie to fight to the death isn’t malice: it’s utter and complete nihilism. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing and no one. The end is near, and he’s so fucking drunk and high off these distractions that he couldn’t think about it if he tried. He’s manic with relief. (See also: “Finally.”)

And now for the finale: Purgatory. Buckle up, because this is where the addiction analogy gets real *chef’s kiss.* Purgatory is the equivalent of the morning after the worst, most rock bottom binge night of your life. You wake up with no one for company but the ghosts of your former selves. Now what?

Well, first - who is Hornigold to Ed? Why is he the guy Ed sees? It’s because Hornigold is another addict, if you will, but one who is (in this Purgatory hallucination) farther along in his recovery. He can impart some wisdom from that place, but he can also stand in as someone Ed can loathe because they’re not as different as Ed once thought, even if Hornigold can say he’s grown.

Hornigold tries to give him soup. He tells Ed, “Gotta get these nutrients into you,” and then literally shoves soup down his throat. That’s what it’s like in rock bottom. You don’t want to take care of yourself, but some lizard brain survival instinct takes over and makes you drink water, eat a piece of fruit, take yourself to the hospital. These things don’t really happen voluntarily that morning after, but you can still count on that instinct to kick in with some damage control.

Ed telling Hornigold how he “got here.” Hornigold says “Mutiny. It’s always mutiny.” Ed insists his mutiny was special, worse somehow. This whole scene is exactly what happens in your first recovery support group meeting. You go in thinking no one has ever been as fucked and fucked up as you are, which makes you feel isolated and alone. But then you get there and everyone else in the circle has done the same shit, been through the same shit. Ed’s not actually the devil; he’s just another demon, like many demons before him.

Ed worries he’s insane when he reflects on everything he’s done. Hornigold’s reply that “Feeling bad isn’t going to rebuild an abdominal wall” is a concept that people usually learn a little bit later in recovery, so I expect we’ll see more on this theme from Ed. Guilt is a useless emotion that only serves to conversely make the addict feel better but doesn’t help the harmed party: the addict feels like their suffering is cleansing, but it’s not - feeling guilt is just more self-indulgence, more self-destruction. Hornigold - a fellow addict in this moment - is trying to get this lesson to him early. It’ll return.

“You’ve got to move on or blow your brains out.” We’re getting back to Purgatory as the metaphor for the morning-after rock bottom, because this is the exact calculation that every person in recovery has done. They all had to answer that one big question. Your whole life is a mess, and you made the mess. Do you want to clean it up? Or quit? (Or make some soup? Yeah. That big question can’t be answered without basic needs having been met. So let’s eat. Let’s start there. It’s easier.)

Now we have Ed’s fantasy about opening an inn: This is also a common part of the morning-after rock bottom. You start thinking about the wrong turns you took, the mistakes you made, the way your life was supposed to go and all the reasons you’re not where you wanted to be. (And all the people you can blame for the fact that your life didn’t go as planned.) And when that honest part of yourself starts telling you that actually it’s all your fault… well, a) you don’t wanna hear it, and b) you can’t silence (kill) that monster, no matter how hard you try. You’ve got to face it. Face all those truths you’ve been running from for years. Now you have to think about it.

So now the big question, the inevitable math. Hornigold suggests looking at the pros and the cons. That’s the easiest way to break the calculation into manageable variables. This is probably my favorite moment of the episode, because when you’re sitting there, morning after the worst night of your life, everything is fucked - these are the exact variables that go into your equation. Do I really want to live? You ask yourself that, and because your life is in fucking shambles, you come up with the stupidest goddamn reasons to keep going. You wanna see the next seasons of Good Omens and Loki. You wanna eat your mom’s spaghetti again. Sometimes it’s nice when someone hugs you. It’s never the big things that save your life; it’s a bunch of the littlest things. The smallest comforts. The big things… they’re too unattainable. They’re too much to hope for, and they’re more than you could possibly deserve. What are the pros of living for Ed? Warmth, good food, orgasms. This is a stunningly accurate representation of the things that will keep you alive once you’ve hit rock bottom.

And then the cons: “I don’t think anyone is waiting for me.” This is why addiction is the better metaphor. There is no human experience more isolating than addiction. You are alone in more ways than you’ve ever been before. You have pushed away or pissed off everyone who ever cared about you. And even the ones who will maybe still be there for you - they can’t help you clean up the mess you’ve made. You have to do the work alone, even if they’re still willing to stand next to you. And this con… it’s the scariest one. Your list of little pros looks so pathetic next to the horror of being utterly fucking alone. Who is going to brave that for some stupid shit like Tom Hiddleston sexily flipping his hair back in that Loki way he does? Why should Ed carry on just because blankets are cozy and marmalade is pleasant?

This is where we get to the moment on the mountain, and what Stede represents. Hornigold tells Ed “You’re unlovable, and you’re afraid to do anything about it.” Ed could do two things about being unlovable: He could try to fix it, or he could end it all. Hornigold represents the worst part of Ed: his weaknesses and cowardice. And if Hornigold is in the driver’s seat, he’s going to end it all. He throws the rock off the cliff, and Ed gets dragged down into the water to drown. (Let’s also talk later about how often addiction is compared to drowning, and how nothing else in the show actually threatened Ed’s life - not Izzy with a gun, not all the rhino horn, not Jim’s cannonball - like drowning in his own mind.)

But then there’s Stede. Stede is how the pros win over that one big, horrifying con. Stede is hope. Stede is just a glimmer of hope. Hope is the most important thing you need in the morning-after rock bottom. As much as I enjoy the idea that it was love that saved Ed, I don’t think that’s a wholly faithful interpretation. Because Stede’s love for Ed doesn’t solve anything, doesn’t fix anything - it certainly doesn’t fix Ed. It cannot fix Ed. Hornigold just told Ed that he’s the one who has to “do something about it,” because Ed is the only one who can save himself. But even if Stede’s love for him in itself isn’t what saves Ed, Ed’s trust in Stede combined with that love gives him hope. Stede loves Ed, truly loves him, came back to him even though he knows Ed’s nature, knows his list of crimes, knows what he’s done to Stede’s friends and family. And maybe Ed can find in himself what he trusts Stede truly sees. It’s a “maybe,” not a certainty. But it’s hope. Someone loves him. Maybe he can love himself, too.

This Woman’s Work: I read this song as referring more appropriately to Ed’s relationship with himself, in no small part because Ed literally made himself the woman in the cake topper couple. All the things that should have been done, should have been said - they’re things Ed needs to do and say to himself. He’s got a little life and a lot of strength left. The journey has just begun.

I want to pop back quickly to a few other moments in The Innkeeper that resonated, starting with Stede and Izzy’s discussion about what happened to Ed: “He went mad. He was a wild dog.” Izzy describes Ed’s breakdown as if he was no longer the same person he once was; this is exactly what addiction does to a person. Ed hasn’t been himself; he’s been held hostage by his need for escape, and he’s become something else. Possessed, if you will.

Izzy: “You and me did this to him, and we can’t let the crew suffer any more for our mistakes.” I’m not writing an essay on Izzy (yet), but this is a very interesting perspective that says a lot about Izzy. Stede and Izzy both owe apologies to Ed, but they are not responsible for his actions. I predict we’re going to see this theme explored in later episodes as a part of Ed’s healing process and recovery. And also hopefully in Izzy’s growth.

Frenchie’s line that “We’ve been living second-to-second for a while now” is a callback to the impossible bird idea. Which, again, is just Chandelier x Sia. “I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down, won’t open my eyes, keep my glass full until morning light ‘cause I’m just holding on for tonight.”

So what’s next? For me, it was learning to sit alone in a quiet room with my thoughts. It was apologizing to the ones I hurt, because even if I didn’t mean to hurt them - even if I was suffering also and worse - they still got hurt, and in the end it didn’t matter why. It was developing the habit of liking myself, and acting on whatever self-love and affection I could conjure up. And yes… it was new seasons of Good Omens and Loki, my mom’s spaghetti, and hugs.

So I think Ed has a lot of accountability, reflection, and breaking of old habits in his future… but also warmth, good food, and orgasms. And good for him. That’s the beauty of recovery: we get to come back.

#our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd s2 #ed teach #edward teach #blackbeard #ofmd kraken #gentlebeard #stede bonnet #izzy hands #ed teach meta #ofmd meta #ofmd analysis #taika waititi #david jenkins #recovery #ofmd predictions #ofmd season 2 #ed x stede #blackbonnet

[ineffable-suffering]

The Art of Miscommunication: Ineffable Edition

The more I watch S2 (over and over again like a complete maniac), it really becomes so obvious that ever since Armagedidn't happened, Crowley and Aziraphale just ... haven't been talking to each other. At least not properly. They may have been talking at each other or past each other but clearly, both of them have things they feel and want that they just keep failing to communicate properly.

Take this scene, for example. It's one of the very first scenes we see of them together in S2. And it shows us one thing very clearly: They're not listening to each other. Not even in the slightest.

I can't help but feel like before this scene, there have been many other unspoken disagreements between them, along similar lines. Disagreements about how exactly they should carve their existences out for themselves. There seem to be so many things they're just not communicating to each other, it's no wonder they both seem so on edge and charged with unspoken subtext during their little argument.

We know that Crowley hasn't even told Aziraphale that he's been living in the fucking Bentley for four years now. Or why that even is the case. He also hasn't told him just how awful it was how Gabriel treated him when Heaven cast Aziraphale into hellfire. At the same time, Aziraphale seems to be struggling a lot with not having anyone to report back to about the good things he's doing. And instead of talking about that to Crowley, he just "uses" him as a substitute for Heaven. Not that Crowley would mind that much, obviously, but still: Both of them just keep tiptoeing around what is actually bothering them and instead say and do things that simply end up throwing the other one off because they can't understand the intentions and reasons behind the other's choices.

"Exactly." – "Exactly."

"My car." – "Our car."

"We're in danger." – "We're safe."

"You don't understand what I'm offering you." – "I understand a lot better than you do"

"Run away together." – "Stay and fix it together."

I waffled on about how each of them have settled into their "new", post-(not)-End-of--the-World lives in this reblog, but I really think it was very clearly set up for the entire season, that all of their non-existent communication was gonna end up sabotaging their happily ever after in the end. Of course, it probably would have gone differently if a certain, Metatron-y variable hadn't intercepted at the very end.

But still: I think the main thing Crowley and Aziraphale will have to learn (in S3) is that, just like Maggie told us, "talking" doesn't equal "talking to eachother". And that in order to carve out a mutual existence together, you have to be honest and open about what you want and feel.

#good omens #good omens season 2 #go2 #gos2 #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #my own meta

[lanaevyssmoved]

how do you feel about people getting astarion’s scars as tattoos because when i saw it i was like uh….

so i was thinking about how to answer this question for a bit and i've come to the conclusion that my struggles because i am completely gobsmacked that in 2023 we still have issues like this

i am 29 years old, which i think is very important to bring up. i've been on tumblr for over a decade, i remember when people were actually doxxed over kinning a character who did a murder once. i remember when lives were destroyed over how people chose to love a video game character. i remember when an ask like this would cause a witch hunt that ended in someone being genuinely unsafe. i think asks like this can still be dangerous, and i can't post this without making that clear. while i'd like to think this wouldn't happen anymore, i can't say for sure, i think we need to have the self awareness of what can come, when our history, as in tumblrs history, is full of things like this being actually deadly. sorry if that's a little too serious for the vibe you're putting out, but that shit was fucking traumatising and i'm not gonna pretend it wasn't, so this ask was a little scary to receive and my upcoming honesty? i'm scared to put it out there on gut instinct alone haha (insert comment about astarion kinnies here)

astarion is a video game character with intent to make you feel things, good or bad. he is designed to tell a story and attach you to that story. he is designed to make your little brain juices sizzle when he says a funny or makes you sad. i'm sure this is obvious, but your concern for what people do with these feelings makes me think it might not be.

the scars are fucking cool design. they were made to be fucking cool. you're meant to look at them the first time you do and go WHOA.... it is very easy to appreciate the work and effort that went into them by whomever designed them, they have a lot to be proud about. if someone wants the scars as a tattoo because they think it's cool, more power to them. that's a fucking expensive tattoo, it would take a long ass time to be finished and heal, it would never be an easy decision for these facts alone.. and adults can do whatever they like with their money. he doesn't exist, he isn't real, he can't be offended by this, and you shouldn't be either.

and now i have to get sensitive with it because astarions story, whether you want to think of this or not, can, and will, resonate with abused people. many kinds of people of course, but most especially abuse victims. as a victim myself, parts of his story hit just a little too close to home and hurt. now think of someone who might have it hit closer to home than it did for me, someone who finds more connection with what astarion went through and what they went through. now imagine how important astarion is to that person, his reclaiming of autonomy, his reclaiming of agency, etc. i can see someone wanting the scars as tattoos because then in their mind they can be astarion and do what astarion did. they can be closer to astarion and use that strength to survive and push through. they can feel what he felt and survive (obviously it's not the same, but it's the symbolism). unfortunately you cannot dismiss that some people may be doing it out of a place of trauma and using astarion to help them heal. i'm not arguing whether or not this is healthy, i've certainly done similar in my youth when it comes to relating to characters who have been abused, we all find our ways to cope, and we all find our places of strength.

astarion doesn't exist, he was created in a game studio with intent to make you feel shit, as established already, including intent to make you feel so strongly you want to put pieces of him on your skin forever, like, that's a compliment when it comes to making characters. if afhiri had something on her skin that signified trauma, and someone wanted to permanently put that on their skin? wow, she means that much to you? you liked her that much? that's a gods damn compliment. and i cannot see those who worked closely with astarions creation seeing it any other way.

what i can say is that when i was younger, 20-23ish, i probably would have given it an 'uh...' too, but as i grew older i realised that life is draining, it is hard, and there is no room to healthily view video game characters as any more than some code and 3d model that exist exclusively to make you feel something strong enough that you might want them with you forever, because that's the end goal, to make you feel that strongly, and if you wanna spend that hard earned money you make on putting the cool scars on your back, or the scars that make you feel so emotional that you cry on your back, do it. let the character whose made this rough existence a little easier or mean a little more do that for you, and if you wanna express it through a tattoo, do that, it's your body, your flesh.

i'm rambling on because i am so passionate in that life is too short to judge others via this. our lives are too hard already, life sucks enough as it is. the video game character doesn't give a shit if his scars are a tattoo because he's not real. who cares? why do you care? no, seriously, why do you care? does this help you? is it good for you? is judging someone else's decisions an act that brings you actual, real joy? is that how you want to spend your time? where you want to put your free thoughts? you don't know them, their reasoning, what they're going through, and it shouldn't matter. because their body has absolutely nothing to do with you, and i find it weird and uncomfortable that you cared enough about what someone else does with their body that you'd send me an anon about it.

i don't know whether you were looking for validation, or me to generally think about this critically, but i cannot encourage the mindset of caring about this more than "wow, i hope it looks good because that shit gonna be expeeeensive!!!" i cannot encourage sending people anon asks about it, it is strange to do that. this was strange! it was a strange experience and i don't like it. but i couldn't ignore it.

astarion might matter to you, personally, but he himself as a video game character, doesn't, because he isn't real, he has no feelings, he cannot be hurt or offended. but the person getting the tattoo? they're real. they're a real life person with feelings. they can be hurt, you can hurt them. you can judge them and bring them down and make them feel guilty for their choices. deciding whether you are the kind of person who'd do that to a living breathing person over a video game character is something you need to do. do you want to be that person? i know i certainly don't

#ask #Anonymous #sorry for putting this massive ask on everyones dash this morning this just really hit me in the gut #i cried writing this lol dgkdfgd #please don't send people asks like this #don't invite others to be judgemental and unkind #don't encourage that.. not ever #please do better #sorry if theres typos or smth doesnt make sense #this became very hard to look at

[anendoandfriendo]

So, we have a LOT of gripes with this post but more just want to address then individually without giving the OP any harassment so:

These first and second paragraphs is fine honestly, we won't tell people how they should feel about their own experiences.

The problem starts at the next part where OP starts trying to tell people how they should feel about their own brain.

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Also we just REALLY need to get this out of the way woth no other comments —

"We don't label [implied word is diagnose] personality types"

LMAO try saying that to uhhhh — *checks notes* — people with PERSONALITY DISORDERS.

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People who generally live life functionally but who every now and then are reminded that they’re disabled and need help in very specific situations. Like somebody who doesn’t struggle much socially and who doesn’t need supports at school or work but who sometimes doesn’t have as much energy for doing the dishes because they’re exhausted from living as an autistic person in an allistic world.

Did you know that therapists require a diagnosis to see literally anyone, ever? At least in the United States?

By your logic the neurotypical idea that "nobody is normal" actually exists. Why is someone who goes to a therapist and is forced to get like, let's just say a depression diagnosis for the ease of thos conversation. Why are they allowed to get that diagnosis, do the therapy, then consider themselves completely neurotypical but an autistic person isn't allowed to do that?

Please make that make sense.

And if you didn't realize everyone who's ever gone to a therapist loses their neurotypical card and is lying to you (using YOUR OWN LOGIC these people would be lying/faking neurotypicality) then don't worry about that! We didn't know that either until this year.

Anyways, that leaves us two options: either everyone is disabled or these people are allowed to choose their neurotypes in spite of the system labeling them otherwise. We sincerely hope why you realize the former is more shitty and we do not have to explain to you even bodily autonomy you don't like is still an inalienable right.

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So if you’re like me, please don’t speak over higher support needs people. Recognise that, if you can generally live independently, you are lower support needs than a LOT of others.

Is this about the assholes who went "waaah!! Don't call yourselves nonverbal!!! You share the same brainbody!!!" yes and as a plural system, we are still DIFFERENT PEOPLE. SOME OF US ARE NONVERBAL AND CANNOT SPEAK WHEN FRONTING WITHOUT ADDITIONAL ASSISTANCE FROM ANOTHER HEADMATE. SOME OF US HAVE TO BODY DOIBLE EACH OTHER JUST TO GET THE DISHES DONE YOU DESCRIBED IN THIS POST.

YES WE DO STILL HOLD A JOB TAKIMG PHONE CALLS. BECAUSE THE VARIETY OF AUTISTICS IN OUR HEAD MAKES. IT. SO. WE. ARE. COLLECTIVELY. NON-DISORDERED.

We may be endogenic, but we would still not, in any way, survive the world as a singlet. We are low support needs on a fucking technicality because they confirmed us as an autistic person when the brainody was two!!!

Just because you do not benefit from a purely social model of disability doesn't mean there are autistics who straight up wouldn't have issues anymore if people just..accepted them and society in general was less shitty.

The ONLY!! WAY!!! We have seen this kind of statement be used is to gatekeep people like us who try to describe their experiences of plurmisia and its intersectionality with ableism.

We are a non-disordered autistic collectively with specific members in our system who ARE in fact disordered autistics. The only reason we don't have people who describe themselves as neurotypicals in this system is very specifically because they do indeed feel a change in them when they arrive here.

Yes! We are a lot lower in support needs! To the point we do not consider ourselves such! Because of our multiplicity. Not because our autism "isn't that bad" or anything like that.

------

TLDR:

Stop fucking telling people how to feel about their own experiences.

If youre trying to gatekeep what we think you are trying ro gatekeep, you're an asshole and need to stop. Maybe we are just lucky, who knows, but we have NEVER seen this kind of sentiment occur in a way that does not have an undercurrent of plurmisia and/or other ableism.

You can in fact be a nondisordered diagnosed person. It happens all of the time, otherwise therapists as an institution couldn't exist lmao.

Additionally, as far as we are concerned, there are, in fact, situations you can be simultaneously non-disordered and disordered.

How about you follow the advice you said to everyone else, and not tell no-support and low-support autistics how to feel about their experiences? You're a fucking hypocrite OP!

Someone or somesys with more experience analyzing this kind of thing from a mad pride lens and/or a bodily autonomy lens is absolutely free to add onto this but we're just. Tired. And also kinda we have to be at work in likeeee 10 to 20 minutes.

[marimayscarlett]

Can someone with psychological knowledge please explain fan fiction? And of course, in this instance, I mean Rammstein fan fiction. I can read anything from comfort to the nastiest, filthiest stories and really pull myself into that world, especially if it's written very realistically (no ooc) AND YET once I finish reading, it is over. There's none of it bleeding into reality. Sure, we all aww at Paulchard kisses and touches and make silly jokes but it's never "Oh they are 100% fucking".

It's like getting off, washing your hands, and then coming out for dinner with the family 😐

Hi 👋🏼

I must say, this is an interesting take on things (and made me laugh in the last part, not going to lie 😅). I may not have extensive psychological knowledge, yet I'll give it a try and put my (of course subjective) thoughts into words here.

For me, fan fiction first and foremost is like a filter you put over reality - to try out different 'what-if' scenarios, living out fantasies in a save space, explore possible different timelines, universes (be it daring fantasy AUs or the good old comforting coffee shop/comic book store AUs) and outcomes of maybe real life scenarios of the people in question (rather popular in the R+ realm of course is the Mutter era on this regard).

You mentioned that none of it bleeds into reality for you - one possible reason for it can be (from my perspective) that the base of all these fan fictions, the band itself, really exists before our own eyes. We can check on them, get updates about the band members, we comprehend that these are real people with personal lives, making decisions in their lives which lead them in a certain way. I can imagine as soon as you (or lots of people who feel the same way) finish a fan fic, the so called 'filter' is instantly gone. Since in real life it's very clear that for example Paul is in a committed relationship/Schneider is married with kids/the band members are in fact just day to day people and not high profile gangsters (etc etc, you get the jist); I can imagine that these real existing facts can act like a sobering effect.

Yet not everyone has this admittedly quite healthy distance to fan fiction - I must admit that when I read for example a tragic fan fiction (character death, lots of hurt/comfort, melancholic/sad endings), I do struggle snapping out of it immediatly. In terms of rationality, I know that Richard did not die of the plague/did not leave the band/the band was not killed during a heist/what-have-you, and yet I find myself almost feeling like wrapped in cotton wool - kind of paralysed mentally for a few days, my mind still revolving about this particular fic.

I think all in all it's a question of character, how the mind reacts to certain things, how attatched one is to fiction and the admittedly fictional characterisations of real life people.

#rammstein #ask #thank you for this ask! very thought inducing #rammstein fan fiction

[luthien-under-bough]

I'm a few days late on this, because it all went down as I was on my way to go to go camping for the weekend, but I wanted to make a comment regardless.

On Friday afternoon I was alerted to the fact that someone had plagiarised one of my fics - a two-shot I posted in September/October of last year. This person mixed it with the work of another author in the fandom, and presented it as their own story - in the same fandom and pairing.

At first, it seemed they had just copied the summary of my fic (which is an excerpt from the story itself, and honestly still not okay), but upon closer inspection, I realized this person copied, word for word, almost my entire fic , and pasted it into the second and third chapters of their "story." Essentially every line was copied, the same structure preserved, with minimal changes made.

The rest of their "story" was cobbled together from entire lines and paragraphs taken from another author's fic (an extremely popular one on in the fandom, at that - so I'm not sure how they expected this to go unnoticed or un-called out). So truly this was a straight up ripoff and remix of our two stories.

I think even now, my brain is still reeling from the fact that this person felt it was perfectly okay to directly copy my work (and the other author's), change a handful of words, and present it as their own. I can't pretend to understand what goes through someone's mind to decide to do something like this. I understand the desire to write, obviously, and the struggle that sometimes comes along with not being able to translate your desire to the page. I also understand the desire for engagement with your work, for praise and attention, because let's be real - as much as we may write for ourselves, it feels fucking great for other people to read your stuff and to like it. There's nothing better than gushing over your writing with other fans!

But none of that excuses stealing. And what this person did was theft, plain and simple. And it is completely unnacceptable. You don't get to reap the benefits of creating without putting in the effort. You don't get to take shortcuts. You don't get to LARP as a fic writer.

(This person also had the audacity to include in their author's notes commentary about how "difficult" it was to write certain chapters, or how they drew from their own trauma to do so. When from what I can tell, there was little to no original writing contained within this "story" whatsoever. I don't claim to know what is wrong with this person other than their blatant lack of respect for other writers, but if you have your own issues to work through, do it through your own original writing. Or, if my writing inspired you somehow, leave a comment - don't steal my work.)

The story has been taken down already - whether by the poster themself after a number of readers and fellow writers went to their comments to call out this bad behavior, or due to it being swiftly reported to ao3 as plagiarism - so I don't want to belabor the point. But needless to say, this left a bad taste in my mouth. I'm not going to private my fics, or even archive lock them at this point, but it has made me wary, and left me a little skittish that it could happen again.

I don't want to entirely dwell on the negative, though. The immediate and passionate response from other writers, and readers was so reassuring. It's heartwarming to know that there is a supportive community here that has each other's backs. At the end of the day, this fandom has brought me so much more good than bad, and I treasure the genuine friends and connections I have made.

And I think that might be what bothers me the most - the theft of my work upsets me, of course, but this kind of behavior is what drives people out of fandom, and destroys the communities that so many of us have built. And if you wanted attention and connection - you could have gotten it by writing your own story, and joining one of the many communities that exists in the fandom. I guess if you just want kudos, then the rest of it is meaningless. But if what you wanted out of this was genuine connection with other fans, readers, and writers - well, you did just about the worst thing you could possibly to to ensure you never gain access to that. So in a way, I pity this person.

But make no mistake - if I see this happen again, with this person or any other "author" - my empathy will evaporate entirely.

At the end of the day, this whole situation just made me even more grateful for the friends I've made, and reassured me that there are mostly good people in the fandom - and to not let these bad faith participants ruin it for everyone.

If you made it this far - thank you for enduring my rambling. I have zero expectations for this post other than to serve as the braindump I so desperately needed. Thanks for listening. 💜

#text post #personal #daemyra #house of the dragon #fanfic #fandom culture #plagiarism

[iris-sistibly]

Since I'm rewatching Maria Clara at Ibarra on Netflix, at dahil may time ako for today's bidyow I'm just gonna give my two cents on this comment:

I think we can all agree that Maria Clara did NOT deserve to suffer the way she did, and yes she deserves to be happy with the only man she ever loved. But Maria Clara's story is the story of many women who were oppressed, and abused by priests during the Spanish era and sadly, this reality STILL exists even up to this day. And as much as I fucking hate to admit this, there are still many untold stories of women (even boys and young men) who were sexually abused by these disgusting hypocrites who call themselves instruments of God, and what's more painful is that the victims are silenced and the abusers get away with it because *coughs* ✨the Church protects them✨

Don't get me wrong, I was baptized and raised as a Catholic myself, but I refuse to ignore cases like these which thankfully in the modern times are being addressed and taken actions of, but I'm not sure how many of these mga sugo ng Diyos are actually punished for their crimes (*clears throat* Church is still quite influential af even in the 21st century 🙃).

Ibarra is a good man with good intentions for San Diego, yet he was framed and accused of being a heretic and filibuster by [again] these fugly Church peeps because they wanted the Filipinos to remain indios: uneducated and poor af. Juan Crisostomo Ibarra is the image of those people who only wanted to help their fellow Filipinos, yet are the ones who are being punished for the most nonsense reasons, and the very people who called themselves his friends and supporters are the same people who turned their backs on him because they were afraid of suffering the same fate as Crisostomo (and Don Rafael) .

In the show, I saw myself in Klay (except that I passed my Noli, El Fili and Rizal lessons 🤣) my only drive to read Noli and El Fili was to pass my Filipino subject. I did not have a full grasp of the lesson that Rizal was trying to teach. The moment I passed my subject, I was like "Oh good! Finally!" but I didn't take those learnings by heart. And I said the very same thing Klay said in the earlier episode, "What's the point of studying Noli and El Fili when I can't even apply it on the course I'm taking or my job when I graduate?" And I admit, history wasn't my favorite subject, I found it boring. I missed the whole point of what my teacher was teaching me.

I could go on and on about the characters of the novels and the show but to sum it all up, every character and events are the very images of every Filipino, their struggles, and the truth about what was really happening in our country. Rizal's Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo weren't the kind of novels you expect them to be, it is not a stereotypical love story, and it wasn't written to make the readers OR the audiences happy. These novels are here to teach the Klays like you and me not only about our history but also open our eyes to the reality of how this cancer of the society still exists and if we, the Filipino people don't do something to "cure" this, our country will NEVER progress.

As much as I wanted Ibarra and Maria to have a happily ever after they both deserve, I am glad that GMA 7 actually didn't stray away too much from its source materials, because now I understand why I had to learn those books. I understand now why Rizal was named national hero, his novels paved the way for the Filipinos to finally stand up and fight the oppressors.

However, as much as it pains me of how tragic Rizal's novels are, at least in the show, they got a happy ending. Just in a different timeline and universe but still, happily ever after.

#misc #gma 7 #maria clara at ibarra #noli me tangere #el filibusterismo #jose rizal #suzette doctolero #netlifx #juan crisostomo ibarra y magsalin #maria clara delos santos y alba #maria clara infantes #dennis trillo #julie anne san jose #barbie forteza

[skaruresonic]

No one tell those people that african tribes regularly practices slavery amongst one another, and the trans atlantic slave trade got kicked off in the first place because europeons decided to aggressively and proactively exploit the supply of slaves they were being provided from trading with african nations.

Shock of shocks, when you take people who lives hundreds of years ago in drastically different environments and hold them up to modern first world american moral standards, they end up seeming a little bit fucked up in comparison. Wowowow! What are you, 12? Did you just discover that santa claus doesn't exist or something? "People who lived in the 1300s did a bad thing once >=o " holy fucking shit, you're blowing my mind!!!

People who talk about historical individuals or peoples as if they need to be judged as good or bad piss me off. Whether they're talking about the aztecs or fucking HP Lovecraft or whatever. It really just contributes nothing to the discussion and cataloging of historical facts. "Pol Pot was a very bad man >=c " that's nice sweety, we're trying to document and discuss what he did and said though, you're not really helping anymore when that's all you have to say about it.

No one tell those people that african tribes regularly practices slavery amongst one another, and the trans atlantic slave trade got kicked off in the first place because europeons decided to aggressively and proactively exploit the supply of slaves they were being provided from trading with african nations.

It's all about context and extent. The colonists arrived here and originally sent Indians as slaves to the Caribbean before they went to Africa because, at the time, we were the nearest natural resource on hand. The problem is, then, the underlying belief that regards people as a resource to be consumed. It requires the stratification of society into Resource or Person.

While this belief is definitely not unique to one culture, it was the colonists who employed it on a mass scale.

While I'm not entirely comfortable comparing the selling of our people as slaves to the transatlantic slave trade, it seems to have impacted our culture, to the point where I suspect the word for "to betray" holds the root for "to sell" for this very reason. And yes, that is because some of our own sold others of our own. That is an unfortunate fact.

Remember what I said about our struggles not being so different from others'? They also share common roots. The one drop rule contends that if you have just one drop of Black ancestry in you, you are Black. This was used, historically, to justify the slavery of generations into perpetuity.

Blood quantum is the same process but thrown in reverse: the blood of other races dilutes your own, and there will be a point where the Indian will be bred out of you and your children will no longer be considered of your people. This is still in use today for tribal enrollment requirements, and becomes an increasing problem as families grow and the chances of inbreeding increase. This was absolutely by design in order to make us disappear.

Both of these ideas may seem in opposition to each other at first glance, when really, they're intertwined: the result of white supremacy attempting to control us. They rest on the same underlying ideas of denying people the right to self-determination.

---

Shock of shocks, when you take people who lives hundreds of years ago in drastically different environments and hold them up to modern first world american moral standards, they end up seeming a little bit fucked up in comparison. Wowowow! What are you, 12? Did you just discover that santa claus doesn't exist or something? "People who lived in the 1300s did a bad thing once >=o " holy fucking shit, you're blowing my mind!!!

The thing is, people weren't always barbaric in the past. That's my entire point. It's a fallacy to assume modernity is synonymous with civility and progress.

I just get chuffed about it because they always bring up the scalpings and the human sacrifice and warring tribes and whatever else in order to paint our ancestors as morally gray. However, you need some light to balance out the darkness in order to paint a truly gray portrait. They never say anything about the Longhouse, the Great Law of Peace, the Two-Row wampum, the times our people saved colonists from starvation or slaughter, or the inter-tribal alliances we made. It's just, "they cut the tops of people's heads off omg so brutal" as if they're saying anything particularly new or revolutionary, and they leave the matter at that.

In fact, the Haudenosaunee were not the only peaceful coalition the Skarù·ręʔ were a part of---we made a smaller alliance of mutual protection with two or three other tribes down in North Carolina as well.

The omission of our merits and the constant attention to our bloodier histories just feeds into this hateful stereotype that we were always savages.

---

Also, I didn't address it in the earlier post, but OP essentially went on to imply that white supremacy isn't a real problem. Rather, they waxed lyrical on some overreductive, strawman-nihilist "Rousseau was wrong" bullshit about how war will always exist in complex societies and it isn't unique to white supremacy.

First of all, nobody was saying violence or imperialism are white-only things. To argue otherwise is to imply other people don't know their own histories. Or other countries' histories.

Second, the existence of the Haudenosaunee contradicts this narrative that humanity is so inherently belligerent that reconciliation is just a pipe dream in "complex" societies. We operated just fine in peace for literal centuries before colonial contact. Either you don't consider us a "complex" society, or you have an incomplete view of history.

Third, white supremacy is very much real, and it is a problem that impacts a large number of people, white people included.

Again, the US as it exists today largely does so because of white supremacy. It is a direct result of Manifest Destiny and the assimilation and displacement of indigenous people. Trying to divert the conversation by pretending what was said was that all violence is innate to whiteness is a strawman of the argument, as well as deliberately being obtuse in order to distract with meaningless asides. It'll only make people go, "Oh well, everyone was shitty in the past, so I guess there's no reason to try to understand the structures my ancestors put into place and how they might benefit or hurt others to this day."

Of course violence has existed in every society. Of course it will continue to exist in some fashion. But that doesn't mean we can't take steps to curb it and discourage it whenever possible.

Moreover, our ancestors having scalped someone 200 years ago doesn't mean anything when blood quantum still exists on the books in order to "breed" the Indian out of us and have us forfeit the land to the government, you know what I mean? I would think the more pressing and far-reaching problem rests on the colonist structures that are still in operation today, and it is worth examining where those structures came from in order to dismantle them.

And look, I don't particularly enjoy waxing poetic about this stuff because it's not something I like looking directly in the face for long periods of time. As a white-passing Native, I know I'm not the hardest-impacted by these things. I'll never experience the harshest brunt of the racism my darker-skinned friends, family, and neighbors do.

That doesn't mean I experience No Racism Ever, of course. But I recognize that most of the fucked-up-ness of the situation and my relative comfort comes from the fact that my incidental whiteness inoculates me from a lot of bullshit I would otherwise experience.

#asks

[one-hell-of-otaku-is-here]

The beauty and horror of Link Click - reason why it's one of the best time travel shows out there

Still thinking about Link Click (cos when the fuck I am not am I right) and I don't think anyone would be able to convince me this is not one of the greatest show about time travel ever made. LC IS MY SECOND FAVOURITE ANIME (donghua) ABOUT TIME TRAVEL. Steins Gate has made it to the first place by very small margin and that is because it's finished (and because SG 0 and lot of other content outside game and anime exists)

Yes I have seen lot other good time travel shows but what makes Link Click stands out? The entirety of the first season. It's literally show about people and the struggle of living with regrets. On how people think what if I done this maybe things could be better etc. And the entire message is - no. There is no what if. You can't change what already happened. Because what IF that different choice robbed you off of something important? Of people you could have met? New experiences from which you could have grown as a person? Learnt how important it is to TALK to people, to MAKE CONNECTIONS. TO DO WHAT YOU CAN WHILE YOU CAN BECAUSE ONE DAY YOU CAN LOSE IT ALL. LC teaches us to not be afraid. To make decisions which are gonna hurt us or others but make them because we know it's right thing to do. To live our lives not lives of others. To leave that toxic environment. Call that friend you never spoke to for years because you regret how things ended up between you. To know that we can't go back. We can't save something we lost but that doesn't mean we can't move forward - sometimes that's the only thing we can do to heal. And this is JUST the first season. The second one was even more beautiful even if it focused on one arc and one group of people and opened can of worms for our two boys - the message stayed the same. LG can't (probably) change the curse of time. Maybe he won't be able to save CX and I am sure he'd have to face his demons and come true to his friends about what he had done. Link Click may not have happy ending as Steins Gate have or as any other time travel show could have. But I think whatever happens in future season(s) I know we are gonna learn something about life and people and humanity about it. To learn that usually in life we don't get happy endings. And that's the true beauty of this show and that's why it's currently my second favourite time travel anime of all the time.

#link click #little essay about link click

[fricc-darn]

This post is just gonna be me spitballing and yapping fr😭 If any of you guys catch my drift pls lemme know :"D

This isn't supposed to be a doomer post (cuz I don't like doomerism) BUT it may come off that way sooo yeah-

Looking back to when I was like a young kid, I was always so fascinated with the internet and fandom spaces especially! I do think the early 2000s and like early to mid 2010s of the net and online spaces where so whimsical. Esp as a kid from my background and what not. I thought it was cool to see people be authentic and sort of free in a way online? Obviously not to a crazy extent but much more than irl and stuff.

And I would read fandom posts and enjoy all the yummy content. At the time I couldn't really read very well (cuz like yk kids really can't read-) but I KNEW I wanted to be in fandom actively SAUUURRR BAD!! I looked forward to it. Despite the horrors of it all! Despite my ass lacking some social skills online as well (telling tone and vibes is kinda hard over text).

Now I got what I want (hurray :3!). Though sometimes I can't help but wonder if I belived in a fantasy. It feels diffrent than I expected? I wonder if it's because I'm not very active or talkative? Sometimes it still feels a bit lonesome? (IF ANYONE GETS THIS FEELING AS WELL P L E A SE TELL ME😭)

Then I really start to wonder. I'm soon reminded that no I didn't make up a fantasy of what being online would be. This is how it was to some degree! Yes, there menaces still existed, along with bigots (Racism and shit was DEF more...obvious? I don't like saying that either because it still is so easy to find). But when it came to just being chill and talking it was different. I just can't explain it. I feel like now people are a bit more antsy and upset :(. People argue about shit that genuinely doesn't matter. Or they ignore real problems in fandom (racism and bigotry again). Or the refusal to understand others and their exprinces, and genuinely try to relax.

And of course this ties into a greater social issues because none of these things exsist in a vacuum. A lot of negativity, moral superiority, hatred, and hypocrisy is a relection of how things have changed. It's a result of people being calcified by the systems at play. Everyone is struggling and things are actively deteriorating (not to be an alarmist). But look at how everything is fucking monetized or a commodity! Look at all the apps and sites everything is becoming centralized man. What about the people?

Kids don't have 3rd spaces, the myth of the digital native is RAMPANT, they're not being taught useful internet skills, they're not being taught basic literary skills. They don't even know where to get resources to start learning. This doesn't even include it all! So, where do they have to go? Now many of them are in spaces where they shouldn't be and talking about stuff they shouldn't be worried about at all. Stuff that most people shouldn't care about.

Same with older folk some people don't have those skills either. This plus adult responsibilities and ughh. No wonder why people act so nasty online sometimes. It's a sense of trying to have a little control in this life. A sense of venting. Or even an attempt at trying to build a better world (admirable yes but the way some people go about this is so backwards and not helpful).

This capitalist hellscape is ruining every single aspect of our lives. And I know what I'm saying isn't new. Everyone knows this. Everyone sees this. But it makes me wonder do people really care about eachother online? Do people really care about eachother at all? I know the answer is yes and I've seen some amazing things. Though sometimes it doesn't feel real?

How do people claim to care about disabled people and be all left leaning and not wear a mask or take proper covid precautions? Or constantly leave us out of discussions?

How do people claim to claim to support marginalized people and victims but also partake in hate bandwagons or other acts that can put them at risk of being hurt irl?

How do people claim to be pro mental health and still do the other things I mentioned. Or again disregarding the exprince of others and how it can affect them in more ways than one?

Who does benefit? This just isolates us further and it really benefits big corps in the end. Eating each other alive to make their jobs easier.

This whole thing reminds me why I joined tumblr. Like the vibe on here is different. Much better than other apps where you essentially become a brand instead of a person. Tumblr has weird mfs and I fw that hard.

I miss when people were freely weird and cringe. I miss when social media wasn't a fucking panopticon. I miss miss an old internet that we will never get back. And it makes me worry for the future of everything. Give people grace PLEASE😭!

I want people to be as authentic as they can be 😩 and that's why I'm yapping.

#will be spelling errors #1 am pondering #the horror persist but so do I #things will be better but damn this makes a nga think #If you get the vibe lemme know I love talking to people :>> I'm always down to talk #I use tumblr is like a little dairy scrapbook #weeramblesofmine #strive for a better world in an effective manner #importantly be against capitalism and all the nightmares it brings (yt supremacy and allat) #will this be deleted? who knows #i certainly dont #THIS IS SO LONG LMFAOO #be raw 2024

[starsburned]

━━━━━━ㅤㅤGET TO KNOW THE MUN .

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ?

We're going to focus on Dazai because I have reasons for every single muse, but Dazai's had me in a death grip since November of last year. But it's because I understand his psychology and his struggles and deal with the same thing on a daily basis. So I looked at him and I was like why not? Might as well. and here I am. I've related to him since I first watched the anime back in 2016, it just took me 8 years to pick him up.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ?

Shipping, believe it or not. There have been multiple occurrences in the past where I just become an accessory to another person and my muse becomes an accessory to that muse where we don't exist outside of those people. It's left a really sour taste in my mouth and it's made me extremely selective with who I ship with anymore. Literally someone can bring up shipping to me and I get legit fight or flight feelings. It was and still is that bad lol

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ?

Character development, whether it be positive or negative. Because not everything a character evolves into will be positive, and I like for my muses to be ever-changing. The moment they become static is kind of the moment where I'm like "what now?"

ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ?

I live off of headcanons. Even the ones I fail to write down. My brain is never quiet and my muses never shut the fuck up. I'm constantly plagued.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ?

Sometimes silence, sometimes music. It really just depends on how I'm feeling. Most of the time, I am listening to some kind of music, though.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ?

I wing them most of the time because my muses? I don't control those fuckers. I'm merely a vessel for their whims.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ?

No. Like stated above, it's literally turned me away from RP so many fucking times. But there are a select few people I trust.

ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ?

Corvin, Cor, Ferret. Any of them work.

ᴀɢᴇ?

24.

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ?

May 14th.

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)?

Black and red. I'm that edgy bitch. But I also love pastel colors and like... the color of pink starburst candy. I'm great at describing things /sarcasm

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)?

UHHHHHHHHHHHH too many. But if I had to choose a couple of songs to relate to the most, it'd be Neighborhood #2 (Laika) & Ordinaryish People.

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

FUCKIN. Cats. The 2019 version. I WON'T BE THE SAME PERSON EVER AGAIN-

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

Orphan Black.

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ?

Green Jewels.

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ?

Fettucine alfredo and chicken and dumplings. Big time comfort foods. I also like sweets from time to time, but very rarely anymore.

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ?

Autumn. It's special to me for many reasons, but I also just love the change from warm to cooler weather and the sky in October always seems so much more blue.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ?

@frost-eyed-autumn. We've been through thick and thin with each other and idk where I'd be with him. I wouldn't trade anything in the world for our friendship. He's my rock, my inspiration, and the reason I keep trying to better myself as a person. I look forward to each and every day because of him.

Tagged by: I stole it.

Tagging: Steal it.

#| OOC ★ COR POSTING.

[misscammiedawn]

Papyrus (Is "The Garden" on that playlist?)

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

CW: Discussion of severe mental illness and suicide.

I had my "mental illness indie playlist" on and for the record Pills & Good Advice by Left At London (her gosh darn magnum opus to living with a SPMI) is the song that came up.

This is legitimately one of my favorite songs of all time and helped me a ton during the worst portions of second puberty when our BPD symptoms were off the charts. Left at London does amazing music ranging from talking about the 2020 social unrest which includes the refrain "Fuck you and the slavers that you work for" or finding joy within having a dissociative disorder or the terror of discovering one. As well as one of the most uncomfortably accurate songs about Disorganized/Insecure Attachment in BPD (the Patreon only edit even including a voice mail that ripped my heart to shreds the first time I heard it.) and a break-up song that includes a lyric that takes me out every time I hear it:

And if falling in love is all that it takes To make you love the world You’ll be bitter when they go Because even infinity in its entirety Still can turn to nothingness When it's multiplied by zero

But let's talk about the song which actually showed up on my random, Pills & Good Advice.

The song is built upon Nat's experiences from being released from a mental care facility after a suicide attempt and the fear and insecurity of being released into the world with nothing but medication and doctors recommendations to keep her from trying to kill herself again.

On my first day out My familiar town Felt the same as in my dreams Crying in my sleep When the sun came down Thinking "I am cured, it seems" But I don't know my name at all But what else is new? Should I show my pain at all? If you only knew You could try to help Care is imprecise All that I have left: Pills and good advice

Each verse of the song fluctuates between moods and depictions of chronic mental illness from the bridge having rapid voices displaying her impulses to experience a high to escape the pain of existing versus the desperate desire to stay the course and get better and mirrored refrains of "Please hold me down" symbolizing both a self-destructive impulse to die and a terror; begging their partner to kill or save her.

The song includes depictions of Identity Disturbance, a BPD symptom where those suffering lack a stable sense of identity and require an external source to mirror and receive acknowledgement from; Nat sings on multiple occasions about not knowing who she is and viewing her support in this crisis as her "mirror". I imagine imposter syndrome for Nat's music/poetry may be invading some lines such as "I'm plagarizing everything, stuttering solioquies (who am I again?)"

The song is set in 3 parts with the third part being a descent where the line (Higher) is repeated after every line and Nat struggles with her suicidal impulses, concluding:

Spend too many of my minutes getting higher (Higher) I've attempted way too much to even count (Higher) I've been committed, but committed to the people that I love And if I try to love myself, I guess that I could live forever crying

Knowing the sickness is a part of her but she doesn't want to die, even if she wants to die; she cares too much about the people in her life (the committed/committed line is actually genius and one of my favorite in all of her discography) and the best thing she can do is commit to loving herself and continuing along with life in spite of the pain inflicted by her illness.

The ending is ambiguous to my ears and /@/ isn't popular enough for me to see a lot of discussion on interpretations.

But on my last day out Let me scream to God, Family, friends, and enemies "So what happens next? Is this what you want? All I am is dead to me" So I can't hear my voice at all What was I to do? Did I have a choice at all? Seems I never do You could try to help Care is imprecise All that I'd have left: Pills and good advice I could try to heal Care is imprecise All that you'd have left: Pills and good advice

On one hand, I view the song as a positive rally into accepting that SPMI are as the letters describe "Severe Persistent Mental Illness", fuck knows I've lived with the weight of those letters on my medical records. It doesn't go away. You just have to learn to live with it. To enjoy the joys before the despairs.

I chose to believe those last lines are saying that other people could try to help but in the end all the sufferer has is medication and therapy techniques, change must come from within and that to live with someone who suffers will cause pain too and all the person helping can do is receive the same level in care in return.

"You could try to help" vs "I could try to heal" with all that I/you having left being Pills and Good Advice.

But in my darker days I focus on the "on my last day out" and how the singer bemoans never really having a choice and all their work in staying clean being for nothing. In that read, I worry that the final lines are the singer giving in to their symptoms and attempting to kill themselves again, with the final line being less of a "we can get better together" and more of a "I know this will hurt you, have you considered seeking psychological help?"

I prefer my positive spin on it but that may be optimism winning out.

Either way, the song is fantastic and deeply personal in a way I almost feel like I'm intruding to hear at times.

Suicide is a topic of massive importance to me; it is also my number one emotional trigger. For the past few months I've had a draft I've been toying on about how I feel it should be discussed and ironically I am terrified to post it because of how sensitive the topic is. It's really hard to put yourself out there.

I admire this work of art because it really tries its absolute hardest to share a perspective of what it's like to be living with these conditions and feeling like no matter how much you reach out to other people, they can't truly help in the ways that you need. It's a song about terror, it's a song about healing and my god I hope it's a song about growth.

But it may just be a song about cycles.

#camden asks #ask meme #bpd #did #watch me post my trauma in public #albeit this isn't my trauma this time #but I do like it when art is made from places like this #I may very well be wrong about everything I have written here #and given the artist is small enough that she has a limited Tumblr presence #I hope this post never reaches her eyes #I'd die instantly if I misinterpreted a work of art in front of its creator

[cavernfullofexistentialdread]

My thoughts on FIVE

LONG POST AHEAD

I found it promising, I’ll tell you that much. I do have to acknowledge my bias towards to this piece of art. It’s WONDERFUL that a musical like SIX has sparked so much creativity and is even getting a parody!! WE’VE MADE IT INTO THE HALL OF FAME QUEENDOM!!

ALSO FUCKING JAIME??? STARKID FANS RISE UP!!

I’m was giving this thing the benefit of the doubt. I was sort of confused when I first learned about it, and I had this gut feeling that I’d hate it. I honestly thought it was kind of weird that we’re using this to make a parody of… TRUMP of all people??? Like these women are still ALIVE to my knowledge.

My only wish is that they acknowledge and give their opinion on this musical in some way because say it with me now; THEIR STILL ALIVE AND HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN OPINION ON HOW THEIR VIEWED!

However I have not seen it yet and I am excited to see what my favorite musical has inspired! …Is what I’d be saying if I hadn’t read some reviews. It seems the general consensus is that while it is funny it’s not as innovative in its humor as it could be. And it may not have done what it wanted

As this TheaterMania review states

“A musical send-up of the women in Trump’s orbit, Five: The Parody Musical, would seem to be just what the doctor ordered as we face the prospect of yet another Trump administration. So why wasn’t I laughing?“

I thought this article was being a little harsh on this musical, until I read THIS.

“The few genuinely funny moments in Five spring entirely from Jen Wineman’s adequate production — her choreography is both simplistic and sloppily executed, which is funny in its own way — and the ingenuity of the actors.”

I was surprised by this, the advertising leaned heavily into the humor of it all. The fact that it was a parody—“LOOK OUT SIX!” And “MAKE AMERICA LAUGH AGAIN!” made me excited to see how they’d creatively dunk on Trump. Like how SIX had done with Henry VIII

Then I remembered what else this article had said in regards to the humor

“The jokes generally hit three points: Donald Trump is orange, he has a small penis, and he likes getting peed on. This is territory that our overpopulated heard of late-night hosts have already stomped to death — without asking audiences to fork over the price of an off-Broadway ticket.””

And I was getting suspicious, so I looked at some more reviews. This article spends a lot of time dogging on FIVE and I was still trying to hold out hope.

This review from StageandCinema is a lot more kind! I was excited to find out what went RIGHT! About this musical!

“Five is much more sexual and crude in its descriptions of being fucked by Donald Trump. Hearing about his small prick and his sexual escapades (especially from pornstar Stormy), I struggled to immediately delete such images from my mind’s eye. The thought of Donald in any sexual act turned my stomach, which may have kept me from laughing. Perhaps nausea and comedy cancel each other out?”

OH… UHM…

Of course in the end they do have the same acknowledgment at the end of SIX, “Just because we were fucked by Donald Trump doesn’t mean we need to fuck each other over.” (A direct quote from the end of the paragraph containing the previous quote)

Through this article I also found out that this is actually a jukebox parody! (Which is when you parody existing songs in order to use it in the plot of a musical story telling medium). Which honestly was a welcome surprise. They’re not ashamed that is a BLATANT parody.

Okay! Let’s see what else we can find!

“It did seem like a clever idea, for at least five seconds”

WOW okay…

This article then goes on to discuss some political and legal matters that has come up surrounding the Sex worker that Trump is going against in court. He IS the first president with a criminal record (he went to court for sexual abuse, and also was impeached)

The article puts it perfectly

“Given such news of late, it’s increasingly difficult for me to appreciate, or even tolerate, a trivial show like “Five.” The creative team hasn’t read the room.”

This isn’t a fuck you to Trump supporters, this isn’t seriously discussing Trump’s effect on these women in ANY sort of fashion, this isn’t even ABOUT discussing Trump’s political status. It’s about parodying SIX and making fun of these women. The main selling point is “WHAT IF SIX BUT TRUMP!?”

“But even those who still view political humor as political armor will be disappointed, because “Five” seems little interested in Trump’s treatment of women, much less his threat to American democracy; instead, its main target is “Six.”  As political commentary, “Five” is near witless, tasteless, and toothless. But even just as a parody of “Six,” it’s too on the nose. If some theatergoers will find “Five” entertaining, I suspect it’ll largely be because its talented six-member cast makes the most of the moments in the show that add up to a stealth, second-rate “Forbidden Broadway.”

This review is BRUTAL it points out the flaws it see’s in FIVE with wit full words. This article was my turning point. It made me genuinely start to be dissatisfied with a show I HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN YET.

““Five” is not an exercise in female empowerment; the women in Trump’s lives are most often mocked.  Nor is it a takedown of a would-be tyrant; zingers against Trump rarely get more sophisticated than commenting on the size of his penis or calling him the orange bitch or orange troll.”

This is an insult to the very FABRIC of my opinions. THIS WAS A PARODY OF SIX. OF SIX. INCLUDE STUFF FROM SIX. JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE MORAL DOES NOT MEAN YOU TAUGHT IT. TRUMP IS NOT A GOOD PERSON.

THIS IS A PARODY OF SIX. BE CREATIVE WITH YOUR INSULTS! IF YOU’RE MAKING A PARODY ABOUT TRUMP THAT HAS TO DO WITH THE SUFFARAGE OF WOMEN AND WHAT WE DO WITH TRAGEDY; FUCKING SHOW IT!

This is so obviously anti-Trump. But it does’t FEEL that way. It feels against these women as well. Which is strange, considering it’s supposed to be like SIX.

Don’t get me wrong I fucking HATE TRUMP CAN’T WAIT FOR HIS ACTIONS TO CATCH UP TO HIM. But HOLY SHIT this is NOT where I thought this musical was going!

I plan on looking more into this musical, but these are my thoughts for now. I was initially a hater, turned skeptic, turned confused and insulted.

Look—I don’t WANT to be so hateful about something I haven’t seen. But if THIS is what reviews are saying (and there’s barely any of them) then WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH IT???

I WANT THESE ACTRESSES TO HAVE AMAZING CAREERS! But if THIS is the show their put on, a show that is INSULTING women… then what???

#Youtube #FIVE #FIVE a parody musical #FIVE musical #jaime lyn beatty #jaime starkid #Starkid Jaime #Anyae Anasia #Gabriella Joy Rodrigue #Gabi Garcia #Hannah Bonnet #Jasmine Rice Labeija #SIX #six musical #six the musical #I wouldn’t call this a “review” #Just my thoughts #RANTY RANT RANT #TLDR; Wow okay… WHAT. I was skeptical at first but this is… it’s infuriating as a woman appreciator a six fan and a trump hater. #I understand if you find this show funny #not everyone’s humor is the same #But I just wanted… more #Especially from an off broadway production #We obviously can’t hold it to HIGH standards #But we can hold it to higher standards #NO BETA WE DIE LIKE DEAD COUSINS

[harocat]

For WIP Wednesday I wanted to babble some on how I imagine all the realms in the Love Between Fairy and Devil minibang (@lbfad-minibang) fic I'm working on. Btw posting for that starts on DECEMBER 8TH AHHHHH. For the three realms of the far future, I have a few inspirations. Lots of text under the read more lol.

I've mentioned Mad Max for Cangyan Sea, but I do want to be clear that Cangyan Sea is not a post-apocalyptic setting. They have grown and adapted into a desert culture over time. Though they aren't as populous as they once were, they're not in danger nor are they struggling for resources. There is water and food readily available, and they do trade with Shuiyuntian and Haishi City.

There is a lot of vehicle use, mostly adapted from what's found in the mortal realm. However, vehicles are powered by cultivation as opposed to fuel.

Clothing is layers, not much skin showing, as is consistent with desert cultures, but combined with some of the signatures we know of in Moon Tribe culture.

For Shuiyuntian, I decided to lean into the fact that it seems to be, despite the forest we do see, mostly surrounded by and above water. Thus, they are a water based culture now. My inspiration for them was the 2013 anime, Suisei no Gargantia. In this story, in the far future the Earth has become a water planet, and cities are made up of giant floating barges. These massive barges contain whole cities, with their own economies, agriculture, currency, etc. They do have some land to utilize (unlike Gargantia), but it is limited.

Much like Cangyan Sea, the aesthetic is a bit more rustic, but neither kingdom is in dire straits.

The climate is warm and subtropical, so clothing tends to be thin and breathable without many layers. Sandals, shorter sleeves, etc. Again, combined with some of the signature aesthetics we know exist in fairy culture.

In both cases the lush, elaborate lifestyles you may have seen in the past aren't really a thing any longer, but in general, the populations are healthy.

Items are used longer, clothes get more worn before being replaced, and in general, there isn't as much extravagance.

Cultivation does many of the same things electricity does in the mortal realm (light, fuel, etc.)

The modern mortal realm matches up to our own as as far as technology and equivalent time period goes. The main difference is that I wanted to imagine a China that had been free of the impact of imperialism. It just felt kind of fucked up to have this fantasy version of China, but still have it go through all the same nonsense our own world has gone through.

There is some western influence in architecture, clothes, and technology, but what is there is due to legitimate cultural exchange over time. Architecture is a mix of traditional builds, sometimes using more modern materials like glass and steel, and styles that originated outside the country. Clothes are all over the place. The train platform that's one of the first places they end up at is described as featuring people in 'Lucheng garments that look somewhat familiar', people in t-shirts and pants/jackets and slacks/etc., and people in a mishmash (XLH ends up in what is essentially a hanfu top and a pair of capris).

Because this is a fanfic, and they don't spend THAT much time in the mortal realm anyway, I won't be delving much into how this affected politics, law, and social norms, but you are free to imagine the differences.

(A thing to note is that unlike modern China, men have hair lengths of all types, from long like DFQC's own to cropped short, and it's considered normal.)

There is NO cultivation. Humans lost the ability to cultivate around the same time DFQC and XLH were sealed away forever ago. Magic and immortals exist only in folktales.

The one place that remains essentially the same is Xilan. There is limited use of it by both Shuiyuntian and Cangyan Sea, but old tradition and legend dictates that it mostly be left alone.

Haishi City has become a go between for the two kingdoms (which it sort of already is in canon). As a city that falls between what has become a large sea and an expansive desert, it is foggy and warm. There's little to say about the ecosystem outside the weather, as it's pretty much buildings top to bottom with little to no 'natural' spaces. I imagine it being super populated and set up on 'levels' like the city of Chongqing. I'm not sure if we'll ever make it there in the fic, but that's how it exists in my mind.

#love between fairy and devil #wip wednesday #lbfad minibang #writing

[seeminglyseph]

I’m looking at DAO mods and I feel like I kind of like… just wanna paint textures instead of playing the game. Or both. Like. I want to repaint the textures before I play the game. Which is a weird thing to want to do maybe.

Like my secret desire is actually to just rip all my favourite LIs from Dragon age and get their textures and reskin them.

Also give Solas that Sexy skull and braids and locks and concept design look he had because that was always always better than Egg. Idk who vetoed the concept design in exchange for none design all Egg but they were Incorrect. That was a Bad Decision. I get that yes technically he has freckles and a scar and a cleft chin and droopy eyes and details, yes, but. *but*. He could have been better. He could have been hotter. He could have been Great. The Best character des— no I can’t say that when The Iron Bull is in the same game and exists at the same time. That is in fact the sexiest best character design to ever be made. But Solas had to potential to be better in so many ways and ultimately DAI’s designers could not manage designing hair.

They just could not do it. It was too hard. That’s the conclusion I have come to. They also I think struggled badly when it came to skin textures because like look at the options they had in character creation, they strugggglllleeed. They couldn’t make hair and they couldn’t make skin. They suffered in game design and honestly I think probably EA hit them with crunch and low funding and BioWare was like “we were not equipped to jump into this triple A pool this fast this underfunded oh my god what the fuck what the fuck” and we’re seeing that again with DA4 and that’s why all the people EA would have to pay fairly is getting laid off.

BioWare is getting scapegoated by EA and it kinda breaks my heart as an Albertan because we got bought out and now I think our like. One gaming company is getting sold out and gonna go under and get sold so they can move it all somewhere else with fewer human rights protections (no unions or union protections) and people can say “BioWare did this” and it’s maybe a little more “EA did this to BioWare” and a whole lot of Albertans are Shit Outta Luck in the meantime. Because like, what happened in Montreal after Andromeda? Though Montreal as a Major Metropolitan City with a booming economy has more than a few gaming companies, Edmonton isn’t so big a city (still metropolitan but not nearly the scale of Montreal) and has. Uh. A serious need for jobs in the arts and entertainment industries. BioWare being located in Edmonton Alberta is kinda a Big Deal for Alberta. We need that company there for multiple reasons, in part just for the culture. It would be a big deal if it shut down.

Like I guess this is going a little off topic and deranged but like. Alberta needs BioWare. So like. Idk what solution there is in the end, but like… the people getting screwed over are the people here. And we need the company to stay here. And stay open, and start functioning properly. A lot of Californian Tech companies and Tech laws fucked Canada and Canadian workers, and this is kinda an expansion of that, and like. There’s shit a lot of people outside the bubble don’t know about but like.

Alberta needs industry. We can’t have everything shut their doors and move out and then have a bunch of people in wealthy metropolitan areas go “sucks to suck bro have you tried moving?” Like. We still need our companies and infrastructure and industries to. Function. Lotta us can’t afford to leave. We need this stuff to be here. We need BioWare and companies like this.

Despite what you may have heard, people live out here…

#BioWare #weird Canadian rant #this got wildly off topic #sorry idk what came over me #I also just watched part of a documentary on nortel but I got really depressed lmao #American politics heavily influence Canada and I don’t think people notice??! #but also I feel very powerless sometimes #I am very powerless