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samarecharm · 3 years

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My late and probably ONLY contribution to pegoryuweek this year 🥺 reblogging w a link and (hopefully) continued under a readmore

“It suits you.” Akira says, after he's calmed down. Quiet. Tired. In the safety of his attic and away from the echoes of mementos.

Ryuji flexes his hands in his lap, unsure of what to say. He's been pent up with a weird kind of energy since they returned; since everyone bid farewell and left for the evening. Anxiety thrumming through his veins leaving him feeling cold and numb.

He wipes the sweat off his hands on his jeans, somewhat wishing he was also on his way home. Away from knowing eyes. Eyes currently fixated on some amalgam of tools and parts on his desk, as if breaking concentration for even a moment would tear something deep in Akira.

“Even after the fight, they wouldn't budge.”

“The flowers?”Ryuji asks.

Akira nods. He pauses his tinkering to grab something underneath his desk. “Haru really liked them; came to me asking how weird would it be to try and take a picture of them.”He comes back up with an odd looking tool.

“Sharpening kit.”

“Ah.”

The attic is quiet, save for the clink of metal against metal as Akira molds the piece into something a bit more familiar to Ryuji. Another lockpick.

Ryuji inhales. He can feel his leg aching to drum against the old wooden floors. An old nervous tic that Akira, keen as a hawk, would spot immediately. So he goes and bites the bullet.

“Im…sorry.” Ryuji says, gripping his pants leg something fierce. “I…I wasn't thinkin’ man.”

Akira pauses.“I wasn't even like- I was on autopilot; I didn't even think to bring Kidd out, I just saw that shadow gunnin' for you and-“

“I know.” Akira says. And god he sounds so tired, so exhausted in every sense of the word. He drags his hand across his face and sighs. “I know. I know. And I feel like maybe if I keep saying it I won’t feel as…guilty? For being upset? At you? But it feels like I'm lying to myself.”

Ryuji frowns. “You ain't gotta feel guilty man. Im the one that fucked up.”

“But I'M the one that let you do that!” Akira says, voice uncharacteristically high, startling Ryuji. He stands up from his desk, hands clenched tightly beside his legs, his expression a mix between actual anger, and grief Ryuji had no idea was bubbling inside of him. There's a look in Akiras eyes, like Ryuji can see the mental gymnastics going through his head; caught between wanting to sit back down, to process whatever this is at his own pace at his own time, and realizing that the dams already burst and there's no way he can physically patch up the crack before shit starts flooding in places he's been trying to protect for all this time.

“I wasn't paying attention. I'M the one that slipped up and I'M the one that had to see you die, Ryuji!” And god wait there's tears in his eyes and Ryuji immediately panics, chest suddenly feeling too tight for his body.

“Nononono wait that's not- wait hold on Akira-“

“And I knew I was going to have to use that spell eventually, like why would I have it if this place wasn't going to try and kill us? But I didn't think I would have to use it so soon? I didnt think id have to use it on you Ryuji-

“Akira sharply inhales and Ryuji quickly stands up from the sofa; not knowing exactly What he's going to do, but feeling like he can't just sit down and do Nothing while-

“-and they were sunflowers Ryuji.” Akira continues, with an expression Ryuji couldn't quite place. “You had sunflowers around you when you came back and I didnt know what to think of that. I was stuck between being angry that I let this happen, scared that I saw you die, and s-shocked that I… that you…”

Akira rubbed at his eyes, sniffling. “I don't know. I don't know what to think. I'm still…” He trails off, hurriedly shaking his hands out.

Ryuji stares at Akira for a moment, a long moment. Thinking. About alot of things that hes sure he or Akira wont be able to process or address properly in their addled states. And he thinks of his mom, as he usually does when hes upset or confused or teetering on that dangerous bit of rope between panic and not-panic. How she would just know to come into his room and settle him down; make him clean up his bed, ask him to change. How she would already be in the bed nosing through one of his mangas by the time he got back; letting him tuck himself in his childhood bed, his current bed, his hospital bed. And how he was always practically disarmed in seconds; thoughts coming to a slow. Tangible. Bearable.

And Ryuji takes a step towards him. Which Akira eyes warily.

“Come on. We're going to bed.” Ryuji says as he grabs Akiras wrist. There's a faint ‘what?’, but Akira lets himself be ushered to his bed without a fuss.

“Yes. Bed. Were going to sleep and then tomorrow you can yell at me.” Ryuji looks him in the eyes. “…yeah. Tomorrow. But, um. I'm tired. And you're also tired. And like, maybe you'll have better words when you're not tired.”

Akira blinks, still a mite confused, but he gives him a small, barely there smile; still better than whatever fit of crying Ryuji was about to witness. Hasn’t happened before; wasn’t about to let it happen now.

“Okay.” Akira says, voice a bit gruff. “Yeah. Uh….yeah. Let me get ready.”

“Gimme some clothes; you kept me here, i'm your responsibility now.”

Akira hums as he rummages through his drawer, chucking some clothes at Ryuji; A T-Shirt and sweats that look just a tad too small on Akiras tall and lanky frame, but look borderline ridiculous on Ryuji's shorter build; hes practically swimming in it. Akira is already getting settled when Ryuji sits on the bed.

“Are you okay?” Ryuji asks, letting Akira finish before getting under the blanket himself.

Akira pauses. Then sighs. “Yeah. Yes. I am. I will be…” He gets himself situated, and raises the blanket up for Ryuji to shuffle under.

“Having you here helps. Alive. Looking like a toddler in my clothes.”

“Hey-“

“Thank you for staying.” Akira says, nestling his head into his pillow. Ryuji swallows audibly, cringing inwardly. “Yeah, no problem dude.”

Soon, the room is quiet. Quiet enough that Ryuji can hear Akiras soft, even breathing from beside him. He wont be able to sleep anytime soon, so for now, Ryuji just thinks. About mementos. About Kidd. About Akira. About the persona he had summoned, Hariti. Kind. Gentle. Motherly. Knowing. As she dispersed, replaced w Akiras eyes boring into his own as he lays on the cold concrete floor of the subway with golden sunflowers surrounding him, bigger and taller than any he's ever managed to see in person.

“It's because you're stubborn, I think.” Akira whispers. “I think…it's a good thing.” He frowns, and corrects himself. “It IS a good thing.

Ryuji feels the heat flooding to his cheeks. “Yeah? Don't really feel like it; got me killed today.” He says with a laugh, a bit more forced than he would’ve liked. Akira hums, staring at him. Through him. With those piercing grey eyes that seem to trap anyone and anything within its grasp.

“It's a very good thing. Its very…you. Stubbornly alive, despite everything.”

“Waxing poetic; you sound like Yusuke.” Ryuji huffs out an earnest laugh, but Akira keeps staring.

“Mona said the flowers stayed there too long. Longer than he's ever seen. Different from other flowers he's seen too; lilies. Carnations. Forget-me-Not’s. They only last as long as it takes for the spell to finish, but the sunfl- your flowers stayed there. Wouldn't leave. I can't stop thinking about it. Maybe it is a bit poetic; a will persisting after death; that kind of thing.”Akira sighs. “I wonder what mine would look like.”

Ryuji's heart stops at just the implication of those words. “Man I don't think I want to know. Don’t like thinkin’ about what would do you in and how.”

Akira smiles a bit before yawning, stretching his arms and back until he hears something pop and crack. Ryuji's wide eyes at the sound makes Akira laugh a bit.“Then lets not think about it now.” Akira says with finality.

He gives Ryuji one last look before tucking most of this head beneath his blanket. “Goodnight Ryuji.” Ryuji gets himself comfortable before muttering goodnight as well.

And he sleeps and dreams. Of a field of flowers. Roses maybe. Red. And beautiful. A person, faceless and blurry, tending to a bed of flowers in the center. Sunflowers. Standing Bright and Tall. They spring up like weeds in a meadow; Loud. Bright. Invasive. And like weeds, they should be ripped out at the source, lest they spread and marr whatever they touch. But they are cared for. Loved even. Each flower sprung is delicately tended to. Ryuji watches from afar. A fly in the wind. A bird in the sky. The Gardener tends indiscriminately; lovingly clipping at the Roses. Feeding the soil beneath the Sunflowers. Stakes planted for when they inevitably become too large for their bodies. Larger than life, and the Gardener prepares for that, too.

Theres a tug from somewhere. Somewhere deep within. A bitter feeling of Guilt swelling within his ribcage. Burden has always been there but the Guilt; it seems to have manifested quietly alongside it. Dragging his Burden down with it.

The faceless gardener turns to him. A fly in the wind. A bird in the sky. With dirtied hands and petals in their hair, and just like that, the guilt is siphoned away leaving something Light and Airy in its stead. Something small. Something delicate. Something to be tended to. And tend to it, he will.

#pegoryu #akiryu #pegoryuweek #pegoryuweek2021 #UHHH editing on this site is hell #editing fics in general is hell #disgostang #went w flowers bc i dont know anyones bdays skdfhkfdjsdjkf #well NOW i do ive been told the min it happened that 7/3 is wujis bday but i had nothing done for it u_u

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