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crucifiedfaerie · 6 months

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Gibson Girl | Pt. 3 ༉₊˚✧

Kylo Ren x Fem!Reader

➴ Summary: After you reach your breaking point, Kylo does something you never expected to see from him.

➴ Part One | Part Two

➴ Word Count: 2.4k

➴ Warnings: 18+ MDNI, fem!reader, dom!kylo, slowburn, soft!kylo, we are so back!!, crylo ren, an insurmountable amount of angst (swearing, yelling, crying, kylo's internal suffering, brief mention of death but nothing happens), lots of fluff, SMUT (unprotected PiV sex, oral f!receiving, overstimulation, devoted!gentle!kylo, watch as i describe cunnilingus in excruciating detail for 5 paragraphs) typos probably

➴ Taglist: ( @enviedear @capitanostella @teapartydreams )

A/N: guys, gibson girl is officially complete. im actually so proud of how the entire fic turned out and i just wanna say thank you for the love you've given it. <3 it genuinely made me wanna keep writing and i hope you stick around for my future works, because i have so many good ideas in store. anyways, enjoy the third and final part of gibson girl. this is by far my favorite chapter of this trilogy, i was giggling, kicking my feet, and possibly crying while writing this... dare i say that this chapter is my magnum opus.

You approached his door, ears ringing from your rapid heart rate and the electric hum of the hallway lights. You wiped the sweat from your palms on your pants and let out a deep breath.

Before you could even think about knocking, the door shot open and you were forcefully pulled inside by two large, leather clad hands.

Kylo gripped your waist hard, and kicked the door shut with his boot. You yelped as he pushed you against it, hitting the back of your head on the durasteel.

He leant down, the cold metal of his mask grazed the fading bruise on your jaw, sending goosebumps crawling across your skin. "Gods, I've waited two weeks to feel you again. Im so glad to be back." Kylo purred, his modulator crackling in your ear. He reached up to begin unbuttoning your shirt. He only made it past the first button before the anger rose inside you.

You brought your hands up to his chest, pushing him off of you. "What the FUCK Kylo!" You yelled at him, feeling the tears prick your eyes. Surprisingly, he didn't stop you, taking a step away from you and tilting his head ever so slightly as if he were confused, which only made you angrier.

You were past your breaking point. "What is wrong with you?! You invite me here, whisper sweet nothings in my ear, then all of a sudden you hate fuck me and kick me out like I'm the problem?!" You sobbed and were practically screaming at him, you didn't care if he got mad, you needed to say this. "And now you invite me back acting like it never happened, wanting to- to what? Hate fuck me again?? You make NO sense, Kylo! It's like you're two different people!" You paused, breathing heavily and collecting yourself a bit before continuing. "And you wanna know the fuck of it all? You haven't even kissed me- gods!- You cant even face me. You hide behind that mask and hurt me like I'm some pet you love to hate." You spoke calmly now, the anger subsiding into a strange mix of sadness and apathy.

The apathy, however, was short lived. You had never snapped at Kylo like this before and he was the most feared man in the galaxy after all. The images of the many ways he could kill you flashed before your eyes. A lightsaber through the abdomen. Force choking the life out of you until your neck snapped. Slamming you into a wall until every bone in your body was shattered. You shut your eyes tightly and braced for impact, but it never came.

Each word you yelled at him had chipped a piece off his emotionless façade, and Kylo thought his heart might shatter along with it. The killing blow was how you stood before him terrified, shaking, waiting for him to lash out and strike you out of rage. He wasn't weak for loving you, he was weak for hurting you and he knew he couldn't do that to you anymore, not now... not ever. He felt something- someone inside of himself he hadn't felt in years, a man he thought he had killed, a man who he had almost forgotten the name of.

You only opened your eyes when you heard the click and hiss of his helmet. When he pulled it off you were met with his concerned, brown eyes. You stared at him in shock and awe, taking in every detail of him. The way his long, dark hair fell around his face, his perfect aquiline nose, the beauty marks that scattered like stars across his already beautiful face, the scar that began just above his brow, trailing down his face and disappearing below the neckline of his dark uniform.

Kylo dropped his helmet to the floor carelessly, the metallic clang loud enough for someone down the hall to hear. He pulled his gloves off quickly before throwing them to the ground and rushing over to you, taking your face into his hands and crashing his lips into yours.

His kiss was electric and full of desperation. As if he were a man lost in the deserts of Tattooine and you were Oasis East, Kylo drank you up feverishly. He was warm and tasted divine, like cinnamon and smoke.

When he pulled away, you both breathed heavily, lungs searching for air. "I don't hate you. Please don't say that." Kylo's voice broke, he was almost pleading with you, his eyes searching your face as if he were trying to get you to understand how he felt about you without him having to admit it out loud.

"Kylo... I-"

Suddenly your feet were off the floor, being carried over his shoulder to his bedroom once again, just like the first night he invited you here. Only this time you didn't feel like a bug caught in a spiders web. You felt safe. Needed.

As Kylo carried you, you kicked your shoes off carelessly, letting them fall to the floor of the hallway and you heard him breathe out a small laugh.

He sat you down on the bed and you noticed how he now handled you ever so gently, as if you were a precious, fragile thing he didn't dare risk breaking.

Kylo knelt in front of you and unbuttoned your shirt, taking extra care with each button before he slid it off of you. He gently looped his fingers into the waistband of your pants and underwear, pulling them both off in one go, leaving you completely naked.

He peppered kisses down your thigh before standing up, taking a step back to admire you, his dark eyes filled with adoration. With him being maskless, you became hyper aware of your nakedness. Your face flushed pink and you looked at the floor.

What he did next though, was something you weren't expecting. You watched in awe as Kylo kicked off his boots before shedding his cloak, his outer robes, his inner robes, his belt, then began methodically working at his shirt.

Oh my gods- why do you wear so many layers?

He shut his eyes and his mouth tightened into a thin line, as if he were stifling a laugh from hearing your thought. Kylo sighed, "Hush, its very cold on Starkiller, you know." He laughed softly as he pulled his shirt off, exposing the scars that littered his perfect frame.

He unbuttoned his trousers and pulled them off before making quick work of his underwear. There Kylo was, standing before you completely naked, looking down at you with soft eyes. Not a creature in a mask, stalking you like prey, but a man carrying nothing but adoration and desire.

He stepped forward before leaning down and kissing you again, pushing you flat onto his bed. His hands explored every inch of your body, bare skin touching yours and for the first time you felt like equals. Two living, breathing human beings who needed one another desperately.

Kylo's hands had found home tangled in your hair and the sound of him moaning into your mouth was heavenly. He pulled away, hovering above you, his hair falling around his face like a dark curtain. "Please. Please let me show you how much you mean to me, little star." He was practically begging, his eyes searching yours. This was a version of Kylo you didn't know existed. It was as if he had been completely stripped of his coldness and apathy, left only with warmth and compassion.

You nodded, and he trailed his kisses down your neck and bare chest, his soft lips grazing your nipple, causing you to let out a soft whine. He smiled and continued down your stomach and hip, to your thighs. Each kiss sent warm tingles down your spine.

Kylo lifted your legs over his shoulders and kissed down your thigh, stopping at your heat. His cool breath made you shiver. Before you could form even a single thought, his face was buried between your legs.

The way he lapped you up like spring water and how his tongue grazed over your clit made you crumble into a whining mess. Your fingers weaved through his dark locks and you pulled instinctually, causing him to moan against your cunt.

He was knelt before you like a sinner at the altar, worshipping his god and silently begging for forgiveness through your pleasure.

"Mhm Fuck- Kylo I- Stop you're gonna make m-me cum." You whined. He knew you couldn't hold on for much longer, and he didn't care, your sweet moans only inspired him to go faster. He hummed something unintelligible, a wordless approval for you to let go.

Your thighs trembled around his face as your body unraveled on his mouth. The pleasure he gave you was divine, euphoric, and your vision clouded as he rode you through your high.

He pulled away from you panting, his mouth and nose damp from your juices. You felt the bed dip as he situated himself above you, his hips between your legs. He kissed you deeply and you could taste yourself on his tongue, tangy and sweet like summer fruit.

He pulled away "Gods- I've waited what feels like forever to do that." He whispered.

You held his face in your hands and kissed him again. "Please Kylo I need you." You wrapped your legs around his waist.

He lined himself up with your entrance and pushed in slowly as he held you. He paused when he bottomed out, allowing you a moment to adjust to the size of his cock. You moaned loudly, still sensitive from the wonders he performed on you with his mouth.

Kylo began to move, slowly increasing the pace of his thrusts but still taking extra care not to be too rough. He looked down at you, his pupils blown with lust and love. He studied your face and how your eyebrows furrowed in pleasure. Kylo wanted to savor every detail of this moment, no dark visors obscuring his vision of you.

"I wish you could see how beautiful you look right now my star." He purred as he hit that sensitive spot deep inside you.

You moaned at the overstimulation. Kylo tilted his head down to kiss at your neck and your brain felt like static as you struggled to find words. "I- I was gonna say- hmm fuck- say the s-same about y-y..." You trailed off, lost in the pleasure.

Kylo chuckled against your neck, amused at your futile attempt to articulate a coherent sentence. "You're getting close again, sweet thing, I can feel it. S-so am I." He moaned, faltering at the end of his sentence.

You could only give a small hum and nod of agreement, words were too much for you, the contents of your mind had been completely emptied and replaced with thoughts of only him. Your desperate whines rang through his bedroom.

"Hm, fuck- cum with me. Cum with me my little star. Shit!" He was desperate now too, his thrusts sloppy as he held you in his arms.

You both reached your climaxes at the same time. Your visions clouded with white-hot stars, as if fireworks were going off in your brains. Kylo desperately muttered a long string of profanities as he came inside of you. He collapsed on top of you, panting heavily before rolling over so you were laid out on top of him.

You felt his cum leak out of you and onto his thigh as you rested your head on his bare chest. He reached for a random article of clothing that had been discarded on the bed and used it to clean you up before throwing it to the floor. He didn't care what it was, he would deal with it in the morning.

He sat up slowly, pulling you both back towards the pillows, and situating you so he could hold you and look you in the eyes.

He noticed you shiver and pulled the duvet over the both of you before speaking. "I'm sorry I made you feel like you didn't mean anything to me- for hurting you. I did it out of not wanting to seem weak, and yet I did the weakest possible thing I could have ever done." His eyes were filled with remorse and concern, his voice laced with shame. "The truth is I do care about you. The day I realized it was the day I hurt you and sent you away... and if could go back and change how I treated you I would." His voice broke.

"Kylo-" You began to speak but he quickly cut you off.

"If you hate me, please don't tell me." He begged. "I understand why you would, but I don't think I could bear hearing you say it out loud." He now spoke in a low whisper, as if he were terrified of his own vulnerability.

"Kylo I dont hate you, I promise. I just didn't understand you, but now I do and I lo-" You cut yourself off this time, thinking maybe you shouldn't say that to him. You couldn't handle rejection from him for a second time.

"I love you."

You heard his voice say it plain as day, you know he said it. You couldn't have imagined it. You didn't see his lips move, yet Kylo's voice rang loud and clear through your head. Your eyes darted to his and you saw him scanning your face nervously for a reaction.

Your eyes widened. "I love you too."

Is that what my thoughts sound like to him?

Kylo smirked, attempting to hide the large grin threatening to creep across his face. "Yes, I told you they're loud."

You laugh, causing him to laugh with you.

It was such a tender moment. Two human souls laughing together under the warmth of the covers, intertwined with each other, and floating in the vast, inky expanse of the galaxy.

#kylo ren #ben solo #star wars #kylo ren x reader #ben solo x reader #starwars x reader #kylo ren fanfic #ben solo fanfic #starwars fanfic #the force awakens #the last jedi #the rise of skywalker #crucifiedfaerie #saint writes - !#gibson girl #fanfic

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callistosposts · 4 months

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What are your thoughts on titan? Honestly, he brings me alot of comfort. Titan is another well written character but i feel like people dont analyize him as much, he has a strong sense of justice, yet he could easily be manipulated. Titan is genuinely a really kind guy, he was the first character in Solarballs to not belittle Phobos and Deimos (i love them sm 😭).

I often see fans who mindlessly hate on Titan for listening to Ganymede and Europa but.. thats honestly just messed up, they both play their cards cleverly whenever Titan seems to doubt them. Its really insulting and insensitive when people say "he should just not listen" manipulation isnt easy to snap out of. I love how Solarballs portrays manipulation and how it controls you. Also the way the Saturn's other moons throw shade at him for being the favorite when he cant really control it is sad.

I also feel like his dynamic with Saturn is UNDERRATED AS HELL! I agree with your idea of a two-faced Saturn, i doubt hes as innocent as he seems. However he genuinely does look lile he cares for Titan alot, he worries about Titan being kidnapped since he knows how gullible he could be. He goes out of his way to search for him, I genuinely think they would make a great father-son duo.

Sorry for my endless yapping but yeah, i adore titan :')

i love Titan!! hes wonderful and i agree with every point your making here :))

he is manipulated easily - I feel like people completly disregard the fact that his intentions was to NOT hurt the planets and that intention hasnt changed its just hes under the impression that the intention of his is wrong because of Europa and Ganymede manipulating him

He truly cares about the people around him, his idea is that everyone gets a spot in uniqueness, that has always been in his moral standpoint (hes the complete opposite of Ganymede and Europa).

with saturn - yesyes I agree :D even though I talk about Saturn being two faced and malicious, I don't doubt the father-son dynamic they have (I've even had other characters call Titan Saturns son in my art haha). Titan is in the position of favouritism which actually further pushes my malicious saturn agenda (I'll talk about that if anyone asks) but it also reinforces the idea that Saturn doesnt completely NOT care about his moons

#solarballs asks

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eggsploded · 4 months

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HOMESTUCK AND STAR TREK? :O

oh baby this posts gonna be long

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

HS: aradia and sollux. aradia is my favorite forever as my patron troll and sollux is just fun to draw because whys he look like that

ST: all the cardassians in general. garak is the best, im honestly more fascinated with andrew robinson himself and his dedication to the character. also damar who doesnt get much presence until later seasons and gets crushed by actually giving a fuck about his position. i took a shot of kanar (maple syrup) for his honor and it was agony.

dukat is excluded from this because he managed to curse the show into buffering on his face everytime i watched.

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

HS: probably the beta kids before playing sburb. theyre all just little kids and best friends forever and it makes me tear up- in pesterquest dave literally talks about jade like shes his girlfriend that goes to a different school. all the kids were more than eager to see eachother in person and it sucks that it happened under the circumstances of.. homestuck

i dont have cuteness aggression for them theyve been through enough :-(

ST: in TNG's the enemy geordi helps out this genuinely pitiful romulan dude thats shaking like a chihuahua and i felt so much for that guy i wish he came back

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

HS: i think people are finally past portraying kanaya as a nothingburger, it was kind of funny 10 years ago that people were falling into her flimsy veil of Perceived Normalcy, like she doesnt regularly bite her friends and wasnt unforgivably delulu about vriska when they were moirails.

truly underrated might be the felt? their designs tickle me

ST: damar? maybe hes got more content now idk. honorable mentions are: keiko obrien, worfs parents (my favorite tng ep), hugh, the cardassian scientists that hit on obrien that one time, lwaxana troi and keevan.

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

HS: any of signless' crew. like. we got shafted so hard with the dancestors its crazy. in my wildest dreams psiioniic didnt get utterly crushed by the vast glub and somehow escaped at the ripe age of 2000 sweeps and is now overgrown and too old and ancient for his own good, squatting in solluxs hive. we didnt get much content about how signless did his recruiting- did he just do speeches and demonstrations? did he fuck nasty? i know for sure it wasnt the cringe dialogue they strapped kankri with. same goes for dolorosas life before she raised signless, she should be at the club.

ST: background vulcans. especially in TNG when they just stopped giving a fuck about them, thank god tuvok exists or i wouldve had no incentive at all to actually watch part of VOY.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

HS: equius. its really a special day when a character cant be quantified with a simple archetype like the rest of the trolls. theres something so deeply strange and wrong with him that its captivating, i chalk it up to being the horse guy in a insect body.

hussie also just like, had it out for him at day one. gamzee got beaten to a pulp narratively but equius didnt even get a chance. its sad, and im more interested in what he couldve been rather than someone like eridan or meenah.

ST: kai winn. shes literally an alien white woman and its fantastic. she did her role so good that the poor actress got hatemail, and her insidiousness is just so well done. the final season of ds9 isnt that good but it was fun to see her go off the rails with dukat.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

HS: what do i look like? hussie? in truth when it comes to being a flop i like seeing kanaya flounder. shes weird guys. she is so fucking weird and she doesnt really know because her friends are Weirder. we dont always need her to slay, atleast in my book.

ST: riker. no further notes

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

HS: jake. if he has a deeper character i havent noticed because my eyes glaze over trying to read through this dialogue. he feels like a leftover shitpost character hussie couldnt fit on the dancestors. i havent reread act 6 yet, but i remember such a large chunk being some strange love triangle-square surrounding jake and i did Not Give a Fuck, and salt in the wound was dirk and janes friendship being so fantastic but overshadowed by jakes unceasing sex appeal cursing them.

ST: obrien because it was be a standard episode plot for him, i think hed come out fine

#egg asks #homestuck #star trek

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crimsonicarus · 5 months

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I don’t know how not to love you [And i'm fine being ignorant] (piarles, background galex) (some things just must happen pt.1)

“I love yo-”

“Do you?” She was crying but managed to smile through the tears, Kika was not even mad, sad would be a better word, maybe even disappointed “More than him?”

Pierre was 24 when his girlfriend broke up with him, that was the year he accepted he was in love with his best friend, the same year he decided to do something about it.

Alternative: As Pierre looks back at his shared childhood with Charles he realizes it wasn't always mere friendship

A certain something in the middle (Charles/Pierre/George)

It started with Charles, it was followed by Pierre, it ended with George waking up pressed between two warm bodies, the ache on his muscles being a reminder of what happened last night

once upon a dream (Mick/Fred/Jack) [loving a god is only a tragedy if the god does (not) love you back pt.1]

“You are someone else in your dream”

“Michalis”

“And we were somewhere else… It was long time ago”

“So it happened… I died?!”

“Long long time ago"

The holding of hands and the breaking of glass (sebchal, background britcedes)

It’s been two years since he held Charles in his arms, his once lover was 25 now, standing in front of the crowd as he married prince George, a man his age with the right family name to back him up.

In front of him was beautiful, haunted, martyr Charles. No longer a naive boy, no longer his.

Lando's George (George/Oscar)

There it was, Lando knows George, Logan knows George, apparently even Liam knows George... Why hasn't he met George yet?

in which everyone talks about a particular guy, enough for Oscar to think they are making him up, afterall who says "Blimey", "Crikey" and wears nothing but Tommy Hilfiger?

Whatever here that's left of me is yours [just as it was] (britcedes)

His eyes opened again, he was in front of a piano, and Roscoe was playing somewhere, he blinked and he was under water.

His name was Lewis Hamilton and he was writing his second album.

Footy fics

Honey, please try to love me (martindale)

Martin has a crush that he shouldn't have, Mikel has a problem he shouldn't have. Aaron is waiting for a miracle. The others are waiting for thee day when they stop acting like idiots

Now he is mine (Julian Draxler/Mats Hummels)

It was wrong, he knew it was wrong. Dammit not even Marco would be on his side on this one, it was the kid. No, not a kid. But Benedikt’s favorite, the one he took under his wing. But what was he supposed to do?

A muse by any other name (Neuller)

Lukas had the idea of taking a class together, the four of them, Robert wanted to take a portrait class, and Bastian thought it would be hilarious to take Joachim’s class only because he heard a sophomore talk about the model of the class.

“It’s just your type Mülli” he said

Lost and found (Leon Goretzka/Julian Draxler/Joshua Kimmich)

They weren’t expecting any visit, and the list of people that would visit and even more being able to get to the door was quite short. Both laying on their sides and deep into each other arms,Leon groaned and Joshua laughed softly at him. “I’ll catch it, be right back. Must be Serge being already bored” and then he left, Leon heard his steps getting far from the room and then disappearing into the void as he reached the living room, and then silence, silence for a few minutes. And then a scream. “Leon, come here!” Okay, that was weird. He stood up fast, took a tshirt an put it on as he made his way to the door, in front of him was Joshua looking pissed, and at the door Julian fucking Draxler with a awkward look and a certain aura of distress around him

Scent like home (Julian Draxler/Erik Durm)

“How are they?” He asked

“Actually a he” Mats talked with a smirk on his face “One of Benni’s favorite cousins to be more accurate”

“Great, now Benedikt will be after my throat

Don't go where I cant reach you (Kroosmes)

Toni wasn’t stupid, yeah. His Spanish was still not the best, and yes, neither were his social skills. But regardless of his silence, he was good at observing, maybe even this was because of his silence.

All the stars in the sky (Julian Draxler/Erik Durm)

After a long day of showing Paris to his lovers, Julian was asleep upside down in the middle of his boyfriends, Matthias was hugging his side while Erik was kissing his shoulder.

“We could draw constellations with his freckles, you know? ” erik asked, his index finger connecting the dots on Julians shoulders and neck, Matthias giggled.

#f1 rpf fic #football rpf #laurie writes #britcedes #piarles #dooschuvesti #sebchal #galex #charles/pierre/george #george/oscar #martindale #neuller #kroosmes #my fics

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sunset-bridge · 6 months

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gorbo thoughts part .. 3?

goro thoughts update. id like to ramble again

ok i think he might not have ocd actually! i mean he could but like...i dont think theres too many signs. so yes id like to. recall that. i think that was just me projecting LMAO.. its ok! i love learning more about my favorite guy. you know what he does have

i stand by the ocpd. (obsessive compulsive personality disorder, its a completely different thing from OCD. its a personality disorder) also Definetely ctpsd (complex ptsd)...... ! i was talking with someone and they brought it up and i was like. WOAG.. after reading about it

disclaimer: i only talk about these because i have them LOL.. im sure gorbo has a cute soup of Other problems but like. i cant really talk about those well... i find these two really interesting though.

see. ocpd, is like the perfectionist control freak disorder. its what people Think ocd is lol. BUT as a personality disorder, its so much more than that. people with ocpd also:

-you tend to have a black and white moral code

-your way is the only right way.

-you like to do things alone because no one else could do them right; this may cause relationship problems and you may come across as a fucking cunt ( i know this..)

difficulty compromising and accepting any critisicim of your actions or opinions.

excessive devotion to work and productivity

sosososo afraid of failure even if its kinda small. you feel it will ruin your image forever and ever. if i make a mistake put me to death please.

Frequently become overly fixated on a single idea, task or belief. even to detriment of . everything else in your life...

yeah...

me and some friends definetely see some of these in goro! ofc im so happy to hear what you guys think, i dont mind changing my views at all (like with the ocd thing i changed opinion about!)

like.. hes super fixated on his revenge plan, its the Only thing he cares about and everything is fair game if it allows him to advance that. leave him alone, its no one elses problem. he knows what hes doing. he has to be right about his values and beliefs. he has to. or else whats the point. dont tell him hes wrong. what do you mean? you dont know anything about him. he cant fail, he cant make mistakes, he has to work hard so everyone sees him exactly as he wants to and as someone valuable.

and. cptsd. as the name suggests its. a form of ptsd but..it has the Special Added features of:

-sometimes cant control emotions well

-you feel angry distrustful and resentful at the world in general

you feel worthless, empty or forever damaged by an event. like if you were stained with dirt forever.

you feel isolated. like no one could ever even understand what you went through (not in like an. edgy kid way. like fr. you feel even if you explained to people. they wouldnt understand you and your feelings. or theyd judge you and further hurt you...)

avoiding friendships and relationships, or finding them very difficult (!!)

escapism or depersonalisation...dissociative behaviors .

yeah.. ! yeah. i think these ring quite some bells huh..! its really shitty! you feel like no one would get it, like no one would like you, like you are ruined forever and theres not much to do about it.

makes sense that goro would absorb himself in his plan. after all. he felt he was some sort of curse upon his mom; as if he was the one responsible for ruining her life.. but hed like to "redeem" himself with the revenge plan. he has to, even if its difficult to go on. i wonder if he planned to do anything if he achieved his plan? i dont think so. its a bit sad but.. he didnt really seem to plan doing. or living much more after. its like his whole life he convinced himself his only use would be as the vehicle to enact a revenge years in the making, and thats it.

as if he wasnt a person. just a tool to revenge. i think this is why its so difficult, frustrating and downright distressing to him to accept he too, has feelings and wants and needs like any Normal Person on planet earth. no way. those just interfere with the plan. and he has no right anyways.

i thought how id feel, in his shoes and with all my cute soup of wrong stuff, if some guy showed up, hes the guy i gotta kill. ok. then hes nice with me, as if mocking me. hes better at me in most things. he has friends and family and everyone likes him and he barely moves a finger. while i had to work so damn hard to even get acknowledged?? what does he have that i do not. hes nothing special. so why? then this guy acts like a fool even when hes so extraordinary in every aspect... does he think its funny? for someone so special to pretend to be ordinary. when id kill to be just half as special as him. honestly.. id become super frustrated with this bastard too. his presence would infuriate me. and the most frustrating thing, would be that this guy seems to be the only guy that seems to like hanging out with me. what the hell. guess he enjoys trying to humor me..

man...

#goro akechi #p5 #sure i guess #ahah the rival life with ocd ocpd and other fun things is so. fun (NOT)#man #this is why i became so attached to him when i was playing... its like. YO THIS guy this guy gets it (becomes obsessed)#im not joking i think goro is probably my favorite character in anything ever. at least now. but like. ive never. felt so much ...for any #fictional guy #man....#love to hear you guys thoughts! as i said i dont dislike if you disagree on something; sometimes i may be seeing things wrong! i want to #know so much and understand my favorite guy ever ^^ hes so much to me. so id love to hear everything!!#after all. i hadnt even considered cptsd before someone brought it up. even tho. i also. have. it. LOL

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katronautt · 1 year

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KAT'S 2022 YEAR REVIEW & THANK YOU NOTE

well hello there everyone. i'm not sure if this is still a thing this year because i haven't seen anyone doing this (or i just wasn't tagged in one at all sdjfkfkf) but that won't stop me from writing another year review and saying thank you to my wonderful internet friends!

at the end of last year i finally moved out of my parents house so i've been officially living alone for a whole year now and i'm proud to announce that i still live haha its not easy sometimes and it's hella expensive but i enjoy it nonetheless. i continued decorating and furnishing my apartment and it slowly but surely became my comfy little corner on this earth and im very proud of it :3

i know i said last year sucked and i was hoping for a better one in 2022 but boy oh boy was i wrong lmao

this year was shite. like utter shite. i didn't get a job that i enjoy doing or pays well BUT at least i still have a job lol the job sucks and sometimes i wanna jump out from the 3rd floor window but i managed to make wonderful friends among my colleagues so i'm definitely thankful for that. i only work there for 7 months but i already feel like we've known each for years and they definitely make working there bareable.

this year i also finally get to meet my bff (braincell for life), Ariana (@queenofthefaceless) in person and i am very much grateful for that. i'm sad no more meeting could happen in the rest of the year but maybe in the next one 😉❤

towards the end of the year i started working out again because i gained a little bit of weight and altough i became much more confident this year, it started to bother me so i'm proud of myself for not letting it slide and now i'm mostly focusing on getting my strength back i used to have instead of being the couch potato i was all year lol and one of my new years revolution for 2023 is to eat healthier and work out even more.

and yes i am still not over the fact that you guys putting out those wonderful fics for us for free. you still rock !! 💜💜

next year i will continue to hope for a better job, one that i enjoy and pays better (or at least one of these lol) and to be even more confident and open to new things ( and finding a rich husband 🙏)

ALRIGHTY NOW ONTO THE THANK YOU NOTES:

⭐@queenofthefaceless i still love you bro sm. you rock & i can't wait for another year with you (and your amazing fics)💜

⭐my dearest cee @fuckyeahdindjarin. you started writing for the pedro fandom earlier this year and you decided to start it all with a bang haha. i was hooked on consent after the 2nd chapter and was never let go. your writing is brilliant, my favorite thing is how you can amazingly combine comedy, angst and smut in one chapter in such a kickass way i found myself rereading sentences and conversations just so a chapter would last longer. i loved that series and i cant wat to see what you will bringing into 2023! 💜

⭐ i am so honored to call you my friend kc @avennger. and i'm now so glad that i had the courage of sliding into your dm's and start incoheretnly screaming at you (YOU KNOW AFTER WHICH CHAPTER).. because that started our conversation and i love love love chatting with you and bonding over our disaster saurondriel couple haha. you are one of the most talented writer i've met and you have such great potential i'm honestly in awe. the research and work you put ito your works is absolutely mind-blowing and i hope i'll get to read many many amazing works from you in the future! ily 💜

⭐ @foli-vora foli, you continue to amaze me with your amazing fics and your wonderful and friendly personality. please never change and here's to another year filled with insane horniness towards middle aged man 🥂💜

⭐ i think we can all agree that cristina @pedropascalsx is the nicest and most supportive person on this hellsite right? you always surprise me with the insane amount of goodness you have for the people you care about and you showed nothing but supportiveness and kindness towards me too and for that i am so so grateful. you are a wonderful and talented person and i hope you'll have just as wonderful year in 2023 🥰

⭐ @sirtadcooper ruth, even tho you spent a good amount of 2022 taking a break from tumblr (which i completely understand, believe me) like i said before, i was so happy seeing you back on my dash, you were always so supportive and i hope you won't stop making those amazing edits of yours 😘

⭐@mandosmistress mari, you wonderful, wonderful friend.. i was honored to be your best reader of 2022 very early in the year and here i am hoping to achieve the best reader of 2023 next year just as quckily while we continue our horny brainstorming in the dms because i love doing that with you 🤭💜

⭐@ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa i love and miss our late night (& horny) conversations so much. you are such an amazing and nice person katryn and i hope we get to chat again in the new year! ily 💜

and here's tagging the rest of y'all who i owe my life to because once again your amazing fics give me absolute joy and i know i will never be able to pay it back to you beside the support i'm always trying to give back in reblogs and reviews and promotions and such. here's to you all!! 🥂❤ (i am forever sorry if i missed someone):

@absurdthirst, @the-darklings, @softpedropascal, @write-and-buried, @oonajaeadira, @honestly-shite, @outercrasis, @qveenbvtch, @javier-pena, @toomanystoriessolittletime, @storiesofthefandomlovers, @lellowberry, @frannyzooey, @charnelhouse, @krissology, @juletheghoul, @dincrypt, @f0rever15elf, @the-ginger-hedge-witch, @astroboots, @brandyllyn, @littlemisspascal, @radiowallet, @just-here-for-the-moment, @letterfromvienna, @amywritesthings, @the-scandalorian, @whataperfectwasteoftime, @orcas86, @saintmurd0ck, @demonscantgothere

HERE'S TO 2023!!! 🥂💜

#Kat stuff #i love my mutuals #And i love my friends #Here's to you guys #💜💜

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vantasei · 5 months

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For the character ask game

3 and 25

obsessed that you didnt even say a character. theres only one option here, truly.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

god theres so much i love about him its not even funny. i cant even hate anything bc even his flaws hold so much meaning to me. i think if its anything, it has to be the dubious canonicity of his like. entire existence. between retcons and an entire game that is technically ignorable by the standards of quote unquote canon, you get conflict in how people are looking at his character which is SAD. hashtag whatever. i guess. (nothing against other headcanons but also. i know im right about him).

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

i really did not know he existed. im not fucking joking i went into mgs just for mantis bc i like that guy. my og game course went 3 (my friend insisted id love the cobras and i DO) into mg1 into mg2 into mgs1 IMMEDIATELY into mpo YOU KNOW IM IN DEEP. and i cannot lie when i say the gustava/fox plotline in mg2, as small as it was, made me literally insane. like are you FR WITH THEM? and then finding out hes ALIVE and theres something so fucking wrong with him in mgs1? literally i didnt even think about snox at first i didnt give a shit about the masochism or ANYTHING i saw a man and his vengeful sister and his dead girlfriend and knew i couldnt go through the rest of the series normally. HE MADE ME SICK IN THE HEAD INSTANTLY I FELL IN LOVE ON SIGHT AND ITS NEARING A FULL YEAR NOW AURGUHHGHGH. my type is unironically suicidal disabled war veterans who are fully disillusioned with the war they fought in so he hit the nail on the fucking head instantly. IT TOOK ME MONTHS TO EVEN THINK ABOUT TOUCHING THE REST OF THE SERIES BC I WAS LEGIT JUST LIKE. literally what is the fucking point if fox isnt in it. i was convinced into mgrr with monsoon (loml btw) and was able to keep going but genuinely i could not give two shits abt the games fox isnt in bc thats all i care about in this fandom something is severely mentally wrong with me.

#if you wanted to ask me about someone other than fox. um. try again bc there could not have been anyone else this was about. with us.#vans.eml #koobinn

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gutsfics · 22 days

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1, 3, 9, 22, and 24 from the OC Interview Questions for Devi please!!!

yaaay thank you!!!! :3 ok im going Devi Mode now >:3

1. Who makes up your family? How close are you to them?

well there's my mom and dad, and i have an older sibling, Avery, and two older sisters, Kennie and Satomi. im pretty close with all of them, especially my parents! tbh though it kinda feels like the five years i was dead made me miss a lot of my siblings' lives so theres like a sort of.... glass wall? i think? thats five years i cant get back, and they're all enough older than me that i wasnt really raised "with" them so much as i was raised after them, you know?

also Noah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Noah's been such a big part of my (un)life that it would be wrong not to call him family <3 plus also hes my boyfriend :3

3. What is your favorite childhood memory?

so Jane's favorite fruit is-- um... was [he looks kinda sad for a moment, but shakes it off] blackberries, but she was allergic to the brambles so when it was blackberry season, i'd crawl into bushes to get the juciest berries for her

anyway the september before, um.... she got a bit sick in september and i wanted to cheer her up so Noah and i went to the biggest blackberry bush we'd found in the forest and i picked as many blackberries as i could for her while Noah kept me company (cuz he's also allergic so he couldnt join me in the bush). we werent as close back then as we are now, and i dont remember really what we talked about, but i remember that it was one of the last warm days of the year as the season changed, and the forest was so pretty and i felt like nothing could ever go wrong

its, um, kind of a sad memory. bittersweet, i mean. but its important to me

9. Are you a spiritual person? If yes, what do you practice?

now that's a really interesting question. i know that there is a sort of "higher power" that exists in the world, but it's not really God, or A God or anything consious really. its more like.... a membrane woven into the world that makes it what it is. like a membrane holding back some kind of juice? God Juice. and there's that spot in the mountains where the membrane has been punctured so more of God Juice is flooding out of that hole than there should be in the world, and i was part of that god juice, and i think that god juice is now a part of me? or it made me or something? and if i focus, really focus hard, i can kinda hear the way the universe sings? not always though

but um. i dont really know if that counts as spirituality. and i dont "practice" anything it just... kinda is? i try to be nice to people and the world but that doesnt feel like "practicing spirituality"

22. What’s the easiest way to flirt with you?

ummm haha ohh..... i dont really know how to answer that..... growing up i was usually either ignored or bullied so its always so weird whenever someone flirts with me. its always like, are you talking to me?? oh, no thanks. i already got a guy for that

and Noah's not really a flirty guy. he'll walk into the underworld to carry me back home, for sure, but he doesnt really do flirting. unless you count just open and honest statments about how you feel about someone as flirting? i'll flirt with him absolutely, but usually gets too flustered to flirt back. its really cute

24. What would you consider your main love language?

spending years of your life devoted to taking care of someone who's lost everything, through thick and thin, even when things get hard, on days when they dont seem particularly... connected to their humanity. just being a constant in their life, a lighthouse in the middle of a typhoon, grounding them when theyre too lost to find solid ground on their own. walking into the unknown to grasp their soul and bring them back from the brink, even if that means everything changes, even if it means you yourself could get stuck yourself. would you still love me if i was a worm. would you still care for me i had nothing to give you but my company and my love, even if my company doesnt mean my touch or my conversation. would you still love me if i couldn't remember who you were.

um.

sorry. what was the question?

oh right! i think my love language is physical touch and acts of service and quality time. both giving and receiving them.

#it lives in the woods #ilitw mc #<- yeah i really like some of these answers too much not to post em in a main tag #oc: devfield

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honeybeekao · 2 years

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top 10 enstars

im gonna take this as meaning characters just know im giggling at this

1. rei - who's surprised? no one. his aura is alluring if youre not ritsu so i think im justified. also im mentally ill and he's mentally ill and ive decided we're mentally ill together. vampires with back pain and gay tendencies unite. he's such a kind creature there's so much love in his heart, and i wanna hug him!! i think people should pull him out of his coffin more, if only to make sure he's alright because god can he isolate. if you get me started on how rei feels about himself i'll start sobbing, he doesnt feel human due to being placed on the highest pedestal and othered his entire childhood and i just want him to feel worthy of love. also need him to recognize the love HE feels is real and not evil and he's not evil and OUGDHDHZJ rei's so sweet he's my favorite weirdo, i love him

2. oh god okay Madara - i actually cant pick between him and kaoru sometimes so these two are interchangeable. i think madara's like the most interesting character ever, theres something wrong with him BUT it isnt in the way that /he/ thinks. he isnt a monster and i think he deserves to be held gently. also he needs to wear a wedding dress and more flowy sleeves in my opinion he's sooo pretty he's beautiful he's gorgeous. his whole outlook on religion being disdain and sorrow is understandable, i think the conversation with kanata where kanata says "you cant say such things, you need to respect it even if it isnt real. because it's real to them" - i think it's a little profound. he doesnt wanna respect something predatory and dangerous and life threatening, not to mention the worst thing of all, it hurt KANATA. which madara will never forgivw or respect. fuck you fish cult

3. kaoruuuuuu - i adore kaoru my aro babygirl my lovely poor sad little man, do you think if someone asked to take a selfie with him he'd get flustered? i think so. actually just boosting his ego would be fun because you know he's so pathetic IM NORMAL ABOUT KAORU I SWEAR okay Okay i think he's really sweet and deserves the world. he's oblivious and that's okay. also i need him to fix izumi for me because im not doing that (yes i am but dont tell him or izumi) date plan is like my favorite story, i love his conversation with rei soooo much. he's a little gay. (he's very gay) kaoru doesnt understand girls he should talk to arashi. also transfem kaoru fandom where are youu

4. chiaki - sweetie lovely "only enstars character with morals" my wonderful little hero boy, i dont think i need any justification if you dont like chiaki i don't trust you /j. he makes me feel so many emotions, i think everything he's done is so impressive because at a point he was Terrified that he couldn't do anything that he reeeaaally wanted to do. but he got there, eventually. scrimbly of a guy, he's so silly i totally believe he ends up in the hospital every month and kanata scolds him for it . and kaoru tsks at him for it and they both love him this is what i'm saying. ryuseitai as a unit are here too because i adore them all with my entire heart

5. rinne - never thought he'd be here but i'm also glad he is despite his attitude flaws. he's a bitch and i love him!! he's fucking ridiculous sometimes like i love that it's canon he's pretended to be walking a runway because of his FS outfit. also his ways of getting things to work, while insane and good god why would you do that, it makes him so interesting. i cant believe this man exists in the enstars universe he's like an anomaly to me (oh did i mention he also has the "im not human" issue? all of my blorbos are ill) he's pretty. dont tell him that. or do, see what happens he probably needs to hear it. he feels he's disappointed hiiro already and so he avoids him which also makes me unbelievably sad. please hug your little brother he misses you. i promise you didn't disappoint anyone!!!

6. izumi - i joke that he's my problematic fav but i think what happened here is he has the perfectionism illness that leads to self destruction and mean approach to loving others. and i understand this on a level due to people in my life, i think he deserves a caring hand and should also get shoved a couple times. like once a year. i got obsessed with ironic blue and i Never went back im not sorry. ALSO HE'S SO EASY TO BOTHER i think kaoru should challenge him to more shit it's incredibly entertaining, those two <3 there's something wrong with him and He knows it and Everyone knows it, No One here is acknowledging it though!

7. kohaku - I LOVE KOHAKU he's so funny he's like an oddball but isnt an oddball and it's because he fucking grew up on the internet! i love that he treats his 2 units like a day and night job umm DOES HE EVER SLEEP? dear enstars dear cospro, he's 15 that isn't healthy. he makes me sad because he's still a kid and will continue to sorta be a kid because of growing up in such a Way. being locked away by your assassin family cannot do anything good for your mental health. i'm glad he has companions though, and i'm sure he at least has fun in idol stuff. how the fuck does he deal with rinne AND madara daily? i think i'd die. dealing with them in my head is already a nightmare sometimes /affection

8. keito - picking these is not difficult actually im having fun. KEITO HASUMI'S MY POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOW dear god i look at him in any given moment and go Awwwww........ 😰 i love him so much. how can you be so stuck up yet So prone to causing problems. it's so fucking funny he's a little embarrassing and i think is very easy to mess with. madara says he's taking kuro away to be a solo unit and keito flips his shit he feels SO betrayed, this poor guy. i would say he's gullible, but that one's more on the sense of He doesnt trust madara at all and can totally envision that being the truth, hey madara at least one person thinks youre capable!! <3 keito's so normal and so very unhinged all at once, i love his glasses and his intertwining story with eichi and rei, i love his unit. akatsuki my beloveds i really like all 3 of them dearly

9. ritsu - oh ritsu dear ritsu you make me so sad i dont know what to do with myself. he can't stand change because it feels like loss to him, cough cough thisll happen when your brother is gone cough, but his home in knights is everything. he's sooo smart and i love when he's content and happy. just chilling out, he deserves it and i think him sharing that with others is really sweet. i think ritsu should take more shared naps with people, all of knights should nap more!! especially tsukasa. him and mao are insane to me i havent looked into them too much so you arent getting analysis, but mao's very obviously important to him

10. natsume - i love this witch boy with all my heart, probably just as much as i love the transmasc hc for him. i think he's a fucking genius, i think he's gonna dominate the world with his powers, i think he's insane but he's too little to be scary. also war era makes me Cry, the other oddballs were protecting him from as much of the evil as possible, sobs weeps hits the pavement. switch are very important to me.. i Love natsume's design they outdid themselves when creating him, coolest hair Ever..i think he should've had fangs though. Give natsume fangs and a trans flag thank u

honorable mentions!!

kanata, arashi, niki, mayoi, hinata, souma, hokke, shinobu

#enstars #here u go my thoughts off the top of my head #rei sakuma #kaoru hakaze #madara mikejima #chiaki morisawa #izumi sena #rinne amagi #ritsu sakuma #natsume sakasaki #kohaku oukawa #keito hasumi #🐦#top 10 #enstars tag

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nightmare-dreamt · 11 months

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hi! i saw your reqs are open and im wondering if matchups are included... if not, please just ignore this! (and im not used to sending matchups so, uh, sorry if i get anything wrong xd)

and i almost forgot! please: Chainsaw Man, Haikyuu, and Demon Slayer. (i saw someone req three, i hope this is okay.)

im an asian girl! and im straight.

personality: i guess i can describe myself as empathetic and thoughtful? i always try to get to the root of the problem to solve it and try to understand everyone's perspective at the same time. i try to be reasonable as i dont want to cause trouble. im pretty insecure about myself and have a hard time cheering myself up. i seem to be always worried/anxious because i overthink everything, i apologize a lot when im nervous. i dont talk a lot in public, i keep to myself most the time. im awkward and im not the best at socialising. im infp!

likes: i love spicy food! my favorite food is anything chicken or as stated earlier, spicy. i also like to read but only fictional or history books, i dont think im into anything specific i just like anything interesting but i guess im a fan of romance, psychological horror, and sci-fi. i also like movies, i noticed that i seem to like action or anything exciting and oddly enough, i like gore to a bearable level. my favorite animals are cats and sharks. i also like draw!

appearance: i think im most likely 5'2? not sure, just know that im short. i have short black hair that seems to curl at the end, i think getting my hair curled as a child stayed with me forever lol. my eyes are brown or maybe black i cant tell. my relatives tell me im pretty pale or light. and i wear eyeglasses! my style, i'd describe it as somewhat normal. i like to wear jackets and such like cardigans. i like wearing long skirts. if its presentable, comfortable, and fits my tastes, i'll wear it..

please and i thank you in advance!

Matchup for Kult-O

Chainsaw Man: Angel Devil

When he doesn't have to work and can just stay home with you beside him the two of you would either read together or watch a movie cuddle up within a blanket. At first, his wings made it difficult to do so, but the two of you found a way around it and now spend every living moment close together.

Getting a cat was a decision the two of you made together, after you begged him for weeks and months to get one. You were thrilled when the two of you left and came back with a fur baby that now got to live with the two of you. You love the sweet creature, but it is sad to say that the cat loves your boyfriend more, always running over to him when he gets home from work. When he lays down the cat is quick to lay next to him all cuddled up into his wings. You have many photos of the two together and sometimes you can't help but feel jealous over the cat for taking your boyfriend, but their cute cat eyes always change your mind.

Haikyuu: Bokuto

He's definitely a personality type of guy, but looks are also important, just not as important as the person's personality. The two of you definitely have to get along or at least have some interests or he won't know what to do and then he'll feel sad. If there aren't any interests then learn about volleyball and talk about it with him, he could go on for hours about the sport and talk about all of the games he's played since he was a kid. Be in for a long conversation that spans out over a week, maybe two.

When he found out about your insecurities, he was immediately on it, grabbing all of your favorite things and spending the whole day with you, explaining why everything about you was perfect and that you shouldn't feel ashamed about anything. If he ever sees you comparing yourself to other people, he'll try his best to distract you or explain why he choose you and not them, talking about all of his favorite things and what made him fall in love with you.

Demon Slayer: Tanjiro

It's known throughout the show that he is a smart and quick thinker so it would make sense for him to have a partner who also has the same mindset. When he found out that you were great at problem solving, he couldn't help but mile, being proud of the achievements and goals you've been able to accomplish by yourself.

On the days where you tend to overthink about things, he makes sure to clear his schedule and be there for you not wanting you to be in that mindset alone. If he's on a mission though, he'll ask someone he trusts to watch over you and tell them to reassure that whatever you're overthinking about will be alright and that there is nothing to worry about. He does the same thing when you over apologize, making sure to say that everyone makes mistakes and that there is no point in apologizing so much that he isn't mad or upset.

#x reader #anime #anime x reader #headcanon #request #matchups #chainsaw man x reader #chainsaw man #angel devil #csm #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #bokuto kōtarō #bokuto imagines #demon slayer x you #Demon slayer

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scaredgirlsilly · 9 months

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🔥

(this is for the hot take ask game thang)

no clue if this is a hot take idk but its something i think about alot and also im a lil scared to say it too meanly because i know some people who do this (including me) and i dont wanna like. be mean to them 😭😭😭😭

but people who are all fuckin timid and like "oooo sorry i like this thing i know its just so cringe and dumb and stupid >////<" about their favorite thing or just something they enjoy, like your not helping anything.

ive had this thought for a little bit but getting into homestuck has really showed me like how prevalent it is. i fucking love homestuck. does it have its problems??

YEAH FUCKIN DUH!!!!!!!!

but when i say i like homestuck there are already people who instinctively cringe at me and go "ew thats fucking disgusting whats wrong with you?" and its like sometimes its a joke from my irl friends or sometimes i see people genuinely believe that but like. idk its fucking annoying and dumb cause they can never even tell me what medium its in let alone what its about!!!!!!!!

and so when i see other homestuck fans feel the need to surround their enjoyment of homestuck with a million caveats and apologies its just like. what are you doing?? are you trying to be "one of the good ones"?? are you just ashamed of a thing you like?? are you just trying to appeal to others?? like whats your goal here

idk this is extremely long and rambly and i can talk about it forever but when people already are predisposed to make fun of homestuck and its fans, it is so fucking annoying that other homestuck fans will join in on that and be like "hahaha yeah lol we fucking suck homestuck is so fucking dumb dont look at my 3 homestuck blogs lol i hate it just like you guys" like shut the fuck up oh my god!!!!!!!!

AND I DO IT TOO!!!!!!!! when my irl friends shit on homestuck theres this pressure to go along with it. but like. its not good KSBSKDJAJ yk like it actively makes me a lil sad when i do it. so i try to stop and i think other homestuck fans and really fans of anything should too because like. idk that cant be fun to constantly put down a thing you like to appeal to people who dont like it. just own it be cringe but forreal like actually be cringe who fucking cares

#people be like 'cringe is dead be yourself no matter what' until you like a piece of media that #middle schoolers like 10 years ago #and then all of a sudden its ok to call it cringe #tags arent really related to what im talking about but its still true

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sheepinthebigcity · 1 year

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okay fine. ALL OF THEM. GO.

YOU'RE INSANE (am i even in that many fandoms)

the character everyone gets wrong

mad ducktor. enough said

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

i'm presuming they meant dom or sub in this regard anyway i feel like all my faves are like lame ass switches and honestly i am SO tired of seeing them as always dom. boring behavior.

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

honestly i'm just tired of seeing takes in 2023 about my girl faves and how they're annoying and get in the way of either yaoi ships or selfships...

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

not to go back into ducks again but i remember when the animaniacs reboot dropped i made a mutual with this super annoying person on twitter who kept talking about yakko warner and milk and about a week later an acquaintance of mine asked me how long i knew them and then said "we think that your new mutual is cannedtins"

5. worst discord server and why

im not in bad discord servers im normal 0:-)

i do have a lot of osc and em servers muted tho <:-D

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

a looooooot of shippers are annoying LOL. as far as not freak ships go, i sure do have a lot of hate in my heart for fenro... but are fenro fans annoying.... idk. i curate myself a lot.

WAIT NO JOIKE GOD THOSE GUYS ARE SO ANNOYING

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

i CANT just say mad ducktor again.... but honestly? 4 and X bfdi.....

9. worst part of canon

closing time being canon to catch 22

10. worst part of fanon

i hate when fanon unanimously agrees on a gender and sexuality headcanon for a character especially when it's one i relate to and i could make their gender and sexuality so so so so much weirder...

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

at least a dozen? i dont like a lot of popular fandoms.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

i feel like all my unpopular faves are unpopular for good reason. i may not like the reason but im alone in my happiness.

anyway fanny bfb you should like her because she has a rough exterior and a soft interior.

13. worst blorboficiation

the guys from one but i dont mind too much because it's one.

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

i see a lot of x reader shit and it always feels like every reader is like. the same 19 year old girl. and man we're different in every way.

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

cat ears

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

honestly i guess i get it bc they're both protags but spifan... it's kind of... BORING to me! no offense to ppl who do like it but i find myself more into prufan and pacome x zorglub....

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

sheep in the big city fic and art that doesn't suck

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

honestly i'm in so many fandoms where there's a hero x villain old man ship and in SO MANY OF THEM it is ignored.... SAD!

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

let's just say there's a certain ship that goes against so many of my principles and yet i've shipped it for over a decade and got good friends to ship it too and leaf it there

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

whatever the hell fireafy was doing in nubfb

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

clive dove professor layton. unwound future has better aspects

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

i think ppl should pay more attention to misa in death note

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

i used to hate mei x red son from monkie kid and now it's my top otp LOL

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

"stop watching kid shows" these ppl aren't watching kid shows they are JUST watching owl house if they were wathcing kid shows i'd have someone to talk about rocketeer 2019 with

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winderlylandchime · 5 months

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I honestly can’t believe that we finished the show. And that you all were here to witness it, I don’t know if I should thank you or apologize. I feel like part of me should say thank you for allowing me to spam you. But also thank you for being there with us throughout this time. It was fun to share his stupidity with someone other than our family :)

But I do plan to show him that one Gale interview since he deserves to meet the real man. And the Austin panel thing, i feel like that one might heal him a bit and maybe make him hate cowlip a little less. So i will let you know how that goes (if that is okay with you) And then I’m planning to slowly tell him about all of you guys. I mean you guys have been there for a hot minute, i feel like you deserve to know how he will react to all of you and to Gale. I do think I should ease him into the real people/fandom slowly because idk what he’ll do. Basically im scared to just sit him in front of a computer and going ‘meet tumblr’. Thats too much power for one man. And through the Gale interview he’s gonna learn that he’s straight so I can’t wait for that because he is still convinced he’s gay irl. And tomorrow I’m planning on showing him the gag reels and some of the bts content (the tiny amount of it that exists) so that he can finally see the good side of it all. I wanted to do it today but he was still sad and didn’t wanna do anything. But:

He is still completely heartbroken. He fucking cried to our mom on the phone!!!! He told her what happened and started crying again (light crying!! He is not sobbing anymore) and our mom went ‘WHAT?!’ And then dad joined the call and asked what’s wrong and my brother is crying and i cant get a word in because of him and our mom goes ‘those bastards fucking broke them up at the end’ and my brother starts crying and goes ‘nooOooOooO’ and my dad went ‘those sick sons of bitches’ and that’s all I got to hear cause he took the phone to his room then. But he did come out of the room more calm and collected. I honestly feel like I told a little child the truth about Santa.

And if you were wondering, yes, he did end up calling his therapist. And he told me some of the stuff they talked about but who cares about that. The only part worth mentioning that we were all curious about: he called him, and then there was some silence in his room and then a loud ‘YOU KNEW THIS WHOLE FUCKING TIME?!’ Came out of the room. And i fucking lost it. I told him i had a suspicion he knew because of that reaction to the finale mention and my brother went *shocked face* ‘that does make sense, i just thought he wanted to talk to me cause he’d miss me. I mean i did think he was a weirdo but who am i to judge’ so safe to say he’s still a bit dumb.

ANON I AM SCREAMING (sorry neighbors!) HIS THERAPIST KNEW THIS ENTIRE TIME?

I knew it! I called it! VINDICATION! (captain holt voice)

I think the Gale interview, and the ATX panel, and the bts (my favorite is the bts for the bashing, obviously) are solid choices to introduce him to the fandom. And then yes, ease him into finding out about us. Because we are definitely going to be a shock and poor bb has been through so much.

PLEASE CONTINUE TO KEEP US UPDATED. You have no idea how much I adore all of this.

Your parents are also the best:

mom goes ‘those bastards fucking broke them up at the end’ and my brother starts crying and goes ‘nooOooOooO’ and my dad went ‘those sick sons of bitches’ I'm dying about this.

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023

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lunatic-fandom-space · 1 year

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Alrighty I finished watching the 2012 Jesus Christ Superstar, the one that people on tumblr like to gif the most

Thats not meant to be an insult btw, honestly this might be my favorite version Ive seen so far overall

I initially had pretty mixed feelings about the actors they got for Jesus and Judas, like, they werent bad but I felt like Judas especially wasnt putting enough emotion into it and their delivery was kinda off at times but then we got the last supper scene and I thought they were great from that point on. Judas was good, I didnt like him as much as 73!Judas but honestly after watching the 2000s movie Im just glad he was portayed in a sympathetic way at the very least. I actually really liked Jesus in this one too, which is pretty surprising because Ive found him pretty unlikable in the previous versions and also Ive been translating the german versions of these songs which made me realize that a lot of that unlikability is kinda baked into the script as well. Usually I tend to dislike Jesus for about half the show until it gets to that bit after the last supper where everyones sleeping and hes looking around like "wont anyone be with me now 🥺" and Im like, aw thats just a sad little man, a lost littol guy, I cant dislike him when hes like that

I really liked the way they modernized this story here, it felt a lot less anachronistic and like there was a more cohesive vision behind it. While I usually like anachronistic settings and think itd be especially fitting for JCS, I felt like the execution was kinda lacking in the previous version and Im glad the 2012 version basically just went full Modern AU with it

Pretty much everything else I have to say applies to either the costuming or specifoc songs/scenes so in the interest of having a better structure than I had in my previous review-post-things I think Im just gonna talk about costuming and then each song in chronological order. Also I will be comparing this version both the 73 and the 2000s movie because thats how I do things babeyyyy whyd you think my review of the 2000s movie was so much longer and more articulated its because I do better when Im comparing two things

Costuming

Right off the bat, I dont think this technically has anything to do with the costuming, this would probably fall under casting actually, but Im so glad Jesus was brunette in this because him being blonde in the previous two versions was weirdly upsetting to me. Like, obviously he usually gets whitewashed in popular media and thats gross and almost definitely inaccurate but because it happens so frequently and has been happening for such a long time I barely even register it beyond maybe going "hm. thats wrong" at the very start whenever they show Jesus as the whitest guy on earth in anything, but I usually see him portrayed as brunette at the very least so seeing him get portrayed as blonde on top of the whitewashing was just too much man. Also he looks like Lin Manuel Miranda but Im like 90% sure thats not him

I like that they modernized Jesus' clothes for this as well because in the 2000s movie he wore a white tanktop and like, jeans probably in the very first scene but in every other scene hes wearing these long flowing white robes, so I like that they put him in a normal white shirt (and black jeans) even though it doesnt really have that same vibe of divine purity if its not a long flowing robe or a dress. Like, he literally just looks like the most normal guy ever wearing that and I really like that tbh

He also wore a brown scarf a few times and I kinda wish it was red instead because I did some research and found out that hes pretty heavily associated with that color. I mean, I also found out that a whole bunch of figures in the bible are associated with red, like if someone tried to quiz you on this you could probably get 50% of the answer if you just said red everytime, but still.

Speaking of red, I think I said at some point that Judas not wearing red irked me, and it still does just to be clear, but Ive thought about it a little and I actually quite appreciate the thought that went into the color coding here, for lack of a better term.

Like, instead of red being Judas' and Marys color like in the previous films (i dont actually remember what color Mary wore in the 70s movie but im going with it anyway) its essentially the color that the antagonists or people who are in some way against Jesus but who werent really directly involved in his death. Herod is probably the most obvious example, hes completely decked out in red but Simon is also wearing it and hes characterized as someone coopting this message of Love and Acceptance and whatnot in order to spread hate, Im pretty sure Peter also wears it and he ends up denying Jesus.

And then sortof complementary to that we have black as the color of people who were more directly involved in Jesus' death, like Caiaphas and his guys, Pilates and of course Judas. The crowd that gathers and calls for Jesus' crucifixion at the end is also wearing black so could see them partaking in his death as well

And then we obviously have white for Jesus and Mary as basically his closest follower who seems to understand him the most and also probably embodies his message of acceptance the best. Judas also has a white scarf to still tie him to him visually even though he does end up betraying him which I find neat

The fact that he didnt get to wear white for the last song again is crime honestly, cmon man do it for the visual cohesion if nothing else. They threw in a few singers who were also wearing black so Judas wouldnt be the only guy in black surrounded by a bunch of angels in white but ehhhhh, it only kinda works imo. I mean atleast its not as messy and thematically confusing as whatever they tried to do at the end of the 2000s version but still, just let my guy wear white

Also, before I move on I wanted to compliment the sets, or stage, since it was mostly just a pretty empty stage with few props and just a really big screen. I think they utilized the screen really well, just consistently having that illusion of The Media there really helped modernize this musical. I also liked the portayal of Jesus n gangs hideout as this little encampment and the implication that they had the last supper in basically their home. Idk what its like in the bible but from both of the other versions i watched I got the impression that they had the last supper somewhere else and while that didnt bother me at all, i think theres something nice about it being more mundane

Thats pretty much it I think, now its Song Time babey

Overture(/Prologue?)

I paused within like the first 40 seconds and wrote a post because they just immediately hit you with fictional news reports about protests and police brutality and then they just keep going for like 3 minutes and Im just sitting there, mouth agape because its like. first of all, these made-up news reports were so similar to ones that Ive seen throughout the summer of 2020 when the George Floyd and related protests were happening that I had to do a double take and make sure that yes, this is from 2012 and literally nothing has changed. Alternatively, they were actively trying to portray an unrealistically horrifically tyrannical government police state only for the creators visions of a horrible dystopia coming true only 8 years after. I dont know which one is more upsetting and Id rather not think about it too much and find out

Second of all, Andrew Lloyd Webbers musicals tend to be pretty safe, like theyre known to be more spectacle and melodrama than substance, atleast the ones that Im familiar with and while I certainly wouldnt call this musical subtle or even particularly profound, I really wasnt expecting something this politically charged within the first minute. And just to be clear, Im not saying that JCS is bad because its not that subtle or profound, I really love this musical and think its really good it just isnt those qualities and thats fine

Heaven on Their Minds

I dont have a lot to say here, Judas is pretty weak. His voice lacks emotion and because of that it feels more like a pop-cover than a musical theater song and I wasnt a fan. His actual singing voice is good and he definitely gets better as the musical goes on but this was quite disappointing after that overture

Also, the camera was obviously focusing more on Judas at this point but Im pretty sure I saw Jesus and Simon having some kind of argument while his followers are all surrounding him and Judas is singing, I thought that was a neat detail

What's the Buzz/Strange Thing, Mystifying

Im gonna be real with you, saying those two songs are part of the same one doesnt seem right to me but thats what Genius and youtube do and I dont think I really have too much to say about Whats the Buzz on its own so yeah

Honestly, I feel like Whats the Buzz is just gonna make Jesus seem kinda weird and unlikable regardless of who plays him, the good thing about this version is hes not musically moaning and going "ohhhhhhhh~ Mary thats so nice~~" like he is in the german 70s version which i forced myself to listen to approximately 600 times

I have the same criticism of Judas as I did in the previous song, not enough emotion. Jesus isnt great here either, I feel like neither version after the 73 one really managed to capture his anger at his followers the same way, the delivery has been weaker and not as impactful and snappy in the 2000s and 2012 versions.

And I just wanted to say again that I like the setup of their hideout being a bunch of these little tents, I think its really fitting

Everything's Alright

Jesus and Judas are still not giving me enough and its just gonna be like this until the last supper I guess

I really like Mary's voice, theres something soft and kinda vulnerable about it and its nice to listen to

This Jesus Must Die

Musically this is probably my favorite song because of course it is, its the villain song

I like that in this production Caiaphas seemed to really struggle to reach that low tone lol. Like, he sounded great but his face looked like he was struggling, thats about as well as I can describe it. I also liked Annas, he seemed so smug and obnoxious and I liked his leitmotiv-melody-thingy that he would sing its very catchy

I really appreciated that white-grayish lighting, it reminded me of like sterile office building lighting and contrasts nicely with the more yellowish-golden lighting they had for Hosanna. They didnt do anything as crazy or evocative as the 2000s film but Im also not sure how feasible doing something like that on a live stage would be so whatever, I still enjoyed it and thought it looked really good

Hosanna

This might be my favorite song in terms of how they adapted it for this modern AU-thing. I love that Jesus seems a lot more involved in this which makes sense since its been reframed as a protest whereas Im pretty sure it was originally something closer to a parade or something similar. I like that hes singing along to the "Hosanna, heysanna" parts, I dont think he did that in the other versions and it makes him seem less detached and above-it-all which definetly makes him a lot more sympathetic in my eyes

I absolutely adore the way Jesus' verse is framed with him like, looking into a camera with his followers huddled around him idk I think its nice. Speaking of framing and stuff, I havent mentioned the camera work at all yet and its really good for the most part, I do have some complaints but they dont apply to this song so I shant mention them right now

Really the only negative thing I have to say is that usually when the crowd sings "Hey JC, JC, wont you die for me" they cut to Jesus horrified/weirded out reaction and I think its a real highlight but I dont think they directed him to make any kind of facial expression at that part or maybe the actor forgot, so that was a little disappointing ngl. Speaking of that verse, I have Genius open rn so I know which order the songs are in and apparently that verse/line wasnt originally in the song??? Bro thats such a good and simple line how did you not come up with that right away. I mean, better late than never but still

Simon Zelotes/Poor Jerusalem

Again, I dont really think these two songs make that much sense as a package deal but who am I to disagree with genius dot com

I really enjoy the contrast between the two songs and I think they did a great job highlighting it even further via the lighting, with the stage being bathed in this red light during Simon Zelotes and the lights changing to deep blue for Poor Jerusalem. The staging and choregraphy were also great, I like that Jesus is mostly down at the front of the stage during Simon Zelotes with his followers being sort of scattered behind him as they were doing this high energy group dance number while hes up at the back of the stage during Poor Jerusalem with his followers almost huddled together in front of him, it highlights that emotional dissonance between Jesus and his followers really well

I actually liked Jesus performance too, I think the actor did a good job conveying his discomfort and at this point I felt like he was a lot better at projecting quiet vulnerability than loud anger or anguish at this point

Pilate's Dream

I dont really have anything to say here, the song isnt great but its short so its like, fine whatever.

The main thing I have to say here is that I did not Get Pilate at all the past two times I watched this but at the end of this song he puts on a powdered wig and I went "ohhhhhhh hes like a judge" and that made me finally kinda understand what his deal is somehow. Idk man Im a little stupid sometimes

The Temple

I think the first half of this song is fine, but I definitely prefer both of the other versions. I feel like having the people at the temple crowd around a camera as theyre singing about all the sinful shit theyre offering just makes for more effective framing and does a better job at putting you in Jesus' shoes and making you feel uncomfortable

Im not a fan of those weird moving neon shapes they show on the screen during this bit. At the very start of this scene they have this colorful neon text saying stuff like SEX and NUDES and honestly, I think they shouldve had that for the entire song. Like, I get why they might not want to have a whole scene with the word SEX flashing in the background in bold neon letters but it wouldve fit more and been less weird than abstract moving lines. I also dont think they shouldve had any of the 'sinners' wear white just to make Jesus stand out a bit more, but thats a nitpick.

I absolutely ADORE the second half with the beggars though. I mentioned before that I have this fascination with portrayals non-consentual non-sexual touch and this scene, in all three versions Ive watched, really manages to tap into that in a way thats pretty personal and hard to describe. This scene in this version is probably my favorite but Im not sure I can properly describe why. It just feels so intense, the way everyones grabbing onto him and practically lifting him off the ground like some uncomfortable perversion of crowd surfing, I love that

I also like the detail at the start of the song where Judas picks a fight with the bodyguard guy while Jesus goes inside

Everything's Alright (Reprise)/I Don't Know How To Love Him

These two songs arent actually lumped together like some of the other ones, but i have nothing to say about the reprise on its own and its really short so

I really like I Don't Know How To Love Him because its the song that made me realize that Jesus being the son of god is actually pretty ambiguous in this musical which makes this story way better and more interesting imo. Like, I rewatched Jenny Nicholsons video on easter plays after watching the 70s movie and i realized that the focus on Jesus as the literal son of god and his resurrection actually takes away a lot of the impact this story could have as yknow, a story, when its being told by people who are actually christian. And Im not religious myself but I get why that is, for a christian audience the resurrection is the most important part because its essentially proof of Jesus being the son of god rather than 'just' a prophet and/or important spiritual leader, which is kind of the basis of the entire religion. I also feel like theres a tendency in media made by christians about Jesus (or Jesus-stand ins) to avoid portraying any flaws in its main character because thats your god, and you wouldnt wanna portray that guy in a bad light and while I understand that too, it makes for a far less interesting story for non-christian audiences

I dont really know where I was going with this ngl, in conclusion; the reason I enjoyed this play about Jesus Christ so much is probably that it wasnt made by christians

Also Im going back to this after being done writing the post, I dont like that they made Mary ungoth herself on stage like cmon man, let my gal be goth. The only good thing about that was that Mary has muscles and I liked looking at them now that the jacket wasnt in the way

Damned for All Time/Blood Money

Finally a package deal song that actually works as one

Im gonna honest, while I think this song is good I dont really. understand it? Even after watching three versions of this musical and looking at some of the genius annotations. I understand that Judas is feeling guilty about the betrayal and trying to justify himself (although thats only after reading the annotations lol I feel like the lyrics are really weird and contradictory ngl), I dont really get why hes betraying him? Like yeah, he doesnt like what Jesus is doing now and is afraid that he's putting himself and other jewish people in danger but on an emotional level I dont really get why he thought betraying him would be the best course of action. Maybe because he came to realize that he cant get Jesus off the path hes on but idk, that wouldve been nice to actually see that onstage

But enough about that, lets move on to the things I really liked. For example they added this small bit where Judas is walking over to Caiaphas and his guys and you can see him walk into their office building or whatever through the security cameras, I thought that was a really neat detail.

I also like the way Judas sings the very last line about the gardens of Gethsemane, his delivery was really good

The Last Supper

I already mentioned this a few times earlier but I thought Jesus' and Judas' performances were fine for the most part, they just lacked emotion and felt more like flat radio covers because of it, but this is the song where they get really good and even stay really good. Thats not. great. But you know what they say, better late than never

I also liked Judas like, poking Jesus basically when hes yelling at him and I liked Jesus shoving him. Maybe its just me but I feel like the physical contact is way more intense in this version, for lack of a better term, and Im a big fan of that I think that rules, I love watching guys touch each other

I also mentioned earlier that I like how the last supper is just happening at their camp because it makes it feel more mundane and the other non-apostle ensamble members still being there in the background really adds to that vibe as well. I also feel like it made everyone going to sleep after the supper make more sense. Like, in the previous two versions I thought it was kinda weird that they all just fell asleep at the table after that big dramatic shouting match and Jesus predictions but in this one it reads more like the apostles are all going "okay. i think i need to leave." and just crawling into their tents bc what else are they supposed to do

Another thing I liked was that Jesus was like, kinda freaking out and lashing out in this scene. Idk the way Ive been taught about these events made it seem like Jesus just calmly explained this shit to his guys at dinner because he knew gods plan or whatever, so I appreciated this more dramatic and more human version

Gethsemane

oughhhhhhh this song is really good but I dont have a lot to say about it because its mainly an emotional ballad where Jesus is just kinda standing there singing while engulfed in blue light and I already talked about how I like that the existence of god is never confirmed in this musical and why i think that makes the story way stronger

I did want to mention this lyric-change I noticed and didnt like. So originally there was this line towards the end of the song that was like "God thy will is hard/Something something card probably" idk the only reason I remembered that line is because when I heard it in the 73 version I immediately went on tumblr to make an untagged 1 note flop of a post that went like this: "Call my penis thy will the way its hard". But in this version the line is "God thy will is done/Take your only son" and I just dont like that

The Arrest

It took me watching this musical thrice to realize that the music for this song is literally just the music for the beggar part of The Temple, eventhough there were some very obvious visual parallels in the 2000s movie on top of the music being the same but hey, Im a little stupid sometimes and also better late than never

Similarly to the temple scene I just dont think its as effective when you dont have the camera surrounded by these people to both put you in Jesus' shoes and to evoke claustrophobia. The reframing of these guys being like news reporters rather than ? disillusioned followers? jewish people who dont agree with him? I think? is really good and makes a lot of sense. I just didnt like that they had those guards holding them all back I think they shouldve gone all out and just fucking grabbed him

Peter's Denial

This is a pretty short qnd unremarkable song and I dont have much to say, I liked both Peter and Mary (Mary has been consistantly really good throughout the entire musical I think i forgot to mention thst until now) and I weirdly enjoyed Peter being so unecessarily hostile towards that old lady

Pilate and Christ

This is the song I keep forgetting about even though its actually really good lmao

I am just baffled by the decision to have Pilate working out in this scene. Thats kind of it honestly, like whyd they do that. whyd they do that huh. Literally the only reason I can think of is like, they wanted to show off how dismissive he is of Jesus but. there are other ways

Anyway I really liked Pilates vocal performance though and I like this actor, he has a very legal-professional kinda face and tone of voice which makes sense if we're interpreting him as some kindof judge guy, great casting

King Herod's Song

I really love this song, its so catchy and fun and ended up liking the talk show setup for this scene more than I anticipated. I think the reason I was kinda wary of how they would approach this scene was because King Herod is 10000% gonna be the guy who gets played by James Corden when they inevitably decide to turn this into a proper movie (again) but since this is 2012 and also a stage production, James Corden is nowhere to be found and this song is still really enjoyable. Theres really nothing to dislike here, I liked the guy who played Herod, I liked the backup dancer women (although I will say that I prefer their outfits from the 2000s), I liked the way they used the screen to further this whole talkshow thing, I liked Jesus being spun around in that chair, its great

My one small complaint is that during that line where hes like "Cmon man, turn my water into wine" hes given this water bottle and then the water turns red and even with the camera focusing on the effect it just kinda looks pathetic, maybe they couldve done something with the screen instead like they did for the "walk across my swimming pool" line but idk

Judas' Death

Man I cant even properly describe how much I love both the song and execution of it, its so wonderfully visceral and tragic and oughhhhhhh

First of all, I adore Judas' performance hes so good here and he does a great job at letting the emotion bleed into his voice and make it sound like hes sobbing without his singing suffering from it like in the 2000s movie. Do I prefer the performance here over the 73 version? Ehhhhh I think Id need to directly compare the scenes before I feel comfortable making a statement about that and I dont feel like doing that right now.

The lighting is pretty simple here, its pretty much just red, but its really atmospheric and helps underscore Judas' anguish and you know me babey, I love watching this guy suffer

I was gonna write something about the suicide being done well before ending this section here but I just remembered something and immediately forgot what I was going to write, so heres the thing I remembered:

When I was watching the 73 movie and Judas committed suicide, I was like mouth-agape shocked, not because it happened suddenly or because it was edited in a particular way but because I didnt know he was going to kill himself. Ive had religious education as a class for the entirety of my school career, the only time we ever actually talked about the easter story in any kind of detail was when I was like 6 years old in the first grade. The teacher told us about all the most basic beats, Jesus had a bunch of buddys he took out to dinner one night, he tells them about how one of them will betray him, Judas betrays him for money, Jesus gets crucified and then Judas lives in disgrace and shame until the end of his days. What she didnt tell us is how those days end and like. I mean i guess she didnt lie did she

And after that the topic of The Easter Story never really came up and also I thought religious education was the most boring and pointless shit on earth so I never bothered looking into any of it at any other point in my life and thats how I managed to avoid spoilers for this 2000 year old story

I was gonna end the section here but I just remembered something else that I wanted to share, I promise this is thematically relevant

A few days after I watched the 2000s film I thought to myself "hey, this is a popular musical that was originally english but since its been around for like 50 years I wonder if theyve since made a german version" so I looked it up, found the german wikipedia page and yes, theres a german version that came out on vinyl in the 70s but its unfortunately missing a song (two if we're counting Then We Are Decided as well but that one was added for the movie and not originally in the musical). Since Im already on wikipedia I decide to just read the entire article and I find out that orthodox christians didnt like the musical because it paints Judas The Traitor in a sympathetic light and I do a bit of a double take because Im like. I thought Judas was generally seen as sympathetic??? Because again, the only time i was ever taught about this story in any detail was when I was 6 in first grade religious education class and I havent really thought about it since. I only vaguely remember that class but Im pretty sure the way my teacher explained the apostles was that they were like Jesus' closest buddies and when I heard that Judas ended up betraying his good friend Jesus I was really sad and felt really sorry for him ? I dont remember my exact emotions or thoughts but it was either "I really love my friends and one of them died I'd be so upset even if it was my fault they died" or "I would never rat my friends out and cause them to be killed for no reason so he mustve had a really good reason we're just not being told about" or a combination of those and then I never paid attention to christianity ever again so I just never changed my thinking

So yeah, youre looking at a lifelong Judas Iscariot apologist Im so glad to finally be reunited with my fellow men in my natural habitat which is the Jesus Christ Superstar Fandom

Trial Before Pilate

Funfact, someone on youtube uploaded the entire JCS german soundtrack and there they called it "Pilate's Interrogation (39 lashes included)" and idk I think thats mildly amusing

I gotta say this is definitely a little bit disappointing after the 2000s version which had that absolutely mental illness inducing (affectionate) part where every time hes meant to get whipped one of the people in the crowd runs up to him and strikes him and leaves a bunch of blood on his body until hes all wet n grimy from it. Its alright but idk it feels a bit less intense physically and Im not just talking about the lashings, Im also talking about Pilates coming down to Jesus at the very end and being like "Im holding your life in my hands". I dont remember what the 2000s movie did here but I know in the 70s movie hes actually cradling him in his arms and it makes this bit hit way harder, but in this version hes just kinda kneeling next to him like hes the gym teacher and Jesus is the unathletic kid who just somehow sprinted like 50 meters in order to not come in last for the race around the local playground theyre doing for PE and embarass himself in front of the class and is laying on the ground panting afterwars and feels like hes going to die.

While I dont think its as effective as it could be, those faceless silhoutte people standing outside that fence arguing with Pilate are decently menacing and Ive already talked about black as the color of the people involved in Jesus death and how you could see this as The Masses or The Public or whatever also being complicit in his death in some way. Also I think I remember seeing some red garments in that crowd as well which I also appreciate

Also, the makeup for his bloody back was really good

Superstar

Ive said it before I'll say it again, why wont they let my guy wear white for this part? Was that the tradeoff for having him look all cool as he descends down with the stagelights? Is this their attempt to placate those christians who disliked Judas being sympathetic so much they banned the musical in Belarus?

Anyway, I enjoyed it well enough despite that and I think it executed the concept of Jesus carrying his cross being filmed and broadcasted a lot better than the 2000s movie, simply by not having the guys doing the filming be Judas' guys and having them as well as the angels. That being said, the way this was filmed or the way this was cut together or maybe it was a combination of both, just made this really confusing and disorienting to watch. The camerawork is really good for most of this production so I have absolutely no idea whats going on here but its kinda bad ngl. And whenever there was a wideshot you could see that Judas and the angels were dancing and taking up most of the stage and then on the left corner there was Jesus and the people filming him all huddled together and I honestly cant imagine it looking that great on stage either but I guess I wasnt there so I may never know for sure

The Crucifixion

I cant adequately describe what I felt when I realized they were going to crucify him on the lighting fixture so I'll just say I think its sick as hell and move on

This is less of a song and more of a short monologue but I still felt like I had to talk about it because the actor who plays Jesus is absolutely amazing, I was a bit worried if he could pull this off at the start because he was kinda weak there, but he crushed it. I was also a bit worried that he wouldnt be all wet with blood since he already got lashed and was pretty dry at that point but then he bleed a bunch from his head wounds from the crown of thorns and I was satisfied. And the modern crown of thorns was a crown of barbed wire I love that

Thats it I think its about to be midnight and I spent like 2 days writing this and my head is just mush. Sorry if the last few segments seemed a bit disorganized, my head is just mush. I actually had a few more thoughts I was gonna put in this conclusion-thingy but my head is just mush so I'll just say this gets an 8/10 from me. I gave both of the previous versions a solid 7/10 because while I still thoroughly enjoyed them in their weird quirks and think theyre kind of charming in their occasional bouts of kinda bizarre shit on top of being good, this one felt more competent and like it had a stronger vision behind it. Thats it, thank you for reading my very long post

#jesus christ superstar

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