no one ever talks about the struggle of being in love with a multiplayer game but having no one to play it with and being too socially awkward to find a group in the games offical discord
he’s willing to overlook her stealing his fries so long as she doesn’t stab him with a fork for doing the same. however!!!! he absolutely will not budge on coffee as an acceptable meal i’m sorry sharon but that is the hill he is willing to die on. sorry u had to find out this way :/
1. she promises not to stab unless its the last fry on her plate
2. this is why she’s got him to actually make her have a real breakfast
3. she’s going to fight him on the not nice hands thing. chef hands can be v. nice cuts and burns included and that’s the hill she’s willing to die on @plateup
Chicago Fire Dept were called to a blazing inferno at midnight last night, at a local Fish Restaurant, when a stray fish caught fire.
The Lusty Shrimp Franchise was barely a week into their overtime when the fire burned the establishment to the ground, taking with it seventeen diners. Strangely enough, when the fire began to spread, the owners refused to sound the alarm and evacuate the premises. Instead, they ran to the fire and waved their arms around near it, like a Kathy pretending to be a Digital Creator.
The fire, realizing that the establishment was a seedy and questionable business, knew it needed to destroy that cursed shrimp for the good of humanity.
Jeremy Gilbert, local hero and favourite of the cameras, was seen carrying a VERY furious Elizabeth (girlfriend of six years), out of the death trap which resulted in some very dramatically romantic snaps, that will be released on our Official instagram @TheWholeTeaAndNothingButTheTea. With a backdrop of flames just gazing into each others eyes, there is nothing more beautiful than love prevailing the forces of nature, to protect those you swore to rescue.
Theories have arisen of sabotage- the fish was never placed on the hob in the first place, despite causing the fire to ignite. It has been suggested by members of the community, that a customer snuck in and started the fire, simply because being inside the building made them hate existing.
Those beady shrimp eyes of the creepy little mascot Tony The Shrimp, made any diner deeply uncomfortable to the point of indigestion.
When asked for a statement regarding the legacy of The Lusty Shrimp, Stefan Salvatore told us here at The Chicago Gazette: “I'd like to state that one of our ColdPoint hobs blew up on us, and for insurance reasons we are not liable, based on the contract everybody signed when they walked into the restaurant revoking our involvement with any potential dangers or risks thereof injury, hereof death caused by malfunction or malpractice pertaining to the quality of the restaurant's appliances, as they were supplied by ColdPoint specifically to cater to an older target audience and therefore should have been responsible enough to take their injuries into their Big Boy Hands and go to hospital instead of suing us.”
Stefan went on to add: “As for the future, much like the horny fucks that kept visiting, we will go on fucking, we will go down, but not like this. Thank’e’ing you x”
Is there a lawsuit pending for Coldpoint VS The Lusty Shrimp? Will Tony stop shoving shellfish up his ass and crying because they looked at his wife too Top-ly? Why does his dick look like a shrimp that’s been run over several times? Is Lizzy ever going to release that new album?
All these questions and more, WILL be answered, tonight at 6, on Mystic TV News.