#random life post

[heartandflowerball]

Today I'm dressed like a 90's rom-com character. I'm happy!! And in addition to that, the outfit is blue so I also feel like Lucy Carlyle.

#random life update #random life things #random life stuff #random life post #random life #a mix between rory gilmore and lucy carlyle #lucy carlyle #lockwood and co #locklyle #lockwood and co netflix #lockwood and lucy #lucewood #anthony lockwood #lockwood & co #lockwood

[weezly14]

so i'm not going to respond to any individual asks - this is the blanket response to all the asks i've gotten in the past few weeks asking me when i'm going to update my WIPs, if i've abandoned them, etc. i appreciate the love, i do. i miss dust to dust, and something good and right and real, and i wanna be your boyfriend, too.

i might regret being this honest later, but fuck it, it's my blog and not enough people talk about this shit.

i'm struggling with infertility. emphasis on the struggle. i'm weepy from fertility meds, in the midst of my first treatment cycle, half hope and half fear. we're "unexplained infertility," so there's no reason why it shouldn't work, except it hasn't so far, so hope feels like a dangerous thing.

for anyone who hasn't experienced this, it's a complete and total mindfuck. i don't feel like the same person i was a year ago, before all those negative pregnancy tests. i thought i'd have a baby by now, or at least be pregnant. instead, i have a shitty not even diagnosis, and Options that are both a blessing but also invasive, and expensive, and in no way a guarantee. every month i calculate when the due date would be; think about the events we have planned for next year in terms of where i could be in a pregnancy; and every month, my period arrives right on schedule, if not a day early. i have yet to see a positive pregnancy test. it's "only" been a year, and i'm "so young," but it feels like it's been ages and like i'm running out of time.

we've been forced to have conversations about money, about how far we want to go with treatment, about when we might call it. "it's too early to think about that," you might say, but one cycle of ivf could cost $16k. we have good insurance, but are we willing to undergo more than one egg retrieval? how many failed transfers before we decide the emotional toll is too high? it's better to have those conversations now, before we have to, when we can maybe make clearer decisions. would we consider donor eggs or sperm? surrogacy? what about adoption?

meanwhile, i'm watching friends and acquaintances get pregnant with no problem, as i try not to completely isolate myself and try to track ovulation, as though timing might be the problem.

(it's not.)

i'm not the person i was before all of this, and it sucks. i'm a sadder, smaller person, i think. i'm trying my best. i'm "practicing hope" or some shit, i'm doing my best to keep my head up and stop isolating, stop avoiding my pregnant best friend, stop wallowing in the grief. because it is grief. if i get pregnant, it will be because of fertility meds and doctors, it will happen in a sterile exam room, hopefully with my husband holding my hand, if he can get the time off work. there will be no spontaneous pregnancy, no surprise. there's grief in that, in letting go of what i thought this might be like, how i thought it might go.

so yes, writing fic has fallen by the wayside. not because i want it to. i just have a hard time finding the energy to do even fun things. i miss the person who could write a lot in short spans of time, who had the energy for fic. i'd like to believe i can still be that person again. i don't consider any of those fics abandoned. i've written, i've worked on things.

but, right now, it feels like my entire life, my entire being, is consumed with this struggle to get pregnant. like my life is measured by where i am in my cycle. i look at my calendar and think, that's when i'll get my period or a positive test, so i should be mindful in what i plan. i might be very happy, or i might have a very bad day.

sometimes, the bad days feel eternal.

but i'm doing what i can. i'm trying, anyway. my therapist said i should practice hope, and i'm trying to. i'm trying to let myself believe things might work out. even though the fucking meds have made me weepy as hell, i'm trying to stay positive, and envision that this cycle could work. that on christmas day, instead of my period, i'll get a positive pregnancy test.

(because going home for christmas isn't loaded enough.)

there's an old wives tale that if you wrap a baby blanket and put it under the tree, you'll have a baby by next christmas. i'm jewish, but we're an interfaith household, so we bought a baby blanket, and we're going to wrap it in hanukkah paper, and put it under the tree. we have a hope basket in the nursery - because when we moved into this house we set aside a bedroom to be the nursery, and it's empty except for that little basket of baby things we've collected over the months, in the hopes that one day we'll have a baby to dress in the little onesies or socks. we have a running list of names. this is our version of practicing hope.

this is only our first treatment cycle. things could work. or maybe the next cycle. and then, there's always ivf. some days, i feel like it'll work for us, and we will have a baby, one way or another. other days, i wonder if i shouldn't just spare myself the pain and call it now. it's exhausting, infertility.

so, to everyone who misses my writing, and wonders when i'll update again - i don't know. i miss my writing, too. i miss being the person who wasn't so consumed by fertility shit, who could indulge in hobbies. i'd like to believe i can get back to that. but not this week.

the holidays are joyous but they're also really fucking hard, so let me be your friendly reminder not to ask people when they're having kids, or why they aren't pregnant yet, and to not tell people struggling with infertility to "just adopt" or "just relax."

happy holidays.

#random life post #weezly talks about infertility #weezly talks writing

[sapphireraeburn]

Eeps.

@poppylatte ‘s Pomeranian has been acting weird the past couple nights, asking to sleep in a human’s bedroom and such, almost like she was afraid of something.

Tonight it was much worse, and @poppylatte and I were trying to figure out what was scaring her, when I get an email notification of a bear sighting across the street.

Oh!

The Pomeranian, Poppy, now has access to any human bedroom of her choosing with blankets and pillows set up for her in both.

She’s gotten used to the smell of cougars, but bears don’t come close too often, which would explain the wide-eyed fear. And we don’t want to chance the bear looking in the window or something and seeing a tiny dog-morsel. (Same for cougars, but we figure they won’t break glass.)

So, dog is happier, and bear-watching season begins. Apparently in my neighborhood this year.

If you live near bears, time to keep your trash locked up and your small animals close!

Be safe out there.

#bear #bears #Pomeranian #random life post

[twistedtummies2]

Commission Update - REGARDS OPENING; IMPORTANT

As of today, I completed my final commission from what should have been the April round of 2023. Four months very late. Again, I apologize for how severely backed up everything has gotten; I am going to address that here.

Later this week, I will begin contacting the people who were originally signed up for the May round for a routine check-in. Starting most likely (keywords being "most likely") I am going to begin work on a few trades. Once these trades are done - there are three of them I must work on - I will begin work on the should-have-been May stories.

After looking at my schedule, due to a combination of various things, including (but not exclusively involving) the following elements...

1.) The desire to finish the trades before getting to the last bunch of comms.

2.) The fact I am now in a play, and rehearsal time will cut into my writing time.

3.) The possibility of Jury Duty (no, I am not kidding).

...I have determined, officially, that I will not be re-opening till January. AS OF THIS MOMENT, I am planning to open on January 5th, 2024. The early opening is due to a combination of some plans I have for late February/early March, which I will need to contend with, and the simple fact that after being closed up for so long, I want to re-open again ASAP. I have no doubt that I can complete all my obligations before the year is out, but I do not wish to open in November or December at this point (on account of holiday madness), and I likely won't be able to open in October, due to still having things to finish.

Once I reopen, things will be different than they were this year and the past year or two in the past. I am going back to basics, essentially: my various experiments to try and maintain crowd control have been utter failures. So I feel the best thing for me to do is to focus on one month at a time, deal with reservations and such as they come, so to speak, and move on accordingly. I will give further details later in the year, when it is closer to January.

IF ANYTHING CHANGES, and it seems I CAN open earlier, without much issue, then I will. But I cannot guarantee this, and I very strongly doubt it. With all that said, I thank you all for your patience and support, and I promise you: the next time I get commissions going, I will not take several months to get to them. 

Thank you all for reading, and once again, I will be messaging people who are signed up in the near future.

#commission info #commission update #my writing #random life post

[punkaraoke]

i have the worst luck with pharmacies here and getting my medication is proving near impossible but god. I’m so grateful for the receptionist who is going to fucking bat for me every time i come in. a total stranger but she’s fighting for me. there’s love on this earth et cetera et cetera

#random life post

[chittychittyyangyang]

Listen, you should never film strangers in public without their consent, but I swear there need to be fines or something for people who do that shit in some spaces. For example: I had to go to the ER last night, and some jerk filmed a woman who just came in and was clearly having an asthma attack. She immediately got to go back, and he was unhappy about that. Believe me, I get that it sucks having to wait when you're in pain, but you don't get to pick who deserves care when. The medical system in the US is a nightmare, and the ER could be the worst moment of someone's life. No one deserves to be recorded because some jack ass believes someone doesn't look like they need care.

This is fine to reblog. People who film strangers should be shamed if nothing else.

#ccyy talks #sorry for posting this here but I'm pissed and this shit really needs to stop #For all I know he recorded me too cause I'm young and look healthy but got to go back next #Sorry about your cough buddy but the way things work I was a more immediate emergency #1k #5k #10k #30k #this post clearly has a life of its own now #and in case someone wants to know some clarifications for common points #people in a position of authority/actively hurting someone with the intent to protect/help the person is fine #so cops doctors nurses mental health workers and educators (to name a few) who actively are abusing their power and authority? free game #this post was filming random ass people for Content(tm) #random ass people more so those in distress aren't your content and you do not know the harm you can do to someone by posting that shit #50k

[xfaylassx]

I went to the movies where people can talk and do banter like mystery theater 3000 and yesterday this guy sat by me and we talking and doing riffing off each other And we would laugh together. I wish asked him if we would be there again but I didn't. I usually feel weird if I'm around ppl I don't know but with him it felt comfortable I hope I see him again. And even if I don't I'm glad I had that moment it's all just moments

#just living #movies #connection #random life post #laughter #venting #just my life

[yeritos]

⠀⠀⠀⠀ˁ   ꤦ  ꤦ  ᪲ˀ⠀⣷⠀⠀love⠀gamesㅤ.⠀✿

#( posts. ) #haneul #visual archive #alt moodboard #alternative moodboard #kpop layouts #random moodboard #white moodboard #archive #archive moodboard #kpop moodboard #moodboard #haneul moodboard #kiss of life #kiof #kiss of life moodboard #kpop icons #kpop gg #blue moodboard #messy moodboard #kpop #cute moodboard #retro moodboard #y2k moodboard #simple moodboard #black moodboard #messy locs #pink moodboard #pretty moodboard #vintage moodboard

[boneinator]

Ik there are usamericans following me I have a question for yall , what the fuck do y'all even eat . Like . The typical huge greasy American breakfast has to be an exaggeration but I really can't think of meals that don't contain stuff exclusive to my country and do you guys even have that honestly

#no dulce de leche ... no pepas .... no milanesas ...... #what a sad life #/j ofc im being hyperbolic but fr what #I mean this as in like . what you usually have in your main meals not something specific #also let's not even talk about the hours y'all manage im going to get sick . dinner at 6 pm ??? ong no honor to the merienda ... #rambles #completely random post but im just really tired my brain doesn't work very well

[weezly14]

so i used to use this more as a blog where i talked about my life and my feelings and there's been both a lot and nothing happening in my life lately but i sure do have feelings! so i'm gonna write it down and send vibes into the universe because why not. what else do i have to do today?

i've been a little MIA in terms of working on my fics. i've barely written. first it was a rough fucking winter; then summer kicked my ass just as bad. i hate summer.

"but why has it been rough?"

well, because i'm not fucking pregnant yet.

we've been trying for a baby (i hate this phrase) for ten months? ish? and nothing has happened. in school they made it sound like you skip protection once and you'll get knocked up; my mom got accidentally pregnant twice. and here i am, charting dates and peeing on ovulation predictor sticks and tracking symptoms and the whole nine yards, timing sex and taking fucking prenatals and vitamins and not eating sushi or steak during the two week wait and not drinking at all, and all i've gotten to show for it is my fucking period, every month like clockwork.

the studies say, it can take up to a year. yes, most couples get pregnant within six months, but sometimes it takes longer. sure, fine, whatever.

so it's been hard enough trying to get pregnant and then failing (because it does feel like failing, every time), but then two things happened in quick succession:

my best friend got pregnant, sort of accidentally;

i got sent for bloodwork and the results caused my doctor to refer me straight to a fertility clinic.

when i saw the results i cried, but i thought i was just spiraling and being over dramatic. sure, my AMH is really low, but it's technically still in range, and that's not everything, right? my other tests were mostly fine, not totally out of the normal range. then i called my doctor's office, only to be told "we're referring you to a clinic, your ob/gyn doesn't think you'll get pregnant without treatment."

it's a hell of a thing to be told while standing in the pasta aisle of a grocery store.

in the midst of being referred to the clinic, i of course googled. read articles and papers. cried to my husband, my mom, my friends. of course the clinic was booking weeks out; in three weeks i'll go for my first appointment. my mom said, well maybe now you'll get pregnant. it happens, you know - people struggle and then as soon as they get booked to see a specialist, or start IVF, they get pregnant.

my period started over the weekend. it was not a good time.

the thing about trying for a baby is that every month is the same fucking rollercoaster, only you can't get off, and despite knowing exactly how it'll go, it's still somehow traumatic every time. every cycle there's the devastation when your period starts, followed by the hopeful/planning mode of "let me now track ovulation, let's chart out when we need to have sex." then there's the actual sex - trying to still have fun with it as opposed to the clinical "literally all we need is for you to finish," though sometimes it is just the quickie before work or after dinner because it's Fertile Week and we need to optimize our chances so it doesn't matter if it's not very romantic, we can have romantic sex later. after that it's the waiting game, the two weeks of overanalyzing every ache, every twinge, of looking up expected due dates and thinking about how to announce to family and friends, of hoping and thinking that maybe you are actually pregnant - all followed by the two, three days leading up to your period where every trip to the bathroom has the potential to devastate. where every pms symptom is enough to set off a fresh round of tears until your period actually starts. i've stopped taking pregnancy tests early. the stark white negatives (or rude NO - on the digital tests) was too much for me to handle in my already hormonal, pms state.

it hasn't been a year, which makes me feel like i shouldn't be so upset already. on the other hand, my egg reserve is apparently incredibly low - that is, i'm rapidly running out of eggs, and who knows if the ones i've got are even any good. in three weeks we'll see a fertility specialist, and based on my extensive research and trolling on reddit and listening to podcasts, i'm fairly confident they're going to tell us it's IVF or bust.

because i'm running out of eggs, for reasons that might not exist, or might just be "sometimes things just suck for certain people." some people get a diagnosis of "unexplained infertility," which basically means the doctors have run every test and there's no reason you can't get pregnant. we aren't in that camp, we're likely in the "diminished ovarian reserve" camp. for reasons that are unexplained.

meanwhile, my best friend is pregnant, and i can't talk to her without crying.

we moved into a bigger house a year ago in preparation for kids. we got our finances in order, we made sure our marriage was solid, we planned - and now? we've always wanted two, maybe three. at this point i think we'll be lucky to get one. maybe i'm being pessimistic. i'm trying to be confident but also realistic. IVF doesn't work for everyone. even my clinic, which has the best numbers in the state, has a 63% success rate. sounds great, and it is - but that's 37% of couples who don't go home with a baby. nationally, the outcomes are something like 50ish% of IVF cycles will result in a live birth (they measure by both pregnancy and live birth, because even if you've managed to get pregnant, there's no guarantee you'll stay pregnant.)

today is a good day, by the way. today i can talk to my mom, i can call up our insurance, i can write this and be factual and calm and not crying. today i feel like we have a good chance, like we will end up with a take home baby. today i'm cleaning my house and looking up meal plans to increase my fertility. exercise regimens to help me get in shape to increase my fertility. tomorrow might be a bad day. bad days are when i can barely get off the couch, where i cry at the thought or mention of my fertility. where a tiktok of a dad and baby sends me spiraling. when it all feels fucking useless and unfair.

today is a good day. i don't know what tomorrow's going to be yet.

i've been isolating all summer, which isn't hard to do when most of my friends aren't local. but i find i don't want to be around anyone, really. i don't want to talk to people. i don't want to be asked how i'm doing, i don't want to be asked what's new or what i've been up to.

"i've been cleaning my house and trying to get pregnant and failing. last week i made a new recipe, and today i cried."

it's not an exciting life i'm leading these days. and anyway, no one wants to hear about fertility struggles.

it's not that i'm too stressed. i don't need to go on vacation, or get drunk and have sex, or relax and then i'll get pregnant. sure, i could use a vacation, but that's not the magic ticket. the problem isn't lack of sex. i have depression; the stress is always there, but that's why i see my therapist and my psychiatrist. that's why i take my meds and do my self-soothing shit.

i'm not pregnant because i'm just not. and hopefully the specialist will have a plan and hopefully that plan has a more than 30% chance of succeeding, and hopefully we get to bring a baby home - but today? today i'm not pregnant, and it's not a guarantee that i ever will be.

so even though today is a good day, i'm still really fucking sad.

but, you know. i'm trying to have hope.

that, too, is a cycle.

#random life post #weezly talks fertility shit #feel free to ignore this #or accept it as an excuse for why i haven't been writing lately

[ohmyarda]

Wild Magic Sorcerer is honestly a cute run for a Gale Romance

Also, some of the dialogue with wild magic, I love it so much.. (see below)

#random post #idle venturing through bg3 #it has taken over my life #yes i love the dumb mage boy and i don't care #i thought astarion would have my heart #i was very wrong #gale #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #wild magic #sorcerer #tav #dnd #baulders gate 3 #bg3 #tera simpleglory

[inkskinned]

it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.

yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.

it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.

how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.

chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?

how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.

"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.

i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.

#writeblr #warm up #i can't write rn but i have SO much words in here bc im reading the chorus of dragons books #(just started book 4) #and this woman's writing is just LIVING in my brain. let me out!!! #(i read roughly like 2-4 books a week usually bc i go on long walks with my dog but when a book is REALLY good like. it eats my life. ) #anyway ...... so like here's a story that idk i've tried to explain to other people as being wild #but maybe im the only one who thinks it is wild??? #so i play pokemon go (i just started in jan) bc i love pokemon and as i have mentioned i walk goblin for like an hour in the morning #and i don't like a lot of fitness trackers due to the fact it makes me .sad. but i also wanted the little digital rewards. enter pokemon go #anyway so they make you make friends to complete quests. so i used a reddit thread. i do not usually use reddit. i don't have an acct #i lurked. i just googled like ''pokemon go reddit '' and randomly added a bunch of numbers #i was on that page for all of 15 minutes. there are THOUSANDS of responses on that page. #here's what's wild: in that group of people. even though i am not on reddit and it was one random event once #it turns out one of those people lives in the town i live in. or at least very close. i only know this because #when we send each other gifts. it's from the same freaking area. #i can't ask them to meet up bc pokemon go doesn't have a messaging app lol but like . what are the fucking chances that #a random person posts in a random reddit thread and HAPPENS to get added by someone ELSE from their SAME TOWN #who by pure fucking CHANCE is ALSO playing pokemon go and looking for friends #i googled it there's only 42000 people in my broad region. the .......... smallness ! of the world!!!

[sunniewr]

𝖺𝗋𝗈🅜𝖺⠀⠀𝙳𝙴⠀⠀⠀̻⠀⠀⬚⠀⠀ ͟  ⠀⠀ ूੂ𝗅𝖺𝗋𝖺𝗇j𝖺⠀ ͟ ͟ ͟ຼ͟𝒲

.⠀⠀ ͟ ͟🏵 ͟ຼ͟⠀⠀ ᭮᭰͟⠀⠀ᬺᬺᬸ⠀⠀._⠀⠀⁰⠀⠀▬̸̎͞⠀⠀🥎⠀⠀𓋺⠀▢̷̸

[⠀@⠀]⠀⠀⠞³⠀⠀🈳⠀⠀❚❙⠀⠀ּ⠀⠀🅾⠀⠀❚❚❙⠀⠀❟⠀🍲

#🌾 ͟ ⬚⠀̻ ᪲᪲🍰⠀⠀—⠀⠀sunni⠀new⠀post⠀! #ूੂ✨️✨️ : #fresh moodboard #natty moodboard #kiss of life moodboard #kiof moodboard #kpop gg moodboard #♡ 🏭 #grunge moodboard #natty layouts #kiss of life natty #kiof natty #gg messy moodboard #messy moodboard #♥︎ 🩰 #natty kiss of life #kiss of life layouts #kiof layouts #gg moodboard #soft moodboard #☆ 🏦 #natty packs #kiss of life packs #kiof packs #gg messy icons #random moodboard #★ 🧋 #natty icons #kiss of life icons #kiof icons

[that-culdesac-kid]

Just... something that I noticed while looking at Baxter's massive wardrobe collection.

He sure is more committed to his pockets than to the people in his life, huh.

#anyway... happy late birthday to baxter and congrats to gb patch for getting his dlc released! #I... don't know what to post about baxter at this occasion so have this random thing I noticed the other day #our life #our life beginnings & always #baxter ward #our life beginnings and always #gb patch #olba #olba rambles

[colorless-vector]

He doesn't have any personal things on his wall or bed after his brothers left. These things were personal and only for The Bad Batch to see. For the Empire he has no petsonality. Almost all the people around him were strangers. Crosshair was alone in a place full of people. The only ones who understood him had left him. He wasn't able to show his feelings to the people who didn't see him like his brothers did.

He was so lonely and angy😭😭😭

He was like a teenager with adolescent maximalism

And later in prison he had nothing at all and he didn't want to have anything. He understood how mislead he was and decided that he should accept his imprisonment. He thought he didn't deserve good things anymore and lost hope in everything (until the little sunshine came to save him from prison and himself in his self-loathing). His family abandoned him (in his point of view), the Empire betrayed him. He only sent one message only to warn the batch to keep Omega away from the Empire. After doing that he almost gave up on himself

He must have felt so broken

#I dunno what I've just written #lol #I love him so much #he needs love and care #I hope he got both while living on Pabu #my lil bebi boi #sorry for these random thoughts #i just felt like posting this #don't blame me for it pease😭 #also I kinda got carried away from the original topic #anyway he's better now #have a happy life in your retirement #you deserve it #ily sm #I want to see you again 😭😭😭 #okay #that's the end of my essay #star wars tbb #star wars the bad batch #sw tbb #the bad batch #tbb crosshair #crosshair tbb #sw the bad batch

[burgirrrr-rants]

arey bhai ignore nahi kar rahi hu, mere mai energy nahi hai baat karne ki

#desi tag #desi blr #desi culture #desiblr #desi shit posting #desi tumblr #shitpost #desi teen #random rant #desi stuff #desi indian #indian tumblr #mutuals #desi life #desi humor #desi #desi thoughts #desi things #desi light academia #desi literature #desi romantic academia #desi romance