#regardless of their actual identity

[xxlovelynovaxx]

The whole point is you don't know if they're fem cis men. You don't know if they're trans men. You don't know if they're trans women deeply closeted for their safety. You don't know if they're trans women whom misgendering will drive them further AWAY from their egg cracking and harm them. You. Don't. Know.

Misgendering is bad. "Clocking" someone is bad. Making assumptions about someone's identity and then turning it into a "joke" is bad. What's funny about misgendering someone?

Also, this discourse is literally in the context of the queer community. It's literally in the context of the queer community having an antimasculinity and gender essentialism problem. It's also in the context of gender stereotypes and the fact that smelling like flowers or painting your nails making you a girl doesn't become less of a harmless stereotype because it's a trans woman saying it. Like oh wow we went full circle from "girls play with dolls and like pink" to "trans girls play with dolls and like pink". Congrats on alienating every non-femme trans woman and femme trans non-woman.

It's not fucking transmisogyny to tell you not to misgender people or assume liking frilly things makes someone a girl. It's not fucking transmisogyny to tell you that the QUEER and especially TRANS communities have an issue with valorizing femininity while demonizing masculinity. It's not fucking transmisogyny to acknowledge this while acknowledging that actual transmisogyny demonizes transfemininity while infantilizing and erasing transmasculinity.

I'm putting the word transmisogyny on a high shelf until the rest of y'all learn what it actually fucking means. Transmisogyny isn't when an entitled white trans woman gets called out for doing actual harm. Like "joking" about misgendering someone. Or "joking" about being racist and going through a "nazi phase". Or "joking" about "raping cuntboys". It might be affirming that some queer people take your white woman's tears at face value, but here's the thing:

You're lovely women who deserve to have every access to transition, to resources, to be treated equally to cis people. You're just really fucking shitty people. You're bigots, you're cruel, you're cliquey, and you're like every boring high school mean girl who never grew out of pettily bullying other vulnerable people to get over the pathetic inadequacies of your own life circumstances.

People like that deserve community and kindness too. They also deserve not to have their behavior tolerated and to have to deal with compassionate rehabilitative justice. Those things can both be true, especially when the people they are hurting explain until our throats are raw how they're hurting us and they just keep doing it. Because the thing is, it's not actually about any "societal pressure to transition", and the fact you think it is shows you haven't listened to a single actual criticism anyone has had of the whole "egg discourse".

Other people have already explained more patiently and eloquently than me what exactly the problem with calling someone an egg is. I'd think you'd be concerned minimally with how it hurts actual transfem eggs more than anything, even if you don't care about how it very much does hurt transmascs and GNC cis men and the movement of transfeminism as a damn whole to insist "haha liking fem things=woman".

Explain what's funny about that. I'll wait.

Anyway, this was reblogged from someone I long ago considered a friend, someone I thought was better than this. I really thought most trans people were better than this when I first entered the community. I still hope some are. You deserve to be told that this is wrong, because you deserve to be reminded that you're better people than this kind of bullshit.

-your utterly over it neighborhood intersex transneufemmasc

#I AM a fucking trans woman and you'll never fucking convince me that joking about misgendering people is okay #regardless of their actual identity #or that joking about clocking people is okay #or the harm this does to actual eggs is okay #or the harm this does to transmascs and GNC folks is okay #or the ways this sets both cisfeminism and transfeminism back to the fucking 90s at least is okay #y'all are as bad as bigoted comedians clinging to the same unfunny jokes and crying bigotry just bc people tell you it's bigoted #like seriously y'all fucking get over yourselves #discourse cw

[spookberry]

a little bonus to my Haunted Redesigns, here's Principle Revenant!

#monster high #fanart #my art #principle revenant #i actually had a Lot of fun on this one #especially doing all her red chains #i was imagining this fun effect where all of her chains as the principle are grey #so no one really connects the dots when a glowing red detention chain shoots out of the voids of her skirt #but then when her identity is revealed all of her chains turn red and and its like ooooh okay #also i kinda like the idea of her keeping that dark cool grey dress regardless of her chains #plus it just made the red pop better

[butchshevik]

every day I see another post all like "butches can love pink and wear makeup and have long hair and be feminine in various ways!!! Dont assume someone isnt butch because they dont look butch" and it's like. ok whatever they can call themselves butch ig but in that case I'm going to need a new word to describe the particular kind of fucked up dyke I am who Looks And Acts This Very Specific Way On Purpose.

#for the record i know lhbs exist but in the context of these posts i do Not think theyre talking about actual long hair butches #i feel like its the same thing as the posts like 'anything is punk if you want to be punk!!!' #and in my humble opinion the unfortunate reality is that if you really want to be a part of a subculture that Dresses And Acts A Certain Wa #the way to go about it is to Dress And Act That Way #not insist that everyone can hold the identity Regardless of How They Dress Or Act #the internet was a mistake for many reasons but in part bc it makes people think they should always be allowed in In Groups of ppl #who are doing things the same on purpose #without also doing the thing that they are doing #and now Butch is trendy so everyone wants it in their bio without having to live the life of an actual butch person irl #same with femme ofc #exhausting ass webbed site

[sys-thoughts]

Can I still have DID if I don't know if I have alters?

Short answer? Yes.

Long answer? Yes, One of the biggest things about DID is hiding. Hiding memories, hiding switches, hiding alters.

The reason someone who has DID might not know about their alters is that their system is covert, meaning that it's not always easy to see. Alters might mask as others, sometimes not even realising that they are not the same as the host / bodily identity.

If one is in an unsafe situation, usually the same one that led to the disorder forming, theyre not likely to know or notice any alters or symptoms until they are out of that place. That's a big reason why many systems only understand they are systems once they move out / go to college / etc.

If you suspect you have DID and don't know of any alters, you might have it. or you might have any other dissociative / trauma disorder, ranging from osdd to PTSD or something else.

If you want to know your alters, try leaving notes around your space, or talk to yourself (in your mind or out loud)

Your alters might be as confused as you are, or they may seem to already know a bunch. That is okay. They might not be ready to show themselves.

Take your time with this, if you're able to have a therapist or carer of any kind, talk to them about it.

#did osdd #didosdd #actually did #did system #did #osddid #actually osdd #osdd #ptsd #actually dissociative #dissociative identity disorder #dissociative system #dissociation #other specified dissociative disorder #also llease dont go on the ramcoa tag to figure out your did #it can be really damaging to your mental health regardless what disorrder you may have #traumagenic system #trauma #noahs sys asks

[aro-culture-is]

Aroace culture is feeling like you can’t talk about your aroace-ness because others might interpret it as you upholding the idea that all aces are aro and all aros are ace.

.

#Anonymous #aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod phoenix #aroace culture #no no no! you can absolutely talk about it #and honestly i think it's very important that aroace people do talk about it #like. talk about being aro and talk about being ace and talk about the ways they individually affect you and when combined affect you #aroace people individually having those conversations is so important #like i want to phrase this as like. please know that regardless your identity is important

[enderspawn]

i don’t think we truly appreciate enough the fact that grizz decided to play an androgynous any-pronouns-ass anime prettyboy and stumbled out of the discord call one campaign later covered in blood and with he/they pronouns

#like. i don’t know if that actually Influenced it at all but it’s so funny to me regardless #rumi fucking Got Them. #< i was gonna joke abt like. trans your gender but #I don’t actually Know if grizz changed gender identity at all or just got a pronoun expansion pack #either way! L + ratio + get rumi’d #og post #jrwi #grizzly #apotheosis

[jewishcissiekj]

yeah man whatever idek what gender is (new pronouns dropped)

#(yael/hex/cissie are not my pronouns just names i use lol) #thing is people use he/him pronouns when talking to me a lot #(bc i look like a guy and/or a 12 yo boy sometimes) #and and it's actually nice #i feel like it does align with my identity #am i girl? fucking sure. idk. yeah. when it's convenient and lines up in my head #am i a he? sometimes yes absolutely #i've been using she/her pronouns my entire life and it works for me #but regardless of gender i figured i'm comfortable with both she and he #my 5 yo sister sometimes jokingly talks to me with whatever you call the male version of you in hebrew #and it's cool #also now i have a buzzcut and it feels gender in a way

[arowrath]

oh my god . can binary people PLEASE stop trying to reinvent a binary . if your work is aimed towards men just say that. but classifying everyone who's "fem aligned" or uses she/her as a woman is very gross and nbphobic

#text #never go in the main tags for anything cuz you'll see someone's terrible intro post #Also u just know they'd assume a fem presenting nb person was ''fem aligned'' regardless of their actual gender identity

[supercantaloupe]

truly detest how pcos tags/forums/etc are absolutely crawling with terfs

#(okay to rb but stay in your lane) #maybe i just want to look and see if anyone else has experienced what i went through today without seeing someone going like #'you'll never be a REAL woman because you DON'T HAVE OVARIES #and will NEVER understand the TRUE WOMANLY EXPERIENCE of having A VERY DISRUPTIVE AND COMPLEX ENDOCRINE AND METABOLIC DISORDER' #like i think there are more important (read: actual) targets to direct our frustration at here than #[checks notes] getting mad at a trans woman for saying she relates to some of the problems caused/faced by having pcos #like. idk. the fucking medical system and lack of research/treatment options #(also. christ. reducing every person w pcos into the 'woman' category automatically bc 'ovary'. #even though it's literally an intersex condition. yikes.) #also i don't know about y'all but i don't wish this on anyone? regardless of gender?? #i actually don't want trans women to have to experience this in order to be considered a True Woman #because i don't want ANYBODY to have to experience this. it sucks! it's not fucking fun! #i just wanted to try and see if other people have gone through the same thing i have. not expand my blocklist by half a mile tonight. #i wanna talk about me #even though i didn't exactly find what i was looking for (😔) and i had to play fucking whack-a-terf while searching #if there's any bright side to be found it's the number of posts/people affirming pcos as an intersex condition/identity #i saw someone say 'if you don't want the [intersex] umbrella for yourself you don't have to take it #but it's nice to have in the closet for a rainy day' #and. man. yeah.

[kosmo-mckogane]

im sorry but im still thinking about how pidge's gender reveal scene was framed as some kind of revolutionary trans moment when it was literally her coming out as cis

#pidge holt #voltron #vld critical #LIKE ???? FKSHAKDJ???? #and they were all like ''oh yeah no we actually never respected ur given gender identity in the first place #and have always seen u as female bc that's what u look like regardless of what u told us to refer to u as!! #congrats on the fact that u stopped lying to urself ig <3'' #LIKE UHH WHAT. DKJSKD #anyway!! pidge is she/they trans girl no i don't take criticism xxx

[xxlovelynovaxx]

Me, a physically disabled (high support needs) neurodivergent (mid to high support needs) person: Hey, my neurodivergence IS extremely disabling in a way that a lot of you say "isn't possible" and also my physical and neurological disabilities often combine in ways that can't be separated and produce symptoms that are new or of added severity for me.

Responses I've gotten from disabled exclusionists (some of whom are also both physically disabled and neurodivergent):

"What drugs are you on, you delusional freak?"

"I've never experienced this and therefore you're a dirty lying physically abled neurodivergent person who just wants to be more disabled and oppressed than you are. My experiences are universal and anyone who has different experiences is a lying liar. No one can ever prove otherwise because my axiom is that anyone who claims otherwise is lying."

"The ableds are at it again."

"Sit down and let the REAL disabled people talk."

"You're never allowed to find similarities between disabilities that are of different types, even ones you have, and if you do you're actually the reason why accessibility is such an issue because conflating them is why ableist doctors don't give us what we need and why society thinks medical gatekeeping is good, actually."

"If you're that suicidal do us all a favor and kill yourself."

This is without even getting into stuff about how disabled labels often apply differently to systems. The big discourse now is "nonverbal" labels for headmates who are permanently, always nonverbal, primarily by people and systems who refuse to view systems as anything but "parts" of a single person. Which is funny to me because ah yes, we have actual studies showing physical disabilities such as allergies can apply only to individual headmates, but gods forbid you apply a neurological label to someone whose brain activity is not only visibly different on scans from yours, but to the extent that it changes your entire shared physical body!

Like here's a novel idea: maybe we could just stop policing how other disabled people talk about their disabilities forever! Maybe we could blame any and all harm done even from the unicorn-rarity "actual fakers/liars" (also don't think I don't see you being ableist against people with actual diagnosed that cause compulsive lying) on the ableists DOING the harm because it's actually perfectly possible for them not to cherrypick our words and listen to the MAJORITY of us!

Maybe, just maybe, we could form a coalition, focus on the REAL enemy (ableist medical professionals and lawmakers) and push for actual change for ALL of us!

#also. I have been called ableist for reclaiming the r slur in a 'so what if I AM unintelligent or otherwise socially/emotionally incapable #specifically BECAUSE it was used against me for YEARS to the point of severe trauma #specifically FOR being a socially inept 'gifted kid' #and yet I've been told telling the truth about my own experiences is 'speaking over people with intellectualdisabilities' #and that I didn't actually experience that and they were actually not insulting me becaude they were only insulting intelligence #and it's like 'a bullet with your name on it aimed at me that hits me isn't making YOU bleed' #the target of a bigoted attack is the person that gets hit by it regardless of if the bigot is wrong about their identity #because get this bigots don't actually stop and apologize if they find out they're 'wrong' about you #because the reason they're attacking you is to enforce normalcy on you and they've sensed you are abnormal #it's like hey maybe actually slur reclamation discourse is bullshit and the basis for reclamation should be 'have you been called this' #and 'listen to people with different disabilities' should never mean 'other people know your own experiences better than you' #because that's precisely the problem causing so much ableism towards neurodivergent people from physically disabled people! #'I'm more disabled and oppressed than you on the disabled hierarchy' #'and therefore I get to define your own experiences and the meaning behind them' #No! That's a fucking problem! And super ableist no matter WHAT your disabilities #'listen to other disabled people' goes both ways #you might actually have to examine your own biases and readjust your viewpoint #because newsflash the ableism you think is unique to YOUR disability? ISN'T. #boo fucking hoo you have to acknowledge other people have been hurt by the same things you have #hyper individualism is a plague. you are not special. we're all fucked under abled hegemony #and yes abled people listen to some of us more - lower support needs and intellectually nondisabled people most #but you cannot just assume based on ONE label or lack of that someone is in the 'listened to' category #ableds don't listen to me regardless of eloquence or w/e because I'm massively crippled and mad and have cognitive disabilities #like if you think I have privilege over you bc I'm 'smart' or w/e. abled people take one look at me being a crippled schizo #and write me off as completely crazy! NO ONE listens to mad people. we are in THE SAME BOAT #anyway this rant is not even at anyone or any particular group because I've noticed it coming from EVERYWHERE in the community #these are just some examples #discourse #tw suibaiting mention #tw delusional as insult mention

[aeide-thea]

poäng appreciation post 💛

#i forget if i said but Baby Sister and i stopped off at ikea on the way back from picking her up at the bus stop on monday #and finally replaced the ruined-by-a-succession-of-cats-(in-ways-both-unsightly-and-gross) Accent Chair in the living room #with a poäng rocker (bc the shape is a little more interesting and less instantly recognizable than the regular chair) in birch (my beloved #also they make fancy tufted cushions for it now! wish they came in more colors but it's a real improvement on sad options past #and anyway it's like. now you can actually sit here in the morning and look out the window at the extremely beautiful view #and the chair actually supports you??? like i could see down the road trying to work out some kind of custom cushioning that's thicker #but the shape of the frame is so ergonomic for me that it's genuinely quite comfortable regardless. bentwood exocorset… #anyway. not a very original post but i just DO really love ikea #like yes it's a mixed bag but also honestly if you're buying particle board— #(i was going to say 'and expecting it to hold up' but. honestly i think it's just. if you're buying particle board period) #—that might be on you. #(like. if you're being pressed in from all sides by budget constraints and immediate need and no accessible better-made used alternatives— #obviously you do what you have to. but it's like buying pleather—you know‚ or should‚ that the material is going to disintegrate.) #but the things ikea makes with decent materials are remarkably well-designed and affordable for what they are‚ has been my sense? #you just gotta shop carefully but like. that's true literally everywhere. #anyway. in conclusion i love my new buddy with its clean lines. …do people name chairs ever. #i've never before had the urge but this one feels like a little assembly-line friend that deserves its own identity. like a star wars clone #(lol what if i gave it a little nametag somewhere hidden. secret identity talisman 4 chairpal.) #(& yes i promise i'm as aware of the‚ uh‚ itself-ness of this tag spiral as you are. :) ) #domesticities

[moth--knight]

twilight princess is the best zelda game of all time because it is a story about community at its core - it about fighting tooth and nail for the people you want to love and protect, about teaching that real strength and power lie in your bonds with others, about overcoming loneliness and fear and apathy for your community .....

#there is also a giant yeti who makes a delicious soup for his wife #perfect game #I have so many thoughts about this game like #more than any other zelda game IMO this game centers what it means to be in community with people and protect them #the entire game you spend trying to rescue ilia and the kids #link rushed into the darkness with NOTHING to save them #and while he is the chosen one that doesn't really matter to the story?? #like he was going to do this all regardless #colin who spends the whole story nervous sees link and gains strength from how hard he is fighting for them #everywhere link goes he finds pockets of community and not only protects them but JOINS THEM #the wrestling with the gorons makes him one of them #the zora queen entrusts her son to him #the yeti's let him into their home #in other zelda games the drive is usually some grand journey to save the princess or a singular person important to link #but in twilight princess his identity is tied SO CLOSELY to what it means to be from orodon #when you get to snowpeak ruins he is struck by the reminder of home in the ingredients he finds #and even to midna he becomes much more than the chosen one and her actual friend #when you get to the desert and she admits the truth about herself link just smiles and accepts her #he wasn't doing this because she forced him too #he did it because he wanted to #she has become his friend and he will protect her and help her #fuck #i'm going to cry thinking about this AHHHHH #like zelda and midna are both rules but they are distant from their people #meanwhile link is no leader #he is just a goat herder from ordon who spends his free time entertaining the local kids and exploring the woods and riding his horse #link is just some guy but he LOVES the people in his life so deeply and that affects both zelda and midna in profound ways in the story #i'm #normal #kels speaks

[raylangivins]

Why don't you like Evelyn Hugo ? Just curious cos I had bookmarked to read it on my next long journey

per my 1 star goodreads review when i DNF'd the book last year:

The writing in this is so so bad. Cliche turns of phrase, repetitive, constantly telling me things instead of demonstrating how the characters think and feel, telling ME how I should feel about what I’m reading, clunky descriptions, preachy little generalised asides of 2014 tumblr feminism about women in show business without really diving into what that means for any of the characters, lack of character depth, framed the story through Monique who is at best limp and lacking in personality and at worst a genuine idiot. I think it’s a cheap shot to compare anything to My Immortal but reading every godawful physical description of a person in this book made me think of that, it was that bad. I’m normally a completionist even when I don’t really like a book, but the writing was so infuriating that I could not justify wasting anymore of my short time on this earth powering through this shite. I’m annoyed I spent money on this book.

#asks #it was simply not an enjoyable read #regardless of the story and characters (which were fucking DUMB) and the hamfisted diversity that TJR never gives any depth beyond putting #modern day social justice talking points into a book set in the fucking 50s instead of exploring that within the cultural context #of the time period she claims to be so fascinated by #or exploring what any of those identities mean to the characters themselves (beyond monique reminding use she's mixed every 5 minutes) #(for some reason???) #regardless of ALL of that #the writing - the actual stringing of words together into some sort of fucking prose - is BAD. #and again 'bad fanfiction' is a cheap shot but that's what it reads like #infuriating book. everyone saying it's good makes me feel like i'm losing my mind

[aro-culture-is]

Aroace with ADHD culture is learning about romance and sex stuff because RSD makes you worried that people will judge you for not knowing it but then not being able to relate to the "confused aroace" posts and worrying that you aren't aroace enough and so not learning any more but then returning to the beginning of the cycle.

.

#Anonymous #aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod kee #aroace culture #adhd aro culture #hey: if you have a therapist or some sort of mental health professional it is probably worth talking to them about these things #you can work together to determine what works for you to avoid RSD #to prepare for the fact that it will happen regardless #and to learn ways to cope with it in the moment so that it isn't so overwhelming for you to just exist #(there are a lot of 'confused [identity]' posts around - but i find it helps to keep in mind that generalizing an identity does you #and others a disservice) #'confused aroace' is one intersection of identities - people who are aro & ace & who feel confused about allo/alloro things #there are plenty of people who are any given three of those / two of those /one of those or even none of those #and that's okay. #because this is the internet you'll also generally see more takes from people who feel that they can't express themselves in person #so you may hear more 'confused aroace' takes because that is a group that may struggle to connect with others irl #which is great for them! #but if there aren't people like you that you can easily find... that can feel upsetting #you are not alone. i know many IRL aroace and amid folks who are pretty aware of stuff - and a similar amount who aren't #it's okay.

[235uranium]

there's a lot to say about how house md treats women but I will say the show lets the women be way more complicated than some shows today

like yall still aren't ready for cameron

#☢️.txt #cameron fascinates me. both how fandom responds to her and within the show itself #her moral conflict IS interesting and the bizaare pedestal she put house on is microscope worthy #actually how she views house in general interests me. shes the first to realize a lot of what he does is to intentionally distance himself #but she also misreads him in ways no one else does. specifically because she accepted that he does care! #i also still think about how she assumes house is at fault when chase kills the dictator which tbh is a REALLY interesting opinion to me #dont get me wrong house definitely changed chase and it turned into him becoming a lot like house #however. house freaks out every time a patient asks to die. even when its reasonable house spirals out of control #trying to find a reason for it to be unreasonable. it doesnt matter if a patient is about to die unless hes completely out of ideas he #physically cannot stop. its compulsive. he does offer euthanasia in certain circumstances and theres patients where he clearly #does not care if they live or die. but his entire medical identity is based on saving lives regardless of who they are #he doesnt /care/ that a dictator got killed and probably does think chase made a decent choice. but its not what house wouldve done #house mightve set something up. tipped off an insurgent. let someone into the room. but he'd force the decision into someone elses hands #but cameron does think house would kill someone if he hated them enough. because he plays god constantly #which is such a fascinating misunderstanding of house's motives from someone who generally likes him