I can't stop thinking about just how emblematic everything in those conversations of Ashton being "a child" are of how, even at her most beaten down, triggered and traumatized, Laudna is not and will not be what Delilah wants her to be.
For Delilah, "they're still a child" is dismissive, a bit derisive, but doesn't even merit being truly hateful. She doesn't find Ashton worth the attention Laudna is giving them, not when there are such more interesting, important things to pull the attention of an adult. Children are only important when they are useful. She will indulge Laudna on the subject, because Laudna is useful, is her vehicle for action in the world, but she only cares about it in the context of getting Laudna to do what she wants. Calling someone a child is calling them unimportant. (Laudna is a child to her)
But for Laudna, who loves children and who understands intimately what it's like to have the helplessness of child, to be trapped under the authority of someone who will never treat you as a full person, even when they are being ostensibly kind, to be so confused and lost and powerless...a child deserves attention more than anyone else. Of course children lash out. Being a child IS in many ways quite awful because the world is so big around you and you don't know yet how to react to any of it, how to soothe yourself - and if you aren't given the attention, you never learn how. Ashton never learned how. Her instincts - instincts trained into her by manipulation and abuse from inside and the world around her - may say kill him, but she fights them the whole way because her heart is stronger and her heart says that the angriest, most volatile child needs care as much as any other. More, even.
Laudna hears Delilah call Ashton a child and agrees on the word, but they have diametrically opposed understandings of what that means, and diametrically opposed instincts on how to treat a child. Laudna doesn't want to hurt anyone, especially children. She loves children. She loves so much and so selflessly. And Delilah is so very very good at manipulating her but she has tried for 30 years to change the bedrock of Laudna's psyche, the truer thing that drives her beyond the base animal instincts of survival, and it hasn't worked.
487 notes
·
View notes
Was forced to watch a truly incredible (derogatory) thing recently.
A young person on twitter, adamant that transandrophobia doesn't exist on the grounds that 'no one is killing/raping/assaulting trans men'.
Several people responded, including some linking articles about murders and assaults on trans men and a couple op-ed style pieces of trans men talking about their own experiences.
Said young person responded with "I'm not reading those its triggering and I'm a minor"
So let me see if I've got this correct, you are knowingly refuse to acknowledge reality because it's upsetting to you and then you're going to turn around and deny that very reality because you refuse to acknowledge it because it's upsetting?
755 notes
·
View notes
Okay but I'm going a bit insane about the growing disconnect of "maybe we're meant to harness it"/"maybe we're meant to fight it". They both thought they were on the same page when they said it, when actually they were on polar opposite ends of the same spectrum. Imogen meant "I never plan to give in to this power even if part of me wants to, I will continue fighting it, but it’s a comfort knowing there’s someone who understands the temptation and who I know won't judge and will still love me and understand if I ultimately fail and give in". Meanwhile to Laudna it meant "I've been in this struggle for longer than I can remember and I don’t know if I can do it much longer. I don’t know if I want to. I don’t know if I even should, or if giving in would be better for all of us because I'm a lost cause. You understand this about me and won't judge as I inevitably am doomed by the narrative, and you won't demand of me that I fight an inherent part of myself, even if it’s destroying me". And Imogen is finally catching on to this disconnect, is realizing that to Laudna their connection isn’t just understanding but an excuse, not too different from Lilliana. And, desperate of losing Laudna to power just like she did her mother, she says, 'if you let me go, I'm gone', meanwhile Laudna is going 'all I can do for you is die and let you go to lift you up' and both of them are going 'why are you so upset about this. i love you'.
268 notes
·
View notes
"Every time we are confronted with something final, we are reminded of the cruelty of not being able to go back in time."
204 notes
·
View notes
not scared of my 30s as all bc the amount of drop dead gorgeous women ik in their 30s is tremendous. please let me march into the room w that unwavering confidence i beg of you
203 notes
·
View notes
Finally, get to post A Tale of Two Tricksters key art from @mafuwara Chapter 52:
♟️ Sins of Our Father♟️
Thank you Alba for this incredible Commission working with you is always such a dream 💕
178 notes
·
View notes
I think Jamie talks to Georgie like every night and spends at least 45% of the call updating her on the latest in his insane and volatile relationship with Roy because it's always something. She literally never knows from one day to the next what the status will be. Yes we did get in a fistfight yesterday mummy but then we went to the kebab place so we were totally friends again :) and he forgave me and he even drove me home this morning. I said he drove me home. No I wasn't there overnight. I don't even know why I said that. I don't think I even said that
134 notes
·
View notes