#so i guess we just gotta go with trauma anniversaries

[toads-n-moss]

time for the annual holiday tradition of tormenting edgeworth and reminding him of his trauma-

anyways, happy dl-6 day!!

[ID in alt text]

#ace attorney #miles edgeworth #phoenix wright #manfred von karma #dl6mas #dl 6 incident #putting miles in a box and shaking him #i love this fandom and its traditions #i mean #they never gave us birthdays for these characters #so i guess we just gotta go with trauma anniversaries

[0809sysblings]

3, 4, 11, 12, 14, 21 for Mikoto aaanndd 1, 2, 6, 12, 13 for Amane 👀

my beloveds!!!!

💚 🐈🐕 ☔🚬 🥞🍮 💙

Mikoto

3. Favorite non-MV official illustration?

I think.... the 3rd anniversary artwork, perhaps... just really like the lighting and atmosphere of it...

4. Favorite Minigram episode/moment?

episode 41 (source)

11. What are your favorite points about their story and the narrative surrounding them?

I.... my thoughts are much too abstract for me to be able to put them into words, let alone coherent ones. I uh. I like. Stress. Amnesia. Trauma. Survival. Defense. Toxic Environment. Abuse. Always. Yeah.

hope this helps 🤠👍 (im so fucking sorry)

12. What do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

I wouldn't say I'm super involved with most of the fandom tbh, so I don't particularly know all too well what is and isn't talked about by people... but.. I'd maybe like to see some more discussion on aspects of him that are like... not just about The Alters. since theres a lot more to DID than just having alters, and of course there is more to a person with DID than just their DID. I'm always a slut for talking about psychology and the impacts of trauma, so... perhaps more trauma discussion. I do know there's already people who talk about this stuff, so tbh this is mostly just what I myself want to eventually get around to talking about but mKFMDF yeah.

14. Any headcanons on their appearance?

I'm not usually one to hold many headcanons when it comes to something like appearance (or to hold many headcanons, period), but.. uh... idk. something really stupid and small like he has a permanent writer's callus/bump. there just ain't no way he doesn't have one y'know?

21. Do you have any similarities with them/relate to something in them?

oh dear... Indeed I Do. I guess to start, I am also 23 lol. we have sorta similar styles of dress. we are both artist-jocks. we have generally similar personalities. we are both DID havers, and one of us is honestly pretty similar to John mFKMDKFDSF. he even has an undercut my god... and then Another one of us also reminds me a lot of the Third Alter/Midokoto/Doe/whatever you wanna call him. his hair is even green wowie! ... oh and his name is also something that can be related to Mikoto, god damn.. the Kayano System is copying us.. get their asses, call them out, cancel them!!! /j anyway. more.

you know that part in Neoplasm. this one?

Es: … You really… do laugh when you're suffering, huh? Mikoto: Huh? Es: You don't get angry. You don't scream. You laugh, like it's a minor inconvenience.

yeah that came for my fucking throat. he just like me fr...

other things as well, but that's enough about that.

Amane

1. Favorite song lyrics?

I wish I could just copy and paste like the entirety of The Purge March, but this part in particular has gotta be my favorite:

After you cry, repent, and kneel, it's now your turn to say that hopeless "I'm sorry" You're sorry? I don't care! Please, go ahead and die already Remember MY cries, MY repents, MY words of "I'm sorry" that I said to you?

2. Favorite MV moment/frame?

I am in love with this frame <3

6. Favorite relationships with another character in the prison?

0308, 0208, and 0608 !!!!!!! so like. tbh the only prisoners she still interacts with/that still interact with her lmao... her dynamic with Shidou is also interesting and I'm excited to see where it goes! I think she deserves to get one stab at him. not because I don't like Shidou or think he deserves to be stabbed. but because Amane deserves to do whatever she wants all the time <3 !! like c'monnn one stab won't kill him, let her do it, it's fiiiiiine. it'll be good for both of them.

12. What do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

again, not that involved with the fandom so not sure what is and isn't already discussed. frankly I think she should just be discussed more, period <3. so. Everything. Discuss Everything About Her More. Never Stop Discussing Her. I Don't Want To Stop Seeing Essay-Length Analysis Posts About Her Until I'm At Least 35.

13. Any ideas on what would they and their MV be like if they got a different verdict in T1?

a VERY VERY good question that I have wondered about myself! ...unfortunately I've yet to come up with much of an answer though. I really just. have no idea. the only thing I can think of is she may have continued to severely downplay her abuse, I guess (like she still does I think. but you know. like Magic-level downplay)... may have stayed a bit friendlier and more "herself"? maybe her Trial 2 MV would've acted more staged again like Magic was...? I Got No Idea........

TY for the ask!!!!

#asks #Mikoto #Amane

[crystalelemental]

What a loaded update today, huh? Don't forget to take a rest!

I wish I wasn't in scouting burnout, otherwise I'd scout for SC Rosa or Cynthia. Trainer Lodge still excites me the most out of everything so I guess I'll spend the rest of anniversary lurking there. The new BP pairs, sync grids and EX are also exciting, and the Pokefair Select Scouts! Some of the selection per banner have been revealed from the official info and Absol, but still dunno about the rest.

For the first one (x15), some of the selections are SS Morty, SS Dawn, SS Leon, SS Cynthia, Alder, and SS Red. There might be more in the banner selection, but we don't know just yet.

For the second one (x25) are SS Cyrus, SS Giovanni, Classic Elesa, Diantha, Champion Iris, and Classic Blue. Again, there might be more, but we gotta wait and see. Looking forward to your thoughts about who's worth choosing once the full selection is out.

Lear and his subordinates' banner seems to be getting a rerun as well! There's also the previous Costume Sync Pairs Tier Scout, I really want SC Jasmine but she's going to make my Support Candy competition a lot more tougher than it already is. Besides, if it's as pricey as the Summer Event, then I might skip.

Speaking of Pokefair, OG Cynthia's current rerun is said to be "Vol. 1 Monthly Pokefair Scout", and official info said that there will be a Pokefair rerun with different unit every month. I'm assuming for Trainer Lodge, so hoping for either OG Steven or OG Lance next month because...they're THE three champions. Either of them will be great for me.

Gauntlet is gonna be Azelf, Cobalion, and Latios. Also, from Absol's note, Legendary Arena will be permanently available in two weeks, which means...I guess this hard confirms DeNA won't be adding more Legendary Arena fights? Which is a shame. LA being permanently available also means that we might not be able to get 1k gems from the usual LA mission too. Still having mixed feelings about it.

All in all, that was a loaded update! And so much stuff to review for you (I've read everything so far), so don't forget to take some rest! Sorry for the ramble!

"Oh, scratch that. The one featuring SS Cynthia (Kommo-o), SS Red, and Alder, are not part of the x15 Select Scout with SS Morty, SS Dawn, and SS Leon. They're Gauntlet banner."

I have a training today, so I won't be able to rest. Although at least it's remote so I don't have to drive in. And it's about trauma-informed care in teaching, so actually relevant this time! See, district? You can teach me good things remotely without making me drive a goddamned hour.

I really like the Lodge too. There are aspects driving me insane; I really hate the level cap increase method, and wish the new alt wasn't at level goddamn 100. But otherwise the lodge is just quick fun.

Those PokeFair select scouts are choice. Taking SS Morty, need him 2/5 for MPR on Sunny Day, while the second...is either a skip or Classic Elesa depending on how I'm feeling. SS Cynthia being the gauntlet banner hurts, but I may have to just get in there. I don't have SS Red at 3/5, and Alder's also 1/5, so this is a really great spread for me in particular. Lear's return is also tempting, but I'm gonna be bleeding out on gems after all this, so he may get skipped again. The PokeWars event run hurts, but there's a tiered scout that, if it guarantees one I want to pick, I'll 100% do it for Guzma. I regret not getting him. I love his nonsense.

I don't think it means they won't add more, so much as people really wanted LA to be always available to test teams against for Gauntlet. It's hard to prepare if you haven't seen a fight in like 5 months, you know? I think that's more them responding to player feedback than confirming. And considering MU got Mesprit...who knows. I'm just saying, maybe they read my post. But they did say something about missions, so I think we'll still get those 1k gems from missions around the arena matches. I'm not super worried about it yet.

There is so much. I'm so tired, and have to get to my training, but my hope is to analyze a bit more once I'm done with that, and am back from the grocery store.

#books-are-my-life-stuff

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Love and Medicine ~ 6

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 3,710ish

Summary: Val throws a party. You remember the date.

Warning: talk of sex / I do not own Marvel or Grey’s Anatomy.

The morning came and you laid in your bed, staring at the ceiling. You really wanted to go meet Steve for breakfast, but you knew you probably shouldn’t. With a heavy sigh, you turned over to look at your bedside clock. There was 30 minutes until it was time to meet Steve. You could make it in time, if you went. You also had the day off so if you didn’t go, you wouldn’t run in to Steve today anyway.

After another five minutes of debating, you heaved yourself up and hurried into your bathroom. You got ready quickly, not going too overboard with trying to impress him. As you ran down the stairs, you shoved Clint out of the way.

“Woah!” He exclaimed. “What’s the rush?”

“Sorry, Clint!” You replied, not stopping. “I gotta go!”

When you finally got to the cafe, you were a few minutes late and Steve was already at an outside table. You noticed that he looked a little nervous. He was sketching in a notebook, knee bouncing under the table.

“Is this seat taken?” You asked, having walked quietly up to the table.

Steve’s head snapped up. He looked a little surprised and relieved to see you standing there. “Uh, no,” he smiled. He motioned to the seat across from him. “Be my guest.”

“Thank you,” you pulled out your chair and sat down. He handed you the menu. You took it before looking at the notebook on the table. There was a sketch of you on the open page. “Wow. Did you draw that?”

Steve quickly shut the book and set it in his lap. “You weren’t suppose to see that. Not yet, anyway.”

“Well, it was really good.”

“Thank you.”

“Why didn’t you go into art?”

“Doesn’t pay the bills. Plus, brains are more fun.”

You laughed. “I guess so.”

The two of you order food and sat there for a few hours talking. It was mostly him asking about you and you telling him extremely long stories. You had just finished one about you and your parents that left him laughing.

“You’re parents sound amazing,” Steve said, finishing off his laugh. “I would love to meet them some day.” 

You stopped, immediately looking sad. Just the thought of your parents caused you to remember something. The date. It would be the first anniversary of their deaths in two days.

“Y/N?” Steve broke you out of your trace. You looked at him, a furrowed brow and worried eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I… I should go,” you stood, scraping your chair against the ground as you did. Steve quickly stood up as well, surprised at your sudden need to leave. “I really need to go.”

You hurried out of the cafe’s fenced on section. You didn’t make it much farther before Steve’s large hand was around your bicep, stopping you.

“You’re surprising fast,” he tried to joke. You clearly weren’t having it. “What’s the rush?” He tried to study your eyes, they looked pained. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ll see you at work, Steve. Please.” You tugged away from him. “I have to go.”

He stood there, watching, as you hurried off to your car and drove into traffic.

~~~

You went straight to the hospital, willingly taking someone’s shift to get your mind off everything. You did not want to remember it and you definitely didn’t want to drown yourself in grief. You were going to work it off.

By the time your intern friends got to the hospital, you had been there for 20 hours. You ate and caught sleep when you could but it was never very much. Valkyrie immediately came up to you and told you about a party she wanted to throw for her girlfriend that was coming into town. You agreed to it, absentmindedly since you were so tired, on the condition that it wouldn’t be very big.

Before you knew it, the day of the anniversary arrived, and you were doing everything possible to avoid thinking about it. Thankfully, you hadn’t seen Steve since you hurried away. You really didn’t want to explain it all to him. It was early morning when Dr. Banner pulled you into a surgery. You were holding the heart as he worked, with your fellow interns watching from the gallery.

“I wish I could hold a heart,” Scott whined.

“A monkey could hold a heart,” Natasha responded.

“You’re just mad that Banner didn’t ask you.”

“Has anyone noticed that Y/N’s been acting strange lately?” Clint asked, eyes trained on you below. “Like, more than usual.”

“I haven’t,” Natasha shrugged.

“She’s probably just having a bad day,” Scott said.

“Clint!” Val came into the gallery. “I need more ice and chips.”

“Who else did you invite, Val?” He asked.

“Val, we said the list was jocks only. Surgery, Trauma, Plastics.”

“I invited a few of the people from Peds.”

“Great!” Natasha scoffed. “You invited the kindergarteners to Y/N’s place. The next thing you’ll say is that you invited the shrinks.” Val winced. “You invited the mental defects? This party’s going to suck.”

“You know that Y/N thinks this is just going to be a little, small, meet-your-girlfriend cocktail thing, right?” Clint questioned.

“Yes. I’ll tell her the change in plans though. I promise.”

“Why are you wasting the only weekend your girlfriend is in town on a big party?” Natasha asked. “Is she bad in bed?”

“No,” Val chuckled. “I just want her to meet some of my friends.”

“Right. Sixty some odd geeks in scrubs are your friends.” Her pager went off, causing her to look at it and get up to leave. “Bad sex, sucks for you.”

“Did I hear correctly that there’s a party at Y/N’s house tonight?” Peter asked, leaning against the doorway.

“Oh really, a party?” Natasha responded, playing down.

“Uh, news to me,” Scott added.

“Yeah, no party,” Clint said.

~~~

The surgery was long, but amazing. Though it still didn’t help get your mind off the day.

“Hey,” Steve greeted, coming up beside you as you headed to the elevator. “I heard you did a CABG with Banner.”

“Yeah,” you responded.

“Did you get to hold the heart?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s an amazing feeling. You never forget your first time.”

“It was pretty great just to watch,” Clint said, sliding in between the two of you. “Vicarious thrills, you know?”

“Yeah,” you replied again, too caught up in your mind to do anything else.

The elevator dinged and you and Clint walked on. You turned around to see Steve, still standing outside the elevator, looking concerned.

“I’ll see you later,” he commented, the furrow of his brow never changing.

“Bye,” you responded as the doors shut. Clint was leaning back against the wall, watching you. It was eerily silent until you finally spoke. “My parents died a year ago today,” it was a whisper.

“What?” Clint stood up straight, coming towards you. “How—“

“They were driving in a canyon. The road was icy…. Dad lost control of the car… it dove off the cliff.”

“Oh my goodness. Y/N, I am so sorry.”

“I’ve never told anyone what happened before.” A single tear slipped down your cheek. “My parents… they were famous surgeons. I… I changed my last name after they died.”

“Y/N, who were they?” The elevator doors opened.

“I’ve got to go.” 

You rushed out, quickly disappearing in the crowd of doctors and nurses before Clint could follow you. You weren’t watching were you were going, in search for an on call room to break in. You rammed into someone, stumbling back. The person’s hands quickly landed on your biceps, holding you steady.

“Woah there,” Dr. Stark chuckled. “What’s the rush?”

You looked up, teary eyed and embarrassed. “I’m so sorry, Dr. Stark,” you rushed out. “Let me just—“

“Now, hold on a damn minute.” He got a good look at your face, there was clearly something wrong. “What’s going on?”

“Dr. Stark, I really don’t think—“

“Here.” He pulled you into an empty on call room. “Talk.”

“Dr. Stark, this isn’t appropriate.”

“Neither are the giant heart eyes my friend Steve has every time you walk by. You’re clearly upset, and I want to help. I was also friends with your parents.”

“What?”

“You’re parents are the reason I’m alive. I had an accident a few years back, shrapnel too close to my heart. They saved me. So, I owe it to them to watch over you.”

“You really don’t, Dr. Stark.”

“The name’s Tony.”

“Tony. You don’t owe me anything.”

“I know what today is. I’ve been dreading this day for a week now. I can only imagine how you must be feeling.” You looked up, trying to blink away the tears. “Did you change your name because of the accident?”

“I couldn’t stand the thought of living in my dead parents shadows… it was too much.”

“Understood… does Steve know?”

“No.”

“You should tell him.”

“I don’t want people to know.”

“Yeah, but Steve isn’t people, is he?” You didn’t answer so Tony sighed. “Look, I have no right to tell you who you tell or don’t tell. But… Steve’s a good person. He’s been through his far share of struggles. He’d be just willing to listen, if that’s all you wanted.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you, Tony.”

“Anytime.” He walked to the door, opening it to head out. “Oh and, by the way,” he turned to look at you, “I’m totally rooting for the two of you.”

~~~

Natasha was standing at a nurses station, filling out some paperwork, when a cup of coffee was set beside her. She glanced over to see Dr. Banner, sipping his own cup, looking back at her.

“Just coffee,” he said with a nervous smile.

Natasha looked confused. “Good,” she responded.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Bruce gave her a nod before walking away. Closing what she was doing, Natasha hesitated before picking up the coffee and drinking it. Unknown to her, Bruce and Tony were peeking around the corner and watching her. Hiding back behind the corner, they high fived. 

“Look at what taking my advice can do, Bruce,” Tony exclaimed. 

“Alright, alright,” Bruce agreed. “Maybe I should listen a little more often.”

“Damn right you should.”

“Dr. Stark,” Dr. Potts called, heading towards the nurses station. “Please watch your language around the patients.” She began filling out a chart.

“My deepest apologies, Dr. Potts. We were just celebrating victory.” She still did not look impressed. “You know what would be even more worth celebrating? You, finally accepting a date from me.”

“Okay,” she replied, not bothering to look up.

“You’ve given me that excuse before, and it hasn’t stopped me— wait… did you just agree?”

“I did.” She handed over the chart to the nurse before facing Tony. “I’m only free Friday night. Will that work?”

“Um… yeah…”

“Pick me up in the lobby at 7.” Then Pepper strutted away.

“Look at you go, Tony,” Bruce laughed, putting an arm over his friends shoulders. “She finally said yes.”

“Yeah, and I have 3 surgeries and a meeting with the chief Friday night.”

Bruce grimaced. “Well, you’ll either have to cancel everything or just wine and dine her over a boob job.”

“I’m definitely going to need it covered.”

~~~

After your talk with Tony, you focused on helping a few patients. You were getting a file from the nurses station to help your next one when Steve walked up to you.

“Are you okay?” He asked, still concerned.

“Yeah, yeah,” you responded. “I’m good.”

“Are you sure? Cause you seem not okay.”

“I’m fine. The CABG was just long.”

“Well, let me take you out to dinner tonight. You can tell me all about it. Real food, waiters, big chunks of carbs in a basket.”

“I can’t.”

“Forget about the party.”

“You know about the party?”

“Your friends will be at the party. You and I can be alone somewhere else.”

“How do you know about the party?”

“Thanks for not inviting me, by the way. That felt good.”

“I didn’t— it’s supposed to be a small get together. Nothing big.”

“Sure doesn’t sound that way to me. Anyway, dinner. Think about dinner.” His pager went off. He looked down at it before looking back at you. “I’ve got to go. But, think about it.”

~~~

Natasha, Clint, and Scott were sitting in the abandoned hallway as Val walked in.

“Okay, so the beer’s coming at 7,” she told them all. “And some of the floor nurses are bringing wine.”

“You invited nurses?” Natasha asked.

“Did you clear this with Y/N?” Scott asked.

“A few more people isn’t going to make a different. Okay? A party’s a party.”

“But it will,” Clint said. “She’s having a day.”

“And the bigger the party, the less time for bad sex with the girlfriend,” Natasha added.

“Would you stop saying that?” Val was getting annoyed. “Britt and I have great sex.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“All the time.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“In fact, we’ll probably have sex during and after the party.”

“As long as you clear the party with Y/N,” Clint cut in.

“Britt just needs to realize that doctors can have fun. That we’re not all workaholics with god complexes.”

“We are workaholics with god complexes.”

“Just please tell tell Y/N before the party,” Clint continued. “Just… please.”

~~~

Having a few moments to breathe, you sat in the lobby, staring out the window. You were flipping your cell phone in your hand. The few people left who knew you and what day it was had kept trying to call you, leaving long, saddened voicemails and texts. You were ignoring all of it, not wanting to try and make the others feel better when it was your day to be off.

“Hey,” Steve plopped down in the chair next to you. “I heard.”

“You heard what?” You were immediately scared about what he could have heard.

“That you and Tony had a talk.”

“Oh… did he tell you what we talked about?”

“No. He just told me that I should talk to you and let you have the day to not be okay.”

“I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not. But that’s okay. Do you want to talk about it?”

You shook your head and stood up from your chair. “We’re adults,” you started walking backwards so you could still face him. “When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?”

Steve stood up. “Y/N—“

“I’ll see you later, Dr. Rogers.”

You took your leaving, heading straight for the locker room. You had decided that you were heading to the cemetery, or to the bar across the street. It was time for you to head anyway.

~~~

“You paged me?” Clint questioned Val as he walked up to her.

“I’m gonna be a while,” she responded. “Do you think you could get home and sign for the beer?”

“Why don’t you have your girlfriend sign for it?” Peter asked, randomly showing up.

“You have a very annoying way of sneaking up on people. And you’re not invited.”

“I wouldn't come anyway. I hate big parties.”

“Is Y/N the only person in the medical center who doesn’t know the size of this thing?” Clint asked.

“I’m telling her,” Val said. “I’ll page her now.”

“You can’t,” Natasha said, walking up. “She’s gone already.”

“What? Already?”

“She’s been here for almost 48 hours. It was time for her to go.”

“You don’t think Y/N’s really going to mind about the party, right?”

“When you tell her, I want you to make it very clear to her that I had nothing to do with this party,” Clint responded. “Nothing.”

“Why? Do you—you like her!”

“N-no!”

“And not just as a roommate!”

“I’ve got to go.”

~~~

You decided to drive around instead of going to the cemetery or the bar. You headed to your house, knowing you’re late for the party. As you drove up, there were cars lining the street and lots of people heading into your house.

“Val, I’m going to kill you,” you murmured.

After finally finding somewhere to park, you walked into the house. There were people everywhere, and you didn’t recognize any of them. It was clear, as you walked through the crowd, that most of them were already drunk. The music was making the walls shake. Eventually, and thankfully, you found Clint.

“Where is Val?!” You shouted.

“She didn’t clear it with you?” Clint responded, holding a bottle of tequila.

“This was supposed to be a meet-the-girlfriend get together little thing!”

“Val has a lot of friends.”

“Val definitely doesn’t know this many people.”

“I told her to clear it with you.”

“I really can’t handle this right now.”

“You want me to kick everyone out? I’m gonna kick everyone out.”

“Y/N, baby! You made it!” A drunk Natasha exclaimed, dancing up to them. “Woo!”

“Screw it,” you gave in. “Give me this.” 

You ripped the tequila bootle from Clint’s hand and took a big swig of it. It burned but you didn’t care. You started dancing with Natasha. Clint soon joined the two of you. After the three of you were more drunk, you escaped into one of the empty side rooms.

“Why did we want to be surgeons anyway?” You wondered, laying on the floor.

“Surgery is a very serious business,” Clint responded before letting out a burp.

“Surgery is stupid. It’s stupid…. It’s stupid.” You took another long sip of a drink.

“Give me that,” Natasha took your drink from you. “You’re drunk.”

“I'm not driving. I'm not on call. I'm in my own house. My life is crap. And it's my party and I'll get drunk if I want to.”

Suddenly, a beautiful blond woman peeked her head in. “Is, um, Val here?” She asked.

“Oh, you must be Britt,” Natasha laughed, standing up. “You’re very model-like. And, no, Val’s not here right now.” She stumbled passed Britt and out of the room.

“You and Valkyrie are very beautiful,” Clint stated.

“Val said she was going to be at home,” Britt said, clearly uncomfortable as she looked around. “She didn’t say there was going to be a party.”

“Which, I promise you, pisses both of us off,” you slurred. “Tequila?” You lifted the bottle up. “It helps.”

“When do you think she’s gonna get here?”

“Don’t know. But… I do know I’m low on tequila, Britt.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I. We’re interns, Britt. The hospital owns us. It’s what we do.”

Britt gave a fake smile before leaving.

“Bye!” Clint shouted after her.

“Nice to meet ya!” You added. “She was hot.”

~~~

Not too long later, you ended up in the front of your house, swaying drunkenly. Steve was out front too, hands stuffed in his pockets as he leaned against his car and watched you.

“You know,” he called out, bringing your attention to him, “in some states, you could get arrested for that.” You headed towards him. “So you blew me off for a bottle of tequila. Tequila’s no good for ya. It doesn’t call, doesn’t text. It doesn’t write. And it definitely isn’t as much fun to wake up to.”

You grinned, wrapping your arms around his neck. You pulled him in for a kiss, which he definitely wasn’t refusing.

“Take me for a ride, Steve,” you whispered.

Holding onto your waist, he opened the passenger seat car door. He sat down before pulling you onto him and shutting the door. You straddled him, kissing down his neck as he leaned back the seat. Your hands soon found the way to his shirt. Tugging at the ends, he got the hint and took it off. You lost your breath for a moment. You had seen him before but you had forgotten how gorgeous the man beneath you actually was.

“What’s wrong, doll?” He asked, softly caressing your cheek.

“Nothing,” you responded. “I just…” You trailed off before kissing him again, this time getting more heated.

~~~

After a good round of sex, even from the passenger seat, Steve pulled his shirt over your shoulders.

“You know…” he started as you leaned in and kissed his bare shoulder, “it sounds like the party’s winding down.” You slowly started trailing kisses up his neck. “Listen to me,” he laughed, pushing you to sit up. “We should probably sneak inside.”

“I actually think we’ve done enough sneaking for the night,” you replied. “It was good sneaking, but enough.”

“Yeah,” he smiled, “I’d say we’re pretty good sneakers.”

He pulled you down for a kiss. You were quickly interrupted by a tapping on your window. As you hurried and separated, you saw that it was Gamora.

“You mind moving this tail wagon?” She asked, clearly annoyed. “You’re blocking me in.”

“Apparently not good enough,” Steve said as you groaned and rested your head on Steve’s shoulders.

“I’m so fired,” you muttered.

~~~

You woke up in the morning with a splintering headache and a trashed house. You couldn’t deal with either immediately though as you were going to be late to work. Going downstairs with Scott and Clint, Val walked into the house.

“Holy mother of destruction,” she exclaimed, looking around.

“You missed doctor-palooza,” you responded, heading to the kitchen to find something to eat.

“Apparently, you all didn’t.” She observed the tiredness of the three of you.

“I should probably never speak to you again.”

“Ugh, I’m so sorry, Y/N. I had no idea it was going to get so—“

“It’s fine. Really, I don’t care. What would I be doing anyway?” Clint handed you a bottle of water before him and Clint headed out of the house, with you following. “I’m not cleaning this up though!”

~~~

Natasha was walking down the hall when she noticed a tired Doctor Banner enter an on call room. She slipped in, locking the door behind her. Bruce looked up, having already taken off his shoes and shirt.

“Thanks for the coffee,” Natasha said.

Getting a surge of confidence, Bruce walked over and kissed her. Beginning to kiss more passionately, they undressed each other.

“You’re welcome,” Bruce mumbled.

next chapter >

NOTES: from now on the taglist when be added by a reblog. I will reblog it using my second account, @just-dreaming-marvel-2​​. Just so that my main page doesn’t get too cluttered.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

#steve rogers x reader #tony stark x reader #the avengers x reader #avengers x reader #marvel imagine #marvel imagines #valkyrie x reader #clint barton x reader #scott lang x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #peter quill x reader #pepper potts x reader #bruce banner x reader

[eyasmith9218-blog]

"EVERY FIRST STEP"

Its a beautiful and brilliant moring the sun was like an a star its twinkle, Twinkle shining

sun in the Beutiful and fantastic day and another adventure but wait do you know that

we have a party tonight?

but wait I really miss making my parents proud of my 'every' first step.

My first step when I was a baby trying to learn how to walk.

My first step when I entered the school grounds for my very first day on school.

My first step when I stepped on the stage on Graduation day as the top of my class consistently.

"Francesca, you don't need to do this" I said to my ex-girlfriend doing my makeup. This is not necessary. 

"No! You should. You must be beautiful tonight. You said you want to be stunning for this day." she chided rolling her eyes. 

“I don’t have to fool myself, Francesca.” I closed my eyes.

“I’m a man.” My voice cracked.

I smiled weakly, just telling those simple words made my heart sunk.

Then I recalled the moment I told her my dream for a debut. I shared to her every detail.

As I walk down the staircase, being stunning with joys and the jitters that a true woman should be feeling. Comfortable and confident to show my true self.

Back by the time, I’m aware that something inside is the opposite of what I see myself outside. Finally, I realized, I’m not who they want me to be.

And I want it to be free.

I almost took the first step.

But then...I noticed the crowd before me.

People looked at me in disbelief. Made my parents embarrassed and nearly disown me.

I felt pain, same grief as a person dies. But I guess, I’m letting myself—die inside. 

And it’s choking me.

I choose to withdraw my step.

I snapped on my thoughts as Francesca clapped her hand cheerfully.

"God! Are you really Luke? I mean, you're breathtaking."

Her eyes gleamed with amusement.

I wasn’t fully convinced about her compliment until she drew me in front of the full-length mirror.

I gaped at the reflection of myself that I always imagine. It was real and confident...

Woman.

“Let’s not make them wait Luke! Let’s go!”

She pulled me. We walked out of the room, saw my parents, and even friends in the hall. They caught the sight of me upstairs.

My Father turned to look...and I felt my breathing stopped.

I felt embarrassed. They might reject me now as their child.

I heard a clap, making gaze at the man I’m afraid to be ashamed of me. The people also started to clap their hands but it faded. I focused my gaze on my father.

“I’m proud of you, Luke” He mouthed.

The heavy feeling I felt for years suddenly fade away. 

I felt my tears on my cheeks as I perceive I’m no longer in the fear of being unwanted—that made me satisfied.

I am now taking my first steps with confidence and pride.

but wait i heard something Luke! Luke! luke?

oh! its my ma'am! i didn't know Why she cried at me! and she says that "are you?"

i said " what? " then she stop crying and smile at me! then she go down stairs and cook my favorite Food.

"wow its that the Kalderita mommy? "

"come lets eat Dear" and (kissed my Forehead)

I've been enjoying eating the Kalderita and i didn't even noticed my father that he's not around my phone was Ringing and its ny friend I've eat faster until I've finish my meal.

"Mom i gotta go" (kissed her cheek)

then i didn't even noticed my mom's tears.

she's think that I'm crazy or i got amnesia because of the trauma that I've been got.

then when im back to home my mom give me ah

short Envelop she smile at me and I've been confused why did she do that expression to me and i got the envelop.

(Chuckling) "mom come on why did you look like that!?"

She pinched my Back off and start crying,

"mom?! "

then I've read the letter of my father

"I am better now. I don't look for your face in the crowd anymore. Your picture doesn't hurt me anymore. I don't miss your smiles that much anymore. Memories with you don't haunt me anymore. But it doesn't mean that it hurts less. I just learned how to stand firm and move on with my life.

I wrote this letter hoping that in some way, it could reach you. I wrote this so I could tell you all the things that I should've told you before but didn't have the chance to do so. There are a lot of things to say but as I look at my pen, all I could ever think about was how I loved you."

Our last night was a blast. You brought me to the amusement park. I had fun. We were happy. I was happy. But now, the amusement park doesn't entertain me anymore. And I blame you for that. I hate you for giving me such bittersweet memories that the mere mention of the place stings but I must admit it was where I had to experience one of the best moments in my life.

I woke up late like the usual the next day. The weather was good and we had no classes; it was a perfect day. I went to my friend's house to borrow her notes and I forgot the time because I was so happy hanging out with her. Then, an unknown number called telling me that you were rushed to the hospital. Everything was a blur after that. The only thing I remembered was I looked so lost standing in front of the hospital because I don't have any idea where to go. I just stood there, dumbfounded. Not until I saw you in the emergency room. And for some unknown reason, it rained. It rained just when tears started to fall. How I hate you for ruining such a beautiful day.

Darkness came. I was anxiously pacing back and forth in my room. That night was your operation and although you only had a little chance to survive, we believed you'd make it. But just when the doctors were about to start, you let go. You gave up. You left all of us. Funny how one phone call could turn my world upside down. I couldn't even believe my own ears. Like the wind must have caught it away because I didn't hear a thing. My mind refused to accept it. It was maddening. Destructing. And devastatingly painful. And I hate you for giving up when we were still fighting.

I called my friends, crying. One of them answered. I couldn't even utter a single word. I just cried and cried. When my body began to relax, I apologized for disturbing her sleep. I apologized for causing trouble. I didn't tell her what happened because I thought that saying it, acknowledging it, would actually make it real. I didn't want to think about it, let alone say it. But I want to share the burden at least. The pain was beyond me and I could only take too much. I hated you for it. I hate you for leaving when I don't have someone to lean on. And I hate you more for because you did it on Independence day. That day won't strike me as another holiday anymore because it's your death anniversary.

It is even worst to think that while I am having the time of my life, laughing to my heart's content, you were struggling to live. I felt awful. I felt bad. I was so caught up with my life and forgot that death is just around the corner. One minute, you were perfectly fine. The next minute, you weren't. In just a snap, in a blink of an eye, I lost you.

But wherever you are right now, I just want you to know that I'm loving you the way that I know.

Hating and loving you at the same time,

your son

Less is better I believe...but now is the change. I threw up the conventional me, I get to be real the aesthetic me. It doesn’t matter what they might say—because freedom is my theme and expression is my medium. Those music i face that are so pale before will be given life.

From now, all colors will raise to the sky—vividly and proudly.

to my Black and white life

I already found the beauty in me.

[drabblesaf]

Investigate - Nancy Wheeler Imagine

REQUESTED: Yes, requested by a lovely anon!

“can i request a nancy wheeler imagine where the reader goes to investigate with her instead of jonathan? thank you in advance!”

WARNINGS: Some cursing, may divert slightly from S2

SUMMARY: Nancy asks you to help her investigate Barb’s death. You can’t exactly say no.

NOTES: I’m writing this as I try and pull an all-nighter to watch all 8 of the Harry Potter films, and the two Fantastic Beasts. This will be fun.

Anyways, I’ve been wanting to write for Nancy for a while and this anon has given me that opportunity <3

Hope you enjoy <3

For a smile to fade so soon after it appears, the individual who once possessed the smile must have seen a darkness like no other. That was definitely the case with Nancy, who had lost her best friend, faced monsters on an unimaginable scale, and fought her way through the Upside Down in order to save her brother’s friend Will. 

It was no surprise that she was a little bit more off than she had been before, and I wasn’t the only one to notice it. Her boyfriend...ex, Steve had also picked up on it several times, especially since they both knew that time was advancing to the anniversary of Barb’s disappearance. 

It was, however, surprising when Nancy turned up one day at school and said she wanted to go and investigate further. And that she wanted me to go with her. I’d known Nancy for a few years now, but just in classes - we’d never really spoken until I comforted her in the girl’s bathroom a little while after Barb’s disappearance, where she explained everything to me; the Demogorgon, Eleven, the Upside Down, all of it. 

She didn’t think I’d ever believe her, and that she’d just be viewed as the crazy girl who had become grief-stricken after her best friend’s disappearance. After I pulled her in for a hug, and said that I’d help her get to the bottom of Barb’s disappearance, no matter what, I think she knew then that I believed her and was willing to do whatever it took to help her.

That was why, when she did approach me about investigating this with the weird conspiracy nut Murray, I was a bit sceptical, but I knew I’d believed her in the past so I couldn’t afford to let her down. “I know the guy is a bit of a sketch,” she hesitated, her eyes falling slightly, “But if anyone’s going to have some sort of idea of what happened to Barb, it has to be him.” I thought for a moment and then nodded.

“Alright. When are we going to meet the guy then?”

“Are you positive this is the right place?” I asked Nancy as we stood outside a seedy looking warehouse, surrounded by barbed wire.

“3833. Yeah,” she exhaled as we walked up to the building. A voice came out of the building, urging us to “look at the camera”. This had to be Murray, but something about being here gave me the creeps.

“Nancy Wheeler.”

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N).”

“You two are a long way from home,” Murray said as he opened the door, ushering us in to his warehouse. “I followed up on 200 tips, most bogus, but that’s how these things always go, okay? I know every last step Barbara took that day, every last person she talked to,” he said as we looked over at his wall, with pins everywhere and scribbled notes. “The answer to what happened to your friend, it’s up here somewhere. I assure you that. I just gotta connect the right dots.”

“Timeline’s wrong,” I mumbled, causing Murray to whirl around and look at me with suspicion.

“I’m sorry?”

“Your timeline is wrong,” I said with more determination. “And the girl with the buzzed hair, she’s not Russian. She’s from Hawkins Lab,” I looked over at Nancy to gauge her reaction and make sure everything I was saying was correct so far. 

“Her name was Eleven,” Nancy said, smiling at me as if to let me know I’d said everything correct so far. Murray looked taken aback by this statement, as Nancy continued, “You might wanna sit down for this.”

After we’d explained everything to Murray, and he had gone off on a weird tangent about watering down the story (like his vodka) just so people would actually believe it when we let it out into the big wide world, we eventually turned in for bed, Nancy taking the main bedroom and me taking the sofa.

“Uh, could I use the sofa?” I asked shakily, and Murray’s eyes widened.

“Okay, I’m confused. What’s going on here? A lover’s quarrel?”

“No, no! I mean, we’re just friends,” Nancy quickly interjected, and Murray smirked.

“Friends. You’ve told me a lot of shockers today, but that, that is the first lie.”

“It’s not a lie,” I said quickly, and the man’s eyebrows rose again.

“No? You’re young, attractive. You’ve got chemistry, history, plus the real shit, shared trauma. Trust issues, am I right? Something to do with your dad?”

“What? No, I mean, my dad’s-”

“An asshole,” he cut me off just before I could finish my sentence, humming softly. “It is a curse to see so clearly. You, you’re harder to read,” he said, looking at Nancy. “Probably, like everyone, afraid of what would happen if you accepted yourself for who you really are and retreated back to the safety of- Name? Name?!”

“Steve,” she whispered, scared to say his name fully aloud because of what had happened between them.

“Oh, Steve. We like Steve.”

“Yes.”

“But we don’t love Steve.”

“What? No, we- I mean- I do.”

“There it is, ladies and germs, the second lie of the evening. So,” the man clapped his hands in front of him, “How’d I do?” We must have both been glaring at him at that point, because his face changed into a smile. “My goodness. You two are adorable, aren’t you?”

He walked towards us, gesturing over to a room. “Listen, there’s a pull-out sofa in my study if you want it. But if I were you, I’d cut the bullshit and share the damn bed.”

That led us up to now, where he retired to bed himself shortly after that and Nancy and I had taken up our respective rooms; her in the bedroom and me in the study. I couldn’t stop replaying the words that Murray had said over and over in my mind. Sure, I liked Nancy, but I would never think of going after her in such a way, especially not since she’d just broken up with Steve. I wanted to go and speak to her about it, but something just wouldn’t bring me to do it.

That was until Nancy opened up the door to her room, and I looked up. She had changed into her pyjamas, and looked slightly startled to see me still sat on the sofa, brooding everything over. “Hey,” she mumbled, exhaling slightly.

“Hey,” I said, smiling back at her and moving to where she was stood.

“I just, uh, I-I just wanted to say that-”

“Oh no, don’t,” I smiled, “I mean, he’s so drunk.”

“Wasted,” she chuckled, and I grinned back slightly.

“Yeah. I mean what? He knows us for a couple of hours, and he’s got us all figured out?”

“Exactly,” she laughed, shaking her head. “God.”

“Okay, I’m glad we feel the same way,” I murmured, and she looked at me with something in her eyes, but whatever it was I couldn’t think of. It struck me though, as though I couldn’t latch my own eyes off of hers, and we stayed like that for a while.

“Uh, so, uh, goodnight, I guess,” she shook herself slightly, breaking us both out of the trance we had placed ourselves into.

“Yeah, um, goodnight,” I said quietly as she closed the screen door. God, I couldn’t have been getting feelings for her now, could I? This couldn’t be happening. I was mainly quiet about my sexuality and usually stuck to dating guys, but when Nancy came along I harboured an inner crush for her that made it sting slightly when she was with Steve, even if I was with another guy myself.

The screen door opened again and Nancy looked up at me, before pecking me softly on the lips. Her eyes remained shut as she pulled away, opening slowly to gaze up at me, and as soon as they opened I could have sworn I’d seen whole nebulae in them. Without thinking, I kissed her back fervently, as she reciprocated, wrapping her arms around my body and walking us both back into the room. 

Maybe Murray was right after all.

#nancy wheeler #nancy wheeler imagine #stranger things #stranger things imagine #natalia dyer #natalia dyer imagine

[sweeetmonstrosity]

emotions run wild

Summary: In which Sam and Bucky save the day and Bucky accepts he can have this family and enjoy the memories he has of his first.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Sam Wilson

Rating: Gen

Warnings: none, i don't think? bucky mentions HYDRA maybe once, and he remembers some not so bad feelings he's felt before.

Word Count: 2.2k

Link: AO3

Square(s) Filled: @star-spangled-bingo : O2 – The dog ran away; @buckybarnesbingo : K2 – Families of Choice

A/N: This wouldn’t be here without the amazing Faustess who was a fantastic beta. 💕 

It’s a little over a year after they first started dating, when Sam and Bucky are enjoying a romantic stroll through the park. Small kisses, quiet chuckles at inside jokes, entwined fingers and two earpieces as they listen and wait for Barton’s signal that their guys are on the move. Bucky would have rather been up high with his sniper, helping Clint do surveillance but they needed inconspicuous agents on the ground in case the guy had a feeling he was set up. Instead of sending out two new agents, Clint threw in Sam and Bucky’s names because they are a couple, and no one would think twice about seeing them walking in the park, which they do every chance they get and is why they are here now.

They have been walking in circles around the park for almost an hour before they hear Clint’s voice in their ears, “The guys are just leaving the store, they’re heading towards the park.” As soon as Clint clicks off, Steve tells them they will try to get him just before he enters the park. Turning on their heels, Bucky and Sam begin heading back around towards the entrance.

“Things didn’t go as planned,” Steve grunts. “They are heading inside.” Bucky looks over when Sam chuckles and sees he’s smiling. As they begin looking for where the other agents are heading, Sam cheekily taunts, “What happened, Cap? Did you try to get them to surrender nicely?” They don’t hear Steve say anything and they both laugh when his voice filters back through their ears, “They’re running straight to the middle of the park, one has a pistol in the back of his jeans.” 

Mentally mapping out the best ways to the middle of the park, Bucky remembers seeing a family close by where they are heading; a mother and four small children with a puppy. He knows they have to catch the men before they are able to try and take anyone hostage and nudges Sam to go around the right path, while he runs down the left path to cut off their chances of escaping the park.

By the time he rounds the corner, Tony’shovering down to the ground as Steve talks to the guy Natasha had on the ground while Clint walks in with the agents. “One got away, keep your eyes open. He couldn’t have gone too far.” Scanning the area, Bucky doesn’t see anyone looking out of place, while more agents show up, but one thing he did notice: Sam’s not there and that makes Bucky slightly nervous.

When Bucky runs back to where he left Sam to go off on his own, he jogs down the path a little way and stops as he comes across two small girls crying. When they see Bucky, they start pointing and crying even louder, “Help him! He chased him that way! Please!!”

Bucky starts running in the direction they pointed and starts getting worried more and more the longer he doesn’t see Sam. He follows the path for probably ten minutes before he faintly hears Sam cry out, “Motherfuck-.” When Bucky hears nothing else, he races in that direction to find Sam laying flat on the ground not moving, with a red spot on his shirt. It’s the only thing his brain can focus on in the moment.

He immediately runs over and drops to his knees next to his boyfriend.“Sam! Sam, baby please.” Bucky slowly begins to turn Sam on his uninjured side, “You gotta get up, babe.” When he’s lying fully on his back Bucky can see Sam’s still breathing strong and he leans his forehead against Sam’s. “Baby, I need you to open your eyes for me, say something please, Sam. C’mon baby, I need you.” When Sam still doesn’t make any movement other than breathing, Bucky does the one thing he always remembered his Ma doing, “Samuel Thomas Wilson! If you don’t get up now-!” 

“Would you please stop your rambling?” Sam coughs as he sits up. “I mean, it’s cute and all babe, but m’fine. I just tripped trying to catch him.” Sam raises his hands for Bucky to help him up and Bucky still checks him over. “Bucky, baby, I’m fine really. I promise nothing other than falling happened to me.”

“Sam,” Bucky breathes a sigh of relief, “What the hell are you doing all the way over here? Everyone else is on the other side of the park.” Sam smiles and tells Bucky not to move for a second and walks around him. When he comes back around, he is holding a leash, “The dog ran away, Buck. From those little girls that were crying? I guess when people started running from the area the guys headed, little Buddy here got too hyper and pulled away from those girls. I knew you guys would have the bad guys handled, so I went on my own mission.”  

Bucky, bewildered, stares at his boyfriend as Sam continues. “I told the kids, ‘if you see a big guy with a cool arm and beautiful flowy hair, tell him I went that way’ and they did, because here you are. I fell just as I was about to catch him. He ran into one of those snow cone carts and the red juice fell over when I hit it and spilled on me, which is why that’s there,” Sam waves to the big red spot on his shirt, “And then when I fell, I heard someone say, ‘I’ll grab him!’ and they did, and now we can go be heroes to those little girls!” Once Sam finishes, that’s when Bucky finally looks around and notices the small bit of destruction that his boyfriend and the runaway dog caused.

Bucky smiles and nods at Sam repeating, “Let’s go let you be a hero to those little girls, babe.” And he does - or they both do, really - become heroes to those girls, that is. When they jog back through the park to where they had split up earlier, the girls are just calming down in their tears. Once they see Sam and Bucky heading towards them, they start jumping and cheering happily because their dog is back, and their mother thanks them countless times. It is a nice feeling; they spend a few minutes listening to the kids say their own thanks and from the dog and then they are finally on their way home.

===

Tony, Natasha, Steve, Clint and Bruce are all waiting quietly in the common room for Bucky and Sam, but the second they see Sam’s state of disarray is when Sam and Bucky get bombarded with questions. 

Clint’s eyes go wide and not even a second later - “Woah. What happened? Did you guys purposely go off on your own instead of complete the mission? Was that an actual date for you two?! Why does it look like you are still out of breath, Sam? And Bucky, why does Sam look like he’s been rolled around in the dirt but you have not? Did you guys-” 

“That’s enough, Clint,” Natasha says as she slaps a hand over his mouth. “If you want them to answer any of your questions you have to breathe long enough for them to get a word in.”  Once Natasha removes her hand, Clint raises his eyebrow at both Sam and Bucky, waiting for his answers. 

Sam glances at Bucky and gives him a mischievous smile as he begins to tease Clint with short, simple answers to his questions. But when no one puts together what happened, Sam walks to sit in the open space on the couch and starts his retelling of the entire afternoon. He answers easily from the whispered conversation on how they are going to run away to the Bahamas to celebrate their one-year anniversary all the way through him chasing the dog instead of the guy they were after and all that happened with that.

As Bucky leans against the doorway listening to Sam retell everything like it was this big, fantastic adventure they went on, he enjoys hearing the laughs and little comments from the team as Sam gets to certain parts. The atmosphere that is surrounding him takes Bucky’s mind back to the times he had with his family. The times being surrounded by his mom, sisters and Steve, telling stories about their days and all the excitement he could hear in their voices when they talked, and how everyone jumped in to ask questions. The small squeals and huffs coming out when someone did something scandalous (like Steve when he tried to fight four guys all three times the size of him), were one of the memories that got knocked loose when he was transported back because of feeling the same emotions.

He feels a love for these people in front of him. It’s a different kind of love than that which he had with his mom and sisters, but it is a familial bond nonetheless. Bucky has never been so glad that Steve dragged him here than he is in this moment.

He wasn’t born into this family, none of them are blood-related, they all come from different places, different backgrounds, different traumas that all helped define who each person is. And they accepted Bucky. They see that he isn’t HYDRA’s assassin anymore; that he is willing to do anything they need him to, and they let him in to this family bond. The bond that helps them come together to save or avenge the world when disaster strikes.

“-ney. Bucky?” Bucky snaps his eyes over to Sam and Steve once he realizes he is being called and the second he connects eyes with Sam, Bucky knows they had a feeling of what is going on in his head. In the next second, when both Steve and Sam start walking his way is what confirms it for him. “Buck, honey.” Sam reaches his hand out for Bucky to take, “What are you doing over here all by yourself?” Bucky slips his fingers between Sam’s and notices how easily the two men, who stand at his sides like two pillars keeping him from floating away in the torrential downpour that can be his mind, pull him further into the room with the team. 

The way Steve and Sam are keeping him grounded in this moment, is when Bucky knows that’s their way of showing they understand what’s going on. That is when Bucky realizes both Sam and Steve know how it feels when first becoming a part of the Avengers, and instead of letting his mind wander off to the deepest, darkest parts, Bucky understands they are trying to show him something. It’s a strong hit of emotions when he finally understands what it is.  

He’s one of them now - he is a part of this family. 

And as Bucky feels Steve’s hand grip his right shoulder at the same time Sam’s hand squeezes his left hand and places a kiss on the cool metal, Bucky knows this is where he is meant to be. And he’s damn glad he stayed to be a part of this family.

Nothing can ever compare to the bond with his mom and sisters, but this is damn close and Bucky’s glad he gets to call these people his family.

Later that night in their bedroom, the men are relaxing on their bed. Music softly echoing around the room, Sam laying in between Bucky’s legs with his back to Bucky’s chest. He’s tracing designs all over Bucky’s metal arm with his fingers when he suddenly flips his body over. Bucky raises his brow in question as he runs his fingers down Sam’s cheek. Sam doesn’t say anything at first, just stays there on his stomach, eyes closed and enjoying the feel of Bucky’s fingers running along his jaw for a few moments. He lets his head drop to Bucky’s chest, which lets Bucky massage the nape of Sam’s neck and upper back and that’s when he softly mumbles, “I can’t believe you full-named me in the park today, babe.”

Bucky stops his ministrations and lets out a genuine belly laugh. Sam lets a smile cover his face but stays laying on Bucky’s chest, enjoying the way it rumbles with each new string of laughter that Bucky can’t control. 

It takes a few minutes before Bucky can calm down and he shrugs with a smile when Sam moves his head to glance up at him. Bucky lets Sam lay his head and resumes his impromptu massage on his boyfriend before he replies.  “You wouldn’t wake up, Sam. It’s one thing I remember my Ma doing to me and my sisters when we didn't want to wake up, either. It always used to work with the Barnes kids, and it worked with you too.”

Watching as Sam sits up and gives a hesitant, curious look. He clears his throat a couple times before facing Bucky again. “Can, uh, can you tell me more about your family? What you remember about your mom and sisters, I mean? I’d love to know more about the women who helped you become my James Barnes.”

Bucky feels tears come to his eyes and he nods quickly, letting Sam crawl over to sit next to him against the headboard. “Yeah,” Bucky answers breathlessly, “Yeah, then you can tell me more about your family too, yeah?” Sam easily agrees and that’s how they spend the rest of their night - sharing many stories of them with their families until the early hours of the morning.

#winterfalcon #starspangledbingo #buckybarnesbingo2019 #bucky barnes #sam wilson #bucky barnes x sam wilson #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #clint barton #bucky x sam #idiots in love #and are v happy #rae writes

[thewalkingdeadimaginings]

It was Fate

Hey love your writing, been reading it all day and just wow. I was wondering if you could please write a one shot where Negan saves someone with mouth to mouth or something like that sorry for the weird request thanks

Hi, human trashcan here! I thought for the thanksgiving holiday, I’d get off my ass and actually post a one shot. I was working on a one shot for the anniversary of my friend’s passing but that was all the way back in July so I think I’ll save it for December on what would’ve been her birthday. I missed posting on here to be honest. And I’m here with another Negan one shot for you guys. And thanks a bunch for 2,000 followers! That’s pretty freaking wild. I’ve never had 2,000 followers on any of my social media before so this is super weird haha! ANYWAYS, enjoy! And hope you guys had a fun holiday! <3

It was never a dull moment. Every day offered a new adventure. And every day was a good day, at least for Negan it was. It felt like he had the entire world in his hands. Still, it felt very mundane sometimes. Would it kill the world to give him some excitement once in a damn while.

Just like any other day, Negan and his boys were heading over to Alexandria to collect their offering. Dwight was driving while Negan sat beside him, Lucille rested in between his feet. Negan leaned back in his seat, sighing heavily, “Goddamn. We should just set up camp in Alexandria. Avoid this long ass trip to and from.”

“You didn’t have to come,” Dwight pointed out, “You know I’ve got it handled.”

Negan nodded, “I know ya do, D. But I gotta admit I just love payin’ that asshole, Rick a visit every now and then. I’m just rambling.”

“You’ve been acting…not like yourself lately,” Dwight remarked, “Maybe it’s none of my business but um…everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” Negan said with another sigh, “Just bored. I can do whatever I want, I have all those wives to keep me company, and I’m bored. Can you believe that shit? Need something, someone to get me outta this rut.”

“Who knows,” Dwight said, “Every day is so different. But how many people have we run into just running around these roads on a random afternoon? Seems like the rest of the world is pretty much dead.”

“Shit, gettin’ a little dark there,” Negan chuckled. The truck driving in front of Dwight slowly came to a stop as they were rounding the corner and Negan groaned, leaning over to try and get a peek, “What the hell are they stopped for?”

Dwight took the key from the ignition and opened up the car door, “Gonna go find out.”

Negan climbed out after him and started tapping on every vehicle he passed by until he reached the very front. They had stopped in front of a pond where a few of his men and had up to but Negan wasn’t the slightest bit focused on them. He went straight over to Simon, resting Lucille on his shoulder, “You wanna tell me what in the fresh fuck is going on here?”

“I don’t know,” Simon grumbled, “They saw something over by the pond. Told them not to stop, that we’ve got shit to do but they wouldn’t listen. Probably just one of the dead ones or something.”

“Ah hell,” Negan muttered. He turned and headed down the small slope that went down to the pond. His men were leaning over as far as they could without actually getting into the water and he shoved through them, “What the fuck are you looking at?”

“Someone was thrashing all around in there,” one man said, “But I can’t see them now.”

A young woman’s head popped out of the water, gasping for air. She thrashed around in the water, her eyes wide and filled with fear. They were all so surprised to see her come up that they couldn’t grab her in time before she plunged back down. “Holy shit,” Negan gasped. He shoved his bat at the man to his right and threw his jacket down onto the dirt, “Someone’s apparently gotta get off their ass and move!” Negan dove into the water, finding the girl being tugged down by a dead one, though it moved a little slower because it was underwater. The girl was losing consciousness by the time Negan got to her. With no weapons to kill the dead one, Negan simply kicked it and tore the girl from its grip. He brought her up to the surface, inhaling sharply as he was finally able to take a breath. Carrying her dead weight, he swam awkwardly to the shore, laying her soaking wet body down onto the ground.

“Everyone back up!” Negan shouted, “Give us some space!”

“Doesn’t look like she’s breathing,” one of Negan’s men said, placing his hand over the holster that held his knife.

“Don’t you dare,” Negan snapped. He clasped his hands together and pushed down on the center of her chest, pumping rapidly. He took a break from that and tilted the girl’s head back and lifted her chin. Pinching her nose, he covered her mouth with his, and blew. He was surprised by how panicked he was. He shouldn’t care if this complete stranger lived or died but there he was continuing with the CPR. At first it seemed hopeless. He pressed against her chest as many times as he could as hard as he could and he gave her as much air as he could and it seemed he’d lost her.

It all started out as a simple fishing trip. You’d just wanted something to eat tonight as food had been so hard to find. You had been alone these past few weeks and that meant that no one could tell you to watch out when a biter came up behind you. It had surprised you and you slipped into the deeper part of the pond. The biter went with you and sank but it didn’t accomplish this without taking you down with it. You hadn’t even thought to call for help as you hadn’t seen another soul in weeks. The trucks driving by had been quite the shock and you were actually able to cry out once before being pulled down to the bottom of the pond. You caught a glimpse of a dark haired man reaching for you before you blacked out. There was a strange feeling of peace that washed you. Is this what death actually felt like? Everything you ever worried about fading away? No longer caring about the pain of all that you’ve lost, all that you’ve experienced. All that trauma and heartache was gone.

The peace you were feeling was starting to get farther and farther away. Your eyes fluttered open and the first thing you saw was the same dark haired man blowing into your mouth. You pushed him off of you, coughing up a bunch of water that just splashed back into your face. The man helped you sit up, his hand on your back as you continued coughing and hacking, breathing in deeply.

“There she is,” he said, patting your back, “Thought we’d lost you there. How the fuck did you end up in that little predicament.”

“Tried fishing,” you panted, slicking your wet hair back, “Guess I should try other ways of finding food.”

The dark haired man looked over the others that were suddenly surrounding you and he shook his head, “Cancel our little trip. We should take her back to the sanctuary.”

“That won’t be necessary,” you said in between coughs, “I’m fine now.”

“You’re soaking wet and you almost died,” he persisted, “And you’re all alone. You won’t make it alone. Just come with us, won’t you? Just for a little while?”

You sighed, “I will if you tell me your name.”

He smiled and stood up, taking you by the hand and helping you up onto your feet, “The name’s Negan.”

You were slightly startled by all the trucks Negan had with him but you still left with him. It probably wasn’t your smartest move but he had jumped in the water to save you from a biter. He couldn’t be that bad, could he? And not only that, he was offering shelter. And you needed shelter desperately. And food. Seeing the sanctuary overwhelmed you even more. You had gone from being all alone to being in a place overflowing with people. You were sitting in the backseat and Negan was peeking at you through the rearview mirror, picking up on your anxiety.

“You’re gonna be okay,” he said, “Just stick with me. Hey, you never did tell me your name.”

“Y/N,” you replied, “This is…a lot. Oh and I’m sorry you guys had to cancel whatever trip you’d planned.”

“Don’t worry about it, darlin’,” Negan said, “Always can just go back next week.”

Once you were safe behind the gates, Negan had you set up with a room of your own, some food, and a dry, clean change of clothes. You were even able to take a bath and clean the last few weeks off your body. You’d turned the bath water grey but at least you were clean. No one had been this nice to you up to this point. You were fed, warm, and most importantly, safe. Could it get any better than this?

“Y/N?” a voice spoke up from behind the door of your new room, “You decent?”

“Come in,” you called back, taking a seat on your new bed. You fought back the urge to get excited over your bed as the door creaked open and Negan’s large frame stood in the doorway, “Oh, Negan. Hi! How’s it going?”

“I was just about to ask you the same question,” Negan said, “How’re you liking your new setup here?”

“I’m trying not to like this too much,” you said, smoothing out the bedspread, “Feels too good to be true. So unreal, ya know?”

“I hear that,” Negan chuckled, “But get comfortable, Y/N. If you want, this could be your new home. I gotta thank you by the way.”

“Thank me?” you said with a laugh, “For what?”

“Been in such a rut,” Negan said, shrugging, “I had said right before we found you that I needed something exciting to come along. Or someone.”

“So a drowning girl is just what you needed,” you teased. Negan looked a little flustered for the first time after this entire time of being confident and cheeky, “I’m kidding. Well, I was looking for safety and more people and then you came along. So, it would seem that…I dunno, it was fate that we found each other.”

“You think so?”

“What would you call it?”

Negan smiled, kicking his foot and looking down at the ground, “Guess I’d call it fate, wouldn’t I?”

You laughed and stood from your bed. You joined him at the doorway and grasped onto the collar of his leather jacket. You weren’t sure what to expect from your stay here in the sanctuary with Negan. Hell, you didn’t even know much more about Negan other than his name and the rather intriguing baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire that he carried everywhere. But maybe you needed something exciting too.

“You’d have to,” you giggled, “Just ain’t no other explanation. But it looks like we’ve got so much more excitement heading our way, Negan.”

HI IT’S BEEN A WHILE, HOW ARE YA? HOW HAVE YA BEEN? I hope this one shot was okay. It’s been a bit since I wrote a one shot and I’m a little rusty. But anyways, love you guys! Have a good holiday weekend 😊

#The Walking Dead #TWD #The Walking Dead Imagines #TWD Imagines #Negan #Negan Imagines #Negan One shot #Negan fanfiction #TWD One shot #TWD fanfiction #requested

[ficdirectory]

Somewhere Inside (Disuphere series #4) Chapter 46

(To listen, click here) - 17:19

For a while, there just aren’t words.

Levi can’t calm down.  He can’t talk about this.  But that’s the whole point of being able to go sceam by himself in the car, according to Dominique.  It’s apparently a valid stage of this whole thing.

And if he’s honest?  It means a ton that Dominique is willing to come out here with him.  Even, to take a turn doing what he did.  Because it’s more evidence that he’s not weird.

“She messed with all our stuff,” Levi manages.  Because it’s easier to say than: She messed with me.

“I know…” Dominique manages, her own voice ragged.  “I hate it.  And I hate her.”

“I hate that she has so much power over me…” Levi ventures.  He’s listening, but adding what he hates is also helping.

“I hate that she feels so entitled to your sister’s trauma that she’s showing up here like it’s hers.” Dominique comments bitterly.

“I hate that she made Jesus confront her when he’s already dealing with stuff…” Levi breathes.

“I hate that I felt so much fear.  So much adrenaline.  For myself...and for Frankie.  That I...I’m embarrassed…” Dominique admits.

“Sometimes, I hate myself,” Levi comments softly.  “Like as a kid...I just...thought I deserved it.  Thought I was unlovable.  So...I stuffed it down.  I accepted it.”

“Well, what choice did you have?” Dominique wonders.  Finally, she picks up the hot chocolate Pearl left.  Tries a little.  She hates to admit it, but it’s good.  Hates to admit it, but the blanket does help some.

“Right…” Levi nods, mirroring her.  He picks up the drink and sips, puckering as if it’s sour.

“What?” Dominique asks.

“It’s really sweet,” he manages.  “They take the sugar thing serious, huh?  That sugar helps take the edge off shock?”

“I guess so…” Dominique confirms.  “Do you ever resent it?  Safety?  For lowering your guard?  For making you vulnerable?”

Levi studies her.  Then, very carefully, he nods.  “I felt safe here.  With all of you.  And then…” he shrugs, imitating an explosion.  “I hate not being in control of my body…  ‘Cause that’s like the second time I’ve been sick about her in three days.  I’m kinda over it…”

Dominique just nods.  “My mom would probably say it’s a stress response.  That it makes sense.  Especially given that you...we...weren’t really allowed to be stressed out when it was happening.  So that comes later.  When, like, anything similar creeps in.”

“It helps to understand,” Levi manages, clearing his throat.  “And it also doesn’t help at all…”

“I know what you mean.”  Dominique nods.  “I see her, and it’s like it’s all happening again.”

“I’m sorry,” Levi apologizes.  He looks Dominique in the eye.  “I shouldn’t have said anything.  Then you and Jesus and Pearl especially wouldn’t have to be extra afraid.  You could’ve just thought she was normal.”

“And what about you?” she challenges gently.  “Then you’re walking around feeling like she killed your soul, and none of us are the wiser?  No.  I’m glad you told, Levi.”

“Still?” he asks.  “Even though it pretty much ruined your trip?”

“Meeting you made my trip so much better.  And I’m glad we’re here to support you while you’re dealing with all this...I definitely didn’t have that when it was me.  Whenever I started dealing with it?  Started feeling okay even talking about it?  I got notes sent home from eighth grade.  I got put on a behavior plan…” she comments ruefully.

“Oh, no way…” Levi shakes his head.  “That sucks.”

“Yeah.  All my teachers were like, ‘She’s being inappropriate,’ and there were meetings at the school with my parents.  With all the professional white men in ties.  So that was awesome…” Dominique comments bitterly.

Levi can just make out her voice shaking.  Thinks the white men in ties comment is significant, but doesn’t ask for context.  Because maybe it’s like how Levi feels his own guard go up around anyone who even kinda resembles Carla.  How his heartbeat picks up.  How he feels trapped and instantly looks for the quickest escape.

“I was a discipline problem,” Dominique says, laughing derisively.  Tears shine in her eyes.  “No one cared I just…”  When it’s clear she won’t try to say more, Levi offers:

“And I was perfect.  So no one bothered to look closer…”

He swallows more hot cocoa, like he used to swallow his secrets.  But not anymore.  He’s free to talk now.  Even though his nerves feel destroyed, and he feels like it might be impossible to ever fully calm down again, it does help.

Knowing that if he talks to The Avoiders they’ll hear him.  Listen.  That they all take him seriously.

Levi pulls the blanket up around him.  But it keeps slipping.  So he tells Dominique he’s gotta stand up and put the blanket on like a cape.  That he’s just gonna do that, and then sit again.

With the blanket securely around his shoulders and draped around the front of him, Levi feels a bit more protected.

“Thanks for telling me,” Dominique nods.

“Thanks for staying,” Levi returns.

--

Pearl agreed to walk with Francesca out onto the dock, providing she wear her life jacket.  Francesca, it turned out, had requirements of her own, insisting that she could not walk down if she were rushed, and that she needed a hand to hold.

Now, they’re down safely, but Pearl has to admit it: she doesn’t feel safe.

“It’s kinda boring here,” Francesca observes, looking out at the lake.

A surprised laugh escapes Pearl.  “Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a boring day…”

“How come?” Francesca asks.  “Boring days are...well...boring.”

“Boring days are also calm.  I could use a calm day,” she says.

“Are you sad your mom left?” Francesca checks.  “Because, not to be rude, but I usually like it better away from my moms…”

“I hear you, sister,” Pearl says easily.

Now, it’s Francesca’s turn to laugh.  “What if I really was your sister and my name was Francesca Rose West?  That would be funny, huh?”

“I think that has a nice ring to it,” Pearl compliments.

There’s quiet.  

“I’m still thinking how I’m jealous of you…” Francesca admits.

“Jealous of me?  Why?” Pearl asks, shocked.

“‘Cause, you get to know who your dad is.  You know he was nice.  And that he wanted you.  I don’t know any of that stuff,” Francesca comments.  “All my brothers and sisters...no matter if they’re full adopted or half?  All of them know who their dads are.  Except me.”

“Have you gotten the chance to talk to Mariana?  See what she knows?” Pearl wonders.

“No, because I was an epic dummy and scared Jesus by talking about Facebook…” Francesca comments darkly.

“That emotion you’re feeling?  It’s called guilt,” Pearl tells Francesca.  “And remember how we talked about how feeling bad for a little while is a good sign.  That your humanness is developing.”

“Yeah, but Jesus is still all traumaish and it’s my fault…” Francesca insists.

“If you knew talking about Facebook would scare him, would you have said it?” Pearl checks.

“No.”

“Well, that doesn’t make you a bad sister.  That makes you a good one.  When you get older, you realize...that eleven is still really young.”

“So I’m a stupid baby.” Francesca fills in.

“That’s not what I was going to say,” Pearl says calmly.  When Francesca doesn’t jump in again, Pearl keeps talking, holding Cleo close.  “I was going to say that being eleven means you’re still learning about life and the world.  If all of us were eleven, and making the same mistakes, you’d see that it doesn’t make you bad...it means you’re normal.”

“Did you make mistakes?  When you were my age?” Francesca checks, doubtful.

“Oh yeah,” Pearl nods.  

It’s helping so much to be able to think back to a time before trauma.  For a while, all of those memories were nowhere to be found.  For a while, asking Pearl to step away from her trauma for even a moment felt like floating away into a void with nothing to anchor her, because she felt so sure she had lost all of her previous memories.  But she hadn’t.  There had been an engulfing that lasted about ten years, before Pearl was able to start to see into the past again.  To realize her memories still existed.  To be able to feel safe stepping away from the trauma and focusing on something else, even during anniversary hell.

“When I was eleven, my mom asked me to make dinner while she was at work.  Spaghetti.”

Francesca’s eyes widened.  “Your mom let you use the stove?  When she wasn’t even home?”

“It was the 90s.  Things were different.  God, I feel so old saying that…  Anyway, I didn’t know the first thing about making spaghetti.  There was a box of noodles on and a jar of sauce on the counter.  I knew there needed to be water added somehow, but I added it to the sauce.  That was the wrong thing.”

“So?  I mean, didn’t somebody help you start over?” Francesca asks.

“There was nobody.  I was an only child.  Levi wasn’t born until I was 20.  And I didn’t have my dad there...so I was stuck calling my 6th grade best friend who suggested all these things that did nothing but make it worse,” Pearl grimaced.

“So, I bet your mom was really mad, huh?” Francesca guesses.

“She was. She mostly wouldn’t talk to me.  She just made sure we ate all the leftovers.  We didn’t have a lot of money.  So me ruining the spaghetti was a big deal.”

“So you had to eat it, even though it was gross?” Francesca asks, horrified.

“Yeah…” Pearl nods.

“Jesus isn’t that mad at me,” she observes.  “And you guys aren’t giving me the silent treatment.”

“No, we’re not.  We understand that people make mistakes,” Pearl reassures.

“I guess that’s kinda lucky then…” Francesca concedes.  “I just...always think everything is my fault.  That I’m the reason.”

“The reason?” Pearl asks.

“Bad stuff happens.  Like maybe if I stayed home, Jesus would be okay right now,” Francesca murmurs.

“But if you didn’t come, Dominique wouldn’t have had anybody here she trusted at Feelings Time, to help her.  If you’re going to take credit for the bad things happening, you need to start taking credit for all the ways you help, too.  It’s only fair.”

“Eleven year olds shouldn’t have to make a whole dinner on the stove without backup…” Francesca points out.  “That’s not fair.”

“It’s not fair for you to blame yourself either, for making an honest mistake,” Pearl says gently.

“You remind me of a teacher.” Francesca tells Pearl.  “Like, you’re kinda strict about stuff.  But you’re kind.  And you care about kids.  Even ones like me.”

“Ones like you are the best ones,” Pearl insists, smiling.

“Can I call you Mrs. West?” Francesca squints.  A mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Not married.” Pearl shakes her head.

“Ms. West?” Francesca tries, affecting a fancy voice and giggling.

“Pearl is fine,” she manages, because now, somehow, she is laughing, too.

--

“I felt like this…” Mariana ventures softly after they’ve sat in silence on the couch forever.

“Like what?” Jesus questions.

“Like you.  Like now.  Well, maybe not just like this...but kinda?” Mariana squints.

“You felt like I feel now?” Jesus asks and Mariana breathes a little easier.  She’s gotten so used to Mom commenting with a laugh that she’s always just to the left of the point.  It feels different - good - to have Jesus with her.  

She nods.

“When?” he asks.

“When you were gone…” she confesses.  “I felt like all the me left with you...and what was left was just...I don’t know…but I had no idea how to function.  And...I was scared all the time…”

“Of being kidnapped?” Jesus asks, and Mariana knows he’s thinking about Francesca, who had been terrified to turn nine a couple years back, because she thought it meant she’d get kidnapped, like Jesus.

“No.  Just of being without you…” Mariana fills in.

“Well, being without each other is scary,” Jesus says.  

“I felt frozen.  Like I didn’t know what to do.  I just did what people told me.  Until I realized the feeling wasn’t stopping…”

Jesus listens.

“Then I just got angry and sad about everything…  Kinda like now…” Mariana admits.

“Why now?” Jesus asks.  “Are you mad...at me?  Did I do something?”

“No, I mean...the accident.  I’m not the same.” Mariana admits.  “I know trauma changes people...but it feels like...I changed....  And no one gets that…  It’s like...I say it and they’re like, ‘No, you’re still you.’  But that feels, whatever…” Mariana waves the feeling away.

“Maybe dismissive?” Jesus guesses.

“Yeah, because...I’m telling people...you know?  And them telling me I’m wrong...feels...small.  It makes me feel small.”

“‘Cause maybe it doesn’t feel good to have people tell you that what you know is true...isn’t.  You know yourself.  It’s like...not exactly...but it reminds me of Carla going on about how I tricked everybody.”

“What did she say?” Mariana asks.

“That...I fooled everybody with the ‘poor kidnapped kid’ act or something.” Jesus admits.

“But I’m not tricking anybody…” Mariana points out.  

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Jesus tries.  “It’s more like...she had this idea of me.  Based on pictures.  Video clips.  Whatever Moms released to the press, to encourage the public to look for me.”

“Okay,” Mariana nods.

“So, that was who I was at nine.  Before this huge thing came and changed me.  It’s like...she’s expecting me to be the same kid I was then.  And I can’t be that.  It’s unfair of her to expect.”

“So...you’re saying...like with me...people still don’t wanna accept you’ve changed.” Mariana deduces.

“Right.  I think.” Jesus nods.

“But were those people ever Moms?” Mariana challenges.

“They said they accepted me?” Jesus admits.  “I even believed them sometimes.  Even felt safe sometimes.  But there were these other times.  Like mini explosions that just proved to me…  They say they’re glad I’m back.  Glad I’m alive.  But like, the truth is, they want the sweet kid back.  Same as the media.”

“And Moms want smart Mariana back.  The math genius.  Where’s she?” Mariana comments darkly.

“Probably wherever Jesus the sweet nine year old is…” Jesus ventures.

“I miss talking to you,” Mariana admits.  “Like this.  I know it took us a while to, like, be able to communicate again after...but I miss it.  I miss our twinbrain.”

“Oh God, our twinbrain,” Jesus laughs, wincing.  “You know I always kinda hold out hope that one day you’ll wanna move in with me...or Dominique.  So we can be roomies.  Or neighbors.”

“Yeah, but I can’t leave Frankie,” Mariana makes a sad face.  “Seriously, you have no idea what it’s like at home, just the two of us.  And if it was just her?” Mariana shudders.  “Like...she’s struggling already.”

“I hate that,” Jesus comments cryptically.  “They’re different.  When they get us alone?  It’s like all bets are off.”

Mariana feels her stomach drop.  “They were...I mean, it was never just you…”

“It was.  For those two months after I got home.  It was just me and them.  And, Mari, I may not talk about it, but believe that I know what it’s like…” Jesus tells her honestly.

“Sorry.  I didn’t know…” Mariana apologizes, feeling newly devastated.  Even when Jesus was missing, she at least had Brandon.  And neither of them had massive levels of C-PTSD like Jesus, or CP like Frankie, or a TBI like Mari has now.

“I think we need Avoidance tonight,” Jesus says.  “Feelings Time.  Whatever.  All together.  It’s been a huge day.  And like...I feel like it’d be good if we all can touch base.  If everybody else is cool with it.”

“I’m cool like this.  With you.” Mariana tells him.  “But I think Avoidance is a good idea.”

“We’ll see what everybody thinks.” Jesus insists, wincing.  “P.S. I love this you.”

Mariana wipes her eyes.  “Yeah?”

In response, Jesus puts an arm around her.  “Totally.  I think this you is my favorite of all the yous.”

“Stop making me cry.” Mariana exclaims, exasperated, somehow laughing, too.

“Okay, sorry.  I’m just saying.” Jesus objects lightly.

Mariana sighs, leaning into him.  “You do that.”

“I will…  As often as you need…” Jesus tells her.

#fic: somewhere inside

[seigyokus]

6.1 - A Brutal Room

Idolish Seven - Part 3, Chapter 6.1 For more Part 3 translations, click here!

Translation below the cut!

Ogami Banri: Yuki and Momo-kun, huh? Nikaidou Yamato: Yeah. They've been doing a lot for me....... Nikaidou Yamato: I was really cheeky towards them, but....... But now, I can't thank them enough-- words won't cut it. Ogami Banri: Haha. I see. I get happy whenever you guys praise those two-- as if I'm the one getting praised. Nanase Riku: Both members of Re:vale are really good people. Have they always been that way? Ogami Banri: No, uh....... Momo-kun's always been a good kid, but Yuki's personality has mellowed out quite a bit. Nikaidou Yamato: You call that mellow? Izumi Mitsuki: Your inner thoughts slipped out just now, old geezer. Ogami Banri: He used to be really quiet and was pretty presumptuous. He wouldn't even try to establish interpersonal relationships with anyone. Yuki was a real troublemaker back then. His face was his only redeeming point. Izumi Iori: Ogami-san, you really aren't holding back. Ogami Banri: All of his enemies religiously hated his guts. That's the kind of guy he was. He's always been stoic when it comes to music, though. Yotsuba Tamaki: I wanna hear one of Ban-chan and Yukirin's songs. One where you guys are singing together. Osaka Sougo: I am interested as well. Would it be possible to listen to one of those songs? Ogami Banri: Ah..... Yeah, sure. It's a little embarrassing, but I'll bring one of our CDs over next time. Izumi Mitsuki: Yay! I can't wait to hear! Nanase Riku: Yeah, Banri-san's really cool! It's such a waste that you work behind the scenes! Ogami Banri: ....... Ogami Banri: So I'm not very dependable in the office, then? Nanase Riku: Huh!? No, that's not what I mean! Rokuya Nagi: Why did you come to Takanashi Productions, Banri? And why did you decide to become an office worker, of all things? Ogami Banri: Because I reached my goal, I guess? Nanase Riku: Goal? Takanashi Tsumugi: It's almost time to go to the next location, everyone. Nanase Riku: Okay! Well, we'll be on our way now! Please let us listen to it when we get back! Ogami Banri: Alright. Have a safe trip! Izumi Mitsuki: I'm glad you're back, Manager! Rokuya Nagi: Yes! I feel energized after seeing our Manager's adorable smile! Izumi Iori: The sun is awfully bright.... It's summertime already, I see. Our 1st Anniversary Tour is going to start soon.

Okazaki Rinto: Good morning! Please take good care of Re:vale today! Hmm......? Staff: ......I peeked into Re:vale's dressing room just now, and it was super tense in there. I guess all those rumors about how they don't get along are true....... Staff: It felt like they were gonna start fighting each other to the death in there.... Okazaki Rinto: Huh!? That tense!? I wonder what happened to those two....... *click* Okazaki Rinto: Yuki-kun, Momo-kun, don't fight! Momo: ......We weren't fighting. Yuki: ......We weren't fighting at all. Okazaki Rinto: Alright, you guys were definitely fighting. I can tell just from the atmosphere in here, you know. So are you guys fighting about today? Momo: Sorry, sorry. It's nothing big! Yuki's really gentle, that's why. He was just worried about me! Momo: But then he was like, 'There's a certain limit to things'....... Yuki: You don't like that I went to meet Tsukumo. Momo: What I'm mad about is the way you went about it! Remember what you said to me when I tried to stop you from going? Yuki: I don't remember. Momo: You told me that if I didn't let you go see him, then you were gonna disband Re:vale! I can't believe you said something like that so easily! Yuki: I've tried to stop you before and if anything, you're the one who never listens, Momo. Do you remember what you said to me? Momo: I think it was, 'I don't know what Ryou-san's gonna do to you, it's dangerous......' Yuki: Not that. You told me that he was good at mental attacks, and because I have a lot of trauma, he was definitely going to send me home in tears. That's what you said to me. Yuki: You took me for a fool. Momo: I didn't! I was just worried about you, Yuki! And despite all of that, you threatened to disband......! Yuki: I figured you wouldn't listen to me unless I said that. I mean, I'd lose if it turned into a fistfight. But that's just how much I didn't want you to go-- Momo: Just hit me with your car next time!! That would've been better! Momo: After you said 'disband,' my legs froze-- I couldn't even move an inch. It was like I subconsciously trying to protect myself from danger, even though I was really worried about you....... I don't want to feel that miserable ever again! Yuki: Well, that's on you, not me. Momo: ....... Okarin, can you hit me with a tranquilizer dart real quick? Before the most bizarre incident to even happen in entertainment history goes down here? (1) Okazaki Rinto: I'm afraid I can't do that. I don't have a hunting license. Yuki: You wouldn't be able to do it anyways, Momo. Just to set things straight, I'm the one who's pissed here. Not you. Yuki: I can't believe you put up with that psycho. To think that I had believed you out of the goodness of my heart when you told me he wasn't really a bad person.... I could weep right now. Yuki: Listen. Don't ever try to fool me, ever again. Momo: We've talked about this before. We decided that you'd handle Hoshikage while I'd handle Tsukumo, and make sure things were going smoothly with them. Didn't we decide that together? Momo: We've just been doing our respective jobs, that's all. All this talk about whether or not I fooled you is coming from a completely different dimension. If anything, don't get in my way, ever again. Yuki: ....... Okarin, bring me tequila right this instant. I might go mad if I continue this conversation sober. Okazaki Rinto: I'm afraid I can't do that. You both have to work soon. Yuki: Did you really think you could control him by yourself? Momo: Ryou-san's really fickle and only wants to do things for his own enjoyment. Once he finds another thing to play around with, he'll give up on whatever he's currently doing. Momo: If you throw his plans off trajectory, then the next step would be to suck up to him.... Or at least that's what should've happened. You made Ryou-san mad, didn't you? Yuki: How did you know? Momo: He sent me angry stamps and disentanglement puzzle stamps for five whole hours, alternating between the two. What the heck is a disentanglement puzzle anyways? Yuki: Who knows? I haven't got a clue. Momo: Anyways, we gotta butter him up, get back into his good graces, and carefully steer him back on course.... I'll go apologize to him this weekend-- Yuki: What? Apologize? What was the point of me visiting him then? Momo: That's what I wanna know! Yuki: ......Why must you act like an animal incapable of comprehending human speech? Is this some kind of harassment? Momo: What do you mean by animal!? Also, why would I be harassing you in the first place? Yuki: Because I let Ban listen to the demo before you. Didn't I apologize for that already? Momo: ....... Yuki: ....... Is this the first time I've brought it up......? Momo: ......It is, and I'm shocked. But....... I'm more shocked that you'd think I'd harass you over something like that!! Yuki: I didn't think you would. It's all because you keep saying unreasonable things, Momo! Okazaki Rinto: Stop, stop! Stop right there. Okazaki Rinto: Yuki, you crossed the line by threatening to disband. You too, Momo. You also told me that Ryou-san was a good person too. Okazaki Rinto: That's why I've let it slide every time he made fun of how my hair is parted 7:3....... Please refrain from interacting with bad people. (2) Momo: But if I did that, then he'll only keep getting worse. Ryou-san's gonna be company president after this. Yuki: See, Okarin? Momo's being unreasonable. Okazaki Rinto: Yuki-kun....... Yuki: Do as you like. There's no point in saying anything. Okazaki Rinto: You don't have to put it that way.... Yuki: I would never stoop so low as to flatter someone I could barely stomach, just to maintain my position in the industry. And I'm sure Ban wouldn't either. (3) Momo: ....... You said that on purpose just now, didn't you. Yuki: I did. I wanted to believe you were the same, Momo. But I guess I was just forcing my ideals onto you. Yuki: Go ahead, wag your tail and suck up to him. Bet it feels great to sit on that big, fluffy ol' throne you've set out for me. Yuki: Except I won't be anywhere near that. Momo: ....... Staff: Re:vale, you're up next. ......Re:vale? Okazaki Rinto: Y-yes, of course. They'll be out in just a moment. Let's talk about this afterwards, alright? Yuki: There's nothing to talk about. Momo: Yeah...... Okazaki Rinto: I'll make sure you do! For now, concentrate on the work before you. Alright, go get 'em!

Mr. Shimooka: And now, the duo everyone's been waiting for! Re:vale! Audience: Kyaaaaa.....! Audience: Momo-chan! Yuki-san!

To be continued....

TL Notes/comments:

thank u kuri for proofreading!!!!!!

(1) technically said tranquilizer gun but i hear this more often so yea.  (2) here is a visual wrt the 7:3 hair part thing LOL  (3) 'in the industry' is assumed since that was the entire pretense of the whole ryou-momo deal (protect yuki's place in the entertainment industry while ryou tore down everyone else, in exchange for a recording of yamato confessing that he's chiba shizuo's bastard child). p sure that's what's being referenced here too.

As usual, if you see any mistakes/mistranslations/etc, please message me!

Thank you for reading!!

#アイドリッシュセブン #idolish7 #story3:tl #story3:text #translation

[ladyloveandjustice]

The Great Ace Attorney Replay: Trials and Tribulations, Case 5, Part 5

I’m going to examine this garden gate as Phoenix specifically to get this dialogue.

Phoenix: “Edgeworth’s probably in the garden, crying softly to himself…I guess we should hug it out and talk about what he’s uncovered’

 I’m never getting over this like. Phoenix specifically imagining Miles “crying softly” and anticipating hugging. “I’M HERE TO HEAL UR PAIN EDGEWORTH”. Phoenix take it back a notch.

In we go to say hi to Miles who is still berating himself for passing out and Phoenix is like “oh my GOD why is it still bothering him” I FEEL YOU PHEEN.

 THEN MILES SEES HIM AND…literally runs away OH MY GOD MILES

Phoenix: “DON’T YOU DARE RUN AWAY FROM ME!!!”

Miles: “WHAT ARE YOU HERE TO LAUGH AT ME? GO AHEAD! LAUGH!”

Oh god…I never noticed it the first time around but it’s literally a repeat of the scene between them when Phoenix came into defend Miles at the detention center. That’s beautiful. THE MORE THINGS CHANGE, THE MORE THEY STAY THE SAME. Miles is still a disaster. I wonder if this still happens even in their 30s. I bet it does. Not just over earthquakes and going to jail. This is what happens when Miles tries to make an awesome banquet for their anniversary and ends up burning the food. This exact exchange.

Actually it may have happened when they were younger too considering the first time, Phoenix warned Maya not to actually laugh when he says this because “It’s a trick. He’ll get mad when you laugh. Or burst into tears.” So did baby Miles run away, have to be dragged back and then yell this when Phoenix tried to comfort him over not being able to do origami back in the day? And then did he try to laugh like Miles asked because he thought it would help and this is what triggered the outbreak of sobbing? IT’S PRETTY MUCH CONFIRMED THAT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED. IN MY HEART.

Phoenix: (SIGH, I WAS READY TO HUG IT OUT WITH HIM BUT HE’S THE SAME OLD PRIDEFUL EDGEWORTH)

Phoenix if u tell him you want to hug him I’m sure he’ll say yes cuz it’s you. Go for it.

OKAY MILES WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY BADGE.

Miles: “I never thought I’d see you wear one of these”

Phoenix: “It’s because of you I became one” 

WAY TO ESCALATE THIS CONVERSATION PHOENIX HE WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE SMALL TALK GIVE THE MAN A BREAK. 

CUE DRAMATIC ARM CLUTCH AND MILES HAVING A MINI SEIZURE AS HE TRIES TO DEAL WITH FEELINGS

Phoenix: “Not that I have any regrets. I really don’t.”

FEELING SEIZURE CONTINUES

Phoenix: if you’re trying to say “thanks “you can can say it a bit louder.

Honestly I can’t even handle them just kill me.

OOOOH I CAN PRESENT MIA’S PROFILE TO MILES WATCHA GONNA SAY

Miles: “One of the biggest names in the world of law as I’m sure you’ll agree”

NICE THINGS. He respects her! I’m so proud of you, Miles, you’ve come so far.

Miles: “For better or worse, we were only destined to meet once in courtroom”

Probably for better. You would have lost. And she would have had to put up with your brattiness more. Not a good time for either of you.

Phoenix: (I know. I read all about it).

Miles “It was the first time for both of us. Two novices head to head.”

THAT REMINDS ME DID U GO TO MIA’S GRAVE AND APOLOGIZE FOR THAT BIMBO REMARK BECAUSE IF NOT I DEMAND YOU DO.

Miles: I can still remember how downhearted I felt after that trial ended the way it did

Phoenix: (I wonder if Mia felt the same way, too).

Uhh Phoenix she literally wrote down that she did. That is was a wound in her soul that never healed or whatevs. Though I guess we don’t know if Mia wrote down the stuff Phoenix read. He could have just researched the case and all the narration we read was just Mia’s thoughts to herself rather than what she wrote down.

I’M GONNA PRESENT MAYA

Miles: “I don’t know her very well, but it seems like she’s always landing in trouble”

Phoenix: “You clearly know her better than you think.”

Miles: “I do sincerely hope she’s all right.”

Aww. Also, like you guys aren’t constantly landing in trouble too.

If I present Pearl Miles is like “SHE’S A CHILD I CANT TRY AND FORCE THINGS OUT OF HER. I’M NOT BEING MEAN TO A KID WRIGHT. YOU GET THE INFO SHE’LL TALK TO YOU” 

omg Miles. You know I always thought the whole “I’M WORRIED ABOUT THE DEFENSE TRAUMATIZING THIS CHILD” with Cody Hackins was just him being a dick as usual, but considering this dialogue it looks like that was genuine. 

Miles is very defensive of young children and paranoid about them being traumatized. That makes sense and is both adorable and sad.

Presenting Gumshoe means Miles mentions he took him out for pasta and Nick is like “WELL GOOD YOU OWE HIM THAT MUCH IT’S YOUR FAULT HIS SALARY IS SO LOW GIVE THE POOR GUY A RAISE JESUS.” 

Speaking the truth goddamn give it to him good Phoenix

I was thinking for a second investigation 2 causes a continuity error here bc he finally gives Gumshoe a raise in that but then I looked up the official Ace Attorney timeline that case takes place after this one.

All of Investigations takes place after this case and ends just before Phoenix gets disbarred (the last case of investigations 2 is literally 10 DAYS BEFORE IT HAPPENS…). Which makes sense bc if Miles had been gone for a year he wouldn’t have had time to be in spinoff games set in Japanifornia during that time. I have no idea why I thought investigations was set between game 2 and 3.

BUT I’M ALSO CONFUSED BECAUSE IF MILES HAS BEEN GONE FOR A YEAR HE CAN’T BE THE PERSON CUTTING GUMSHOE’S SALARY. Unless it was that way when he left and the new boss kept it the same. Either way, SHAME ON WHOEVER REPLACED MILES.

Miles have been going to trials in five different countries to learn how to be better at running them…and apparently learned all the languages.Phoenix is like “WHAT. HOW. IT’S TAKEN ME A LIFETIME TO SORT OF MASTER ONE LANGUAGE” I feel you Phoenix

If I try to show him evidence it’s all “I’m a prosecutor, I’m a defense attorney, we cannot discuss things so intimately” Miles he wasn’t asking to make out with you over the evidence, he genuinely wants your opinion.

Talking to Gumshoe, we find a bloody sword and Phoenix tells Gumshoe he doesn’t want to get it tested. Gumshoe realizes he’s terrified it’s Maya’s blood (and is going green at the thought). I FORGOT ABOUT THIS PART THIS IS SO SAD.

 Gumshoe reassures him and says she’s definitely okay and he’ll take him and Maya out for pasta when they find her. Awww Gumshoe I love ya. You really are better at knowing how to handle people’s feelings than anyone else in this bar. (And that being said, Phoenix should really tell him to go talk to Miles right now too. He is in need.).

Huh I forgot about this bit where Miles and Phoenix figure out how Dahlia is involved in all this together. I also completely forgot that Miles found out Dahlia was Phoenix’s ex and tried to kill him etc.

Phoenix mentions spirit channeling and Miles just flips out all like “SPIRIT CHANNELERS ARE FRAUDS THAT WOMAN ACCUSED AN INNOCENT MAN OF MURDER AND RUINED MY LIFE”

Did…he never figure out that it was his dad’s spirit who lied about the murder?APPARENTLY NOT.

and apparently he’s just willfully ignoring all those times Maya magically transformed into Mia RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. Like I know you tend to be hyper-focused on Phoenix in court but I cannot believe you wouldn’t notice sometimes Maya is a foot taller and busting open her kimono. HOW DO YOU RATIONALIZE THIS TO YOURSELF? WHERE IS THE ~LOGIC~ MILES?

I guess “my dad accused an innocent man to protect me” would be a leap Miles would be unwilling to make because it goes against his image of his dad as champion of the ~Truth~. Not to mention it would be pretty horrible to know your dad’s spirit is out there thinking you were the one that killed him. Miles is going to have a hard time with dealing with that. Phoenix seems to realize this because he just kind of pauses for a second and is like “you’ll understand someday, Edgeworth”.

 it WOULD be incredibly awkward and painful to just be say “UM NO EDGEWORTH SPIRIT CHANNELING IS REAL YOUR DAD JUST THOUGHT YOU KILLED HIM AND LIED TO THE MEDIUM TO PROTECT YOU FROM TRAUMA. WHICH DIDN’T WORK BUT WHATEVER”. Phoenix ain’t droppin’ that bomb on him.

TIME TO GO TALK TO IRIS…EXCEPT NOT REALLY. I think I remember what happened here, Iris and Maya-channeling-Dahlia switched places in the sacred cavern….

You can honestly tell she’s Dahlia if you pay attention to her dialogue- mostly when Phoenix messes up

Iris: I had hoped you would get at least this much correct. I hate seeing you mess up and getting all disappointed.

Phoenix: (Nngh... I didn't know she could be so harsh...)

And she also says “that’s no position for a lawyer to find himself in” if he stumbles another time. Dahlia’s gonna find a way to own Phoenix even if she has to pretend to be sweet, just gotta do it. 

Then of course when Phoenix says Dahlia “began relations with a certain college student in order to hide the evidence. That college student... Have you heard anything about him...?”

Iris:... Well... I did hear one thing... She said she hated his guts. :D

REALLY SUBTLE THERE DAHLIA. Awww Phoenix is so sad and she’s so cackling inside about it. She really is an excellent villain.

AND GUESS WHAT. I’D STILL RATHER TALK TO HER THAN GODOT.

 BUT NO HE HAS TO SHOW UP.

Agh it’s just like. Dahlia’s brand of evil is delicious and chilling- it’s fun to watch even if it’s horrible. She knows what she’s doing and she’s having fun with it.

MEANWHILE GODOT IS JUST OBNOXIOUS AND SELF RIGHTEOUS ABOUT HIS EVIL AND NOTHING IS FUN AGH.

ONCE AGAIN Godot’s all was “your job to protect them” re Mia and Maya.

 NO IT ISN’T. HIS JOB IS TO BE A LAWYER. BEING A 24/7 BODYGUARD TO EVERY WOMAN HE MEETS IS NOT THE CAREER HE WENT FOR.

MIA IS HIS BOSS. MAYA IS HIS FRIEND (WHO HE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR!). THEY ARE NOT HELPLESS LITTLE DOLLS HE’S SUPPOSED TO KEEP IN SOME GLASS CASE AND SHUT AWAY FROM THE WORLD.

Guess who’s going to lecture Phoenix because he, I don’t know, didn’t feel that Mia was being murdered with his Spidey-sense and then swing over at the speed of light to punch the murderer to death or whatever he was supposed to do? Godot, of course!

 Phoenix finally points out that HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW MIA WAS IN DANGER OR WHAT SHE WAS UP TO HOW THE FUCK WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO ANYTHING. And Godot’s response is that “being oblivious is a crime.”

YEAH PHOENIX. HOW DARE YOU NOT KNOW THINGS PEOPLE DON’T TELL YOU ABOUT. A REAL MAN WOULD DEVELOP PSYCHIC POWERS.

Hey Godot you know what is actually a crime. Actually knowing people are in danger, not telling them they are, doing nothing to prevent it and actually making everything infinitely worse because you wanted to do some super-violent dashing rescue to soothe your own pathetic ego. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, riiiiight?

And then Godot is like “WHATEVER MAYA’S DEAD I HAVE DECIDED THIS SO IT MUST BE SO” right in front of Pearl oh my god I hate you so much. Fortunately he finally fucking leaves and Nick reassures her. 

AND NOW IT’S TRIAL TIME SO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM MORE.

THIS GAME WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER WITHOUT YOU IN IT GODOT.

Well, we’ll endure and carry on. TILL NEXT TIME.

#the great ace attorney replay

[ficdirectory]

Somewhere Inside (Disuphere series #4) Chapter 35

(To listen, click here) - 12:51

“Before we go, I just wanted to mention...tomorrow and Sunday are Trauma Weekend for me…” Pearl ventures.

“What’s that?” Francesca wonders, glancing up from her drawing.  

“It means...it’s the anniversary of when my trauma happened.  So, things are probably gonna be harder for me.”  Pearl glances at Jesus.  “It would help, I think, for you guys to be aware of that.  And, maybe to check in?  Ask how I am?  But don’t ask about what happened directly. Please.”

“Oh, you mean traumaversary,” Francesca fills in.

“Wait.  There’s a term for it?” Pearl asks.

“Well, in my family, there is,” Dominique offers.  “We have cake.”

Pearl raises her eyebrows, incredulous.  “Why?”

“It helps.  I don’t know.  It takes something powerfully negative and just turns it into power.  Doesn’t have to be cake.  Doesn’t have to be anything.  You do you.  Just putting it out there, if you want advice.”

“I do, yes,” Pearl nods.  “I’ll take any advice I can get.”

“You can watch movies you like.  Read.  Or just talk to us, as needed.  It’s really up to you.  The key is, to treat yourself gently.  Trauma’s hard enough on you.  It doesn’t need your help adding to it…” Dominique shares.

“Hmm…” Pearl muses.  She’s beginning to see why Levi likes hanging out with Dominique.

“I don’t like celebrating mine,” Jesus shares with the group.  “Because it was pretty scary.  I just like it to be as close to a regular day as it can be.  But I like people to ask about how I am, too, like Pearl.”

“And I...I’ve only had one.  And Moms made it really awkward at dinner.  Said how glad they were I was alive and stuff…” Mariana bristles.

“So, they made your anniversary about them?” Pearl asks.

“Yeah.  It was really awkward,” Francesca adds.  “And then they yelled at you in the car on the way home, remember?”

“Yeah,” Mariana sighs.

“I didn’t think it was a big deal if you didn’t go to my concert.  You could see it on YouTube later.  But Moms thought it was a big deal…”

“They said I made them feel guilty...like...not wanting to be in the car that day.  It made them feel like the bad guys.” Mariana mutters.

“Well, they were,” Francesca insists.

“Anyway...I don’t have any advice because my first one was terrible.  So...sorry…” Mariana says.

“Hey, the first one is brutal,” Jesus offers.

“What if...you can’t remember yours?” Levi hesitates.  “Just an age.  Maybe a time of year?  But maybe not?”

“Maybe you count the time it started being a thing?” Dominique asks.  “April-something?”

“Great.  So I stole your birthday and now I stole your trauma month?” Levi sighs, sending a regretful look Pearl’s way.

“Hey.  You didn’t steal anything from me.  You gave me something.  I get to share our birthday.  Now, I get to share our trauma month.  It’s good.  You know, not to be alone with it.”

“I don’t have a trauma month,” Francesca observes, still drawing.

“That’s a good thing, buddy.  We don’t want you to have to have a trauma month.  They’re a scary deal,” Jesus says.  “And we don’t want you to be scared.”

“Hey guys, what are we gonna do for your birthday?” Francesca asks, looking at Levi and Pearl.

Pearl glances at Levi.  “That’s a couple months away,” she tells Francesca.

“So we have two months to plan,” Francesca says happily.

“I appreciate that you wanna plan something, but right now I really need to focus on getting through the next couple days.” Pearl says gently.

“And I have to focus on going to work...which I hate…” Levi rants.

“Hey, I’m coming as backup,” Dominique says.  “Maybe even dressed as Kaz this time,” she smiles.

“And I can go,” Jesus offers.  “I mean, if you guys want.”

“You’d come?” Pearl asks.  “What if Gary recognizes you again?” she asks, thinking back to the last time she and Jesus went shopping at SuperOne together years ago.  Pearl had had no idea Jesus was so recognizable.

“He can borrow my Sadness costume…” Dominique jokes.

“Yeah, being blue wouldn’t make me stick out at all…” Jesus laughs.

“Seriously.  Do you want to take my car?” Pearl asks.  “That way you too have an option for driving around, but staying really local.”

“Nobody has to go,” Levi sighs. “I mean, I do.  But you guys don’t.  I don’t want a repeat of yesterday with everybody having a terrible time because of me.  Just stay.  It’s safer.”

“But not for you,” Pearl insists.  “And I want you to be safe.  As safe as you can be.  You know if that damn store wasn’t ground zero for my trauma, I’d be there in a second.”

“I know.  But you need to be taking it easy this weekend, remember?” Levi says.

“Levi,” Dominique says.  “We wanna go.  We want to be there for you.”

“I want to,” Francesca says.  “I wish it wasn’t late so I could go.  

“You got super tired,” Levi points out, apologetic.

“So?  It was so fun!  Dominique said I could smell all the bread I wanted as long as it was wrapped.  And I looked up sloth videos on her phone.  And I talked to her friend, Lena, from her apartment on video,” Francesca recounts.  She leans across the table and whispers conspiratorially to Jesus: “You should definitely smell the bread.”

“I mean, if I do that, I might end up eating the bread…” Jesus jokes.

“You can, if you pay for it first,” Francesca says, matter of fact.

Unlike her own mother, who would sit silently after a comment like that, or ridicule Pearl for making obvious remarks, Pearl finds herself smiling gently and saying, “That’s true.”

--

Levi does his best to sneak away from the table as the time edges near a quarter to three.  But Dominique has already disappeared into one of the bedrooms.  She comes out in her pink wig, purple contacts and suit.

He catches sight of Jesus across the kitchen filling a big purple lunch bag with snacks.

“Oh, no way!” Pearl sounds happier than Levi’s heard her in days.  Maybe months.

“What?” Jesus asks, confused.

“You still have it?  That old lunch bag I packed for you?” she asks, touched.

“I’ll do you one better,” Jesus says, and unzips the side, pulling out a handful of folded notes.

“Ohhh, you still have these, too?” Pearl gushes.

“What are they?” Francesa asks, curious, and climbing up on a chair to see.  Levi watches as Jesus naturally puts an arm behind her, to steady her.

Levi glances at Mariana while the rest talk about whatever the notes are.  “He’s sentimental,” she says, an explanation that somehow clarifies everything and nothing.  “Hey, take the sanitizer with you.  You might need it.  In case you run into Peanut Butter Cookie.”

“Who?” he asks, a laugh bursting out of him.

“Your trauma.  Peanut Butter Cookie,” Mariana insists, straight-faced.

“Right.” Levi smiles.  “Somehow my trauma sounds way less scary that way…”

“Keep taking away its power,” Mariana advises.  “It gets smaller.  You get stronger.”

“Is that how it works?” he asks.

“I mean, I guess it’s a thing?  Seems to be for Jesus and Dom at least.” Mariana insists.  She really does grab the apple hand sanitizer from the table and put it in his hand.  “Seriously, if it helps you feel more secure, keep it.”

“We should go,” Levi calls out softly.  He nods at Mariana, tucking the small bottle in his pocket.  “We can just take my car, if everybody’s cool with that.  Y’all can drive it around while I’m working.  I don’t care.”

“Just come back for him,” Pearl insists, rushing forward with her arms open.  

“We will, Pearl,” Jesus promises.  “We won’t forget.”

“Please, please, please be so careful.  I’m a nervous wreck at the thought of you being there tonight,” Pearl says, practically smothering Levi in a hug once he opened his arms to accept her.

“I’ll text you on breaks.  So you’ll know I’m fine,” he hugs her tight.

“Send me selfies?” she asks.

“As long as I get you and Cleo ones back…” he agrees.  “Okay, I love you.  I just gotta go.”

“Okay, I love you.  If you really need me, I can come with mace,” Pearl offers, brave.

“No, no need.” Levi insists.  “Thanks, though.”  He makes the rounds, hugging Frankie, who’s about to be real upset if Levi leaves without hugging her, and Mariana who Levi wants to be sure feels seen.

“Have fun tonight,” he tells Francesca.  “Watch a good Disney movie for me.”

“I will.” Francesca agrees.

“And hey, thank you for my secret weapon,” Levi says quietly, embracing Mariana.

“Anytime,” she says, and her hug still feels just as perfect as the first.

--

Jesus surprises himself getting into the front passenger seat willingly.  He’s not even freaked out about it.  It could be that it’s been fourteen years since he got in That Car.  Could be that the trigger of getting in this particular seat has faded with time.  It could be that Levi’s just a kid.  Younger than Jesus.

Whatever the case, Levi’s driving, and Dominique seems to relax, realizing neither Jesus nor Levi will be joining her in the back.

While Levi drives, Jesus asks if he can have Levi’s info.  “So we can text.”

Levi passes it along, and Jesus gives Levi his.  It’s a major act of trust.  “Just don’t share it around?  If you wanna give my info to somebody, just refer them to me first.”

“Yeah, of course.  I’d never give y’all’s numbers to randos.  Or anybody.”

“So...we’ll probably just hang out in the car until it starts getting dark.  Then we’ll come in and see if there’s anything we need.” Jesus passes along when Levi parks.

“Text us if you need us,” Dominique adds.

“Yeah, will do.” Levi scans the parking lot and takes a deep breath.  “She drives a black car.”

“We’ll watch for it,” Jesus promises.

“Actually, let’s go in with him,” Dominique insists.  “Make sure he’s good.”

“You guys don’t ha--” Levi starts, and then, realizing that Jesus, Dominique and Dudley are all getting out of the car.  “Okay, you’re really doing that.”

“Yeah, we really are,” Dominique insists gently.

(Jesus hasn’t heard her use her Kaz voice once since putting on the costume.)

They wait as unobtrusively as possible while Levi gets set up.  Jesus gives the front of the store a once over.  Then, they’re on their way out to Levi’s car.

“Francesca wants a sloth,” Dominique remembers.

“But does she need a sloth?” Jesus smiles.

“I mean, you weren’t here when she was making me watch all the videos about them...and talking about how they were like her…”

“Like her?”

“I didn’t say it, but...slow.  Slow, like her.  Speed-wise.” Dominique shares.  

Jesus laughs.  “That was always her favorite part of Zootopia.  Now I know why…”

She keeps an eye on the parking lot, not letting her guard down until they’re safely back inside Levi’s car.

“Look at this one.  If I buy it for her, can I send it to your place?  Or hers?  Or mine?  I’m kinda freaked out to send anything to your parents’ to be honest.”

“Yeah, you’re not the only one…” Jesus muses.

“You okay?” Dominique asks.

“That’s cool, it actually holds onto her,” Jesus says, looking at the toy Dominique’s found.  “Send it to you.  That way, you can give it to her yourself when we hang out.”

“Is it okay?” Dominique double-checks.  “I mean, it’s not like…  You’re not mad I’m spoiling her?”

“You’re not spoiling her.  It’s one toy.  You said yourself, she feels a connection to it.  I think she’d dig having a little buddy like that clinging onto her.  It’d sure make it easier for her to bring places.” Jesus observes.

“You’re avoiding, Avoider.  We don’t avoid each other.  Unless you don’t wanna say how you are.  In which case, I totally respect that,” Dominique rambles.

Jesus takes an intentional deep breath.  She does, too.  “Dominique.  We are okay.  If you’d feel more comfortable somewhere else, we can go somewhere else.

“No, I got it.  Just...it’s a lot.  It’s been a lot.  You know?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” he nods.  “But your thing with Francesca?  Your relationship with her?  I appreciate that.  So much.  Not sure if I ever mentioned it.  She really needs you in her life.  She does better.  I think she feels really seen by you.”

“Well, I feel the same,” Dominique says back, reserved.  “So...I’m sorry but I have to ask...I’m not coming on too strong with her?  You’re not mad I’m a bad influence?”

Jesus’s eyes widen.  “Are you kidding?  You’re the best influence.  I’m so glad she has you.  I’m so glad we all do.”

“So, I’m not too much?” Dominique asks.  “Falling apart in front of her?”

“Falling apart in front of her teaches her it’s okay to do,” Jesus points out.  “That’s a good thing.  That’s needed.”

“This is hard,” Dominique admits cryptically, glancing out the window.

“I know,” he echoes.

“But we have each other,” she breathes.  “And Levi has us.”

#fic: somewhere inside