#thank god we work from home and im never meeting him irl

[mistninja]

Why is this guy acting like i humiliated him in front of everyone because i asked him something in the group chat instead of private. Dude chill

#thank god we work from home and im never meeting him irl #like i already apologized sure i should have done it jn private but hes acting like i was accusing him of doing his job wrong #no dude i was just asking if u had done something or not #just say that you did and thats it no need to get so agressive about it and lecturing me #just came right out with 'we are ALL at the same level you should treat people with COURTESY' #just call me a bitch bro #calling me insensitive #ok. my bad. can u let it go now

[pluviophile-imagines]

Fic Reflection: Rule of Three

↳ This fic was one of the fastest I’ve ever written. From concept inception to post-ready it took days, though I’ve been wanting to write a poly getting-together fic since like the very start of this blog I just hadn’t found a ship that spoke to me enough (almost happened with Dabihawks but I didn’t get my shit together in time)

↳ The first line written was “‘Sei’s being impatient.’”

↳ The last line written was “In fact, he’d come to genuinely enjoy spending time with you, both when Nagi was around and otherwise.”

↳ Reonagi as a ship holds a v special place in my heart bc it’s probably the only thing I really ship in Blue Lock. It’s also a ship where i can definitely say id be interested in dating both parties, and i think they would work well in a triad like depicted

↳ Big fat shoutout to mr @venexus​ who somehow shot me with a reonagi raygun when they wrote their reonagi fic; i blacked out for 12 hours and when i woke up I’d written like 80% of the fic. Also shoutout to them for beta-ing and listening to me scream about the reader getting a mind of their own and becoming a dom

↳ It’s not openly stated in the fic but nagi and reader met through online gaming! Reader’s a bit of an e-thot; when they got together with nagi they weren’t quite popular enough but by the time of the fic they’d quit their job to do it full-time. nagi didn’t meet them through a stream tho they just met on an mmo and hit it off. They got together literally the first time they met irl; they realized they lived rlly close to each other so reader stopped by to meet nagi & hang out one day and he just. Impulsively kissed them while they were gaming together lmfao

↳ In case u couldn’t tell from his narration at the beginning, Reo fell for the reader almost immediately upon meeting them, he just didn’t realize it. The reader knew about it the whole time, both his feelings for them and his feelings for nagi and nagi’s feelings for him. The only reason it took so long for the poly thing to happen was bc reader thought Nagi and Reo were oblivious to the whole situation and it took Nagi broaching the subject for it all to click (if anyone’s interested in how that convo went,,,,,, send in an ask)

↳ Reo definitely tries to sneak away in the morning but reader catches him in the kitchen and they finally have like. A real conversation explaining that yes they rlly do wanna bring him into the relationship and no it’s not just bc they want a third they specifically want him while nagi is asleep in bed and Not trying to make out with the two of them. Hes a fucking menace (I might write this scene too if theres any interest tbh shoot me an ask im truly a sucker for morning after scenes)

↳ Deadass considered learning how to color just for this fic’s banner ngl….. I had a rlly great mental image of the two hapibas i chose with watercolor-type coloring, rlly simple with just their hair and eyes colored, but that didn’t happen. Would’ve ended up spending more time on the banner than the fic LMFAO

↳ I do imagine this in a universe where the bllk team is a professional team and i think the whole thing is…. Not exactly hush-hush (bc dear god nagi would never be able to keep something like that a secret hes way too impulsive in a “i dont fucking care who sees im tired and i want a kiss right now reo” way) but deffo low-key they dont go announcing it so it just kinda…. Comes out slowly n naturally and the reactions are either “oh thank god we were about to lock all three of you in a closet” (isagi, chigiri, bachira, etc. basically the ones who r closer to nagi n reo) or “ur saying reo wasnt dating them this whole time????” (gagamaru, karasu, eita, etc, basically Everyone else) bc tbh he like. Basically fucking was

↳ In that vein their relationship genuinely doesnt change all that much once reo starts dating them tbh the main difference is that now he can kiss them and spoil tf out of them (bc why does reo have money if not to spend it on me 🙄)

↳ First thing he does is buy a bigger bed and a bigger couch cause it gets cramped with the three of them on either….. And then reader complains enough about them being too big for their apartment and reo buys them a new apartment obvi (“no this isnt an excuse to move in. stop laughing reader im being nice bc you keep saying the couch is too big- no you will not be paying for it at all stop trying to”)

↳ Nagi doesn’t like dates that involve going out and doing things so more often than not reo takes reader out to mikage corporation dinners etc while nagi stays home. He pretends to be exasperated when they do their spitfire routine but tbh he brings them on purpose so theyll make the geriatric executives and bad-touch-happy daddy’s boys uncomfortable…… and when the two of them come back home at like 2 in the morning nagi is always up pouting on the couch cause he couldnt sleep without them and they promised theyd be home three hours ago

#fic.🌧 rule of three #reflection.🌧 #mine.🌧 #char.🌧 nagi #char.🌧 reo

[meltwonu]

s n a k e     |     e y e s     [chapter 4]

pairing; snakehybrid!woozi x female!reader

this chapter’s notes; 🥰💕 HELLO Y’ALL! Strap in for the longest chapter yet fdjhgkkhsf also just,,, i know hybrid aus are different and in the real life only female mammals go into heat but as u kno this is fiction and a hybrid au so for the sake of that, heat cycles r not gonna follow irl rules if u kno what im sayin!!! Also fingering and a little bit of dirty talk, and jihoon being a cheeky lil shit🥴🤤 again thank u all for taking interest in snake eyes!! 💕💕💕

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - x - x - x

You try to avoid Jihoon for a couple days, going to the office building where you sometimes worked to try and buy yourself some time away from the snake hybrid. You can’t tell if he notices your eagerness to be away from home but you apologize to him in your head, leaving cash on the table for food when you leave in the morning for the third day in a row.

And although Jihoon may not mind your absence that much, your co-workers take notice of how often you’d been coming to the office lately.

“Is everything okay at home?”

You spin your chair around to face the cubicle next to yours, meeting the curious eyes of Seungkwan, a junior writer that had worked with you a few times. You worked as a journalist at a magazine company; sometimes taking the part of an editor when nobody was available. Thankfully, your job allowed you to work from home a lot of the time which you preferred, up until a few days ago anyway.

“Huh? Oh yeah, things are okay. Why, what’s up?”

“Nothing just… You almost never come in, like, 3 days in a row? Minghao was starting to get worried too, to be honest.” Minghao was the editor in chief at your magazine company and was actually a good friend of yours. You valued his opinion more than anyone as he was insanely level headed and always lead you in the right direction when you needed a helping hand. He also had a hybrid at home, which you had forgotten about until now.  

“Oh… I mean, my mattress has been kinda… y’know, getting old so…”

“What does that have to do with you coming in 3 days in a row? Really, are you okay? You’re not making much sense...”

“I--I think I need to talk to Minghao.”

Knocking on Minghao’s office door, you try to balance the two cups of coffee in your opposite hand, making sure they don’t spill as you grasp the door knob.

“Come in!”

Pushing the door open, you shoot Minghao a lopsided smile as you hold up the coffees, kicking the door shut behind you.

“Wow, can’t say I’m surprised.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… 3 days in a row? Something’s… off.” You sigh, setting the cups of coffee down on Minghao’s desk before sitting down in one of the seats across from him. “Is it really that obvious?”

“Well.. the last time you came in this often was when you broke up with your ex… What was his name? Soonyoung?” The name strikes a chord inside you, almost dropping the cup in your hand when you bring it to your lips to take a sip. It’s not that the relationship with Soonyoung had gone sour necessarily, in all honesty it was better than the two of you had broken up because both of you were too focused on your jobs to be in a relationship at the time. However, it still had been somewhat hard to get over; you were used to having Soonyoung around in your life and apartment and having Jihoon around was surely filling in that space lately.

“Uh, yeah, that’s him. I mean, I just… I have some questions if it’s okay?”

“Yeah, of course. We’re friends before co-workers. What’s up?”

“You… have a hybrid too, right?”

“I do… wait, you said ‘too’. Did you get a hybrid? Is that why you’ve been so out of whack?”

“Well, I did... His name is Jihoon and he’s a snake hybrid.”

Minghao can see you fidgeting from across the table, his eyes focused on the way you can’t even make eye contact with him. “He’s not… hurting you, is he?”

“What! No! Never, he’s really kind and…” You trail off, a blush creeping onto your face the longer you simmer in your own thoughts.

“Let me guess, you like him like him, don’t you.”

“I’m screwed, aren’t I?”

When you get home from the office, the sun’s already been down for a couple hours.

You’d taken the longer way back, thinking about everything you and Minghao had talked about and making some decisions for yourself before making it home. You even stopped at the cafe, grabbing a small dinner and checking to see if the cute barista Jun was around. Sadly, he was not.

“Jihoon, are you here?”

“In the bedroom!” Trudging over, you see Jihoon exiting from the attached bathroom, wiping his hands on a towel. “You got back just in time. I… um, ran you a bath! It’s still warm so…” He trails off, sitting quietly on the bed as he watches your eyes flit from the bathroom to him.

“How’d you know I’d get back around this time? It’s very sweet of you Jihoon but also… why?” The snake hybrid fidgets, hands curling around the hem of his sleeves. “Um… I dunno, you seemed kinda tense lately. And you always do nice stuff for me so I wanted to do something nice for you.  And you always come back around now, kinda. Guess I was just taking a chance?”

Any coherent thoughts leave your brain at how cute Jihoon is, a serene sigh leaving your lips as you step closer to him sitting on the bed. You run your fingers through his hair as he leans into your touch, wrapping his hands around your waist as he pulls you in closer.

“Hmm…”

“Something the matter?”

“You… don’t smell like you lately.” You break into a bit of a cold sweat, fingers pausing against his scalp. “O-oh.. I thought you said your sense of smell was better with your tongue?”

“Well, yes, but that doesn’t mean my nose doesn’t work. And you smell like… other people. It’s weird. I’m not used to that.”

You blush again, pulling away from Jihoon as his hands fall from your waist.

“I should take that bath you ran for me while it’s still warm then, huh?”

“Mmhmm.”

When you exit from the bathroom, Jihoon’s already under the covers waiting for you.

“Already going to bed?” He nods, a yawn on his lips as he tugs the covers higher up onto his body. “Did you eat already?” Jihoon nods again, patting your side of the bed.

You slide into bed next to him, eyes drawing random shapes onto the ceiling as you lay there wide awake.

“Hey Jihoon?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you something?” The snake hybrid turns to face you, turning onto his side as you do the same. “Sure, shoot.” You feel nervous; thankful that it’s dark so he can’t see the way your skin flushes red. “I… sorry if this is stupid of me to ask but you… don’t go into heat, do you?”

Jihoon’s quiet for a moment, a cold hand wrapping around your wrist as he tugs you closer to him. “I can feel you getting warmer cause you’re probably embarrassed. It’s okay to ask. But can I ask why you’re asking?” Clearing your throat, your eyes adjust to the darkness, staring Jihoon straight in the eyes.

“Oh, I was talking to my f-friend earlier who has a bunny hybrid and… he said that his bunny hybrid goes into heat and I was just wondering? He makes his bunny hybrid take suppressants for his heat and I just… I guess I could’ve looked it up but I figured it’d just be better to ask you since we never really talked about it and it’s been a couple weeks since you’ve started living with me.” Jihoon processes your words, puffing his cheeks up in the darkness as he thinks.

“Technically no. I mean, like I’ve said before I don’t really have many snake-like features anyway so even if we did, I probably wouldn’t. But no… if there’s anything, I’ll probably be, um, a little sensitive to you--your, uh… cycle. Cause… smells and stuff.” This time it’s Jihoon’s turn to blush as he mentally kicks himself for his questionable reply.

“O-oh. I see… I mean, okay. That’s good? I mean, oh my god, about you not having to take suppressants! Not about… the other thing.” You can’t help but think that it’s been weeks since Jihoon started living with you which meant you’d already gone through a cycle and Jihoon hadn’t said a word about it.

“Yeah, I mean, I probably would’ve told you otherwise if it was a problem, I guess. But anyway, do you have any other pillow talk questions?”

“Um…”

“For the record, my dick is normal.”

“Jihoon!!” You can feel yourself start to sweat under the covers, mind conjuring up all sorts of inappropriate scenarios until Jihoon laughs out loud, his cold hand sliding under your neck as he wraps his other hand around your waist, effectively drawing you into him as he holds you tight against his chest.

Eventually all you hear is his steady breath, the quietness letting you know that he’s fallen asleep.

A few days pass since then, and you’re thankful that things go back to what you consider normal as you set up your work space in the living room. You’d texted Minghao a few times earlier, letting him know that things were getting better at home and that maybe he and Chan could come over for lunch sometime the next week. He agrees, telling you he’ll text you his free dates when he has time.

Jihoon was still asleep even though it was already closing in on 1PM in the afternoon. But you had chosen to not wake him up, letting the male sleep in as long as he wanted while you worked on a new draft for an article.

But it’s when you get up to make another cup of coffee after 30 minutes of working that you’re hit with a wave of arousal out of nowhere; body heating up in an instance as you feel wetness pooling between your thighs. Instead of making another cup of coffee, you immediately pick up your phone, swiping until you find your period tracker to check the dates. Fuck, you think, this would fucking happen to me after I fuckin’ asked Jihoon all those stupid questions!

The panic hits you like a ton of bricks when you hear the bedroom door opening. You wonder if there’s time to run out of the door and hide for god knows how long before Jihoon even sees you. But in the time it takes you to figure something out, Jihoon steps into the living room, hair still messy from sleep as he stretches. You watch his movements, hyper aware of the fact he can probably smell you to some degree from where he stands. And it was fine when you didn’t know he was sensitive to your cycle but now you did know which made things a little more complicated.

“Did you already make lunch? I’m starving.” Your throat feels dry, but you try to compose yourself to the best of your ability. You almost wish he hadn’t said anything about being sensitive to your cycle in the first place because the hyperawareness was apparently already eating you alive.

“Oh, um, I can make some now actually! I was just about to! I’ll let you know when it’s ready!”

You all but power walk towards the kitchen, not waiting for his reply as you focus on making something to eat; hoping the smells from the kitchen bury the smell of you ovulating to his sensitive nose.

Jihoon is normal for the rest of the day, albeit you’re on edge. Regretfully, your conversations throughout the day are clipped, mentally apologizing to Jihoon again for your weird behaviour even if he seemed to be taking everything well. Your panties had been annoyingly wet all day, even when you’d gone to change them and it was almost time for bed again which had you panicking yet again.

You take your time to get ready for bed, slightly avoiding Jihoon until you realize there’s no getting out of it. There was a second where you debated asking him to sleep in his old room but it’d been so long since he’d slept there that you felt bad for asking.

When Jihoon calls your name, you exit the bathroom, turning off all the lights before slipping into bed next to him. You feel like a plank of wood next to him, awkwardly stiff as he tries to get you to face him.

“Hey…”

“Yes, Jihoon?”

“I don’t want you to feel awkward even though you’ve kinda been all day… It’s okay, y’know.” You turn away from him, facing the window in your bedroom. You can see the moonlight filtering in through the curtains and it distracts you for a second but you think about how you could cry at how genuinely sweet Jihoon was, even when you were being aloof all day. “Sorry it’s just… You’ve been here for weeks which means you already had… had to deal with me going through it once and you didn’t even say anything? I should’ve asked you sooner cause now I don’t know if you were okay and now that I know you know and you’re sleeping next to me still and I--”

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay!”

Jihoon presses into you from behind, the coolness of his body permeating his sleep clothes and cooling down your heated body even just a little bit. “I was okay last time too. Like I said, if there were any problems I would’ve told you right?”

“Yeah, but--”

“No, no buts! It’s fine, really. If I’m being honest… it was kind of nice. You got extra warm during that time. Sorry if that’s kind of weird. Guess you can say I’m an opportunist.” There’s a slight chuckle to his voice as he wraps an arm around your waist. It’s silent for a beat as you slightly relax in his hold.

“Jihoon can I ask you another question?”

“Shoot.”

“Did you… um, were you like this with any of your past owners?” He sighs, nuzzling into your neck as he stares out window with you. “No. Never. Honestly, I’m a little shocked at myself too. But I guess it’s also because I spent most of the time alone when I was being adopted into other homes. You’re the first person who’s adopted me that’s around my age and… genuinely nice. I don’t feel like a show animal here.” The two of you fall into the first comfortable silence all day; Jihoon’s fingertips playing with the material of your sleep shirt.

“Can I try something?” You hum at his question, muttering a small ‘okay’ under your breath.

Jihoon starts slow, cold fingertips lifting your shirt inch by inch underneath the covers until your sleep shorts are exposed to his wandering hand. You can already feel your breath getting caught in your throat as his cold digits skim the waistband of your shorts. “Is this okay?”

“H-huh?”

“I need to know if this is okay, before I continue. I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you because of what I said earlier.” You gulp hearing his words; technically, you’d both benefit from this.

“I… yes, I’m okay with this Jihoon. Please… continue.”

The snake hybrid is silent afterwards, his lips pressed against your clothed shoulder as his hand dips into your sleep shorts. His gentle touch has you moaning softly, eyes fluttering shut as you let him explore.

“You’ve been wet all day, haven’t you?”

“Uh… Uh-huh…”

“It’s cute you were trying to hide it like I didn’t already know.” His words are muffled against your shoulder, lips curling up into a cheeky smile that you can’t see. “I gotta be honest, I kind of regretted telling you at first, y’know? You were more open when you didn’t know. I was sad seeing you all clammed up and trying to hide from me earlier.” Jihoon’s fingertips press into the wet spot on your panties, garbled noises muffled by the pillowcase as you press your face into it slightly.

“I--Isn’t this w-weird?”

“Hmm? What’s weird about it?” Your body's on fire under the bed sheets and Jihoon’s touch and he’d barely even done anything to you yet. “I mean, y-you said you’ve never done this but---mmh, you seem so okay with it, J-Jihoon.”

His fingers play with the hem of your panties for a second before they slide against your skin, dipping deeper and deeper until they meet your wet folds. You moan, already rocking against his hand as you search for more contact. “I’m not completely inexperienced. And let’s be honest, hasn’t there been some tension between us anyway?” You almost grimace, knowing damn well you were suffering from your inappropriate dreams and your long ‘baths’ you would take to relieve yourself hoping he didn’t notice. But you also are surprised to hear that he, too, was feeling something towards you.

“Oh, uh… that’s...”

“Mm, I’m really sorry but your long ‘baths’ weren’t really fooling anyone you know.”

The embarrassment from his comment dies immediately when his fingers slide through your folds, spreading your wetness from your hole to your clit before rolling the nub between his fingertips. You moan Jihoon’s name, begging him to touch you more.

He indulges you, coating his middle finger in your wetness before easing it into your pussy. You immediately clench around the digit once he’s knuckle deep, whining when it’s not enough. Jihoon laughs slightly, pumping the digit in and out as he thumbs your clit.

“You’re so eager considering you were hesitant about this. Wanna talk about it?”

“Ngh, can--can we do that later? I’m so s-sensitive right now, Jihoon, I already feel like cumming… Can you… can you talk to me instead?”

“Aren’t I already doing that?” His cheeky reply has you whining again but he eases another finger into your pussy, scissoring the digits inside of you. “F-fuck, you know… what I mean. Please!”

“Is that what you like? Dirty talk?” He nuzzles into your neck, kissing the exposed skin before his lips travel up; kissing the shell of your ear. You hadn’t noticed at first but his body temperature is akin to yours now, the heat making you sweat a little as he fingers you under the sheets. “You know, sometimes when you sleep you make these cute little noises… They sound like pretty moans sometimes and it makes me wonder what you’re dreaming of when you’re wrapped up in my arms.” The wetness between your thighs is obscenely loud when Jihoon thrusts his fingers harder and faster into your pussy, your moans and whimpers mixing in.

“You smelled so good last time too. Maybe it’s just instinct but I really wanted to taste you. Maybe I could taste how sweet you really were if I had said something sooner? I’d get you to cum on my tongue over and over again and then lick up all that sweetness ‘til you’re begging me to stop.” His dirty words are whispered softly into your ear, small kisses in between as he tastes your warm skin.

For once, you really hoped this wasn’t a dream.

“Mmh, Jihoon, I’m--I’m gonna cum…!”

The snake hybrid doesn’t reply, instead rubbing your clit harder as he continues to thrust his fingers into you. And although you weren’t reciprocating anything, Jihoon felt good too, the warmth from your body making him feel comfortable and at ease.

When you finally cum around his fingers, you whimper his name, toes curling as your legs clamp around the hand between them. You can feel your breathing stop for a second as your orgasm crests and Jihoon can feel your walls throbbing around his fingers, a small groan against your ear as he slows his movements until your orgasm starts to ebb away. You don’t really know how much time has passed but the stickiness between your thighs starts to feel uncomfortable as you shift slightly; Jihoon’s fingers still inside of your pussy.

“Ji--Jihoon…”

“Hm? Oh, right.”

He eases his fingers out of you, a whimper escaping your lips at the sensitivity.

Jihoon brings his fingers up to his face over your shoulder, your wetness coated all over the digits as he brings them to his lips. You turn your head slightly, watching him through sleepy eyes as he laps at them, cleaning each finger meticulously as he moans. You almost hate the way you already crave his touch again just from the sight.

When he deems them clean enough, he smiles, satisfied. There’s a yawn on his lips afterward, his arm easing your shirt back down as he wraps an arm around your waist again. You lay there for a few minutes, feeling the urge to sleep pulling you in. But you try to get up to get cleaned off, finding yourself already locked into Jihoon’s hold as the male has seemingly already fallen asleep within the few minutes since.

You sigh, easing into his hold as you toss the idea of even trying to get cleaned up out the window. You lay there thinking about all the things you and Jihoon would need to talk about in the morning; thousands of different scenarios flitting through your mind of how it could go. You momentarily think of all the questions you want to ask Jihoon as well. But sleep eventually finds you, eyes drooping shut as you finally welcome it.

#snakehybrid!woozi #woozi smut #seventeen smut #svt smut #woozi scenarios #woozi imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #svt scenarios

[ksyescribe]

𝐵𝑜𝑦𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑎 𝐿𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑥 𝑆/𝑂 (𝑖.𝑒. 𝐿𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑛 𝐾𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠) ♡

Featuring: Nishinoya, Tanaka, Bokuto A/N: I started these headcanons a few days back when I was in the middle of a rest/writer slump and just finished them today. They’re hella messy but I really enjoyed writing them and I hope that you guys enjoy reading them :))

Nishinoya

Y’all we’ve known that Noya is a Latin King himself like cmon now? Do y’all see his energy??

Anyways he would 1000% have a latina girlfriend like I just KNOW IT IN MY SOUL

You never have to feel embarrassed about your family with him because he’s just as loud as they are!!!

He literally vibes with EVERYONE in your family

The loud ass fuck drunk uncles? He’s vibing

Ladies in the kitchen making the traditional food? Vibing. He even offers to help!!!

Little kids playing the weirdest games with a bunch of chairs at the back of the party? Vibing. 

Noya would just fit so perfectly in those loud as hell hispanic parties like I can just imagine him being a visual learner and seeing everyone dance like bachata, salsa, and all the other dances 

AND THEN he grabs you and just starts pulling you to the dance floor to dance with him

He’s actually so good??? Like he literally watched for a few minutes and just started moving?? This mans hips? Wow they’re out here swaying from side to side be prepared

Wow I went off on the party but like, Noya would just be so happy to be dating you

He really doesn’t care that you’re a foreigner and what not, he just knows your personality, heart, and whole being are beautiful and that he’s so lucky to have you

I think the whole relationship would be filled with so much happiness and excitement because you’re both learning about each other’s cultures and stuff without even trying

Like you invite him over to meet your family one day and it just happens to be the day your mom is making Pan Dulce and like the most traditional plate of food from your country

And when he sits down to eat he just loves it so much!! Literally will not stop eating, your mom’s about to cry because no one’s ever eaten her food with that much gusto before

Idk bout y’all but my parents love to take pictures from ALL our family trips and we have hats and stuff from all that so pops would probably sit down with noya and show them all of that and noya just loves it!! Like so much his eyes are starry eyes (perhaps what inspires him to travel the world hmmm)

If you have siblings he definitely will play with them when he comes over.

Will probably do that plane thing that adults do where they’re just making the kids fly all around (your siblings love him so much it’s crazy)

Never one for giving too many lessons but if you ask him about something in Japanese culture he’ll probably look a place he can take you to show you more

His favorite times are when you ask about anything food related because it means he can take you on dates to restaurants where he gets to see your reactions

He loves taking you to like the Shonen Jump shops or anything similar because just watching you go through all the parts of the store and seeing all these things catch your attention would make him so soft

Probably grabs your hand and gives you a quick cheek kiss when he’s watching you

Would be 1000% down to go back to your home country

Loves you, your culture, and even tries to learn some Spanish for you

(but his accents so thick you laugh every time he tries to speak, it’s okay you give him a kiss and some sweets from your country as a thank you for trying)

Tanaka

*inhale* THIS MAN BELONGS TO THE HISPANICS I DONT MAKE THE RULES *exhale*

Right so

I don’t even know where to begin with Tanaka because I literally have like 75000 thoughts of him at a bull riding event going through my mind

BUT he’s a soft boy I know for a fact, loud on the outside but very soft.

With Tanaka I do see him wilding out at parties

Like imagine him seeing a pinata for the first time? 

Better have a separate pinata for him because he’ll go crazy swinging on that thing

Is even more surprised that there’s candy inside!!!! Like what?? He thought hitting it was super fun but now this?

Loves it, immediately wants to break open another one

But I also see Tanaka being super soft with your family

Like have you seen the manga panel of him floating around in an apron? 

Your grandma would probably give him one of her aprons and she’ll be teaching him how to make tortillas in such a soft spanish

And he looks so panicked?? Just glancing at you every single second, trying to figure out if he’s doing it right or not. 

Constantly asking you “What is she saying? Am I doin it right? Can you please tell her I’m trying my best?” 

God I’m so soft like I just love him so much

Your grandma loves him always rubbing his head and pinching his cheeks

He always blushes super hard when she does that and turns even more red when you tell him that she likes him and calls him “Mijo” now

She actually tells him stories about the olden days back home and Tanaka listens so intently even though he doesn’t understand but then turns to you as you translate the story

Warms up to the affectionate side of hispanic families really quick, like he kisses you on the cheek when he meets your family like second nature. He even did it to you one morning and then got all red when he remembered that they don’t really be doing that shiz in Japan

I feel like Tanaka would really really like the traditions hispanic families do or how much emphasis they put on holidays and family together

Like he’ll probably come over on the 24th for Noche Buena and just loves the atmosphere of the holiday and the connection with family (and of course the food) 

It’s a really big contrast to the quieter Christmas his family will be celebrating the next day

Will definitely bring a Japanese Christmas Cake from the fanciest store he can afford as his own gift to the potluck

I know we see Tanaka as wild as hell sometimes but I feel like in a hispanic setting he’ll just go soft, or maybe I’m just soft for him who knows

Bokuto

So for all my POC do y’all know when you’re at the store with your immigrant parents and they see a cute boy and they’re like “You see him, I want you to find someone as handsome as him.” (my mom says this to me literally all the time god damn bro pls im trynna live)

This is what every hispanic mother says when they see Bokuto

All the ladies in your family will literally get FLUSTERED when you bring him home

“Ay Mija he’s so handsome why didn’t you tell us”

(This happened to me once never brought a boy home ever again smh)

Anyways he gets the approval from your male relatives when he helps them lug all the heavy shit they work with with no problem

Like he just grabs something that’s 50 pounds and he’s like , “Yeah where do you guys need this?”

He’s so versatile, like I feel like he can vibe with any setting your family’s at

Loud party type? Vibing. Gossiping in the kitchen with your aunts and cousins? Man’s is INVESTED in the chisme! The guys in your family working on home renovations or on any other project? He’s helping them hands down.

Is the type to eat ALL the food that your family offers him. He will literally have a bite of everything even before you tell him what it is. Your mom is beaming when he eats her Arroz Con Leche

Cannot bake for ANYTHING!!! But he somehow cooks meat perfectly?? I’m so?? He literally cannot make any sweets but if you gave him some slabs of meat or a pork shoulder to roast he has that down perfectly.

Your mom actually asks him to come over and help her make the Pernil for special occasions because he’s the only one who can manage to make the skin as crisp as he does. The only one who knows how to do it better is your grandma

Will beg for you to bring him stuff back to your home country. He wants it all: souvenirs, shirts, candy, chips. He even tries to give you money but you brush him off.

Of all three of these boys I feel like he’s the most likely to actually go visit your home country with you!! Like he’s so excited to go out there and see the place where your family comes from

When he gets there EVERYONE will love him.

Somehow makes friends with strangers on the street (something that I’ve done irl when I go back home lmaooo)

He wants to try every single food cart around the area.

Falls in love with the people and food of your country. You’ll probably be on your first trip and he’s already asking you when you can go back. 

If you ever take him to all the nature filled areas or just like a random river that runs through a certain area he’ll be enamored!

Loves the country, loves the culture, loves you :)

#haikyuu!! imagines #haikyuu!! headcanons #haikyuu!! imagine #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu headcanons #bokuto imagine #bokuto imagines #bokuto headcanons #bokuto kotaro imagines #bokuto kotaro headcanons #nishinoya imagine #nishinoya imagines #nishinoya scenarios #nishinoya yuu imagine #nishinoya yuu imagines #bokuto scenario #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu!! scenarios #tanaka imagine #tanaka imagines #tanaka headcanons #tanaka ryuunosuke headcanons #tanaka ryuunosuke imagines #tanaka ryuunosuke scenarios #this was a lot of tags #anyways i had fun with this

[mirohed]

kim seunghun | love me, love me not

pairing: kim seunghun + gender neutral reader

wc: 3.7k

genre: hanahaki au + angst 

synopsis: daffodils represent unrequited love. is that why you keep coughing them up?

warnings: implications of suggestive content, descriptions of illness (and mention of surgery), mention of alcohol

playlist: love me, love me not.

a/n: happy birthday to me!! im glad i finally got to finish and post this (its,,, been in my wips since at least february LMAO) !! they prob wont read this but i wanted to thank my irls for dealing w me and my kpop bullshit (esp bc none of them stan ygtb 😔)

It's getting worse.

Your knuckles turn white, gripping the porcelain of the toilet. Tears and blood alike fall into the bowl, disturbing the gentle peace of the water. You pound at your chest, the action causing you to hack up yellow daffodil petals stained suspicious red. It's a monotonous process at this point. Pound. Cough. Pound. Cough. Repeat until the damned coughing stops.

It takes ten minutes before you return to normal. Or at least as normal as you can get. You got lucky this time.

You watch the petals spiral downward into the gaping hole in the toilet and get flushed away.

Being with Seunghun wasn't always accompanied by a tightness in your chest and petals tickling your throat.

june 19, 2005; 2:52 PM.

"I wanna grow up," you had grumbled, your hands squeezed around the chains of the swingset. You and Seunghun had been riding your bikes for the first time since getting the training wheels off. You had sped down a hill ("First one down’s a rotten egg!") and lost control, falling off and scraping your knee on the pavement. He rushed you to your parents' house, supporting your weight with an arm around your waist. The two of you had settled for playing on the swingset in your backyard instead.

"Me too," he said. "I think." He'd been rocking forward and backward on the swing, eyes focused on the blades of grass underfoot.

"You think?"

"I don't know." You stayed silent, trying to gain as much height as possible with your uninjured leg. "I don't wanna grow up and stop being friends." That got you to stop right in your tracks, your leg planted on the ground.

"What?" You sent an incredulous look his way. "Why would we stop being friends?"

He had let go of the swing, his hands finding his lap. "Some of the older kids stopped being friends when they grew up," he mumbled. "I don't wanna stop being friends, but neither did they..."

You got off the swing, limping over to him and wrapping Seunghun in the biggest hug your six-year-old arms could muster.

"We're gonna be best friends forever. Don't forget that."

"Best friends forever." If he wrapped his arms tighter around you then, you didn’t pick up on it.

[09:54 PM] huniebee🐝: i had fun today :^))

[09:54 PM] huniebee🐝: i wanna adopt a puppy!!

[09:55 PM] huniebee🐝: will you promise to help me take care of it

You brighten as the messages come in, your phone's vibrations distracting you from the way your throat clogs.

[09:56 PM] you: ofc

[09:56 PM] you: well be the best puppy parents the worlds ever seen

[09:57 PM] huniebee🐝: wait i need to send the pics from the pet shelter

[Attachment: 8 images]

You save each picture, cooing over the puppies you got to meet. This time, you only get a precious few minutes of relative clarity before things get too distracting to ignore. You return to the bathroom with a resigned sigh that devolves into a fit of coughs.

You cough and retch and cough some more. By the time you're done, there are less petals and more blood in the toilet bowl. Your chest still feels full of something you can't quite spit out.

Then you hack up something new: a bloody stem with wet flowers still attached.

There's nothing left to do but cry, your whole body wracked with pain both physical and emotional.

august 29, 2011; 3:15 PM.

"Today was fun," you said, making yourself right at home on Seunghun's bed. Your new backpack hadn't lasted more than a couple minutes in his house before getting neglected on his carpet. Your best friend hummed in acknowledgement, already sitting at his desk with his workbook out. "I'm glad we got to meet some new people," you continued, "but that Hyunsuk guy? Seems like a major pain in the ass."

"Give him a chance."

"I know, I know. I will. But still," you huffed, “it was his first day too. No need to act like a know-it-all."

"I know. But it's the first day. Maybe he'll even himself out with time."

The conversation ended there, and you spent some time staring at his ceiling fan, the blades going round and round in a big, beautiful blur. Before long, you had grown bored, looking over at him only to see his pencil flying across the paper.

"Hey. Let's go to the mall and get pretzels." Seunghun spun around to face you, a foot stopping his chair from going too far.

"Sure," he gave a placid smile. "Do your work first."

You groaned as loudly as you could, sounding much like a petulant child straight out of elementary school. (Which was more or less the truth, but you thought you were better than that.) After a few minutes of uninterrupted whining and failing to get Seunghun to break, you spoke up. "Why do I need to do my work? You're Mr. Hardworking, Mr. Teacher's Pet."

"We're in middle school now," he had said, and you remember thinking you were in for a long lecture, "and pretty soon, we're gonna have to go to high school and take entrance exams and decide which university we want to go to and..." He averted his gaze, put down his pen. "We need to start growing up."

"We're still young," you reasoned, sitting up and letting your legs dangle off the side of his bed. "If anything, this is our time to experience things and, you know, make mistakes before we become adults!"

He was silent for a few long, agonizing moments, long enough to make you think you'd won. The pretzels were within reach; all you had to do was ask for them.

"I call a compromise."

Shit. Compromises were common in your friendship. Seunghun was always a little too good at stopping you from making stupid decisions. The worst part was that you could never argue with them. "We go to the mall to get pretzels—my treat—if, and only if, you do your work. We don't go until we're both finished. Deal?"

You opened your mouth, determined to pick the proposal apart, but his reasoning was (unpleasant, yet) bulletproof. Instead, you reached for your backpack with a heavy sigh. "First of all, fuck you. Second of all," you said, tugging your own workbook out, "you're impossible."

"I know. Do your work."

"Fine."

The math problems had been difficult, definitely harder than you were used to, but doable. If anything, the greasy mall pretzels that were way too salty to be healthy made it all worth it.

Seunghun gets understandably very worried when you text him from the hospital, but he comes to see you nonetheless. In his arms is a bouquet of daffodils.

"They symbolize friendship," he says, setting it down on the table next to you. You stare at the pristine yellow petals and flatten your lips in a tight smile. How ironic, you think, that he doesn't know they also symbolize unrequited love.

"The doctors wouldn't tell me why you're here. Classified information, they said." That much is true; nor much is known about the disease outside of shitty romance movies with unrealistically happy endings. Seunghun always believed in them. You never did.

You don't think your story's gonna have a happy ending.

You didn't want him to know anyway, lest he worry. (And you don't want to think about what would happen to your friendship if he found out he was the cause of it all.) "You don't have to tell me," he begins, sitting himself down on one of those rigid hospital chairs, "I just wanna know if it's bad. Like, well...you know.” He lowers his voice to a whisper. “Terminal."

"Like if I'm gonna die?"

"Yeah," he rubs the nape of his neck, a bit abashed, "more or less."

"I don't know. Sure hope not," you chuckle. That brings on a coughing fit, and Seunghun looks on, brows knit together. He moves close to offer what little comfort he can, but you hold your hand up to stop him; having him near will only make things worse.

Petals threaten to spill out of your mouth, and panic bubbles in your chest when he asks if you're okay. Your doctor, bless her, chooses that moment to enter. She shooes him out "to speak to you in private." Seunghun, to his credit, obliges and flashes you a smile and a thumbs-up as he goes. You try to mirror his expression (and hope your smile isn't more of a grimace).

The door closes behind him with a soft click. "Friend of yours?" the doctor asks.

You spit the blood-stained petals into your hand, your doctor graciously looking the other way as you toss them into the trash. "You could say that."

october 4, 2013; 5:11 PM.

You tugged at your clothing, feeling more than a little uncomfortable as you waited for your best friend to show up. The DJ, a former student, was already hard at work inside the gym. You heard the bass-boosted beginning of the Cupid Shuffle and shot a frantic text to Seunghun.

[05:11 PM] you: holy shit theyre playing the cupid shuffle can you PLEASE hurry up

[05:12 PM] you: idc if this is our first homecoming you better get your ass over here

[05:12 PM] huniebee🐝: give me like two minutes!!

[05:12 PM] you: THE SONGS GONNA BE OVER IN 2 MIN

"Are you waiting for Seunghun?" Hyunsuk had asked, tie already loosened. You two had gotten close—not as close as you and Seunghun, of course—this year as a result of having classes together. You wondered why you ever hated him.

"Yeah. He won't be too late, thank God, but I'm pissed we're missing the Cupid Shuffle. What about you? I remember you bragging all week about 'flexing your dance skills in front of the ladies.' Or are you all talk, as usual?"

"You know, it's almost like you don't want me to wait with you."

You had laughed, knocking your shoulder into his. The chatter kept up for a minute or two before he made his leave. ("Well, it's time for me to flex my dance muscles in front of the seniors," he chuckled, giving you a salute as he walked off.)

"I'm here! God, I can't believe I missed the Cupid Shuffle," Seunghun said, head hung low. You began to feel a little self-conscious; you were feeling out of place in your semi-formal outfit, yet he looked right at home in his dress shirt.

Chasing those thoughts away, you grinned. "You're here now, aren't you? Come on." You took his hand and dragged him into the gym.

You don't talk to Seunghun or to Hyunsuk after that. You're not sure if you should tell Hyunsuk about the whole situation when he texts you. Seunghun must have told him something was up, of course, and he's insightful enough, sensitive enough (when he wants to be), but you worry. You're afraid he'll open his big mouth. Instead, you send a few messages to your best friend.

[04:29 AM] you: hey

[04:29 AM] you: i just wanted to say in advance that im sorry

[04:29 AM] you: im so so sorry for everything ive done and for what im about to do

There's one last message in the text box, daring you to send it. "I'm sorry I love you," you whisper instead, deleting the message before you do something you’ll regret. To seal the deal, you tap through a few menus until you reach his contact. The picture you've assigned to him is one you took; he's about to take a big bite of cotton candy bigger than his head.

With a heavy heart (though you hope it’s just the weight of the daffodils in your chest), you block his contact. It's better this way. It has to be.

Your doctor said you could get rid of the thick, thorned vines with a vicegrip around your heart and lungs, could pluck the flowers that threaten to spill out at the mere thought of your best friend.

The biggest side effect of it all, she told you, was that you'd forget all about Kim Seunghun. So you steel yourself.

The last thing you think about before they insert the thin needle of anesthesia in your veins is Seunghun's smile, and how you'll never see it in person again.

And how even if you did, you wouldn't remember it as the grin from the boy you love.

october 4, 2013; 9:16 PM.

The frenetic strobe lighting in the gym slowed to a stop, having been replaced with a spotlight making lazy rounds through the gym.

You knew that marked the beginning of a slow song, and dragged Seunghun off the floor in search of some punch. He seemed to have different plans, tugging you back on the floor and pulling you flush against him.

"Where are you going?" he had asked. "You're the one who wanted to dance the night away." His hands found your waist, yours instinctively folding behind his neck. You had wanted to say something about how that claim was void now; he was the one that made you miss the Cupid Shuffle, but the words get extinguished when you look at him.

It was just like that time you practiced in fifth grade, but you swore there was something different about tonight and the way you swayed. You thought back to your practice session in fifth grade, how you had stepped on each other's feet, how you spent the whole time laughing. (For the record, it wasn't for any lack of balance; you started it, laughing as he cried out before he stomped on your toe.)

There was no laughing during the song. Everything was vibrant and deafening and there all at once. But at the same time, it was like everything had been stripped away. Everything but you and Seunghun.

Things changed after that. You were left with a dizzying, free-fall sort of feeling that picked up with each glance at your best friend. Almost every butterfly in the world was taking current residency in your stomach, making you feel light as your body moved to the music. Before long, there was something lodged at the back of your throat, nudging its way forward.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick," you said, a particularly heavy cough bringing the mysterious lump to your mouth.

Running your tongue along the smooth texture of the lump (okay, so not phlegm), you spat the offending object into the sink: a single yellow petal, coated in saliva.

You blinked.

Blinked again.

"Oh, what the fuck," you muttered, unlocking your phone. One quick Google search later—why the fuck am i coughing up flowers—you found an answer.

Flora mortem. You were loath to believe WebMD, of all things, but you found yourself tapping the link regardless. There was another term for the rare disease: Hanahaki.

Revising your search query was a mistake. The first result was the "hanahaki" tag on Tumblr, which showed nothing but models with tears in their eyes and bloodied flowers in their mouths. Yikes.

You made your way back to the party after that, but lingering in the back of your mind was the cause of the disease: a severe case of unrequited love.

There is only one definite cure for Hanahaki Disease: having the object of the afflicted's affections return their feelings.

You almost manage to purge the petal and the stupid WebMD page from your mind for the rest of the night.

Almost.

You wake up hours later. It's a little disorienting, sure, to come to with little memory of what landed you in the hospital. You peek under the oversized hospital gown to see bandages over your chest, get tempted to rip the IV drip from your arm. The doctor comes in right before you make a move on the needle. She tells you all about how the flowers in your lungs are gone for good.

"You're saved. But the final test," she says, pulling a phone from her pocket, "is this. Do you recognize the people in this picture?"

You recognize yourself next to a boy you don't know. His hand's around your waist, pulling you close. You wear matching grins. Given the way you're both dressed, you suspect the picture's from your freshman year's homecoming dance. Weird. Memory's kinda fuzzy from that night.

"Yeah. Myself. I don't know the other guy. Am I supposed to?"

"No. You're not. Congratulations," she smiles, placing a hand on your shoulder. "You're cured."

You look through all the old messages and pictures when you have some time to yourself. You reach out for the memory, the feeling of knowing Kim Seunghun. You get nothing, and while your brain knows something's wrong, you're more concerned about being able to breathe easy.

You move to a new city, far, far away from the place you grew up in. You finish your last year of high school, get a job, start college. You make new memories with new people. You forget all about Kim Seunghun.

It gets easy to forget that you weren't born with the ugly faded red scars that run up and down your chest. It's your only remaining tie to the man you loved so much you almost let yourself wither away. You think it's a good thing you cut him off; why stick around, why force yourself to suffer, for someone who doesn't love you back? Why be with someone if it physically hurts to stay by their side?

But sometimes you wonder. What happened? What happened to him after his best friend walked out of his life for good with no explanation?

Those days are never good. You distract yourself then, often with the familiar kick of alcohol burning in the back of your throat. You've never been much of a drinker, but you figure it's never too late to start.

Sometimes, the distraction comes from being in the arms of another.

(One of your favorite distractions, a young man named Byounggon, had run his fingers along the angry lines one night, jotting them down in his map of your body.

"Do you regret it?" he asked then, eyes half-lidded with drowsiness. You cupped his cheek, ran a thumb along the planes of his face.

"I wouldn't be here if I regretted it, now would I?" He let the corners of his mouth turn up just so, pressing his lips to yours.

You don't talk to him much nowadays, your interactions reduced to likes on Instagram, views on Snapchat. He's moved to a bigger city. "More opportunities," he said. You keep up with his dream of being a musician, always. There was a time when you were his number one supporter, after all.)

"Will that be all?" the cashier asks, jotting your order on the plastic cup. When you nod, he asks for your name. He jots that down too.

But then his eyes widen and he looks at you with renewed interest. "I'm sorry?"

"Is there a problem?" you asks, peering at your name (spelled correctly) on the cup. His eyes search for an answer within yours, some sort of explanation you can't seem to give. He averts his gaze, shakes his head, places your cup in the queue of orders.

"I'm sorry," he says. "Just thought you were someone I knew. Have a nice day." You parrot the phrase, catching a glimpse of the young man's name tag.

Seunghun, it reads in cheerful yellow. There's a doodle of a puppy in the top right corner. You think it's rather cute.

Two weeks later, you meet Seunghun again. This time, you're out for a morning jog. The crisp autumn air greets you as your feet meet the pavement and let out a satisfactory crunch under the burnt orange leaves on the sidewalk.

You both get stopped at the crosswalk, waiting for the light to change. While you catch your breath, you don't miss the way he flinches, as though he didn't expect you to show up. He schools his expression into something friendly within no time, and you wonder if you imagined the whole thing.

"The weather's nice, isn't it?"

"It is," you pant. "On your way to work?" He raises a hand to tug at the strap of his backpack with a small smile.

"Yeah. You should come by, give us business," he grins. "On mornings like this, I recommend the hazelnut latte." You hum in agreement, not yet recovered enough to converse. "Tell you what, you come and get one when I'm working, I'll make sure it's on the house."

"Really? Maybe I'll swing by." The light changes, and you leave Seunghun behind, waving goodbye as you do.

You come in later that day, ordering a hazelnut latte as promised. Seunghun's manning the register, same as two weeks ago, and when he takes everything down, he smiles. You miss it as you pay, but there's something extra on your cup.

As you take a sip of the (delicious; his coworker Yedam must be some sort of brewing prodigy) latte, you catch a glimpse of the extra writing.

Along the side of the cup is his phone number.

[10:58 PM] seunghun!: more than anything i want to adopt a puppy

[10:59 PM] seunghun!: or rather another one

[10:59 PM] seunghun!: i named this one after an old friend

[Attachment: 1 image]

The picture of Seunghun and his dog brings a smile to your face. You've been spending more time with him recently, whether it be going on coffee runs ("Are you sure you're not just using me for my employee discount?") or complaining about life as a broke college student ("My card got declined trying to buy a bag of chips last night...").

It's nice. Spending time with him is...nice.

It's more than a simple distraction, somebody to hold close on nights your decisions try to haunt you. It’s friendship, something to hold onto when you lose your way in the dense forest of your mind and to cherish when you manage to make it to a clearing and bask in the sunshine.

You've caught a cold recently (probably from that bastard Seo Changbin in your communications class). Seunghun's given you some homemade tea, swearing on its usefulness. It certainly tastes good, the sweet honey chased by tangy lemon. Unfortunately, the tea isn't able to stop the persistent cough you've been plagued with.

Feeling phlegm start to come up, you turn the bathroom lights on, hacking it up and spitting into the sink.

Huh. That's weird.

There's no phlegm.

The only thing in the sink is a single golden petal, coated in saliva.

#seunghun scenario #seunghun imagine #seunghun angst #kim seunghun scenario #kim seunghun imagine #kim seunghun angst #ygtb scenario #ygtb imagine #ygtb fluff #yg treasure box scenario #yg treasure box imagine #yg treasure box angst #seunghun #ygtb #ari.doc #ariweek 2019 #c9boyz

[freebooter4ever]

For the slow burn/fake date/enemies to lovers: Sledge, Snafu, and Burgie? And/or alternatively the All Rami™️ version: Ahkmenrah, Snafu, and Elliot?

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh thank you for indulging in me! :D also, this is a toughie hmm. 

for the first I’d have to say it’d be a slow burn courtly romance with Burgie. he feels like a letter writer, so that’d probably be a thing for years before anything else. Burgie’s the kind of steadfast, sweetly strong hearted guy who the minute you meet him it’d be like sledge’s reaction to kathy’s photo: ‘yup, i’d marry him!’, but then take a lot of slow burn flirting to actually do it. Slow burn flirting is my favorite, so I’d enjoy that thoroughly. Sledge would be enemies to lovers, poor Sledge, he’s such a goody-goody, we’d have to overcome that. We’d probably be introduced by our god-fearing southern catholic family members in the hopes that the helpless perpetual bachelors would get along and finally settle the fuck down and stop studying all the time. but then get on each others nerves spectacularly during forced family/friend gatherings until bonding over the fact that we’re always both compulsively scribbling away at things no matter what the circumstance, and being bisexual and fully appreciating drawing beauty. and then its like ‘fuck i like you? wait, no.’ but we cant actually date cause that’d make our families too happy, so we’d fall into some kind of slightly fucked up casual lovers situation. Which leaves poor Snaf with fake dating? this is making me realize i cant imagine snafu liking anyone else, i mean he spends the entire show starting at / being next to or right behind sledge. maybe he’d rope me into pretending that we’re dating to make sledge jealous, but that’d never work cause sledge is the noble type who’d back off entirely if he thought someone wasn’t interested and was dating someone else instead. so the whole fake dating thing would backfire in some spectacularly embarrassing and public way, and snafu and i would end up bffs and bond over the whole no family, shitty depression history thing, and with some careful nudging he’d finally confess to sledge. and i’d end up marrying burgie, who i’d been writing to the entire time, entertaining him with all the fake dating / awkward family set-ups drama going down in alabama, until finally on the day snafu pulls his head out of his ass and tells sledge he loves him, i’d steal his car and drive west to escape the drama, stop in texas for a night, and find myself on burgie’s doorstep and it’d be like coming home. there we go, i wrote a whole au happy ending here.

 The next three are easier! i already know elliot, i can speak from experience here, i know the type. definitely a slow burn, you know the kind where you just insinuate yourself casually into elliot’s daily routine until he realizes that hey maybe you’re not so bad after all. although given the current incarnation of elliot’s lack of daily routine, this would probably only work for season one or three elliot. also, i have way too much experience being dragged to fancy corporate parties at a certain irl evil corp bank in nyc so like...i’d definitely be able to help him out there. i think he’d be really disdainful of me and my general enthusiasm levels though. not that im not used to that, but yeah, we’d probably break up rather suddenly after i got too obnoxious. Next up is Snafu, who we already went over, and it’s probably the same fake dating until he matures a little, poor lovesick guy. Which leaves enemies to lovers for Ahk, which doesn’t make any sense cause he seems like a really cool dude even though I’ve never seen the movie, and I feel like we’d get along. maybe he stole my disco ball for this scene:

and didnt invite me to the party cause im a traitor who spends more time at the met instead of the natural history museum. and i found out about the exclusive party and crashed it and was really mad or something. that might make us enemies. anyway, yeah, with dance moves like that we’d DEFINITELY end up lovers. \o/ here’s another gif just cause

like what is he doing? no one knows, but somehow its hot.

#aboutthatmelancholystorm

[shoushatohaisha]

report: haikyuu!! summer week day 5 part 2 (hajimari no kyojin)

(sorry for the delay! i moved home from japan to the states the day after… technically the day of posting the last report so obviously it's been. Busy. last one tho!! ♥)

previously: day 1 (shoen) day 2 (itadaki no keshiki) day 3 (karasuno, fukkatsu!!) day 4 (shousha to haisha) day 5 part 1 (shinka no natsu)

guests: kenta, keita, funaki masahide, yanagihara rin

Hoo Boy this was by the most outright emotional of all the screenings so far. like, shousha to haisha was intense, but the content was intimately familiar by now. the impact of this was fresh -- and we all knew it was the end, you know? the end of our happy little week, obviously, but also the beginning of the end for karasuno. over the week all those showings had built up this tidal wave of Feelings it then unleashed here, aha. so that the cheering was right on the edge of desperate, like there were real results on the line. self extremely included. this was our last chance, in all kinds of ways.

(i, aware that i would be leaving the country in two days, was perhaps a little more desperate! but it sure as hell wasn't just me. cheering along at the top of our lungs to the opening/closing karasuno jog i described here… it was. a lot.)

of course the reaction to certain parts were as you'd expect. there was dead silence for ennoshita's big scene(s). the cheers for his receives were like nothing else. when ennoshita tells yamaguchi "let's fight together" kenta reeled backward like he'd taken a physical hit. (my son, i love you.) and of course kenta and kt were emoting all over the place for that whole storyline – kt was wiping his eyes after daichi had to leave the court, and then they both teared up over "thank you for coming back" and "captain ni tsunagenakya!"

and of course when it came to rin and funaki they had their own moments – rin obviously got misty-eyed when all of wakutani started losing their shit, lol, and funaki surprised me by wiping his eyes after misaki's goodbye to johzenji. (my guess from daisenshuuraku was right, btw, momo was crying irl during that scene. awww.)

OK BUT BACK TO THE BEGINNING sorry.

once again kt was tricked into dashing out before everyone else. XD kt: um this is not how rehearsal went. kenta: what are you talking about? :( funaki: this is just like we practiced. rin: (nods furiously) kenta: isn't it? kt: ………yes. fine.

so they accidentally grabbed the afternoon's MC script, whoops. which i'm sure kenta noticed as soon as he glanced at it, but didn't turn a hair until it was time for their self-introductions. "playing kageyama tobio, i'm kageyama tatsuya—" kt: playing nishinoya yuu i'm fuchino yuuto ^_^ funaki: hahahaha PLAYING KUROO TETSUROU IM KONDOU SHOURI audience: (CHEERS) rin: (squints at script) playing konoha akinori im… (mutters) ….azuma… takumi…? kenta: ….you were IN A PLAY WITH HIM rin: is that wrong kenta: what have you been calling him all this time rin: …………azuma…..kun………. kenta: and what did he say to that rin: …"yes?" funaki: well he does seem like he'd just roll with that kenta: IT'S HIGASHI HIS NAME IS HIGASHI

kenta: i was the MC for the shoen screening, but earlier this week, rather than do it twice himself, ryoutarou turned it over to yamagiwa kaito-kun-- audience: (bursts into giggles) kenta: …yeah so i thought maybe tonight i'd give someone else a cha-- funaki: ME I WANT TO kenta: --ok here you go funaki: wait what kenta: you looked like you really wanted to so funaki: I SUPER DO :D funaki: so uh (flips pages) next uh -- kenta: r u srs

i was SOOO fond of funaki omg what a friendly bro ahhh. so cheery and good-natured. :D (can u tell i like em dumb and smiley, apparently.) whereas rin-kun was… endearingly ditzy. XD (is he an ex-johnny's? he kind of had that air. it was like looking at ueda tatsuya circa 2005. in no small part because of the wakunan towel tucked into his waistband, which draped to the floor.)

funaki: don't forget to call the player's names during the starting order, like "terushima!" or "terushii!" or "yuuji!"

funaki: so next we'll practice cheers! i, the MC – yeah yeah yeah (rapper pose) -- kenta: masakki! kt: masakki! (like. funaki + masahide = masakki? apparently? i was unfamiliar with this nickname.) funaki: ok now yanagihara-kun's gonna lead the cheer practice rin: nice to meet you i'm MC rin ^_^ rin: where were we again? kenta: rin: wait right. this is. a cheer screening. so we want you to cheer! kenta: they know that. rin: kenta: rin: wait ok i remembered!! audience: GANBARE rin: :D;;

it took SEVERAL MORE FALSE STARTS before we actually got to the cheer practice. poor rin-kun. XD but he wasn't like, shy or embarrassed like takumi-kun he just. was kind of a ditz. "NO WAIT :D lemme try again :D wait where are we? :D"

kt: ARE YOU FIRED UP audience: WHOO funaki: ARE YOU READY TO GO audience: WHOOOO kenta: WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD audience: tamago kake gohan!!

the screening: abovementioned emotions aside, plenty of dancing and choreo as you would espect, especially from funaki. rin apparently was young terushima in the flashbacks! so he and funaki did all the double terushima scenes together. and rin did all of his white coat dance choreo as well.

during the opening, kenta joined rin so he wouldn’t have to do the wakunan choreo alone. XD and funaki and rin played kiyoko-san and yachi ahahaha. then when hinata and ushiwaka begin to turn on the revolving stage, kenta started scuttling around stage trying to "revolve" himself with limited success.

yamaguchi: (snubs shimada's high five) kenta: don't mind!!

despite kenta's gleeful delight in audience comebacks, there were understandably few of them from either him or us because it was everyone's first time watching the show since daisenshuuraku! the demon elementary school children did get this massive cheer that made kenta almost fall out of his chair laughing. ditto akaashi's "michi wo tsukurimasu no de" – that was one of the most full-throated mass "KYAA"s i've ever heard (again… self… included…) and kenta thought it was HILARIOUS.

i myself was reminded all over again what a great show this was, ugh. blah blah I Love Kawahara Kazuma digression aside, please take it as read, IN ADDITION i know i briefly talked about the, like, emotional sensitivity kouhei brought to playing tanaka but fjkdlajfd the close ups on his face made it so much worse, ffffffff. GOD. dude's emotions were A Lot. just. please. gimme the dvd already.

i was also so caught up in nekoma vs fukurodani the first time i watched that i didn't notice how well kuroo and kenma's final scenes onstage functioned as a goodbye for takato and shouri. when you've been in four consecutive shows, you deserve to go out on a meaningful note. (yes ofc we don't know what the future holds etc etc but.) shouri's delivery of "you're our brain, and our spine, and our heartbeat." fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff murder me.

ahem ok. the aftertalk:

funaki said that he was used to watching videos of himself on stage to review and practice with, but it was the first time watching from a normal spectator's perspective. "oh, THAT'S how that came across." and that the effect made him cry.

rin had a really nice thing to say about how watching really impressed on him how haikyuu stage in particular is a work that is dependent on everyone's contributions combined – i.e. it's not just the lead characters, it's the combined effect of the characters in the spotlight and the characters in the background and the white coat ensemble and the technical staff that make haikyuu stage the unique production it is. (this was hard for rin to express in japanese, tbh, so idk how well i'm getting it across in english but his point was that when he says "it's a show we all create together" he's not referring to ideas or feelings but quite literally saying that everyone's contributions on stage are necessary to make haikyuu stage what it is.)

and kenta talked about how (attending every single screening as he did, lol) it was great preparation for saikyou no team to have had the chance to look back on each different production -- especially to look back on the schools and characters that appeared in just one show and carry their feelings forward to the next play.

…then they discussed how quickly rin's hair had grown back since daisenshuuraku. XD rin: tbh… i was emotionally moved when i first looked in the mirror and saw myself with hair.

then as soon as keita prompted them for backstage stories kenta was like GOKU. DEFINITELY GOKU. apparently at daisenshuuraku he started crying before wakunan even huddled up for their pre-show cheer. "I CAN'T HANDLE IT, IT'S TOO MUCH." kenta: i was watching this like R U KIDDING ME WE HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET rin: ahaha during the show as well, idk if this is good or bad, but he was always crying, like – there's a bit where hanayama calls "takeru!" as he makes a toss rin: and goku was always like "(sobs) TAKERU!!" kenta: ONE TIME HE CRIED SO MUCH HE SHORTED OUT HIS MIC audience: EHHHHH? kenta: how did that many tears even GET there funaki: probably the sweat plus the crying rin: incredible. kenta: that's haikyuu stage. so much sweat and tears we destroy our mics.

rin also told us about the wakunan red bull rule. they did a lot of team practice on their own, and people were chronically "just barely" late – i.e., never more than a few minutes, but it was enough to throw off practice. so they instituted a rule that whoever was "just barely" late had to buy the rest of the team red bulls. to this day, as they're preparing for their august 25 event… whoever's late has to buy everyone else red bulls. rin: we also took a lot of purikura together kenta: yeah they had such a reputation that whenever they were late karasuno would be like YOU WERE TAKING PURIKURA AGAIN WEREN'T YOU

then for johzenji funaki told the story of "The Take Two Incident", in which during johzenji's ad libs he fucked up his lines two shows in a row – and the second time was so bad he thought "what would terushima do???", straight up yelled "TAKE TWO" and started over. after which kenta collared him backstage like "did you seriously fuckin do that???" funaki: i reflected deeply on my actions.

johzenji also had iizaka, who's a pretty reticent and quiet character. but he had to do something on stage when johzenji was… being johzenji. so karasuno came up with a quirk for him: every time johzenji successfully scored or blocked he would pump his fists and happily yell "MAAA." (5 foot nothing suga kenta reenacting this was delightful, fyi.) kenta: he played the nakashima household's father too. nakashima masayoshi. nakashima… MAA… sayoshi…

THEN, UGH, keita talked about how he gave the post-curtain call greeting for maeraku (i.e. the second-to-last show, the one before senshuuraku). and of course in the greeting he talked about leaving and coming back – and as he did, suga kenta appeared on stage behind him with exactly the same staging/lighting/sound that daichi does during the play, and said daichi's line, "tanaka keita, thank you for coming back." at which point (in the greeting) keita broke down in tears. he somehow managed to relate this story to us without more than a suspiciously husky voice, haha.

(PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD INCLUDE THIS ON THE DVD)

final messages:

rin started off by talking about what a warm atmosphere haikyuu stage has – not only is the production itself good, the people involved in the production are good. this is particularly notable because of the number of people involved. productions with this many people are usually difficult in all kinds of ways – and in his opinion this production is as welcoming and smoothly run as it is thanks to suga kenta. rin: i mean, we're the same age, so as a goal -- well he's not my goal but— kenta: excuse u?? rin: WAIT NO kenta: U COMPLIMENTED ME AND THEN rin: no that's not what i meant!! kenta: WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME HUH (mock flounces off stage) rin: PLEASE LET ME DO IT ONE MORE TIME

(takeru's line, "mou ikkai yarasete kure yo" XD)

he then nicely cleaned it up into what he meant to say about how much he respects kenta and how grateful he was to be part of haikyuu stage.

funaki: WELP JOHZENJI LOST so. that's. my first and last appearance in haikyuu stage. but. tbh. watching this. i really. want to be in it again. i want. to go back. BUT I CAN'T. but all of us in johzenji will do our best in our different venues so maybe we'll meet again. thanks for loving our play so much.

keita: (deep breath) lone audience member: okaeri <3 keita: tadaima :) keita managed to get through his without tearing up… i think. (i love him!!!!) he talked about how of course during a normal show one gets energized and encouraged by the audience's applause, but the energy from these screenings were different and even more direct. "it was like we were all a team." ;___;

and kenta talked about how enjoyable it was to share the emotions of a match directly with everyone, and that looking back on all the productions so far, he was reminded of all the friends and companions that got them this far, including of course the audience. :)

and that's a wrap for the summer week screenings! as i said before, i'll write up a little report about the haikyuu day event – they did an aftertalk after the livestream ended just for the theater – but it should be relatively short compared to these monsters. thanks for tuning in, everyone! ♥♥♥

#engeki haikyuu #hyper projection engeki haikyuu!! #haisute #suga kenta #tanaka keita #funaki masahide #yanagihara rin #haikyuu summer week #event report

[survivor-halsingland]

Ep. 1: "There's 100% going to be a Canada alliance." - Amy

Amy

Initial reaction of cast reveal: I’m toast But for real this can go a couple of ways for me, none of which have me seeing myself make merge lol. I’m either going to be a very early boot here or be nice and active enough to solidify a place for a while. Lots of familiar and unfamiliar faces. Hopefully the people familiar with me won’t want to immediately vote me out. I have already mentioned to Derrick that I played with DeNara before, so hopefully we can bond over that and it not be used against me. I have explicitly asked Jared to not exclusively lie to me this go haha but we both said we were more playing for the other half of our duos and just agreed to do it. I was excited to see Blue on my tribe and I also know Leanne, and have already had a good chat with Klied - but his name does have “lie” in it 👀. Honestly I want to do a quick portion of divide and conquer, I planned on chilling in a pool tomorrow and going to drag bingo with Ava. But no one has solidly chosen anything so they are really about to force me to be tribe leader and sort this out. Things I look forward to: vibes, chatting with cool people, meeting people, twists, and drama Things I will not be doing: sitting on hours and hours of video calls. Not my style. But I know several people in this game love it. Let the good times roll y’all

Kenneth

HERE WE GO AGAIN! i'm fresh off of ingary, but jay has magic powers and pulled me in to another season of a potential clown fiesta <3 but seriously, this already seems a lot more enticing and spicy because of the theme in itself and how the challenges and idol hunt are structured so i am very excited to play :) i learned a lot about my last game and i will improve on it (hopefully) by taking more risks and plays that WILL be appreciated by the jury, and not be overly attached to people, which would result to tunnel vision. the first challenges are already pretty great, and i cannot wait to play this game. TO WIN! hehe >:)destiny i’m super confused about a lot of stuff tbh but everyone on my tribe is so nice and welcoming and i’m sure i’ll get the hang of it all soon :) i’m excited to be playing and just hoping i don’t screw things up for my tribe :/

AmyThis tribe is exhausting. Challenges where I need to send a photo back quickly really hate me. My phone took like a minute to actually send the photo, but Waldo went well. Except I started in the bottom right looking with vertical transects and Waldo was hiding in the bottom left 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Woulda been 30 seconds had I started over there. But I’m already expecting tribal so I’m just hoping I wasn’t the worst portion of our challenges haha!

Leanne

Not very much to share so far. Some people on this tribe are much bigger talkers than others, Jared, Derrick, Klied, and Amy. It’s been harder to get Convo from Jesse and Blue, and I’ve barely heard from Josh or Aubree. I wonder if other people have had the same experience. Haven’t dared try game talk with anyone yet. Hoping I’m not behind, but it’s only day 2 right? Maybe I’ll try to put some feelers out with Amy. Maybe I’ll tell her about some things in the idol hunt and see if she’ll give me anything in return, maybe try to get a partnership going. I’m glad she’s on my tribe, but also a little bit scared because I’ve seen exactly how good she is. Aside from that, the person I feel best about right now is Derrick. We’ve had some good chats and seem to connect well. Hope he feels the same way. And Moth. I’m especially nervous about them. When we played before we didn’t exactly hit it off, but I think we’re both… trying. I hope we can have a new start this time, a new story. And from what I know of them they are a very loyal allies so, here’s hoping. Also happy to see Sarah here, and my yinzer JG. Maybe he and my dad can bond over that? And that’s all I’ve got so far. God I hope I did enough in the challenge today. *whines* I don’t wanna go to tribal first!

Jared

Don't mind me making a confessional before the game even starts, call me a game changer. https://youtu.be/JFOxzamkcH8

Jared

Not one, but two, confessionals before the game even begins. Sorry not sorry! https://youtu.be/SETx-0LoI9E

Shawn

Well, things are going good so far! I think anyway. Although I like everyone on my team, I do have to say it's odd playing with someone whose older than my father is, Frank. Usually I like to take charge in games like this, I like to be the leader. Yet, with Frank, it's difficult because he's so much older, I feel like I'm a little kid around him. I don't wanna tell him what to do, because I don't wanna be disrespectful? I'm so excited so far though, absolutely loving the challenge and how we get to pick! Im not that bright so I'm happy I can do creative stuff.

Aubree

This is my first BvW confession! Idk about the other tribe, but the Mysa Tribe is super chill. Most of the conversations yesterday consisted of everyone saying hi and that they were busy and would be active later. Day 2 and the activity level is still the same, which is kind of a relief since I am much more of an introvert. I have been trying to be the first to reach out to people since I feel that is something I have struggled with in past ORGs I’ve played in. I’m usually the reserved/silently-strategic player, but I’m going to try and be more proactive for this game. Ive talked to Klied, Jared, Amy and Leanne a decent amount and have enjoyed our conversations. I know of Amy due to the games she has played with Sarah, so I am hoping that works in my favor. Amy did say that Sarah voted her out in the first game they played in, so that could work one of two ways for my game… like if it came down to a vote between me or Sarah later on?? but maybe it is too soon to think that far ahead? Lol Even though I’m an Art Teacher I chose to steer away from the Creative part to our first challenge. Tbh I’m so burnt out irl when it comes to being creative due to my job, so I’m okay with taking a step back from the creative challenges for now. I’ve enjoyed being a part of the Scavenger Hunt, even though it was a bit harder than expected. I was so stoked to have a Starry Night print, but since it wasn’t real it didn’t count… Like who the heck has a REAL VAN GOGH?? (Or quick access to one) LOL As much as I would LOVEEE to have an original painting, that teacher salary-bracket doesn’t allow for that!! Lol I haven’t had anyone directly ask to me to be in an alliance with them… so that is - interesting? I’m used to the last two games I played where it felt like everything was very paced. Now, It’s either A) everyone is just chillin’ and not wanting to rush things or B) bonds HAVE already started to form but I’m not a part of them? I guess things will spend up more after the first challenge is over and we see where our strengths and weaknesses are in the tribe. Until then! - Aubree

Moth

Hi!! I’m back again and playing with someone I know. I actually happen to be on call with Destiny as I type this but like- were vibing And also once again I’m starting off on the wrong foot, not at home when the game starts.

Moth

I don’t trust Jared Straight up And I feel like that’s fair- Twice I’ve been voted out for my connections to Kyoshi island and it’s really fucking frustrating- Jared apologized and sounded sincere but idk I trust people too easily.. Brayden, Denara, and Leanne are also all in this game All people I’ve played with Leanne I don’t trust right off the bat. I tried that before but like- that didn’t work for me. I just want to at least make it to the merge

Frank

Having fun, learning as I get going. Truly impressed by the comraderi among people whom I've never met. Old dogs, new tricks, this is cool.

Klied

The game is going pretty well so far! Everyone has been really nice and supportive of one another. I hope this tribe dynamic continues for the next rounds of the game! :>

Moth

I fucked it up I genuinely feel really bad because everyone’s so confident in me- And I’m totally going to be a target now

Moth

Ohhhhh thank god Thank god because I was absolutely going to be on the chopping block if we lost I don’t want to be first out That being said

I don’t want Destiny to be first out either

Shawn

I'm not very happy tonight with how things went. I truly believe the other team deserved the win, the video was creative and a lot of effort was put into it! I think it was a great thing. But I disappointed that we lost so many of the challenges. I'm also getting annoyed that people are being present on the chat. I feel like it's me and another tribe member that is putting in all the work. Not impressed, but whatever. I just really hope I don't get voted off tomorrow.

Kenneth

welp i bombed the where's waldo challenge and my team lost by a hair in the riddles challenge because of an advantage so rip. i really hope i don't get voted off first because i severely underperformed in the challenge akjdnsajkndkjsnd i'd be really disappointed in myself :/

Amy

Shocked. Absolutely shocked we aren't headed to tribal lol. And here I thought my 4 minutes on Waldo was too slow but it was enough. Honestly we are lucky Blue's quit disadvantage was only what it was bc they quit after 30 minutes apparently. All these advantages at play! And I'm sitting here with a disadvantage. I think I'm clearly doing the idol hunt wrong 😆 all I have is a disadvantage from poison feast food and a chipmunk named Wadsworth in my pocket. Based on how little anyone is speaking I was certain we'd be going to tribal hands down no question. So I am very, very happy we avoided it in the end. I think it would have been between Jessie and Josh though bc they aren't active. I would have voted Jessie bc Josh did the video even after saying he didn't actually want to do the creative part so that's major props to him in my book! I am very curious as to who the other tribe is going to vote off in the end. I hope it's no one I want to make it far. Oh basically I know I'm probably not making merge so I'm trying to align things to get certain people farther and get other people out. I'm rooting for a newbie to take it. Anyway woo day off and I won't be first boot. Fingers crossed it's not Ava. I wouldn't be surprised if she was targeted for her association with me. Love this game! Love this cast! Love the idol hunt! The reward challenge was the most fun bc Ava and I were incredibly intoxicated after Drag Bingo and we did better each time! The last one we went "office" and "turnip" and literally bust out laughing and both said "Nate". I would like to personally apologize to Ellie for having to witness that nonsense. Thank you to everyone! Oh one last thing. I did not want to work with jared at all but it looks like I am going to be forced to do so. I think I have to put trust in Jared and in Leanne who has voted me out of two games prior 😆 but that's me always just bonding most with the people who are active and want to talk to me.

Amy

There's 100% going to be a Canada alliance.

Aubree

Who won the first challenge?? MYSA DID! Woot woot! Even though Jared, Jessie and I didn’t win the Scavenger Hunt portion after the advantages were added in - we did win as far as how many total objects were found, so I’m pretty proud about that! To top it off Sarah and I won the Reward Challenge!!!! We both get 3 stat points to add to our Idol Hunt… which I have yet to do… I should probably do that tomorrow O_o

Avat

hings are going well i think!!! i've had a lot of fun and i sorta vibe with everyone so far on the tribe. i'm really hyped and fingers crossed we do well. i've been sorta inactive with my challenge bc of work but i'm doing what i can for now. more to come soon

DeNara

Well this is my first confessional of the game and oh my is this going to be an interesting game. Initial impressions of my tribe...... Sarah +Jodi- frenemies because they are so good at survivor Frank- I really like him. He seems like a cool dude Kenneth- Seems cool, I may want to work with him, but he seems to be playing harder than he should so early Brayden- Didn't get the best first impression, but that could change Shawn- Super quiet, then they started chatting so that helped Ava, J.G., Destiny- Really inactive so I don't really know- potential first vote I want to work with Sarah, Frank and maybe Kenneth. Jodi would be good to work with although who knows what she is thinking. Everyone else I will stay open to working with, but really don't care too much as of yet.

DeNara

The first challenge was weird because everyone just took their roles and stopped talking. I HATE QUIET. Period. The creative challenge on my tribe wasn't super creative imo, but they tried. I didn't help in the scavenger hunt as much as I wanted too so that sucks, but at least we won that part so that looks good. I am so excited for this idol hunt! It is amazing! Props to the hosts! WE LOST, DAMMIT. At least Derrick won't be the first boot. I hope I am not either or HE WILL NOT STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT IT AND I WILL DIE.

DeNara

Well it is chaos now. Shawn has made an alliance with Sarah, Kenneth, and myself. I like the safety of that. Jodi, Sarah and myself also made a Subrosa alliance (we all knew that would happen) and I feel like this will keep me safe for a while at least. Both Sarah and Jodi want to work with Brayden and potentially Kenneth so we may make an alliance of 5 with them- but that also means Sarah and I would have to talk to Kenneth about not telling Jodi about the other alliance and that could be very risky early on.... hmmm idk about that. Also, Frank is my dude. I hope he stays. I think I am going to lean towards J.G. or Destiny.

Sarah

https://youtu.be/RzlLHyHZguQ

Kenneth

I am now in 2 alliances: one with denara, sarah, and shawn, and another one with ava and brayden! i feel good about both alliances, with the first one feeling solid and loyal (for now), and the second one for the long term! i feel very solid about sarah and denara, i feel like i can last long with them as my good allies. jodi's a tricky one, because i know she's a damn good player, but it's better to keep her on my side for now until an opportune time to make a move (and i actually really like talking to her!).

Jared

me: i'm gonna try to make this concise also me: 8 minutes on the very first episode where i'm not even going to tribal oh boy

Brayden

https://youtu.be/reALs2hizjk hey everyone I'm here

DeNara

So now I am in a bunch of alliances. I guided Kenneth to make an alliance chat with Sarah and me to tell us to keep our alliances with 1. Shawn and 2. Brayden and Jodi a secret. Insert evil laugh here lol. So all together right now I should have Sarah, Jodi, Kenneth, Brayden, Shawn and Frank backing me, so I shouldn't be first boot. It sounds like we are going for Destiny because they aren't very active, which was the name Kenneth threw out first so he is getting what he wants without upsetting me.

Ava

so so so bummed about going to tribal i thought we had it in the bag especially with our advantages but alas... i formed an alliance with brayden and kenneth which i'm super obsessed with i really like both of them - hopefully this means safety for tomorrow. i hate working two jobs and the week after next ill be working just one which is just so fucking sweet fingers crossed i can make it that long in this game. anyway that's all for now

Jodi

I'm so happy to be back. This time, I promise to play a chill Jodi game as I said in my intro, and I want to relax and enjoy this twist of a season. Jared and I are thrilled to play our second season together in the actual format of BvW, and we will be playing our own games. So far, I'm glad to have Denara, Sarah, Brayden on my tribe, as we all know each other but never played before (except Brayden). I want to keep an open mind and play fluidly. Kenneth told Brayden within 10 mins of the game starting that he was scared of me, but I hope I can gain the trust of people and not play as flashy as people remember me for. Looking forward to the connections I make!

Jodi

I promised y'all a chill Jodi game and here i am, delivering it. I think. DeNara and Sarah immediately made the "The Best of SubRosa" chat because obviously that was bound to happen, but additionally, the 3 of us are in an alliance with Brayden and Kenneth called "the clock" (because of our time zones ahahahaha). This game's dynamic is so different because even though we hate going to tribal, it also means that our loved ones are safe from tribal, which sometimes, could be better. I hope Jared is doing good on the other side. Obviously I trust Sarah and DeNara but I also know Sarah will cut my throat when it needs to happen, even if she gonna be crying while doing it, so I'll just...not be blinded by that. I trust Brayden 100%, Kenneth calling me scary is not great but I guess he rather be with me than against me, for now. Y'all Ingary kids what did you say about me??? LMAOO ♥️ I did ask him why he didn't cause ruckus at 5 and whip out the superidol and he said "tunnel vision". Hey that's two of us I guess!

Sarah

https://youtu.be/RzlLHyHZguQJessie So I’m still working on making like connections and stuff but we won the first challenge so no tribal which is a very good thing . ❤️ I’m enjoying this interactive scavenger hunt and I’m totally not trying to pull a Danni from Midsommar lol.

Brayden

hey guys im in a 5 person alliance rn with jodi sarah denara and kenneth and i feel pretty good and excited bc i think ill win this whole game but sadly destiny is prob leaving tonight <\3

Derrick

First challenge done. We rocked it! I don't really have any sort of alliance at this point but I seem to be getting along with everyone. Josh didn't seem to put too much effort into our creative set up but it still worked out OK. It was unfortunate I was on my trip at the time as I could have done so much more with. I think as long as we support eachother we can rock every challenge that comes our way!joshIM SOO HAPPY WE WON! our tribe seems to be like friendly but i havent made any alliances i think so idk if im in a good spot if we lose a challenge but we didnt this time so🙃ShawnEveryone in the tribe is messaging about Destiny, and that is who everyone is thinking of voting off. I'm still thinking of voting Frank off, and I think that's who I'm going for. He's not good at technology, and this whole game is about technology! We lost the creative challenge because all we could do with him was write! Still, everyone thinks because Destiny isn't very active she should be the one to go. I'm not sure what I want to do. JGOh hey! Here we are round one. I feel so out of it playing this game. For the first time in a while, I barely know any of the other players. Which is refreshing and tough. I also feel like my social game is kind of lacking but that is kind of my brand for round 1. I have had some great one on one conversations with DeNara, Jodi, and Sarah. I've talked to Brayden and Kenneth as well a little bit less than the first three. Shawn and Ava, barely. Frank and Destiny not at all. The vote should be Destiny since we sadly lost. Which works for me. I feel the closest with DeNara and Sarah. Really hoping I can start to get my footing. If we were to lose again, Frank would probably go but I don't wanna put myself in the line of fire again. Well here's hoping things improve. Hopefully, I'm not blindsided. Here we go.blueMy tribe seems pretty cool so far, everyone is nice and seems pretty active so thats nice. Shawns going to tribal so I hope theyre gonna be safe :(((DeNara As far as I know, the vote is going to be Destiny. I feel bad for them for not getting the chance to play, and I feel really bad for Moth, they always have the worst luck in ORGs. That being said I sure hope nothing crazy happens tonight or I will cry 100% Tribal, here I come...AubreeThere is hardly any game talk (at least from where I’m standing), so I may start trying to get a feel of where people are at by asking some game-related questions in the tribe chat. Don’t get me wrong, I love the personal chit-chats… BUT I’m also feeling a bit empty-handed as far as knowing everyone’s game motives. Maybe I’m being too bold… idk. I’m not normally the one to standout in ORGs, so hopefully my tribe doesn’t take this as me prying… even though I guess I kinda am?? 😬 “Oof look at me being all dangerous and shit!” 😤🤘🏼😂blueSO here are more detailed thoughts on my tribe. Amy of course is a queen and a legend and we've played together before and have a good rapport. Leanne is so kind and so funny, and I would be super down for working with her. Jared is SO nice I get really good vibes and really enjoy talking to him. Aubree is also very nice and seems genuinely interested in my irrelevant stories 10/10 good vibes. Moth is dope as expected and turns out we have a lot of the same interests ie. witcher and the mcelroys very fun. The rest are yet to be determined.AmyI would like to start out by saying that Brayden's video during their tribal almost made me seasick thanks buddy. So today was a DAY. It was a day off and like I had a weird day at work lol 😆 and then I remembered there was the task of talking to people who h i slacked on today whoops sorry. But for half these people idk if they even noticed bc my tribe is so quiet. Did I already say I tried asking Jessie what their favorite berry was? Like that's how exhausting conversation has been most all around. I think I'm talking to Leanne, Derrick, and Jared the most. I am begging for bygones to be bygones. But anyway I was trying to do a little of the hunt throughout the day bc after seeing

all those advantages last go I was SHOCKED. Then at the end of work I made it to thevpart where I was talking to the grumpy sad flower crown man and after falling on my weak ass on a ladder I picked the lock with a bobbypin and charisma's him to make me a flower crown which got me to the maypole which had me do a scavenger hunt and I got an idol. Writing this all out is absolutely hilarious. But yeah I have an idolllllllllllllllllllll which I don't want to use anytime soon. But I have a feeling I'm going to struggle to make merge. Anyway I got this idol like directly after the other tribe finishing tribal and I love a funny timing like that. I'm glad Ava survived weee! And wow they have some very vocal tribe members haha I'm sure Denara and Jodi are working together which tracks bc I've been closest to both of them individually in prior games early on. Curious if it will stick. So next was rock paper scissors for which I have a 10% disadvantage which apparently applies to the overall tribe score ☠️ . I won my game against Brayden who was at seemingly a raging Big Brother watch party. Sorry buddy. But we've been chatting like he asked how josh was and I said Josh is great and really stepped up to the plate for the creative challenge even though it wasn't what he wanted and also he loves tom holland so I instantly trust him. Then he said everyone likes ava bc she's just so cool and yes I get it I am personally intimidated by how cool Ava is and I have to be around that cool level every day honestly I don't know why she talks to me but she's a badass. Anyyywayyyy he doesn't seem keen on actually talking game and I need to figure out if I need to just tell my tribe I have a disadvantage rn or be like what the fuck the other tribe is so mean to give me a disadvantage 😭 Anyway excited to explore the hunt some more and this game is so fun. If we go to tribal I think Jessie is most at risk tbh. Okay that's all bye ❤️

[schwinns2ndlaw]

listening through a new brain (2015)

prologue: frogs have so much spring:

homeless lady/grace singing in the prologue reminds me about how she, being homeless and really having nothing, ties together this theme of mortality, and life’s strangeness, and being grateful for what you have despite the circumstances.

gordon hasn’t “finish[ed] one song,” so i wonder how long he’s been employed with mr bungee

rhoda and gordon’s bickering/conversation feels really familiar between them. i wonder how long they’ve been friends; i hope since college,,, i have a lot of love for rhoda being the pillar of Work Ethic and advice and support and being a little bit bossy

prologue: 911 emergency/i have so many songs:

from the second song bill finn sets up a picture of normal gay culture (ex: the reality of having to worry about hiv, “mr bungee’s homophobic”) and i have so much love for how candid and unapologetic he is about telling lgbt stories. he is gay and jewish and goddamn his work is gay and jewish and that’s beautiful

heart and music:

i love what they did with the transition from i have so many songs to heart and music with the pulse ox.

also i gotta love the classic bill finn rhyme of horses & divorces. fucking iconic

one thing here that distinguishes anb from his other works, is, i think, how the songs are structured as an album. though falsettos and a new brain are both sung through, a new brain’s core songs are much more apparent, the first of which being heart and music. also bc they’re the only ones on the obc album but still. it’s interesting to see how he handles transition songs in a new brain. imo, the transitions in anb are weaker than his other shows: falsettos is more continuous, and 25th annual putnam county spelling bee has a different format (there’s dialogue), plus has transitions for comedic purposes (the goodbye songs)

mother’s gonna make things fine:

mother’s gonna make things fine has a manic comedic quality to it and ana gasteyer pulls it off really well. i esp like her blocking for that part

trouble in his brain:

“the invincibility of gordon michael schwinn” is a really interesting line to me. mimi and rhoda both say it — it’s a well known thing among those who know gordon. i wonder if this ties into gordon’s well-known desire to have a [musical] legacy or if it’s applied to other parts of his life?

be polite to everyone:

be polite to everyone is kind of a jam for a hallucination. i like jonathan groff’s acting choices in it (in the boot) that further clarify that he’s hallucinating because im dumb and found anb at like 1am a while back and didn’t get things at first. i just… accepted that mr bungee was there tbh

i’d rather be sailing:

the instrumentals in i’d rather be sailing are so soothing. it’s 11pm and aaron lazar is singing me a lullaby and all is right in the world. god, what charming, gorgeous voice, and what stellar execution. i have such a soft spot for aaron lazar after his performance in a new brain; it’s a charming role and he pulls it off with such decorum and sincerity. also i just fucking love roger. okay i was going to analyze this bit but it’s just a really sweet love song and i sometimes think about how this is the closest thing that william finn has written to a love song for his partner, and like,,, Y’all I Love This Song

(also. the piano [though it’s not marked as a specific dynamic in the sheet music] high note he sings at the end is stellar.)

family history:

family history is honestly really funny. that’s all

gordo’s law of genetics:

i love the slight changes to this arrangement in the revival recording but i will not rest until “why is the smart son always the gay son?” “schwinn’s second law” is put back in the recording. i wonder why they cut that?

also the blocking in this part is super cute i love the rolling chair and jonathan’s conducting and “air drums”

and they’re off:

i binge listened to and they’re off and then set it as my alarm and now I’m a little tired of it and that makes me sad :’(

STILL it’s a BOP and  i love the rhyming in it and everyone sounds so good. this song is overlooked in its exposition of mimi; it gives insight to the circumstances that shaped her as a person. and they’re off gives an explanation behind her anger at gordon’s fatalistic behavior

last note for and they’re off: groff’s vocals are great here - i can feel the love he has for this song and this score

roger arrives:

i love roger arrives for all of the character dynamics it brings

roger is: -loved by all (“hallelujah” - mimi, which, like, same) -looking fit -damned appropriate -a strong emotional pillar -a dreamboat, and that’s the tea!

roger and gordon’s first irl interaction is so comical and quirky and real. i’m a little peeved they omitted rogers “no” (and a few other phrases from the performance) in response to gordon asking if he left after he found out. the first time i listened through i thought roger might’ve actual left afterwards and was ready to throw hands

roger rolls with gordon’s insanity with such stride and :’)

the whole “he looks good”/“he looks pale”/“he looks better” showcases everyone’s different outlooks on the situation and god knows i live for characterization through song

ROGER’S LITTLE STINT/IMPLICATION IN “GO GET DINNER. ROGER HAS ARRIVED” IS FUNNY HONESTLY. there was a youtube performance i watched where the roger - idr which video - emphasized this joke more. it was hilarious and i wish aaron lazar had leaned into that a bit

just go:

i love how unique roger and gordon’s dynamic is. it feels quirky and unique and real and honestly. also the two get some gorgeous melodic lines and harmonies

“sometimes when you talk, i feel so damn woozy” roger wins at romance

tl;dr gordon: you will get these hands if you stay roger: love you too

mri tomorrow:

LET ME JUST TALK ABOUT “time to go to sleep. you’ll be brave as zorro” I HAVE NO IDEA WHETHER BILL FINN USED ZORRO AS A DESPERATE RHYME (PROBABLY) BUT I LOVE THE IDEA THAT ROGER IS AN OLD SCHOOL COMICS NERD

also in the boot, gordon just gives roger a /look/ after saying this and i love it. he probably uses outdated phrases of speech too

poor, unsuccessful, and fat:

JOSH LAMON IS A COMEDIC FORCE

“my sister is a receptionist” bill finn. where is gordon’s sister? what is she doing (besides being a receiptionist)? her brother’s in the hospital c’mon

“thank you for coming/ thank you for going” another example of this sort of underhanded humor. i like the sort of theme around Visitors in the hospital room and the people you surround yourself with in crisis

sitting becalmed in the lee of cuttyhunk:

sitting becalmed in the lee in the lee in the lee in the lee in the lee in the lee in the lee in the lee in the lee in the lee in the lee in the lee in the lee in 

i desperately need someone to make an edit where “in the lee” never ends it’d be so unsatisfying and i’d love it

“oh yeah fuck it i hate the sun” jonathan groff does a really good job of portraying sarcastic characters,, this role suits him so well

HOW MUCH COMPLAINING DO YOU THINK ROGER HEARS ON THE DAILY THOUGH

“we got the picture” “i get the picture!/that wasn’t bad at all” i actually like this though??? like the first inklings of gordon’s epiphany at the end & him valuing life for what it is

this cast all has such great voices

crainiotomy:

I LOVE THAT FUN HOME WAS THE SHOW THE DOCTOR WENT TO IN THE REVIVAL. MY LESBIAN ASS IS SO HAPPY ALSO HOW OLD ARE THE DOCTOR’S KIDS IF THEY’RE SEEING CHICAGO

an invitation to sleep in my arms:

one of my favorite songs on the album.

the orchestrations behind it are really soothing and there are the most gorgeous harmonies at 2:27. desperately need someone to duet this with

whenever “mr music” is mentioned i think of like some 7 year old running around in a magician’s hat using a magic wand as a conductor’s stick

rhoda means so well

“i get distracted so damn easily” cut to gordon not being able to write a note of a song as soon as roger walks in. also cut to gordon forgetting what he was supposed to be writing also imo gordon probably has adhd 

give roger and gordon more duets, or at least treasure the ones they get… that’s all i ask

ALSO I LOVE HOW FAMILY ORIENTED MIMI IS, like she is such an advocate for the belief that life is worth living and worth treasuring the important people in your life

also, the interactions between rhoda and mimi are some of my favorite

change:

such a good solo for high voices??? super fun and belty

i love that bill finn writes women just as dimensional as his other characters (though i wish he wrote more female-headed works i suppose. that’s just a hope of mine in general though)

the yes song:

the yes song takes me on like 7 different emotional arcs

“or when someone says “would you like to lose  your virginity”/someone with whom you have no affinity” sondheim is SHAKING

“yes i will go to my grandparents to israel” is a line that can only really be appreciated by watching it goddamn

WHERE IS HIS SON??????

in the middle of the room (part i):

sometimes i think about how jonathan groff got into a car accident during the lyric “and i’m waiting for a car to come along and kill me”…. like how ICONIC???

ana sounds so concerned and on the border of falling apart in the recording i love talent

throw it out:

throw it out is a really versatile song,, like the tenderness at the beginning, the later comedic aspect of mimi desperately trying to find something to blame for gordon’s illness.

“‘HOW TO MEET A SAILOR’ GOOD SON” IM GENUINELY CRYING WITH LAUGHTER IG WE ALL KNOW HOW ROGER AND GORDON MET I LOVE A LYRIC

in the middle of the room (part ii)

this bit is so frantic. also it scared the shit out of me in the production when they brought out that drill oh my god

a really lousy day in the universe:

HEY THIS IS ILLEGAL ESP IN THE BOOT HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO CRY 

that aside, it’s a very pretty song

also, the fact that a new brain is partially autobiographical is wild??? like, bill finn’s partner had a therapy session with a homeless lady. what a wild conversation to relay back to him tbh

brain dead:

more commonly known as the resident banger of the anb ost

i don’t have a ton to say about this but lesbians (myself) do love a song that slaps

jonathan groff NAILS the phrase “what i am” it’s Gorgeous

the music still plays on:

mimi is such an incredible character don’t sleep on her wtfff

i think that the music still plays on gives a really interesting perspective both into mimi’s life, especially with the lines, “i was brash; i was bold,” and “married too young, and divorced far too old”

“the music still plays on… as my men depart” i think this line is interesting in that it emphasizes that mimi doesn’t want to be left alone. her divorce really affected her — it’s mentioned several times and she’s regretful. and right after it she feels stupid for feeling vulnerable. we see that later in the song, and the theme shifts into moving on, as the music (& life) still plays on

don’t give in:

hey so don’t give in is so fucking cursed both because of the beginning and jonathan groff mumbling “spaghetti”

you boys are gonna get me in such trouble:

RICH IS UHHH UNDERRATED

love the sound effects

title is Too Fucking Long

i’d rather be sailing (reprise):

“i choose to live” is such a powerful statement. it actually reminds me of the foreward to one of our choral pieces, named after the poem “invictus”

the lyrics “i am the master of my fate. i am the captain of my soul" from “invictus”, and the remark “just as death is inevitable, so is life” remind me so strongly of this reprise

the homeless lady’s revenge:

“i feel about eight”/ “don’t hyperventilate out on the street, normal, lively, and sweet” i love A Dynamic

“the life is wonderful”s are so nice… their voices blend so nicely

“half these books with my name on the cover”/“some with the name of your lover” i can’t believe mimi threw out ROGER’s books too oh my god. also a shared library…. sweet

roger’s attempt to persuade grace is very charming and her reaction is priceless and i love it so much. grace is such a chaotic force (insert prayer hands emoji x100)

also gordon’s “what!?”

the vocal arrangements in this is really nice in that everyone has in character, funny reactions, but the song still has lovely melodies and still feels like a song, not a filler. william finn really out here writing conversational theater at its peak. i definitely like these songs of his (like roger arrives, an invitation) because they don’t really get old and are so full of character

time:

“i give you time to value what you’ve found”

also let roger say “my love” not “my friend” oh my godddd

time and music:

yet again, a new brain showcases the beauty that is jonathan groff’s and aaron lazar’s vocal blend

and wow the vocal arrangements during the last half of time and music! holy shit! and it doesn’t even let up during the end of i feel so much spring!

i love the end of this show; its message is so hopeful honest

tl;dr listen to a new brain and talk to me about anb i have so many thoughts

#a new brain #william finn #musicals #jonathan groff #anb #mine #nobody asked for this but here i am.... desperate for anb content so im making it myself

[panlyv]

ive watched most of those shows apart from lbc and had a weird feeling about some of the relationships so im definitely on the right track! (i didn't know about the art situation and just looked it up. wow. i just thought he was overly clingy to gulf when gulf looks like he'd rather be anywhere else half the time) to switch the question round, which dramas do you think are the most realistic/portray relationships the best way. 💛

oh yeah.... the whole situation with art is just. Bad. that's why i have this grudge against m*w. and the fact that, after all that, he chose to portray an assaulter (because what th*rn did to t*pe in the first episodes IS sexual assault.) shows me he learned NOTHING from that and god knows what else he's capable of. i fear for gulf tbh, i don't want him to end up as art did; emotionally scarred and with a career shattered. and this is also why im v v v skeptical with shipping irl actors. you never know what happens behind the cameras.

but !!!! aaaaah this question 🥰 even tho we have A Lot of bad and harmful rep, there's a handful of shows and series who got (most) things Right and delivered a beautiful story!!!!!

i have to start with history3: trapped because it's an all-time favourite, not only in the bl genre, but i would die defending this series. tang yi and shao fei are just SO GOOD ugh i love their relationship so much. the fact that they are both adults???? GOD BLESS! that saved up so much unnecessary conflicts and drama just for the sake of the drama because they Know who they are, what they want and what not. it also saved us from internalized homophobia or just casual homophobic comments here and there, since everyone respected this relationship between two men (the issue was their socials roles, not their sexuality). i love love LOVEEE how they are so so so different and yet find peace and comfort in e/o after building up their trust and trying to understand a bit of the other's world, that are complete opposites. how much shao fei helped tang yi overcome all that happened and find a closure is so beautiful, tang yi needed that someone to show him it's okay to grief, that revenge isn't the answer because the pain will stay there nevertheless and facing that pain together was the way to finally be free from his past that's so dark and difficult. it always gets me how tang yi says "thank you for not giving up on me. thank you for showing me that my existence in this world has a meaning. thank you for loving me." during the last episode to shao fei because, for me, it shows us the great great impact shao fei has in tang yi's life and how important this relationship is to tang yi, who hasn't had someone to love and call home for so long.

theory of love because not every realistic story has to be happy. maybe im biased since third is literally ME, i see so much of myself in him, but. this show man. on GOD. it's just so so good. khai's character development??? it’s great! just how they structured everything and gave us the most heartbreaking pov ever (i cried from ep1 to ep12 NONSTOP) with an amazing acting from all the cast (especially gun king of acting), a v v v relatable story (who hasn't fallen for that one friend u just know won't work out) and a beautiful cinematography (and tbh how could they NOT deliver that when the show is about movie majors amirite). i love how they also broke the mold and said FUCK ENGINEERING LIVES because im so fed up of everyone wanting to become an engineer like what's up with that lmao???? and it's really good for me that, because of all they went through to finally get together and how much both khai and third learned through the process, they can be in a relationship of equals who respect each other, which probably wouldn't be the case if they were the same since episode 1 (khai, the self absorbed asshole who changes gf as if they were clothes, and third, who didn't know his own worth).

until we meet again !!!!! all the couples are good but the one that stood out to me was most definitely intouch and korn. man i get sad just by writing this :( they have such a special place in my heart and it hurts me sooo much whenever i remember what their fate was :(( if we take out all the tragedies (the family drama, mafia heir, how it ended) their relationship is so so so pure :(( intouch is a ball of sunshine and his influence in korn's life was so important :( i find it so beautiful how his love for korn was genuine since day one because he never cared about the rumors or about korn's deadly eyes, he wanted to get to know and love the korn underneath all that, and he succeeded!!! tbh who wouldn't give in to intouch, he's the cutest baby ever! i just love how intouch was the brightest light in korn's dark life and he needed that so so much :( a person he could just breath a little more freely with and feel the love and care he deserves to receive and yearned for. their story is one of the most heartfelt and tragic ones, but still is a great portray of what a good and healthy relationship is (while still being realistic since i doubt being queer in the 80s, esp in thailand, as an easy thing to do)

last but not least 2gether!!!! of course 2gether is here lmao if u scroll two minutes thru my blog all u gonna see is sarawatine. but if there's any couple who fits perfectly the category of soulmates from this list, is sarawat and tine. i promise i'll try to make this as short as i can (watch me fail) hsjdjsjdj sarawatine's relationship development is so..... raw? we see tine slowly falling for sarawat without even being aware of his feelings, and when he does realise them, he doesn't know what to do, but he doesn't shove them to the back of his mind because sarawat is a boy. instead, he tries to make sense of it and understand what is happening between them, especially since tine is the embodiment of insecurity and doesn't want to invest in something he's not sure will work out, while sarawat is just trying not to get hurt. he knows his soulmate is right there in front of him and yet he's also not sure if that can work out. but together they will unfold this beautiful love story that both fought for and sacrificed a bit of themselves in order to achieve and learn a lot from each other, and sarawat will show tine he doesn't need to be someone else in order to be loved because it was for the most genuine version of tine that sarawat fell in love with — that excited boy singing scrubb at the top of his lungs.

OOF OK i guess these are the ones i love the most and have some of the best stories i've seen so far. i'm sorry this is so long but i hope it can entertain you a bit!! and if you feel comfortable, i'd love to chat with you about more stuff!! my dms are always open 💞

#i talk Too Much im SORRY #dawn.odt #long post #morgan

[def-initely-soul]

ohhhh okayokay so like im doing this irl but can i request a jackson fluff (???) where reader and him go to a nearby marching band practice and do a trunk or treat for the band kids cause they have practice on halloween???

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees

Bias: Jackson from GOT7

Genre: Fluff

Words: 1.9k

“I can’t believe I have to do this with you of all people…” you mutter begrudgingly as you get out of the car and walk to the trunk. Opening it only to reveal a creepy set up of a haunted house. Creepy little paintings and fake cobwebs hang around the little space, that both you and Jackson decorated together.

And honestly, you’d rather eat a living spider than doing this with Jackson. The guy is insufferable and to be honest it’s his fault that you ended up doing this on Halloween instead of staying home like you intended.

All because someone couldn’t keep it in his pants. 

Long story short your dorm room is right next to a girl’s that Jackson is doing a project with. And let’s just say working on a project wasn't what they were doing. After hearing a lot of things you didn’t want to well past midnight you finally snapped and began yelling at them to shut up.

And instead of reprimanding him and the girl for being inappropriate, the security punished you and him for fighting at 3 am in the morning.

Which to be honest is normal cause both of you were yelling in the middle of the hallway, but come on! None of this would’ve happened if they weren’t so freaking loud!

Your best friend had smiled knowingly when you told her what happened, the cause being the little crush you had on him the previous year. You had cut her off immediately since now the only emotion the boy managed to give you was disgust.

And now, you are stuck with him, doing trunk-or-treat for the marching band kids because they have practice on Halloween. That was your punishment.

Jackson sighs as he gets out of the car and follows you. “Here let me help you-”

“I can do it myself,” you say sharply before he gets to take the candy out of your hands and you pour them into the bowls. Jackson goes to grab the little paper bags you have for giving the kids and when he turns to look at you, his eyes are wide and wary.

“Are you still mad at me?”

You scoff and turn to look at him with raised eyebrows. “Really? What did you think I would be? Thankful that I’m spending my Halloween with someone I don’t like?”

“Well, did you have any other plans?” he asks, completely ignoring the part where you said you don’t like him.

You freeze at that before answering, “Well, that’s completely irrelevant-”

“So, no?” he continues, his gaze full of mischief as a smile takes over his lips.

You turn to look at him ominously but his expression doesn’t change. You ignore him and turn your attention to rearrange the bowls of candy in your trunk.

“Well, maybe you can to a party with me afterwards, since you don’t have anything else to do,” he says cooly, looking at his nails indifferently. 

Your face is full of disgust while you answer. “I’d rather get straight C’s in every course that exists than go to a party with you,”

“Whoa, then it must be serious since you’re willing to compromise your grades just to miss a party? Do you hate fun that much?”

“No, just you,” you reply immediately, not missing a beat, while Jackson’s eyes grow.

“What? Why? What did I do?”

“Come on, we’re here because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants,” you say dismissively.

“Excuse me?!” Jackson replies, voice incredulous.

“Oh please, don’t act so surprised! Why did I think I was yelling at you at 3′ o clock in the morning?”

“You think we had sex?!” he asks again, eyes wide with surprise.

You look at him with raised eyebrows. 

“We didn’t! She just asked for a massage!” he raises his hands in the air, tiredly.

“That’s the best excuse you could come up with?” you ignore him, rearranging the decorations.

“It’s not an excuse! We didn’t, you must believe me!”

“Why do you care so much if I believe you or not?” you turn to him, eyes furious and irritated, only wanting to make him shut up cause you can’t relive that night again.

As soon as you face him though, his angry face falls and he stares at you lost with no answer. His eyes are wide, glued to you and then you realize he’s standing too close. 

Your annoyance dissipates from the closeness between the two of you, and you suck in a breath. Why is he this close? God, it’s not helping to get over that crush. Especially when his eyes glimmer as they look at you.

But then the first kids start emerging after their band practice and you look away awkwardly. Jackson takes a step backwards as he rubs his neck and moves to put candy in the paper bags.

For the rest of the night, you don’t talk much. Only what’s necessary for you to work, but besides that nothing else.

But you observe him. He’s not that energetic as before and for the first time since you met him, he is serious. Like he matured in a matter of hours, taking care of the little kids that came for candy. He’s considerate and kind towards them and funny. But not slimy funny like you’ve gotten used to seeing in him, but actually funny. You barely keep yourself from laughing every time he says something funny to those kids and slowly you begin to remember why you liked him before.

He doesn’t remind you of that fuckboy you’ve gotten used to seeing every day on campus. And you realize that now he looks awfully comfortable. And more himself.

That’s when you also realize you’re staring. And you realize it only because Jackson turns to look at you as well.

You look ahead immediately, feeling your cheeks flushing and you return your attention back to the kids. You hear him chuckle but he doesn’t say anything. You turn to pick up the empty bowls of candy that rest on the back of your trunk after successfully giving all the kids their rightful candy.

Then you try to calm down, looking at the field in front of you, you see a little boy you’ve just given a paper bag full of candy. There is a group of four, slightly older boys that take away his paper bag and shove the little kid to the ground. The kids disappear as soon as the boy meets the grass.

You begin to move towards it, but then you see someone pass by you to walk towards the kid and you recognize Jackson’s back.

You stay frozen, as Jackson kneels down to the kid to help him up. He stays crouched down while the kid stands up, barely passing Jackson’s head in height. Jackson asks him something to which the kid nods in agreement. Then Jackson ask something else and the kid looks down, with heavy eyes and he nods again.

Then you see Jackson taking a breath and walking back towards the car. You observe him, not saying anything as you see him take out another full paper bag and walk towards the kid again. The boy looks at him with wide eyes to which Jackson smiles and passes him the paper bag. 

The kid gives him a radiant smile as he takes the paper bag and then he gives Jackson a quick hug, before dashing off to go home.

When Jackson comes back you look at him curiously. Right before you began handing out candy to the kids, you both got your share of candy in two small paper bags. And if you’re right, Jackson just gave that little kid his.

“That was really sweet...” you allow your voice to come out as a whisper and Jackson turn to look at you stoically.

Then he shrugs. “It was the right thing to do,” he replies calmly but then he bites his lips. Jackson is adamant about his candy, never giving it to anyone so you know he did a pretty great thing.

“And are you sure you won’t miss your candy?” you ask teasingly.

Jackson gulps nervously, as he looks at the direction the kid took. “Nope. Won’t miss it.”

“Not even the Reese's?”

He gulps again. “Nope,” he says again with a small voice.

You smile deviously, deciding to tease him a bit. “Ah, I was thinking to give you my Reese's but since you won’t miss them...” you say, pulling up your paper bag and taking out a buttercup to shake it in his face.

Jackson’s eyes widen and his mouth hangs open as he looks at the candy in your hand. You smile again and you throw it at him. He catches it with a swift movement of his hand. 

“Here...” you smile sincerely.

“Thank you,” he replies, his eyes glued to the candy and he opens it immediately, to munch on it.

You chuckle as you begin eating the rest of your candy.

You end up giving him half of your candy and while you eat it, you make small talk that slowly turns into an intimate one. You talk about various things, about lectures, about hobbies, about family and friends. About anything really. And you realize slowly your opinion on him had been completely wrong.

And somewhere in this conversation, Jackson tells you that he never really had sex with that girl. She indeed had asked for a massage, but as soon as Jackson did it, she started moaning like crazy. Something that weirded him out but he thought nothing of.

At that point you began laughing hysterically, yelling that he’s an idiot for not seeing that the girl liked him.

After you both finish your share of candy, Jackson turns to you, faking seriousness.

“Okay, so now that we ate our candy, how about going to eat some real food instead?” he asks, pretending to be serious but you see the edges of his lips fighting to not turn into a smile.

You choke on a laugh before replying. “Didn’t you have to go to a party?”

But now he smiles. “It’s not gonna be much of a party, to be honest...”

You bite your lip, smiling before nodding at him. “What are we gonna eat?” you ask.

Jackson’s smile turns into a smirk as he shuffles closer. “I have a couple of things in mind...”

You raise one eyebrow at his attempt at flirting and he laughs. “Sorry, sorry, how does pizza sound?” he asks, eyes wide like a puppy.

You smile back, as his face gets closer to yours. “That sounds perfect...” you whisper as your eyes fall to his lips.

He notices that and his smile turns into a smirk again. His eyes falling to your lips too.

“Jackson?” you ask tentatively, after a few moments when he’s still just looking at you.

“Yes...?” he replies softly, his hand brushing a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Are you gonna kiss me or not?”

The last thing you see before closing your eyes is his smile as he leans in for his lips to touch yours.

#noonanet #kpoptrashtag #kwriterskollection #Jackson #Jackson GOT7 #GOT7 #Jackson Fluff #Fluff #GOT7 fluff #Trunk-or-Treat #Halloween Drabbles

[brothalynchhung]

2018 overview

goddddd im so late lol i didnt forget about this blog I'm just active on my other account also I'm never uhhhh home and I'm so busy now god i feel like I'm losing myself and my youth hood from not updating here fml life got me fucked up

ANYWAYS 2018 was fucking crazy what the hell how did so much shit happen in one year

in the 2017 overview i talked about regretting and trying to make up time and ohhhh bitch.... looool

anyways lets start:

2018 immediately started with some bullshit

literally started 2018 turning up LMFAOOO

so it was a good start 

spent new years w old friends some shit ill never do again

hotel room bullshit, eating out, running around outside, late drives listening to early 2000s music

OMG the hotel jesus i remember now i started 2018 on that trash ass app

talking to weirdos

being liked by over 2000 people?

wow what fucking redemption from middle school and high school 

but like... i learned all men are fucking losers LMFAOO

had two weird ass “dates” aka not really since i dipped those things quick aFFF lmao

fuck my old dumb friends for encouraging me to do that shit lol

was funny tho so who cares

this time (january) last year i was

broke

depressed about gl, no job, hating school

i was sooo depressed like 2018 until june i was literally just depressed and borderline suicidal cuz not having a job and being broke as shit was stressing me out so much

i tried so hard to get a job anywhere but for some reason it wasn't working???

i met(?????) that bitch HB LMAFOOOOO

godddd that fucking 5 hours 3 am call

all that weird obsessing and calls we used to have LMFAO he was such a fucking hoe why did i even waste my time

AND I STILL HAVENT MET HIM IRL YET LMFAOFPJEWIOGHERUGHESU EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE TIME I SAW HIM AT CU AND EUIRHGEUISHRH INSANE

but yeah fuck him for calling me too thick but THANK YOU GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH

highly he was one the best things to happen to me in 2018?

he called me thick i got cheesed and 

I LOST 15+ POUNDS IN 2018 

honestly after years of saying ill lost weight ill lose weight I FINALLY FUCKING DID

god 2018 was honestly year of the grind

gym every single day

rip school gym LMFAOOO i lost all my weight there god bless

oh yeah i became vegetarian!! and now I'm vegan LMFAO plot twist?

JESUS REMEMBER WHEN HB SAID MY VOICE TURNED HIM ON I CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYGERYISEGHUIEHEIOS LMFAOOOO FUCK HIM THANKS FOR INSPIRING ME TO LOSE WEIGHT AND BE SEXY SO I CAN STUNT ON ALL U UGLY ASS MEN

anyways he weirdly kept on trying to hit me up even after he called me too thick infront of the boys (to which they still defended me shout out boys) fucking loser... i shut him down lol

ntcntcjkjkntcjkntcjkjk lol

brockhaamptoonn

threw up from that night i got too drunk LMFAO what an experience never again

i turned up too much in 2018 -_____- i don't even like it wtf

was a lot of fun tho like thats what i wanted right? reclaim my time i lost in hs/early uni because those hoes we don't speak of

i really didnt do shit other than obsess over being broke depressed and missing gl in the beginning of 2018 sooo.. lets just... fast forward? god what a weird ass year

and going to the gym everyday

counting calories

i need to start doing that shit again cuz I'm actually terrified i might be 120 again after fucking dubai

my old ass friends who i basically used to make up for my regret and reclaim my youth from high school was basically all of the beginning of 2018 . yes thanks for the memories thanks for helping relive my past that i lost . thanks. ur appreciated it was fun

but fuck y'all cuz y'all never had anything in common with me and y'all r embarrassing and boring . i was the exciting and better one 

also fuck y'all for letting me down . after y'all fucked off i got successful 

when i obsessed over that ugly weird guy in my phi classes and then i saw him up close and he was UGHLYLYYK GHU AND WEIRD AF 

and he was on my tip crazy with his weird low key fetishing internally racist bullshit LMFAOOO

i think the fuck not

he's still in one of my classes now i gotta spend the whole semester avoiding him IFNWFUWifhqfuwighau

god

discovered my love for white rabbit

finally finished that lonely ass semester

went straight into summer school w/zainb

love her ass lol

wait was 2018 the year i ran into that weird at the mall who tried to kiss me withing 10 minutes of meeting me at bubble tea? LMFAOOO WHAT A FREAK GOD 

my fucking life fam istg

watching hxh ugh best time ever

got a job!!! 

GOT ANOTHER JOB!!!

TWO AT ONCE and one of them was so crazy good for my career 

to the point where I'm STILL in contact with them

seriously getting a job changed the year for me so much

got out of my bad depression starting making money

straight grind

work gym 

BOUGHT EVERYTHING I WANTED.

LITERALLY EVERYTHING

ALESIS . STUDIO SET UP . LOEWE BAG. AND MORE EVERYTHING I WANTED AND I LOST WEIGHT

like i accomplished everything????

its like the beginning of the 2018 year was me gearing up and mentally readying myself for when i fiINALLY GOT A JOB and then i accomplished everything i wanted

yo i was working 3 jobs and that catfish hip hop class 

LFMAOOOOO THAT HIP HOP COURSE OMGG LMFAOEJGUIE ICONIC

i killed that shit lmao😂

met that weird ugly kid that was talking all this bullshit about us being the same and him thinking he had a chance w me LMFAOOO okay sure there

all cuz of fucking r and her high school esque bullshit

honestly fuck her LMFAOO i don't wish her anything just fuck off after all the bullshit since middle school you put me thru 

her and her ugly ass bf i had to deal with god I'm so happy she's out of my life

used you to make up from lost time 😂 i don't need u anymore Im at peace with myself BYE 

i don't even feel sentimental when i was run or i need u like i finished the book and i closed that shit and i feel better like i got so much closure this year

sister got married suwhoooo 

weird encounter w dal? tf? girl bye you've been dead to me since 2012 LMFAOO

so much people i really don't give a fuck about

honestly in 2018 i just lost all my fucks and only focused on me 

it gonna stay like that

made so much new friends i cant even name them all 

love all my work friends club GANG

chilling w hec and crew gang gang

oh yeah that taurus bitch i got confused feelings over and wasted my time 

cut his annoying ugly weird ass off lol but whatever lost time reclaimed it was very 2011-13 esque

got rid of everything from my sunken period thank god

got rid of so much shit

the closure/transformation was real

anyways uhhh so yeah so then fall semester started just continued working and gaming 

 lowest i got was 113 but idk wat i am now :( I'm so scared i really don't want to be over 115 but I'm like always bloated so I can never check I'm so sad rn

cut off annoying friends fuck them i have new better ones and i love myself

jjkjkjkjknctncjtkcktn lol 

good music good book watched so much movies

I SAW BROCKHAMPTON JCOLE THE GORRILAZ THE INTERNET DELASOUL AND BLOOD ORANGE LIVE!!! BITCH WAT THE FUCK ALL IN ONE YEAR

toronto trip!! mil trip!!! all on my own fucking amazing

end of 2018 was so good omg 

ran into 2% jfc

drunk called 2% lMFAOOO god just said sorry for nothing lmao i just want gl I'm clinging on to anything

OH YEAH that ugly broke bitch who wasted my time and objectified me yeah fuck him 

if he didnt do that disrespectful ass shit i wouldn't have called 2% ugh god

never using that trash app ever again 

ended 2018 in dubai 

YSL LOEWE ALL ON ME???? YES BITCH 

didnt feel like a failure in dubai stunt on everyone

ended this year amazing

really looking forward to 2019

looking forward to losing weight -____________- still

looking forward to money

accomplishing goals

getting closer to gl

FINISHING FUCKING SCHOOL FINALLY 

just happiness.. 

I'm happy. 2019 I'm ready lets fucking go. gl lets go . I'm on my way

went from broke hopeless no job depressed to thriving beautiful UP TO 4 JOBS everyone can fuck off

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[thoughtsandeverythingelse]

good (non christian) boys

i realised its been two hours, and i am still thinking about the very nice night i had. 

i finally caught up with a friend (he was my senior, but we have grown so far now). we met before he left and had a vv long night because he was leaving for the UK. 

in the years that i’ve known him, i have grown to like him a lot. i liked him because he knew how to treat girls right. at least from my knowledge, whatever that happened between his relationship is another thing. 

it’s been a while, and i remember the last time we spoke he had a tough time with his (ex) girlfriend, because she wanted him home early and we were out late. he was struggling with the idea of having a new life, new changes, potential things that will happen when he goes over. 

needless to say, they broke up. i found out pretty much quite a bit of details from his (ex) girlfriend because of our social circles (funny how life turned out huh) 

tonight i was 30mins late. he queued in line (without complains) he asked me what i would like to eat. he wanted to hear what’s going on in my life, but also what he has been going through. 

with his heavy ass backpack, we walked to the ice cream place that was pretty good, but in the end it was closed. 

in the process, he let me hold his arm. he let me be physical with him, even though he was sweating buckets in the process (a process that i totally forgot) 

we sat down at a random indian food place with drinks each, and just started talking. 

just like that, 2 hours flew by. neither of us checked our phones, and it was just a night filled with laughter, reminiscing and essentially just talking about life. 

we took a bunch of photos, both looking pretty close, and a bunch more selfies otw home. 

before we seperated, he gave me hugs. i liked it. it was a lot more intimate than my usual relationships, but also with the context of how things were like in the past. 

honestly, he hugged me so tight, i didnt know how to respond back, and my legs were in that awkward position - something that i see couples have when they get physically intimately irl. 

i enjoyed it. i mean, i have spent the next two hours listening to love songs, what do you think?

but i know that this is not going to work out. besides the non-negotiables, he is going through a season where he needs to be alone. we are just very good friends. 

on the way home, we texted and thanked each other for the night. we started talking about the next time we’d meet, and long story short, ‘it’s a date!’ - he says. 

we will dress up, nothing less than a wedding. we will eat a nice meal, then head to a place for drinks. 

now that i think about it, i find myself feeling nervous about how well it will go HAAHAHA. but ok that’s besides the point. 

anyway, in the midst of the night, i found myself exceptionally enjoying my time with him. 

i liked the way he treated people, and how we got to talking and essentially it was such a fruitful catch up. i liked that in the midst of our time together, i found myself asking God what should the right words be? what should i say? what questions can i ask?

i liked that in the process of catching up with him, i was learning to depend on God a bit too. 

at the same time, i liked how vunerable he was being with me. how he was willing to share, and technically wasnt holding back (at least to my knowledge) 

i liked how physical i could be with him. i felt like my touch tank just went all the way up. honestly, i wanted to put my hand across him while we were taking a picture. im glad i didnt do it though, i feel like that would make me think things. 

but i think about the ‘potential’ guys i would date. the kind of things that i would like, should a guy do it for me. 

besides the non-negotiables, he pretty much checks all the boxes. 

but in the midst of the night, i also know that no. this can not be it. 

as much as the world paints of what a ‘perfect guy’ can be - i found myself struggling. 

i found myself struggling because i couldnt talk about my spiritual struggles. i cannot share with you what i deem is important in my life, simply because you wouldn’t understand. 

if God was so important to me, if clearly, God is a priority in my life - then the world’s ‘most perfect guy’ would still be considered imperfect. 

if God is truly that important to me, then it will be in me to trust that He has a plan for me. that He knows what’s best for me. that He will choose to send/not send someone that is special that fits me. 

not just because a night went well with a friend. not just because i feel all hearts and butterflies after a night out. not just because someone was very clear in asking me out on a date and wanting to bring me out. 

granted, i think this night taught me quite a bit. 

1. i learnt that no amount of hearts and feely stuff can change the fact that God knows what’s best for me. 

2. i learnt the kind of love language i am growing to have - and that is touch. 

3. i learnt that i enjoy people’s company, that i like listening about life as much as talking about it. 

4. i learnt that it honestly doesnt take me a lot to feel special. it doesn’t take me a lot to enjoy a simple night out. clearly, if i am still listening to emo-y love songs TWO HOURS after the night, you have an effect on me. 

5. i learnt that i liked being love! and this form of being love has never happened before. feeling special, having exclusive 1-1 time with the opposite gender that is natural and honest, having been asked out and just thinking about how the next time will be - i feel so loved and i like it. 

i am thankful that i think i am still level-headed to spell out that JESUS IS IMPORTANT. (@ God hello if you’re seeing this, pls hahaha feel proud of me) 

honestly, the hearts and butterflies might come back. the thought of what we could wear the next time, where we could do, these things will happen. 

but i need to remember, that these feelings wont last. so thank you Jesus, for showing me that these emotions cannot last. thank you for keeping me in a state of sanity.  Jesus, i am learning to trust you again. i am trying. please be patient with me. i am trying my best to love you all over again. to choose you all over again, to want to be in your presence willingly. 

because i know, that no amount of butterflies, no amount of love songs, no amount of ‘perfect dates’ can ever replace the amount of love You choose to give me. 

[juuustkeepswimmingg-blog]

Not only was it my life you entered and had a great impact on, but it was also my cats. They loved you so much. They looked forward to seeing you every day, as did i. Jack gave you kisses and he doesn’t just give anybody kisses. Jack laid in your lap and on your chest. He loved you. He still looks for you to come through the door sometimes at night. He still listens to the trucks outside to see if it’s you coming home. I know you’re no good for me. But i love(d) you very much. More than I’ve ever loved anyone else. I never thought you would hurt me so easily. I never thought you would keep lying to my face. I never thought I’d be single again and be this broken over a guy again. I never thought there would be a day when i had to tell you no. When i had to ignore you. When i had to leave you.. There’s a lot of things i never saw coming with you. I love everything about you. The only thing i ever would have changed about you back then was how you felt about yourself. How you talked down on yourself and called yourself a ‘piece of shit’. I wanted to help you see how great you can be. How much potential you had in you. I wanted you to see what i saw. Now It’s different. If it was up to me to change something I’d change how you lied to me. How i saw the red flags and i ignored them. They say ignorance is bliss. And up until we broke up i never thought it to be something people could actually say and believe.. I saw all the signs. I had suspicions but ignored them. Just because i was happier with my play pretend fairytale love story.. I thought you were too. I still would change how you talk about yourself though. You broke me into tiny little pieces. And yet i came crawling back, even when you pushed me away, treated me like dirt, and i put those little pieces in your hands.. but you left them slip thru the cracks. I wasn’t worth keeping to you. I understand that now- the second time around. I learned a lot from you. So i guess i should thank you. Thank you for making me feel happy those 3 months. Thank you for giving me something to look forward to every day. Thank you for having my back and introducing me to your family. Thank you for telling everyone about me. Thank you for being such the perfect boyfriend in the beginning. Because if you didn’t then I’d never appreciate a guy like i did you.. My first love was Dakota. He had to move and we had to break up. I found out he was seeing another girl because she took a Snapchat of her face with him behind her and sent it to me. it broke me down completely and after that i blocked him on EVERYTHING. except email because i don’t think you can block someone from emailing you. Anyways i was broken over him for 11 months. It took 11 months to unblock him from everything. To finally be okay with seeing he was with a new girl. (His girlfriends never last). It totally shattered me. I wasn’t Myself after that. Anyways Christmas came around and i got an email from him. FROM HIM. an EMAIL. Saying he hopes all is well. It was a short sweet message. He would even get those texting apps so he could get in touch with me somehow. I blocked every single number he tried. He had some real dedication. I was so surprised he emailed me though. Because who remembers emails? My next love was my high school love. James. James was in my life since freshman year. My best friend. And then that was it. We fell apart and hated each other after that year. Then came back together and actually started dating our senior year. He’s probably my favorite love because we met at school. And he made the first moves and he was so innocent and sweet and thoughtful. Then there was Christopher. He’s the jerk in the gif kissing my cat.. He was persistent as all hell when we first met. We met on Fb. Partially why i deleted it. I was sick of dudes adding me and using it as a dating site. *eye roll*. Anyways he was persistent. He wanted to meet me and hang out all the time. He even surprised me multiple times and brought me flowers. They were fake but i was still surprised. And it was super sweet. It took me a long time (like 2 months to actually fall for him completely,) to open up and feel safe with him. He was great. Minus the fact he tried making me sleep with him after our FIRST DATE. Yes. That’s right. You read that right. Did i mention he was persistent? He tried sooo hard to get me to give in. I’m super glad i didn’t. But even if i did i think it would have ended the same way. If not it probably would have ended quicker.. anyways he broke my heart. We had a rough patch after his ex gf called in the middle of the night. He lied about who it was. Said it was a telemarketer. And that’s when we started to have serious issues. By the end of the week i went thru his phone (i had a huge gut feeling to do it. Otherwise i swear i never went thru a guys phone before) and found out he was trying to find other girls to sleep with. ‘Hot horny friends’ is what he requested his cousins girlfriend to find for him.. We broke up for a month after that. He treated me like i was the one that did the cheating.. I even started going to the bars after because i knew I’d see him. And i so wanted him back. Why? I don’t know. I was truly infatuated with him. He was everything i wanted until he wasn’t. And that’s all i can say about that. ‘He was everything i wanted, until he wasn’t.’ Meaning he was everything. He really was. And he was more. Then suddenly the curtain fell and the carpet was ripped out from me. I think that’s why it’s so hard to let him go. He was everything to me. Anyways we got back together. Which is honestly a good thing because i needed that closure and needed that proof that it wasn’t just a moment of weakness. Or that it wasn’t just because of something i did wrong that made him do what he did.. it was him. All him that wanted to sleep with other girls. I cooked for him. Bought all the groceries. I’ve done stuff for him that isn’t really appropriate to tell on here.. Umm I’ve done a lot for this boy. He took it all for granted. A free ride. He had it so good. He didn’t have to pay for shit. He didn’t have to clean or lift a finger. But God forbid i was crabby because of the messes i cleaned up for him, the wasted food because he didn’t want leftovers, the sleepless nights i had because we fought and didn’t make up. It was awful. When we were bad it was really bad. He didn’t care about me. And ignorance is bliss. I’m so bad at keeping up with all this. I’m bad at giving direct details. Everything right now is just pouring out from me. Word vomit, if you will. I never cared about a boy so much in my life. But i cared about him. I never even trusted a boy so much. Yet i trusted him. I pray to God that this pain goes away. I pray to God that i can delete our pics and videos and not feel sad. I can’t even look at them without feeling like it was somehow preventable.. i know on my end it wasn’t preventable. But it still hurts because that means to him i wasn’t worth keeping. And i spent so much of my time before him trying to believe i was worth keeping and being alive. I have some sadness in me that doesn’t go away. I have since i was younger. I noticed my feelings and my thoughts and looked too deep into how people acted towards me and others. I won’t say I’m depressed because i hate that EVERYONE thinks they’re depressed. So I’ll just say i have sadness in me. It makes me feel less attention seeking than those that paint their arms and legs “IM DEPRESSED” because 90% of the time the people that claim that won’t do anything about it. Maybe I’m being too judgy and won’t understand. But that’s my opinion. I hate being like everyone else. Unless it’s happy. I’d love to be happy. Describing the pain of missing him is like the ocean. It comes in waves. Some days/nights aren’t so bad. But then nights like tonight i am drowning. It seems to be getting worse if I’m honest.. The weeks before have been tolerable. I’ve been busy and my mind has been busy. But this week I’m drowning. Idk how i was able to be numb about it before. Idk what i did to be okay because whatever I’m doing now isn’t working. I could list a million reasons as to why he was such an awful guy.. but I’m still in love with the thousand reasons as to why he was so great.. it’s awful. Loving him is suicide. And i don’t want to die over a fuck like him.. I threw away his boxers today. Good riddance to those. It doesn’t matter if he comes to get them, because I’m not opening the door for him again. He just walks out when he wants and there’s nothing that makes me feel so worthless. ‘Bye Cheyenne’ is what he said the last time i saw him.. That pig.. “I found somebody new & you will never break my heart in two again. 🖤✝️” When i say ‘somebody new’ I’m talking about myself. I found myself and you can’t hurt me like that again. This is such a big post. If anybody irl knows me and reads this— i am so sorry. I don’t want you to see me like this. It’s embarrassing and i feel stripped down naked-sober, Because apparently drunk i forget i have body flaws. I wouldn’t wish heartbreak on anybody. Maybe heartbreak when they’re like 15-16 just to get a clue on how to love and how NOT to love. That’s when my heart broke. And now i don’t feel pain over Dakota anymore. We could be friends and I’d be fine. I can’t wait to feel that way with Christopher. I can’t wait until he no longer crosses my mind. Or until he’s no longer the first person i wanna tell something exciting about. Or invite or anything. I just wanna forget he ever existed. At this point though, I’m not sure if God put me through this to make me available to find the love of my life, or if he put me through this to be alone forever- as if that’s what is going to happen. I truly thought i was going to marry him and be with him forever, thought he was the greatest guy ever. Which is why it hurts so much to let it go, because if that’s the best i can do then i messed up. Focusing on myself is boring and i find myself looking up ‘how to be happy single’ or ‘how to be happy’ or ‘how to find Myself’ or anything. It’s getting to be a bit much. I’m obsessed with finding myself. I have so much time to myself now. Sooo much time to sit and ponder about where it all went wrong.. i need to go to bed. Seriously. More heartbreak rants are on there way, some other night. Maybe tomorrow if sleep doesn’t come easy again. ✌🏻 Goodnight world, Best wishes, Chey

#gif