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restlessmaknae · 1 year

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you’re my fireflower [k.s.h]

As a medic, you would have never let an unconscious, bleeding boy die in front of you, but by saving him, you actually tie yourself to him for life.

➳ Characters: soldier!Seunghun x female!reader/you

➳ Genre: romance, fluff, comedy, fantasy, magical realism, kingdom au, hybrid au

➳ Words: 14.7k

➳ Warning: mentions of blood, wounds, cuts, minor character deaths, attacks

➳ A/N: This story was inspired by Seunghun’s red hair, hence the header from the 458 MV. I hope you enjoy it because I truly enjoyed writing this story. A poll is up at the end for possible spin-offs. Thank you so much for reading! ❤️

➳ CIX taglist: @wccycc, @dat-town

As a medic, you were used to treating wounded people, sometimes even half-naked wounded people, but a fully naked person was new even to you.

However, when you heard a loud thud as if something had crashed into your wooden house, you couldn’t just sit still and do nothing. Birds flew against your walls a lot of times, especially at nights when the dim lights outside didn’t provide enough light for them to be able to differentiate between your house and the rest of the woods. Cons of living beside the woods included frequent encounters with more or less wounded animals, but the pros included being close to herbs and flowers that you collected to make creams and lotions in order to treat the citizens of the kingdom.

On the other hand, when you walked out of the house (prepared with a wooden stick in your hand in case it wasn’t a bird after all, but a bigger animal) and you caught sight of a totally naked guy in the mud, you literally froze in place. He had some scratches on his face, there was a huge cut across his abdomen and his arms seemed bruised as well.

When you cautiously walked closer to him, an alarming thought crossed your mind: what if he was dead? It would still not explain why he was totally naked because even if he might have been defeated by an animal in the woods, it was highly unlikely that he would be rid of all of his clothes including his boots. You contemplated whether or not you should wait for Hyunsuk to come back from gathering night-blooming flowers, but he had just gone out, so it was unlikely he would come back anytime soon, and the boy in the mud seemed to be losing blood from his abdominal cut pretty quickly. The flashback of your parents bleeding out in front of you came back, and you shivered, not wanting history to repeat itself. That helplessness, that desperation…

As if anything could make the situation worse, it started raining yet again, and as the raindrops came in contact with the boy’s body, his scars seemed to darken in colour. You didn’t know what was happening - just who he was or what he was -, but based on your medical experience, it wasn’t good. Even though you didn’t specialise in magical medicine, you had a feeling that it wasn’t a good sign that his scars were changing colours, so you crouched down to the stranger, threw his arms around your shoulder and started dragging him inside the house with you.

Since there was no way you would clean him up when he was losing blood this intensively - it was enough to bear the sight of his naked body -, you laid him on the ground beside the fireplace to warm him up and put a blanket over his body, so that you could concentrate on treating his wounds while not having to look at him from the waist down. His chest was rising up and down extremely slowly, but you didn’t know what happened, so you didn’t know what to do for him. You tried to gently nudge him in the shoulder, then you patted his cheeks, but he didn’t react to either. You were really, really hoping that he wouldn’t die in front of you.

You touched his forehead to see if he had a fever, but he didn’t seem to do so. You tried to take care of his abdominal cut first, but he was bleeding so rapidly, you felt searing tears sliding down your cheeks. He couldn’t die, you had to save him. You wouldn’t be able to keep living peacefully if you let someone die after how your parents had died in front of your eyes. You just couldn’t. Fear already engulfed your mind the moment you had caught sight of him, but now you were basically terrified, so you tried to work as fast as possible.

You continued on by disinfecting his scars that seemed almost black in the flames’ light, so you wondered whether he was attacked by a werewolf for it was said that werewolf’s bite caused black marks. Though you had no recollection of werewolves inhabiting the nearby woods, so you didn’t think that it was possible. Your brain was trying to come up with more and more scenarios as you were tending to his scars, trying with a fireflower lotion in hopes of aiding blood circulation as fireflowers helped to regain one’s strength and energy.

When you got to his arm bruises, you swore your eyes played tricks on you because the scratches on his arms didn’t seem black, they were a dark ruby-red.

“I must be going crazy,” you mumbled to yourself as you put on some lavender-infused drops on his wounds. Lavender was said to soothe the skin, and it worked for all kinds of injuries: burns, bruises, inflammation, rashes and so on. So whatever he had been through, you hoped that it would help him.

After that, all you could do was lean over him and pray for him. You instinctively put your hand on his abdomen as you were crying over his body. You felt an odd sensation going through your fingers, your whole body becoming numb as you were weeping over him for god knows how long. A wave of fatigue rushed over you as if you had been drained of your energy, and you felt dizzy. You really, really wanted to save him, but what if it didn’t work?

When there was another loud thud by the doors, you almost jumped back from the boy’s body on the floor, thinking that it was another random stranger. As it turned out though, it was only Hyunsuk fumbling with the keys to the door as his fingers were slippery due to the rain.

“I swear that it’s always me who gets to pick flowers at night when it’s raining. I’m getting tired of it. Maybe someone actually cursed me or-” Hyunsuk started complaining the moment he made his way inside, and you didn’t dare to interrupt him because you didn’t really prepare an explanation for the recent events.

When your brother walked into the room and caught sight of you crouching beside a boy whose naked upper half was exposed, he was understandably shocked.

“What did I miss? Who is he? And why is he half-naked?” Hyunsuk raised an eyebrow challengingly, lacing his arms in front of his chest as if he was the older one out of the two of you, and you weren’t his older sister. “Don’t tell me you’ve brought a guy over while I was away,” he added with a mischievous glint in his eyes, and if you had your wooden stick from before, you would have surely launched it at him.

“Does it look like I brought him over when he looks like this? Do you think I even beat him up?” You exclaimed frustratedly, your tears drying on your face as you pointed at the bruises on the boy’s body only to realise that there were no bruises on his face anymore. The bandage around his abdominal cut was also less bloody than before. The cuts on his arms seemed to heal quickly as well. At least, you thought so. “Wait a minute…” You held up your hand, waves of shock going over your body. You couldn’t hallucinate his bruises. You weren’t crazy. They had been there just a few minutes ago, and there’s no way your medicine helped him to recover so quickly.

“It’s okay. You can continue. I’ll just pretend I’m not here-”

“He’s unconscious, Hyunsuk. I didn’t do anything to him and I wasn’t planning on doing anything to him, okay? Just listen to me without interrupting me, please,” you said through gritted teeth, throwing one last confused glance in the stranger’s direction before straightening up and explaining the situation to your little brother from the odd noise outside as if something had crashed into your house, finding him in the mud naked and bruised to raindrops changing the colour of his wounds. Then, you pointed out that he didn’t seem to have any wounds anymore even though you had surely seen them before.

Thankfully, Hyunsuk didn’t play you for a fool, instead, he listened to you with growing concern. Just like you had suspected, Hyunsuk was also pondering whether this guy had something to do with magical medicine as the whole blood changing colour didn’t make sense to either of you.

“It doesn’t really make sense to me. Let’s say he was drunk, but why would he go around naked in the woods while drunk and then crash into our house?” Hyunsuk mused, just as perplexed by the facts of the recent events as you were. He examined the guy on the floor as if it was an unknown plant you had never seen before and didn’t know of its use, his serious self resurfacing. “Wait, look!”

When Hyunsuk exclaimed, you turned your head towards the stranger, and your jaw dropped. It wasn’t enough that his bruises were now actually gone once and for all, the bandages turning back to their original white colour, but his previously pitch-black hair was slowly turning ruby-red. Lock by lock, soon enough, his whole hair was displaying a vivid burgundy colour.

“Uhmm, what did you give him?” Hyunsuk blurted out teasingly, and you smacked him in the chest. Though when you did so, you felt a rush of fatigue coming over you yet again. Maybe you should sit down or go to sleep soon. That night there was already a lot to take in.

“I didn’t give him anything that would turn his hair a different colour. I only put fireflower and lavender on his bruises.”

“Well then, we are either both hallucinating or this dude isn’t reacting normally to non-magical medicine.”

There were two types of medicine in your kingdom: magical and non-magical medicine. Magical medicine was mostly used on the members of the royal court including the royal family and the royal army, plus magical creatures that lived in the woods or in the mountains - such as fairies, unicorns and such - or serving the kingdom - such as dragons guarding the palace. Non-magical medicine, on the other hand, was used on humans to treat their wounds, and that was what you practised with Hyunsuk. Magical medicine was also extremely rare since only magic practitioners could deal with it since they were the ones born with the ability to tame magic, but even they needed thorough practice and extensive training to be able to make use of their abilities to their full potential. Magical medics were also almost exclusively serving at the palace.

Since you and Hyunsuk were no magical medics, you used herbs, plants and other natural remedies to treat those who came to ask for your services. You didn’t have the ability to tame magic, nor did you help magical creatures. However, since you knew what was normal in your practice and what was not, the stranger’s blood changing colour and his bruises going away in the matter of minutes were definitely not normal, and you both knew it.

At this moment, the stranger’s eyes flicked open and he sat up to reach up with his hands (though he was merely grasping air), his whole body tensing in the act. He focused on nothing in particular, and it was as if he didn’t even see you, didn’t even see what was going on around him, he acted more like a person awakening from a nightmare.

“Run!” He exclaimed, desperation dripping off his words before he fell back to the ground, his chest heaping up and down in a more uneven rhythm.

You and Hyunsuk blinked at the scene, more puzzled than ever before, and you probably waited a few minutes in silence until you dared to speak up.

“Maybe he’s actually drunk,” was what your little brother said, but he still offered to look over him for the night in case the burgundy-haired stranger woke up again and attacked you. You highly doubted that he was drunk or that he was capable of hurting someone, his previous act looked as if he wanted to warn someone about a possible danger, but as to why it seemed like that or what was it about, you had no idea.

So you let Hyunsuk keep his eyes on the stranger, you were tired either way. So tired that you fell asleep the moment you fell into bed.

You usually offered medical services in your house since your herbs, lotions and other medical remedies were stored in a separate storage room inside, but you couldn’t let visitors in until you had a naked stranger (still with a blanket covering his body) in your house. Even though Hyunsuk decided to move him from the living room to his own room, you couldn’t risk someone catching sight of him and questioning you or the stranger waking up and causing trouble. So you listened to the citizens’ concerns and symptoms on the terraced front, putting out some chairs to sit on, and if you needed something from inside, you went into the storage room and got what you needed.

Since Hyunsuk and you usually took turns offering services, it was unusual that you were on your foot all day, helping patients, but your brother insisted on watching over the stranger instead of you.

“It’s enough that you’ve seen a guy fully naked, and you aren’t married,” he had mentioned sulkily, and even though he wasn’t a very conservative boy, it didn’t mean that he wasn’t overprotective when it came to you. Especially after you had lost your parents, and you had only each other now.

“It’s not like I’ve purposefully wanted to,” you had counter-attacked, letting out a huff. You couldn’t have believed that it had been what he had been fussing over, but you had decided not to go against his words when he had offered to watch over the stranger.

So that’s why you were out treating patients all day, and when they asked why they couldn’t go inside, you said that Hyunsuk himself was sick, so you didn’t want them to catch anything. It worked though, they didn’t question your words, only a few younger girls were sad to hear that it wouldn’t be Hyunsuk who would be helping them out. Your brother was indeed popular with girls.

At the end of the day, when you asked Hyunsuk if anything had happened, he said that the stranger had seemed to wake up, grabbed Hyunsuk by the shoulders and told him to ask for help, then fell back into the bed like the night before when he had exclaimed to run. His body temperature seemed to rise after this, but it went back to normal a few hours later. A few of his locks also turned back to pitch-black, but when you stole a glance at him at night, half of his hair was still bright burgundy.

He was breathtakingly beautiful, you had to admit, with his sharp jawline, his high cheekbones, his plump lips and his charismatic aura. There was just something about him that pulled you in, but you knew better than to trust a pretty face. He might have looked gorgeous, but he was still a stranger you knew nothing about.

“Do you think something might have happened to him, and he’s having flashbacks?” Hyunsuk mused out loud that night when he came out of his room to have some warmed-up porridge with you.

“I guess so. It’s definitely odd that he’s suddenly awakening and exclaiming such alarming things. On the other hand, it’s also really odd that his wounds are no longer visible, and his hair is changing back to its original colour. Just who could he be?”

“Or what could he be?” Your little brother topped your question, and he was saying something for you knew that this was definitely not a normal occurrence. He couldn’t have been a magical creature because such creatures didn’t have fully human forms. However, his hair and super fast healing definitely had something to do with magic, so maybe he was a magician practising his skills in the woods, it’s just that whatever he had been doing the night before had backfired? That was the only logical solution you could have come up with, but that still didn’t explain his naked self.

Either way, nothing happened that night and the following morning. Everything was just like the day before, and you were about to go inside for some water since you didn’t seem to have more patients waiting outside when Hyunsuk came out of his room. More like ran out of it.

“He woke up, and he wants to talk to you. He seems pretty stable to me,” Hyunsuk notified with ragged breaths, and you furrowed your eyebrows in question.

“Me?”

“Yeah. Come on!” Your brother prompted you, but before you would have done so, you put out a sign saying that you were closed for the time being and closed the front door.

When you went into the room, you didn’t expect to see the stranger in clothes, but thankfully, Hyunsuk had seemed to give him some of his clothes although they were a bit big on him. His hair was also back to fully pitch-black, and he seemed conscious and awake, not tormented by any flashbacks.

When his eyes landed on yours, he eyed you for a second, and you thought that he would be intimidating because his gaze was deadly, and you felt like you could drop to your knees if he wanted you to. He had that aura around him, it was nowhere near his ethereal, peaceful aura when he had been sleeping. However, in the next second, his lips curled upwards, and his whole face softened.

“I’ve heard that you were the one who found me,” he stated matter-of-factly, his eyes still on yours. Gosh, his gaze was really intense, you wanted to look away, but you could already feel Hyunsuk tense up beside you, so you didn’t want him to think that you were more uncomfortable than you should have been. He seemed as harmless as one could be.

“Oh, yes…”

“Thank you so much. You’ve saved me. I’m very, very grateful for that,” he continued gently and did a whole 90-degree bow. Your hand flew to your mouth, and you exchanged a puzzled look with Hyunsuk. He was so polite as if he had been someone from a high rank.

“Ah, it’s nothing. I just… I just did what I felt like was the right thing to do,” you explained to him, a bit bashful after his sincere gratitude. You definitely didn’t expect him to be so well-mannered and collected, but maybe it helped that he was all healed now, fully clothed and he had a natural colour to his hair. He looked less intimidating this way.

“I’ll repay you both for your assistance, but before that, can you tell me what state I was in when you found me?” The stranger looked at you expectantly after straightening up, and you were sure that you were blabbering at this point, but you tried to describe the situation as best as you could. He thanked you yet again when you brought up the fact that you had taken him in from the rain, and when you mentioned what kind of medicine you had used on him first. The pitch-black haired boy hummed as he was listening to you, but slightly giggled when you mentioned him being naked.

“I’m sorry about that. That’s out of my control.”

If anything, that just made you even more confused, but sensing that you had nothing more to add, Hyunsuk picked up the storyline from where you had left off and told him about the past two days including the change of his hair and his wounds healing fast. The stranger didn’t seem surprised by it, if anything, he seemed neutral, he only seemed alarmed when you had told him that he had been here for two days.

“I need to go now, they’re already worrying about me,” he announced firmly, and you didn’t have the confidence to ask who he was referring to. However, before any of you could speak up, the stranger continued. “You two need to come with me, too.”

“We don’t even know you. You could be a criminal.” Hyunsuk threw him a glare that usually worked on those people who didn’t take no for an answer, but the pitch-black haired boy didn’t waver. If anything, he seemed apologetic about having brought up such assumptions.

“I’m sorry. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Seunghun, and I work for the royal palace. I’m the prince’s most trusted soldier.”

“You mean, prince Jinyoung’s?” Hyunsuk emphasised in shock even though there was no other prince at the royal palace. The King and Queen had two children: prince Jinyoung was the first-born and princess Jinhee was the second-born.

“Yes. I was in a carriage delivering a message to the neighbouring kingdom when our carriage was attacked. I told the coachman to run and ask for help, I’ll deal with those who attacked us, but I don’t know if he has managed to notify anyone,” he explained thoroughly, and you could feel that Hyunsuk was ready to doubt him, but he shut his mouth close when Seunghun got to the end of his monologue.

Oh. Oh, that made more sense. Not just his actual identity but the flashbacks he was having. It didn’t explain why he was naked, but you could take it for what it was: an explanation.

“Why would you need us to come with you after this? Are you still in danger? Are we in danger now?” You eyed him tentatively, and your heart skipped a beat in fear. Did you get yourself into trouble because of him? Were these attackers looking for you too now? How serious was it?

Seunghun shook his head. He looked away for a moment before he looked back at you, and even though he was trying to keep up with his friendly approach, you could sense that what he was about to say made him feel uneasy as well. His face hardened, and his lips quivered a bit before continuing.

“It’s not about that. You have to take an oath to the royal family that you would not tell anyone about what you have seen.”

That didn’t seem so bad in your opinion, but Seunghun still looked at you as if he had been asking for a lot. You could see that he was struggling within himself, and despite not knowing him, your heart did a silly little turn out of concern.

“Why can’t you just take our word for it? We won’t tell anyone that a random naked guy just crashed into our house,” Hyunsuk insisted, his judgemental tone resurfacing. He was usually the one who could tell people off because he didn’t like putting up with people’s nonsense whereas you were more soft-spoken.

“Not even about my hair changing colour or my wounds disappearing? Or my wounds turning to black in the rain? Or why was I naked in the first place?” Seunghun asked, almost weary, and the air around you shifted completely. It was icy, rigid and doubtful. Not something that you would have expected from the soldier with the warmest smile.

“Well, we won’t,” you spoke up feebly, trying to appear as confident as you wanted to be. “It may seem odd to us, but since we don’t know why these happened to you, we can’t tell anyone,” you reasoned, and Seunghun let his lips curl into a bittersweet smile. It was a sad little smile, as if he had already had this conversation replayed in his head before he knew what you were about to say.

“That’s exactly why you need to take an oath. You can’t tell anyone what I am because I’m not supposed to be alive. I was killed by those attackers, but I still survived because I’m a phoenix.”

A phoenix. That couldn’t be. Magical creatures didn’t have human forms.

“I’m not even supposed to exist, not in this form, but I still do, and one of the reasons for that is because I’m tied to the magical medic who saved me. I can heal faster and be reborn if the magician’s powers and fireflowers’ effect are combined, but this time, it wasn’t him, it was you who saved me,” he added without batting an eye, and looked straight into your eyes. Your heart literally skipped a beat, and you were frozen in place, your mind shutting off.

“But… we are no magical medics,” Hyunsuk blurted out instead of you, and you were thankful that he did so because you didn’t have the will in you to speak up.

“Or you merely think so,” Seunghun tilted his head, then took a step closer to you. Hyunsuk protectively took a step closer to the soldier, but he got the message and stepped back. “You said my wounds started healing when you started tending to my wounds. If I can get recharged with magic and fireflowers, my wounds heal within minutes, even if they are serious. If you don’t have magic in you, that wouldn't be possible.”

“But I…”

“Didn’t you unconsciously put your hands above my abdominal area? Weren’t you extremely desperate to save me, and suddenly tired after doing so?” Seunghun inquired, and your jaw almost dropped. You had forgotten about weeping over him with your hands resting on his stomach, and that odd sensation going through you followed by waves of fatigue. You didn’t think of it too much, you didn’t think that it had to do with anything, let alone the way his wounds started healing afterwards. You assumed you had been too emotional, and the stranger’s near-death experience had drained you.

You nodded, albeit still in shock, and it was only thanks to Hyunsuk’s collected self that you understood the weight of the soldier’s words.

“You’ve said that you’re tied to the magician who saved you, but this time, it was my sister. So now is she tied to you, too?”

“Yes, she is.”

You felt like the ground had opened up beneath you, the realisations hitting you one by one. The stranger you had saved was not only a phoenix, but you were also a magical medic who was now tied to someone like him - someone who shouldn’t have existed.

After learning about all of these, there was no way Hyunsuk would have stayed behind. Even if he hadn’t been the one who had saved you, he still knew of what Seunghun was, so he needed to take the oath, too. On top of that, the soldier couldn’t exactly tell you what would await you there since the magical medic who had once saved him practised at the royal palace, and it was safer for him there because they were deeply connected. Since you saved him this time, he couldn’t tell what it truly meant because it had never happened before.

“I didn’t die a lot of times before, to be honest, and every time I did, it was Byounggon who helped me heal. Usually, if I die as a human, I can take on my phoenix form and I can fly back to the palace to receive medical help. This time though, I can only assume that I didn’t succeed,” Seunghun explained while you were making your way to the royal palace on horseback. It took around 2 hours to reach the royal palace on horses, but it was the fastest option, and in this area, it wasn’t common to hire carriages. So as always, it was Hyunsuk’s friend, Yonghee, who gave you three of their horses since they had a farm, and he always helped you out in exchange for you not charging him when he or his family needed any medicine from you.

You gulped down a nervous lump in your throat, a bit frightened what it could entail for him to die, then take on his phoenix form and then be reborn again. Since magical creatures didn’t have human forms, it took you time to process the fact that he was a phoenix. He had explained that his parents had died when their house had caught on fire, and he would have died with them too, but Byounggon - who had been a little boy back then just like Seunghun himself and who had been living close to Seunghun’s home - had noticed the fire and dragged the boy out while risking his own life. His magic had barely resurfaced back then, but it had come out in full-force as he had been trying to save Seunghun’s life. Since he hadn’t known at first just how much he could have helped the almost burned boy, he had also applied fireflower on his wounds - the flower that was born after fires, so interestingly so, it was almost like a phoenix, born after turning to ashes.

When you inquired if the combination of magic and fireflowers aided his healing or one was enough, he couldn’t be sure. He said that Byounggon didn’t want to experiment on this, so he always used both, and actually, you did so, too.

“So why were you naked in the woods?” Hyunsuk blurted out after a few minutes of tense silence had fallen over the three of you, and the soldier found it so amusing, he started giggling. You blushed at the thought of having seen him naked while your brother seemed to put on his usual overprotective face.

“Well, that is what comes with me switching between my human and phoenix forms. If I go back to my human form after my phoenix one, I always end up being naked,” he shrugged casually as if it was an everyday thing for him to speak about it. The thought crossed your mind that it must have been quite bothersome for him to always leave his clothes behind when he died, but he didn’t seem to be bothered about it. Instead, his lips turned into a cheeky smile, and he averted his eyes to you, mischief glinting in his beautiful mahogany orbs. “But it wasn’t that bad of a sight, was it?”

You almost choked on your own saliva, but you had more pride than to let him be so cocky around you. Besides, Hyunsuk looked like he was about to throw hands at the soldier, so you spoke up before he had the chance to do so.

“Well, you’re quite fit if that’s what you’re asking… but Hyunsuk is quite strong as well,” you pointed out matter-of-factly, then turned your attention back to the road ahead of you instead of Seunghun’s burning gaze. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction to see you blush, but you were sure that your cheeks were on fire, so you started fanning yourself with one hand while you held the reins in the other.

“Yes, so don’t make her feel so uncomfortable again,” Hyunsuk commented, his voice not leaving room for any disapproval. However, the other boy didn’t seem too fazed by your words or your brother’s slight warning, instead, he continued playing the little game he had started.

“Did I make you feel uncomfortable?” He inquired, his voice posing a challenge for you. You knew that the question was directed at you without looking in his direction, and you shook your head even though your heart was telling a different story. “See, I didn’t.”

“Hey, know who-”

“Enough, Hyunsuk,” you turned to him, trying to plead with your eyes. The last thing you wanted was for the two of them to end up in a fight and show up in front of the royal family with bruises all over their body. “We’re heading towards the palace after all,” you voiced out your reasoning, and despite not appearing less agitated, your brother left it at that with a slight huff and a pointed glare in the soldier’s direction who found the situation more amusing than anything.

Oh dear gosh, you couldn’t wait to arrive at the palace.

Two hours had never seemed so long before. Even though you were on horseback, you had to slow down to march through villages, and you could only speed up through hills and woods. Seunghun continued blabbering all throughout the journey, and you could tell that he was a jokester for he always tried to drop a joke here and there, but Hyunsuk didn’t seem to appreciate it at first. After a while though, he realised that he and the soldier had a similar sense of humour, and if it hadn’t been torture before, it would have been torture afterwards with these two trying to top each other’s jokes. At least, Hyunsuk seemed to let go of his hostility towards the other boy, and they didn’t get into a fight even when you took breaks to feed the horses and let them drink from the river.

You had never been around the royal palace, so you had no idea what to expect, but the palace seemed even more magnificent than you could have imagined. It was a huge building with tall towers scraping the sky, wide terraces and a beautiful, blossoming garden around. However, to get inside, you needed to go through three security gates - one that involved the dragons that guarded the palace. You were lucky that you had left the horses outside the first gate because you were sure that they would have gotten scared and maybe even run away if they had seen the dragons from up-close. You also felt your knees wobble at the sight of these gigantic animals just a few feet away from you. However, when Seunghun discussed the situation with the guards, they whistled at the dragons that immediately backed away and cleared the path for you.

After all the gates, the huge front door had another handful of guards standing by, but they easened up as they caught sight of Seunghun, and had a little chit-chat about where the boy had been before letting him in. One also offered to notify the royal medic that he arrived, but the so-called Byounggon showed up almost immediately when you stepped inside the spacious hall. It was a hall full of paintings, large flower vases, tables made of glass and wood, glass windows that let in the many colours of the setting sun, painting the otherwise blandly coloured carpets in a palette of colours.

“Oh my god, Seunghun! You’re alive! I’ve thought that you… I didn’t feel the connection anymore, and I assumed…” The medic in a beautiful burgundy-black tunic shrieked, fighting his tears as he made his way towards the soldier. When he reached him, he hugged him so tight, you wondered whether they were more than just a soldier and a medic. They seemed like good friends finding each other again.

“You’re crushing me, Byounggon,” Seunghun chuckled joyfully, but no malice could be detected in his voice. The medic hugged him for some more time, and only let go of him when the soldier announced that he was alive thanks to you.

As if it was the first time he had noticed you and Hyunsuk standing beside Seunghun, the medic looked at you apologetically and introduced himself as Lee Byounggon, one of the royal magical medics at the palace (and Seunghun’s best friend as the latter added). He bowed politely and wiped his tears away as he straightened up. You briefly introduced yourselves with your brother and bowed back out of courtesy.

“So you… you know who he is, right?” Byounggon blinked at you rapidly, trying to put together the pieces of information.

“They do. They didn’t know at first, but I’ve told them after they’ve saved me.”

“It was my sister, actually. I just… assisted to look over him,” Hyunsuk corrected the soldier, and the gaze they exchanged told you that they had no more revulsion between the two of them. Hyunsuk’s gesture almost seemed friendly as well, you were more than baffled.

“Ah, thank you so much! Thank you so much for saving him!” Byounggon thanked you profusely and even bowed frantically as if he was trying to overdo someone else in a bowing contest. You were so shocked by his gratitude that you had no idea what to say, but after what you had heard of him - how he had saved Seunghun when he had been young, and how he had taken care of the soldier ever since -, you could only imagine him like this. Forever caring and having only good intentions.

“I… I didn’t even know how I did it,” you confessed, feeling torn about the whole situation because you didn’t feel like you earned his gratitude despite the fact that you had saved the soldier. Byounggon furrowed his eyebrows quizzically, so Seunghun explained the whole situation to him, not leaving out the part that you didn’t know about your own magic. Hearing that, the medic mentioned something about a visit to the master magician, but before he could elaborate on that, a lanky boy walked into the hall with two muscular men by his side.

He had a small face with delicate features, and nothing could compare to the aura he held. He radiated elegance, chicness and that kind of icyness that came with him being in a high rank. As opposed to the guards by his side or Byounggon’s attire, he wore only white - a white tunic that was split in the front, so that he could move around more freely with his arms, it had sleeves for maximum protection, a hooded back and probably cotton pants, though his tunic almost reached the floor, so you couldn’t be sure. He had the deepest shade of black hair, but his eyes were warm when he looked at you all. There was no question that he was prince Jinyoung.

Following the others’ action, you also bowed deeply alongside your brother, but when you straightened up, the previous rigid atmosphere was nowhere to be seen. It was replaced by a tender one with the prince asking about Seunghun’s condition, and telling him how worried they had all been when he hadn’t come back from delivering the message even though the carriageman had arrived the day before, albeit a bit wounded. He was fine, prince Jinyoung reassured Seunghun, before moving on to the two of you.

You introduced yourself yet again, and even your usually confident brother seemed to sway a bit in front of the prince. Prince Jinyoung, sensing his discomfort, patted the boy’s shoulder in a friendly manner, and you watched the sight with a small smile.

“You two will need to take the oath as Seunghun has already told you. However, you will be greatly rewarded for helping out the best soldier of the royal palace, and for saving him even though you did not know his identity,” he announced with an air of authority, and you didn’t feel like you had the right to go against his words despite only doing what you were always doing - helping others. So you bowed yet again, thanking him for his generosity.

“Prince Jinyoung, I believe we need to visit the master magician as well. Do you think it is possible for him to see us as soon as possible?” Byounggon turned to the prince with a slightly worried expression whereas the royal merely waved his hand.

“It is possible if I say so,” he answered confidently and turned around to lead the way to the master magician. Hyunsuk’s jaw almost dropped to the floor, and he mouthed how slick it was from the prince to say something like that, and you had to hold yourself back from laughing at your little brother’s antics.

Seunghun, on the other hand, caught sight of your scene, and when his eyes found yours, he gave you an amused smile, one that made his eyes smile, too. He was too gorgeous, you had to look away.

The master magician repeated what you had already known about Seunghun’s condition, about how he could be reborn, how much it took for him to heal with a magician’s help and how connected he was to the magician who helped him reborn. On the other hand, he couldn’t tell you exactly what it meant that you were the one who had saved him this time, not Byounggon, as it had not happened before. He also added that it would be too dangerous to try and see if you can change the connection back to Byounggon’s magic because it might risk not just Seunghun’s life, but yours and Byounggon’s as well.

Nonetheless, Seunghun’s body had seemed to accept your magic, so now, it seemed that you were the one connected to him, not the royal medic. Byounggon also admitted that he had felt like the connection with the soldier had been caught off two nights ago - on the night you had saved him. Byounggon had fainted and spent the next two days resting, he only sprung out of his room when he had seen from his window that Seunghun had been approaching the entrance.

“Does it mean whenever something happens to Seunghun, I will feel it? Is it the same vice versa?”

“Yes, you may feel it just like Byounggon had described it. Seunghun might feel it too when something happens to you because now your magic lives in him,” the master magician explained patiently, not looking down on you at all, and his gentle approach reassured you that you can ask about anything that might concern you. That’s why you decided to pose a question that has been on your mind ever since Seunghun had mentioned the deep connection between him and Byounggon.

“If, by any chance, I die, does it mean my magic will not keep Seunghun alive?”

The room fell silent for a moment, and out of everyone, Byounggon seemed the most bitter about your question. You could only guess that he had already asked this question before. Seunghun, on the other hand, avoided your gaze, and you had a feeling why.

“It may happen, but I have never seen a magic like this before, so I can’t confirm it for sure,” the master concluded after letting silence stretch long enough for it to be unbearable, his fatherly smile showing empathy and understanding.

You weren’t a fool, you knew what it meant. Above anything else, you needed to take care of yourself and protect yourself because if you didn’t, it might hurt Seunghun, too. Your magic was inside of him, it kept him alive - you kept him alive. No matter how absurd it seemed, his life was in your hands now.

“What does it mean for me then? I can’t tame my magic. I didn’t even know I possessed it until today.”

“It means that it would be better if you stayed here and learned how to tame your magic. In return, we can protect you, and by protecting you, you can also protect Seunghun,” the master suggested, but it wasn’t an order. He looked at you as if he understood your internal battle, and you had a feeling that not even prince Jinyoung would have held you back if you had decided to leave.

You, on the other hand, might not be able to live with the guilt that you could possibly kill Seunghun if you had gotten into any unfortunate incident. It was enough for you to be reminded of how suddenly your parents had died when a fight had broken out at an inn close to your home. One wrong timing, one dangerous man had been enough to take the lives of many.

“What about my brother?” You asked instead of pondering more about your own life. After all, Hyunsuk didn’t show that he had magic in him, or at least not yet, and there was the question of your medical services as well. Who would take that on if you weren’t around?

“It is possible that he might possess magic since he is your brother, but he might not. He can stay here and learn with you, or go back to his usual life while possibly attending one of our training centres.”

You exchanged a glance with Hyunsuk, one that was bearing so many different emotions. The prince reassured you that you didn’t have to decide right then and right now since you still had to take the oath officially and then write a confidentiality contract about it. On the other hand, you seriously felt like time was slipping through your fingers because the more you thought about it, the more quickly the following events happened, and soon enough, you found yourself with a brand new fate.

There was just so much to wrap your head around that you didn’t have time to mope over the recent change of events. Hyunsuk went back home to take care of your medic shop while signing up for a magical training class to see if he possessed the same kind of magic you did. He also sent your clothes over even though you received a handful of clothes by the royal court - similar to those beautifully sewn tunics the medics here worn and other garments that you might have needed as a female. The clothes people wore at the royal court were elegant yet useful, each a bit different from the other depending on the person’s position, however all of them were in the burgundy-black colours of the kingdom. The only ones who could wear white were the members of the royal family.

You immediately began your training with the master magician since you had done something extraordinary that hadn’t happened before, so he wanted to keep a close eye on you. He was an elderly man who had seen a lot and practised his magic a lot, he was said to be the master of the most powerful magicians in the kingdom, so it was an honour to learn under him. Given his responsibilities though, he had to take care of a lot of matters, so you learned from other magicians as well, and you had classes with Byounggon too who helped you understand what it meant to be connected to Seunghun in detail, and what it entailed that the boy was a phoenix.

Byounggon was an exceptionally gentle soul. He might have looked intimidating with his sharp facial features and strict gaze when he was examining something, but he was patient and ever so empathetic. He never raised his voice at you, instead, he shared amusing or quite awkward stories of his time in the court. He also shared many stories of him and Seunghun from early childhood to present days. Based on his words, Seunghun was the most loyal person he had ever met, someone who cared deeply, and someone who had been there for him through thick and thin - and not because of their bond, but because of their friendship. Even though the soldier was witty and liked to pull pranks on poor medic who was self-aware enough to know that he was incredibly gullible, he could never truly hold a grudge against his best friend.

Even though you could only see Seunghun in passing for the next few days since they had to take care of the carriage attack matter, you could see for yourself just what kind of a person he was when he seeked you out one night, asking if you could talk privately.

The royal court was the extended part of the palace, not attached to the main palace, but separated by a back garden that had an area that was free to visit as long as one had the permission to be on the palace grounds in the first place (the other part of it was strictly reserved for the royal family). You didn’t really have time to look around the garden since you had gotten here, but the pitch-black haired boy chose it as the place to talk.

He showed you some of the flowers he found especially gorgeous, took you to the little pond where you could see blindingly beautiful water lilies dotting the surface and hiding many colourful types of fish underneath. There was a little bridge connecting the walking path to a tree-lined island with a lantern-lit pavilion in the middle, and he came to a halt there, sitting on the bench at the pavilion.

You followed his example, taking in the beautiful scenery with fireflies flickering in the distance, the palace lit like a dazzling spectacle, the pathway in the garden dimly lit by lanterns guarding the sights as if it was a hidden gem, a well-kept secret. It was tranquil and serene, away from the hustle-bustle of the court grounds where everyone was heading somewhere - to deliver messages, to take classes or trainings, to hold classes for the royal family, to cook or wash or make anything for the royal family and such.

“I’m sorry,” Seunghun broke the silence suddenly, his voice coming out deeper than before. You could tell that he was being very sincere because there was no hint of mischief in his voice, nor in his face. The boy that looked back at you was deeply apologetic, his shoulders hinged, his features solemn and the ends of his lips quivering as he caught your gaze.

“About what?”

“Everything. You have every right to be angry at me for being tied to you. If I hadn’t-” He started on his monologue, but you cut him off.

“If we hadn’t met and I hadn’t been the one who had found you, you could have died. I am glad that I could save a life. As a medic, that’s the most I can ask for,” you insisted since you saw it from a different point of view, and this was what you had promised to do for life after you had lost your parents.

You had been young back then, sewed at a nearby house alongside your mother, while your brother had been helping out your father hunting in the woods and selling the meat of the animals you hadn’t reserved for yourself. You had always been interested in medicine, and since the woods were close to your home, you had often gone out to pick up herbs and medical flowers to make lotions that were soothing for your mother’s tired hands after a long day of sewing. You had also been the one who tended to your father’s or brother’s bruises whenever they had had any. After you had lost your parents though, you had felt so helpless and kept messing up what you had worked on while sewing, so you had started learning under the nearby elderly medic, and soon, your brother had followed you. After the elderly medic had died, you had opened your own medical services to the nearby people, and it had thrived ever since then.

So for you to be able to save a life was more than you could have asked for, it was the result of your hard-work, added luck and it seemed that your hidden magic, too.

“But still… You must have plans for the future, plans that would take place outside of the palace, and now, it’s best for you to stay here. You might even have a suitor waiting for you back home,” Seunghun blurted out rather troubled, but hearing his last words, your lips curled up at the end. You would have never thought that someone like him would even think of a suitor waiting for you back home, but maybe your brother’s warning words had gotten to him.

“I don’t have a suitor, and Hyunsuk will be fine. He might seem childish at times, but he is really hard-working. Plus, the master said that we can leave the palace, it’s just better if we do so together,” you pointed out what you had learned, your voice rather patient. You didn’t intend on arguing with the soldier, you merely wanted to share your point of view. Since he didn’t seem to believe you thus far, you decided to ease the tension. “I thought you’re on better terms with my brother than before,” you added with a semi-playful smile, and there it was, that beautiful smile blossoming on his lips in return. Seunghun seemed so much more gentle and approachable when he smiled for there was something in it - warmth, compassion, hope or maybe because it felt a bit like solace - that softened his whole facade.

“That’s true, but now I have to make sure that he will like me even more,” he set his intention proudly, still smiling, and you had to look away because the sight in front of you was too much to take in. He was too much to take in, your heart felt oddly giddy beside him, and you didn’t know what to do about it.

Hence, you looked back at the scenery in front of you. While you couldn’t deny that just a week ago, you couldn’t have imagined that you would be living in the royal court, tied to a phoenix in the body of a handsome soldier, it had its own beauty. You believed that everything had its reason, so maybe, meeting Seunghun was the universe’s way of helping you discover your magic that might be able to help many others in the future, and to reassure you that you weren’t doomed forever after your parents had bled out in front of you. You could save a life.

“It’s true that it’s rather sudden, and it’s true that I didn’t think my life would turn out like this, but I know you wouldn’t have tied someone to you on purpose, and actually, you’ve helped me discover my magic. That is something that I consider a gift,” you decided to share your thoughts with Seunghun since you couldn’t tell just how agitated he still was over your bond. “I just… I feel so out of place,” you confessed, a slight hue of pink tinting your cheeks.

You usually liked to uphold a strong, invincible facade because you were the older sibling, and after your parents’ death, you didn’t want Hyunsuk to have anything less than what he might have needed. If not for yourself, you wanted to be strong for him, but here, with you being a new addition to the court, with you still learning about your magic, you felt vulnerable.

“I’ll be here if you need anything, and Byounggon is also a really, really nice guy. Prince Jinyoung and princess Jinhee are also on good terms with those who live in the royal court. Even the courier, Donghyun, is a nice kid. Everyone is really welcoming, so you don’t need to worry. And really, don’t hesitate to send someone for me. I’ll also check up on you whenever I can. I know I couldn’t do so this past week, but I’ll do so in the future. I promise,” he said it in one-go, only taking in a deep breath when he finished. You directed a soft smile at him as you looked back at him, waves of gratitude washing through your body.

“Thank you, but you don’t have to.”

“But I want to. I want to get to know you better, too,” he replied instantly, almost tormented. You were rendered speechless for a moment, and he took that as a bad sign, so he added right away: “If you’re comfortable with that, of course.”

“I am,” you bobbed your head, hoping that your cheeks didn’t flush too much. You thought that after seeing him naked, nothing could make you feel this way around him, but here you were, your heart hammering rapidly, threatening to jump out of your ribcage.

“I’m glad then,” he noted, trying to suppress his proud smile by pressing his lips into a thin line, but he looked like he was trying to hold water in his cheeks instead. You looked away, suddenly aware of the closeness of the boy, and you were secretly glad that he didn’t speak up for some time, but then…

“Besides… Your medic attire here really suits you. It highlights your beauty,” he complimented sincerely, and you almost felt like your neck had whiplash, you looked back at him so quickly. You were ready to tell him to stop joking around, but he looked rather shy, not the smug Seunghun you had expected to see who boasted about the sight of his naked body, so you didn’t have the heart to tell him off. Instead, you mumbled a quiet thank you, earning yet another coy smile from the boy.

You spent the rest of the night talking about your past life. Since you had already known some stories of the boy, it was no surprise that he was interested in you, too. When he heard that you had lost your parents when you had been younger, he seemed deeply empathetic, not making any jokes or belittling your feelings. He did crack up though when you started telling him stories of little Hyunsuk since he had seen more of Hyunsuk’s intimidating self than his silly, goofy self. He also shared stories of him and Byounggon, and how him, Byounggon and prince Jinyoung used to play hide and seek in the royal gardens when they had been younger since the latter had barely any court members his age until Byounggon’s father - a magical medic as well - made the young boy and the rescued Seunghun visit the master magician at the palace. They had been at the palace’s service ever since and living there, but according to Seunghun, neither of them minded. That’s why the prince had seemed friendly towards the two boys when you had first seen them, because they were actual friends.

That night, Seunghun walked you back to your cabin at the royal medic’s house, and after he left, although you failed to notice Byounggon by the corner, he watched your goodbye with a fond, almost excited smile.

You fell into a routine at the royal court, and soon enough, you were looking forward to your training sessions and your weekly visits back home. Even though you were often exhausted after using your magic, you learned bit by bit how to tame it, and it made possessing magic a less terrifying experience. You knew that you were in good hands here, and everyone was trying to help you out as much as they could, so you didn’t want to disappoint anyone. You practised as much as you could, and when you didn’t have training, you helped out with the herbs and non-magical medicine since it was your expertise after all. You also met more members of the royal court, and soon enough, you didn’t feel so out of place anymore. Seunghun was right: everyone from the women working at the kitchen to the courier kid were welcoming, and often, even the prince and princess came to spend time with you all. The royal court was like a little village, so you didn’t feel that stuck anymore either, you had everything you needed there.

You couldn’t deny that you missed Hyunsuk, but with how busy you were at the palace, days passed by eventfully, and your promised weekly visits arrived quickly. Seunghun always accompanied you, and indeed, the two boys became good friends over the course of the next few weeks. Hyunsuk had also become more responsible about his duties, and now, he had Yonghee to help him out who had always seemed interested in medicine, so he could make use of his book-smart medical knowledge now. Yonghee’s family had a farm where he usually did what his parents asked him to do, but he had three siblings, so there was enough help at home, and he had always been too smart to not put his brains to use.

Hyunsuk did go to see if he possessed magic, but they said at the training centre that he might not have or it might not have resurfaced so far even with the exercises they gave him. He wasn’t discouraged by that, after all, he didn’t measure his worth by his ability to have magic within him or not, and for that, you really, really admired him. He could have easily been jealous over your abilities, but he was the furthest from jealous. A know-it-all, he was though…

“Don’t worry about me, sis. Worry about your soldier instead. I’m afraid his eyes will pop out once, he keeps looking at you with those loving eyes,” Hyunsuk once whispered in your ear when you were about to leave and Seunghun already went out to check on the horses. Bewildered, you looked at your brother in disbelief, and smacked him in the chest.

“Hey! Don’t say things like that. It’s not what you think,” you reprimanded him in your usual older sister tone, but as expected, Hyunsuk didn’t even bat an eye. Instead, he boasted a cheeky grin that made him look so much younger than he was.

“You seem to be in too much denial for it to be a groundless assumption,” he singsonged joyfully, but before you could counter-attack him, the door flew open, and Seunghun came back with a giddy smile, letting you know that the horses were ready. When you looked at your brother, he still had that annoying, knowing grin on his face, and shrugged as if he didn’t say anything.

Nevertheless, you tried your best to forget about Hyunsuk’s words, but you couldn’t help but wonder if the soldier felt the same way about you. After all, he kept his promise, and checked on you almost daily, but you assumed that it was out of pity first, or maybe it was because he was connected to you. Byounggon also pointed out that Seunghun kept finding a reason to see you, and he didn’t usually act like this, but according to his best friend, the soldier was in a particularly good mood lately. He was usually upbeat and energetic, but there was something different about him.

“I haven’t seen him like this before, so I can only assume that it’s because of you,” the medic admitted, yet his smile wasn’t cheeky or knowing. It was a gentle, almost prompting smile, one that you reciprocated with a shy one, and diverted the topic to your abilities instead.

The more you thought about it, the more you realised that you cared about the boy, and not just because you were tied to him, not just because he had almost died in front of you. However, you didn’t dare to let him know about your feelings. Even though he wasn’t immortal despite being a phoenix (he aged like everyone else because of his human self whereas he could be reborn because of his phoenix self, but one day, he wouldn’t be able to be reborn again), and when he wasn’t in a dangerous situation when you needed to help him, he was just an ordinary soldier who kept making you blush by the garden pond and who kept making you laugh with his silly pranks on poor Byounggon, you didn’t know whether it could work, whether you would actually put him in more danger by being closer to him than you already were.

Still, he gave you flowers when he visited you, and when you heard a gardener complaining that someone had chopped off some of the flowers in the royal court’s garden, you had to resist the urge to laugh. He loved talking about what your favourite flowers in the garden represented, precious little things he had probably asked someone about, but he presented it as if he had already known about these. He also got you dates and dried fruits from the market when he was doing errands out of the palace since he knew how much you loved them. Even apart from these gifts, he was a man of affectionate acts; it was in every look he gave you when you as much as miscalculated your steps and almost slipped, it was in every hand he held out for you when you were getting off your horse, it was in every enthusiastic wave he directed at you even if you were on different sides of the pond (somehow he always caught sight of you), it was in every spoonful of food he put on your plate instead of his when you had dinner at the court canteen together, and he knew which side dishes were your favourites.

On the other hand, you couldn’t stop worrying about him. You knew that he couldn’t die if you were around, but he was a soldier, and he didn’t need to go far to get bruises or a swollen ankle. He gave it his all during his physical training, and those resulted in some scars that healed fast if tended to by magic, but others couldn’t know about what Seunghun was, so he was usually treated by other magicians apart from you while you were preparing to do so yourself. Byounggon said that it usually took him only a few minutes to heal Seunghun’s smaller wounds whereas the others might have needed more time.

Once though, Seunghun came back from the border covered in bruises when a group of rebels tried to attack the royal army. Since the rebels were good fighters, Seunghun suspected that they were from the neighbouring kingdom’s army, but he couldn’t be sure why (though after the carriage attack, something had to be going on), so they held the rebels as hostages, and they were currently being interrogated.

The soldier, however, was rushed to you by Byounggon who said that you should try to heal him now since the master magician had deemed you ready after you had been already using your magic on others, strictly under a more experienced magician’s watch. This time, too, Byounggon was by your side, and you three were in a smaller room at the royal infirmary. If it hadn’t been for your bond with Seunghun, others could have been around as well, but Byounggon knew the best way to treat Seunghun, so it was better this way.

As you practised, you pulled in all of your magic - that felt like a wave of energy rushing through your body, waiting to be used up -, concentrating on the image of Seunghun’s bruises healing, and put your hands above his core. It wasn’t necessary for you to place your hands over his wounded body part since the centre of his energy was around his abdominal area, and what you needed to do was to recharge his energy centre with your magic. Apparently, that’s what you had done while weeping over him on that fateful night, and similarly, you felt the same kind of desperation moving in you. The room ceased to exist around you, all you could feel was that energy rush transferring through your hands. It was as if you had been running nonstop, your throat burning, your mouth dry and heart beating so rapidly that you needed to catch your breath when you felt a hand over your shoulder.

“Good job! You can stop now,” Byounggon notified you firmly, his voice bringing you back to the present. As you opened your eyes, you tried to take in everything in the room to ground yourself, awakening all your senses; the smell of the freshly washed sheets under Seunghun’s body on the bed, the softness of the pillow under you in the chair, the warmth of Byounggon’s hands over your shoulders, the sight of Seunghun’s now intact skin, and the sound of the slight hustle-bustle in the corridor outside of the room.

“Thank you. Thank you so much,” Seunghun smiled at you affectionately, his eyes twinkling with mirth. You, on the other hand, felt a bit numb still, and as you were trying to stand up from the chair, you nearly lost your balance. If it hadn’t been for Seunghun’s firm grip on you, you might have fallen back. “Are you okay?” The soldier inquired, genuine worry causing his forehead to appear wrinkled. You had never seen him so concerned before, and the way he looked at you as if he was ready to walk through fire for you made you feel even more dizzy.

“Yes, I’m fine,” you nodded nevertheless, but didn’t go against the other medic’s advice when he suggested sitting back down. As you took a seat again, Seunghun’s grip loosened around your wrist, but he still didn’t let go. You didn’t mind. It was as if he was your anchor, and you were ready to let him ground you.

“It’s normal for you to feel everything more intensively when it comes to Seunghun. It’ll get better after the first few times,” Byounggon explained with a hint of empathy in his voice. No wonder you had slept so well the night of saving Seunghun. You had basically knocked yourself out back then. “I’ll bring some water for you,” Byounggon offered without you asking him to do anything, and left the room immediately.

You blinked a few more times, the dizziness slowly losing its grip on you. Soon, everything shifted back to place around you, yet you weren’t worried about yourself. Instead, you kept looking at Seunghun’s exposed arms and face to examine if there were remains of his bruises or there was none left.

“Why are you so worried? You can see that I’m fine,” the boy mentioned with a wide, toothy smile, and he looked down at himself to prove to you that you weren’t hallucinating. He looked as if he hadn’t been attacked at all.

“I know, I just… I can’t help but worry about you. Despite knowing that you can’t get seriously hurt, it’s still painful for you until someone tends to you, and I don’t like that,” you huffed, your lips forming a pout unbeknownst to you. Seeing that, Seunghun let out a joyous laughter, something that warmed your heart, yet confused your mind.

You finally looked up at him, looked into his deep, dark orbs, and blinked a few in confusion.

“You’re cute when you’re sulky,” he explained the cause of his laughter, a smile blossoming on his lips yet again. You felt bewitched when he smiled like that, and you were sure that your cheeks were turning ruby-red, so you switched on your defensive mode.

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

The more you bickered, the wider the boy’s smile got, and the faster your heart was beating. You felt like a kid again, that childish excitement yet nervousness that you experienced when you had been playing hide and seek with Hyunsuk in the woods. This time, it was also a bit like that; trying to hide your feelings while seeking out his reaction to see if he felt the same way.

While you were bickering, Seunghun leaned forward a bit each time he spoke up and so did you. So after a few rounds, your faces were so close that you could see the slight blemishes on his skin, the roughness around the edges, the imperfections that made him perfect. You could see a tiny version of you in his mahogany orbs, and you wondered how he actually perceived you.

You kept gazing at each other for a few seconds before the boy dared to speak up, quiet and tentative, yet there was that confident edge to his voice that told you that he really wished to know the answer to his question.

“Why are you actually worried about me?”

You gulped nervously. He was too good at reading you, it seemed. Something that you would have hated if it had been for someone else since you wanted to appear as strong as possible at all times to hide your vulnerabilities and pain, but it was him out of all people, and he knew more about you than anyone else apart from Hyunsuk. Plus, he hadn’t left or ignored you despite knowing about your past and despite seeing your weaknesses.

So you wanted to be honest with him.

“I… I think I’ve gotten used to worrying only about Hyunsuk after what happened to our parents, and I was fine with that, but when it comes to you, since the moment I saw you, I’ve been worried,” the flashback of seeing the boy covered in bruises and that huge cut on his abdomen came back, and you shivered. You noticed only then that Seunghun was still holding your wrist because he gave it a slight squeeze. “Then, I got to know about who you are, and that we are tied, and I actually felt relieved. I thought I saved you once, I can do so again, but now I’m scared. I’m scared because I know I’m worried for another reason.”

The confession fell from your lips almost easily, like a part of a lullaby that you were singing to him. He was nothing but caring towards you, and since Byounggon had also mentioned that he had never seen his best friend like this before (and Hyunsuk had also teased you about Seunghun’s heart eyes), you dared to guess that he reciprocated your feelings. Not to mention the way the boy worded his question, as if he was also trying to see if you felt the same way.

And now… Now when your faces were so close to each other’s, when you could see every crease, every twitch of his lips, every shift of the emotions crossing his face, something in you told you that Seunghun didn’t lean back for the same reason you didn’t.

When he leaned forward, ever so subtle and ever so slow as if he wanted to give you time to back away (though you wouldn’t), you prepared your heart for what was about to come, your eyes slowly closing.

However, the door flew open right in that moment, and you immediately leaned back into the chair whereas Seunghun put his arms behind him on the bed to support himself, increasing the distance between you two quite drastically.

“Sorry for the wait. Mrs Choi stopped to tell me about the letter she received today, so I couldn’t leave until she told me all about her grandchildren,” Byounggon chirped rather bashfully as he put a jug of water on the bedside table and poured you a glass of water before reaching it out to you.

“It must have been exciting,” Seunghun noted rather forcefully, but his slightly awkward smile went unnoticed by his best friend.

“You know how she is. You can’t escape from her once she starts talking.”

“Yes, you’re right,” you mumbled after taking a few sips of water, knowing the elderly woman at the canteen all too well. However, when you exchanged a glance with the soldier, you could see that he was rather embarrassed about the situation as well, so he directed an apologetic smile at you. You smiled back, albeit a bit coy, and let the other medic tell you all about the stories he had heard.

After your rather intimate moment at the infirmary, nothing changed, except the fact that during random times of the day, the image of his face being so close to yours came back, and you immediately flushed. You couldn’t do anything about the state of your heart either, it went crazy whenever Seunghun was around. Before, you had never as much as dared to think about loving someone so deeply apart from Hyunsuk, let alone letting others love you. You had steeled yourself because the less people you had close to your heart, the less painful it would be to lose them.

However, even since you had entered the royal court, you had become so intertwined with other’s lives, there was no turning back from here. You became friends with the maids, the couriers, the ladies working at the kitchen, Byounggon and the other magicians, and even princess Jinhee. Seunghun, however, was a totally different story because you weren’t just friends, you knew that. You could feel it in your bones now; after the infirmary, you couldn’t go back to how things had been before, it was just a matter of time before you fully gave in to your emotions, and you both feared that moment and waited for it to happen.

In the meantime, you went on your usual evening strolls when the weather and your duties allowed, Hyunsuk visited you one weekend to bring over some night-blooming flower lotion and some home-made kimchi from Yonghee (who had been nothing but grateful for the opportunity to work with his friend), and then, you went home for the weekend with Seunghun. In the beginning, you had felt like it would be a burden for the soldier to come with you since there was only a slim chance that anything could happen to you, let alone you losing your life. However, after a while, you had realised that he would have been more bothered by the fact that he couldn’t have accompanied you, so you let go of this concern.

Usually, you left the palace early in the morning and came back later at night, but this time, Hyunsuk and Seunghun got way too competitive when it came to a round of children’s games, and kept competing until you told them that it was time to leave. Your suggestion wasn’t approved by either of them, so you gave in to staying for the night. Once they had enough of the games, Hyunsuk washed up first, then Seunghun (who was given Hyunsuk’s clothes yet again to sleep in something clean), and after that, it was your turn.

However, when you came out of the washroom in your nightgown and wished goodnight for both of the boys who had agreed on sleeping together in Hyunsuk’s room, your brother closed the door on himself and locked it from the inside.

“Wait! I thought Seunghun would be sleeping in your room,” you shouted after him after exchanging a puzzled glance with the soldier. You could imagine Hyunsuk leaving you without a reply, but at least he shouted back:

“Not a chance. He’s all yours.”

You didn’t know what to do with your little brother’s sudden behaviour, but you tried to make it as casual as possible when you suggested different options for Seunghun. The jet-black-haired boy couldn’t accept your offer of staying in your room on a mattress beside your bed. Instead, he brought the mattress out of the storage room to the living room, beside the fireplace. He even cracked a joke about that particular spot being familiar since Hyunsuk had told him about how he had been placed there when your brother had walked into the house on the night you had met.

You bid your goodbye to Seunghun afterwards who singsonged a goodnight to you, and you headed back to your room with butterflies in your stomach. Sleep didn’t even come to you easily, and you kept tossing and turning in bed until you had to use the restroom. You tried to be as quiet as possible because the restroom was on the other side of the living room, meaning that you had to cross the living room to get there. Seunghun, however, was with his back to you when you walked past him, so you assumed that he was sleeping.

Nevertheless, when you were about to walk back to your room, you noticed him turning towards you.

“I’m sorry. Was I too loud?” You whispered tentatively, halting in your steps. The boy shook his head, a gentle smile forming on his lips. He didn’t seem weary, there was no sleep in his eyes, so you believed that he was telling the truth.

“Not at all. I couldn’t sleep either way.”

“Are you uncomfortable?”

“No,” he shook his head yet again before you could think of making adjustments in case he was uncomfortable beside the fireplace.

You bobbed your head as you received his answer, unsure what to say. You felt like you could just sit beside him and talk for hours just like you did during your night strolls at the court, but you weren’t sure that it was the time or place for that. Before you could overthink the matter though, Seunghun broke the momentary silence.

“Actually, I have something to say,” he announced confidently, waiting for you to potentially go against his words if you wanted. Since you were all ears, you prompted him to go on as you lowered yourself onto his mattress, so that you could be at eye-level with him. He also pushed himself up into a sitting position, so you were face-to-face, just like at the infirmary.

“I pressed you about being worried about me because I feared that you might feel like you have to do so. Because of our bond, you know. I don’t want you to feel like you must do something because of me. And I had this silly thought too… That you might like me, but you feel like you have to because of the fact that we are tied.”

Your heart skipped a beat when the word ‘like’ rolled off his tongue. His voice was tender, his words even more so, and the look he gave you was nothing but affectionate. Still, there was a hint of doubt in his orbs, the seed of uncertainty planted in his features from his tensed shoulders to the way he fumbled with the ends of the blanket in his hands. This moment, of him being so raw and concerned and uncertain, scared you a bit for you had never seen him in such a state. This moment was like a glass bead that could break if you were hasty with your answer or if you didn’t word yourself right.

“Do you only care about me because of our bond?” You tested the waters, not taking your eyes off him. He seemed a bit taken aback by your question; not hurt, but instead, bewildered that you would have ever dared to assume such a thing.

“No. That’s so not true.” He shook his head fervently, many different emotions crossing the sky of his orbs. He might not have realised why you asked about this out of the blue, but his shoulders easened when your lips curled into an understanding smile.

“It’s the same for me,” you reassured him first things first. You wanted to tell him all about your feelings so badly, but you needed to pluck up your courage. Instead, you reached for his hands first. He was reluctant to let go of the blanket he was still toying with, but when you peeled his fingers off the material, he let you hold onto him just like you had let him hold onto you at the infirmary. He looked down at your hands for a moment before looking up at you again, and there it was, his signature tender smile that you loved so much.

As if it was the one thing that prompted you to speak up, you found yourself delivering your confession; by the crackling fireplace, over your intertwined fingers and through the rapid beating of your heart.

“I like you, Seunghun. Not the one I’m tied to, but the soldier who’s loyal to his friends, who would do anything to make others around him happy, and who always remembers every little thing about me. I like you for who you are, not what you are,” you emphasised, squeezing his hand in the meantime.

Seunghun looked at you as if he had looked at you for the first time. He didn’t move for a few seconds as if he was still trying to process what you had just said, but then, he didn’t hesitate. He leaned forward to continue what he had started back at the infirmary, and you didn’t protest. You kept looking into his warm, mahogany eyes, swimming in them, drowning in them, letting the waves crash over you as his lips touched yours. Your eyelids shut unconsciously, and for a moment, there was only him, only you, only him and you.

You felt Seunghun lean back from the kiss, and you opened your eyes to see a fully blossomed smile tinting his plush lips. He seemed radiant like the first ray of sunshine in the morning after a stormy night, and your heart felt warm just by the sight. You would have never thought you would be the one to make him so happy one day because he gave away so much of himself to others, but you were delighted and a bit shy that you could make him beam like that.

“Gosh, I like you so much,” Seunghun exclaimed, his voice and face and heart full of love as he crushed you into a hug, and kept you in his arms tightly. You felt yourself melting into his embrace, feeling safe and sound, vulnerable and well-protected at the same time.

You were in such an ecstatic state that you were only made aware of your surroundings when you heard a key turning, and in a blink of an eye, Hyunsuk opened the door of his room just to lean towards the door frame, eyeing you two hugging each other.

“It was time,” he grumbled, but there was a mischievous smile in the corner of his lips, so you could tell that his annoyance was fake. You knew him enough to know very well that he had seen it coming.

“Did you hear everything?” You guessed frantically as you let go of each other with the soldier to turn towards your brother. Nonetheless, your fingers were still intertwined.

“Yes, so now that’s done, don’t be too loud. I want to have a peaceful sleep,” he semi-warned you, but there was still that cheeky smile on his lips.

Once Hyunsuk went back to his room again, you exchanged a glance with Seunghun, only to start giggling. Then, you felt his arms around you yet again, and you eased into his touch, his warmth already familiar despite it being so new still.

“This feels like a dream,” the boy sighed into the embrace, and you could only share his sentiment. This really did feel like a dream, the best kind, that made your heart flutter and your cheeks flush. On the other hand, it was your here and now, and you weren’t ready to let go of it anytime soon.

“Hopefully, it won’t end soon.”

“It won’t,” Seunghun insisted, newfound confidence lacing his words. “We’ll keep on dreaming together for a long, long, long, long time,” he emphasised quite playfully, but when he let go of you, and you looked into each other’s eyes again, you knew that he was being serious.

“I can’t wait.”

“Me neither,” he replied, albeit a bit coyly, and you giggled yet again. It really felt like a dream you didn’t want to wake up from, it was so warm, so comforting, so hopeful.

You might have been the one to save Seunghun on that fateful night, to forever seal your fate together, but you felt like he had saved you, too. He was your phoenix that rose from the ashes despite the hardships life had thrown at him ever since he had been really young, and you were his fireflower; growing from even the toughest grounds through the toughest circumstances and blooming for him, only him.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed the twist with Seunghun’s phoenix form. Since phoenixes are usually red and gold, the idea came to my mind seeing his red hair that he should have red hair in his phoenix form, and when he turns to ashes and reborns as a human, his hair turns back to pitch-black. That was basically where it evolved form. I don’t write a lot of fantasies, so let me know if you have any questions regarding the fantasy world in the story. 🥰

All in all, I hope you enjoyed the story! Thank you so much for reading it! ❤️

If you want to read more stories of mine, let it be for CIX or for other bands, consider signing up for my taglist here.

Since I’ve gotten quite attached to the side characters in the story, I have some possible spin-off ideas.

VOTE FOR SPIN-OFFS HERE!

#cix #seunghun #cix imagines #cix scenarios #seunghun imagines #seunghun scenarios #cix x reader #cix x you #cix fluff #seunghun fluff #cix fantasy #seunghun fantasy #kim seunghun scenarios #kim seunghun imagines #kim seunghun x reader #kim seunghun x you

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dalivanmagritte · 9 months

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FIC REC : MULTI GROUPS

CIX

kim seunghun

you're my fireflower (fav!, fluff, angst, knight!au, witch!au, warrior!au, hybrid!au)

panty line crime and punishment (smut, office!au, ceo!au)

bae jinyoung

camboy (smut, camboy!au)

never forever (fluff, angst, royal!au)

yoon hyunsuk

bunny effect (smut)

kinky tarot reading (astrology, smut)

first (fluffy smut)

ENHYPEN

sim jake

not off limits (fluff, bestfriend's brother!au

THEBOYZ

eric sohn

san francisco vapor (fluff, angst, reincarnation!au, greekmythology!au)

sunburnt (fluff, pharmacist!au)

batter up! (luff, baseball!au)

all good boys (fluff)

coffee, waffles & the boy next door (fluff, neighbour!au)

summer nights (fluff)

endless race (finished serie, streetracer!au, mechanic!au, angst, fluff)

lee juyeon

splash! (fluff, lifeguard!au)

ATEEZ

first flight to hongkong (freaky ver) (basically a gangbang)

cleopatra part.1 (all members)

wooyoung:

déjà vu: i want you so bad (smut, fluff, college!au)

#fic rec #cix #baejinyoung #seunghun #yoon hyunsuk #enhypen #sim jake #the boyz #eric sohn #juyeon #smut #fluff #angst #kpop fic rec #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #cix scenarios #cix imagines

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dat-town · 4 months

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you are the knife i turn inside myself (that is love)

Characters: Seunghun & OC (Jieun)

Setting & genre: angst, hurt/comfort, set in the world of Save Me Kill Me MV

Summary: Jieun had always been an enigma. Yet, Seunghun can’t stop loving her.

Warnings: mentions of suicide (Yonghee’s), past attempted suicide (MC), bullying, parents’ divorce and neglectful behaviour (MC’s), deceased parents (Seunghun’s), academic pressure, depression (MC’s), therapy ‒ if any of these topics are triggering for you, please don’t interact with the fic. if you would like to know what to expect under any warning beforehand, feel free to send me an ask

International suicide hotline: https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/

Words: 6k

Author’s note: it’s a spin-off to in your eyes i see another me, for my convenience I named the previous reader, as Jinah. I don’t think it’s a must to read it but it gives more context. Heavily inspired by the CIX story films and Save Me Kill Me MV, so the boys’ characters resemble that more than their idol personality. This story is heavily Seunghun-centric.

Title taken from Kafka, read the meaning here.

For @restlessmaknae, thank you for always being such a supporter, for introducing me to new music (and groups) and for fangirling with me over fictional characters or real people in general. I hope next year you find a place where they appreciate you the way you deserve it and that it will be a better one health-wise. I wish you more (kpop) concerts, travel experiences and happiness! love you <3

Seunghun couldn't tell when exactly he fell in love with Jieun. Was it love at first sight? The way her fringe had fallen into her dark eyes, the fierce fire in them, the way she had looked at him like everything was a challenge ever since the first day of high school? Or was it much later when she had held his trembling hand during his mother's funeral?

Seunghun wasn't sure but he knew one thing: he didn't remember how it was to not be in love with her. That's why it hurt when he started to notice her building up walls, acting weird and hanging out with Byounggon more. The boy told himself he wasn't jealous, he had nothing against the other guy after all, but lying could only take him that far.

Then his whole world turned upside down when it turned out that Jieun had a twin who pretended to be her while she was in a hospital. In a coma. Because of attempted suicide.

It was like an ice cold shower because Seunghun would rather have Jieun be with somebody else than dead. Or in pain. But Jieun was like a rose with sharp thorns, so to love her was like handing her a knife, ready to be hurt.

The smell of the hospital was the same. Seunghun remembered it all too well. It didn't matter that it wasn't the same building or that months had passed. He had spent too much time beside Yonghee's bed, praying that he wouldn't leave like his mom, to forget. And now here he was, right by the unconscious Jieun's side doing the same.

She looked so vulnerable in the hospital bed, all pale and put on machines that kept her alive. So unlike how she really was: wild and lively like ember among ash. Whenever Seunghun came to visit, his heart sank at the sight and he couldn't help checking the heart monitor just to make sure. Hoping that one of these days it would be different, that she would open her eyes and everything would be okay. What a wishful thinking but it's not like he had anything better to do.

"Your sister comes back from the UK tomorrow. You should see Byounggon, he's like an excited puppy," he recited, sitting on the uncomfortable metal chair next to Jieun's bed. He didn't believe she heard him but the nurses told him it could help, so he did his best. It made it feel less weird too, just being there, silent, watching her sleep. Like this, he could pretend they were gossiping, like she could chuckle anytime soon and call him out on his bullshit when he exaggerated. Not this time though; ever since Jinah notified them that she had finished all her final exams and was heading back to Seoul for the summer, Byounggon was restless. "How long do you think it will take them to get together officially? We all saw how they looked at each other and long distance can't be an excuse now."

Honestly, given Jieun's and Byounggon's arguing history, Seunghun didn't think the girl would have been thrilled to know that her twin got so close with the guy, but he would have rather taken her frustration than her silence at this point. He would have given anything for her to wake up. Maybe he was selfish but he wasn't ready to lose her too. Too many good people had left them last year.

"I miss you," he whispered, toying with a loose thread of her thin duvet. The realization wasn't sudden but his confession was. It tasted bittersweet on his tongue or like sour candy.

Seunghun gulped while watching Jieun's porcelain face, her dark lashes and listened to the rhythmical beeps of the machine beside her. Nothing even stirred. Gently, he reached out to take her hand in his, so cold against his sweaty palms, so still and unlike her. Jieun wasn't fond of public displays of affection after all. He sometimes got away with a brief hug or nudge on the shoulder, but Jieun was often quick to pull away. But she was like that with everybody, so Seunghun didn't take it to heart.

He squeezed her hand softly, suddenly nervous at being so daring, but naively he hoped that maybe the cliché things from dramas would turn out to be true for once. But no, even as he stood up to leave and let go of her pale hands, the heart monitor's beeps remained steady.

With Jinah back in town, they had one more person at those Saturday hang outs Hyunsuk liked to call movie nights in honour of the film club they used to be a part of.

Eventually all of them had graduated, even Byounggon and Jinyoung had managed to do so without having to retake the senior year. Seunghun wasn't sure it would have happened without Jinah. Sure, her lying to them and impersonating her sister had been morally wrong but with her around they had all gotten a new perspective: that they all had something to live for and none of the people who had left them would have wanted them to feel otherwise. At first, Seunghun had thought that it had been naive to think so, so unlike Jieun, but then he had gotten to know about her in the hospital and realized that maybe it had been their pessimistic mindset of theirs all along that had pushed the girl to the edge.

Hyunsuk and Byeol had gotten into the same college, sociology majors – she had wanted to study that and he hadn't known what else to do –, and it was cute how they lived their campus romance. Jinyoung had started working in a coffee shop and whenever they visited him, female customers were making heart eyes at him. Byounggon had gotten a job at a convenience store and often took night shifts because he had always been a night owl (and because with the timezone difference, this way he could talk more with Jinah), but with her back in time, it was most likely up to change.

And Seunghun? He had taken on a few children's dance classes to teach and was studying for the civil worker exam. With house bills to pay he couldn't allow himself to dream big. With all of them pressed up against each other on a couch, watching a movie, he was already paying his dream coins thinking of Jieun – that she would make faces but like this anyway –, wishing she was there.

It was almost the end of the visiting hours when Seunghun woke up. He didn't mean to fall asleep over Jieun's hospital bed, arms folded like a pillow but he was up late learning a new choreography. He loved the lack of crushing thoughts when he was dancing, the soreness in his muscles and the beats of music the only thing he was aware of. No what ifs or guilt or anxiousness, just dance. Except when Jieun had been watching him dance before because then his thoughts had been all about her.

The boy startled and pulled back, scooting back in his chair. He yawned as he rubbed his eyes. Then he froze, eyes widening.

Jieun was watching him.

Her eyes were misty and unfocused but she was awake. Seunghun stood up so vehemently that he almost knocked his chair back. Her name was a prayer of gratitude as he called it. The soft sound made the girl focus on him. Breathing through the plastic mask over her face, heartbeat measured by the wires put on her body, white hospital grown over her pale skin, Jieun seemed like a stranger but her eyes, they were still the same: sad but with fire in them.

Seunghun held his breath while a single drop of tear rolled down Jieun's temple, then she closed her eyes again right before the nurses arrived.

Seunghun was sent out while the doctors and nurses ran a million tests on the girl. He called Jinah and wrote in the group chat but he didn't know what else to do. He was pacing, walking up and down the corridor and while this was what he was waiting for, for her to wake up, it was also nerve-wrecking.

"How is she?" Seunghun ran up to the nurse who just came out of the room.

"Better than expected. But I can't tell you the details. Only family members are entitled to know medical details."

It left a sharp feeling in Seunghun's gut after spending in the hospital hours every week, but he wasn't surprised. He needed the family's permission to be able to visit too, so he didn't push it.

"Can I see her?" He asked instead, but the nurse looked at him uncertainly, with pity.

"I'm sorry but… the patient specifically said she doesn't want you to see her like that. Nobody apart from her family actually," she bobbed her head apologetically before hurrying away, leaving the boy behind.

Disheartened, Seunghun sank down onto the row of uncomfortable plastic chairs in the corridor and tried not to feel hurt. He knew how proud Jieun was, how much she hated to show weakness to others. He should have expected it, but it still stung.

He didn't know how much time had passed by the time the doctors and rest of the nurses left or when Jinah and Byounggon arrived. He just sat there, waiting, waiting. He wasn’t sure what for, not anymore.

Jinah told all of them that according to the doctors Jieun would make full recovery. She had to attend rehabilitation because she just spend months not moving and obligatory therapy due to the attempted suicide. She wasn't particularly happy about either of those nor having to repeat her senior year. But at least she didn't look like she was disappointed that she survived or so Jinah said. Not that they talked about it. Jieun wasn’t quite generous with words, not when it came to topics like this.

After a week of various examinations they would let her out of the hospital and she would spend two weeks in the mountains for recovery. Three weeks until Seunghun could see her again. If she was ready then.

"Seunghun, you are a beat behind. Where's your mind at?" His dance teacher's scolding pulled him out of his running thoughts.

Thoughts around and about her. Always her.

"Sorry," he mumbled and tried not to think of Jieun.

But he saw her even when he closed his eyes.

Jieun was alive and awake yet she had never felt farther. Seunghun's messages went unread on her phone and he only knew what was happening to her from Jinah. It felt wrong. Weren't they supposed to be best friends? When had it all gone wrong?

When she had jumped? Or when Yonghee had done?

Or when he had fallen in love?

Seunghun felt like she was slipping through his fingers like sand. It was almost like he was losing her all over again. For real, this time.

People said that it was natural to drift apart with your friends after school, once you didn't see each other every day, but he couldn't let go. He knew it wasn't about him graduating. Jieun was avoiding him. Seunghun told himself that she must have needed time. She was one of the strongest people he knew and she hated when she was seen as weak or vulnerable, she must have resented that he had been with her in the hospital. But how could he have not? At least he had been close to her that way.

The day after Jieun got back from the mountains, Seunghun got a text in the middle of his teens class. It was one simple message:

Can we meet?

His heart thrummed like a traitor when he saw it. He was sweaty and tired, but he wouldn't have missed out on the opportunity.

They agreed to meet at the park they often hung out later that night. Seunghun was more nervous than he would have liked to admit. His hands got clammy again after taking a quick shower and water droplets were still falling from his hair when he jumped on the bus. He was drumming on his knees to the rhythm of his heart, a jumpy little dance.

He didn't know what to expect. After months of not talking to Jieun, he wasn't sure. After her not wanting him to see her, he got even more uncertain. He kept replaying their last conversation. The one Jinah had confirmed wasn't with her. The way Jieun had smiled at him, nudged him playfully and stolen his fries. It had been painfully normal. He had used to beat himself up over not noticing the signs but all of them had been a mess after what had happened with Yonghee and Seunghun had been busy with his mother's funeral too. There had been a new norm after that, nothing had been the same, so nothing had felt out of the ordinary. Nothing had felt like ‘Yonghee all over again’.

Jieun was already there when he got to the park. She sat on a bench with her long hair falling onto her shoulders, moonlight shining on her fair skin beautifully. She wore her signature eyeliner and black nail polish which reminded Seunghun of times before she got to the hospital where she was pale and bare faced, looking young, innocent and so so fragile. Seeing her again like this knocked the air out of the boy.

"Hey," she looked up, straightening her spine a bit once she was aware of his presence. The small movement didn't sit well with Seunghun. They were closer than to act differently around each other… Or so he thought they were.

"Hey," he echoed and took the seat next to her, his hands gripping on the edge of the bench. It felt unreal, being so close to her again, and she was awake, warm and real. "You… you look better."

It was a clumsy compliment but Seunghun knew Jieun would have never let him get away with calling her pretty or something like that. She didn't like that and the boy never knew why but according to Jinah they were always compared based on their academics and looks too. Early signs of Jieun's rebellion came with her going against what their parents would have liked to see her as: the ideal, well-behaving, perfect little angel.

"Better than half-dead in the hospital? Jeez, thanks," the girl snorted and her tone made Seunghun wince. Joking with her almost dying wasn't funny to him. He didn't say anything though, so silence embraced them for an uncomfortable moment.

"I'm sorry," Jieun sighed eventually and she sounded sincere.

Seunghun wasn't sure why she apologized though. For the insensitive joke? For ignoring his messages? For not letting him visit her in the hospital once she was awake? Or for the reason she had been at the hospital in the first place? Nevertheless, Seunghun shook his head, not wanting her to blame herself.

"Don't be."

"I am," she insisted, her eyes intense when their gazes met. "I never wanted to hurt you."

The boy sucked in a breath.

He was at fault too: he cared too much. But he couldn't say it was okay nor he could say he wasn't hurt. He was so damn confused at the same time as he was just happy to have her back. Because she was back, right? She wouldn't disappear like that again?

He wanted to ask. He wanted to beg even though he didn't have the right to tell her what to do. He wanted her to stay, but they didn't talk about it, about the elephant in the room, since everything was still so fragile.

Instead Seunghun looked into her deep dark night of her eyes and smiled.

"I missed you," he said.

Stay with me, he wished.

"I missed you, too," she said with the smallest of genuine smiles in the corner of her mouth.

For then, it was enough.

Admittedly, Seunghun had feared that Jieun wanted to meet because she would have preferred to cut ties with him, that it would have been a goodbye, maybe her moving away or just trying to start a new life. He was terribly relieved when it turned out that she just didn't want to apologize over messages for being distant ever since she woke up. She just needed time and space and she didn't like the idea of him wasting his time beside her hospital bed like he had done with Yonghee, too. He wouldn't have called it a waste of time though, he'd had nothing better to do and he had wanted to be there for them. Since he hadn’t been able to help, this was something he could have at least done. But convincing Jieun something like this was a lost cause and he didn't want to argue. A part of him just wanted things to go back as they were but another part of him, the one that wasn't a coward, wanted to be mature about it and talk it through. But he was afraid Jieun would put her walls up and shut him out then and he didn't want to lose her. He knew how much she disliked that therapy already that she had to attend for a year.

So Seunghun did the next best thing he could think of: making sure Jieun had reasons to live. He started writing a list, a list that he hoped would never end, of things that he knew she wanted to do, achieve or see. Be it a band concert, a trip to Gangnueng or just a choker she bookmarked on her phone. He knew her well and long enough to easily come up with a dozen list items but the hardest part was being smooth enough at delivering these that Jieun wouldn't call him out on it.

Like when they were out late again one night and he thought using that excuse that he was hungry would be enough to suppress her doubts.

"It's just so random," she grumbled when he told her dinner would be on him. It wasn't even anything fancy, just bibimbap that she always loved.

"I wanted to take you out from my first paycheck but you weren't awake then, so here we are," he echoed the practiced explanation. Technically it wasn't even a lie, he had wanted to do that. But now he had one more reason to.

When they crossed an item off his unwritten list, Seunghun added two more points in its place. With time, it turned into a little bucket list about things he wanted to do with her. Hyunsuk teased him that it was almost like he was planning dates for them and Seunghun had to make him promise not to call them dates out loud in front of Jieun. So what if he wanted to try out the new bingsu place with her or watch falling stars together or discover old record stores? He just wanted to be with her.

He knew it was only a matter of time that Jieun noticed the pattern and actually said something about it and then it would end. Seunghun guessed she kind of already knew, she just entertained him by letting him throw in a new idea for every weekend. Sometimes she asked if he shouldn't have studied instead but eventually let him be after listening to his nonsense excuses like how taking a break would fuel his productivity eventually.

Seunghun thought he could act like nothing had happened. Because it seemed like this was what Jieun wanted.

But sometimes he just couldn't.

"Jinah told us that you went to a psychologist," he said quietly after they visited Yonghee and his steps halted when Jieun fell behind.

"She shouldn't have. She had no right," she snapped, sounding both cold and angry at the same time, brushing past him, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

It was exactly what Seunghun wanted to avoid, but the cat was already out of the bag, so he didn’t want it to be an affair to brush off. He caught up with the girl, grabbing her wrist just temporarily to stop her and slip in front of her vision.

"You could have told me," he added, quiet and gentle, and Jieun's anger seemed to fade. She always seemed to soften just a bit when it came to him. Maybe that was also a reason why he fell for her. Because she made him feel special.

"You were struggling already because of your mom on top of what happened with Yonghee," she reasoned and Seunghun wished that she would have been more selfish than that. How could she have thought that her struggles would have been too much on top of everything as if she mattered less to him?

The boy sighed, shaking his head.

"That's not the only reason," he argued because he knew her and she respected him enough not to deny.

"That's not the only reason," she agreed, keeping eye contact. Brave, brave Jieun, why was she so afraid of showing vulnerability as if it was a weakness? Didn't she know that he wouldn't have thought less of her because of something like that?

"Can you tell me now? What happened? I would have never thought that you…" Seunghun wasn’t sure how to finish the sentence and it was probably the worst timing and not the best location either. But at least the streets were vacant and they were the only people under this alcove. The stars would keep their secrets.

"I wanted to know how Yonghee felt," Jieun shrugged, trying to play it off but Seunghun saw the nervousness in her movements, the way she put her weight from one leg to the other. “Was he scared? Was it fast? Did it hurt? Maybe if it was fast and painless, it would be easier to accept it.”

Seunghun imagined her walking over the bridge, watching the river rush by underneath her and thinking of Yonghee. Of the boy with the gentlest soul and all those bruises on his fair skin. He imagined her screaming and reckless, finding comfort in the dark and the waves. The impact of her jump held magnitudes. It could never be fast and painless, not for those who loved them.

“Do you know what was the last thing I told him?” Jieun asked but Seunghun didn’t answer.

How could he have known when she had never told him? What he knew was that she had gotten into an argument with Yonghee not much before he had left them. But that was nothing new, Jieun had got into her fair share of arguments with all of them, especially Byounggon, because she was like an ember, fierce and restless. Yonghee had known this, he had known that her words were sometimes harsher than she intended.

“I called him a coward. I told him he was weak. That if he wasn’t going to stand up for himself, it’s like he’s letting them kill him,” Jieun’s lips trembled and she looked away, her voice getting breathy. “We were his safe space and I made him feel like he was a disappointment. I…”

A sob escaped her. It was so sudden that Seunghun didn’t see it coming. He had never seen Jieun cry. Not at Yonghee’s funeral, not when she had broken her arm trying a skateboarding trick in their freshman year. Yet, it was like an instinct: winding his arms around her, pulling her into his embrace. He half-expected her to push him away, to build up the walls once again just to prove that she was strong and independent. But maybe, finally she knew that from time to time it was okay to be vulnerable, with the right people it wasn’t a bad thing.

“I… What if that was the last straw? What if it was like I pushed him over the edge?” She sobbed into his shirt and he held her tighter as if he could keep her together as she was spiralling down. He had no idea she held so much guilt and grief inside.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he whispered into her hair and murmured other reassuring words while storing her back. Yes, they were all bystanders and maybe they could have offered help, could have pushed more but Yonghee had loved them and he insisted that he was okay. There was no way they could have known what had been going on behind his smiles.

Jieun cried for a long time. Years worth of tears dried up on Seunghun’s white tee as she pulled back and wiped away the rest from her cheeks.

“Shit. I shouldn’t have dumped all that on you,” she sighed, her voice raspy from all that crying and the boy practically saw her build up her walls level by level as she composed her facial expressions and wiped away her smudged makeup. She was mentally running away, so the boy told her the only words he thought that could stop her.

"Jieun... you are the strongest person I know."

The girl blinked at him in disbelief, his reflection clear in her shiny eyes.

"Do you really still think that?" She asked ironically with the certainty of someone ragged and patched up, scars from her fall still fading into her pale skin. But to him, she had never been broken.

"Yeah, I really do," Seunghun nodded, convinced and genuine.

She had never looked stronger.

Seunghun was hovering over his textbooks in the pleasant warmth the coffee shop where Jinyoung worked provided when somebody stopped by his table. His first thought was the barista boy but the mellow female voice that greeted him proved him wrong. Even after months of knowing Jinah, sometimes the striking similarity of the twins still surprised him. Most likely because he had spent years without knowing about the other girl's existence. But now that he knew and the girl stopped pretending to be Jieun, it was also painfully obvious in just how many subtle ways they were different. It wasn't just about the lack of eyeliner – which Byounggon had noticed since day one –, but the way they styled their hair, the way they dressed or the way they talked. There was that warm smile on Jinah's face too that Jieun so rarely showed. Looking back it was impossible to not tell them apart.

"Hi, how's studying?" She asked, sounding sincerely curious as her fingers intertwined over her iced frappé.

"As okay as it can get," the boy shrugged, straightening his back, using her presence as an excuse to focus on something else other than the material. "And what are you doing here?"

"Just getting coffee while I wait for Gon to finish his shift," she explained and glanced at her watch, checking the time, before pointing at the chair across from Seunghun. "Can I join you until then?"

"Sure," the boy nodded, trying not to show any lingering awkwardness that remained from the time when she had been pretending to be Jieun. He wasn't angry at her anymore, he understood her reason no matter how wild it was but he still couldn't forget the confusion he had felt when he had thought he had been starting to lose Jieun to Byounggon only to realize that it hadn’t been her to begin with.

Small talk with Jinah wasn't as awkward as he thought though. He asked her about how she was holding up in the Korean summer weather and told her about his upcoming civil servant exam. Only when they seemed to run out of easy topics like that did she bring up her sister.

"Did Jieun tell you anything about Gon and me?" She asked, fidgeting with her napkin.

Seunghun furrowed his eyebrows. Why would they have talked about them? Was something up? Should he have known something? He thought things were going well.

"Uhm, no. Why?"

Jinah seemed a bit uncertain at the outright question. She was probably embarrassed to bring it up herself.

"She doesn't really like him, huh?" She whispered, tapping her nails against the glass. "And it's not like I need her approval but... she's still my sister, you know."

Well, Seunghun didn't know. He didn't have any siblings and up until last year he had no idea Jieun had. But after getting to know Jinah and their close bond with her twin despite being separated for years, he thought he understood why she felt that way.

"Jieun doesn't hate Byounggon or anything like that. They are just too similar in a way," he told her eventually, thinking of how vocal they both could be about their opinions, how fierce they could fight for their loved ones or how reckless they could be if they thought it was the right thing to do. They had similar enough personalities to clash because neither of them liked to be proven wrong... or seen vulnerable. They were the lone wolves that could lead packs. "Maybe the same reason why she doesn't think she is fit for happiness is why she would prefer if you stayed away from him."

Jieun was good at holding grudges but the one she forgave the hardest was herself. As if she didn't deserve it just because she made some honest-to-god mistakes.

"The same way she stays away from you?" Jinah asked and Seunghun's eyes widened, his ears on fire.

"Did she–"

"She didn't need to say anything, but I can tell that she is guarded whenever it's about you. She cares about you, a lot, but she doesn't want others to know," Jinah interrupted him before he could have asked and yeah, that sounded very much like Jieun. "While I was pretending to be her, I heard girls whispering that she didn't deserve you. That's also probably why she had 'bitch' written over her locker and who knows what else happened to her that made her think it would be a bad idea to… let you closer, I guess."

Seunghun hummed, more to himself than to her, his hands in fists, knuckles white in his lap. Was he a bad friend for not knowing about it? For thinking that something so petty couldn't get to Jieun?

He wasn't sure he had the right to ask more even if Jinah knew more, so he stayed silent and then watched Jinah's face brighten and following her gaze, he saw Byounggon by the door, with the same, small but happy smile on his face. They were so obviously in love that it made Seunghun wonder when it had stopped hurting for them.

Seunghun made a plan. It wasn’t a very thorough or foolproof plan but summer was ending and he really should have stopped being a coward. Life was short and he didn’t want to live with regrets.

He asked Jieun to meet at the playground in the park where they often hang out. This late it was empty and Seunghun was sitting on one of the two metal swings, enjoying the last of the summer breeze in his face. Jieun arrived with soft steps and a not so soft push on his swing. Her laughter that followed his yelp was a chime of bells in the night.

"So what's the occasion?" She asked, straight to the point, taking a seat next to him, not yet sensing his nervousness, so the boy decided it was better to just tip off the bandage.

"I thought we could get away from the city before you go back to school," he said once he was sitting up straight again. He reached into his backpack and handed her a return train ticket to Gangneung, her favorite beach town. She took it with a frown, her surprise morphing into something akin to embarrassment mixed with frustration. Not a good sign but the boy tried not to lose hope as he waited patiently for her to say something.

"You don't have to do this. You don't have to, I don’t know, trying to convince me that life is beautiful or whatever," Jieun scoffed but her fingers grazed across the paper ticket in her hands like it was something precious. Her addition almost sounded like resignation. "I don't want to die."

The not anymore echoed somewhere between them.

"I know. But I want to do these things with you," Seunghun insisted because it wasn't just about that. What happened to her made him realize that life was fragile and fleeting, he didn't have all the time in the world to wait around for a chance with her. He didn't want to procrastinate these plans anymore.

But it wasn't enough for Jieun, it never was. She liked logic and reasons and the truth.

"Why?" She asked firmly and Seunghun felt like he was held at gunpoint.

Because we are best friends sounded like a lie.

"I want to be the one you do these things with," he admitted and it sounded like a confession. He didn't plan it but his voice softened as he looked at her, his eyes were probably full of the longing he tried to hide so hard all these years because he knew she would reject him for a better or worse reason.

"Seunghun…" Jieun sighed and he thought this was it, she knew and she would reject him. Of course, she knew. He wasn't exactly subtle, even Jinah knew and she knew him for the least amount of time. Jieun looked at him and the boy held his breath, waiting for the blow. The invisible gun, aimed at his heart, fired. "You deserve better. I'm such a mess and a bad influence. You deserve a pretty girl who is kind and patient."

It didn't hurt as much as he expected. Jieun said nothing about her feelings or that his were ridiculous or one-sided. She just said what she thought was true because she had no idea how he saw her, how much he could thank her. She might not have been the conventional idea of pretty but to him, she was the prettiest. And bad influence? When it was her who pushed him to believe in himself and keep trying because he could do anything?

"I don't want anybody else," he said because he knew he couldn't have convinced her of anything else. “I like you.”

Jieun abruptly stood up from her swing and leaned over him, grabbing the metal chains to support herself just above his hands, her hair falling around them like a silk curtain and her warm breath fanning over his skin. Seunghun felt heat rush to his cheeks as he kept eye contact and warmth spread through his whole body from the point where her pinky brushed against his fingers.

"Why me?" Jieun asked and it was the most ridiculous question because the boy couldn't have said why it could not have been her.

The girl who had taken the blame when they had gotten caught being late from school because there had been a long queue for the waffle they had bought before classes. The one who had been there for more of his dance recitals than his own parents. The only one who had told him he could do it even when he hadn’t believed it. His safe place. His first love.

"It could never be anybody else," he whispered. He didn't mean it literally and she knew it. There were girls who had approached him before both in class and at the dance academy but he didn't care. To him, there was only Jieun.

"Idiot," she murmured but there was no edge to her words, only fondness. She sat back down on the swing next to him, feet kicking sand.

Seunghun turned to her, watching her expressions closely before he reached for her hand. First, he just tentatively held it, half-expecting Jieun to pull away, like she always did but when she didn't, he intertwined their fingers. They were both holding on.

What was love if not this? Feeling content just by sharing a space, this kind of closeness between two people? Knowing that by being vulnerable with them, they could hurt you and yet you willingly give them the power because you hope they wouldn't? Why? Because they love you too.

#cix angst #cix scenarios #seunghun angst #seunghun scenarios #cix seunghun #stories

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violet211221 · 2 years

Text

pairing: seungmin x reader

genre: best friends, real person fiction tw: mentioning the teasing fight between friends short summary: your best friend has been playing with fire and now he needs your help a/n: if you like what I do, you can also find me on Instagram at: @straykidssphone

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astroyongie · 2 years

Note

Cix red flags, pls! 🙇‍♀️ Thank you!

CIX Red Flags

Note: please remember this is simply based on their astrological charts !

Unstable emotional

Has mood swings

During an argument he has the tendency to play victim

To blame himself

And it’s impossible to make him see reality of things

He would also act selfish about certain things

Sometimes good emotions are so intense he might be aggressive

Or overall uncontrolled

In love his red flags are being emotionally distant

Has a hard time showing his feelings

Might cheat

Seunghun

On arguments he is exactly like BX

Meaning he always blames himself and plays victim

And gets so far up his lies and mind that he can’t accept things

Even if he knows he isn’t right.

He would act pouty and distant

Hold grudges

A little bit to mistrustful and jealous too

In love he often forgets about his partner

Selfish side

Demands a lot as well

Emotionally sensitive

A little bit manipulative as well

Yonghee

He puts his work before his relationship

And his projects and goals will always come first

Hard time showing love

Emotionally he is get sensitive as well

And he can get self destructive

Manipulative tendencies

During arguments he stays silent

He nods and don’t communicate

Usually brushes it off

But he also has anger issues

So that’s why he prefers not to say anything

And just walk away from things

Bae

You never know about him

Sometimes he acts like you are the best thing on his life

Other times he ignores you

The No in between is hard

Emotionally he can be very egocentric

He thinks a lot about his own emotions and not enough about yours

Despite his good heart, it’s him first

Dramatic. Like a lot

During arguments he is so stubborn

It’s impossible to make him change his opinion

He just doesn’t care

Extremely possessive on his relationships

And he likes to be taken care of but lacks initiatives to take care of his partner

Hyunsuk

Emotionally speaking he is complicated

Loves you but doesn’t shows it

And he only believes on his own emotions

It’s hard to get inside his head

During arguments he always changes versions

You might think he lies

Or that he is simply trying to please you

Plus he acts recklessly

As if he didn’t care at all

Takes too many risks with your relationships without asking you first

As a lover he often thinks about himself more than about his partner

Puts his needs first

Very demanding

#cix #cix astrology #cix reactions #cix headcanons #cix imagines #cix scenarios #cix BX #cix seunghun #cix bae jinyoung #cix yonghee #cix hyunsuk

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iwillgiveyoumyhappiness · 2 years

Note

What do you think makes cix horny?? Like what do you think makes them want to pin you against a wall 😳

Cause ngl I feel like even the quiet ones would have their moments

Byounggon: When you dress up, specially for him. Whether that's lingerie or an off-the-shoulder dress for a dinner party, he feels touched (and turned on) by the effort you put in for him. He always thinks you're gorgeous, but it's really a whole other level when you pamper yourself and really feel beautiful. He loves the idea of tainting the perfect look you've got going on. Messing up your hair, smudging your lipstick, sucking bruises onto your flawless skin. Though he'd like to make his intentions known right away, he usually makes himself wait, because the longer he thinks about it, the more eager he is when the timing actually comes about—and that leads to a fun night. All of his usual inhibitions are thrown out the window, 'cause as the outfit would entail... It's a special night.

Seunghun: Honestly, this dude's always good to go—any time, any place—so he just kinda follows your lead. If you're horny, so is he. Overall, it's gotta be your eyes that do it for him. If you give him The Look™ from across a crowded room or while standing in the doorway watching him strip out of his sweaty practice clothes, he can't help but smirk to himself like, "Yeahhhhh, she's into me," as if you aren't already dating. His mood can change in two seconds flat. He can be the sweetest, cuddliest teddy bear of a boyfriend, but the moment you send him signals, softness is the farthest thing from his mind.

Yonghee: I have a long-standing theory that Yonghee has sensitive ears, so pretty much anything you whisper to him sends shivers down his spine and sets his skin on fire—especially if it's a compliment. If you lean over during a dinner with the guys and say, "you look really good", even if it's completely innocent, he'll still feel his entire body tense up. It's a combination of things. Your fly-aways tickling his cheek and neck, the proximity, your warm breath against the sensitive shell of his ear, the fact that you always manage to smell so damn good. He really can't get enough of you, and that's on a normal day. He can usually calm himself and hold himself back pretty well, but imagine how crazy things get when you're specifically trying to turn him on.

Jinyoung: When you swear. He can't really pinpoint what it is, but when you swear during a rant, because you splashed some hot oil on your arm, or at him, blood goes rushing straight between his legs. He feels kinda bad about it sometimes, because swearing the way he likes means you're either annoyed, hurt, angry, or upset—but you always seem to feel much better after he helps your relieve your stress, so he can't feel too bad about it. But seriously though, if you're telling him to 'put his fucking socks in the laundry basket, 'cause he's a grown man and it's not that hard', he's pinning you to the wall and shoving his tongue down your throat real fast. He always slips into kicked puppy mode afterwards and apologizes though, 'cause he doesn't want you to feel like he's invalidating your feelings—you're just really sexy to him, in everything you do.

Hyunsuk: He's a simple man. Legs. Wear shorts or a skirt and he's already so far gone, it's almost embarrassing. You're not even trying to be sexy, you're just going about your day, yet he can't even control himself. Once he's comfortable with you and your relationship, he's not afraid to tell you when he's feelin' spicy, but he's also totally cool if you're not in the mood. If you let him cuddle with you and rub your legs, he'll be equally as satisfied (though he will playfully pout and say he's been cockblocked by his own girlfriend). Another thing that gets him going is when he sees you having fun without him. The independence and—in a way—your lack of reliance on him just really turns him on. He wants to make you need him.

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kyufessions · 2 years

Text

Losers

context: best friend! hyunsuk has had a developing crush on best friend! g.n. reader for quite some time, but terrified of confessing to them (featuring close friends! cix)

word count: 2.0k

warnings: fluff, just both clueless, making out at one point, some arguing but not too descriptive so i guess a tad bit of angst ?

a/n: clueless love struck hyunsuk </3 so cute ! i am in no way saying this is how any of them would act in the situation with reader x jinyoung (especially jinyoung), this is all fiction and in no way real.

—————-

everyone at the dorms absolutely adored you- they thought of you as their secret sixth member who laid low and kept them company most days. they’d even refer to you as a sibling of theirs (mainly byounggon and yonghee). but out of everyone, you were closest to hyunsuk. both of you were inseparable to be honest- always cuddling during movie nights and on facetime when not together. the other four would always tease about you two getting together eventually, but it’s been a good two years and nothing even remotely close has happened between you two to that extent.

something of that extent would have happened if hyunsuk wasn’t so terrified of making a move. everytime you even look at him it causes his heart to race; don’t even get him started when you fall asleep with your head on his shoulder because he could go on for hours. he liked everything about you, both inside and out. and everyone knew it too, except you of course. when it came to you, you were oblivious.

you liked hyunsuk at first, but as months turned into two years right before your eyes you decided to let your feelings subside. you figured he didn’t feel the same so you decided to attempt to move on. you would go on occasional dates, nothing too serious, but none of them started working out once you realized you had feelings for someone else besides hyunsuk as well. they only started around two months ago, but they were growing at a rapid pace. you had no clue how it happened, but here you were in the dorms. alone. with said person.

hyunsuk had been out running errands, making sure to be back in time before you had gotten there. he even picked up some of your favorites from the convenience store down the street, loving the excitement in your face when you were surprised by little things such as buying your favorite things out of the blue. but his excitement exited his body as he entered the living room of the dorm to find you sitting in the lap of his other member, lips moving together hungrily as your hands tangled themselves in his hair and his hands held your waist.

he felt his heart shatter. all the members knew of his feelings for you, especially jinyoung. but here he was, shoving his tongue down the throat of the person he felt himself gradually falling in love with. he made his way out of the room quietly, neither of you hearing him enter. he dragged his feet towards his shared room with yonghee, opening the door to see his roommate sitting up on his iPad. when he noticed you enter in a sulking manner, his attention shifted from his current math problem he was attempting to solve to the sad maknae.

“hey, what’s wrong?” yonghee asked, setting his iPad down on the nightstand beside him. he shifted his body to have his legs hanging off the side of the bed, resting his elbows on his thighs as he leaned forward to listen better.

hyunsuk put the bag of your goodies on his bed, sitting beside it and playing with the plastic bag. “i didn’t know y/n and jinyoung were a thing.”

yonghee’s eyes widened, tilting his head to the side. “what do you mean they’re a ‘thing’?”

hyunsuk pointed towards the door before ripping open the bag and taking out a drink he bought for you, debating if he should drink it or not touch it and just give it to you later. “they’re out there making out on the couch.”

and with that, the older member stormed out of the room and down the hall to talk to jinyoung. hyunsuk didn’t bother to listen in when the voices got bigger, even when his name was mentioned. he just stared down in the bag of the goodies, eventually picking it up and stuffing it into an empty nightstand drawer. for now, he just wanted to lay in his bed and forget everything. he would put it all away later.

when yonghee interrupted your heated make out session with jinyoung, you were confused as to why he was pissed off. that was until he said something you never thought you’d hear.

“you know hyunsuk likes them, why would you do that to him?” was all yonghee said to have your mind scrambling.

you had no clue how hyunsuk felt whatsoever. again, as previously stated, you were oblivious to that fact. you sat there, listening for a few more moments before deciding to get up and storm off to hyunsuk and yonghee’s room. when yonghee said your best friend walked in on you both, you knew he would be in his room. after all, where else would he be?

you didn’t even knock, just entered and watched as he sat up from his bed with his sad eyes meeting yours. you just sighed, walking over to his bed and sitting at the far end corner. he just watched you in silence, not sure of what to say. he didn’t really have a reason to be mad at you, really. he was more upset at his group mate and himself if anything.

“why didn’t you tell me how you felt, hyunsuk?” you questioned, not breaking eye contact with him for a second. you weren’t sure how to feel at this point- you had a million thoughts in your head.

“i was scared you wouldn’t feel the same.”

“for two years?” he nodded, causing a sigh to escape your lips once more. “i liked you too, you should’ve said something sooner.”

“past tense?”

you nodded, looking down at your hands and fiddling with your fingers. “i figured if you liked me you would’ve said something. so i tried to move on. then i got closer with jinyoung and- yeah.”

he shrugged, still looking at you. “i get it. i mean, it’s jinyoung.”

you chuckled, shaking your head. “no, hyunsuk. don’t. you don’t get it. don’t think lowly of yourself because of this- because of me.”

you stood up, not wanting to look at him as you started walking towards the door to exit his room. ”i, i still really like you but after this i don’t know how to feel. i wish i would’ve known sooner. i’m sorry.”

and with that, you walked out of his room and the dorm as yonghee and jinyoung both argued back and forth in the living room with byounggon trying to calm everything down. no one paid attention to you as you left, too immersed in everything that was happening.

days, weeks, and months passed by without a word from you. you hadn’t reached out to anyone, too embarrassed of the situation. you made out with jinyoung while his best friend had a massive crush on you, and you were too blind to even notice it.

for a few days, everything was bitter between the two. after a week, everyone else forced them to sit down and talk it out like adults. and they did. apologies were spilled and hugs were exchanged. they both agreed to not allow anyone to come between them, especially over romantic interests. after that, everyone messaged in the group chat you were in with them hoping you’d respond. but as weeks went on and you hadn’t responded, they became more concerned than anything. they all missed you, especially hyunsuk. but there wasn’t much for them to do if you weren’t responding since they didn’t want to push it. all they could do was text you occasionally and hope for some type of response.

months passed, and nothing. that was until one brisk october night when hyunsuk went for a nightly walk by himself. you had been on his mind all day, even more than normal. so he figured he take a small stroll through the park you both met at- coincidentally three years ago today. it was almost eleven at night, the sounds of crickets filling the night air.

the pale moonlight kept you company as you swung weakly back and forth on the swing, your head leaning against the chains. you were missing hyunsuk and the rest of the boys a lot more than normal, but you were too scared to text them. what if they hated you? or wanted nothing to do with you? you knew that wasn’t the case, but your thoughts held you back.

when hyunsuk saw you from a distance, he felt his legs dragging him towards you. he had no idea what he was going to say, if he was going to say anything at all. but he just had to see you up close in a better atmosphere than the previous one. even if it was potentially going to be for the last time.

you looked up as you heard someone approaching, the last person you expected to see be yoon hyunsuk. your breath caught in your throat, unsure of what to say to him. you both stared at each other as he sat in the empty swing next to you. for a while, you both just swung back and forth in silence. up until he spoke up.

“i missed you.” hyunsuk confessed, kicking his feet back and forth in the dirt.

you nodded, scared to talk. so for a few moments you just sat there not saying anything, until the guilt took over you and you decided to speak up. “i missed you too. i just feel, embarrassed about everything. almost like it’s my fault.”

hyunsuk took this opportunity to look at you and reach over to place his hand on top of yours in your lap, careful to not push any boundaries he made sure to hover his hand above yours. when you reached up to grab his hand, that’s when he knew it was okay to do so. he started rubbing circles into the back of your hand before speaking again. “nothing is your fault at all. you didn’t know of my feelings for you, i should’ve said something before. i just thought you didn’t feel the same and i was terrified of losing what we had if you didn’t.”

you let out a dry laugh, looking up to meet his eyes. they held hope yet sadness at the same time, and all you wanted to do was hold him in your arms. “suk, i’ve had feelings for you for the last two or so years. i just didn’t think you felt the same way either so i tried going on dates to forget you and even convinced myself of having a crush on jinyoung to forget my feelings for you. but it didn’t work and, as fuck up as this sounds, i was imagining you the whole time.”

hyunsuk couldn’t hold back his laughter, causing you to let out a hearty laugh as well. as he threw his head back, you just stared at him with admiration. you’ve missed this, all of this. his laughter, his smile, everything under the sun. this time, you were going to make sure not to let him go.

“no one is mad at you; in fact we all miss you. me more though, of course.” he stood up, interlacing his fingers with yours and tugging on your arm ever so gently. “come on, let’s go on our first date.”

you stood up as well, following behind him in confusion. “what if i don’t want to?” you joked, a playful smile tugging at your lips.

he looked back at you and rolled his eyes, letting out a soft chuckle afterwards. “we’re both losers who are hopelessly falling for each other, i don’t think you’d say no.” he pulled you up to his side, bringing your hand to his lips and planting a soft kiss on the back of it. “unless you don’t want to, of course. i won’t force you.”

you shook your head, a smile never leaving your face as your cheeks heated up. “this loser would love to go on this long awaited date with you.”

#cix #cix hyunsuk #cix scenarios #cix fluff #cix angst #cix byounggon #cix bx #cix x reader #cix jinyoung #cix yonghee #cix seunghun #cix bae jinyoung #yoon hyunsuk

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chansabsfanclub · 1 year

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MyDays // Kim Seungmin Oneshot

Genre : fluff, fanboy/fangirl, K.SM x gender neutral reader

Word Count : 1149

A/N : This is a super fluffy oneshot of seungmin

Y/N POV

I stuffed my Day6 light stick into my bag quickly before going to grab a water bottle. Tonight was my first Day6 concert and I'm so excited to go! They're my ult group and they finally came to my city to perform. I finished packing my bag so I went to my closet to grab the outfit I picked out for tonight and changing into it quickly and going to my bathroom to put on some makeup and do my hair. It was time to go so I grabbed my phone from it's charger, my wallet and double checked that my ticket was in there and then my bag and keys. I locked up my apartments and left to catch the train.

magical time skip

After a long train ride I finally got to the station nearby the stadium where the concert was being held. In the stadium I got my ticket scanned and through the security check and then walked around to find the entrance to the stairs to wear my seat in the front row. The stadium was already packed with fans, talking to each other and anxiously awaiting for the concert to start. There was already one girl seated to the side of me and we politely waved at each other, then she went back to talking with her friends. Not long after someone came and sat on the other side of me, I turned to them to say hi and that's when I noticed he was a fanboy. He had a cute little smile and fluffy brown hair and as odd as it sounds his eyes actually sparkled. He noticed me looking at him and turned to me. I could feel my cheeks flush red and I shyly waved at him.

"Hi, I'm Y/N." I introduce myself, looking into his sparkly eyes.

"I'm Seungmin, nice to meet you." he smiled and offered me his hand. I gladly shook it

"Are you here alone?" I ask, trying not to sound like a creep.

He nods cutey which makes me smile. He was about to open his mouth to say something but the lights in the stadium turn off and our attention is put on the spotlights on the stadium.

The lights flash on the individual members as they start to play Sweet Chaos and me and the rest of the fans start cheering. Seungmin and I talk a bit when we can and we exchange numbers so we can talk after the concert. We sing along to the songs together and had a lot of fun at the concert. Sadly it came to an end and we said our goodbyes and I took the train home.

When I got home I threw my shoes off and flopped down onto my bed, tossing my bag to the side. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, I take it out and see a text from an unknown number.

Unknown number

Hey it's Seungmin from the Day6 concert.

I smile seeing his name and write a quick text back.

Hey, did you get home safe?

Seungmin

Yup, did you?

Mhm, it's late you should go to sleep

Seungmin

You should too, goodnight

Goodnight

I plugged my phone in and went to my camera roll to look at the videos from this night. I scrolled through a few photos, stopping at one of Seungmin's side profile, sheepishly smiling at me. I smile at the photo and add it to my favorites. There's also a video of him singing along to the songs and waving his lightstick. I laugh at his cute singing and finally put my phone down and go to sleep.

The next morning I woke up to the sound of my phone buzzing, I turn over and grab it from the nightstand and look to see who woke me up from my sleep. I see it's Seungmin who texted me and I smile widely and open his text.

Seungmin

Do you want to go to a cafe with me?

Sure!

I drag myself out of bed and take a quick shower, I pick out a cute outfit and put on a bit of makeup before grabbing my wallet, phone and keys and left my apartment.

2 weeks into the future vrooooom

Seungmin and I've been going on dates almost everyday for the past 2 weeks, we get along really well and I'm starting to fall for him hard. His cute smile and puppy like features. The other day he invited me over to meet his 7 other roommates. Their house is crazy but they're all really nice and made me feel welcome and at home.

I got ready for our usual meet up at the cafe and left my house to meet him, he was already at the cafe and saved me a spot.

"What do you want to order?" He asked with his sweet voice.

"An ice cap and sandwich please."

He goes up and ordered some food and comes back to sit with me. We talk for a while and eat our food, after we decided to go on a walk to a near by park. The sun was starting to set and we watched it from a bench as it slowly disappeared behind the trees. I turned to talk to Seungmin but he was already staring at me.

"What?" I ask him.

"You look really pretty." he giggles and tucks a loose strand behind my ear. "You're one of the sweetest and kindest people I've met, I can't help but fall for you." he looks at his fidgeting hands.

I can feel my heartbeat quicken in my chest and my cheeks flush red.

He blushes shyly and meets my gaze. "Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

My heart stopped as soon as the words left his lips and my lips turned into a bright smile. "Of course!" I exclaim.

He smiles even brighter and pulls me into a tight hug. I smell his sweet cologne, I still can't believe he's mine.

He pulls away from the hug and looks into my eyes. "Can I kiss you?" He asks shyly, his cheeks turning slightly pinker.

I nod and his hand caresses my cheek, he leans down and kisses my lips. I kiss back immediately, tasting his sweet lips, my hands ran through his hair and we finally broke away from the kiss.

He looks down at me and smiled, he kissed my nose and moved a stray piece of hair out of my face. I smiled back at him and leaned and and hugged him, he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me closer to him. We sat their and just enjoyed the moment of being together, not caring for the world around us.

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whatsk-poppinhomies · 2 years

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𝐓𝐨 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐑𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭? 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : 𝐒𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐮𝐧 𝐱 𝐅!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭 𝐓𝐖 : 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 ; 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭-𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 ; 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐞𝐬 ; 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐦 ; 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ; 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 𝟓.𝟕𝐤

“I love you to the moon and back…” He cooed as he leaned over you on the couch. You had been perfectly positioned between his legs, your head resting against his chest as you both reveled in each other's company. It felt like it had been forever since you had seen him last, but the truth be told, it had only been about a week, which seemed to be the longest the two of you could stand to be away from each other.

You cringed at the cheesy sentiment, your nose scrunched up as he pressed quick kisses across your forehead. “You’re so corny.” You playfully whined, trying to move away from the onslaught of affection that didn’t seem like it would let up anytime soon. “And your kisses are so sloppy!” You squealed as his hands slowly slipped from around you, the thought in your mind that he was about to let you get up, but instead they attached to your hips, tickling you ruthlessly as his own laughter sounded from above your head.

“You never complained about it before!” He teased back, his fingers still working at your sides as you tried to wiggle and squirm your way down the couch in an attempt to escape, but his own body seemed to move with yours, every inch you moved, he seemed to move as well. “Are you trying to avoid my love!” His portrayal of shock was over dramatic and adorable, his hands finally moving away from your sides to fly up to his heart, his head falling back loosely to the arm of the couch.

“No…” You said in between the breaths that you struggled to catch, rolling over onto your stomach now and laying on top of him, your own lips creating a trail of kisses along his jaw and across his cheek until you reached his nose, pecking it swiftly before craning your neck to look down at him. “You just kept missing the target.”

He gasped loudly, immediately flipping you over and pinning you beneath him, a sly smile on his face as he slowly moved closer to yours until his lips were hovering just above your own. “I guess I shouldn’t keep you waiting, right?” In response you shook your head no, puckering your lips to meet his, but as if it had all been strategically planned, he quickly moved his head to the side to press a wet kiss to your cheek causing you to groan in teasing disgust.

“Ruuuude!” You whined, weakly pushing against him, although there was nowhere else you’d want him to be than where he was right now. “You say you love me sooo much, but you won’t even kiss me.” You pouted up at him, dropping your hands from his chest to cross over your own and he didn’t even try to hide the smile as he looked down at you.

“You’re so cute, sweetie…” He cooed, finally kissing you the way you both had wanted, a soft hum escaping his lips as they moved against your own. “I just love teasing you… You can have all the kisses you want.”

Oh how the times change, and it doesn’t even take that long to change either. Everything seemed perfect, everything was perfect, at least in your mind, that’s the way he had made it seem. You love Seunghun, and he never gave you any reason to think that the feeling wasn’t mutual. He’d show up to your apartment with flowers and an endless foray of kisses as if you were the only girl in his life, the only person in his world.

You thought that you were, you really did… There had been no sign of change, no red flags that everyone warns of, he was the same Seunghun that you had fallen in love with, and you didn’t think that you had changed, you were the same girl that he said he loved and adored and wanted to spend forever with. There was no lying in his voice, none that you could pick up on at least, so where had it all gone wrong?

A visit to his dorm, it was something that you always did, something that he always welcomed, you were always invited. He had told you to come over for dinner, it had been planned out a week in advance so that the both of you knew that your schedules would be clear. You had been expected, so you didn’t understand why…

Why had you walked into the dorm to find all the lights off, which wouldn’t have been a problem if you hadn’t tripped over the shoes that had been so carelessly taken off right in front of the door. With a flick of a lightswitch, you saw that the shoes weren’t his, they weren’t any of the other members either, they were red high heels, clearly not your own, but you wrote it off as another member having someone over. If you had turned back there, would it have made any difference in the grand scheme of things?

You’d never know though, walking further into the dorm, the emptiness was so obvious, it felt like you were the only person in there. You were quiet, trying to listen for the sound of anything or anyone, and that’s when you heard the low moans coming from the bedroom, a bedroom that you had become all too familiar with.

The first thought that came to mind was that he was just… watching something, passing the time until you were supposed to show up, unaware that you were already there. It made you giggle quietly, your body vibrating as you walked closer to the door, your hand reaching out for the knob and turning it slowly, not wanting to surprise him too much.

You wished that you hadn’t, you wished that you would have turned around right then and there, given him the peace that he wanted, at least you wouldn’t have had to walk in on it, walk in on him, you wouldn’t have had to see the undeniable proof. You could have stayed in denial, it most likely would have been better than what you were dealing with right now.

They weren’t even under the blankets, ballsy, cocky, and arrogant enough to perform on top of the comforter, a show for all those who might have accidentally walked in. You couldn’t even make a sound as you looked at your boyfriend underneath the woman who… who wasn’t you. “Uhm… Who’s that?” The girl whispered, pausing as she looked between you and Seunghun. She didn’t even know about you, which is more likely than the opposite considering you didn’t know about her either.

His head craned around the woman’s body, his eyes finally landing on you as you stood in the doorframe, and you could only imagine how pathetic you looked with your glossy eyes and your trembling boot lip, your look of shock at what you thought would never happen, could never happen. “It’s… Y/N, hey… I thought… Because you weren’t supposed to be here until… Shit.” He practically pushed the girl off, and amazingly, she had the nerve to look just as insulted as you felt as she landed face up on the mattress beside him.

“Please don’t… Don’t try to explain… This…” You motioned around the room before stepping back as he scurried off the bed, collecting his pants off the floor and struggling to put them on as he walked over to you. His hand reached out to grab yours, but you quickly swatted it away, shaking your head at him as you backed up against the wall, your knees buckling as you tried to hold yourself up. “Don’t… I don’t want you… I don’t… I need to go…” You stammered, shrinking into yourself as you walked past him, not even wanting to brush against him, the thought of any kind of contact with his body made you physically ill.

He called after you, his feet following behind you as you made your way to the front door which was thrown open, Byounggon, Jinyoung, Yonghee, and Hyunsuk rushing in, laughing amongst themselves, unaware as to what had just happened, but their laughter shortly faded when they felt the tension in the room. “What’s… What’s going on?” Jinyoung asked, looking between you and Seunghun questionably, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked at his hyungs bare torso and your teary eyes.

“Nothing is going on…” Seunghun muttered, looking at you with eyes full of pleas for you to listen to him, to stay with him. Jinyoung pursed his lips, the suspicion evident on his face, but Byounggon patted his back, shaking his head as if to tell the younger member not to question it right now. “Y/N… Just listen… I-” He cut himself off, running his hands through his hair, becoming more and more stressed as he tried to come up with an excuse for what you had just seen.

“I’d really rather not.” You stood your ground, not allowing him to get the better half of you, knowing that if you did stay and listen, you could potentially fall foolish to whatever he planned on saying and doing. “Plus, your girlfriend is waiting for you.” You motioned your head over to the doorway where the girl was standing, the blanket wrapped around her body to shield herself from the eyes of all the guys that were now whispering in the living room, most likely figuring out what was really going on. “Don’t call me, don’t text me… You don’t exist to me, and I’d rather not exist to you. Alright?”

You truly meant it, or at least, you felt like you did. It was like an internal game of tug of war with yourself, and it was hard to figure out which side was really winning. You never thought that he’d hurt you the way he did, but for some reason, your heart was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was only one time, it’s not like he would do it again… But would he? Listening to your heart was foolish, it only made it harder for you to try to forget about him, even after all the pictures and mementos were gone.

“I love you to the moon and back” His words would repeat in your mind on a loop, it was like they were haunting you, mocking you for believing such a foolish phrase. How far was the moon anyway when it came to love? Shouldn’t it at least be Mars, or maybe Jupiter to show that you were worth the extra distance? It was stupid. What did the moon have to do with it anyway?

At least he hadn’t tried to get in contact with you, or… Maybe he did, you weren’t really sure considering your phone had been turned off from the second you walked through your front door in a fit of tears. It’s not like you needed to hear from him or read a text with some last minute, strung together excuse or apology that would be his attempt to get you back, you didn’t need it then and you sure as hell didn’t need it now. There was no excuse for what he did, no reason for him to have hurt you the way he did, and so blatantly too. He knew that you were coming over, he knew that he was expecting you… He really assumed that he’d be able to finish and get the girl out before you showed up, and that only made you question it more of how long something like this has been going on and how many times he had done it.

There was no real reason to question it though, there was no use dwelling on it or trying to figure out what was really going on or the frame of time that it had been happening. The past was just that, it was in the past, and you had seen enough with your own two eyes that you didn’t need any more answers than the ones that had been put right in front of you. There was nothing more for you to do than move on, or at least attempt to begin the process.

It was easier said than done though, with your trust absolutely gone, you couldn’t even begin to think of moving on with anyone in regards to romance or a relationship, but even going about your daily life seemed to resonate in some shape or form with him. There was a lot that you and Seunghun did together, and those were some of the best days of your life, some of the best memories that you had were with him, it was hard to just give all of those up no matter how hard you tried or how much you wanted to.

Time is the best medicine, it was something that you had heard before, that time could heal all wounds, time this and time that, but truthfully, there was no truth behind it. The more time that passed, the more you seemed to think of all the time that you could be sharing with him had he not fucked up. Time could maybe help the memories fade, but it could never completely get rid of what you had walked in on, of what you had seen. Time could never heal the wounds that you had gotten from him, so really… Was time the best medicine?

“Come out with us, it’ll be fun, really!” Your friend's attempts at persuasion weren’t the best, but you had sat in your apartment for what felt like eons and you didn’t want to be there anymore, the walls that surrounded you had begun to feel like a prison. “You can get all dressed up and you’ll look super sexy, you’ll find someone who might make you forget about him, at least for the night.” The thought of forgetting, the promise of being free from those memories for even a few short hours had you nodding your head fervently, pushing yourself up off the couch and heading straight for your room with your friends following excitedly behind you.

“Don’t go overboard or anything, I still want to be recognizable.” You joked, although there was a hint of seriousness thrown in that you hoped your friends would pick up on. The three of them worked diligently over you, trying to cover the bags that had formed under your eyes from sleepless nights spent up crying and sniffling into your pillow, tediously brushing out the knot that had formed in your hair and moisturizing your face so you didn’t look like the zombie that you had felt like for so long.

Your friend snorted loudly, swiping the blush brush under your nose in an attempt to try to get you to laugh, or at least smile a little as they worked on you. “Honey, everyone will recognize you, they’re gonna recognize how hot you are. You need this, you need some you time, some girl time!” The other girls all agreed, cheering in unison, and while you weren’t the type to get done up like this, you could see that they were trying, and you loved them for it, so you weren’t going to stop them, you’d enjoy the time that you had with them, the only time that it felt like you could really be free from your thoughts.

You felt like a completely different person when you stepped out of the back of the cab, the other girls scooting out right behind you, and while they all seemed to be used to dressing up this way and going out, you felt like someone else, someone new, and while that should have been scary, it would have been scary, but right now, it was almost empowering. You liked the feeling of being in this… different skin, this new look, and along with it, a new attitude. You were ready to enjoy the night, to walk into the club and just relax, which sounded almost contradictory, but you would finally be able to focus on yourself, on having fun again, and that was all the relaxation that you really needed.

Walking into the club was like walking into a new world, and it’s not that you hadn’t been out to a club before, it had just been so long, but the music and the smell of alcohol, it was freeing in a way that you couldn’t quite understand yourself. Your feet carried you to the bar and your friends followed behind you, your bodies moving to the rhythm of the music that pulsed through the floorboards beneath your feet. “First rounds on me!” Your friend shouted to you and the girls, trying to be heard over the music, and while neither of you could make out what she was saying, you all simply nodded, continuing to enjoy the music, your bodies rocking and swaying to the beat as you stood against the counter.

Shot after shot was lined up and tipped back, the liquor strong, but not taking its full effect yet as you all continued to sit on the barstools. “Should we go out on the floor?” You asked, your body beginning to heat up, but you wrote it off to just the body heat of everyone else in the building. Without even waiting for your friends agreement, you got up from the stool, your feet almost giving out beneath you as the alcohol rushed through you at the sudden movement, but you were quick to catch your balance, smoothing down your dress and heading out into the sea of people that were dancing under the flashing lights.

You weren’t sure where you were going, it was like your feet were moving on their own, bringing you to the center of the floor with everyone surrounding you, and even when you were so enclosed, in such a tight area, you had never felt so free. You wouldn’t have been able to do something like this if you were still in a relationship, your reputation was just as important as Seunghuns when you were together. There was no issue of trust, you didn’t have to worry about getting your feelings hurt, you didn’t have to worry about commitment as you looked through the crowd, finding the first guy there that you could dance with.

You didn’t care, you just wanted to have fun, you wanted to forget. There were no strings that attached the man to you, and while he was attractive, there was nothing there except your drive to get over everything that had happened to you. The man’s hands held onto your waist as you danced against him, his body moving rhythmically with your own, keeping you close against him as it did. Your hands were held on top of his, keeping them where they were, the alcohol coursing through your system having you in a complete state of bliss as the warmth of the man’s body seeped through your clothes, only heating you up more.

“We came out to have fun, to get your mind off your own mistake, and you’re still sulking.” Yonghee said, leaning over the table that he, Seunghun, and Byounggon were sitting at. Byounggon had gone to the bar to grab more drinks, but Seunghun continued to sit in the booth, overlooking everyone and everything with a look of disinterest. He wanted no part of it even if he had agreed to go out, he was coming to the realization that it wasn’t as fun and mind clearing as he had hoped it would be. “Look, you guys broke up like… three months ago. You need to get over it, it was your fault anyway.” Seunghuns neck practically snapped as he turned to look at his younger friend who simply shrugged as if what he had said shouldn’t have pissed him off as much. “I’m sure she’s already over it.”

He didn’t want to hear it, he wanted to hope that you were holding onto the same hope that he was, that things would work out, that with time the relationship would be able to heal and come back together, but it had been three months and he hadn’t heard from you at all. “I made one mistake… I don’t know what happened… But I’ve regretted it every single day. I hurt her, I shouldn’t be having fun… This is bullshit.” Seunghun muttered just as Byounggon came back with the drinks, setting them out on the table in front of everyone before taking his own seat, his face contorted into one of deep thought and awkwardness.

“You would not believe who’s here right now…” He said, taking a swig of his drink before looking around at the others. It was an open ended question, one that was open for any array of answers that they could come up with, but neither of the guys seemed interested in what he had to say. “Come on… I’ll give you three guesses… If you’re wrong you have to take a sip.”

Yonghee sighed, shaking his head as he wracked his mind for the answer that Byounggon was potentially looking for. “I don’t know… The girl that Seunghun cheated on Y/N with?” He asked, and Seunghuns annoyance at the answer was palpable, his groan loud enough to be heard over the blasting music.

Byounggon shook his head, pointing his finger at Yonghee. “No… But you’re close, you’re super close.” He said, waiting for Yonghee to take a sip from his drink before looking at Seunghun who simply shook his head, not wanting to take part in the foolish game that his hyung was playing right now. “Fine, you don’t want to play… Alright. But, she’s here… Y/N’s here. I saw her.”

That was enough to have him perking up, his back shooting up straight as his eyes darted around the crowded club, trying to find you, and it was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. There were so many people, people that he had wanted to avoid this entire time, but now he found himself wanting to swim through them basically just to find you. “Where, where is she?” He asked impatiently, pushing away from the table to try to get a better view of everyone around.

“Well… Last I seen her…” Byounggon paused, bringing his bottom lip between his teeth, his sudden hesitation causing Seunghun to grow only more irritated and more impatient. “I don’t know man, she probably already left. Her and the guy were getting pretty close and… I…” His mouth snapped shut as he saw Seunghuns expression shift from worried, to blank, to pure anger in a matter of seconds. “You can’t be mad!” Byounggon tried to call after him, but Seunghun had already stormed off, pushing his way through everyone to try to find you.

“So this is either going to be super bad, or he’ll somehow get her back… I’m banking on really bad though.” Yonghee said, leaning back in his chair as he sipped on his drink, earning himself a look of disbelief from the oldest member. “What? Come on, do you really think this is going to work out in his favor? She couldn’t possibly want to see him again.” Byounggon knew that the younger member was only stating the facts as he saw them, but it didn’t annoy him any less. This was their bandmate, their brother in a sense, and the fact that he was acting so nonchalant about it all was getting under his skin.

Out on the floor, Seunghun could catch little glimpses of you through the people that seemed to purposely crowd around you the closer he thought he got. Calling out your name proved pointless with the sound of the music that deafened him and most certainly everyone else on the floor. With each little glimpse that he got of you though, it felt like his blood would simmer more and more, and he knew very well that he had no right to feel the anger that he was at the moment, but it didn’t change the fact that in his mind, you were still his, and the sight of any other man around you had him wanting to rip his hair out.

“Y/N!” He called out once more when he felt like you were within arms reach, and he knew that you could hear him with the way your eyes flickered up in his direction only to turn away once more. “Son of a-....” He didn’t finish his sentence, but his nostrils flared with rage. You hadn’t given him the opportunity to explain himself, and while there wasn’t much to really explain that would make what he did acceptable, the least you could have done was hear him out. “Hey!” He shouted once he was in front of you, loathing the way your body seemed to mesh with the man behind you, not just that, but it was bile inducing the way the man’s hands seemed to carelessly roam around your body as if you were his to touch.

“What… What are youuu doing here…? Huh?” You weakly sassed him, your speech slurring and your body wobbling from your obvious drunkenness. A pang of worry and guilt flitted through Seunghun as he looked at you, knowing that you were absolutely oblivious to what you were truly doing and he knew that the alcohol that you ingested was most likely just the chaser to the pain that he had caused you. “Shouldn’t you…” You hiccuped mid sentence, giggling lightly at the sound of it, and the man behind you laughed as well as he nuzzled his nose into your neck, the way you tilted your head to allow him to do it had Seunghuns stomach churning with anger and jealousy. “Mmn… Shouldn’t you be… Home… Banging your girlfriend or something.” You mumbled, an emotionless snicker escaping you after you had said it, your face completely devoid of emotion as well.

You had been hurt, and he knew that it was his fault, but it hadn’t been planned, he never wanted to hurt you, and he surely didn’t want to see you get hurt by doing something foolish and he felt like something like that would happen if you stayed where you were at, if he walked away from you right now. That’s why, as much you hated him, as much as you wanted him to leave you alone, he just couldn’t, so he grabbed your wrist and started dragging you towards the edge of the crowd. The man that you had been dancing with called after you once, but no more after the initial pull away. Once you were out of the man’s sight, it was like you didn’t exist anymore. If you had been sober, the thought alone would have been upsetting, but you were too intoxicated to care.

“What were you thinking? You don’t know that guy, you don’t know any of these people here. What if something had happened to you?” He sternly questioned you, his face so close to yours that you could feel the heat of his breath hit your face with every word he spoke. The closeness was excruciating because the last time you had been this close to him his arms had been around you, merely seconds away from your lips crashing against one anothers, but now he was angry, no, scratch that, furious at your carelessness. “Who are you even here with? Don’t tell me you came alone, you can’t be that reckless. Tell me you’re not that reckless.” There was an edge to his voice that even your fuzzy mind could pick up on, but you could only scoff in response, the warmth in your stomach giving you an edge of your own.

You rolled your eyes, taking a step away from him as you shook your head, your eyes glancing around the room that seemed to have a haze around the edges, although you were sure that was just your drunken visibility diminishing. “Don’t act like you care now, Seunghun… You never cared. You looove me to the moon and back? Huh? Well… Fuck you… And your lies… And your stuuupid moon.” He couldn’t tell if your eyes were glassy because of the drinks or if you were on the verge of crying, but in a second, the first tear fell, smudging the little bit of mascara that had coated your bottom lashes. “I never want to see you again.”

Your voice didn’t slur, it was the most composed thing you had said to him that night, it was as if you had sobered up completely just to hit him with the words he didn’t want to hear. “You don’t understand… It was a mistake… Y/N, believe me. She was part of the staff and… She came over, I don’t know what happened… I just know that… I-” His voice broke, the air hitching in his throat and his chest shaking with the breath he was trying to take. “I did it… But… It meant nothing… I swear to you, you’re the only person I love, the only girl I want to be with… Believe me.”

With narrowed eyes, you looked at him, studied him as if he were some sort of foreign object that you were trying to understand, and a part of that was true. You were trying to understand him, trying to understand how he can still so blatantly claim he loved you after what he had done. It was like his words had evaporated any trace of alcohol that was left in your system, and you wanted nothing more than to run back over to the bar to grab another one just to ease the pain that you were beginning to feel once again.

“That’s a shit excuse, Seunghun and you know it.” You mumbled, keeping your eyes from landing on him, not wanting to see the distraught look on his face as he continued to listen intently to you. “Does that mean I should be able to fuck everyone at work just because I’m close to them? I’ll just invite them over and let them rail me and then go to you and say ‘Sorry, didn’t mean it, try to understand’...” His head shook fervently, both denying and trying to shake the thought of anyone other than him being able to love you the way only he does. “But you would have never had to worry about that anyway… And I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about it either… I was wrong… I guess we were both wrong.”

His mouth opened and closed but no sound escaped, he looked like a fish out of water, gasping for air, trying to hold on to something that he was losing his grip on, he was trying to hold onto you. “No, no, I was wrong. I was wrong, Y/N. You are perfect, you’re amazing and you’re beautiful and… I messed that up. I messed everything up, but I want to try to fix things, I want to get us back because I feel like we can. We can start over, we can fix this… You know that I love you… You’re all that I want…”

The look in his eyes screamed that he was genuine, but he was also desperate, desperate to get back the one thing that had given him happiness in his life. He needed you, he needed you more than anything because you were everything to him. The entire world could fall apart around him, but he’d still find a reason to smile if you were on his doorstep, the center of the crumbling scene behind you.

One step closer, his eyes glanced down to look at your feet just to make sure he wasn’t imagining the closing space between the two of you, but he saw the toes of your shoes against his own, the closest the two of you had been in what felt like forever. Leaning in, your lips closer than ever to his, it was like he could feel them brush against his own if you had started talking, and you did, and he did, he could feel it, he could feel them. “No…” Was all you said, and that word, that two letter word that most would brush off felt so heavy, so crushing that he could fall to his knees and be swallowed up by the floor beneath him. Your lips pressed against his once, and he could feel it, a goodbye that held more meaning than the words themselves could carry. “I love… I loved… You…” You were having trouble finding the words to say, especially with the way he was looking at you, his bottom lip trembling, the gloss that you had left behind on his lips shakily reflecting the lights of them. “There’s nothing to fix, I’m over it… I can’t trust you… I don’t want to put myself in the position of being hurt again if I tried to trust you… So please… Just stop…”

The world was falling, crashing and burning in a universe that was filled with other planets that seemed to be doing fine. Maybe it wasn’t the world that was falling, maybe it was just his. Everything that he had built his entire life around, the thought of being with you forever was a dream he had held onto for what felt like a lifetime, and now it felt like nothing more than a silly wish that a kid would make while blowing out candles on a birthday cake. It’s not that someone had taken his dreams away, if that were the case he could have been angry, he would have been angry, but the only person he had to blame was himself. He had trashed everything just for a moment of lust, fueled by the cheap wine that he and the staff member had picked up on the way back to the dorms. He didn’t even know why he had done it. He would never really know why, but he did know the outcome of it, he knew that once you walked away from him it would be the last time you would and he could only hate himself for what he had caused.

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mingi-bubu · 1 year

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4. “How would that even work?”

Fictober22~ soulmate au, uni au, strangers to soulmates, mingi is mentioned a lot for a character who doesn’t actually speak in this, author plays fast and loose with electrical engineering and art, seunghun x reader, ~2.4k

Ever since you were a wee lamb, you've known about Words. You knew that They connected you to another person, or persons. According to your Ma, Words are the first thing that comes from the person you're Connected with when they meet you.

Your Ma told you how she found hers, suddenly appearing one day when she was starting uni. She traced over Them on the side of her neck, just barely hidden by her hair, with a faraway look on her face. 'As far as the crow flies' is what her Words are. She met your father in the courtyard by the dorms because he overheard her asking her friend how far they thought she could throw the Frisbee. And the rest was history.

Your Words didn't appear until you were nearly out of uni. One day your left hand was plain and unmarked, and you woke up the next with Words that said 'How would that even work?' running from the crook of your thumb to almost the tip of your index finger. You remember staring at Them for ages, marveling at how right it felt to see Them, how They didn't seem to feel any different from your own skin. They were a little faded compared to people who've met their Connected(s), but that's normal. Words don't darken until They're communicated by the right person.

It was weird how fate had matched with your bachelor's program—electrical engineering major with a minor in visual arts. You used the things you learned in major courses to help with projects in your minor courses. Of course, this caused a lot of people to ask, “How could that work at all?” or “Why do you think that would even work?”

Questions that were so similar to your Words, but just a bit off. You're happy you made friends with people who understand your ideas, though. Yonghee, an engineering mathematics major whom you met in your freshman year, was someone who encouraged you to try anything you came up with. Mingi, an econ major a year ahead of you who studied how math and the fashion industry intersect, was someone you relied on for inspiration for your visual arts minor. You often asked him about current trends to see how you could incorporate that into your robots' designs. You have a few other close friends—Jenny who was a year below you and studying data science; Belle who was undecided but seemed to be leaning towards math education—but Yonghee was your closest friend.

Which is why you called him at six in the morning because you finally had inspiration on your next art project and told him to meet you at the art studio in an hour and bring black tea with a smidgen of honey.

"And I'm doing this for you on a Saturday, why?" He asks, his words coming out muffled. You figured he had his head half buried in his pillows as usual. "Mmm, because you're my best friend whom I love and cherish?" Your voice is sugar-sweet as you set your phone down on your bedside table and put the call on speaker. When he doesn't respond, you call his name to see if he was awake still.

"No, I'm awake," he says, and you hear the sheets rustle as he turns over, "I'm just waiting on a better reason." His voice is still sleepy, but the words come out much more clearly.

You roll your eyes and start sifting through your dresser for your art clothes; clothes that you wouldn't mind getting paints, oil pastels, charcoal, etc. on. "Okay, how about I buy us lunch when you force me to stop working because you're hungry?"

"I choose where we eat?"

"Yes, Yong, you can choose where we eat." You throw on your paint-stained jeans and an old T-shirt from your high school days. It has a purposefully faded image of a dragon being slain by a knight. It used to have words underneath that read something like 'A Knight to remember!' and the date of the big game between your school and your rivals. You turn to your desk and open your Little Box of Toys, as Mingi calls it, and start checking to see what you want to bring with you for the beginning stages of the project.

"I'll see you at seven. You going to your regular studio?" He checks, yawning afterwards. You hum an affirmative, and he says, "Cool. See you soon."

The phone beeps to let you know he ended the call, and you walk back to your bedside table to grab it. As soon as you pick it up, your phone begins to vibrate, your ringtone playing. Yonghee's face appears in the little contact circle.

You're a little confused, but you answer it. "Yeah, Yong?"

"Forgot to tell you something," he says. He sounds completely awake now, and you take a guess at what he forgot.

"Aww, you forgot to say you love me," you simper, batting your lashes even though he can't see.

"Sure," he dismisses, "but also that a friend from high school is visiting from out-of-town, and he might be coming with me to the studio."

"I'm not buying him lunch," you immediately say, "if we're going where I think you'll want to go, I'm barely going to have enough to cover the both of us."

"It'll be fine. He might choose to sleep in, instead." The unspoken "like I was going to" hangs in the air. "Either way, Mingi is going to whisk him away in the early afternoon."

"Gi knows him? You guys didn't go to high school anywhere near each other, though."

"They both did dance competitions back then. Min just didn't choose to major in it, unlike Seunghun."

"Oh, neat!" You say. "Well, he is certainly welcome to come with you. Mingi, too, if he wanted to get up this early."

There's a moment of silence before the two of you laugh. "Okay, okay, I'll see you soon!"

Once again, your phone beeps to let you know that the call is over. You set your phone on your desk next to your Little Box of Toys and go into the bathroom to brush your teeth and finish the rest of your morning routine. When you come back, you see that Yonghee texted you to remind you to bring a heavier jacket because it's supposed to be cold out today.

You smile, touched at your friend's thoughtfulness. You open the message to thank him, but before you can type the words, he sends another message explaining that he didn't want to deal with you being all whiny when you got sick.

Refusing to dignify it with a response, you shove the phone into your jacket pocket. You grab the rest of your things, put your shoes on, and check that you have the keys to get you into the studio. With that all done, you leave for the studio, locking your door behind you and pocketing the keys.

You get there before Yonghee, of course. The route to the building has been ingrained in your mind since the second half of freshman year. You're polite about it, though, and wait just on the other side of the entry doors. Yonghee was right; it was cold out today. While you waited for him, only twenty more minutes before he was late, and he had to pay for lunch as forfeit, you looked around at the entryway. Your eyes fell on the bulletin board filled with posters advertising everything from a reward for a lost hedgehog to baking lessons for French pastries.

There was something about the arts building in the early morning when nobody was around that gave you a sense of where you stand in the eyes of the universe. Sure, you have Words, you have fate that Connects you to another. But the universe doesn't care about that, or rather, Words are not the only thing that exists to the universe. You can tell by how the weak light of morning starts to fully come out from behind the clouds. The beams of light fall through the window and dust motes dance in it. The leaves outside that had dark outlines around them on the sidewalk from the rain the night before that hadn't yet evaporated. The birds starting to chirp and bounce from branch to branch, tree to tree. The universe had its own rhythm and beat, and it didn't care what you did or who you were. It was both comforting and terrifying at the same time.

The idea of Connecting did the same. Words were, in a way, Themselves Connecting you to the universe. You’ve heard different reports on what happens when one’s Words darken. Some people say they feel like the wind has been knocked out of them. Others say they feel like something in their life had clicked into place. Your Ma told you that for her, she felt like someone had put her inside a meat locker. She said your father felt like he was sitting right next to a bonfire.

You were broken from your thoughts by the door opening, the cold air whooshing in along with Yonghee and another person who you assume is Seunghun. Yonghee held your tea in one hand, his drink in another. The edges of a bright orangey-pink paper bag from the café by his apartment sticks out of his pocket. Seunghun was eating a breakfast sandwich, his cheeks and nose pink from the cold. You waved them further in, grabbing the door behind them and pulling it shut faster than it would have on its own.

Yonghee was bundled in a sweater with a scarf and his windbreaker over it. A beanie with a pink and gray poof on top, matching the scarf, sat on his head. His darker pink hair stuck out from it in several places. Seunghun was wearing a dark gray beanie and a navy blue peacoat. Despite it being obvious he was still tired, he was handsome. You could tell from the way he carried himself that he is a dancer, and that he seems like someone who wants to and likes to laugh a lot. Both of them wore their backpacks.

Yonghee hands you your tea. "So, tell me about your project."

You excitedly start talking about your project, leading the two down the hall to your favorite studio in the back, a corner room. You like the amount of natural light that you get there. It’s also usually ignored in favor of the other studios because of its size, so you didn’t really have to worry about someone walking in and disturbing you.

"Okay, so I read about this story that someone told about their college professor who used Tesla coils to show how electricity is conducted in plexiglass. I want to do something similar to that, but with a different spin to it." You explain as you open the door to the studio, setting your Little Box of Toys on the design desk. You gesture to the chairs, "Go ahead and take a seat wherever. Today I'm just getting the rough idea of it down, the blueprint if you will, and maybe starting on some smaller Tesla coils."

The two guys do as you say, sliding their backpacks off, dropping them to the ground, and Yonghee pulls out the paper bag from his pocket. He takes his own sandwich out of it and starts eating. Seunghun looks at you politely, watching as you talk with your hands about the project.

"I want to do something similar, but with paper if possible. If not, I'll use plexiglass and inks. I’m probably going to experiment with sizes of the coils first to see which one is most doable in this context." You take a sip of your tea and set it down, exchanging it for a little robotic joint from your box, just to have something to fiddle with in the meantime. Yonghee nods along, understanding the basic idea of your project.

Seunghun raises a hand, and when you look at him, he asks hesitantly, "How would that even work?"

You nearly snap the joint in half at hearing him say your Words, and you look down at your finger. It felt like it was burning and cooling all at once, Words darkening as if They were rising like a tide. Staring at Them, you reflexively reply, "Wouldn't you like to know, weather boy?"

As soon as those words come out of your mouth, Seunghun's eyes widen. Thinking he is upset with you, you start apologizing. "I am so sorry, I have no idea where that came from! It's just something I do to Yonghee all the time."

“Thanks,” said boy mutters, taking a sip of his drink.

Seunghun breaks into a smile, his left hand coming up to rest on his right shoulder, fingers tightening around the dark wool. "Still don't have a clue about how you'll control the electricity, but I'm glad to know that the person with my Words is so ambitious."

You can't help but smile back, a warmth spreading from your chest to the rest of your body. You feel a little giddy, a little like you can’t really focus on reality. "Well, I mean, I'll have a Faraday cage around some of my stuff. My electronic devices—phone, tablet, etcetera—will be protected from the electricity, but no, I won't have any control."

He looks a little worried at your explanation, but Yonghee reassures him. “YN is used to working with this kind of thing. Believe me, they’ll be fine.”

A thought strikes you, but hesitation rises with it. Deciding that there’s no harm in asking, you say, “If you wanted, if you’re able to of course,” the words stumble out of your mouth, “you could, um, sit with me and watch when I get to that part of my project?”

“Yeah…” he says slowly, “yeah, that would be nice.” He ducks his head down briefly, and you can see that he’s trying to hide another smile. As a result, you do the same, looking down at your shoes, trying to hide your pleased smile.

Yonghee looks at the both of you, and sighs dramatically while he picks up his backpack, walking towards the small set of tables clustered in the opposite corner of the room. “I’m going to die from sweetness overload if I look at the two of you any longer.”

#fictober22 #cix scenarios #seunghun scenarios #kim seunghun scenarios #sorry about my mingi bias LEAPING out in this #jae.works

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hyunbaes · 2 years

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masterlist ♡

hi! my name is didi and i occasionally write cix content ♡

—

bx ✰

[1:27am]

— the one where your boyfriend falls asleep during your late night study sesssion

seunghun ✰

[2:17am]

— the one where you can’t sleep without your boyfriend next to you

yonghee ✰

[1:25am]

— the one where your boyfriend protects you from the storm

[2:17am]

— the one where it’s your favorite boys birthday

jinyoung ✰

[12:12am]

— the one where you’re secretly in love with your bestfriend

hyunsuk ✰

[12:10am]

— the one where you stargaze with your boyfriend

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restlessmaknae · 1 year

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one to let go, one to hold on [k.s.h]

➳ Characters: dance partner!Seunghun x female!reader/you

➳ Genre: slice of life, coming of age, fluff, angst, real-life bittersweet, friends to lovers, dance partners au

➳ Words: 6.5k

➳ Warning: mentions of pressure, low self-esteem, perfectionism, nose bleeds

➳ A/N: This story was inspired by two songs: Sarah Cothran’s I’m Here and Seunghun’s cover of ABIR’s Tango. I recommend checking out both for the vibes. *-*

➳ CIX taglist: @wccycc, @dat-town

If dancing was a language, you and Seunghun would speak the same one.

May it be because you had been dancing together ever since you had been really young (young as in awkwardly moving middle schoolers), may it be because you just complemented each other so well both on stage and off stage, but when it came to dancing, you and Seunghun were the same soul in two different bodies. It was as if he could understand you without saying a word (just by the posture of yours) and he could see the flaw in your movements even before you could make a mistake. He was there to catch you when you fell and also to help you get to your feet when he couldn’t catch you. He was there to pick you up when you didn’t have the confidence to continue a practice or you felt like giving up.

For this reason, you felt like no one could understand you better than he did. Just how much time and how much care it took for someone to know when you were having a bad day and when you were just faking a smile - only by a mere look at you? Just how many people could finish your sentences or know exactly what you would say before you doing so? Just how much you had to know someone to be able to read their mind and suggest something without the other asking about it?

On bad days, you told yourself that it was because you had known each other for so long. You had seen each other when you had been missing a tooth, when you had been wearing your braces throughout the day, when you had been breaking out during puberty and when you had been awkwardly growing into longer limbs and more defined curves. Truly, there was nothing that could create awkwardness between you two, or so you thought.

Not until you both realised that despite speaking the same language (dancing), you two had very different reasons for doing so.

“So what would you be doing if you weren’t dancing?” Seunghun asked after a practice when it was only the two of you left at the practice room (not a rare sight). You two were on the floor with your back to the wall, catching your breath between sips of already lukewarm water (it always warmed up during practice no matter how cold it was when you got it).

Truth to be told, the boy looked the most attractive to you in this state - messy, probably already long enough curls to trigger a visit at the hairdresser falling into his deep, dark eyes, cheeks tinted ruby due to the intensity of the practice, drops of sweat painting lines along his skin, oversized, comfy clothes drenched in sweat, but that genuine, content smile playing on his lips. He seemed the most handsome in your eyes this way because you knew that this was his rawest, most bare form, that this was when he didn’t have any flashy outfit or extravagant make-up on, yet he was so powerful, so captivating. Not just anyone could have this effect on you, but boy, he did.

“What do you mean? Like hanging out at PC rooms?” You furrowed your eyebrows after letting out a confused chuckle. You reached for your water bottle yet again, but stopped in the midst of it when Seunghun elaborated.

“I mean, what would you do if you weren’t set on becoming a dancer?”

You were 15 at the time. It was a weird age because it both seemed like whatever you did at this age determined your future (whether you studied well, whether you studied the right subjects, whether you had the right hobbies, whether you looked up to the right people and so on…), but it also seemed like you were still so young, so much was ahead of you that could change, that could happen or that you could go with. You were dancing on the fine line between childhood and adulthood, and this dancing seemed unfamiliar, jarring, uplifting, tense and embracing at the same time.

“I’m not set on becoming a dancer,” you reasoned firmly, averting your eyes from the water bottle to the sweat-stained face of the boy’s. It was Seunghun’s turn to look puzzled.

“Wait, what? You don’t want to do this for a living?”

“No. I’m studying to become a lawyer,” you explained without your voice wavering, but no matter how much you tried not to pay attention to the creases deepening on the boy’s face or the slight tremble of his lips… You had spent too much time together not to notice such subtle changes.

“I thought you were so determined to always do your best and stay for extra practice after classes because you are serious about it. I mean, like your future depends on it, you know.”

“I…” You started staying, the words catching in your throat. You realised that you had no solid answer to his assumption because you, too, had to think about your reason behind trying so hard when it was just a hobby for you. A hobby that you loved dearly, something that could free your mind between school and studying until late at night, something that was your sweet escape from the big, scary world out there full of what ifs and should haves. “I guess I just try doing my best no matter what I’m doing.”

It was what you settled on, and it wasn’t actually far from the truth. You had been expected to excel at everything you tried your hands on, and despite the fact that your parents had never made it to your competitions (unlike Seunghun’s), they saw the medals and cups you won, so they knew that you were doing well.

“But… you’re going to keep dancing, right? You are so talented,” Seunghun complimented, but he was still in a bit of a shaken up state, so it felt like he was trying to reassure himself instead of telling you that you were doing well. As if he was trying to tell you to continue.

“Of course, you silly. I have to beat you,” you semi-teased, nudging the boy’s shoulder playfully, but his face remained solemn. Despite the fact that you two were on the same dance team, you liked to challenge (and motivate) the other by saying that you were actually up against each other, and if someone could hold out longer with their extra practice after a class or leaned forward more in a side split, they would be the winner.

“Are you sure?”

It was scarce to see Seunghun so serious, but little did you know, your following answer was actually one that he would hold onto whenever the next few years would keep him doubting the future.

“Yes, of course. Do you want me to pinky promise like we did back in the days?” You offered as you held out your pinky, and there it was, that toothy smile spreading across the boy’s lips. It was as if the whole world had turned for the better when he smiled like that.

“Forget about it! Loser pays for the snacks on the way back,” he announced hastily before pushing himself off the floor and running out of the practice room to head for the changing rooms. You shouted after him to say that it wasn’t fair, but it fell on deaf ears, and you knew that he would win anyways.

You let him nevertheless.

One way you didn’t let him win was to win over your heart.

Seunghun had never been good with words, not when it came to serious matters. When he was telling a story oh so enthusiastically with big hand gestures or when he was quick-witted enough to add to an already funny joke, words came to him easily, almost as easily as breathing. On the other hand, when it was about confessing something that might change how others would see him or asking about something that had been weighing down on him, words died on the tip of his tongue.

Just like these days when he wanted nothing more than to ask you if something was wrong and console you if there was, listen to all your concerns, so that he could lift some weight off your shoulders that were already burdened by so much.

The truth is, Seunghun had heard, seen and noticed things you might not have known about. One of his friends, Yonghee, attended the same school as you did, so he frequently heard about your achievements - the straight As, the top places at competitions and even the fact that you had been selected as a member of the youth parliament for high school students. He had even overheard you as you had been talking to your mother on the phone about how exhausting dancing on top of school and extra classes were, how could you even take on volunteering? Your mother had insisted that it would be for extra points, but Seunghun could see the consequences, and believed that something would have to give.

He had noticed that you had visibly less energy - your moves weren't as precise as they used to, and more mistakes slipped in. There wasn't that familiar fire burning in your eyes that he had seen when you had been younger. You were also more moody, easily irritable and almost always out of reach. "I'm busy", "I can't today" and "maybe later" were the most frequent texts you sent to him, if you sent him any. A lot of times you just left him on read.

The truth is, Seunghun didn't know whether he had any right to comment on it, whether you were close enough for that. He might have liked you more than a friend, but he wasn't sure that you felt the same way. He had been convinced before that you had, but maybe it had been you being in love with him as her dance partner rather than him as a person. After all, now that there were no more fleeting touches, no more secret glances and no more little too tight hugs, he wasn't that sure. Still, he wanted to muster up the courage.

So once when you all too familiarly dismissed his idea of heading to the bus stop together because your mother would pick you up, he stood in front of you, blocking your way to leave the practice room. You two were the last ones after class, but it was more because you tried to catch your breath like crazy and more because he wanted to catch you than anything else - which used to mean you two staying after classes to practise a bit more.

You didn't speak up, but your eyes were telling a story on their own - you were throwing daggers with your gaze. Seunghun looked down at you, his lips twitching at the sight. Where had your joyous smile gone? Where had all of those playful remarks gone? Where had you gone?

"Why don't you ask me to move?" He breathed, his words no more than a whisper. He believed that yelling at him and physically pushing him away would hurt less than being this quiet. It just hurt him to look at you like this - like a mere shadow of yourself.

"I figured you would do it yourself without asking."

"I have a question. If you answer, I won't be in your way," the boy started cautiously, but all he earned was a huff and a bob of your head. You waited for him to speak up, but when he kept staring at you without uttering a word, you stepped sideways to walk around him.

As if woken from a stupor, Seunghun followed along you and stepped sideways - like two well-coordinated moves, the boy couldn't help but think just how frightening this dance seemed. How cold. How lifeless. Like the last dance of a dying swan.

"I don't have time for this, Seunghun."

"I know, but it's just hard to get it out because truthfully, I don't know what to ask. 'How are you' seems so wrong when it's clear as day that you're not fine. 'Are you okay' would indicate that I don't see how much you're not okay, and I don't want you to agree to that. So I don't know, and I don't even know whether it's right of me to ask anything."

When he said it out loud, it sounded so desperate. Maybe he was desperate, he just didn't want to face it head-on, but he knew that tossing and turning in bed at nights, his fingers itching to reach out to his phone meant that he cared even though you didn't ask anything about him. It pained like the sight of a forgotten object at the practice room because he knew that now he was the abandoned one.

"Seunghun, I have to do a lot of things. As I've told you, I'm not going to be a dancer, so I have to do everything in my power to make sure that I get into a good university. I know you can't understand this, but-"

"Maybe I can't understand it because I don't have first-hand experience with this," he cut you off, slight frustration lacing his words. If you thought that he would just let you pull up a wall between you two because you two had very different goals, you would be dead wrong. It had never been about dancing with you for him, it had always been about being with you - in whatever form.

"But I can see what it takes away from you. It's like you're not yourself anymore," he pointed out, his voice slightly raised. You let out a huff, looking away for a second before looking up at him again.

"Seunghun, I've grown up. It's not like I have to be the same girl who danced with you when we were mere kids," you counter-attacked, and even the word 'kids' seemed like an accusation when you said it with so much malice - as if you looked down on that time of your life.

"I don't want you to be the same. I just want you to be happy, but are you really happy now?"

You gulped, not finding the right words to say, and Seunghun knew all too well that you weren't. You didn't even try to deny, and if anything, that just broke his heart even more. Because part of the reason he liked spending time with you was the obvious way he could make you happy, let it be his silly jokes, his wiggling eyebrows, teasing semi-flirty lines, loud and impromptu singing sessions and endless attentiveness when it came to you. So now he felt a bit like he failed himself for he couldn’t make you even a tiny bit happier.

“I will be. Once I get into law school, it’ll all be worth it,” you concluded and pursed your lips, walking out of the practice room. Seunghun could see you move, but you felt so far away, and he felt like even if he could reach after you physically, he wouldn’t be able to reach you emotionally.

And that’s when he knew he had lost.

You knew that you were being unfair to Seunghun, but you couldn’t help it. You just couldn’t keep up with dance on top of everything, and when senior year rolled by and your advanced maths classes overlapped with your dance practices, you were almost relieved that your mother told you to give up dancing.

“Everyone will understand. Even though you’ve won awards for dance, you’re set on becoming a lawyer, so your focus is on studying now,” she said, and you weren’t sure whether she said it to reassure herself or you, but you were relieved nevertheless. Even more so because it meant that you didn’t have to break Seunghun’s heart by isolating yourself from him.

He might have thought that it wasn’t conscious, but you did it on purpose. You didn’t want him to see you in your state: nosebleeds over text books, dark bags under your eyes, little to no appetite due to anxiety, numbness taking over you whenever you had a spare moment and this pang of bitterness whenever you saw students your age or younger ones who still had time to have fun, be with friends and go to places other than the after school academies. It’s like you had nostalgia for something you had never experienced. Seunghun deserved someone who could match his energy, and you weren’t one anymore. You might have been once, but you were far from it right now.

However, putting an end to your dancing years felt like a goodbye to Seunghun as well. You didn’t go to the same school, you didn’t have friends in common, you didn’t live close to each other, so dancing was the only thing that connected you. You did talk out of dance practices or at least you used to, but with your mounting school work, sometimes you just left his messages on read or turned down his offer to meet up. So now it seemed like that there would be no reason for you to meet, and with your busy schedule, you had a feeling that you wouldn’t be able to do so anyways.

It didn’t mean that it hurt any less because Seunghun was a part of you, a part of your childhood and your youth, someone who had been there from the start and who had not given up despite you pushing him away again and again. Maybe it was for the better. You were sorry for him for what you gave him and what you couldn’t give him, and whatever it was between you two, you were sure that he would thrive and find someone else he can care about like that.

Despite the fact that you had tried to prepare yourself for the goodbye, it wasn’t any easier when it happened. You had a bit of time before your after school Maths class, so you headed to the dance academy, asking him if you could meet up. He must have thought that you were there for the dance class as well, but it was evident that he knew that you weren’t when you met in the corridor with you in your beige coat and him in his favourite grey sweatpants already.

“Thanks for making time for me,” you started, your heart hammering rapidly. No matter how many serious discussions you had regarding global warming and inequality during classes or how many times you presented confidently at a competition in front of a jury, when Seunghun looked at you like that - as if you were a pearl that he cherished, but it kept slipping through his fingers -, you found it difficult to keep your tone steady.

“Oh, come on! It’s nothing. I’m glad you’ve wanted to meet up,” the boy mentioned with a shrug of his shoulders, and he tried with a casual smile, but you could see through it (him), and you knew that it wasn’t as casual as he wanted to make it seem like.

Precious seconds rolled by in silence, but you couldn’t even decide where to begin. You wanted so hard to appear composed in front of him, but you were falling apart, even more so because he was in front of you.

“The truth is… I’m not going to attend dance classes anymore. Not here, not anywhere. I’ve already told Miss Kwon about it,” you said in one go, hoping that it would make it easier on the boy if you didn’t drag it out any further.

Seunghun’s smile wavered, but only for a short while. It was replaced by a gentle, warm smile, one that he gave you whenever he found one of your antics lovely or he had a compliment to say. You felt your heart shake, like leaves meeting the cruel winds, especially when he broke the silence.

“I’ve figured that it was already too much for you. I’m glad you can now focus more on your studies,” he mentioned with a toothy smile, and oh, how you wished at that moment that you could have treated him better in the past year. You didn’t deserve his words, you didn’t deserve him.

Torn by his overflowing kindness, you just stood there without being able to mutter any words. Seunghun, on the other hand, took two steps closer to you and hugged you. At first, you froze in place, but soon just like the ice starts melting under the warmth of the rays of sunshine, you eased into his touch. You missed it so much. You missed his touch, this comfort and the feeling of being safe beside him no matter what would await you after dance practices.

“I’m going to miss you nevertheless. You should at least reply to my messages, so that I know you’re doing okay,” Seunghun mumbled while still hugging you tightly, and you bobbed your head a bit, signalling that you would do so.

This moment was one that you wished to engrave into your head, but it had to come to an end eventually because nothing, not even feelings, lasted forever. So after you let go of each other, wished each other well and promised to keep in touch, you left the dance academy to head to your Maths class, only to find yourself crying in the bathroom afterwards.

There were different kinds of goodbyes, and Seunghun thought that he had gotten used to saying goodbye. However, this one was different from any other before. It wasn’t like saying goodbye to his parents in the morning before going to school, to his dance teacher after class between ragged breaths, to his friends after hanging out at each other’s house or saying goodbye to you when you had stopped dancing with him at the academy. This time, he would go far away for a long time, and if everything went according to plan, he wouldn’t come back for two years, only for holidays.

No wonder his mother had been teary-eyed when he had packed his suitcases the day before or his father had been extra quiet on the way to the airport. His grandparents had also told him to never skip meals and call back frequently - or video chat them if his parents helped them out -, and his former dance teacher had also sent his wishes the last time they had met. A lot of his friends had given him something to bring along - for instance, Byunggon had given him a plushie that had magically fit into one of his suitcases - while some of them including you waited for him at the airport to bid their goodbye.

Seunghun was glad that you had decided to tell him that you wouldn’t come to class in person because he would have been really hurt if he had only gotten to know about it through the dance teacher. He might have even given up on trying to stay in touch, but with your promises back then, you had managed to stay in touch, albeit messages had been more and more scarce the closer the end of the senior year had been. Seunghun had been busy preparing for his audition tapes for dance schools abroad while you had been busy with your exams.

However, once summer break had rolled by, you two had been more free, and you could have spent some time together - going to cafés, walking in parks and watching movies together. You had seemed more radiant, thankfully, and Seunghun had been happy for you. It was as if you had found your way back to yourself. You had been just as happy for him, after all, he had made his dream come true - to learn from some of the best dancers in the US -, and he had been eligible for a scholarship thanks to his amazing audition choreography and recommendation by his former dance teachers.

So there you were beside Hyunsuk, Jinyoung and his parents, and he couldn’t believe that the close proximity you had now would expand to thousands of kms in a bit. It felt like he had just gotten you back, and now you would be even further away than before.

“I think you should go soon,” his father reminded him of the passing time when he had gotten too immersed in a dance video that Jinyoung was showing on his phone.

“Right. I shouldn’t miss the opportunity to charm the West with my dance,” he joked around to ease the tension in the air because his mother was already sobbing and you looked like you were on the verge of crying, too.

“Remember what I’ve said,” Hyunsuk mentioned playfully as he gave him a hug, and Seunghun nodded, toothy smile and all. His friend had asked him to get him his favourite sweet in its original form and preferably an XXL version, so Seunghun was set on doing just that. As expected, Jinyoung had less to say, but his hug was just as tight as Hyunsuk’s.

Then came his parents who could barely let him breathe, they hugged him so tight. You had already lent his mother a new tissue because she had used up her own, and his father earned a few supportive pats on the back from the boy’s friends.

Then came you, and suddenly, there were no words that could describe how he felt. It would have been so easy to dance his heart out, but here, he couldn’t do so. Instead, he let his heart do the dance, and hugged you like he didn’t want to let go of you (because he really didn’t want to).

“Take care, and don’t forget to rest when you’re at your limit,” you reminded him like his own mother would, and the boy couldn’t miss this opportunity to tease you that you sounded just like his mother.

“She’s right though,” the woman agreed between little sobs.

“You too. Don’t burn yourself out at uni,” he told you firmly, and even though he could feel that you were ready to let him go, he held onto you a bit more. “Just a few seconds more, please,” he whispered into your ears, so that only you could hear it. You relaxed into the hug once more and patted his back, encouraging and empathetic as always. Seunghun wished so badly that he could just keep you in his arms and take you away because he was so damn afraid that distance would keep you two apart.

“I promise I’ll write back and we can video chat, too. I promise, so go now. You’ll miss your flight,” you prompted him albeit a bit weakly. You might have tried to keep it together, but your voice told him all he needed to know, and that was what prompted him to actually let go.

“I won’t, but I’ll miss you,” he confessed with a gentle smile, his chest tightening at the realisation that it was time to go.

“I’ll miss you, too,” you responded quietly, but that was all he needed.

So with the hope that distance would only do you good and bring you closer, Seunghun held onto the strap of his backpack and headed towards the security area. While walking, he kept waving back until you were all out of sight. That’s when the first teardrop rolled down his face.

You would be lying if you said that you didn't miss Seunghun while he was away; that you didn't miss his jokes that were the best told face-to-face, his eccentric behaviour that popped out of nowhere sometimes, his dance that you loved watching in person despite not dancing yourself anymore and just him. His warm, chocolate-brown eyes, his little dimples that popped off when his toothy smile was on display, the mischief in his eyes whenever he was in his prankster mode and his bone-cracking hug. Seunghun was a person who loved to give with actions, and even though he was far away, he continued doing so.

He kept sending you good morning and good night messages despite the time zone difference, he recorded himself dancing and asked for your opinion, he kept bombarding you with selfies of himself in more or less clothes, not to mention the movie night/morning weekends when you watched a movie together while sharing your screen. It was all fun and heart-warming, and even though these didn't make him appear in front of you, they did reassure you that you would stay in contact even despite the distance.

You regretted not cherishing the time that you had together, and you regretted all the times you had turned down his offer to meet up. You hadn't known any better back then though, and while it was difficult not to get sucked into the deep, dark world of perfectionism again, you slowly learned how to do so. It wasn't easy, you were still struggling to know where your limit was and how you should set boundaries to keep a good balance between your studies and private life, but it was a work in progress. The idea of losing someone so precious to you who cared so much for you over something like this terrified you, so you felt like you had to do this. Plus, the fact that you enjoyed what you were studying made all your efforts to get into a law school worthwhile.

So despite Seunghun coming home during holidays which meant the time just before exam season mostly, you took every opportunity to hang out with him and his friends. Seunghun had also learned that some people didn't bother to give him a call or send him a message while he was away, so not all of his friends stayed his friends, but it was for the better. The important ones stayed.

However, the question was always lurking in the back of your mind; what if he stayed, what if he didn't come back after 2 years but instead, stayed in the US to keep dancing? Seunghun hadn't even known a definite answer to that question in the beginning, and when he had had a relationship for half a year, it had seemed that he would stay because his girlfriend had wanted him to. He hadn't told you why they had broken up exactly, but he had said that letting go had been for the better.

On the other hand, Seunghun came home after those 2 years. His previous dance teacher at the academy called to tell him that there was a teenage class he could take under his wings if he wanted to while still dancing competitively under the academy, and he had said yes. His friends couldn't stop teasing him since then that he would be a teacher, and teenage girls would probably have a crush on him despite the age difference. Seunghun just laughed it off, saying that though his charm was undeniable, he had to be a good teacher in the first place to not lose the ones who would have a crush on him. He admitted that he was a bit nervous how it would go, yet he was excited nevertheless.

"I'm sure you'll do great. You've taught me well when I needed help," you reminded him when he was sharing his concerns with you over a cup of coffee. You had stumbled upon this café the summer before he had gone abroad, and you had been sitting at the exact same table when you had been sharing your worries over getting into your desired university. You wondered if he remembered.

(He did.)

"I know, but you were different. We danced together, we were practically breathing together when dancing," Seunghun pointed out with a cheeky smile, and you couldn't help but roll your eyes. Seunghun was like this even before his move, but since coming back, his remarks were even more smooth, even more borderline flirty. You didn't know what to do about it. You didn't know if he knew he was doing it so flirtatious.

(He did.)

"Well, you'll get to know them better as time goes by. You'll do great, I know," you reassured him with a confident nod. "Though if you end up not enjoying it, there's nothing wrong with that, too. You should be doing something you love."

"Is that really you, y/n?" Seunghun let out a lighthearted laughter that didn't fade away even after he saw your expression. "But for real, you've become so much... Looser? More at peace? With yourself and the world. It's nice. I like seeing you like this again," he admitted on a more serious note, and his words played on your heartstrings. The way he looked at you did too: as if his eyes were twinkling little stars, his face the peaceful canvas of the night sky and the smile that he wore on his lips was a shooting star that you could wish upon.

"You're the reason for that after all," you blurted out without thinking twice about it, but confusion was written all over the boy's face, so you elaborated on something you couldn't have seen two years prior, but now it was clear as day that he was the reason why. "If I hadn't been so afraid of losing you, I might not have stopped being so hard on myself. But you reminded me that I have to be kind to myself to be able to be kind to others. And I... I also felt guilty for not dancing anymore. I felt that I've failed you somehow. I know you would never say that to me though," you clarified swiftly when you saw the boy open his mouth. He closed it immediately, prompting you to continue with a bob of his head.

"But somehow I felt that way. I loved dancing, but I hated how it turned into one of those slots in my days that weren't directly study-related. I also hated how I didn't enjoy it anymore, but I thought it was because of dancing itself, not because I didn't enjoy anything else either," you didn't need to continue for Seunghun to know: that it was him who had pointed it out. He had pointed out that you hadn't seemed to enjoy dancing, and when he had asked if you had been happy, you couldn't have said yes. No one else had taken the initiative to ask about your real feelings.

"If you could go back in time, would you do something differently?" Seunghun raised an eyebrow, his eyes boring into yours. His expression was a mixture of curiosity and bitterness for he knew just how dark this time had been for you. However, as the closest person to you, he had every reason to ask about it, so you weren’t afraid of answering between little sips of your favourite latte.

"I don't think I would because that conversation we had at the dance academy when I left was the one that had opened my eyes. If it hadn't happened, I might not have taken your words that seriously or if I hadn't stopped dancing then, maybe I would have really ended up hating dancing even more."

This was also one of the things that had changed between you two in the past few years: you were yet again as candid with each other as you had been in the beginning. May it be because you had grown and experienced more or may it be because while having such a distance between you two, you couldn't have communicated any other way other than honestly. After all, you hadn't been standing face-to-face to read each other's facial expressions or body language.

Seunghun nodded and thanked you for sharing this with him. You gave him a gentle smile before asking about his side: if he had something he wanted to change. He hesitated for only a bit before he admitted:

"I would have told you that I like you." The confession rolled off his tongue confidently, yet there was a hint of fragility in his voice. Your heart skipped a beat at his words and the way he said it so truthfully, his eyes still on you. "I just thought that by saying that, you might not actually keep your promise of staying in touch because I would make you feel uncomfortable... And it just didn't seem like a good time. You already had so much to worry about," he elaborated, and the more he talked, the more touched you felt.

So he hadn't even told you how he felt because he was worried that it would make you feel even worse? So he had sacrificed all these years to keep his feelings to himself because he had wanted you to not worry about his feelings? Oh dear gosh, yet again, just how much he had actually put you first?

"I... I..." You stuttered, struggling to find the right words to say and pulling yourself together to keep your voice steady. You didn't know, of course you didn't know, and he was also right: it wouldn't have been the right time. You wouldn't have been able to give him enough love, care and appreciation because you hadn’t even learned to love yourself back then, but now…

"I understand if you don't feel the same way, but I felt that it would be time to come forward. I thought I missed you as a friend while being away, but being in a relationship made me realise that I was looking for what you and I had together, and I was looking forward to have that with you again."

So that was the reason they had broken up with his girlfriend. You just had no idea why: how could he have held onto this - to you - for so long without giving up? Maybe you did know though. It was him, he was Kim Seunghun after all, and he, he didn't give up.

(He did it because of you, because it was you, not someone else.)

"I like you too, Seunghun. I've liked you for so long," you confessed as the thought prompted you, and the way his whole face lit up hearing your words was absolutely worth everything. "And I think it was the right time this time."

"I did think so, too. You just made it easy for me to confess," he mentioned with a playful edge to his words. You broke into laughter because it was just so him, you were honestly so looking forward to how it would continue. Your story. Everything and nothing would probably change at the same time. Yet, you knew one thing for sure: that you did like him.

(And he liked you, too.)

A/N: This was one hell of an emotional rollercoaster, right? I know, but actually, this story was supposed to be even angstier. It was supposed to be an open-ended one with them actually losing contact after the reader leaves the dance academy (without telling Seunghun) and meeting again accidentally when he comes back from the US.

However, as I was writing it, writing how much they meant to each other, I felt like it wouldn’t be them. At least they would talk it out, and that’s how it ended up like that. I also think it’s quite realistic in a way that sometimes relationships go through highs and lows and times when losing contact is almost inevitable, but then, people make up. Seunghun and the reader were also constantly growing and experiencing things, and they confessed when it was time.

On a side note, I’ve been lucky enough to see CIX during their European tour, and OMG!!! They were incredible both singing and dancing-wise, and their personalities really shone through during those hours. I was so so happy to see them enjoy themselves. (I could write a whole dissertation about it haha) I hope every FIX can have such a magical moment to themselves and see the boys live! 🥰🥰🥰

I hope you enjoyed the story! Thank you so much for reading it! ❤️

If you want to read more stories of mine, let it be for CIX or for other bands, consider signing up for my taglist here.

#cix #cix imagines #cix scenarios #cix x you #cix x reader #seunghun #seunghun imagines #seunghun scenarios #seunghun x reader #seunghun x you #cix fluff #cix angst #seunghun fluff #seunghun angst

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