#that was a lot but HAHAHHA a bit about me and my personality!!!!

[rosemariilovesyou0922]

WHAT DID I JUST WATCH???

SPOILERS TWF4 !!!

It was the best thing I could ever experience rn, I'm pretty much ascending. The fact that there was ANIMATION?? ON IT??? Martin is extremely talented I swear to god.

Personally I think a Lot of My questions we're kind of answered. Deffinetly not the "Where the hell is Jack?", No I'm Even more confused about that... I THOUGHT LIKE- FELIX GOT RID OF HIM OR SOMETHING I DIDN'T THINK HE WOULD TELL THEM WHAT HE DID? I honestly thought he would hide it and kill anyone who knew (he didn't need to they're all pretty dead). I honestly felt slightly Bad for him, HE DUG A HOLE FOR HIMSELF 😭. I swear I was SHOCKED- mouth open eyes wide type of stuff, I COULD FEEL HOW AWFUL HE FELT, He reeks of guilt, desesperation and actual negativo emotions, where before I honestly think he only transmited me the smell of alcohol or something; I deffinetly feel Bad for him now.

Okay so aside from the whole Felix thing here's a few things I really enjoyed/noticed:

Beggining ANIMATION with Ed and Molly; knowing what happened that night it was honestly really sad and I felt like it was the Best way to start pt4

THIS HAHAHHA:

ROSIE VOICE REVEALL!!! Girl I swear, it's extremely obvious how hard I Stan Rosemary Peony Walten SO You know I started levitating ‼️‼️

"Bon" appears in the video early on so that's cool, aside from that uhhh Tv Guy is deffinetly going to be quite the goofy silly guy so stan

SUSAN AND CHARLES BEING SILLLLYYY!!!

Charles struck me as kind of a manager? Someone who does stay in the establishment and is involved but isn't actually like- an engenieer or chef.

Susan You wonderfull woman I swear the strong ass mecanic lesbian is all I needed in my life.

So the whole animatronics moving around and facial recognition actually clear up a bunch of stuff for me, for instance: How the hell would Bon be able to tell who Sophie was. Also I was screaming for them to run whenever an animatronic was lowkey near, scary stuff.

AWOOPPPP TIME SKIP!! Or something skip I have no clue, Charles and Susan talking about Rocket being there. Rosemary and Jack did not know Félix was an alcoholic aparently, that explains why Jack would ever let him drive his children anywhere from somewhere there would be alcohol at.

JACK?? JACK BANGING AND KNOCKING ON THE DOOR FOR FELIX TO OPEN ACTUALLY GOT ME SHOCKED TO MY GODDAMN CORE?? HIS VOICE IS CHILLING.

Félix and the whole cliff scene really broke me not going to lie, You dumbass of man, you're stupid and reckless but I feel awfull for you.

Felix told Rosemary and Jack what happened which actually throws my "Oh yeah Felix deffinetly sent killer animatronics to kill his Best friend and his family so the business wouldn't crash" theory down the drain. Also Rosemary asking for the doll, I cannot imagine how devastated She would have felt, She does not deserve that.

Alright that was terrifying!! Scary imagery actually got me bit scared at atimes, which is good, the show keeps me on My toes.

WHO THE HELL IS INSIDE OF BON?????? WHO IS THAT...

The fact that: We could actually SEE how he KILLED Susan but ED AND MOLLY HAD TO WATCH TOO 😨

Poor children, god.

The animation actually scared me really Bad, it was so unreal and disturbing in a sense that Made You feel like you'd get jumpscared at any moment, that's what makes this kind of horror amazing.

The whole conversation between "Bon" and Susan/Banny is something You have to watch for yourself.

She was ALIVE in the SUIT, GOD 😭

The fact her 'Wonderland' for has her neck snapped and everything, it looked so disturbing, it was really clear how she got killed.

THE MUSIC WAS CELESTIAL, I PRAISE WHOEVER PLANNED THE SONGS THAT PLAYED BECAUDE EVERY SINGLE ONE MADE IT TEN TIMES BETTER.

Ed and Molly at the end :[

#the walten files #molly walten #ed walten #jack walten #felixkranken #felix kranken #what the fuck just happened #the walten files 4 #TWF spoilers #twf #twf sha #twf bon #twf banny #twf rocket #twf boozoo #twf billy #martin walls #martin paredes #big rant #ranting

[aphroditesbaby1616]

The Bear & His Honey - Chapter 12

♡ Chapter Inspo: Lyrics; Enjoy The Silence (Depeche Mode) - Words like violence, break the silence, come crashing in- into my little world. Painful to me, pierce right through me, can't you understand? All I ever wanted, all I ever needed, Is here in my arms. Words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm…

♡ Summary: Winnie x Carmy have deep talks, Carmy ends up running away & having a panic attack, Syd being the pookie pie she is brings Winnie to therapy, they share big news & Syd is anxious (but, what's new there?)

♡ W/C: 9,600

♡ Posted Date: 03/08/2024

♡ A/N: Hey everyone! No smut in this chapter, but lots of angst!! We finally get to see Syd bc I was talkin to a Tumblr OOMF & I just HAD to put in some Syd this week, & she slipped right in there perfectly! We will be back with some super sweet fluff next week, I need to keep you on your toes - this is about Carmen the most anxious person on earth after all hahahha

♡ Warnings for BTC: Smoking, Swearing, Angst, Talk of suicide, Panic attacks, Bad coping skills *not edited :)*

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

After a shower that surprisingly didn’t end in another round, and a heavy make out when he came out of the bathroom to see me clad in nothing but his white shirt and a pair of panties, we had gotten comfortable in bed again, my fairy lights back on. 

We were laid facing eachother, fingers intertwined, sharing sweet pillow talk about what we did earlier in the night. It felt so good to talk to him like this, and truth be told I felt so lucky that he was being so open about how he felt about it all. 

“Y’know when-“ I giggled “when I was like- I couldn’t say anything other then yes?” I asked and he snorted a laugh, squeezing my hand softly. 

“Yes why?” He gently rubs my hip with his free hand, pushing my shirt up so his palm was flat against my skin. 

“Cause- well I couldn’t even wrap my head around it, I just knew that you were doing exactly what I wanted, but more so you were saying what I wanted. Like- Bear. I am so amazed with you and your ability to like- learn so fast. You’re like actually the best lay I’ve ever ever had. For real, honest to god.” I said, gently rubbing my thumb over his now very warm and pink cheek. 

He swallowed thickly, thinking for a moment, eyes fluttering shut under my gentle touch. “Can I tell y’somethin, baby?” he asked quietly. I leaned forward, resting my forehead on his, my hand trailing up his face and fingers getting lost in his damp curls. 

“Anything, Carmy.” I whispered, gently nuzzling our noses sweetly “I want you to tell me everything baby” I whispered and he leaned forward, kissing me gently. When he pulled his lips away, his forehead still on mine. My eyes flutter open to meet his blue ones. He takes a deep, shaky breath. 

“I-I’ve never felt like this..and I’m really fuckin’ scared” he bit his lip, squeezing my hip gently. I cupped his jaw, planting a lingering gentle kiss on his forehead before resting my own against him again. 

“Do you remember, last week, when you told me you wanted me to show you how it feels?” I whisper and I could have sworn he stopped breathing for a moment. 

“N-no- no…how…it’s too soon” he pulls away a bit and I let him do so, squeezing his hand affirmingly. 

“How fast do you hate someone?” I asked after he sat silent for a moment, and the look behind his eyes was clear that he was far off somewhere else, so I had to say something to get him back. 

“What?” He asks, attention back to me. “Why does that matter?” He begins untangling our fingers and I rest my other hand over his to stop him. 

“Because. There is such a thin line between love and hate, Carm. I can tell you hate with a deep, guttural, soul-splitting passion. When you hate something, you hate it…and when you love something” I said and he gently curled his fingers around mine again, rubbing his thumb in strokes along the back of my hand. 

“How are you like that” he whispers, pulling me to his chest and nuzzling his face in my neck, his lips pressed to my skin and warm puffs of breath tickling the fleshy spot between my shoulder and my neck. 

I smiled, my hand absentmindedly coming up and lacing my fingers through his curls, scratching his scalp gently in the places I’d come to know he liked. “Like what, Bear?” I whisper, just as soft. It felt like we were the only people in the world. Sleep wasn’t needed in our little haven, I felt like I couldn’t miss a single moment of him. 

“That.” He breathes into my skin, peppering sweet, warm kisses along my skin. “You always fuckin’…just…calm me down. It’s so fuckin’ terrifying” he mutters, a small smile comes to my lips and I kiss his temple sweetly. 

“You calm me down too, but you also make my heart race so much even when I think about you, I worry for myself sometimes…like I’m havin’ a heart attack. Like my heart literally skips. And I didn’t understand what people meant until I met you” I said with a small giggle and he snorts a laugh into my skin. 

“I can’t think about you when I’m not with you- well…that’s a lie…I can’t think about how I feel about you when I’m not with you” he said softly, his thumb gently rubbing over the scar on my hip. 

“Why?” I asked quietly, gently dragging my fingers through his hair in slow, backwards strokes. 

“Cus’ I’ll give myself a fuckin panic episode or whatever it’s called if I think about it for too long.” He mumbled into my neck and I swallowed thickly. 

“Cause…you like me, right?” I asked and he lets out a chuckle. 

“Sooooo far past like, but sure. I don’t even know what to call it, but I more then like you. But- I…I also hate feeling like this..cus’…cus’ I feel- I feel like I’m gonna fuck everything up. Like…what if I’m so focused on us that I fuck up the restaurant? Or- or what if I lose my touch. Or fuckin’ I dunno. Somethin’ in me just like-“ he sighs. “I need a fuckin’ cigarette.” He sits up, back facing me, leaving me cold on my side and I pout. 

“Alone?” I ask quietly, wanting to reach out for him. 

“No- no baby come w’me cmon. Put on some pants though yeah? It’s freezin’ “ he said, grabbing his sweatpants and putting them on as well as his usual plaid brown jacket. 

I got up, opening my dresser and pulling out some pink fuzzy hello kitty pajama bottoms, tugging them on before putting on my fuzzy pink bear socks along with my Ugg slippers and grabbing my well loved Winnie the Pooh zip up, putting it over his tshirt and putting up the hood. “We can go on the balcony” I said softly, going over and unlocking the door. 

He slipped his sneakers on, following me out and sitting down on one of the chairs. “C’mere” he pats his lap and I come over, gently sitting and wrapping my arms around him once he got his cigarettes out and grabbing his lighter from his pocket. Once he popped it between his lips, I lit it for him, gently playing with the curls at the base of his neck and watching as he took a drag. 

“I just feel…like- and I-i know what you’ll say- cause you’ve told me already like a hundred times- but…I feel like, I’m finally sacrificing a little of myself for myself and…I feel like I don’t deserve to? Like…I-i-im betraying myself? and-“ I cup his cheek, stopping his rambling. 

“Why is it betrayal, baby? What about letting yourself feel for once is a betrayal?” I asked and he took another long drag, mulling the question over. 

“Cause’ that part of me that tells me it’s betrayal T’myself t’be happy is the same part of myself that says people always leave and it’s always right. And it tells me…like- like- everyone is gonna be so mad at me when I fuck up with you and then lose you and I also have been like- not on top of my shit with the restaurant. So like I’m- I’m fuckin over Nat, and Richie, and Marcus, and Tina, and Syd. I’m fuckin’ em, Win. For me to be happy. Leavin’ em with all this bull that I’m used to handling so I can run off and play boyfriend until you fuckin’ realize that-“

“Hey, hey, hey” I said softly, cutting his spiral before it could get too deep. “Let’s unpack this baby, so you…you feel like, if you were to fall in love- not even with me. Let’s take me out of this equation. So you think that if you were to have a lover, like a real, intimate, partnership, like- building your life with someone. And that because as a human you have to have a work-life balance, that if your life cuts in to your work, just like your work is expected to cut in to your life once in a while- you believe that everyone in your life, Your big sister, your closest friends, and Syd? Syd. The girl who every person in her life she just wants them to be happy? Like it actually brings her to tears. She fuckin sat with me and Sadie for eleven hours on a FaceTime call, helping us get our Taylor tickets when she didn’t even want to go. And she cried with us when we finally got them. Syd loves you, Carm. As a friend. And knowing Syd, how she loves her friends? Its pure. So if you can’t believe any of the other people you mentioned would be anything short of happy if you were to have an actual life outside of work, it would be Syd. Also- you” I poke his cheek, thankfully earning a tiny upturn of his lips with the action. 

“You, sir” I continue “are a control freak. Yes, it’s hot a lot of the time. But then the other 10-15% of the time…all it does is fuck everything up Carmy. When you try to fuckin’ control every situation with an iron fist something is bound to go wrong. Syd is so smart. She was smart before you got her, and she’s even smarter because you’re teaching her, Carm. You said it yourself- she’s your right hand. Is Syd not your right hand, lovey?” I asked him softly, gently massaging his tense shoulders. 

Blew a trail of smoke away from me, being sure not to let any get directly in my face, before clearing his throat. “Ye’. She is” he muttered, slightly relaxing under my touch. 

“S’what does that mean, baby? D’you trust yourself? Do you trust that you’ve taught Syd, and Richie, and Fak, and Natalie, and Tina how you want your restaurant to be run? What if somethin’ happened to you tomorrow god forbid- d’you think The Bear would crash and burn?” I asked and he shook his head lightly in response, pushing his cigarette out in the ash tray. 

He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into his chest. “No- no…that’s actually..” he sighs, looking ahead at the cityscape. “I think about that- like…a lot…well- more before I met you I guess…but- t’day” he swallowed thickly and I kept my gaze locked on his side profile. 

“T’day I thought about it again…and y’re right. If I was removed…everything would probably run smoother. Because like you said. I’m an efficient son of a bitch because of how tightly I control shit, but sometimes I do too much and- a lot I think like…what if I’m holding The Bear back.” He muttered and I gently stroked his cheek with my thumb, both of us going quiet. I gnawed on the inside of my lip nervously, contemplating how he’d react- but knowing how he feels about himself…I had to allow him to see his situation from the outside. 

“D’you wanna know something I’ve been thinkin’ about…but…I didn’t wanna tell you cus’ I’ve been scared it’ll get you worked up for the wrong reasons?” I ask just above a whisper and his gaze finally meets mine again. 

“Tell me” he said, “I promise- I don’t think I could ever stay mad at you, honey” he said leaning in and kissing my cheekbone lightly. 

I took a deep, regulating breath. “When Sugar drove me home…I dunno I just had this- I was…I was just curious. And I asked her, I was like oh- who started to call him Bear, and- she told me that it was Mikey…” I watch his jaw tighten slightly and I swallow thickly, finding the confidence to continue. “And she- she told me…that um..you- you went to New York. Because you and Mikey kinda…grew apart. But that when you were young you both- you…The Bear was gonna be yours together.” I manage to get out and he closes his eyes taking a deep shakey breath. 

“What does this have to do with what I said, Winnie.” He said evenly, but his breath trembling. 

“I…I think-“ I play with my zipper nervously. “I think Mikey felt the same way… I think- he…he felt like you’d be better off because of the way he did things a-“ my voice breaks, tears coming to my eyes. “and he saw you Carmen…he saw you. Sugar told me she- she said…she said he was so proud, but he- he wouldn’t say it. And- and I think…I think he-he was scared. I think-“ he cuts me off. 

“S’what? Y’think he fuckin’ killed himself because he thought I was better than him?! When he wouldn’t even fuckin’ let me work at Mom and Dad’s piece a’ shit - before I fuckin’ went off to prove myself to him.” He said, voice sharper than I’d ever heard him speak towards me before, but still cracking towards the end. 

“Carmy…” I whispered, my throat feeling tight at the sudden energy shift. 

“I think he always saw the greatness in you, but like you he didn’t think he deserved to be apart of the success he knew someone he loved was destined for. He saw you. Carmy. He fucking loved you so fucking much. The way-“ I took a trembling breath, tears staining my cheeks. “The way he loved you was pure Carmen. You said you- you haven’t felt it but it’s just- it’s been around you this entire time baby. Sugar told me how you two were, she gushed over the trouble you’d get into together and how he’d always walk you to school. Just how fucking kind he was and all the ways you take after him.” I wiped away the tears that were pooling in his eyes. 

“I-“ he choked on a sob. “I have to go on a walk- p-please. Alone.” He took in a shaking breath, shaking his head and squeezing his eyes shut, tears pooling down his cheeks. “I h-have to think” he sniffled. 

I wipe his tear-stained cheeks. “Just be safe ok?” I whispered, kissing his temple gently before getting up off his lap.  

He nodded, grabbing his cigarettes and going back in to put a shirt on. I sat down in the chair, pulling my knees to my chest and resting my cheek on my knee, looking out at the city scape, my mind reeling with thoughts. The main one that kept bouncing from corner to corner or my mind like a god damn dvd video logo. 

You sunk too deep, too soon. He’s not coming back.

𝒞𝒶𝓇𝓂'𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱.🧸

I pulled the door behind me slightly harder than I meant to, the slam echoing throughout the hallway. I dug my cigarettes out of my pocket, the second I got into the stairwell lighting it with shaking hands. 

Really, Bear. If you ever feel it's getting too much - call, okay?

Sugars words bounced around my head as I pounded down the stairs, feeling like I couldn't breathe. Sure. The thick hot smoke I was inhaling didnt help the matter, but- fuck - the only thing that could allow me to speak fuckin normally in this state, was if I had a cigarette to pull on. 

I shove open the door so hard that it slams against the brick, causing an elderly woman and her white fluffy dog to jump. “Ooh!” she exclaims, putting her hand over her heart at the sudden noise. 

“S’rry Ma’am” I muttered, pulling my hood over my head as I walked by, looking at my feet as I fished my phone out while I took a drag of my now lit cigarette. With my free hand, I popped the cigarette out of my mouth and let out a shaky exhale as I unlocked my phone with shaking fingers.

Where the fuck am I going right now? 

I click the phone icon, clicking Sugars number and putting the phone to my ear as I listen to the ring and my heavy footsteps, inhaling another heavy drag. Surprisingly, it was only 2 rings before she answered. 

“God damn it Bear, y’re lucky I shut my ringer off before Livy woke up- Whats goin’ on?” she whisper-shouts into the phone. I stopped, leaning against the chainlink fence cutting off the empty lot a  block down from Winnies apartment. I wanted to crumple and sob at the sound of her voice.

“N-Nat?” I stutter in to the phone, my voice shaky, feeling just like I sounded as a fuckin’ kid, knocking at her door after Mom yelled at me for knocking her drink over. 

“Carmy-” she said, voice much softer then before and I heard her front door click open, car keys jingling. “Bear, where are you - let me help you, Bear, please, tell me- where are you?” she pleads.

I took a deep shuddering breath, crouching down against the fence with my head in my hands, the only thing stopping my hand from shaking being pressing the phone to my ear.

“Y’remember - d’you-” I took the phone away from my ear, slapping my palm against my forehead roughly in frustration. I cant fuckin’ speak right now. Fuck. And it feels like I’m gonna throw up. 

“Bear” I heard her say through the phone as I frustratedly rubbed my hand over my face, pushing tears away angrily to try and ground myself.

How the fuck did Winnie make me feel like this? What the fuck? Why am I not mad at her for making me feel like this?

“Nat- Nat…Nat” I try catching my breath, “Nat, Im fuckin’ im cashin’ in- w-when you told me t’call you if im- if… “ I look up briefly, rubbing my hand over my mouth to soothe back a sob, my eyes meeting the ‘For Rent’ sign of the empty lot I was kneeled infront of pathetically. 

“Uh-I’m-I’m a-at- tw-” I pull the phone away and cough, my lungs burning. The mix of crying uncontrollably, thick mucus, and cigarettes, proving once again to be deadly- if not at least extremely irritating to my throat when I’m like this.

“Twenty-five north Wells, near Winnies” I breathe out, slumping down into a heap on the sidewalk, curling into myself. 

If someone I know walks by, I’m actually going to end it, fucking tonight.

“Stay, stay right there, I’m coming Bear” I heard her car door slam shut, before the engine roared to life.

 “Thanks” I mumble in to the phone and hung up, dropping my phone in my chest pocket and hugging my knees.

I look like a fuckin child, pathetic and rediculous.

But my swirling, self deprecating thoughts didn’t stop me from shaking with silent sobs as I mulled over the words Winnie said minutes earlier, sticking to my brain like velcro. 

‘ He always saw the greatness in you, but like you he didn’t think he deserved to be apart of the success he knew someone he loved was destined for. He saw you, Carmy. ‘

I shook my head at the thought, wiping the never ending stream of tears from my raw cheeks. “Fuckin, get it together quit bein a pussy” I muttered to myself, sniffling and standing up, shaking my hand by my side roughly, hearing the joint crack with each flick as I paced back and forth quickly, uncontrollably gasping breaths taking over my lungs in place of sobs as I swallowed everything back. 

I refused to be sniveling like a little bitch when I got in Nat’s car. I’m not fuckin’ 7 anymore. I clear my throat, looking up at the sky as I pace, trying to find anything to pop in my mind other then the racing thoughts of Mikey, and the overwhelming guilt that I somehow killed him by leaving. 

I was so lost in attempting to chill the fuck out - that I didn’t even hear Natalie’s SUV pull up. What pulled me out of my head was the sound of her car door slamming. 

“Bear- fuckin’ Jesus Carmen, thank god Y’re alright buddy, you scared me fuckin’ shitless” she comes up to me, hugging me tightly and nestling her face in my chest. “I love you, i love you, I love you Carmen. I don’t tell you enough, but I love you, ok? So so fucking much. Y’re still my little bud. Y’know that, right? Y’re gonna be my little buddy forever” She mutters. 

And with that, I cracked once again. “Nat” I whisper, before completely breaking down in her arms, sobbing into her shoulder. She hugs me tighter, rubbing circles into my back soothingly.  

“Oh, Bear…” she whispered sadly into my hair, “tell me, tell me Carm.” She said and I tried to catch my breath.

“I- fuck- holy fuck. I- I needa sit…please. D-do you have water?” I cough hard into my arm. Fuckin cigarettes only fuck me up this bad when I’m like this. 

“Carm, fuckin’ breathe - holy shit. Yes, c’mon” she tugs my sleeve and I got on the passanger side, immediately grabbing her large purple cup that of course was just like Winnie’s-

Since the universe is determined to cackle at my demise at every beck and turn. 

-but I got past it due to my mouth that was so dry it felt glued, and chug down about half of the cup by the short time she’d sat in the driver seat and set the cup back down with a sigh. 

“Glad to see you found the water” she said, turning the engine over so we wouldn’t freeze. “So. Cmon. Let’s go. code hiccup..this must be serious” she said, bringing a small, barely there smile to my lips. 

Code hiccup was what she called her mandatory chats with me as a kid, when I’d get so fuckin’ worked up that I’d be hiccuping as I cried since I could barely breathe. And during these, she told me ‘as an older sister she has authority to make me tell her what’s bothering me.’ - she’d only ever called one of these when I was at the very wits end of my breaking point, so I never fought her on it. 

I look at her “Mikey- Winnie- she -hic- she…what the fuck did you say t’her, Nat?” Ok, so I guess I still get so worked up I fuckin’ hiccup. 

“Carm, what? Thats why you’re all fuckin’ upset?! Cause I told her a few childhood stories, and told her about how much he missed you when you were away? How close you both were? You knew that already. I told you that! I tried calling, Bear. You fuckin iced me out the same way he did t’you” she shook her head. 

“No- n-no she -hic- she…she said” I took a shaking breath, swallowing back the lump in my throat that was threatening to make a reappearance. “Why would she ever say I -hic- take after him? W- -hic- we both know that Mikey-“ I shook my head, looking out the window. “Was better at fuckin everything. He was normal.” I said quietly. 

“Carm, you are so much like him- you take after him in so many ways. The good and the bad.Other then the….the end for him, you were the same. We practically raised you, Carm, if anyone knows you its me, and it was Mike. How you’re so selfless in forgoing your own pleasures for the sake of others, your passion, Carm, your passion for your family, your passion for cooking? He missed you…but- I could tell he wanted you to just…do your own thing” she said, holding her cup in her lap and twirling the straw anxiously. 

“He knew Nat, he knew how much it h-hic-hurt me, when he fuckin…” I shook my head, closing my eyes tightly as tears pricked at the corners. 

“Bear I need you to hear me when I say this and not take it the wrong way…” she whispered and I looked at her, swallowing thickly. 

“A few months after you left…we were talking, and- he…he told me that…” she shakes her head, looking at her lap. “He told me that unless he kicked you out hard enough, you’d be too…soft to make it, like- that… that you wouldn’t be angry enough to get where you needed to go, to pull yourself up. He said that…that in the kitchen industry..you cant be so openly in love with cooking like you were…that to succeed you had to be serious about it, that it wasn’t about love, its about perfection. So he- he did that because he thought that he was helping you- but..but loving and being soft isn’t a bad thing Bear, and I wanted to fuckin wallop him over the back of the head for ever even thinking like that, but he told me…where you were going- where you were destined to go…you’d never had made it if he- if…he held your hand like he always did.” her eyes finally met mine once more.

I was just sitting there, dumbfounded, hiccups escaping my lips every so often a stears silently streamed down my cheeks. “Why does everyone except you and Winnie work like that, Natty?” I whispered after a long moment of silence. 

“Like what, Carm?” she brushes some stray tears away from my cheek. “That in order to offer help, they need to hurt me first”

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

I didn’t sleep at all that night, I didn’t even realize it was 6am until I got an alarm on my phone, alerting that Taylor would be hitting the stage in a few minutes.

She always helps me forget things for a little while. I’m so glad she’s starting her leg in Singapore, today.

 I grabbed it off the charger hitting the stop button, and rubbing my tired eyes. “ ‘Lexa - g’morning” I said ‘Good morning’ it replied, my LED lights flicking on to a warm pinky orange.

I sat up in bed, finding my remote and switching Criminal Minds out for the morning news, before grabbing my phone and opening up the live stream of her concert. Amidst everything, i’d forgotten about Swiftball completely- not even caring much. I had went numb a few hours ago, when it would have been a reasonable walk. No, Carm went home. He had to have, the only thing left here of his was his backpack, that was laying flat on the floor since everything he’d brought to wear for the night was on his person, and his pair of Levi’s, as well as one of his white shirts. 

I got up, stretching my back and listening as the lead up speech to Cruel Summer started. 

“Oh! Nǐ hǎo!” she said adorably before beginning to sing, causing me to giggle. 

“Adorable” I mutter to myself, turning around and picking up Persephone from her spot on Carm’s-

On the other side of my bed. 

And held her like a baby. “G’mornin stinky” I said and kissed her head. She looked up at me and licked my nose, causing me to scrunch it up and smile. “Tank you for kisses smoochy, where were you last night mmm? Hidin’?” I put her back down on the bed gently and stroke her tail before grabbing my phone and heading to the bathroom.

I connected to my speaker, listening to Lover play, and rolling my eyes to myself as I start the shower and began to undress. 

This therapy session is gonna be brutal. I feel it. 

Nonetheless, out of habit I hummed along. I washed my body while listening to The Archer, Deep conditioned my hair, dancing around in the shower a bit to Fearless, it really was one of my favorite songs of hers. Probably because it was one of those songs Chris and I danced to a billion times together in my room with my little hello kitty CD player my mom had gotten me as my christmas present at a garage sale one year. 

I shaved my legs to You Belong With Me, and exfoliated to Love Story, smiling as I replayed all the memories of Chris turning the volume all the way up, and sitting criss-cross on my floor, his hand over the top of the CD player, feeling the hum of the lyrics and the bass while I jumped wildly on my bed and sung my heart out like I was preforming my own personal concert. We’d listened to this album so much, and I’d signed him the lyrics so much, that by the bumping of the bass and vibration of the lyrics- he knew by memory what song was playing after a while.

By the time Look What You Made Me Do was playing, I was cutting the water off from my long luxurious shower. I was convinced I’d scrubbed every touch of him off my body, out of guilt more then anything. I swoop in his life, give him these new experiences, make him feel loved, and then clawed open his deepest wound that had barely clotted yet. 

He doesn’t deserve to heal on my timing because it would make our relationship easier on me. This is about us together, and the conversation we had was out of my own selfishness. 

I’m torn away from my swirling thoughts from the opening lines of Enchanted, rolling my eyes in annoyance, “Oh give me a fuckin’ break.” I mutter to the universe. I finished drying myself off, trying to ignore the lyrics as I slathered my lotion on. 

And now I’m pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door.. 

“No! No its a stupid song and I am not dramatic and this song isn’t even about anything like what happened shut UP brain” I rambled to myself, spraying on my Honey Bee body mist that had golden glitter in it, going out to my bedroom and opening my dresser. 

I focused on getting dressed, putting on a black T-shirt bra and panties and heading over to my closet. I pulled out one of my favorite pairs of overalls with Pooh embroidered on them, as well as a striped tan,blue, and red turtleneck sweater i’d thrifted. I slipped on the sweater, untucking my damp hair and adjusting the collar before putting on the overalls and buckling them up. 

I went back over to my dresser, pulling out some plain black ankle socks and slipping them on before grabbing my phone and heading into the bathroom. I quickly blew out my hair so my bangs wouldn’t curl up wildly, and brushed my teeth before heading out to the kitchen with Persephone on my heels as I hum along with We are Never Ever Getting Back Together  

This is the energy I need to take on for his sake. 

I sighed to myself as I took out one of my iced coffee glasses, stuffing it with ice before putting it under the coffee machine & brewing a strong latte. 

I had nothing to make for breakfast, and did not feel like going to the store- so I just decided to skip it and grab some McDonald’s on my way home from therapy later. I wandered off to my craft room, looking over various projects I’d started and contemplating what I wanted to throw myself into today. 

Something…intricate. 

I knew just the thing. I opened up the closet, pulling out the bodice mannequin that was dressed in my half done replica of Taylor’s Midnight Rain bodysuit. I had scoured google for days finding the perfect colors of beads, finding the best threads that wouldn’t snap, the best sequins. I saved up for 3 months, after my last Taylor concert- because Sadie and I agreed that we’d be watching for more Tickets to her Miami show, because it was so good when we went we had to do it again. 

I hum along to The Last Great American Dynasty as I prepared my sewing needle, getting all my beads and sequins laid out. I counted out my first group of 13 beads, sewing them in a neat row one by one, having to push up my glasses on my nose every so often. 

I only broke my trance when she started singing the first surprise song of the evening sparks fly. I gasped, standing up and watching closely, dancing around and singing along, squealing excitedly when she mixed in Gold Rush as well. 

“Oh my god those are perfect songs together!!!” I jump happily, singing along excitedly when she got to the chorus. 

“I run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild just keep on keepin’ your eyes on me it’s just wrong enough to make it feel right!! And lead me up the staircase won’t you whisper soft and slow!! I’m captivated by you baby like a firework sho-“

“Winnie?” I hear and a shriek escapes my lips in surprise. I whip around to see Carm standing in the doorway. 

“Bastard” I slap my hand over my heart, attempting to catch my breath. “Don’t fuckin’ scare me like that! Jesus I almost had a heart attack!” I said, and there was the faintest trace of a smile on his lips. 

“I did knock, sorry I guess it wasn’t loud enough.” He said. His eyes were bloodshot, nose red and raw from being rubbed. His curls were a mess of broken waves from running his hands through them so much. 

“I thought…” I turn the volume on my phone down. “I- I thought you…went home.” I said, biting the inside of my lip nervously. 

“What? No..no. I’m sorry, I- I had to think…I uh- I saw Sugar, we talked. She just dropped me off cause she has to get her kid ready for school. But I feel…better, kinda.” He releases a shaky breath. 

I nod, swallowing thickly. “I’m sorry, I’m really, sorry, Carmen. I- I shouldn’t have said any of that t’you..it doesn’t matter how I feel about Mikey and- and how I feel about how you feel about him…it was never my place to reopen that wound. And…I-“ my voice cracks, vision going blurry with tears. 

“I think I’ll only hurt you if we keep this up.” I shake my head, looking at my feet and nervously playing with my fingers. 

“No- well, maybe- maybe yeah…-“ he hesitated and swallowed thickly. 

I squeeze my eyes shut, hot tears running down my cheeks. 

Selfish. Manipulative. Horrible. You ruin everything you touch. Why are you crying- he should be the one crying. You hurt him - you selfish greedy bitch! 

I shake my head as the voices roar in my ears. 

“I mean- it was a lot all at once…baby, and it was really late, and- and we had just been so close like that for the first time in bed, and that was my first time being so close to someone in bed in general. And - I…I think I was too emotionally fucked out for that and that’s why I ran. But I want you. I want this” He said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. 

I look up at him, sniffling. “Y-you don’t hate me now?” I whisper, my voice shakey. 

“Honey” he said softly, stepping towards me and opening his arms. I felt pulled like a magnet, dropping my phone on my chair and curling my arms around him, nuzzling my face in his chest and inhaling the scent of cigarettes, sandalwood, cedar, the smallest touch of jasmine, but best of all the light tinge of him. 

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, Bear” I whisper over and over again into his shirt. He rubs my back in long soothing strokes. 

“ it’s okay baby, I’m just…I feel alot when I with you- let’s go slow with talks like that yeah?” He mumbled in to my hair and I nod slightly against his chest.

“Thank you” I said softly and look up at him, resting my chin on his sternum. 

“F’what baby?” He brushed my bangs from my eyes. 

“Not leaving me.” I whisper and he bent his neck downwards, resting his forehead on mine and looking into my eyes.  

“It’s a me thing - not a you thing- but…I’m really confused why I didn’t. I mean…that’s my MO usually, especially with girls. But…I dunno…I wanna keep trying this time, y’re different.” He squeezes my hips gently. 

I wrap my arms around his neck loosely, “kiss me?” I ask softly and he obliges. I hum satisfied at the feeling of his lips once more, swiping my tongue across his bottom lip and he opened his mouth on contact, his tongue finding mine. I tasted a tinge of iron, and he pulled away lightly when my tongue ran over his bottom lip, feeling the raw flesh. He’s been biting the fuck out of his lips.

Our noses sweetly rub together in the tender kiss, my fingers twirling a soft blonde tuft of hair between them. He pulled away after a moment, and I looked up at him.  “can we sleep baby, please” his eyes fluttered back shut, it sounded like a plea more then anything. 

“Let’s go t’sleep, Bear” I intertwined our fingers, tugging him gently to the bedroom.

I’m woken by my Apple Watch buzzing on my wrist. I groan softly, looking at it ‘therapy 1 hr.!!’ The alarm read. I hit stop, carefully untangling Carmen and I, first slowly deranging our fingers, then carefully untwisting our legs, and finally ever so gently picking up his arm and rolling out of bed slowly so as to not wake him. Poor thing has only been sleeping 6 hours and he was surely up for more than 24. 

I slipped his white tshirt off, dropping it on the bed and I went over to my desk, putting on my outfit that I’d taken off to nap. Then, I sat at my vanity, popping in my AirPods and listening to my metal playlist as I did some light simple makeup, brushing my long hair into a high ponytail, leaving my fringe out. My music goes soft, Siri reading out a notification. 

Text from Syd the Chef kid 👩🏾‍🍳🫶: place is slow cause the rain, espresso date b4 therapy?? 

I smiled to myself, grabbing my phone and quickly texting back. 

Plsss!! 🥹🫶 imu goddess. Need Syd time!!!

I got up, going and brushing my teeth before feeding Persephone her early dinner so she didn’t wake Carm asking for it if he slept through my appointment. I grabbed a piece of my Hello Kitty stationary and a pen, quickly writing. 

Went to therapy. Be back by 4:30, please lock the door if you leave (didn’t wanna wake you, you look so sweet + handsome when you’re sleeping ♡ ) x♡x♡ - Winnie♡ :) 

I quietly entered the bedroom, leaving the note on my pillow and giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead, being sure to tuck his arm into the blanket so he wouldn’t get cold and brushed his hair back before grabbing my tote and shutting the bedroom door behind me. 

I check my phone to see a new text from Syd about 5 minutes ago 

Be there in 10!

I grabbed her heels that id been long meaning to give back to her, quietly shutting the front door behind me and I went downstairs. By the time I was bouncing down the steps her blue optima was pulling up. I practically skipped over, it had been ages it felt since we last got to hang out. Syd brought me to therapy 3 times a week, she refused to take gas money, and told me that she didn’t want me dealing with surge pricing or risking the train. 

I pop open the passenger door “you’re children” I present her heels dramatically. She laughs, taking them from my hand and tossing them in the back. 

“Thank you. You only held them ransom for how many months?” She asks as I shut my door, buckling in. I laughed. 

“Mmm don’t ask you know me and time” I said, putting my tote at my feet. “I fuckin missed you bitch!!! When are those James award nominations coming out?” I ask and she looks nervous. 

“Last night” she said and I gasp 

“SYDNEY!!! Oh my god! No- don’t tell me you haven’t looked!! You’ve been working so hard!” I tap her arm excitedly. 

“I literally couldn’t bring myself to look at them that’s why I wanted to get coffee” she said putting the car in drive and turning down the main road to get on the highway. 

“Dude! With all the attention The Bear has gotten since you opened last year, and like - what is it- four of the five most popular dishes are all yours!!! Bitch- Carmen should be scared! You are coming for his neck!” I laughed and she shakes her head, smiling wide. 

“I know..I know..but still like..” she sighs a bit “what if it’s like it was last year…what if- like…what if they just see our success as his success..he totally deserved all the awards last year, but- that to me is all the more reason for the voting panel to hand it to him. And he’s been on like 2 podcast interviews…and he has like a whole fandom online.” She said and I grab her hand that was moving as she spoke, squeezing gently. 

“Syd..Carmen isn’t a new chef- he’s already won that last year, sure he can take outstanding chef, if he’s nominated. But…” I swallow thickly. “I- I know Carm is amazing but like- cmon…Syd. You’ve been…the star of that restaurant now, the whole time you’ve been open. Carm is the handsome face that’s been media trained, yes we both know he’s a crazy genius chef mastermind- but - so are you! You’re younger then he is, and I have no doubt you’re nominated for something this year. Yeah, Carmy is getting the bear out there on social media by bein all sexy and stuff in interviews- but you are the one that’s being interviewed like weekly by those blogs and magazines” I said and her smile returns. 

“You’re right, you’re totally right. Totally. Carmen can’t be nominated for emerging chef again, he already won it.” She squeezed my hand gently. 

“Speaking of Carmen.” She eyes me through the rear view mirror. “Spill.” She said and I bit my lip, looking out the window as I played with my fingers nervously.  “Okay. What happened.” She demands, turning the radio lower. 

“I’m a idiot is what happened” I said embarrassed and pick at balls of lint on the inside of my sleeve. 

“Okay and this is becauseeee…” she drawls, waiting for me to continue. 

“Because I thought it’d be a good idea to try and help him realize that the reason things went the way they did with Mikey per his sister was because it sounded like Mikey was ashamed of his own skill set because of how talented Carmy was from so young, and he instead of being honest about it- took more of a tough- er- really icey love approach, and just - froze him out. Like threw him in the middle of the ocean to drown without his help for the first time and left him there. Because he thought it would make him tough. But it really just fuckin wounded him emotionally and Mikey had alot of guilt about that and - “ she interrupts my rambling. 

“Dude-“ she chuckles in shock. “Dude….you said that?!” She looks at me for a short second before looking back at the road. 

“Well- n-yeah? Something similar I guess in the moment when he’s looking at me with his sad blue puppy eyes I had a hard fuckin’ time getting anything coherent out. So he flipped his shit and had a panic attack and ran off to go see sugar I guess and then came back at like 7 am and told me he still wants to be with me then knocked out and was sleeping still when I left.” I said and she raised her eyebrows, thinking for a moment. 

“Hmm..well- I’m surprised he came back. He said that? Those words? Tell me exactly what he said when he came back.” She said and I roll my eyes. 

“Why are you the Carmy whisperer or something?” I huff lightly “he said like- ‘It was a lot at once baby it was late and we just fucked like that for the first time and I’ve never been so close to someone while I fucked them and I was too emotionally drained and that’s why I ran but I want you I want this’ “ I paraphrase from memory as best I could. 

“Holy shit what did you do to him?!” She teases with a giggle causing me to start laughing too. 

“What? What the hell do you mean!!” I tap her arm playfully. 

“I’ve never heard Carmen say he wants something emotionally unless it had to do with the restaurant. He doesn’t give a fuck about anything. So…hm…maybe- maybe this is good for him” she said the end to herself more than anything. 

I raised my eyebrows “should I be offended you thought I’d be bad for him?!” I cross my arms and she laughs. 

“You? No. God no. I say that because I knew you were good for him- but I thought he was gonna run himself ragged dodging his own feelings while simultaneously doing everything he can to make you fall for him and keep you interested just like he did to me. But hey- I’m happy genuinely, Pooh that you’re getting out there again. But…fair warning- when he starts acting like an asshole- and he has periods where he’s fully a fucking asshole, I swear it’s like a fuckin’ man period- know that you are gonna be the one we’re calling to get a leash on him cause the only time he acts okay about everything going on is after he sees you.” She said and I felt my cheeks heat. 

Did I really affect his attitude that much?!   “Spray ‘em with a spray bottle, it works on Sephy, he’s very cat-like so I assume it’ll work on him.” I said, and we both laughed.

“Oh my god you never skipped school?!” I asked Syd as we walked up the sidewalk to the coffee shop. 

“My dad would have killed me probably. What did you even do?” She asked and I laugh at all the memories. 

“Oh my god so, in high school- we uh…don’t talk anymore but - my best friend her name was Jane and she had a car first, so we in sophomore year during lunch would go eat out in her car and then…usually I would convince her to skip with me, cause I’m such a devil” 

She snorts a laugh “Fits” she opens the door to the coffee shop for me. 

“Why thank you, but anyway we would like usually drive around and blast music. Or we’d go to my house since my mom was never home and watch movies. And then Chris would get home and we’d fight about him giving me his notes since we were always in the same classes, and he’d tell me I was a fucking cheater - his favorite word.” I laugh a bit, getting in line with her. 

“It sounds like Chris and I would’ve been friends, that’s a cute story though. I always wished I had a sibling.” She said as she looked over the menu. 

“No singletons always say that, but you’d hate a sibling. Think Sadie how she’s all up in your shit, but from the day you were born” I giggle and she shook her head with a smile. 

“Yeah but I dunno. Sugar is super sweet, I wish I had a sister, but I guess Sadie’s close enough” she shrugged, stepping up with me in line. 

“What are you getting?” I asked, looking over the iced options. 

“Vietnamese iced coffee. They do it perfect here. I’ve been telling Carm it would do well on the dessert menu if we had one but, who am I to tell him what to add “ she mutters to herself, annoyance slightly lacing her voice and I nudge her with my hip. 

“Hey,” I nudge her with my hip, causing her to look at me. “He’s a man. He may be a genius chef, but he’s still, a man- make him think it’s his idea, Syd. Do your Sydney chef kid magic “ I did sparkle fingers for added effect, finally earning her dimples back. “Make the best fuckin Vietnamese iced coffee, and have someone else try it. Make him feel left out. And they’ll obviously be like ‘oh my god Syd, this is amazing’ and then, he’s gonna feel stupid if he doesn’t add it.” I said and she rolls her eyes amusedly. 

“I think you’re the Carmen whisperer. Well, you’ll be certified if that works” she said with a smile as we step up to the counter. 

“Hey there, can I have a name for the order?” The barista asked. 

“Winnie!” I replied before Syd could try to weasel her way into paying - again.   

“Ha! Fitting name, love the overalls. What can I get for you?” the barista chirped with a smile. 

“May we please have 2 large Vietnamese iced coffees, oh- and…” my eyes settled on the pastry case in front of us, a brown wicker basket on top filled with cookies in the shape of little bears. 

I grabbed one, handing it to her. “This.” I said and she nodded, putting in the order in her till. 

I double clicked my power button and quickly waved my phone over the till before Syd could think to and she nudged me with her shoulder causing me to smile. “Woops” I teased, taking the bag from the barista containing the little cookie for Carm. 

“You ladies can wait there at the end of the bar there we’ll call out your order, have a good one” she said. 

I nodded “thank you!” I said as we made our way down to the end of the counter to wait. 

“The second I saw those cookies I knew your mushy ass was getting one” she teased, leaning her hip against the counter and crossing her arms over her chest with a smug smirk. 

“Oh like you didn’t know I’m a hopeless romantic” I smiled. 

It wasn’t long until we got our coffees and sat at a comfy corner table. “I’ve never had this before- what is the white is it milk?” I asked and she nods, stirring hers with her straw. 

“It’s sweetened condensed milk. It sounds like it would be sickly sweet but the coffee is so strong it balances perfect. I was thinking…” she leans in so no one would hear. “If we did it, I’ll do like lavender in the milk, of course we’d make our own condensed milk, so I’d steep lavender in it before. Wouldn’t that be fire?!” She asked and I nod with a big smile. 

“You are so fuckin smart, Syd. That sounds amazing you’ll have all the witchy bitches me included coming by just to get that I bet” I stirred mine up and took a sip, nodding. “Totally something you guys would sell” I said and she smiled. I grabbed my phone, opening up the camera. “Smileee!” I said she gave me a silly smile and a thumbs up, coffee foam covering her top lip.

“Perfect” I giggled, sending it to Sadie with the caption ‘Our fave chef kid’ 

I put my phone down and look at her “Okay! You’re not denying me the pleasure of celebrating you any longer- take out your phone and let’s see if you’re nominated!!!” I urge and she bites her lip nervously, grabbing her phone, unlocking it, and setting it on the table. 

“If I got nominated I’ll have an email…you do it- I can’t look. I can’t” she pushes her phone towards me and I eagerly grab it, opening up her email and refreshing it. I smiled wide when I saw the words, clicking open the email and clearing my throat before reading 

‘Dear Chef de Cuisine; Sydney Adamu, 

We hope this email finds you well. 

The James Beard Foundation 2024 Awards Committee would like to extend their congratulations on such a fine year of culinary accomplishments. Your passion to the culinary arts, and dedication to our personal mission at TJBF to celebrate, support, and elevate the standards behind America’s food culture- doesn’t go unrecognized. 

This is why you have been nominated for the for the following awards;

Outstanding Chef ‘

I jump up, wrapping my arms around her with a wide smile, tears pricking behind my eyes. “Syd!!! You did it. You did it. I knew you would” I squeeze her tight. 

“Holy fuck” she grabs the phone, and I watch as she rereads the words over and over “holy fuck.” She whispers, jaw dropped. 

“I told you bitch!! Look at herrr okay!! Syd the chef kid! Everyone better watch out! You skipped right past emerging chef and went straight for the big one! Oh my god I can’t wait for you to tell Sadie!! Oh my god we need to celebrate!!” I pat her arm excitedly. 

“Wait-“ she said, scrolling further I quickly read the rest of the email, my heart sinking slightly when I saw the paragraph she was now stuck on. 

‘You have been nominated among 4 other extraordinary, and talented Chefs in the industry; 

Berzatto, Carmen (Executive Chef) 

Cantina, Jose (Executive Chef) 

Donner, Phillip (Executive Chef) 

Nixon, Jessica (Executive Chef) ‘

“So- they just fuckin’ nominated me against people that are all my senior? Are they joking” she laughs dryly. “And then to pit me against Carmen? What is wrong with them, Winnie?” She locked her phone, putting it back in her jacket pocket. “I just- I’d rather they had given me a fair chance. This just feels like they’re telling me straight up they won’t pick me.”  

“Syd - don’t get down on yourself, what if they put you in there because you’re the only Chef-de-fancypants that deserved it, hmm?” I said with a small smile and she snorts at the silly name. 

“That’d be a long shot…but thanks” she said, squeezing my hand gently. “C'mon- we have to get you to therapy and I need to get back. I should be working on recipes” she said and my frown returns. 

In this way, her and Carm were exactly the same. Whenever she was upset with herself she threw herself into her work instead of feeling. 

“Alright…” I said softly and got up, putting the brown paper bag containing Carm’s cookie in my tote carefully so it wouldn’t be crushed, standing up. 

The walk back to the car was silent, I could tell she was beating herself up and I hated it. 

“Y’know…it’s crazy you even got nominated so young, Syd. Everyone else on that list is at least 3 years older than you are…so like- they see you as deserving already, but it doesn’t even matter what they think, or what Carmen thinks, or what I think. You’re deserving because you know how much you put into your work.” I told her once we were driving again. 

She nodded, “thank you…really it means a lot. I know I’m deserving, I just wish sometimes other people would see it.” She said, and my heart ached. We listened to SZA the whole way, I decided it was better not to push her on the issue. I’d long since realized Syd was the kind of person who had to stew in her anger or hurt for a while, alone- so she was comfortable explaining it to someone else since she knew it like the back of her hand. It was alot how she did her work, she would never show anyone any new recipe she was working on - even Carm - unless she felt it was already deserving of a spot on the menu, because she knew the dish so well, and any possible thing that could make it better- and only approaches someone for final tweaks. 

When we stopped at the Doctors office I lean over and give her a hug. “It’s all gonna be ok, Kid. I love you, i’ll see you friday” I said softly into her shoulder and she rests her head on mine, hugging me close. 

“Thanks…Love y’too. It will be…” she said softly into my shoulder and I pulled away. 

“And I expect you’ll send me that new article to check out when they send it to you yeah? You looked so gorgeous in the pictures they took. Really, I cant wait to see the whole thing” I said and she nodded with a small smile. 

“Course Pooh, C’mon-” she taps the clock that read 1:54 “Gonna be late” she said and I rolled my eyes playfully.

“Yes Mommy” I teased, pushing the door open. “Later kid!” I said as I swung it shut and head in to the building.

Time to rip open some unhealed wounds! Oh what a joy.

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

#carmen berzatto #the bear fic #the bear fx #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto fanfiction #the bear hulu #carmy berzatto fanfiction #the bear fanfiction #carmen berzatto x oc #carmen berzatto smut #camy berzatto x oc

[thescrolls-haveforetold]

This might be a bit of an odd question but I see a lot of artists (including yourself) with specific rules against mech commissions.

This means mech as in giant robot, right? Is there a particular reason why this is a no-go, and do people really ask for it so much artists have to put these rules in?

love ur art btw

WAHHHH THANK U SM!!

it’s definitely not an odd question!

by mech i do mean like giant robot<3 including HIGHLY complex dwemer machinery (i would, just depends on how much is there and it’ll cost extra HAHA) AND stuff like gundam, code geass, and evangelion (though i have drawn unit 01!)

i dunno about other artists but while i have drawn mech before, i personally don’t find it too fun to draw them! it takes a very long time, and to commission me to do mech would also be really costly to me emotionally/energy wise and anyone who would wanna commission me for mecha- i’d probably cost 200+ USD to draw mecha, depending on the complexity.

i have never actually been asked to draw mecha, i’ve mostly done it on my own time, it’s just something i personally don’t wanna be asked to draw :) esp considering i am in a series where mecha IS possible- because.. yknow.. [refers to numidium]

the Akulakhan is the most mecha thing you’ll get outta me HAHAHHA

#thank you very much for taking the time to ask anon! #honestly i feel this is revealing how much of a nerd i am

[borathae]

Sibi, I know this is not your are of expertise but this is the safest place I feel like I can ask this question in... Anyone reading this too if you wanna express your thoughts please do. ..

I'm seeing this guy for a while now, I really really like him, he makes me feel super super super safe and warm. I've never felt safe with a man, even my father ... He's so gentle and soft it scares me sometimes because all I've known is men being too rough (emotionally) with me, he speaks my love languages and is genuinely into me. I'm falling for him hard, we haven't had sex yet since we're both inexperienced in that department but we've fooled around a lot. Okay, so here it comes, he's not particularly gifted down there, in terms.of size, he's also a little shorter than me but I'm so over that since he's the perfect little spoon and, although I would never ever make him self aware like that I'm sure he is, and it's part of the reason he's postponing sex. My guard is so down with him sexually, I'm fully letting my body enjoy someone's touch finally. Because I know he's a softie I even let him be a little bit degrading or edge me sometimes which i never ever did or imagined doing. But because he's so precious I let him have his fun and it makes me feel good honestly. He listens to my body and if I have something to say and manages to make me cum on his tongue or hands. I enjoy it so much that sometimes I don't even think about coming but get excited about our naked bodies touching. But I'm scared sibi, I'm scared to have penetrative sex with him and it being not enough... I'm scared that ta first it wouldn't be a problem but then it would start bothering me... I could never address this to him because I know it would break him. He likes being praised a lot and anything remotely mean or demeaning or even 1 percent degrading makes him super sad. Seeing him sad would break my heart. I don't know what to do, I wanna be the awesome girl who's like who cares about penis size but also what if my body just won't enjoy penetrative sex with him and I'll grow disatisfied and start wondering what it would be like with someone else. I know this is very selfish but I'm a human being who's not perfect, i can't help my feelings. I wish I wasn't scared. My friend says this is me self sabotaging and looking for an excuse to leave like i always do.

I would never ever by any means break up with him because of size. But I'm just so scared and I can see him insecure about it. He gets so happy when I praise how it looks because it's honestly sexy despite everything. I don't know I'm very confused. Are these feelings normal? Am I an asshole? Am I superficial? Please tell me if I am, don't sugarcoat it...

My answer is under the cut

I think that it's already really great of you to question whether or not your thoughts are mean or not, it means that you want to be the best partner you can be to your boy (who btw sounds like an absolute sweetheart). And I also understand your worries, it's normal to worry as long as you don't let your worries dictate your whole life 💜

But I have to be honest with you, I have to agree with your friends. Obviously I don't know you personally and I have no idea how you are in your day to day life, but I see no issue with him being smaller than average, but if you keep telling yourself that it is an issue, then this could turn into self-sabotaging because you start to believe it and that will end in you making an issue out of something that should have never really been an issue in the first place, yk?

The entire hype with big dicks is as overrated as the hype with tight pussys jsjsjjs like my dudes life's so much more than big Ds and tight Vs hahahha. And I think that sex is so much more than just getting a dick stuck into your vagina hahahah. The connection & intimacy, the tension before everything starts, the making out, the foreplay, all those other different sexual practices like oral, anal, hand stuff, kinks & fetishes. It's so layered and can be so much fun.

But if we're really talking penetration. Maybe I'm a huge romantic here fdjfajds but I think penetrative sex is as awesome as it is because you can be connected with the person you love. Like you can't get any closer than when he is inside you and you are around him liKE OMFG THE CONNECTION AAAHF MFADMF

And how should I put it? Maybe I was only with guys with weak stroke game jfsjd, but I rarely got satisfied with only penetrative sex. And from what you described, he is already doing a hell lot more than my ex partners did sjjss. Like omfg he is paying attention to you and he's being all loving and gentle and he makes you cum like omfg you are already really lucky and he clearly wants you to be satisfied with or without penetration and that already makes him a 10/10 man.

I would say that if you guys both want to have that first time together, do it! I bet it will be so much better than how you think it will be. You can only fairly judge a situation after you have lived it and for as long as you haven't experienced penetration with him, you can't judge it. All you base your judgement on right now is your imagination, not reality and your imagination more often than not likes to conjure the worst case scenarios first than actual reality.

And if the worst case scenario actually happens, then you should be honest with him. It sounds fucking awful, but if you really put so much importance on a guy's dick size then I am sure that there are other guys out there with the right size for you and your boy has the chance to find someone who doesn't care about how big he is but enjoys him for the way he is. It sounds awful but that way you can both find someone who is right for you without dragging each other along.

And I mean? There are cock sleeves out there that add a few inches? If you want to bring this up to him, that is an option as well. They are a good way to give both of you pleasure and you can even get sleeves with a funky texture for added fun. Or you could spice it up from time to time and let him fuck you with a dildo in your preferred size every now and then. So those could be options as well.

I personally think however that he sounds like a cutie who is already doing A LOT to make you happy and satisfied! I wish you the best anonie and hope that you guys continue to have fun in and out of the bedroom 💜

Also if you guys want to give advice feel free to leave it in the comments!

#asks #anon

[rrxnjun]

ok. i was gonna reply to ur comment but it got a bit too long of a rant HAHAHHA sorry😭

but girl i will never stop raving about ur fics istg like something about the way you write and your characters always seem to hit home for me like i always seem to connect with your characters. you make their emotions and the scenarios they're in so vivid and raw and IBFIWRFO i eat it up😭😭😭

i never used to like reading angst but you execute it so well that i'll literally love it when you do it (e.g. fics like two people, when nobody's watching, potential) IDK MAN it physically hurts my heart I FEEL THE EMOTIONS OF THE CHARACTERS MAN IDK

when nobody's watching: when the reader's looking at renjun thru the years from her perspective when the reader wants to reach out, I WANT TO REACH OUT LIKESJFGOWRG WHEN RENJUN SMASHES THE BOTTLE AT THE PARTY YK????

two people: the way you describe jeno and y/n's suffocating one way relationship, I UNDERSTAND THE READER!!! jeno is perfect, he tries to fix the relationship but IT JUST DOESNT WORK THAT WAY the relationship was way over before he tried to fix it and ITS SO REAL!!!! the inner turmoil the reader went thru and the slow changing feels for mark WAS JUST- UGH *chefs kiss

potential: man. where do i even start with this fic. it's a storyline that i never knew i needed to read in my life. like bar u don't understand, potential had me in despair for the next 4 days. i can understand chenle's pain, y/n's confusion, their complicated love for each other. i don't think words can describe how special this story is to me.

this.... became a lot longer than i anticipated and IM SORRY FOR RAMBLING ON ABOUT THE SAME THREE FICS OVER AND OVER OSBFOWRGO but seriously tho, i genuinely love everything you put out, keep up the hard work💗

(i think this is the longest ask i've ever sent lol)

i treat writing as my therapy session so maybe thats why the characters are always so raw- NO but omg this is such an honor bc i really focus more on the characters than the plot i think and i really try to develop them really well and stuff and i focus a lot on the feelings and emotions so >:((( i am so happy that you like that about my writing !!!

the paradox is that i HATE reading angst. like if its in a long fic where its mixed up i dont mind and i think its important to have angstier parts in a long fic too but if its a drabble and its angsty i just won't read it LMAOOO

when nobody's watching was such a spontaneous fic istg i wrote it in what. two days? at uni LMAO. i got the idea when i was like,, watching this guy from afar and then i realised i ALWAYS DO THIS like i always have those silly crushes on ppl and never tell them bc im scared but i care so deeply for ppl that dont even know i exist 😭😭😭 but also i find that i used to change myself a lot to fit into social circles and even tho uni was really lonely for me at first that i kinda let go of that the same way renjun did so it was definitely cathartic to write :,)

honestly to this day idk how i even managed to write two people. like i think its the only fic i have thats about adult mature ppl LMAO all my other fics are like college aus and shit. like where did all of that pain and angst even come from ???? but i am so glad u liked it, i didnt expect ppl to enjoy that kind of fic >:((

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON POTENTIAL why are my best fics always the most spontaneous. its literally like in my top 5 fav fics ive ever written so i am insanely happy that you like it sm !!! <33 chenle's character in this fic is insanely personal to me also :,) the readers and his dynamic is also one of my favs ive ever written,, idk idk theres just something about this fic...

i am really honored to recieve this in my inbox its so sweet of you and i definitely appreciate it a LOT hope you dont mind me rambling about the fics i just enjoy talking about my writing :,)

#💌ask #j 🌱 #feedback !! #fic: when nobody's watching #fic: potential #fic: two people

[a-kaash-me-outside]

I agree with prev anon that reader was a bit frustrating because she said some out of pocket stuff (though it wasn’t intentional or said out of maliciousness) but Atsumu making an effort and trying for 3 weeks is the bare bareeeee minimum come on!!! 😭We gotta stop giving credit to men who do the bare minimum in terms of being a nice respectful person. Like if someone was into me I’d HOPE they would be nice and “try” while they were making an effort to date me???

Especially cause all it took was one comment for him to revoke it and throw it in her face. What does that say about him 😭 reader’s mess up was due to nerves and not stopping to think before she spoke, Atsumu’s mess up was due to him knowingly choosing to perform an action that he was aware would hurt her on some level since he knew she was into him as well. Their convo outside their rooms could’ve been solved with an honest follow up conversation, but he decided to revenge fuck a stranger and make her a witness to it so he could punish her for making a petty comment towards him.

What she said wasn’t even false either because he did have a track record of bringing home multiple girls every weekend lmao if he doesnt like people pointing out his past behaviour then I dunno maybe demonstrate that you don’t engage in that behaviour anymore?! Not go out and immediately prove y/n right!!

okay yes. no okay yes I UNDERSTAND i understand. and i'm not saying we like praise him for the effort that's he's putting into it and the change in patterns that he's exhibiting, but more like aw man no yea this is actually the longest change in pattern that he's displayed.

(omg look another read more because i have so much to say/try to explain) but also it'll all be explained better in the next chapter lmao lmao. i will probably stop long explaining a lot of these and just let you guys read the next chapter and either like it or not HAHAHHA.

i feel like no one is -IN ANY WAY- skipping over the fact that the bs he pulled was shitty and he is an asshole because like yea no ur 100% right he's an asshole.

i just think that the layers that i built into twrt are kinda a lot and complex because it's not just "oh reader is super super into atsumu so why doesn't atsumu just date her instead of having sex with other people" its much more like "reader is keeping atsumu at arms length while still engaging with and flirting and practically fucking him while they're drunk" like reader specifically is not trying to be in a relationship with him while still doing relationshipy things because she's terrified of the effect that it'll have on a lot of aspects in her life and the hesitancy that she's feeling is super evident and real frustrating for someone who has, many times, tried to breech this line of oh let's actually date.

NOW IS ALL OF THIS AN EXCUSE FOR THE WAY THAT ATSUMU ACTED? yea no of course not but i just mean that it doesn't boil down to oh yea no reader has done NOTHING BUT want to be with atsumu she literally wanted to fuck maki like,,,, a few weeks prior to this conversation. and it wasn't as vindictive or shitty as atsumu's because of cOURSE IT WASNT but we don't really get to see atsumu's side or feelings in any of this the entire time bc its from reader pov. so it's hard to like,, understand the other side of it.

and i will say the comment that she makes outside of his door serves less as a reminder of his past and more of sudden change in tendencies. i don't know if that distinction makes SENSE but it does in my mind hehe.

also when i came up with the idea for this fic, this is always the way that i wanted the conflict to go. which became a bit difficult as it moved from being a oneshot to a chaptered fic and all of the feelings that came along with it. this shit is much less ouch when yknow- you dont have as much background as you do in the chaptered versions but i hope that chapter7 gives some insight? some better like oh yea ok yea tori you explained that really well, nice.

#shut up tori #asks! #anon! #lmk if you want an ask tag! ~ #twrt convo!

[levi-supreme]

It's Eren, or that other Jaeger brother. Anti ship angst here we come LOL. Erei !

The way the Jaeger brothers made it so quickly to this list LOL XD I'm not even surprised haha.

DISCLAIMER: I LOVE Eren and he's my favourite after Levi, but I just can't see myself in a relationship with someone like Eren. In my head he's just too.... physically and emotionally needy. And if you all know me, I'm actually a really physically and emotionally needy person lol, like physical touch is my love language and I am really empathetic as well.

SO. You must be wondering. Wouldn't Eren and I be a match made in heaven since we're so similar??? As much as I am physically touchy, I also want my personal time and space on some days too, and imagine Eren begging me for attention but I can't give it to him because I am not in the right state to give him attention... lol. And vice versa too, I believe Eren would have days where he just doesn't feel like being touchy or skinship isn't what he's feeling. So yeah, I feel like we would get into arguments a lot because of things like this?? I know couples who are really similar in terms of temperament and personality, and they actually quarrel quite a bit too because they are too similar lmao so. Nope, I don't wanna date Eren and end up arguing with him haha.

BUT. In all honesty. Eren would be such a sweet and caring boyfriend though.... I know we talked about this too, but he's the kind of boyfriend that calls his partner cheesy af nicknames and doesn't cringe when he says them. ALSO THE HAIR SCRUNCHIES!!! He would totally wear your hair tie on his wrist and use it to tie his hair to tell everyone that he's attached 🥺😭💖💖💖💖 Erei???? I'M TAKING IT.

Moving on to the other Jaeger brother.................... he's the kind of guy who annoys the girl he likes to get her attention like, bro... stop it lol you're not in primary school anymore..... and in all honesty, I've been shipped with Zeke as a joke before (MonkRei WHAT) and uhh............. unfortunately I kinda flared up at the people who did it 🥲 so nope, no Zeke for me. We're not even Enemies to Lovers lol we're straight up enemies and rivals HAHAHHA.

Anti-ship me with someone!

#postwarlevi.asks #rei.answers #lol yes monke x rei used to be a thing x.x #i absolutely do not want to go back to those days lmao #ALSO EREN. I LOVE EREN #but i just can't date someone like him lol #but i love him. I LOVE EREN.

[cupsofchy]

quick doodle on this cold, cold morning!!!

if i did this on paper, the paper’d be super torn 😅 (as per uzeee(ual))

BUT i do miss drawing on paper a lot!!!! i should try making traditional art again soon, just because!

.

anyway, been a while since i’ve posted! but i’ve been drawing in secret, i promise.

i just don’t feel like it’s update-worthy? coloring always takes up so much of my time when it comes to art… i really need to learn a better process of coloring smh,,,

.

random, but i just read about the schizoid personality disorder, and was like “oh, suuuper felt”, mainly because i don’t know many people who enjoy being alone (or enjoy the company of themselves) as much as i do. in fact, i might not know anyone like this, at all.

so obvs this turned interesting to me, so i took some tests just for the heck of it (not that i’m excited to identify with a disorder, but to simply identify with *something*).

turns out, i don’t have it LOL, which is a relief ngl. i’m reaaally nearly there though, but the main difference between me and an individual with schizoid is that schizoid-inflicted individuals have trouble experiencing empathy, or putting themselves in other people’s shoes…….. which can’t be the case for me, because while i know i am capable of overlooking some sensitivities, i’ve experienced levels of empathy that have been detrimental to my *own* well-being RIP. so that’s… another terrible extreme we wanna avoid lol.

apart from that, schizoid-inflicted individuals are repulsed by the idea of meeting new people. i kind of am sometimes, but once i’m exposed to people, it tends to turn out okay. :D

so idk hahahha relatable and good read, but not really hitting the mark. i’m also within the realm of belief that it’s not necessary to label everything meticulously, but i admit that it *does* feel nice to encounter a label or a term that relates to an experience that makes you feel a bit different from those around you.

#art #digital art #drawing #painting #artists on tumblr #digital painting #artwork #daily doodle #digital illustration #practice #journal #art process #art video #dude i went on a huge tangent #idk i just felt like talking #hewwo #cold #sketch #WELL IT IS COLD

[xuseokgyu]

Oh I have heard things about Going Seventeen. Maybe once I listen to a bit more of their music, I then like to watch dance practices and stages, and THEN I'll give the reality show a go. Thank you for the recommendation though, and the song recs are definitely going on my listen to later list.

It's really interesting how our various biases feel different to us and sort of serve a different purpose, if you will. I don't want to give myself away so I'm going to be purposefully vague here, but one of my Ateez biases is so unbelievably attractive to me, mostly physically but also some major parts of his personality too, so I guess he's what you could call my type although i never really thought I had one hahaha. And another bias I feel like he's literally me, because we're so similar in many ways, but I also feel the need to protect him as well, and perhaps it's because I feel that strong connection to him.

Ah, so Wooyoung has joined the bias line officially then? What about your logbook series, you're going to have to add him to that too 🤣🤣 I agree, he really is the definition of a bias wrecker. If you were ever to change your url to a combination of your Ateez biases instead, it would be so long hahahha woohwayungi maybe?

I think I'm starting to get some ideas for what to make you. I really want it to be something you'll love so I'm putting a lot of thought into it. If you had to choose a favorite era for all four of your boys, what would you pick? Is there any particular styling you like on them? Or a favorite hair style/colour? No detail is too insignificant!

Let me know what you think of the songs! 🥰 What are some of your favorites from atz??

I’ll continue under a read more cause…. This got long hahahahahah

Yeah.. Wooyoung is officially there, he has his tag and is mentioned on the pinned post BUT he is slightly under the three og ones (at least for now…); When I had my “click” moment of realizing and accepting he was a bias as well I did stop think about what I was going to do with the logbook series hahah But for now I decided to keep it just with the tall line… Wooyoung already has a lot of content (Hwa too but 🤫). Maybe in some where he has a way too iconic scene I’ll add it as a bonus hahahah

Ooohhh good question! With svt I made sure to use the first, second and third syllable of each of their names, but I with four biases that wouldn’t work hahahahah I guess to follow the same logic I can start the url with “Jeong” to represent both Yunho and Wooyoung since in hangul they do have the same surname (and I’ll go with Yunho’s romanization since he was here first hahah).. so the url would either be jeongseonggi or jeongminhwa 😂😂

I technically also have to redo my header and add baby Woo… but I lost the original file and right now I’m being lazy 😗✌️ hahahah

And AAHH you are getting me excited for my gift!! Hahah I’m also really excited to learn who you are!!!!

So for the looks and eras…. I’ll try to be concise; I’ll give two hairtyles/two eras for each hahaha (btw this reminds me of Jazzy’s little Christmas project in which I absolutely clogged the tags of the post with some of my favorite looks of only TWO biases btw and then later saw that everyone was going for one specific thing… 🙃 guess I got carried away, I just wanted to give her options!! I hope I didn’t make her feel like she had to use it all hahaha)

• So for Hwa… Pink Hwa of course and whenever he has the ashy/grey blond hair… So Wave and Fever Part 1 eras 😘👌 (no matter the color, I feel like the best styling for him is the under cut) and I have to mention the MOST PERFECT THING I’VE EVER SEEN: The look with the cropped suit for the A to Z album...    •  For Yunho his Ethernal Sunshine/Fever Epilogue blonde hair give me major golden retriever vibes so... yeah hehehe and his styling for Immitation (which I guess is pretty basic so is also the styling for various eras but like) major boyfriend vibes. Honorable mention to Rhytm Ta Yunho <3 •  So, picture this, I started biasing Mingi when he was still on hiatus based on “old” content, so for the longest time the standard image I had of him was his red hair, ginger Mingi holds a very special place in my heart; Then he came back full power with the grey hair!! Which for me had its peak performance during the Fever Epilogue era (wolf Mingi 🫶) as you can see Fever Epilogue was a VERY GOOD comeback for me, it is also my favorite album overall Honorable mention: whenever he wears glasses •  And finally Woo! One word: THANXX!!! give me the bandanas and the ponytail!! YAS and OF COURSE Oreo Woo (or as I like to call it: Raccoon Woo)... Kingdom last half, AOTM... this look was superior in so many ways (I also have a post about my favorite looks of his so...)

#as you can see... I really like this whole thing of comparing people to animals.... #cant help it #and this industry encourages it so.... #ask #anon #Atinyblr Secret Santa

[seawherethesunsets]

[re: cheer up]

I thought Yoomin was dead. I loved her scenes before she actually showed up. The scene where she gets hit by the light and the scene where (in ep1 or ep2) Jung Woo goes to his office, sees her, the sound of squeaky door and boom she gets hit again... I loved the edit of these two. In terms of suspense, these two and the ending of ep1 were great to me (sound effects and video editing were good👍) and made me excited about the potential death issue. But not anymore. Now I'm unexcitedly waiting for immature/jealous villain(s) to be revealed so that we can move on. :D

Romance is a bit rushed, too. I wasn't comfortable with the captain taking her out to for a drink as an apology (I loved how she was staring at him on the bus stop tho~~~). I'd be totally okay if there was no romance. I think he is fine as a captain and being so already inspires Dae Yi a lot. Crush is cute, too. Finally she has something that flutters her heart-- other than food and money. Mutual feelings would follow a bit later. But now they're at it, I want to see Jung Woo to fully accept and have feelings, I'm curious~~

I'm also curious about how he will handle the policy issue. Please, writers, don't make it boring.

About Dae Yi's brother... Wow, he is a hidden gem :D Hope to see him more! My guess is that she had a call from her mother about his brother and she rushed outside for him (though she didn't look much stressed when Jung Woo finally found her). We'll see tomorrow.

There are too many jealous and immature people in this drama, it gets boring. Especially, Min Jae. The character doesn't have to be made this annoying. I feel upset about it. He probably will a have ~redemption~ through socializing and receiving love etc. But yeah, still boring.

The twins! I like So Yoon, her random comments and English! :D She also looks like she needs a bit more socializing like Min Jae (but doesn't throw tantrums -_-). I can't wait to see more about her story.

See, there is a lot to discuss!

Buddyyyyyyyyy 🌻😘

look at you going off with all the details. obviously you pay more attention and use more brains than me and I love that for you! I'm just watching it, head empty lolol. First off , thank you for all these cos it does reminded me of scenes that I put behind the back of my head.

That first 2 eps of showing yoomin and the spooky vibes got me but then they keep saying she never contacted so I was like oh she's not dead yet and knew she was gonna appear somehow to either be added for suspense or the boring route would be to be a love rectangle now (?) lmao.

I think the romance part is okay for me, pace wise haha. We know jungwoo doesnt like her in that way yet, he cares and worries for her a lot. So yes! curious to see how he'll embrace it when he's sure he likes her likes her hehehe. generally im not that fond of the drinking culture there, but it is their culture and seems like drinking solves all issues in dramas hahha.

Same! I think she received a call from her mom about her brother injured, nothing too serious since she was calm when jungwoo found her. but i wanna know her brother's story! hope they showed more. we have 16 eps more than ample time lol.

Minjae is a petty child, sunbae is annoying hahahha i am curious to know who is the suspicious person tho. But I hope it's not dragged half heartedly till the very end. i dont have high hopes, i just wish it would stay fun until then.

The twins are cute! very rare for a drama to make sure every character they introduced to have a nice coverage of their arcs :\ so we'll see~~

#ask #anon #cheer up #❤️❤️❤️

[burnedbyshoto]

Somethings I feel like you have split personality. I see you really nice somethings and welcoming and awesome and I think I want to be your friend and I admire you. Then another time I see you lose it completely and just snap at someone even for a simple mistake and just tear them apart and I think "who is that person" and idk if you're noticed that about yourself but yeah....

maybe it’s because my campus just emailed us saying it’s shutting down after spring break and i’m in this weird anxious ball that I feel like I want to reply to this even though it could have been buried in my askbox.

(these were my test results for the big 5 personality test, just in case you really wanna delve into who i am as a person LOL)

anyways I think it’s pretty interesting about what you say about your observances on me because I don’t think you’re wrong in the slightest. I am a very nice, caring and nurturing person. i’m the oldest and eldest daughter in an immigrant mexican family. it’s been drilled into me to be that way. without trying to seem... braggy or egocentric??? I guess??? I think i’m a very fun person to be around because i’m always on the move and can make both extroverts, ambiverts, and introverts feel comfortable!!! (in middle and high school I was known for basically transforming shy kids into very loud and boisterous people). i’m welcoming and kind because I feel that everyone deserve kindness, everyone deserves to be treated with compassion and sweetness and love!

but people seem to forget that while I am this bubbly idiot who is annoyingly loud, trying to be the mom friend of the group (although i’m definitely more of the wanna be mom friend), I am a very observant, calculating, and albeit limited on patience person. i have a sharp tongue, i cuss so much that people find it weird when i don’t cuss, and i’m a very calm and collected person. i don’t jump to conclusions very often — because even i sometimes crack under monumentous emotions and stress — and tend to come off as unemotional because of it sometimes. I have pretty damn great intuitions of people in terms of their relationship to me. it takes one interaction for me to figure out whether or not we can be friends — and honestly it hasn’t worked out on the internet as easily as it does irl but that’s okay! I see things, I notice things, and by all means i’m fiercely loyal and don’t truly believe in second chances (to explain second chances I mean for seriously big issues. so like if I catch you talking mad shit about me behind my back you’re not worth it to me so I won’t bother with you anymore. there’s no logical reasoning behind actions like that. but if you were like keeping secrets from me because you felt insecure about what I would say and it caused a fight i’d forgive you because that’s something worth figuring out — if that’s something they want to figure out as well!)

because of these moral and ethical conditions of mine, and because I will literally die for the people I love with my sharp tongued persona — which again is shown in my welcoming and kind presence, it’s just ignored because I am a loud blubbering idiot for fun. I am kind, I am welcoming, but i’m no pushover and i’m not afraid of how I come off because in the end I do feel like my feelings are justified.

honestly though, i’m not really sure what i’ve snapped into for a tiny little mistake??? sorry I don’t mean to be rude or anything of that manner, i’m just genuinely curious as to when i’ve snapped like that here??? the only time i’ve had an issue here was surrounding the server which deals with a lot of background information. background information that I cannot fill you in on when you don’t experience it all for yourself on my server but only read about it for yourself be it on my blog or through the mouth or words of someone else. you must also remember that i’m an admin and there’s a bunch of things going on behind the scenes that we don’t always share because some information just isn’t worth sharing because it has nothing to do with you. and people be bringing bs drama to my askbox instead of dming me on discord like I say they should, choosing to instead bring private details to public light and except me to just take it??? nah that’s not me, especially since those words attack more than just me. I can deal with people not liking me, it happens, it’s life, but I don’t like when my friends get slandered. it’s just who i am.

but yeah... how I see it is that I don’t tear into people unless they’ve done something to someone I value highly in my life, or because they’ve screwed up entirely so.

i’m sorry you’ve come to think of me as an angel and this horrific demon, it was never my intention! I do my best with what I can and hell if you think I dont see how I am as a person I can confidentially assure you that i am aware of a lot of my flaws. I know that my reasonings and feelings above are flawed — I am 100% aware! but at the same time I don’t feel the need to change right now because not only does it work for me, but frankly I don’t think I deserve to be torn into and just take it. i’m a “popular blog” sure, but i’m not some prized animal for anons to try and take down and hang on their walls like some trophy.

oh and also!!! i am suspectible hangry and “im too fucking tired for this” moodswings which do very much sour my personality!

#that was a lot but HAHAHHA a bit about me and my personality!!!! #we arent a split personality #just a lot more indepth personality than I display #lyssa doesnt shut up

[goldentsum]

— pretty little liar

PAIRING: eren x reader

WORDCOUNT: 5.3k

SUMMARY: eren has a lot of pride and he knows that though he curses his stupid pride and big mouth that always gets him in trouble.

TAGS: smut, slight fluff and crack at the end, porn with a little plot, modern au, college au, established relationship, femdom, sub! eren, dom! reader, whiny and needy sub! eren, crybaby! eren, reader is a tease and a meanie, implied sorority! rich! reader, reader has a tongue piercing, handjobs, overstimulation (male receiving), semi-public sex, car sex, unprotected sex (pls always wrap it before you tap it), spitting, degradation, praising. slapping

AUTHOR’S NOTE: I COULDN’T HELP IT! I COULD NEVER RESIST THIS MANS! long-haired/man-bun eren? AWOOGA! also because the latest chapter fucked me up-- :((  i need to get it out of my system HAHAHHA to the ones who waited for this, hereee! get yall’s eren smut!! unedited!! 

eren sighed, a bit tired and because of the incoming headache from the loud music and the alcohol that he has been drinking. college parties are both a pain and an amusement. his vibrant green eyes searched through the rowdy crowd for you, you said you were just going to get something from the kitchen but you were taking your sweet time, huh... 

the tall young man leaned against the wall, scrunching his nose at the scene of people grinding against each other and the smell of alcohol and sweat. he grunted and took a sip of his drink, trying to occupy himself and wait for you, his lovely girlfriend, who abandoned him in a room filled with hornyass people. 

a small pout appeared in his lips, hidden by the red plastic cup, as he grumbled under his breath. suddenly, a hand slapped against his shoulder making him jump and he turned around to glare at the person but as he saw your bestfriend, he eased down a bit, though still annoyed at the hard slap on his shoulder. 

“jaegerbomb! what’re you doin’ in the corner looking like a whole loner?” (f/n) snickered, a smirk in her red lips. eren rolled his eyes and answered with the most blatant tone, “(y/n) left me here” 

she laughed at that as she repeatedly slapped his arm. eren grimaced and tried to pushed her off without making her tumble down to the floor because it’s a little too obvious that she was drunk as fuck. “ahh, classic cold little (n/n)~” eren heard the drunk young woman snickered.

“anyway! how’s the relationship going? i mean, now that you two are together?” she asked, a smirk on her lips as she clumsily brushed her long pink dyed hair away from her face. 

eren cleared his throat, feeling a little shy at the mention of you and your relationship. “i-it’s fun..” 

the pink haired woman raised a brow at the shy response, thoroughly entertained at the flustered body language of the usual cocky and arrogant male, as she thought to herself, ‘oh, (n/n)ie~ look how this boy simp for you’ 

“ahh, i remember you were always tailing behind our precious wittle (n/n)ie~ though it’s not like that has changed. boy, you really got it bad” she hummed, tone blunt but amused. the brunette rolled his eyes, though his ears started to burn in embarrassment. he tried to keep himself busy with the cup in his hand and blew a strand away his face as he looked elsewhere beside the female in front of him. 

eren took a sip of his drink and his eyes lightened up when he saw you coming out of the kitchen with something in hand, talking to another female. (f/n), who saw this, smirked and asked, “you’re such a bottom” 

the brunette choked in his drink, liquid splashing against his chin and cup. he moved it away from him as he coughed, a little bit of the spilled alcohol sipping through his black t-shirt. he whipped his head towards the smirking female and glared, trying to look mean as possible though his shaky eyes and the still shock expression in his face makes it hard to take him seriously. “what the hell, (f/n)! why would you say that?!” 

“oh come on! we both know that no one can top that girl. it’s (n/n)ie we’re talking about here! the cold and scary female who makes people tremble under her gaze? there’s no way in hell that you can dom that... no offense, jaegerbomb” 

eren was at loss at her words, his pride was practically broken down in front of him while the (f/n) inform him as if she’s telling a well-known fact. something in his chest started to grumble and nudged him to deny it, to save the last bits of his pride. 

he knows he has a little too much pride and can be arrogant and his stupid mouth can’t be stopped once he start..

“that’s not true at all! i top her all the time!” he argued, though thankfully the music was enough to cover it up and not attract attention to him. (f/n) quirked a brow and looked at him up and down as if saying, “really now? you?” 

he felt the uneasiness when he lied through his teeth, he just hoped that you won’t hear anything about what he just said-...

she hummed then turned to where you stood with one of your and her sorority sister, “(Y/N)! YOU’RE A SUB?” 

eren gaped at her in surprise and horror and tried to stop her, grasping her arm. he then looked at you, his body went rigid and a sudden shiver ran up his spine when his shocked green eyes connected with your intimidating (e/c) eyes. your sorority sister looked at you in shock and said something to you but you didn’t remove your eyes on him. 

he gulped when your already sharp eyes narrowed. fortunantely for him, you looked away after a second to talk to the female beside you and eren let out a shaky breath and let the woman’s arm go while (f/n) let out a noise of confusion when you ignored them. 

“well that was confusing as fuck...” she muttered and then turned again to eren, who stood stiffly. “dude, are you okay?” 

“yeah...” he said absentmindedly as he cursed himself and the pink haired female in his head. she pursed her lips and shrugged nonchalantly, “well, maybe you do top her.. though i’m still sure that she won’t ever let anyone top her. that bitch gets a little too pissy when someone boss her around” 

“i’m gonna leave you here, jaegerbomb. this party needs a little more excitement, if you get my drift” the pink haired female snickered and slapped his arm once last time then left him to go who knows where. eren closed his eyes and massaged his temple at what just happened. ‘(f/n), you little shit... you just got me into trouble-’ 

his thoughts were cut off when he got hit by your familiar sweet perfume and he opened his eyes again, flinching a bit when he noticed you were already in front of him. 

“this is what you wanted, right?” your tone was as blunt and straightforward as ever. 

“w-what?” he stuttered out, heat filling his cheeks. you raised a brow and waved a small chocolate bar. “you said you wanted this earlier” 

green eyes locked with the candy and let out a nervous laugh, “y-yeah yeah! thank you, babe..”

you watched him shakily fiddle with the chocolate bar, a still and nervous smile on his face. you observed him, looking him up and down. you stepped closer to him and his movements stopped all together when you got closer. you raised one hand to move stray locks that escaped his man bun, your sharp nails scrapped lightly against his scalp. eren let out a shaky breath and looked at you with submissive eyes. 

“don’t think you’re off the hook, baby. we’re gonna talk about that little stunt you pulled.” you whispered against his ear, your teeth grazing his heated ears. the taller male’s breath hitched at that and he held onto you with wide eyes. 

you started to kiss down to place openmouthed kisses on his sensitive neck. you could feel his hands hold onto your cropped shirt, his actions confusing, not knowing whether he wanted to pull you closer or push you away. 

you chuckled at the aroused gasp eren let out. you let one of your hands trail down his abdomen, slowly creeping inside his shirt to trace his muscles. 

“b-baby, please... n-not here” you heard him rasp out, though his hands were clenched tightly against your shirt. you sucked and licked his skin earning you a small moan and grind. 

your hand that was inside his shirt, inched upwards to touch his nipples slightly and your thigh moved in between his legs, feeling his semi-hard cock. “what a filthy little slut you are, getting off in public” you whispered.

eren whined at your words, shaking his head slightly as his eyes were clenched shut. “n-no! ‘m not...” 

you chuckled at him, his words starting to get slurry already. you caressed his stomach, scratching the clenching muscles. “car. now, baby” 

you removed yourself away from him and smirked at his disheveled appearance that he quickly tried to fix, a shy and embarrassed expression on his face as his ears glowed red. 

letting your eyes soak up the pretty view, you hummed. eren cleared his throat and he fixed his man bun, tying it again, trying to look not too obvious that you two were doing something earlier. 

you then noticed something on the floor and snorted, “you dropped something” 

eren looked at you, confused, then followed your gaze and noticed the candy bar that you gave him earlier. he blushed a bit and went down to pick it up but not before retaliating, “i-i knew that!” 

you chuckled, not paying much mind to it, and looked around for (f/n) and once you saw her and made eye contact, you gestured to the door and lifted your hand that held your car keys that you got from your jean pocket

“aww, leaving already...? drive safe, (n/n)ie!” (f/n) bid, raising her red cup. you nodded a bit then grasped eren’s free hand, dragging him out of the huge sorority house. 

you two went to where you parked your car while eren watched you go to the side where the driver’s seat of the expensive car is. you raised a brow at him which made him blurted out, “w-we can go to my dorm, armin said he was going to his girlfriend’s earlier...” his words trailed off. you offered a small smirk then nodded, getting in fully and eren hurriedly did the same. 

the scent of expensive leather and the sweet scent of your perfume was all he smelled in the car and oddly enough, it made him even more antsy. your car started to purr as you revived the engine. eren watched you drive at the corner of his eyes, teeth biting his poor bottom lip whilst his hands ran up and down his thighs, legs a little shaky. 

you noticed this and clicked your tongue making him stop his movements. his breath hitched at the sound, uh oh he just broke one of your rules... but he’s just so needy, he can feel his cock painfully straining against his black pants. 

“what do you think you’re doing” you weren’t asking a question more like reprimanding him, tone brutally cold and it made him shiver in anticipation and arousal. 

“’m sorry... i, i j-just...” his words choppy and stutter-y

“speak up.” 

eren gulped, eyes lowered into his lap as he sat on his hands, placing it beneath his thighs, not wanting to anger you further or break any of your rules. 

“well?” 

he turned to you with a shaky breath, green eyes watching you with utter need as you drove with your usual stone cold face. “c-can you please touch me...” his words reached you though it’s volume was not even beyond a whisper. 

you let out a playful scoff, sharp eyes turned towards him for a second before going back to the road, “needy little slut, ain’t ya.” 

eren let his eyes drop to his lap again, gulping, as he pressed his lips into a thin line. the feeling of excitement rising inside him. 

the car was filled with silence, besides eren’s small pants and his occasionally shuffling around. you parked the car at the corner of the empty street near eren’s dorm. as soon as you stopped the car, eren reached over to you and wrapped an arm around your neck, kissing you frenziedly, and moaned at the feeling of your soft lips against his. 

though you didn’t move an inch which made him whine and he leaned back, half-lidded green eyes stared up at you. a shiver of arousal went up his spine when he saw your eyes turn dark. before he could apologize again, your hand went to grip his chin, pressing against his cheeks. 

“tsk. you’re really testing my patience tonight, love” 

eren whimpered at your words as he looked up at you with so much devotion and need, panting like a dirty mutt and lips pursed into a pout with your grip. 

“on the back seat.” he nodded eagerly and you removed your hand away from him. the tall man shimmied his way to the backseat as quickly as possible but he yelped when he felt a harsh slap on his ass before he sat himself on the backseat with an embarrassed face. “baby, please! don’t do that...” he muttered under his breath, heat filled up his face and he avoided your eyes. 

you scoffed, amused, and joined him in the backseat of your car. eren scooted over a little to give you space to go over. just after you sat, he moved himself closer to you and pressed his body against you. “(y/n)... please, ‘m sorry for what happened earlier.. just t-touch me please” he pleaded, face nuzzling against your neck as he inhaled your sweet scent. 

you clicked your tongue and grasped his hair, pulling it to make him look at you. he gasped at the slight pain and the pleasure that went straight into his groin and looked at you with lidded eyes. “you’re not getting away just like that, baby. we need to train you properly, you’ve been naughty all evening.” 

he whimpered at that and watched you come closer. you smirked down at him, he looked amazing as always. eren always looked better like this, pliant and needy.

you pressed your lips against his pulse, licking and sucking on it, and you loosened your grip on his hair, massaging his scalp. eren closed his eyes at the feeling of your lips on his skin, mouth open in a silent moan. you let your other hand wander, brushing against his bulge making his breath shutter. 

“(y-y/n)..” you heard him pant out but you ignored it, this was his punishment. 

your hand in his hair guided him the way you wanted and tilted his head back as you marked his tanned skin. you can feel his cock twitch against his pants, your nails tracing the outline. 

his hips jerked, trying to get you to touch him more firmly. you bit his still bruised neck from your previous escapade as a warning though the man only moaned shamelessly at your rough action. you unbuckled his belt, moving his pants down with both hands while eren moved as well to help you with it. 

eren watched you while you smirked at him, leaning closer to his face and his eyes shifted down at your red lips. he felt you nudge his nose with yours slightly making him smile a bit and he leaned up to kiss you but you moved back. the brunette furrowed his brows at your action, “(y/n), k-kiss..” 

you wanted to coo at his cute expression and words but you reminded yourself that this was his punishment. you kissed his jaw as you slipped your hand inside his boxers, pulling his thick cock out. eren hissed at the cold air nipping his sensitive dick, head tilting back against the car window. 

you pecked his cheek and let your other hand move his tight black t-shirt up to reveal his clenching abs as you stroke his length. you leaned back and admired the view, your precious boyfriend moaning so prettily for you as his glorious muscles contracted and his thick cock started to leak precum. 

god, he’s just so beautiful and it’s all for you. 

eren’s hips jerked instinctively when you swiped your thumb against his cock’s sensitive head and spread the precum along his length. he oozed out so much precum that it was so wet and sloppy.

your hand went faster, jerking him quicker, making him gasp as he held your wrist with wide eyes. you chuckled at his cute reaction but you didn’t stop nor did your pace get slower. eren let out a series of loud moans and he let go of your wrist so he can cover his mouth, breath heavy. you thumbed one of his nipples, his body shivering at your actions. 

“baby! f-fuck” he cried, letting his head rest against the window again and let you stroke him to his high. the alcohol buzzing in his system was making him more sensitive than usual and the possibility of someone catching you two in the car made him hornier. the wet and lewd sound that echoed inside your car guided him closer to his release, his thighs trembling. 

he could feel it, the pleasure building up as the band in his stomach threatening  to snap. your other hand moved down to cup his tightening balls and your lips replaced your fingers on his nipple. he sobbed at the overwhelming pleasure, his hips thrusting up, trying to match your pace. 

your tongue flattened and you let your piercing roll against the hardened bud, your boyfriend yelped at the contact of the metal ball against his sensitive nipple. 

“s-shit! baby! aHH-!” he moaned out, your hand moving even faster as he cum. his body convulsed at the sudden orgasm that hit him like a hard wave as thick ropes of cum spilled from his thick member, painting your hand and his heaving chest. you stroked his cock to prolong his orgasm. 

as he came down his high, a wave of sensitivity hit him when you didn’t stop your hand. he cried at that and his hand gripped your wrist with a sweaty and clammy hand but not really stopping you, his shiny and teary green eyes stared at you with shock. “ahh! (y-y/n)! wait! too s-sensitive!” 

you chuckled sadistically at him and leaned closer to him, “but we’ve only just begun” 

eren whimpered, body shivering at the overstimulation but his cum only helped him back to hardness as the slick feeling made him lightheaded. his body shivering and writhe at your actions, completely pliant in your hands. 

you slowly stopped and removed your hand, listening to eren’s heavy gasps and hics as he tried to catch his breath. your greedy (e/c) eyes soaked up the sight for a moment then you tapped your cum stained hand against his lips, “clean it up.” 

eren whimpered and his tongue peaked out to lick his cum, cleaning your fingers. you watched him lick your fingers with short but fast strokes and then you entered two fingers inside his mouth which earned you a lewd moan. he sucked your fingers in, tongue lapping messily around your fingers. his teary eyes looked up at you. you smirked and you pressed your two fingers down his throat making him gag but he only groaned and worked even greedily on your fingers. 

when you were satisfied, you slowly moved your hand away from him. your fingers now sticky with his spit and connected it to his open mouth with a thin line of saliva. “hah... ahh..” he panted, slightly drooling from his greedy sucking. 

you snickered and slapped his face twice, light enough to not hurt but hard enough to make a nice and loud sound and make his cheek tingle. “what a good little slut you are” 

eren moaned and his hips thrusted in the air, wanting to feel you already around his once again hard cock. 

you moved closer to sit on his lap. eren leaned his head to your chest as his hands tried to get rid of your pants, he wanted to feel your skin... no.. he needs to feel your skin. 

you looked down at him, halting your movements to watch him. he looked so cute, pawing your pants while whining when his shaky hands weren't fast enough. eren peered up at you through his lashes, his trembling hands on your hips. 

“go on, puppy” 

the brunette keened at the pet name and he pulled your pants down a little too aggressively, needy and craving to finally feel your soft skins against his. you run your dry fingers through his hair, tucking the loose strands behind his ear. when he finally tugged your pants halfway down your thighs, he moved you to your back to the seat to remove it completely then quickly worked on your top. you wanted to snicker at the utter desperation in his actions. it was cute, oddly endearing. 

eren hovers above you, eyes blown wide with lust as he let out heavy pants. his eyes darkened by lust admired your exposed skin, the way your matching dainty black laced bra and panties made him want to kneel before you was embarrassing. his attention then went back to your sharp eyes and gulped. he then leaned closer and whispered a small, “kiss?” 

without any other words, you grabbed his neck and pulled him closer to you as your lips pressed against each other in a feverish kiss. eren hummed at the feeling of your lips and opened his mouth in submission. you purred in approval and you slithered your tongue in his mouth. 

the way your hot and wet tongue twirls with his made him grind against your clothed pussy and the feeling of the ball of metal that gets caught in his tongue was making him hornier. your mound was hot and he can feel the wet patch on your thin panties. 

you pushed him, to change your position, without letting your joined mouths disconnect. eren let you guide him back, moving without resistance on his end as he was perfectly content and occupied with the way your tongue moved inside his mouth. 

you sat in his lap, feeling the hard nudge of his cock against your core making you sigh in pleasure. you held his face while you grind your pussy against him, the small stimulation on your clit was making you impatient. breaking the kiss, you stared at eren’s lewd face, panting with his mouth open while some spit slipped out of the corner of his mouth. “you’re so pretty,” you whispered which earned you a small whimper. 

tugging off your panties, you stuffed it in his mouth successfully gagging him. eren’s loud moans now muffled by your panties and he could taste your arousal that stained the cloth, his eyes rolling back to his skull at the familiar taste. 

you clicked your tongue at his dazed look, seeing he wasn’t paying attention you lower yourself onto his length. eren choked on his spit, that was pooling in his mouth, wetting your panties. his wide eyes looked up at you but it quickly closed again, getting lost in the pleasure when you continued to sink down on his cock. your wet and gummy walls sucked him in and it felt so fucking good. 

you moaned when he bottomed out as you sat on his lap, his length nudging your cervix. you felt his hands on your hips, gripping your soft flesh but not moving you, knowing that you would get angry again if he did. you cooed at him, your breath getting heavier. eren waited for you, his cock twitching inside of you. fuck, just the way your pussy clench and unclench around him was making him feel so good... 

when you started moving, the man slumped on the window letting you bring him to his high once again as he clutched your body against his, feeling your soft breasts pressed against his chest. you let out heavy pants at the way his thick length drag along your tight and wet walls, the tip hitting your sweet spot. 

“s-shit...” you cursed and eren groaned when you rode him faster. he hid his face on your neck, his hot and sweaty skin sticking against yours. you let your hand bury in his messy tresses as the other was placed on his shoulder for support. 

you adjusted your position and fully sat on his lap, your movements stopping as you listen to eren’s muffled low moans and pants. moving your hand on his back to caress his skin, you looked at him. “go on, baby. move.” 

the male gripped your hips, hiking you up a bit with his strength and started thrusting inside you in a desperate manner. you let your head lean against his collarbone and your sharp and long nails scratched his back, loving the way his thick cock pumped inside of you. 

your hips matched his thrusts, fucking him the way you know he likes. you straightened up, looking down at him as you bounced up and down on his dick. your car must looked like a fucking bouncy house with the way you two agressively move against each other but neither of you two cared, lost in each other to give a fuck. 

you moved your hand to his lips and removed your panties from his mouth, your eyes darkened at the wet cloth and threw it without looking where it landed. your baby boy is so drool-y and messy but it’s cute, the way he gets lost in pleasure and lets you ruin him the way you like. 

his pink tongue lolled out his wet mouth, his eyes rolled back to head as he fucked you, hips never faltering and thrusting into you at a constant pace that made you shiver. you gripped his cheeks making him look at you with lidded and fucked out eyes. “say ahh~” you cooed when he did as you tell him without hesitation. 

gathering spit in your mouth and with a loud pew, you spit in his mouth. you watched him moan and eyes rolling back once again, his thrust getting more frantic. eren felt your spit on his tongue and god, you’re just so fucking hot. 

“lemme see, eren.” he looked up at you and opened his mouth wider, tongue flattened inside his mouth. you smirked and slapped his cheeks repeatedly while you tell him how much of a good boy he is, “atta boy, you’re such a good boy~ now, swallow baby.” and he did. 

you moaned when his cock twitched inside of you and started meeting his thrusts again, fucking him back. your tight pussy clenched around him making him gasp, he was still so fucking sensitive but it feels so good, he just wants more and more. 

“touch me, eren” fuck, you’re so dirty. the male groaned and sneak a hand between your legs, finally touching your swollen clit. you moaned at that, it was the stimulation that you needed. eren can feel the wetness pooling down where you two are connected as he gathered some of it in his fingers to rub you easier. 

“(y-y/n)... fuck, you’re so hot...” he muttered, voice raspy and husky as he massaged rough circles on your clit, the wetness on the pads of his fingers made it much more stimulating to you. you scratched his back, drawing angry red lines on his tanned skin and you bit his bruised neck. 

the combination of the way eren fucked into you and the way he rubbed your clit was amazing and your orgasm was coming faster than you expected. “s-shit... just like that baby..” 

he shivered, he knew what that means.. you were close, so fucking close and so was he. loud wet slapping noise filled the car along with your heavy pants and low moans and eren’s gasps and groans. 

“cum inside, eren” you muttered, moans slipping past your pretty lips.

eren’s fingers rubbed frantic circles on your clit as you gasped, clenching down on his length as you cum, your body shivering at the feeling of the intense pleasure washing over you. the male beneath you trembled when he felt you cum, his own orgasm getting triggered by your wet and pulsing walls. 

his loud and deep guttural moans echoed in the car along with the sound of wild thrusts, riding his and your orgasm. after a while, his tired hips slowly came to a stop as the car was filled with heavy and worn out pants while you two slumped against each other. 

eren chuckled breathlessly making you peek at him and shook your head at his tired but still cheeky smile. “t-that was something else...” you heard him and you snickered. 

you felt his hand stroke your sweaty back gently. when you caught your breath, you slowly straightened up, you two moaned at the slight movement when your sensitive sex got nudged a bit as he was still inside of you. 

you let his softening length out of you as cum started dripping down out of you and onto his thigh and on the leather seat of your car. “shit.. that’s so hot” eren muttered, in trance, as he watched the way his and your cum dribbled out of you with a soft blush on his face. 

“it’s a bitch to clean that’s what it is” you groaned when the soreness hit you. eren chortle at your words and watched you move to the front to get your stored wet wipes in the car’s compartment. his eyes then drifted to your ass and smacked it without warning. you yelped and almost got sent over the front seat. you glared back at him as you grasped the container and you sat back down. 

“don’t look at me like that, babe! you were the first one who did it! i was just merely returning the favor~” eren defended himself, an annoying smirk on his lips. 

you rolled your eyes and scowled at your boyfriend, “maybe you should fix yourself up. you look like a hobo.” then ignored his offended gasp as you cleaned yourself and the leather seat. 

“hey! just so you know, this long and beautiful tresses always gets the girls!” eren pouted as he took the wet wipes you offered while you hum absentmindedly. “girls.. were they homeless too?” 

the tall male gaped at you and whined then nuzzled his face into your neck, “take that back, you meanie!” 

you chuckled and looked at him, tucking a strand behind his ear. “you’re just too easy to tease, babe” 

eren huffed, a playful glare on his vibrant eyes as he leaned away from you. the male started cleaning himself as well then fixed his clothes and his hair. after fixing his hair to a more neat man bun, he looked at the floor and saw your panties and smirked. he reached down and grabbed it with a victorious glint in his eyes. 

he looked over to you, listening to you grumble whilst you searched for your panties. “can i have this?” 

you turned back to him and your sharp eyes drifted down to his hands where he held your panties. you rolled your eyes and tried to grab it away from him but he moved it away. you growled at his fast reflexes. “give it back” 

“or what?~” he teased with the same godforsaken and annoying smirk he always has

“or i’ll kick you out of my car” 

eren laughed at your words and let you snatch it away. you groaned when you felt the wet cloth then looked at him in the corner of your eyes, “look what you've done, you drool-y motherfucker...” 

the brunette blushed and started defending himself, “hey! you were the one who shoved it in my mouth!” 

you clicked your tongue and flung it to him which he caught with a happy but confused glint. “whatever. have it then. i have a clean pair in your dorm, right?” 

“yeahhhh... clean...” 

you halted your hands as you were about to wear your jeans, you glared at the unfocused male that was ogling at your panties. you then slapped his arm which earned you a yelp and a pout

“what was that for?!” 

“you masturbated with my panties again?!” 

“i can’t help it! it was your fault for leaving it in my room anyway!”

#shingeki no kyoujin x reader #attack on titan x reader #aot smut #snk smut #snk x reader #aot x reader #eren jaeger #eren yeager #eren jeager smut #eren smut #eren x reader #eren jaeger x reader #eren x reader smut #eren jaeger x reader smut #eren yeager x reader #eren yeager smut #eren imagines #eren imagine #eren x y/n

[smutty-ki113r]

send the pic of yourself ! I am sure I can get Ben's attention away from his pc with it :> he perked up at the headpat when I said "from red! they said u r cute!" haha he loves u!

yeah I customize the clothing with fabricmarkers and I bought some transfer paper from amazon ! I have a lot of shirts and two pairs of pants that I customized now

yeah my clowns are my oc's and I have a whole backstory for all of them omg I love them sm!

THANK U FOR THE BOKUTO SMUT !! they were amazing omfg (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

about the sleep thing, I researched a bit and i think it's just because my mind doesn't shut up and it blocks me from feeling tired. I just want toby to use me as his personal fleshlight, that would help a ton... u know, I want him to make my brain go blank with how good he's using me to pleasure himself... 0w0 k I am down bad-I'll try seducing him tonight when I switch :> wish me luck lmao

-🃏

He loves me? My soul just relaxed like you would not imagine. I have a very intense fear that nobody would ever love me, HAHAHHA LOL TRAUMA AM I RIGHT?

Tell Ben he has to complete the heart

And yes I went all black 😒 my roots were growing out so fast 😭😭

That’s so smart- I could never. Well your customized clothes must be really cool cause that sounds awesome. OML FEEL FREE TO SHARE ABOUT YOUR OC’S HERE! I would def love to hear about your clowns-

IM SO GLAD you like the bokuto smut! Lmk if you want more! JESUS CHRIST YOU- YOU SEX FEIND. Yeah i can completely understand that with ben. I feel like him using you and fucking you out would probably be good for mood, and then since it’s so extensive you would fall right asleep. Do ya think if i told ben i had insomnia (which i do) he would help me out 😫 like ayúdame. I have not been ABLE to get over gamez, cause i forget everything I wrote and then i get to read it again. But bro when I thought about making a fic to that song about a month ago I flipped. I listened to that song on repeat for two weeks straight and wouldn’t stop doing the wrong renegade moves. I got so excited. HAHHAHH i need helP.

LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES WITH TOBY HEHEHEHEH

#🚹 #💬 #♠️

[himitsu-luna]

Reaction

ᘛ:｡ WayV reaction to their crush being shy around them :°•

Context: You were never the shy type of person, but you can't help getting all flustered around this member. He notices how whenever you two interact, you can't look straight into his eyes, your cheeks get painted in a cute shade of red, and you keep interlacing your fingers and giving him almost imperceptible giggles.

What does he think about this?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

°~Kun

Kun would wonder why you act like this with him

He knows you're feeling shy, but he wants to know the reason

"Does she like me too?", "Am I too intimidating?" - these kind of questions go through his mind

But even while he is analysing you, he can't help but think you're extremely cute

Being all shy is actually one of your never ending charms

He keeps staring at you in awe, making you feeling shier and shier

And making him fall in love more and more

°~Ten

Ten really loves how you're so transparent and he loves your reactions too

Your shyness makes him wanting to decipher you

But he actually gets a little bit shy around you too

You are the only one who has the power to making him flustered, doing literally nothing

He tries to be confident though, so you can feel at ease with him

But you're just too adorable, and he can't contain his giggles

You giggle back, and you two keep giggling,and now you are on your own world, oblivious to everything that is happening around you

°~Winwin

Sometimes when a shy person encounters an even shier person, they have this sense of companionship, and they feel like they need to protect the other

That's what happens to Winwin

When he sees you all shy, he wants to take the lead

Well, he tries at least. You are his crush after all, and he do feel his face burning around you

He relates to you so much, so he can actually handle the situation surprisingly well

And you would be strangely comfortable with this shy atmosphere

°~Lucas

Lucas just want you to be yourself with him

He finds your shyness adorable and precious though

And his ego gets a little bit inflated with the idea that maybe your shyness means you like him back

He is really considerate and does everything in his power to make you feel comfortable with him

If you're in a group, he makes sure to include you in the conversations

And if there's just the two of you, he would ask you a lot of questions, so he can hear your voice beautiful more.

°~Xiaojun

Xiaojun can't keep a serious face around you

You are just too cute in his eyes

He can't stop smiling

He gets shy too, but he pretends very well he is not

You being shy is not a big deal for him.

All of your traits makes you who you are: the perfect being he likes

He would give you the time to feel comfortable with him, even if it takes a long time

He is always looking forward to see you, so he can get closer to you little by little, without pushing you or making you feel pressured

°~Hendery

Hendery finds your shyness really adorable, but he wants you to feel comfortable with him

He would talk to you like he talks to everybody, so you feel you can relax and just enjoy his company

He makes sure to not make you overwhelmed though.

But you can't deny he has this ability to make people comfortable

You sometimes manage to get him out of guard, with your cute smile and timid gestures

He would sometimes just shamelesly stare at you, without realizing it.

°~Yangyang

Seeing you all shy makes Yangyang even more curious about you

He loves to watch your reactions

Not that your shyness is some kind of entertainment for him, no

He just finds your gestures and expressions so pure and authentic, that he feels like his day is blessed everytime he sees you

He would be really playfull with you, trying to interact with you more

And when you try to shyly and hesitantly play with him too, he would melt into a pool of love

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anon!!! 💕Thanks for the request!! Omg, I have this in my drafts for two days now, but I'm still not satisfied with it hahahha but I can't make you wait anymore! So here it is! I hope you like it, even though it's not good T-T

#nct reactions #wayv reactions #wayv #kun #ten #Hendery #winwin #Yangyang #xiaojun #Lucas

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Long Ask - searching for an old Johnlock d/s fic!

Hi! Sorry, this is completely random but I've been looking for this one particular fanfic for a while and you seem pretty knowledgeable about Johnlock so I figured I'd give it a shot. 

The fic was on AO3, Explicit, and of course, Johnlock. It was third person, Sherlock's POV. The AU was D/S as secondary gender. Sherlock is a sub who passes for a dom in society. He keeps his hair short to defy the gender stereotype and he behaves like his usual rude self. There’s a LOT of gender commentary. The Yard is mentioned and all of their genders are discussed. It’s mentioned that Sherlock’s ID card notes his secondary gender, maybe in the summary? John moves in and Sherlock is skeptical because he expects John to have issues with his un-submissive nature. John is a genuine dom who has manners I guess? As I can recall, John is an unassuming dom. He has sub girlfriends occasionally who wear their hair long and if they sleep over they’ll cook eggs the way he likes for him in the morning and kneel besides him during breakfast with their heads in his lap as he eats waiting for table scraps. Sherlock is across the table feeling very superior but he learns that john is respectful and not a dick. Eventually they get together!! I imagine there’s some sort of driving plot related to cases and murders but I really don’t remember. Once they get together Sherlock is afraid things will change and John will try to make Sherlock into a 'real' sub but John is fine and they live happily ever after.

Some moments I'm not 100% on:

There may or may not have been a moment where John uses his Dom voice in public and people are surprised? I read a lot of fics while searching for this one, so I can't say for certain. The moment I’m thinking of is an anecdote about John using his voice to deal with a criminal who is a sub, something like making someone put down a gun, etc. All the subs in the area, including Sherlock, get down immediately. Some of the sub officers are a bit disoriented after / the doms are impressed or threatened and John is sheepish and he’s like yeah I don’t use that voice in public because it changes how people see me.

I don't think there was any heat or mpreg involved. I do think the dom 'voice' was used as a mechanic. I don’t remember if Dom and Sub were capitalized. I read the fic a while ago, but definitely more recent than 2013. The main theme was really the gender commentary.

Thank you for reading all that haha, I'm really grateful. Even if you don't recognize the fic, feel free to post this (idk how submissions work) in the hopes that someone will recognize the fic! <3

(submitted by Anonymous)

------

Hey Nonny!

Ahhh, I have NO idea which fic this is, since I don't read Dom/Sub fics, but with SUCH a detailed description, I'll be surprised if none of my Lovelies and Lurkers don't know which one this is, hahahha!!! <3 Anyone able to help us out?

#steph replies #johnlock fic reqs #help steph find fics #doms and subs #send me things

[timextoxhajima]

ALL FOR A TASTE IS BASED ON AN ACTUAL FWB??

i’m shooketh because i’m so conservative i never once considered fwb were real (i swear for some reason i always thought it only existed in fics/tv shows/etc) esp cuz sg in general is conservative too(?)

i read all for a taste and phew,,,,, that’s hot 🥵🥵 (also you can ignore this part if it’s uncomfy and too personal) but i noticed in the fic….. sunwoo just pulled out (…protection?) …. was that part real too or just for the sake of the fic? i’m asking because i’m a virgin and i really don’t know how these things work irl and i would rather die than ask my irls 😭 again pls ignore if it’s too personal because i know it’s weird to discuss your sex life on the internet 😅😅

-🥯

yes it's based on an actual fwb HAHAHHA but it's not 100% carbon copy

[dw i'm fine i don't really care about talking about my sex life tbh] [also back on desktop so no emojis ;-;]

i’m shooketh because i’m so conservative i never once considered fwb were real (i swear for some reason i always thought it only existed in fics/tv shows/etc) esp cuz sg in general is conservative too(?)

HEY SURPRISE SURPRISE i also come from a conservative family HAHAH I'm just a bit of a wild child- like,,, both my parents are teachers and my sister's a nerd and I'm the one that's kinda rabz in school but a bit closet mugger? yeah you know that one kid-and actually you'd be surprised how many people our age in sg has done it/had an fwb/slept with their partners/hooked up w someone random. when i first stepped into this whole 'oh you're not longer a virgin' side of the story (cause, like you said, sg is still a conservative society and so once you lose it or u sleep w someone you kind of enter this side of society where you realise it's not all that uncommon) i was so surprised to realise that it's not that big of a deal?

LIKE OK NO IM NOT ENCOURAGING HAVING AN FWB BCAUSE IT WAS THE WORST FUCKING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE HE WAS AN ASSHOLE WHO, WHEN I FIRST STARTED TO IGNORE HIM FOR MULTIPLE REASONS, AND I SENT HIM A LONGASS ESSAY EXPLAINING WHY I THINK WE SHOULDN'T CONTINUE ANYMORE, HE REPLIED WITH A FUCKING FINANCIAL INVESTMENT IMAGE BEC HE'S A PART-TIME FINANCIAL ADVISOR FUCKING INSURANCE IDIOTS

but no! fwbs are a thing LMAO esp in hall also la like, it's just pretty common tbh. i also didn't know until i committed this sin too then when i told some of my closer friends they were like... and then?? ?? you think u special??? xx also sleep w xx udk meh

then i cuatio like HUH but ok ya AHAHHAHHA it's like an open book thing, if you don't look closely, you wouldn't know, but it's like always there.

i read all for a taste and phew,,,,, that’s hot 🥵🥵 (also you can ignore this part if it’s uncomfy and too personal) but i noticed in the fic….. sunwoo just pulled out (…protection?) …. was that part real too or just for the sake of the fic? i’m asking because i’m a virgin and i really don’t know how these things work irl and i would rather die than ask my irls 😭

don't mind me if this is tmi but like, ok the first time i slept w him we DID use a condom BUT we were both drunk and he had /issues/ LMAO so the condom was essentially gone to waste

the second and third time it happened (we only slept tgt like thrice and CAN U BELIEVE SOME OF MY FRIENDS DON'T THINK THAT'S ENOUGH TO BE CONSIDERED AN FWB LIKE////) we didn't use it :") because it was NOT FUCKING PLANNED.

granted this whole situ with him wasn't planned at all, like we didn't text each other and go hey do you wna be fwbs like no we slept tgt impromptu the first time bec we were drunk and the subsequent times because yk,

w covid a lot of things went online and his clique basically didn't stay hall, + he was the type to not talk to people and he kept his feelings to himself (he was struggling with a fresh breakup at that time, should've seen that red flag ngl, and he has family issues too) and so i was essentially his therapist and s*x doll into 1 and so it's just so shittily timed that whenever i go look for him to make sure he's okay and stuff,

yknow one thing leads to another and tada~ and yeah the subsequent two times we didn't use contraceptives because he told me he 'knew when to pull out', so like fine- and he did, so that wasn't an issue.

either way he's not my first sexual partner and i just wna say that while it's actually pretty hard to get pregnant if it's done with no protection, udk how many pregnancy scares i got throughout me 3-ish years of sexual activity? (I've had 1 boyfriend that i was sexually active with and 1 fwb)

I'm damn prone to stress and it fucks with my cycle, so it doesn't help when mid-cycle i slept with my bf (or in that specific case, my fwb) without contraceptives and it was a stressful time as well AND THEN MY PERIOD WAS LATE AND I PANICKED LMAOOOOOO

also love, don't be worried about being a virgin like, there's absolutely nothing worth being ashamed about. if anything, I'm kind of ashamed i had an fwb that used me more than treated me like an ACTUAL fwb, so- don't worry, love.

#tth.🥯anon #i think i talked too much WOOPS