#the dopamine I have in knowing I am about to add SO much new things to them....

[optimusxmello]

My lack of self control means I just keep adding WIPs to my ao3 account because I keep getting ideas and there's no one to stop me.

#I stumbled into a new ship #It's a crossover ship but it's got a following. it's small #I've seen one half of it and I've found where to watch the other character of that ship #the dopamine I have in knowing I am about to add SO much new things to them.... #I feel powerful #I'm going to be like a new god that's come to bless them and I...have plenty of other wips #but...a friend who was heavily associated with that fandom has hurt me and broken my heart #so like...I've been losing interest for months now #the chemistry between the ship is lit tho so I know i'll go back. If only for spite to finish all I started #but for now I need the moko to keep on the will to live and thus!!! I'm going to a little pond to be a big fish!

[triflesandparsnips]

Lot of takes going around the internets about certain "deaths" in the ofmd season finale, so, uh-- guess it's time for me to try and lose some followers on tumblr dot com with

Some Thoughts on Why I Am Not Particularly Bothered or Concerned about Izzy's Apparent "Death"

Laying the groundwork first...

1. Narratively speaking, Izzy's been a dead man walking since the start of the season. Babe shot himself and got a rebirth-- but he still definitely intended to die. Every minute he was still around was borrowed time.

Did he have to die? Maybe not. I know I could've written a version of the show where he didn't. But then that would be my show-- not theirs. I can't know exactly what themes, bugbears, bête noires, catharsis, or artistic Vibes are driving that writers' room, and until the credits run on the finale of the third season, none of the rest of us can either.

2. Izzy spent the season being in a liminal state-- and there's nothing in the story saying that he can't continue doing that. Izzy spent the season having one foot in one space, one hoof in the other, and himself halfway through the door, a chimera of mirrored things right up to his "death": pirate and ship, hard and soft, old ways and new, etc etc. But "the gravy basket" is a weird little liminal space between life and death, a place that both Ed and Buttons have found (and returned from) before. We don't know where Izzy "is" right now-- he could be there.

(tbh, I wonder how much poor feeling we'd be having about all this if we'd gotten a final tag of a blue-washed Izzy staring down at a bowl of soup while helplessly saying "but this isn't gravy, what the fu--")

3. I think there is an unfortunate belief that "it's not real unless you see the body" is a universal -- or perhaps inarguable -- "fact" of storytelling. But it's not. It's just a bit of narrative shorthand that got popular, and now we're too ready to fall into the trap of believing the inverse is true too-- that if there is a body, then there must therefore have been a "real" death.

This season has spent quite a lot of narrative time and effort telling us that its story is using a different model, with different shorthands; specifically, that magic is real, that there is at least some kind of existence after death, and that the dead can be resurrected.

And that brings me to the meat of why I'm not particularly bothered or concerned about what, at this stage of the story, could still very well be just a minor setback--

4. This whole show, and particularly this season, is a fairy tale. It's a story that works with fairy tale logic and tropes, and it's in conversation with other fairy tales too, ones that the OFMD audience is likely to know well enough to spot their narrative beats in action. So "Pinocchio" gets mentioned a lot? Cool-- the audience applies what is commonly known of that story to this one ("a real boy", the mirror-opposite being a puppet with no nose, etc), and finds some Cool Shit. Then they're primed to keep looking for fairy tales, even unnamed ones, in case there's another little nugget of reward-dopamine for finding a connection.

So the fact that we saw a mermaid? Suddenly, I personally am noticing "Little Mermaid" motifs all over the place. That Ed was in a "sleep like death" -- after fucking around with a spinning wheel -- until his prince came to wake him? Well fuck, man, that's Blackbeard playing "Sleeping Beauty" for us all.

And bringing it all back to a "dead" Izzy Hands... when I add up a "dead" body surrounded by a bunch of laborers mourning the person who nominally kept their living space nice AND who was wanted dead by an authority figure for the crime of being the "better" version of what that figure wanted to be...

...well fuck, idk about the rest of you, but to me that all adds up to Izzy's story being Snow fucking White. Waiting for someone to come pull the bullet poisoned apple from his body so he can live again.

5. This is a second season. Of three. And Izzy Hands is the writer's favorite chewtoy, so there is lots of time, space, and incentive to bring him back. If there's a third season, we have a pile of ways he could be brought back over the course of hours of literal viewing time and possibly months of in-narrative time. That's ages.

And the solutions don't have to be difficult! For instance, we still have canonical hallucinations from Stede-- that's one route. Or fuck it, we could have Izzy's (very solid-looking) ghost be the embodiment of their being haunted by the Sea, that would work too.

And even barring all that-- his grave is right there with our heroes. The ship is out there hunting down his murderer. Even if you're happy he's dead... bad news, friend. He's all over the third season landscape. (uh oh, it's GNU Izzy Hands)

But those are just a few options that leave his body rotting but his character still alive. I happen to think we could all dream a little bigger, darlings. For instance:

A. You cannot tell me that these writers, on this show, with these actors, would not absolutely go all in on a zombie-esque hand thrusting out of the dirt mere hours after burial. Look me in the eyes and tell me Con O'Neill wouldn't pull off an entire digging-out scene only to end with himself panting beside the hole, looking around, hearing Ed and Stede being weird in their haunted hut, and wearily say, "Are you fucking kidding me."

B. Don't like zombies? Want to stay closer to the Snow White vibe AND introduce a love interest for him? One hyphenated word: body-snatcher. Gotta dig those bodies up fresh for the Definitely Historically Accurate anatomists of the time! But oh, says this New Guy, this corpse is-- wow, it's weird that they buried him with a rose and really amazing makeup and a truly extraordinary number of whittled whales, plus what's with that horsey leg grave marker, this guy must've been fucking fascinating, man, I wish I could've met him-- --at which point Izzy's hand shoots out and chokes the guy half to death and the lads come tumbling out of the house and ta da, mission accomplished, Izzy resurrected in 5 minutes or less with his horsey leg conveniently beside him and an entire season for himself and everyone else to Deal With It, amazing, fantastic, no notes from me.

C. Come to think of it, there is genuinely a non-zero chance that the crew just. Fucked up the burial. I mean... even though I was just arguing why we shouldn't see it as Law, we didn't actually see the body. We saw a grave. What did they bury him in? Was it a box? Was it some canvas? Did they definitely pick up the right one when it was time to bury him? Or did they maybe carefully make him an ahistorical safety coffin just in case a cat demon came to bother him and his corpse wanted to make a fuss about it, y'know, very common, could happen to anyone, and Frenchie just so happens to have Blackbeard's old collar bell right here--

6. Here's the bottom line, imo: The only thing that would keep Izzy really actually dead and completely removed from the story is a lack of narrative time and space-- and we have plenty of both. Stories are like Lego. If you've got enough time and you're willing to play with pieces from a whole lotta different sets, it's not hard to put the same elements together in different ways to get new, exciting configurations. It's why I'm actually rubbish at predicting exact details of stuff-- there are a lot of ways something could go, there are infinite doors out of problems the narrative seems to throw at us, and no two people will come up with the same thing because we're all different.

That, to me, is one of the big ways I personally enjoy and engage with stories. And it's why I genuinely can't be fussed about Izzy's death, not when we're only two-thirds through the story as a whole; observing someone setup and then try and execute a complicated narrative trick is my jam.

But my way of engaging with all this is by no means the best or only way. How we all interact with art, and what speaks to us, is extremely personal. If how this season and Izzy's death went just didn't work for you, that's okay. I'm sorry it wasn't the story you wanted it to be. That blows.

I just know I can't say yet that it didn't work for me. I won't know until I can take in the entire picture, just as I can't judge a finished Lego set by the one piece I step on midway through construction. I can see different ways Izzy's death/rebirth could absolutely work, but will the writer manage it? I dunno.

But I'm willing to wait and see if the stupid puppet can pull it off.

#will it be the content or the length that causes the unfollows? #WHO CAN SAY #but every day is Unfollowing Amnesty Day #farewell and be free #our flag means death #our flag means death s2 spoilers #our flag means death seasons 3 rampant speculation #izzy hands #engaging with stories #and curating your own experience #(but for real - I had to stop myself at just the few possibilities I gave for a resurrection) #(real talk if you ask me for more I can just-- come up with more) #(it's my party trick) #(for very certain kinds of very nerdy parties)

[a-teacup-of-golden-cracks]

DNI if you're a bigot (yes that includes you idiots who think I'm a sissy and not a woman) and do not be sexual with me if you're over 35 or a minor

Hello, I'm not going to say my real name so just call me Daniel (they/she and he if you prove you respect me enough). I am AMAB autistic gender-fluid transfem ENTIRELY CIS HET WHITE CHRISTIAN MAN THAT IS IMMUNE TO MODERATION that is a former plural system and now a singlet. I love all things nerdy like MTG, D&D, listening to infodumps, Pokémon and Honkai Star Rail. I also play Clash of Clans but put literally zero effort into doing it well. Also my gender is whatever makes me most attractive to you, but the gay version of it.

Idk what I'm really doing here but tumblr is a great dopamine farm. It's also where I met my besties and (not actually it's an inside joke) wives @subbyblue @atlasofthestars113 and @verdantmothmachinations

You are highly encouraged to do any asks at all I love attentions. DMs are also encouraged as long as you get to know me and gain consent first. Honestly just send any ask it gives many happy chemicals.

Minors shouldn't be looking at this blog but I can't stop anyone so 🤷 (you'll get bitch slapped with a block though if you try to do anything horny with me and you don't have your age somewhere or are a minor). However, if you want to ask a question about kink/sex for purely educational reasons I will highly encourage anyone and everyone, regardless of age, to do it. We need much, much better sex education especially around kink and kink safety.

Inspired by @xenasaur

This blog is safe for queers of all types, racial minorities, addicts, age regressors, systems (endogenic included), and systems with littles.

You should know that I'm an orca.... and orcas rule anything they can see >:3

For anything that happens in DMs I'll need to know you a bit first, I'm a person too and want be seen as such.

My general limits are scat, gore, raceplay, ageplay (though I'll happily care for you in a platonic sense!!), emotional manipulation (both directions), corruption of myself, intox without consent prior to the intox and more as I think to add them. Don't act or suggest doing aggressive or controlling things to me (ie: tearing clothing off me, pinning me down, gagging or restraining me, domesticating me, etc), I like being in control of myself at all times and having my body respected. The only person allowed to dehumanize me is me. I like the terms Mistrum, Mommy, and Mistress, and enjoy many many kinks including but definitely not limited to: petplay, sadism, general dominance/control, breeding, bondage, monsterfucking, and ahh... harder kinks I tend to keep to my hard kink blog ( @anunholyforehand )

However, my limits when subbing are almost everything (I'm very very vanilla and just want to be praised when it happens). Honestly when I feel subby the cuddles and comforts are much more important than anything else. Oh hey you actually read my limits, good job, have a link to all my audios I've done.

Also have a link to commission me

New thing!! I am a singlet but this wasn't always the case. I don't expect you to understand how or why but I do expect you to respect this fact. I am one and I am whole now. I will keep myself.

Stolen from someone else but the point remains

Legal stuff cause privacy (I'm fully aware it will make next to no difference but on the off chance it ever matters I may as well have it, took me like five seconds to copypaste the image anyways lmao)

#the jolly writings

[writingjourney]

I’m in need of some advice and kind words. As a fellow writer I’m really struggling to believe people will and want to read my stuff. There’s no real engagement anymore and I’m worried that if I post my long-form fic that no one will give it a chance. It’s really bringing me down because I love it so much but it feels like no matter what I try to do my stuff just doesn’t get seen or liked? I’ve even thought about changing my entire way of how I do things since I don’t think the way I write is working for the masses. How do you keep up the motivation as a popular writer and do you have an advice?

Hello anon!! I feel like this is something many of us currently deal with. And first of all I seriously hope that you do share your story!! ♡

To be completely honest with you the lack of engagement in the fandom has for sure impacted my own motivation which is why I haven't been putting as much time into longer fics (nor the Friday Nights series or IKNBS, I do write but I refuse to force myself). I don't feel any urgency because uploading fics hasn't made me as happy as it used to. It feels like only other active writers are reading fic atm and it creates a lot of pressure on creatives to stay super active.

I'm aware that I'm insanely privileged to have the engagement that I do have, that the type of stories I want to write are also the type of stories that generally seem to appeal. However, engagement tells you NOTHING about the quality of your work, only how many people are active in a fandom or like a specific pairing/character/trope. Your own unique voice matters more than numbers.

I also notice that a lot of people who used to read my works have disappeared which I completely understand. The fixation can ebb away during times of inactivity or when a certain hype dies down. People just don't get that dopamine hit anymore and move on. It's also entirely possible they get tired of a certain style of writing and prefer other writers at times, what do I know. I definitely don't blame anyone for that. First and foremost people should read for their own enjoyment and engage with fandom in a way that makes them happy. It makes no sense to pressure people into engaging. A huge issue right now is people overthinking these things which makes support transactional instead of genuine.

I don't care much about notes but I REALLY miss the feeling of sharing a fic with people who are excited for it, that sense of an active community. BUT the activity will come back – the movie will come out, new music and videos, heck even a whole new Papa!!! That's the natural flow of things. We can't be excited and super active all the time, we need phases of calmness as well (which is an act of rebellion in the capitalist hellscape of overproduction and churned out content. I am honestly glad Ghost is taking it easy).

Now, I recommend you write your story exactly how you want to!!! do NOT change it for the sake of popularity because it will lose its very soul and you will struggle to be happy with it by the end. You know how you want to tell your story and nothing else matters. It will find its readers or you can wait and share it at a later point. I recommend that you approach other writers and readers and intensify that contact, make friends and talk to them about your stories, hype each other up, share snippets. It's even more meaningful to know people you like enjoy what you do. I am currently working on super niche fics for non-Ghost characters and I'm honestly having a great time chasing that dopamine by just writing what I'm really into and sharing it with friends. Fandom is community, fandom is fun and we can work to make it better for everyone.

A few general tips when it comes to making stories accessible: Format them to be readable (paragraphs!!), add a "read more" break, add proper content information and a nice summary to draw people in, add some visual appeal like a banners or stock image edits (like i do for IKNBS) and then tag the fics with relevant tags (and only those). Also make sure to tag the OG post, tags on reblogs do nothing for reach. Engage with the community when you feel like it and it's likely that the community will engage back. Being supportive is worth it, being kind is always worth it even if it amounts to nothing.

#your fear is valid and wanting engagement is valid!!! #but don’t let it stop you from writing :) #asks #anon

[wetcatspellcaster]

hello! i have a question about finding time to write because i have an idea for an astarion fic but it's my first year in my ph.d. program and i am DROWNING IN WORK AND READINGS. how did you do this AND work on your dissertation? (also congrats on that!!! that's massive!!!)

hello, anon, congratulations to YOU on your phd programme!! many felicitations on the continuing of your education.

I took a while to reply to this, bc I'm not sure if I'm the best person to ask this question. my personal answer is 'hyperfixate on the dopamine source so, so hard until you burnout, and then feel guilty bc you haven't updated in ages (I'm currently one week since an update), and then let that guilt become your new motivator! :D'

...which doesn't seem very healthy. and definitely impacts my ability to answer the question in a way that is actually helpful.

so i don't have an answer, but my honest pieces of advice are below the cut.

idk what kinda PhD you are doing, but if it's a humanities, in my experience, there are dips and lulls. first year is always a bit hectic bc the imposter syndrome is high and you feel like you're treading water to stay afloat. but things will get so much easier, and will in fact go through peaks and troughs! in 2nd and 3rd year, i had months without any work at all. wait for a trough to do some drafting. if you're currently really struggling, then just sketch as detailed an outline as you can in a document when the idea is fresh, and then you can return to it in dribs and drabs when you have a spare moment. [if you're a scientist, apologies in advance, you have a much harder life than me!] .

this one isn't very burnout friendly, but i am introverted and treat writing fic like a hobby for when i have no social battery. then my fic battery runs out, i go be social. yes, this kinda just spreads the burnout around. yes, i also know writing is still work! but it doesn't feel like it, to me. so I guess make your fic idea as much about fun, and as least about work, as possible. make it into the catnip that will make you come back to it. treat it as an escape rather than another magnum opus, or god forbid, a second dissertation. .

this also applies to PhD work - again, if you are a humanities student, you'll inevitably hit a writing block in your thesis. these are normal, and though they feel like the worst thing at the time, they will inevitably shift. thesis writing block when i was often very productive with fic, bc my thesis wasn't taking up my brain power and/or taking time away from my thesis was exactly what i needed. If you're burned out on the thesis, maybe spend some time just playing around in your brain for a bit. my friend told me about how she used fic as a way to build 'mastery' - when she was depressed or feeling down about her thesis, she would do something she knew she was good at (fic), and this would lift her mood. in the self critical world of academia, sometimes a little fic positivity goes a long way (at least for me, but that's bc both my supervisors are very very harsh, the exact opposite of the AO3 comment box). .

find an update schedule that works for you. i used to write a whole fic before i published any of it, but that's become more untenable as my wordcounts get bigger and i need motivation. now, comments fuel me when i'm drafting. so honestly, if you think posting will add pressure, don't post. write it just for you. if you think posting is the only thing that will keep the idea alive, do it and then don't feel guilt if there's a large gap in updates. people will still read it when it eventually goes up! :)

Honestly, I don't really have an answer. I wrote a lot these last few months bc I was feeling very depressed with the endgame of my thesis, and writing distracted me and made me feel better. I try to keep two nights a week free for fic, but that works for me bc I'm an introvert who lives alone. I don't think you can force it, but what I can tell you is that the PhD does get much, much easier (and that first year is also a perfectly legit time to faff around a bit and commit some time theft if you want - at least in the humanities, bc you'll still have so much time in your project).

I'm sorry I don't have a clear answer! Fic is important to me, so I make time for it, sometimes to my own detriment. If your PhD is what is important to you rn, fic can wait! Similarly, if you want to take some time away from that treading water, maybe microdose an hour or so of fic to start building mastery :) xx

#asks #anons #academia tag #good luck with both your thesis and your fic idea anon!!

[ninhaoma-ya]

Get to know the fic writer asks!

1. Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

9. Do you comment on stories you read?

11. Link your three favorite fics right now (can be yours or someone else’s).

12. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

26. Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

And, free choice! If you want to do an extra one.

Thank you very much for the asks!

1. Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

I prefer one-shots by a wide margin as I do not have the patience, imagination or self-discipline necessary to write multi-chaps (as evidenced by the vert slow going on the multi-chaps I have going on). It's also nice to just focus on one thing and make the whole fic about just that without worrying about plots or character arcs or other pesky details; how someone sees the summer, hidden fears and joys, the meaning of life.

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

Pants! Pants! Pants!

I'm a pantser through and through. And as previously stated, I usually write one-shots, not multi-chaps, so I usually just write wherever my inspiration takes me.

9. Do you comment on stories you read?

For the most part! If I'm very, very tired I might not do it (or if the story isn't in my main fandoms) since I feel like I don't find the right words in the soup of my brain. But I do comment on all multi-chaps' chapters I follow when they update, and most of the one-shots I read. Be the change you want to see in the world.

11. Link your three favorite fics right now (can be yours or someone else’s).

Losing Time (You Can't Go Home Again) by @hyperbolicreverie which is just full of heart-breaking catharsis and time-travelling schenanigans.

trouble is a friend of mine by taizi where Sanji finds some new friends in the most unlikely of places

The Many Marriages of the Straw Hat Pirates by @ladycrimsonandblack where you have all the weddings.

12. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

I write mainly for myself, so whatever I put out there, I am happy with. However, feedback does make a huge impact on my motivation and might fuel the next piece I write. I have fics (and WIPs) that wouldn't exist without an innocent "wouldn't it be fun if…" comment left on my earlier work.

Receiving: You are my favourite person in the world. I will treasure your comment (gushing/constructive criticism/meanderings on what will happen next/whatever) and most probably will print it out and add it to my wall of People Who Keep Me Going. You liked my fic enough to leave kudos? took the time to comment on it? I love you. I love you. I love you.

When a fic doesn't get much engagement… well, depends on the fic. If it's a gen!fic I'm a bit miffed – but I still write these for myself so as long as it's out there, I'm mainly happy with myself (although I do stress like hell for the first week or so after posting and keep updating, looking for those sweet sweet dopamine-fuelling likes). And I know smut is less likely to get comments but when I see those hidden bookmarks, I do get a lovely fuzzy feeling. I see you and your horny ways. I wrote this for you.

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

I am repeating myself from an earlier ask game, but it's still Where swallows fly (the sky is burning). It's one of my favourite pieces and it was so much fun thinking about Sugar's time with the Family.

And of course, since Statistically Significant is a multi-chap (and I am bad at long-term motivation) and kudos can be left only once, every comment I get on updates fuels the fires for the next chapter…

26. Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

What an interesting question. On one hand, I have to say Where swallows fly again, since it's such a multi-layered work. On the other hand, the prompt-fics I do (Heart Pirates Week, Kinktober, Writers' Month…) jump around a lot, so you (and I) never know what happens next. Also, Coffee. Black. Please. started as a silly little coffee shop !AU one-shot that developed a life of its own.

And, free choice! If you want to do an extra one.

65. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

Currently I'm mostly looking forward to writing. I'm stuck in thesis hell (again) for the coming months so I won't have time to focus on fanfic.

But that said, I am very much looking forward to introducing some New Characters when Nami gets to her study exchange in Münich in the next chapter of StatSig. Any guesses as to whom that might be? ;)

Also, I have way too many ideas for fics that get dumped in my WIP-documents (one for each ship/fandom), growing them ever longer. Pls send help.

I'm still accepting (and hoping for) more asks as I try to procrastinate working on my thesis, so anyone reading this; feel very free to ask away!

Asks can be found here.

#ask game #answered asks #chroma-lami #on the docks #procrastination deliberation #Statistically Significant #Coffee. Black. Please. #Where the swallows fly (the sky is burning)

[imbeccable-writes]

53 54 and 5...6!! gottem! :D

53. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

For the most part, I'm actually a fic reader. I love writing fanfic and I often make wips for all sorts of hyperfixations, but rarely do I actually finish those wips to the point of being comfortable posting them. It also depends on where I am in the hyperfixation; like, at the beginning, I'm definitely just reading fanfic, desperate to have more content. Once the initial dopamine of having a new thing to focus on dies down a little, I'll probably start thinking of ideas for my own fics and might by some miracle actually write them. I'd say it's like... a 60-40 split, reader writer? This also fluctuates based on the actual hyperfixation too, if there's things I want to add to the story or explore with the characters or what have you. But yeah, definitely more of a fic reader than writer, despite all I've written haha

54. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

DEFINITELY the fantasizing part. It's so easy! I don't have to have all the set up and foreshadowing, I can just imagine my favorite scenes and have alll the payoff in the world. I can even imagine things that will DEFINITELY be cut from the final draft, because it's my brain and my fun! The second best part is actually writing those scenes, the ones you're obsessed with and can't wait to put pen to paper for, so to speak.

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I think I write dialogue well! The conversations flow like real people are speaking, and I'm able to mix action and speech enough that it doesn't get too bogged down with either-or, usually. Plus, I'm able to say so much in the narration during dialogue that adds to the scene. Dramatic irony, you know? Dialogue is my favorite to write hehe

Thanks rex!!

Get to know your fic writer!

#bec speaks #writing game

[seedling-lotus]

okay, I saw map things and it reminded me of my own mapping project that i've poured waaaaaay too much time into so now you get to see me rant about it...

or not because imma hide it under a read more... But i'm still gonna tag it!

Anyway, so!

because the fic I was reading for a completely different fandom just wasn't providing the dopamine, my lovely brain decided that I needed to go find all of the locations for everything in DGM, or as closely as I possibly could, because Hoshino-sensei exists to drive me insane... And so does the fandom wiki...

So yeah. So trying to locate things. Some places were easier than others. Some places I still have to add. 😭

New Order HQ? Took me a while, but I fuckin' found it... Or, well, found an island that looks like it could match.

of course, the Wiki says both that it's in "Southern Europe" and also somewhere mentions that it's in Britain, which is just... Nope, that island in particular is part of France. Close though. Of course, I don't have access to the source material that the wiki seems to be referencing, so what do I know...

The wiki also says that old HQ is in generic "Northern Europe" and also "Unknown location in Scandinavia" which, again, the source appears to be the fanbook that I do not have and cannot reference for myself. Not going to lie, old HQ is virtually impossible to place. There is not a single place on this planet that I could find within Northern Europe or more specifically Scandinavia that would be a good geographic fit. I mean, I know there are rock formations sort of similar, but nothing or that size. I gave up finding a perfect match after two days of beating my head against it and just went for somewhere most likely to have that kind of geographic feature. After my few successes with finding "exact" locations for some of the places in DGM, it really really bothers me that I can't place that one definitively.

and then there's freaking Barcelona. Barcelona bothers me. It bothers me a lot. I cannot find anywhere in the Manga that actually mentions what city they were in at the time. But I remember that it was Barcelona. (Was it in the anime??? I cannot remember) The problem with Barcelona being... the map doesn't match... We've got at least one clear overhead shot of the city in the manga, and it doesn't really look like Barcelona. It does, however, look a lot like Prague. (and the fact that I knew that off the top of my head before confirming it makes me question my life choices more than a little.)

So this is from Chapter 43.

(I am weeping, I had so much typed and I just accidentally "undo"ed it and now I can't get it back... gods damn it)

ANYWAYS

So what I had said was that we can see that the image of Barcelona is a lot more gridlike of a city structure and more organized and yes I acknowledge that DGM is a "Fictional end to the 19th century" and city structure can change over time, It usually doesn't change that much. Below is a screenshot of the map of Prague from Google maps for comparison.

My second point of evidence is this Cathedral-like structure from the page prior:

The only cathedral I can find in Barcelona has 4 spires where the drawing only has 2. "But simplifying for ease of drawing" Yeah, no, I get that, but look at them and tell me that the cathedral in Prague doesn't look more like the drawing?

But my biggest issue with Barcelona? The river. Yes, there's a river in Barcelona. It's tiny though, and none of the bridges spanning it are more than two spans across.

and here's Barcelona's river vs Prague's river:

Barcelona:

(also, if Barcelona ever had pretty old bridges like the one drawn, they all appear to have been replaced by ugly modern ones)

And here's Prague:

(and yes, I know, the Prague bridge doesn't match either, but it matches better)

So yeah, Barcelona bothers me. It's not impossible that it's Barcelona, but it bothers me.

The American Branch though? That one I'm proud of.

So, again, it's not 100% perfectly correct, but I think that the American branch might be one of the closest to a spot on location that I actually managed. (The literal only way I could get a more accurate location would be to actually drive my ass to Arizona, and that's just not in the cards.)

Also, may I just say that this particular line, which I have confirmed is the way this place is described in the Manga... This exists to infuriate the British and the Scottish...

That was pulled from the wiki. THIS is pulled from chapter 230 of the manga:

Now I know someone in the fandom and on tumblr has already pointed this one out, but

Edinstown does not exist. In England or otherwise.

THIS particular landmark is in Scotland. EdinBURG Scotland.

And before someone yells at me, Eddingston isn't right either. Eddington (without the S) is a place in England, but it does not have that landmark.

The landmark in question being the Dugald Stewart Monmuent on Calton Hill in Edinburg, Scotland.

So that one caused a dew LOLs once I went back and found the post I reblogged with that information. source

Oh! so yeah, so Guangzhou... Guangzhou also bothers me a smidge...

So according to the Wiki (which seems to get most of it's info from the Fanbook that I don't have)... You know what, I might have it, but it's in Japanese, and I can only speak and read English so really, that's on me... Anyway...

So Guangzhou. China. The port city that theoretically is where they set sail from. And is also where Anita's brothel is.

And once again acknowledging that landscapes have been changed over time by humans. I get that. HOWEVER.

So Timcampy gives us a lovely view of the city and the harbor in question.

And 1 chapter later we get this view of them leaving:

Now I know, I KNOW, this is set in, at the very latest, 1899. I know that the harbor will have changed since then and Google maps is only going to show me the most modern version.

However...

This is Modern Guangzhou:

Note how it's set a little more inland? How they'd be able to see land across the harbor? and it's more in a river delta, flatter.

However, there is a port city relatively close to Guangzhou that does look a lot more like the port drawn in the manga:

And yes, yes, I know "but there's no land masses in the Manga and that's why you said Guangzhou was out." True, but most of these landmasses are over 3 miles away, and the horizon is only 3 miles away due to the curvature of the earth, so it does make a little more sense.

Now I know that the Manga doesn't show an Island and yeah, it's not exactly the same, but it's definitely way closer visually. (Also, Hoshino-sensei, I love you dearly, but please... Guangzhou is not the largest/main port city in China....)

Am I doing everything Wildly out of order? Absolutely. I'd say sue me but please don't. I am so broke.

Next up! The Izu Peninsula! (and another iteration of Hoshino-sensei making me want to cry... For map making purposes. Plot related purposes don't count. That's her job)

So in chapter 76, Chomesuke says this:

And then, in Chapter 77 we see this:

And ignoring all plot related crying from this point of the story, the Izu Peninsula was a difficult one to place. Not finding it on the map, but finding torii gates that are set up like this...

And you may be going "But it's Japan, how hard can it be to find torii gates set up like that?"

HARD

Gods damn it all. You wanna know why? because the fuckload of torii gates going straight up a damn mountain is something that exists. Famous enough that even I know what it looks like and I'm a stupid little white girl from America who has never left the western hemisphere. The problem with that particular set of torii gates that this panel and all related panels are based off of? yeah, that particular land mark is in the middle of Tokyo and nowhere near water...

And they are definitely still in the boat and still in water here...

here's my evidence for the Torii gates in Tokyo:

yes I am going to make you go google that yourselves if you really want to fact check me because this post is already a monster and I am too lazy to put in a hyperlink.

Anyways

So the only even remotely similar feature on the Izu peninsula that I could find is on an even smaller peninsula

1

and they look a little more like this in real life:

2

But hey, creative license and all that jazz. And while the Izu peninsula is close to Tokyo (which would have been called Edo back in the time period of canon), it's not that close, so it's probably a good day's walk if not longer for them to get there... which i think we may have skipped due to the magic of "anime physics" but you know what, fuck it. at this point I've stopped asking questions

(this is absolutely a lie, but shhhhhh)

And I have gone over my picture limit so I'll include the pictures on a reblog (if it lets me... I think it will... I'll get back to you on that... ish, maybe)

#dgm #d.gray-man #long post #look if you read the beginning of the post and clicked on the read more #you can't blame me for what you found under it #I warned you #feel free to ask me about other locations in DGM canon #if you want my longwinded opinions about them #(honestly #a LOT of canon happens within either one of the branches or the ark #or Kanda's memories but you know #so there aren't terribly many places to cover)

[jjm-blogspot]

Writing Tips: Advice on getting into your writing flow

Since it’s Monday, I decided to outline a few strategies that might help start everyone’s writing week off strong. The advice I have listed is what I use for not only writing, but studying as well. During my study sessions I focus on getting 6 solid hours in (split up into 2 hour blocks), but a lot of preparation goes into getting my mind ready for those blocks.

Staying focused for long periods of time is not an easy task. Our brains like to be stimulated. When they’re not, we start losing focus and end up producing low quality work. So before you get into your flow, make sure your body is equipped for whatever “workout” you have in store for it. To assist in this aspect, I’ve compiled some tips.

Here’s what I’ve got:

1. Write when your mind is most alert

This may vary depending on everyone’s lifestyle, but usually our minds are most alert 1-2 hours after waking up. This window allows for optimal productivity because you’ll be refreshed. Sure, those plot holes are likely to still be glaring at you, but now that you’re well rested you may be able to see things from a new angle.

2. Write without interruptions

Keep distractions minimal so you can give yourself the opportunity to put everything into your writing session. If you can’t get the house to yourself, then find public spaces where noise is kept to a minimum like public libraries, books stores, or coffee shops. If those places are packed, then maybe look into moving things to a quiet park bench. Whatever works best for you.

And in cases where you don’t have a means for transportation, or the library is out of reach for you, set boundaries with the people in your living space. Put a sign up on your door so your family members or roommates know not to interrupt. Or better yet, sit them down and give them a time frame of when you’ll be writing so they know not to bother you.

Set boundaries for your writing.

3. Set a routine

Being consistent is a great key to success in any area in life. Routines can help train your brain into associating certain time periods or locations with writing. A good example of this would be my work desk I have in the corner of my room. Whenever I sit at that desk it flips a switch that cues my brain into thinking, “Okay, she needs me to be focused for these next 2 hours.”

Another technique I use is positive reinforcement; I add something I like to the end of a daunting task. So if I have to get through a particularly rough chapter, I make myself sit through at least a couple hundred words. Then I pop a piece of candy in my mouth. This opens those dopamine pleasure-reward pathways in my brain to associate that good things will happen whenever I start writing.

4. Find an accountability buddy

If you find it hard to motivate yourself, then find someone who can help you out along the way. Writing buddies are great because they hold us accountable to meeting our goals, offer us other insight on things we’re stuck on, and keep us motivated when we lose sight of the original objective. And while I don’t have a writing buddy myself, I am in a writing discord server where people are allowed to share snippets of their works, or just talk about their stories in brainstorming sessions. But the part I like most about it is the progress section they have set aside. Basically you just write what you achieved that day writing wise. It could be something small (”I wrote 200 words today!”) or something on a larger scale that took more time to achieve (”I hit 150k today!”).

I like the progress section because it’s kind of my own way of being accountable for the strides I’m making with my story without feeling too stressed out if I don’t get much done that day. It’s a good section to have because it celebrates every milestone as a huge success, even if it doesn’t feel like much. But writing is a difficult task, so anytime you manage to take time out of your day to write something, you should celebrate.

5. Take breaks

If you woke up early to write about 1-2k words and you suddenly hear your stomach growling, then step away from your writing and get something to eat. And maybe take a walk while you’re at it. Jump back into your writing block when you’re feeling refreshed. Burnout is the number one thing we want to avoid. When you’re overworked your productivity falls. But, even worse, burnout can lead to physical and emotional issues down the line.

So take time out of writing to focus on mental health and self care. It’s not a race. Go at whatever pace you need to.

Be selfish in this aspect.

***

Cheers to a productive week 🥂

#it's only Monday but we got this y'all #writers of tumblr #writing advice

[mossfrogpress]

Mossfrog Blog #1 - It Begins

Who would have thought I’d be so nervous to make a post on the blogging platform I’ve called home since 2013. The Mossfrog Press tumblr is not that old but I, Brooke, have thoroughly enjoyed many years formed by my relationship with Tumblr. I of course would not say that to even a therapist much less anyone outside tumblr, but it’s true. I love tumblr, but truthfully I have only ever made inconsistent, halting attempts at contributing to the massive pool of creativity and consciousness that has grown here. 

In recent years, I have to keep my blogging brief--there’s a dopamine addicted ghoul in my brain that will let me waste away looking at funny images if I let them. But I do want to use this platform more thoughtfully and actively than I have ever before.

It’s gonna be a little rocky on these first few entries I’m not gonna lie, but I hope to have fun with the experimentation!

🐸🍀 Below the read more are the details of plans going forward with this blog, but tl;dr is: I plan to share more art, sketches, and behind-the-scenes content with you, as well as engage more directly and share information on events and deals!

- Sharing sketch journal entries This is perhaps what I am excited about most at this time, even though it’s a ways off. I hope to share most if not all journal entries of the development of my personal style and brand direction. I’ve always wanted to share more behind the scenes processes, and my sketch journal is the primordial soup of Mossfrog development. I’ve always been a fan of artists who share the intimacy of their sketchbook, and I look forward to doing the same. In 6 months to a year I should have a more solid backlog of content to begin sharing!

- Sharing weekly/monthly inspiration Knowing a work contextualized by the framework of its inspirations can add so much richness to it. I hope to collect the various works that are inspiring me in the moment and share them in some sort of retrospective newsletter format. Theoretically, once my journal posts begin circulation, one would be able to follow the dates and see the trends of inspiration to execution, which I always love to see from other artists. 

If I'm feeling spicy we may just see reviews or essays on things I'm interested in. I can only keep the infodumping in for so long, so I don’t think I foresee a way out of becoming a blogger without letting my media analysis freak flag fly. I have so much to say about Dune

- Regular art posting As I currently do, I will be posting the art I create as well. I’ll work on formatting my Instagram cross-posts not to have the tags and shit lol - Community Engagement Replies, asks, fanart, customer photos, sharing cute, funny moments or additional behind the scenes. Lifestyle blogging if I have anything to share. and things of that nature

- Marketing/News Of course this is also where I will notify you of sales, deals coming up, live events, and anything else time-sensitive/salesy. (Or notifications for twitch streams, Tiktok/IG Lives, and other engaging activities I don’t actually do yet but really want to start!)

And most importantly, I hope to see this blog become whatever it’s supposed to be. These are guideposts towards a grand goal and intuition and time will ultimately determine the path  ✨

🎨 If you’ve made it this far, great! I’m shocked. Hopefully the text-dense posting will be infrequent lol. I gotta get back to feeding the ghoul that likes to look at funny images.

#mossfrog blog #long post #text #intro #i'm pretty proud of myself for typing this out #yes i can string together coherent paragraphs #frog art #frog artist #illustrator #mossfrog press #mossfrogpress

[affectiondeficitdisorder]

AM I A LOVE ADDICT, A FREYSEXUAL, OR JUST A JERK?

One of my less attractive traits as a sex and love addict is that, as delighted as I am by the “getting to know you, getting know all about you” honeymoon phase of a relationship, is exactly how bored I am by the “I’ll do the cooking, you do the dishes” longterm phase of relationship. The unknown intrigues me. The known does not. Falling in love is intoxicating. Being in love is… nice.

This is why I make a great girlfriend and a lousy wife. And you can ask any of my ex-husbands about that.

This, I have come to believe, is an artifact of both my personality and my brain chemistry. There is a reason I have the attention span of a gnat, that I like things that are sparkly and new. I would rather climb a learning curve than repeat a task I am already good at. This is because my brain is and always has been a quart low on dopamine, and I will do most anything for a nice squirt of anticipation. “Wow! You could be amazing!” is simply more appealing to my neurons than “Hey. You’re okay!”… even though I do know that most of the time you’re not going to be amazing at all.

Now, cocaine used to handle this dopamine deficiency pretty well, but it turned out to have negative side effects. Jail, for one. And I don’t take ADD meds because they’re essentially speed and I’d rather not stick my hand into that flame again. So I was actually relieved to learn about sex and love addiction. I am not just a crap spouse; I am acting out Characteristic #5 of the Twelve Characteristics of Sex and Love Addiction: “We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.”

According to the tenets of SLAA and other S-programs, my terror isn't so much of boredom. No, when you dig down deep it’s more a fear of standing still long enough to truly be seen, really be known. It’s that old bugaboo, low self-esteem. Self-loathing. If you really knew me, you would leave me, so I’ll leave first thank you very much. I can work with that! Sure, it can be a slog, working a 12-step program on something. All that love and service and showing up and telling the truth. But it worked with the drugs and alcohol — for me and a kajillion other people — so why shouldn’t it work with this?

Then, around 2017, the word “freysexual” started getting some play. It came out of the LGBTQ+ conversation under the “+” umbrella, as a subset of ACE, or asexuality. A freysexual — sometimes (incorrectly) spelled fraysexual — is someone who loses sexual interest in someone once they get to know them. The old-school straight cis guy Madonna-Whore Complex is a subset of this. My old contention that “novelty is the best aphrodisiac” is almost a definition of freysexual. 

There is even a freysexual flag: blue, cyan, white and grey in horizontal bars, similar to the asexual flag:

(Official explainer: The blue and cyan represent less familiar relationships. The white represents a lack of attraction. The grey represents the grey area in between and the confusion that freysexual people feel when their feelings disappear.)

So… is my pattern of acting out on what I see as sex and love addiction simply a variation of sexual attraction, something that should be normalized the same way being gay or bi is normalized? There are more than 75 gender/sexual identities floating around at the moment. Is a freysexual bouncing from one short-term romance to the next no more selfish than a sapiosexual attracted to intelligence, or a demisexual seeking deep romantic bonds? Or is my behavior just your basic addict immaturity?

The trick, say people who talk about this stuff, is to be up front about your sexual identity. Closeted gay guys dating clueless women is a no-no. Polyamorous people agreeing to monogamous relationships and then cheating is shitty. I suppose a freysexual could do a full disclosure: “Hey, I’m probably going to get bored of you pretty quick, but don’t take it personally, it’s just my sexual identity.” But I’m not sure it would help. 

I’ve been giving it some thought, and here’s my opinion: As someone who has suffered from this behavior — and I do mean suffered, because it frequently sucks — I’m convinced this is not something to normalize. I think it’s something to heal from. And I believe that healing is possible, so I will continue on that path.

However… I do change my opinions based on new information. We can keep the discussion open. I’ll let you know if I run into mister “Hey, you’re okay!” anytime soon.

#freysexual #love addiction #love addict #sex addict #relationship #romance #fall in love #infatuation

[aiyexayen]

for fanfiction writing asks!! 14, 18, 19, 23, 28, 34, and 46~!

14. What is your favorite location and position to write in? i'm so sorry the first thing that i wanted to answer was "on my knees" which is not original even if i made myself laugh. i think my favourite place to write is up to a table or desk where i can feel more focused, preferably surrounded by people/ambient noise of people like from a coffee shop or something. the age-old "it's midnight and my bedmate is asleep but the plot bunny snagged my brain so i'm frantically thumb-writing under the covers on my phone notes app" cannot be discounted, though.

18. Do you enjoy research?  Which fic of yours required the most research? i fucking love research. i will drop a fic like a hot potato and spend the entire day on pointless research trails if i am left unattended. i'm not entirely sure about "required" and i am bad at keeping track of specific quantities of research once i get going, but i think ratio-wise that one time i spent a whole afternoon reading studies on the science of blood pool coagulation just for one throwaway line in a ficlet was the most egregious.

19. Do you enjoy creating OCs or do you prefer to stick solely to canon characters? i am terrible at creating OCs myself. if it's a character anyone else has come up with, canon or someone else's OC or anything, i'm like "hello i know you and you are unique and beloved by me and i know exactly what to do with you" but if it's a character i try to pry out of my own brain it's either "this is just me i guess" or "who the fuck are you, i don't know you, you aren't real, get out of here" and sometimes this happens simultaneously. i do not trust my OCs. <_<;;

23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest? beginning of the story is easiest. 1000%. i can start a story anywhere, i can just start writing on any given premise and that rush of newthing dopamine is [chef's kiss] to my adhd brain. i would say that the task of finishing a story is the hardest, but that's not because the ending of the story is difficult for me to come up with or write. in actuality, the middle of the story is the hardest, and once it starts getting into the thick of that hard stuff and it's not new and shiny anymore, i tend to fall off more easily even if i know exactly where the story will end by then, even if i have jumped ahead and written the ending even. i'm quite terrible that way.

28. What area of writing do you want to improve in? every area, but especially sensory and setting description which is what i'm working on more lately. it is often much more difficult for me to write about sensations or setting than to come up with dialogue or describe action or deal with fiddly editing things. i often wrestle with that the most during the editing process or get hung up on getting it right before i feel i can write more.

34. How much of your personal life/experience do you include in your fics? completely depends on the fic and on my mood. sometimes it's really fun to write something that's got nothing to do with me, and other times it's cathartic to explore something from my own life through fic, and sometimes i draw on a piece of my life simply to add spice.

46. If you could only write one type of AU for the rest of your life, what would it be? canon divergence. that's almost all i write anyway lmfao.

#ask game #you asked me so many things i'm so flattered :chinhands:

[temmes]

Incentive and movtivation

To me,is not worth learning a new language just to be able to talk with people,I take languages as tools,they are means to reach goals,and i am not wealthy.so sacrificing many resources like time and energy just to talk with people doesn’t add up

I saw some YouTubers doing adventure vlogs especially one will be a white dude walking in different places talking with locals in Spanish speaking countries.that’s really impressive and motivating.i could feel my brain pumping dopamine and stuff when i binge watching them with a smile on my face.but after the passion and motivation wear off,back to facing the everyday boring and painful learning experience,that is not exciting at all,that bums me out!

I realized those cool events can’t help me stay motivated because they can not be the real incentive,we all humans know what’s cool and great but only few of us will pursuit because they are advanced needs,just like icing on the cake,they are not necessary.

And this had brought my thoughts sideway into thinking about what makes people go for things, what makes them tick.

Just like the above ,we see incentives daily,watching Videos about cool things and stuffs on internet.in daily life usually there will be people around us got promoted/new valuable goods, in human relations,incentives like fame and wealth are mostly involved,or worse,primitive desires.

So I rank them up,divide them into three sections,the higher the rank is,the weaker the incentive is(I’m not going to include those weird incentives involved crime and stuff, it’s out of the topic you can check out the stories of infamous serial killers.as I know they were mostly involved with wrong viewpoints of moral and sexual problems)

I boiled down the too-complicated-for-regular-readers”Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Theory”into three simple sections of rank,from bottom to top rank will be:

the basic needs,the social needs,the self needs.these are all,more or less have something to do with chemical and it motivates people to do things,without it,mostly we will be lying on ground idling

The basic needs are fundamental to all the animals: air water food, sleep safety and sex.

Those are the most simple things to understand why we need them and we are most likely will do things for them,everything,just to maintain them a long period of time.and our brain will help us by producing dopamine as an incentive to motivate us to do things that is good for survival.

This is where we build up habits(mostly bad like addictions).one of them is maintaining a sense of stabilization because we can’t live without essential needs,not even a few days.i still remember at the end of the book”Robinson Crusoe”after he got rescued by those sailors,he beg and hid piles of bread under his bunk just to make himself felt reassured.

And our fellow human designed tons of product that will hook you into consuming them just to make more capital using the characteristic of human brain chasing dopamine.

The second rank is much cooler than the first one and it’s sort of painful to some of us because it’s all about human relations——the social needs: To Love and be loved, sense of belonging.

Something wrong with this app tons of sentences disappeared I don’t want to work on it anymore but little tips from my boys Adler and Arthur: 80% of worries and annoyances come from relationships,so try to avoid them ;)

This one probably involves with serotonin,i am not a professor or a doc but kind of like dopamine,as an incentive it promote socializing.it probably kicks in when people talking or doing things,having a good time together.because team work helps us better to survive in the bad old days. Our cpu followed by primitive programs likes it

After i read books about the relations of the chemical produced by our brain with motivations,i grew interests in them.we should follow our primitive principles/rules followed by our brains——saving energy,find ways to survive and do more exercise

I’m going talk about exercise later and it also involves with chemical,endorphin.

And I’m not going to talk about the last one,the self needs,probably no one cares.

The way of Our brain and body’s function is still really old compare to the modern life style and environment.we need to find out the key to make them work better otherwise we are just bunch of smarter monkeys

And I’m curious about dopamine rushing when we are facing uncertainty in gambling because looks like it is quite the opposite of human nature

[the1918]

Lynne, I’m so excited to see you writing again. I’m so looking forward to reading it as well. I haven’t read a fic in over 2-3 months and yours looks absolutely perfect. I just need to claw myself back up out of this darkness and I will most definitely devour every word you wrote.

Lisa... I need you to know that I actually had tears in my eyes reading this message. No—scratch that—tears on my cheeks and snot in my nose (and I can't even blame it on allergies this time).

Though we may not even know each other outside of fandom, I feel such a visceral, bone-deep connection to you and your experience as you've described it here. I know a lot of others around us can relate as well.

Just like you said you hadn't read fic in months, I went from writing sometimes as much as 5,000 words per day on SoRE earlier this year (which, looking back, was an unhealthy avoidance behavior—almost manic—that led to poor work performance at my Actual Job, where I did experience consequences) to writing almost nothing for six months. I wanted so badly to get back to the way I was before, to that burst of creative energy and endless productivity... but I just had no interest in it. I didn't get the dopamine rush from it that I once did. I never wanted to talk to my fandom friends because I always felt exhausted (for what felt like no reason), and that led to massive guilt since I felt like I was avoiding them. I would lie awake for hours stressing over the fact that I hadn't caught up on my author friends' stories, because they have always been there to read and be a cheerleader my stuff, and I felt like I was failing them.

What's worse, none of my other interests or hobbies replaced fanfiction during that time. I cared nothing for those things either. I spent a lot of time napping because I didn't know what else to do with my brain, (and because I wanted to avoid the inevitable anxiety that would come along if I stayed awake). I'm still not really out of that deep rut, but I'm lucky enough to have been able to change my situation in a way that was conducive to recovery. I'm not past it, but I'm at least talking to friends again and getting excited about fandom things. It's a slow process.

Depression, in all its many forms, is a vile, merciless bitch. Sometimes it catches you off-guard and makes you wonder what happened to the happiness or contentedness you were feeling just weeks ago. Other times, it creeps in like this heavy, gray shroud that you're forced to watch as it slowly consumes and smothers you, depriving you of your light and vitality. Medication can help, but sometimes it takes two or three or a dozen tries to find something that works for you, which can be discouraging and add to that feeling of helplessness. It's even harder (way, way harder) if you don't have people around you (family, core friends, bosses, etc.) who understand mental illness for what it is—illness—and invalidate your struggles with classic "get over it" dismissals.

I'm so, so sorry you've been stuck in that darkness, Lisa. I am happy you feel like you can look forward to something like reading my story (and thank you for the compliment, by the way!), but don't rush yourself before you're ready, especially with new reading material. When I was trying to find a way back to enjoying fic (because I thought that would help me feel like my old self, and it did, to a degree), one thing I found that helped me was re-reading old stories I knew I already loved. I would skip around to all my favorite parts and go right for that dopamine rush I remembered having the first time I read it. I also started about a dozen stories on the days I was feeling good, but I made sure not to beat myself up if I abandoned it after 500 words. My experience writing it was more important than my productivity.

Also, don't forget that whatever you find that finally makes you happy/interests you again may not be the things that used to make you happy—including fanfic. I'm happy to hear you're not forcing it on yourself and waiting to see if the urge to read again comes naturally. Recovery has to happen at your own pace and on your own terms.

Thank you so much for sharing this ❤

#depression #anxiety #fandom #personal

[amyscascadingtabs]

don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you [chapter 2]

CHAPTER TWO: see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night

excerpt below, read whole thing on ao3

Amy doesn't return to the office until after she's spent a good hour at home. First, she showers, washing off yesterday's old makeup and grime and letting the warm water run over her shoulders as she lets the sweet scent of raspberry shower gel replace the vague smell of old beer and sweat. Her back is sore; probably thanks to Jake's lumpy mattress, she thinks, and wonders for a second if she should add buy new mattress to the contract before deciding it’s far too much. That's relationship stuff, and that's point one of the contract; that's not what this is.

She blow-dries her hair and replaces her makeup, taking extra care to try and cover a pink mark that sits just a little too high on her chest before giving up and picking a different shirt instead. Then she fills the biggest coffee cup she has, eats a buttered slice of toast standing up, and feeds her pet fish before rushing back out the door.

She probably looks fresher than most days once she's done, but she's still worried Gina can sense something from her secretary desk as Amy walks in. She raises a brow in greeting like she's actually interested, which is rare in itself, and Amy can feel her eyes on her as she walks into her own office and closes the door behind her.

Amy starts regretting her decision as soon as she's opened a new document. What is she even supposed to name it? Friends with benefits contract is too obvious. FWB-C sounds like code for something. Sex agreement makes her sound like someone who’s read Fifty Shades Of Grey too many times (which really is just once). Jake and Amy is a wedding invitation, Rules too general. She puts her head in her hands, staring at the blinking line, and groans. Then she writes in Jake, looks at that for a moment, and adds stuff after. Not her proudest, but it'll have to do.

Amy’s relieved she doesn't have much work to do today, because she spends every free minute she can come across tweaking details on the document, adding and removing sections to suggest. When she's finally happy with the result, she saves it in a personal folder she can be sure no one’s ever going to open, and praises the office-gods for the fact that she has her own printer.

~

There’s a faint smell of artificial lemon in the air of Jake’s apartment as he welcomes her in, and the thought that he might have cleaned for her makes Amy blush. It seems unlike him, but the living room area does appear less cluttered to her than it did this morning, so maybe he isn’t totally incapable of it. She still doesn’t want to check his cabinets.

“You cleaned,” she says instead, nodding to the couch that looks almost neat now. “You expecting to get lucky tonight, or something?” Jake’s cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink, but then he shakes his head and points to her outfit. “You’re one to speak.”

All Amy’s done is put on a maroon floral blouse with lower cleavage than she’d ever do for work and put on a touch of pink lipstick, but he’s not completely wrong. She still chooses to ignore him. “I’ve got the contract. Should we do this, then?”

He offers her an orange soda, which she declines, but accepts a mug of Earl Grey tea from a package that seems to have remained unopened since before the brand last changed its design. A hot drink might calm her nerves, she hopes, but it ends up being quite the distracting experience to watch him make it for her. She tries to read through the contract one last time while searching for spelling errors she knows aren't there, her eyes keep being drawn to his hands as he holds the label of the teabag between his thumb and index finger, bobbing the bag a few times with focus once he's finished pouring the water into a New York Knicks mug. It's hard not to think about how those fingers felt dancing across her skin yesterday, massaging the sides of her breasts and holding on to her inner thighs, and it's harder not to imagine what they'd feel like another time –

“Tea,” he interrupts her thoughts by placing the mug in front of her. “Thought maybe you wanted a cup that didn’t say NYPD on it.”

“Well, you're right in that.” She brings it to her lips, almost burning her tongue and hoping he didn't see. “You want to read it on your own, or should I read it to you?”

Jake sits back in the massage chair closest to her, spreading his legs and putting his palms on them before shooting her that disarming smile again. “You read it.”

Amy swallows hard. “Okay. Section one: relationship status. This arrangement only works if we're both single. We’re not bringing more people into this.”

“What about an open relationship?”

“No. Still complicated. This is complicated enough with just us. If either of us gets in an actual relationship, it's over.”

Jake nods. “Cool. Next rule?”

“Section two: appropriate behavior. We're not dating,” she says, pointing first at herself and then at him with the ballpoint pen she brought from work. “So we can't behave like we're dating. Outside of our apartments, we're strictly friends. Or acquaintances. Honestly, it's weird we're even friends.”

“But you admitted we're friends.”

“Sure.” She takes another sip of the tea. “But that means no public flirting, no inappropriate comments, no like, commenting heart or fire emojis on Instagram pictures –”

“Are these rules for you or for me?” Jake winks. “I know my selfies are stunning, but I’m sure you can control yourself.”

“For both of us. Section three: we part in the morning. No exceptions. Staying overnight is okay, but once we wake up, we’re done.”

“What counts as morning in this scenario? I’m not going to have to get up at six a.m., am I?”

“Not unless you stay at my place when I have work.”

“I’ll remember not to do that, then.”

“Great. Section four – protection.”

“You have an entire section on that?” Jake looks like he’s trying not to laugh.

“It’s important!” She exclaims, feeling herself getting defensive. “I have an implant, so we’re safe from pregnancy, but it’s either condoms or you need to get checked.”

Jake nearly spits out some of his orange soda, coughing slightly. “You must be fun at parties.”

“I’m actually a nationally accredited and registered chaperone.”

“What is that?”

“Doesn’t matter. Are you going to do it or not?”

“Fine. You, then?”

“I will if you want me to.” Amy shrugs. “But I haven’t slept with anyone since my ex, so we should be good.”

Jake’s eyebrows fly up. “Really?”

“That so surprising to you?”

“A little? In the least jerk-ish way possible, you must get, well… offers.”

“People don’t flirt a whole lot with their lawyers,” she says, shifting in her chair and crossing her legs. “And it hasn’t been my focus. Are we good with the contract?”

“Actually, I want to add one more rule.”

“Yeah?”

Jake leans back in his chair, crossing his arms behind his head and flexing his biceps through the green shirt with a smug grin. “You’re not allowed to fall in love with me.”

Amy looks at him for a moment, trying to determine whether or not he’s joking, but he doesn’t waver, so she leans forward and draws a fifth section sign on the blank space left on the document. No developing feelings or this ends, she prints out in capital letters, signing her name on the allotted line.

“Won’t be a problem.”

Jake signs the contract, and Amy tries not to grimace at how messy his signature is as she places the document in a thin plastic folder, promising him a copy tomorrow.

“Cool,” Jake nods. He’s messing up his curls with his right hand again, the way she’s noticed he does when he’s trying to flirt. She wonders if it’s strategy or nerves. “So, are you doing anything else tonight, or...”

“What, contract signing’s got you all hot and bothered?”

“I mean, seeing you in full lawyer mode. It’s not, not hot.”

“Double negation?” Amy scrunches her nose. “Oh, you’re going to have to make that one up to me.”

“Maybe I will,” he says, and she needs only to notice the way his eyes darken to know that it’s on.

Amy can feel her legs still shaking a little as she hails a cab outside Jake's apartment just after, and she closes her eyes in the backseat and wonders how it's possible to feel this amazing, this satisfied from a cocktail of what she knows is mostly dopamine and oxytocin. It still makes her feel all giggly, like she can't stop smiling to herself.

Her phone vibrates in her pocket, and she picks it up to read a text from Jake.

Fucking hell that was SO GOOD.

Maybe this friends with benefits thing won't be so bad after all.

~

#my writing #b99 #peraltiago #jake x amy #b99 fic #b99 fanfiction #peraltiago fanfiction #there haha hope you enjoy :)

[shinidamachu]

What are some of your favorite InuYasha fanfiction stories? 😙

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE THE VERY FIRST PERSON TO ASK ME THIS QUESTION! PLEASE, CLICK ON THE FOLLOWING LINKS TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE:

Light Me a Lantern by @inuyashasforest: a lot of feelings for this one. It was the first Inukag multichapter fanfic I have ever read and boy am I glad I did. It’s a must read. I don’t know how Hanyo no Yashahime will fall into the Inuyasha universe, but if it turns out to be garbage, I’m more than happy to accept Light Me a Lantern as canon instead. Send tweet.

Little by Little by @little-known-artist: cutest post-canon fanfic in all land! It will make you smile. It will make you laugh. It will make you a little horny. That being said, it will also make you cry, but trust me: you’re gonna be grateful for it.

You Rescued Me by @keichanz: this fic it’s a party and I’m the piñata, there’s no other way to put it. Heather is a storytelling master, like... she could post her grocery shopping list and I’d be reading the hell out of it!

The Captain and the Hanyo by @goshinote: I love the whole premise of this fic and how much effort Jane puts in every detail. It’s like I’m living in it and I wish I was. It’s the story I’m currently reading and it’s so, so sweet and exciting!

Cruel Summer by @akitokihojo: you know shit is about to go down when Angie drops a Taylor Swift song titled fic. Now that Folklore is out I’m honestly scared for my life.

Pennies and Dimes by @witchygirl99:  SOMEONE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TURN THIS INTO A MOVIE PLEASE AND THANK YOU! (part one)

Delicate by @akitokihojo: SOMEONE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TURN THIS INTO A MOVIE PLEASE AND THANK YOU! (part two)

A Night to Remember by @angelhartsblog: I want you to close your eyes. Now I want you to think about the perfect Inukag first time. Open your eyes. Did you think about A Night To Remember? No? That’s because you haven’t read it yet, pal. What are you waiting for?

The Gorgon and the Dog Demon by @cstormsinukagblog​: I’m in too deep HELP!

Mating Fever by @clearwillow: let’s face it, this one is a classic already! The concept of this story was executed so well. Nothing was held back. You can tell Carra had as much fun writing it as we had reading it.

Pretending To Pretend by splendentgoddess: IF BOTH THE LAST HARD COPY OF THIS FIC AND MY COUSIN WERE ON FIRE... I’d still save my cousin but only because I reread Pretending to Pretend so many times I could probably write it down again myself, word for word. Also, my mom would never let me hear the end of it. But, like... it’s still a close one.

Bakin’ Cakes/Patty-Cake by @artistefish​: if I had two lives to give to Bloodhound and Kitten then two lives I’d give them.

Risks by @stoatsandweasels: THE CHARACTERIZATION, THE DIALOGUES, THE SMUT... Definition of *chef’s kiss*. The stars really aligned for this one, let me tell ya. Good. Fucking. Food.

Cam You See Me? by @keichanz​: Smut Queen at her best. LONG LIVE!

Inuyasha: Prince of Thieves by @starlingchildgazingatthestars: I feel like this fic should be written on a very big, very old, hard covered book. And someone should read it to me every night before I go to sleep. Every new chapter deepens the plot and the character so much. I’m hooked.

Belief/Resist by @dangerouspompadour​: my first thought on it was “man, I wish I could leave a thousand kudos” because it’s one of my favorite tropes ever and the story was told with such delicacy and honesty. Nailed their personalities to their cores.

Freak Attraction/Freak Attraction: Seven-Man Circus by @artistefish: this fic is the epitome of galaxy brain. How do someone eve come up with something so incredible? The world building is so fucking good, are you kidding me?

Oblivion by @meggz0rz: this one needs no comments... But I’m gonna comment anyway: talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spetacular, never-the-same, totally unique.

Beautiful Stranger by splendentgoddess: WHAT A RIDE, MY FRIENDS! BUCKLE THE FUCK UP!

Missing by @ajoy3fanfics: it’s called ‘missing’ because after you finish the whole thing you just miss it so fucking much! I remember how obsessed with it I became, refreshing the page for updates. I was a woman possessed. I spent about 80% of my time talking about this fic, and the other 20% of the time, I was praying for someone else to bring it up so I could talk about it more.

The Delinquent Boyfriend by @artistefish: book one of Inukag Holy Bible.

Out Of The Woods by @dyaz-stories: okay so there are only two chapters so far but the plot it’s captivating as hell! And the writing it’s flawless. If you haven’t read it yet, please do and tell Dya I sent you and I miss her ass.

Guardian by @ruddcatha​: my nerdy ass feels seen and represented.

Knit and Lace by @doginabirdcage: if you’re part of the Inukag fandom you’re legally obligated to read this fanfic. This is not even a joke. Do you know someone who hasn’t read it? No! And you shouldn’t because it’s fucking awesome.

Call You Mine by @lavendertwilight89​: every word on this is a drop of dopamine I swear.

Enchanted by @akitokihojo: I was in the middle of studying for one of the most important tests of my life when Enchanted came around. Was it insane of me to drop everything to read it? Yes. Would I do it again? Yes.

The Half Breed’s Wife by @gypsin: I’m gonna be honest here, this better update before I die otherwise I’m simply not going. RIP to everyone who will pass away without knowing how The Half Breed’s Wife ends but I’m different.

The It Couple by @meggz0rz: OH, YEAH,THE COOL KID OF FANFICS! *Vogue by Madonna starts playing*

It's About Time by @akitokihojo: first fic by Angie I have ever read! Flashback to two-years-ago me picking her chin off the floor. I still can believe I could read this for free? It feels wrong that I could, but also, like: thank God!

The Maid and the Bodyguard by @dyaz-stories: this is the fic you want to take home to your mama. You’d get on one knee for this fic. You’d buy it a diamond ring. You’d profess my undying love for it and you’d spend the rest of your life trying to prove to this fic I’m worthy of it.

Something Real by Angelica Pierce: so this is one of the best oneshots I have ever read in my entire life. It is also the one and only work signed by this author known to mankind. Which I take as a personal offense. To me. Personally.

Mars and Venus by @doginabirdcage: have you ever read something so clever you’re mad about it? Like HOW DARE YOU BE SO SMART? Genius, really. I read it so long ago and it blows me away to this day.

I Knew You Before I Met You by @keichanz: book two of Inukag Holy Bible.

House Mates by honeybee31: “and they were roommates.” “OH MY GOD, THEY WERE ROOMMATES!” Domestic Inukag? In my fic rec? It’s more likely than you think.

The Language He Speaks by @akitokihojo​: if I was half as beautiful as this fic... I’d be kissing so many mouths... The possibilities...

Fingertips by @shinjiteflorana: this is the level of writing I aspire to achieve someday.

PS: I could never, in a billion years, rank these fanfiction, so please keep in mind they are in no way ordered by personal preference. I just love them all. Also, I’m messy.

PS²: believe it or not, I really tried to narrow this down. If I were to tag every Inuyasha fanfiction I love ever, it would get insane huge. This is a not exhaustive, very humble list of my favorites as requested above and I had to draw the line somewhere, otherwise I’d just keep going forever.

PS³: I’ll never get tired of saying that this fandom is crazy talented! Making this fic rec was so hard because there are so many awesome creators out there putting out new content for us every single day. I would like you to know that, even if I had to leave some works out, I appreciate and support each one of them. Thank you so much for keeping the Inuyasha fandom alive!

PS⁴: if you’re reading this, feel free to recommend or tag me in Inuyasha fanfics. Add some of your favorites to this post. Give the authors some love!

#There are SO MANY fanfics I want to start reading but didn’t have the time yet #That’s a topic for another ask tho so if any of you are interested in finding out which ones I have on my to-read list come to my inbox #I’ll be happy to tell you #Anyway I hope I have satisfied your curiosity anon #Thank you for asking now come fangirl about these absolute jams with me #Gosh this took a while #Fic rec