#the way nelson looks like he's thinking: oh look at us we're in love and not dead inside get fucked both of you
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Ship: Mike x Pete Nelson
Words: 440
Description: A short drabble on how Mike asked Pete out. Very silly.
Mike watched Pete as he stood by the Drop a Drip booth, smoking a cigarette. They'd been trying to psych themselves up since he had lit it, and he was almost to the end now.
Considering his flirting with Jill (though unrequited) and his fling with Saadia (which had just ended), Mike knew the man was in high demand. They had to act fast, or some other person would snatch him right up.
They checked their lipstick in their compact one more time.
Now or never.
They confidently strode up to Pete. He grinned at them, a twinkle in his brown eyes.
“How can I help you, honey?”
Mike's heart skipped a beat. Their confidence faltered just hearing his voice.
Just ask him.
“We're going on a date!” Mike blurted out. They internally kicked themselves.
“Yes, sir!” Pete replied obediently, matching Mike's energy.
Mike was surprised. That worked?
Mike chuckled. “You're taking me to dinner. Tomorrow, six o’clock. Call us a cab.”
“Am I paying?” he asked with that teasing look he did by looking through his eyelids.
“You are.”
He smiled. “See you then.”
Mike returned his smile. “See you.”
Pete watched Mike as they walked away, a giddy sort of grin on his face.
Mike cheered internally. A date with Pete Nelson! A handsome man like Pete Nelson! They could burst into song then and there.
Mike passed Jerry on their way to the Big Top.
“Hey Mike!” he said in his goofy and friendly way. “What are you smiling about?”
Mike grinned really wide and almost buzzed with excitement. “I have a date with Pete.”
“Oh!” Jerry said. “He finally asked you?”
Mike got a confused look on their face. “Asked me? No, I asked him. He was going to ask me?”
Jerry laughed. “He only has the biggest crush on you!"
Mike’s brain short-circuited. “Crush? On me? Pete does?”
He nodded. “Oh yeah! He’s crazy about you. I’m his best friend, I know everything.”
Mike thought back to Jill and Saadia. “Are you sure? He’s just like that, isn’t he?”
Jerry shook his head. “You know when Pete’s in love. He might talk the way he does but you know.”
“How?” they inquired.
“There’s this look in his eyes. You couldn’t take it for anything else.”
“He always has a pretty look in his eyes.”
“Sure, sure. But when he looks at you, he’s in love,” Jerry said. “He said ‘yes’ didn’t he?”
“Well, yeah.”
“He never went on any dates with Saadia,” he said.
Mike chuckled. “I think that’s best for both of them.”
“Pete likes you,” he said. “He’s a nice guy. You’ll have a good time.”
Mike smiled. “Well, thanks, Jerry.”
Jerry nodded then walked to the his dressing tent, to get ready for that night’s show.
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Being Frank Castle's Daughter in Hawkins Pt 6
Gif Caption: Top Gif- Matt Murdock and Frank castle in Marvel's Daredevil, Aka Frank yeets Matt off a boat. Bottom Gif- Steve Harrington eating pringles from Netflix's Strangers Things
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Reader: 17-18 age range | female reader
Characters Mentioned: Frank Castle (MCU), Matt Murdock (MCU), Dinah Madani (MCU) Curtis "Curt" Hoyle (MCU), Karen Page (MCU), Peter Parker (MCU), Foggy Nelson (briefly MCU), Thor Odinsion (briefly MCU), Steve Harrington (ST), Billy Hargrove (ST), Max Mayfeild (ST)
A/n: this was a roller coaster of emotions
Warnings: Max is in the hospital, Neil Hargrove >:( , revenge sweet brutal revenge, also has a chunk of really sad Billy and U
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Let's just say Steve was thinking he was gonna hear "Oh Steve. I love you too." Or an "I love you too bro"
Not a line of compliments back that would cause him to fluster intensely
"I think, you misjudge yourself, you know you're a person, you make mistakes, and you make great choices. I think they stereotype you too much. Ya know? If they took the time to get to know you. They'd actually really like you like I do."
Wait. That's also Super unclear.
Do...do you just really like him? Or do you just really like him?
It's unknown and you're already getting out of the car and you're both walking down a path now
Talking about life and random shit: avoiding the actual topic he needs to talk about you guys reaching the lake
It's beautiful
"Thanks again..ya know for takin' me around." Y/n spoke, "This is a lot more calming than yesterday."
Steve chuckles, "I bet."
Y/n smiled at him "still its nice to see them once in a while."
"Yeah..." he picked up a stone off the floor and walked closer to the lake, skipping it across the water, "I. I've gotta ask you somethin'."
Y/n hummed in response grabbing her own stone and joining him, "what's up?"
"Would you uh, go with me- out." He spoke.
"We're out right now-"
"On a date."
Y/n through the stone across the water, watching it skip farther than Steve's had gone.
"We could go somewhere fancy? Or not." Steve suggested.
"Oh." Y/n spoke looking down at her hands, "Steve...I..."
"No! No its okay we don't have to..." Steve suggested, "yeah we don't have to..."
Y/n looked at him, that look caused his heart to squeeze his face to grow warm.
I don't want to hurt you..." y/n spoke.
"I. I get it. Yeah." Steve answered, "yeah..I don't want to hurt you either...its uh. Chilly. Im gonna go grab my jacket..."
"Wait. Steve." Y/n stopped him, grabbing his wrist, She let his wrist go figuring she had grabbed it too roughly, "Sorry..."
"I just. Im scared."
Steve looked at her concered, "Of me?"
Y/n shook her head: "Of loosing someone....again."
"Hey," Steve started, feet shuffling closer, tips of each others converse touching one another, "Im not going anywhere. I'll follow you where ever you go...Might have to deal with me tailing you like a lost puppy with his mom."
Y/n chuckled, "Im use to people followin me. God I've gotta take you to New York."
He laughed shortly, a smile on face, "Id love to go...with you."
His hand found her cheek, thumb coming out to rub her skin softly. Y/n leaning into the touch the slightest.
"Can...Can I?" He asked softly, "can I kiss you?"
Y/n was quiet for a moment, "...yeah..."
He leaned over as he tilted her head to the side the slightest, allowing him easy access to her lips, his hand falling from her cheek to the side of her neck, her eyes closing as he did so. Letting his lips ghost hers before he pressed his firmly against hers. They stay like that for a moment, before Steve pulls away, Y/n quickly catching his bottom lip in a kiss, pulling him back in to her.
Yep. You and steve harrington kissed
And it was diffrent that the Billy kiss, this one was... heart pounding, and hip grabbing, and well hot
But it was also sweet, you wanted this one to go way off the road of platonic: you didnt even want the word platonic to EXIST
Soon you two had to pull away, and the warmth from the kiss dispursed and the cold of Fall came at you once again
So you both walked to the car
Where you both looked at each other for a short moment and just had to kiss again
He just wants to kiss you, constantly now.
Not that he didn't want to kiss you before
But now that he can? That's all he wants to do, no not wants, needs
"Okay! Haha! Steve!-" Y/n laughed pulling away from him.
"One more. Your just so damn beautiful."
One more kiss as he says and he pulls away to start driving.
He cant stop holding your hand either, or kissing your knuckles especially when your both stopped at a light or at a stop sign
He still contuines to take you around, Hawkins just this time hand in hand
Oh he's so excited!!
He drops you off at the end of the day, still all giddy from earlier
"I'll see you later." Steve spoke.
"See? You mean call?" Y/n protested with a smile.
"I don't mind sneaking through the window. Ya know. For a good night kiss."
"Jesus H. Christ." Y/n rolled her eyes playfully, "i'll see you, Steve."
He smiled leaning over to kiss her softly goodbye, "I'll see you later...babe?"
"Mhm." Y/n grimmanced, "Too cheesey."
He laughed as she got out the car, he watching her walkin in before he drove off.
He's immediately calling Henderson when he comes home, he doesnt care how loud he is or who can hear
"Steve?"
"I got the girl! I got the girl!" He cheered.
"What!? Seriously!? How!?"
"I don't even know! You're going to love her man! I swear! She's the coolest!! Get your little shithead gang together. Icecreams on me!"
Meanwhile, you're eating dinner with Frank, talking over dinner plans when Matt comes along.
You heard it was Curt coming along to see him along with Matt, Madani, and Karen, Foggy is still kinda nervous about Frank in general.
They said they were bringing someone else but didn't say who exactly confusing you
Secret Person? Scott yeah Scott seemed like the type to hide in the back of a truck and pop out and scream he's here.
Could be Kate, but Kate seemed to have worked all the time
Maybe it was Foggy actually coming to see you
You'd give anyone 100 bucks for it to be Natasha
But you seen there's no point in guessing and you both continue making plans
"Are you inviting ya know who?" Y/n asked eating some of the chicken soup in response, "your new friend."
He looked at her with a 'really?' look as she shrugged, "How long that been goin' on?"
Frank messed with his food, "I met her, two, three weeks ago. Somethin like that."
Y/n nodded, drinking some of her soup.
"I didn't want you to find out how you did."
"Eh, doesn't matter to me." She spoke, "As long as your happy...are you happy?"
"Yeah." Frank spoke, "I am."
Y/n smiled, "Good, thought you'd never get a girlfriend, Just like I never thought I'd be sucking faces with Steve Harrington."
"What?"
well if your both coming clean you might as well come out fully
You had been kissing Steve Harrington basically half the day
and he vaguely told you about Joyce Byers, now that you knew her full name, you didn't want all the details anyways
Frank seemed to really like her, and you were really glad he had someone besides you
"Don't let Matt find out though."
"God damn it Y/n."
"What!? oh come on: you guys argued like an old married couple still do I bet."
"You must be dating a lot more than I realize then." Frank joked as Y/n let a playful scoff out.
"Oh so it's like that huh?"
"yeah it is."
you're glad dating has changed either of you, it's hasn't been too long since you guys both started down your separate paths but still you're glad your able to talk to him
you take dishes for the night and then go to bed to read
and then there's knocking on the window
you should just install a door where your window is you swear
Opening it it's Steve.
"hey baby doll." Steve smiled.
"Still real cheesy." Y/n responded leaning on the seal.
"Sweet Cheeks."
"Ew."
"Gum drop."
"No."
"Stud Muffin?"
That one made her laugh as she held out a hand, and helped him climb in.
"Stud Muffin, I like it." Y/n spoke.
Steve rolled his eyes and laughed, "I'll remember that one."
She smiled, his hand holding her check he smiling back.
"you're beautiful you know that-"
He paused in shock, "Hm?"
"is...Is that a knife collection?"
"Hm? Oh yeah!" Y/n smiled pulling away, "you haven't seen it before?"
He shook his head no, he had never actually been in her room.
"I'm thinking the nickname killer may be the best for you." He joked as she smiled.
"I like that one, but I still like Stud Muffin."
He chuckled as Y/n walked over, grabbing his hand, "Don't worry, If i ever use them, I'll watch the hair."
"my god."
"What?"
"your a weirdo."
Y/n laughed, Steve smiling, grabbing her by her arms as they rocked back and forht "My werido."
"yeah?"
"yeah."
He leaned over kissing her softly as she smiled kissing back.
He stayed over for the next hour and a half, you two talking...making out...just a bit tho, just a bit
You told him and invited him to the dinner, and he said he'd gladly come because these people meant a lot to you and he was up to redeem his name after the last dinner
you told him who you're inviting and he rolled his eyes almost, Billy Hargrove, he hated Hargrove but knew somewhere deep down you two were extremely close with one another, plus Max also really liked you
He knew there was something else going on between you two though, you were just, so close; hiding a secret he assumed
Maybe just Billy knew you better: plus he realized Billy had stopped being a massive shit disturber at school and had actually helped in defending you during a fight
So the guys had some redeeming qualities: or was at least starting to gain some in Steve's eyes
"You okay?"
"I'm a fine killer." Steve spoke with a smile, "Lost in how pretty you are."
Y/n smiled looking up at him, her head in his lap, "I don't mind Killer ya know."
"Good, Stud Muffin and Killer."
Y/n laughed, "Yeah..."
"look at the time I should go."
Y/n nodded.
"Alright, Mr.Prince of Hair."
Steve chuckled as she sat up, kissing him softly- but the phone interrupted her. She looked confused as she got up and out of the room answering the wall phone beside her door.
"Hello?"
"Y/n!" Billy spoke, he was frantic, sounded worried even, with a serious tone to his voice,
"Billy?" Y/n answered, "Hey. Hey, What's wrong-"
"I need you to come here now."
"I'm comin', I'm comin'," Y/n spoke quickly hanging up the phone and going back into the room.
"What's wrong?" Steve asked.
"I need you to go home-"
"What No way."
"Go home, Steve." Y/n argued, "Please,"
"We're not done talking about this," Steve argued, before following her out the door, he went to his car, and Y/n took Frank's truck
Fuck you've never been so worried before.
Also, driving over the speed limit? Absolutely you're flying down those long roads to where Billy and Max live.
You swear you could hear the arguing a mile away as you parked and went through the glove box finding Frank's pistol and one of the masks from the previous Adventures of Y/n, Billy, and Max
You had to conceal yourself somehow
And rushed in, the door unlocked and everything.
But Billy was already coming out of the house with Max in his arms, he has a bloody nose and cut across his cheek
"What the fuck?!" He shouted.
"It's me! It's me! What's the problem?!" Y/n demanded lifting up the mask.
"She has a fucking peanut allergy! And the fucker was so drunk he put fucking peanuts in her food! I don't know where he put my keys!"
"Shit!"
You rushed so fast to the truck letting Billy drive, he figured you had at least better medical experience than him.
"Max! Max can you hear me!"
"Can't!" She tried to get out unable to breathe.
"Fuck Billy drive faster!" Y/n shouted, he floored on the gas, and she turned Max on her side.
Soon they were at the hospital and Y/n grabbed Max out the back, rushing into the emergency room and within seconds they took her from you
Luckily within a few hours, they were able to come out to you and say everything's fine now and said they were gonna send her home with EpiPens.
You guys were allowed to see her.
"Hey Max." Y/n spoke with a smile sitting on the bed, "You okay?"
"Y/n?".
"Mhm and-"
She turned her head but didn't see Billy there, and frowned, "Just me...sorry I don't have your best friend Loki here."
She smiled weakly, "what happened?"
"You had an allergic reaction to some peanuts." Y/n spoke, "you're okay now. They wanna keep you for a few more hours though okay?"
Max nodded as Y/n held her hand.
"You know." Y/n spoke, "I was thinking when I see Loki again. I could ask him to take you to Asgaurd for a week."
You tried to entertain Max until the doctors asked you to step back while they did some other test. You told her you'd be back and was gonna get both you a snack
Just to find Billy smoking in the hallway by the vending machine.
"She okay?" Billy asked messing with the pack of cigrattes.
"Yeah. She'll be fine." Y/n told, "Promised her a trip to space seemed to make her happy."
He chuckled but shook as he lifted his cigarette to his lips, Y/n taking it from him.
"She's okay, alright?" Y/n spoke crushing the burning tip before grinding the cigarette and dumping it in the arm length away trash can.
"I was smoking that."
"Its racking you with anxiety." Y/n spoke.
He was silent as she looked at him concered, "You have to say something to someone."
"I did."
"Who?"
"You."
Y/n sighed, "Billy."
"You're a superhero. Fuckin make this go away." Billy spoke looking down, "Just...fuck..."
Pulling another cigarette out he stopped himself, "just make it go away."
"By doing what Billy? You realize how I make shit disappear?" Y/n asked, leaning into him, "I kill people to make shit go away. No Mercy. I torture people Billy. You understand what the means?"
"Don't you get it?" Billy argued, "I don't care. I don't fucking care. He almost killed Max!"
"You have to tell the cops." Y/n spoke in defense, "Or I will."
"You fuckin promised."
"Billy this crosses the line." Y/n argued, "I love you, but what are you gonna let him do? He's gonna get tired of you and move on to her."
He was silent, "hard to swallow?" Y/n asked.
The look in his eye told her so, "then its the truth."
She grabbed the snacks and left Billy to think, on her way back to Max's room she stopped at a payphone dialing the house
"Dad."
"Y/n?"
"Dad I think I gotta put that vest on. Just one last time."
"The hell." Frank spoke, "where the fuck are you?"
"At the hospital." Y/n spoke, "Max's in the hosptial."
"Mayfield?"
"Yeah..." Y/n spoke, "Billy's with me...I can't tell you much more. I promised. But I'm taking on Neil Hargrove either you like it or not."
"I can't stop you can I?"
"No." Y/n spoke, "I'll be clean. I promise."
Frank sighed on the other end of the phone
"You listen to me." Frank ordered, "You do this. And you fuck this up. You fuck up what you worked for. You get that's the consequences of getting caught."
"Yes." Y/n responsed, "I love you."
"I love you too kid."
You went back to Max to sit and chat with her, you told her you had to leave for about an hour and a half but had brought her lots of sweets just in case she got hungry
"You're leaving me here?" Max asked.
"I'm coming back. Don't worry." Y/n smiled, "I always come back."
She nodded, "When it hits 3:30 am. If I'm not back in time, call my house phone okay? My dad will come help."
She nodded Y/n kissing her head as she got up and walked out, leaving in the opposite direction that Billy was sitting in.
You left to Billy's house, house quickly
If the trucks still the same as you hoped pulling up the back seat was some knives you kept on hand.
You left the mask behind and walked to the front door knocking.
"What!!?" Neil answered half assed and drunk as he opened the door, Y/n grabbing him by the shirt and rushing him forward into a wall the heavy door closing behind her.
He sobered up real quick as he tried to grab at her.
"Stop squirming fucking dick!" Y/n shouted throwing him roughly into a small decorative table causing him to fall to the ground, she grabbed him by the back of his shirt dragging him up and against the wall.
"You crazy sum of bitch! You're Frank's daughter-"
Y/n pulled out a knife, "You're gonna shut the fuck up right now."
She pressed the knife to his neck.
"And what you're gonna use that?" He threatened.
"Yeah, I am," Y/n spoke slicing quickly, the knife just passing the first layer of skin on his neck as he squeezed his eyes shut.
"So this is what you're going to do." Y/n ordered, "I'm gonna beat the shit out of you, till you bleed and you're gonna stand here and take it like all the others who have taken it from you. Then. Your gonna call the police station and turn yourself in for child abuse. And you're going to forget we ever had this chat."
"Yeah right you fuckin bitch-" A hard punch sent him to the ground.
"sure. We can play it the hard way," Y/n grabbed him by the back of his head, dragging him into the kitchen the hard tile would hurt the worse as she threw him into the island head first.
Resulting in a splat of blood.
"Does that hurt?" Y/n spoke standing tall above him, "one batch, two batch."
Y/n took a deep sigh cracking her bones: "Penny and Dime"
She returned to the hospital earlier than the time given to Max she smiled as she sat back beside her.
"Look what I brought you!" Y/n cheered, "Comic book based on one of my favorite heroes."
"Venom?" Max asked looking at the cover.
Y/n nodded, "I promise he's a lot nicer in person than on the page."
She smiled, "everything's okay?"
Y/n nodded once again, "Everything's fine Max. I heard they're gonna bring you your stuff in a few and we can leave."
And when the time came Max was released from ER, and Billy was out smoking by the truck.
It was a silent ride, you were taking their house, now that it was safe.
"Max where's your mom?"
"She was spending the night at a friend's house, her friend just had a baby."
Good they were safe and alone for the time being then
You tell Billy his dad won't hurt him. Not for a long time now anyways.
Max gets out first leaving you and Billy in the truck.
"I tried to be the superhero." Y/n told him holding out a pinky.
He looked down at it and linked pinkies with you.
"Thank you."
"Don't thank me yet Hargrove."
And you drove back home in silence.
By the time you get home, it's what? 5? 6 am?
And when you get out: you didn't expect Frank to come rushing out the way he did to check you over.
"Hey. Kid. Jesus." Frank spoke kissing her head holding her close.
"Hey..." She responded holding him tightly.
"You okay?"
Y/n nodded hugging him tighter.
He took you inside, and immediately put you to bed, you needed it
It's one thing to attempt to kill someone but its another when it's personal
Its mentally draining, and you feel like you are on a mental break if you haven't experienced it all ready
"Get some rest. Alright?"
Y/n nodded, "Just. Stay till I fall asleep."
"You got it kid. I'm here."
He stayed with you for a solid hour until you fell asleep, tucking you in
The gang from New York was meant to be there early as well.
So when they arrived,.they were more surprised that you weren't out to greet them
"Where's Y/n?' Matt asked hands mapping out the cabin.
"In her room sleeping."
"You sound on gaurd." Matt explained, "more than usual."
"She went after a Neil Hargrove." Frank suggested.
"So Much for low Profile." Madani spoke, "what he do? Bully her?"
"Nah. She was too set on doing this." Frank answered, "he did somethin' bad."
"Glad to know neither of you changes." Curt spoke greeting Frank with a hug.
"Hi. Uh. Mr. Castle. I'm Peter." He spoke, "Y/n's uh. Good friend."
"I know who you are Parker."
"Right."
Matt knocked on your door, as you got up reluctantly with just a few hours of sleep
"What? OH HOLY SHIT!"
"Hey-"
Y/n hugged Matt quickly happy to see him, he laughed: "Good to see you too."
You've never been so happy to hug someone. And that hug lasted a while. Matts hugs are just, they just feel like home
You were happy to see everyone else
But you man. Your main man. Your partner in crime. Peter Parker was there
"Ah!!!" You shouted
"Ahh! I know!" Peter laughed, the two hugging happily
Your lego buddy is here finally
"Oh and matt!" Y/n cheered leaning into his ear.
"What!? He did what?!" Matt argued, "how dare he cheat on me."
"We were never god damn dating!" Frank shouts from the kitchen.
Y/n laughed, "come on come map out my room!"
You took him by the hand and let Peter follow Matt careful maping out the new area.
"Hey! Is that the alien head thor sent you?" Peter asked, "awesome."
"It makes a good desk lamp."
Matt stopped, "there was a boy in here. Well Boys. They like there hair products."
Y/n laughed, "yeah my friends."
"Wow. You have friends?" Matt joked.
"Jealous?"
He laughed, "extremely."
"Yep." Karen spoke from the doorway, "this is definitely your room."
"For sure." Madani spoke poking her head in, "Im surpised. Seems....alot more mellow than I thought. Was expecting blood and heads-"
She seen the floating alien head in a canister used as a desk light, "I spoke too soon."
Y/n laughed
It was good to catch up with the group, Frank was glad to be able to talk with Curt: they went way back and Karen was someone who showed him compasion
Wonder how that'd turn out when Joyce and Karen met.
Madani was middle ground between you and Frank. She knew her way around both of you in a way
Peter and you were actually normal teens together despite the pairing up when needed.
And Matt. Well Matt just made sense to be paired with you
He understood how you felt, especially about your past.
"Damn these are dark." Y/n spoke Matts glasses on her face she sitting on the couch in the living room.
Matt chuckled, "they are to block out light."
"Right." Y/n spoke, but there was a knock on the door and Y/n got up to answer it, "Hey Hair boy."
"Hey, nice glasses," He smiled, "I wanted...to talk to you about yesterday...oh uh. These are for you."
The flowers were stuck out to her, a bunch of lavender, "last of the season..."
"Thanks." She smiled, walking out the door closing it behind her.
"I...I promised I wouldn't talk about yesterday-"
"I don't care what happened." He explained, "that's not my business. I just want to know are you okay?"
Y/n smiled small and nodded, "Im okay."
"Good." He spoke, "you seemed really worried. And...I'd hate if anything happened to you and I could have helped."
"I'm a big girl Harrington. I can take care of myself."
"I know you can killer." He smiled.
"Come inside and meet everyone."
"Wait there here already?"
"Yeah."
"I look okay?" He asked.
"You look great." Y/n spoke, "Just be you."
Previous Part - Next Part.
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Tags (yes it keeps growing Im so happy!!!) @raelwrites @miiikkeey @beebslebobs @ah-witch @supernaturallover2002 @pearlstiare @simonsbluee @stilllivindue2spite @lvbred @dancingqueen21
#x reader#marvel x reader#frank castle#frank castle x reader#x female reader#female reader#frank castle x female reader#frank castle x daughter! reader#frank x daughter reader#steve harrington headcanon#billy hargrove headcanon#billy hargove x reader#billy hargrove#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington#marvel x stranger things#stranger things headcanons#marvel headcanons#billy stranger things#stranger things x you#stranger things x y/n#stranger things x reader#stranger things#marvel x reader headcannons#marvel x female reader#marvel x y/n#marvel x you#frank being a good dad#dad! frank castle
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Wedlock (Part 7)
Jack Nelson x female reader
Summary: When your father’s business begins to suffer he makes an agreement to marry you to Jack Nelson in a bid to combine wealth and power. However, now another notorious gangster has his eye on you.
Author’s Note: This was requested by a lovely anon who asked for Jack in an arranged marriage AU. This will be the final part.
Warnings: language, false imprisonment, weapons, mention of abuse, mention of murder, mention of drugs
Part 6
“Well would you look what the cat dragged in,” Gina said, leaning forward on the sofa, glass tipping precariously in her drunken state.
“Hello, Gina,” Jack said, removing his hat. “May I have a seat?”
“Why is this some sort of social call?” she asked gesturing toward him and losing the grasp she held on her glass. Watching it shatter across the marble floor, she giggled, then let out a little hiccup, suddenly covering her mouth with a manicured hand.
“You’ve become a sloppy drunk, sweetheart,” her uncle noted with displeasure.
“Here we go again with the lectures. I thought you’d have realized by now that I do what I want,” she said, standing to challenge him face to face with a haughty glare.
“Oh, believe me, I know. And you get everything you want too,” Jack said. “That’s what I’m here to discuss.”
Gina raised an eyebrow, but didn’t speak, waiting for her uncle to continue. Jack took note of her defiant stance, knowing despite her bravado, she was intrigued.
“This morning I agreed to your boyfriend’s offer. He’ll have the shares he demanded if he stops the wedding between Tommy and Y/n,” he said looking at Gina intently.
She eyed him suspiciously. “What makes you think Tommy isn’t already using the Midland as a honeymoon suite?” she said slurring her words and dropping back down to the sofa. As she glanced up at her uncle, she saw the wheels begin to turn inside his head. She’d given away your location without even knowing it.
“So she’s at the Midland?” he asked hurriedly.
Gina rolled her eyes knowing she’d been caught. “That’s the last I heard. She could be anywhere now though,” she said trying her best to be unhelpful.
Growing impatient with her childish games, Jack leaned over her and spoke carefully so she heard his words. “Gina, look, I’ll be honest. I don’t care what you do with your life. Get drunk, marry Michael fucking Gray, take whatever you can lay your dirty hands on-“ Gina bristled at his comments and tried to move away, but Jack captured her wrist holding her in a firm grasp. “But don’t let a decent woman like Y/n get caught in the middle. You’re getting every goddamn thing you’ve ever wanted so do the right thing for once,” he implored.
—————————————————-
Taking the steps two at at time Jack stopped suddenly in the stairwell, watching for a signal from his men. Finally he saw them motion for him from the top stair and he rounded the corner cautiously, gun drawn in case of trouble. To his great surprise, your suite was breached without much trouble. The two guards who stood watch over you, easily overpowered by his men. By the time Jack forced his way inside he found you crouched behind the sofa, trembling at the sudden intrusion.
“Y/n?” he called out to you and you recognized the voice instantly. However, your brain had trouble accepting that this was the same man you’d had tea with weeks ago. Jack took in the sight of you, pale and underfed, clothed only in a night dress. The sight of you made him sick, but he tried to hide it as he took his coat off to drape around your shoulders.
He helped you to a standing position, lightly brushing a lock of hair from your face as he promised, “I’m gonna take you away from here and you don’t ever have to hear the name Shelby ever again.” Hearing his calm, steady voice, you fell into him. He tucked your slight frame into his broad chest, chin resting atop your head protectively. Unable to speak, you clutched at his shirt and allowed him to hold you.
"Jack, we have to leave. They know we're here," Jack's associate called down the hall. Everyone at the Midland was on Tommy's payroll and Jack knew it was only a matter of time before someone became aware of his presence within the large hotel despite his attempt at stealth. Hearing boots pounding on the stairs, Jack guided you out the back door as quickly as possible, shielding you with his body.
You began to shake at the notion of Tommy or one of the blinders thwarting your escape. Would they blind Jack if they found him, you wondered? They'd threatened you with their guns and razors before. Surely they would do far worse to him. Your legs began to give way as you thought of it.
As you stumbled beneath him, Jack stooped to carry you, never allowing you to fall as he brought you out into the sunshine. How you’d missed the feeling of warmth on your face. Something awakened in you at the sensation, feeling overwhelmed at the knowledge you were finally free.
Jack placed you in the backseat of a waiting car and climbed in beside you, a torrent of apologies falling from his lips. “I never should have let you leave that day without telling you the truth. I was so stupid,” he said, leaning down to kiss your hand gently. “Please believe me when I tell you there were never any other women from the moment I met you. Only you.” He watched your eyes drift to the window and squeezed your hand for emphasis to bring your attention back to him. “I've been so lost with you. Please let me be a part of your life again. You're the only thing in the world that matters to me.” As you turned toward him you noticed the tears gathering in his eyes. "But I understand if you don't want that. I'm taking you home now and you can choose. I just want you to be happy," he whispered and you allowed yourself to weep openly for the first time. Jack pulled you into his shoulder, hushing you as his large hand ran across your back, then he motioned for the driver to take you home.
——————————————————
“Mr. Nelson, there’s a call for you,” the maid said gently. Since your return the staff were trying to be as respectful as possible, knowing Jack was under a strain due to his concern for you. You'd insisted on Jack's presence, feeling comforted and protected with him nearby, but he was beginning to suffer from lack of sleep as he felt a need to watch over you day and night.
Lifting the receiver he was greeted by the voice of his niece, her nauseatingly cheerful voice chirping over the line and inducing a headache. “Uncle! I’m so glad I caught you. I’m happy to hear you’ve been reunited with your fiance and I’m sure you’ve heard the news,” she prattled happily. As Jack struggled to catch up, silence lingered between them as he massaged the bridge of his nose.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Gina,” he huffed. He’d been in your parents home with you the past three days and had little contact with the outside world.
Gina giggled and static echoed over the line for a moment before she replied in a grave tone, “Tommy Shelby is dead.” She continued with a note of warning sharpening her voice until it pierced Jack like a knife. “Michael shot him last night in his office. He told you he was the future of Shelby Company Limited, but you didn’t believe him. I’m afraid you’ve underestimated my fiance, dear uncle.”
“So the kid finally found the balls, huh?” Jack scoffed, “Taking on you and the Shelbys.”
“I’ll take that as congratulations,” Gina quipped. “We’re bound for America today. A bright new future, carved out for us,” she said airily. Jack could picture the dreamy smile on her face as she thought of a life of luxury with his money. As though she could read his thoughts she added insult to injury, “And you made it all possible,” she cooed in his ear before the line went dead.
Jack stumbled to the sofa and lit a cigarette as he contemplated his future. A large share of his company had been signed over to Michael and he would have to pay out, but at least Tommy Shelby wouldn’t come looking for you. Jack allowed the relief to wash away his anger, but uncertainty was something he would still have to face. He had promised you the world, but he wasn’t sure how he would do it with a reduced income. His head spun, trying to make sense of it all when you appeared in the doorway.
“Jack, is everything alright?” you asked as you crossed to pour yourself a cup of tea. It reminded you of your first meeting with him in this very room and how you’d despised him. How things had changed, you mused.
Jack sat with his back to you for a moment, smoking in quiet contemplation before turning slowly to admit, “I don’t want there to be secrets between us, y/n. I promised you I’d include you in my business and I’m going to start right now if that’s alright.”
You nodded in agreement, unsure where he was going with this line of thought.
“Tommy Shelby was killed by one of his family members,” he said matter of factly and you nearly dropped your cup. Jack placed a hand at your elbow to steady you.
“Michael,” you pronounced numbly.
Jack nodded slowly, asking, “How did you know?”
You inhaled a shaky breath as you answered, recalling the events that took place while you were held against your will. “Tommy claimed there was a black cat in his family who wished him harm, but he was paranoid and always saying crazy things,” you recounted, pressing your fingertips to your temples.
You closed your eyes as you envisioned Tommy pacing about the Midland suite, a wild look in his eyes as he raved like a lunatic about someone wanting to steal his crown. He had always claimed it would be his cousin Michael, but you’d paid no attention to him, believing it was the amount of whisky he drank and the opium he took.
“There’s more,” Jack said leading you to the sofa carefully. He looked you in the eye earnestly as he explained how he’d signed over thirty-five percent of the company to Michael. He didn’t want you to feel burdened, but he didn’t want to withhold the secret either, leading to feelings of betrayal. He had witnessed the mistrust you still held for your father at being shut out of financial decisions in the past. However, the moment he finished speaking, he wondered if it had been the right choice. Your face looked much too pale for his liking.
“Are you alright, doll?” Jack asked, taking your hands in his. Jack watched as your brow creased, an unreadable expression crossing your lovely features.
As you absorbed the new information, you swallowed harshly. Jack had lost a fortune because of you, but suddenly that didn’t seem to matter. He had finally proven himself and his love for you in a most amazing way. Realizing how long the silence had lingered between you, you finally spoke to reassure him.
You could feel the anxiety radiating from him. You’d never seen him unsure of himself and the thought of it made your mouth soften into a shy smile. “You did that for me?” you asked quietly.
“Well…I…yeah,” he stumbled over his words adorably, realizing you weren’t angry, but flattered. “Money doesn't mean a thing to me if I don't have you, sweetheart. I love you and I want to marry you with all my heart if you’ll still have me,” he added more confidently, giving your hand a gentle squeeze, thumb grazing over your ring finger.
Your eyes welled with tears at his renewed proposal, unable to speak with a lump of emotion forming in your throat. “Yes,” you managed with a slight hoarseness to your voice. “I love you too, Jack.”
Jack wanted to pull you close to him, but refrained, unwilling to push you further than you were comfortable with for now. He felt a warmth spread throughout his chest as he realized you would finally become his wife, not out of obligation, but reciprocated love and that was more than enough for him.
—————————————————————
One month later…
Despite your mother’s concern for your well-being, she surprised you with unfailing support for your wish to have a small wedding soon after your return home. The lavish affair she had planned previously was forgotten so you and Jack could be at the center of your nuptials. This was as it should have been all along, you reminded her, and she didn’t disagree.
You were married in a sleek, yet modest ivory gown, a single strand of pearls your only adornment. The fascinator and birdcage veil were not exactly to your mother’s liking, but Jack adored it as he was able to see your expression as you walked down the aisle toward him, eyes glistening with unshed tears. He was emotional as well, thinking of how far you had to come to get to this day. When your father guided you to stand next to Jack, he reached for your gloved hand, unwilling to let you go. “You look beautiful,” Jack mouthed over the organ music and you beamed back at him.
When it came time to say your vows, Jack’s voice boomed loudly, echoing off the stone walls of the little chapel, proudly proclaiming his intentions toward you. However, you noticed a small sigh escape his lips as he slid the gold wedding band onto your finger, a subconscious unburdening of the tension he’d been holding as he waited for the pronouncement that you belonged to one another completely. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth before he pressed a soft kiss to your lips, murmuring “Mrs. Nelson,” against your mouth as he pulled away to admire you. He stroked your cheek with his thumb, gazing into your eyes adoringly before remembering there were guests present. You let out a small laugh as you took his arm, giving a shy wave of your bouquet in celebration to the happy cheers of everyone present.
The wedding breakfast at your parents home was also a modest affair, but joyful nonetheless. You chatted with your sister and a few friends quietly, a glass of champagne in one hand as you waited for the staff to bring the cake. It was the last bit of ceremony to be fulfilled before driving away to the home you’d chosen in the country. You were happy to talk about it, feeling yourself smile at the prospect of restoring it with Jack. Although it wasn’t the mansion everyone expected you to purchase, Jack agreed it would be an excellent project to take on together. The distance from Birmingham was also preferable, away from the noise and the smoke that reminded you of Tommy. The little cottage was the perfect place to have the simple life you’d always dreamed of.
As your guests peppered you with more questions, a maid approached, standing at your elbow hesitant to ask for the bride’s attention. During a lull she leaned in to whisper, “Your father would like a word in his study, ma’am.” Your eyes grew wide at the request and you searched the crowd for Jack. He returned your gaze immediately, always attentive when you needed him, but especially now as he spotted your anxious expression. Following you out of the room and down the hall, he asked, “What’s happened?”
“I don’t know. Father asked to see me, but I didn’t want to go alone,” you said nervously twisting your hands together.
“Of course not. You’re not alone,” Jack promised, looping a strong arm around your waist protectively and you smiled up at him in thanks as you rounded the corner to your father’s office and slowly opened the door.
“There’s the bride! Come in, my dear,” your father said, greeting you warmly. He stood from his desk and gestured toward a chair. As you glanced over, you noticed his lawyer who was rising to nod at you politely. “Congratulations, Mrs. Nelson,” he said.
You furrowed your brow in concern, hoping your father wasn’t suggesting doing business on your wedding day. Jack must have had a similar thought as he entered behind you, closing the door. He placed a hand to your lower back in a gesture of support and solidarity, addressing your father politely, but firmly. “George, we were about to cut the cake. Perhaps this could wait?”
Your father held up his hands, “I think you’d like to hear what Mr. Wallace has to say.”
You turned on your heel, ready to leave, when your father rushed to your side. “Y/n, wait!”
“Father, please, you should know this isn’t good for me. I don’t want to discuss who owns what or whom any longer,” you said sadly. You dropped your head into your hand, unbelieving that there would be anything left to settle.
Your father’s face fell at your words, realizing the damage that had been inflicted. He swallowed harshly before admitting, “It's true, I haven’t always acted in your best interest and I'm ashamed of myself.” His voice cracked as he confessed, “I’ve been selfish and reckless with the family’s finances. I’m sorry you had to pay for my mistakes with the Shelbys, but you have a good man by your side now,” he said glancing over at Jack, a hopeful glint in his eye.
“I want nothing but a long, happy marriage for you,” he said, voice laced with sincerity. “And a prosperous one with the news I’ve just had from America,” he continued, tone raising slightly in anticipation. He motioned to Mr. Wallace who stepped forward, producing a newspaper.
"News has traveled slowly, but it's all been verified, Mr. Nelson," he said. Jack took the pages from his hands to share with you and you gasped as you took in the sight of the front page. Large black lettering proclaimed “Birmingham Gangster Arrested on Opium Smuggling Charges” above an image of a disheveled looking Michael in handcuffs being manhandled by the American authorities. You placed a hand to your chest, feeling your heart beat wildly at the news. “So Tommy was serious,” you whispered.
“What do you mean?” Jack asked.
“He said he would teach Michael a lesson about loyalty. He said no matter where he tried to flee, he wouldn't get far," you said, lost in your thoughts of Tommy’s vengeful rant about Michael being a traitor. This felt like a set up and you were certain Tommy had been behind it.
“The fact remains that Mr. Gray will remain incarcerated in Boston for some time,” Mr. Wallace spoke up. “This affects you a great deal, Mr. Nelson as you now you have a unique opportunity.”
Jack shook his head. “How? My business with him is done.”
Mr. Wallace reached for a folder on the desk as he explained, “It would seem that Mr. Gray is quite out of his depth when it comes to international business. Unfortunately for him, the paperwork which would have allowed him to claim his shares in your company were woefully mismanaged. He never actually took possession you see.” Handing the documents to Jack for verification, you stood in stunned silence waiting for Jack to react.
As he continued to wordlessly flip through the pages before him, Mr. Wallace continued. “If you look at the last page, I’ve taken the liberty of drafting new documents which would allow you to rescind the offer, thus nullifying any claim of ownership by Mr. Gray.” Jack looked up from the papers in his hand and you exchanged a look of utter disbelief and joy. However, Jack’s smile soon faded as he looked to your father asking, “George, I’m sure you’ll understand that I have to ask why you involved yourself in this matter?”
Your father approached you both hesitantly, inhaling deeply before he began. “I know you must think I want something in return. I suppose I’ll have to work at earning your trust, but I swear to you, this is about making things right. As I said before, I want you to have every advantage. I wish you nothing but the best.” He extended a hand to Jack and they shook hands like old friends. You exhaled a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding and allowed your father to place a hand on your shoulder gently as he gave you a watery smile. It was a new beginning for all of you.
—————————————————————
Tag list:
@peakyswritings
@evita-shelby
@tommydoesntpayforsuits
@shelbydelrey
@alanadetigy
@wandawiccan60
@severewobblerlightdragon
@lovemissyhoneybee
@theshelbyslimited
@kittycatcait219
@peakyrogers
@christinasyellowflowers
@notyour-valentine
@springsteens
@jackiekae
@floraroselaughter
@optimisticsandwichgladiator
@renderedspeechless
@slytherisstuff
@watercolorskyy
@cillmequick
@l1-l4
@claire-loves-music
#Peaky Blinders fanfic#Peaky Blinders imagine#Jack Nelson imagine#Jack Nelson x you#Jack Nelson x y/n#Jack Nelson x reader#Jack Nelson fanfic
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maybe 2 + 21 with Nick and Charlie for the prompt thing? if you are accepting mixed prompts, that is! (also, love ur writing!! they r so in character!!)
a/n: i switched their order cause it just worked better! also, thank you! it really does mean a lot!!
"Charlie, the door."
"Mum won't let me close it with you here."
"I know, I know. I just mean..."
"You're afraid we're gonna get caught?" A smirk and a poke to the ribs.
"Noho-"
"Because I don't think they'd really be surprised to see us making out."
"That's not it."
“Then, what are you so afraid of?”
"I'm not-."
"Oh, no, go on." Another poke to the ribs. "Tell me, Nelson." Another poke. "Tell me all your deepest, darkest fears." Another.
Nick giggled and brought up his hands, leaning away from the assault. However, on Charlie's small, single bed, there wasn't a lot of room to hide.
"Come on, spill." Charlie's hand clamped onto the older boy's waist, squeezing away at his lower ribs.
"N- Ahh! Chahaaharles!" Nick tried to squirm away.
"Nicholas."
In an attempted escape, Nick slid his body down from where he had been leaning against the headboard to laying flat on his back. Bad move. The friction of his t-shirt against the covers left the majority of Nick's stomach exposed.
Charlie didn't hesitate. The sight of his giggling, squirming boyfriend was too inviting. His free hand scribbled over the bare skin.
"No, no, no, no, get oohohoff!" Nick used his hands to cover as much of the exposed area as possible. Of course, the younger boy kept finding spots to wiggle his fingers into. It was futile.
"Hey, lover boys!"
They froze, eyes darting to the open door.
"Some of us have an important history project to work on."
"Sorry, Tori."
"Yeah...Sorry."
"Just- Try to keep the tortured cries to a minimum."
"Will do."
"I meant your boyfriend. As you were." And Tori disappeared just as silently.
Charlie looked down at the addressed boyfriend and chortled. Nick was blushing all the way to the tips of his ears. "Guess you'll just have to tell me after all, then."
Nick shook his head, refusing to open his mouth.
Charlie smirked. He flexed his fingers, which had never left their victim's body.
Nick's face scrunched up tightly. It almost looked like he was in immense pain, if it wasn't for the occasional snort that weaseled its way out through his nose.
Charlie watched him closely. There was no way Nick's resolve was going to last forever. Or he just had to change tactics. Without a warning, his hand skipped its way up the remaining ribs, then darted to his neck.
"Pfff- NaaH! Woah, shit!" Thud. Silence.
"Ow."
Charlie gasped and darted to peek over the edge of the bed. “Oh, crap. Nick! Did I hurt you?” His boyfriend lay in an unceremonious heap on the floor.
"No," he groaned and raised his pelvis some to dig something out of his pocket. His set of keys jingled softly as he pulled them free. "They did." He rubbed the spot by his hip that caught the majority of his fall.
Charlie's expression softened again and he lay on his stomach, folding his arms in front of him. "So you're okay?"
Nick gazed up at him, disheveled and breathless and still flushed. "Want to come down here and find out?"
The words turned the tips of Charlie's ears pink but he simply shook his head, smiling. "Nah, you're alright. The view from up here is much better."
Nick shook his head with a chuckle and closed his eyes. Just a quick minute to collect himself.
Of course, Charlie had different plans. Reaching down the side of his bed, he targeted any spots close enough for his arm to reach.
"Oi!" Nick yelped.
Charlie was tugged off over the edge of the bed seconds later. Another thud, a surprised squeal and a muffled yell from the room next door. "Charlie!"
Perhaps an open door was not that much of a deal after all.
#heartstopper tickle fic#heartstopper#heartstopper tickle#ticklish!nick#ticklish!charlie#ler!charlie#lee!nick#nick nelson#charlie spring#tickling#tickle fic#nick nelson is ticklish
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okay so strap yourselves in as i go into completely unnecessary detail about some of my favourite parts in what is probably my favourite scene in all of heartstopper. enjoy!
this scene!!!!!!! wow!!!!! firstly the whole scene is just so soft and intimate. they're in this crowded bowling alley but have managed to find a little corner for themselves. and they have this big deep chat and nick is so sad that he's kept his date with imogen hidden from charlie and you can tell how upset he is with himself for doing that because the last thing he wants to do is upset charlie or to prove that tao was right and he was just using charlie. then the birthday gift....don't look at me im emotional. i'm not gonna go into detail about that bc it won't be anything that hasn't already been said already but just so u know, i love it.
PART ONE
so obviously nick apologises for keeping the imogen thing a secret because he's the most wholesome boy in the world and you can see that charlie tries to like brush it off and says "it's not like we're officially dating or anything" and you can see that subtle look of dejection in his face and then NICKS FACE!! ouch!! like you can see (in pic 3 above^) how sad he is that charlie said that, and nick can tell that charlie wants to be more than just a secret and to be official but nick isn't ready for that yet and he's just upset with himself that he can't give that to charlie
brb will be thinking about nicks sad face for the next 3-5 business days
PART TWO
let's start with the obvious of nick being the one to confess his feelings first !!!! OH BOY like that must have been such a big moment for him and yet he says it with such confidence. whilst he's having this internal sexuality crisis and he's unsure of who he is, the one thing he is sure of is that he likes charlie!! secondly we move onto charlies reaction. his face literally lights up at nicks confession, like he is so unbelievably shocked that The Nick Nelson(TM) told him he likes him ???? even after all this time they've been kissing and hanging out. bless his heart!! this whole thing is doubly upsetting when you remember how ben treated him, he probably doesn't think anyone would/could ever like him so for nick to say this to him is probably the best thing to happen to him
AND THEN we move onto nick saying "wasn't that obvious" i could write a 1k word essay alone on this line but i'll keep it brief. OH MY GOD. he just swoops in being his usual flirty and charming self and he has that little smirk. I CANNOT COPE WITH THE LOOK ON HIS FACE he's so utterly charming and the way kit delivers this line is just so spot on. there's just absolutely no doubt in his voice at all when he says it. like yes ?????? obviously i like you ?????
PART THREE
so then nick just comes along and asks "do you like me?" back and he says it in such a soft way, like he's nervous for charlies response (lol. dw baby it's okay). you can just about hear the sort of cautious tone in his voice as he asks it as if charlie would say anything other than yes.
and then charlies little face lights tf up!!!!!! and he's leaning into nick like OBVIOUSLY I LIKE YOU YOU IDIOT ??????? he's so astounded nick even asked the question bc who wouldn't like nick "the rugby king" nelson ?????
PART FOUR
then, to conclude, the kiss. from the get go this kiss is so important !!! its their first kiss where theres a BIG risk of someone seeing them and before it even happens when charlie says "i want to kiss you so bad right now" you can tell nick is in this state of 50% panic and 50% oh my god i want to kiss him too. BUT NICK SAYS OKAY and then its this really beautiful kiss and the song playing over it absolutely breaks my heart and the absolute perfection of that one line "cause i'd find you in any world' playing over the top as they kiss is actual poetic cinema
and then we move onto when they break away and you can SEE nicks face and the little tears in his eyes almost. like i'm 100% convinced kit had tears in his eyes for like every single emotional scene in this show (seriously go back and rewatch them) but specifically w his scenes with joe. i just think it adds this really nice extra layer to their chemistry/romance bc you can see just how much he cares about charlie!!!!!!!!!!!! and then as they pull away nick has this look of awe/love/relief/i-can't-believe-we-just-did-that and you can just feel the emotions from just that one little frame. and i just think its so beautiful
anyway tldr; this scene is v soft and gave me lots of emotions and kit and joes acting was SO INSANELY GOOD. i honestly need to rewatch this scene every day for my own mental wellbeing. the end xoxo
#heartstopper#charlie spring#nick nelson#nick x charlie#heartstopper series#kit connor#joe lock#netflix#nick nelson x charlie spring#this is so long and im not even sorry
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Laws of the Heart (SamMatt)
For @apsiringghostmusicians who gets it!
P.S. I think I just created a new ship
P.P.S This isn't a sequel or prequel to yesterday's fic.
***
It was the end of the day, and Sam had just finished with his mission, so he changed and headed to Matt Murdock's place, who had graciously invited Sam to his place so that they could work on Sam's divorce case. Matt wasn't a divorce lawyer, but he was a great friend and he agreed to go over Sam's case with him. The smell of a home-cooked meal hit Sam's nostrils when he arrived at the Murdock residence, and Matt opened the door for him.
"Did you cook?" Is the first thing Sam asked.
"Well, hello to you too," Matt smirked. He wasn't wearing his glasses, and this was the first time Sam had seen his light brown eyes. "And no, that would be my friend, Foggy. He cooked for us."
"He really didn't have to," Sam replied as he entered the apartment and put his jacket up on the hook, leaving him in his navy blue t-shirt. "Where is Mr. Nelson?" Sam asked as he went to the living room and found that the apartment was empty apart from the two of them.
"Oh, he left," Matt replied, scratching the back of his head.
"So he just came over to cook for you?" Sam asked. "He must really love you."
"He's just a friend," Matt informed him. It was almost like he was trying to reassure Sam. "Take a seat. Here somewhere," he added, pointing in the general direction of the couch.
"Thanks," Sam replied and sat down. "You have a nice apartment."
"So I've been told," Matt replied, and made his way over to the couch. He reached out to touch the couch, but touched Sam instead and apologized quickly before sitting down next to him.
"Don't worry about it, man. You're good," Sam assured him.
Their legs touched as they sat next to each other and Sam cleared his throat before picking up the papers that were scattered on the table. They were in braille, so he asked, "Is this my case?"
"Are you talking about the papers on the coffee table?" Matt asked.
"Yes."
"Yeah, it's your case," Matt replied. "Are you sharing custody of your daughter?"
Sam felt his heart ache at the mention of Riley. "Yeah, I'd at least like visitation rights," Sam replied.
Matt put a hand on Sam's thigh and gave him a reassuring smile. "Don't worry. We'll make sure you get half custody of Riley."
"I don't wanna have to drag Ri through this, but I have no choice. Bucky is angry. He wants full custody. But I can't let go of my baby girl."
"That's understandable," Matt replied. "So how bad are things between you and Barnes?"
"We're getting a divorce." Sam deadpanned.
"No, I mean, are you at least civil with each other right now?"
"I saw him yesterday. He told me in not so many words to fuck off." Sam let out a deep sigh. "He hates me."
“I’m sorry,” said Matt. “Maybe you should move on from him.”
“I am trying to,” Sam replied sadly.
“Sam- I-” Matt started to say, and Sam looked over at him.
“Yeah?”
Instead of completing his sentence, Matt leaned in and kissed Sam, much to his surprise.
Sam pulled away and touched his lips in shock. “Matt…” he whispered.
“Sorry,” Matt replied. “I just- I like you, Sam. Have since the day we met.”
“You’re an amazing guy, Matt, and a great friend, but I’m not in the best place for something new right now,” Sam explained.
“I am willing to wait,” Matt told him.
“Why?” Sam asked. “I come with so much baggage. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop loving my ex-husband. You really shouldn’t waste your time on me.”
“The whole world loves and adores you, and for a good reason. You’re a great human being, Sam, and if you’ll have me, I’d like to give you everything you deserve and more.” There was a sincerity in Matt’s voice that made Sam want to believe him.
He couldn’t help himself, and he leaned in and kissed the lawyer. Matt eagerly kissed him back, opening his mouth to let Sam’s tongue in. Sam wrapped his hand around Matt’s tie and pulled him on top of himself as he leaned back against the couch.
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Wreckless - Parental
*Warning Adult Content*
Finnegan
We pull up to Emmett's dad's house and it's cute little one story with a dormer and a half porch on the front.
Fenced in back yard, flowers in the front.
"It's adorable."
"It's is a shithole, just doesn't look like it. Stay close. I got mugged here about a year ago."
Well okay then.
Baltimore is scary, it just is.
I follow him up the steps and notice how quiet the street is.
It's eerie.
The weather is good and it's a Sunday evening and I expect there to be kids playing, folks hanging around but there's no one.
A car passes by, blasting a stereo and Emmett pushes me between himself and the door so I'm standing right there when it opens.
"Hey, come on in."
Emmett's dad looks nothing like him.
Nothing.
Even if I imagine Emmett with short hair and no beard, still, no.
The only things they have in common is that they're male and white.
He must take after his mother.
"Hey dad, this is Finnegan."
"Hello," I say, proud that my voice doesn't falter.
It's automatic to slip into work mode.
Emmett's dad steps back and we head in.
I notice that he locks the door behind us.
The house smells great and we get told to make ourselves at home.
I follow Emmett into the living room and sit with him on the couch.
His dad reappears with a couple of beers, then hesitates.
"Beer okay for you, Finnegan?"
Not my first choice but...
"Yeah, thanks."
I have yet to see even a glimmer of his step-mother but I assume she'll eat dinner with us.
She's certainly a good cook if the smells are anything to go by.
"Dad, you wanna take these in to Ruth?"
He hands him the flowers and bottle of wine and I'm kind of surprised that he didn't take them in himself.
Not my concern, family dynamics are hard.
"Thanks, she'll love them."
As soon as he disappears, Emmett asks softly
"You okay?"
"Fine. Did you grow up here?"
I'm imagining a young Emmett playing out in the yard.
That is, if they did that back then.
Or maybe the neighborhood has always been bad.
I wonder if he still has a room here.
"No, they bought this together. He sold our house after..."
After his mom passed.
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay, darling."
His dad comes back out, sits down and announces that dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes.
Okay, Emmett wasn't kidding, this will be quick.
"So, Finnegan, tell me about yourself."
I hate open ended questions, I'm not sure what to say.
"I'm from Michigan, I'm here helping to open the Walker plant."
He perks up.
"Hey, Ruth's son works there, you might know him. Brad, Brad Nelson."
I don't know him, I only know management.
Emmett saves me.
"He's being modest, dad, he's the Vice-President."
"Oh, are you? You're young."
Yes, I am. I hear that a lot.
I'm nodding slightly when Emmett says...
"So that tells you how good he is."
His dad laughs.
"True, true. Well good job, that's a good start in life."
"What about you, Mr. Locke, what do you do for work?"
Seems a safe subject.
"I work for the Social Security admin over in Woodlawn. Been there, what is it now? Almost thirty years I think. Started in the mail room, worked my way up. Lot of changes since then, place sure has grown. Tried to get Emmett in but after Iraq he couldn't handle a desk job."
"Dad," Emmett warns.
"Well you couldn't."
Thankfully Ruth appears and announces that dinner is ready and what a dinner it is.
It's the Sunday dinner that you see in old movies.
The table is laden with food, including a whole roast and at least four sides.
I'm pretty sure the rolls are homemade and I can see both something apple and a chocolate cake still sitting on the counter.
I need to save a bit of room.
"Ma'am, this is a feast," I say honestly.
"I hope you didn't go to any of this trouble for me."
We haven't been introduced so calling her 'Ruth' seems a stretch.
"Oh I do this every Sunday although I admit I did do an extra dessert since you boys were coming. We're always glad to have you, Emmett, and your friends. Call me Ruth, please."
Friends.
Do they know we're together?
I'm sure as hell not gonna be the one to tell them.
"Well thank you Ruth, this is wonderful."
"I'll send some home with you."
She's true to her word and half an hour later we manage to sort of fall into the car because we're too stuffed to move.
There's a whole box full of food in the back seat.
"I may never eat again," I tell Emmett.
"Me neither. Let's get home and out of the pants, that might help."
"Sounds good."
We don't talk much on the way home because I can't breathe deeply enough to have enough air to talk.
I look out the window while Emmett drives and it's nice.
Comfortable.
Easy.
We get home, manage to make room in the fridge for the leftovers and get out of anything that doesn't have an elastic waist.
"Emmett?"
"Yeah?"
"Do they know about us? It's okay either way, I just..."
"I caught that too. My dad knows, for sure. I assumed he told Ruth but maybe he didn't. Or maybe she was trying to be polite or not overstep or something, I don't know her well enough to know how she feels about it darling, sorry."
"No worries, I just wondered. Probably wouldn't have given us so much food if she hated me."
"You might be right. You definitely made a good impression, Finn, you're good with people. So, you have an early morning and a big day tomorrow. What would you like to do tonight? Cartoon and then another chapter?"
I don't need it tonight like I sometimes do but it sounds good and I should fill up my 'relax' tank before the week starts.
I'm not sure how long it'll be before I can free up an evening to spend with him.
"That sounds amazing, Emmett. If you have things to do I can just chill." "I'll be back in ten minutes and I'll be all yours. Find something to watch and get comfy."
"Okay... Emmett?"
He's halfway up the stairs.
"Yeah?"
"Just in case I forget to tell you later, I'm really looking forward to breakfast tomorrow."
He leans over, his hair cascading down around his face but I can still see his wicked grin.
"I didn't know you liked blueberry muffins so much."
I grab a pillow and hurl it towards him.
"Missed."
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Week 26: "Every time I suggest something we shouldn't do, you think about it really hard"
Phew whee! The roller coaster never ends. I'm not even sure what I did this week, but that hasn't stopped cool stuff from happening so I guess that's fine!
We've had a lot of lessons cancel on us (or just not show up) and we aren't very good at recalibrating when that happens. To be perfectly honest, most of the week felt like a lot of wheel spinning. But hey, that turned into a lesson about how perception isn't always reality because at church on Sunday there were more people than I've ever seen in Kalkaska! It's the first time our chapel hasn't felt empty. I felt the Spirit in the room for sure, and it was such a nice surprise.
The biggest highlight of the week came on Thursday night, when our elder's quorum president called us late and told us he needed us to help a family move in! He said there would be a mom and four kids...dear friends I cannot tell you the elation we experienced as we heard him say we were getting some youth. Youth are the future, and we ain't got none of 'em. When we met them we found out that the grandparents are moving back to Kalkaska too! They are really awesome, and it was a huge blow to the branch when they left a few years ago. Apparently the kids and mom haven't been to church in a really long time, so we're so glad they're trying to come back!
The funniest thing to happen this week also came on Thursday. We had our first one on one interviews with President Peckham scheduled in Gaylord (yes, that is a real town and people somehow say it without sniggering) but when we arrived there was nobody but the Cadillac sisters there. Eventually another companionship arrived...and then nothing. After about an hour of waiting and being confused, one of the assistants informed us that President Peckham had gone to the wrong city, and was still an hour out. So we all went to Taco Bell. It was one of those moments where you just wonder how you got there..."Taco Bell at 11 AM in Gaylord, Michigan" is not a circumstance I ever in my life expected to be in. By the time we returned to the meetinghouse several other missionaries had arrived, including my homies Sister Abegglen and Elder Wilchek. Hanging out with the zone is always a great time, and I was grateful for the opportunity.
And last but not least for this week...transfer calls were received on Sunday! I will be remaining in Kalkaska for the rest of the summer with Elder Sines. That is all fine and dandy, but there were unfortunately some casualties. Elder Gray (my district leader) is being sent way downstate to South Haven, and Elder Nelson (my zone leader who has followed me the entire mission so far) has been banished to Kalamazoo. It's a tremendous tragedy, so we got special permission to go to Traverse City to celebrate Elder Nelson's birthday together today. That really stinks for me, I've probably bonded with those two more than anyone else and they're both nearing the end of their missions so it's unlikely I'll see them again.
In addition to all that, Sister Abegglen is training again, and her current trainee will be training too! The training-out-of-being-trained trend is absurd but I'm actually pretty hyped because that's double the chances of someone I know being assigned to train Sister Clanton, a friend of mine from Vancouver who will be joining us in the great Michigan Lansing Mission this week!
Oh yeah and Elder Wilchek is training too, so I'm gonna be a brother! Pretty epic stuff. It's a bit weird that my kid is going to be more senior than my brother, but whatever.
I still have to drive to TC today, so that's all folks. Love you.
-Elder Beren Mowrer
Hey, you actually looked at my pictures! Good job. Just for that I'll tell you that my title this week was from our weekly companion inventory...when I asked for constructive criticism from Elder Sines "Every time I suggest something we shouldn't do, you think about it really hard" was his response. *facepalm*
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Oh goody , prompts yeah 🙌🤗
Mortchreid and a shower of angst if you want 👉👈
Thank you ☺
Eeee! Thank you for the ask! I had a lot of fun writing this, as painful as it was, hope you enjoy it 💙
First work in my 50 Tropes till Winter series/challenge:
Ravens and Doves
2008w | G | Aaron Hotchner/Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Additional Tags:
Established Relationship, Polyamory, Grief/Mourning, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Episode Related, Episode: s10e13 Nelson's Sparrow
Part 1 of 50 Tropes till Winter (Criminal Minds)
Summary:
"Grief is a most peculiar thing; we're so helpless in the face of it. It's like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it."
—Arthur Golden.
Post S10E13, Nelson's Sparrow; they are all grieving in their own way but when Spencer breaks down, they find strength in each other yet again.
Read here on AO3, or under the read more.
They're eating on the couch, Chinese takeout they've torn through in so little time Derek wishes he'd ordered a couple more things for later — he can see it from here, the way Aaron will get back up in a couple of hours, looking for a snack.
"We always do this," he says, putting his empty box and chopsticks on the coffee table as he sits back against the arm of the couch, looking at both of the men next to him.
Aaron's only reaction is to look up from his box with an eyebrow barely raised. Spencer doesn't react at all.
"Order just short of enough, being reasonable," he puts air-quotes on that last word, "and—"
"Excuse me," Spencer cuts him off, getting up at the same time, letting his own box slip from his hand onto the table as he steps around Derek's legs and leaves the room. Aaron's full-on frowning now, and Derek knows he is, too.
"What's with him?" He asks, thinking maybe Spencer talked to the other man at some point, maybe there was a conversation somewhere between the jet and the office, or between the parking-lot and home that he wasn't a part of. He sure didn't tell Derek what's been on his mind the last few days, why the dark circles under his eyes are back, why he's flinching away from their touch. He hates it, and Aaron's response does little to help that.
"I don't know," Aaron whispers, and Derek believes him, the way he rubs his fingers together and the way his jaw works under his skin, he's seen it a hundred times, he knows what it means. They spend a moment just staring into each other's eyes, like they can share their thoughts, half-born ideas and concerns, just like that, without a word. They generally can, but they're both too worried it seems. Derek extends a hand on the couch between them, palm up right where Spencer sat too straight a moment before.
"Let's go see if he'll talk to us, hm?"
Aaron takes his hand and nods. When they get up, Derek steals a quick kiss, as much affection as reassurance. Aaron squeezes his hand just as Derek pushes his hair away from his forehead, and there they go, into the hallway and down to their bedroom. Another deep breath and Derek opens the door, unsure what they'll find behind it. He tells himself not to tense up like he does in the field, when they clear a residence or a warehouse. It's ridiculous, but it doesn't matter — it only takes a second to realize Spencer is not in bed, and another for Derek to finally register the sound of the shower running.
Aaron drops his hand to go knock on the bathroom door, standing close enough that his foot bumps against the bottom of it.
"Spencer?"
Derek hates how worried he sounds, and not just because he feels the same but because if it were up to him, neither of the men he loves would ever feel this way—
"Spence, are you okay?" Aaron tries again, and then when there's no response and he looks back at Derek, his frown deepening, he adds, louder, "Can we come in?"
Aaron's expression is downright dark when a minute has passed and no response has come from inside the bathroom. He tries the door handle, and lets out an explosive sigh when it's of course locked. Their eyes meet again when Aaron knocks louder, and then stops all at once, pressing his back against the door and his palm to his face, rubbing roughly.
"Do your thing?" He asks, biting his bottom lip in that way he does when he's sort of nervous, sort of self-conscious, but it's all overridden by how worried he is. Has to be if he's asking him to knock down doors inside their own apartment.
"You sure?" Derek asks anyway, because he has to. He laughs an unhappy kind of chuckle when Aaron's only answer is to step away from the door, glaring at it like it's offended him personally. "Fine. Guess it'll give me something to do when we're not out on cases, huh?"
The noise it makes, wood splintering as the frame cracks, bends and bursts, is deafening in the quiet of their home, the silence of their concern. Derek steadies the door before it can go and break the tile on the wall, and his eyes widen when he finally sees Spencer. He doesn't have a wise line left in him, not a trace of humor when he takes in the sight of his boyfriend folded over himself in the shower, naked boniness trembling as water pours over him, his wet hair hiding his face.
Aaron's the first to move, all clothed that he is, past the clear half-wall of the shower and into it, under the jets he doesn't bother turning off as he kneels and takes Spencer in his arms.
"What the hell?" Derek hears himself whispering. His hands are shaking, his shoulder smarts from pushing the door loose and all he can think about is how stupid it was to let Spencer come to them instead of making him talk. He doesn't stop to think that pressing Spencer never goes anywhere good, instead he gets behind Aaron in the shower, close enough that he can grab Spencer's cold fingers from where they rest on his knee.
He's relieved yet devastated when the man doesn't even try to protest, say he's fine, ask them to respect his privacy — anything. Instead he cries into Aaron's neck and his fingers twitch between Derek's.
"Let's get him out of here before you're soaked too," Derek says, because Aaron hasn't moved yet, and he doesn't want him getting sick on top of this. He turns off the water and gets busy finding towels and Spencer's robe. Then maneuvers with Aaron to pull their lover out of there. Spencer lets them. He curls into Derek's arms, shivering in the fluffy towel while Aaron gratefully takes the one Derek hands him and dries himself as best as he can too. He takes his sweater off, his shirt is passably dry.
"Let's get you into bed, okay?" Derek kisses Spencer's cheek, glad for the way he doesn't shy away from eye contact even when what he sees there makes him shudder. Spencer looks lost, in more pain than he can possibly say and that's when it hits him — he's seen that look a few times before, too many times really, but the last time he did… Derek sucks in a breath and looks up to find Aaron frowning at them still, and he tells him, arms strong and ready for the way it makes Spencer's legs give out from under him — "Gideon."
That's all he needs to say, Aaron's eyes widen and he curses under his breath but that's all they've ever needed. Explanations are no use, it's been six months since their former colleague, friend, mentor was killed. Six months during which they all tried to move on, get back to life before that horrible night. Doesn't mean any of them dealt with those feelings. They buried them, because that's what they do.
They get Spencer laid out in the middle of the bed, his wet hair still sticking to his skin in odd places, soaking through the pillowcase. They lie down on either side of him, bracketing him with their arms and chests alike. When Derek feels like this, having them both around him always feels safe, warm, a solidity he doesn't have when he breaks down, but can find again in the men that make everything better, always. Derek doesn't know if they can make this better though, not when they feel the same ache inside them, when they too, felt the pain of losing someone who had such an impact on who they were then and who they are now. Someone who shaped them into the men and agents they grew to be under his watchful eye and his double-edged sword of a mind.
They stay like this for a long time. Long minutes that morph into an hour maybe, and during which Spencer cries and Derek is sure Aaron lets a few tears of his own roll down his face because he hides it all in Spencer's shoulder. Derek hasn't cried yet, he doesn't think he will, but he's glad these two get to let go in this moment. Finally. Where it's safe. Where no one is looking or taking notes.
He lets his hand rub Spencer's side and Aaron's hip, back-and-forth with no distinct pattern to it. He just wants to be close to them, and when Aaron's hand closes around his, he stops moving altogether. Aaron's hand is cold, it always is, and that little fact is enough for Derek's heart to squeeze. He tightens his grip on it and looks beyond Spencer's shoulder to find Aaron watching him. He looks more peaceful than before, and that's confirmation enough that they all needed this.
"What do you need, pretty boy?" Derek asks, a whisper of a question, "Think you can get some sleep if we stay here like this?"
It takes a minute, and Derek spends it brushing his lips against Spencer's clammy skin, kissing the base of his skull and waiting.
"I think I'd rather watch something," Spencer eventually replies, his voice hoarse and his eyes puffy when he looks back at Derek and Derek nods. He looks back at Aaron and smiles when he sees they had the same idea—
"Star Wars?"
That makes Spencer smile a little, too.
"With or without commentary?"
"Are you kidding? That's half the fun, isn't it?"
Aaron chuckles when Spencer looks back-and-forth between them and confirms, "Sure is." And then he adds, a mock-pensive look on his face, "Think we even have some Easter chocolate left somewhere."
The prospect of chocolate and Spencer's favorite franchise to deconstruct seems to finally break the gravity of the moment, and when he sits up, Derek can't help but grab Aaron's chin and kiss him softly. Spencer watches them with an equally soft expression, and Derek kisses him too — he brushes Spencer's wild hair into a semi-tamed shape, smiling when Aaron's arms snake around Spencer's waist.
"Let's go do that then," Derek drops one last kiss on both their mouths, emotion once again washing over him that he doesn't want to wallow in. He knows they know, but they go along and don't drag him back between them when he gets up a little too brusquely. "Movie night and candy, like a bunch of teenagers."
He knows they got Spence back when he immediately fires back— "Chocolate acts as a natural antidepressant for a variety of reasons. The studies around it aren't uncontested but…"
Derek doesn't hear the rest, he makes his way to the kitchen instead, grabs a bowl and pours every leftover bag of little Easter eggs they have in the cupboard, throws a pack of snickers bars on top and smiles. He's sure Aaron is listening intently as Spencer goes on a rant about sweets, a familiar one, one they've heard a million times as their boyfriend justifies his admittedly terrible diet. He takes another deep breath, grateful that they knew to give him just a little bit of space, and then finds them on the couch again, the remote in Spencer's hand and Aaron's socked feet on the coffee table.
"Here you go," Derek hands Spence the bowl before sitting on Aaron's other side. He's sure he'll fall asleep on his shoulder soon enough, but for now he just laces their fingers and tries to keep his laughing silent as they start the movie and Spencer is already rambling.
Grief is a monster they all know inside and out by now, both an intensely personal nightmare and a shared battle. Sometimes there's nothing to say or do, but be together, and that's one thing they can always find their way back to.
#aaron hotchner x derek morgan x spencer reid#horreid#mortchgan#grief/mourning#angst#polyamory#domestic boyfriends take care of each other#marie writes#my writywrites#marie posts#criminal minds#criminal minds 10x13#50 Tropes till Winter#50 Tropes till Winter: Shower of Angst
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St Vincent: “Pour a Drink, Smoke a Joint... That’s the Vibe”
Ding dong! Daddy's Home
By Johnny Davis
19/03/2021
Annie Clark, known professionally as St Vincent, picked up a guitar aged 12 after being inspired by Jimi Hendrix. During her teens she worked as a roadie and later tour manager for her aunt and uncle, the jazz duo Tuck & Patti. Originally from Oklahoma, she moved to Dallas, Texas when she was seven and later attended the Berklee College of Music in Boston, Massachusetts for three years, before dropping out.
Clark worked as a touring musician with the Polyphonic Spree and Sufjan Stevens, before releasing Marry Me, her first album as St Vincent, in 2007. By her fifth album, 2017’s Masseduction, she had become one of the most celebrated artists in music, the first solo female artist to win a Grammy Award for Best Alternative Album in 20 years.
She became unlikely Daily Mail-fodder around the same time, thanks to an 18-month relationship with Cara Delevingne, and later Kristen Stewart. Her ever-changing music, dressing up-box image and head-spinning well of ideas have seen her compared to David Bowie, Kate Bush and Prince. To complete the notion of her being the "artist's artist", in 2012 she collaborated with David Byrne on the album Love This Giant.
Indeed, she is surely one of few performers today who could stand in for Kurt Cobain with what’s-left-of-Nirvana, performing “Lithium” at their induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2014, as well as cover “Controversy” at a Prince tribute concert in 2020, with such guitar-playing fireworks its author would surely have approved.
Following the glam-influenced pop of Masseduction, St Vincent has performed another stylistic handbrake turn. Complete with a new image – part-Warhol Superstar, part-Cassavetes heroine – she has mined the textures of the music she loved most as a kid: the virtuoso rock of Steely Dan, the clipped funk of Stevie Wonder and blue-eyed soul of mid-Seventies' David Bowie, on her upcoming album, Daddy’s Home.
The title refers to Clark's own father, locked up in Texas for 12 years in 2010, for money laundering in a stock manipulation scheme, one in which he and his co-conspirators cheated 17,000 investors out of £35m. It is also, in typical Clark style, a bit of saucy slang.
Back on the promotional trail, Clark Zoomed in from Los Angeles one morning recently – fully caffeinated and raring to go. “My vices?” she pondered. “Too much coffee, man…”
What question are you already bored of being asked?
There’s not one that’s popping out. There’s no question where I’m like “Oh God, if I ever hear that again, I’ll jump off a building.” I’m chill.
I mention it because prior to releasing your last record you put out a pre-recorded “press conference”, seemingly to pre-empt every inane question the media would throw at you.
It’s so funny. It didn’t really occur like that. Originally that was supposed to be a legit green screen conference. Like, “I’ll just answer these questions ‘cos when they need to have me on ‘The Morning Show’ in Belarus they can have this and put their own graphics behind it”. But then when my friend Carrie Brownstein [collaborator and Sleater-Kinney vocalist-guitarist] and I started writing it and it became very snarky. For some reason it didn’t occur to me that “Oh, that might be off-putting or intimidating to journalists” I just thought "This is silly”. So anyway… I understand.
We're curious about your dad and the American legal system.
I have had a lot of questions about that. For some reason it didn’t occur to me how much I would be answering questions about… my hilarious father!
How do you view his time in prison?
Just that life is long and people are complicated. And that, luckily, there’s a chance for redemption or reconciliation, even after a really crazy traumatic time. And also anybody that has any experience with the American justice system will know this... nobody comes out unscathed.
You recently presented an online MasterClass: "St. Vincent Teaches Creativity & Songwriting". One of the takeaways: “All you need are ears and ideas, and you can make anything happen”. Who’s had the best ideas in music?
Well, you’ve got to give credit to people who were genuinely creating a new style – like if you think of Charlie Parker, arguably he created a new style. This hard bop that was just absolutely impossible to play. It was, like, “Check me out – try to copy me!” So, that’s interesting. I think Brian Eno, for sure, has some great ideas about music – and obviously has made some of the best music. Joni Mitchell – completely singular. I mean: think about that. There are some people who are actually inimitable – like, you couldn’t possibly even try to imitate them.
It’s a brave soul who covers a Joni Mitchell song. Although, apologies if you actually have.
No, I have not. And there’s a reason why not. Come on – Bowie. Bowie never repeated himself. David Byrne also didn’t repeat himself. He took all of his influences of classic songs and the disco that was happening at the time, and the potpourri of downtown New York music from the mid- to late Seventies… and synthesised it into this completely new, other thing. I mean, that’s impressive. Those are the ones we remember.
How hard is it not to repeat yourself?
It’s whether people have the Narcissus thing or not. Like, it’s always got to be a balance where you’re, like, “Well, I need to believe in myself to make something and be liberated. But I can’t look at that pond of my previous work and go ‘Oh you! You’re gorgeous!’” So I don’t go back and listen to things I’ve done. I finished Daddy’s Home in the fall and it was, like, “This is done” and it felt great. I loved the record and it was so fun to make. But what I did immediately afterwards was to write something completely different. But then I don’t know, ‘cos there are people who do the thing that they do just great. And you just want to hear more songs, in the style of the thing that they do great.
Right. No one wants an experimental Ramones album.
Exactly. Or, like, or a Tom Petty record. I don’t want a tone poem from Tom Petty! I want a perfectly constructed, perfectly written completely singalongable three-chord song.
The new album has a very “live” Seventies feel. I’d read that some of the tracks are first takes. Can that be right? It all sounds very complicated.
That’s not right. I should say [rock voice] "Yeah, that’s right, we just jammed…" But, you know, I’ll be honest. There are some vocal takes in there that are first takes. But it really is just the sound of people playing. We get good drum takes. And good bass takes. And I play a bunch of guitar and sitar-guitar. And it’s the sound of a moment in time, certainly. And way more about looseness and groove and feel and vibe than anything else [I’ve done before].
Amazing live albums, virtuoso playing, jamming – those were staples of Seventies music. Have we lost some of that?
I mean, I can wax poetic on that idea for a minute. In the Seventies you had this tremendous sophistication in popular music. Stevie Wonder, Steely Dan and funk and soul and jazz and rock…. and all of the things rolled into one. That was tremendously sophisticated. It just was. There was harmony, there were chord progressions.
What else from that decade appealed to you for Daddy’s Home?
It reminds me of where we are now, I think. So, 1971-1976 in downtown New York, you’ve got the Summer of Love thing and flower children and all the hippy stuff and it’s, like, “Oh yeah, that didn’t work out that well. We’re still in Vietnam. There’s a crazy economic crisis, all kinds of social unrest”. People stood in the proverbial burned-out building. And it reminds me a lot of where we are today, in terms of social unrest, economic uncertainty. A groundswell wanting change... but where that’s headed is yet to be seen. We haven’t fully figured that out. We’re all picking up pieces of the rubble and going “Okay, what do we do with this one? Where do we go with that one?” Being a student of history, that was one of the reasons why I was drawn to that period in history.
Also: that’s the music I’ve listened to more than anything in my entire life. I mean, I was probably the youngest Steely Dan fan. It didn’t make me that popular at sleepovers. People were, like, “I want to listen to C+C Music Factory” and I was, like, “Yeah, but have you heard this solo on [Steely Dan’s] ‘Kid Charlemagne’”? That music is so in me. It’s so in my ears and I feel like I never really went there [making music before]. And I didn’t want to be a tourist about it. It’s just that particular style had a whole lot to teach me. So I wanted to just dig in and find out. Just play with it.
Is there a style of music you don’t like?
That I don’t like?
You're a jazz fan...
I love jazz. Are you kidding me? I was that annoying 14-year-old who was, like, “Yeah, but have you listened to Oliver Nelson’s The Blues and the Abstract Truth?”
I love jazz. Are you kidding me? I was that annoying 14-year-old who was, like, “Yeah, but have you listened to Oliver Nelson’s The Blues and the Abstract Truth?”
That does sound quite precocious for a 14-year-old.
It’s annoying. Just insufferable. [Thinking aloud] What music don’t I like….? Here’s what can happen. And I feel like it’s similar to when an actor has some lines in a script and they’re not very good – not very well-written – so they overcompensate by making it very dramatic and really overplaying it. I would say that is a style of music that I don’t really like. Where somebody has to really oversell it and it all feels… athletic. Instead of musical or touching.
Did you put your lockdown time to constructive use?
If you need any mediocre home renovations done, I’m your girl. It was fun. I did – let’s see now – plumbing, electrical, painting. Luckily there’s YouTube, so you can more or less figure it all out. I did a lot of that stuff and I have to say it was such a nice contrast to working on music all day. Because when you’re working on music you have to create the construct of everything. You’re, like, “I need to make this song. But what is this song?” Everything is this kind of elusive castle in the sky thing. But then, if you go and sand a deck, you’ve done something. It feels really good. And it’s not, like, “What is a deck? And who am I?” You’re just, like, “This is a task and I get to do it and I can see how the mechanism works I understand it it’s not esoteric – it’s simply mechanical". I can do something mechanical. I loved it.
Which bit of DIY are you most pleased with?
Painting the kitchen cabinets. That’s a real job. We’re talking sanding. We’re talking taking things off hinges. We’re talking multiple coats. The whole lacquer-y thing at the end. That. I’m, like, “That looks pretty pro”.
What colour did you go for?
Oh, you know, it’s just a sort of… teal. But classy teal.
Of course.
Yeah. The wallpapering wasn’t as successful. But, you know, that’s fine. So that was really fun. And then I also went down a history rabbit hole. I realised I had some gaps in my knowledge about the Russian Revolution and life under the Iron Curtain and the gulags and Stalin and Lenin. So, I went down that hole. And then I was like “Oh I forgot – I haven’t read any Dostoevsky”. So I have been working on his short stories – which are great. And then Solzhenitsyn I really liked – I mean liked is a strange word to use for The Gulag Archipelago. I read Cancer Ward… All of them. I recommend all of it. And then, before that, it was a big Stasi kick. I can’t remember the last time I had time to brush up on the Russian Revolution.
There’s a lyric on “The Laughing Man”, “If life’s a joke… then I’m dying laughing”. It’s also on your new merchandise. What do you think happens when we die?
Nothing.
This is it?
Yeah. I mean, I understand that it would be comforting to think otherwise. That there might be a special place. It would be nice! The thought’s never really been able to stick for me. I would say that we are made of carbon and then we get subsumed back into the Earth and then eventually we become life again – in the carbon part of our makeup.
Well, that sounds better than an endless void.
I don’t think it would be an endless void.
In what ways are you like your mum and dad?
Let’s see. Well, my mother is a precious angel who has unwavering optimism. She is incredibly intelligent and also very nonjudgmental and able and happy to explore all kinds of possibilities. Saying that, though… it’s sounding not like me at all. I’m like my father in that I think we have very similar tastes in books, films, music and a very similar sense of humour. My mother’s so kind that it’s hard for me to… Her level of kindness and decency is aspirational to me.
How famous are you, on a scale of one to 10?
God, I mean, like, “TikTok Famous” probably a one, right? I’m gonna say – I don’t know about the number system – but I’m going to say I-occasionally-get-a-free-appetiser-sent-over famous. Which is a great place to be.
What do you look for in a date?
It’s been so long since I’ve been on a date. You know, I once read something, it might have been something cheesy on a card, but [it was]: if you don’t like someone, then the way they hold their fork will bother you. But, if you like someone – or love someone – they could spill an entire plate of spaghetti on your lap and you wouldn’t mind.
You play a zillion instruments. What’s the hardest instrument to play?
Well, I can’t play horns or anything like that. The French horn is supposed to be really hard. I don’t like to blag… but I’m an incredible whistler. Like, I can whistle Bach.
Is Bach a particularly tough whistle?
I think… yeah. It’s fast. And noodly.
What’s the first thing you’re going to do when we're out of lockdown?
I’m gonna get a manicure and a pedicure and a massage. Massage from a stranger. Any stranger.
What about a night on the tiles?
I will probably attend a dinner party.
That sounds quite restrained.
It sounds hella boring. Sorry.
Clubbing?
No, I don’t really go to clubs. I think in order to go to clubs you have to be a person who likes to publicly dance. And I don’t publicly dance. I mean I would feel too shy to dance at a wedding. But for some reason I will dance on stage in front of 10,000 people.
That’s why alcohol was invented.
Exactly! But I swear I would reach the point of alcohol sickness before I would be drunk enough to dance.
The effects of drugs on creativity: discuss.
Unreliable. Really unreliable. Sometimes after a day’s work in the studio you’re like, "I’m gonna have shot of tequila and then sing this a few more times, and then play". It’s okay but you peak sort-of quickly. You can’t sustain the level without getting tired. And then I would say that weed just makes me paranoid and useless. Every once in a while some combo of psychedelics can get you someplace. But, for the most part, you either come back to [the work] the next day and you’re, like, “This is garbage” or you get sleepy or hungry or distracted and you’re not really doing anything. I’ve never had opiates. Or coke or whatever. So I don’t know. I can’t speak to that. But with the slightly more G-Rated [American movie classification: All Ages Permitted] thing, it doesn’t really help.
What do you have too many of in your wardrobe?
I’m not a hoarder. I tend to have one thing that I get really obsessed with and then I wear it every day. Some people, having a whole lot of things gives them a sense of safety and security. It gives me anxiety. I can’t think if there’s too much visual noise. If there was a uniform that I could wear every day I would absolutely do that. And at certain times I have.
Like Steve Jobs?
Or, oh God, what’s her name? The Theranos lady… Elizabeth Holmes!
The blood-test-scam lady?
Well, I guess it was unclear how much of it was self-delusion and how much of it was, you know, actual fraud.
Another black turtleneck fan.
And – again, this is unconfirmed – she also adopted a very low voice like this in order to be taken seriously as a CEO.
Like Margaret Thatcher.
Did she have a low voice?
She made hers “less shrill”.
Oh yes. Yes!
What movie makes you cry?
The Lives of Others
That’s a good one.
Right. I rewatched that during my Stasi kick.
I’ll be honest, your lockdown sounds even less fun than everyone else’s.
I mean… Look, I had to educate myself. I went to a music college [Berklee College of Music] where I tried to take the philosophy class and the way that they would talk about it… it was taught by this professor who was from one of the neighbouring colleges in Boston. And it was very clear that he really disliked having to talk Kierkegaard to a bunch of music school kids. He was just so bummed by it. I’m trying to learn, “What’s the deal with Kant?” and he felt he had to explain everything only in musical terms [because he assumed it would be the only thing music students could relate to]. Like, “Well, you know, it’s like when Bob Marley…" I’m, like, “No, no, no! I don’t want that!” So I had to educate myself. This is where its led me.
Where should we ideally listen to Daddy’s Home?
Put it on a turntable. Pour yourself a glass of tequila or bourbon – whatever your favourite hooch is – and smoke a joint and listen to it. I think that’s the vibe.
Daddy’s Home is released on May 14
#have u covered Joni mitchell? Annie clarkson: ‘I have not’#OKAY MA’AM WHATEVER U SaY MA’am#st vincent#annie clark#interviews#marfa was a dream#Apparently#and that one time she posted her singing jm in the car#also that time at Newport folk festival with doveman#‘maybe that’s her shtick this time around’#’to be full of shit?’#’yah’#that’s hot
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incorrect quotes from my squadron of clone OCs
idk if these are funny but whatever
Buttons: I've only know the Commander for five minutes but if anything happened to her I would...
Buttons: cry, probably.
Buttons: or burn down the galaxy.
Buttons: it could go either way at this point
---
Wyvern: your question is stupid
Shipper: your face is stupid
Wyvern: we have the same face
---
Nine-Two: I'm destined for eternal suffering and mortification
Four-Four: did the General find out about your fanfiction
Nelson: the General found out about his fanfiction
---
Jay: I think it's very sad that so few people know how to properly use explosives. It's an essential life skill. So in today's SpaceTube video, I'll be teaching you how to wire a bomb in under thirty seconds. Listen up, kids—
---
Nelson, holding a camera: okay, we're ready. Go.
Nine-Two, whispering in a really horrible Space David Attenborough imitation: observe. we're approaching a pair of wild Padawan Commanders. At first glance they appear to be peaceful creatures, but they're easily provoked, which is why we're being very careful to remain unnoticed. It appears they're watching some kind of holositcom togeth—
Shipper: OH MY GOSH ARE YOU GUYS ON A DATE
*distant crash, running footsteps*
Nine-Two: AND THAT'S WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE WHEN THEY'RE MAD
---
Sergeant Stank: I thought the worst moment of my life would be when my batchmates named me Stank
Sergeant Stank: Turns out, the actual worst moment of my life was when I got assigned to lead Party Squadron
Sergeant Stank: *stares into the camera like he's on The Office while something pink and glittery explodes in the background*
---
Shipper, pacing back and forth: So, you know how the Commander is always so... *gestures vaguely* yknow, about her one friend? And we all THOUGHT it was because she's secretly pining after him from afar—
Buttons: there were three of you who thought that! everyone else knows you're wrong!
Shipper: are we though, Buttons? are we?
---
Blues: Did I ask for this? Did I ask for a traumatized Commander? Did I ask for time travel? Did I ask for Quinlan Vos to exist? Did I ask to be the emotional support clone?!
Four-Four, sipping a space margarita as he leans back on Blues' Therapy Couch: Brother, you volunteered.
---
Wyvern: sometimes I think my batchmate might have a bit of common sense, but then he and Nelson and Nine-Two get together—
(cut to three clones following their Padawan Commander around, singing I Won't Say I'm In Love while she drinks spotchka straight from the bottle)
Wyvern: —aaaaand I remember why we named him Shipper
#clone trooper oc#clone oc#these are my boys#star wars#star wars the clone wars#star wars tcw#sorry i just want to shout about my boys#and y'all are a captive audience#the Time Heals 'verse#THE SHENANIGANS OF PARTY SQUADRON
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Journal Entry #14
Yuri
Hello, everyone! Greetings from Kiyomatsu!
I know it's been a while since either of us recorded anything in our journal, but it's been a very busy ten days. There's been a lot to do.
I'm not quite sure how we managed it, but we moved out of the old house exactly on the day we'd aimed for. It was before the end of the month, and Mrs. Ito seemed more than a bit surprised when I phoned her and asked her to come over and collect the keys.
We're officially moved into our new house now. We've been here for three days, and we're settling in nicely. It really is my dream home. Before this, it was only in my wildest imaginings that I could've seen myself in a house like this. Sometimes, I catch myself marvelling at the fact we're here.
Victor's mom is still with us, and from start to finish, she's been a true blessing throughout the entire dramatic story of our move. She'll be leaving at the end of the week, but she said she'd like to come back to stay with us again for a while in the winter.
When she first arrived, if anyone had asked me if I'd be okay with that, I would've told them a resounding no, but I've gotten closer to her over the course of her visit. We need to make a bit more progress before we'll be entirely comfortable with each other, but I think we understand one another better than we did when she arrived, and now I'm looking forward to having her come back so we can continue building our friendship.
Oh, I nearly forgot! we promised you the rest of the house tour last time, didn't we? Let's do that first, and then I'll tell you our other news.
Here's one of my favourite features. Our mountain has several natural hot springs, but the one on Uncle Kaz's property may be one of the very few that has a private home built next to it. The other one here in Kiyomatsu, for example, is on the property of a public bath house. It's much bigger than this one, so it makes sense that someone several generations ago had the idea to build a community gathering place next to it.
We really like not having to share ours. Victor and I both love it, and we've been in it for a short time each day. Dr. Nelson isn't such a fan, though. She tried it once, and then declared that it was, "not appropriate to be sitting around half-naked outdoors in the middle of winter." It's still summer, but neither of us bothered to point that out to her. I guess it's easy to forget what season it is when one is surrounded by snow all the time.
In any case, we don't mind if she doesn't want to join us. If she isn't watching us, we're free to cuddle in there if we want to, and maybe a little something else. I really don't like letting Victor kiss me in front of his mother. She tends to look for longer than is polite, in my opinion.
I could go on about the hot spring, but I'd better not. Let me get around to the areas of the house Victor hasn't already told you about. I wanted to get my work space set up before I shared that part of the house with all of you, and there was no bed in my room the last time, so it might've been premature to show it like that.
Here's my room. I'm in love with how big and bright it is. I'm very comfortable in it, and I may not want to sleep in Victor's room as much now that I've got a beautiful space like this. I'd rather see if I can convince him that he needs to be in here more often with me instead.
Another thing that makes me happy about my room is that I don't have to work in it. Separating work life and home life is challenging if you don't know whether you're working in your bedroom or sleeping in your office.
This is my cute little dedicated work corner, so now I can leave work out of my bedroom, as it should be. It's got plenty of natural light, and it's upstairs, so it's out of the way of the higher-activity areas of the house.
i think Victor may have mentioned our formal dining room last time, but I'm not sure if he showed you what it looks like. On our first official day as occupants of the house, we decided to celebrate by having dinner in there, and it was so lovely that I kind of want to eat in the dining room every day now.
Victor made a stew with black beans and tofu and big pieces of different vegetables, and he made some sort of chicken dish for himself and his mother. I baked a vanilla cream cake for dessert.
I put on some music, and we all sat down at our cozy kotatsu —our low, heated dining table — to enjoy the occasion and each other's company. Everything smelled so good. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd been that enticed by the scent of something edible, and I could hardly wait to try the stew.
The only real difficulty of the evening arose when I let Dr. Nelson fill my bowl for me. When I say filled, I mean there were barely two or three centimeters of the inner rim of the bowl visible.
I stared at it for a second or two. I’d never have put that much food in a bowl for myself, and I knew Victor never would, either. He'd never have expected me to be comfortable with that much in front of me.
Victor clearly noticed I was having this small dilemma. Across the table from me, I heard him say softly, "Yuri," and when I looked up at him, he silently formed the words, "You okay?"
Was I? Doing my best to tell myself that a too-full bowl was a silly reason to panic, I nodded. Victor smiled.
Unluckily for me, Dr. Nelson must not have caught this exchange, because the next thing I heard was, "Yuri, sweetie, at least take one bite before you start making that face."
"I'm not making a face," I said.
"It's fine, Mom," Victor said. "He always makes that face."
"It's not very complimentary to your cooking."
"Mom, you don’t—" Victor began, but then seemed to think better of whatever he’d been about to say. He sighed and tried again with, "You know what usually works better than criticism? Encouragement.”
“I wasn’t trying to be critical,” Dr. Nelson said. “It’s just that you put a lot of effort into this, and—“
“Mom. I said it’s fine.”
“I really want to eat it,” I said, embarrassed. “I didn't know I was making a face."
"It's okay," Victor said. "I know you really want to, and I know you can. You've been doing so good with your eating lately. I haven't had to coax you or nag you at all this last couple weeks."
"I don't remember you ever nagging me," I said.
"Well, whatever it is I do when I'm pleading with you not to let yourself slowly starve, then.”
“When you make your mealtime face, you mean?”
“Do I make a particular face?”
“Yes,” I said. “It’s that dramatic sad face. The same one you make when it rains and you can’t go on the trails.”
Abruptly, Victor snorted with laughter. “Yuri Okamoto, you’re making that up! I do not look all dramatic when I can’t snowboard.” Then, pausing with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth, “I don’t, do I?”
At that point, Dr. Nelson was laughing too. “Oh, Victor… I’m afraid you do, sweetie. I should know. I’ve seen that one a lot more than Yuri has.”
And, just like that, the little moment of tension had passed, and the remainder of our official welcome home dinner was wonderful. The stew tasted every bit as delicious as it smelled, and I surprised myself with how much of it disappeared from my bowl.
I have to say, I've been feeling really well lately. I'm not sure what the reason is, but I'm not about to question it. I'm just grateful for the reprieve, because everything in our lives has been so hectic during the past couple of weeks that I couldn't have done even a fraction of the things I needed to do if I'd been fatigued and in pain. I need to be careful not to overextend myself, since I still tire more easily than a normal, healthy person, but it's amazing how much more energetic I am when I'm not in near-constant discomfort.
Victor keeps teasing me about putting on weight. I'm never going to love food, like he does, but recently I've been waking up hungry and wanting to eat something. That hasn't happened for a long time. I think Victor's probably trying to create some momentum for my newfound appetite, because he's been cooking all the things he knows I like, and he's figured out that if he gives me very small portions, I'll succeed in eating everything on my plate. Like he keeps telling me, if it's not enough, I can always ask for seconds.
I can't even begin to tell you how much of a psychological boost it gives me when I actually finish a meal. It helps me feel confident and less anxious about the next one. And who knows? At this rate I may very well put on a kilogram or three. I'm sure my doctor would be pleased if I did.
I wish things could stay like this. It would be amazing if I could get up every day for the rest of my life and enjoy breakfast with my soulmate, and have plenty of energy to do what I want to do. Sadly, though, it won't be this way indefinitely. I'm living with a chronic digestive system condition, an auto-immune disorder that can only be managed, not cured.
The medications I have to take to suppress my mutinous immune response and prevent my body from literally attacking itself unfortunately also make me susceptible to every contagious illness that goes around, so even when my insides are more or less behaving themselves, it's not always smooth sailing. The meds effectively weaken my body's ability to fight, so I never get just a little bit sick with a cold or the flu or a stomach bug. Even the most minor illnesses can end up being a big deal for me.
Last winter's cold, for example, evolved into a respiratory infection that put me in the hospital for eight days. That was... not fun. I seriously thought I was dying, and poor Victor was so exhausted from stress and lack of sleep by the time I was finally able to go home that I had to ask my mother if she'd come over and help us out a bit, just so he could rest. Even after I was technically better and no longer taking a cocktail of antibiotics, the reality was that I spent the rest of the winter recovering.
But, enough of that. It's all behind us for the time being. Right now, I'm feeling strong, and I'm determined to make the most of it while I can.
I have things i want to accomplish here at home, and of course Victor and I are planning our first international voyage together. We're hoping to travel during the Winterfest holiday. We’ll only be able to go for a week or ten days, but I think I'm okay with that. Plus, at that time of year, I know Victor won't want to be away from the mountain for too long. We're tentatively considering Selvadorada, although for my first trip outside my home country, I'm kind of leaning toward someplace a little less... unpredictable. Wherever our destination is, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll be feeling as good as I do now and that I'll be prepared to embrace our adventure to the fullest.
In other news, things are going amazingly well for me at work. Do you remember my company's newest client? The one I had to prepare a sales presentation for a few weeks ago? Well, it's the sports equipment company GnomeSports, and among other things, they make skis and snowboards.
My boss, Mr. Tanaka, said I'd get a bonus if we succeeded in getting them to hire us for their marketing and communications. I'll be honest; I was hoping the bonus would be money. It wasn't, but I was far from disappointed when i found out what it was. My bonus turned out to be a credit to purchase something from the company's range of products, and it was a significantly large enough amount that it covered the cost of two pro-class snowboards. One for Victor, and one for me.
I haven't told Victor yet. All he knows so far is that I needed the car today because I had to go into town to pick up something related to my work.
His new board is exactly the one that he's been drooling over for months on the company's website. It's even the colour that he said he wanted. I half thought about putting it away and surprising him with it for his birthday, but I don't think I'd be able to keep it a secret from him until winter. Besides, he'll need time to break it in if he's going to ride it in competition this season.
I can't wait to see the look on his face when he gets home from work and sees it.
Yes, that's our other big news. Victor got a job. He's a personal health and wellness coach, and he's working right here in Kiyomatsu at the fitness center. Today was his first day.
He was so nervous this morning before he left. Ever since he was offered the position, he's been worrying about his language ability and his social etiquette and whether or not he'll fit in with his co-workers and get along with his new clients. I've told him over and over that his manners and his language skills are fine, and Victor is a people-person, so I have absolutely no doubt that everyone will like him.
Doesn't he look adorable in his uniform? He can be my personal wellness coach any time.
Sorry... that's our inside joke. Essentially, Victor is my personal wellness coach, and he's very good at it. The only difference now is that we get to take advantage of a lot of the fitness center's services for free, and so he'll be able to help me change my exercise program and start teaching me how to lift weights safely. I can also get therapeutic massages for a reduced fee, due to the fact that I'm Victor's 'spouse'.
We laughed about that yesterday when he came home from his work orientation and told me that he'd added me as a beneficiary to his new insurance benefits, and had put my name on the center's list of immediate family members of staff.
"I had to tick the box for 'spouse or partner'," he'd said. "It didn't have a box for 'soulmate'. I hope that's okay."
He was so earnest, I just wanted to hug him and ruffle his hair. "Of course it's okay," I'd told him. "We're partners, aren't we?"
"In every way," he'd agreed.
Another perk of the fitness center that we can access for free is the pool, and my personal wellness coach has promised to teach me how to swim. I'm a little scared, but also excited. It's something I've wanted to do for a while, but never had the opportunity and the stamina at the same time. Now, I've got both, and it seems like the perfect moment.
I'm going to end this entry here, because I have to pick Victor up from work soon. I'm sure he'll be bursting to tell you all about his new job next time, and his new snowboard as well. Don't be surprised if he's more excited about his board than his job. Knowing him, he'll want to try it out as soon as the rain stops.
When we take our new boards up to the trails for a test run, we'll try to remember to give you the full tour. See you soon on the mountain!
#ts4#sims 4#eagames#snowy escape#victorandyuri#tw chronic illness#tw auto-immune disorder#tw illness#tw hospital#tw pain#victorsworldadventures
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11x08: Le Petit Tourette (part 2 because according to Tumblr I talk too much)
This is the most Dateline I think I've ever watched in my life.
Like why would you. Write out. A Tourette's cursing tic. In a letter. Cartman. You dumbfuck.
I love this whole scene. It's the classy version of a classic Cartman/Kyle fight.
Like where did he get a fancy bathrobe?
"Scotch?"
All of this just to insult the Jews. We're back to this, Cartman?
"It's not a game you derelict!" Great word, Kyle!
"I wet my bed last night!" And here's the moment where shit starts to go sideways.
They all look so happy for him. Why is everyone in this town so stupid?
Except Thomas! He knows what's up.
It's okay Craig, one day.
"I'm making this all up...to you." Nice save.
"I cry at night because I don't have a dad!"
Oh my gosh, poor Patty Nelson.
The way Butters uses the bathroom, oh my gosh.
Okay, when even Butters judges you, you have to question your life choices.
THIS FACE, oh my God, every time, I lose it.
"Winter is a cold time of year."
Cartman's brain: "Oh, fuck, Dateline."
Chriiiiiiis Hannnnseennnnnnnnn.
I know nothing about Chris Hansen, really, but Jesus Christ, he's so creepy in this episode, is he really like this??
"...God?" No, Cartman, you don't deserve to ask for crap.
That moment when you find out Kyle has teamed up with Thomas makes me SO happy.
Also I love the Kyle is in like spy gear and Thomas just has normal clothes on.
"Hotforboys219", "cutebilly182". I use the numbers 219 and 182 so much for random stuff because of this.
All the pedophiles just shooting themselves like, what??
Kyle looking out the window like, "Whoa," at the number of pedophiles showing up.
"I brought you some Wendy's." "Yeah, yeah." I might have taken the Wendy's, what does that say about me?
I can see Craig, Clyde, and Token in the audience but none of the other kids.
Leave Thomas alone, Chris Hansen!
And here's an early sign of Craig being super into dudes. "Do your laundry maybe?" Yeah, that's not just mere idolization, there's totally something there. And I'd be all for it if Tweek wasn't around.
Cartman hugging Kyle and then Kyle pushing him away, I love it so much.
And that final moment. The Matt-Stone-in-stereo, "Aw, shit!" Perfect ending.
I need more Thomas. That is all. The end.
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hi so I didn't know who to ask but in my psych class we're learning about adolescent psychology, & there was this unit on developing interest in relationships. It went way into detail on how the brain changes during that time, which was interesting, but ofc my gay ass couldn't relate. at the end all it said was 'it's different for homosexuals.' I guess I'm wondering if you know of any way to learn about psychology relating to LGBT people? srsly im thirsty for anything in academia I can relate to
(same psych anon) that was a pretty specific question so I guess like do you have any info or know of any links/ websites/places to learn about lgbt history and lives and stuff like that in an academic way? bc I love school & learning but I’ve always wanted to learn more about myself and people like me, but they never teach that in schools.
Oh my gosh SO MANY THINGS! Okay, so, the psych stuff is pretty outside of my knowledge but I asked my gf (she does the science in this relationship while my gay ass just reads a whole lot of books), and she recommends Helen Fisher and looking at the researchers at the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality or the Kinsey Institute, as well as The Sage Encyclopedia of LGBTQ Studies (it’s an online resource a lot of universities subscribe to). But I’d also say that as far as thinking about developmental narratives, LGBTQ memoirs are a great place to start, especially since so many of them go through their own experiences of having to confront this heteronormative, cis-centric narrative that just doesn’t fit them and their lives.
So some good queer history authors are: John D’Emilio (comprehensive, if a bit male-centric), Lillian Faderman (writing all about lesbian history, including more recent history; very well-respected; she’s got some issues in her scholarship that by no means discount it as a whole, but I’m happy to talk more about if you want), Michael Bronski (his Queer History of the United States is really accessible), George Chauncey (it’s just of NYC, but still fun), Estelle B. Freedman, Foucault (though it’s not quite “history,” it’s a kind of history meets theory of regimes of power and how sexuality got tied up in that), Martha Vicinus (I adore her), Valerie Traub (goes all the way back to the early modern period), and so many others who really focus more on niche history, so I won’t list them here. There are some web resources, but I know a lot of them are databases that are subscription-based. I’ll see what I can’t dig up in the next couple of days as far as free websites. I know they exist; it’s just a matter of having the time to look…
Okay, you didn’t specifically say you were interested in literature but bc I taught literature and think it’s a great way to learn about the history of a group, I’m gonna list some anyway and you can feel free to disregard!
Patricia Highsmith, The Price of Salt (or Carol, depends on the year it was printed) – you can also check out the movie! I find the two to be complementary (the book gives you Therese’s POV almost exclusively, whereas the movie shows much more of Carol’s story)
Alison Bechdel, Fun Home is her graphic novel/memoir that’s really excellent, but the comic strip that sort of launched her as a public persona (at least within the lesbian community) was Dykes to Watch Out For, quite a bit of which is available for free online
Henry James, The Bostonians – one of the first recognizable depictions of a queer female character in literature (not really…I’d trouble that as a professor, but that’s how it gets taught in general, and it was one of the first books where even contemporary reviewers were quick to note that there was something “wrong” or “morbid,” which was 19th C. code for what would come to be understood as lesbian sexuality, about Olive Chancellor) – free online, though it’s James at his most….Jamesian, which means it’s not that accessible
The poetry of Emily Dickinson! It’s all free online. There’s a ton of it, though much of it isn’t obviously queer
James Baldwin, Giovanni’s Room – gets into bisexual identity in a way a lot of works don’t do; on the sadder side…fair warning
Virginia Woolf! Especially Orlando or Mrs. Dalloway – the former has been called “the longest and most charming love-letter in literature” (to Woolf’s longtime friend and lover, Vita Sackville-West) and deals with the fluidity of gender and time; the latter has quite a few flashbacks to the brief childhood romance of the protagonist and her friend. Both of them are great, but Woolf, as a modernist, can have a writing style that’s difficult to get into at first (for instance, time really isn’t stable or linear, which is something I adore about her, but definitely takes some getting used to). They’re both available free online through Project Gutenberg
Radclyffe Hall, The Well of Loneliness – it’s a classic, in the sense that it’s one of those books people sort of expect you to have read if you do lesbian literature. It’s certainly an interesting story and told well, but it’s not even close to a happy ending and is rather conciliatory to prevailing norms (though even still it was taken to the courts under the obscenity laws) - free online, though!
Sarah Waters – a contemporary novelist who writes almost all historical fiction about queer women! Some of her stories are better known (e.g. Tipping the Velvet), but they’re pretty much all great. Varying degrees of angst, but definitely an accessible read
Maggie Nelson, The Argonauts – sort of experimental in form (it’s fiction with footnotes!); it deals with a lesbian woman coming to terms with her partner’s transition and her own identity during the process
E.M. Forster, Maurice – even though it was first drafted in the 1910s, Forster edited it throughout his life, and, given the subject matter, which was also autobiographical, and the prevailing attitudes at the time, the book was only published posthumously in the 70s
Colette’s Claudine series – it’s long (multi-volume) but sort of a classic – they’re all old enough to be free online, though the English translation is harder to come by
Eileen Myles – lesbian poet and novelist – I’d recommend Inferno but some of her poetry is free online
Rita Mae Brown – Rubyfruit Jungle and Oranges Are not the Only Fruit are both quite good, though, especially the latter deals with religiously-motivated homophobia, so I know at least my girlfriend, who dealt with a lot of that from her family, opted not to read it for her own mental health.
Tony Kushner, Angels in America – this two-part play deals with the AIDS crisis in America – it’s been turned into a TV miniseries, a Broadway play, and a movie, some of which are available online
Really anything by David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs – both are gay authors who deal a lot with short stories (a ton of memoir/autobiographical stuff) – the former is a bit funnier, but they both have enough sarcasm and dry wit even in dark situations to make them fast reads
Alan Ginsburg’s poetry
Walt Whitman’s poetry (though it can be really fucking racist)
Binyavanga Wainaina, One Day I Will Write About This Place – does deal with issues of sexual abuse as a warning
Anything by Amber Hollibaugh (she writes a lot about class and butch/femme dynamics – quite a bit of her stuff has been scanned and uploaded online)
Michelle Tea – was a slam poet; recovering alcoholic; fantastically funny and talented author and delightful human being if you ever get the chance to meet her or go to one of her readings
Randy Shilts, And the Band Played On – more a work of investigative journalism than anything, the work is a stunning indictment of the indifference of the US government during some of the worst years of the AIDS crisis, but it also provides a good bit of gay history
Terry Galloway Mean Little Deaf Queer – deals with one woman’s experience of losing her hearing and navigating the world and the Deaf and deaf communities as a once-hearing person – she’s sort of acerbic and always funny;
Jeffrey Eugenides, Middlesex – grapples with intersex identity in a way that’s still far too rare in literature
Theodore Winthrop, Cecil Dreem – just rediscovered about two years ago, this is one of the few pretty happy gay novels from the nineteenth century! Free online!
Leslie Feinberg, Stone Butch Blues – pretty clear from the title, but deals with a butch character’s struggles with gender identity (takes T to pass for a while, but then gets alienated from the lesbian community; eventually stops taking T, but still struggles with what that means for her) – Feinberg’s wife made it free online for everyone after Feinberg’s death (the book had a limited print run, which made finding copies both hard and expensive)
Harvey Fierstein, Torch Song Trilogy – trilogy later adapted for film about an effeminate gay man (who also performs as a drag queen) and his life and family
Oscar Wilde – his novels aren’t explicitly gay, but they often dance around it thematically, at least; his heartbreaking letter, De Profundis, which he wrote to his lover while imprisoned for “gross indecency,” is available online
Anything by Dorothy Alison
Audre Lorde, Zami: A New Spelling of My Name - great as a memoir and a cultural history
There’s so many more but this is so my jam I suspect I’ve already rambled too long
If you’re interested in film, here are a few:
Paris Is Burning (a film about drag ball culture in NYC)
Fire – Deepa Mehta (it’s on YouTube in the US)
Boys Don’t Cry – there is a lot of homophobia and transphobia in the film, so it’s definitely one you’ll want to be in the right mindset to watch (I, for one, have only watched it once)
But I’m a Cheerleader – over-the-top mockumentary-esque film that satirizes conversion therapy and the Christian “documentaries” that claimed to showcase their successes (RuPaul is in it as well)
Desert Hearts – one of the earliest films to leave open the possibility of a happy ending for the lesbian couple
Hedwig and the Angry Itch – deals with gender identity and feelings of not belonging (also a fabulous musical)
Philadelphia – about one man’s experience of discrimination while dying of AIDS
There are plenty of lighter films, but I figure these tend to also talk more seriously about some issues as well
I don’t know if anyone but me made it to the end of this post, but there’s also so much fun queer theory out there that I won’t get into here, but I’m always up for giving more recommendations!
#ask me#anon#professor rambles#lgbtq history#lgbtq literature#book recommendations#film recommendations
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Journal Entry #1
Victor
Hi! My name's Victor Nelson. Welcome to my online journal!
Since this is the first entry, it might be good to start by telling you something about myself, right? Let's see...
I’m 25 years old, my birthday is the second of December, and my favourite colours are blue and red.. I like food, naps, and taking way too many selfies which I shamelessly post on Simstagram. Some people say I'm hyper and that I'm over the top, but I like to think of myself as energetic, enthusiastic and adventurous.
I love sports, and particularly winter sports like snowboarding, skiing and skating. Especially snowboarding! Fortunately for me, I currently live in Mt. Komorebi, Japan, where I can snowboard all year long on the mountain, Yukimatsu. I'm really good at snowboarding, even if I say so myself. In fact, I do it competitively, and I've won medals. My friends say I'm a showoff, but I say if you've got a talent, why hide it?
Another thing I love is travelling. So far, I haven't visited very many places, but moving from my hometown, Willow Creek, all the way to Mt. Komorebi was so exciting that now I've decided I want to travel the world! I think I was bitten by the travel bug the minute I stepped off the plane and into a brand new environment that I’d never seen before.
Oh, you want to know why I came to Japan in the first place? Okay, I'm more than willing to tell you all about it.
This adorable boy right here is my partner and best friend, Yuri Okamoto. Yes, I took this picture, and yes, it's terrible. Photography isn't my greatest talent, probably because I spend too much time doing sports and not enough time practicing with my camera. Maybe I can improve it during my world travels, though.
Yuri and I met online, and there was an instant connection between us. It was instant from my perspective, at least. I guess you’ll have to ask Yuri if he fell for me at first sight like I fell for him.
I hardly ever do anything slowly or halfway, which basically explains why I’m here. Yuri and I wanted to be together in person, so I made up my mind to visit, and I may have forgotten to get a return ticket. I may also have given up the lease on my flat in Willow Creek, and sold my car. You get the idea. But, it’s been absolutely fantastic, being here with him. Mt. Komorebi is stunning, and have I mentioned the year-round snowboarding? Year-round snowboarding! But, anyway…
Yuri’s glad that I decided to move here too, although he was kind of shocked at first that it wasn't just a visit after all. Yuri is more circumspect than me, which is a good thing because we balance each other. I can be a little impulsive sometimes, so having a best friend who’s more cautious helps keep me from getting into too much trouble.
Okay, so maybe 'best friend’ isn't entirely accurate. I mean, we're definitely best friends, and we're partners like I said, but I think it's more complicated than that. I love him with every fiber of my being, but we're not lovers exactly. Soulmates? I think that's it.
Our friends tease us a lot about our names and the fact that we're so close. Apparently, we resemble the main characters from an animated series that's very popular here in Mt. Komorebi. I've never seen it, personally. I usually can't sit still long enough for television. Yuri says we look a bit like those characters too, and I'm fine with taking his word for it, but I can assure you that we are our own unique, individual selves and any resemblance to some fictional TV characters is purely coincidental.
Okay! Now, on to the reason why I've decided to make this journal. Even though I'd be perfectly happy to go on for ages about my adorable Yuri, the real reason I'm doing this is to chronicle my travels. Check this out!
My next voyage is going to be to Sulani. As much as I love winter and the cool, fresh air of Mt. Komorebi, the idea of visiting a tropical paradise where it never snows truly fascinates me. I won't get to do any snowboarding while I'm there, but I'll bet there’ll be lots of awesome water sports I can try. I've been looking at travel books about the island, and I've heard all the legends about the merpeople of Sulani. Maybe I'll get to meet a merperson, if I'm lucky.
The only thing that worries me about going to a place where it never snows is what the weather might get up to in lieu of snowing. Thunderstorms. I can't stand them. Camping on the beach is going to be amazing, but I'm not sure what I'll do if there are any thunderstorms, especially if Yuri isn't around to console me. He's really good at that.
Maybe I can convince him to come along.
Anyway, I guess I'll figure everything out when the time comes. I know I have to do some planning, but I don't like to organize my life too much. I like spontaneity. Yuri says I'm impetuous, but I prefer 'carefree'.
Whatever happens, I'll be sure to keep this updated so all of you can follow along with me on my adventures. See you soon!
#sims 4#ts4#the sims#eagames#snowy escape#mtkomorebi#victorandyuri#victor sees the world#simblr#victorsworldadventures
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