#the way she looks at you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

goldenchunkycat · 1 year

Text

The way she looks at me you | Chapter 1

- Pairing: Neteyam x Na'vi!Reader x Ao'nung x Lo'ak

Summary: Love isn't always reciprocated. You learn to live with heartbreak and move on to live your life, even if it's hard. But when you find comfort in someone unexpected, Neteyam starts to realize that he did have feelings for you. He was just to used to your love. But...is it too late ?

Warnings: IT'S TWOW SCENARIO BUT THEY ARE ALL AGED-UP (NETEYAM, AO'NUNG AND READER ARE 19, LO'AK IS 18) AND THERE'S NO WAR AT THE END, very clumsy/shy/socially awkward and naive reader, reader is a Na'vi but not a Metkayina nor an Omatikaya (OC Na'vi ? Like an ice Na'vi or something like that, she has a squirrel tail so her nicknames is 'Squirrel'), Neteyam is kinda mean in this one, blood, xenophobia, bullying, swear words, fight, angst, fluff too lol, smut

Chapter's warnings: Unrequited love, swear words, argument, reader is self-deprecating, bestfriend!Lo'ak needs its own warning, public humiliation, bad English (not proofread)

Taglist: @soxfix / @pwallettes / @arminsgfloll / @dazecrea / @annamarieisbae / @namioff / @nao-cchi / @tiddieshakeshownu / @yeosxxx / @miwackmn / @avadakadabra93 / @sopiasleeps / @itszzmoon / @todod0k1 / @almighty-raiden-shogunate / @dakotali / @findingourtreasure / @purplepursepaint / @artologia-blog1 / @sushibatebue / @dakotali

It started as a crush. You would look at him, at the way he was skipping by you on his Ikran's back, beautiful, proud, just like a warrior. Neteyam was the best match in the clan, and you were not the only one who agreed to this statement. So why would he look at you ? Stranger you. You were sure that he was something you could never have, you were just you.

Pretty 'you' who would craft and imagine new way to live, to improve everyone's life, adamant that progress and science was the future. Pandora was wonderful and the biodiversity too, so many possibilities, there was so much to discover ! But you were not a Omatikaya, you were not fitting in.

And yet, despite everything you thought and everything you said to Spider, your brother in arms and in misfortune, you were pretty well accommodated to the Na'vis way of life. You were not like him, you were not... wild. In fact, you were rather shy and silent, kind and attentive. And just like Spider, you waere a stray among the Sully family. They liked you, sure, but you weren't a part of their culture, even less than your brother.

So you learned their way, you tried to fit in. You tried to hunt; you ended up being the one hunted. You tried to dance; you ended up on the ground with half of the tent. You thought that maybe, with your knowledges about Pandora's biodiversity you could be a good healer; you almost poisoned someone. So why would someone like the mighty Neteyam look at someone like you ? Yeah, it would not happen any time soon, it would not happen at all. You would keep watching him from afar and imagine what your life would have been like if you were born 'more useful' - your words.

Moreover, you had been raised by the scientists/biologists before being entrusted to the Omatikaya, so some of their…traditions, were deeply fixed in you. The clothes, for example. You could not get used to the idea of running around half-naked and butt-naked when you have been taught to wear clothes since you were a child. All the more reason why you fit in even less than Spider who walked around shirtless all day long. You were 'too human' despite the fact that you were a Na'vi. The Omatikaya did not like to see you walking around their village in pants or t-shirts - you never wore anything else and Norm always made sure you had what you needed. It made you more...different.

So you slowly drifted away from the Sully and started to sleep in the Avatar's basement, at the lab, blaming your lack of self-confidence for losing your best-friend, Kiri. The last year was even worse, because the Sky People were back, and you could not help anyone.

"Oh Eywa, just go and talk to him ! It's honestly getting on my nerves. I can barely see you now, Spider says that you're hanging out at the lab when you should be with us !" Kiri growled, emphasizing on the word 'us' to let you know that she was disappointed in you and in your choices.

"What would you want me to say ? Oh, hi ! I'm that dumb girl who almost killed someone last week when she tried to cook , nice to meet you Oh! son of the Olo'eyktan, best hunter of his generation and best match of the clan !" you rambled at an incredible speed, kicking the air while laying on your back.

"Well, you should probably stop at 'Oh, hi !'." a voice said from behind you. A voice that the you two were very familiar with.

"Kiri, push me off the cliff, please." you begged your friend on your knees, wanting to get swallowed and disappear in the ground.

"Hum, I'm not about to do that. Face the consequences." Kiri wheezed, looking at her older brother as he sat on her left, at the other end of you.

"You know, he's good."

"What..?"

"The man who ate what you cooked. He's feeling better. You shouldn't blame yourself for something like that, he just has a weak stomach." Neteyam smiled, trying to reassure you, seing how distraught and uncomfortable you were around him.

"Oh. Yeah. Good."

And it was like that every time. When Neteyam would come talk to you, you would blush and stutter, not being able to form a whole sentence. You would end up listening to whatever conversation was going on and quietly disappear without anyone knowing. According to Lo'ak who absolutely loved making fun of you, you were 'a lost cause'. And you knew that you were a lost cause, you just could not do anything about it.

"Bro, why don't you just tell her ?"

"What ?"

"It's mean, you know that she's head over heels for you. We all know it." Lo'ak rolled his eyes, annoyed at his older brother for acting like he did not know what he was talking about. "I don't know what's going on in your head but if you don't like her you should just tell her."

"Yeah."

Neteyam did not like being reprimanded by his younger brother but even he could tell that he was unfair with you. He was nice, just like he was to anyone else, but he should not, knowing well that you had feelings for him. He was far from stupid, he always noticed the way your freckles would glow whenever he would smile at you, the way you would stumble over your own feet when he would help you climb a rock. He thought that you were cute. But that's it. He felt bad for not being able to reciprocate your feelings, but he was not in love with you. He had to take care of his family, he had to improve his skills in order to become a great leader, just like his father.

The boy knew that he had to talk to you, and the sooner the better. But he couldn't bring himself to break your heart.

"We don't want her around here."

"Please..."

"With all due respect, Toruk Makto, she's not one of us. Your family decided to raise her, she's your responsibility."

Behind the curtain, your face went pale. You felt like you had a lump in your throat. You knew all of this. That you were not an Omatikaya, that you were basically a stranger who was lucky enough to find shelter chez the Sully's family. And yet hearing it from someone else was hard. But what hurts you the most was the fact that Jake was pleading to the new chief to let you here. He did not wanted you around anymore.

"We can't take her, she has nothing to do with what's happening, she doesn't deserve it !"

Silence arose in the tent and you knew. The Olo'eyktan decision was final. Now, you had nowhere to go, no family, no friends, and no news of Spider. You were going to be alone, maybe that was your fate after all. Maybe the Sullys had only delayed the inevitable…

You lowered her head and walked on, your steps a little faster each time. In the distance, you heard Jake's voice calling out your name but it was too late, you were already gone.

"You don't know where she could have gone ?"

"No, and I already checked the lab. Norm says she hasn't been back there since…what happened with Spider." Kiri interjected, her voice growing smaller as she continued her statement.

Jake hugged his daughter before taking his head in his hands and sighed, "This is my fault, I should have been more careful, less…desperate."

Watching his brother pacing back and forth, the oldest of the siblings finally spoke with a detached tone while giving wooden beads to his mother who was sitting next to him, "She would have stayed here anyway. She had to find out one way or another. We gotta pack."

"Are you fucking serious ?! Do you hear how insane you sound ?!" Lo'ak snarled and walked briskly over to his older brother who immediately stood up. Their father stepped in between the two boys and their mother put down what she was busy with, standing up, causing silence in the dwelling.

"She's not one of our own."

"But… I like her… I don't want her to stay here !" Tuk cried with tears in her eyes, frowning at her mother. "And you !" She directed her angry gaze at Neteyam, "I'll never understand how she could fall in love with a skxawng like you !"

The eight-year-old girl rushed out of the tent crying, ignoring the calls of her family members. Kiri looked at her older brother with disappointment and at her mother with a hint of sadness before walking away to look out for her sister, leaving only her brothers and parents in the tent.

"Just because you're afraid of what's going on between you doesn't mean you have the right to talk about her like that, skxawng."

Before he could even be reprimanded by his father, Lo'ak had stomped out of the tent, deliberately shoving his brother in the process. Jake sighed and rubbed his face, facing his mate.

"Neytiri, I know I am asking a lot from you. To flee, to leave your people and your home. But no matter the physical differences between Squirrel and us, she is still a Na'vi. We have raised her since she was in her cradle, you have seen her grow, you have taught her to speak, to walk. Just because she has more fur on her tail or slightly larger ears doesn't mean she's not one of us. She's in the same boat as all of our children."

"Why leaving her here, then ?" Neytiri hesitated, knowing full well that she had been harsh in her words. It was true. She had raised her as her own daughter, why treat her any differently than Kiri ? Especially since her younger daughters saw her as an older sister. It did not matter how many days and nights she had spent in the lab with Spider - that is, more than she had spent with the Sully - she was still a member of their family. But Jake wasn't entirely honest, she wanted to hear the truth from him.

"Because she's different !" Jake raised his voice in frustration. He knew those were the words Neytiri wanted to hear, and he had finally said them. "It's just that- We could have saved her a life of running away because she's not like us. They would never have been able to know that she was with us. I wanted to spare her…"

"My Jake… You are good. She'll go with us. As for you…" she turned to her older son who shook uncomfortably under her piercing gaze, and then continued, venom in her voice, "That's not how I raised you. Your brother is right, no matter what happens between you two, you have no right to talk about her like that. A woman in love is not a foolish woman, she deserves your respect. Go get her."

"Yes mom..."

Lo'ak could recognize those cryings with his eyes closed. He was so used to it. After getting mad at his brother he had gone back to the place where everything had changed. The place where everything had been turned upside down many times. He knew that you were going to be here. Where your brother was taken from you. And he was right. So when he arrived, he let the sound of the weepings guide him.

"Hey, crybaby."

"Leave me alone…" you whined, the words coming out of your mouth unintelligibly, causing Lo'ak to let out the laughter he was desperately trying to suppress. "Stop laughing at me !"

"Alright...crybaby."

What he said caused another round of tears and snot, which made him laugh even harder. You really were a funny person, no matter what you did. So knowing that his brother had so little regard for you and your feelings made the young man's blood boil. He sat beside you and decided to keep quiet, choosing to contemplate his surroundings. This broken pod, this damaged machine. This place must have had a lot of value in his parents' eyes, and it had taken on even more value when these Avatars had run away with Spider. Because he was not able to protect all of you.

"He won't come home again…" you muttered, stroking the grass at your feet and hiding your face in your bushy tail.

Lo'ak looked at your small frame sitting in the middle of the clearing and opened his mouth several times, trying to find the right words. He knew that no matter the years you had spent by their side, never would one of them replace Spider. Part of him resented his mother for not fully accepting you two, but part of him was glad it had happened. Because through it, you two orphans had created a bond that no one understood. But now, the Sky People teared your brother away from you and if it was not enough, his family was going to abandon you.

"He will. I don't know how but Spider will come back. I don't care if I have to go get him, I will. When I'm old enough to do what I want, I'll bring Spider back to you."

"Pfff-" you sniffed, resting her head on your knees as you weakly laughed at Lo'ak, "You're too scared of your mother to run away."

"What are you talking about ?!" Lo'ak said indignantly as he rushed toward you, tackling you on the ground "Take back what you said !"

"Skxawng !"

While the two friends were having fun fighting - or rather being beaten in the case of a certain someone - Neteyam, who had just arrived, had stopped a few steps away from the scene, watching them fooling around. Her idiot brother - his words - had quickly found her when he was the reason he had just been reprimanded by their mother, what right did he have to enjoy himself ?

"Lo'ak ! You know very well that you have no right to be here." Neteyam interrupted them, making his presence known as he approached the two disheveled-looking young adults.

You pushed Lo'ak from above you and tried to stand up. Tried. Since your strength had not moved Lo'ak an inch. You glared at him when you saw his condescending look and gently sank your fangs into his shoulder, effectively making him push himself off of you.

"You're insane !"

"You should have had moved ! And I didn't even bite hard !"

"You should have had more strength !"

"You want me to bite you again ?!"

"You kitten !"

"Argh ! Take it back !" you rushed after the boy who ran away, past Neteyam, leaving him alone in the clearing as he watched, amused, your retreating forms. He had never seen this side of you. It was…funny.

"Well…" Neteyam shrugged, following the two children young adult to go back home.

Watching the Sully bid farewell to their friends and former clan members was difficult for you. It reminded you that no one would come to say goodbye. Because no matter what relationship you had with the Sullys, with Jake, who was the leader, you had never been accepted by the Omatikaya. You were too different.

Your skin was not blue like theirs, it was more of a blue-gray, your eyes were not yellow or amber, again, they were grayish, and your tail was unlike those of the forest people, it was extremely bushy. All those differences, as well as the mystery of your origin had created a mistrust towards you that you had not been able to dissipate as the years had passed. It was not for lack of trying though. But even your behavior was different from that of the Na'vi women. They were proud and talented in at least one field, never hesitating to speak up their opinions. You were sure that you had none of these qualities.

"Are you done with packing ?" Kiri asked as she walked towards you, a pained and jaded expression on her face.

"Yes, for a little while now, your mother helped me." you smiled at your best friend, gently stroking the Ikran's head who was following his rider like a shadow. "I thought that…maybe…you were going to leave me here…"

Kiri remained silent, not knowing what to say. She did not want to lie and let you believe that your family was planning on taking you when they had chose to run away, but she couldn't bear to see that embarrassed little smile on your face.

"You can't live without us, you can't even fish." Lo'ak said as he shoved your shoulder, causing you to crash into Kiri who grunted in displeasure. "Whoops, I didn't think you couldn't remain standing up either."

"Whoops, I didn't think you couldn't remain standing up either." you repeated in a high-pitched and mocking tone while rolling your eyes.

Lo'ak grabbed you and headlocked you, rubbing your scalp until the only thing you could feel was a burning sensation.

"Hey- Hey! Don't use my secret move on me !" you complained as you tried to get out of his grip, clawing at his forearms while trying to sink your fangs into his skin. Playfully, obviously.

But Lo'ak was used to your ways, so he had made sure to put his arm as far away from your little canines as possible. "You shouldn't have taught me that then." he laughed out loud, continuing his torture on your helpless body, while Kiri watched what was going on with a smile.

"It was to defend yourself from the bullies ! I'm not a bully, let go of me skxawng !"

"Kids." a firm voice caught the attention of the group of three. You turned your heads at the same time and were greeted by Neytiri's stern gaze. "Behave, you still represent the Toruk Makto."

Lo'ak quickly let go of his hostage and looked around, pretending to be innocent under your outraged gaze. Trying to make yourself very small, you nodded towards Neytiri and preferred to move on the other side of Kiri, far from the young man who was abusing you. Before leaving you discreetly but strongly pulled his tail and moved quickly away from him, sticking your tongue out as you did so. Gesture which did not go unnoticed by the female warrior's sharp eyes, who chose to turn a blind eye and who smiled as she leaved to return to her mother. The three troublemakers decided to sit in silence, their mounts not far behind.

"By the way, aren't you going to say goodbye ?"

"Already done." Kiri shrugged, fiddling with the end of her shawl that had been offered to her by you on a cold day.

"I don't want to."

"Just say you don't have any." Kiri laughed and shoved his shoulder, making you laugh as you tried to hide your face behind your hand.

"Dumbass."

"Moron."

"What am I hearing ? Insults ?"

Neteyam approached his brother and sister, Tuk walking happily beside him, busy eating a fruit her grandmother had given her. 'An exception', apparently. When she saw you, her sister at heart, she rushed into your arms, stuffing the sticky fruit into Neteyam's hands, who laughed softly while he was screaming in his mind in indignation.

Opening your arms wide, you welcomed the little girl with a tight embrace, blowing gently and affectionately on her ears, a genuine smile on your lips.

"I'm so glad you can come with us ! I don't know where we're going but I'm sure that there will be lots of new things and places to discover, it will be amazing !"

"At least one of us is happy about this." Kiri rolled her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time today.

Smiling, you opened your mouth but suddenly froze, your gaze slowly turning to the boy who had joined you. Your freckles suddenly started to glow as you tried to cover your face behind your fuzzy tail, effectively hiding yourself and Tuk who just beamed, happy to be able to touch the tail that she liked so much. Neteyam's smiled widened and he chuckled, taking a sit next to you, sitting closer in purpose. He loved seing your face glow, you were cute. On the other side, the two siblings were trying really hard to muffle their laughing at seing the elder girl plead for help with her big round eyes. Lo'ak tried to talk only to choke on his own breath by dint of containing his laughter.

Kiri smiled and eventually asked her older brother, "Dad didn't told you were we are going ?"

"No. I really tried to worm the information out of him but he won't tell me."

"Ugh, it's so annoying." Kiri huffed before laying and side-hugging you, "Thanks Eywa you're here."

You loosened up a bit and laid on the tight embrace of Kiri, thanking Eywa that you had someone like her to take care of you. Funny brother number one, good looking brother number two and cute little sister number three were just a bonus. After all, Kiri was the first who approached you. Out of curiosity, sure, but still the first.

"Are y'all ready ?" Jake asked as he got on his Ikran's back, his actions soon followed by his family members.

"No." Kiri complained despite knowing that it wouldn't change the situation.

Her father turned a deaf ear and took off, waving one last time to the people watching him from below. They all looked longingly at the mountains that had protected and sheltered them. They flew over the forest and remembered the places where they had played, the childhood they had enjoyed. But it had all been taken away by something Jake knew all too well, human greed. Now they had to find refuge elsewhere. Far from everything they had ever known.

As you reached the shore, you watched, saddened, the looks on the family's faces. Your gaze turned to your best friend who had tearful eyes, sorrow clear on her face as she seemed to say goodbye at the forest one last time. Lo'ak, back straight, did not seem to be hurting as much as the rest of his family. You could see that he was moved, but you would not blame him for not mourning a place where people had been so mean and distant to him. Conversely, the expression on Neteyam's face surprised you. He had an iron grip on his mount's equipment and his jaw was clenched. He watched his home disappear out of the corner of his eye and you could have sworn you saw his eyes shining with unshed tears. It was hard for them, of course. But it was even harder for their mother, who had lived here longer than any of them. She just looked away, refusing to believe that this was a farewell. Jake, like you, frowned at the sad scenery that was playing out before him. But it was his role. A father had to protect his family.

You spent days and nights flying over the landscapes of Pandora. Mountains, deserts, coasts, oceans. You had spent nights huddled around the fire in the hope of warming up, after telling each other stories of adventures each had experienced - Tuk's were the most amusing, while Neytiri's were the most fascinating and enriching. They told of the adventures of a warrior, when her clan was fighting against the sky people, when she had ridden the big Thanator. When she told her adventures, you could not help but look at her with shining eyes. Neytiri was strong and formidable, an admirable person, indeed. You could not help but look up to her, you were so different.

After spending nights crying in silence, hoping no one would notice you snuggled up in your hide, and days dozing on the back of your Ikran, nearly falling into the infinite water below you, you were proud to say you had crossed 'mountains and tides' to get here. At this place where Jake wanted them to go. You had crossed an imposing coral reef, with natural pools and strange inhabitants, and then flew around the village to alert everyone of your presence. You were not to be seen as enemies. At least, that's what you thought, after your strange parade.

You and the Sullys ordered your Ikrans to land on the edge of a beach, facing the largest tent and everyone who had gathered to see who dared to trespass on their village. On wobbly legs, you stepped onto the ground and, immediately, your eyes widened at the feel of the sand beneath your feet, your tail wagging like a happy cat's behind you. It was the first time you had touched the strange gritty thing under your feet. Of course, the Sully kids often went exploring, but whenever you strayed too far from the lab, you turned around, refusing to go any further. So, before leaving the forest, you had never seen a beach and you had never touched sand.

"Warm..."

"I would rather say hot." Lo'ak whined as he followed you, stopping at your right, Neteyam right next to him while Kiri stood on your other side.

"Well, get used to it, it's our home now. I guess." Kiri whispered, eyeing the others, just like you, mentally taking notes of everything that made them different from her friend and her family.

Their tails, their hands, even their clothes. Everything was different from what you all were used to. But you two were far too tired to enjoy it. Especially now that you were surrounded, and the other Na'vis did not look happy.

The crowd parted to let two young boys who were probably your age past. They passed Jake and Neytiri without even greeting them - not that they cared as they were too busy trying to calm the crowd - and headed to Neteyam's side, not even trying to hide their hostility. The two Sully respectfully greeted the other two who merely walked behind them, glaring at their wagging tails. You stifled a laugh in the palm of your hand at the sight of Neteyam's surprised expression. It was obvious that these boys had not come here with the idea of making friends. To your dismay, this little noise was enough to attract the attention of the taller boy, who frowned at the sight of you. He nudged his friend's side, pointing with his head at your imposing bushy tail.

The two boys snickered and approached your distressed form, who had round eyes, like a deer in the headlights. The three Sully watched the scene unfold in slow motion, ready to pounce on them if they bothered you; the taller boy reached for your extra appendage, ignoring your obvious discomfort, but just as he was seconds away from grabbing it, a girl appeared, smacking his hand and scolding him.

Lo'ak relaxed and quietly approached you, noticing that you had wrapped your tail around your hips like a belt. He took one last look at the trio before paying attention to what was happening in front of him. The leader of the clan arrived and each of the Sully's greeted him respectfully, the boys receiving a glare from Neytiri who silently told them to behave.

"Tonowari." Jake greeted the leader, solemnly, trying to be friendly despite the urge of his situation.

"Jake Sully." Tonowari greeted back, nodding to Neytiri, acknowledging her presence. "What brings you here ?"

"I come to ask for asylum for me and my family."

The rest of the conversation was just background noise for you, who were clutching your tail tightly in your hands, looking a few times behind your back at the three young adults. Your gaze met several times that of the boy with the bun. You could swear he had not looked away from you since the beginning, as you felt a piercing gaze on the back of your head. Repeating to yourself to ignore him, you closed your eyes tightly and accidentally bumped into Lo'ak, who looked at you, confused, before bumping back into you. Frowning, you pushed him a little harder, earning a glare from him as he suppressed his urge to pull your furry ears for fear of being severely reprimanded by his parents. So he contented himself with looking at the satisfied expression on your face, relieved to see you release your hold on your tail.

"-they're different from us." a woman said, bypassing Jake and Neytiri to examine Tuk's slender tail, before striding over to Kiri, grabbing her hand and looking at her five fingers with what looked like disgust. "They have demon blood…"

Kiri forcibly removed her hand from hers, clearly displeased. The pregnant woman overtook you and grabbed Lo'ak's hand, putting a show in front of her people to show his fingers, humiliating him publicly, under the helpless look of his brothers and sisters.

"Me too ! Look, Ronal, look at my hand ! Five fingers !" Jake raised his hand high, using himself as an example.

"Um… And besides, you brought… a pet ? A distraction ?" the woman directed her gaze at your small silhouette next to Lo'ak, who, under the pressure of the stares, tried to hid behind him. "What's that ? What's that tail going to be used for, cleaning up ?"

Humiliated, the target of the mockeries, you, felt your face heat up and your freckles light up. Knowing full well that what Ronal was waiting for was a reaction from one of them to justify her refusal to host you all, you remained silent and bit your lip, lowering your eyes so that no one would see your eyes glistening with tears.

You were sensitive. Your relationships with your peers had not always been peaceful. There was a time when just a reproachful look could make you cry. All the more reason why your friendship with Lo'ak had surprised many. The boy only teased you all day long, laughing at the way your tail would ruffle when you were upset. But, thanks to him, you had also made tremendous progress. But perhaps, in this village you would regress. You were sure of it considering the turn of events.

Feeling Lo'ak move next to her, you looked up at him to see a frown on his face, as he glared at the chief's wife. Knowing full well he was about to do or say something stupid, you grabbed his tail, as you were so used to do when you wanted to warn him about something, or prevent him from doing something stupid. Apparently, Neteyam had the same idea because his hand landed a few milliseconds later on yours. You two looked at each other briefly, and then you quickly pulled your hand out from under Neteyam's. Now you had another reason to be embarrassed. But this time, instead of holding back your tears, you had to hold back your screams of joy. You had just touched your crush's hand, it was a memorable moment, unforgettable. It had not taken much to divert your attention from the laughs of the other Na'vi.

By the time you had recovered from the physical contact with your best friend's brother, the tension in the air had increased - by the time Neytiri had spoken, and then subsided as Ronal and Tonowari gave in to Jake's request. Blinking once and then twice, completely lost as you were just coming out of your own little world, you were greeted by the sight of the girl who had scolded the two boys, smiling as she asked you to follow her.

Following the march, the family moved towards the tents which were a bit further from the main tent. Kiri and you couldn't help but look around, ignoring the looks of others - or not being aware of it in your case, amazed by what was in front of you. Stretches of water as far as the eye could see, racks filled with fish instead of meat, fish that none of you had ever seen before. Everything was strange and different, yet so fascinating.

"Maybe after we settle in we could go exploring…?" you asked softly to Kiri who nodded.

"I'm coming with you." Lo'ak turned around and said, slowing down so he could be at your level.

"You're not invited." you answered, sticking your tongue out at him while grabbing Kiri's arm, using her as a shield the moment Lo'ak had taken a step in your direction.

The three young adults tried their best to stifle their antics for fear of incurring Jake's wrath. Minutes later, Tuk joined them teasing her big brother with her sisters. Gradually, the volume began to increase and the shoving became harder while Tuk enjoyed jumping on the bouncing net path. They attracted the attention of villagers, which in turn attracted the attention of Jake, who turned at full speed in their direction, already preparing to scold them. Neytiri stopped him before he could open his mouth, putting her hand on his forearm and shaking her head.

"They are young, they still have a lot to learn and now even more. Don't prohibit them from having fun."

Jake fell silent and watched his little family from afar, watching them trying to stifle their laughter at the sight of Lo'ak getting his tail pulled by Tuk, who had made it her duty to defend you. He smiled softly and continued on his way, telling himself that some amusement after this long journey could not hurt anyone.

Neytiri nodded to herself, satisfied with her mate's choice. As she was about to follow him into the tent, her gaze fell on her eldest son who was at her right, having followed them closely throughout the journey. He stood apart from his siblings, watching the scene unfold from afar. Frowning, she put her hand on his shoulder and invited him to come forward slightly.

"Aren't you going to play with them ?"

Neteyam shrugged and looked away, following his father. But the last look he gave them did not escape from his mother's sharp eyes. A look of envy, and perhaps of jealousy…

To be continued...

#atwow x you #neteyam x reader #lo'ak x reader #ao'nung x reader #atwow smut #avatar the way of water #neteyam smut #lo'ak smut #ao'nung smut #you landed on pandora #avatar imagine #x reader #atwow x reader #the way she looks at you #atwow

493 notes · View notes

goldenchunkycat · 1 year

Text

The way she looks at me you | Chapter 2

___

Pairing: Neteyam x Ao'nung x Na'vi!Reader x Lo'ak

___

Chapter Warnings:

- ANGST (bullying (both verbally and kind of physically), anxiety attack, xenophobia, Lo'ak in an ungrateful brother, Neteyam is a meany) - FLUFF (just a bit, Kiri Lo'ak and Reader being crackhead, jokes ?, Lo'ak is a really good friend)

- BAD ENGLIIIISH (not proof read, feel free to correct me if you want to)

___

A/N: The song that Neytiri sang at Neteyam's funeral is on Youtube, at this point I'm just torturing myself. Anyway, reblog are appreciated and comments even more ♡♡

___

Previous chapter | Series' Masterlist | Masterlist

The next day, you and the Sullys woke up, exhausted but relieved to have slept in a real bed - even though you had shared yours with Kiri, which neither of you minded. Jake gave you his speech about respecting their traditions and people, and had especially looked at Lo'ak when he told you to behave - which made you discreetly laugh. So you and the siblings were on the road to the beach, ready to take your first steps into a completely new world, different from what you knew.

"I hope you drown." Kiri said playfully to her brother, nudging his shoulder to annoy him.

"If it's after you I don't care."

As you watched the two idiots make a scene in front of you while holding Tuk's hand, you couldn't help but laugh at their ridiculous insults. They may not be related by blood but they sure acted like they were. Sometimes it really fascinated you and you couldn't look away from their whining, secretly choosing a side to support.

"Don't you feel hot ?"

Neteyam's voice snapped you out of your analysis, causing you to jump and almost stumble headlong into the sand. Like a deer caught in the headlights, you almost broke your neck as you turned your gaze to his handsome face that was smiling at your nonsenses. It was cute.

"No- I'm fine. I'm really good." you repeated, not knowing what else to say to ease his concerns.

Doubtful, he looked at your getup, skeptical before reaching for the strange top you were wearing that covered your entire upper body.

"I've always seen you in that but never questioned it, since that's what father's friend wears too. But I can't help but think it must be uncomfortable, isn't it?"

"No. I'm used to it. But I'm not used to wearing your clothes. I feel…exposed ?"

Neteyam did not understand what you meant by 'exposed'. Which was quite understandable since he had grown up seeing women and men wearing nothing by your standards. His own clothes, as well as those of all the Na'vis, only covered their private parts. So seeing you show up on a beach in a baggy t-shirt and cargo pants that looked way too big for you was one of the reasons why Neteyam would never consider you his sister, unlike Tuk. You were just too different.

Shrugging, he did not question your choice of words and continued on his way by your side, sometimes asking you questions such as 'did you sleep well ?' or 'what do you think of this place ?', or interfering in the passionate discussions Tuk was having with you. So, even though the walk was not that long, you had the impression that it lasted only a few seconds. For the second time, in a short period of time, you had talked to your crush and said more than two sentences. Maybe this new place was going to work out for you after all.

"Look at them, they're worse than babies."

"Can't even stay three minutes underwater."

No, you were wrong, you were going to hate this place. Eywa, you already hated it. When you arrived on the beach, almost panting from the heat since you were used to the coolness of the lab, the two boys from yesterday and the pretty girl were waiting for you, half sunk into the water. While she had welcomed you warmly, her brother, if you had understood correctly what Lo'ak had told you last night with passionate insults, had only rolled his eyes. You were sure you had heard him mocking the Sully's and were selfishly glad to have gone under the radar. But you couldn't stay invisible for long.

"You ! What are you doing on the shore ?" the boy with the bun had called you in a scathing voice, drawing everyone's attention to you. "You think that you're too good to learn our way ?"

"Ao'nung !" his sister chided him, a frown on her face. Slowly, she swam until she was within reach of you and started a conversation with you, surely trying to make you feel comfortable. "Hi, my name is Tsireya, I'm sorry my brother can be a skxawng sometimes. Why don't you come with us ?"

You blushed and looked at her pretty face, then at her hand that was extended to you, urging you to take it and join her into the water.

Snapping out of your trance, you shook your head at full speed, moving away from the waves that licked the sand beneath your feet. "Maybe later… Thanks."

"Fine. We'll wait, don't worry. If you need help you can call me, I'll be right there."

You blushed again but did not answered. Eywa, she was so nice and pretty. Did you sounded rude ? But from what little you saw, she seemed to be understanding, the opposite of her brother, who you knew was looking at you with a nasty look from where he was standing. You couldn't hear what he was saying, but from his friend's laugh and Lo'ak's look you were sure you did not want to know.

So, from a distance, you watched them practicing diving underwater. They did not move or swim, they just tried to see their current predisposition. Not surprisingly, Lo'ak and Tuk were the first to get their heads out of the water to take a deep breath. Always, when they did so, Lo'ak would turn to you to see if you were still watching them. When he saw you laughing at him, which you always did, he would make faces at you before being called to order, which made you laugh even more.

Sometimes Neteyam would pop his head out of the water. In those moments you felt like you were going to explode because of how hot your face was. But you could blame it on the heat, couldn't you ? On the other hand, you could not look away from the spectacle that was offered to you every time he emerged from the waves. His skin glistening, his eyes shining, his hair dripping with sea water. He really was a sight. Fortunately, he did not see you scrutinizing him like the Nantangs scrutinized their prey. At least you thought so, because Neteyam did notice the way you looked away whenever he caught you looking at him. He did not mind though, he loved the attention…

As for Kiri, you could not help but feel amazed and impressed when she was the last one out of the water. No matter what she did, she always succeeded, whether it was her Ikniyama, something as complicated as healing, and now freediving. Part of you knew you should not feel this way since she was your best friend but you could not help but feel…jealous. She was different from you in so many ways and was proving it once again right here. Even away from home, she seemed to be a genius and learned faster than anyone else. And you could only watch from afar, sitting on the edge of this beach, insecure.

The morning had gone by quite quickly and it was soon enough time to eat. One by one, the Sully came out of the water, soaked, exhausted, out of breath, but above all hungry. Immediately, Lo'ak walked towards you and, sensing the stupidity coming, you got up at full speed, trying to escape the mischievous boy. Nothing on his face gave away his intentions, not even a smile. But you knew. You knew him so well.

Obviously you were not quick enough, because in one swift move Lo'ak had jumped on your back, throwing you both to the ground. And, to your dismay, he was soaked.

"Get off of me moron!" you yelled, trying as best as you could to escape from his wet arms as he took great pleasure in soaking your clothes with sea water.

"Why should we be the only one who are wet huh ?" he said in a defying tone, muffling your protests by putting his hand on your mouth. Unfortunately fro him, you were a quick thinker.

"Ah ! That's disgusting !" he cried out and took his hand away from your mouth at the wet sensation on his palm.

You grinned and laughed out loud, not caring about being soaked anymore. His face was priceless. The kind of 'bitch what the fuck' face. It really was a 'Lo'ak thing' to do. Rolling her eyes at your childish games, Kiri took the matter into her own hands by grabbing her brother tail and pulling on it until he let you go. And all of this under the three Metkayina's eyes. Neteyam was embarrassed. He took his little sister hand and walked away from the scene, acting like he did not know you.

"Fish."

"Yes, it's the local dietary regime." Neytiri said, putting a big plate in the middle of the circle that you all were forming as you were sitting on the ground. "There's not much meat around here, unless you go in the forest behind the village. But apparently, it's dangerous."

"What can be more dangerous than Palulukan ?" Lo'ak scoffed before eating a piece of fish.

"We're trying to fit in, so just eat your fish and stop complaining." Jake said as he too took a piece of fish from the wooden plate. "Don't make this harder than it already is."

"Yes sir."

Silence reigned for most of the meal, everyone lost in their own thoughts, or simply focusing on their meal. When no one was looking at you, you and Lo'ak exchanged glances full of meaning. After years of being around each other, you had managed to create a language of your own, one that even Kiri found difficult to understand at times. Sometimes it only took a glance for you to understand what the other wanted. It was a habit that you had taken to avoid Lo'ak being reprimanded by his father for having breathed a little too loudly.

Sensing the tension in the atmosphere, Jake cleared his throat and moved awkwardly in his seat, speaking up.

"So… What did you guys do this morning ?"

"We practiced breath-hold diving for as long as we could." Neteyam replied with a nonchalant shrug. He knew the subject was going to be brought up and their father wanted to know about their progress.

"So what ? Are you doing okay ?"

"Yes. Me and Kiri lasted the longest." Neteyam replied without missing a beat, proud of his completions. Obviously, his father had to know about it.

"And Lo'ak also did very well for a first time !" you interjected, hoping to get your friend out of a situation that was already starting to look bad. "It's normal to have some difficulties when trying something new-" your voice got smaller and smaller as Jake looked you in the eyes, surely looking for the lie in your voice. But he couldn't find one, because even though Lo'ak's performance was not as good as his siblings', in your eyes he was doing really well. "…right ?" you squealed, looking down.

"Yes. As long as you're trying. But don't stagnate, tomorrow I want to hear that you made great progresses." he said, pointing his finger at his youngest son, who didn't look up once in his direction. Jake turned his attention to you and asked, "What about you ?"

"She did just fine." Lo'ak interrupted, looking into your eyes as yours widened at his lie. Out of the corner of your eyes you saw Tuk holding back the words that wanted to come out of her mouth while Kiri and Neteyam froze. All the Sully children knew that you had not even approached the water. But they all continued with their meal, deciding that it was better for you to avoid Jake's disappointment. Neteyam and Lo'ak were used to it, Kiri had never been reprimanded, nor Tuk. But they knew that if you, of all people, was reprimanded by Jake, it would mean loud cries and heavy heart for the rest of the day. If they all knew something about you, it was that you were… well, fragile.

Lo'ak gave you an 'I-got-you' look and you slightly nodded back, smiling and resuming eating your fish as Kiri engaged a conversation with her mother about her morning.

"Gotta go back swimming." Lo'ak complained when his father disappeared behind a Marui, annoyed at the thought of spending time with those weird blue Na'vis again. He could not stand them, even more after he heard them talk about you this morning. They were disgustingly disrespectful, just because your tail was fluffy and your clothes not like theirs.

"I did not said that to save your ass, you really did good this morning." you said in a soft voice while playfully pushing him with your shoulder.

He pushed you away from him and muttered "You're embarrassing." Since the light was bright around you, you missed the way his freckles started to glow.

"Stop being babygirl material." the English words left your mouth before you could even think about it and you freckles glowed as you stopped in your tracks.

"What the- What does that even mean ?" he said, genuinely curious at the new expression. He was used to some English words and turn of phrase that you used but this one was a new one. He was pretty good at remembering the insults.

"Hum. It's like- I don't how to explain it." you shrugged, going back to walking, Lo'ak following behind you while rolling his eyes.

"If you don't know what that means don't use it."

"I know what that means !" you said, put out, " I just don't know how to explain it..."

"Then don't use it."

"Oh hush."

Soon enough you all arrived on the same beach as this morning and, to your dismay, you were feeling hotter than before. The ambient temperature was making your skin glistening with your sweat and your shirt was almost sticking to your body. You really hated it, here. You really should have stayed with Norm, in the labs, enjoying his company while experimenting on new things.

"You're coming ?" Kiri asked, side hugging you.

Well, whatever, you were going to be fine. You just needed to make some efforts to fit in. Your gaze wandered over your surroundings, and you saw Neteyam and Tuk diving into the water, Tsireya floating a bit farther away.

Something felt off but you could not pinpoint what it was.

"Hum. Yeah ? I guess than I can try..."

"I got you." Lo'ak said, his hand hovering over your back in case you needed help. He could tell that you were not feeling comfortable and that for some reasons you did not wanted to go in the water. But it was fine, he was just behind you, it would not let you get hurt on uncomfortable.

"As always." you chuckled nervously, trying to ease the wariness inside of your head that was preventing you from stepping into the water. "Don't let me drown. Hold me tight."

"It will depend on you."

"Ahah you're so funny."

"Come on we don't have all day !" Tuk complained, unhappy that she could not yet have fun in the water because of how slow you were.

Why would you do this to yourself when you could just sit quietly on the beach while watching them swim and have fun ?

"Come on crybaby." Lo'ak rolled his eyes, trying to push you further into the water. But you planted your feet on the sand, resisting and not budging. Frowning at your resistance, he tried another way. Encircling your hips with his arms, he carried you in order to walk further into the water. You squealed and tried to resist, immediately clinging to him once you realized that him letting you go would mean that you would end up in the cold water.

"Don't you dare putting me down or walking further into the water ! My tail is sensitive, more than yours, it's very cold." you said, putting the emphasis on 'very'. And it was true. Despite not knowing were you came from, you still knew quite some things about your body. And one thing that you learn quick enough was that your tail was really sensitive. As if each hair on it was just some kind of ultra sensitive sensor.

"No my tail is sensitive." You heard someone make fun of you and the minute after your body and your head were immersed into the water, your clothes and your tail soaked. As if that was not enough, since you were holding into Lo'ak's neck, said boy fell on top of you, crushing you under his weight in the short time he had been off balance. Your mouth opened in shock and you swallowed water, coughing up bubbles. Before you could panic unnecessarily since you could still touch the bottom, Lo'ak pulled you to the surface.

You coughed and spat out the water that had entered your lungs, not feeling as hot as you did before. As you caught your breath, slumped against your friend's chest, you heard laughter a few feet away. Now you knew what was off. Tsireya's brother and his friend were not here when you arrived. They were missing. And now you understood why.

"Look at their faces !"

"Whoops, my bad. You do not belong in the water, children of the forest, especially you, human-freak."

You did not look up, your eyes round and your breath short, still shocked by what had just transpired. You felt like you were making a big deal out of nothing, but you could not just ignore what had just happened since your mind and thoughts were too messy. Being pushed into the water had affected you, sure, but what had caused you to be so shaken up was the violence of the actions and words you had just been victims of. Did they hate you that much ?

"I'm going to fucking kill them…" you heard Lo'ak mutter. He tightened his grip on your waist before pulling your body away from his, gently handling you to his sister whose mouth was wide open, shocked by the events. Striding in their direction, he pushed Ao'nung violently once he was within arms reach. "What's your fucking problem ?!"

Before the situation could get any worse, Neteyam, who had been watching from afar what had just happened, swam as quickly as possible to hold back his brother. "Lo'ak ! Stop it !"

"No ! I'm not stopping anything, you saw what he did to us-"

"It's fine !" Neteyam grabbed his brother's shoulder, dragging him away from the boys who were making fun of you just before his eyes. Lo'ak, in disbelief, quickly turned around to look at his brother, ready to protest, but he was interrupted once again.

"Look, nobody's hurt. There's no need to make a big deal out of it. Just...let it slide okay ?"

Now Lo'ak was shocked by his brother's reaction. It's true that he did not return your feelings and had no reason to defend you, but it was more than that. It was a matter of pride. Did he not even consider you a friend ? Or even his siblings' best friend ?

"You're kidding me right ?"

"..."

"Wow, you reached a whole new level of dickhead. And you're supposed to watch over us ? Don't make me laugh."

Lo'ak swam back to you, guiding your shivering form to the shore with Kiri's help. And as if the whole afternoon was not bad enough, Jake and the chief of the village showed up on the beach, probably to examine the progress you had made. You could not fight here, in front of the chief of the Metkayina's but above all in front of Jake. And Ao'nung definitely knew that because he was laughing out loud at Lo'ak's face, acting like you all were good friends.

"Everything's good here ?" Jake asked, looking between the three of you and the others in the water.

"Yes." Ao'nung answered, smiling big.

"Such a sxkawng..."

"Lo'ak !" Jake yelled, having clearly heard Lo'ak's insult. "Behave and go back to training."

She looked at you, worried, not knowing if she should return to you to help you or give in to her father's wishes.

Lo'ak rolled his eyes and stayed on the beach next to you as Kiri was slowly going back into the water. She looked at you, worried, not knowing if she should return to you to help you or give in to her father's wishes. You nodded in order to reassure her, silently telling her that you were going to be fine. Unfortunately, you knew that you could not just stand on the beach when Jake was standing a few feet away from you. Especially not after lying to him during lunch break.

"Don't do it if you don't want to..." your friend whispered to you, trying to be discreet enough to not be heard by his father.

"I don't have any choice, he's watching us." you whispered back, frowning as you made your way towards the sea, watching fearfully the water submerge your body little by little. You almost lost your balance when your tail, who got heavier due to the water, sank into the wave. It wasn't like the Omatikayan's or Metkayinan's tails. Yours was obviously not fitting into the water. At least the Sully's tail was slender. But yours was heavy. You were not used to feel that amount of heaviness on your back.

"Don't worry, I got you." Fortunately, Lo'ak prevented you from falling - once again, by holding your waist, trying to make you stand up straight. At least in front of his father. He did not wanted you to be reprimanded by him, it would suck.

"Great. Good work, see you tonight." Jake nodded, satisfied, and left after Tonowari, leaving you all silent into the water. You carefully in Lo'ak's waited until As soon as he was out of sight, you hurried up to the shore, tripping, head low, embarrassed upon hearing the mocking laughter of the two Metkayina's boys.

You really hated this place.

Your tail took hours to dry. You tried to absorb the water with a weird towel that Tsireya, the nice sister, gave you, but it only helped a little. Because when it dried, oh Eywa, you wanted to cry. Your once beautiful shaggy and soft tail that you took care of was full of knots, everywhere.

And now you were really crying. Neytiri and Kiri was trying to remove the knots with wooden brushes and comb and it hurt. It hurt like hell. While you were just suffering, Lo'ak was kind enough to turn his head away from you when the need to laugh was too strong, but overall he was just looking at you with a blank a face. You knew for a fact that he was thinking about how he could get back to them. A 'Lo'ak thing' to do. Or maybe he was just trying to show some sympathy - which he obviously could not do.

While looking at him, a weird feeling suddenly flooded your body. You felt...hot. Strangely, you had the impression that you could still feel the lingering sensation of his body against yours. His breath on the top of your head and his warm, comforting embrace. When did he become so muscular, so 'adult looking' ? Eywa, he was your friend. You best friend. Just a friend. You shook your head and slapped your cheeks to get your mind out of the gutter. But the Kiri and her mother could tell that something was troubling you sine your tail was wagging between their hands, preventing them from helping you out with it.

As you were still crying your eyes out, overwhelmed, whining whenever Lo'ak was humming 'crybaby', Neteyam walked inside the Marui. He scanned the room with his eyes, his gaze landing on your glowing freckles and glistening face. Smiling, he made his way toward you, but was quickly stopped by a hand on his shoulder, gripping him firmly and preventing him from going further.

"We need to talk."

You all stopped what you were doing to look at the duo in the middle of the room, sensing the air get tense. The look on Lo'ak's face did not bode well. Or maybe it was just his 'bitch resting face'. In any case, Neteyam seemed just as surprised as you and simply looked at him, silently questioning his intentions. But Lo'ak did not answered nor budge, he only tightened his grip around his brother's shoulder and insisted, narrowing his eyes.

"Right now."

Lo'ak did not wait for his brother's response and dragged him out of the tent by force, leaving you, girls, wondering about what just happened. Neytiri was used to them going away to discuss 'private' things.

"Boys." Kiri huffed, resuming her previous actions by carefully stroking your wiggling tail. You yelped as Neytiri simply shrugged at the boys antics, going back to brushing your tail, trying to untangle a particularly strong knot.

"Stay put."

Oh Eywa, you were going to spend your night here, tortured by their unmerciful hands.

"I think that I already told you to go and talk to her." Lo'ak said to his brother once they were far enough from the Marui, frowning, angry.

"About what ? Are you getting worked up because of what happened this afternoon ?"

"I don't give a fuck about what happened this afternoon. Just wait and see. I'm talking about her feelings for you. You think that just because we moved you can start to talk to her, acting like a charming prince ? Do you have feelings for her ? Do you even consider her like a friend ?"

HIssing, Neteyam shoved his brother's shoulder, pushing him away from him. He did not look happy; his ears were pinned to his head and he was baring his teeth, a low growl emitting from his chest.

"Don't tell me what to do."

"Oh so you're angry at me when I'm speaking the truth but don't react when those sxkawng basically attack us ?"

"I'm trying to protect you ! I'm supposed to watch over you, not her !" Neteyam hissed again, shoving his brother's chest with his finger at every words he said. "You can't go and fight for a girl when we are supposed to fit in and not cause any troubles !"

"A girl ? Huh, a girl." Lo'ak shook his head, obviously disappointed with his brother before nodding, shrugging his shoulders and taking a few steps back, hands in the air, as if giving up. His expression darkened and it was his turn to poke his brothers chest with his finger. "If I see you smile at her, laugh with her, let her think that something's possible between you two, I'm going to punch you in the face. I don't care that you are my brother, or a mighty warrior, I don't care if afterward you beat me to pulp or if mom and dad reprimand me. Stay. Away. From her."

Neteyam ran his hand through his hair and laughed, incredulous and annoyed at his little brother's ridiculous behavior. He could not wrap his head around the idea that his brother was willing to fight with him over some enamored girl who could not see that he was obviously not interested in her. "Just for a girl ?"

"That girl spent more time with me than you did. She protected me physically and verbally more than you did. So yeah, I would do that for a girl."

As Neteyam was, out of pure rage, about to tell Lo'ak what he really thought about you, tell him things which would definitely broke your heart if you heard them and start a fight between him and his brother, a voice interrupted them.

"Boys ? What's going on."

They kept silent, only looking at each other with their ears still pinned to their heads, their eyes shining with unsaid things. Lo'ak was the first one to step back. "Nothing sir." He respectfully greeted his father and headed back to their Marui.

"Neteyam ?"

"Nothing... How was your day ?"

The eclipse had darkened the sky for a while now and the whole village was asleep, the light of the torches extinguished by the strong night winds coming right from the ocean. Looking around you and once you were sure that everyone was asleep, you got up and got out of the bed, being careful not to wake Kiri. Tiptoeing out of the Marui, bouncing on the net under your feet and laughing softly, you headed for the beach.

You could not continue to be a burden to the family that had taken you in and brought you with them. Tonight, despite the reassuring words of Kiri and Tuk, you could not even look at Jake in the eyes, let alone in his direction. You were so ashamed that you had to continue lying when you did not even dare to step into the water since your mishap. Not to mention the fact that your crush had seen the whole thing unfold. He had seen you come out of the water soaked to the skin, with your tail between your legs. You must have looked pathetic. But you were determined to change. So you thought that, maybe, you could start by desensitizing your tail to the coldness of the water and try to find your balance, even when it seemed to have doubled in weight.

Once on the beach, you walked with long, determined strides toward the waves that stretched across the sand before stopping at a reasonable distance.

"You can do it."

Taking a deep breath, you slowly approached the water, putting both feet in and trying to dip the tip of your tail. But instead you jumped and took two steps back. The water was freezing. Even more so than during the day.

"It's fine. It's gonna help."

You stepped forward again, ignoring the tremor in your hands and the sweat that was starting to run down your back.

You can't do it.

"I can do it."

Your thoughts were no longer clear and, even if you tried, you could not ignore that voice in your head. The world seemed to be spinning around you and a vice was compressing your chest, preventing you from breathing properly.

You can't do it.

"I- I can't do it." you stuttered, stumbling back and falling on the cold sand. Clenching your fist around the rough little minerals, you tried to clear your mind and make the void inside your head.

What a sight, you were pitiful. Every time you tried something new you would fail, destroy, deceive. No wonder Neteyam would never like you. You could not even step into the water. Intrusive thoughts were running in your head, making you feel like you were just incompetent. You were failing to see the beauty around you. The glowing fish and shining stars, bioluminescent flowers and corals. You were selfish, pessimist, close-minded, useless, weren't you ?

It was not unusual for you to feel like this. Like you were not in control of your own body, like someone was just talking inside your head and make fun of your failures. It started when you were young. You would hide under the desk in the labs or at the Avatar's sleeping quarters, breathing heavily and crying. But every time, he was there for you. He was holding your hand, hugging your side.

"Breath in, breath out."

The memory of Spider was as clear as the water in front of you. HIs laugh, is smile, his weird habits and clothes. Spider. Spider. Brother.

But no one was here to hold you or tell you sweet words. Not anymore. You were supported by your friends and yet, you still felt like you were alone. Fighting your demons alone, in your head. Just like you were on this beach. Without anyone around you. No sound, no warmth.

You tried, you really tried. Maybe not hard enough. But you knew that tonight, once again, you would fall asleep with a burning sensation in your eyes and an excruciating headache. You would wake up, the next day, smiley, pretending like nothing ever happened. Like you were not drowning in self-pity every night, getting closer to a bottomless abyss.

"Eywa, please, protect him."

Your Ikran landed just before you, nudging you, gently demanding you to stroke him. You smiled through your tears and hugged him, bathing in his warmth. He, at least, was not going to give up on you. He would stay by your side, forever.

Taglist: @soxfix / @pwallettes / @arminsgfloll / @dazecrea / @annamarieisbae / @mabdxs-omfg / @nao-cchi / @tiddieshakeshownu / @hellokittiesxbae / @yeosxxx / @neteyamo / @itszzmoon / @todod0kii / @almighty-raiden-shogunate / @dakotali / @findingourtreasure / @ayanies / @kachowness / @b0rednb1tchy / @sushibatebue / @artologia-blog1 / @purplepursepaint / @official-witch-of-night / @swagiores

#atwow #atwow x reader #neteyam x reader #ao'nung x reader #lo'ak x reader #atwow angst #neteyam angst #lo'ak angst #ao'nung angst #atwow fanfiction #you landed on pandora #the way she looks at you

142 notes · View notes