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#they’re not bad parents in the way that they neglect or mistreat him or even just don’t love him
lazylittledragon · 4 months
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you know what fuck it we’re doing dadstarion
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unohanabbygirl · 5 months
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While I can see Laena in fmbh seeing Lucerys as a mother substitute while she’s at Driftmark, but what does she think of Aemond? Does she hate him because of how he treats Luke or is it sort of an estranged step dad vibe from him? Also I feel like she would hate him regardless because her parents are telling her all the ways Aemond treated Luke in their early married years.
Laena cares for Aemond like someone would that uncle who you can’t really say you’re that close with despite the fact that he’s been crashing in the guest room of your parents house since you were a kid, rather than a father figure. Far from the second mother she feels Luke has been to her.
It has very little to do with Aemond mistreating or neglecting her but more so that he’s just very…awkward. Aemond never actually wanted children for the sake of having children when Laena was born but instead saw them as something that he’d eventually have to adjust his life to help raise and it shows. He doesn’t really know how to talk with her despite having a lot in common, seems cold even when he’s doing his best to be warm, and overall is plain stiff lol. He loves her and does his best which she can see, but it doesn’t really translate all that great.
For example; if Laena was to have a bad day Luke would offer her a hug. Allow her to rest on his chest and rub her back no different from when she was a baby, give her comfort. No talking or trying to pry, just allowing her to relax and de-stress. Meanwhile Aemond would pry and pry until she storms out in a fit of anger. He doesn’t do it to be a bother, but because he feels these things need to be talked out as soon as possible so frustration doesn’t fester. Very similar to how their own parents raised them.
His martial issues with Luke do play a part in her not being as close to him. Though she cares for him, Laena can’t help but brush a lot of his attempts at parenting off because she’s very much old enough to know how he treats Luke and doesn’t like it one bit. Knows that he strings Luke along with late night visits only to disappear in the morning or act like nothing happened. She hates it but can’t find it in herself to hate the man who treats her like a daughter even though she wants to. Wants to be cold but knows Luke wouldn’t like it, wouldn’t like his own personal issues with Aemond ruin the relationship they should have.
As for Jace and Baela, they’ve given their daughter a good run down of how lucemond ended up together since it’s pretty obvious their past goes deep. They wren’t exactly the most unbiased while doing it, but considering how much they love their brother it’s not surprising. They’re honest but try not to be so “fuck Aemond” while doing it if that makes sense simply for Luke’s sake.
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Alright The show since the beginning had many flaws
1-repetitive monster of the week which worked in the first season but needed to be broken to actually make a plot
2-clear priority and power in-balance with how Adrien story would play out exactly the same without ladybug if he was actually good at planning since he can kill Akumas which seems more practical than purifying since they could be corrupted again and how ladybug has 2 powers (fixing which also implies destroying things like stormy weather ice) instead of 1 like everyone else (cat noir night vision doesn’t count since they never used it again and ryuko 3 powers are part of the same power) and how Marinette she’s shoved into the agreste family plot (Adrien still sucks but I feel if they keep character development and actually made him the one to get the development,[like in copy cat he was the one in need of learning the lesson not ladybug] I Beth he would be a decent character with a arc of being a selfish piece of trash because of he’s lack of interacting outside of he’s parents making him want to be the one in control and be he’s way even if others don’t like it to understanding others and learning he’s parent are actually awful parents and needs to make he’s own person apart of everything he’s parent are)
3-trying to restart the status quo too much which is excusable in the first seasons but when you get to season 2 final episodes,that really is the deadline of status quo in series with a plot and the way they tried to undo Chloe’s development in style queen by making Marinette make them rebound Is just awful for kids and shows this unhealthy thing the show has to always forgive your parents for always mistreating,neglecting and abandoning you because they’re your parents no matter what they do to you they’re right which is just awful and that unhealthy relation Chloe had with her mother is the cause of Chloe mistreating people shows how bad their relationship was for Chloe and why it was needed to be cut and burned with fire
The show always had weaks and strengths but the more episodes came out the more cracks started to appear (especially in style queen finale) and when there was too many cracks it fell apart not only everything to come next but most of what came before as well,the show slowly charged a gun which shoot itself with in season 3 and season 4 is just the medics trying to keep it alive after not noticing the obvious signs of psychological illness the patient had
I wish I could go back in time when season 2 was in development and change style queen finale (breaking their relationship and punishing Chloe for the train thing) and malediktor start and finale (Audrey trying to manipulate Chloe by the promise of getting rid of dupan Cheng,giving her the same thing she offered to Marinette and Chloe realizing it was all only a trick) so Chloe could have separated from her mother and possibly keep that cracked mask the show had in the first 2 seasons with a actually decent character
You pretty much hit it on the head, anon.
It really feels like Season 3 was the moment where the show lost a lot of the magic that captivated audiences, as it failed to really capitalize on several opportunities presented in favor of taking the safe route despite trying to be more plot-driven. A lot of the screwups in that season (spending time on plotlines that would go nowhere, two different episodes teasing identity reveals, and botching Master Fu’s backstory) really affected how future episodes would play out.
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bitimdrake · 3 years
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Bruce is, in canon, an abusive parent. I am not going to equivocate on that. It’s not some wild characterization thrown in one every million comics; it’s a consistent pattern. He periodically hits his kids. He far more regularly emotionally abuses them. He makes them responsible for managing his emotional state. He neglects them. He puts expectations and responsibilities on them that are wildly unfair to put on your child. (I'm in no way including the 'sidekicks are child soldiers' base argument here, because I am totally willing to accept kid sidekicks in general; I’m talking more about his interpersonal expectations, and his prioritizing of the kids as Soldiers For The Mission instead of as, you know, his kids. Other heroes with kid sidekicks manage to handle it perfectly fine.) Is he also sometimes nice and kind and caring to his kids? Absolutely. There are sweet moments. But if we're talking about a character who is kind and loving and good to his kids sometimes, and abusive to them at other times....what we're talking about is an abuser. That’s the description of an abusive parent. The comic book character of Bruce Wayne is abusive to his children, in canon, in main continuity, regularly. There is no single writer responsible for it. (No, Bruce was abusive long before Tom King.) There is not even a single era responsible for it. (No, Bruce was abusive long before the new 52.) It's been there for a long time. That’s point one.
It fucking sucks that Bruce is an abusive parent!! For a lot of people this sucks for the personal reason of not wanting a character they like to be abusive--maybe having gotten attached to a version of the character that is a much better parent before getting into comics. (I hear that the animated shows tend to have good dad Bruce, though I can't personally confirm that.) But discounting personal opinions, I think on principle it sucks for two reasons: 2a. Batman is DC's flagship character. He has four bazillion comics about him. He is arguably the most famous superhero in the world. And it really sucks that DC's most famous hero is an abuser! This dude is 100% supposed to be a hero on the side of good, however dark and gritty he may act, and it fuckin' sucks to have him be such a terrible parent at the same time. 2b. Most important to me, his abuse! is never! fucking! addressed! Sometimes Bruce is written abusing his kids with an awareness his actions are bad, but never with a real examination of how bad--and often glossing over that the people he's mistreating are his children. And sometimes it's just not acknowledged as bad at all! Batman writers vary between portraying him as abusive with zero awareness that's what they're doing (and often absolutely awful excuses like "well that's just how he communicates") and portraying him as a genuinely good dad while explicitly ignoring the previous abuse he has committed. But no comic ever actually...calls him out as abusive.
On the fan side, no one I know or have seen in this side of fandom is happy he's an abuser. Obviously out in the big, wide world, you have plenty of people who think those claims are exaggerated and Batman sometimes hitting his kids is...uh, idk, unimportant I guess? (see: dc comics official writers.) And probably there are a few outliers who think he is more cool for it. But by and large, in this tumblr/twitter, fan-content-creating, analysis-posting area of fandom, everyone hates that Batman is canonically abusive.
And as a result of all of that, you pretty much end up fractured into two groups here.
There are the people who simply refuse to acknowledge or deal with Bruce as an abuser. Comics with his more obviously heinous actions are ignored. Comics with more subtle abuse have the abuse blatantly glossed over for the sweet moments. Issues where he is a good parent are touted. This group makes headcanons and fic and art and discussion that simply rewrites Bruce's abuse until it doesn't exist, and treats him as if he is and always has been a good parent. Bruce being abusive is Bad, Bruce being a good parents is Good, and canon is optional.
And then there are the people who are all about acknowledging that Bruce is an abuser. Bruce being a canonical abuser is still bad, but Bruce being a canonical abuser and it never being addressed is far worse. So this group REFUSES to forget all those issues where Bruce hits his kids, and is far more interested in examining his emotional abuse than glossing over it. And this group makes headcanons and fic and art and discussion as well, but now versions that specifically call out Bruce's abusive behavior. Sometimes that's to force him to change, and sometimes it's to get his kids to a better place, and sometimes it's to deliver him karmatic punishment--and sometimes it doesn't change things at all, but just finds the catharsis in acknowledging them.
And both of these things are mostly fine, and valid ways for transformative fandom to deal with something shitty in canon. And when it comes to fanworks, both of these motivations lead to stories that I personally can enjoy a great deal.
BUT.
I say mostly fine, because pulling seemingly sweet moments from canon out of their toxic context and holding them up as great parenting just makes it sound like you didn’t recognize or care about the surrounding abuse. And insisting that Bruce actually totally is a good parent most of the time does the same.
Good Dad Bruce is a headcanon that’s directly opposed to canon. And you can absolutely stick with it anyway, because that’s what transformative fandom does! But arguing that canon Bruce isn't or couldn't be abusive makes you sound, at best, like you have not read a lot of comics (which is hardly a sin, but you probably shouldn’t be pretending you have an informed opinion on them), but at worst like you are actively dismissing abuse. And arguing that the people who do want to address that abuse are themselves somehow awful, mean, abuse-lovers just...makes you an asshole.
That’s it; that’s the post.
(@thatblondeperson​ you asked about this post like a week ago in replies after I briefly mentioned it, and I’ve finally remembered to pull it out, so giving a tag)
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boytouya · 3 years
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can i get dilf himbo reader and dabi (and the kids 😐) trying to name a new pet but they all end up agreeing on something stupid because it made them all laugh
𝐌𝐚𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐢
a/n: cas (dude who sent this) named the cat not me (if i did it’d probably be something like butt burglar 2.0). also adopt don’t shop!!
Warning: mentions of past animal abuse/neglect (not from any characters or reader), parenting
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“He looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.” Dabi says, holding a cat by its armpits and leveling his face to it. They’re staring eye to eye, sky blue slits narrowing as they gaze into icy cerean irises. There’s a tug at your arms, looking down you see your kids with confused faces. Right. They don’t know what that is.
“No he doesn’t, he’s adorable!” You say, patting the seething cat on the head. It��s strangled noises turn into gentle purrs as you scratch beneath its ear. Your children swoon, jumping to pat the cat in any way that they can. The cat is all black, some of the fur is thinner than the rest, and there are patches shaved away from past surgeries. Apparently it was mistreated in it’s last home and taken to the adoption center you and your family were currently located near. The poor thing was shaking, but it allowed you to gently stroke its fur.
“I wanna see, Daddy!” Your son makes a motion of clenched and unclenched fists, grabby hands, and pulls on the hem of your shirt. Your daughter, who was on your left side, is now talking to Dabi about something very passionately. He looks lazily interested, nodding along and shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He must be nervous from being out in the open, but he had a good over his head to conceal his identity.
“Be careful, little man. He’s a little scared, be gentle with him like the nice lady said.” You watch as your son nods in acknowledgement and runs his hand down the cat’s face. Maybe having a cat would be a good change for your family. You considered getting a dog, but with work and handling twins all day- not to mention a boyfriend who was on the government watchlist- it’d be too overwhelming. You knew Dabi had a thing for Dobermans though…
“He looks kinda like D.” Your son tears you away from your train of thought. After getting to know Dabi your kids started calling him D. It warmed your heart, and the first time they told you they wanted Dabi to be their father you nearly cried. You weren’t sure when to ask Dabi, if he was even ready for that type of commitment, but it was nice to know your children loved him too. They were everything to you. You squint your eyes and look down at the cat. He did kind of look like Dabi, even down to the blue eyes. He had the same expression too, looking almost..human.
“D’you think we should name him Dabi Jr?” Your son makes a sour face.
Dabi makes his way over to you with your daughter's hand in his, his unoccupied scarred hand reaching down to caress the now sleeping cat. Seeing them right next to each other is like looking at a set of identical twins, and you almost want to laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Your kids turn to face Dabi, both squinting their eyes and shifting their gaze from him to the sleeping cat. Laughter erupts from your mouth, further burrowing Dabi into a hole of his own confusion. It’s comically cute, the way he looks at you with a blank face as you laugh and your children stare at him.
“You don’t see it?! You and ‘Quasimodo’ over there,” You make air quotes in front of him and your twins mimicking the movement as you speak. “Look exactly the same.”
“You callin’ me ugly?” Dabi sucks his teeth. “Guess me and...whatever the fuck you just said are leaving without you.”
“Dabi!” You groan and pull your children into your side, covering their ears and shaking your head. He looks mildly impressed with himself, flagging down the employee you had met earlier and telling her he was looking to adopt his lookalike. The double take she did between the villain and the cat was almost comical, and if you weren’t worried she’d recognize him you’d be laughing till you saw stars.
The kids glued to your side whine, calling out Dabi’s nickname as he gives them a cheeky grin and presses his decorated finger to his lips.
“Shhh.” He says.
Looking for someone to back them up, they turn to you and wiggle around, whining into your hip and complaining about how much they wanted the cat. Your gaze was stuck on them, having to contain your laughter so they wouldn’t whine even more and disrupt customers, but when you look up you see Dabi sliding a small stack of papers toward you. Adoption papers.
It reminds you of the time you had to fight for custody of your children, your ex-spouse put in a bad word about you to the police, but it had truly been them who was unfit to be a parent. Maybe to Dabi it wasn’t very significant. Maybe to Dabi it was just a piece of paper. But it’d have both your names on it.
“You look like you went to Heaven and came back.” Dabi snorts. It’s raspy and deep, just like his voice. If you could, you’d listen to it forever, bottle it up and hold it close.
“We should name him Macaroni.” You say instead. Completely at random, you weren’t even thinking of names because, quite frankly, you could’ve kept the one the adoption center had already given him.
“Macaroni?” Dabi quirks an eyebrow, drawing his lips down and nodding with a shrug after thinking about it.
“Last name Cheese-[Last Name]!” Your daughter shouts, pulling away from you and running to an isle of pet toys. Her brother runs after her.
“What’s your last name, Dabi?” In other circumstances it would be a red flag not to know his last name, but whenever you asked he changed the subject. You didn’t want to push him. Maybe you were going too fast.
“Yours would sound better on me.” He answers instead, spinning the ring he’s holding in his hand against the table.
You miss his suggestion, signing your name on the dotted line and looking up at him from your tilted position against the table. Of course it flew over your head. He’s trying to marry a completely clueless man.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I wanna have more than just a cat with you.” Dabi says, rolling the ring over to you. It’s way too expensive-looking to be within Dabi’s price range. The diamond isn’t big at all, it’s small and simple, with a black band and mini studs around the perimeter of the ring. It screams Dabi.
Oh.
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k-comfyspace · 3 years
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Neglected
Idol: Kim Chaewon, Kim Minju (Izone)
Request: Yes
Love: hi, i really love your writing! can i request a chaewon x minju x fem!reader where the reader wants to break up bc they seem happier without her but 2kim comforts her? angsty but with happy ending please? thank you!!!
A/n: Again can’t believe this is the first time I wrote this kind of story, take my privilege please! Ya’ll are just really nice, makes my heart soft and because I was in the mood to write, this is the longest scenario I’ve ever written🥺
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You glanced outside the window, looking down at the field as you cleared your thoughts, trying to observe the students playing and exercising.
But really you were deep in your thoughts, struggling as you tried to figure out a solution, you knew they cared for you. You were the luckiest woman in the world to have the chance to date Minju and Chaewon.
To have them love you and show you sides that no fan has ever seen before, you knew it was too good to be true, and recently it’s been showing.
You never wanted to let your thoughts get the best of you. But recently you’ve found your relationship to be only centered around the two of them. Oftentimes you were stuck in school or you were back home doing projects, you would constantly cancel your time with them because you were busy, while they would just be a reach away.
You were the only one who was always busy, so you blame yourself that they were always happy being together because you were never there.
It would make you feel better if they had talked to you if they have any issues. But you couldn’t complain, how could you, not only is it your fault but they seemed a lot happier without you.
“Ms. L/n!” you snapped your head to the front, suddenly hearing your name as you realized the whole class was staring at you. Your professor included as he had his eyebrows furrowed, anger clear in his features before he asked you to stand.
“Could you answer the question, Ms. L/n?” He asked and you could only look down, hands behind your back before you heard him sigh, “Y/n this has been the 5th time this week, am I going to have to call in your parents?”
Your head shot up to look at your professor, shaking your head rapidly, “No, I’m sorry professor it won’t happen again, this is the last time,” you promised before he paused looking at your form and making you uneasy until he nodded, raising his finger towards you.
“One last time, Ms. L/n,”
“Thank you, sorry professor,”
Then the bell rang making you professor look at you with disappointment before he dismissed the class. You suddenly felt the guilt of the trouble you caused for the man as you left the room.
“It’s been the 5th time this week,” his words echoed in your head, your shoulders slumping as the reality dawned on you, that's because you kept in your issues so much that it started to show.
Your emptiness and sadness started to affect your performance, you were lucky that the professor was nice, if it were anyone else, your parents would’ve been interrogating you at this point.
You were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t notice the crowd behind you in the front was your girlfriend, following you with a smile as she held her bag, Minju caught up with you. Linking your arms together you suddenly jolted, jerking your hand as you earned a confused look from Minju.
“Sorry, I was thinking,” you played it off before Minju giggled and linked her arms with you again, “You’ve been thinking a lot these days, ba—Y/n,” you kept looking straight trying not to give too much away and ignored the slip up she had.
Of course the other students didn’t know, they couldn’t, since most of them were already wild enough as it is because out of all the people she chose L/n Y/n, to be the closest with and not to mention that her career only began 5 months ago so having a dating scandal this early on would surely affect not only her and Chaewon’s career but the rest as well.
“They’re dumping a lot of projects this week, so I’ve been a little out of it, sorry,” you apologized but your girlfriend could only shake her head before a sudden idea struck her, “You can come to the dorm and we’ll help you, Y/n!” She said and you could only shake your head.
“I don’t want to bother the other Minju, you’re already so busy I can’t just go there and interrupt,”
“Nonsense, Y/n, the girls practically adopted you when they met you, plus we’re on our break anyway.” She said and you were about to refuse but she cut you off, “You’ve been working too hard these days, baby, a little help wouldn’t be bad,” she said softly making your heart melt at her concern.
So with a conflicted heart and messy thoughts you agreed, your girlfriend cheering as she led you to the van.
“Y/n!” You smiled at the others waving as they greeted, “Baby,” Chaewon pushed herself off the couch and went to hug you and Minju as you forced a smile to convince the girls who cooed and playfully gaged at their members’ affection, but you didn’t quite fool all of them.
Your eyes landed on the blue haired girl, as Yujin gave you a soft smile when she saw the conflict in your eyes.
She was the first person you knew that was part of a group. Yujin was the perfect friend for you, she often matched your personality and she was a good listener.
Since in your first year at school she was the one that you got to know first, though you were both shy at first something eventually clicked until she introduced you to her friends.
Yujin was the person you could approach when you needed help with your girlfriends, even if she was young, Yujin did her best to listen to you and figure out a solution. Sometimes she was the reason why the three of you would make up when you had a problem, she cared for you like her big sister and you cared for her as your little sister.
So naturally when you started to have thoughts about Minju and Chaewon, Yujin was the first person you approached and ranted to, trying your best to not ruin their relationship as members while you ranted.
Thankfully Yujin didn’t think any bad things towards her unnie but she did find it quite annoying that her unnies were sweeter to each other than they are to you.
She’s been wanting to intervene, say how much they’re hurting you but to her displeasure you would constantly hold her back, saying it wasn’t a big deal. Which made it increasingly difficult to not be annoyed because of your niceness. If it was her she would’ve marched toward them and yelled out everything.
She admired that about you, that even if you were mistreated you would still forgive them and brush it off because it made the other happy, but sometimes it could be the reason you break.
Laying down on the floor, you did your best to write, tracing the sketch carefully as you ignored the couple giggling every so often. But in the corner of your eye, you could clearly see them, laughing as they kept talking about something. It was like they already forgot that they had someone else.
You gripped your pen, biting your tongue because you were afraid of blurting something out.
Yujin watched you from her spot, before she slowly made her way over next to you, nudging your body. As you looked over, she sent you a gentle smile keeping her voice low to avoid the others from hearing,
“If you need a second we can talk about it just say something,” she whispered and you smiled, sending your friend a thankful smile as you patted her knee.
Minju noticed you and Yujin whispering to each other, a small frown on her face as she wondered what you could’ve talked about.
“Hey, Y/n, is this good?” She called you, wanting to get your attention as she showed you her work on one of the parts you’ve given her. It was a weak attempt to get you because you were whispering with Yujin but you did glance over and gave her a smile.
Nodding at the work as you thanked her and said that she did a good job.
Throughout the night most of the girls had spent it finishing your projects, making sure to thank all the girls for their help. And throughout the night you had given yourself a fair distance away from the couple, focusing on your job as you plugged in your music or kept talking with Yujin who did her best to distract you, which you were infinitely grateful for.
However Minju and Chaewon had noticed you distancing yourself, it might’ve been their imaginations but you are so full of life when you spoke with the others, smiling as you replied excitedly or happily with the rest of the girls.
But whenever they would call for you, a short reply was all they got, even if they would try to hug you or say random sweet nothings, you would accept it but push away after a few seconds as you got back to your work.
You were slowly starting to get annoyed, partnered by your already conflicted feelings and with them constantly calling you for your attention, “Y/n we can we talk for a second, in private?” She whispered again which made you suddenly snap.
“I said I can handle it Yujin,” you said sharply, causing the younger girl to flinch, pursing her lips as she turned quiet.
You kept silent for the rest of the night, finishing your projects before you packed. You thanked the girls, making sure you showed them your gratitude and promised to repay them for their help.
Then you turned to your girlfriends, seeing both of them chatting, you wanted to thank them for helping but seeing them laugh so hard and so joyfully your mood was dampened again.
Your eyes however caught another sight, across the room Yujin cleaned up the mess, but the frown on her face was visible behind the curtain of hair she hid behind.
You sighed, approaching the girl and placed a hand on her shoulder.
Yujin glanced up, seeing a small smile on your face as you gestured your head to the side, “Let’s talk,” you said, which immediately the blue haired followed you.
Unbeknownst to them of the eyes watching as they went into the hallway, Yujin avoided your eyes before you rested your hand on her shoulder, “Hey, I’m sorry for snapping at you,” you started seeing her about to speak but you cut her off.
“Me going through stuff doesn’t give me a valid reason to be mad at you Yujin, you were only trying to help me and I’m grateful for that. I don’t want to bring you into my problems, I don’t want you hating on other people because of me, you’re a good friend Yujin-ah,” you finished, seeing a pout starting to form on the younger’s face as she couldn’t say anything.
You giggled, pulling her into a hug, noticing the two figures peeking from the living room. You pulled away and smiled at your best friend, ushering her away before the two other girls came into the hallway, looking at you with concerned faces.
You forced a smile, eyes lingering on their clasped hands, “Hey,” Chaewon greeted you as Minju smiled, reaching their hands out for yours.
Intertwining your fingers together used to make you feel everything, the slight dip in your stomach because of the excitement, your heart beating against your chest because it felt so full, and the tingling sensation on your skin because of their warmth.
Now everything seemed off, it felt incomplete, you wanted to pull away but you didn’t want to disconnect yourself from them, then the conflict in your eyes didn’t escape past both of them. Squeezing your hands before they asked you, “We just want you to be honest with us, Y/n,”
“Are you tired of us?”
The question shocked you, eyes snapping towards the two of them who looked at your with sad features,
“Because recently we’ve been noticing that you keep moving away, when we have plans you cancel, when we want to come over you say you’re busy, when we talk to you your responses are always short and empty. And we uh—wanted to know if, you still want to be with us,”
There was silence for a while, you looked at them in disbelief before pulling your hand away, your breathing getting heavier as you tried to contain your anger.
“Are you serious?” You asked, as they could only look at you with confusion, “You’re really gonna ask me a question when you yourselves are the ones who need it?”
“What do you—“
“I’ve spent the past week, torturing myself to forget, seeing you two being so sweet and caring for each other while I’m at the side being ignored. I keep canceling because I didn’t want to bear the fact that you two are starting to forget about me, that you’re too caught up with each other to even notice that I’m struggling.”
“I don’t want all of your attention, but please do keep in mind that there are other people in this relationship besides you two.” Your voice was getting louder, the girls in the living room perking up when they heard your voice.
Minju and Chaewon looked at you with mixed emotions, suddenly confused on why you would hide this from them silence lingered for a while the tension rising,
“Then why didn’t you tell us? Why choose to say it now? You have a lot of chances to say it but you didn’t,” Minju asked with a sudden tone to her voice, making you scoff in disbelief.
“You think I didn’t try?!”
“I’ve been wanting to say something everyday, I wanted to talk with you two just so this wouldn’t happen but everytime the three of us get together it’s like I never existed in the first place. I respected it at first, maybe you didn’t want to bother me but the way you feel for each other doesn’t go to me anymore, it feels one sided.”
At this point the girls already heard everything, looking at the three of you with their brows furrowed, they’ve seen you three fight but it never went to this level.
You bit the inside of your cheek, holding back your tears before Yujin padded to the three of you, but suddenly Chaewon spoke again, the words leaving her mouth made everyone’s breath hitch, “So how do we know you’re not sick of us? You might be seeing Yujin for all we know,”
Your jaw dropped in disbelief, looking at Chaewon. You couldn’t say anything, before your eyes snapped to Yujin who looked at the older with annoyance and anger,
“You’ve got some nerve to accuse Y/n like that, what’s gotten into you, Unnie? She’s your girlfriend for God’s sake!”
“How do we know for sure! She’s been ignoring us for the past week and has been with you, so sorry if I started to think that!” Their voices started to get louder before they started to argue, the girls stepping in and pulling them away from each other before anything got out of hand.
Your head started to hurt, your hands shaking as you saw them yelling at each other, “Just stop it!” You yelled, a voice echoing off the walls which made them pause, it was the first time you yelled that loud, tears streaming down your face as you tried your best to wipe them.
“This has nothing to do with Yujin, she’s the one that’s been helping me and convincing me that I don’t need to break up with you, but I didn’t think you would stoop so low and accuse me of seeing another person behind your back especially accusing your own member too.”
You turned, grabbing your coat and slamming the door, your footsteps rushing to the elevator before you left. Once the door shut a sob escaped your lips, a sudden weight on your shoulder every step you took away from the dorm.
The room was quiet, most of them staring at the door with shocked expressions, a scoff came from Chaewon as she stomped away, going to her room and slamming the door shut, Minju standing still with her eyes wide.
Yujin was breathing heavily, tears in her eyes as she walked away, hurriedly going inside her room.
A few minutes later Minju left, padding towards Chaewon’s room and entered, closing the door gently. Leaving the girls in the living room glancing at each other, the concern and worry in each of their eyes.
Weeks went by and the girls didn’t receive any contact from you, Minju couldn’t see you in school anymore, and Yujin couldn’t call you.
Which worried everyone to no end, they’ve been wanting to visit you but recently their schedules have been so packed that they didn’t have time to check.
Minju, Chaewon, and Yujin were quiet for the whole week, their interactions were minimal except when they were on camera. The girls didn't want to intervene, because this was their problem, but it hurt them with each day to see them ignoring each other.
So when one day Chaewon and Minju knocked on the door, Yujin opened it, her eyes suddenly turning wide when she saw the two in front of her door, their heads down as they guiltily fidgeted in their place.
“Can we talk, please?” Chaewon spoke up, raising her head to look at the younger who kept silent nodding as she stepped aside and allowed the two in the room.
They sat on the beds, the air awkward before Minju sighed, “We’re sorry,”
“We’re sorry for what we did, what we said and what we thought wasn’t right. We shouldn’t have accused you and doubted you we were wrong.”’
“I don’t like to be mad at you unnie’s, what you did was wrong, you did a lot of things that day that were wrong. I know I’m young but please don’t think that badly about Y/n unnie, the things she’s been telling me about you two, it’s something I don’t think I could go through, so please don’t apologize to me, apologize to her.”
Chaewon pulled the blue haired girl into a hug, Minju joining as they made up, Chaewon smiling as she whispered to the younger girl, “We will,”
When the girls had been given the week to rest, Minju and Chaewon didn’t waste a beat, rushing home and washing up before they asked their manager to bring them to your apartment.
They went to your door, using the key that they had hoping to see you but all they were met with was silence. No TV, no music, no sounds in the kitchen, they were sure that you were home because your shoes were beside the door.
They made sure to check every room calling out for you until Minju stopped at your room, opening it gently before she saw you on your bed, your body covered with sheets as you slept, as the soft snores passed your lips.
Minju called her girlfriend, both of them padding to your form and cupping your cheeks but worry struck them when they felt how warm you were.
Your forehead covered in a sheen of sweat before they looked at each other, you were sick.
They removed their coats, placing them aside as they took the blankets of your body. Chaewon went to get a basin and a towel while Minju got some clothes out of your closet before they cleaned you.
Minju cleaned up your room after Chaewon finished wiping your body, leaving the towel on your forehead to absorb all the heat.
Chaewon rummaged through your fridge and did what she could to make you some soup while Minju sat by your side, observing you as she suddenly felt whole again.
After a week of not seeing you, talking to you, it left her so empty and without her noticing a tear dropped before she started to cry silently, her eyes closed while she held the sheets until she felt someone cup her cheek.
Minju opened her eyes, a sob fully escaping her lips when you were smiling at her, wiping the tears that kept flowing out, “Why are you crying?” The softness of your voice made it worse for her and soon Chaewon entered, a tray in her hands with your food, water, and medicine.
When she saw you awake she froze at the door, her eyes welling with tears when you looked at her, no anger or disappointment in your eyes. She padded closer to you and placed the tray to the side before reaching for your hand, which you gladly gave her as she put it against her cheek, her own eyes stinging with tears.
“I-I’m so sorry,” Chaewon’s voice was so small, so defeated that it hurt you that she was going through that, even if it was her own fault.
“We l-love you, Y/n, please don’t ever forget that, we’re so sorry that we n-neglected you,” Minju nuzzled her cheek against your palm,
“P-Please give us a chance to be better, we w-won’t know what to do without you,” they inched in and embraced you, making you close your eyes when you felt them again but this time everything felt normal again.
The sinking feeling, the tingles, and your heart hammering against your chest. You felt whole to be with them for so long, “We’ll a-always love you, n-no matter what,” you felt your hair get brushed aside before they kissed your cheek and you could only sigh.
Your arms tighten around them as you want them to be closer. With a silent acceptance and promise they would always take care of you, show you how much you mean to them because truly they wouldn’t be who they are without you.
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cannibalisticapple · 3 years
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So got a new word for all fan fiction writers that NEEDS to enter common lexicon, courtesy of @cocoa-nerd​:
Angstgoat
Portmanteau of “angst” and “scapegoat”. The act of making a character subject to massive amounts of angst, whether it’s worsening canon examples of troubled backstories and sometimes even adding extra trauma, for no reason other than cheap and easy drama.
Examples include:
Giving characters whose families are never seen abusive families, and sometimes even changing a character’s canonically loving parent(s) to be physically abusive and neglectful
Killing off loving family members at a young age to remove any support network for all the other angst they deal with
Reviving parents who canonically died when the character was young/before their birth but CLEARLY loved the child, and STILL making them abusive/neglectful for some reason (looking at you in particular, Naruto fandom)
Increased amounts of bullying and/or social ostracization, to the point of outright murder attempts (still looking at you, Naruto fandom)
Changing a major backstory element that was the source of bullying/ostracization, but adding a new one so they’re still subject to that same trauma as canon (looking at you, MHA fandom with Quirk!Izuku fics)
Exaggerating ANY negative aspect of their backstory to make it as horrific as possible
Adding brand new traumatic events that were never even implied in canon on top of everything else
Changing a character’s backstory to make it needlessly more traumatic while not changing their characterization from canon at all to reflect said increased trauma
Discrimination is not only prevalent and much STRONGER than ever implied in canon, but somehow the main cast is totally unaware of it
Oppression against this character is not only played up but suddenly the societal norm and even reflected in laws (looking at you, Quirkless!Izuku fics) (seriously we still talk about that scene where a movie theater manger backhands Izuku and then dumps soda on him)
Absolutely no one else around them EVER gets punished for abusive behavior or outright attempted murder targeted at this character due to said oppression
Completely altering some characters’ canon personalities so THEY can become a direct source of additional trauma and oppression, whether in backstory or in the story’s main events. This can be by making THEM bigots and jerks, or making them giant incompetent idiots who make things worse because they don’t understand the issue (looking at all the MHA fics where All Might completely brushes off students’ comments)
Time travel fics that have the character’s life end up even WORSE than canon even before reaching the canon timeline (seriously, kidnapped and spent three years in a death arena?? BEFORE THE CHARACTER IS EVEN 10??)
(Trigger warning) Sudden sexual trauma, abuse and predation, whether in present or backstory, PURELY for extra angst. The author/story doesn’t address the full ramifications of such an event beyond “it makes them feel even worse”. This is especially true for genderbent fics
Making canon events go far worse with no reason other than to increase the suffering. Note it usually doesn’t involve characters dying, and the "worse” applies MAINLY to the protagonist/angstgoat
Having villains hyper-focus on the protagonist and start hunting them down from the very first encounter to either recruit, torment, or both
Having said character end up kidnapped by said villains at a young age and forced to work with them, while being abused and mocked and giving them absolutely no reason to have any actual loyalty to their organization
Give actual medical diagnoses of conditions like depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. as a result of all this trauma, with bare-minimum research on symptoms and accurate portrayals
And so much more.
Many of these things can work fine on their own, and even work together in the hands of an experienced and skilled writer. However, most fanfics will mix and match multiple examples of the above as cheap and easy sources of drama without ever going into the full ramifications of such changes.
Many writers seem to mistake “angst” with “adversity”.
They use angst to add not only an easy resource for drama (from the writer’s perspective), but also make things more “challenging” for the character as they overcome it.
Thing is, they do it in a way that cheapens the severity of real issues. Many stories feature abuse almost casually from a writing standpoint. The sudden presence of abusive families and increased murder attempts and hospitalizations by classmates doesn’t change the character’s personality significantly from their canon personality. Many times it just makes them better at first aid, or ends with them being socially awkward and having a stutter. Other times it goes to the other extreme, to the point said character is barely functional due to the trauma and should be in therapy instead of whatever the story has them doing.
It’s done more for the reactions of other characters around them, who get righteously furious at the obvious mistreatment of the protagonist. That’s what I mean by it being a “cheap and easy source of drama”: it still centers around the protagonist’s direct suffering, rather than anyone or anything else in the plot.
That’s the key thing about angstgoats: every single bad thing that happens in the fic, happens to the main character. Sometimes other characters will get more severe injuries or get pulled into bad situations with them, to highlight that the whole world is bad, but it always comes back to their connection to the protagonist. They come out of every situation worse than before.
Rather than highlighting how bad a certain situation or circumstance is, when you pile up angst like that, it becomes almost comical. Even now, there’s a discussion on my Discord server about one of the fics I referenced and all the unnecessary angst. We’re not discussing “Oh, X is a horrible thing to happen”, we’re discussing how unrealistic and frankly ridiculous a lot of the details are. And I KNOW that wasn’t the author’s intent, just like many other fanfics with angstgoats.
Angst isn’t a bad thing, but there are some topics that need to be approached with more care than they often are. Don’t mistake “angst” for “adversity”.
So let’s get “angstgoat” in the fandom lexicon!
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brokentoys · 2 years
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Okay, since two lovely people were asking (y’know who you are!) So, I will write as to why they’re the most perfect ship, or at least one of them, lol! 
THE GOOD;
They’re both childish. Seriously, Harley loves cartoons, toys, and tends to act silly. Eddie is also childish, in his own ways. He throws tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants, and then he has this childish need for attention and validation. Also has shown in Ark Knight, he has a love for toys as he DOES happen to have two in his room... which is UNDERNEATH the orphanage... so there will be no way there’d happen to be two toys there, unless Eddie picked them for himself. This is an unused room which is cut from the game, and can be accessed through cheats.
They’re both abuse victims. Harley was abused by her boyfriend, Eddie was abused by his parents. In the Suey Side Skwad film, Harley is shown killing a potential BF because he showed red flags. Eddie? Has killed or harmed older men in the comics because they’re abusive, or mistreated him, and Eddie had sworn to never let that happen to him again. They both can understand each other because of this, but they also PARALLEL each other.
They’ve both been on the good side - considering certain canons, Eddie was part of the GCPD, and Harley was a psychiatrist. Wanting to help the mentally ill, and Eddie wanting to do something about justice, yet they both went astray from the side of good. Both have also redeemed themselves at one point in the comics.
They’re both very intelligent - Harley being a doctor, and Eddie being a genius.
Harley and Eddie have been shown to be... VERY into relationships. (Eddie has been shown to fall in love INSTANTLY in comics, as well as doing ANYTHING for his lover - if it meant hurting his own men, or killing people. Harley is pretty much the exact same.)
Eddie literally complimented Harley when he first met her. FR. He compared her intelligence of his own by saying great minds think alike. This may seem minor, but from EDDIE??? That is a MAJOR compliment. He sees himself as the smartest man on earth... so thinking Harley in comparable to HIS INTELLIGENCE?? Yeah...
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And although Harley insulted him at first... she later starts admitting how much fun he is.
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They share the same energy, they even look back at this moment with laughs in a later comic...
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Harley has also expressed genuine concern for Eddie, even checking up on him. And not only this, Eddie had accepted mere cents from Harley for a case (when he was a P.I.) Reminder: Eddie had charged Bruce LITERAL THOUSANDS for a case. And he often overcharged people. But with Harley??? He accepted MERE CENTS.
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THE BAD (which is also good!)
In Sirens, it showed the rockiness in their relationship, which actually made it more compelling, and I’ll explain why. Like Ed’s jealousy - when he says this about finding Harley...
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At first, he was reluctant to find her, because Eddie didn’t think it was that seriously. Because his jealousy got in the way. He’s mad because she disappears at months at a time, not bothering to tell him why or how. Eddie’s jealousy got in the way of helping Harley, but it was understandable. And it was understandable why Harley disappeared. Eddie is clearly hurt because remember, Eddie was literally abused by a child - and very neglected. This caused him to feel he was nothing, which made him develop this obsession with receiving love and validation from EVERYONE, getting attention from EVERYONE. So when someone who he LOVES abandons him...? Of COURSE, that’s going to hurt... and it’s going to hurt BAD. But also Harley being in an abusive relationship, Eddie fails to see why she’d return.
However, remember... in the end of this comic, Eddie pulls through for Harley. 
Harley has also, inadvertently, hurt Eddie the same way Joker has hurt her. When she went along with the Sirens’ plan to use Eddie as a patsy to bait a killer. They used Eddie for their own gain, in a way, even if they didn’t intend to. But Harley seemed the most concerned, often saying how she feels bad for him, and how he trusted them. It gave me the panel which hurt me the MOST.
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“I could see the hurt in Harley’s eyes, though I doubt she looked THAT HARD to see it in mine...” Even though, Harley is... clearly upset... worried, even...
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And I think she does understand why he’s hurt... given she expressed how bad she felt for him. I will NEVER forgive Dee Cee for NOT expanding on this, because I feel Harley would’ve made it up to Eddie. BUT ANYWAY--
Why is this good? Because remember, Harley and Eddie AREN’T a conventional couple. They’re very broken people with broken lives. They’ve been abused, and they don’t know what love really is. They love each other dearly, but are still prone to hurt each other because of how they were raised, or conditioned. This? Makes them so compelling... because they may hurt each other, but together, they can become better people. And unlike Joker - it’s never intentional harm. It’s just - ... it’s a misunderstanding, or they’re scared. 
Because a story needs BOTH good moments, and conflicts. Harley and Eddie has BOTH of that, as well as having so much in common. And it makes it interesting, and makes you wanting to read it more. Makes you root for them. I really do think they’re one of the best ships because of all these dynamics.
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bigskydreaming · 3 years
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Couldn't the thing with Jason thinking Dick is infallible from Truth and Justice story come from how he is compared to his brother from Bruce. Even when he was Robin with Dick and Bruce fighting, he was told that Dick was better by Bruce. Then he comes back and is a cautionary tale of what not to and how not to be while Dick and Bruce are now getting along.
I mean yeah, you could go with that take, but I’m always gonna argue that even that is more fanon based than anything else, at least before this issue. We’ve seen a lot of that take in the past already, but truth is, there really isn’t that much basis in older stories for Bruce comparing Jason to Dick. And like I’ve expanded on in the past, younger Jason looked UP to Dick, he certainly didn’t resent him. 
With this being true even when he first came back - Dick was the only one he didn’t target at ALL during Under the Red Hood, and when he did finally meet up with Dick a year later, during the Brothers in Blood arc, it was more to fuck with him than any attempt to take things out on him. Like, that arc gets a lot of shit and deservedly so, but I really do wish more people would at least takeaway from it the fact that in it, JASON referenced still thinking of Dick as family. Which just doesn’t mesh up with all the ‘they barely knew each other/they resented each other’ takes.
Pretty much all the times I can think of when Jason was compared to Dick pre ADITF, it was actually not at all what its usually represented as by most fandom takes, such as the time Jason teamed up with the Titans. For pretty much Jason’s entire tenure as Robin up until the Felipe Garzonas arc, Jason was actually portrayed as perfectly secure in his position of Robin and wasn’t threatened by anyone else’s perception of him at all. Even the arc where he loses it on Two-Face has been kinda amplified to make more of it than it was, like.....Bruce was worried about the anger he expressed there, but that was more out of concern FOR Jason and it wasn’t the “Jason was on the verge of getting fired as Robin all along” kinda narrative we tend to see referenced. 
Jason was only made out to be the angry Robin or the less competent Robin or whatever AFTER his death, which is all kinds of shitty, but like......there’s no real basis for any kind of extended history where Jason resentfully suffered under his big brother’s shadow while Robin. The angry/less competent Robin stuff was all DC retroactively railroading him after the fact to justify their choice to kill him off (which was still their choice no matter the existence of a poll), and its the narrative most people have run with because it amplifies Jason’s existence as the misunderstood and unfairly judged underdog of the family.
Now to be 100% clear, as I’ve said in the past.....there is absolutely no reason you CAN’T go with this take if you don’t want to. Nobody has to abide by canon, or a particular canon and I’ll never argue otherwise. My main point has always just been that the thing about fanfic is that its a transformative process, it enables fans to take canon and transform it into something else.....but here’s the thing....those transformations ALWAYS happen with INTENT. People are deliberate in how and in what ways they transform canon, even if they’re not always CONSCIOUS of that deliberation.....it still exists. None of these transformations just happen, they happen for a reason. Because fans want an end result that’s different from what we saw in canon.
So my thing is always just.....yes, transform canon as you like, for whatever reason. But don’t pretend that those reasons don’t exist, and understand that when people look at a canon to fanon transformation that really only results in one major difference.......they’re gonna assume that this difference, achieving this difference, was for whatever reason, the POINT of the transformation.
And here’s where I also want to express something else: my take has never been that most of fandom just hates Dick Grayson. That they’re consciously, deliberately out to smear him or make him look bad. I think there’s a lot of elements in play with how I perceive fandom’s interactions with him compared to other characters, but more often than not, I think one of the bigger issues with how his character is TRANSFORMED from canon to fanon, is just.......he’s collateral damage. I don’t think in most cases the point is even to make actual transformations of his character or characterization......its to apply these things to people he’s in scene WITH......and he just ends up transformed as well, by proximity.
Take a look at some examples:
1) Dick firing Tim
Except as we’ve gone over multiple times, Dick didn’t actually FIRE Tim. He didn’t neglect him, he didn’t turn his back on him, he could have handled that situation differently, sure, but he had none of the ill intent people assign to him when they typically ramp up how bad this period was for Tim. Dick actually called him his equal, begged him to stay, said he was too GOOD to be Dick’s junior partner........but this is not at all how this moment in canon is generally viewed by a lot of fandom. He comes off looking a TON worse, like he just chose Damian over Tim and discarded Tim first chance he got, he didn’t care how Tim was affected, he kicked Tim out of the manor and out of Gotham.
But the thing is.....I’d argue that none of this TRANSFORMATION from canon really had anything to do with Dick. I don’t actually think that tons of fans were just waiting in the wings for the perfect opportunity to make a villain out of Dick and just seized upon this moment as the perfect opportunity. I think it was just all about Tim. It was about accentuating his misery, his aloneness, heightening the whump factor of his character and amplifying the feelings of insecurity, rejection and alienation he was feeling and that people related to.
What happened to Dick’s character in most peoples’ eyes as a result of this transformation, was the symptom, not the point. It was the collateral damage, not the aim.
2) Bruce firing Dick
In contrast, we have more than one canon interpretation of Bruce firing Dick as Robin, with this leading directly into Dick leaving the manor at a fairly young age, keeping his distance from Bruce until he finds out about Jason, Bruce giving Robin to Jason without acknowledging or apologizing for the fact that he was giving away the identity that someone else had crafted and poured their heart and soul into, not him.......but this isn’t how a lot of fandom outside of Dick stans and people who are specifically predisposed towards Bad Dad Bruce like to treat that part of canon.
Here, the transformation is the reverse from what happened with Tim and Dick. Here, the feelings of rejection and alienation and insecurity Dick realistically would have felt during that time are overlooked and even outright invalidated by TRANSFORMING the canon so that actually, this period of extended estrangement is completely disconnected from any version of events where Bruce fired Dick, which he did not do here. And in fact, Dick gave up Robin, he and Bruce had a falling out, and this was mutual and two-sided and thus Dick’s refusal to come home earlier and reconcile with Bruce was not actually him standing up for himself and refusing to settle for being taken for granted and dismissed when convenient but rather just Dick being immature, stubborn and a little spoiled.
But again.....I don’t think that’s the aim so much as a byproduct of the intended end result. Once more, I think that had very little to do with Dick himself, wasn’t about making him look bad specifically....but rather, it was about making Bruce look better. It was transforming the thing he had done in canon which was so hard to defend, ie ignore all of Dick’s feelings on the matter much in the way people accuse Dick of ignoring Tim’s later, and passively rejecting him and refusing to be the first to reach out unlike Dick who actively sought after Tim when he left. Those moments in canon definitively make Bruce look pretty bad, and are hard to reconcile with Good Parent Bruce Wayne, so that is what people are trying to transform. Once again, the way it makes Dick look in contrast is just a symptom.
The further examples are honestly pretty endless.
The aftermath of Forever Evil and Spyral is ignored, transforming Dick into the true villain of that period not because people just want an excuse to hate him, but because they don’t want to or can’t reconcile what Bruce actually did in order to get Dick to act so out of character, or they want to justify Jason and Tim and others’ anger at Dick later rather than have them appear to be inconsiderate assholes just piling on a guy who just had the worst year of his life to date.
The instances of Bruce outright abusing Dick after Jason’s death and at other times like Night of the Owls are ignored, transforming Dick into an impetuous, overly aggressive asshole who isn’t reacting to Bruce’s initial aggression, but rather just popping off the handle because he isn’t being received or treated just the way he likes.
Dick reaching out to Jason and making an offer to be there for him as Robin and later times they interact in Titans as well as any actual bond they build, even if mostly just hinted at off the page....all ignored in favor of transforming Dick into this bitter, jealous jerk who can’t see past his own feelings long enough to realize he’s taking things out on an innocent kid who doesn’t deserve this, even though that’s exactly what he realized and motivated his actual actions towards Jason in canon. And again, its not so much about making Dick worse, its about overlooking the WHYS of Dick’s hurt, turning the focus from what was done to him that justifies him being upset in the first place, to some greater mistreatment he enacts on Jason and thus drowns out any sympathy that people might otherwise have for Dick.
Dick’s periods of brainwashing like under the Church of Blood being overwritten or ignored in order to transform his deliberately out of character attitudes towards his friends and teammates there into just normal outbursts that were part of his characterization rather than signs that something was abnormally wrong with him. Thus turning everyone else’s treatment of him during that time period into again just their part of a two-way street and nothing they had to feel bad about rather than acknowledge that he’d literally not been in full control of himself while they had no such excuse for their behavior.
To be clear.....this kind of thing is NOT limited to just Dick. It tends to happen any time people want to transform a canon event into something more one-sided, to accentuate a particular character’s position as the victim or the misunderstood or neglected party.....or to turn a one-way street into a mutual antagonism, to lessen a particular character’s culpability in some argument or feud. You can absolutely find examples of this same effect applying to every other character in the Batfam as well.
But the reason it happens so often with Dick, and thus every instance of it happening tends to be amplified by the sheer volume of similar situations......is because of convenience. Because ironically, the reason Dick so often looks so bad in fanon’s eyes when it comes to his treatment of his family....is BECAUSE of how Dick is so much more integrated into every one of his family’s lives (and his friends’) than pretty much any other character. He’s the collateral damage to other characters being deliberately transformed in some way purely because he’s the one who almost always is THERE to some degree. Because there’s no one else in the scene that’s being transformed.
And so to bring it all back to your question......I think you absolutely can go with that take. There’s an argument to be made for it, especially now given that this canon issue has actually established a precedent for Jason feeling that way rather than fanon just running with the idea because it makes Jason more maligned. Its still not something that’s ever going to interest me though, even if I can see the reasoning for it, because its not just the fact that this particular dynamic between Dick and Jason has played out thousands of times before in fic, as I said yesterday. Its also because like I laid out here......my bigger issue is that take has absolutely NOTHING to do with Dick himself, says nothing about his character, but his character is inevitably the one who will suffer fallout from that particular take. That dynamic, as you described it, makes sense.....but its entirely, 100% on Bruce or others for raising those comparisons, not because of anything Dick did to Jason himself.....and thus it makes Jason’s dynamic towards Dick MORE a product of other peoples’ reactions and attitudes towards him and his brother respectively.
And that dynamic IS perfectly understandable and valid. But even if its slightly different this time because of more of a canon basis, it still for me falls into the same pattern of Dick being collateral damage to something that’s largely focused on another character entirely, with him and how he’s impacted by extension being kinda an afterthought. 
*Shrugs* And that’s just......a story I’ve read so many many times before, I’m just never gonna be all that engaged by it. 
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gone-series-orchid · 3 years
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i’ve been thinking about something like a ‘reverse’ au, but rather than something like sam goes to coates instead of caine or something, it’s more like their roles or arcs are switched? so it ends up being that the perdido beach kids are the ‘bad side’ and the coates kids are the ‘good side’. it’s obviously hard to work out because most of the characters fall into some grey morality but it’s still an idea. it would also mean some characters’ personalities are changed as well.
that sounds so interesting, anon! it sounds to me like your au would traffic in lots of class tropes—instead of the coates kids being troubled rich snobs and the townies being essentially your normal, relatable public high school kids, the coates kids would probably be the spoiled-but-sweet neglected children of perdido beach’s rich couples and the townies would be “from the wrong side of the tracks”—public school-educated (meaning, of course, not educated at all) latchkey kids who roam around and stir up trouble while their white-collar parents work menial jobs all day. they’d be jaded and toughened-up due to childhoods spent in underfunded schools, brought up on cable tv and kraft mac ‘n’ cheese (the horror!), dissatisfied with their lives but lacking the imagination needed to think of anything different.
here’s how i think the kids might be changed by this switch:
caine - a kid who’s considered a bit of an arrogant snob even by his peers. still ambitious but more in a “i have to lead these kids because they’re too dumb to lead themselves” kind of way. his backstory of neglect is probably milked for all the sympathy it’s worth to explain his more unsavory traits
diana - is still a bully with a promiscuous reputation, but her backstory of assault and mistreatment is emphasized right away to explain her antisocial behavior. sort of like a “you love to hate her” character, like regina george of mean girls or something; she’s mean, but in kind of a cool way. probably has genuine love of caine right off the bat but doesn’t want to get with him because of her own insecurity/feeling that she’s “damaged goods” (☹️) because of her promiscuity or the abuse she suffered. painted in a “wounded bird w/ hard exterior and soft center” way, maybe similar to lana after her experience with the gaiaphage. her family’s wealth means she gets the best clothes and is thus sort of revered at coates for her fashion sense and intimidating aura.
drake - the wild card extremist and devil on caine’s shoulder. probably the darkest of the already morally gray coates trio but not a bad guy deep down, he’s just more willing to go to some dark places morality-wise and play devil’s advocate. still devilishly handsome as in canon. probably has mommy issues and problems with intimacy because of them. has a “woman-hater” reputation and spouts some Obnoxious but Endearing Misogyny™ (🙄) throughout the series.
sam - tries to stick to the sidelines to avoid sticking out as in canon, but in this au it’s because sticking out almost inevitably means getting bullied by rougher and tougher kids. tries to rule perdido beach despite being wildly unsuited for it because he has a persecution complex with regard to the coates kids, believing them to be elitist slobs just because they’re wealthy. insecure because of his mother’s position as the coates school nurse and his family’s own lack of financial security. when pushed into a position of power, he tries to compensate wildly for it by acting like living in town means he knows best for all the kids, as he knows what it’s like to struggle compared to the coates kids who were born with silver spoons in their mouths. the coates kids don’t like him because of his richist views and the perdido beach kids only tolerate him because of his power and—grudgingly—because of his school bus sam reputation, as well as because he’s a townie.
astrid - desperate to gain a real education among like-minded intellectuals, she’s just biding her time before she can graduate high school and leave. her high iq and devout christianity make her an outsider to the usual riff-raff of the town, making her a marked threat to caine’s plans. more calculating from the start, astrid has plans to rule perdido beach through uniting sam’s scrappy group of kids (quinn, edilio, other kids who aren’t super good in a fight) with the larger community of thugs and bullies ruled by orc. finds the coates kids to be snide and classist, though secretly she longs for the same educational opportunities they received. deeply protective of little pete as in canon, feeling that he’d have better support in an environment more conducive to helping kids with special needs instead of in the town’s lackluster special education classes. tutored orc with the motive of trying to prove to herself that she could get the town’s biggest thug to change his ways through educating him in algebra, with mixed results. orc still appreciates her efforts though because of course he does. she’s probably a bit more high-minded and openly judgmental than in canon due to her insecurity over her less intellectual peers, disliking diana immediately for her “slutty” ways and conflating the way she dresses with a wasted education. cold and practical without any of the relatability or “people skills” needed to connect with either the coates kids or the townies, hence why she uses sam and orc, playing on their feelings for her to manipulate them more easily (adding on a layer of hypocrisy for calling diana a tease/flirt).
i can’t think of anything else right now, but i really like this au, anon!! idk if these suggestions are what you were thinking, but maybe they’ll lend you some inspiration?
thank you for the ask! feel free to send more!
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talontarget · 3 years
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It Must Be Nice Up Above The Lights (And What A Lovely Life That I Made) Day 1 - Max, Fang, and Iggy #maxridehcpromptweek
content warnings: canon-level gore, body horror, canon-level child abuse, and neglect
title cred: self care by mac miller
Max doesn’t know what the fuck to do. She’s only eight, and for all of her life, she’s lived in a dog cage. For all of her life, it’s been the three of them. Maximum. Fang. Iggy. The Flock. She’s always been the oldest and Jeb, the nicest Whitecoat, tells her that means she’s the leader. She has to take care of her flock-mates. She has to protect them.
How is she supposed to take care of two more eight-year-olds? They’re all the same age, for God’s sake. She kicks at her dog cage and crosses her sore arms. Jeb would be mad if he saw her letting her anger show, but he’s not here right now. She’s lucky they haven’t figured out a way to tap into her mind, otherwise, she’d receive punishments for thinking things like fuck and dog cage. They don’t like it when she curses, or when one of the Flock verbalizes that they’re being mistreated.
She doesn’t know a lot, but she knows that kids aren’t supposed to grow up in cages. (Max supposes kids aren’t supposed to have fucking wings, either, but this is how she was born and she can’t exactly help that.) She kicks the side of the crate again, and Fang whistles at her. “Stop.” He says. Max sneers and bares her teeth at him, but they both know she’s only worried. Fang doesn’t say anymore, pushing further into the corner of his cage and wrapping his dark wings around his skinny body. He’d only come back from the Races a few hours ago and Max feels bad. She turns away from him and looks at Iggy’s empty cage.
When Fang had come back, they’d taken Iggy. He’s the youngest, the one that Max has to protect the most. He’s the most successful experiment out of all of them - the first with any working night vision. Max and Fang can see well enough in the dark, but Iggy tells them that being out at night is like walking through the afternoon sun, for him. She thinks that’s what the Whitecoats took him to explore because they had been talking about it in low tones during her Inspection earlier in the day.
Her lower lip wobbles. There’s a flurry of feathers as her wings twitch, wrapping protectively around her body. Inside of her own wings, it’s warm and safe. Max can pretend that she’s somewhere else. She fantasizes about living with her Flock somewhere like in those houses they show her while they scan her brain. Somewhere in the country, with horses and cows and rolling fields that she can fly over. Max is only eight. She believes that one day it might happen. She peeks over her wings when the door opens, but it’s just a Whitecoat rolling in another failed experiment. This one is sickly green with too many arms and not enough eyes. It’s breathing through a mouth that is morphed and nearly fully on the thing’s throat.
Max clenches her teeth and turns back to Fang’s cage. Their eyes catch and his mouth pulls down. He doesn’t say much anymore. She knows it’s because he’s not used to the hardware being off of his face, and that his jaw still aches when he talks too much, but Max wishes that he would go back to the old Fang. The one that had a snarled remark before every test, the one that would whisper to her when she woke up crying, the one that would tell stupid jokes with Iggy when he came back from a grueling Race. She knows that Fang is gone. They’d kept him locked in a sensory deprivation helmet for nearly three months, and she can’t imagine what that would be like. Hell, probably.
Although, Max thinks that they’re probably already in Hell, especially when the Whitecoats wheel Iggy back in. She pushes to the front of her cage, and so does Fang. Max sees Iggy’s feathers, first. They had always been so pretty, such a light color that was once described by a Whitecoat as a “warm, off white.” Now, as he’s wheeled in on a flat dolly, they’re red. There’s so much red that it makes Max’s throat catch. She can’t say anything, can’t say his name. If the Whitecoats know they’ve given each other names they’ll be separated. She can’t reach for him, because then she’ll get a kick.
Max can only watch as Iggy, covered in blood and gasping for breath, is dumped into the cage next to her. He has bandages over his eyes, but the blood is already peeking through them. His gown is covered, too. There are scratch marks on his neck and his arms. They look like he had clawed at himself like the Whitecoats had done something so awful to him he couldn’t do anything but claw and scratch and hope.
Max doesn’t know what the fuck to do. She’s only eight, and for all of her life, she’s been told she’s supposed to protect her Flock. The fear inside of her reaches a fever pitch and boils over into anger. Suddenly she’s screaming profanities, rocking her cage as she launches herself around it, doing her best to escape. Max pushes off from the back and crashes into the door shoulder first, and it breaks open. She clips her wings on the top of the door on the way out, but she’s free.
Max pushes herself to her feet and faces the six stunned Whitecoats. One of them calls a Code Red, but she’s already launched herself onto the closest person wearing a white coat. She’s screaming, but it doesn’t reach her own ears. Max smashes her fist into the scientist’s face again and again and again - she doesn’t stop until Jeb bursts into the room and hauls her off. Max knows she’s stronger than him, but he’s nice and he makes her hot chocolate and he lets the Flock out to groom each other’s feathers and- and- and-
Max is crying when Jeb wraps her up in her wings and cradles her. Fat tears are rolling down her face and she’s sobbing as he orders the rest of the scientists out of the room - even the one that’s groaning on the floor and bleeding everywhere. “I’ll take care of this.” He says.
This, Max thinks through the haze in her head, I’m not an It to him. I’m a this. That’s better. He would make a nice Dad.
Jeb lets Fang out of his cage, and he rushes to Iggy’s side. He gently pulls Iggy out and they curl up in front of the dog cage where Jeb sits down next to him. When Max realizes how close she is to Iggy and Fang, the people she’s supposed to protect, she clambers from his arms and sets her tiny, chubby hands on the side of Iggy’s face. There’s blood everywhere and the only clear spots are the tear tracks.
She whimpers and Jeb scratches the place on her back where skin meets feather. “Iggy,” Her voice cracks and he turns his head toward the sound, “What happened?”
“I was awake,” He babbles, “I was awake and I saw it until I didn’t, and now I can’t see and there was so much blood and I’m blind-” Iggy’s voice breaks again and he starts sobbing. Max and Fang instinctively curl around him, playing parents even though they’re the same age.
Max doesn’t know what the fuck to do. She’s only eight, and for all of her life, she’s lived in a dog cage. For all of her life, it’s been the three of them. Maximum. Fang. Iggy. The Flock. She’s always been the oldest and Jeb, the nicest Whitecoat, tells her that means she’s the leader. She has to take care of her flock-mates. She has to protect them. How is she supposed to protect them if she can’t even protect Iggy from being blinded? How is he supposed to fly? How is he supposed to run the Races?
How is he supposed to come with them when they figure out how to escape?
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newhologram · 3 years
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I've been doing some thinking and realizing just how far back this all goes. Those of you who know me and my family IRL may have a hard time believing the emotional abuse and gaslighting because whenever you've met them, they seemed fine. They may have even bragged about me to you which made you think that they thought very highly of me. They also may have neglected to inform you that I have been disabled by chronic illness the past 10 years (many of my other family members had no idea until they spoke to me personally. It's... really fucking weird? To just not tell anyone that your offspring is in bed all day in horrible pain and constantly at the doctor/ER?). Unfortunately this is also part of the gaslighting, putting on a persona of parental perfection so that no one believes me when I try to talk about it. Instead people, even within my family, make excuses for the abuse and say that I should just be grateful. Behind closed doors it's always been very different. In the event that me processing this in private spaces gets out to them (which WILL endanger me): This isn't about *~exposing~* or *~revenge~* or *~punishment~*, it's about putting the pieces together and saying, yeah, I'm right to finally put my foot down about the way I have been treated. This is my experience. This is my trauma. I'm finally claiming that after a lifetime of being told that these experiences and my pain around them are apparently "not real" (gaslighting). By talking about this, I am not victimizing myself, but empowering myself. Because none of this treatment was ever my fault. None of it was ever deserved. And none of this is to be blamed on my "response" to abuse. I hope that by talking about this I can paint a picture of the dynamic and inspire investigation into the health of your own family dynamics too. "But they're family" is literally what enables this kind of abuse to continue. And I'm done. My health and survival is more important than upholding a toxic family system. They're learning that the hard way, finally. I don't think my family members are bad people. I truly do love and care for them. They have some amazing qualities. They love animals and they've come a long way to now being LGBTQ+ allies even if they don't always use the right words. But they have a lot of flaws that most likely come from their own trauma... But these aren't just self-contained flaws. Because I am the one who will be undoing the damage for the rest of my life. I don't know if they will ever go to therapy themselves, but I certainly won't be waiting around for them to work on themselves if it means I'm going to continue to be mistreated and re-traumatized. - It's always been this way but things definitely got worse in my home when I became disabled (possibly bc it triggered insecurities in them?). Both parents ignored me to my face all my life. I'd say or ask something, and there'd be no response most of the time. If I said, "hey, I'm talking to you, that's rude" they would blow up at me about "WHAT. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY. I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND OKAY I HAVE MY OWN LIFE". This happened even when I was a literal child. I grew up believing that nothing I had to say was worth hearing and that if they ignored me that it was because I was unimportant and annoying. But if I ignore them or take too long to respond because I'm thinking, they scold me me about being rude, that they are my parents and I need to respect them. My emotions and pain have been invalidated since I was a child too. I would get picked up from afterschool care, or my bully's house, and of course I'd be crying from enduring a day of bullying. I would say, "I didn't do anything to them, it's not fair." And my dad's response was always, "WELL GUESS WHAT LIFE'S NOT FAIR. WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE AN ADULT IN THE REAL WORLD." He has continued to say this to me on a regular basis whenever I am struggling, either with work, friends, relationships, a death, or my chronic illnesses. I wonder why he has never considered my world to be real? Why is my reality not real to him? What
makes that even more painful is that I was still sent day after day to the school where I was bullied, to afterschool care with my bullies, and to my bullies' homes. No matter how much I was always crying when they picked me up, they just kept sending me back. And then a few of my dad's girlfriend's had children who bullied me too. I literally could never escape it. If it wasn't that, his response to me crying about something would be, "YOU HAVE NOTHING TO CRY ABOUT. YOU'RE LIVING THE LIFE OF LUXURY HERE, YOU DON'T PAY RENT! JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE OUT THERE HAVING REAL PROBLEMS!" Again, he said this to me when I was a 24 year old who was suddenly in the span of a year so disabled that I could barely work. I was scared for my future, because I had taken the time to educate myself about my illnesses, and I knew that things were going to be hard for me. What I needed was support, not "tough love" and emotional invalidation. I was also scared of the situation I am in now. I was scared that I was going to be too sick to afford to move out and that by age 30 I would still be stuck at home with a parent who did not see my reality, my pain, as real. I am living that and it's not fun. Whenever I tried to talk to him about this invalidation, it just turned into a fight, because he refuses to admit the things that he said, and says things like "That's a You Problem" which he has said since I was a child in response to him hurting my feelings. I have always thought it was worth the effort to communicate to my loved ones this sort of issue, because that's what I was taught at school. If there's an issue, you talk about it. But my family doesn't believe that I guess. - When I first got sick, I was throwing up a lot. It had built up over several years since I was 19 but then after I was officially diagnosed with my Big 4 (colitis/fibro/ME/narcolepsy) I started having really dangerous vomiting attacks. The first attack I had lasted 6 days. I lost 12lbs. I overheard my dad complaining on the phone to a friend that I was keeping him up all night throwing up. I felt so bad for bothering him, I had learned to value his comfort over mine. But after the third day of nonstop vomiting, I told my dad I needed to go to the ER, that something was wrong. He sighed and rolled his eyes and said I didn't need to go. He was so annoyed with me for being sick. I was completely pale. I hadn't eaten anything. I could barely keep water down. I argued but he wouldn't listen. I went back to throwing up, at this point just dry-heaving. A while later I said, "I'm taking myself to the ER." I grabbed my car keys and my dad stopped me. He said, "That's ridiculous, you aren't driving yourself to the ER, I'll do it." But he still wouldn't take me for some reason. I don't know if he just didn't want to pay the copay or what. But I was literally trapped. I tried to fight it and said, "If you're going to take me, then take me. If not, let me take myself." I kept throwing up for three more days before he finally agreed to take me. The ER was packed so I ended up going to urgent care, where the nurse scolded me. She said I really should've gone to the ER after the third day of vomiting. She said that if I had gone a 7th day I could have collapsed. I didn't know how to tell her that I had tried. She asked where my family was and I said my dad had to go to work so he had just dropped me off. She had tears in her eyes and she held my hand. She said, "he should be here with you." THAT is how sick I was. That year, I went to the ER three more times. Each time I would be sobbing and ashamed of myself just for bothering my dad and for him having to pay the copay since I was too sick to earn the money myself. Again, that's how little I had learned to value myself and my health. By my birthday that year, I was suicidal from this shame. A few months later, in the new year, I started having vomiting attacks again. My dad stood over me while I was hunched over the toilet gagging and he said something I will never be able to forget, "You need to snap out of it
because I can't go through this again." He was the victim of my illness. He was the victim of my pain. This year was when my dad told me that he and his gf had been "talking" and that they had decided it was "time for me to be independent". He said they'd even help me find an apartment. I cried and said, "Dad, I'm sick. I've been so sick the past year. How am I supposed to afford even splitting rent with a roommate when I'm in bed in a neckbrace all day long?" and his response was, "But your dad needs his bachelor pad." I couldn't even identify what I was feeling. I was so shocked. Did he really think having the apartment to himself so he could have girls over was more important? But he was always telling me that I was the most important person in his life. I was so confused.
He gave me a time frame to move out and I was terrified. I thought my life was over. But most of all, I thought, "it's not fair to my dad that I'm sick." I thought so little of myself and my pain because that is what I learned as a kid. I blamed myself for not being "strong enough" to power through these debilitating illnesses. I blamed myself for my dad's money troubles. I literally could not live with myself knowing that my dad had to support me. I was so ashamed that I learned to vomit quietly so that he wouldn't notice. I was in a constant state of suicidality for several years after this. And it's no wonder, because year after year my dad has barged into my room to harass me about "it's time to be a Real Adult! It's time for you to Contribute to the household! You need to Make Money! I'm HEMORRHAGING money supporting you! I'm having to use my savings!" and because I was too sick to do this, I felt like a complete failure who did not deserve to live. I was self-harming constantly because I hated myself for "doing this" to my father. He had convinced me that I was the villain. I would start freaking out about money, forcing myself to work even if it meant vomiting literally on set (and almost being sent home bc of it, but I insisted I was fine to work). But I still couldn't make enough to afford my medical expenses. So I would shame-spiral and be suicidal again and then suddenly the story would change. My dad did a complete 180 and said, "Why are you even worried about money? We're doing fine. Even if I didn't have to support you, it wouldn't make that big of a difference in the money that I spend on this household. Don't worry about it." And then as soon as bills were due, he was back to telling me that I needed to make money. Back to saying we spent too much money on food despite me not eating that much. Back to refusing to try shopping somewhere cheaper when I suggested ways to save money. When I brought this up to my therapist back then, she said, "He's giving you mixed messages. Maybe you should bring this up to him so he realizes he's doing it." But when I did bring it up, of course my dad denied doing this and called me ungrateful even as I worked two jobs. When I eventually got a third job (fucking up my health more) to pay off my medical debt, my dad patted my back and told me how proud he was. When I told my therapist that he denied it, she suggested I bring him in so she could help us communicate. When I asked him to come with me to therapy, he got angry and said, "I am NOT going to therapy with you, that is ridiculous." But even with those 3 jobs it still wasn't enough and I was constantly being pulled between "YOU HAVE TO MAKE MONEY RIGHT NOW END OF THE WORLD" and "uhh why are you even worried about money, you need to work your mindset..." When bugged about money I would ask, "What else do you want me to do? I'm working 3 jobs. I'm not hiding money from you. I'm sending you everything that is leftover after I pay my own bills. I've even been buying a lot of my own food, I've been living off ramen and cans of ravioli." And he never had an answer except "just make more money." -- Now to the dynamic I'm currently living in. My dad moved his gf and her dog in without talking to me about it to see if it was going to impact my health. She was only supposed to stay here for maybe 4-5 days while she figured out a new home situation. But when I asked my dad about it in the days leading up to her arrival, suddenly the answer was "oh, she's staying indefinitely." I had no say in it. But we had a talk about what I needed to make this work. I said to my dad that the most important thing was that I have some scheduled quiet time. If I'm recording content or editing audio, I'm going to need quiet that morning so I can get my work done. If I'm resting, I need there to not be shouting or slamming doors happening in the house. He assured me that this was fine and that it'd all be easy for the three of us. The first weekend she was moved in, I let my dad know that I was editing audio that morning and needed
some quiet. He was cheerful and said, "No problem!" I thought wow, this is different. This is nice! This is going to be great for my productivity and health. As soon as I started editing, his gf was blasting music in the kitchen (right next to my room) and they were both laughing and talking loudly just a few steps away from my door. I thought, okay, we talked about this. But I'll just power through. When I was done, I went to my dad and said in a calm manner, "Hey, so this morning I let you know ahead of time that I was editing audio but there was still a ton of music and stuff in the kitchen, so it made it take a lot longer for me." His eyes immediately went dark. He put on an angry parent voice and said, "Okay, I am about to pop. I have enough going on without worrying about making too much noise for you." I said, calmly still, "We talked about this, though, and you assured me it wasn't a problem that I needed this quiet time for editing. So I'm not sure what to do. I'm just letting you know that there was still loud music right next to my room even though we had talked about it." He responded, "Then you need to be more specific because I don't know what you're doing in there." I corrected, "But I told you this morning that I was going to be editing audio and you said it was no problem to have some quiet in the kitchen while I did so." He got more aggressive, "No, you need to be more specific." Again, "I was specific. I told you the time frame that I was going to be editing audio in. You said you understood. I don't know what else to do to fix this other than by openly communicating to you about it." I started crying because--I mean, uhh?? This is gaslighting. I couldn't believe that mere hours after I had specifically told my dad that I was editing audio and that he had assured me it was no problem to have some quiet, that he was accusing me of not telling him what I needed, and that he had not agreed to it or something. Like wtf. He got nastier and blamed me for his stress. But me crying triggered his guilt so he tried to soothe himself by hugging me like he does and I pulled away. I tried to emphasize to him that I'm not just making content for fun. I'm literally trying to make money and contribute to the household like he has told me I need to do for the past 8 years. And when he disrupts my editing process, it just makes it take longer, and it makes it harder for me to earn extra money. His gf was also super rude to me when I tried to be friendly and have a conversation with her. I was telling her about how great it felt to have my sister initiate a conversation about my gender identity and she interrupted me (like she does constantly) to say, "YOU KNOW YOUR SISTER DOESN'T ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT, RIGHT?" (wtf...) After this, I didn't speak to them for three days. I was feeling the urge to self-harm that whole weekend and all I could do was stay in bed crying after that. I knew if I spoke to them I would just get triggered so I was protecting myself. My dad felt guilty and tried to talk to me in my room. I tried to explain how triggering this whole situation is for me and he said he would do anything to make it easier for me. I had told him what I needed but that he had gaslighted me about it. - This next and last part is going to illustrate the priorities in this household. A few years ago, I started having problems with hives. I spent almost a whole year having very painful breakouts all over my body. It kept me up all night and caused me so much discomfort during the day. I kept telling my dad about it (no response, or annoyed responses), I went to the doctor several times about it (useless ointments), and suffered month after month. I tried so many things, I thought maybe it was bugs, spiders, etc. My asthma was also acting up and I remembered that an ex-neighbor had been suspicious of mold because of their health issues getting better the second they moved out. They had told me back then that we should test for mold. I brought it up to my dad that I had been suffering from this for
long enough and that we should do something about it (mold also makes fibromyalgia and ME way worse). He angrily snapped, "What do you want me to do about it?" I suggested we ask the landlord to mold test the apartment. He refused bc he doesn't like to bother the landlord. I said that I would just order a mold kit myself and he said, "No, let me do it, I'll pick the right one." But he wouldn't even after I kept reminding him. Even after I sent him links to mold kits that we could order. After I got rid of my mattress, my hives got a lot better but I still have issues every now and then. For years I have just lived with this because I couldn't get him to even care about the fact that I was spotted with these big pink hives. When his gf moved in, we had a random rainy day, which seems to have activated the mold. His gf got one tiny little hive and the sniffles. She said to him once, "Hey, I think you have mold in this house." Want to guess what happened after that? You're right. He immediately ordered several mold test kits. I said to my therapist, "How am I supposed to feel about that? Is it really unreasonable, am I really in the wrong to feel hurt by that?" My therapist said, "I mean, I would feel completely invalidated and like I didn't matter." This isn't the first time empathy has been withheld from me obviously (above examples during my flare ups), but sometimes even when it's right in front of him he just can't bring himself to care for some reason. One time a big piece of glass was in my thumb. I said, "Ahhh, glass, help! Glass!" He was eating snacks in the kitchen and just glanced at me, didn't move or say anything. I realized he wasn't going to help, so shaking and bleeding, I managed to pull the glass out with tweezers very painfully. It bled so much and I stood over the sink trying to stop it. My dad just kept eating his snacks, not asking if I was okay or anything, he didn't even look at me. After 5 minutes I still couldn't get the blood to stop and asked my dad if he could help, maybe get me some gauze. He put food in his mouth and sighed, "Just put pressure on it" and walked away. It feels like he's just disgusted with me. I know that he does love me and that he's trying the best he can with all of his mental/emotional/personality flaws but he thinks that just because he puts a roof over my head that he can treat me however he wants and not work on his issues, that it's my fault for being hurt. He thinks that his issues are all on me to learn to endure and it's not right. I know that he resents me for getting in the way of him having a relationship because that's the only message I have gotten since childhood, with every woman he's brought into my home. But in the end his relationships always fall apart because the woman ends up realizing, and stating to him, that he is "emotionally absent". And every time, I comfort my dad through the break up. When he has tried to blame his ex I said once to him that therapy can really help him with his emotional issues and relationships. But he refuses, so. That's on him. But I refuse to believe that I am in the wrong here for saying enough is enough. But he's going to keep trying to make me believe that the problem is just me and my feelings, not his behavior. Nope. Boundary is up. I just have to keep to myself and do what I need to do to stay safe until I can move out. Because I guarantee you he's going to realize he doesn't get enough validation from his gf and then come running back to me as always and then be angry that I'm still holding my boundary strong. I know that this will hurt less as I get distance from it, but I don't like the idea of my pain being my fault when I grew up with this toxic stuff. I'm working so hard to make it hurt less but I can't heal if it keeps happening, so all I can do is back away from what is hurting me instead of being surprised when I'm hurt again. THAT is on me 100%. Hopefully he doesn't grab my desk and slam it against the wall again like in 2014 when I first tried to set this boundary. And of course when he
"apologized" he accused me of "punishing him" by not spending time with him. Jee-zus, dude. Get therapy. I can't be the only one in this family bearing this weight and working on my shit.
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Sanders Sanctuary for Borrowers/Tinies
Hello! Welcome to this AU! Have an info dump post to get yourself acclimated to the universe! And read the first fic installment if you haven’t here! 
Content Warnings: Mentions of abuse (of both humans and borrowers),  lots of talk about treating people as pets, starvation, mentions of intelligent people being used as science experiments, minor character death, please let me know if I should add anything!
Premise
The Sanders Sanctuary for Borrowers (or as it’s publicly known, the Sanders Sanctuary for Tinies) is located in and around the farmhouse of one Thomas Sanders. 
Officially to the public, the sanctuary is a place where tinies who were in bad situations, such as an abusive owner, an illegal zoo, or underground fight club, can be taken to recover. Unofficially, the mission of the sanctuary is to rescue any borrower it can, from any situation where they’re being exploited by humans, whether the rest of society deems it “abusive” or not. 
The Sanctuary currently has two human “employees,” Thomas Sanders, the founder, and Deacon Jacobs, Thomas’s best friend. Thomas would love to one day bring in more humans to help, but for now, Dee is the only one he trusts to keep the secret of the sanctuary’s true purpose. 
The eventual goal is to turn the sanctuary into a force for change; through education and rescue work, Thomas hopes to change the public’s perception of borrowers and stop their mistreatment at the hands of society. 
The sanctuary is designed to allow the borrowers to live as independently as possible, if they so wish, and the eventual goal is to have it be completely borrower run and serviced, though there simply isn’t enough manpower yet for this to happen.
Humans
Thomas Sanders 
Thomas is a 30 year old actor and singer who moved to the country when he inherited a big farmhouse and a little chunk of land from his  Aunt Patty. 
He mostly does stage acting, which is where he met Deacon, and it’s his biggest passion besides helping borrowers. 
He doesn’t have very many human friends in the area, and everyone in the small town that’s near his house thinks he’s a bit weird: a city boy who moved out to the country and started a sanctuary for tinies? But he’s super friendly and polite to everyone, so there’s no ill will. More like animosity, which for the kind of operation he runs, suits Thomas just fine. 
Thomas is very active online, where there are a smattering of other Tiny Rights groups. The groups are mostly advocating for safer care of pet tinies and against using tinies as lab subjects or who are fighting and spreading awareness about the illegal zoos or fight clubs, very few of them view tinies as people (think groups in our world that are against animal cruelty), but there are a few who do see that truth, and Thomas has been working to grow that community as best he can. 
Janus Deacon Jacobs
Deacon (he’s gone by his middle name since middle school due to teasing surround the name “Janus”) is a 28 year set designer and builder, and worked in the same theater as Thomas for about five years or so. He’s snarky and a bit abrasive at times, so he didn’t have many friends, but Thomas reached out to him and the two just clicked instantly. 
Deacon (or Dee, for short) was the first person who Thomas confided in about the tinies that he found, and surprised Thomas with the knowledge that he already knew that the creatures were intelligent and that they called themselves borrowers. 
When Dee was a child, he was in a pretty abusive household, and he used to hide in the attic when his parents got into one of their many screaming matches. There was a borrower living in that attic, and they became Dee’s only friend. For a long time, that borrower was Dee’s refuge from his parents, but his mom found out about the “pest” in the house  and had animal control come to catch it and take it away one day while Dee was at school. He never even got to say goodbye. 
When Thomas expressed interest in Dee about the sanctuary, Dee immediately offered his services. He knows its unlikely, but a tiny part of him hopes that one day he’ll find that borrower again. 
Deacon is the one who designed and built most of the more elaborate structures at the sanctuary, and once they started having borrowers actually living there, he helps them with the upkeep of the facilities and follows their lead on what needs to happen for things to run more smoothly. 
Borrowers (in the order that they arrived at the Sanctuary)
Joan and Talyn
Joan and Talyn are wild borrowers who lived by borrowing from Thomas’s Aunt Patty for years. When Thomas moved into the house, their borrowing woke him up in the middle of the night (Patty was a much heavier sleeper than Thomas is) and they were discovered.
They were initially very wary of Thomas, but when he realized how scared they were, he backed off. They were prepared to leave, but then they realized Thomas was leaving food out for them and that he hadn’t called animal control, so they decided to stay and give the guy a chance. 
Joan and Talyn are the only borrowers at the sanctuary who have been free their entire lives. They helped Thomas design his facility so that it would be a borrower’s idea of a sanctuary, not a human’s idea of one, and they help to find and bring other borrowers to the sanctuary. 
Roman
The first borrower besides Joan and Talyn to arrive at the sanctuary, Roman was born in captivity and raised for the pet trade. His owners were a rich couple who had expensive and exotic tastes. 
He was kept in a gilded cage in their sitting room during the day, and was expected to pose elegantly when people were in the room. 
One day the lady of the house overheard him singing to himself to pass the time, and after that, he was also made to sing for guests. 
He ended up at the sanctuary after the mansion burnt down in a fire; his owners only evacuated the “essentials,” so he was left in his cage as the house burnt around him. A support beam ended up falling in just the right way, knocking his cage down and damaging the door enough for him to crawl out and escape the house. 
For a few days, he was alone, wandering the city streets in search of food and shelter. He’d been dependant on humans his entire life and had no idea how to survive, so when Deacon found him and asked if he needed help, Roman was all too eager to accept. 
Logan
Logan was bred in captivity and was used as a lab-tiny. He was used for product testing (cosmetics, mostly), and still considers himself very fortunate, as he only encountered severe side effects two or three times over the course of his life in the lab. 
He never thought he’d know a life outside of the lab, but one night, an intern didn’t close his cage door properly and he took a chance on escape. He knew he might get himself killed if he tried, but he didn’t care, he’d take the chance on freedom. 
He succeeded, and managed to survive on his own for a couple months before Joan and Talyn found him on one of their scouting missions. He accepted their invitation to come back with them, and has lived at the sanctuary ever since.
Logan hates how borrowers are assumed to be inferior simply because of their size with a burning passion. He’s determined to prove that borrowers are just as intelligent as humans.
He taught himself how to read in the lab, and when he arrived at the sanctuary, attended online schooling (because online, everyone assumes you’re a human). He got a high school diploma in less than two years, and is working on his college degree now. 
Emile
Emile was born into the pet trade like Roman. He was bought for a little girl’s birthday present, and genuinely loved his human. 
He was by her side as she grew up, she told him about her day every single day when she got home from school, he met her best friends, he cried with her the first time she got her heart broken, and she let him roam free around her bedroom (though her parents wouldn’t allow him to roam the rest of the house.) 
They both thought that they’d be together forever, but then her dad got a job in a new city, and their new apartment didn’t allow pets. 
Emile had to be given away, and the home that he ended up in was not a nice one. He was no longer allowed to walk about as he pleased, he wasn’t fed very much, and he was basically neglected. The worst thing for him though, was watching his old human’s friend be neglected alongside him. Their parents were drug users, and didn’t care about much else, and it broke Emile’s heart to see such a sweet kid wilting away. 
When the parents were both arrested for drug use, the teen was put into foster care, and the police were planning on just dumping Emile at a shelter, but Thomas had caught wind of the case and offered to take him in, which no one else had a problem with. 
Emile wants to train to be a therapist to help both humans and borrowers alike work through their pain and trauma. 
Remy
Remy was born free, but was captured as a young teen by a group of humans that use tinies in underground fighting tournaments. 
Definitely had the worst of things physically. Was covered in cuts and bruises when he was rescued, not to mention dozens of old injuries that had never really healed properly. 
He fought just well enough to make it worth his handler’s while to keep him after losses. Was found when the police raided the operation. Unfortunately, while they did make a few arrests, most of the participants got away, along with all the other tinies. Remy was left behind because he’d just been knocked out losing a fight, so when the police get there they’re met with a few spectators who were too drunk to run away and one unconscious tiny in the middle of the ring. 
After being made to fight at night and sleep during the day, his sleep schedule is all out of whack, and he basically sleeps whenever his boyd gives out and he crashes. He doesn’t like bright lights or loud noises very much, and he wears dark glasses to keep everything a little dimmer. 
Patton and Virgil
Patton and Virgil are brothers who were born free. They were captured when Patton was 19 and Virgil 16 and sold to a pet store. 
Patton was sold right away, and spent just over a year living with a kind old man who needed a companion. But then, the old man passed away in his sleep, and Patton nearly starved to death with no one to take care of him. He was eventually found and taken to a shelter, who then called the Sanders Sanctuary. (more on this)
Patton was half dead when he was brought to the sanctuary, but when he started to recover physically, his mental state stayed very poor. Eventually, Emile was able to coax his story out of him, and Thomas and Deacon decided that their next mission was to track Virgil down and reunite the two brothers. 
Virgil spent two years wasting away unwanted in the pet store, until after nine months of looking, Deacon finally tracked him down and brought him to the Sanders Sanctuary to be with Patton again. 
Patton and Virgil join Joan and Talyn in helping borrowers who were born in captivity learn more about borrower culture and what it means to be self-sufficient. The two are still pretty shaken after everything they’ve been through, but with the help of everyone at the sanctuary, they’re beginning to heal.
Follow this blog for more content in the Sanders Sanctuary verse, and asks are open!
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VERONICA    ROSE    SAWYER    AND    THE    MUSIC    OF    ST    VINCENT    .    
word    count    :        3,006    . trigger    warnings    for    :        child    abuse    /    neglect    ,        depression    ,        self    harm    ,        suicide    ,        murder    .
there    are    a    few    points    that    i    will    be    ignoring    -        namely    ,        clarke’s    music    does    have    a    heavy    focus    on    catholicism    that    ronnie    ,        as    a    jewish    woman    ,        won’t    relate    to    necessarily    on    a    literal    level    .        i    might    purposely    misinterpret    some    of    the    more    catholic    songs    ,        but    for    the    most    part    ,        i’ll    just    .    .    .        skip    over    that    shit    ,        lol    .        
of    course    ,        not    every    song    of    hers    makes    perfect    sense    with    veronica    ,        but    there    are    a    substantial    amount    that    really    hit    home    for    characterization    purposes    .        i’ll    be    pretty    brief    about    them    mostly    due    to    the    fact    that    this    is    going    to    be    long    enough    but    !        
please    enjoy    a    massive    post    about    veronica’s    most    influential    muse    inspiration    ,        st    vincent    ,        and    how    each    song    sparks    a    different    facet    of    her    characterization    ,        personality    ,        and    history    .
  ALBUM    ONE    -        MARRY    ME    .
*** NOW ,  NOW .       this    song    is    one    of    five    songs    that    truly    cuts    to    the    very    core    of    veronica’s    persona    .        it    is    written    as    a    cutting    dismantlement    of    preconceived    notions    ;        and    while    that    in    a    general    sense    does    apply    to    her    ,        it    pulls    apart    as    a    particularly    embittered    attack    on    heather    chandler    .        with    the    deconstruction    of    her    worth    to    her    (    i’m    not    your    mother’s    favourite    dog    /    i’m    not    the    carpet    you    walk    on    /    i’m    not    the    feather    at    your    feet    /    i’m    not    the    paw    to    your    king    /    i’m    not    anyone    you’ll    beat    )    ,        it    harkens    to    her    rebellion    and    powerful    nature    that’s    been    crushed    under    heather’s    heel    .        the    chorus    and    final    lines    of    the    song    draw    perfect    parallels    to    her    and    heather’s    fight    at    the    party    ,        and    the    inevitable    death    -        you    don’t    mean    that    ,        say    you’re    sorry    /    i’ll    make    you    sorry    .    this    track    is    desperately    dramatically    perfectly    attached    to    my    interpretation    of    ronnie    .
*** YOUR LIPS ARE RED .        this    goes    along    almost    chronologically    with    above    -        this    song    is    about    murder    ,        explicitly    ;        and    by    god    does    that    ever    track    !        particular    lyrics    of    note    are    :        this    city’s    red    from    riding    us    into    the    ground    /    your    face    is    drawn    from    drawing    words    right    from    my    lips    /    my    hands    are    red    from    sealing    your    red    lips    /    your    skin’s    so    fair    ,        it’s    not    fair    .        the    narrative    of    the    song    leads    towards    a    crime    of    passion    ;        anger    and    hate    towards    someone    with    some    sort    of    power    over    them    ,        and    the    eventual    revenge    for    their    (    perceived    )    mistreatment    .        veronica    doesn’t    feel    as    bad    as    she    should    that    heather’s    gone    ;        a    part    of    her    feels    satisfied    ,        and    that’s    the    part    that    this    song    exemplifies    .
THE APOCALYPSE SONG .        embracing    the    carnal    nature    of    life    and    cutting    away  �� from    those    who    refuse    to    (    or    are    too    afraid    to    )    join    you    -        in    a    more    subdued    sense    ,        it’s    similar    to    what    veronica    does    in    cutting    loose    from    her    friends    ;        and    further    still    ,        ostracizing    herself    from    her    family    to    build    a    more    spectacular    life    for    herself    and    jason    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        you’ll    awake    with    the    stitches    over    both    of    your    eyes    ,        and    deny    me    my    body    and    all    earthly    delights    /    i    guess    you    are    afraid    of    what    everyone    is    made    of    /    your    devotion    has    the    look    of    a    lunatic’s    gaze    .
LANDMINES .        in    terms    of    the    tragedy    of    the    beginnings    of    her    and    jason’s    relationship    -        when    he    spirals    into    the    worst    parts    of    his    plans    ,        she    is    desperate    to    try    and    lure    him    back    to    the    better    side    .        it’s    sadness    ,        it’s    hope    without    reason    ,        it’s    painful    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        i’m    crawling    through    landmines    just    to    know    where    you    are    /    there’s    smoke    in    my    eyes    ,        ‘cause    you’re    burning    the    ground    /    i’m    crawling    through    landmines    -        i    know    ,        ‘cause    i    planted    them    /    under    cover    of    night    ,        i    put    my    heart    in    the    ground    /    where’d    you    go    ?    please    don’t    go    /    i    found    your    glove    with    the    leather    torn    ,        five    fingers    that    i’m    counting    on    ,        smoke    signals    to    call    you    right    here    .
  ALBUM    TWO    -        ACTOR    .
THE STRANGERS .        clarke    said    she’d    written    this    song    about    a    woman    who’s    spoiled    by    decadence    and    leisure    ,        but    is    desperately    sad    by    her    situation    .        which    ,        in    all    honesty    ,        fits    veronica    to    a    t    -        exhausted    by    the    picturesque    garden    ,        and    unwilling    to    continue    being    trimmed    to    fit    in    paradise    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        lover    ,        i    don’t    play    to    win    ,        but    for    the    thrill    ‘till    i’m    spent    /    you    showed    up    with    a    black    eye    ,        ready    to    go    start    a    fight    /    desperate    don’t    look    good    on    you    ,        neither    does    your    virtue    /    paint    the    black    hole    blacker    .
THE NEIGHBOURS .        the    song    paints    a    picture    of    a    hatred    of    suburban    sedentary    lifestyles    ;        partial    arson    ,        partial    alcoholism    ,        all    very    accurate    to    the    way    ronnie    feels    being    stuck    in    sherwood    ohio    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        let’s    pour    wine    in    coffee    cups    and    drive    around    the    neighbourhood    /    i    won’t    believe    not    a    word    you    speak    just    make    it    sweet    to    hear    /    these    kids    are    foaming    at    the    mouths    ,        psychotropic    capricorns    /    how    can    monday    be    alright    ,        then    on    tuesday    lose    my    mind    ? 
* BLACK RAINBOW .        this    is    a    portrait    of    one    person    in    their    isolation    of    an    elevated    comprehension    above    the    brainwashed    masses    of    average    american    life    -        the    loneliness    in    their    own    self    -    aggrandizing    thought    processes    ,        but    also    the    pangs    of    hopelessness    when    they    know    that    they’re    still    right    .        veronica    is    allowed    an    understanding    that    her    parents    and    these    remington    assholes    have    chosen    to    ignore    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        think    i’m    glass    ,        think    i’m    breaking    it    /    let    the    children    act    like    furniture    for    the    ladies    of    the    lawn    /    unkissed    boys    and    girls    of    paradise    lining    up    around    the    block    /    back    pocket    full    of    dynamite    while    the    neighbours    talk    and    talk    /    bird    outside    the    kitchen    ,        fighting    his    reflection    ,        what’s    he    gonna    win    when    he    wins    ?    /    if    you    want    the    neighbours    woke    ,        you’ll    have    to    shout    even    louder    .
* LAUGHING WITH A MOUTH OF BLOOD .        clarke    has    described    this    song    as    a    balancing    act    between    the    pain    of    the    past    and    the    uncertainty    of    the    future    ,        and    the    desperation    that’s    found    when    those    two    roads    meet    .        ronnie’s    got    scars    she’s    healing    from    ,        but    she’s    also    got    no    idea    why    and    how    to    keep    on    living    afterwards    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        just    like    an    amnesiac    ,        trying    to    get    my    senses    back    /    laughing    with    a    mouth    of    blood    from    a    little    spill    i    took    /    all    my    old    friends    aren’t    so    friendly    ,        and    all    my    old    haunts    are    now    haunting    me    /    i    can’t    see    the    future    but    i    know    it’s    watching    me    .
MARROW .        a    vague    song    ,        but    one    that    resonates    deeper    with    ronnie    than    she    expected    through    its    undertones    of    feeling    as    though    she’s    not    in    control    of    her    body    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        i    wish    i    had    a    gentle    mind    and    spine    made    up    of    iron    /    mouth    connects    to    the    teeth    and    teeth    to    the    loves    and    the    curses    /    so    i    pretend    there    aren’t    ten    strings    tied    to    all    ten    of    my    fingers    .
THE PARTY .        a    dreamscape    of    a    song    that    touches    on    her    subtle    alcoholism    and    desperation    for    connections    that    never    come    .        veronica’s    coping    mechanisms    lead    her    into    bad    habits    in    order    to    make    connections    ,        but    ultimately    leave    her    completely    floundering    after    everything’s    over    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        i’d    pay    anything    to    keep    my    conscience    clean    /    there    aren’t    enough    hands    to    point    all    the    fingers    /    i    lick    the    ice    cube    from    your    empty    glass    /    honey    ,        the    party    ,        you    went    away    quickly    /    i’ve    said    much    too    much    and    they’re    trying    to    sweep    up    .
* JUST THE SAME BUT BRAND NEW .        this    song    is    a    floating    heartbreak    ,        following    the    descent    into    depression    st    vincent    falls    into    after    losing    somebody    she    loves    -        did    she    do    something    wrong    ?        where    do    i    go    from    now    ?        how    do    i    fill    this    hole    in    my    heart    ?        veronica    feels    this    on    a    lesser    level    towards    her    friends    ,        however    few    she    may    have    had    ;        but    in    its    fullest    extent    after    jd    ,        because    despite    everything    (    fear    ,        pain    ,        abuse    )    ,        she    still    loves    him    for    what    she    thought    she    had    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        so    i    walked    away    all    perfumed    ,        felt    just    the    same    but    brand    new    /    and    anything    you    wrote    i    checked    for    codes    and    clues    /    i    changed    my    ‘a’s    and    ‘i’s    to    yours    /    i    do    my    best    impression    of    weightlessness    now    too    /    i    might    be    wrong    ,        i    might    be    wrong    ,        i    might    be    wrong    ,        but    honey    i    believed    i    could    just    float    away    ,        dangling    .
  ALBUM    THREE    -        STRANGE    MERCY    .
* CHEERLEADER .        a    determined    cry    to    reject    the    role    being    forced    upon    her    ;        a    final    stand    to    shed    the    expectations    thrown    over    her    ,        while    also    reminiscing    on    how    these    constraints    have    forced    veronica    to    become    afraid    of    being    vulnerable    .           important    lyrics    to    note    :        i’ve    had    good    times    with    some    bad    guys    /    i’ve    told    whole    lies    with    a    half    smile    /    i    don’t    know    what    good    it    serves    ,        pouring    my    purse    in    the    dirt    /    i’ve    played    dumb    when    i    knew    better    /    i    don’t    know    what    i    deserve    ,        but    your    you    i    could    work    /    i    don’t    wanna    be    a    cheerleader    no    more    ,        i    don’t    wanna    be    a    dirt    eater    no    more    .
DILETTANTE .        a    brutal    cutting    slice    of    her    and    jason    dean’s    relationship    -        a    desire    to    stay    ,        but    a    desperation    to    bring    their    passion    back    down    to    earth    .        partially    a    love    song    ,        trying    to    preserve    their    fire    without    burning    up    ;        partially    a    lament    about    overcoming    the    fear    of    stagnation    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        nobody’s    winning    ,        the    sharks    are    swimming    in    the    red    /    while    you    are    sleeping    ,        my    mind    goes    creaking    down    the    wall    /    slow    down    dilettante    so    i    can    limp    beside    you    ,        i’m    following    your    houndstooth    /    street    savant    ,        my    bank    in    my    back    pocket    ,        how    far   you    think    it’d    take    us    ?    /     but    let’s    not    forget    why    we    crawled    here    .
  ALBUM    FOUR    -        ST    VINCENT    .
* PRINCE JOHNNY .        this    is    the    second    song    in    a    trilogy    about    an    archetype    of    a    friend    clarke    has    named    “    johnny    ”    -        this    particular    angle    focuses    on    the    helpless    desperation    to    stop    someone    you    care    about    from    falling    down    a    dangerous    ,        self    -    destructive    path    .        in    veronica’s    eyes    ,        jason    is    her    prince    johnny    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        prince    johnny    ,        you’re    kind    but    you’re    not    simple    ,        by    now    ,        i    think    i    know    the    difference    /    saw    you    pray    to    all    to    make    you    a    real    boy    /    prince    johnny    ,        you’re    kind    ,        but    do    be    careful    /    don’t    mistake    my    affection    for    another    spit    -    and    -    penny    style    redemption    /    i    wanna    mean    more    than    i    mean    to    you    .
DIGITAL WITNESS .        a    cutting    dialogue    on    the    desperation    for    popularity    ;        in    modern    day    ,        it’s    a    critique    of    social    media    and    societal    pressures    ,        but    in    terms    of    veronica’s    timeline    ,        it    doubles    as    a    light    on    westerburg’s    obsession    with    their    queen    bees    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        i    want    all    of    your    mind    /    if    i    can’t    show    it    ,        if    you    can’t    see    me    ,        what’s    the    point    of    doing    anything    ?    /    this    is    no    time    for    confessing    /    if    you    can’t    see    me    ,        watch    me    jump    right    off    the    london    bridge    /    get    back    to    your    stare    ,        i    care    ,        but    i    don’t    care    /    what’s    the    point    of    even    sleeping    ?        so    i    stop    sleeping    /    won’t    somebody    sell    me    back    to    me    ?
REGRET .        a    self    -    explanatory    song    ,        in    all    reality    ;        you    are    afraid    to    move    ,        and    your    anxiety    keeps    you    away    from    opportunity    -        before    you    even    realize    you’ve    wasted    your    potential    ,        you’re    doomed    .        veronica    is    trapped    in    a    vicious    cycle    that    won’t    allow    her    to    spread    her    wings    ;        fear    begets    fear    ,        and    life    moves    on    without    her    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        memories    so    bright    i    gotta    squint    just    to    recall    /    regret    the    words    i’ve    bitten    more    than    the    ones    i    ever    said    /    i’m    afraid    of    heaven    because    i    can’t    stand    the    heights    /    i’m    afraid    of    you    because    i    can’t    be    left    behind    /    oh    well    ,        there’s    a    red    moon    rising    /    the    door    slammed    and    it    felt    like    a    cannonball    .
  ALBUM    FIVE    -        MASSEDUCTION    .
SUGARBOY .        a    mashup    of    a    love    song    and    an    ode    to    vicious    bisexuality    ;        a    heart    that    is    sharp    and    easy    to    slice    yourself    open    on    ,        but    a    reciprocal    appreciation    of    the    danger    that    comes    with    falling    for    someone    .        ronnie’s    sugarboy    is    jason    ;        but    she    also    learns    to    acknowledge    that    she    wouldn’t    have    minded    finding    a    sugargirl    ,        either    .    important    lyrics    to    note    :        sugarboy    ,    i    am    weak    ,        got    a    crush    on    tragedy    /    oh    here    i    go    -        a    tragedy    ,        hanging    off    from    the    balcony    /    making    a    scene    ,        oh    here    i    am    ,        your    pain    machine    /    sugargirl    ,        dissolve    in    me    ,        got    a    crush    from    kicked    -    in    teeth    /    pledge    all    your    allegiance    to    me    /    i    am    a    lot    like    you    ,        i    am    alone    like    you    .
* LOS AGELESS .        again    -        a    mashup    of    a    love    song    ,        and    a    loss    of    all    autonomy    .        what    have    you    lost    ;        a    lover    ,        or    your    sense    of    self    ?        veronica’s    lost    both    ,        and    she    doesn’t    know    what    else    to    do    but    fall    into    the    ease    of    her    prison    position    ,        following    the    orders    of    someone    who    claims    to    know    better    than    she    does    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        burn    the    pages    of    unwritten    memoires    ,        but    i    can    keep    running    /    but    how    can    i    leave    ?        i    just    follow    the    hood    of    my    car    /    how    can    anybody    have    you    and    lose    you    and    not    lose    their    mind    ,        too    ?    /    i    guess    that’s    just    me    ,        honey    -        i    guess    that’s    how    i’m    built    /    i    try    to    tell    you    i    love    you    ,        but    it    comes    out    all    sick    /    i    try    to    write    you    a    love    song    ,        but    it    comes    out    a    lament    .
SLOW DISCO .        finding    yourself    in    the    crowd    of    a    party    ,        but    not    liking    who    you    see    -        a    contrast    between    the    life    you    should    be    living    ,        and    the    life    you’re    actually    living    .        veronica    falls    to    one    side    more    than    the    other    ,        and    by    trying    to    find    herself    in    other    people    ,        she’s    doing    herself    a    grave    disservice    that    leaves    her    feeling    almost    as    if    she’s    a    ghost    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        am    i    thinking    what    everybody    else    is    thinking    ?        i’m    so    glad    i    came    but    i    can’t    wait    to    leave    /    slip    my    hand    from    your    hand    ,        leave    you    dancing    with    a    ghost    /    there’s    blood    in    my    ears    and    a    fool    in    the    mirror    /    the    bay    of    mistakes    can’t    get    any    clearer    /    don’t    it    beat    a    slow    dance    to    death    ?
* SMOKING SECTION .        self    -    destruction    .        self    harm    .        the    call    of    the    void    .        suicidal    urges    .        it’s    a    song    about    trying    to    overcome    these    feelings    by    giving    them    a    name    ,        and    remembering    that    they’re    thoughts    you    can    work    through    .        veronica’s    felt    them    her    entire    life    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        sometimes    i    sit    in    the    smoking    section    ,        hoping    one    rogue    spark    will    land    in    my    direction    /    and    when    you    stomp    me    out    i’ll    scream    and    i’ll    shout    “    let    it    happen    ,        let    it    happen    ,        let    it    happen    ”    /    sometimes    i    stand    with    a    pistol    in    hand    /    sometimes    i    stand    on    the    edge    of    my    roof    ,        and    i    think    i’ll    jump    just    to    punish    you    /    and    then    i    think    ,        what    could    be    better    than    love    ?    /    it’s    not    the    end    ,        it’s    not    the    end    ,        it’s    not    the    end    ,        it’s    not    the    end    .
  BONUS    LEVEL    -        LOVE    THIS    GIANT    .
* ICE AGE .        written    as    a    prequel    of    sorts    to    cheerleader    off    her    album    strange    mercy    ,        clarke    has    said    it’s    a    get    it    together    song    of    sorts    .        veronica’s    in    her    own    ice    age    ;        she’s    frozen    over    to    protect    herself    ,        but    in    doing    so    ,        she’s    deprived    herself    of    the    experience    of    living    .        important    lyrics    to    note    :        oh    ,        diamond    ,        it’s    such    a    shame    to    see    you    this    way    ,        your    own    little    ice    age    /    seams    are    showing    ,        and    you’re    freaking    me    out    /    we    don’t    know    how    much    we’ve    lost    until    the    winter    thaws    /    it’s    close    to    your    bones    ,        it’s    far    from    your    shell    /    feel    it    away    ,        reason    it    out    .   
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tzalmavet · 4 years
Note
Are there any oc's you have that you haven't told us about yet? Groke or otherwise
I sure do!
There’s the Bloomrik!  He was my first Moomins OC!  His nickname is “Flowers”, because they’re practically all he eats.  He’s a lazy blond mumrik who loves to rest and snack.  He loves flower crowns, but never wears them because he always winds up eating them before he can finish making them.He’s also got this crazy immunity to poisonous flowers… they’re some of his favorites!  It never sinks in that what he’s eating is toxic, no matter how many times you tell him.  He’ll try to offer you some, too, insisting that they’re safe, legitimately oblivious to their danger level.  He’s eaten so darn many over the course of his life that his body is completely saturated with the toxins, and inedible to predators.  Heck, I’d even be cautious about so much as kissing the guy.  But otherwise he’s a chill dude.
The Photographer Hemulen is exactly what he sounds like.  His passion in life is nothing less than photographing rare and exotic creatures and peoples.  He’s always customizing his camera, picking up new skills, and travelling the world in search of subjects for his private gallery.He’s seen things that could change the face of scientific history, but he hasn’t shared his evidence because that’s simply not what he’s about.  He only cares about his gallery.  In my story for him he’s the first man to ever photograph the Groke, and those pictures only made it out to the public because he fled into someone’s house after being chased by her, and had to explain himself.He’s super excited and happy to interact with the subjects of his photos, but is a grouchy old man to basically everyone else.  If you weren’t raised by crocodiles or something, he’s not interested and wants you out of his way.  He has two little brothers who have identical interests and are friendlier, but they express their passions through sound recording and videography instead.
Melanie is a moomintroll with melanism– that is, she has pitch black fur instead of white!  She has reddish eyes, too.  Most folks mistake her for a snork, but she’s 100% moomin.  She is of an unflappable, but sometimes melancholy nature.  She does work as a maid, longing to someday work in a peaceful home with lots of flowers and colorful wallpapers, but the only people who ever hire her are goths.  The households she works with have ranged from “edgy wannabes” to “the undead”, and little really scares her anymore.Goth homeowners think “holy shit a goth moomin maid for my goth house!!!!!” and scurry to hire her.  She does get tired of it sometimes, but tries not to let it get to her.  As long as her masters aren’t trying to eat her or participate in crimes, she’s pretty chill and does a good job.
Jacques is a depressed he-fillyjonk with a deathwish.  He’s too dutiful to his family name to take his own life, so he took a job working as a carriage driver for a family of grokes in the hopes that they would eat him.  He’s since been continuously frustrated to discover that they’re actually decent people.  He and Melanie knew each other in that same home, too!  The carriage horses liked to tease him.
Camphor is half moomintroll, and half snork.  She has white fur, and a pink fringe that she usually keeps it tied up in a simple ponytail above her forehead.  She can’t change color like a full snork, but she’s bioluminescent!  She’s an optimistic person, and likes to guide confused travelers through dark places at night, sort of like a reverse will-o’-the-wisp.  She’s friends with Melanie.Her bioluminescence isn’t always something she’s been proud of, her sometimes wishing she could change colors like a proper snork, but she’s come to really like it.  She likes to travel, too, so she and Melanie often communicate long-distance.  She sometimes has a hard time falling asleep if she can’t get her glow to turn off, and her light has gotten her chased by a groke at least once, but she enjoys her natural glow and likes that it can be so helpful to others.
Timber is a woodsy brown groke with a lighter brown tummy.  He’s Snowdrift’s husband and Ember’s father; he’s the same height as Snowdrift is, but her fluff makes her appear larger.  When he was cold, he’d blend into the trees, which his coloration made him very good at.  He also lingered near woodpiles when he knew a fire would be lit soon.  He was rarely ever detected, being quite good at holding still.  He made quick and silent exits when discovered, fearing that being seen as too dangerous could get him targeted and hunted down.In general a fairly simple and decent, harmless groke.  He wasn’t cold enough to hurt people, and ran silently back into the woods like a startled cat when noticed and/or touched.  He’s warm now, and loves his wife very much.  He’s not the funniest groke, but he amuses her nonetheless.
I have a currently unnamed OC who’s a mymble mother that’s ¼ groke; she was actually my second Moomins OC!  She’s huge, STRONG, and has a great attitude.  Very obviously grokesome in appearance, too (I imagine both mymble and groke genes present very strongly in interspecies crossing, so in her case it evened out).Her grandmother was an innkeeper that you could call “pure of heart, dumb of ass”; a groke stalked into her inn, shoved his arms right into the fireplace, and all she could think was “wow, I’d better put some extra rugs on his bed!”  That groke eventually warmed up under her hospitality, and it wasn’t until years later when they were deep in love that she realized he was a groke at all.  She had thought that he simply “had a REALLY bad cold”.
And there’s Zwischenzug and Dichroite; they’re Rook’s parents, and Grokemama’s great grandparents.  Zwischenzug looks a lot like Rook but with purple instead of blue, and Dichroite has fur with a vivid colorshifting effect that fades between blue and purple depending on the lighting.They’re a pair of grokes that like to play pretend at living a fancy life.  They love going on carriage rides, and even harass innocent drivers into taking them places.  Dichroite’s backstory is still very WIP, but she has a lot of talent weaving on the loom; she has to, since she can’t find any fabrics that match her fur in all lighting.Zwischenzug fell into trouble in foster care after his ill father dropped him off on a doorstep.  One of his sole passions became chess, one of the only things he wasn’t pestered about (later he would name as many of his children as he could after chess terms).  Sometime early in adolescence he snapped on the family that had been mistreating him, literally tore them to shreds, and fled into the wilderness.  After that it wasn’t too awful long before he met Dichroite, and I imagine things blossomed between them from there.They’re neglectful parents, though; they have a lot of kids, but only because they uh… can’t keep it under their skirts, so to speak.  They have immature attitudes, and mostly care about each other and what they find entertaining.  Rook certainly doesn’t miss them.
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cdelphiki · 5 years
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out of curiosity do you think eventually we will get bruce adopting baby tim or are you not planning on writing that far??? pss i love your work :)))))
That’s the next installment of In for a Pound!! I’ve posted about it quite a bit and even shared a scene I already have written, if you want to read that.  :D  (It might not make it into the actual story, because I decided to bring Tim and Cass in at the same time, which changed Tim’s story some.  So the scene might not fit or will be changed accordingly.)
I’m changing up how Tim is coming into the family, so he’s adopting a baby baby Tim.  He’s only 10!! 😍🥰
I CANT FIND THE FRIGGEN POST BECAUSE TUMBLR SUCKS ASS.  So I’ll just post it again.  It’s hidden below the cut.  As are my my WIP posts, it is rough in nature and includes some notes to remind future me what I was going for and what I’m missing.
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[Tim wakes Bruce up in the middle of the night, it’s just a week or so before his parents are slated to get back.  He’s chatted with them on the phone a few times.  [Bruce always frowns at how withdrawn Tim is after a phone convo with his parents] [This is also after Bruce has the midnight ‘i hate that you deal with this alone convo]]
“What is it, Tim?” Bruce asked sleepily.
“Oh, uh, n-nothing.  Nevermind.”  Tim said, trying to leave.
“Tim, bud, it’s clearly not nothing.”
“It’s not important.”
“Of course it’s important,” Bruce said patiently, rubbing at his face, “because you’re important.”
“I- I had a bad dream.”
Bruce supresses the desire to sigh audibly as he sits up and stretches a bit.  If Tim were his kid, he’d invite him to just crawl into bed and go back to sleep.  But Tim isn’t his kid, and letting someone elses kid sleep in his bed probably isn’t a way to stay on social services’ good side.  
“How does hot cocoa sound?” Bruce said as he grabbed a discarded t-shirt off an armchair and slipped it on, placing a hand on Tim’s back to usher him downstairs.
“G-good.” 
Bruce winces at the continued stuttering.  Tim had quit with the stuttering around him months ago.  
“And movies?”
“Okay.”
[Have a scene where Bruce is lamely putting together instant hot chocolate in the kitchen and Tim is being all shy and scared and quiet.  Withdrawn.]
“Want to talk about your dream?” Bruce asked once they were sitting on the couch, slowly sipping at the shitty hot cocoa Bruce had managed to put together from instant packets.  
Tim is silent for several long moments, during which time [[a movie is playing]]
“I was alone,” he whispered.  
Bruce frowned and set an arm up behind the boy on the couch, turning a bit to face him better.  That was a nightmare he was used to from Dick or Jason.  Not Tim.  Not a child who had parents still. “You’re not alone, I promise.”
“Not right now,” Tim said solemnly.  
“Son, you’ll never be alone,” Bruce asserted, and Tim finally turned his gaze away from the television and locked eyes with Bruce.  Bright, grey eyes with so much pain and fear behind them.  With resignation and sadness.  Longing and acceptance.  Bruce wanted to just reach out and hug away all those horrible emotions, but Tim wasn’t his kid.  It wasn’t his place.
“They’re coming back,” Tim said seriously, “and I’ll have to go home.”
Bruce scrunched his face for a moment, contemplating those words.  Tim had been alone while his parents were out of town.  Not while they were in town. “You can come stay with us again during their next trip, Tim.  You’re always welcome here.”
“No I can’t,” Tim cried, setting his mug on the end table so he could hug his knees and hide his face, “they’re sending me to boarding school.”
“What?” Bruce asked, startled, setting a hand on the boys back to rub circles.  He’d never seen Tim cry before.  
“They said-” Tim croaked, between heavy sobs, “they said that it was— to need supervision— and obviously—” the boy cut off, unable to continue with the thought with his intensity of his tears.
But Tim didn’t need to finish the thought, it was clear the sentiment he was trying to share.  It was disgraceful of him to catch the attention of Bruce Wayne.  The boy had shone a poor light on Jack and Janet, bringing them public embarrassment for neglecting their child, and so Tim had to be punished by sending him away.  Bruce hadn’t realized how serious their mistreatment of the boy had been.  He had assumed simple neglect.  Not flat out emotional abuse.  
Screw Tim not being his.  He wasn’t theirs. Not anymore.  They didn’t deserve him.
Bruce wrapped his arms around Tim and pulled him in close, eliciting a yelp from the kid as his sobs intensified.  “It’s alright, boy,” Bruce soothed, resting his cheek on the top of Tim’s messy black locks, “you’re okay.  You won’t be alone, I promise.”  
“You can’t promise that,” Tim finally said as he calmed down, relaxed into Bruce’s hold instead of tensed and trying to pull away, as was his initial response.  
“Tim,” Bruce said seriously, pulling the boy back by his shoulders so he could look him straight in the eyes, “do you want to go to boarding school?”
“No,” Tim said defensively, desperately, “I want to stay in Gotham.”
“Do you like it here?  Would you like to stay here?”
Tim hesitated and looked down, as if he knew it was something he couldn’t have, but nodded anyway.    
Bruce gently rested his fingers under the child’s chin, and lifted his face so they were looking at each other again.  “Tim, I will fight for you.  If you want it, I will fight for you.  For you to stay here.”
“Here?” Tim asked, looking around the room.  Clearly meaning to ask ‘in Wayne Manor,’ instead of just ‘in Gotham.’
“Yes, Tim.  Here.  You’re part of this family, bud, and I’ll fight to keep you with us if you want.”
“How?” Tim asked doubtfully.  
“I’ll sue for custody.  Demand charges be filed against them for abuse and neglect. In court, I’ll fight.”
Tim tensed and pulled away from Bruce’s grasp.  “They’re not- they’re not abusive,” he said quickly, then added much softer, almost horrified, “that’ll just make them so mad.”
“They don’t deserve you,” Bruce said simply, placing his hand in Tim’s hair as he combed his fingers through it, “you’re such a good kid, Tim.  They have no right to make you feel like this.”
“But-” Tim said slowly, his wide, terrified eyes searching Bruce’s face, for what, Bruce had no idea.
“Tim,” he interrupted, “do you want them to cut you off from everyone and everything you know?”  When the kid shook his head, Bruce continued, “Then this is your other option.  What they are doing, what they’ve done to you, is neglect.  Leaving you alone to fend for yourself since you were five is neglect.  Making you feel like you aren’t good enough for them is abuse.”
“But I’m not-” Tim began, but Bruce was having none of it.
“Timothy Jackson Drake,” he said sharply, “you are perfect.”
At that, Tim broke down again, this time flinging himself at Bruce, who caught the boy with years of practice.  
“You want me?”
“I want you.”  
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