#theme: i am a bad person

[lucidloving]

John Green & David Levithan, Will Grayson, Will Grayson // @sweatermuppet // Jamaica Kincaid, The Autobiography of My Mother // Entropy, "Luck" // Anne Sexton, A Self-Portrait In Letters // @100493503004422 // I'm Not a Good Person—Pat The Bunny // Veronica Roth, Insurgent

#theme: i am a bad person #(i'm scared that this is true) #web weaving #webs #web weave #webweave #poetry #aesthetic #prose #prose poetry #art #collage #literature #book quotes #books #novels #novel quotes #quotes #words #writing #excerpt #poem #poem excerpt #song lyrics #shame #fear #compilation #parallels #john green #inspo

[mae-i-scribble]

tonight i was thinking about orv’s theme about how yjh as a character, and to a larger extent people, will in some ways always be unknowable. (orv spoilers following, read at your own risk)

i feel like i’ve seen a few posts on here that somewhat take this theme to an extreme, leaning *hard* into that “kdj doesn’t actually know yjh like at all” which while on the right track, i feel completely misses the point. Orv goes out of its way to showcase that kdj actually understands yjh to a scary degree, even once they’re out of the early scenarios and the gap between kdj’s knowledge and yjh’s personhood grows larger, there are still things about yjh that *only* kdj can fundamentally understand. And I don’t think that the novel does anything to discredit that understanding, only says that there is much more to yjh. In the same manner, even if you’ve known someone for years, spent all your time with them, there can and will always be new things for you to learn about them. The danger that orv speaks of is trusting in that assumption, that your understanding will be enough and you don’t have to keep an eye out for more developments. That the person you know will forever stay the same. And this isn’t a kdj problem either, fundamentally a lot of the big disagreements that happen between kdj and yjh in the latter half of the novel are born from both of them misconstruing what the other is thinking, trusting that their understanding of the other is deep enough to base their judgements off of. (Post first murim destruction, divorce arc, yjh thinking kdj scattered his soul on purpose, etc.)

As always with orv’s themes, we can view it in a meta sense as well. Kdj’s understanding of yjh as a character is so complete that it’s nearly flawless- until the story begins to deviate and a yjh grows outside the parameters that kdj’s judgements are based on. Even before then, there was always more to yjh- but as readers, we can only understand a character as much as we see them. What you come away with from a story is your complete understanding, there is no growth outside of those boundaries because then it wouldn’t be an understanding of *that* character, you would be putting your own ideas and such into it. But talk to another person, and suddenly the same character you understand so clearly becomes someone else. Talk to the author, and they say something completely different. And can one truly claim to understand a character when the story will never talk about them in every conceivable way? What does it take to truly understand such a thing? Learning that 1863rd round hsy wrote ways of survival with such limited resources and knowledge on who yjh even is, and yet despite it all, still manages to write a story that captures so much of his essence. As orv readers, we know it isn’t everything- it could never encapsulate all of yjh, but the idea that even when one knows nearly nothing, you can still put on a facade of understanding.

We can get into a chicken or the egg argument with this, as 1863!hsy dictates how yjh acts with her writing, and that yjh in the 1863rd round is the one she comes to know before ever starting this story, but when it comes to this theme of the unknowable in the people around us, I don’t think this sort of debate is worth much. We know that yjh exists outside the story written, and how much of him is determined by hsy’s writing is negligible because no matter what, he always grows beyond it. Whether as 1864 or secretive plotter, it all comes back to that same point of there is always more to see within a person.

I don’t know quite where I want to go with this, only that I wanted an outlet for some of these thoughts inside my head, but one of the best things about this theme for me is how it answers itself. When the people around you become unrecognizable, what should you do? And orv says to reach out. To try. To understand. Kdj loses access to omniscient reader several times but always, always gains it back in orv (as far as i remember), because at the end of the day, he is not someone who stays trapped in his idea of who he knows yjh to be. Yjh too, even at the end of orv, is trying to learn more and more about kdj. Only when you are willing to hear out the other person, to learn about them every day, does this unknowable aspect become something less daunting.

#orv #omniscient reader #omniscient readers viewpoint #kim dokja #yoo joonghyuk #joongdok #meta #analysis #it just kinda ended up kdj and yjh focused because this is what the theme is most applicable too #i wish i had more thoughts on how 1863 wrote WoS bc that definitely fits in here more than what i said about it #i think too it can be applied to ysa and kdj #while not as relevant as it is with yjh since their relationship doesnt stretch back as far #they still spend so much of this novel learning more and more about each other #compared to back at minosoft where at least to me it looked like they already had an idea of who the other was as a person #so sorry if this is disjointed i need to stop writing meta as 3 am #in my defense its the only time my thoughts come out like this #on the verge of sleep #orv spoilers #omniscient reader spoilers #i forgot them early on my bad

[bruhstation]

you deserved better from me than an oversized uniform and a world full of troubles

#this is tugs #tugs zorran #tugs zip #fortezza bigg city #senjart #quick doodle before bed (1 am) #when you're only 18 and got force-fed a world full of crime and shady hard-to-trust folks #and the middle aged man that you adore and treat as a paragon of salvation is distant and cannot love you ''normally'' #while the person that berates you is the one that genuinely loves you but your brain automatically registers any ''insult'' as ''bad'' #and you don't know that he cares for you #family'd so hard they started to develop genuine traditional family problems #we're not beating the complicated doomed familyhood allegations with this one 😂😂😂 #the faint ''have to'' in the background is like. #''do I care for you because my boss handed you to me as part of my duty'' #vs #''do I care for you because I don't want you to end up like me even though I am NOT warm or nice'' #also them without their hats. the one thing all z-stacks have in common that indicates them being from the same group #theres lots of details and themes and whatnot in this doodle but my brain is a mush..... erm..... have fun staring #(fixes my glasses and grins like an ape)

[mxtxfanatic]

Ngl, I’m actually pretty uncomfortable reading my old posts defending the goodness of the common people and their right to defend themselves—as persecuted groups or as individuals—from hierarchical tyranny, given how easily in this current irl moment a not-insignificant amount of people have fallen into supporting an active genocide, because I cannot separate this from how much pushback I got (and still sometimes get) for being consistent in my politics

#I don’t want to say it’s triggering #because that’s not the right word #but what do you call the thing you feel #when you spent the last 1+ year arguing that common people are usually good #and hierarchies of oppression are bad even if certain individuals you like are at the top #that violence is not all inherently bad #and violence against oppression is in fact good #all topics that are major themes affirmed in the literal texts being discussed #only to have people YELLING at me that i am wrong #because THEY believe that the only thing that makes you a good person #is joining the corrupt hierarchy and affirming status quo #only for me to turn on the news and see this same logic of disaggreers #being used to justify an active genocide #maybe it’s cognitive dissonance #because my understanding of fiction is always couched within the reality it was created in #but the fact that the same arguments can be used to justify crimes against humanity #in both fiction AND reality? #it makes the act of fandom discourse less… enjoyable #less innocuous

[master-of-the-opera-house]

I'm not naming and shaming op because i dont want nonsense on me page but op is so bland and almost puritan like. Yeah they are awful and godless and hate each other to the death and that is why they are balls funny. Did anyone ever say Seinfeld was bad comedy because he wasn't a moral role model. Growth and feelings schmeelings lmao. "Abusive family" literally me when I can't read nuance. The whole point of family is yeah there will be some aunt or uncle or grandpa who makes lewd jokes and has outdated problematic world views whom you can't spend more than ten minutes with ((Julian and Fanny)). There will be an annoying sibling or cousin whom you will have to shake off at every turn, who never seems to be able to learn "no" for an answer no matter how many times you tell them ((Thomas and Kitty)). But the idea of family also means they've got your back in spite of it all at the end of the day ((the burglars! The "sister" scammer! The Fiji bank account!)). And that is the poignancy of it, because they dont necessarily like you all the time and vice versa, and you know each other at your most intolerable, but you're still willing to help each other out when it matters despite it all. You want cotton candy clouds and sunshine and daffodils go cry me a river to titanic and steven universe instead. Terminally unfunny take glad ye enjoyed your bland american ghosts tho.

#Last bit is genuine. I am really glad op enjoyed their american ghosts. Im glad they found something they liked. #Nothing personal just sorry theyve got bad taste. And annoyed that theyre acting like theyve got a moral high ground #For liking less “”“problematic”“” FICTIONAL characters that is such a brainrotted take. Theyre not real grow a pair and touch grass. #bbc ghosts #Also without getting deep into it like. The theme of haunting and the stagnation of trauma is so poignant in bbc.

[numberonepartyboy]

it kind of weirds me out when two people who abused lloyd (morro and harumi) are getting more recognized/hc'ed and addressed as his family than the actual one (ninjas, wu or HIS PARENTS). it's okay to make au where they didn't abuse lloyd or whatever but then you just write a new character.

#blockable #rant #not only that but HAR_MI getting headcanoned as SISTER when she emotionally abused him and manipulated him and BROUGHT HIS FATHER BACK FROM #THE DEAD???? HEY GUYS. HOW DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THAT. #i think it's okay to make au where rumi or mrr aren't villains. but you just don't write them as seen in canon. like mrr isn't redeemable. #lloyd still remembers him and it fucke dhim up so bad #ninjago #the new character thing is about morro btw. id o lime how the fandom write him and actually give him something to be #but then go and say that morro is one of the best villains when he has a personality of a wet rag is weird #this post and tags derailed fro the main theme fuck #its 4 am idc

[jazzzzzzhands]

POV: You are watching me descend into madness in the WH server

#wally darling #i want to post this on the off chance that we are the bad guy!! #i want it so badly #bc you just dont see that kind of thing in media very often!! #wh theory #jazzisaspazz #im unhinged and im not that great with words or typing #but i have THOUGHTS #pretty much me just rambling on like some mad person #i have touched the mold #this is a reaction to night minds video btw #i know that wally eats with his eyes but man the themes of hunger and the monster are so !!!! #wally has more eyes because of us #he is connected to us and we are connected to him #he is the lens #he can see us thru his eyes and we can see his world thru his eyes #im normal. i am NOT #i could be biased because i want the “player” to be the bad guy!! it would be unexpected!!!

[tigergendermoved]

Remembering the toxic hellscape that was 2015-2019ish SU fandom and just how much hate the show got is really insane when you rewatch the show after it's been a while. Like the show is good what the hell were any of these people talking about

#do NOT quote me on those numbers i pulled them straight out of my ass #like the ending was rushed and the diamonds didnt get to be fully developed but liek #the whole reason that was the case is there was an entire 6th season planned #and then the show got axed early because rebecca sugar and crew refused the back down on the rupphire wedding. #and even rushedness aside like the point of the show was never that you should hug fascists and forgive people no matter what #the diamond were rose's (and his) dysfunctional family whose personal suffering became the basis for the cruelty of gem society #bismuth in The Real World would have been right to want to kill the diamonds as a force of revolution #but the point of the show is that even the most complicated people are still people who can change. even if you dont forgive them #even steven quartz universe the most loving boy in the world very obviously does not like being around the diamonds. but that is how it is #it was a children's show that emphasized compassion and communication and family as themes. of course steven didnt kill the diamonds lol #i really fully believe the stevenbomb format (which was not the crew's choice or fault) cooked peoples' brains #you had months between major arcs so every wrongdoing by a character had months to be warped and misinterpreted and so no resolution could #ever satisfy fans who were festering with their own opinions for way too long #like these arcs looking back are not that long and they resolve in fairly reasonable manners but they took fuckin forever in real time to #wrap up #and ppl on the internet with no other hobbies than arguing made the fandom suck to be in and gave su a bad name #even if you dont like steven universe i think the amount of vitriol thrown at the show is/was fucking INSANE for what it is lmaooo #people were so so jolly to accuse rebecca sugar (a jewish lady) of being a fascist/fash sympathizer and paint every writing shortcoming or #morally dubious character action as a sign of pure fuckin evil #ok that was a long ass fuckin rant in the tags i am so sorry i'm just kind of opinionated on this matter as i am all matters #i've been rewatching su with my dad lately and this very normal and well paced and fun watchthrough experience has been illuminating #just how insane and uncalled for the hellish discourse sphere around su was/is #i say was/is i have no idea what su discourse is like nowadays. i'm too scareds to look in the su crit tag

[lord-squiggletits]

"Rodimus is a better Prime because it didn't hurt for him to bond with the Matrix while for Optimus it did" headcanon/theory my beloathed.

One day I'm literally gonna snap and make a whole post addressing why what's wrong bc I'm tired of the inaccuracy and tired of ppl not understanding the Point TM of IDW and its version of the Matrix/Primacy and even more tired of people putting down Optimus in favor of Rodimus by essentially arguing that being unworthy means you deserve to be punished/put in pain bc you just weren't good enough to hold the Symbol of Ultimate Authority

#it's wrong on so many levels both in terms of lore and as well as like what the general themes of idw1 are #it's just a validation contest using the matrix as some magical symbol to decide who's the most special #which is ironically something that was a plot point in exrid/OP. specifically how stupid of an idea that is ldskjflksd #ppl revealing that they havent read anything besides mtmte/ll as usual #like half the reason ppl think optimus is a bad prime and rodimus is a good prime is literally bc like #optimus was written by an author who was specifically trying to deconstruct him (sometimes to the point of absurdity) #and rodimus was written by an author who takes a more optimistic/idealistic approach. and is also better at writing #but also like am i seriously the only person who thinks that that argument is fucked up????? #like 'OP felt pain which means he's unworthy/not a real prime/not a true leader' #ok so you think that there's a hierarchy of moral goodness in which anyone who falls short of that Moral Ideal should suffer #as a sign of their unworthiness?? like does that not sound dystopian as hell to any of you?? why would you WANT the matrix to work like tha #even if the theory were true (which it isn't) why would you view the matrix as a good authoritative moral judge of character #if its idea of 'moral judgement' is to inflict pain on anyone who's supposedly not truly good/worthy #wasn't the entire point of the ending of LL (including rodimus being a good leader) that everyone is worth it? #like rodimus literally said 'you ARE damn well good enough' or something like that #so what? everyone else in the universe tries their best and that's enough but somehow when OP suffers it's like #a sign that he's not actually a good prime/leader?? we're really going with the punitive perspective purely for One Guy?? #swear to god ppl are projecting their authority issues onto Optimus the way they shit on him for things they would excuse #if any other character did it #Optimus is uniquely deserving of pain/being marked as unworthy bc idk he was a cop once and that offends my delicate sensibilities #what's even funnier is how much harm was inflicted by rodimus as a captain sheerly due to his stupidity or ego but everyone forgives him #i guess bc as long as the matrix likes him that means he's valid no matter what he actually does as a person #WHICH IS SOMETHING IDW ITSELF ARGUED AGAINST BC A LOT OF THE PRIMES THAT WERE CHOSEN BY THE MATRIX #WERE DICKS AND THE FACT THEY COULD WIELD THE MATRIX DIDN'T MAKE THEM GOOD PEOPLE #like oh my god stop using the matrix as an arbiter of moral authority in idw1 it literally goes against the themes of the story #including the themes that are embodied in rodimus himself #idw op love

[drinkingdeadpeopletea]

relistening to the second half of midst 2.16 for like the eighth time. feeling really unhinged about the fact that one of the first things saskia says to hieronymous is "i didn't expect to see you again ever." they're clearly friends and clearly close but she still at least on some level expected their different roles in their shared mission was going to keep them apart forever, or that it was going to get one or both of them killed before they got a chance to see each other again! and she had good reason to think that! she watched sherman be nearly killed in front of her during a raid! she herself was nearly arrested, and now knows her position's been exposed and the trust could come back for her any day! she only survived the tearror by luck! not to mention what we now know about the specter of nick and maggie fleit's murder hanging over both their heads!

and yet by the end of the conversation what she says is "maybe someday we won't have to pretend we don't know each other." it's "maybe" and it's "someday" and it's a little wry but still, she didn't expect to see him again ever and here they both are! it's the choosing to still have hope it's the choosing to believe in the possibility of the best outcome or to at least say out loud you do even if you can't quite get there internally. but it's also about having the friend to whom you can admit you honestly didn't think you'd make it this far because you know he's risking just as much as you are and is just as committed to it. UGH saskia del norma the woman you are....

#midst #midst podcast #midst spoilers #midst podcast spoilers #i just think it's really easy to make a character with her archetype Always Hopeful All The Time. and i think it's fun that she's NOT. #but also that she is! you know what i mean. #i am once again saying that i hope something bad happens to her before this podcast is over #third person you can't give me a girlie like this with these kind of themes and these kind of convictions and NOT let me see her in the #WORST circumstances possible.... #i guess the tearror was pretty bad. tbh. but i mean danger directly from the trust here #btw i think there's also really something to that hieronymous's 'maybe' in response to her at the end doesn't sound convinced #'hope's not a course of action is it?' :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

[timbourinedrake]

On my way home from seeing Phantom of the Opera and I am having intense twobats/bruharv thoughts

#not that you couldn't tell from my twobats spam spree #i am assuming and hoping and praying this has been done already #bruharv and their lil toxic relationship with a theme of masks and disfigurement leading to crimes #not to mention the grieving of a parent leading to bad life decisions #grossly oversimplifing things but you know what i mean #now the real question is who is filling rauls shoes #i am personally leaning towards Talia because i am a brutalia shipper at my roots #but selina would fit pretty well hmmmm or maybe clark?? #twobats #bruharvey

[cataclysmcrows]

love making monsters become human is actually something that can be so personal

#I AM NOT SHITTING ON THE OTHER POST. BUT. IM TIRED OF PEOPLE ACTING LIKE ONE TROPE IS BAD JUST BECAUSE THEYR DONT LIKE IT #MAYBES IT JUST NOT FOR YOU #MAYBE DIFFERENT THEMES ARE FOR DIFFERENT AUDIENCES #and this one is really important and personal to me so it frustrates me when people (aka everyone in the notes on my 30k post) acts like its #objectively wrong or some bullshit #idk im tired trying to correct myself on it. i said what i said and i stand by it #as someone who has felt like a monster. finding people who love and care about me made me feel more human #and seeing that theme in media makes me feel understood #anyway. done now #alex speaks

[ughgoaway]

treating myself for getting 3.8k into the threesome fic by re-doing my theme hehehe

#i have a plan... it might turn out ugly but its there #if it doesnt change you didnt see this lol #i love designing a new theme but i am bad at it #personal boring stuff!!

[hella1975]

assigning a character the highest honour like *adds go home by julien baker to their playlist*

#and by honour i mean pointing at them like TRAUMATISED! TRAUMATISED! TRAUMATISED! #like yeah relating to this song is a red flag actually. yeah it's one of the most personal songs in the world to me #and i actively am not allowed to listen to it some days bc it makes me significantly worse #even if im in a GOOD mood because of the layers upon layers of emotions ive associated with it #yeah i literally wont even blorbo post to this song even if it's accurate to a character because it's so personal #so they have to be REALLY FUCKING SPECIAL AND FUCKED IN THE HEAD to get this honour. enter touya #i made him a playlist im going crazy like yeah actually of course i was always gonna be weird about him #like he's got fire themes. he's got body horror. he just wanted to be good. he's ethel cain coded. he's georgia coded #he's got mommy AND daddy AND sibling issues. he's the only other character ive let even come close to mary on a cross #he's a waiting room girlie. he's an archer girlie. im tearing my hair the fuck out of my scalp #why does the first character ive latched onto this hard since CHUUYA have to be from mha of all things #like that's embarassing for me im embarassed to be here. and yet #touya todoroki #the thing that makes me sick about touya is yes the abuse he went through via his quirk and his dad etc etc #but also bc sekota peak happened when he was 13 right? and he's 24 now? that's 11 years unaccounted for #like ik it's confirmed his burns put him in a coma for 3 years and all for one and the dr guy just stapled his stubborn self together #which is something else i will YELL MY HEAD OFF ABOUT WHAT THE FUCKKKKK HE WAS A CHILD STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT #but im pretty sure it's confirmed that after 3 years he goes off again on his own? which still leaves him as a teenager? #like he straight up burns himself alive at 13 wakes up at 16 and reappears at 24 with dyed hair and piercings and a bad attitude #and im not supposed to wonder? or get upset? like i absolutely am leaning into the 'he was on the streets' angle bc i hate myself #and that's devastating and also what alternative is there logically like he has NOTHING #no home no money no name that he can feasibly use not even an appearance that will warrant anything but more cruelty #so youve got this child on the streets with injuries that absolutely cause insane amounts of pain daily he's literally STAPLED together #and he's completely alone and the only thing getting him through is this growing hatred and rage #like id set all my plans around killing the guy that put me there too actually just to fucking get me out of bed in the morning #I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. WHERE WAS HE FOR THE PAST DECADE. HORIKOSHI PLEASE #I WANNA GO HOME IM SICK THERES MORE WHISKEY THAN BLOOD IN MY VEINS MORE TAR THAN AIR IN MY LUNGS #PIERCE MY SKIN NEEDLES TO WORN OUT RAGS THE FOLDS IN MY ARMS THE SICKENING BLACK AND I HAVENT BEEN TAKING MY MEDS #I KNOW MY BODY IS JUST DIRTY CLOTHES IM TIRED OF WASHING MY HANDS GOD I WANT TO GO HOME

[skyteglad]

kicks my little feets bc i'm getting to use one of my many many names for my new blog and i'm very excited to use this one bc it's my chosen middle name and it's so cool and i'm cool :)

#riot.txt #caelus!!! its caelus! which i picked bc its cool first off but also it means sky and like. #the combo... of name meaning 'thunderous' + name meaning 'sky' LIKE HOW COULD I NOT #ALSO I AS A PERSON AM SO SKY AND SPACE THEMED. MY SOUL IS SKY AND SPACE THEMED. simple fact. #ive had this name picked for a few years but im gonna finally use it for something and im ehehhehhee #also dont look at me i have so many names. so so so many names that i rly adore and consider Mine even if i dont use them often... #i collect names like i collect genders like i collect kintypes like i collect rocks #the more i have of Me the more secure i am in Me existing #not a healthy mentality but its fine its fine its so fine its okay #i need to get back on my meds so bad. unrelated to all that but hoo. i am. so -gestures- #talkative. on my blogs rn. in an annoying way that im not controlling well

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

x. bitch tiara

getting better and being That Bitch !

#myevilposts #music #not rlly themed after any person or media or anything in particular just kinda uplifting bad bitch vibes ! #bc um fuck everyone who has ever broken my heart ! i am better than you ! this is an 'i'm That Bitch !' kinda mix.