#there were a bunch of uglies but we not gonna do that today

[turtletaubwrites]

So What?

Thank you so much @shewrites02 for this Zosan request! It cracked me up, and I hope you enjoy it!

Pairings: Zoro x Sanji

Word Count: 1096

Ao3 Link

Summary: An enemy catches Zoro eying Sanji in the middle of a fight. Zoro doesn't care, until they make the mistake of threatening the cook.

Rating/Warnings: SFW, Some Passionate Kissing, Fluff, Swearing, Canon-Typical Violence, (hardly any), Humor, They both get teased a bunch for their relationship, Established Relationship, (implied/kind of?), Protective Zoro, Nami and Usopp are little shits 😅

A/N: I giggled so much writing this. I love our lil Straw Hats so much

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“Hey Curly, I’ve got this ugly guy. You go after that one that ran away.”

Zoro kept the enemy pirate in his peripheral vision, his swords ready for any movement. 

Still, he looked toward the blonde cook, whose fiery kick had just taken another opponent down.

“I don’t take orders from you, dumbass marimo,” Sanji spat, anger riding his voice.

But he turned on his heel, walking toward the escaping enemy as he took a long drag off his cigarette. 

Zoro’s lip twitched in a smile as he watched him walk away.

“I’m over here asshole,” his enemy fumed, waving his arms. “I can’t believe the notorious pirate hunter gets distracted by a man’s ass in the middle of a fight. Pathetic.”

Zoro gripped his swords, adjusting his stance as he gave the shitty pirate his full attention. 

The guy didn’t shut up when he should have. 

“Who knew this would be so easy,” the man taunted, holding his sword in position. “I get to kill the infamous Roronoa Zoro because he was too busy daydreaming about a little pretty boy. Ha! This’ll be fun.”

“Yeah, I fuck the cook. So what? I’m still gonna kick your ass.”

A loud cough behind him pricked his ears, but he knew his only threat was in front of him. 

“Fine then,” the pirate sighed before tilting his head with a taunt. “That just means I’ll kill you, then I get to gut your little boy toy.”

“The fuck did you just say,” Zoro growled, low and dangerous.

“I said I’m gonna kill your little blonde twink after I’m done with y–”

The pirate flew through the air, the force of Zoro’s hit knocking him back until he slammed into a tree. He didn’t seem conscious, but Zoro stood above him as he sheathed his swords.

“Nobody touches that perv cook but me.”

~

“So Sanji, I heard you’re Zoro’s little boy toy,” Nami teased, with Usopp nodding along as he egged her on. 

Sanji had a coughing fit, shattering a handful of plates as he carried them to the sink.

Zoro hummed softly, shaking his head as he took a swig of his drink.

When Sanji could breathe again, his red face turned to Nami, trying to ignore the sidelong glances and tiny smirk playing on Zoro’s lips. 

“I’m sorry, Nami, dear. What did you say?”

“Oh, just something we heard during the fight today. What’s a twink?”

Zoro coughed this time, sputtering as sake went down the wrong way.

“Isn’t that a type of food,” Luffy piped up, looking at the cook’s quivering form. “Sanji, do we have any twinks? I wanna try one.”

Usopp couldn’t hold it in anymore, snorting with laughter until he and Nami were practically rolling in their seats. 

“What's happening,” Sanji managed to choke out, having to lean against the counter as he swayed.

“We just heard— We heard Zoro talking,” Nami’s voice came out high, struggling for air. “You do it, Usopp. Say it.”

She slapped against his chest lightly, and Usopp puffed himself up, taking a minute to calm his laughter, chuckles bubbling up until he bellowed out, imitating Zoro’s voice.

“Nobody touches that perv cook but me.”

Even Luffy chuckled now, although his brows were furrowed, not quite following. 

Until Sanji’s red face grew mottled, and he found his footing again.

“What the fuck kind of shit are you saying about me, you idiot moss head? Keep my name out of your ugly ass mouth!”

“I didn’t say your name, dumbass,” Zoro yelled back, standing up to growl at him while they pressed their foreheads together. 

“I called you a fucking perv cook.”

“Idiot swordsman, you don’t even…”

As their feud barreled on, the galley slowly emptied, Luffy snagging snacks as Usopp dragged him away. 

At this point, the cook and the first mate were just growling, eyes burning into each other. 

There was no way to tell who reached out first, their bodies tangling in a blur. 

Zoro’s strong hands gripped Sanji’s waist, the cook’s hands pulled around Zoro’s shoulders and neck. Their mouths ate at each other with all that heat that had boiled over between them. 

Until Sanji pulled away, eyes still sharp with anger.

“What the fuck did you do?”

Zoro groaned, moving to lean against the table as he found his sake again. He sighed as he met Sanji’s eyes, heavy with annoyance.

“The ugly guy from earlier,” he started, Sanji crossing his arms as he waited. “He made fun of me for looking at you.”

Sanji’s eyes squinted, his chin bobbing forward, but Zoro didn’t elaborate.

“So what? Someone hurt your feelings, so you went and told the whole crew that I’m your fucking twink?”

Zoro sputtered again, wiping the sake from his chin. His laughs fizzled under Sanji’s stare. 

The cook’s skin was still flushed, and Zoro wanted to press his lips against those burning cheeks. 

“I didn’t say that shit, curly, okay? He did.”

Sanji let out a heavy breath, looking at the ceiling before frowning back down at the swordsman. 

Why does he always have to look like that when I’m mad at him, Sanji thought, fighting to keeps his eyes on Zoro’s face instead of his exposed chest.

“So why didn’t you disagree? I thought we weren’t telling the rest of the crew.”

Sanji’s voice had raised again, just a bit, as he gestured toward the door. 

“He threatened you, okay?”

The anger in Zoro’s voice now was different from the kind he shared with the cook. His jaw clenched, and Sanji saw the veins in his forearms pulsing as he dug fingers into his knees.

Sanji’s frown dropped, leaving him with his mouth hanging open. 

With another swig of his drink, Zoro stood in front of the silent cook, poking him gently on the chest.

“Plus, I don’t think I give a shit. So what if they know? It’s too late now, anyway.”

After a moment more of staring, Sanji sighed, the barest hint of a smile on his lips. 

“You stupid moss head. Can’t be left alone for ten minutes without fucking something up, can you?”

“Shut up,” Zoro growled, reaching for Sanji’s hips again. “Don’t leave me alone then, you shitty cook.”

Sanji groaned at the insult, wanting to keep the argument going. 

But they melted into each other, breaths calmer now as they kissed away all their words. 

Almost all their words. 

“I’m not a twink,” Sanji grumbled while Zoro kissed along his neck. 

Zoro’s snort was all it took for their battle to begin again. 

Likes and reblogs bring me much ✨dopamine✨ thank you so much!

a/n: They are so silly 😅

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#zosan fanfic #m/m romance #zoro x sanji #zosan #one piece fics #sanji x zoro #zoro fanfiction #sanji fanfiction #one piece fanfiction #turtletaub fics #mine #fic requests #one piece fluff #one piece zosan

[jackmercerenthuiast]

☆Number - Jack Mercer x Reader

☆ idc Jack Mercer doesn’t have enough fanfics so I’m here to serve justice.

☆Would recommend listening to ‘You Can Be The Boss’ by Lana Del Rey

Content: Mentions of drugs alcohol, suggestive language, mentions of gang violence

~و✧…彡☆ - btw pretend Jack survived x

彡☆ 2005          19:36PM

‘This job is honestly ass’  I said to my most common customer, and closest friend, Sofi. It was true, I hated my job, it was a fucking shithole, I mean it was a dingy bar in the rough parts of Detroit, a little girl’s dream clearly.

‘Aye (name) don’t be so silly, it pays the bills, and plus, you get a lot of guys working here.’ She wasn’t wrong, I mean it did pay the bills after all but the amount of guys that I didn’t want? Uncountable.

‘I know Sof’, but they’re all ugly most of the time, plus, when they’re that pissed out of their minds, ‘no’ doesn’t compute easy, they got determination I’ll say that. Gets me a few tips I suppose.’ I laughed, cleaning the nearby table where Sofi sat. ‘Speaking of guys, can’t believe you’re seeing that Angel Mercer again!’ I asked, sitting next to her and nudging her shoulder.

‘I don’t like the way you said ‘Again’ but at least I have a man. Though, how old are you now?’ She asked, smiling at the ground when she answered about Angel, absolutely smitten, is the only words I could describe her.

‘Twentyyy... one?’ I questioned myself as I pulled out my ID, just double checking I was actually 21. 

‘You really think that checking your ID is going to help? How many fake IDs did you have when you were 17 to get cigarettes?’ Me and Sofi go back to when I was 17 and freshly moved to America, she lived in the apartment next to me and we’d been best friends since she welcomed me into the new apartment.

‘Shut up girl, this is a real one, and I am right I’m 21.’ I laughed, smacking my ID on the table.

‘Okay okay, anywho, Angel has a brother, Jack who’s the same age as you, and he got shot recently, he’s getting out of hospital today and a little birdie told me him and his brothers are coming here in an hour or so to celebrate.’ She suggested, walking over to the bar.

‘Oh yeah? Well from what you’ve told me the birdie is actually quite big.’ I smirk as I pour myself a pint from the tap, Sofi hit me on my arm, telling me to shut up in Spanish. I love Sofi but she loves to overshare about her sex life, but it’s fun to mess with her about it. 

…彡☆      19:54PM

A few moments passed, as me and Sofi just talked about random things, about how crazy it was that Victor Sweet had finally been killed, what Sofi wanted to do career wise etc. When all of a sudden, a bunch of loud men burst through the door, as I recognise a very familiar face.

‘Jerry!’

‘(Name)! What’s goin’ on baby?’ He said as he approached the bar, politely shaking my hand, Jerry was like a big brother to me, always nice and fair.

‘Nothin’ much, your wife know you here? I can call her right now if she don’t.’

‘Nah she knows, I’m truthful to my lady, and seeing as I’m so truthful, can we get a few rounds free?’

I laughed and nodded saying as long as I got tipped I’d give them whatever.

‘Bullshit Jerry, we all keep secrets here.’ A bloke in leather, with a goatee sort of thing going on says, laughing and hitting his back.

‘Man shut the fuck up before I woop yo’ white ass. (Name), these are my brothers Bobby, Jack and Angel, I guess you’re already acquainted with Angel here.’

‘Yeah man, it’s hard not to know who Angel is when all I hear in my apartment is those two getting it on.’ I say, lighting a cigarette whilst directioning my hand to Sofi and Angel.

Then I looked at Jack, and all I thought was ‘Damn he’s fine’.

‘So you lovely ladies want tables or are you gonna keep me company and sit at the bar?’

‘I think the guys are alright with sitting at the bar, right guys?’ Jerry said, asking his brothers, they all nodded and agreed as they took seats at the bar.

‘Can I get a beer?’ The one who I assumed was Bobby, asked.

‘Can you be specific, Guiness? Heineken? A pint? Half-pint? And I don’t know maybe a please?’ I chuckled, directioning to the amount of beers there were to choose from

‘She had you on that one Bobby, she’s very passionate about her alcohol.’ Angel said. 

‘And why’s that, you an alcoholic or somethin?’

‘No, I don’t know if you can tell from the accent but it’s just from being English really.’ I could see Jack’s eyebrows raise slightly, he was really cute.

‘Ah, I don’t know man just give me a bottle of Guiness.’

‘Please?’

‘Please.’

…彡☆           20:20PM

About half an hour passed before I finally talked to Jack, I slid down the bar, making my way to where he sat, leaving the rest of the brothers and Sofi to do whatever.

‘You’re Jack I take it?’

‘Yeah and you’re.. (name)?’

‘Indeed it is, what drink you want Jackie?’

‘I don’t mind really, can I get a cigarette? The hospital wouldn’t let me bring ‘em in.’ He laughed, god damn his laugh. I’ve known this boy for 45 minutes and I’m whipped

‘Yeah sure and I’m sorry to hear that you got shot by the way, you ‘re lucky you survived love.’ I could see him the try to hide the fact me calling him love got a reaction out of him, it’s not particularly uncommon for me to call customers love, but it’s usually older customers, just out of respect, though for him? I just said it to get a reaction.

‘Thanks, how long you been working at the bar?’

‘Not long really, few months? I’ve only been in America for a couple of years, I think four years.’ Passing him a cigarette and a lighter whilst taking a puff of my own.

‘Ah cool, how come you moved?’

‘I don’t know really, I suppose to just be with my mum, seeing as she wanted to just get away.’

‘Your parents split?’

‘Yeah but it was probably the best choice they collectively made.’ I laughed, pouring him a drink.

‘Fair enough, you do anything else other than be the only good-looking bar tender in Detroit?’ Um sir? 

‘Don’t flatter me Jackie, but yeah actually, I play the bass here and there.’

…彡☆ Jack POV  …彡☆

‘Don’t flatter me Jackie...’ Man, I haven’t even known her that long and I can’t help but want to take her out. 

‘Ah bass? That’s cool man, I play the guitar, before I moved back to Detroit I was actually in a band, believe it or not.’ Flicking my cigarette ash in the nearby ashtray, when I had an idea. I asked her for a pen and she handed me the one in her shirt pocket.

‘I certainly believe it, but anywho I can’t concentrate on your pretty face all night, I’ll serve some other customers and I’ll be back soon.’ She said winking at me, I felt my face go so warm, Sofi definitely knew I was going red, and to my misfortune, so did Bobby.

‘Woah Jackie, did the bullet knock the fairy out of you or what?!’

‘Shut up man, you probably haven’t been flirted with in the last 10 years.’

‘Sure fairy whatever you say.’

…彡☆    22:17PM     your pov

‘Okay boys we’re gonna leave now, because for some reason I got designated driver duty so come on! You too Sofi vámanos!’ Jerry yelled, dragging Sofi and Angel by the collars of their shirts, I laughed to myself as all of the brothers continued to leave in a drunken mess, the night was full of brotherly love, teasing and intense flirting between me and Jack, as he had more drinks he got more bold with how he spoke.

I was absolutely whipped, and as Jack left, he gave me a cigarette and said, 

‘Don’t light it right away.’ with a drunken but genuine smile, I responded, ‘Don’t worry Jackie I won’t, see you soon.’ and I pecked him on the cheek as I left for the room where I kept my coat to close up my shift, taking the cigarette with me.

Later in the night I was certain there was something I had forgotten to do, and then it hit me, I probably was meant to look at the cigarette or something, and then I thought, ‘Where’s the cigarette?’, and I trudged to my sofa and grabbed my coat, luckily the cig was still in my pocket.

I twizzled it in my fingers, when I saw numbers written on one side, and a note saying, ‘Call me - Jackie’ with a heart next to it on the other, that smooth motherfucker. I unravelled the cigarette, putting the nicotine in a spare pouch and attached the note to my fridge with a magnet with the intentions to call him in the morning.

…彡☆     The End!

Please let me know if you liked this, if so I might write a part 2 to it or just continue to write Jack mercer fics seeing as there just aren’t enough! Love ya x

#jack mercer #four brothers #four brothers (2005) #jack mercer x reader

[canirove]

The Princess & the Football Player | Chapter 23

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Masterlist

"Happy Valentine's Day, Declan Rice."

"Happy Valentine's Day, your Royal Highness. I'm sorry for calling you this late, today has been hectic."

"It's ok, don't worry. I've also had a busy day getting everything ready for my trip to South Africa."

"I'm gonna miss you so much when you leave..."

"You'll be fine, Declan. With all the games you are playing while I'm gone, you won't have time to miss me. And we'll be in the same time zone, we can keep calling each other."

"Yeah... But if I'm really needy, I'll have you kilometers away, not as close as I have you now."

"If you are needy, you have some of the photos from our Christmas dinner. Use them" I smirk.

"It isn't the same and you know it."

"Do you have early training tomorrow?"

"I sadly do, yes. Were you planning on paying me a visit?" he asks with a mischievous smile.

"Since you seem to be so needy..."

"Urgh, it sucks that we can't see each other on Valentines Day."

"It is like any other day, Declan."

"Yeah, but it is our first Valentine's Day together. I wanted to have a lovely dinner together, maybe watch a movie, then make love until the sun comes out... Those things."

"Those things" I laugh. "But are we back to making love?"

"It's Valentine's Day. You must be romantic."

"And on your birthday we fucked..."

"Because we had to celebrate that I was alive for another year."

"Ok" I laugh again. "So should I expect the same for my birthday in a couple of months?"

"You should. You definitely should" he says, giving me that look that makes my body burn.

"Eleanor!"

"Holy shit, mum!" I say, my phone slipping from my hands and hitting the floor as I get up from the sofa. "Have you never heard of these things called knocking or ringing the bell?"

"I'm your mother, I don't need to do that."

"Yes, you do need to do that. This is my house."

"Whatever. Have you seen this?" she says, showing me her phone.

"Oh, that. They made it official" I reply, looking at a photo of Roberta and Mason.

"You knew about this?"

"Of course I did, mum. She is my best friend."

"So you've been hanging out with him? With a football player?"

"Jesus, mum. Why do you always talk about them as if they were something disgusting? Did one of them break your heart as a teen or something?" I laugh.

"Don't be silly" she scoffs. "Have you been hanging out with him, yes or no?"

"I have, mum" I say, rolling my eyes. "Mason is a really nice guy, and he makes Roberta very happy."

"Mason. What type of name is that?" she chuckles.

"Oh my God, mum. Who cares?"

"I do. And I don't like you mingling with football players."

"What?"

"They are just a bunch of spoiled kids with too much money who spend it on ugly cars, uglier clothes and cheating on their wives."

"Oh wow" I laugh. "You just described half the boys I grew up with."

"Don't compare them, Eleanor. They aren't the same."

"Yeah, that's true. Football players earn their own money with their talent and have an actual job. These kids are just wasting their parents money and doing nothing. If they want a job, they don't have to worry, daddy will give them one."

"You are so... Urgh!" my mum says. "I truly hope the boy you are seeing isn't one of them."

"A spoiled rich kid? Nope, he isn't. And how do you know I am seeing someone?"

"Your grandmother told me when we had a chat on Christmas. But I was talking about a football player, not a decent boy from a good family."

"Decent. You love that word, don't you?" I laugh chuckle. "And you wouldn't say the same if you had been at the parties I've been to."

"Whatever. I just hope you have good taste."

"I have very good taste, mum. Don't worry" I smile.

"Good. And I better go, your dad is probably wondering where I am."

"I doubt it" I say to myself.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing. Good night, mum."

"Goodnight, Eleanor" she says before leaving.

"Dec? Are you still there?" I say, picking my phone from the floor.

"Yeah..."

"I'm sorry you had to hear all that."

"Nah, it's ok. But the day I meet your mum... I fear for my life" he laughs. "Though I think you may be into something when you asked her if a football player dumped her, you know?"

"You think?"

"Yeah... Maybe, I don't know" he shrugs. "But she seems so bitter."

"She is bitter. I'll have to ask around, see if anyone knows something. And again, I'm sorry about everything she said."

"It's fine, don't worry. She may not like me, but I know you grandmother does and she is way scarier. It's good to know I have her on my side."

"It is, yes."

"Eleanor..."

"Uh?"

"We are gonna be fine, ok?"

"Yeah" I sigh.

"God, I wish I could be there to hug you."

"So do I."

"Ok, that's it. We are meeting tomorrow after training, clear your schedule."

"What?" I laugh.

"Tell them you don't feel ok or whatever. I know you are very clever when it comes to excuses to sneak around" Declan smirks. 

"Mr. Rice, what are you implying?" I smile.

"Let's meet tomorrow, Eleanor. Here, at my place. We can have lunch together and then just lay on the sofa cuddling for the rest of the day. We'll even turn off our phones so one bothers us."

"That sounds perfect."

"Do we have a date, then?"

"We do, yes."

"Perfect. See you tomorrow, Eleanor. I love you."

"I love you too, Declan."

#declan rice #declan rice fanfic #declan rice imagine #football fanfic #football imagine

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter twenty one

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

august 29, 2018 uncasville, connecticut calum 

I don’t know what it is, but there’s something strange about being away from Orion for this long. It’s almost been a month, and we still talk almost every day. I know I can’t expect for things to feel all that normal. I left her alone in LA. She has a life there. I’m busy, touring with the band.

I think days like today are when I feel it the most. We’re in a random ass city in New England. We have a show tonight, but today we aren’t doing press, and there’s not exactly a lot to do in Connecticut. It’s just another day with the boys, whom I love dearly, but don’t exactly have a lot of fresh topics to talk to them about. 

At least it felt okay to sleep in this morning. A lot of days it feels like a waste of being in a cool city or a waste of being close to family to sleep in, but in Uncasville, Connecticut, sleeping until 11 feels like an appropriate start to the day. 

I wake up to a few texts from Orion, which is unsurprising but always good to see. 

From: my love + stars good morning hi hello i couldn’t sleep last night i am zombie today running on hella coffee i think duke misses you he keeps going into your studio and pacing around it’s so sad do you think he can come to the venue in san diego? omg i can get him a little shirt that says “i <3 5sos” can you imagine if i do that you have to post it to your story so the fans can see they would die hope you have so much fun in the fantastic town of uncasville today!!!!

To: my love + stars it’s always a good morning when i can hear from you! very good morning to you my very beautiful girlfriend my favorite zombie you can eat my brains if you want send me duke pics rn i miss him too please bring him!!!! i’m pretty sure dogs are allowed. i will riot if not. yknow you could post it yourself. just make your profile public ya silly goose. the fans love you now.

From: my love + stars cal if you ever don’t hear from me in the morning you need to call the cops i will always say hi asap i will eat your brains first look how cute dukey is!!!!!!! Images attached (3) they occasionally tOleRaTE me NOW. the tables could turn at any time.

To: my love + stars i will never call the cops on you you can do no wrong even if you eat my brains don’t tell duke’s mom but i think i miss my son more than i miss his mom (I AM KIDDING I PROMISE) literally the only reason the tables would turn is if you were a shitty person and you’re the best person i know so you’re good of course only go public if you want but just sayin the world would be a better place if everyone could see your beautiful sunset selfies

From: my love + stars somebody call 911 shawty’s lying to me on the dance flo it’s ok if you miss duke more than me i am not offended i swear you know i won’t go public i just don’t need that chaos in my life i love quietly lurking on stan twitter from my burner account

To: my love + stars i am not lying i miss you more than i have ever missed anyone duke is close second dw it could be a rush to go public for a day and then go back private see what happens

From: my love + stars stop you’re gonna make me cry in the club rn it would be not fun cal you know this i’d get a bunch of DIE BITCH I COULD TAKE UR MAN IF I WANT TO YOU’RE SO UGLY and maybe a sprinkle of wow you’re kinda cool sometimes

I’m not sure how long it’s been that Orion and I are just sitting here texting each other back and forth until Ashton is giggling across the room at me.

“What are you making all those faces for, Cal?” He asks.

I flip him off. “Just texting Orion.”

“Oooh, what are you guys talking about?” Luke walks in the room, a banana in hand and Sierra trailing behind him carrying a Starbucks cup. 

I roll my eyes. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I was just telling her she should make her Instagram public, and she thinks it’d just open up a door for death threats.”

“The fans like her now, don’t they?” Luke asks. He plops down on the couch next to me, and Sierra sits on his right side. He looks around the room at all of us, searching for confirmation.

“She always gets love when I post a picture with her in it,” Ashton confirms. 

It’s no secret that I’m not exactly an active user on any social media, so even though I have millions of photos of me and Orion, I don’t share them much. That’s both due to my personal social media habits and Orion’s wishes to keep her presence on my social media to a minimum. It’s kind of like her rule for flowers — only for special occasions. 

Ashton, on the other hand, posts a few photos at a time to his story and feed pretty regularly, and more often than not, if there’s a group picture, Orion is in it. He’s also the only one that really hangs out with Orion on her own regularly, so naturally they have more photos of the two of them. That said, if she’s only getting positive comments on Ashton’s posts, I’m sure she’d get positive reactions if she shared her own.

“I’m not saying she should or shouldn’t,” Sierra starts. “But I definitely get why she doesn’t want a public profile.”

“I mean, to be fair, a lot of what she posts is of you guys,” Luke adds. He’s not wrong. Because her profile is private and she can pick and choose who follows her, she feels fine to post whatever she wants, and that means posting a lot of pictures with me, of me, and of Duke. “She definitely wouldn’t want to do that if she went public.”

I sigh, knowing that Sierra and Luke are probably right, and Orion is too, even if she’s not completely accurate with what would actually happen if she made her profile public. I decide to drop it. 

“Where’s that Starbucks at?” I decide to ask, changing the subject. I nod at Sierra’s coffee cup in her hand. 

With the address in hand, I head off to find someone to drive me to the Starbucks and go back to texting Orion. 

To: my love + stars it’s pretty early to be in the club but still don’t cry just a little over a month. we’ve got this!! only go public if you want. i support you regardless and happy to be bad cop and defend you in your comments if you needed

From: my love + stars a 2018 shakespearean level romance defending me in an IG comment section i’m a lucky girl

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a/n: fillery chapter ik. but still plantin a seed for something later on. i posted this poll but also feel free to drop a comment on your wishes on this post too pls n thx.

#5sos #5 seconds of summer #luke hemmings #ashton irwin #calum hood #michael clifford #fanfiction #fanfic #5sosfam #imagine #calum 5sos #calum imagine #calum x fem!oc #calum x ofc

[hippienerrd]

Dallas Winston × Reader

Chapter 1

I need to watch/read the outsiders again and analyze their talking patterns so some of this may not sound like them at the moment but ill try and fix it asap. (ill take this chunk out when its updated) I just wanted to get this out of my drafts and post content for the fist time in a while. Also all of the enemies to lovers fans are in for a treat. -💜

Monday, one of the worst days of the week if you ask just about any human being on this planet, but if you ask me, well i quite like it to be honest. Sure it starts my work week but i get to come back refreshed from the weekend. If i had to pick a least favorite day it'd be Friday, by then everyone is tired, cranky, and ready for the weekend, including myself, makes business at the shop harder.

I've been working at a local flower shop, for 8 years now, since i was 10. Technically that's illegal but its owned by an acquaintance of my families, more like my father was a loyal customer for years, so we were able to pull some strings. Of course it started as part time, after school work, but since i graduated last year i was open to switch to a full time position here.

I entered the shop and greeted every one on our crew on my way back to my office. Im more of an assistant than anything else round here, my job is just scattered tasks, but before any of that out i always head back to my office to set my things down and check email.

"Nothing" i say under my breath. I don't often receive emails at work but i like to just make sure.

Exiting my office takes you to the garden, we don't grow much of what we sell, a few things we do take from our own garden, but mostly we all just enjoy the visual. I pass through the garden into the back of the store and make my way up front to see what my tasks are today.

A note was stuck to one of our flower coolers. "1. Open shop 2. Clean flowers 3. Prepare deliveries 4. Take care of walk-ins" looks like its just me today. My boss is an older woman who has trouble with her joints so she doesn't always come in during the day which leaves me by myself, well the curriers come in and out but for the most part its just me on days like this.

I pull the note down and set it on our universal desk, its just a random desk in the back for anyone who wants to use it since our offices are elsewhere. I lock the back door just in case and run back up front to flip or open sign and unlock the door.

My next task takes me too the coolers where i take out a bucket that held a bunch of yellow roses, a bunch of lavender roses, a bunch of pink roses, 2 bunches of red roses, and 3 bunches of daisies. I spend the morning popping ugly petals off of roses, removing thorns, and making sure the stems look pretty which due to the amount took me about 2 hours.

3 hours of making bouquets and tidying the shop between arrangements and it was time for my lunch brake. Lunch was my favorite part of my work day but not just for the plain old i get time off of work and food reasoning though, right around this time we usually get my favorite customer. He's a regular, his name is Sodapop Curtis. He works down the street at the DX and once or twice each week he pops in on his lunch break to grab some fresh flowers for his girlfriend Sandy, i bet shes a real happy gal, real special to, to get a guy like Soda.

Halfway through my PB and J sandwich i hear the bell on our front door chime, i look up from my lunch to find the man himself, Sodapop! Except this time he wasn't alone, far frome it to be honest. He had with him a group of 6 other boys that looked to range from a few years younger than me to a few years older than me, although majority looked about my age.

"Hi Y/N!" Soda said with his near perfect smile, i don't know how his teeth stay so nice after all these rumbles he tells me about, one day one of em is gonna get knocked right out of his head.

"Hello" i greet giving a look to each boy letting them know its intended for all of them. "Who all is with ya today Soda?" I asked "Well, this is my kid brother Pony" Soda said giving a nod to what seemed to be the youngest of the bunch. Pony smiled, he seemed to be the only one other than Soda who was having fun here, the rest seemed like they didn't want to be here or like they just didn't care. "Next to Pony over here is Johnny, and then we got my older brother Darry, he's the tall one in the back" those 2 both seemed pretty neutral about their current situation. Soda started turning his head real fast like he was looking for someone specific "uuhhmm,, oh! Behind me is Steve, he's the one i told you works with me at the DX". Steve gave me a quick smile but his was definitely a contrast to Soda's Considering he had something brown all stuck in his teeth. "Then we got Two-bit next to Darry and Dally in the corner back there" Soda finished naming off all the boys. I couldn't help but notice the expression Dally gave though, it wasn't like the others who were just bored or thinking of being somewhere else, he REALLY didn't want to be here.

"Well now that I've met the whole fam-damn-ly when do i get to meed Ms. Sandy?" I questioned as i walked back to the station where we make bouquets. Soda just laughed. I threw on our company apron and looked to Soda "what are we thinking about today?" "Just 6 red roses, you know more than me though make it pretty like you do" he said, to anyone else that probably made little sense but i knew what he meant, he just doesn't know the names of the flowers or really what flowers he wants other than roses, but that's my job to know what'll look good so its no big deal.

As i grabbed the flowers from the cooler i asked Soda "wrap or vase?" He gives a quick response of "wrap please" we continued to chit chat as i wrapped his bouquet but i cut our conversation short to talk to the others briefly "can i wrap up some single roses on the house for you boys? Im sure your girls will love em"

most of them shook their heads or said they didn't have a girlfriend but Pony nodded his head yes, which seemed to shock the others "when did you get a girl?" Steve asked and Darry seemed to get a bit protective, and Pony seemed startled like he wasn't expecting to be questioned, i could tell they weren't for a girl, he just enjoyed the flowers, frankly i cant blame him.

"Nun ya" i butted in, i mean, i cant imagine these boys are real easy to explain beauty like a flower to. "Don't matter who the girl is, let the boy have fun. He's doin it right clearly, taking her flowers and all"

"Oh come on Pon-" Soda started in an attempt to pry, wanting to know who his little brother was going out with, but before he could finish Dally spoke up "can we just get out of here man, i don't wanna be seen in a frilly little store like this"

I was taken aback and decided to do something about it "well you're close to the door, why don't you leave by yourself, there's no need to be rude" "look i don't particularly like getting my ass beat for being seen like this ok" Dally snapped back. The boys were trying to get him to calm down and keep quiet while soda fished the money for Sandy's flowers from his wallet.

"Maybe try winning then." I said with an attitude "maybe then we'll all be happy, you wont get beat, i wont have assholes like you to deal with, and greasers like Soda wouldn't get a rep for greasers like you" at this point Soda had the cash out and left it on the counter while they all dragged Dally out before he could do or say anything else. That last part may have been a bit harsh but it's true, my boss hates greasers, wont even allow them in the store when shes working, and its because of miserable greasers like Dally who just cant be kind.

#enemies to lovers #the outsiders #dally winston #dallas winston #sodapop curtis #ponyboy curtis #dally x reader #dallas x reader

[whisper-my-serenade]

prelude to a kiss

summary: years after their time at welton, neil and todd still live together and neil is just as in love as ever. maybe one of these days his resolve will finally break.

words: 3741

Winter.

Red noses, chapped lips, cracked hands. Scarves, hats, gloves, ten minutes getting ready to be outside for thirty seconds. Waking up to fresh snowfall that you know in a few hours will turn into gray slush because this is New York, what else would it do, but for now the world just looks like it’s been perfectly coated in powdered sugar. The hum of a radiator, always on. A warm mug of tea with too much honey poured in it. Late sunrises. 

So late, in fact, that when Neil wakes up to find the sun casting a hazy orange glow over his bedroom, he panics for a minute. 

Oh, it’s Sunday. No worries. 

Not like he’d have much to do on a weekday, anyways. Done with high school, done with college, script reading for his next show doesn’t start for another two weeks. He lays in bed, staring at the ceiling, letting his thoughts drift. The bed is small, all too similar to the dorm rooms he spent too many years of his life in, but it’s softer and warmer and the sheets are bunched up from too many nights of twisting and turning. The biggest difference is that it’s the only bed in the room. Just one wall separates this room from an identical one with the same twin bed. He and Todd bought them at the same time, back when they were first furnishing the apartment and they realized that buying beds was not exactly an aspect of adulthood they’d been prepared for.

It was the third year of college and both of them agreed that they were sick of living in dorms. Todd had suggested sharing originally, dug up the place, even, but Neil was the one who made the phone call. Soon it was theirs to be filled with books and dishes and shoes and memories. Even when they both graduated and made space on a wall for their shiny new degrees, neither suggested moving out. How could they? It’s home. 

Neil hears Todd stirring from somewhere in the apartment (his bedroom? The kitchen? He can’t quite tell). Todd has always been a late sleeper, but becoming a high school English teacher has forced him to change his habits. Now he stays up late, gets up early, and has a nasty caffeine addiction. Music floats in from the living room. An old Billie Holiday record, of course. It’s one Todd has played many times, so Neil mouths the lyrics to himself even though he can’t really hear them. 

If you hear a song in blue

Like a flower crying for the dew

That was my heart serenading you

My prelude to a kiss

Eventually Neil forces himself out of bed, the winter air hitting him sharply as he throws off his blankets. The bedroom door opens with a creak, and there’s Todd, softly singing to himself as he stirs cream into his coffee. He’s self-conscious about his voice, and he stops singing as soon as he notices Neil poking his head out. 

“Morning,” Todd says quietly, setting his coffee on the counter to grab another mug from the cupboard. Neil picks up the song. Though it's just a simple melody, with nothing fancy, nothing much, you could turn it to a symphony一a Schubert tune with a Gershwin touch.

“Did you see it snowed?” Neil asks as Todd hands him the mug. Their fingers brush for a moment, and it warms Neil more than the steaming drink in his hand. 

“Yeah, traffic’s gonna be a nightmare today.”

Neil shrugs. “Good thing we don’t have anywhere to go, then.” Todd smiles softly, still mindlessly stirring his drink. 

Oh! How my love song gently cries

For the tenderness within your eyes

My love is a prelude that never dies

A prelude to a kiss

✲

Neil’s shown him the scar. It worms across his shoulder and upper back, sometimes branching out like lightning. It’s an ugly, mottled thing that keeps fabric around Neil’s shoulders almost all the time. In fact, besides the doctors, Todd’s the only one who’s seen it. The others know about that night, of course, when everything Neil thought he knew about love was shot down with the crack of a pistol, but secretly he thinks his friends don’t really understand. Todd, who never really knew what love was at all, does. 

Todd always says he wishes he’d been there. Neil says he shouldn’t wish for that. Todd does not need to see any more love gone sour. Later, when they’re in their own rooms and there’s nothing better to do than stare at the ceiling, Neil feels guilty for having shown him. What did he want? Sympathy? For Todd to say he loved him? Clearly neither of them know a damn thing about love, so what’s the point? But the way Todd looked at him, eyes misty but no tears slipping, and the way his fingers ran across it, gentle and reverent and unafraid…maybe people don’t need to see. Maybe they only need to understand.

✲

“You haven’t finished that thing yet?” Neil asks jokingly as he pokes his head into Todd’s room, a bowl of soup in hand. He sets the bowl on Todd’s desk, right next to his typewriter, which has been dutifully clacking all day.

Todd laughs, leaning back in his chair and cracking his knuckles. “Novels don’t happen overnight, Neil.”

Neil leans in the doorway. “Will you let me read it when it is finished?”

Todd shrugs, delicately taking the bowl of soup in his hands. “Maybe.”

“C’mon, I haven’t read a word you’ve written since high school. And don’t give me that look like you don’t think you’re any good一” Neil points an accusatory finger at him. “Because we both know that’s not true.”

Todd rolls his eyes, but a small smile lingers on his face. “You have too read some of it. And besides, the book, it’s- it’s-” Todd starts stumbling over his words. The stutter still acts up when he’s nervous, but it’s been a long time since Neil’s seen it. 

“It’s fine, Todd, really,” Neil says, reaching out a hand to ruffle the other man’s hair. Todd huffs.

“It’s just一some of the stuff in there is really…personal, I guess, and I don’t want you to一”

“Judge you for it?” Neil finishes his sentence as Todd trails off. Todd nods. “Please, Todd, I know too much about you to judge you for anything. Remember that night at that bar in Queens?”

Todd groans. “I really wish you’d forget that.”

Neil laughs and taps the side of his head with a finger as he turns to leave the room. To his surprise, Todd follows him, soup in hand. “Sorry, Toddsie, it’s locked in.”

“Well, if we’re playing the blackmail game, you’re the one in danger.”

Neil’s eyes widen as Todd laughs. The two sit down at their comically small dining table in unison, feet kicking against each other on accident. Soon they’re playing footsie like they did in school, exchanging embarrassing stories and trying very hard not to spill soup everywhere. Todd laughs often, loud and unrestricted, something he only started doing in college. Neil’s eyes linger on his lips, the way they curl with a smile when he calms down, the way his tongue pokes out briefly as he structures his thoughts. Then their eyes meet, and Neil must imagine the slight blush that creeps up his face. They stop joking when the moment passes, but they stay at the table, ankles gently resting against each other.

✲

Neil’s tempted to run after that. Run like every other time his own feelings have made him dizzy and sick, shameful and exhilarated all at once. Run to a place where all this pent-up something can be released without Neil’s own head getting in the way. Not often, mind you, only on nights when Todd’s out of town and there’s something clawing at a hole deep inside his chest, begging him to set it free and try to fill that hole with the first sandy-haired man he runs into. He never gets far, either一never farther than the door to the bar. Any farther and things get too real. He likes his little worlds to be separate. The stage and his apartment. Time with his friends and time with his father. The guys in those dark little corners of the city and Todd. He always comes home shaking, throwing his blankets over his head and begging the throbbing, clawing feeling to go away. It never does. The hole, at least, is filled when Todd is there.

Todd runs sometimes too, but Neil does not know where he goes. Sometimes he thinks the other man just retreats into his own head. Neil’s been there, too.

✲

After lunch, it’s Neil’s turn to pick the music. Todd sits on the couch reading the last few pages of a book while Neil dances around, pretending to do chores. The good thing about a small apartment is it doesn’t need a lot of maintenance, but Neil needs something to do when he’s home alone all day, so he does his best to keep up its appearance anyways. Neil sings loudly despite not having the best voice, and once or twice, he catches Todd singing along in spite of himself. The two have wildly different music tastes, but neither can deny themselves a bit of rhythm and blues. 

You'll never, never know I care

You'll never know the torch I bear

You'll never know it, for I won't show it

Oh, no, you'll never, never know

Neil listens to Todd hum for a minute. Ah, irony. 

Todd finishes his book with a sigh and immediately begins sorting through the precariously stacked volumes on their coffee table for another one. He ends up pulling out Neil’s show script, flipping through it and occasionally stopping to read Neil’s infinite annotations. 

Neil laughs when he sees him reading through it. Todd, his favorite practice partner, had been running through the thing with him for weeks since he got it. “We could work on that, if you want.” Neil’s words seem to spook Todd, who jumps a little but nods eagerly.

Orestes. Neil had been apprehensive about dipping his toes into Greek tragedy, a genre he was wholly unfamiliar with after a lifetime (for that’s what four years of university feels like when you were never living before them) of studying Shakespearean comedy. Todd once mentioned he was fond of the play. Neil pretends his off-hand comment hadn’t affected his decision to join the cast. He finds himself rather enjoying it too, though, all things considered. Maybe there’s a place in his heart for the romance of tragedy after all. Maybe there always was. 

“What scene do you want to work on?” Todd asks, baby blue eyes darting between the pages. 

Neil snatches the paper out of his hands, flipping around until a scene catches his eye. “This one,” he says confidently, giving Todd the script again and settling himself on the floor, preparing his mind to sink into the thoughts of someone who is not himself. 

Todd finds the first line of the scene, and the show begins.

Todd’s not an actor. He wasn’t made to be, Neil can tell from the way he uncomfortably espouses thoughts that are not his own. He was made to read his own words and weave thoughts that feel small and comfortable and domestic, nothing grandiose or dramatic like Neil’s trying to make him do here. Even so, he has a cadence in his voice that plays with the words the way all the best actors do, a way that makes you wonder if there’s always something bubbling beneath the surface. Neil, going scriptless, can do nothing but watch him as Pylades’ words spill from his own mouth. Not terribly out of character, actually. 

"So what should I do?" Todd reads carefully, a more delicate version of Orestes’ uncertainty hanging in his voice.

"Any chance of staying safe here?" Neil asks in response, head craning slightly to ease his friend’s nerves. 

Todd’s voice is small, quiet, afraid. A little too familiar. “No, none.”

Neil poses a question again, in the gentle yet serious way he responds to most of Todd’s mindless worries. "And if you flee?"

Todd surprises him here. He looks up for a moment, the closest thing to a sly grin Neil has ever seen spreading on his face. "Maybe, with luck."

Neil realizes what he’s getting at. This was, after all, not the home they started in. He meets Todd’s smile. "Well, it's better than staying." So much better than staying.

The moment passes, the scene continues as normal, but Neil seems to find Todd’s eyes wandering up to meet his more and more. 

✲

"I must go. Unmanly to die here." Todd says in a somewhat bored drawl, as if simple matters like life and death don’t seem to hold as much weight as they used to. 

Neil一Pylades一agrees, they discuss Orestes’ sister, then something new emerges. 

“These ghastly goddesses—they'll send my wits astray.”

 Todd’s voice breaks on accident, and Neil raises his head to shoot him a joking smile. He knows the next lines, he picked the scene because of it. Because he’d seen this story play out in real life, with the same man, in the same sort of winter where everything seems to begin and end at once. 

"I'll take care of you," Neil says gently.

Todd reads from the script. "It's rotten work."

A teasing no plays in Neil’s head. “Not to me. Not if it's you."

Todd looks up now, and does not look away. There is careful determination on his face. Hope. "Beware the contagion of madness."

“Come now."

Todd gives him the smallest. fondest smile, and Neil’s heart flips in his chest. “You won't shrink back?" he asks, almost teasing. And then they’re seventeen again, running around their crowded little dorm room with stars in their eyes and hundreds of millions of words waiting to spill from their tongues. Todd’s eyes are the blue of a winter sky and yet in the center as dark as a pitch-covered night. There is no night that changes everything. There are a thousand little moments of something that coalesce and bang! a bigger, more meaningful something into existence. Todd is something, so powerful a something that Neil feels like he’s already gone mad with it. Something that gives him everything while knowing Neil’s willing to give everything back. That has seen his darkest moments and has chosen to fight for him anyways. Seventeen or fourty or a hundred and six, Todd will be the same open-sky home for Neil that he always was. Neil’s so taken by the sweeping feeling of love in his chest that he fumbles for the words. 

“Sorry, um一could you say that line again?” he stutters out.

Todd cocks his head slightly with a smirk on his face, sending shivers down Neil’s spine.  “You won't shrink back?” he asks again, voice low and leaning forwards slightly.

“I’m in love with you,” Neil suddenly blurts out.

Todd freezes and squints down at the script. “That’s not the line一”

“But it’s true,” Neil says before he can stop himself.

Todd slowly raises his head, eyes wide, and Neil feels the weight of the world fall on top of him. “Neil, I一”

Neil cuts him off, quickly standing and making to leave. He mutters a quick, “sorry,” before slamming the door in Todd’s face and rushing down the stairs as quickly as he can. His breath feels heavy in his chest, every moment with Todd from their years together flashing in and out of his brain. He barely registers the sharply cold air hitting his face as he opens the door of the building, stepping only a few feet out on the sidewalk before he freezes, unsure of where to go. Light, fluffy snowflakes fall on his eyelashes, clouding his vision, making him feel like a little figurine trapped in a snowglobe. The scar across his shoulders feels like ants crawling up his back. What the hell have I just done? And where could he go? Somewhere where he won't have to explain, where Todd can’t find him, where he won’t have the chance to ruin anything else. That place doesn't exist. The shadows of his mistakes are everywhere.

“Neil!” A voice calls from behind him, and he resists the urge to just take off. “Neil, get inside, please, it’s freezing out here.”

Todd steps in front of him, coat loosely thrown around his frame, arms crossed over his chest. “I’m sorry Todd, just please一don’t. Don’t,” Neil mutters, not able to look at him for more than a second.

“Don’t what?” Todd frowns, an ugly look on a pretty face. “You didn’t even let me finish.”

“I’m sorry,” Neil says again, staring at his feet. God, it is freezing out here, isn’t it?

“It’s fine, Neil, really,” Todd says in a small voice.

Neil shakes his head, voice crackling with the start of tears. “No, it’s not. I had no right to一and you don’t一”

He’s caught off guard when Todd reaches out and takes one of Neil’s hands in his own, both so cold that Neil can only feel the ghost of touch. “You didn’t hear me out. Just come back inside. Please.”

Todd almost sounds like he’s begging, and when Neil finally looks at him,  the misty haze in his eyes nearly splits Neil’s heart in half. Todd turns to re-enter the building, still gripping Neil’s hand, and Neil allows himself to be led back up the stairs like a toddler. Todd looks back occasionally, as if to reassure himself that Neil is still there. But God, how could he go? The twisted, sick feeling in his gut morphs into something like anticipation as his eyes follow the head of soft, dirty-blonde hair in front of him. There’s nothing else in the world to look at. 

Todd lets go of his hand to open the door, and walks into the apartment with Neil trailing closely behind him. As soon as the door is shut, Todd wheels around and hesitates for a moment before placing a hand on Neil’s neck and kissing him deeply. Neil’s eyes widen for a second before he shuts them tightly and kisses back. What started slow becomes fervent as the cold drains from all the places their bodies press together. 

It only lasts a few seconds before Todd releases slightly, a shaky breath falling between his parted lips. The hand that had been caressing his neck stretches up to cradle his jaw, fingers biting and burning all at once. Neil opens his eyes slowly, helplessly leaning into Todd’s touch.

“Were you scared to say that?” Todd whispers, thumb caressing Neil’s cheek.

Neil lets out a nervous laugh. “Yes. Incredibly.” 

Todd gives a miniscule smile, eyes darting to the floor as a blush creeps up his face. “As if I haven’t been in love with you since I was seventeen.”

Neil feels the wind knocked out of him, quickly raising a hand to rest on the one Todd keeps on his face. “Todd-” 

Todd cuts him off. “If you want it, just say it. Say it, please.” His voice breaks slightly, and he squeezes his eyes shut, as if fearing an impact. 

“I want you. I think I always have.” 

Neil barely gets the words out before Todd kisses him again, gentler this time, his hand floating into Neil’s hair as Neil grasps at his shirt collar. Neil shivers as Todd’s other hand grasps to intertwine itself with Neil’s fingers. Neil raises his free hand to graze Todd’s jaw, short stubble poking the dry pads of his fingers. Todd’s breath hitches and they both freeze. 

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Neil asks quietly, with Todd’s hands suspended on either side of his neck. 

“Jesus, Neil, yes,” he says in a pitched breath, not so much a moan as a release. 

Neil presses their foreheads together as Todd’s hands slowly work their way down his chest until they rest at his hips. Neil takes a moment to breathe before kissing him again, reveling in the feeling of Todd’s hands tightening their grip on his sides. They slowly wander away from the door, legs tangling as they nearly avoid tripping over the furniture and all the little things in the apartment that make it home. The place had always seemed so small, but now it seems to take years to cross the cold floor until finally, Neil is pulling Todd into his bedroom and those delicate hands are pulling off his shirt and Todd is muttering that he loves him in between heated kisses and winter seems the warmest season of all. 

✲

The next morning, Todd wakes him by gently caressing his face. Neil opens his eyes to see Todd laid next to him in his much-too-small bed, already dressed in a button-down and tie and hair only half-dry. Neil can’t help but smile at the sight of him as the memories come rushing in. 

“I have to go to work,” Todd says in little more than a whisper, thumb still gently grazing his cheekbone. “But if you get up in the next few minutes we can have breakfast.”

Neil smiles wider, sighing and rolling over slightly. “I’ll be up, I promise. Just give me a minute.”

“‘Course.” Todd seems like he’s hesitating, so Neil takes the lead and leans forward to gently kiss Todd’s cheek. Todd quickly turns his head so their lips meet in a single breath. Neil knows they don’t have time, that he should be letting Todd get up and go to work, but he finds that all he can think about is the feeling of waking up with Todd next to him. It’s Todd that breaks him out of it by forcing him to his feet after too short a time. 

Neil picks the music while Todd makes eggs. Ella Fitzgerald. One of their shared favorites. They eat standing up, sides pressed together, both occasionally humming along. 

When you're in my arms

And I feel you so close to me

All my wildest dreams come true

I need no soft light to enchant me

If you'll only grant me

The right to hold you ever-so-tight

And to feel in the night

The nearness of you

(I'll get back to writing more soon I promise. oh, and shout out to @saturnewaves for beta reading this!! you're an absolute darling <3)

#dead poets society #dps #anderperry #todd anderson #neil perry #dps fanfiction #fanfiction #dps fandom #based on a billie holiday song #billie holiday my beloved #still think its kind of a mess but eh

[bohemian-rhapsody-in-blue]

Beboptober Day 6: Collateral Damage

Thanks to @thestarlightsymphony for the prompt list! Something relatively light and fluffy today, since my fics for the last few days have been pretty angsty and serious.

Ed hadn’t meant to hurt Spike’s ship. She’d just been playing, running around in the Bebop’s nice, spacious hangar—partially pretending she was a bird like the fat little ones she’d seen on the streets of Mars, and partially just for the sake of running around, burning off some of her rambunctious energy and high spirits. Ein had been following behind on his stubby corgi legs, barking enthusiastically.

She wasn’t the only one on the Bebop who’d been in good spirits—since they’d caught a relatively substantial bounty a few days before, the whole crew seemed noticeably happier. They laughed a little more, argued a little less, and had, for the time being at least, a good supply of delicious food to eat. Ed loved the feeling when everyone in her little family was happy; she always fed on it, let it fill her up like a bunch of bright, buoyant bubbles.

At one point, she’d had run to the upper platform that surrounded the hangar, giggling all the while—then leapt off. She’d squealed with glee at the soaring feeling in her stomach, like she really was a bird flying among the skyscrapers.

Then the illusion had been shattered when she collided with the wing of Spike’s spaceship, landing hard.

She was able to break her fall easily by tucking and rolling, and she got up relatively unscathed. When she turned around, however, she saw that the Swordfish II was not so lucky. A deep gash marred one of its wings, ruining the paint job, with a dent in the center where she’d landed. Ed went uncharacteristically silent for a second as she inspected the damage.

It wasn’t like the ship was pristine aside from that one gash that marred its perfect surface—it was pretty heavily abused, covered with pockmarks and scratches, and had clearly been the victim of a lot of other injuries before. Ed had often seen Spike complaining as he went to the hangar to fix them or, in the occasional severe case, get the ship serviced by Doohan. This wasn’t as bad as that, she thought. But even so, Spike would definitely notice the next time he went out in the ship that there was damage to the wing that hadn’t been there before.

She hadn’t realized she’d damaged it that badly. She hadn’t meant to land there or hurt it at all. But she had a sinking sense that, once Spike saw the damage to his ship, his good mood wouldn’t last much longer.

“What are we gonna do, Ein?” she asked, hanging her head.

It really had been an accident. Collateral damage, Spike or Jet might call it—Spike with a shrug, Jet with a reproachful glare. Accidental harm done in the pursuit of something else.

But she brightened up as she realized that maybe it would all be okay. Because she could fix it! She could fix the collateral damage she’d done. The ship would be good as new, and Spike would never have to know. He—and everyone else on the ship—would be happy.

~~~~~

The first problem, to Ed, was the paint job. This she could remedy quite easily. She didn’t have paints, but she did have markers and pens, with which she’d drawn pictures on paper, on the Bebop’s walls, and occasionally on the exposed skin of the other crew members when they were asleep, unconscious, drunk, or just couldn’t be bothered to get up. Drawing on a spaceship couldn’t be that different.

She retrieved her pens and returned to the hangar while skillfully managing to evade the glances of the other crew members—or maybe that was just because they were all wrapped up in their own things on different parts of the ship and didn’t spare her a glance. Still, this fit her purposes just fine.

She used a red marker to fill in the ugly gray spots on the metal wing, occasionally hanging upside down to color in the gash from a different angle. She got stray chips and flecks of paint stuck all over her hands as she brushed them off. All the while, she hummed and chanted cheerfully under her breath: “Fixing it, fixing it, good as new…”

When she was done, she stepped back to inspect her work. As did Ein, looking back and forth from her to the wing with skepticism. Okay, so maybe the patch she’d worked on looked a little…scribbly compared to the rest of the ship, and the shade of red didn’t quite match. Still, it looked a million, billion times better than when she’d started. She could fix things! She was helping! She hugged herself and gave a little jump for joy. Spike would be so pleased. Or at least not so angry.

But there was still something wrong—the dent she’d left was still there. And this couldn’t be fixed with markers; Ed wasn’t entirely sure how it could be fixed. She wondered if it would mess up the way the ship flew. She didn’t know a lot about aerodynamics, but she did know that that wouldn’t be good.

Oh, well. Spike had lots of tools that he used to work on the Swordfish II; maybe one of them would work to fix the dent. She wasn’t sure how, but she could just mess around with the tools until she found something that worked! She was certain something would.

Now the only question was where Spike kept his tools. Luckily, Ed was good at investigating, exploring the secret corners and hidey-holes of the Bebop; she was sure she could find the toolbox easily. She hummed softly as she entered the main area of the ship, then began rooting around in closets, storage areas, and random little compartments, Ein following her all the while. She found a lot of interesting things that might be fun to use later—a few plugs and cords that could be useful for Tomato, a tube of lipstick that probably belonged to Faye, some weird small rubber things that looked sort of like balloons in packages—but nothing that seemed like it would help the Swordfish. But she was having a blast looking, happy and secure in the knowledge that she was being helpful.

Finally, in a back closet near Spike’s room, she found it! A toolbox! It looked well-worn from use over the years, dinged and dented, but it was definitely usable. When she opened it up, she was met with the sight of what looked like hundreds of hammers, wrenches, nuts and bolts gleaming up at her. It was like a whole mini-world. She stared at it for a while, mesmerized, picking up some of the objects and inspecting them with fascination.

Unfortunately, she was so caught up in looking that she completely failed to notice Spike coming up behind her.

“What are you doing in there?”

Ed looked up, answered honestly. “Looking for tools.”

“Tools?” Spike frowned and narrowed his eyes. “Why do you need those?”

And here Ed panicked a bit—she couldn’t tell Spike why she needed them, because then she’d have to reveal that she broke his ship, and he wouldn’t be happy anymore. Even if she was fixing it. “Um…”

“Ed,” said Spike, “what are you doing?”

~~~~~

She had an uncharacteristically guilty, evasive look as she led him to the Bebop’s hangar; even her patterns of walking were more subdued. Spike had barely known her to be anything but cheerful, and her expression threw him for a loop. What could the kid possibly have done? Was she planning to crash the ship? Blow it up? Blow up someone else’s ship? Revive the mutant fridge monster and release it again to terrorize everyone on the crew?

But she showed evidence of none of those things. Instead, she stopped next to the left wing of the Swordfish II and gestured to a spot on it, her head hung ashamedly. Ed whined and looked up, his ears back and low on his head.

The spot had been dented pretty badly, and the paint job was scratched up, suggesting a mild to moderate collision—nothing that couldn’t be fixed relatively easily, but still noticeable. It definitely hadn’t been there the last time he’d taken the Swordfish out. The area had been clumsily filled in with a red marker; the area was also noticeable by the little doodles of blue stars and yellow smiley faces that surrounded it.

“Ed hurt Spike-person’s ship while playing,” Ed said, looking up at him from below the lids of her wide, heartbreakingly contrite eyes. “Ed tried to fix it…”

God, she was practically the dictionary definition of “puppy-dog eyes.” Almost even more so than the actual dog who stood beside her.

Wait a second—was he actually taking pity on the kid? He shook his head in disgust. Since when had he gotten soft like this?

“It was an accident,” she said imploringly. “Collateral damage.”

He’d normally be mad—he wanted to be mad—but she really did look sorry, and whatever the hell she’d done to the ship had clearly been an accident; Spike just couldn’t imagine her intentionally sabotaging it. Besides, it wasn’t like he hadn’t damaged the thing himself hundreds of times, in dogfights or during hunts or just out of sheer carelessness. And at least, in her attempts to help, Ed hadn’t made it actively worse. (Spike couldn’t imagine what would have happened if she’d actually gotten hold of the tools and tried to use them on the wing to fix it, without any actual knowledge of mechanics. He tried to shove the mental images out of his mind.)

Anyway, he didn’t have the energy to waste on anger. They had just caught a bounty. They were out of the red for the first time in a long time. He was looking forward to a hot shower and a hot meal tonight—maybe bell peppers with some actual beef. For one fleeting, fragile moment, things were going okay for them all. He didn’t want to ruin that over a little, easily fixable bit of—what had Ed called it?—collateral damage. (Not his usual definition of the term, but he supposed it worked.)

He kneeled down and took the toolbox from her. “Do you want to learn how to actually fix this?”

Ed brightened up immediately, her usual cheer back. “Okay!”

Spike couldn’t help but give a small grin, despite himself, as he got out the tools to buff out the scuff. Ed cheered and chanted happily behind him. He wouldn’t be surprised if she got bored partway through and left him to do the thing himself. And he couldn’t deny it was a pain having to take the time out of his day to fix the ship. Ed really deserved to be chewed out for all she was worth—he couldn’t believe he’d gone soft the way he had.

But now, as Ed rocked back and forth on her heels and stared at him with wide, fascinated eyes, Ein next to her with his head cocked in curiosity—

Well. He’d had worse.

#cowboy bebop #beboptober #beboptober 2022 #beboptober2022 #anime #radical edward #edward wong hau pepelu tivrusky iv #swordfish ii #collateral damage #textpost #fic #my fic #maya’s musings #maya’s masterpieces #this is probably crap it's 3 AM #god beboptober is destroying my sleep schedule #apologies for any inaccuracies in the description of the bebop's hangar or of realistic spaceship damage #i don't know what would ACTUALLY happen to a wing of a spaceship if a 13-year-old child landed on it from a great distance #this isn't like when i wrote the previous day's fic and used medical papers as reference to find out how spike would be hurt after falling #this is Solely For The Vibes

[khodorkovskaya]

20.02.23

first day of uni today!

yesterday i went skating with my zurich friend and my oxford/france bestie and my student and his wife. it was lots of fun! then my zurich friend and my bestie and i went for a walk. to my surprise my zurich friend and the greek girl he's been going on and on about aren't like together together! i thought they were like officially a thing but "it's complicated". idk i like my zurich friend and he has potential but he's such an ugly duckling now lol. in the sense that in a couple of years time he's gonna be a beautiful swan like he's gonna be husband material bc he's not bad looking and he's well raised and he's like very intelligent. but right now he's so awkward! and the thing with the greek girl like come on... the man has no experience and it's sad. i mean no, it's not sad. it's just like oh you're young and awkward. anyway, im really excited to see the man he's gonna become in like five years.

anyway i really wanted more gossip on the greek girl bc im a libra rising. and i wanted to talk to my zurich friend like one on one and i felt bad about not staying with him for longer. but i felt so guilty about just like doing nothing the whole day and not working. it was driving me nuts.

my parents went to visit this old lady who lives in a beautiful mansion who has a bunch of vintage clothes. and her story is kinda sad bc her husband passed away not long ago and she has no family left, no kids, nothing. all she has is this huge mansion with a beautiful view on the lake and tonnes and tonnes and tonnes of clothes she doesn't know what to do with. she's a prisoner in her own home basically. bc she's so attached to all of her stuff but it has to go bc she sold the mansion and has to move out in four months. but where is she gonna put all this stuff? what even happens with your stuff once you die? where does it all go? my cousin and i were wondering what we're gonna do with our grandma's cat collection when she passes... what are we gonna do with all those cats? (precision: not actual cats!!! like figurines and stuff!)

my stepdad and i have been losing our minds over the last email we got. like it's pure délire. i can't tell you guys what it's about but we can't sleep because of it lol. it's crazy. one day im gonna write a book about everything that's been happening, it's insane.

anyway, i really miss B these days. more so sexually than anything. but then i think about our actual sex life and it was so awkward... there were good moments for sure but i was so like... not good with myself and my body. but then i can't imagine sex with anyone else. just the simple thought of like using a condom during sex with someone makes me so sad. im like shit, i should call him. but then i think about the potential consequences of caling him... like fuck. i don't love him anymore. what do i do now? how do i exist without love?

#february

[kariachi]

And the final liveblog of the day, another Static Shock one. We’re doing ‘Showtime’.

~~

The bustling Dakota downtown scene

Hi Puff. Hi Onyx.

Hi Virgil. Hi Richie.

“Where did you come from“ They’re superheroes, they just show up places.

Beating people up with their friends

Static’s on tv

Wow the production values on that commercial are shit. That’s like, powerpoint effects.

I don’t know what’s more offensive, advertising somebody’s show without approaching them about making one, or doing so with effects like that. Insult to injury.

Sir what sort’ve madman expects someone to watch and ensure soymilk has been added to a drink they ordered with soymilk? Like if this was an allergy yes but I am doubting that

Yeah this guy’s an asshole.

Brandon don’t deserve this.

Ah, you’re Rast. The asshole with the shit effects in his commercial. Rude man.

Brandon at this point give up and find a new gig. What’s this guy gonna do, how much influence can he have if he can’t even afford effects passed the powerpoint level?

Virgil in no way believing his name came up first when the idea of a reality show about superheroes was pitched.

I don’t trust a word that comes out of this man’s mouth. He could tell me the sky was blue and I’d check.

Rast: ‘I had to advertise first to try to pressure you into going along with it’ Virgil: ‘Yeah no’

Walk away and never return, Virgil.

Bunch of kids just vaguely hanging around outside a tv producer’s office

Trying to guilt Virgil into this shit

Not bad money these kids are making. Actually for that money play that shit up, get Static to come down, how many hours can you squeeze out of this man? Have your parents taught you how to squeeze money out of an employer? Somebody get these kids a mentor and a union

Welding supplies and a microscope. I worry sometimes about what Richie is up to.

Oh boys. Oh boys you do not deserve the shit you are gonna have to put up with. You haven’t signed anything have you?

Not even one episode of this show in and they’ve got Virgil sat there for make-up and hair to make him look perfect for the camera.

Damn, tech dude is rude. Also you may want some insulation for that transmission box given, ya know, electricity powers

How do you mistake Richie for a delivery boy the guy is in fucking costume! If nothing else you’d think they’d be given a picture of the co-star.

Oh gods and they’re late for patrol due to all this. If this is supposed to be the second fiddle it can’t interfere with the heroing like that. Or, well, third fiddle I would hope at least at their age. Preferably fourth or fifth but I admit that’s a bit much for superhero works

Oh this is gonna be a shitshow

This is why reality tv around crime is never a good idea. To make a show you need content, which means crime, and if it’s not there you gotta build it up or make it yourself.

They track down some crime in progress, committed by yet another bought of ugly on these shows I am watching today. First the hair on that one bastard, then the outfits in Power Play, and now this fucker’s outfit.

Ya know so far this fight makes for worse tv than the one against Puff and Onyx woulda.

Also, just had a thought, can you imagine trying to film Static and Gear vs Hotstreak? You know all it would take is for him to get annoyed at the cameras or the noise of the helicopters or a passing leaf and suddenly you fuckers plummeting and on fire.

Ah, the meta jokes that don’t work when you’re watching a show recorded without commercials

Virgil, Virgil do not just run into a fight like that because some schmuck with a camera crew is getting impatient, have some sense we know you own at least a bit

And he gets his butt kicked. Poor Virgil.

This dude is just plagiarizing our boy

Richie is also a good friend

Rast making a big to-do about Virgil not winning that fight making the show bad and Richie looking about one Virgil’s wingspan away from getting in his face over it

‘Were it not for my much more moral bestfriend being between us I would strike you down’

And lo but the boys are fighting. Because Virgil’s upset this new guy one-upped him and Richie’s upset Virgil just ran off on his own without a plan just because there was a camera there and Virgil’s upset Richie’s upset and it’s just a mess

Oh damn Virgil. Seriously responding to Richie claiming he doesn’t even want to be on a show by pointing out that he was a solo act before he got his powers. Neither of the boys looking their best in these episodes, which is the point of watching them but still

Virgil: ‘I think I may have fucked up’

Somebody throw Rast into the bay. It doesn’t have to be to his death or anything he just, needs to get tossed in the bay

Got a nice chase with whatever his name was, Static dealt a damn good blow, but it seems to have only charged up the enemy. So he tries again. And again. Virgil you are smarter than this.

And Virgil gets his shit wrecked. Rast not as much as I would like, though I suppose the crew is blameless.

Virgil’s family wish to watch his show. Or at least his sister does.

The Hawkins have a doublewide door.

Apologies between our boys! Richie was jealous but he shouldn’t have let it get him moody, Virgil shouldn’t have been showboating at the expense of everything ever. Both are in the wrong, and now they can do better

I love how, much like Bruce jumped from “hm, I look to be covered in fur“ to “I think this guy may have actually been a werewolf“, Virgil and Richie jump from “this guy can take in electricity to make himself stronger“ to “I think this guy might not actually be a metahuman“. Both massive logical leaps when a simpler explanation exists.

Boys investigating shit, sneaking in to look at footage for clues

Sir you are not about to replace Virgil with Adam, you are not even gonna try! You leave him outta your mess he deserves better! As if he doesn’t have enough to worry about with his brother running around starting shit...

I do not approve of heroes using their powers on people to sway them to their pov, Virgil

These men should not be trusted with a briefcase of valuables

*gasp* Whats-his-name can speak!

Transmitter was somehow transmitting Static’s powers. How? Who the fuck knows. But that little matter is handled now. Now it’s just to wait for this dude to run out of juice.

And he’s blasting down helicopters. It was only a matter of time.

Virgil’s really upped his game in the season since the last episode.

Well, dude managed to get some distance before he ran out of power and Richie got his ass.

Brandon turned to supervillainy to fund his artistic passions

Rast can’t even be polite enough to listen to the monologue of the villain he created. Rude ass bastard.

Look, boys, I’m just saying, let Brandon go, just long enough to knock one of Rast’s teeth in. I think it would do wonders, just amazing things would happen.

#achi liveblogs #less thoughts here but definitely something

[azzahrahumaira]

Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Today has been a really tough day for me

There were many things happening at school

I was alone; weeping buckets of tears upstairs

Nobody was there to tell me it's gonna be okay

Nobody was there to patiently listening to me

Nobody was there to say "you've got this zah"

Nobody was there to uplift and cheer me on

I kept crying and crying for what felt like eternity

I ended up thinking about jumping off building

But somehow I remembered Palestinian people

I remembered their cute faces and their voices

I remembered how unstained their hearts are

I remembered how unbreakable their faith is

I knew my pain was nothing compared to theirs

I then remembered my purposes and my dreams

That I must stay alive if I really want to help them

I can not give up if I wanna be part of their cause

I can never quit if I wanna help liberate Palestine

I know your hearts feels so heavy right now,

But I am here, I have always been here for you,

So, let's break it all down, shall we, zah?

[let's just omit the desire to jump part] here it is:

Today, a lot of bad things have happened. She is one year older than me and is my fella teacher in this school, but she did something to me that hurt me so much I couldn't stand it. So I selfishly left my responsibilities, ran upstairs as quickly as I could, and then I cried in another teacher's classroom. Nobody was there so I could ugly cry and let myself drown in the ocean of sadness for hours. I am sure as hell I looked like a wrecked ship—no spirit and absolutely no hope. I cursed her and many other people repeatedly, as if I am angelic and has never made mistakes in my entire life. [She did make a mistake, but it doesn't mean she's devil. She's just a normal human being, remember zah? But yeah, I know it hurts. It does hurt when someone did something like that to you. It's okay, zah. It's okay. I understand] I lingered in that classroom a little longer and then I went downstairs. With the remnants of my energy,I cleaned my messy classroom [you rarely clean, organize and declutter your bedroom but you clean your classroom every single damn day, why? because you pretend to be a good girl and don't want people to know how messed up you are? anyways forget it] and then head in the parking lot. When I was about to leave, I couldn't help but crying some more. Then all of a sudden I was caught by the janitor. He asked "what are you doing there?" He saw me crying! It was one of the most embarrassing moments in my life. I'd rather disappear than experience embarrassing moments like this. I ignored him, and I started driving my motorcycle. On the way home, I didn't stop crying. I was crying so much today it almost felt like I was running out of tears.

You know, I hate a lot of people. I hold resentment and grudges for many people for years like my life depends on it. Believe me or not, I never, not even once, forget the bad things people have done to me. That's why I have never been good at forgiving people—not because I can't, but because I don't want to. Once I hate someone, I will give my all in making sure I will never forgive them. But you know what, no matter how evil people are, in all honesty, no one has ever been more ruthless than I have been to myself. Isn't it ironic, because I am someone who loves encouraging, uplifting, and advocating self-love to other people—and yet I am also someone who has always been doing many despicable things to myself. I deeply care about a lot of people but more often than not I just treat myself like shit. I always check in on people and ask how they've been but oftentimes I just don't give a damn about myself. I love some people so much I could die for them if needed, but I barely even take care of myself.

Yeah, a bunch of people have done evil wrongdoings to me, but none of them has ever tried to literally kill me. I was the one who kept feeding the suicidal thoughts that were inside of my freaking mind and acted upon them—I was the one who ran away and almost jumped off of the bridge in the middle of the night in my own volition, I was the one who tried to get into motorcycle accident multiple times, I was the one who always wanted to jump off of tall somethings but never got the chance to do so, I was the one who intentionally overconsumed a plethora of random medicines for 5 days straight , I was the one who "made" dangerous (you have no idea how dangerous it is for human body) toxins and then drunk it with utmost willingness, I was the one who used to literally scratch my arms with a small knife, etc—I was the one who tried to commit suicide many many many times.

But in those moments of agony, despair, and hopelessness—God always saved me. He never let me die by committing suicide in any shape or form. He has always been there when I needed Him the most. He sent me kindhearted people to to prevented me from going down the wrong path. And even when I had nobody to turn to, He has always been there when I needed Him the most—He always listened to me, He always consoled me, He always calmed me down and wiped my tears, and most of all, He always washed the pain away. Why? Why He didn't just let me die? Why does God keep giving me "the second chance"? Why He keeps taking good care of me? Why He never stops unconditionally loving me, even after all the minor and major sins that I have committed (and still do)?

I have been dealing with some personal problems and I am continuously struggling with my mental health (I still have suicidal thoughts from time to time). That's why sometimes I tend to push people away. That's why I always choose to be alone, because I don't wanna get hurt by anyone and I don't wanna hurt/harm anyone either. Despite everything, I am still here—by God's grace. I am grateful I still survive up to this point after all the traumatizing and harrowing experiences I have gone through in my life. I am grateful because Palestinian people always hold me accountable. I am grateful Palestinian people have made me become stronger than ever. Always protect, provide, and love them, ya Allah. They are one of the reasons why I refuse to give up on myself. Ya Rabb, please forgive me. Forgive me for everything. And please always guide me to be a better person. Give me Your light, and don't ever let me walk this temporary journey called life alone. Aamiin.

[transienturl]

strange things to be inspired by a dream: hypothetical apology by a tv personality for using hurtful language on-air

Hey, guys. I want to apologize for the language I used on air last night: to those it's most hurtful to especially, but to every viewer who heard my comments and everyone who's not a viewer of our show who's gonna have been exposed to this due to the coverage too. And you know who that goes double to, who that goes triple to? The people who aren't bothered, aren't offended; the people who think this kind of stuff is fine. It's not—not today, not ever. Having people like me who have a platform talk like it is, even in passing, sets us back. It makes people, wonderful people, want to hide who they are—I'm not okay with contributing to that. And the reason I say this goes triple for the people who think they don't care is that you almost certainly know many of those wonderful people, whoever you are, whether you're aware of it or not. Whoever you are, the fact that you live in a society with this kind of ugly thinking, where this kind of ugly thinking is sometimes treated like it's not a big deal or that it's inevitable? That's hurting you. That's hurting you directly. We should never accept halfhearted apologies for this shit because the consequences are real. People shouldn't have to grow up in a world where they feel like who they are affects how much they're loved—by their friends, their family, their god if they believe in one... or by some guy on TV. Or by their sports heroes, the people they watch up here every night. I know sometimes we in the sports world get a pass on this sort of—look, it feels and is ridiculous to use a blanket term like "cultural issue," but I have to—but we get a pass on this kind of thing because it's "just sports," because sports doesn't really matter, because we're paid to compete and talk about competing, not to be politicians. Whatever. That's bullshit, okay? You shouldn't accept that, and I shouldn't accept that, and I'm upset with myself for contributing to it, for all the takes I'm already seeing defending my comments along those lines. Sport gives us a platform. Sport lets us represent our fans, our cities, our countries. It's our job to do everything we can—within the rules—to win on the field. But it's also our duty to do everything we can as members of this community, as friends to those we know and don't know, to fight for the people who are unfairly victims of this hate that should have died a long damn time ago. Don't accept otherwise, not because we're 'just' sports. Hold us accountable. Please. I wanna say thank you to everyone who's made their voice heard the right way, here, whether it's about me personally or not.

And I want to apologize to another group of people: my old teammates, everybody I shared a locker room with. I'm sorry my comments make it sound like we had a culture of hate back in those days. And I'm sorry to those of you who were hurt by some of the language we did use in the locker room. I'm pissed, honestly, at myself, you know? Because there was always this voice in my head that was like, I've gotta stop this, I've gotta stop this, and the excuse was, you know, I'll stop once I leave the league. And obviously I didn't quite succeed at that—but more importantly, that's not enough. That's not fair to the people I was with in the moment. If you find yourself in that locker room or wherever it is that those things get said behind closed doors, and you find yourself thinking, you know, now's not the time to speak up, to be better: nah man, just do it. Be brave. That's the bravest thing you can do. Trust me: it sucks way more to be thinking back on stuff you let slide years later, okay? Don't do that to yourself. Don't do it to your friends, to your loved ones, to the strangers who overhear you. It's not okay. Don't listen to anybody—anybody—who makes you feel like it is.

(Oh, and I'm donating a bunch of money. Please consider joining me.)

[singularbluethread]

Omg idk why I feel the urge to post this PUBLICLY. Neither my bf or ...!!!! That guy!!! read my Tumblr.

But omg over last winter I end up falling in love with a friend I've known for a few years (when I met him I felt an instant connection, but nothing developed bc we didn't see each other much and I wasn't thinking of it in that way). I'm still in the same relationship ove been in for the past 6ish years (SO crazy to think about.... 6 years is a long time!! I don't think I've changed much over the years, but I have developed a lot more) so obviously I couldn't really do anything about it (the feelings ARE mutual tho!!!!) and it turned into a big ugly tangly mess.

I knew right away that the way I felt for That Guy was very different from how I felt from my bf, but idk how much that even matters. I hardcore committed to my bf from the very beginning (even though I genuinely didn't care that much for him at first) bc I've always wanted to just be in ONE relationship for my entire life. Silly but it's worked so far (kinda)

Omg I just. I'm gonna skip a bunch of stuff because I WOULD actually feel weird if either of them found and read this (way more likely for one than the other). But anyways like. I waffled and tried to figure out for like 4 months whether or not I could stomach the idea of throwing away my relationship of 6 years that I wasn't (still am not) very happy in (for a multitude of reasons, some kf them very confusing to me) and then my friend went CRAZY. He's still not back to normal and it's just been a terrible roller coaster for anyone who is involved (but mainly for me/his roommates and him; I feel like I bear the brunt of it all)

I don't judge him for having a mental breakdown in the first place; he's always been weird and unusual and sensitive (and wonderful). But I do feel so upset over how he refuses to seek professional help, even after being involuntarily committed to the psych ward, even after being confronted about things he's said or done that were incredibly erratic and unlike him, and even after being told by literally everyone in his life that he isn't himself and that he should get some good help. His eye is a wreck today because he messed with it, and I wanted to help him take care of it because I love him and worry about him, but he blocked me on my methods of communication with him (a common repeating pattern with him... I think he feels heartsick over the way I won't rush a break up with my bf for him, but how can I do that!?!?)

It's just such a crappy and disturbing situation and I KNOW it's my fault. The whole thing amounts to an emotional affair for me, but I don't know how to get out of it. There's so much to it that I wanna get out of my system but it's like 6:30am over here and I NEED to go to sleep soon. But yeah. My fault and I literally feel so horrible about this whole thing because I am a SINNERRRR and it all could've been avoided I think??? I don't know. It's not like I was wrong to have feelings. It's just everything I did after. I should've cut off the friendship once I realized how down bad and how in love I was with my friend. But I didn't and now this mess is hideous and ugly and soooo painful and confusing.

And now of course at this point, I feel like I CANNOT leave the situation because I'd worry myself sick, wondering if my friend would be okay if I was gone from his life. Everything seems so fragile and delicate. I'd be hurt if I cut our friendship off, but I could be strong enough if I knew it WAS the right thing to help him. It'd be the worst thing ever but like... at this point... I can't be with him. He's too volatile and unpredictable and!!! I'm scared of whatever is wrong with him!!! He is not "leave your safe and secure relationship" material... but there is no way to communicate that to him now. He has to heal. I'm afraid of making everything worse by existing and not giving him what he wants (me!) because I haven't come yet to the conclusion that I should end my current relationship

Anyways....

Weird but I think I'll get better about it all if I jsut Start typing my feelings about the whole thing out 💀 I've just been laying in bed crying about it all instead of falling asleep LMFAO

[girlfailuresworld]

Today was fourth of July and some fun (???) Things happened.

- my mom did my hair and makeup and I almost cried because now that im older she's far more gentle with me than she was before and it hurts a little, but I guess she's trying and I shouldn't hold it against her

- i felt ugly and I know it's in my head, ended up masturbating the second I was home alone to feel less ugly (if u do this be careful, it can turn into an addiction but then again maybe not, what do I know)

-I originally was wearing a denim skirt and a red tank top and while I was getting rid of my frustrations (masturbating) I started fantasizing about how easy it could be to sneak off at the function and just??? It was so filthy, I know that if I wore that skirt I'd come back home without my virginity because I feel like a bitch in heat and it's the most embarrassing thing ever. I started fantasizing about my dad's friend (very corny and cliche but it's not MY fault he's attractive. It's not like I'm gonna fuck him. As much as I crave him, I'd feel disgusted that an old man WHOS MARRIED wanted to cheat on his wife. Like wow, not only are you attracted to a barely legal girl, YOURE CHEATING ON YOUR WIFE? if my mother loved me a bit less, maybe I would have fucked that man the second I turned 18 last year. Maybe I wouldn't even have waited)

I ended up wearing denim shorts.

I ended up having an alcoholic drink. I always drink a few at these functions although I can't remember their names. They're refreshing but not too fruity. It's nice. My dad's friend watched me eat, it was incredibly awkward. I went to the kitchen to get napkins and my greasy fingers couldn't open the pack, and then this hunk of a man walks in and he opens it for me and I was SO glad I didn't wear that skirt or I would have pulled my panties down at that instant that we were alone and I know this man wants me because 1. He told me a few months ago that he'd treat me well and 2. The truth comes out when he's drinking. He always drinks at these functions

- I ended up going inside the pool for the whole day and had ice cream. There was fireworks. It was nice. I watched the sunset. I didn't really talk to anyone there. I'm a little socially awkward. I feel like I could destroy his marriage if I wanted to but he hasn't done anything yet (I feel very guilty though) (besides it's not like I told him I wanted him, THATS what I want to avoid. i feel like he just knows, after all I get very nervous. But the thing is it's not always only with him I'm just shy and socially awkward in general).

Anyway!

The sunset was nice. When he hugged me goodbye he pressed his whole body against mine, especially my chest to his and my tits still hurt. Oh well. I also have a bunch of glitter on my face and he said I looked pretty. I have class tomorrow and I should probably sleep if I don't wanna be late.

#girlfailuresworld talks #girlfailuresworld #im legal but still im just a girl #when i say i need this man inside of me #i know his dick is big #i know his stroke game is good too he has like 6 children #he has children #meaning he creampied his wife #im going to sleep

[vers-1]

Hey just a couple things to note- very out of context things during the trip

*talking about that queen of dragons or whoever from got and her hair that everyone seems to be getting “even the gays” (whispers)

“Slay… yass” a 10 year old I just met to me

Remember how I said this trip was physically taxing on me.. yea my back is ripped to shreds- those dogs have sharp claws

I fell down half a stair case. The floors are very clean and my socks have no grip, now I wear slippers

Shitty white shirt I got on a whim but it’s like $5 so nice

Head band like soul’s. I’m just a little weeb

I thought it was a minion blanket and then I thought it was SpongeBob and now I think it’s an airplane but I’m not sure because I never really took a good look at it

Kids are so talkative. Or maybe they just want to talk. You let them and they will tell you all about their special interest and because you listened they will stick to you like a fly on a fly trap. It’s funny but also I wanna go sleep

I mentioned going to bed and she was like ok and followed me into my room to keep talking and every time she was like ok I’ll let you sleep she’s turn around and go “and another thing” lmao, to be fair I kno I do that sometimes too

Green bones don’t melt

Everyone forgot that he got a hip replacement and when they saw the titanium him they were all like oh did-did we roast the wrong one?

Why do my little cousins have a better love life than me? You win some you lose some? I have been on a pretty long loosing streak

Puppies!! So many babies

There’s a neighbor pig that will be raised until Christmas

I was kinda freaked out at first. I was scared actually to look at the body. I saw it at a distance so I knew he was there. When my dad beckoned me over I was able to move forward. It’s a strange feeling. You feel like at any moment he’ll wake up and jump up at you, but you know he’s gone. People really do have a glow about them. His light was really gone

Maybe I should get the md instead of the phd. So that there a doctor in the family to give drugs when you need it. Cause it is so convenient actually

I think I still would have been gay if I didn’t immigrate. Just the way I am you know?

I’m sorry psych majors i think Freud would have liked me… yo btw not anymore ok guys I was a kid.. but verdict still stands

Bloom into you still slaps. Not to be that kid but I read it before it was popular. Now that I’m older and my comprehension skills are sharper I realize she was such a brat like the biggest. And everyone was like oh she’s perfect oh she’s flawed oh she’s smart and mature.. guys she’s also delusional, you aren’t that sneaky you little bitch(affectionate)

There’s something so humiliating and vulnerable about speaking my native language(that I should know but don’t, but is practicing) in public. Like I’d say simple things like how much and yes and no thanks and one burger please. And they kno what I’m saying and they understand. But also I kno I’m not saying it right. It’s such a cool feeling tho almost addictive but inside I die a little when my words slur

Where is that Eren erection figurine??

I don’t need lotion here

It’s hot and humid here

I got bit by one mosquito

Pls don’t let me be positive

Monkey pox is the worst. At least Covid has the decency to not make you ugly if you’re infected

Black phone was scary in a way you didn’t expect it

Chestnuts roasting on an open a bunch of really hot rocks

I swear to you the intrusive thoughts should have won today. Those rocks were the most pebble I’ve ever seen and I knew in my hearts heart they were gonna be so hot. When my dad put the chestnut in my hand I felt the sun. I’m glad they took it off immediately. Glad they let me try

I can’t spell immediately, soldier, obviously, and other words in a first try. I use these words so much too

#also I hit him 4 times in the face #I’ve never seriously punched someone before and it was interesting #it didn’t make anything better and i felt disgusted to continue #i just wanted to be in control but in the end he still kept doing whatever the hell he wanted #i want him to suffer but I know I need to just let things go #i just wish I knew how #his face got real red and swelled and I cut up his mouth so that was neat tho #a part of me wishes I just kept going and really beat him up #i feel like I’m just trying to make excuses for myself for not continuing #i almost feel like I could have been past that part of my life but now it’s like I’m back in it just reliving it almost #I’m honestly indifferent to him but I also hate him #46 #everytime I saw how happy he was I thought it was gross #so gross #i wish I could talk to someone about it #i don’t give a shit about what you’ve been through #it’s like he was trying to prove to me all the things that happened to him and what he’s done and how he’s sorry and you should feel bad #like he’s the victim?? bro fuck off with that I don’t give a fuck about your scars actually and I wish it were a rock and not my fists #i don’t have monkey pox but I’ve seen those photos and wow rough

[generoustriumphsheep]

8/7

Okay so, so far this month has already felt like its been a month long. I thought I was pretty clear with Robbie and how we were just friends but we went out on Friday with a bunch of other people and things just got weird. Okay so it was my normal group of coworkers and then him and his friends. I guess I was looking pretty fucking good because he was all over me for some reason. And I didn't even want that. Okay so first off all his friends were snobs and acting up because he ended up buying us all shots and it was just awk. Then the girlfriends all turned out to be ugly bitches in the bathroom that ignored me. But okay whatever I know I'm hotter than all of them. They're losers. But Robbie kept pulling me aside to talk and pulling me in to talk to him and it was just uncomfortable. He even kept trying to hold my hand and I kept dropping it. like I'm not gonna keep pity holding it and leading you on, Im just not interested like that. Then he kept trying to dance up on me at the club like wtf I don't want your front on my ass. Then this was the worst part, I'm pretty sure he slapped my ass when we were about to all walk out. Like who do you think you are?? Not everyone can just grab on me. It was just kind of annoying because his friends sucked and I couldn't even just talk to him. So lame on his behalf. I did have fun with my other coworkers though. I did feel pretty hot too but my fit and boots. I just have that magnetic energy I guess.

Yesterday was nice to just stay home and recover and not be bored out of my mind. Today I had more drinks with my best friends family and that was fun to just be myself and have fun with good people. Her cousin was there and he was literally a hot Ron from Harry Potter which was my biggest type but nothing happened I guess he has a gf whatever not like I even wanted him like that.

I guess I'm just getting a little bored, I do want to have some fun with someone just to give me some butterflies or anything. I want some adventure and excitement! I am having fun with my regular life but I would like some new guys in my life to explore!! Hear my universe I am open and I am ready for new opportunities!

[macaronnya]

Fresh(?) Impressions (9)

Other parts: |Trickstar| |UNDEAD| |2wink| |Ra*bits| |Akatsuki| |fine| |Ryuseitai| |Knights| |Valkyrie| |Switch| |MaM/Double Face/Crazy:B| |Eden| |Alkaloid|

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Hello Enstarries~☆ Another batch of ramblings is coming right up! Valkyrie is the next unit to be rated and as it's a duo, it will be on the shorter side once more. Considering how long the last posts were, this is probably for the best. Especially because they're just gonna grow longer once we come to the 11th, where I do 3 units at once. My head is so full of Nijisanji's newest wave ILUNA's song "Let's get it started" it's unreal. So sry if my descriptions are a bit weirder or lackluster? this time. I've been listening to it on loop for the whole day now.

DISCLAIMER!: Everything said here is for entertainment purposes only and not meant to attack anyone. This is not an accurate description of any characters but my subjective rambling for fun, so please don't take it too seriously. (Just to be safe, I'm kinda scared of elite idol fans) Also, you will hear me mention other games a bunch of times bc I'm that bad and uncreative at explaining and I'm still grieving A3!EN's shutdown. Eng is my 2nd (or 3rd?) language so there might be some weird grammar or spelling mistakes. And I write at 3 am usually.

Without further ado..Let's Ensemble!☆

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The first song Enthralling Theatre hits like a meteor. It's so dramatic with hits with its notes, instrumentals and singing like no tomorrow. And I think that's just the best way to describe the music of Valkyrie. I love music that's like this, gothic-like, dark castle-like, vampire-ish. It's dark, mysterious but dramatic! Not at all boring. I love it SOOO MUCH💜💜💜 and ofc the mixing of orchestra instruments with modern instruments like an electric guitar is just 👌 I'm always a sucker for songs with a mix of "contrasting" instruments. And that's just perfect for an unit focusing so much on beauty and art, yes? Art is all about innovation, re-invention and mixing things together. This steampunk aesthetic fits like a glove, since the industrialisation is the beginning of a completely new era for the world in all kinds of fields. The intersecting point of the "past" and the "future" so to say. Likewise, the theme of a puppeteer and his puppet reminds me of E.T.A. Hoffmann's novelle "The Sandman" (1816) as well, which is wild bc I never thought I'd ever bring up a book I had to read for school again, especially here on tumblr of all places???? but life always finds a way huh. I'll spare you the book review and just say, one of its focal point is where the end of a human and the beginning of a doll starts, as the protagonist falls in love with a doll, thinking (delusionally) she's a real human girl and gradually spirals into madness due to childhood trauma.

So, uh, yeah. The vibe is immaculate. I love the deep bordeux red with the gold accents. Outfits fit the steampunk, 19th century, victorian aesthethic. I have to say though that the "corsets" look ugly. I know the trend of wearing a "belt corset" or corset-like top is prevailent in Lolita fashion and popular today through cottagecore, and it is very pretty sometimes. But it just doesn't work well here. Maybe bc the pattern is curving so weirdly, and slightly too long for it to look nice. Corsets are for breast and back support first (so it's longer obv), then the ideal sillouette. For the middle 19th century, that would be a sinched waist amd wide shoulders. Obv it's not doing supporting nor shaping here, so it's just a bit off. And the shoes are just too long. They'd look nice if they were just a bit shorter. The big lower part of their jackets add a bit of dramatic flair.

I just noticed upon editing, that their standard uniforms are different from their first song covers, which I thought was always the same for every group, and....I just wanna say that it looks quite a bit better actually. l Love LOVE Mika's butterfly brooch and thank Mademoiselle their corsets aren't there.

7/10 - not me talking about everything else except them the music and theme is a solid 8 but I heard their dynamic is a bit.....complicated.....especially with ex-Valkyrie or whatever with Nazuna

Shu Itsuki

Hoo boi. Shu is quite something. Another dramatic 🌹 person. Apparently, it's canonly recognized that there are a whole group of eccentrics lol What catched my attention first was, to no one's surprise, his voice. He sings so....roughly? Not quite that but it sounds like he's straining his throat? It has a certain texture to it that worries me a bit. Like, is it how he naturally sings? I didn't like it at first but now it's normal. I like his hat. With his black ruffles and cravat, he sure looks like a nobleman. It fits with his high and mighty attitude. Although, I was surprised to see that he did know humilty and does give credit where it's due. Differently to a certain other short haired and tsundere-ish idol coughIzumicough. He seems to be very passionate about art and is actively pursuing it in Paris. Considering his doll's name, I take it he knows french? I can already imagine him having tea time with her and drinking tea with a pinky up. I heard that's actually rude though. He used to be very toxic to achieve his perfect realisation of his idea, though, which drove off Nazuna and worsened Mika's low self-esteem. It seems he got better but nothing in life is so easy to change. Especially one's personality and habits. Now, Mademoiselle I already knew about but what I didn't know, was that he actually lets her speak like??? I thought he only brought her everywhere, cared for her and only he "heard" her voice but nope. He's her voice provider. Good for him to master ventriloquism (I had to google this word). Ngl it is somewhat "weird" and I have a few questions. Does he actually believe she's real? How did this even happen? Is she basically his inner voice, that he is too shy or prideful to express? I mean, how am I to interpret the "Shu" namecard or how it's called when she's speaking. How expensive is her wardrobe? But if there's no harm in it then who cares? Sry but I have to mention that him being roasted by Mademoiselle reminded me of Robbie and Rex from Victorious 😭 Or the song of greed, Judgement of Corruption, from the Vocaloid Evillious Chronicles song series.

6/10 - kinda rude and I'd probably explode after 1 convo with him but he's interesting enough

Mika Kagehira

Y'ALL'D'VE BAMBOOZLED ME. And with y'all I mean only him, I just wanted to use this ridiculous abbreviation hehe~ I heard he was a precious cinnamon bun that had to be protected and is self-deprecating. I didn't know he saw himself as a doll, though. I know it's supposed to be more sad but I had to take a second when he said he yearned for Shu's touch of maintenace. *bonks self* Who hurt him??? Like, yeah his idolisation of Shu just churned this vicious cycle of them worsening their terrible mentality but I'm sure his self-esteem issue already existed before meeting him, no? I wonder if his urban upbringing had smth to do with that? Toxic masculinity? Stereotypically, people on the country are more "traditional" and this whole unit's aesthetic, which Mika might have always liked even before meeting Shu, might've be off-putting to such toxic ideals, hence low self-esteem through bullying, etc? I didn't expect that dialect from him at all. It's pretty subtle ofc. But with how smooth and lovely his voice sounded...I mean dialects and accents don't determine anything except where they grew up but still. That aspect reminds me of Epel (Twisted Wonderland). I just remembered he has heterochromia so maybe that's the reason for his self-loathing. I really just forgot the easiest "reason" to bully smn (there' never a reason). For some assumptions: He might agree with you, when you insult him and he cries easily. "Snakes don't have arms to hug" 😭🤧 Guillible and prone to be pranked on April fools.

7/10 - needs therapy, a hug, and to be told that he's very adorable and pretty (those gloves suck tho)

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Conclusion

Honestly, it's basically the same thing like Knights, where I mostly like everything except the characters due to not enough infos, which makes sense for fresh impressions. Though I'm slowly really stretching the f r e s h, considering Engstars has been out for a month already 😅 GOSH I TOTALLY FORGOT TO SAY THAT Sei shounen yuugi AND Eternal Weaving ARE ALSO ABSOLUTE B A N G E R S. AND Acanthe. Shame on me.

Anyways, I might or might not have lied with having a short post this time. It sure is shorter than the previous one but.....I had more to say than expected. I swear, I already knew most of this from before the game release. Or only shortly after.

Well, this is the ending for today. If you have smth you wanna share, don't hold back and just remember everyone's here for a good time. See y'all laterz alligators~☆

#ensemble stars #enstars #Valkyrie #macaron rambles #I googled grammar rules for and bc I really use them quite often but I just always forget when to use a comma #when will I not post at 4am