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sheerfreesia007 · 10 months

Text

Fxck This

Title: Fxck This

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC!

Author: @sheerfreesia007

Words: 5,853

Warnings: Smut, Missionary, Cowgirl, Standing sex

Permanent Tag List: @paintballkid711, @fioccodineveautunnale, @phoenixhalliwell, @linkpk88, @weirdowithnobeardo, @athalien

Gif Credit: @rowan1703

Steve frowns softly as he walks into his office noticing quickly that Sunshine isn’t at her desk like she normally is. He walks into his office and spots the neon blue post it note in the middle of his computer screen. Walking around his desk he sets his things down before grabbing the post-it so that he could read what she had written for him.

Working with facilities today to figure out the easiest way to get the new gear and equipment in the building. If you need anything, call me.

Steve sighed softly but then smiled when he saw the tiny little sun drawn on the post-it note underneath her words. He had wanted to talk to her about what had happened yesterday but with her working out of the office for the day he didn’t think he’d get his time with her. Hopefully she’d finish quickly and be able to come back to the office because Steve was eager to talk to her. After last night he spent hours thinking about ways he wanted to hold her and touch her. Her raspy voice was constantly in his mind either telling him exactly what she wanted him to do to her or moaning his name like it was the only word she knew. Taking in a deep breath Steve tried to calm himself down as he realized he was getting hard just thinking about her again. The phone on his desk rang and Steve reached forward and picked up the receiver without even looking at the caller I.D. screen.

“Captain Steve Rogers.” he greeted the caller with a soft frown.

“Rogers, it’s Fury we have a mission. Gather your squad and have them meet in my conference room. Agent Hill will brief you on the mission.” Fury’s voice said over the phone and Steve nodded his head along with his words.

“Of course, Director.” Steve said and the two hung up together. He sighed softly and picked up his desk phone again dialing a number that he knew by heart. “Bucky tell everyone to meet us up in Fury’s conference room. We have a mission to go on.” Steve said into the phone and listened to Bucky’s response before hanging up. He then looked down and picked up his cell phone, swiping it open he pulled up the text thread he had with Sunshine and began typing out a message to her.

Going on a mission will send you the details when I get them. I’ll see you when I get back. Steve looked down at the screen as he saw the three dots appear almost immediately on her side of the screen.

Alright, be safe Captain. Steve knew that he wanted to say more but he wanted to talk about, was something that needed to be said face to face. Sighing softly he knew that it would probably be at least a week before he could speak with her again.

*-*-*-*

Steve frowned softly as he moved down the empty hallway with his shield raised in front of him, according to Fury’s intel this warehouse should be active and full of people packaging the mind controlling gas that their target Ashton Calum, a scientist who created the mind controlling gas to be able to sell it on the black market. But the warehouse is empty and by the looks of it they had all left in a hurry, supplies and packaging materials were left abandoned where they stood. Kicking one of the shipping crates Steve gritted his teeth in anger as Bucky entered the same room Steve was in on the opposite wall.

“Fury’s intel is bad.” Bucky said darkly and Steve nodded his head slowly. Sighing softly Steve rubbed a hand down his face slowly in exasperation. It had already been a week and a half of them following the intel that Fury had given them on Ashton, and each step of the way they were too late to catch him. It was as if he was always one step ahead of them each time they got close. Steve was getting frustrated with this mission dragging on. Not only was it concerning about this mind controlling gas possibly getting onto the black market but he was also tired of being away from Sunshine and the conversation he wanted to have with her.

“Natasha, we need better intel.” Steve said into the comm device in his ear. “I need you to gather any information you can about this guy and start reaching out to your sources.”

“On it.” Natasha chirped back to him quickly and Steve nodded his head. He stored his shield on his back and stood in the middle of the room with his hands on his hips surveying the room. He sighs knowing that this is probably going to set them back another couple of days. He swings his leg out, kicks another crate across the floor and Bucky looks over to him with furrowed eyebrows.

“You alright punk?” he asks cautiously and Steve huffs softly before turning towards him.

“Yeah, just frustrated that this is going to set us back more.” Steve replies and Bucky nods his head.

“Well let’s get going so that we can unwind and relax. Natasha will definitely get us better intel. Fury’s gonna be pissed though that we had Natasha get it though.” Bucky said knowingly and Steve shrugged his shoulders as he gestured outwards to the empty warehouse.

“He’ll have to deal with it. It’s better to get good intel than to keep chasing after this guy with bad intel.” Steve said resolutely and Bucky nodded his head as the two of them began to make their way out of the room together.

“Are you sure it’s just the bad intel?” Bucky asked softly as they moved down the hallway back towards the exit and Steve frowned softly at the question.

“I want to get back already. This shouldn’t be taking this long. I want to talk to Sunshine about what happened before we left.” Steve confessed softly and Bucky smirked at him knowingly. Steve had already told Sam and Bucky about what had happened between Steve and Sunshine, the two men eagerly trying to boost Steve’s confidence that Sunshine would be agreeable to something happening between them. Steve was still unsure about things but after listening to Bucky and Sam he felt slightly better at his chances with Sunshine.

The two of them met back up with Sam and Wanda at the safe house that they had all been holding up in. Natasha had already left to get the intel from her local sources leaving the four of them to just relax and unwind together. Steve found himself lounging on one of the couches while an old sitcom rerun played on the television in the room. He stared at the television not really seeing the show and began to let his mind wander. Sunshine was once again at the forefront of his mind.

Steve had kicked in one of the doors in the warehouse and found Sunshine tied to a chair with a blindfold tied around her eyes, her skirt had been ripped up the side to her hip showing off her smooth skin while her blouse was missing the top two buttons causing it to gape open over her chest. Steve’s eyes eagerly raced up and down her form as she squirmed after hearing him kick in the door.

“Please, I don’t know anything.” she pleaded with him and Steve felt arousal race down his spine after seeing the state of her attire.

“Sunshine, it’s alright. It’s me, Steve. I’m here to save you.” he said swiftly as he stepped over to her and pulled down the blindfold. She blinked up at him as her eyes squinted against the light in the room. Her whole body seemed sag in the chair she was tied to when she recognized him.

“Captain.” she breathed out relieved and Steve felt his cock harden in his suit. He moved around her and began untying the binds around her wrists. When he was done he eased her arms slowly back in front of her body and began to massage them as he loomed over her from behind. He tried to keep his eyes on her wrists while massaging them but when she groaned and leaned back in the chair resting the back of her head against his abdomen he got a clear shot down her torn blouse. Her breasts were heaving slightly with the relieved breaths she was sucking in and Steve bit his bottom lip at the motion of her body. “Thank you.” she whispered out to him and Steve directed his eyes to her grateful ones.

Nodding his head Steve watched as she turned in the chair and kneeled up on the seat so that her head was closer to his. Her hands crawled up his broad chest over his navy blue suit until they came to entwine behind his neck and she smiled prettily up at him.

“How can I ever repay you?” she asked him in a seductive tone that made electricity race down his spine. He stared down into her eyes as she fluttered her eyelashes at him and Steve had to bite back a moan as he thought about all the way she could repay him. “How about a kiss to start?” she asked with a slow smile forming on her mouth. Steve leaned down towards her as her head tilted further upwards to his, their lips grazing slightly in a gentle tease. Steve couldn’t hold back as he lunged forward and captured her lips in a scorching kiss causing her mewl softly at his actions. Steve’s arms wrapped around her frame and lifted her easily in the air as he moved around the chair to sit down with her nestled in his lap. Her legs fell open his thick thighs and her skirt rode up to her hips exposing her purple silk underwear to him while her core sat on top of his crotch. Steve groaned into the kiss as she ground her hips down into his, causing him to buck upwards into her. “Please Captain, let me repay you.” she begged him and Steve sucked in a harsh breath as he felt her hands gripping his utility belt around his waist.

Steve eagerly helped her undo the lower half of his suit. When she had managed to get it undone he listed his hips and she slid the material down to his knees before he took a seat again. His hard cock has slid up between the two of them and Sunshine moaned wantonly to him as his cock stood straight up between her covered core and his abdomen. Steve grunted softly as he watched her lift up on his lap before reaching down between her legs and pulling her underwear to the side, she then lined his cock up with her entrance and slid downward until he was fully encased by her dripping wet cunt. The two of them moaned loudly together as her walls throbbed around his hard as steel cock trying to suck him further inside of her. Steve stayed as still as possible as he waited for her to get used to his size, his cock throbbed with the effort he used to stay still. Sunshine then began to move up and down on his cock causing Steve to throw his head back and gasp, her walls were like a vice as she moved on top of him staying clamped around him.

When it all became too much for her she fell forward onto his chest and moaned into his suit. Her hands gripped the leather straps around his shoulders and used them to help leverage herself over him as her hips began to piston up and down on his cock. Steve cupped the undersides of her thighs as she moved, not allowing her to fall fully onto his cock. He could see the frustration building within her as he continued to stop her from fully taking his whole cock inside her. She glared at him from her position as her hips swirled and bucked along his cock and just as he restricted her movement again she smirked at him. Steve shivered at the look on her face and then groaned loudly as she stopped all her movements and hovered on his lap before her walls began to clench and unclench around his cock.

Groaning loudly in his throat Steve bucked his hips up into her and Sunshine began to bounce on his cock once more. She leaned over him and tilted his head down so that his eyes stared into her heated gaze.

“I’m in charge of your pleasure right now. I’m repaying you right. Not the other way around Captain.” she told him darkly and Steve numbly nodded his head as he supported her body with his hands. Suddenly she slammed down onto him and clamped her walls around him harshly. Steve moaned loudly as his orgasm was pulled from him and he began to fill her with his cum, the smirk that graced her face made his orgasm prolong as he knew she had just repaid him for him saving her. He wrapped his arms around fully and bucked up into her as he continued to cum, he was desperate to make her cum as well. When he slammed his cock up into her Sunshine cried out as her walls clamped around him and Steve moaned loudly at the sensation.

The two of them slowly came down from their highs and Sunshine limply draped herself over his body while Steve cooed into her ear that she did so well for him. His lips pressing soft kisses to her heated sweaty skin within his reach.

Steve jerked on the couch when he heard heavy footsteps coming down the hallway, he had completely submerged himself in his daydream. Grimacing slightly he felt the wet material of his boxers stick to his softening cock. He stood from the couch and quickly shut the television off before making his way towards his bedroom, he grimaced again as he passed Wanda’s bedroom and heard her shuffling against her bed. He no doubt had projected his thoughts to her once again. Hopefully they’d get done with this mission soon and he wouldn’t have to worry about that problem anymore once he got back to Sunshine.

*-*-*-*

The ballroom is packed full of people as Steve moves about the room, the photostatic veil disguises his widely known face so that he looks like just another rich bachelor in the crowd. All the Avengers in the field are wearing the photostatic veil since they are so recognizable. Natasha and Wanda look like two gorgeous women eyeing the rich men at the party while Sam and Bucky are both the lookouts for the group keeping to the shadows outside. Tonight they’ve managed to trace their target, Ashton Calum, to this private gala that was held for the elite billionaires interested in the black market, standing near the bar in the corner of the room. The group had managed to subdue three guests, one man and two women, so that they could attend as well thanks to Natasha’s intel she had gathered. Ashton is dressed in a black clean cut suit with a black shirt underneath and a black tie to go with it, he’s a man of smaller build and Steve eyes him disgustedly, to think this was the man who had created so much chaos all with his mind controlling gas. The woman on his arm is dressed in a low cut form fitting red silk dress that she wears like a second skin, she’s smaller than Ashton and has long wavy black hair that falls down her back in silky waves.

Steve’s eyes travel up and down the woman and imagines what Sunshine would look like in a dress like that. Frowning softly he knows that she’d go for a more jewel tone than a vibrant red like the woman had on but imaging her in that dress made his face flush slightly. Steve’s hands clenched at his sides as he imagined what it would feel like under his fingers to glide against the silky material when Sunshine wore it. He knew it’d fit her like a glove and showcase all her curves and assets that she kept hidden away under her work blouses and pants. Shaking his head he focused his eyes on the target and cleared his mind of nothing but the mission. He would have time later to think about Sunshine.

Just then a slender arm slips through his and he looks down at Wanda who smiles up at him, he knows she probably could read his mind again and he sighs softly. Her smile widens and she moves closer into his side as her eyes dart around the room surveying everything going on.

“Stay focused Steve. We’re so close to catching him. Natasha’s moving in now.” Wanda said softly to him so that only he could hear her. He nods his head with a slight grimace and she pats his arm kindly. “Don’t worry about it. We all want to get home too. You more than any of us.” she says teasingly as they both move closer to the bar to be able to lend Natasha a hand if she needs it.

“I’m sorry, I’m just frustrated it’s taken this long to get this done. Fury’s intel was incorrect and we’re the ones to have to fix it.” he said in a low tone that projected his frustration with how the mission was going. It had been three long weeks on mission and everytime they received intel from Fury it always put them one step behind Ashton Calum. They had all grown frustrated with Fury and his intel to the point that Natasha had conducted her own intel gathering which had led to here. Being as close as ever to their target they had ever been during the whole mission. Wanda nodded her head before shrugging her shoulders as she agreed with him; they were all tired of the mission and were eager for it to be over.

“That’s our job though. We’re here to prevent these things from happening. You can take it up with Fury when we get back.” she told him and Steve nodded his head as he frowned softly.

“I will be.” he told her darkly as his eyes spotted Natasha at the bar talking with Ashton. The man was eating up Natasha’s attention and Steve could see her luring him away from his date towards the doors that led out to the balcony. Steve and Wanda began to walk around in a wide circle in the opposite direction of the bar then towards the balcony doors. They nodded to the other patrons of the party and smiled kindly at them as they made their way to the edge of the balcony doors just as they closed behind Natasha and Ashton.

Steve could hear Ashton grunting softly in the communication earpiece that he had in his left ear and Wanda smiled proudly as they both heard Ashton moan loudly. Undoubtedly due to Natasha knocking him out cold. Then Natasha’s dark voice came over the comm device.

“Target has been neutralized.” she said softly and Steve moved with Wanda to the balcony doors. They exited them without anyone noticing and began helping Natasha secure Ashton before Steve picked him up and hopped over the railing of the balcony. He fell lightly onto his feet still holding Ashton and began walking towards the meet up point for the group where Sam was waiting with a dark van. Natasha and Wanda would then make their way back into the party and lure the woman that had come with Ashton into the bathroom and knock her out before gathering any intel from her phone and her body. They would then meet up with Bucky at the entrance to the building and make their way to the van.

Due to Natasha’s intel that she had gathered before this party they had found out the hiding base where Ashton kept the rest of the gas and had sent the coordinates to a second team that had been dispatched out to collect the gas. Steve waited in the van with the unconscious Ashton and frowned tiredly at the man. Three long weeks and they were finally done with the mission, Steve could feel body slowly relaxing as he realized that they would get to go home now. He smiled tiredly and leaned back against the side of the van as he sat in the back. His mind began to wander about what Sunshine would look like in a dress similar to Ashton’s date tonight.

Steve is standing behind the bar back at the Avenger’s compound, he’s got a tumbler sitting on the bar top as he pulls out the aged whiskey from under the bar and pours himself a third of it into the glass. He hears the click of high heels on the floor and looks up to see Sunshine making her way towards him. He loses his breath as it’s sucked out of his body as his eyes take in her outfit. She’s dressed in a floor length silk deep purple dress that fits her like a second skin, accentuating all of her curves and dips that always make his mouth water. He gulps audibly and she smirks at him as she settles onto the bar stool.

“What’ll it be doll?” He asks her before he takes a sip of his whiskey. He watches her as she reaches out and takes the glass from his hand before knocking it back herself.

“I’ll have what you’re having.” She tells him sultrily and Steve leans forward on the bar top so that he’s closer to her now.

“Is that right?” He challenges her and she nods her head confidently. Steve swiftly cups the back of her head and pulls her closer as his lips slant against hers and she moans loudly into his mouth. He slips his tongue into her mouth tangling with her own tongue as he tastes the whiskey on her tongue. Her arms come and circle his neck as she leans across the bar towards him. Steve effortlessly pulls her over onto his side and nestles her between him and the bar. He crowds her there as he continues to kiss her lips heatedly, his hands glide down the material of her dress and he groans loudly at the feeling of the silk under his fingers. He begins to hike the dress up and she gasps loudly as her head tips back while his lips slide down the side of her face and down her neck. “What if I have you?” He asks her huskily and she whimpers softly at his question.

“Have me.” She pants out and Steve suddenly whirls her around so that she’s facing the bar now and her back is to him. He gathers the dress until it sits at the base of her spine and he can see that she’s only wearing a thong, his moan is loud and wonton as his hands grip her hips tightly.

He doesn’t let her settle there as he quickly unbuckles his belt and undoes his pants so that his hard heavy cock slaps against her ass cheeks. She whimpers and coos at him as her hips shift from side to side. He toys with the thong letting it snap back against her skin and she gasps loudly before his cock slides between her cheeks. He slides her thong to the side and guides his cock along her slick folds gathering the slick along his cock before he slips it into her cunt. She cries out as her head falls back on her shoulders as he thrusts fully into her, his hand comes up and grips a handful of her hair pulling her head back to gaze up at him from her position.

He doesn’t waste any time as he fucks up into her dripping cunt while listening to the wet squelching of their movements. She gasping and panting as her head is pulled backwards while his hips pound unmercifully into her cunt. He slides his hand that’s in her hand around her neck just under her chip and cups her there so that their eyes stay connected while he fucks up into her.

“You’re mine aren’t you doll?” He asks and she coos at him as her eyes dilate with lust.

“Yes, Captain.” She answers and Steve slams into her as his orgasm is ripped from him while her walls clamp down on him and she keens loudly as her body shakes under him.

The slam of the van door wakes Steve from his daydream and sees that Nat has climbed into the back with him while Bucky, Sam and Wanda are sitting up front. Steve shakes his head slightly before meeting Wanda’s eyes in the rear view mirror.

“We’re finally going to get home.” She says with a knowing smile on her face and Steve feels the blush creep across his face.

*-*-*-*

The sound of the Quinjet’s engines starting to power down are music to all of their ears as they rise from their seats. Steve stands and pulls his cell phone out of his pocket, he had sent Sunshine a text earlier asking where she was at headquarters, he sighs softly when he sees her response letting him know that she was in the office. He quickly types out a response to tell her to stay there and that he’s on his way.

Steve can feel his lust simmering just under his skin for his admin. After months now of thinking and daydreaming of her different scenarios he felt as if he was going to combust if he didn’t get to her now and find out if she felt the same way. He needed to unleash his pent up desire for her and he knew that if she felt the same way he would be unleashing it all on her.

The ramp of the Quinjet seemed to slowly lower as they all eagerly waited to get of the aircraft. The group was frustrated and so ready to unwind after the mission. Steve could see Agent Hill and Nick Fury waiting for the group in the hangar and Steve gritted his teeth with simmering rage. Sam and Bucky looked over at him as they spotted Fury as well, no doubt wondering if Steve was going to go off on Fury for the bad intel. But Steve had other things to take care of other than Fury. Wanda was the only one watching him with a knowing smirk on her face. Steve stalked down the ramp and Fury moved to greet him.

“Welcome back Captain, we need to debrief.” Fury said firmly and Steve shook his head as he walked closer to the Director.

“Fuck this, I have better things to take care of right now.” Steve sneered out to him as he continued past the shocked Director and a surprised Agent Hill. Steve continued walking out of the hangar and down the hallway straight for the elevator that would take him up to his office. He waited as patiently as he could while the elevator made it’s ascent but he could feel himself growing more excited as he watched the numbers light up as the elevator moved up. He could feel his cock twitching in his suit as he shifted from foot to foot with the anticipation building for him.

Finally the elevator dinged and the doors barely opened wide enough for Steve as he quickly walked out of the elevator and down the hall to his office. It didn’t take him long to stand in the doorway and spot Sunshine sitting at her desk typing away on her computer. She looked up with a furrowed brow and then her eyes cleared with a happy glint as she recognized him.

”Captain!” She greeted happily as she stood from her chair and Steve met her at the corner of her desk. He quickly grabs her hand and drags her into his office, closing and locking the door behind them before crowding her up against it. She gasps softly as she tilts her head up to stare at him with wide eyes.

“I need to know if you’re interested in me. Sexually and romantically. Because I don’t think I can hold back anymore.” He said seriously and watched as her brow furrowed slightly and then a smirk slid across her face.

“Did you finally figure it out Captain?” She asked him teasingly as her hands slid up his chest to grip the leather straps on his uniform tightly and pulled him down towards her. Her lips captured his in a heated slick messy kiss that had Steve groaning into her mouth as his body fell flush against hers and held her in place against the door.

��Fuck doll.” He breathed out to her when he felt his mind go numb.

“Language, Captain.” She teased him and Steve growled at her while his hands slid down to her skirt clad ass and lifted her up against his body as her arms wrapped around his neck.

Steve blindly turned towards his desk and swiped an arm across it to get rid off all the things that were on top of it. The loud crash made Sunshine flinch in his arms as she looked down at the mess he had made while Steve hurriedly seated her on the desk and pushed her back to lay down on it. He was panting as he slid the skirt up her hips, he knew he wouldn’t be able to wait with her not after all of the daydreams he’d been having about her.

“I won’t be able to wait. I won’t be able to prepare you.” He told her darkly and she looked up at him with a sultry look on her face as her hands glided down her body to her thighs which opened widely for him. His eyes darted down as she showed him the wet spot on her light blue panties and Steve groaned loudly while one hand fell to the bulge in his pants and palmed himself. “Damn.” He breathed out huskily and she smirked up at him.

“C’mon Captain, make me scream for you.” She simpered and Steve felt his cock harden further in his pants. He quickly unbuckled his suit as Sunshine slipped her panties down her hips and legs. She was getting ready to drop them to the floor when Steve grabbed her hand and slipped the panties from her hand and into his pocket.

“You’ll get them back when the other personnel hear you scream my name.” He husked out to her and she moaned loudly at his words. Steve then gripped under her knees and slid her across his desk to his waiting cock that fell onto her skin above her pubic bone with a loud slap.

“Won’t take long.” She whimpered out as she squirmed on his desk. He chuckled softly as he glided his cock between her wet folds and nearly groaned with how good she felt. But no matter how much he had dreamed of this reality was infinitely better. Steve guided his cock down her folds and felt himself notch inside of her as a gasp was ripped out of him.

“Oh doll. This-I’m not going to last long now. But I swear I’ll make up for it. Been dreaming about doing this to you.” He began to babble to her and she tilted her head to the side with curiosity.

“For how long?” She asked breathlessly as he began to slow push into her. Steve focused on sliding his cock fully into her and only looked up at her when he was seated within her to the hilt.

“Months.” He whispered and she moaned loudly as she arched her back against his desk.

“You mean you could’ve been fucking me months ago?!” She hissed at him as her hands clenched at the edge of the desk to try to ground herself. Steve groaned loudly and pulled back from her at her words before sliding back into her.

“Oh shit.” He hissed and began to fuck himself into her at a steady even pace. She gasped and her legs came up to hook around his waist while her heels dug into his ass.

“Oh, there! Yes Captain!” She cried out loudly and Steve groaned as he began to pick up his pace. Soon Sunshine wasn’t even saying words as she cried out loudly. Steve gripped her hips as he kept thrusting into her feeling her walls flutter around his cock, he lifted her hips slightly and when he slid his cock back into her she screamed with pleasure. Sunshine was thrashing against the desk as Steve continued to move inside of her, her hair was plastered to her forehead as sweat dripped from her body, her hips were undulating against Steve’s as he fucked her harder and she screamed as her body trembled underneath him. “C’mon Captain, fill me up.” She panted out to him as her eyes stared directly into his. “I want all of it.” She told him and Steve moaned loudly as he slammed his cock up into her as his cum spurted up into her as he came.

Steve hovered over her as he slowly caught his breath while she panted underneath him. The two of them gazed into each other’s eyes adoringly and Steve smiled before leaning forward and capturing her lips with his. He hummed satisfied as he gathered her in his arms and pulled slowly away from her lips.

“I can’t believe we could’ve been doing that for months.” She panted out to him, her voice sounding raspy with all the screaming she had done. Steve chuckled softly at her words before tilting his head from side to side.

“That’s my fault.” He said softly and she nodded her head quickly at his words.

“Oh yes, I blame you fully for withholding yourself from me.” She teased him and Steve chuckled again while her hands came up to cup his face. “We have quite a lot of time to make for Captain.” She informed him and Steve felt his blush heat his face as she grinned at him. “Let’s go get dinner and then we can go back to my place.” She suggested and Steve grinned down at her while blinking owlishly.

“Are you asking me out to dinner?” He asked teasingly and she rolled her eyes at him.

“Well I mean after that workout you just put me through it’s the least you could do.” She teased him and Steve chuckled before pressing a sweet kiss to her lips.

“It’s a date then.” He told her and beamed at him while still laying out on his desk.

#my writing #marvel #steve rogers x ofc!#steve rogers #language series

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alwaysxlarrie · 1 year

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I wanna know about twice upon a time and new luke fic?? :D

ahh yes ofc love !!!

twice upon a time / cinderella au is basically new employee harry = cinderella, evil coworkers nick grimshaw & simon cowell = evil stepsisters, evil boss james corden = evil stepmother, and prince charming = new boss louis tomlinson. nick and simon who were once friends with intern harry started stealing harry’s ideas when he became a permanent employee at their company, heavenly homes, because his ideas were always praised & they want that praise and a raise but without doing any of the hard work and they know harry’s too nice to like fuck em up for it. their current boss, james, is at best indifferent and at worst dismissive and condescending when harry tries to approach him for help/tries to point out instances when it’s happening. enter new boss louis who sees that something’s going on and wants to get to the bottom of it. harry and louis might just end up falling in love and having office sex, but who knows?¿ (i’m hoping to post chapter 1 before christmas, so if anyone’s interested in betaing it, please lmk!!)

the new luke fic is luke hemmings x OFC (it’s either muke or luke x OFC, those are the only acceptable luke ships for me LMAO) they meet at a bar, her best friend wants to see the guy she has a thing with (calum hood) performing at a local bar. luke’s best friend is — shockingly — calum hood. i haven’t sketched out more than a vague outline of the fic outside of that so far, but it’s not going to be as cliche as it sounds, i promise lmao. not that there’s anything wrong w cliches, i just don’t want this fic to be one LOL. it’ll probably be something along the lines of slow burn, enemies to lovers, domestic fluff, along with a few plot twist to keep people on their toes 😂

thank you sm for the question :)

#fic q&a #my fics #asks

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5-seconds-of-asses · 4 years

Text

sky > ashton irwin

Title: sky

Pairings: Ashton Irwin x Original Female Character, Calum Hood x Original Female Character

Warnings: Mentions of past suicide attempt, mentions of past self harm, drug use, addiction and withdrawal, depressed and anxious characters, description of rape (not graphic though), description of violence and domestic violence (also not graphic)

Summary: in which esmeralda foster and her group of troubled friends relearn the joys of life by moving across the globe. or in which ashton irwin discovers that he and esme are two halves of one heart - but maybe he has given her just a little too much of himself.

A/N: Hello everyone. This is gonna be my first novel length fanfiction on here. It’s gonna be pretty heavy, but I promise it gets better as the story progresses. If I forgot anything in the warnings, please tell me so I can add it, and if anything bothers you, my inbox is always open! :) The story is mainly about Ashton and Esme, but all the boys have chapters from their own perspective, and so does Luke’s sister, Jane. I love love love 5sos and I’m at a loss for mutuals who also do, so leave me a message if you wanna talk about these guys. Enjooooy and please give me feedback ♥

_____

prologue

“It’s okay. Remember, the sky is crying”

There was a short silence before Ashton could answer through his tears. His breathing was unsteady and his eyes were glassy, but when he finally spoke, his voice was steady.

“Who is it crying about?”

“Us”

***

A long time ago, when things were just getting started, Esme was struggling. Her best friend had recently gotten the diagnosis of depression and a severe anxiety disorder after trying to kill himself. The whole thing had caused a trauma that sent him into awful panic attacks every time he heard rain or worse, a thunderstorm. Although he seemed to be getting better, Esme saw his pain, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

The illness was driving them apart. She could feel Ashton floating away from her, slipping through her fingers like sand. And she was scared; not just for their friendship, but for him. Ashton was going to a dark place, and she could neither stop him nor follow him.

But on a stormy day in October, Esme found a way back in, a way back to him. It was early evening, and the clear sky had only just given way to rain, when she got a panicked call from Anne, Ashton’s mother. She couldn’t form a coherent sentence, but the words “Ashton” and “panic attack” were enough for Esme to hang up and rush out into the rain.

The Irwin’s only lived a few houses down, and the moment Esme could see their house, she could see Ashton. He was on the ground, a few feet from the Irwin estate. His hands were on his ears, and although it could have been the rain, she was sure that he was crying.

As she neared the 15-year-old boy, Esme could see how much he was shaking, that he was gasping for breath. Anne and Logan were standing close, calling things out to their son, desperately trying to help him. When Anne’s eyes found Esme, she was begging for her to help.

Esme’s eyes wandered toward the Irwin’s front door, where she could see Harry’s small frame watching the scene. Ashton’s little brother was only 5 years old, but he had noticed that there was something wrong with his brother.

“Anne, Logan”, she called out, “go take Harry inside. He shouldn’t see Ashton like this”

Anne looked at Esme for a very long second, before nodding, seemingly relieved that someone was telling her what to do. Although Anne had always meant well and did her best to look out for her children, she was incredibly overwhelmed, especially since Ashton had gotten so sick. With Logan working fulltime, Anne was alone with the boys a lot, and the couple was often struggling to find the right way to help them.

Ashton’s parents left and Esme took an incredibly deep breath before stepping toward her best friend. She didn’t know what to do at first. If she should touch him, if he could even hear her.

“Ashton”, she finally tried, and after a moment once again, “Ash”

Ashton didn’t react. The rain by now had flattened his curly hair to his forehead, and his shirt was sticking to his upper body. Esme took another step toward him and then decided to sit down.

“Ash, I need you to listen to my voice, okay?” No reaction.

“I know you’re scared. But if you just listen to me instead of the rain, and if you just take deep breaths, I can tell you a story”, for the first time since Esme had arrived, Ashton showed any sign at all that he was aware of her presence. He took his hands from his ears.

Esme’s heart skipped a beat and she scrambled for words, not wanting to fail him. When she started talking, it felt like the rain around them quieted down, and she knew that Ashton was listening, even though he wouldn’t look at her.

“A long time ago, before any humans walked the earth, the sky had a soul and a body, and it occupied the earth. It was gentle and loving, and all other souls that met the sky, however small, were enchanted by it.

For a long time, the sky was happy by itself. But centuries passed and it started feeling lonely. Until it found a companion in the sea, and for a long time they are happy with one another. That is, until both sky and sea decided that the earth should be graced with more life, that more souls should get to enjoy its beauty. And they gave up their places to allow humans to see the world.

And still, even today, they are watching us. They enjoy our happiness and feel our pain, and when it is raining, it means that the sky is crying”

Esme took a deep breath and finally dared to touch Ashton’s hand. And for the first time he looked up. Esme’s heart contracted at the sight of him. His formerly bright, hazel eyes were now glassy, exhausted and he didn’t look as young as 15.

“It’s crying?”, Ashton asked, in a voice so small she could barely hear it. Esme just nodded, smiling softly. “What is it crying about?”

“Well, the sky and the sea, when they gave up their life on earth, they also gave up being together. They did it because they had their own lifetime of happiness, and they knew by letting go, they could give this happiness to others.

And so, when they see that us humans, who they wanted to give their happiness to, are suffering, they start crying. That means right now, the sky is crying about you, Ash”

Ashton’s eyes were still filled with tears when he reached out. He softly touched Esme’s cheek, and suddenly she realized that she had been crying, too.

“Us”, Ashton corrected, “The sky is crying about us, then.”

Esme smiled and nodded. “Us”

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pagesuponstpages · 5 years

Text

through the seasons

ofc: mallory jacobs

warnings: some curse words scattered about, a slight mention of cheating, & a teeny bit of alcohol

word count: +3.2k

synposis: snapshots of calum & mallory through a year, from their fateful meeting to falling in love, deeper than either of them expected.

a/n: so at 1 am on calum’s birthday, I decided to write a fic in celebration for the one and only c-dizzle thomas hood’s 23rd birthday (happy belated birthday cal). also purposely writing in lowercase, it being an artistic choice. also also welp meant to finish and post this on the day of, but this weekend was unusually busy. :( but hope you enjoy.

w i n t e r

the first time they met, it was at a party. to be specific, calum’s birthday party.

mallory was freezing her arse off, while waiting for ashton to buzz her and katie into his apartment building. ash was hosting said party at his place, which was something along the lines of being big enough to have all their friends come over (katie thinks that it might have been better if they rented out a club or something).

“irwin! hurry the bloody hell up!” katie yelled, standing right below the open window of his apartment.

“geez, i might as well not let you in,” he said through the intercom.

katie rolled her eyes. “yeah, say that to the people that has all of your drinks,” she said, smirking, as if he was standing in front of them. mallory pushed katie to the side, so she could talk into the intercom.

“oi, stop fighting and let us in. it’s bloody cold out and i’d rather not freeze my toes off.” and the door buzzed, notifying them that it was unlocked.

although both mallory and katie hailed from the uk with their blindingly cold winters, they got used to the la weather too quickly. and now, if it even reached in the 30-degree-range, the both of them would gripe and complain to all of their friends’ dismay.

“you didn’t have to do that, he would’ve let us in.”

mallory looked at her best friend with a raised eyebrow. “yeah, sure but with the both of us having nearly frozen off our fingers and toes.”

katie shrugged, both walking into the elevator. “it’s all irwin, not me.”

mallory scoffed, but didn’t push any further.

despite only knowing ashton through katie, mallory guessed that there was this unidentified thing in their friendship that had them both snarky and biting towards each other, which seemed to start when they both moved to la. mallory thinks they need to either have a sit-down chat or fuck with their feelings (either might not end well, to be honest).

once they both got to ashton’s floor, mallory knocked on the door, while katie rambled on about some guy that bumped into her right after she got her usual iced coffee in the morning (don’t ask her why she gets iced coffee in the middle of winter, both mallory and ash have tried and failed).

“look who showed up!”

mallory grinned at luke who answered the door, while katie just walked right past him.

“thanks,” she said, as luke took two out of the four bags that she was holding, each full of different types of alcohol and soda.

“no problem,” he said, as they walked into ash’s kitchen. “put some of the drinks in the ice bucket and the rest in the fridge.”

mallory nodded, dividing the various beers, soda cans, and bottle waters into their respective buckets on the floor by the counter.

“jacobs!”

she turned, to see ash with a wide grin and his arms spread out, about to tackle her in a hug.

“when’s the birthday boy coming?” she said, her speech muffled into ashton’s shoulder.

“soon,” luke said, who was standing by the kitchen counter with an amused expression at her and ash’s exchange.

“is it really that cold outside?” ash asked.

mallory raised her eyebrows, waiting for the rant that was about to come.

“fuck yeah!” katie yelled from her spot on the couch. “it’s below freezing!”

mallory had to stifle a laugh, as katie and ashton continued back and forth.

“so do you think that they’ll ever fuck?” luke said, leaning on the counter next to her.

“don’t know. at this point, it looks promising,” she said with a wry look.

luke chuckled.

there was a buzzing sound, one that was barely heard over ash and katie’s arguing.

“i’ll get it,” he said, standing straight.

“i’ll go too, i don’t want to be a witness to whatever this leads to,” mallory said, directing her hand to the two in front of them. she trailed luke to the door, watching him as he pressed the intercom button.

“whooo is it?”

“it’s us you fucks! let us in; it’s freezing out here,” michael said, his voice cracking through the small speaker by the door. luke and mallory shared a look, both trying not to burst out laughing.

“some people beg to differ the temperature outside,” she said, pressing the button to talk.

“i think it’s pretty obvious. i can’t feel my knees,” michael said.

luke giggled, then pressed the button to let them in. “alright, but only because we kinda need you to have your legs for the band.” they heard unintelligible voices, followed by the familiar buzz of the door unlocking.

a few moments later, the door knocked, signaling their arrival.

“they’re here!” mallory yelled, swinging the door open. the argument in the living room stopped suddenly, while there were babbles of ‘happy birthday’ along with shouts of greetings as each guest walked into ash’s apartment.

“mal, you’ve met everyone in the band except for the man of the hour,” michael said, directing her attention to the curly-haired, gold-skinned boy standing tall over her head. mallory chuckled, shaking her head at mikey’s words.

“hi, i’m calum,” he said, his dark brown eyes meeting hers.

“mallory. pleasure to meet you.”

s p r i n g

mallory thinks that she spends too much time with calum. or at least, more time than friends usually spend together.

“do you think this goes?”

mallory was sat on the couch, slouched to the point of her long-sleeve shirt riding up to the middle of her back. calum requested her help in sorting through his wardrobe, figuring out what would stay and what would have to go.

“i think so,” she said, looking up from her phone. he was clad in black slim-cut trousers with a white printed dress shirt on top.

“c’mon mal, this is serious,” he frowned.

mallory sighed, sitting up on the couch. “but isn’t that ash’s top?”

calum looked down at the shirt, the red poppies staring back at him. “probably. after touring together for so long, i think our wardrobes started mixing together.”

“do you think he needs it anytime soon?”

calum shrugged, putting his hands into the pockets.

“looks good. keep it,” she said, trying to keep her voice from shaking. mallory wondered why she got herself into this mess, watching calum try on different outfits, matter of fact that all of them looked good on him. he nodded, walking back to his room to change.

“what do you want to eat?” he said.

“don’t know,” she said, raising her voice just enough that he could still hear her.

“you say that all the time.” calum sat on the couch next to her, now wearing grey sweats and a white t-shirt.

“can’t help it. i’m fine with anything.”

he gave her a look, a dark eyebrow raised.

“okay fine, maybe not everything,” she frowned.

“i’m ordering chinese,” he said, pulling up the website menu on his phone.

“done with wardrobe cleaning?”

he shrugged. “we got through most of the things that i wanted you to look at, but i did some the other day by myself.”

mallory nodded, focusing back on the tv, which was playing an episode of chopped.

“oh! can we get the eggplant dish and the salt and pepper squid?” she asked, suddenly remembering.

“i thought you said you didn’t care?” he said, staring at her with a hint of a smirk.

“shut up,” mallory said, pushing his shoulder.

calum called the restaurant, his voice being the background of the four chefs cooking on the tv. their food arrived about forty minutes later; calum went to the door downstairs, picking up the bags of takeout and tipping the delivery person. mallory told him to tip a little extra because they had to drive about three kilometers from the restaurant along with the rain coming down quick outside.

“for you,” calum said, giving her one plastic bag as he set his on the coffee table. they unpacked and opened their boxes, before digging into their food.

“hey! eat your own food!” mallory exclaimed, swiping away at his hovering chopsticks.

“i thought we were eating the food together?” calum said, his voice raising higher.

“dude, we’re eating next to each other, not sharing food,” she grumbled, turning her back to calum. he reached over her shoulder, snatching a rather big piece of salt and pepper squid and popped it into his mouth before she could react.

“it’s family style, ‘cause we ordered at the same time.”

mallory huffed, turning back to facing calum and extended the box of fried squid to calum.

“you sound like my uncle,” she said, taking a piece of his kung pao chicken.

“how?” he was happily munching on the sauteed eggplant, to her frustration.

“whenever my family would go out to eat, we would normally order dishes with the intentions of having it family style. but this one time we went to a thai restaurant, where we ordered our own dishes. my uncle practically asked everyone at the table if he could have a bite of their food, and my aunt was so mad at him for doing that. but all he replied was ‘if your food looks good, it’s family style,’” mallory said, shaking her head at the memory.

“did you give him some of your food?” calum asked.

“yeah,” she sighed, “but at least he was considerate enough to offer his food first before taking a bite of mine, unlike somebody i know.” mallory was looking straight at calum, her eyes narrowing.

“hmm, wonder who that could be,” he mused, with a smile creeping onto his face.

she punched him in the shoulder. which she didn’t realize, was that her chopsticks were in the hand that she threw the punch, thus the chopsticks flew in the air, past the other end of the couch.

“oops,” she said, her eyes widening to his now narrowing eyes. “oh look at the time, have to go!” she said, dropping the takeout box in hand to the coffee table and ran to the door.

“you’re not gonna get away with that!” and then calum took off after her, running around his apartment to avoid capture. at one point, duke jumped in the chase, which distracted mallory enough for calum to tackle her to the ground. “gotcha,” he said, his face inches from hers.

she was staring at his eyes, them not breaking eye contact for a few moments. then he leaned in, meeting his lips with hers, before she could even realize it.

s u m m e r

when the weather gets warmer, people usually take out their swimwear and jump into a nearby pool. but calum and mallory were laying on the ground in front of the fan and sharing a bowl of ice cream. duke was content with his own doggie ice cream above their heads.

“here,” calum said, tapping the spoon to mallory’s lip.

“thanks love,” she said, swallowing the cool and creamy flavors in her mouth.

“why can’t we go to the pool?” he said, taking a spoonful for himself.

“coz ash wanted to come too.”

“where is he?”

mallory sat up, looking down at calum, who was taking another bite of ice cream, before giving her another spoonful. “shouldn’t you know more about your bandmates than me?”

calum raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. “you did know him before meeting me.”

“that was because of katie.” she laid back down, which duke then took the opportunity to lay his head on her forehead.

“oh right.” calum gave her another spoon, barely avoiding duke from taking a lick. “did they fuck yet?”

mallory snorted.

after calum’s birthday, the two girls started spending more time with the guys, thus leading to katie and ashton having more tension than she’s ever seen. to make it even worse, katie would complain about ashton to her, when they would drive back to their shared apartment.

“i’m 75% sure that they already are. but no.”

calum chuckled. “i wouldn’t be surprised if they are, but also that they’re both dealing with different things, before that would even start.” and mallory had to agree.

katie and her previous boyfriend broke up due to him ‘being jealous of her with other guys,’ despite finding out that he’d been cheating on her with multiple girls. ashton also had a rough breakup, the facts not being clear, except for the few tidbits that calum tells her here and there.

“i just hope that they figure it out,” she finally said. calum was silent, not even moving to eat more ice cream. mallory turned her head, to fully see calum. his eyes were closed, but his eyebrows were scrunched with tension. she schooched closer to him, until her chin touched his shoulder. duke got up after mallory moved, and he settled in between them, laying down right by their ankles.

“i can’t tell if you’re asleep or not,” she whispered, reaching up a hand to stroke his cheek. “but by me touching you right now, i’m assuming not.” the fan continued to whirr in the background.

“fuckin’ hell, why are we doing this? we should be in a pool right now.” despite the heat, her hands were cooler than the rest of her body (some phenomenon that she’s always had, ever since she was a child.

“but nooo, we have to wait for ash and probably the other boys.” it felt calming, her cooler hands touching his skin which was nearly blazing in the summer heat.

“we don’t technically have to wait for them,” calum suddenly said, opening one eye to her.

“jesus!” she jumped, dropping her hand back down from his cheek.

“don’t stop, like that,” he mumbled. so mallory raised her hand back, stroking his cheek, with her now slightly less cool hands.

“don’t stop, doing what you’re doing,” she hummed under her breath. calum groaned, instantly recognizing the song she was humming.

“i don’t even know why you’re my girlfriend.” mallory stopped, freezing at his words.

“girlfriend?” he turned his head, his nose barely touching hers.

“guess i did that to myself,” he mumbled. she continued to stare at him, while she heard the faint noise of a car door slamming and voices coming closer.

“so whaddya say, do you wanna be my girl?” his lips spread into a lazy grin, with his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“hmm,” she bemused, leaning closer so their noses were now touching.

“i think yes.”

a u t u m n

as soon as the leaves changed into the lightest shade of red and orange, mallory dragged everyone to the nearest pumpkin patch. which happened to be about an hour drive to a city between thousand oaks and santa clarita.

“are we almost there yet?”

“didn’t you ask that ten minutes ago?” katie said, turning from her seat to ashton who was squeezed in the third row with luke and luke’s girlfriend.

“so?” mallory pushed katie so that she was looking forward at the road ahead of them.

“calm down children, google says we have a couple more minutes until we get there.” katie and mallory’s neighbor graciously let them borrow her minivan for their little road trip, as long as they returned it with a full tank (katie and mallory were gonna make the boys pay for it). due to mallory not fully trusting any of the guys driving the borrowed minivan and katie was no good with bigger cars (when she was practicing for her driver’s test with her mum’s suv, she didn’t make the turn and rammed into a tree. thankfully no one was hurt and the car didn’t have significant damage, but mallory would try to be the only one driving in their friendship).

“we’re not children, we’re grown men,” she heard luke say, with a gruff tone. she snorted.

“yeah, keep telling yourself that, mate.” and all the girls in the car burst out laughing.

“calllum, your girl’s being mean to me,” he whined, tapping on the bassist’s shoulder in front of him.

“lukey, ‘ya brought that one on yourself,” he said, laughing.

“i don’t know how you can survive on one tour bus for months on end, if you lot are like this,” mallory said. “by the way, we’re here.”

once they found a parking spot, everyone hopped out and took off in their own groups.

“guess it’s just you and me.” mallory looked up from her phone, replying to her neighbor’s text about the drive, to calum, clad in his green hoodie and grey beanie.

“how unfortunate,” she said, clicking the key fob twice, to make sure it was locked.

“fine then. i’m gonna find ash and luke then,” he huffed dramatically and stomped towards the entrance of the patch. mallory rolled her eyes, but then quickly stuffed the keys in her pocket and after calum, grabbing his hand.

“alright, alright, calm your tits,” she said, tugging at his hand. “you’re not unfortunate, you’re just alright.” he looked down at her, side-eyeing mallory

“just alright?”

“eh,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. calum scoffed, pulling her closer to him.

“wow, this is the kind of treatment i get from my girl.”

“only the best for the bassist of 5sos,” she quipped. calum laughed, shaking his head. they walked through the pumpkin patch that was behind the store, with their enclasped hands swinging back and forth.

“see anything worth picking up?” calum said, his eyes sweeping the pumpkins that they walked past.

“don’t know. has to be the right one. like, the one.” every year once autumn would just hit, mallory would pick the perfect pumpkins for carving, plain decoration, and even pumpkin pies that she fell in love with once she moved to the states.

“the one, you say?” calum said, looking at her with an incredulous look.

“yep,” she said, nodding her head. “i need nice round ones for simple decoration and carving, and ripe ones for cooking and stuff.” calum nodded, his eyes still scanning for mallory’s “perfect pumpkins.”

“this one any good?” they both stopped walking as calum picked up a decently size one that was mostly round. mallory still held onto his hand, while studying the pumpkin, from what seemed to be at every angle.

“it seems like a good contender.” he nodded, placing the pumpkin in the little wagon that he had been dragging. mallory tugged at his hand, already moving on to another pumpkin that caught her eye. after a few tugs, he let go, seeing her walk faster to a pumpkin towards the end of this row that they were walking by. she squat in front of it, carefully rolling it to check for any patches or dark-colored bumps. he caught up to her, standing a few feet away with his phone out to capture the moment. calum laughed, seeing her eyes continue to scrutinize at the pumpkin while clicking her tongue in satisfaction.

“what?” she said, looking at him with wide eyes. he shook his head, the smile still spread on his face.

“nothing. just love you.” mallory stood up with the pumpkin in her hands. she stepped towards him, putting the pumpkin in the wagon next to the other one.

she held onto his sweatshirt, tiptoeing to meet his lips.

“i love you too.”

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the5sosfanfiction · 6 years

Link

what would happen if the world was suddenly in grayscale?

#luke hemmings #ashton irwin #calum hood #michael clifford #ofc #angst #nonslash #chaptered #ao3 #submission #luke x ofc #ashton x ofc #calum x ofc #michael x ofc #complete #soulmates #soulmate colors #kelseys fave

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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 2 years

Text

Wanderer: Part 2

Luke’s never met a wandering soul quite like Yelena and it can prove to be more difficult to love someone that’s never used to being tied down.

Latina!OFC.

Part 1 | Part 3

Masterlist

_____________________

Luke rides up and down the coast. He goes as far as a full tank of gas can carry him. And it’s not as far as he’d like it to be, if he could ride on fumes and dreams he would. He hardly makes it out of the city that Thursday evening, much like the other drives.. But when he’s free, when all he has is the coast flying past the glass of his window and the metal of the engine and doors, he goes. He reaches out to his left. All there is the steady whistle of the wind through his fingers. But he wants it to be Yelena. He wants her to squeeze his fingers, laugh, and then punch the gas. He wants to climb out of her car window and laugh as the wind whips across his face. All there is now is the wind that whistles through his fingers.

His phone vibrates from the cup holder and Luke only listens to the call as it shakes and shakes and shakes. If he hazard a guess, he’d assume it’s Ashton calling. He’s taken to calling almost every Thursday now. Luke’s not sure why Ashton’s picked that day of the week, but he has and Luke’s learned to expertly dodge the evening calls. Oh, I’m driving, he can say. Don’t want to be distracted too much. Maybe that’s why Ashton’s picked the day. Because Luke is always driving on a Thursday evening well past the settled night and nearing the witching hour. His mother once told him nothing good happens past midnight. But she didn’t know about Yelena. Everything good happened past midnight as Luke and Yelena drove together.

The phone shakes and shakes and it gives one last buzz before it quiets. Luke waits. He gives it about forty-five seconds and then he casts his gaze to the phone. Another buzz and no doubt it’s a voicemail. Luke turns his attention back to the road. What would tomorrow bring him?

Nearing midnight, Luke coasts until he finds a gas station. The brightly lit one is only another mile and a half away. When it comes into view, he pulls into it. At the pump, Luke just watches the inside. It’s dark. But Luke can imagine it--Yelena tucking the cash into her bra as she made strides for the snacks. He wishes he’d watched which way she’s gone first. Did she make a beeline for the drinks or the candy first? And no matter how Luke stares--though he’s definitely wasted nearly an hour once before--he just never knows.

This is one of the few gas stations on this strip that leaves a pump open after hours. So Luke circles to the open pump and gets out. The machine only ever stares at him as he puts in his card, selects the correct kind of fuel, and pumps. He never seems to hear the beeps or the clunk of the pedal once the gas is done. Maybe he does hear them but he keeps waiting for the sound of Yelena to cut over it, so he completely ignores the bassline. There’s no need for what is under if there’s over.

His tank full, Luke settles back into his car. Normally, he immediately heads back home. It takes him a while sometimes, driving almost until he catches morning and then sleeps the majority of Friday and Saturday away. But he settles behind the wheel and all Luke wants is to keep going. Keep going. If he keeps going maybe he can catch up.

He can’t. He won’t be able to catch up because in the opposite direction is everything he’s settled into a house for--Petunia, stability, the same place to lay his head when he’s not touring. It is a comfort and for a fleeting moment, the thought occurs to Luke that he could pick it up and chase down Yelena. But it’s the second thought that really matters. Where would he even go? If he wanted to chase Yelena down, he’d only be chasing her fumes and he’d displace himself further and further from the things that he’d anchored himself with; he’d lose himself in the process.

Luke picks up his phone and finds the voicemail Ashton left hours ago at this point, 4 according to Luke’s phone. All his guesses were right. “Hey, man--I’m just checking in. I know you’re driving right now. Just wanted to tell you to be safe. If you want, I got my mom’s recipe for some ribs. Want to have a barbecue soon?”

It’s the way soon lingers in Ashton’s question--like is soon tomorrow? Is soon next month? This is what Luke would be missing if he chased Yelena--the possibility that soon could be any time because as Luke has time and everyone he cares for knows exactly where to find him.

Luke calls Ashton back. He’s not sure if he’s anticipating Ashton to answer or hoping Ashton doesn’t answer. Either way, Luke sits at the pump inside his car, phone pressed to his ear and his heart thunders in his chest as the call rings. Luke’s about ready to hear the robotic voice to tell him to leave a message but the call connects. First, it’s just the clearing of a throat and then Ashton’s voice floats through the line. “Ain’t you got a lick of respect for those that like to sleep,” Ashton teases.

“In all fairness,” Luke chuckles, “you weren’t supposed to answer.” Ah, there it is--the hope for a robotic voice.

“Where are you?”

“On the coast,” Luke answers. “Where I always am on these days.”

“You alright?” More of the thick layer of sleep residue clears from Ashton’s voice the more they talk.

“Yeah, I-I just filled up, actually,” Luke returns.

“Headed back? You know I’ll watch Petunia for as long as ya need.”

Luke takes his left hand and runs it over his steering wheel. His chest hurts. What does Petunia think of all the weekends he’s left her behind? Luke takes a deep breath and the tears still sting behind his eyes. “I almost chased her,” Luke whispers. The confession feels like it should make the earth shatter. But nothing happens--no rumble. Fire doesn’t open up beneath him. Nothing comes to swallow him up from the earth’s crust. But his chest keeps squeezing and he keeps blinking back the tears. “She could’ve been it and she left. And I almost chased after her.”

“And why not? Why didn’t you chase her man?”

“B-because I need stability. I need Petunia’s cuddles and I need this band and I need a fucking home. But I wanted her--I wanted her in my home. But--” Luke’s voice cuts out as the sob finally climbs over his throat. He drops his head into the top of the steering wheel and his shoulders are shaking. Snot is running down his nose and he doesn’t care to stop it.

“Hey, hey, I’m here. You take your time. You take as long as you need,” Ashton encourages.

When Yelena told Luke that she needed to go, that she needed something to anchor herself, Luke had accepted that he couldn’t be that anchor. He’d wanted it, but she’d have to want it too. It felt brave in the moment--and it was. It was brave to recognize his own inability to fix Yelena in the moment. He could not make her want anything. Luke needs to be brave now. He needs to admit just how much it hurts.

“But I need her to need it too. She wanted it, but it wasn’t enough. And I’m sick of it never being enough. Why can’t I ever be enough?”

The confession--the utterance of the feeling--causes another sob and Ashton sighs but says nothing over the line for a moment. “It’s not your fault,” Ashton finally counters. “And I know no matter how many times I say, it doesn’t really mean anything. But it really wasn’t your fault. She made her call. There’s nothing you could’ve done.”

“But I wish I could’ve done something. I wish I’d asked her where she was going next.”

“Hindsight’s always hard, Luke.”

Luke pushes up from the steering wheel. The lights and road are blurry in his vision. “I want her to want it--the home with me. I want her to not run. I want her to fight for me goddammit. I want Yelena to want to heal and stay here and she couldn’t. She didn’t stay.”

Ashton hums at the proclamations. Luke had never actually said this before. Whenever the conversation did get brought up, Luke always said he was fine and he was glad she made the choice for herself. But even that kind of logic and reason didn’t take away the sting of a desire crushed. Luke hadn’t admitted to any of them just how bad it had hurt to want something and be watching it as it slips through your fingers.

“It felt wrong to want that,” Luke says after a thick moment of silence.

“Does it still feel wrong?”

“No. It feels wrong not to have admitted for these past few weeks.”

“Well, admit it. Again and again and again.”

____________

The thing about wanting is that it’s a dull ache. There’s no way over it. There’s no way to shortcut just how long the ache stays and there’s no way to really hide when the ache wins. Three weeks after Luke called Ashton, the first time Luke was brave to admit his own desires and confront the sadness that had lingered after it, Luke swears he sees Yelena. He’s swiping his card for the manicure and next door the place Luke goes is a hair salon. Inside the center are a few other places, a brunch place, a tattoo shop, a pizzeria. And Luke swears after the card reader beeps and he removes it to slide it back into his wallet, he spots Yelena walking past the nail salon doors. He freezes, watching her go down pass the nail salon, she continues on past the hair salon and he watches for as long as he can see. Then she’s gone, past the window and he’s staring at what is the wall of his nail salon and Luke’s unsure of what just happened. He doesn’t know if it was real.

After the sight of her is gone, his limbs work again, and he rushes out to the door, throwing a hurried thank you over his shoulder. Outside, he watches the sidewalk she was on. But it just leads to more shops. There’s no Yelena in his sightline--not anymore at least. But she had once been real, she just a few moments ago strutted past the door of his nail salon. Was she back in town? And if so, for how long? It’d been six months since he last saw her. In all actuality the tour didn’t help. He hadn’t really been hanging around his normal stomping grounds for longer than two weeks to even run the risk of seeing Yelena until now.

Luke never rode to her sister’s house or her family home. As much as he wanted to check in on them, to make sure they were doing okay in Yelena’s absence, he never had the guts. It felt like it was crossing too much of a line. Sure they liked him, but the time he had with Yelena still felt like it was still in infancy before it was shattered. He didn’t have the kind of relationship with her family to show up unannounced. But Yelena was back, or maybe had been back. Luke only stares at the space she once held and once occupied and the squeeze of something in his chest startles him.

Was she okay? Had the time and space away helped? He never called her either. Once she made the choice to leave, Luke respected. He let her go. But for the sake of himself, and Ashton as Luke had taken to spending most nights at Ashton’s place in the last few weeks, Luke vowed not to text her. If she was the one that left, then he wanted any conversation that they had to be her choice too.

Did he even want Yelena back? Did she want him?

It’s easy, Luke thinks, as he shuffles out the way of other patrons on the sidewalk, to text Yelena, just to confirm that it was her that had just walked by. But he doesn’t. Luke fishes out his keys from his pocket and unlocks the doors on his car. It’s easy to think he could chase her down--again. It’s easy to think it would be easier because he had a direction this time. But Luke doesn’t do the easy thing. He does the brave thing. He gets into his car and goes home. He goes back to Petunia and his stability. That was the choice he made and Luke is determined to honor it.

The thing about desire is that it’s a dull ache. Even when Luke gets home and he greets Petunia’s waddling figure, he can still see the ghost of Yelena curled up on his couch, or stretched out on his living room floor. She still lingers and the desire of her is only a testament that Luke has to get through instead of getting over.

“You seem distracted,” Michael notes, turning to Luke. The chair rolls away from the controls as Michael faces the younger man directly. Luke’s eyes are far away, just barely reflecting back the bright lights. “Luke,” Michael tries, hand reaching out to shake his forearm but Luke snaps his attention at the sound of his name.

“Huh?”

“I said you seem distracted.”

Luke shakes his head. He wants it to shake the ghosts of Yelena--watching her striding down the sidewalk of the shopping center. He can still imagine the sound of her heeled boots. He can imagine the decoration of rings still on her fingers and the way her mouth pulled down just slightly when she relaxed the muscles completely. It’s been a week--not enough time to go back to the nail salon to try and run into her again. But that’s a silly idea. He shouldn’t go chasing her. Something in front of Luke’s face and the thoughts fall away again. “Sorry,” he mutters in return. Ashton’s drumsticks click a little as he steps down from his kit. Calum’s plugging in his bass to the amp. Luke can see most of it happening from his periphery as he drops his gaze under Michael’s pointed eyes.

“You don’t have to apologize. Just--whatever’s up, are you sure you’re okay? It’s okay if not.”

“I saw her,” Luke says. His voice is just a whisper. “Well, I think I saw her. But like I’m pretty sure it’s her.”

“Yelena?” Michael questions.

Luke nods. “As I was leaving the nail salon.”

Calum’s voice floats up from the booth.

“Did you talk to her?” Michael asks.

“No. I just--I just watched her walk pass the window and then I went home.” Michael looks suspicious and then right behind that wave of emotion Luke catches the sadness that drips behind his eyes. “I’m not making this up,” Luke defends. “I swear I saw her.”

Michael holds up his hands, as if to signal that he’s not looking for trouble. “I believe you, man. I’m just worried. Ever since we’ve gotten back from tour, you’ve been wandering off. We’re all worried about you.”

“I swear I didn’t make it up.” Luke’s no longer sure who the defense is for; is it for Michael or himself? “I saw her and then I went home. But I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Can-can I ask why?”

“I don’t know if I want myself to have reacted faster or not,” Luke says and just from the corner of his eye he can see Calum getting a little antsy. “But we’ve got work.”

Michael spins the board and presses down on the button that allows his voice to float into the booth. “Give us five. It’s important,” he says and then spins back to Luke.

Luke shakes his head. What did he fucking want anymore? Had all his desires left when Yelena left? It felt stupid, or maybe silly to think that Luke was still walking around in this fog so many months later. He wasn’t helped by the timing of the tour. He didn’t have a chance to process anything when every day he was in some place new. There was no time to mourn. Everything had been delayed. Now that they’d come back, recharged, and started writing again everything was coming back up. Luke felt like he was constantly vomiting in a sense. Everything he thought he’d gotten down and settled was stirring back up again.

“Man, please do not shut me out. That might mean something--that you don’t know. That there’s something you still gotta confront. I don’t know. I’m not a therapist. But I am your best friend and I fucking care.”

Luke brings his head up. Micheal leans in, scooted to the edge of his chair. His voice creases with all his concern. “I-I don’t even know what it means. Or what there’s left to confront.”

Michael laughs a little and then shrugs. “I mean--if she is back in town then I feel like the big question is do you want to rekindle anything with her regardless of whether or not it goes anywhere. Do you want to let Yelena go forever or try again with the thought it goes to shit again?”

There’s the thought--the only Luke felt like he was vomiting up but wasn’t actually articulating. Hearing Michael say it outloud makes Luke cringe. He realizes then that there’s fear. If he goes back to Yelena and she doesn’t want him a second time, if she can’t stay, then Luke’s gotta find some way to move on. The limbo is easy. Yelena’s not really back and he really doesn’t have to let her go. But if he confronts her, it all comes back to life. He could watch her walk out a second time.

Michael watches the grimances and nods. “Or you wallow in your misery and write us sad love songs for eternity,” he tacks on jokingly. “Either way, we’re grateful for the heartbreak.”

Luke can’t help his laughter. He finds the pen he had been scratching down lyrics with and gently lobs it as Michael’s face. “Shut the fuck up.”

Michael just closes his eyes and accepts the projectile aimed for him. It just barely makes contact with his forehead and then drops to the ground. “I deserve that. But in all seriousness, we’re here for you. You can always talk to us.”

Luke nods. He knows that. “I just thought I had a handle on it all but I’m being proven wrong.”

“It’s okay to lose the battle, just not the war.” Michael reaches out and pats Luke’s knee only for a moment and then turns back to the board. He presses down to turn his mic on. “You ready now, hot pants?” Michael teases at Calum.

“I was born ready,” Calum returns.

Luke grabs another pen and stares down at the legal pad in front of him. All he can see though is Yelean staring back at him in the lyrics, in the blue lines. It’s all her and she could leave him. And maybe Luke had to stop thinking about it so much as Yelena leaving and more about Yelena making a choice. She made a choice. Just like he did not call or text. They were always making choices.

________________

The gel chips and chips and chips. Luke chips it too, sitting as he stares down at his phone. Was he actually going to confront Yelena? Her contact information glares back at him in the dim light of his living room. The setting sun darkens the room which had previously been well lit and Luke knows he’d soon have to turn on a light or a lamp. But not yet, he is going to wait. Maybe he is waiting for the thick of the night. Maybe he os waiting for her to call first. Had she seen him that day? Her stride didn’t falter. She seemed poised as almost she always did. Her hair billowed behind her with her gait. It looked shorter than he remembered. Not significantly so that it was obvious. But short enough for Luke, in all his brains replaying, to wonder if he’d imagined it or if it were a real detail from the small glimpse he’d gotten.

Another red sparkle chunk lands on the coffee table. Luke stares down at his hands and his nail technician, Maria, is going to be pissed when he sees the number he’s done. Oh it’s ridiculous. Either he’s going to call or he’s fucking not and whatever he chooses to do, he really needs to do it right now.

Another red sparkle falls to the table.

The sun settles even lower in the sky. Luke’s TV is hardly on, as the volume is barely loud enough for him to hear it. He had it on initially as he cooked, just to have some noise in the house. His bravery got the best of him and he turned the volume down once he decided he probably should call Yelena. Michael was right. Luke would need a clearer answer eventually and he had some nerve to think he could handle it today. So he settled on his couch, pulled out his phone and turned the volume down.

Now he’s just staring at Yelena’s contact. The picture is old of her standing on that club stage from up the coast. It’s not from the first night she sang for him--that night he was much to focused on her voice and trying not to absolutely ruin the dance with the older woman. They went back because Luke begged and she managed to get a slot. And when that light hit her skin and she glowed with a soft haloing effect, Luke knew he’d never find anything better. He snapped the shot and he’s not even sure he told her about the picture.