#these are 11/12 week stacked shots

[abirddogmoment]

Shaped

#dogblr #rory borealis #stack #stacked photos #the extremely fun combination of wiggly dog plus learning to stack a dog for the first time #im not even bejng sarcastic i love her and i love learning with her #it has been really fun learning with her #we will get there 💜 #these are 11/12 week stacked shots #the second photo is angled so it looks better than she is in real life #she's very very shaped irl

[callsign-magnolia]

Undiagnosed // Ch. 12

Jake Seresin x Neurodivergent OC

Summary: Katie Blair grew up trying to be the perfect daughter. She always struggled to be the prim and proper little girl her parents wanted. Big personality as a kid, but now at 25, she's the shy admiral's daughter who just keeps her head down and tries to get through law school. So what happens when she's had enough and with help from a certain Lieutenant, she gets out.

Warnings: Emotional abuse, trauma response, abusive parents.

Word Count: 6.4k

Chapter 11 | Masterlist

For the first week I was lost. The only reason I really got up was to feed Calypso which is what I named my new fish or to eat. I was still upset with Jake, or myself.I didn’t quite know. Part of me wants to ask him, but I couldn’t get a hold of him even if I wanted to. The other part of me is screaming that it’s not my fault he’s mad at me. He couldn’t be mad that I went to Phoenix’s. I left because of him and Kelly and I didn’t force him to lay on the couch and wait for me. But every day while I lay here I can’t help but think I did something wrong, and that’s the reason he didn’t wake me up. That I did something that pissed him off to the point he didn’t want to see me before he left for six weeks. My emotions were everywhere. One minute I was angry, the next I would cry, and sometimes I just didn’t care. If he didn’t want to see me, I don’t want to see him. There was one point for all of an hour I considered moving out but that was shot down quickly when I realized that I had no money, all of my friends were gone besides Kelly, and I probably couldn’t make it on my own if I tried. I finally dragged myself out of the bed roughly a week after they were deployed and went downstairs for lunch, seeing as I slept through breakfast. That’s another thing I realized, my sleep schedule is all out of whack. I usually get up when Jake gets back from his morning run, but without him here, I’ve been sleeping till all hours of the day. Once downstairs I opened the fridge and peered inside. I glanced through it and the freezer, finding we really only had vegetables and things for sides. No real food. 

I huffed and realized I had to go to the grocery store. So I stormed upstairs, pissed that my plans changed so suddenly. I didn’t want to go anywhere today. I wanted to stay here and finish up my last book and maybe find a movie to watch, but now I had to go to the damn store. I took what I thought was a quick shower, it was actually forty-five minutes. I was losing all sense of time. A simple shower and getting ready should only take me an hour or so, especially now that my hair is shorter. But it took me two hours to get ready. I simply blow dried my hair, put on some mascara in hopes I’d feel normal, and slipped on a light blue t-shirt dress. It was so hot outside today, I couldn’t even imagine wearing pants. I grabbed my glasses and slid them on before making my way downstairs. Jake told me a few days before he left that he was leaving me his credit card. I know he told me he was leaving it in one of the cabinets, tucked away but I couldn’t find it. I shoved my hand in every cabinet and even grabbed the step stool to look up on the top shelves. I was pretty sure Jake wouldn’t put it up that high but I had to check. 

I still hadn’t found it and I was so frustrated I could’ve screamed. I looked under the stack of mail, moved things around on the counter, wondering if it fell and after half an hour I still hadn’t found it. Rage bubbled within me. Where the hell did he fucking put it? It’s not like I could call him and ask where it was. I let out a yell of frustration and became even more angry when I saw the card and a note on the other side of the kitchen, tucked between the coffee pot and the wall. “I don’t know why the fuck he thought that was a good idea.” I sneered, slamming my hand down on the card and tucking it in my wallet before looking at the note. ‘Get whatever you want or need, darlin’. Plenty of money on it.’ I scoffed, crumpling it up and tossing it into the trash can. Darlin’ my ass. Even the nice words and the name pissed me off. I grabbed his truck keys and my purse before making my way out to his truck. I got in and shut the door, turning the ignition. The vents blasted hot air at first but then cooled down pretty quick. “Fucking mountain.” I remarked as I slowly moved the seat closer to the steering wheel. Once I was all situated I backed out of the driveway and drove out of the little neighborhood and towards the store. I was still mad, so much so I turned the radio off completely. I usually blast music but I just needed a silent drive. I was heading for the closest little market which was about fifteen minutes away. I didn’t want to be out longer than necessary. 

I leaned my elbow on the door and propped my head up as I pulled up to a red light. I sat there, waiting forever for the light to change and looked out my window. The car next to me looked slightly familiar, the silver color reflecting the sun off of it and into my eyes. But as I leaned over I caught sight of the familiar face of my mother. Thankfully, Jake’s truck sat higher than her car so as she looked out the passenger window she only saw the black exterior of the truck. I slammed back in my seat, hoping she didn’t just see me. My heart thudded in my chest and I squeezed my eyes shut as I attempted to calm myself. The honking of a horn made my eyes fly open and I slammed my foot on the gas, speeding off. Seeing my mother made me realize that I was about to go to the same grocery store as her and I quickly changed where I was heading. I drove an additional twenty minutes to the target on the north end of San Diego and felt a little better. I knew my parents never traveled farther than they had to, but I still felt uneasy. I walked into the store, opting for coffee from starbucks before I started my shopping. Although, coupled with the anxiety I just experienced it was probably a bad idea. But I didn’t care. I took my large coffee cup and grabbed a buggy before turning for the back of the store where the food sat. 

I couldn’t help but look over my shoulder occasionally, fearing one of my parents would be right behind me. I grabbed things such as ground beef, chicken, pasta, a few microwave or one pot meals. I took my time, scouring the aisles for anything I may need or want. As one person, cooking big meals was almost a waste so finding ways to cook single servings was the best way to go. With Jake I could make a full meal and he’d eat over half by himself. I left the grocery section, heading straight over to the book section and looked around every aisle. I found a few books that piqued my interest, one of them was called Twisted Love and the other, A Court Of Thorns and Roses. I was into older romance stories, Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, The Princess Bride but I felt like I should try something else. So I went for a more modern romance and a fantasy. I thought back to Jake’s note, ‘Get whatever you want or need.’ Smirking, I grabbed a few others that seemed interesting and went to check out. Once I paid I loaded everything into the car and decided to stop at Five Guys for a burger, fries and a milkshake and rushed home. The closer I got to the house, the more nervous I got. Seeing my mom made me realize I didn’t go far. Bumping into them is very much a real threat and now I understand why Jake was cautious about where he took me. 

Once I was home I rushed to get everything inside and locked the door behind me. I sighed in relief, knowing I was home and there was no way I could bump into my mother. Once everything was put away I sat on the couch with my food, deciding to eat while I watched a movie. One Natasha suggested was the Princess Bride. I had read the book dozens of times but I had never seen the movie. So I sat, ate and attempted to forget my mothers face. I thought I was totally safe here, but it’s not like I ran off to another country, I basically ran down the road. But as I sit here, a full stomach and my sweet tooth curbed, I can’t help but worry that my parents really know where I am. I tried to not worry, but it seems to be something I’m good at. Halfway through the movie I decided to lay down on the couch, maybe a nap would do me good. As the movie was coming to a close I could feel the exhaustion creeping in on me.

A loud bang woke me up and I jumped up in fear. The banging was coming from the front door, I could see it shaking from the force. I stared at it as I slowly stood from the couch, making my way over the window. I moved the curtains and the blinds only to see blackness. It was the type of black you see in underground tunnels and caves, you can’t see your hand in front of your face, the type that seeps into your bones and scares you to the core. I couldn’t even see the white railings that lined the front porch. The banging continued and I walked over,standing on my toes to look out the peephole. As I did so the banging stopped but I looked out the peephole to once again, find blackness. I sighed and lowered myself off my toes just as the wood on the door splintered and a large hand came through, grabbing the front of my dress and slamming me face first into the door before letting me go. I fell to the floor scrambling away from the door as the hand reached for the locks and turned them. The door slowly swung open to reveal my father. Everything was silent, save for my heaving breaths as I tried to breathe and fight the tears back. He simply stood there and I took the opportunity to get up and run. I went for the back door but it was gone. Why was it gone?! The garage door through the kitchen was gone as well and I panicked, rushing for the stairs. I would go into my room and lock the door before scaling down the lattice by my window. But as I started up the stairs my father was suddenly before me. His hand shot out before smacking me clear across the face and sending me head first into the banister before tumbling backwards down the stairs. 

Pain blossomed across my face as I sat up with a yell. I pulled my hand away to see blood on it and the carpet. “Oh, it was just a dream.” I sighed out. I heard my phone buzz and saw it was a facetime from Bradley. Excitement swelled within me and I immediately answered. “Hang on.” I called, standing and rushing to the bathroom with my phone. “Well hello to you too.” He remarked. “Everything okay?” He asked. “Yeah, I just had a nightmare and I’ve seemed to roll off the couch and I hit my nose on the coffee table.” I answered as I wiped the blood from my face. “Let me see?” He asked and I sighed, propping up the phone so he could see me. “Damn.” That’ll probably bruise.” He said. “I know.” It went quiet for a moment before he spoke up. “What was the nightmare about?” He asked. “My dad broke in. All the doors disappeared so I was forced up the stairs…” I trailed off. “Then he smacked me and sent me backwards down the stairs. I must’ve been moving around a lot on the couch and fell off, smacking my face on the coffee table.” I said. 

“How often do you have nightmares?” He asked. “I haven’t had them in a few weeks. But…” He raised a brow at me. “But what?” He asked. I chewed on my bottom lip. “I went to the store today and when I stopped at a red light… I saw my mom.” He was silent, his lips pursed in a line and I couldn’t quite tell his emotions. “Are you sure it was her?” He asked and I nodded. “One hundred percent positive.” “And did she see you?” He asked and I shook my head. “I don’t think so. At least, she didn’t look right at me.” I said. “Good.” He said and I walked out of the bathroom and into my room where I flopped down onto my bed. “Woah, your bed’s not made?” He asked and I shook my head. “Nope.” I was usually uptight about my bed. It had to be made or else I wouldn't sleep good. Sleeping in an already messy bed stressed me out for some reason. “Katie? How long have you been in bed?” He asked and a blush crept up my cheeks. “Don’t lie to me.” He added. “Today was the first day I really got up.” I answered. “God. Hangman is gonna lose his mind.” He said and I sat up. “You aren’t gonna say shit to him.” I said and he raised a brow. “He doesn’t get to know every little thing that’s going on with me, especially since he left without waking me, saying goodbye, nothing.” I spat. 

“I’m sensing some anger.” He said. “If you were getting deployed, and you asked someone if you should wake them up the next morning to go to the docks with you or at least say goodbye, would you do it?” He raised a brow as if that was a dumb question. “Of course I would.” He answered before he gasped. “Jake didn’t say goodbye.” I shook my head. “No, he didn’t and I can’t help but think it’s because he’s mad at me. But I didn’t force him to sleep on the couch and wait for me to come home.” I had started pacing at this point, my phone propped up on my pillow so he could see me. “Wait, what am I missing?” He asked and I realized he probably has no idea what I’m talking about. I flopped onto the bed, lying on my stomach as I looked at my phone. “The night before you guys left, I heard Jake and Kelly… having sex.” His eyebrows shot up. “That’s weird, Hangman says Kelly is always worried someone would hear and he can hardly get her to say a word in bed.” I brushed it off. “Yeah, well she didn’t seem to care that night. But I went to Natasha's for a while. I felt like I was intruding but I came back home really late and he was asleep on the couch.” Bradley hummed and nodded. “He didn’t seem mad when he got up. He asked if I wanted him to wake me up before he left and I said yes, but then I woke up and y’all were long gone.” I said, letting my head fall to my mattress. 

“Katie, I don’t think he did it out of spite.” He said and I huffed. “Then why else would he leave without saying goodbye? It makes no sense!” He shrugged. “I-I don’t know. It’s so unlike him.” He said and I heard a door open on his end. I sniffled, wiping my tears before they fell. “Aw, Katie. Don’t cry, please.” He said and I sat up, sitting cross legged in front of my phone. “Katie?” I groaned as I heard Jake’s voice on the other end. “What’s wrong? C’mon darlin’, talk to me!” He said and I scoffed, scowling and I flipped my phone face down on the comforter. “Katie?” Jake called. “What the fuck did you do to her?” I assume his question was towards Bradley. “What did I do? I think you might want to be asking yourself that, bagman.” Bradley snapped back. “Me?!” He asked, shocked. “Katie, darlin’. Talk to me please.” I knew it was childish, the way I was acting, but I knew if I even looked at him I would give in. “Katie, c’mon. You’re scaring me, I’m worried.” 

I grabbed the phone, flipping it over and glaring at him through the screen. He seemed to notice the anger in my eyes and leaned back in surprise. “Oh, you’re worried? Bless your heart.” I said before setting my phone back down. “Wha-You-” He stumbled over his words until he found the right ones. “You don’t get to insult me like that!” He called out and I rolled my eyes. “This is my call with her you know, not yours.” I grabbed my phone again. “Yeah, this is mine and Bradley’s call. So why don’t you find something else to do, without saying goodbye.” I snapped and Bradley snickered at Jake’s confusion. “What?” Bradley laughed at him. “Just leave us alone, Jake. I don’t want to talk to you right now.” I said and Bradley snatched the phone. “Yeah, she doesn’t wanna talk to you.” He said, walking out of his and Jake’s room. “You know he’s going to pout all day.” He said and I rolled my eyes. “Let him. Like I care.” I spat and he just grinned at me. “You know you care.” He said and while I wouldn’t admit it, I do hate making Jake feel bad but I’m so angry with him. “Can we change the subject?” I asked and he nodded with a smile. “Wanna see something?” He asked and I nodded. He turned the phone around and I saw a beautiful view of the ocean and what seemed to be a sun rise. “Oh my god.” I gasped out. “Bradley, it’s beautiful.” I said and he turned the phone back around, a giant grin on his face. “Isn’t it?” He asked and I nodded. 

“Hey, Bradley?” I asked and he hummed in acknowledgement. "Why did you use your call on me?" I asked and he just smiled. "Truth?" I nodded. "I've never had anyone to call on deployments." My heart broke for him. I could never imagine being so far away for so long and never having anyone to call and talk to. "I knew Hangman would use his calls to talk to Kelly, so I wanted to call you. Keep you updated, and just talk to you." He said with a grin. "With an answer like that, Jake may believe you really do have romantic feelings for me." I joked and he laughed. "If it gets him to admit his own feelings then good!" I gave him a small smile. "He doesn't have feelings for me, Rooster. Besides, if he did he wouldn’t have left without at least leaving a note.” I said. “You just don’t see it.” I scoffed. “See what? The way he looks at his girlfriend?” I asked, chuckling at the end. “I’m telling you, Katie. There’s something there.” I rolled my eyes at him and we continued our conversation, without the mention of Jake. Once we were done I went upstairs and got ready for bed. My nose still hurts from my fall and I’m sure I would have a nasty bruise just like Bradley said. But thankfully, I’m ninety-nine percent sure that it is not broken. As I laid in bed that night I couldn’t help but realize some of my anger had faded away. Jake telling me he was worried, made me a little pleased. It was so easy for me to give in to him and all because of my own stupid feelings. But I couldn’t just let this go so easily, couldn’t be weak. My thoughts cast me off into sleep, one that thankfully was nightmare free. 

I spent the next few days reading and trying to think of what else to do with my time. I had my next therapy session in two weeks and I quickly remembered I told Dr. Davis I would apply to some nursing programs. So I spent a few days applying to a few programs, ones that I would have a decent chance of getting in. The thought of going back to school scared me, but I knew that I would regret not even trying. I was cleaning a few days later, about a week after Bradley called me when the doorbell rang. I froze in the middle of my mopping and looked out of the kitchen and towards the front door. I slowly stalked forwards, standing on my toes and looking out the peephole. I was relieved to see Kelly’s face, looking straight at the door so I swung it open with a large smile. “Hi!” I greeted cheerfully. She gave me a small smile and stepped inside. She hung up her purse like usual and walked into the kitchen. “Oh! Be careful! I was in the middle of mopping!” I called, following after her. She didn’t seem to notice nor care as she traipsed across the clean floors and opened the fridge. “No beer?” She asked and I shook my head. “I don’t drink it.” I said. “Well Jake does.” I nodded, a little caught off guard by her stern tone. “Well he finished the last of them before he left and I plan to get some closer to the time of him coming home.” I responded as she pulled out a water bottle.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked and she hummed. “Is Jake mad at me?” I asked. She pursed her lips, sighing. “I wouldn’t say mad. More annoyed.” My face and hopes fell. “Oh…” I said. “It’s just… you’re always around.” She said. “We keep trying for alone time and you’re just there. Like the night before he shipped out. We had to change up everything so as not to disturb you and you still left.” I bit my lip, looking down at my bare feet. “I’m sorry. If you had asked me to leave I would’ve.” I replied. “But we shouldn’t have to.” She snapped and my head hung even more if possible. “You just follow Jake around like a lost puppy and it’s even getting on my nerves.” She said and I furrowed my brows. “Does it bother Jake?” I asked. “Of course it bothers him!” She said loudly. “It bothers the both of us.” I opened my mouth to reply but didn’t know what to say. “Maybe it’s time you find somewhere else to live.” She said and I could practically feel myself go pale. “I think I'd rather talk to Jake about this.” I said, standing tall. “It is his house and he did invite me to stay… So I’ll talk to him about it.” She scoffed. “He’s going to tell you the same thing I just did. Better to leave before he gets home and avoid the awkwardness.” She grinned at me and all the anger that I’ve had pent up came to the surface. My fists clenched at my sides, my nails making crescent shapes in my palms. 

“Is that all you have to say?” I asked, the anger evident in my voice. She just grinned at me. “Did I strike a nerve?” She asked mockingly. “Yeah. You fucking did.” She seemed surprised by my honesty. “I don’t know what kind of satisfaction you’re getting from coming here and telling me these things, but you're done.” I snapped. “It’s not your house.” She said, taking a step closer. “It’s not yours either.” Her face fell. She thought she was clever. “Now please leave.” Her eyes glanced at my fists and she noticed the shaking. “I will leave you with this reminder. Jake is my boyfriend and you will never take him from me.” I scoffed in her face. “And I’ll leave you with a reminder. The world does not revolve around you and I don’t want your fucking boyfriend. You can keep him and I hope that you have the life you deserve with him.” I sneered. “Now leave.” She stood before me, her face mere inches from my own. Her breath fanned against my face and I could smell alcohol. “And brush your fucking teeth when you get home. That’s disgusting.” Her hand immediately flew to her mouth before she stormed towards the door. She grabbed her purse from the hook but it got caught and instead of lifting it, she yanked it and the force pulled the board with the hooks off the wall. “Fuck you!” I yelled as she slammed the door behind her. “Now I have to clean this shit up.” 

A few hours later I had cleaned everything up and finished the rest of the house before pouring myself a glass of wine. Before I could even take my first sip my phone started ringing and as I lifted it, Jake’s name flashed across the screen. I slammed it down on the table and stared at it. I took a sip and was going to let it continue to ring, but decided to answer at the last second. “Hey, darlin’.” He said with a big smile and I propped my phone up. “We need to talk.” My voice was stern and it shocked him. “What happened to your nose? What’s going on?” He asked. “My nose doesn’t matter. If you wanted me gone Jake, you should’ve fucking told me. What did you just want a house sitter while you were gone? Just decided to wait till you came home to tell me to find somewhere else to live?” I snapped. “What are you talking about?” He asked, brows furrowing. “Don’t play dumb. Kelly told me how I was getting on your nerves and that I need to find somewhere else to live.” His eyebrows shot up and he leaned back slightly. “Woah! Hold on!” I shook my head. “No! You should’ve told me! If you want me gone, if you’re mad that I’m interrupting your alone time with your girlfriend, you should’ve told me!” I yelled out as I stood. “I can be reasonable if you’re honest with me! But dammit, Jake! I have spent so much of my life around lies, I can’t just let that go!” “Katie. Darlin’-” “Don’t fucking call me that.” I interrupted and he nodded. “Katie. I never lied to you and I never would. I don’t know what Kelly was saying, but I sent her over there to check on you.” 

“She sure checked in! Busted up in here and told me all about how I was wrecking your relationship and that I needed to find somewhere else to live, and how you’re her boyfriend and I will never steal you from her. Newsflash, I don’t fucking want you.” I snapped. Saying that to Kelly didn’t phase me, but saying it to Jake, that hurt. “Wait what?” He asked loudly. “Yeah. So you get your wish. I won’t be here when you get home.” I said. “No! Katie? Katie please!” He yelled as I stood up. “What?” If steam could be rolling out of my ears, I'm sure it would. I was shaking. I was so mad. But also upset. I should've known better than to hold out hope that this would work out. Nobody can handle you. You run every one off. “Darlin’, please. Don’t leave.” His eyes were misty as tears filled them and a part of me felt bad. “Please. Don’t leave.” Was he… begging? “Why shouldn’t I?” I asked. “Because whatever Kelly said, it’s a lie. I didn’t lie, she is.” I furrowed my brows. “You’re calling your own girlfriend a liar?” I asked, surprised. “Yes. Because she’s lying. I don’t want you to leave. Katie, if anything I never want you to leave. I’ve grown so used to having you in the house and I don’t want you to leave.” 

“Wh-why don’t you stay there and we’ll talk when I get home.” I sat back, huffing. “Jake-” “Katie. Please.” He said sternly. “Please, just stay.” My jaw tensed. “I will be here when you get home. But we are having a talk that day, no putting it off.” He nodded. “Good. Great!” He said. “But if I want to leave, you won’t stop me.” I said and his face fell. “If I stay we have to have a serious talk about what we’re gonna do moving forward because I am so fucking tired of assuming you’re angry with me everytime I turn around.” I said, tears of my own forming. “Katie, I’ve never been remotely angry with you.” He said and I sighed. “Let’s talk when you come home. I’m exhausted.” I said and he nodded. “Alright, darlin’. I’ll see you in four weeks.” He said. “Bye, Jake.” He barely said goodbye before I hung up and chugged the entire glass of wine. This was going to be a long four weeks. I thought before getting up and grabbing the bottle. “Might as well keep this nearby.” I muttered as I strolled over to the couch, flopping down on it. 

The following week was my therapy appointment and as soon as I sat down in Dr. Davis’ office, my leg was shaking. “I’m sorry I was late. I can’t seem to get myself together lately.” I said and she shook her head. “No! It’s okay, it was one minute!” She said but I couldn’t help but feel like she was actually upset with me. “Are you sure?” I asked. “I’m not upset or frustrated with you if that’s what you're asking.” She said. “Do you often feel like people are upset with you?” She asked and I nodded. “Let’s talk about that.” I explained everything, from my parents constantly being upset with me, to feeling like Jake is angry with me. We had started EMDR which was a little weird at first. My eyes were closed and I was tapping my knees in a steady rhythm, “I didn’t tell him why I thought he was mad.” She hummed and immediately I felt nauseous. “Are you okay?” She asked as I opened my eyes. “No, I feel nauseous.” She nodded, jotting some stuff down. “You seem to feel everything physically. The dizziness, the nausea.” She said and I took a few deep breaths, the nausea slowly subsiding.

“How do you feel about the situation with Jake now?” She asked. “It’s an eight.” She nodded. “Good! We started at a ten and we’ve already gotten it down to an eight! Just remember you may not feel like this is resolved until you talk to him.” I nodded. “Now, let’s talk about nursing school.” She said and I practically jumped in my seat. “Yes! I applied to three programs!” She smiled. “Good, which ones?” She asked and I told her. “Those aren’t very respected schools. Their graduation rates are low.” She said. “Yeah but… I struggle in school, a lot, and I think these are the only ones that will take me.” She shook her head and started writing. “I want you to apply to these two schools.” She said and handed me the paper. “San Diego State University, University of San Diego? These are the best schools in the city.” She nodded. “I don’t think I’ll get in.” She just smiled at me. “You’ll never know until you try.” She said and I stared at the paper. Once I apply to these two I will have applied to five. “What if I don’t get into any of them?” I asked. “Then we’ll figure out what to do in the meantime and if you want, you can apply again next year.” With that my session was over and I walked out to the truck, the paper clutched in my hand. Once I got in and got the air flowing I looked down at it. “She’s crazy to think I will get in.”

I set the paper down on the table when I got home. I couldn’t think about it right now, my mind was swirling between Jake, the Kelly issue and school. I decided to get lost in a book, I decided to open up Twisted Love. Maybe a little romance will make me feel better. I laid on the couch as I read and had wine and pizza for dinner. It took me a few days to work up the courage to apply and it was Bradley who convinced me too. “So why haven’t you applied?” He asked as I sat on the couch eating a sandwich. “What if I don’t get in?” I asked. “Sounds like a dumb reason to not apply.” He said, making me frown. “You think?” I asked and he nodded. “I know. You should apply! If they say no then you can always apply again next year.” He said and I sighed. “But what will I do if I don’t get in? I can’t just sit around and wait a whole year.” He chuckled. “We’ll figure something out. Why don’t you just do it?” He asked. “I guess I really don’t have a reason not to.” He nodded. “If anything, you have every reason to do it.” He was right. “Okay, I’ll do it once we get off the phone.” I said. “Just so you know, Jake has been pouting since your call.” He said and I giggled. “You haven’t told him?” I asked and he grinned at me. “Absolutely not. I’m enjoying this way too much.” He said. “Has he asked?” He nodded. “At least once a day, and when he realized I knew why you were mad he’s taken to practically begging me to tell him.” I giggled at his words. 

“Well I guess it’s almost time for you to go to bed.” He said as I yawned and then I nodded. “Yeah, but I’m gonna send in those two applications before I go to bed.” I said. “You sure you’re not too tired?” He asked and I nodded. “I’ll sleep better if I go ahead and send them in. They’ve been stressing me out every time I think about them.” I said. “Makes sense. Well I’ll let you send those in and I’ll call you next week.” He said. “Alright. Bye, Bradley.” I said and he waved before the call ended. I took a deep breath before going upstairs and going into Jake’s room. It smelled like him and always made me feel better. I snagged his laptop that he’s been allowing me to use and went downstairs. I sat on the couch for an hour sending these two in before I got ready for bed. I put Jake’s laptop back in his room and turned to leave but I stopped in the doorway. Smelling his cologne brought me comfort and I hadn’t been sleeping the best. Maybe I could just snag one of his shirts. I made my way to his dresser and opened the drawer, it was mostly boxers and socks so I closed it and opened the one below it. 

I found a burnt orange longhorn shirt and it smelled strongly of Jake. Is it weird for me to wear his shirt? “It’ll be washed and back in his drawer before he ever gets home.” I took the shirt into my room and slipped it on. I looked in my mirror and honestly, I looked good in his shirt and white thong. If Kelly ever found out she’d lose it, but who gives a fuck what she thinks anymore. I crawled into bed and grabbed my book again. I was about halfway through the book and was growing tired until I read the words, ‘On your knees.’ My face burned and I closed the book. “Did I just read that?” I had never read smut before and part of me felt embarrassed. The other part of me had to continue. So I opened the book back up and read on. My entire body was burning as I read and with the smell coming from the shirt I had on, I could only think of Jake and I. Specifically, Jake and I in this situation. An entire weekend hidden away to do nothing but explore each other’s bodies. “Oh my god.” I said, slamming the book shut. “I did not just think that.” I said before setting the book down and rolling over in bed. “I just have to put it out of my mind.” I muttered but it took forever to fall asleep, the ache between my legs was strong but finally I drifted off. But of course Jake was an ever present figure in my dream.

After that I couldn’t pick the book back up, so I started A Court of Thorns and Roses instead. But at this point I also couldn’t fall asleep without wearing Jake’s shirt, so all night his scent wafted around me and he was constantly in my dreams. It was about three days after I sent in the applications that I started receiving emails about the nursing programs. So far I was asked to come in and interview for two and as I prepared dinner, my phone dinged again with another email. I wiped my hands clean and picked up my phone. I opened the email and smiled, ‘Miss Blair, congratulations on moving on to the next stage of the application process. We would love to have you in for a panel interview next week to see if you would be a good candidate for our program.’ I squealed as I looked at the logo for San Diego State University. Between them, United States University and the University of San Diego, I had to get into one, right? I immediately sent an email to Bradley and Natasha in my excitement, but I asked them to keep it quiet. I wanted to email Jake so badly, but I was still so mad at him. I needed these few weeks to hurry by so I could get everything sorted out, but with all the dreams I’ve been having I don’t even know if I could look him in the eye anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @wkndwlff @alltimereverie @cherrycola27 @daisydaisygoose @rosiahills22 @deanoheartspie @cornishkat @high-speed-r @fogle97 @mygyn @ohgodnotagainn @emma8895eb @senjoritanana @kmc1989 @sandaltoesocks @mayhemmanaged @dempy @itsdesiree86 @sunderland-6 @jstarr86 @brooke-stinson @rachkon @topguncultleader @bethbunnyy @topgun-imagines @clancycucumber230 @seitmai @kkrenae @djs8891 @shanimallina87 @wildxwidow @eugene-emt-roe @hisredheadedgoddess28 @littlewhiterose @formulapierre @wade-wilsons-chew-toy @bethabear12 @halstead-severide-fan @gg-trini @memeorydotcom @schreksdoubledeckerhomechecker @inthestars-underthesun @praline357 @fanboyluvr @greaser9902

[fizzyxcustard]

Covert Eyes (23)

Prologue| Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6| Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22

Masterlist of fan fiction

Fandom: Spooks

Pairings: Lucas North x OC (Amy Holland)

Warnings: Stalking behaviour, anxiety, language, sexual references, angst, smut, heartbreak, gunshot wounds and recovery, abduction, hostage situation.

Summary: Lucas takes notice of a young woman, Amy, but his obsession and want to get to know her begin to spiral out of control. Amy is now working for MI-5, after being recruited by Ros. But will her involvement with Lucas cause even more problems and heartbreak?

When Amy's parents get involved, how will things pan out for Amy and Lucas?

Official soundtrack list:  here

Comments/Notes: If you wish to be tagged in any of my tag lists for fics or characters, please let me know, and stipulate what you want to be tagged in.

People who don't interact with my fics over a few months will be removed from tag lists.

Bright light burst into the room and the familiar voices of Ros and Jo broke through the shroud of silence that had formed in the room. Halos around their heads. Amy winced against the light…. 

As Amy lay in bed, waking, she saw Lucas’ outline, his form haloed by a bright light. He was in the doorway. Every time he stood in the doorway, the room dark, with only light from the hallway behind him, it took her back. It felt as if she were time travelling back to her time locked away with nothing by Simon Caulfield’s slimy words for company. 

Lucas limped into the room. She could hear his shouts in her mind as Simon Caulfield had put a bullet in his thigh merely seconds before Ros and Jo saved them. Then once they had both been released, Amy and Lucas had been in hospital overnight. They had been given their own private room due to the nature of their reasoning for being in hospital. 

Harry had given them both time off to recuperate, and offered counselling. Lucas, as he had done many times, politely rejected Harry’s offer. However, Amy knew that she would probably find herself fighting against the memories for some time. 

Lucas got into bed beside Amy, and studied her for a moment. There were dark circles beneath her eyes, but gradually they had begun to fade and the light in her eyes was starting to reappear. 

Amy curled her arm around his head, her fingers sifting through his short hair. He was literally her everything. 

***

Richard Holland held a small package in his hand, thinking back on the postman’s words that it had been sent first class but accidentally got lost at the depot, so was a week late. He ripped open the thick envelope finding a small stack of papers inside. On the top was a note, written in capital letters. 

RICHARD AND SHARON HOLLAND, 

THE ENCLOSED PHOTOGRAPHS ARE PROOF THAT LUCAS NORTH IS NOT WHO HE APPEARS TO BE. YOUR DAUGHTER IS IN DANGER. 

Richard felt his whole body grow cold at the sight of photos of Amy bound to a chair and blindfolded. Then further photographs showed Amy lying on the pavement in a pool of her own blood, next to another woman also shot. With Lucas standing over both of them, a gun in his hand. 

***

Amy and Lucas were still off work when the phone call came. Lucas was sat on the sofa with a mug of coffee, flicking through the channels, rolling his eyes at how shit day time TV was. Amy had been cleaning the kitchen; mundane tasks were enough to take her mind away from the thoughts of Simon Caulfield. The pain in her neck and back was fading day by day, but still enough to cause her grief and keep up a steady dose of painkillers. 

“Dad?” Amy asked. “Everything okay?” Amy sat down at the kitchen table and sighed, wincing at sharp stab of pain which shot through her neck. 

“I’m coming to fetch you, Amy. You’re not to stay with that bastard any longer!” Richard Holland demanded. “Your mum knew there was something behind the shooter; I know she was involved with Lucas. And I know you were took hostage last week.”

A rod of ice shot down Amy’s back and her heart raced in her chest. “D…Dad….what’s happened?” 

“I’m coming to London to get you. He better not be there when I come because I’ll kill the bastard!” Richard seethed. 

“Dad, please, stop it.” 

“No, I won’t stop it, Amy. I am not prepared to let him do this to you. It’s a good job your mum is at work and hasn’t seen the photos. I won’t let her see them.” 

“Who sent you the photos?” 

“It doesn’t matter who sent them. I’m coming to get you. Pack some things.” 

“Dad…please….”

Lucas could hear Amy’s pleas and hobbled into the kitchen. “Aim, what’s going on?” 

Richard growled down the phone line. “Trying to play the protector now, is he? He can fuck himself. He’d better not be there when I come and get you because I really will kill him…” 

Amy was weeping as her father disconnected the call. She held the phone in her shaking hand, until it finally fell from her grasp and hit the floor. “Dad knows!” she sobbed. “He’s got photos of me from last week and when I was shot. He’s coming to take me back to Coventry. I can’t leave.” 

Lucas’ breath caught in his throat. Everything he loved was slipping away, and for a few seconds he tried to grapple with some kind of rational thought. He knew he couldn’t fight this one; Amy’s father was right. Despite having not heard Richard’s side of the conversation, Lucas knew he was doing the right thing. Amy had to be safe. 

Amy dashed at Lucas, grabbing his shirt. She could see in his face that he was admitting defeat. 

“You need to go with him, Aim. They can keep you safe: I can’t,” Lucas said, his voice breaking. “I love you too much to let you keep being hurt. He’s doing this because he loves you, Amy. He fucking loves you…and so do I.” His voice finally broke. Tears fell down Lucas’ cheeks and he took Amy into his arms, holding her tight. “Go with him, angel. I can’t keep you safe anymore.” 

“You can,” Amy wept, looking up at him. “I want to be with you, Lucas. More than anything. Don’t push me away.” 

“I’m not pushing you away because I want to. Fuck. Can’t you see that? It’s because I love you more than anything that I’m doing this.” 

“If I do go, I’ll come back,” Amy argued. “They can’t make me stay.” 

Lucas smiled through the tears. “You are the bravest person I’ve ever met.” 

The next two hours were crippling as Amy packed two suitcases full of clothing. Lucas watched her from the doorway, knowing that letting her go was the only way to keep her safe. Amy belonged with her family who could be the stability she needed. “I am coming back,” Amy said defiantly, stopping for a second with a pile of underclothes in her hands. “I don’t intend on staying there for long.” 

“You’ll stay as long as you need to.” 

“I’m only doing this to please you and Dad for now, but I’ll be coming back,” Amy countered. She approached Lucas and lifted her hand, cupping his cheek. He kissed her palm, turning into her touch. Then suddenly he kissed her hard, catching her off guard. Heat mounted so high between them and within seconds, Lucas’ lips were trailing down Amy’s throat. 

They made love on the bed. It was like the very first time they had made love: intense, passionate, full of want. As Lucas came and then rested his head on her chest, he whispered, “I need to let you go.” 

“Lucas, no!” Amy whimpered. “Don’t you dare!”

Lucas got up from the bed, untangling himself from her and re-buttoned his shirt, and then pulled his jeans up, re-buckling his belt. 

“When we got back together, I should have known I wouldn’t be worth it,” Amy growled. “I’m never worth it, am I?” 

“You are worth everything!” Lucas shot back. His eyes were wide and his whole face was contorted in anger and frustration. “How the fuck can you say you’re not worth it? I’m doing this because I love you. I should have known better than ever bring you into any of this. I should have stayed away when I first saw you.” 

Amy choked as she heard those words and dropped to the bed. “You regret me….” 

“I would never regret you. I only regret that I caused you so much pain. Your dad won’t be too much longer, I don’t think.” He looked at the clock; Coventry was about a three hour drive away from London. It was now just after one in the afternoon and Richard had called at eleven. “Go with your dad. You are loved so much more than you could ever imagine. By all of us.” 

Lucas walked out of the room and picked up his keys in the hallway. 

Amy followed on behind, calling after him. 

Before Lucas left the flat, he kissed Amy hard one last time. “I adore you so much,” he choked. “Be happy, angel, but more important, be safe.” 

Amy sobbed on the doorstep as Lucas left. She watched his form walk down the hallway and out the main door into the street. Pain was ripping her so raw inside and in her own mind she knew that she could never give up on Lucas North completely. No matter what happened and what evil things were thrown at them. Their love would be stronger than any of it. 

***

Amy sat in her dad’s car as they drove back to Coventry. There was only silence and the gentle sway of the car as it swept along the motorway. Until Richard broke open the silence. “Fancy a coffee?” 

“Okay,” Amy whispered, her voice so hoarse after sobbing. Her cheeks were still vivid red and her eyes full of unshed tears. They threatened to fall at any moment. Just her dad’s kindness and soft voice made her want to cry all over again. Of course he was only protecting her; that had never been in dispute. That was all he and Lucas were doing. 

Richard slipped out of the car and headed into a Costa at a motorway service station. Rain was beginning to spit as dark clouds began to move in. Amy stared out of the window, her focus glued to the spot in front of her where a family were getting into their car. A dark haired man, accompanied by a blonde woman. A toddler and an older child, who looked to be around ten. They looked happy. 

The sound of the driver door opening snapped Amy back to reality and made her jump. Richard noticed his daughter’s shock and smiled sadly at her. “Here you go, love,” he said, offering her a large latte. “Extra shot of caramel.” Then he winked. 

As Richard started the engine, he sighed. “I’m sorry, Amy,” he said. “I’m only doing this for your good; you know that, don’t you? I know you love Lucas. But being with him is going to put you at risk.” 

“I know, Dad,” Amy said, her voice quiet. “I know you’re doing this to help me and because you love me.” 

“You might be a grown woman, but your mum and I would do anything for you, you know that. We want you safe. No matter how old your children get, your responsibility for them never stops.” 

The car was still stationary as Richard glanced across at Amy’s hands in her lap, and he noticed something dark around her wrist as her jumper sleeve had ridden up her arm. “Fucking hell,” he whispered. “Your wrists.” 

***

Lucas slammed the flat door as he walked back inside, knowing Amy would be gone by now. The silence was deafening, and a gasp came from the very back of his throat. She’d gone. Her room was tidy, but her diary from her bedside table was gone, along with her slippers and most of the toiletries from the bathroom. He opened her wardrobe, just to feel the pain of her departure even more. There were barely any clothes left. 

In the kitchen and Lucas slumped down on the floor, feeling the cold of tiles against his backside and thighs. Pain from the bullet wound shot down his leg, but he didn’t care. The pain couldn’t compare to that of letting Amy go. He pulled his phone from his jeans pocket and looked at the photo of them on his lock screen. She was his everything. Though the pain was excruciating, her very presence in his life had helped him to feel once more. All of the emotional and mental numbness he had felt since coming home from Russia, had been burned away by Amy Holland. She made him feel happiness, contentment, love, pleasure. But also pain. Pain seemed to be a constant in his life now, a permanent friend. 

***

Amy stepped into her parents’ house, feeling the wave of familiarity rush through her. The smell of a home she had left many years ago – it was still exactly the same. It hadn’t been that long since she and Lucas had been visiting for new year, but this was different. Today marked the day she would be staying for longer. Maybe until all of this blew over, and then she could be with Lucas again. So she hoped. 

“Your mum isn’t home yet, but I’ve burned the photos. I can’t let her see those. What happened, Amy? The truth, please,” Richard asked, his voice was low but firm. He had never been a demanding man, instead always being gentle with his daughters. But today had shown Amy just how fierce he really could be. “You know who sent those images, don’t you?” 

“It’s all secret information…”

“No, Amy! I won’t have that shit,” Richard growled. “Tell me. I don’t care if it’s top secret and a risk to national security, or whatever, you’re my daughter and I deserve to know what happened to you.” 

Amy stood in the kitchen and looked up at her dad who was waiting for an answer. He had his arms folded and his face was set in a straight expression. 

“The woman who shot me was Lucas’ ex and a CIA agent. She faked her death because she killed her boss and went on the run. Then she must have found out about me and Lucas, and tried to make me think he wasn’t really in love with me. And she collared us outside the café that morning and went to shoot Lucas, but I stopped her. And Lucas killed her.” 

Richard sighed and held his hand to his mouth. “Fucking hell, Amy.” 

“It was Sarah’s brother who took me hostage, wanting to get revenge on him. Apparently, the accomplice of Simon Caulfield was Sarah’s ex-husband; I was told that in the hospital. They went rogue together to get revenge on Lucas.” 

“And you were still prepared to stay with him after all this?” Richard asked, his eyes wide. 

“I love him,” Amy replied softly. Tears were falling down her cheeks again. “I’ve never loved anyone else like this, and he actually loves me back. For so long I never felt I’d ever find a man who could love me...”

“Oh, love,” Richard sighed. He took Amy into his arms and held her tight as she wept on him. Through tears, Richard looked up at the ceiling, asking in prayer for the strength to be what his daughter needed. 

Once Sharon was home from work, Richard explained the whole story to his wife. 

“Where are the photos, Rich?” Sharon asked. Her dark eyes were wide with shock and her hands were shaking. 

Amy was sat at the other end of the table, feeling as though her whole body was closed off. She hung her head, feeling ashamed of everything that had occurred. 

“It doesn’t matter about the photos. I got rid of them. I wasn’t letting you see them,” Richard replied. 

Sharon walked towards her daughter. She was slow and deliberate, and her gaze was locked on her daughter’s arms. Her skin was concealed by a thick jumper. Sharon leaned down and gently pushed the sleeve up on Amy’s left arm. “Oh, God,” she gasped, seeing black and purple bruising around Amy’s wrist. 

***

Follow Forever tag list: @lathalea @linasofia @xxbyimm @middleearthpixie @knittastically @meganlpie @asgardianhobbit98 @rachel1959 @luna-redamancy @mrsdurin @lemond57 @missihart23 @quiall321 @evenstaredits @catthefearless @glassgulls @sazzlep @heilith @court-jobi @absentmindeduniverse @albionscastle @for-fuck-sake-im-alive @bookworm-with-coffee @danzalladaggers @ourlonelymountain @phantomessangel @estethell @windb3ll @protosslady

#Lucas North #Richard Armitage #Spooks #MI5 #Lucas North x OC #Original Female Character #Fanfiction

[riding-with-the-wild-hunt]

fëanorian week day one ✷ maedhros

“Maedhros did deeds of surpassing valour, and the Orcs fled before his face; for since his torment upon Thangorodrim his spirit burned like a white fire within, and he was as one that returns from the dead.”

-JRR Tolkien, The Silmarillion, “Of the Ruin of Beleriand and the Fall of Fingolfin”

[ID: A picspam consisting of 16 images in dark orange and grey.

1: Mountains in the mist / 2: Several swords / 3: Black text on a grey background reading “you collect scars because you want proof that you are paying for whatever sins you have committed” / 4: George Hard, a model with curly red hair and many light brown freckles. He is looking towards the viewer with a neutral expression / 5: A winding stone staircase / 6: Books stacked up / 7: A drawing of hands at different angles / 8: A crater full of lava / 9: George Hard, shot from slightly below / 10: A row of columns / 11: An open metal trap / 12: A drawing of a sun with many lines radiating out / 13: A brown hawk diving / 14: Black text in all caps reading “you already know how this will end” / 15: Barbed wire / 16: Copper-colored armor /End ID]

#feanorianweek #edits with the wild hunt #maedhros #brought to you by me #the professor’s world #the silmarillion #elves elves elves #silmedit #tolkienedit #oneringnet #tolkiensource #fandomaesnet #sad disaster boys #mepoc #picspam #do we like this format?? i'm trying to branch out :) #described

[sircarolyn]

tagged by my friends @meluisart and @riversofmars

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

i have 181!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

297,205

3. What fandoms do you write for?

cabin pressure and doctor who mostly in the niche of gallifrey

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Somewhere in Space (199)

this is how i see you (178)

An (Un)expected Meeting (96)

the spark before the dark (come a little closer) (70)

Beneath the Milky Twilight (69)

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try my very best to but sometimes they fall through the cracks and i forget

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

idk, i do a lot of hurt and varying degrees of comfort. probably these would be my top three:

and you, my love, are gone

my heart is returned to sister winter (or any of the horrible hercolyn advent)

all of these bones, they get stacked so high

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

honestly don't know haha maybe the zurich au fic? maybe some of my early CP works? man, i just write melancholic, introspective one-shots. idk

8. Do you get hate on fics?

put it this way, i have fics with 0 hits so, no. i am in no way writing fics in fandoms that are popular and that is fine by me

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

write, yes. post, no. usually whatever my pairing of the week is, which is usually femslash

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

not really, i'm not really one for them. i've written a couple in my time but nothing recently that i can remember

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i refer you back to point 8. i am not even remotely relevant enough, nor do i write ling enough fics that anyone would ever consider stealing them

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nah, i'm too much of a control freak to not do it all myself. the closest i get is the vrcu <3

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

herc/carolyn. they are and always will be my everything. they are and always will be there for me. vaduz will always and forever be burned line for line into my brain

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

my fantasy CP au - that was so fun and lovely but i think it's lost to time alas

16. What are your writing strengths?

character. i feel i can get a good grasp on characters and write them convincingly

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

repetition, and in fic, editing (bc i never do). i think i have a tendency to get too introspective too

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

eh, whatever. i wouldn't do it myself

19. First fandom you wrote for?

warrior cats probably, or doctor who. i think warriors though lmao

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

can i give multiple?

the first one i think of is woke from a dream in which you'd left me, which is a post-canon counter-measures fic which turned into a beast. and literally no-one has read it and if i'm campaigning for you to listen to the series and you don't want spoilers, don't read it, but yeah. i like it. i acheived all my aims with it

the second is it's a wonder we keep going without you, which is a unity fic, though honestly looking at it my flowers for tardises series rocks and all those fics are great, especially the last two as well

i also have a fondness for hold me to the light, which is an arthur shappey fic and fits a lot of truths that i hold to be true about him in it

tagging @magicofthepen @theresa-of-liechtenstein @malcolm-f-tucker @stoppablethetramstory <3

#tagged whatnot

[achos-laazov]

In the interest of procrastination - I should be calling students' parents to introduce myself at the beginning of the school year; or alternatively clearing up supper

Here's Blaze's birth story

I had been having prodromal-type labor on and off for a week already. The 8th grade yearbook had to be in at the printer by 5pm Friday in order to have it at graduation. (I was also giving a math final that coming Tuesday that I hadn't made up yet.) So Thursday night, after I put the kids to bed, I sat down with my graphics laptop to work.

Of course, I was having random contractions. Ranging from 2 to 12 minutes apart, and pretty ignorable. Like maybe had to stop working for a couple of seconds at the peak.

At about 10:35pm, I called my husband home from night seder because I had a couple of contractions in a row that I couldn't ignore. His yeshiva is about a 40 minute drive away, so by the time he let his chavrusas know he was leaving and got home, it was around 11:30.

He watched me work for a bit, started putting up the cholent and cleaning up for Shabbos. After a bunch of contractions in a row that I couldn't sit through - I had to stand up and pace and breathe through them - he convinced me to call my midwife. I agreed to stop working and get into a warm bath and call her at about midnight.

(I still wasn't convinced that I was having the baby that night so I didn't put away my graphics stuff - just closed the laptop and stacked it on my tablet and pushed it to the back of the table.)

Anyway, I went upstairs and filled the bath, and called the midwife as I was getting in, around 12:20. She left to come to us.

Around 1:10am, my husband noticed the same car drive past our house for the second time so he went out to flag her down and point out that she could park in our driveway. She came up to my bathroom at 1:25ish.

I gave birth at 1:49am. I was mildly in denial that the baby was arriving right then - I thought I had another ten minutes at least - so I was not in the best position. That, coupled with the fact that he was facing posterior (and possibly a little broader than my others), meant that his shoulders got stuck for a second. I think. At least, it's the only one of my kids that I remember actively pushing to get the shoulders out.

I bled a lot right away so I couldn't sit and relax in the water for a bit like I did at my other waterbirths. The midwife and her assistant helped me out on to the toilet, and after some discussion, we decided I needed an IM pitocin shot, so that happened. Placenta took its merry time to come down, too, but nothing very crazy.

Baby was 7lb 14.8oz and 20.25" long.

Switching midwifery practices for this birth was the right choice. Even though I miss (most of) my old midwives, and this birth was not as smooth as past ones (see: stuck shoulders, IM pitocin), I felt much better about this one than the last.

With Chuck, I felt like the midwife was manipulating me to agree to interventions that may not have been necessary (but I can't know because of what she did at the time). She's the one I don't miss.

#blaze #birth story #my life #my kids #momblr #homebirth #waterbirth

[aestheticvoyage2023]

Day 48: Friday February 17, 2023 - “Photo Reel”

What my photo reel can say about how we navigated our day together:

7:08am - Stacking garages at sunrise. I may never sleep in ever again. 10:49am - Story time at the Library, shy in my lap.  Taking in the scene.  William starts school next week, so some good socialization should be useful.  I told William that Libraries are where all the books come from. He obviously had no clue we were coming to Story time for little babies instead of nap today! 11:15am - William is caught reading “Where is the Pirate?” to another little boy with a stuffed rat. Biggest cat in the room once he figured it out. 11:54am - Holy shit, did you know Peacocks can jump?! 12:05pm - When we go to the zoo we work our way back to the Elephants, and apparently Noon is a really great time to be here, because at least today, Noon was feeding time and all the elephants were right up to the gate and what do they eat?  Cucumbers.  Check that out William! 12:15pm - After seeing the elephants, I get William out to run around and see if he’ll go hit the elephant butt.  Today he came close - but did really enjoy watching the other little boys do it.  He can point out every animal on the big donor mural back there! Even the Ostrich! 12:28pm - “Want to go see the bearded dragons today?”  “YEAAAA!” 12:53pm. - Lunch time. Zoo Fries.  Dippa Dippa. Ice.  We both love this part of the day. 2:02pm - Somewhere during the hour long afternoon nap.   Audrie asked me to try to stretch the morning out and only do one nap.  I gave it my best shot!  I kept him awake until 1:30 when we started to drive home.  I pulled into Michaels Parking Lot as soon as he was out and took advantage of that time to get some work done, hotspotting into my email.  Time is a premium.  I look up into the mirror to see if he’s still asleep and saw the most precious little boy with his Uncle Louie and I thought he looked just about perfect. 3:43pm - Time outside laying on the grass playing with the ice cream truck, turned into a big whirling dervish Dog Wrestle where all three puppies practiced their best moves and defenses to see who would be king for the day, and in practiced fashion, Havarti wins.  Because Havyvys is the King of every day here at The Finca.   4:33pm - Toot Toot.  Time to go try to take a nap because this guy is asking for Thomas The Train.... or maybe he’s pretending to be an ice cream train.  Hard to say but I look at this picture now at the end of the day and can literally hear him saying “toot toot” 7:20 - Butter Noodles are served with Potatoes/Ranch Dippa, and Cucumbers (like the elephants eat).  It took some wild coaxing (I know that was a lot of french fries dude but that was literally six hours ago!).  Even Mama couldnt coax him to eat over facetime.  Finally I got serious.  “What do you want to watch while you eat? Dora?”  “HOCKEY!”  Seriously? OK!  I found the Spartans playing Wisconsin, and William clapped and said “Lets Go Blues” and ate his dinner.  Sometimes something works and I have no clue why.  Like what kind of cheat code was that?! 7:45pm - Play time in the great room to wind down and digest that food.  Get your wiggles out running that truck transporter up and down the bench seat.  That truck transporter is early front runner for toy of the year. 7:53 -”What are you playing with there buddy?” - “Mama on the airplane.”  Now thats a heart melter.   “Mama flying the airplane? While the pilot rides?”   “Yea!” “Is that why it never leaves the ground?”   “Yea!” 8:13pm - Tubby time.  He really doesn’t like getting his hair washed.  Really its the rinse that gets him.  He’s taken to playing with the rinse bucket so that I can’t sneak up on him with it.  This kid really loves his nightly tubby time though, especially since we add the blocks to make a boat out of for Ernie and Cookie, and bubbles that smell so nice.  Its a great positive kickoff to bedtime routine and I am so glad he enjoys it and its not a fight.  I suppose we can thank mama and all those early bath times for that!  Writing about it now reminds me of how funny he was when we’d lift him up and out of the bath as a little baby.  Such great memories. 9:14pm: 15 hours after it started, almost exaclty, the day was done. Sure I had to come back in and reassure him the standard few times, but I called it with a photo at 9:14.  The bed time routine went fine.  He didn’t want to get out of the tub, and so got shivery cold as he brushed his teeth and I held him tightly in front of the mirror.  I moved him to the changing table where I combed his hair real nice with a part to the left (my favorite part of the routine), then lotioned him, added a diaper, and put on his lucky “No Wake Zone” pajamas - we might need these tonight after Mama had me take out the morning nap!  Then we read 4 books (Heads, Goodnight Hockey, Love In The Wild, and First 100 Trucks), while he ate a Peach Squeezy yogurt, the only one he’ll take these days.  He sucked it dry in about 2 minutes.  I should time him one of these days, but its very efficient. I suppose all that practice with the nipple raised a superstar squeezy sucker.  We put on the sleep sack, said goodnight to the dogs and everything else we passed along the way (elmo chair, monkey, baseball, hockey game on tv). He took some ibuprofen for his teeth, chased with some icewawa, looked at me and said “Bop” - Kenny Chesney, Nick Mulvey, Renee & Jermey, Sleep Sounds, Thunderstorm.   Bop goes the weasel and finally on the third of fourth try I had him down to stay and I snuck out.  Finally time for a break.  Turned the salt lamp up, stole a pic - the best one of the day.  The trophy prize - a happy healthy sleeping baby right on time at the end of a successful day where I planned my work and I work my plan.  The picture, at 9:14pm, of successful Dad Day.

Song:  Kid Cudi - Pursuit of Happiness

Quote:  “Listen to me son, I’ll tell you why your father is strong; Because he can still say ever single day, he’s yearning to belong. Yearning to belong, Yearning to belong,  My heart beats with a ceaseless longing of a yearning to belong In spite of myself, and all of these nursery songs My heart beats with a ceaseless, meets with a peaceless burning to belong”

~Nick Mulvey, CuCuRuCu   

[concerthopperblog]

Gearing Up for Goose's Capitol Theatre Run & Summer Tour 2024!

Goose, a jam/psychedelic rock band from Wilton, CT., is getting ready for an eventful year in 2024 that all starts with a highly anticipated four-night run at The Capitol Theatre in Port Chester, N.Y. A little over a month after this four-night run, Goose’s Summer Tour 2024 kicks off by headlining the inaugural Solshine Music & Arts Revue at Three Sisters Park in Chillicothe, IL. (May 24-25). FYI – Orebolo (featuring Rick, Pete, and Jeffrey of Goose) is also on this stacked lineup. ICYMI: Orebolo and the legendary Sturgill Simpson made some very happy music fans at this year’s Dead Ahead Music Festival in Rivera Cancun, Mexico when they performed “Breakers Roar”, a song from Sturgill’s Grammy Award-winning 2016 album, A Sailor’s Guide to Earth. Seeing this kind of creative collaboration with some of my favorite artists solidifies the reasons why I love music so much. For those who know me personally, anytime that I get to bring up Sturgill Simpson in any shape or form, I am taking that shot 10 out of 10 times. But I digress.

So far, the Summer Tour 2024 will conclude on June 30th at Westville Music Bowl in New Haven, CT. Along the way, Goose will complete some epic multiple-night runs: a two-night run at The Factory in St. Louis, MO., a two-night run at Fiddler’s Green Amphitheatre in Greenwood Village, CO., a three-night run at The Fox Theatre in Atlanta, GA., and a two-night run at Thompson’s Point in Portland, ME. Tickets for the Summer Tour 2024 are still on sale with some good seats available at various locations. In addition, one dollar for each ticket sold for the Summer Tour 2024 will be donated to Greenpeace. Sadly, The Capitol Theatre run has long been sold out, but you can still find some tickets for sale through verified resale markets like cashortrade.org.

Goose consists of Rick Mitarotonda (guitar/vocals), Trevor Weeks (bass), Peter Anspach (keyboards/guitar/vocals), Jeff Arevalo (percussion/vocals), and newly added Cotter Ellis (drums). Last year was an extensive year of touring for Goose, although Goose and founding member Ben Atkind (drummer) mutually parted ways after their annual Goosemas celebration in Hampton, VA. After a few months of speculation between the fans as to who would be chosen to sit behind the drum kit, Goose announced the addition of ex-Swimmer drummer Cotter Ellis. And to the fan’s surprise, Goose also released Ted Tapes II on multiple streaming platforms. This jam session would be the first with Cotter on the drums and let me tell you this jam session is something special right here. So, knowing that information, this tour is a DO NOT MISS! Which tour date will you see Goose during the Summer Tour 2024?

So far here are the announced tour dates for Goose in 2024:

APR 7, 2024

The Capitol Theatre

Port Chester, NY

cashortrade

sold out

 APR 8, 2024

The Capitol Theatre

Port Chester, NY

cashortrade

sold out

 APR 9, 2024

The Capitol Theatre

Port Chester, NY

cashortrade

sold out

 APR 10, 2024

The Capitol Theatre

Port Chester, NY

cashortrade

sold out

  MAY 24, 2024 - MAY 26, 2024

Solshine: A Music & Arts Reverie

Chillicothe, IL

tickets

 JUN 4, 2024

The Factory

St. Louis, Mo

vip

tickets

 JUN 5, 2024

The Factory

St. Louis, Mo

vip

tickets

 JUN 7, 2024

Fiddler's Green Amphitheatre

Greenwood Village, CO

vip + travel

tickets

 JUN 8, 2024

Fiddler's Green Amphitheatre

Greenwood Village, CO

vip + travel

tickets

JUN 10, 2024

Steelhouse

Omaha, NE

vip

tickets

 JUN 11, 2024

The Midland Theatre

Kansas City, Mo

vip

tickets

 JUN 12, 2024

Everwise Amphitheater at White River State Park

Indianapolis, IN

vip

tickets

 JUN 14, 2024

Northlands Music & Arts Festival

Swanszey, NH

tickets

 JUN 15, 2024

CMAC

Canandaigua, NY

vip

tickets

 JUN 16, 2024

Jacobs Pavilion at Nautica

Cleveland, OH

vip

tickets

 JUN 18, 2024

Red Hat Amphitheater

Raleigh, NC

vip

tickets

 JUN 20, 2024

Fox Theatre

Atlanta, GA

vip + travel

tickets

 JUN 21, 2024

Fox Theatre

Atlanta, GA

vip + travel

tickets

 JUN 22, 2024

Fox Theatre

Atlanta, GA

vip + travel

cashortrade

 JUN 23, 2024

Skyla Credit Union Amphitheatre

Charlotte, NC

vip

cashortrade

 JUN 25, 2024

Thompson’s Point

Portland, ME

vip + travel

tickets

 JUN 26, 2024

Thompson’s Point

Portland, ME

vip + travel

tickets

 JUN 28, 2024

Mann Center for the Performing Arts

Philadelphia, PA

vip + travel

tickets

 JUN 29, 2024

Forest Hills Stadium

Forest Hills, NY

vip + travel

tickets

 JUN 30, 2024

Westville Music Bowl

New Haven, CT

tickets

vip

If you have followed Concerthopper and my blog in the past, then you may have read some of the previous reviews of the band Goose: Goose: Sold Out at The Eastern (Night 1) (2021), Goose: Two Nights at Pullman Hall! (2022), and Spring Tour 2023: Goose Live @ Georgia Theatre (2023). Get your Goose fix at Concerthopper.com!

Curious about Concerthopper? You can find more music-related articles, interviews, various photo galleries, indie music reviews, our ‘Bars & Bites’ section, our exclusive “She Said, She Said” column, or become a Concerthopper at www.concerthopper.com. Sign up for our monthly newsletter by following this link: The Setlist! Please ‘Like’ our page on Facebook and follow us on Instagram to stay up to date in 2023, on all music-related events/festivals such as High on Fire: Live at The Senate (Columbia), Rickshaw Billie’s Burger Patrol w/ NAW & Pretty Please @ The Earl, SESSANTA: Primus, Puscifer, & A Perfect Circle: Live at Ameris Bank Amphitheatre (Atlanta),  Earthless w/ Minami Deutsch at The Earl, Shoot For The Moon Tour: Sierra Ferrell Live at The Eastern, Seasons World Tour 2024: Thirty Seconds to Mars & AFI Live at MidFlorida Credit Union Amphitheatre, Mr. Bungle: Live at The Tabernacle, Ashes of Leviathan Tour: Mastodon & Lamb of God @ Ameris Bank Amphitheatre, An Evening with Goose (Night 3) @ The Fox Theatre (Atlanta), The Deathless Tour: Set It Off w/ Crown the Empire, Caskets, and Death By Choice Live at Water Street Music Hall (Rochester), Least Anticipated Album Tour: A Day To Remember @ Outer Harbor Live at Terminal B, S.E.R.P.E.N.T. Festival w/ SLASH, Larkin Poe, ZZ Ward, and Robert Randolph – Live @ The Orion Amphitheater (Huntsville), Doyle & Otep Live at The Ranch (Ft. Myers), Leftover Salmon, The Infamous Stringdusters, & The Kitchen Dwellers: Live at The Eastern (Atlanta), Weedeater w/ Telekinetic Yeti & Restless Spirit: Live @ Grantski Records, Blackout Tour Pt. 2: From Ashes to New Live @ Water Street Music Hall (Rochester), RUCKUS! Tour 2024: Movements Live at Water Street Music Hall, We Legalized It 2024: Cypress Hill Live at Tabernacle, King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard: Live at The Fox Theatre (Atlanta), The Godmode Tour: In This Moment Live @ Landmark Theatre (Syracuse), Pallbearer w/ Rwake & The Keening @ The Masquerade (Atlanta), and King Dunn Tour: Live at The Masquerade by following us on all social media formats: Concerthopper on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.  You can also follow my concert hopping on Facebook and Instagram.

#2024 #goose #Concerthopper #Concert #Concert Preview #concert photography #photography #indie #Rock 'n' Roll #Jam #Indie Rock #preview #Atlanta #the fox theatre #georgia

[billiardgods]

New Post has been published on Billiard Gods

New Post has been published on https://www.billiardgods.com/pv-pool-draw-shots-bridge/

(PV) Pool Video - Pool Draw Shots - Over and Under the Bridge

(About the author of the Billiard Gods books)

Howdy folks, here is this week’s

Cool Pool Learning Video.

This video is created by an enthusiastic pool player to help other players.

Please send this to your friends who can benefit. Enjoy!

Billiard Gods Pool Videos

.

Books to Expand Pool Knowledge

.

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[masterofd1saster]

CJ current events 26oct23

San Francisco poster child

A homeless convicted child sex offender has set up camp near a San Francisco Catholic school and public library — along with large signs offering “free fentanyl” for new users and “meth for stolen items.” Joseph Adam Moore, 46, was imprisoned for six years for sex crimes, having molested a 12-year-old girl — and was accused of having sex with a 15-year-old girl just a month after getting out of prison, according to records obtained by the San Francisco Standard. The sex offender has also been arrested five times since 2007 for failing to notify authorities of his address as a sex offender, according to the outlet. He is now living in a tent on Ninth Avenue near the Stella Maris Academy and the Richmond District library — with photos showing hand-written signs saying “Meth for stolen items” and “free fentanyl 4 new users.” “It’s not a joke,” Moore told the San Francisco Chronicle of the drug signs while confirming he was a registered sex offender.***

Cal DoJ via https://nypost.com/2023/10/19/homeless-sex-offender-camped-near-san-fran-school-with-free-fentanyl-sign

***

you're prefer fixed, flanking enfilading, but this'll work

A Washington homeowner fired multiple shots and scared off a group of three armed burglars attempting to kick down the front door while pretending to be Seattle officers, police said. Shocking surveillance video from Thursday morning shows three masked men arriving at a home on 117 PL SE, in Auburn. The suspects could be seen using their jackets and gloves to avoid touching the screen door directly as one of them yells, “Seattle Police.” Another suspect, dressed in a gray hoodie and sweatpants, then proceeds to try and kick the front door down, with an accomplice, dressed in all dark colors, helping him. When the door refuses to budge, the men take turns ramming it with their shoulders. As they continue to fail, a gunshot can be heard from inside the house.*** https://nypost.com/2023/10/19/homeowner-fires-at-armed-burglars-pretending-to-be-seattle-police

video - https://twitter.com/i/status/1715112092754382870

***

What happens when NGOs and gov't agencies make fat stacks from homelessness?

***dispute began in September 2021, when Seattle-based Unico paid $61.2 million for the five-story building. 7-Eleven had been a tenant for 11 years by that time. Within months of buying the property, Unico began complaining of problems there. “Over the last several weeks, one person has overdosed in front of the premises, a stabbing suspect fled into the premises, a partially clothed man slept in front of the store, a family slept outside (it), and an exterior window was shattered,” Unico’s property manager, Maria Clark, wrote to 7-Eleven’s corporate office near Dallas in August 2022. That letter, like others cited in this article, was attached as an exhibit to 7-Eleven’s lawsuit and obtained by BusinessDen from Denver District Court in a records request. Clark’s letter included 91 photos taken outside the 7-Eleven last year. Many showed transient people, but others displayed clean sidewalks and a presentable storefront. Those photos, according to Unico, were taken between January and April 2022 — when 7-Eleven was closed. To Unico, this was proof that 7-Eleven was attracting trouble, not a passive victim of it. So, Unico began billing 7-Eleven for the two full-time security guards and one part-time day porter that it hired at 1755 Blake St. The convenience store paid $20,000 to Unico under protest in December, then refused to pay another $54,000 that Unico demanded in March.*** https://www.denverpost.com/2023/10/19/7-eleven-homelessness-denver-lawsuit/

***

What's up, doc?

A beloved nursing student in Michigan was kidnapped and killed by her abusive ex-boyfriend, a doctor — who shot her in the head in Illinois and then took his own life in Iowa after first calling his parents. Gina Nicole Bryant, 25, a student at the University of Michigan-Flint, was killed by Dr. Justin Wendling, 26, of Holly, Michigan, at a gas station in La Salle, Illinois, on Oct. 13, the Macomb County Sheriff’s Office said.*** La Salle Detective Sgt. Brian Camenisch confirmed that Wendling, a medical resident at Ascension Genesys Hospital in Grand Blanc Township, “was responsible for the homicide based on our investigation,” the Detroit News reported. ​Bryant was reported missing on Oct. 12 after co-workers grew concerned when she did not return to work as a medical assistant after her lunch break and they began receiving odd messages from her phone, the Macomb County Sheriff’s Office said.*** “Tragically, surveillance video and witnesses from a truck stop in LaSalle, Ill., confirmed that the suspect had shot and killed the victim at approximately 12:00 a.m. on 10/13/2023,” the sheriff’s office said. “The suspect then fled to Bettendorf, Iowa. It was reported to the MCSO that as local officers approached the vehicle, the suspect shot and killed himself,” police added. Bryant had lived with Wendling in​ Grand Blanc Township after they began dating 11 months ago, her oldest sister, Angelica Gintner, told the Detroit News. In late September, Bryant’s mother and sister moved her out of the apartment after she told them that Wendling had been abusing her for months, according to the outlet.*** https://nypost.com/2023/10/19/nursing-student-shot-dead-by-doctor-ex-who-then-kills-self

***

finally caught him

Newly released surveillance footage shows the moment the violent felon accused of murdering tech CEO Pava LaPere was cornered after a desperate 11-day manhunt. Jason Billingsly, 32, could be seen sitting under an awning at Bowie train station in Maryland with an unidentified man on Sept. 30 — days after police warned that he was someone who “will kill and he will rape.” He’d been hunted even before the battered body of LaPere, 26, was found on Sept. 25, having been accused of the Sept. 19 rape of a woman who was then set on fire along with her boyfriend. After being spotted at the station, Billingsly had a spotlight shone on him as US marshalls appeared across the tracks, with one aiming a rifle at the suspect, the footage first obtained by the Baltimore Banner shows. Both Billingsly and the man with him immediately raised their arms to surrender.*** The arrest marked the end of a long manhunt for the 6-foot-4, 305-pound suspect who had been released on mandatory supervision after completing a rape sentence less than one year ago. Investigators applied for search warrants on Sept. 20, hours after he was accused of the “targeted” gunpoint rape of woman who was set on fire along with a man who was with her.*** https://nypost.com/2023/10/20/video-shows-arrest-of-pava-laperes-suspected-killer/

***

Good!

Hollywood star Alec Baldwin could soon face fresh charges in connection to the fatal Rust shooting almost exactly two years ago as New Mexico prosecutors seek to present new evidence to a grand jury.

The announcement represents a dramatic reversal after prosecutors dropped their involuntary manslaughter case against Baldwin earlier this year. On Tuesday, they said “additional facts have come to light” following an “extensive” investigation they carried out in recent months.*** “After extensive investigation over the past several months, additional facts have come to light that we believe show Mr. Baldwin has criminal culpability in the death of Halyna Hutchins and the shooting of Joel Souza,” special prosecutors Kari Morrissey and Jason Lewis said in a statement reported by Deadline. “We believe the appropriate course of action is to permit a panel of New Mexico citizens to determine from here whether Mr. Baldwin should be held over for criminal trial.”*** https://www.breitbart.com/entertainment/2023/10/17/alec-baldwin-facing-possible-new-charges-over-rust-shooting-as-new-mexico-prosecutors-revive-case

***

Good column by a Jew arguing for free speech by antisemites

Takes guts.

***

that's bad

DETROIT, Mich – Prominent Detroit synagogue president Samantha Woll has been found dead outside of her home, police said. Her body was found with multiple stab wounds early Saturday morning, along with a trail of blood that led from the suspected crime scene to Woll’s home, the Detroit News reported. There’s no apparent motive for the deadly attack, according to police.*** https://davebondydigital.com/2023/10/21/detroit-jewish-synagogue-president-found-dead-outside-her-home/

***

This is part of why I scaffold your writing assignments.

***

think before writing headlines

***

You hate 83 people?

An off-duty pilot is charged with 83 counts of attempted murder after he allegedly tried to shut off the engines by pulling the fire extinguisher handles on an Alaska Airlines flight, according to officials. The plane was scheduled to fly from Everett, Washington, to San Francisco before it diverted late Sunday to Portland after a "credible security threat related to an authorized occupant in the flight deck jump seat," the airline confirmed to ABC News. The suspect allegedly tried to pull the fire extinguisher handles on the engines, preliminary information obtained by investigators indicated, according to a federal official briefed on the probe. The suspect was overwhelmed by flight crew and subdued and then handcuffed to a seat, the federal official told ABC News. The suspect, Joseph David Emerson, was taken into custody, the Port of Portland confirmed. Emerson is charged with 83 counts of attempted murder, according to the Multnomah County Sheriff's Office. He is also facing 83 counts of reckless endangerment, a misdemeanor, and one felony count of endangering an aircraft.*** https://abcnews.go.com/US/alaska-airlines-flight-diverted-after-credible-security-threat/story?id=104223059

***

after Tues

FAA & airlines prohibit taking benadryl

The off-duty pilot accused of trying to bring down an Alaska Airlines flight told investigators he took psychedelic mushrooms 48 hours prior to the incident, had been depressed, and believed he was experiencing a mental breakdown, authorities said. The off-duty pilot — Joseph Emerson, 44, of California — has since been charged with more than 80 counts of attempted murder, and the FBI is investigating whether he was under the influence when he tried to shut down the plane's engines while sitting in the cockpit of Sunday's flight from Everett, Washington, to San Francisco, officials told NBC News.***https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/off-duty-alaska-airlines-pilot-who-allegedly-tried-to-shut-down-engines-may-have-been-taking-mushrooms/ar-AA1iMjlR

***

You won't mind if we shoot you....

Jareh Sebastian Dalke, 31, of Colorado Springs, pleaded guilty today to six counts of attempting to transmit classified National Defense Information (NDI) to an agent of the Russian Federation (Russia). According to court documents, from June 6, 2022, to July 1, 2022, Dalke was an employee of the National Security Agency (NSA) where he served as an Information Systems Security Designer. Dalke admitted that between August and September 2022, in order to demonstrate both his “legitimate access and willingness to share,” he used an encrypted email account to transmit excerpts of three classified documents to an individual he believed to be a Russian agent. In actuality, that person was an FBI online covert employee. All three documents from which the excerpts were taken contain NDI, are classified as Top Secret//Sensitive Compartmented Information (SCI) and were obtained by Dalke during his employment with the NSA. On or about Aug. 26, 2022, Dalke requested $85,000 in return for all the information in his possession. Dalke claimed the information would be of value to Russia and told the FBI online covert employee that he would share more information in the future, once he returned to the Washington, D.C., area. Dalke subsequently arranged to transfer additional classified information in his possession to the purported Russian agent at Union Station in downtown Denver. Using a laptop computer and the instructions provided by the FBI online covert employee, Dalke transferred five files, four of which contain Top Secret NDI. The other file was a letter, which begins (in Russian and Cyrillic characters) “My friends!” and states, in part, “I am very happy to finally provide this information to you. . . . I look forward to our friendship and shared benefit. Please let me know if there are desired documents to find and I will try when I return to my main office.” The FBI arrested Dalke on Sept. 28, moments after he transmitted the files.*** https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/former-nsa-employee-pleads-guilty-attempted-espionage

***

when you don't prosecute crimes

U.S. Postal Service letter carriers from across Metro Denver rallied at the Aurora Main Post Office on Tuesday to raise awareness for increasing assaults and robberies and to call for more federal prosecution of the crimes. About 30 letter carriers stood outside the post office Tuesday night, listening to state and national union leaders and chanting “Enough is enough!” The Colorado State Association of Letter Carriers has tracked 10 assaults and robberies on metro-area letter carriers in 2023, President Richard Byrne said Tuesday, up from two cases reported to the group in 2022. Byrne, a letter carrier in Greeley, said people who commit crimes against federal employees should face federal charges.*** Denver letter carrier Ken Deuel worked for the Postal Service for 30 years before he was robbed and shot at during his regular route in South Park Hill in January.*** Assaults and robberies of letter carriers have sharply increased in the last decade, according to the Associated Press, with nearly 500 postal carriers robbed in the United States in 2022. “I took an oath to protect the sanctity of the mail, and now they’re like ‘Don’t worry about it, if you’re getting robbed, let them take whatever they want,’” Deuel said.*** “Every postal employee deserves to work in safety and to be free from targeting by criminals seeking to access the public’s mail,” Boxrud said. “In an increasingly challenging environment, the USPS and the United States Postal Inspection Service are highly focused on protecting postal employees and property and ensuring the secure delivery of the nation’s mail and packages.”

Why not "Every human deserves to work in safety and to be free from targeting by criminals?"

***

Sad

LEWISTON, Maine -- At least 16 people have been killed and dozens of others injured in shootings in Lewiston, Maine, two law enforcement officials told The Associated Press. The shootings happened Wednesday evening at a bar and bowling alley.*** At least 10 people were killed Wednesday in shootings in Lewiston, Maine, and the death toll is expected to rise, two law enforcement officials told The Associated Press. *** Police were searching for the man who opened fire Wednesday at two locations in the Maine city.*** Lewiston Police said in an earlier Facebook post that they were dealing with an active shooter incident at Schemengees Bar and Grille and Sparetime Recreation, a bowling alley.*** https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/police-active-shooter-lewiston-maine-investigating-multiple-scenes-104319509

(Androscoggin County Sheriff’s Office via AP) https://www.marinij.com/2023/10/25/at-least-16-dead-in-maine-shooting-and-dozens-injured-law-enforcement-officials-tell-ap/

Robert Card. https://www.breitbart.com/2nd-amendment/2023/10/25/suspect-sought-connection-maine-shootings-robert-card/

[pick-em-pool]

WEEK 17

EVERYONE, Don't PANIC 🚨🚨🚨 But we only have ONE MORE WEEK 🤯 to crown a CHAMPION 👑 of the 3rd annual Pick-Em-Pool tournament of stars ⭐⭐⭐ It's a new year, new you, and anyone can win some MONEYYYYY 🤑🤑🤑 We're giving out cash prizes for 1st place, 2nd place, 3rd place, and 10th place, so DON'T despair if you don't have a shot at the TITLE 💲💲💲 I know for me my New Year's resolution is to get a little bit of cash 😎 let's see how our contestants stack up heading into the final week.

VAL - 12 POINTS

LOTS of excellent picks this week from people, and none more so than Val, who called both the Pittsburgh and Jacksonville upsets 🔥🔥 Everyone is proud of our future Law & Order costar. A reliable source tells me that upon passing the BAR exam Val's New Year's resolution is to become a lobbyist in Pennsylvania focused on marriage reform law. She hopes one day to legally wed her one true love - Rocky 🐕 The reliable source is me after I saw her lick Rocky's leftover Crème Brulee bowl 🤢 I wouldn't even do that with a HUMAN, much less Rocky "The Thong Thief" Daigneault!

JULIETTE - 12 POINTS

The cactus choir singer proves to be a wildcard YET AGAIN 🃏🃏🃏 putting up a stellar 12 points heading into the final week 🏁 will she be able to navigate her way into that 10th place spot, and earn some closing cash? 🤔 I don't think she's going to grab first place, that would be too "mainstream" for her 🧔 After getting the CD player, our little hipster is looking into everything "you've probably never heard of". her search history is rather telling:

GABBY - 12 POINTS

Our current leader has herself a vice-grip on FIRST PLACE heading into the final week 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ Will she be the first person to dethrone the mighty Janie??? I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE. Gabby's New Year's resolution is to roll the dice and see if she can WIN some money! She didn't actually make it home with me, I think she is still rolling craps dice at the Venetian right now. She doesn't know how to play craps 😬 but she does know that drinks at the Venetian are free, and she's moving in 🏠🏡🏚🏘

RUSTY - 12 POINTS

Another rock-solid performance puts Rusty squarely into second place with a fair shot at the title 🏆 a HUGE change from last year's last place performance! How has he moved from worst to best in almost a year?! 😱 If I'm him, my New Year's resolution is to just try everything I'm bad at again, see if I can just suddenly become the BEST somehow.

Faceplanted wakeboarding last year? Triple backflip incoming

Bad vegetarian cook? Michelin Stars coming your way

Can't do a backflip? See you at the cirque du soleil

JANIE - 11 POINTS

Janie and Peyton are locked in a cage match for that final 3rd place spot 🥊🥊🥊 who is going to win the brawl and emerge with some MOOLAH? 💸💸💸 That's going to be much needed after hosting a 6'13" boyfriend and a human garbage disposal husband for 3 weeks. I think Janie's New Year's resolution should be to just toss Peyton and Logan a 60 lb bag of lentils when they arrive and call it a day before they eat all her food and start gnawing on her furniture 🍔🍕🍖🍗

PEYTON - 11 POINTS

Does Peyton have the heart to CRUSH Janie this week and take the third place spot for himself??? 😫 I'm not sure, but if I'm him I'm going to 'strategically' miss a couple more games than usual this week 🤐 or I might find myself run over by a vintage Mercedes that was "lost" on the disc golf range by an anonymous mother heading to pick up her daughter from swim practice 🏎🏎🏎

ABBY - 9 POINTS

With another 9 point finish, our beloved blondie holds the ignominious title of "LAST PLACE" going into the final week of the season 😭😭😭 If I'm Abby making my New Year's resolution, I'm expanding my boyfriend pool. Don't drop Brady! He's great for many things:

Tall

Dark

Handsome

Valentine's date

Fun as heck

But Abby needs a BUB - a Back-Up-Boyfriend 👨👨👨 Someone that's going to score more than 9 points a week and get her that DUB 🥇🥇🥇🥇 she can store him in the closet when he's not making any picks 💼💼💼

JJ - 9 POINTS

A tough week DROPs JJ out of the money and into 4th place for this week. EVERYTHING rides on his final round of picks 😨 can he scrape together enough points to win some cash?!?! 😳😳😳 For my man JJ, I have to recommend a New Year's Resolution: He needs a pair of glasses! 👓👓👓 I don't know why he won't go see the eye doctor with his terrible vision 🤷‍♀️ I even hear him around the house shouting I WANNA KNOW. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE RAIN??? Glasses could fix that my man!!!

Alright people, thank you all for another wonderful football season 🏈🏈🏈 Nothing is certain so make you FINAL picks and get ready to win some MONEY 💰💰💰💰 LAST ONE FAST ONE

[your-turn-to-role]

so, since i've failed at getting into c3 so far (i've tried, it's just yet to be my kind of story), i've decided in lieu of my liveblogging, each week i will be posting a one sentence summary of the episode based exclusively on what everyone on my dash is freaking out about, regardless of how relevant it is to the episode!

the list so far:

episode 3 - bertrand is fucking dead

episode 4 - s h a d o w b a k e r (who is 100% Not Essek)

episode 5 - "pretend that this is kith and kin, because both liam and i forgot to bring it-" "-both promised to bring it-" "-both forgot!"

epiosde 6 - 🎵 HEY THERE DELILAH WHAT'S IT LIKE IN LAUDNA'S BRAIN🎵

episode 7 - revenge of chetney chocolatecane poc o pea!

episode 8 - dorian's brother is a himbo

episode 9 - moon lore just dropped??

episode 10 - i think the party intimidated their way out of a problem but it's hard to tell because there's a shadowgast time loop au now

episode 11 - my whole dash is one art of the nightmare king, chetney is a werewolf, and matt's figured out how to counterturtle!

episode 12 - is it marwa time i think it's marwa time

episode 13 - ~masquerade ball~

episode 14 - everyone forgot that dorian wasn't a permanent cast member and they would like him to stay pls??

bonus one shot! - how many horses can one party stack!

episode 15 - no dorian :(

but also we're bell's hells now motherfuckers

episode 16 - mind condom

episode 17 - laudna in tlovm confirmed

episode 18 - imogen's blue now. that's her attack.

thursday 31st march - we've had first exu what about second exu?

episode 19 - one gold and a lime

episode 20 - new nordvpn, laura has new hair, and an incredibly deadly heist through a gift shop?

episode 21 - i cast yassify

episode 22 - oh my god did they actually get a response back from vex?

episode 23 - is travis actually making all these things out of wood?

episode 24 - imogen is bald now and erika's playing a hot elf

calamity break - brennan's here to destroy the world and it's the best written thing anyone's ever seen

episode 25 - new intro!!!

episode 26 - orym is Gay and erika ishii is Up To Something

episode 27 - erika's hot elf is evil and even hotter (also not an elf)

episode 28 - fearne lore time

episode 29 - [S] CR Fandom: Mental Breakdown

episode 30 - m o o n  l o r e  j u s t  d r o p p e d [bass boosted edition]

episode 31 - "i was waiting for the riegel shoe to drop" ~taliesin jaffe, c2e48

episode 32 -

episode 33 - somehow the queen is the least relevant person to die today

episode 34 - the true monster in laudna's head wasn't delilah briarwood it was fandom discourse

episode 35 - ashton confirmed spoonie, thank you taliesin for as always giving me personally the representation i didn't even realise was possible

episode 36 - deus vox machina

episode 37 - genuinely i think the delilah fight was so cool and i didn't even watch it

episode 38 - HE LEFT THEM A SKYSHIP AND A COOKIE RECIPE

episode 39 - i don't know what happened this episode but im glad travis is fulfilling his werewolf dreams

episode 40 - fearne put your hand up

m9 two shot! - THREE. PACTS.

episode 41 - it's been almost exactly one whole campaign since the last time members of the party got super fucked up on something they shouldn't have eaten, so it was about time!

episode 42 -

episode 43 - everyone desires planerider ryn carnally

episode 44 - i wanna say amateur porno in the basement. i really do. but unfortunately ludinus is up to some bullshit

episode 45 - turns out he doesn't keep a ledger... he has a kenku... so... we kidnapped the kenku

#i don't even know what to tag this #cr spoilers #? #cr thoughts #text #weekly review

[mionemymind]

Chapter 3: The Harsh Treatment

Fake Memories

Series Summary: After Y/n is caught cheating on Wanda with Carol, Y/n would do just about anything to get Wanda back into her life. But was it even Y/n’s fault that she cheated? Or was it the new enemy set on revenge?

Chapter Summary: What will happen to Y/n as the team pushes her past her limits? 

A/n: I lied, I decided to be nice and post it now. Honestly, the amount of support that I’m receiving from this fanfic has literally made me smile so much. I really love all of you who read and/or comment. You mean the world to me. Let me know what you think. :) (Not my GIF)

Warnings: Starvation, harmful thoughts, curse words, self-doubt, mentions of blood, injuries, angst

Word Count: 5k

Masterlist

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 |

Y/n abruptly woke up at the feeling of pressurized gas coursing through her body. She quickly sat up, unable to see anything in the white fog. The cold feeling only lasted a couple seconds before F.R.I.D.A.Y stated, “Fire has been contained.” Y/n hugged herself for warmth as she waited for the fog to disappear. This was the 13th time this month that she was woken up with pressurized gas. At first, it was foam but someone in maintenance had changed the system after the 5th time she woke up. 

Y/n looked at her surroundings and sighed at the damages to her sheets. There were burn marks along with small amounts of frostbite from the gas. “At this rate, I won’t have money for food.” With a grim face, Y/n got up from her bed and proceeded with taking everything off her bed, a routine she unfortunately started to learn. 

Y/n didn’t know when things got worse. If she had to guess, maybe it was after the whole fiasco with Wanda. The team had been on edge ever since then. “They probably thought I hurt her,” Y/n thought at the time, but it was far from the truth. She had wanted to explain herself to the team but dismissed those thoughts with, “What’s the point in trying? I’ll always be guilty to them.” 

As for Wanda, the still heartbroken girl didn’t dare to speak to the team about that night. Even she didn’t quite know what happened. Since that night, she only lied to herself stating that maybe Y/n had done something. It would probably remove the guilt she had when she thought of the blood running down Y/n’s face. But even the lie couldn’t repress the truth from her thoughts. 

After she collected her bedding, she threw it away in the trash can along with the other damaged beddings. Y/n grabbed her wallet off her night stand and opened it. She couldn’t feel it, but her heart dropped at the sight of the lack of money she had. Only a $20 dollar bill as well as a couple ones were left. She closed her eyes and tried her best to keep herself calm, to try and act like the world wasn’t closing in on her. It was a couple minutes later when she opened her eyes and looked at her wallet again. “This was supposed to last me for the rest of the month.” Y/n rubbed her forehead, feeling the overwhelming stress from her lack of funds. 

One might ask, “Aren’t you an Avenger? Shouldn’t you make a shit ton of money.” And at one point, Y/n would say yes, she did. But it all came back to that night. A week after, she had overheard a conversation that went…

“I just don’t understand why you’re doing this to her.” Y/n was about to go around the corner, but decided to wait at the sound of Steve’s voice. “It’s simple Rodgers - unless I have to remind you why we needed to redo the glass in the conference room.” Steve sighed at Tony’s simple minded actions. Y/n could practically feel him crossing his arms in a disapproving manner. 

“Well she did work fair and hard for her money Tony - this just feels wrong.” Y/n heard a couple clicks before Tony replied with, “This is for Wanda. Anything to get Y/n out of here by her own means is worth it. If you have a problem with this, you must not care as much for Wanda as I thought.” Steve sighed again seeing as he was morally put in an awkward position. It was either care for Y/n or care for Wanda. “That’s what I thought.” Tony left with a smug look on his face as he clicked more on the screen in front of him. 

It didn’t take long for Y/n to see the effects of Tony’s decision. Her pay day was the following day and the overwhelming sense of panic and anxiety rose up within her as she only had $400 to survive until the next pay day, which was a month later. Since then, her food portions have been small to say the least. Y/n learned that she only had enough money for the month to eat at least once a day and even that was cutting it. The dramatic changes to her diet had slowly affected her powers but it recently had an exponential increase. 

This was her fourth month of hardly eating when her powers started to flare at night. It has gotten to the point that Y/n couldn’t control them in her sleep leading to F.R.I.D.A.Y having to deal with her fireside. But her powers weren’t the only thing that has changed. If anyone were to actually look, they would see that Y/n had gotten skinnier. Her literal glow was getting duller and duller the more time passed.  

However, Y/n refused to feel sorry for herself. The sentence “I deserve this” was burned into her head. The brain tricks she puts herself through even allowed her to convince that Tony's decision was right. That Wanda didn’t need to tell the truth to the team. That Steve didn’t need to defend her. And that the team certainly was allowed to make her feel like nothing. Because to Y/n, if she didn’t deserve this, then why would you possibly treat a person like this? Just why? 

Of course, Wanda didn’t notice these changes at all. The girl was trying her best to avoid Y/n as much as possible. She always had exit strategies in place in case she were to be in the same vicinity as Y/n. However, Wanda also didn’t notice that lack of Y/n’s presence. Much to her dismay, Y/n’s efforts were the reason they didn’t see each other much. 

What Wanda did notice though was the slow and gradual decline of snacks in her cubby. It left her to question whether Natasha was done doing these small favors for her. But her reports were still getting done. 

The red head didn’t have much room to think though as she got slammed down on the mat from the other red head. “Take a ten - you’re distracted and we can’t keep going like this.” Wanda grumbled at another failed attempt to flip Natasha over. Hand to hand combat was one of the few subjects that Wanda hated the most. With the help of Natasha, Wanda got up and walked over to the waters on the other side of the room. She was gulping down the remaining when Natasha’s words caught her off guard. “What happened?” 

Wanda cocked an eyebrow while still drinking her bottle, needing more elaboration. Natasha faced Wanda while hundreds of thoughts racked her mind. Luckily for her, Wanda had trained her on how to make them quiet enough that Wanda wouldn’t be able to hear. When Natasha found the right words, she said, “I am not doubting you. I am doubting her…” Wanda closed the bottle and looked around the room to avoid Natasha’s eyes. This had been the first time that anyone from the team had remotely even asked her about that night. To be frank, she hadn’t expected Natasha to be the one to break the ice. Usually it was Steve that would act like the team’s counselor. Guess things change. 

Wanda sighed and recollected her memory for the night that continued to haunt her. “One minute, I left to get a drink from the bar. - she said that she needed to go to the bathroom. The next minute, I come back to see her all over blondie.” Wanda’s grip on the bottle tightened at the words she was going to say next. “I thought it was a mistake - that she could have been too drunk that night - b-but her thoughts were so - loud.” Wanda slammed her fist at the table in front of her, tears already falling down her cheeks. “A-a-and I saw everything-” 

The broken hearted girl didn’t have much energy left in her to continue. She dropped to her knees and sobbed into her hands. Natasha kneeled beside Wanda. She pulled the poor girl into her arms, trying her best to physically comfort her. But nothing could really make Wanda feel better. What could you say to a girl that saw every moment where her girlfriend has cheated on her? Nothing - you say nothing. 

“It’s quite pathetic actually,” Tony said as he spun the rod, causing his player to score in foosball. He was currently versing Steve as the two decided to quietly speak about Y/n’s actions for the past couple weeks. Going on the defense again, Steve shot back but Tony was quick to block. “She’s probably just trying to get her money back.” Steve huffed from the sudden slap shot as well as Tony’s rude words. 

For the past couple weeks, Y/n had gone from trying to win Wanda back to trying to win the whole team back. The first thing they noticed was all the completed mission reports and the continuation of it. Clint was the first to jokingly comment, “Bruce must really love mission reports.” But the genius bore a confused look before replying with, “It wasn’t me. Even I haven’t had anything to do in my stack for a couple days.” Bruce had a displeasured look on his face. Clint just assumed it was either he wanted to do his stack of reports or the comment was actually true...or maybe both. 

When it was time for the meeting, Clint had asked everyone in the room, minus Y/n, on who was completing the mission reports for everyone. “Well, I’m doing Wanda’s and mine,” Natasha claimed as she sat in her usual spot. No one was able to detect her lie, but then again, Natasha was always good at lying. 

Clint was quick to figure out that the only person remaining must have been the person responsible. With a straight forward voice, he explained to the team that Y/n had been completing everyones, besides Wanda’s and Natasha’s, reports. Still, Natasha sat there, copying the confused looks on everyone’s faces. She didn’t care to tell them the truth, it wasn’t worth it. However, the meeting proceeded with little comment on Y/n’s actions. She wasn’t worth the mention. 

“What if she actually is trying to say sorry to us?” Steve couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty for Y/n, but Tony’s words made the guilt go all away. “Oh - so miss Hydra over here actually wants to apologize - hilarious Steve.” With that, Tony quickly spun the rod and scored the final point, making him win the game. What the two failed to realize was the fact that Y/n had overheard their conversation. She no longer felt hungry for the day and had retreated back to her room, feeling overwhelmingly numb from the confession she heard.

It was a new and different day for Wanda. She had managed to want to try and sit in the common room with her team seeing as sitting in her room no longer gave her the same satisfaction anymore. Scrolling through the tv, she was about to pull up Bewitched when the following words appeared on the screen:

Bewitched is longer provided on Netflix. Please see related tv shows. 

“What do you mean it’s no longer available?” Wanda frustratedly questioned. And here she was trying to have a good day. “Sorry kid, I guess Netflix took it off their streaming service,” Clint said as he leaned over the couch. “No why would they do that?!” Wanda said with an exasperated look. Clint simply shrugged, Netflix did have an awful reputation for getting favorites removed or canceled. “No clue, but you could try other shows.” Wanda crossed her arms and huffed at his suggestion. “I was really feeling Bewitched today.” Ruffling her hair, Clint left after saying, “Try to feel for something else.” 

However, Wanda had failed to feel anything but angry for the remaining of the day. It wasn’t until she sat in her room for the night, aimlessly finding shows in her room when she noticed Bewitched on her home screen. She quickly clicked on it noticing that all eight seasons are there for her own viewing. Her mood immensely increased for the night as she fell asleep in the middle of season two. 

Outside of her room, Y/n had been cleaning up the compound for the night. It was getting harder and harder to clean the kitchen when everything in her wanted to just take a couple of snacks for herself. Her hunger was constantly on her mind as well as the stupid flashes that have sporadically appeared more and more everyday. But she wanted more than anything to prove to the team that she is a good person. Stealing, no matter how minor, was probably the last thing she needed to be labeled as. 

When she completed for the night, she returned to her room but paused outside of her door when she heard the Bewitched theme song loudly play in Wanda’s room. A small smile appeared on her face as she walked back into her room and slept on the floor tonight.

“Did it ever occur to you that I love you - like a lot?” The couple were laying in Carol’s room decorated with punk rock posters and pictures of their team. Small plants were placed around the room while Malcolm in the Middle was used as background noise. 

“Nah. I haven’t heard you say it in approximately - 10 minutes?” Carol laughed as Y/n glanced at her watch. They laid on their sides as they faced each other, their faces being only inches away. “Well I do.” Carol cupped Y/n’s cheek as she soon grew mesmerized. 

There are words to always describe feelings with someone but they all felt overused or incomplete. Because everything felt like this daydream colored borders with warm tones and retro filters as she glanced at Y/n. She felt like she was watching a show that she would never get tired of. Even if the show was in color or black and white, new or old, slow or fast, she would watch just to see her. Just her. 

“You do what?” Carol flicked Y/n’s forehead at her response. “Kidding - kidding.” Y/n said as she rubbed her forehead. Carol rolled her eyes and kissed Y/n’s head as she cuddled into her arms, legs tangled within the sheets. “I do love you.” Y/n kissed her hair as she combed it with her hand. “I know,” she whispered, hoping Carol would pick up on the secret reference. Because to Y/n, yeah, she’s worth a whole galaxy. 

It was the middle of the night when Steve woke up from a nightmare that shook him from his slumber. Rather than staying in bed to force himself to sleep, he got up and headed to the kitchen for a late night snack. 

Heading into the pantry, Steve pursed his lips noticing that Y/n’s cubby had been empty for weeks it seems like. The guilt that was slowly forming inside him kept building and building. Although he knew he could try to do something about it, the loyalty he had to his family - to Wanda. That was something he didn’t want to break. 

The relationship with Wanda and Steve was something similar to a father and daughter relationship. Steve had always wanted a kid of his own and Wanda had lost her father. The irony of it all just happened to work for the two. Even though Wanda nor Steve would admit it out loud, they viewed each other as the roles that needed to be filled in their lives. They needed each other regardless of titles.

But then there was Y/n. The troubled girl that made Steve absolutely nervous with how quick her and Wanda seemed to like each other. It absolutely didn’t help Steve’s case when the whole team found out about Y/n’s past. His anxiety had practically skyrocketed. It eventually led to a one on one talk with Wanda about how sometimes we need to protect ourselves before letting people in. 

But Y/n was still there. Breaking down Wanda’s walls. So just like any Dad would, Steve watched over. Making sure his girl was always happy and safe. So while Natasha may have refilled Wanda’ cubby and did her reports, Steve had carried Wanda to bed during nights she couldn’t sleep. He made her tea for times that she didn’t want to talk, which was often. He tucked her in at night and cuddled with her when she needed a shoulder to cry on. He was just there. 

But so was she. She was there whenever Wanda cried at night. She was there when Wanda would sometimes forget to eat after busying herself all day. She was there to take care of Wanda. She was there when Steve wasn’t. And that meant everything to Steve. So why couldn’t Steve be there for Y/n? 

There were a lot of unanswered questions roaming around Steve’s head. Rather than pondering more about them, he walked around the tower, eating a pack of cookies for himself. Just as he was turning the corner, he glanced towards the conference room to see Wanda asleep in front of her reports. However, the more alarming part was the girl that happened to be right in front of Wanda. Steve quickly grew on high alert and observed Y/n’s actions. However, after a couple minutes of harmless actions, Steve forced his shoulders to relax. “She’s just doing reports - calm down,” Steve thought. 

But he couldn’t calm down. The guilt had maneuvered it’s way back up to his throat as he actually noticed the pale state of the once bright girl. For someone that had literal fire abilities, she lacked the glow of any raging fire. Feeling nothing but guilt all over, Steve felt compelled to say something - anything. But he froze. He didn’t know what to say. 

However, the opportunity soon was lost as Y/n finished everyone’s stack of reports. Steve hid around the corner as Y/n passed him. Hearing a door close was when Steve stepped out of hiding. He glanced towards the direction of Y/n’s room, feeling every need to go to her. But his footsteps led him to Wanda. He picked her up and carried her to her room. Wanda will always be first in Steve’s heart. And nothing could change that. 

“We have to stop this treatment Tony.” Steve waltzed into Tony’s lab the very next day. For once, he couldn’t sleep for the remainder of the night. Y/n was all over his mind. The guilt was practically eating him alive. 

Tony rolled his eyes at Steve’s dramatic fashion for entrances. “Oh - good morning Tony - how are you - I’m actually pretty good.” Steve rolled his eyes as he stood in front of Tony, a hologram in between the two. 

“Cut the crap Tony - I’m being serious.” Steve crossed his arms. This needed to end. “And you think I’m not Rodgers?” Tony was quick to respond, already growing irritated by the conversation. 

“This isn’t right - none of this right.” Steve wiped the hologram to finally get a clear view of Tony as he grew frustrated by the second. Tony simply swiped it back, not wanting to deal with the issue. “Well maybe if she just quit - we wouldn’t need to worry about anything. It’s not my fault Fury hired Ms. Hydra - and if he finds out I fired her, he would not allow it at all.” 

“But can’t you see that your stupid plan isn’t working? All we’re doing is abusing the girl.” Steve wiped the hologram again but Tony simply walked to a different station and continued his work. Angry with his response, Steve walked around the table and stood beside Tony. 

“This needs to end Tony,” Steve said through his gritted teeth. The man was clenching his jaw so hard, it almost looked as if he was going to break his teeth. However, Tony quickly glared at Steve at the mention of his threat. 

“Don’t you fucking dare. Can’t you actually see that I’m trying to protect Wanda.” Steve tilted his head at the awful reasoning for his actions. “How is this protecting Wanda? Why are you even trying to protect her?” 

Tony slammed his fist into the table, feeling his anger rising by the second. “We - no - I need to protect her Steve!”

“Why Tony? Why?” 

“Because I’m the goddamn reason her parents and her country is dead. I’m the reason that everything she ever loved is gone. I’m the reason for her sadness. She, of all people, deserves happiness. And I sure as hell won’t let anyone else hurt her anymore - no more Steve.” Tony didn’t give Steve a chance as he walked out the facility needing a day drink more than ever. 

It was lunch time and all Wanda could think about was the need to cook paprikash. She didn’t know when the last time she had actually cooked. And seeing as the majority of the team was on missions, she could actually cook without interruptions or lingering eyes. 

Walking into the kitchen, Wanda tied her hair up and started to take out the necessary ingredients for the meal. It was when she was talking the spices out when Vision had appeared out of nowhere, nearly scaring the girl. “Vision!” 

Sensing a slight rise in her heart rate and anger, Vision had quickly apologized. “Sorry Wanda.” Wanda shook her head and quickly resumed prepping. “I will try to work on making my presence known. If I may ask, what is it that you’re doing?” 

“I’m making paprikash.” Vision’s mind grew curious at the word and quickly searched his database for it. “I see. A traditional Sokovian food.” Wanda didn’t realize it, but she had felt a little annoyed at the synthezoid’s presence. It wasn’t anything he did, but Wanda desperately wanted alone time for herself. 

Before she could ask, Vision had said, “Good morning Y/n.” Wanda’s quickly grew wide as she avoided glancing in Y/n’s direction. She hadn’t stayed in the tense position though as Vision announced, “Oh - it seems she had left before saying hi back.” 

Feeling ever more frustrated with people’s presence, Wanda was about to ask him to leave but noticed the confusion written all over his face and didn’t hesitate to ask, “What is it Vision?” Vision pursed his lips and contemplated his words. It was visibly obvious to see that he was trying to wrack up what to say. “I think...it’s just…” He sighed knowing that this was going to be a sensitive subject to the witch but knowing everything she's been through, lying was not the best option. “It’s just that Y/n-” Wanda quickly cut Vision off in desperation to know what Y/n had done to Vision. If the girl were to even lay a finger on him, she was sure to deal with it herself.  “What did she do? Did she hurt you? I swear-” Seeing her eyes turn red, Vision immediately explained himself. “-No no no. It’s not that, the complete opposite actually.” Wanda’s eyes slowly turned back to normal. When Vision saw that her heart rate was close to normal, he continued. “It’s just that...Y/n’s vitals have been decreasing in a fluctuating matter. Some days it would be a small decrease, but some days it would be a big decrease. Overall, her health has been poor.” Vision looked back at where Y/n once stood. If he hadn’t quickly analyzed her, he wouldn’t have noticed that today’s vitals was record worst. “Although she does have physical injuries, she seems to continue to radiate pain throughout her body even when those injuries have healed. It starts through her head and it spreads like a radio wave through her nervous system. I’ve done my calculations and the leading cause could be migraines...” Vision soon was in deep thought, trying to recalculate just to make sure what he was about to say was correct. “...but it doesn’t make sense.” 

Wanda tilted her head. Processing this information was hard seeing as at her darkest moments, she wanted nothing but Y/n to be hurt. She deserved it for all the pain she caused her to go through. But hearing it now? That was a different story. It was like an internal conflict was going through her. Should she even care about Y/n’s health? “What doesn’t make sense?” Vision looked hard into Wanda’s eyes as he said, “Migraines shouldn’t cause her heart to stop multiple times.” 

Wanda stared at Vision, processing the information that the love of her life is practically dying. “A-are you sure?” Vision slowly nodded. “However, after some calculations, I do believe she will be okay. She only needs a good source of food for her healing regeneration to fully heal this.” Wanda relaxed at Vision’s words. Although she has been through immense pain through these past couple months, having Y/n gone from her life like that would hurt more than anything. 

Before Vision could continue his explanation, F.R.I.D.A.Y stated, “Emergency alert. All available Avengers please head to the quinjet per the request of Mr. Stark and Mr. Rogers.” Quickly, the two headed to the plane as the important part of Vision’s explanation was missed. Little did Wanda know, Y/n would not heal any time soon. 

The trio arrived on the quinjet and wasted no time trying to figure out the mission that was ahead of them. There was a serious feel in the atmosphere sensing that this had to be bad. There was no way that it couldn’t have been. Because if it wasn’t, they certainly wouldn’t have invited Y/n to this mission. 

Lately, the girl has been assigned to only solo missions. Y/n couldn’t quite remember the last time that she was on a mission with any team member nevermind the fact with the whole team. 

“Backup is needed immediately after touch down. Vision and Wanda, meet up with Steve and Sam at the Northeast corridor. Y/n, you are assigned to the entrance,” Tony stated through the intercom. 

The feeling in Y/n’s stomach worsened. Not only was she hungry and sleep deprived, she didn’t also have a partner with her. It also didn’t help the fact that the flashes have gotten worse. Y/n couldn’t help but pray for a miracle. After all, they were dealing with the very people Y/n hated - Hydra. 

Y/n couldn’t quite tell when things on the mission got to shit. Maybe it was the fact that as soon as they touched down and went to their assigned positions, Y/n received a massive swarm of Hydra agents. It didn’t help that her health regeneration was not at its peak or these agents actually were decently trained. Or was it during the third wave, that was currently happening, where Y/n tested the limits of her body. 

Seeing the onslaught of agents coming her way, Y/n decided it was time to test out her new ability. She rapidly swung her right arm, building momentum as the fire within her right side blazed. As soon as the enemies were close, she released a fire tornado in their path. It had managed to take out at least half of the wave, but more and more kept coming. 

Pressing her comms, Y/n said, “Can someone send back up my way?! There’s too many for me to handle.” Y/n kicked back the agent that was about to stab her in the back, but was too distracted to the point a different agent was able to cut her leg. “Fuck.” 

Y/n quickly released an ice wall that at first glance, appeared to be the same height as the Great Wall of China. She hoped the barrier would give her enough time for her backup to appear. Focusing all her energy on her fireside, Y/n aimed at any agent near her, using her arm as a flamethrower. 

However, worry immediately grew when no one had responded to her call within a couple minutes. Before she could request again, Nat had spoken bitterly in the comms, “On my way.” Sighing in relief, Y/n continued to fight off the agents the best she could. 

But no matter how hard she tried to buy herself time, it seemed that Natasha was taking forever to come. It had gotten to the point that multiple lashes already appeared. Her healing regeneration couldn’t keep up at all. Not only that, but her body was either giving up from exhaustion or blood loss. It was only during the last couple agents when Natasha had shown up and quickly killed the remainder. 

Y/n glanced at the assassin and noticed the lack of any injuries on her and it was as if she barely broke a sweat. “What happened? I almost got killed.” 

Natasha glared at Y/n as she responded with, “I helped Bucky and Rhodey on the way, they needed it.” Y/n swallowed the lump in her throat knowing the redhead in front of her had practically lied. If backup was needed, it was always voiced through comms. 

Even if Y/n had wanted to confront Natasha about it, she couldn’t. Natasha had already left to head to the quinjet. Y/n simply limped a couple feet from her. When Y/n arrived, it seemed that everyone else was already prepared for take off. Feeling ever more guilty, Y/n simply sat at the closet seat to the entrance that was away from the team. But something inside her broke even more noticing the lack of any questions or concerns from the team in regards to her injuries. 

Not even bothering to buckle up, Y/n sulked in her thoughts when she realized, “Why doesn’t anyone care about me?” 

Tag List: @halobaby​ @arelyitsherec8​ @blackxwidowsxwife​ @cristin-rjd​ @madamevirgo​ @trikruismybitch​ @paradiselost916​ @mmmmokdok​ @morbid-gaymer​ @dailyavengering​ @itsnottilly​ @helloalycia​ @randomshyperson​ @tomy5girls​ @daenerys713​ @ensorcellme​ @lezzzbehonesthere​ @imagine-reblog​ @sighsam​ 

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #fake memories

[helliontherapscallion]

A Surrealistic Life (Adrenaline Junkie Part 17)

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 7     Part 8     Part 9     Part 10     Part 11     Part 12     Part 13     Part 14     Part 15     Part 16

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: swearing, derealization, depression, grief, blood, mentions of death, nightmares, panic attacks

Word count: 3,385

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You cried in Philza’s arms for hours on end until you couldn’t cry anymore. Your head was left pounding and your throat scratchy from the loud crying, but you didn’t care. Nothing mattered anymore, without Arthur you were nothing. The past two and a half years just- just didn’t exist. Your mind was still reeling, the words ‘will you always be with me?’ echoing through your mind constantly filling you with guilt. 

With one last shuddering inhale, you separated yourself from Philza and wiped at the tears that had long since dried on your face. His eyes, vigilant as ever, scanned your form looking for any sign of distress. In his eyes, you saw pity and grief. This angered you, you didn’t need his pity; you were long past the point of pitiful glances. Well, you were, he wasn’t. 

You purse your lips as you watch his eyes flick between your wing and where your other wing was supposed to be. Sorrow flashes in his eyes before he looks back at you with a small, painfully fake smile. With one hand, he gently pushes your shoulder down back onto the bed and stands up. 

“I’ll be back, you get some rest.” 

With the slightest hint of a nod, you watched as he lingered in the doorway before hesitantly walking out of your room. After he left your room, you locked the door behind him. That door remained locked for weeks on end, every knock or attempt at conversation was never answered by you. Their words were nothing but background noise in the back of your mind. 

Instead of responding, you would lay in bed staring at the ceiling with unfocused eyes thinking about nothing but everything you’ve lost. Only occasionally you would leave your room to attend to your most basic needs when you were sure that everybody was asleep or out of the house. 

The days meshed together as your thoughts consume you in a whirlwind of unorganized messes. Several times, you’ve worked yourself into panic attacks and paranoia filled spiraling because you didn’t know what was real anymore. 

Being left alone with your thoughts was something that you always avoided by constantly tinkering with contraptions, your thoughts wandered off to places that greatly disturbed you. But now, you let those thoughts wash over you without a care. Your dreams reflected this; they were plagued with images of Arthur looking up at you with large puppy dog eyes and a large smile before he would be sucked into darkness screaming for you to help him, to do anything, but you were always glued in place leaving you to watch helplessly as he left you over and over again. 

Another common one you would have is Arthur getting lost in a bellowing snowstorm in the dead of night. You would be wandering through thick snow calling his name until you would come across a small, pale hand peeking out of an abnormal lump of snow; dread would always fill you during those dreams, it was a parent’s worst nightmare to lose their child.

Other dreams, though very rare, would be pleasant; whether they were about you and Arthur whistling a small tune as you both invented something or a small picnic on the cliff laughing freely into the air, you would always wake up in the mornings prepared to greet him and cook breakfast with him. It wasn’t until you moved your right arm and found that it had limited mobility that you realized that everything was a dream.

You hated those dreams, they always gave you a false sense of hope that everything was okay. Nothing is okay, absolutely nothing. 

You refused to believe that… whatever was going on didn’t happen; Philza had said that the last few years had been fake, something that your mind had made up as some form of coping mechanism, but who’s to say that this isn’t a hallucination as well? Both your experiences felt completely different from each other, this reality could be the hallucination for all you knew. 

The only thing on your mind was how you needed to get back to Arthur in any possible way you could. If Arthur didn’t exist in this reality, you didn’t want to be in it. You need him and he needs you, you didn’t want to imagine a reality without him. If you got yourself into this by dying, perhaps that was your ticket back to him. Perhaps there was a way to reverse this. 

You were going to get your son back, and you were going to die trying. 

Until then, you just have to wait out your family. They’d just stop you in the end and you couldn’t have that. You’d have to put on an act that you were perfectly fine and that would entail inventing everything over again, but you were fine with that; if you made it once, you can make it again. 

With a newfound sense of purpose, you searched your closet for your old cloak but then you remembered you got your cloak weeks after your first death. Groaning to yourself, you settled for your old bomber jacket. The slits in the back of it wouldn’t cover your nub, so you awkwardly tucked it underneath the fabric of the cloth. It shot pain down your spine, but you shook it off; the pain was something you could handle, you’ve had worse. 

Without another thought, you quietly left your room with only one destination in mind. 

--------------------------------------------------

You softly padded down the basement stairs towards your workshop. When you arrived at the bottom of the stairs, you paused and looked around. The walls that were once covered with sloppy sketches and words written in two different handwritings, both equally as messy and rushed, were barren for the most part; you forgot that the walls were painted an off white color. Your filing cabinets were gone, replaced with cardboard boxes containing old clothes and toys with thick layers of dust sitting peacefully on top of them. The crafting table sat in the corner of the room wasn’t worn, in fact it looked brand new, not a scratch could be seen on the surface. 

Everything was wrong. 

You numbly walked over to your desk and picked up the paper that laid on it, holding it up to the light. It was the first draft to your TNT launcher. The sight of the crude, minimal sketches made you cringe, it was far too messy; you had no idea how you could make out what your sloppy handwriting pointed to or what materials were supposed to go where. 

You dropped the paper and let it flutter to the floor without a care. Your eyes flickered over the desk and eyed the notebook sitting on top of a stack of spare papers. A spark of hope ignited inside of you, this was the notebook Arthur so often doodled in with different ideas of what could be invented. 

You snatched it and flipped the front cover over with haste. A wide smile stretched your lips when you caught sight of the small handwriting that littered the page. It was yours, but you had given it to Arthur so that he could learn and copy from your early years. It was perfect for a blueprint template, neat and organized. 

However as you flipped through the book, your smile dropped and the little hope that flared in your chest was snuffed out. You stared at the blank page as frustration built up inside of you. Before you knew it, you threw the notebook at the opposite wall as hard as you could. You were left standing in the middle of the cold basement with your chest heaving and your teeth gritted. 

Everything was so wrong. So, so wrong. 

You heard footsteps thunder down the stairs before they came to a stop behind you. Hesitant footsteps made their way over to you, you didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was. 

“(Y/n)? Is everything-”

“Nothing is okay, Tommy,” you gritted out, “absolutely nothing about this is okay.” 

He said nothing as he walked around you and put his hand on your clenched fist, his fingers curling around yours and opening your hand. Your palm stung slightly as you glanced down at it. Four small, crescent shaped cuts were imprinted on your skin slowly starting to glisten with blood. 

Huffing, you ripped your hand out of his grasp and glanced at his face. You caught yourself doing a double take as you saw just how innocent he looked. No sign of hidden pain in his shining blue eyes, no scars littering his skin, and the bags that once made him look years older was nonexistent. He was your annoying, gremlin of a little brother again. He was Tommy again. 

You watched as his eyebrows furrowed and his head tilted slightly, “why are you looking at me like that?” 

“No reason,” you breathed out before you shook your head trying to rid your mind of your frustrations, “no reason at all…”

He awkwardly coughed and nodded slightly, “right…”  

You cleared your throat and glanced off to the side at the book laying on the floor. Tommy’s eyes followed where you were looking and went to pick it up. You felt a twinge in your heart as he started to flip through it much like you did earlier. He looked up at you with furrowed brows, “why’d you throw this? What’d the book do to you?” He jokingly asked you. 

“It didn’t do anything and that’s the problem,” you mumbled out before you snatched the book out of his hands and tossed it into the trash can. 

“Why are you acting so weird? I know you just died and all, but you never let that notebook out of your sight and now you’re just tossing it into the bin!” Tommy fished it out of the trash can and haphazardly placed it back onto your desk on top of the stack of unused paper. You could feel your eye twitch at it’s placement before you threw it away again. 

“Leave it there, I don’t want it. I won’t need it anymore anyways,” you murmured under your breath. 

“Why wouldn’t you need it- wait, don’t tell me you’re quitting working with redstone. Cuz I’ll have you know that you’re going to be the best goddamned inventor this gods forsaken world has ever known and-”

“I’m not going to quit,” you interrupted him, “trust me, I’ll need whatever I can make. I just… don’t need it anymore, I already know exactly what I need to make.” I can’t stand the sight of Arthur’s notebook so empty and blank your mind supplied yourself. 

He tilted his head slightly, “even without the bluepri-”

“Even without the blueprints,” you curtly nodded and automatically turned to look at the bulletin board hanging above your desk only to sigh when you once again saw that it was barren. “I made these things thousands of times before, I know what I’m doing,” your gaze zeroed in on the half finished blueprint for your automatic crossbow, “I’ll just make them again.” 

Tommy once again looked at you with furrowed brows and inquisitive eyes, you could just see the curiosity and confusion swimming around in his baby blue orbs, “what do you mean, you literally only have one prototype of everything on here.” 

“You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you, so just drop it.” You hadn’t meant to snap at him like that, but the frustration was just too overwhelming to ignore. Just as you could see him start to get dejected from the corner of your eye, you made quick work of changing the subject.

“You know, I could hear what you said when I wasn’t awake. I really appreciated the music, it was a nice change of pace.”

He tensed before his eyes were drawn to the empty space over your shoulder. His breath hitched slightly as a sorrowful look appeared in his eyes. Looking back at you, he grabbed your shoulder and pulled you into a tight hug. You didn’t struggle against him despite your frustrations, you knew he needed you right now. You could still remember how broken he was when you were unconscious. The way his lip wobbled slightly before he hugged you reminded you of Arthur. 

You gently hugged him back and wrapped your wing around him. He gripped you tighter, his breath shuddering as wetness started to hit your head. You said nothing as you started to hum and run your fingers along his back tracing out patterns without a particular one in mind. 

Eventually, he pulled away from you and chuckled sardonically, wiping his tears away with a fist, “you’re the one who died and I’m the one being comforted. Gods, it’s pathetic.” 

“It’s okay to feel emotions, Tommy. You should never bottle them up, it sounded like you needed a good hug anyways. I’m happy to give you that,” you softly told him.  

He said nothing as he crossed his arms and shifted on his feet, avoiding your gaze. For a moment, your tall brother was replaced by a short, red haired boy wearing that same expression. You purse your lips in thought, your previous frustrations completely gone and replaced with an urge to comfort him or at least distract him. Though a deep sadness dragged your body down at the thought of Arthur, Tommy just reminded you too much of him. It was eerily uncanny in your opinion.

Ideas swarmed your head as you thought back to how you comforted Arthur when he fell down. Besides talking to him, you would always teach him something; knowledge to Arthur is- was like a sponge absorbing water. It gave him a distraction to whatever got him down, maybe that would work for Tommy as well. 

Wordlessly, you walked over to your desk and gestured for him to follow you. You plopped him into your office chair and pulled one of the cardboard boxes up to the desk. In the process, you grabbed your gloves, goggles, and everything you would need to set up a simple timed piston. The smallest spark of happiness flashed inside you as you saw that your resources were fully stocked. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Well, Tommy, I’m going to show you how to set up one of my favorite redstone mechanisms. Put these on,” you handed him the gloves and goggles and watched as he put them on. The goggles were a bit small on him, but besides that, everything fit him. 

“Now, you’re going to want to…”

--------------------------------------------------

Hours passed as you both worked together on the contraption. Slowly, you could see Tommy loosening up and making more jokes, successfully distracted. However, you didn’t expect yourself to follow suit. Laughter came easier to you whenever Tommy would joke around, your troubles long forgotten. 

It took a little longer than you were used to, but eventually Tommy started to follow along with the precision you’d expect from a beginner. Slowly but surely, with many mistakes along the way, there was a working piston system sitting on the desk. 

Tommy triumphantly laughed into the air as he watched the pistons work in tandem with one another. You laughed alongside him and ruffled his hair, “nice job, Artie! I knew you could do it!” 

Tommy completely stopped and looked at you in confusion, “‘Artie’? Who’s that?” 

You completely froze in place, you hadn’t meant to call him Artie. He was Tommy, he was your blond little brother, not your ginger son. Tommy was his own person, he was Tommy, not Arthur. You mentally scolded yourself for constantly mixing the two up. 

“Artie is- well, he’s just… Arthur is my old friend,” you stammered out after tripping over your words clumsily. Tommy couldn’t find out about Arthur, nobody could. That’d just ruin your plan. 

He snorted, “sure, ‘old friend’. You know, if Dad finds out that you’re dating someone he’d ground you for life.” 

“I’d never date anybody, you know that,” you scolded him with your nose wrinkled in disgust. “He’s just an old friend and you remind me of him.”

“Well, old friend or not, he sounds amazing if I remind you of him!”

You smiled sadly as your mind flashed to images of Arthur at various points in his life, “he really was, you would’ve loved him, Tommy. He might’ve been the best person I’ve ever met.” 

“Why don’t you tell me about him? I can preen your wings-” Tommy abruptly stopped himself and looked like he’d just accidentally kicked a puppy, looking at you with wide eyes and red tinted cheeks. 

Just as he started opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water, you chuckled at his expression, “you’re fine, Tommy. It’s just going to take some time for you to get used to this,” you shifted your wing and cringed at the uncomfortable feeling. You haven’t preened your wings since before you left for the cave nearly two months ago, and your wing was a mess of bent and loose feathers. “I’d… actually like a good preening, are you sure you know how to do it?” 

“Please,” he scoffed before pushing you to sit down in your desk chair, “I’ve seen you and Dad do it to each other thousands of times, I think I know what I’m doing.” 

“That isn’t how that- you know what? Just go ahead. Make sure you get any loose feathers and straighten them out,” you stretched your wing out and hoped for the best. Tommy surprisingly did a decent job of straightening out feathers, he just had to work on distinguishing loose feathers from intact feathers (you were now missing a couple of smaller feathers). 

The entire time, you were telling him how amazing your boy was. Sure, you might’ve overexaggerated just a little bit, but Arthur was certainly someone that deserved the praise. That kid was something else, truly a prodigy at both redstone and compassion. Leaving out the fact that Arthur was your adopted son and that he was ten years old was a little hard, but you managed to avoid that. 

You could tell that Tommy knew something was different about you, but you guessed that he just assumed the changes were because of your death and not because you were technically two and a half years older than you physically are. 

When he was done, you looked at your wing and you were pleasantly surprised at how well he did; sure there were a few loose feathers and they were partially crooked, but you could tell that Tommy did his best with them. 

“Thanks, Toms,” you smiled at him after you tucked your wing back in, “I really appreciate you doing that, it was starting to bother me.”

“It’s no problem,” he puffed out his chest in pride, “I told you I knew what I was doing.” 

“And I’m sorry for ever doubting you. Who knows, maybe Dad’ll let you do his wings next.” 

“Oh gods no,” Tommy shuddered slightly, “his are massive and he has two of them! If doing yours took me an hour and a half, I’d hate to see how long it’d take me to do his.” 

You cringed, remembering the last time you preened his wings. Though you were experienced, it had taken you two full hours for each wing. “Yeah, his wings are huge. Gods, I hope my wing doesn’t get to be that size.” Though they grew to be nowhere near Philza’s wingspan when you were in that reality, you weren’t sure if yours was going to be larger or smaller than what they were. 

Just as Tommy was about to open his mouth to respond to you, Wilbur’s voice echoed down the stairwell, “Tommy, dinnertime!” 

“Well c’mon then, let’s go. I’ll race you there,” was all Tommy said to you before he bolted up the stairs with a booming laugh, skipping every third step. You could feel your heart stop when he almost tripped on one of the stairs because he skipped too many. Rushing after him, you shouted at him, “Tommy, walk! You’re going to break your neck if you keep running up and down the stairs!”

                                         ✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

Taglists (if your name is italicized, it means I couldn’t tag you. Comment with the taglist you want to be tagged in if you want to be tagged :D):

General (tagged in all fics):

@crybabyjabby  @izzybobizzy13  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @bunnyz-pxstel  @averytiredfanfictionwriter  @dcml04  @sparkling-gayyyy  @bbigbbrainn  @thaticecreambish  @kiinokochii  @satansphatass  @bxkubitch @bxmentchildxx  @roxy3457  @montygator17  @feverish-dove  @the-fictionwriters-hairdo  @jichuuchaeng  @404rynnotfound @luluwinchester  @laura--444  @the-cult-classic-bitch  @youngstarfishdinosaur  @nottheotheruser  @ohworm-writes  @localwolfanon  @realitycanbeajerk  @v10dw4lk3r  @esylwen  @seraphsema  @boiled-onionrings  @smolgreenybeany  @louistommosnesquickmilk  @hyacinthrosearsha  @ryxjxnnx  @autumnpleaves  @ravennightingaleandavatempus  @0ton1n  @self-righteous-dumbass  @a-simp-for-block-people  @fortunatelylazystranger  @m1lkmandan  @mirios-sunflower  @ahmya-4  @shinipii  @noyasblush  @auroraskyfall  @cryptocry  @hee-hee-haw  @blackstar-gazer @serendipityryn

Gender neutral reader:

@totem-awooga  @parkeepingparker @whatislifebutlemons @kittymaniacz

SBI:

@afifaj

Adrenaline Junkie:

@acecarddraws  @dirtydiavolo  @yeiras-world  @immadatmostthings  @hee-hee-haw  @jackalopedoodles  @vanhakirja  @im-a-depressed-gay  @coolleviauchihadreamerlove  @questioning-sanity  @camisascam  @bongwaterflavoredgatorade  @kakamiissad  @jayistrash4  @lifestylesleep  @speedymaximoff  @sun-shark-tooth  @appetiteofapeoplepleaser  @lestrangenymph  @kinismanditory  @dragons-lurk-here  @rinzyx05  @the-wandering-pan-ace  @angelic-scent  @dont-hug-me-im-a-fander  @izzydimensional  @used-avocado  @wing-non  @lovely-echoo  @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual  @mysteryartisticwriter  @momo-has-a-gun  @misfortunatem00n  @w-0-r-n-n  @v-kouya @kusuinko  @cheybaee  @dulcedippers  @jaciahbabes  @prlan  @hummingbird-lightningstrike  @pog-sad-muffin @mystyxmess @thegeekisheere @solar-idiot  @yummychicknnugget @aikochan4859 @lofiisoul @deadroses2021  @iamsunshinesnowflake @xxtwizztedxx @izuruamme @reeeeeeeeeeeeeee @insanitybuff 

#sbi x reader #sleepy bois x reader #sleepy bois inc x reader #philza x reader #tommyinnit x reader #mcyt x reader #dream smp x reader #sbi x you #philza x you #tommyinnit x you #mcyt x you #dream smp x you #adrenaline junkie #tw: swearing #tw: blood #tw: nightmares #tw: depersonalization #tw: depression #tw: grief

[outer-bnks]

Two Burning Hearts Are Dared to Break (JJ x OC) Ch. 14

Chapters: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13

JJ catches Elle and Topper in a compromising position, eliciting a fight in which some truths are exposed.

Warning: brief mention of alcohol, smoking. hella angst

Word count: 1.5k

“JJ! Wait!”, she followed him out to the side entrance of the garden that was thankfully empty, watching as he made his way over to a catering truck that stood in the carpark attached to the club.

“For what Elle?! What I just saw doesn’t need explaining!”, he huffed, as he continued walking away from her.

“What are you even doing here?”, she questioned, unaware that he was going to be attending the party. Noticing his navy shirt and slacks, she realised that he was working one of his multiple jobs in order to earn enough to pay off his restitution. He opened the back doors of the truck, beginning to unload them.

“What does it look like? I just thought I’d swing by for shits and giggles”, he sarcastically answered, his arms out wide, looking around at the crates around his feet. 

“Well you could’ve told me that you were coming!”, she exclaimed.

JJ scoffed, “What difference would it have made, you looked like you were having a pretty good time in the laundry room!”. The fuzzy feeling that she was experiencing with Topper had definitely dissipated, leaving the all too familiar sinking sensation in her stomach.

“It would have made a lot of difference JJ!”. For starters, she might not have agreed to be Topper’s date in front of the boy she actually had feelings for.

Rolling his eyes, he turned away from her again, continuing to work, “I don’t even care, it's just that I didn’t think you’d move on so fast”, he shrugged, trying to make his disinterest believable by adopting an apathetic tone of voice.

Elle’s eyebrows furrowed, confused by his choice of words, “What? Move on?”. As far as she was concerned, they had nothing to move on from, he had made that very clear as of recently.

“John B’s only been gone for 2 weeks, you know I just wouldn’t have thought that you’re the type to just-”.

Elle cut him off, utterly bewildered by what he was implying, “Wait wait wait. John B?”. 

“Yes John B, Elle! It’s so obvious that you’re into him”.

It was her turn to scoff, “Are you out of your mind? I do not have a thing for John B! I never have!”. He thought she was into John B? Maybe she’d thought she had a crush on him when she first moved to the OBX, but that quickly changed as soon as met JJ. She was even sure that John B was aware of her feelings for JJ, making sneaky comments that only she could hear, or winking at her whenever the pair were left alone together for more than 5 minutes. But she’d never actually had a conversation with him about that, he was the kind of friend who knew what you were feeling before you even knew it yourself. 

“Could’ve fooled me”, he mumbled, locking up the back of the truck as he had now emptied the crates into numerous stacks. 

Looking around the garden, puzzled by how he’d come to this conclusion, she sighed, “God JJ you really do talk out of your ass sometimes!”. Had he forgotten about how obsessed John B was with Sarah? Or the fact that Elle was actually excited when Sarah joined the Pogues?

This seemed to get a rise out of him, turning on his feet and walking over to her, “Oh please! All the times I would come over to the Chateau and you were already there, in his bed fast asleep, or answering his door basically naked?”. He knew that the way he spoke definitely portrayed his jealousy, and was uncalled for, but he hoped that masking it with confusion or anger wouldn’t give away his true feelings. 

Honestly, it killed him the first time he entered the Chateau and found out Elle had decided to sleep in John B’s bed instead of the empty spare room. It was the morning after they’d been hanging out as a group, smoking, watching movies and binging on the snacks Pope had brought over. Often, on nights like that everyone would stay over, usually having already fallen asleep during the last movie. However, JJ had decided to sleep in his own bed that night, knowing that his Dad was on an overnight fishing trip with his workmates. He hadn’t even thought about whether Elle had stayed over or headed home, until he walked in the next morning, calling out for John B and banging on his bedroom door, not expecting her to answer in nothing but one of John B’s oversized t-shirts. He quickly put two and two together, knowing that she had a drawer in the spare room with some clothes in it for whenever she decided to stay over, and concluded that the scene in front of him, reeked of sex. And of an unspoken betrayal that JJ promised himself never to mention. 

That wasn’t the last time he had caught her in that situation, it recurring exactly 5 more times, over the space of the past year. To ensure that he would never feel that betrayal again, JJ had pushed down his feelings for Elle, rebuilt some of the walls that he’d let come down around her, and used sarcasm to hide how he actually felt about the idea of his best friend hooking up with the girl that he thought he was falling in love with.

Shaking her head slightly out of disbelief, she rebutted, her voice rising a few decibels, “Excuse me? I have never slept with John B. So what we shared a bed, does that automatically mean we were hooking up? We couldn’t have just been friends who fell asleep in the same bed after talking for a few hours? JJ I’ve shared a bed with you, Pope and Kie tonnes of times! Was I hooking up with all of you as well?”.

Looking down at the ground briefly, he lowered his voice, becoming aware of how loud they were being. “It’s different with us and you know it”.

Following his lead, she lowered her voice, her anger showing through in her tone instead, “Do I J? I’m surprised you even noticed with all the tourons coming and going from your room”.

His eyes darted up to her face, “What's that supposed to mean?”.

Crossing her arms over her chest, she continued, “You get to have your fun, aren't I allowed to have mine?”. That’s all JJ ever referred to his one night stands or brief flings as, fun. 

Pointing back at the door that they’d emerged from, he referred to Topper, “This is what you call fun Elle? Fine, have all the ‘fun’ in the world, but please spare me, I don’t wanna see it”.

She raised her eyebrows out of surprise, two could play at this game. “Oh and you thought I enjoyed watching you mack on anyone with a pulse at our keggers?”. She couldn’t count the times she had watched him sweet talk a touron at a kegger into going for a walk down to the water with him, often not returning for over an hour. Not that Elle was keeping track (although she was definitely keeping track). In that hour, she’d usually devoured way too many shots, or danced, or began chatting up a guy herself, to ease the dull heartache that seemed to consume her.

Defeated by this argument, and his blood still boiling, he resorted to his defences, “You know what, do what you want, just don't come crying to me when he turns out to be exactly who we think he is”.

“From what I can remember, you wanted nothing to do with me, so what do you care who I’m macking on?”.

“The only reason I care is because of John B and Sarah. We’re trying to find ways to clear John B’s name and get justice for Sarah, whilst you're hooking up with her goddamn ex.

When this whole thing between you two blows up like it inevitably will, just know that you have no one to blame but yourself”, he spat, turning and walking back over to crates, beginning to take them around to the kitchen entrance of the Yacht Club.

“Thanks JJ! I’ll be sure to keep that in mind”, she called out after him, watching him make his way inside. She felt as though steam was coming out of her ears and she swore that her face was beet red right now, matching the faded stain on her dress. She was expecting some sort of drama to occur tonight, but not once had she thought that it would’ve been with JJ instead of Topper.

Hearing the door to the garden close behind her, she took a deep breath before turning around to face him, “Hey, are you alright?”, he asked softly. He had definitely heard the fight, probably opting to stay inside so as to not incite any more tension.

“Yeah I’m fine”, she nodded, grabbing his hand in hers and giving it a gentle squeeze, “let’s head back inside, you might need to show me how to act like a proper Kook, I think I’m finished with being a Pogue for the night”, she winked.

Topper recognised her joking tone, hinging from the hips in a faux bow, “Why of course my lady, follow me”. If she was going to be treated like a Kook, what’s the harm in acting like one?

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