#they really made eddie question his relationship with ana

[supercalime]

hellooo, fellow bucktommy shipper (and casual b*ddie enjoyer, if it weren't for the horrors...) here! i really liked your take on b*ddie st*ns and how they are now making super wild assumptions based on some latest interviews.

you know one thing that irks me? somehow nobody seems to talk about is the fact that in canon, buck isn't written to be in love with eddie at all. like, can we please talk about this??? because I'm all for Death Of The Author. OS can talk about ships all he wants but in the end, only the canon narrative matters to me personally. i've watched long-form content with endgame couples being set up in the pilot episodes who become canon many seasons later (bones, castle, grey's anatomy, the mentalist, etc.), and the entire point of such couples is to establish that, yes, they have been having romantic feelings all this time since day one. they do so very very obviously. there is zero subtlety or room for questioning.

one of the most common tropes is to give one or both characters (of the endgame couple) another love interest so that the endgame couple can be full of jealousy and pettiness every time that other love interest is mentioned or shown. having another love interests always endangers the original closeness of the endgame couple, and then the breakup propels the endgame couple forward in their relationship. the love interest is always used for comparisons, to make it abundantly clear that everybody else is lacking in some way. at no point in 911 did they do so with buck and eddie??? these dudes go through various romantic relationships, and never ever has it been any issue to the b*ddie dynamic. never was it talked about. never were hints dropped that one of them is jealous. even now, with bucktommy, eddie shows not a single ounce of jealously. on the other side, look at how they showed us buck being obviously jealous because eddie monopolized tommy's time even though buck wanted tommy time himself! buck couldn't stand the jealousy even a little bit, and he ended up literally hurting his bestie because of it. but whenever eddie is involved romantically and sexually with someone, there are zero signs that buck is bothered or threatened or jealous. they both seem super chill? they do not question at any point that them dating other people might hurt their relationship? logically, that must mean buck's never wanted to be romantically or sexually involved with eddie (and vice versa). at it's core, b*ddie has been written as a friendship. to this day, we have no canon proof for anything else.

i would not hate b*ddie to happen or anything. i do enjoy b*ddie fics (those that aren't super misogynist ♥). and i think it could be a great couple if done well! but as you said, even when buck thought eddie was hot... well, so what? that's literally just an objective observation. RG is handsome based on societal standards. chim and hen also immediately acknowledged that eddie was hot in 2x01, and both of them are Not At All romantically or sexually attracted to eddie either. nobody is questioning chim's or hen's sexuality based on the comments they made about eddie being hot. because nothing about this equals real romantic feelings or the desire to be in a relationship. the fandom understands that logic just fine with chim and hen. why not with buck, though? also, we have yet to see a reversed moment for eddie staring at buck and finding him hot. they had no problem to show eddie Immediately having a crush on ana flores when he first met her. this shows that eddie feels sexual attraction just fine. he was, however, never shown in canon to feel it for buck.

also interesting: even though buck found eddie hot when they first met, it did not trigger buck to seriously question his sexuality at any point in the past like, 5 years or so. in all those years of canon b*ddie friendship, the show has never used the plethora of opportunities to propel b*ddie into romantic or sexual territory. the show could have! but the show never did, so i refuse to let b*ddie st*ns or OS retcon this. if it's not in the canon material, it isn't canon. with tommy, it took only a couple of weeks and a handful of interactions for buck to reach a point of clarity about his sexuality. the most logical deduction imo is that buck simply clocked that eddie's hot (like everybody else, duh, he isn't special in that regard), and it's never meant anything deep.

my only real probem with this entire situation is how hardcore b*ddie st*ns are now using this as a justification to harass others even more (especially bucktommy shippers). i'd love to enjoy canon bucktommy and fanon b*ddie in peace! but the hate that b*ddie st*ns are spreading everywhere again (like with every new season and newly introduced love interest) is so overwhelming.

sorry for the long ass rant btw oopsie. feel free to ignore this. i just wanted to let it out and it seemed like you would understand. anyway, thanks for reading in case you got this far!

I’d never ignore a sensible take, anon! (I feel bad that you had to go anon but I understand. We know the drill by now, some stans are scary lol)

But like, ALL OF THIS!!!

Discourse like this is what takes away the enjoyment of media for me. It sucks that fandom experience can have two very extreme opposing sides, specially when it comes to two “competing” ships. You can kinda tell by how bucktommy shippers behave (I’m not trying to flex at all because I am one. A good majority of us has zero problem with b*ddie endgame even though we prefer the other. We like what we are getting and are happy to see this storyline play out) compared to b*ddie shippers (of course not all of them, I’m talking about the entitled ones. That clog comment sections, bother actors, go to the other ships tag to complain about it and say how their preferred ship is better, etc).

Im not immune to bad takes and bad fan behavior. Ive surely acted like these stans in other fandoms and i do regret it, so i hate seeing it happen again and again, no matter where i go.

Not to quote mean girls, but I wish we could all get along…

All that being said, whichever ship “wins”, it’s no one’s call but the writers and producers of the show. Someone told me that Tim writes for himself and doesn’t take outside factors (at least to an extent cause it’s impossible to not know the fan reaction) into consideration when it comes to where he wants the story to go.

#don’t apologize anon #im not a popular blog so getting a nice ask is always fun to read and respond to :) #lety rambles #ask #911 #bucktommy #tevan #firefly #firepilot #911 abc

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Fic rec for my BFF, pt.2 : Seasons 4-5

Here's the next part of my "fic rec for my BFF who's watching 9-1-1" series, covering seasons 4 and 5!

Season 4

To Build a Home We Deconstruct Our Rituals by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

Post-S4, Marriage of convenience | 44K | Explicit

After the shooting, Eddie realizes he needs to put some things in place. Like who will get his assets if he dies. Who will speak for him if he ends up in a coma. What might happen if his family contests Buck's guardianship. Luckily, he's got a simple easy-peasy solution that won't result in insanity, catastrophe, or heartbreak: Marry Buck.

Eddie: Let's get married! In a platonic way! 😆

it's blue (the feeling i got) series by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck

Post-Shooting | 4 works, Complete | 37K

don't want no other shade of blue but you (Post-S4E14 | 11K | Teen): “You can’t go see your son like this.” That gives Buck pause. “He’s not—he’s not my son.” “Isn’t he, though?” she says. And part of Buck wants to argue, but a bigger part of him thinks, isn’t he, though? Not by blood, sure, or legally, but in all the ways that matter, Christopher is as good as his son. if your cascade ocean-wave blues come (Post-S4, Getting Together | 16K | Mature): “You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” Ana sounds disappointed, but not all too surprised.“Yeah,” Eddie says. “Sorry.” “It’s because of Buck,” she says, barely a question. “Isn’t it?” “Um,” Eddie says, because he doesn’t really know how to answer that when Buck is flipping pancakes at the stove three feet away from him. in my eyes, my heart, my soul (Fluff | 2K | General): “We made you pancakes for Father’s Day,” Christopher says. Eddie watches the expressions that cross Buck’s face. Surprise, confusion, then a careful kind of joy like he’s beginning to put together exactly what Christopher means.  “For—for me?” Buck asks, so quiet Eddie barely hears it. “Yeah,” Christopher says. “I want you to be my other dad. If… if you want to be.”  the blues, and then purple-pink skies (Established Buddie, Secret Relationship | 8K | Teen): OR: three times Buck and Eddie (think they) manage to hide their relationship, and one time the truth comes out.

Stucky has Post-Winter Soldier recovery fics, Steddie has post-Upside Down recovery fics, and Buddie has Post-Shooting-Buck-moves-in-with-the-Diazes fic! 😆

this must be the place by euadnes/ @kananjarus

Canon Divergent, Post-Shooting | 75K | Teen

Every life altering event is often led up to with a series of other important events. In this case, there were at least three: An unstoppable fire. An afternoon spent underneath a blanket of California blue sky. But firstly, and maybe the most important of all: There was the impeccable aiming of an ex-sharpshooter. Or, the Buck is also shot by the sniper AU that no one asked for.

Benign Fatality by EtoileGarden/ @etoilegarden

Time Loop AU, Season 2-4 | 23K | Teen

Eddie noticed it like this; Sometimes, when Buck’s done a day too many times, he forgets that this day might be the real day, the one that continues on into the rest of his life. It’s exhausting dying and waking up just to go die again. And the thing was, when a death was to do with work, he knew he could just ask to be man behind, or not go into work, but - but who would he be condemning to die in his place if he didn’t go in and try to avoid it? Maybe no one, yes, but maybe someone. Buck repeats days until he doesn't die in them, has an underdeveloped sense of self worth, and Eddie is the one who wants to step in with him.

Amazing fic, such an interesting concept!!

i don't swim and you're not in love by hattalove/ @hattalove

S4, Post-Buck Begins | 32K | Teen

She turns to Eddie and says something else, but Buck is busy fighting the headrush he gets at the sound of Ana Flores calling Eddie and Christopher 'the boys'. Like they belong to her already. God, what’s wrong with him? What is this? or, eddie cooks, chris domesticates a slug, and buck tries to figure out why he hates his best friend's girlfriend. to everyone's immense shock and surprise, it goes badly.

A Classic by the always amazing hattalove!!

everything (nothing) has changed by bizarrestars

Post-S4, Love Confessions | 48K | Explicit

Buck breathes for a moment, then sets his shoulders. "Eddie, there's something I have to tell you." "Do you?" Eddie asks flatly, still alarmed and doing his best to hide it. "I would've never guessed." Buck swallows. "Eddie, I love you." "Are you softening the blow, or buttering me up? Because, I've got to tell you, I'm still very worried regardless," Eddie tells him. "No, you don't understand. I love you. I'm currently in love with you," Buck says as evenly as possible, and even then, his voice wobbles precariously there for a moment. He exhales. "You don't have to worry about it, though, because I've processed it and decided to—to find relief in telling you before moving on and moving forward." Eddie stares at him. No response at all. Well, at least he's not freaking out. Or: After Eddie gets shot, Buck confesses his love. From there, things get a little out of hand.

Literally only just read it but the idiocy in this is CHEF'S KISS 😘👌 (#eddie said: get over me??? youre gonnna get over ME??? dont think so, <- love this tag 😂)

Those Two Firefighters by DarkFairytale

S4 to S6, Social Media/Outsider POV | 64K | Teen

#thosetwofirefighters starts to gather a following on social media, as everyone tries to figure out if those two cute firefighters from the 118 in LA are a thing or not.

Just a fun crack-y "social media" fic with some outsider POV mixed in (plus some 911LS!)!

Stuck on Fast Forward (Throw Away the Blueprint) by extasiswings/ @extasiswings

Post-S5, Friends with Benefits | 42K | Explicit

“Sounds like the problem is you think casual sex with a stranger or finding someone new to date are your only options.” Eddie’s brow furrows. “Aren’t they?” “I mean, there’s always…someone you already know. Who you’re already comfortable with.” “Because my pool of male friends who are single and who would be interested in having sex with me has so many options?” “Well, I don’t know about many, but you only need one,” Buck points out. “And who would that be?” “Me, of course.” [Or: Frank gives Eddie therapy homework, Eddie misunderstands the assignment, and Buck is just a really supportive friend...right?]

Have some more FWB, as a treat 😌

Season 5

The Aftermath of Liberation and Love Confessions by ElvenSorceress/ @elvensorceress

Post S5E9: Past is Prologue, Coming Out, Getting Together | 17K | Teen

After a very long year of one terrible thing after another, Eddie has a brand new life strategy. It’s called not giving a shit. There’s the fire of a challenge in Buck’s eyes and a clench in the set of his jaw, and come on, it’s not as if Eddie forced Buck into dating the reporter. Not like he pays it any mind whatsoever. It was doomed from the start. She’s not good enough for him. She’s a terrible fit for him. Buck’s clearly been miserable for months. Still, Buck says, “Yeah, Eddie. Why don’t you teach us. What would you say if you were professing your love?” You mean something besides, “In the event of my untimely death, I made you legal guardian of my child”? In which Eddie comes out, sexuality is complicated but coffee is not, Buck makes an excessive salad and is also roasted, everyone has a love confession, and December is the most dramatic time of year.

Eddie not giving a shit is A Mood 👌 worth reading just for the scene from the summary 😆

Courtship Behaviors of the Southern Coastal Husbro by Mad_Lori/ @madlori

Post-S5, Queer Platonic Relationship, Getting Together | 49K | Explicit

“I want you in my family, I want us to be a family. Officially. A family can be a guy, his son, and his best friend, right?” Buck’s lower lip was trembling. “You’re really asking me to be your…what, now?” “Frank called it ‘platonic life partners.’” Buck looked stunned, and also…hopeful. “We could really do that?” - Buck and Eddie decide to become platonic domestic partners and co-parents. They are 100% super normal about it and absolutely nothing is awakened in them, except a mutual annoyance at being referred to as "husbros."

Love love love this series!!!

everything's coming up milhouse by hammersmiths/ @bucktommys

Post S5E10: Wrapped In Red, LAFD Liaison Eddie | 10K | Teen

LAFD Updates (@L*A*F*D_Metro) LAFD Alert: Red-level traffic on Gardiner Road this morning. If you are trying to get into the city centre consider taking Westerley Lane. buck 🔥🔥 (@firebuck) so true bestie or, Eddie mans the LAFD Twitter account. Buck tries to be supportive.

THE Twitter Eddie fic <3 just a funny social media fic but it's real cute!

let's hear it for the boy by hattalove/ @hattalove

Post-Season 5, Eddie Coming Out | 56K | Teen

in which eddie attends a self-empowerment group for gbtq men to supplement his therapy, and is empowered to: forgive himself, say "i'm gay" to his own reflection in the mirror, accidentally adopt an adult, make fried rice, and tell his straight best friend that he's in love with him. not necessarily in that order.

Such an amazing Eddie character study/coming out fic, so good <3

The Best Lie is a Truth (My Best Mask is My Face) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

Post-S5, Fake Relationship | 43K | Explicit

The Buckleys are celebrating their 50th Anniversary, and Maddie and Buck are both expected to come. To take the heat off Maddie, Buck impulsively blurts out that he's seeing someone new. Obviously, there's only one solution: bring Eddie as his fake boyfriend, pretend to be in love with him, and survive the weekend with minimal bloodshed. No problem, except for the, uh. "Pretend" part. Oops.

Excellent fake relationship fic!! it's got it all! Pining! Practice kissing! There was only one bed!!

Leave the Light On (I'll Be Coming Home) by HMSLusitania/ @hmslusitania 

Post-S5, Missing Presumed Dead, Amnesia | 44K | Mature

“We’re here for our grandson,” Helena says. “Chris is still sleeping,” Buck says. “I meant, we’re here to take him back to Texas,” Helena clarifies. “Yeah,” Buck says. He’s too tired, way too tired to be tactful. “Over my dead body.” An accident on a call leaves Buck with custody of Chris after Eddie is... missing presumed. While they navigate their new family circumstances -- and fight to stay together, despite Eddie's parents' best efforts -- a John Doe wakes up in a coma ward with no memory of his own life beyond the knowledge he has a son named Christopher and, somehow, he needs to get home.

The angst is SO GOOD!!!! A re-read favorite.

Plus or Minus by ElvenSorceress/ @elvensorceress

S5 | 10K | General

"Chris said you were crying. You came home, hugged him, and cried more than he’s ever seen.” Eddie considers for a moment but then shrugs and continues neatly stacking mugs in the cupboard. “It happens. Sometimes. I’ve been told I’m supposed to let it out instead of bottle it up. So. There you go.” “Why are you cleaning out the kitchen? Why is my stuff in boxes?” Eddie slows, then stops. “Figured you’d want it back.” It’s quieter. Pained. When he says it. “I haven’t decided anything. So unless you’re kicking me out—” “Buck. Come on.” He’s not angry or snapping. It’s still quiet, and somehow that hurts even more. He’s resigned and defeated, and Buck is a scooped out, gutted, hollow shell. “I know how this ends the same way you do. You want to be loved, you want to be married. You’re going to leave. Might as well…” His voice cracks before he can finish and get it under control. “Shouldn’t drag it out.” ~ Taylor is offered a job across the country and asks Buck to go with her. Buck has to figure out if he wants to start over or if he has a reason to stay right where he is.

The notes on my bookmark are: pining so good it gives you chest pains 🥺

Canon Divergent/AUs

Even in Winter There is Eranthis by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

Inspired by Hades&Persephone, Mythological AU | 45K | Explicit

Buck is supposedly a god. Supposedly. But he's got no idea what his domain is or what role he plays in Olympus. When he meets Christopher, a young boy lost and trying to find his father, he helps Chris get home - and ends up accidentally binding himself to the Underworld. Now bound to Eddie, the god of the dead, Buck must spend half the year with him in the Underworld while winter reigns above. But even as something grows between them, there are still trials to endure. Just because the gods are not mortal... does not mean they cannot die.

my words are paper tigers by hattalove/ @hattalove

Time Loop, Canon Divergent | 20K | Teen

He wakes up with Eddie's arm thrown over his waist. There's a pit in his stomach as soon as he opens his eyes, because the alarm is on again, the same radio station, the same song. The sunlight streaming into the room is buttery-soft, brand new because it's early. The alarm is ringing so they can take Chris to school. And— He reaches out for the bedside table on his side of the bed they share, clumsily unplugs his phone one-handed. The screen lights up to a familiar wallpaper, and it's right there, just above the top of Buck's head: Wednesday. or: buck breaks up with eddie, even if it means losing a part of himself, because it's the right thing to do. the universe decides to test that conviction.

I fucking love time loop fics!!! 👌

Hot Ghost Problems by ebjameston/ @ebjameston

Canon Divergent, S2, Ghost Buck, Witch Eddie | 41K | Teen

Eddie is the newest firefighter at the 118. Buck is the ghost haunting the 118. Unfortunately for both of them, Eddie's also a witch and needs to put Buck's spirit to rest, because that's what witches do. Turns out, Buck's spirit? Super not interested in being put to rest. Very interested, however, in flirting with Firefighter Diaz, who is just trying to survive his candidate year. (Also turns out, Buck? Super not dead.)

I know you love witchy vibes and I really enjoyed this one! There's also a great podfic if you like that.

#favorites #epic buddie fic rec #buddie fanfiction #buddie fic rec #buddie fanfic #buddie fanart #buddie fic

[lover-of-mine]

Okay, I said I was gonna make a post about the way I believe Ryan is playing Eddie as in love with Buck because of the way he makes certain choices about Eddie regarding Buck that are similar to the ones he made about Eddie regarding Shannon, and this is it.

The whole thing started with the way Eddie looks away from things that make him experience intense feelings, but mostly when he doesn't like what he's feeling in a sense. He looks away from Shannon all of the time, when they're fighting, before she goes to the school, and in the firehouse, when she says she wants a divorce.

He's avoiding his parents eyes when they are trying to take Christopher, he looks away from Frank all the time.

He can't look Buck in the eye when Buck is trying to tell him that Chris got lost in the tsunami, he looks away from Ana because he knows he's hurting her (he does force himself to watch Shannon as she dies but I feel like that's a lot more about his loyalty/instinct to protect because that moment is fully about her because she's dying).

That's a consistent trait Ryan gave Eddie, he looks away, I think it even makes sense with the way Eddie runs away from stuff. And that makes moments when he's avoiding eye contact with Buck that much more interesting.

Because take 3a for example, buddie has quite a few emotional conversations, but during those, Eddie is mostly always staring Buck down or actively trying to force Buck to look at him (except when it comes to the fight club but the fight club is a lot more about shame in my opinion).

But when you look at the will reveal for instance, Eddie is consistently forcing himself to look back at Buck. His instinct seems to be to keep looking forward, and he needs to remember to look at Buck from time to time. (I'm not gonna put the whole scene here, but go rewatch and pay attention to where Eddie is looking)

And sure, the way Eddie simply refuses to look at anything relating to Buck's death can be seen as just "my best friend died" because any reasonable person would have an extreme reaction to watching their best friend die.

But, I don't see how that applies in the cemetery. Because Buck says "she sees me" and Eddie gives him that disbelief look and then just, stops looking. Honestly, there's no reason for that conversation not to involve them looking at each other, the point that's made that they are looking straight ahead is very interesting on its own but, like, when you add the fact that Eddie looks away from shit he doesn't want to feel/wants to run away from, that conversation has a whole other fun layer.

Even more with the way that Buck is lowkey looking like a kid tugging on your sleeve to get your attention and Eddie just refuses to look at him.

But my point really comes to the fact that these are all the same reaction.

And how do you explain the decision to make Eddie react the same way he does when Shannon is asking him to make a decision about them and then when she makes the decision herself by asking for a divorce when he thinks Buck has made a decision about them so he needs to back off?

That's his breakup face, plain and simple.

And it's not a reaction Eddie has to Shannon once, is something that is consistent with the way we see Eddie reacting to Shannon, and I personally think its a lot of the way it makes us never feel sure about the relationship, because Eddie is consistently presented to us when it comes to this as "I love her but I'm not sure about having her around". And these are his reactions to moments where Shannon makes him question where they stand. Moments where he's questioning if he actually understands where their relationship is.

You can't have Eddie question the nature of his relationship with Buck just because Buck has a crush and tell me that Eddie is experiencing purely platonic feelings.

And these are acting choices, and Ryan is very consistent about the way Eddie reacts to stuff, so the fact that he is wearing his "Shannon is making me feel thing" face says something.

I also said earlier today that Eddie is aware of his feelings because he stops saying emotional things while looking at Buck. Like, after the tsunami he is literally chasing Buck's gaze to force him to look at him, he doesn't look away from him at the grocery store or when they make up after the lawsuit or even after Buck fights with his parents, but starting with the will reveal, he looks away when saying things, and it makes me wonder if there's a level of that that is about making sure Buck can't read his reaction to what he's saying, because he doesn't want Buck to look too closely.

Anyway, that's all for today, as always, if you read this I love you <3

#911 #911 meta #buddie meta #eddie diaz #buddie thoughts #im gonna go to bed now #i dont feel nearly as crazy about this one as i do other metas #is too many instances to be a coincidence yk? #ryan is on our side #and he put in enough work that the second they decide to make buddie canon that can just push Eddie into doing something #and make it make sense #anyway #Ryan is playing Eddie as in love with Buck and I will take no criticism

[dangerpronebuddie]

Kiss Me Once Cause You Know I Had A Long Night 29/?

71. Lingering forehead against forehead, consumed by each other to the point of barely having strength enough to breathe

Summary:

"So what's this revelation you wanted to tell me about?" Eddie tossed his keys on the counter and stood in front of Buck. The setting sun offered just enough light to see the softness in his eyes, and the slight curve of his lips.

(read below!)

Buck took another long pull of his beer. It did nothing for his nerves. He knew he had nothing to worry about, not really.

But telling Eddie would open a door he'd long thought closed. Since the day Shannon came back.

Opening it was dangerous. If, by some tiny chance, Eddie loved him back and it didn't work, he'd be throwing away the best friendship- the best relationship- he'd ever known.

Keys jingling behind the door drew him from his quickly growing spiral. He wiped his surprisingly sweaty palms on his thighs and stood as Eddie came in.

"Sorry I'm late," Eddie said as he entered the loft, "there was construction on Sunset."

"I knew you'd get here eventually," Buck said with a smile. The last time Eddie was late was because of Ana. Now, not even Marisol stopped him (Buck did not do a happy dance when Eddie told him about the breakup yesterday. He did not).

"So what's this revelation you wanted to tell me about?" Eddie tossed his keys on the counter and stood in front of Buck. The setting sun offered just enough light to see the softness in his eyes, and the slight curve of his lips.

"Well, you know the other day when I uh... came out to you and Chris?" Buck asked, wringing his hands.

Eddie nodded.

"I was... I was wondering if m- maybe..."

Why was it so hard? Eddie was his best friend, it should be easy. But... maybe that's why it's not. If they tried it, and it didn't work-

"Buck," Eddie said softly, clapping a reassuring hand on his shoulder, "you know there isn't a thing you can say to me to make me walk away."

Buck ducked his head with a bashful smile, his lower lip between his teeth. Eddie's thumb swept across his pulse point, encouraging him and grounding him at the same time.

He took a deep breath and looked into Eddie's eyes. "Would you like to go out on a date? W- with me?"

Slowly, like the sun rising, a smile appeared on Eddie's face. A smile so bright and beautiful it made his eyes crinkle. God, Buck loved him.

"Yes," Eddie said with a happy giggle. "I'd love to go out with you."

Buck couldn't help the relieved breath he let out. He couldn't believe his ears, his eyes. It wasn't all in his head. Eddie had feelings for him too.

"I have one question though," Eddie asked, the smile transforming into possibly the hottest smirk Buck had ever seen.

"What's that?" Buck asked.

Eddie placed a steady hand on his waist. "Do I have to wait till after our date to kiss you?"

Buck giggled and wrapped his arms around Eddie's waist, drawing him in. "I'm done waiting," Buck whispered before pressing his lips to Eddie's.

He expected stars, or supernovas, or at the very least confetti canons. Instead, all he felt was a sense of home, of rightness. A band in his chest unfurled as the hand on his shoulder slowly came to rest at the nape of his neck.

Eddie pulled away and rested their foreheads together. "Wow," he whispered.

"Yeah," Buck said with a breathless chuckle.

Eddie leaned in again, slotting their lips together. Buck pulled them flush together as Eddie teased the seam of his lips apart. Sparks flew down Buck's spine, lighting every nerve on fire. Lightning couldn't compare.

They kissed until the need for oxygen pulled them apart. Buck rested his forehead against Eddie's, his hands splayed across his back.

"Is it too soon to tell you I love you?" Eddie asked.

"I think we've been saying it for years," Buck said. The door he was so afraid had been closed was always open, just waiting for them to step through. Together.

"I love you," Eddie said, pressing a chaste, already familiar kiss to Buck's lips.

"I love you," Buck grinned against his lips.

They did go on their first date... after a few other firsts.

#911 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #911 abc #9-1-1 #fanfic #911 spoilers #s7 #my writing #Kiss Me Once #I'll add it to ao3 when it's back #i just had to get it out of my head #911 speculation #kinda #i know it won't but oh well

[m3r1m4r5u333]

Argh. I'm in an emotional rollercoaster about this storyline in which Buck gets jealous when Eddie gets close to Tommy.

I mean, on one hand, it's hilarious that it's Tommy, Eddie's male friend, and not Marisol, Eddie's girlfriend, who ignites this jealousy in Buck.

Because doesn't it kinda hint that Buck has (maybe sub-consciously) internalized that Mr. "Imagine Jello with me" Diaz truly is so bad with women...

that any relationship he has with a woman can be happily ignored, as it clearly poses no threat to Eddie's and Buck's relationship.

...HOWEVER!!

On the other hand, the fact that it's Tommy, not Eddie's girlfriend, that sparks this jealousy... ?

It wrecks me because it also is pretty damn heart-breaking and sad if you look at it another way!!

Maybe this jealousy, sparked by a male friend, tells another story of Buck's thought progress.

Maybe it tells us a tale of Buck getting burned before, and learning from that, and then, to avoid further hurt, rethinking his role in Eddie's life, and clinging to what he thinks is safe and certain.

After all, there was a time when Buck, Eddie and Chris did so much together, all the time. They were close, Buck was absolutely parenting, Buck felt like he really belonged. They were a family.

And then all of a sudden, it was taken away from him!!

Imagine how deeply that would hurt.

This severed connection is btw, pretty heavily implied/canon, I think - we pretty much know, I'd argue, that when Eddie started dating Ana, there was a time when Buck did not get to see Chris much.

In the episode in which Ana and Chris visit Eddie at the firestation in 5x02...

Buck is overjoyed to see Chris, he gives him a really fierce hug, immediately asking Chris "How are you?"

I really get the impression that they haven't seen in a while.

It's supported by the way Eddie watches and grins like it's such a thrill for him, to see Buck and Chris meet - that's not really something he'd do if he saw them interact all the time, is it?

What Eddie says after he forgets to introduce Ana (too spellbound by Buck and Chris to remember her existence, basically) and has a panic attack - further supports this faltering connection.

Eddie runs off under the pretense of needing to put the salads Ana brought to the fridge.As he's making his escape, in panic, he mutters

"I don't want these things to wilt."

It's supposed to be an explanation - must save the salads from wilting! - but combined with the way he says that soon after he's just witnessed Buck and Chris meet, and the subtext telling us that it's been a while...

Eddie has just been reminded of how well the Diaz-Buckley family fits together,

and does not want those bonds to wilt - and he's realising that they have been, due to Ana pretty much taking over Buck's former parental duties. (And hey, then Eddie pretty promptly dumps Ana.)

But that doesn't erase or entirely fix what has already happened.

Buck has learned that he is replacable, that his status in the Diaz family is not guaranteed. He can be family one day, and then all of a sudden, shut out.

Learning that he's written in Eddie's will would not really cheer him up much, either. It's not security to know that he can be a parent, truly, without question - if Eddie is dead.

And then that talk he has with Eddie about a ready-made family. It really makes it clear that Buck is hurt. He tries to hide it, but it's so visible when Eddie talks becoming a ready-made family, and Eddie not knowing if he's ready for that.

Supposedly Eddie is talking about his ready-made family with Ana... But he's looking at Buck. He says "we became a ready-made family". And looks Buck in the eyes.

They aren't total idiots, they would have realised how much this whole unit of Chris+Eddie+Buck spending time together really imitates other families.

So there's no way that they don't realise that on some really repressed, strange level, this talk is about them, being a family.

Also, why would Buck look so hurt and sad, why would he look down, if he was fine with the way things have been? If Eddie was really talking about just Ana, and Buck had never felt like he was family, why would that talk about a ready-made family make him feel so uncomfortable?

Buck is hurt because he knows he was family, and he knows he was replaced, and then Eddie even kinda admits it.

And Eddie also implies that he's not ready for that.

That's really not an invite to get invested again. Nope, it's a life lesson for Buck:

Do not take these family interactions for granted. Who knows when Eddie is done with them, and you find yourself outside in the cold again!

So Buck deals with that by clinging to what is safe. What is secure. What he thinks he can have, and keep.

He decides that even if his role as a co-parent is uncertain, and may end up in the bin whenever... His role as a best friend? That's guaranteed.

So he does not feel threatened by Eddie's girlfriends. He understands now what space Eddie's partners may take in Eddie's and Christopher's life,

but that's fine because Buck can set up another spot for himself. It's maybe not ideal, not what he'd choose, but it's a spot nevertheless!

After all, Eddie finding another girlfriend, or even a wife, another co-parent... Does not remove Eddie's need for a best friend. Even married people crave friendships! So that role is available, that Buck can do, holding onto that won't get him burned!

He thinks.

And then this fucker Tommy steps into the picture, and Eddie bonds with him.

Buck gets nervous. What if he's wrong? What if even the friendship, the best friend status, is something that can be suddenly ripped away from him?

So Tommy is now competition, a threat, someone who could steal the one position by Eddie's side that Buck thought he had, for certain, for good.

Buck is worried. Jealous. Angry. Scared.

...

Anyway! See now, why this storyline is absolutely destroying me?!

#911 abc #buddie #911 buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie 911 #evan buck buckley #911 on abc #911 speculation #eddie díaz #abc 911 #tommy kinard #ana flores #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family

[sevensoulmates]

As always it's a delight to get to read your posts and meta, it's just as satisfactory and fun as it is watching the show. You're just awesome ❤️

You know after watching the last episode (and now that we know little bit more about Marisol) it made me feel really sorry for her, because I just know she'll be collateral damage while Eddie figures himself out and that's just so sad. And I wasn't really sure why those comments Eddie made about him/Marisol when they encountered Buck and Tommy at the restaurant and after having sex with her made me feel so uncomfortable, but then you pointed it out and I was like yeah that was kinda like locker room talk, Eddie was overcompensating here like trying to be a big macho man and that's why it felt so weird.

I'm baffled about Eddie's situation the most because I'm sure it's gonna be hell for him for a while since he will have to work through a lot of issues to finally be at peace with himself. And until stated otherwise my headcanon is the same as yours. I'm sure he is a gay repressed man (and not no get into the gay Eddie vs demisexual  Eddie discourse but I'm sure he may be both) I grew up in a Mexican household, I was raised catholic and although I wasn't in the army my dad was and he raised me and my siblings with an iron fist. So Eddie's background/storyline has always hit too close to home for me. I'm just dreading all the issues he's going to have to face.

Which brings me to this. To show his coming out arc and make it into completion do you think they will have to show us more about his childhood and upbringing, not just having Eddie talking about it but to have scenes like we did with Buck's childhood?

And why do you think the scene about Buck apologizing to Eddie for hurting him at the basketball court had to happen off screen?

Btw thanks for always replying to my questions.

Hi there!!! No problem!!! You always have super interesting questions to ask, so I am always delighted to answer them!

We all know how Eddie feels about "performance". I just feel like why would Eddie feel like the performance stops once he's actually made it past the dating phase and into the relationship phase? Maybe the external pressure from others is off (none of his family or the firefam questioning him, etc) but in order to KEEP the relationship, it really would require MORE performing.

It's fascinating to me, because we don't see Eddie acting this way with Shannon. You could make some arguments that their relationship was pretty fractured from the get-go and we didn't really see their dating/"honeymoon" phase but even when they were ~slightly~ back together in season 2b, Eddie wasn't acting like that with Shannon. Even when they were sleeping together, he wasn't. The most he did was make a couple of cringe comments about his "dashing good looks" or something, but that was more poking fun at himself. Even when Eddie was telling Buck about how "sex complicates things" with Shannon, he wasn't out here smirking or making comments about how good it feels to finally get some after two years of (apparent) celibacy. Say what you want about their relationship, but at least Eddie respected Shannon enough as a person to not start speaking about her that way. Their relationship was far too serious for that.

With Ana, it was so incredibly hard to watch because even though the storyline ITSELF wasn't about sex, a lot of their scenes had that edge to it? Like the sex-scene fake out in season 4, "grade me on a curve", "you really like to see me dressed up" "and the other thing" it was so ODD and FORCED. At the time of s4/5 airing you could maybe chalk it up to Eddie overcorrecting since it's his first real relationship after Shannon, but then he goes and does the same thing with Marisol which now makes it a pattern.

Once it clicked in my brain that the reason his relationships with women feel so fake is that he is literally putting on a show of hyper-heterosexuality (idk if that's a real term or not but roll with me here) it all made sense. I think seeing him "in a relationship" with Marisol for real was the final puzzle piece to seal this deal for me.

His extreme performances with these women, combined with their purposeful lack of development into full characters, all points to the fact that none of these relationships are going to work out. Eddie is not going to be able to actually settle down with his "endgame" partner until he actually finds someone he can be his true, real self with and "doesn't have to pretend with them" ;)

Is it bad that I actually enjoyed getting to know Marisol a little? Putting aside the actress, Marisol, the character, is interesting, because we're actually getting to know her a little bit more, far more than we got to with Ana. But I find both of these love interests fascinating in one mutual way: the fact that they put up with Eddie. Like I think about other characters and if they would've been okay being treated by their partners the way Eddie treats his girlfriends and I'm like.....hell no!

Oddly enough the only person I could see putting up with it was Buck before he finally started realizing that he doesn't have to be in a relationship with someone just because they want him. Only someone who also has deep insecurities, abandonment issues, and a general lack of self-respect would put up with Eddie's BS to his girlfriends. That's not to say that Eddie's a horrible person or abuses his partners or anything, but it's basically indisputable that he does not ever put in any emotional work to actually create meaningful relationships with his girlfriends. So why were Ana and now Marisol, so willing to accept that?

Ana resisted the break-up even though she could feel Eddie's whole heart wasn't in it. She was willing to keep trying in a dead relationship just in the hopes that something would work out. The same goes for Marisol. Idk about you, but if I was in a relationship with a man for going on 4-6 months and he knew NOTHING about me? I'd feel unloved, uncared for, and unappreciated, and I'd LEAVE.

We know that Marisol was scared of Eddie rejecting her or fetishizing her and that's why she didn't tell him about the nun thing, and I understand her reasoning and fear there. But gworlie, what else do we know about you? Can Eddie name a single hobby you have outside of loving Jesus and DIYing houses? Does Eddie even know your last name? It really makes me think that Marisol is unfortunately the type to just let things like this slide in the hopes that some man will accept her, any man. Since they rarely do because of the nun thing. And boy, do I understand that feeling, but that's NOT real love. I bet you anything once we get to the Eddiemarisol breakup she's gonna be very similar to Ana in that she knew Eddie's heart wasn't fully in it, but she just didn't want to be alone again.

I think that like attracts like, and Eddie's clutching onto this relationship for the same reason Marisol's clutching onto this relationship: because it's easier than being alone and being judged for it.

This is a tangent but I also want to point out that one thing that Eddie found uncomfortable about Marisol being a nun was the fact that nuns used to be his teachers....but was Ana also not a teacher? Just because she wasn't a nun, doesn't mean she couldn't have also been in a position of power that Eddie could've found uncomfortable. I find it interesting that even though Marisol's not a teacher, the show found a way to connect her to teachers and therefore to Ana.

As for Eddie's coming out arc, while I don't think it's entirely a necessity to have flashbacks to how he grew up, I certainly think it would help a lot of people who can't read between the lines if they had some. I especially would like to see scenes of young him + Shannon. Maybe seeing how the pressure from his family and church led him to believe men have to be a certain way, potentially microaggressions about being lgbt that he might've seen from his family/church (I don't necessarily mean full-on homophobia but possibly like little ways in which he was shown that there was no other "acceptable" option from his church other than heterosexuality. I think seeing scenes of how he and Shannon got together could be enlightening too, how their community reacted to them getting pregnant, etc. I think all of this, combined with a mirrored storyline in the present (similar to Buck Begins) would really drive home the point the show is trying to make, especially if they can finally be overt about Eddie's queerness. BUT all of this can still be done present day without the need for flashbacks either. I just think it would be a way to make the storytelling more rich and to spell it out more obviously for the people in the back.

As for Buck apologizing to Eddie for the basketball scene...I would've liked to see it too, but at the end of the day, it's like Ryan said in his interview...Eddie was always going to forgive Buck because he loves him to his core, because he knew Buck didn't come at it from a place of truly wanting to hurt Eddie. All of it was a manifestation of Buck's own issues, and by this point (especially after the lawsuit arc and the deadbrother arc) Eddie is aware of that. We did see plenty of scenes where Buck was scolded and demonstrated he was aware his actions were shitty, and Eddie probably assumed that letting Buck stew in his own guilt was atonement enough. And so I think likely the writers felt that in the end, the sentiment got across. Separately--given all the switcheroo stuff that happened with 7x04 and 7x05, I wouldn't be surprised if there WAS an apology scene and it got cut for time.

#911 abc #speculation #eddie diaz #eddiemarisol

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Well. I guess today is the day I post this.

Putting this all below a cut to spare your dashes.

This statement will seem dramatic. I apologize. I don't know any other way to put this.

For a long time, I've felt unsafe in this fandom as a bisexual person.

At some point we got a new wave of people in this fandom (I can't pinpoint when since I never know anything that goes on in this godforsaken cesspit), and we started to get a growing wave of people talking about Eddie as a gay man, rather than bisexual or queer or ambiguous/unlabeled in his sexuality.

It was something I could easily ignore at first. I didn't agree with it, but I rolled my eyes and kept on keepin' on. It didn't really affect me. I had my own little corner and that was that.

But as time has gone on, it's become so popular and pervasive that every time I turn around, I'm running into it. It seems to be (but might not be, I could be wrong) the more popular interpretation of Eddie.

For example, I got an ask at the beginning of February, asking me what was wrong with gay Eddie, since it seems to be the "general consensus." Additionally, there was a podcast episode an anthropology student made where the host said that they have also seen people have generally decided Eddie is gay, not bi or queer. I'm not the only one who's noticed this and decided this is the general/most popular opinion of the fandom.

And I'm here to say that it's unbelievably hurtful.

It's not a new thing for people to dismiss Shannon. And let me tell you, it brings me no joy to defend her. I deeply, deeply dislike her and always have. But I must, because whether I like her or not doesn't matter as much as her importance to Eddie and her role in his life. Not just as Christopher's mother, but as his first love and as his wife.

However, over the past year or so there's been a serious shift within the fandom to ignore or gloss over Shannon, and to paint Eddie as a gay man who has always been gay, and never been attracted to women, and never wanted to sleep with one. Even though, canonically, he and Shannon jumped right back into bed together and wouldn't stop fucking every time they met up, despite that choice being detrimental to their relationship and preventing them from discussing important things.

Eddie was so busy fucking his wife like a rabbit in springtime that he couldn't settle down and talk with her. He fucked her repeatedly even though he didn't fully trust her with their son anymore. If that's not thinking with your dick I don't know what is.

Eddie's grief over Shannon's loss and his complicated feelings about her (his love for her vs his anger at her choices vs his own poor self-esteem) haunted him throughout season three. It's why he joined the fight club. It haunts him in season four, when he chooses to date Ana to give Chris a substitute mother even though he is not yet ready to date/move on from Shannon.

Even if I put on my Buddie shipper goggles and say, "what about Buck?" I do not think it makes any sense whatsoever for Eddie to be aware of his feelings for Buck pre-shooting. I think that is the moment he realizes what his heart wants and where he's chosen to love again. Not before.

Bobby moving on with Athena does in no way erase his love for his previous wife, and he went through a process similar to Eddie - in fact that similarity is part of why Bobby sees so much of himself in Eddie and why he tries to give Eddie advice on the subject. But I have to wonder, if Bobby had dated Michael instead of Athena, if the fandom would react the same way they do with Eddie - if they would claim Bobby was gay the whole time, and never truly felt sexual attraction for his wife.

I know Shannon is a disliked character by and large (I'm one of the people who dislikes her) and that her relationship with Eddie was complicated. Eddie wasn't always happy in his relationship with her. But neither was Athena, and yet the fact she was once attracted to and in love with Michael is never questioned.

Eddie is simply not allowed nuance in his relationship with Shannon. He is not allowed (as Bobby and Athena are) to have a complicated relationship with his spouse or to move on with another character while not denying his previous attraction to her. Eddie's relationship with Shannon is reduced to something he did because he had to, without any genuine sexual attraction, and without any sexual enjoyment. He is allowed to love her, but to never have been in love with her.

Eddie's biggest arc and piece of character development for two whole seasons (seasons two and three, arguably parts of season four) are erased.

The underlying message, whether intended or not, is that they are erased because they do not matter. And they do not matter because if they did, Eddie would be bi, or queer, or anything except 100% homosexual. And that means that the underlying message is that being gay is more important, more valid, and better than bisexuality.

I'm not saying this message is intentional. Frankly I don't think it is. I'm saying it is there.

And of course, when others have pointed out that this is hurtful and erases a big part of Eddie's history, and that therefore makes them feel ignored and erased as a bisexual person, there's been hostility. Some of it's been openly hostile and frankly feels like fighting for the sake of fighting, the kind of self-righteous love of blood in the water that has kept me a lurker in fandoms for so long.

The more insidious hurt, for me, is the people who refuse to publicly support people who call out the biphobia. They say nothing when people talk about how they're attacked for pointing out the issues with gay!Eddie, or they support both gay!Eddie and bi!Eddie sides, depending on the time of day and who's saying it. It makes me distrusting of a lot of people who try to tell me they support me. How can I believe you when you turn around and agree with the people saying Eddie's gay? Reblogging posts and championing it?

At best it feels like being accidentally hurtful while supporting/being open to multiple headcanons. At worst it feels like lying to placate me.

I don't appreciate being placated.

Fandom can give a skewed perspective on things such as representation in media. I understand that many people who identify as 6 on the Kinsey Scale have struggled deeply with repression, self-loathing, ignorance, and compulsive heterosexuality. I understand wanting that representation, especially in an older character when it feels like a lot of our media is still about queer teenagers rather than queer adults (especially queer adults over the age of thirty). And so with many slash ships having to deal with the existence of opposite-sex love interests in the characters comprising that ship, bisexuality can feel like the norm when in reality, characters who are gay (whether they always knew it or discover it later) are still much more prevalent than bisexual characters in media.

For example, in Our Flag Means Death we have Stede. In IT, Richie is inferred to be gay rather than bi (god forbid they confirm Eddie K's gayness but that's another matter...) In fact, in 9-1-1 alone, we have Michael. There's also the matter of who gets to be gay and who gets to be bi. In Glee, for example, Santana is the one who gets the nuanced coming-out story with drama and depth. Brittany, her bisexual girlfriend, doesn't get nearly as much attention or thought, and off-screen cheats on Santana in a staggering moment of biphobia (a decision the likes of which Ryan Murphy is not-so-affectionately known for).

Yet from people who headcanon Eddie as gay I repeatedly see the rallying cry of "letting us have this," as if 'this' is something they never get, or get less than bisexual people. Again, I understand the way fandom might skew things. But we cannot allow the broken goggles of fandom to, in turn, blinker our reality of the media landscape. Bisexuality is still less represented, and the wounds of "oh being with X man is nothing like all those women I was with, this is special and real" are still fresh (looking at you, Destiel shippers circa 2009-2012).

In fact as I out myself here as uh one of those veterans, I implore people to understand how this was the norm for so, so many years. Fandom has a short memory, I get it. It's hard to keep track of everything. But this embrace of bisexuality is rather recent. You look around and you see, for example, people happily joking about Dean Winchester's bisexuality. That was not always the case. For a long time, it was about perpetuating biphobia and casual misogyny as shippers wrote meta and fic about how no woman could ever make him feel like Cas does.

*pause for war flashbacks*

This was not the only instance or fandom. But I don't have time to name all the examples. My point is that there is a false collective narrative. My point is that when you are hurt, and have struggled, it can be hard to see that others have also been hurt and have also struggled. My point is that there is a continued instinct to put a certain type of character in one box and another type of character in a different box, and to try and expand the boxes, or move one character to another, is treated as a personal attack rather than an expansion of our understanding and a dismantling of our stereotypes.

Why is it always the character who has a lot of sex and/or is super comfortable on the subject of sex, or is very casual about sex, who gets to be bi/pan/fluid in sexuality? Why are bi people never allowed to be reserved, or have only one or two partners in their life?

Why is the character who is casual (or seems like they will be casual) and relaxed about sexuality the one who is labeled bisexual? Why are bisexuals never allowed to have angst around their sexuality or come out later in life? Why is our pain, our internal struggle, never allowed to be discussed?

I'm not saying Buck should be viewed as gay. I think it's correct to talk about him as bi/pan/queer. But I do think it's fair to examine why Buck's relationship with Abby is viewed in its proper important context while Eddie's relationship with Shannon is diminished and ignored.

Buck gets to talk about Abby. He gets to have genuinely been in love with her. He gets to retain that piece of his character. Eddie does not. Eddie's relationship with Shannon ended up hurting him just as much as Buck's relationship with Abby, in fact even more so, and yet people handwave that away as compulsive heterosexuality (which is not restricted to gay people, by the way, bi people experience that as well) and act like he didn't actually fall in love with her and have repeated enthusiastic sex with her.

People love to tout Ana as proof that Eddie is gay, but it doesn't matter what your sexuality is - if you aren't attracted to someone and you don't want them touching you, then you don't want them touching you. If you don't want to have sex with someone, you don't want to have sex with someone. Your sexuality doesn't matter. Just because a man is straight doesn't mean he wants to have sex with all women. Just because a man is gay doesn't mean he wants to have sex with all men. Just because a person is bi doesn't mean they want to have sex with everyone on the planet. And just because someone is asexual doesn't mean they have no libido or would never have sex at all for another reason (intimacy, fun, etc.). Sexual desire and drive are a very personal things, and both romantic and sexual attraction can play various roles or no role at all depending on the individual.

Eddie’s refusal to sleep with Ana or touch her is not a sign of him being gay as opposed to bi or queer or any other sexuality. It’s not a sign of any sexuality at all. It’s a sign that he was forcing himself into that relationship. He didn't want to be with Ana. He didn't love Ana. He didn't want to have sex with Ana.

Now, do I think how he broke up with her - his words about "the idea of us" - is insanely queer? Yes. Yes I do. And yes, for the record, I think that was deliberate on the part of the writers. But that simply says to me that he's queer. Not gay, not bi, not pan, not demi, not anything other than not straight.

To take that speech and those words and to say they could only possibly apply to a fully 100% gay man as opposed to anyone under the queer umbrella is hurtful. People's experiences as gay people are valid, and often, sadly, painful and just like Eddie's. But so are people's experiences as bi people, as pan people, as unlabeled people, as 'queer as in fuck you' people.

To wit: People ignore canonical evidence about Shannon, and claim canonical evidence about Ana as their own and no one else's, in order to support their interpretation of Eddie's sexuality.

That erases the rest of us.

I know that's hard to hear. I know that sounds like it comes with judgment. You are trying to speak your own truth, and you are identifying strongly with a character that you love, and it's hard to then hear that in doing those things, you are hurting or erasing others. I've had to hear that in my time, and I'm sure I'll have to hear it again, and it's never easy. But we must sit with this discomfort as our friend, not our foe, and use it to grow.

However, since fandom is our safe space, we often view anything and everything as a personal attack, and we often make judgments and interpretations based too strongly on our own experiences. Sometimes this is a good thing - I think the number of people who say Buck reminds them of their own ADHD are correct and that it adds great depth to his character. I'm glad Oliver has embraced it. I think the people who say Eddie speaks to their own demisexuality have a great point and I think it adds nuance to his character and behavior.

(In fact I also love trans!Buck headcanons! I think they're neat and I've read some fics I enjoyed that featured that.)

On the other hand, however, it often leads to people adding interpretations onto things that do not reflect canon or the actual character. They then view others pointing out the lack of support for this in canon, or the contradiction with canon, as a personal attack (looking at you, "Chim is abusive" people, go jump in a lake). It's hard to take that breath and recognize that not everything a character is or does or experiences is the same as what you are, or do, or have experienced. Especially when it touches on something as personal and important as our sexuality.

Because of this, I debated a long time on whether I should say something. I tried to identify the difference between what hurt me because it didn't line up with my thoughts and what hurt me because of actual stereotyping. I worked to make sure that this was more than simply taking an innocuous difference of opinion and twisting it into a personal attack.

Which brings me to why I say the word 'unsafe'. That seems like an extreme word. But I've seen people say that they "got a brain" and realized Eddie was gay, not bi. I've seen people take gifsets that mention Eddie being bi and tag them 'okay but I believe in gay!Eddie' or 'I'm a gay!Eddie truther'. I've seen people go out of their way in fics to mention Eddie disliking/being grossed out by female genitalia. I've seen fanartists put Eddie in gay colors/flags as opposed to bi/demi/etc colors/flags, on art that really didn't need it to convey the story - as if one cannot make a piece of art with Eddie on it without declaring one's opinion on his sexuality.

(Yes, I think there's a strong possibility that Eddie is demisexual. I wish people would embrace that idea more. Personally, I think he wouldn't label himself at all and simply say he was queer if asked. But given the discussion we're having right now on this post about gay/bi headcanons, I think it's clear a lot of people actually aren't as ready to embrace or consider minority sexualities as they might like to think.)

I repeat: this is not just happening on a person's own art or post or fanfic. People are reblogging posts, gifsets, and so on that mention bisexual Eddie and saying, okay but I see him as gay. They are not content to live and let live. They are actively saying they disagree. If you disagree, then why reblog the thing that talks about/mentions Eddie as bi? Why not simply leave it be?

I cannot overstate how hurtful this is; how much it feels like erasure, dismissal, and condescension.

You cannot tell me if that was something you saw about your gender, or sexuality, or so on, that you wouldn't begin to feel unsafe. That you wouldn't begin to question if you would be unheard, or dismissed, or viewed as less-than. Tell me you wouldn't start to wonder, if you were a character on a TV show, if people wouldn't erase your sexual and romantic history and ignore a big piece of yourself because certain sexualities just weren't good enough for them.

You cannot tell me that in seeing these things you wouldn't walk away with the idea that bisexuality (or other sexualities in general but bisexuality is the one brought up and to which being gay is compared in regards to Eddie) is viewed as lesser to these people, and to the community at large. You cannot tell me that some people are not internalizing this narrative, no matter what their own sexuality might be.

And, yes, reading that earlier paragraph you might say, "Mads, are you vagueing?" That is not my intention. I want to head off at the pass the rebuttal that this isn't happening. I want to cut off the demand for examples. However, I'm also not going to name names, because I don't wish to cause harm to people who I think, by and large, are well-meaning.

That's what I'm hoping is true, in writing this. That most of the people reading this, and pushing the Eddie-is-gay narrative, are well-meaning. "I'm bi myself!" many of you will say.

Yes, well. I'm a woman and I was perfectly capable of a lot of misogynistic thinking growing up, and I often fell into sexist stereotypes in my headcanons and writing and so on.

But I hope, since most of you are well-meaning, this post will instead cause you to think, and examine, and ponder.

I'm sure many people reading this are rolling their eyes and thinking, "what about the first rule of fandom? Ship and let ship? Kink tomato? Etc? Let people have different headcanons." I've certainly seen such flippant remarks from people before on this very subject in this fandom.

And the thing is, I have really tried to do that. I have tried to take it that way. But I think that it's also entirely fair for me to be hurt when a person's headcanon/interpretation ignores canon and erases a big part of a character's life and history.

I know, I know, we could get into a big philosophical discussion about how slash and femslash shipping by nature does something along those lines. But I feel that in the now-common interpretation of Eddie as gay, there is a pushing of stereotypes about both gay and bisexual people. There is a splitting of hairs on queerness. There is a subtext, whether acknowledged or not by those who push this interpretation, that being gay as opposed to a more fluid sexuality is more painful, more fraught, more challenging. That bisexuality, pansexuality, queerness as an umbrella term - those are less fraught and inherently easier. It's one of the pillars upon which exclusion in the queer community is based.

It also, generally, ignores the idea that one's sexuality can change over time. Maybe I'm wrong and maybe most people with the interpretation of Eddie as gay actually view him as being gay now and that's how he identifies now without erasing his canonical (and important) sexual and romantic attraction to Shannon. But that doesn't seem to be the case, and I certainly don't want to risk myself emotionally by trying to find out.

Not to mention that hey, when people are saying something is hurtful to them, seeing people make posts hand-waving and saying "get over yourselves, relax, take a chill pill" feels beyond condescending and dismissive.

I'd like to make it clear, I'm not asking for people to never write Eddie as gay, and that we should never see Eddie as gay again in this fandom, or that anyone who writes Eddie as gay should be dogpiled. I'm not the boss of anyone, I'm not the fandom police, I don't make the rules. But I think, when a certain behavior brings people pain - and more people than just myself, as I have learned in many private conversations - there comes a time when the least one can do is speak up about it.

Sometimes someone needs to be the one to stand up and say, "this hurts me. I am in pain, and this is why."

Again, especially when people are going out of their way to say "but I disagree, he's gay" on posts, gifsets, and so on mentioning Eddie having a different sexuality. You might feel this post is unnecessary. You might feel it's preachy. You might feel I should shut up and get off my high horse.

But the fact of the matter is when you come into someone's house tracking mud and they tell you to clean it up, you don't get to yell at them and claim they are trying to stop you from playing outside.

I kept my silence on this for a long time and part of that was I didn't want to police anyone. Now, however, we are at a point where people who think Eddie is gay are invading other people's spaces. It's not just that this headcanon is everywhere. It's not just that people are using such dismissive language when the possibility of Eddie liking women comes up. It is also that people are going out of their way to dismiss Eddie's bisexuality and argue that their interpretation is better on posts about Eddie being bi.

So frankly, I don't think anyone gets to walk away from this scoffing "don't like don't read" at me when nobody else around here is offering me that courtesy. If I could avoid reading it, I would. You came into my house, and the house of everyone else who makes a post, a fic, a gif, about Eddie being anything except a Kinsey 6.

Yes, reblogs are turned off for this. Anon is also turned off. You might say that's cutting off discussion, and you would be right. The blunt truth is I don't trust people online to respond with thoughtfulness, good faith, and care. I don't trust people to take their time and think before shooting off an emotional, defensive response. And I don't care to spend my time and energy educating people.

Maybe if I was a better person - a more social, more patient, and less private person - I would be the kind of person who would have the long hard discussions to educate and share my thoughts, to help you see my side. But that's not who I am, and I certainly don't owe it to anyone, not a single person here, to scrounge up my nonexistent trust and goodwill to have that discussion with you.

I've said my piece on this. I'm sure my tone seems harsh. The tone with which this is actually written is weariness, exhaustion, and, yes, nausea. It makes one sick and wears one down, to feel so on edge in a space and yet to try and ignore that to find joy anyway. Because I get a lot of joy in sharing my fics, and reblogging gifsets and meta, and I don't want to lose that joy.

But I suppose it needs to be said. I know others have said it, but I hope that I have said all this with enough calm and articulation that it will truly be understood, and it will not start drama or discourse, because that's not what I want. Truly. I spent enough of 2020 being dragged into one piece of bullshit drama after another. I'm not interested in wading back into that. I've kept pretty extreme radio silence for a reason.

My hope is simply for people to step back and take a long hard look at why they've decided one half of our ship is gay, and one half is bi, and what that might say about their subconscious stereotypes about gay and bi people.

If I've gotten you to do that, then this post is worth it.

I'm sorry I don't have any answers. I'm sure this would be a lot easier for people to read if I ended it with "and here's what to do moving forward." I think the desire to provide answers - for themselves and for others - is what drives people to make posts that condemn, or get aggressive, or seem to simply be out there to shut people up. People want to have a solution. They want the problem to go away.

I don't have a solution. I don't have answers for anyone. I truly wish I did. Part of why I've waited so long in posting this is trying to come up with a way to end this that would give people actionable steps. But at the end of the day, all I can really say is that I hope the people reading this will do some internal searching, and thoughtful discussion, and understand better the subconscious choices we make, the biases we hold, and how we can hurt people without meaning to.

I don't want apologies. I say that with love - I'm not looking for people to self-flagellate before me or make some kind of mea culpa post. I don't think that would help anything, and I don't think anyone owes that to me. Frankly I'm not interested in public discussion, and if there are posts others make about this, I don't want to see them.

You can make posts on your blog ranting about me (just please don't tag me, again, I don't want to see it). You can discuss this in your discord groups. You can vagueblog about me and chat about me in DMs. I don't care. I'd just like people to hear me say, "I am hurt, and you are hurting me, and I know it's not intentional, but this is why." Anything else is up to you. Any changes, in thought or behavior, are up to you. Probably nothing will change. But at least I've said something, and I've tried.

Thank you for reading this far, and I hope you have a great day. Stay safe and take care of yourself.

#I am so sorry this turned into such a manifesto #I tried to keep it succinct while also covering every possible base #to avoid misinterpretation or unkindness #but I suppose at the end of the day I am a long-winded person #who tends to over-explain everything #hopefully that over-explaining has cut down on bad faith assumptions #but with this fandom who knows #I'll probably be off tumblr for a bit because my anxiety is through the roof posting this #mads rants

[littlespoonevan]

my arms need someone to enfold

had an absolute Breakdown about buddie and a sunday kind of love by etta james yesterday so i wrote this. have there already been a million spec fics about 5x18??? yes but i needed to write eddie having a feelings realisation to this song and, well, it is sunday today so...it felt fitting 🤍

technically spoilers for 5x18 but not really (i wish this was a spoiler asjdfh)

-

Eddie leans against the bar, gaze sweeping the dancefloor in front of him. Hen and Karen are at the centre of it all, wrapped up in each other’s arms as they sway back and forth, and he’s pretty sure the rest of the guests could disappear and they wouldn’t even notice. He’s always been a little in awe of their relationship but today it really is something remarkable to behold.

Bobby and Athena glide past him then, murmuring to each other as they dance and not missing a step. There’s a sly grin on Athena’s face and he knows Buck thinks their flirting is gross but Eddie’s always liked the fact that they can still have fun together. No one’s ever made him believe in second chances the way they do.

He spots Chimney asking Maddie to dance a few tables over and grins to himself when she lets him lead her to the dancefloor, full of tentative hope. He thinks they’re pretty good at second chances too.

Something bittersweet and yearning fills his chest as he watches them – his friends, his family, held in the arms of their partners – and he’s not even sure what he’s longing for but he-

“How come we’re the two that always end up at the drinks table at every team get together?” Buck appears beside him, slouching against the bar and knocking his shoulder into Eddie’s.

“I don’t think this can exactly qualify as a team get together,” he points out, smirking when Buck rolls his eyes.

“Whatever. Half the firehouse is here. Athena’s here. My sister’s here. Everyone’s kids are here. We might as well be in Bobby and Athena’s back yard.”

And he’s got Eddie there.

Eddie casts a sidelong glance in Buck’s direction, watching him watch the dancefloor. His mouth quirks a little at the corners when he seems to notice Maddie and Chimney before settling into a softer smile as he tracks Hen and Karen.

“How’re you holding up?” Eddie asks, oddly nervous for Buck’s response. It’s only been a few days since Buck and Taylor broke up and, as much as Buck loves love, it’d make sense if it being surrounded by it today is getting him down.

When he looks at Eddie though his expression is warm and open. “I’m okay. Honestly, watching Hen and Karen today- it made me feel even more sure that I was right to end things.” He looks back out on the dancefloor and Eddie sees some of his own longing reflected in Buck’s eyes. “I was never gonna love her like that.”

He says it quietly, distractedly, with a hint of a rueful smile thrown in Eddie’s direction.

Eddie hums. He gets that. He never could’ve loved Ana like that either. “To answer your earlier question, we always end up here because we made the mistake of befriending couples.”

Buck snorts out a laugh, shaking his head. “Yeah, well, I don’t wanna dance with someone anyway. I’d rather spend time with you.”

Eddie’s chest fills with warmth, a kind of fizz beneath his skin that he only ever really associates with Buck. He opens his mouth to say something – return the sentiment, maybe, if he’s brave enough – when the clack of familiar crutches interrupts him.

“Buck,” Christopher calls out as he approaches. “Can you show me, Denny and Harry where you got those cupcakes earlier? We can’t find them.”

Buck chuckles, raising his eyebrows at Eddie in a ‘duty calls’ kind of way before turning to Chris. “Sure, buddy. Let’s go.”

Eddie watches them go, calling out a half-hearted, “Just one, Chris!” that earns him a long-suffering, “Da-ad!” and a laugh from Buck. He’s not on his own for very long before May fills Buck’s empty spot.

“Having a good time?” she asks and he nods.

“The ceremony was beautiful,” he says. The truth is he’d had a lump in his throat the entire time. When it’d come down to it it’d been a simple affair but there’d been something so honest and real in Hen and Karen’s vows he’d almost felt breathless. “Your mom tells me you finally made a decision about Dispatch?”

May lets out a breath, a half-nervous, half-excited smile on her face. “After consulting just about every single person in my life for their opinion, yeah.”

Eddie huffs a laugh. “Sometimes it helps to get some outsider perspective.”

“Sure,” she scoffs. “That’s what we’ll call it.”

She looks at him then, expression scrutinising. “What about you? Did you figure out what you wanted?”

Eddie thinks about it before he answers. Thinks about his trip to Texas last week and all the yelling. Thinks about the moment he’d reached the Arrivals area in the airport and found Buck and Christopher waiting for him with a “Welcome Home!” sign. Thinks about having Buck’s arms around him and how it’d felt more like a homecoming than stepping through his front door had. Thinks, for just a moment, about what it would feel like if he and Buck joined the other couples on the dancefloor, hands clasped and temples pressed together.

He looks out over garden again and finds him easily. Denny and Harry are distracted by their dessert but Christopher is laughing hysterically as he shoves a cupcake in Buck’s face while Buck squawks out in protest, pretending to bat his hands away.

And suddenly, the words of the song playing through the loudspeaker are all he can hear over guests’ chatter and the clinking of glasses.

Etta James is singing about looking for a love for all her life to have and to hold, Buck is playing with their kid, and Eddie finds himself nodding. As if sensing he’s being watched, Buck looks up and catches his eye, beaming bright and beautiful even with frosting all over his face. Eddie smiles back instinctively, involuntarily, like he doesn’t know how any other way to look at Buck.

(He doesn’t.)

“Yeah,” he murmurs, breath caught somewhere in his throat as anticipation makes his heart thump heavier in his chest. “I know what I want.”

#buddie #buck x eddie #911 fic #my fics #eddie loves golden oldies love songs actually <3

[mattbegins]

I’ve rewatched the scene with Bobby talking to Eddie so many times because it really reads like Bobby has some idea that what Eddie’s actually unknowingly struggling with is something in regards to his sexuality, and everything he talks about are things I had begun coming to terms with in the last two weeks as I’ve questioned my own sexuality so this conversation was really personal to me because hearing Bobby lay that out for Eddie immediately resolved my own crisis and now I’m certain I’m not bi- I’m gay (and demi). Which is a huge thing for me to realize because I’ve identified as bi ever since I started dating 8 years ago. But Eddie’s struggle and confusion makes all the sense in the world to me because I had/have the same questions as him and struggled to reconcile the clear feelings and care I had for women/femme presenting people I’ve dated, but I always felt like I was playing a part (“performing” as Eddie called it) and while I knew the lines and cues and it was easy to do, something was always missing. I felt like I was doing something ‘right’ and there was a sense of relief in that, something adjacent to happiness, but it always came up short. I would love talking with and hanging out with these partners and had been good friends prior to dating, but driving home I would wonder why I didn’t feel giddy or whole. Why I could never initiate physical contact. Why I could only objectively acknowledge that they looked beautiful, but that never translated to attraction. Why I couldn’t imagine futures together. But I liked these people. I cared about them. It was confusing. And after each inevitable break up I questioned if I just wasn’t meant for relationships.

But when Bobby validated those feelings and pointed out that Eddie doesn’t have commitment issues in general, it only seems to apply to women in his life, I thought about my relationships with men. My two longest relationships lasted 6 months and 3 years respectively, and they were with other men. My last crush was on a man. Flirting with men comes easier, I feel more loose and giddy in a surprisingly enjoyable way, I become more charismatic and at ease, I can show physical affection and compliment, and when I think about the future- road trips and grocery runs, school pick ups and drop offs, falling asleep on the couch or in the passenger seat- I see that with another man.

I think of me, and I think of Eddie. He and Shannon were friends as children and were close for years before they started dating, but only got married because she was pregnant and there was strong religious influence and social factors pressuring them. He cared about her though, he liked her, just as he cared about and liked Ana and Marisol. Those base feelings are valid, but the extent to which they manifest is dissonant for him. The idea of these relationships never matches up to the reality. It’s a performance and it’s a role he’s uncomfortable playing but has gotten used to because he didn’t know how to question it and he’s already learned the lines and blocking. He expresses he prefers being single because he can just hang out with guys because it’s less complicated, but he’s not at the point of questioning the source of that ease. He can’t commit to his girlfriend moving into his house, but he can commit to making Buck the guardian of his son in his will. He forges infinitely stronger bonds with the men in his life and we see a side of him that’s less conflicted, more at ease, more honest and silly, and freer than any time he’s with a woman.

Eddie Diaz made me realize I’m gay, so yeah, I’m pretty certain he is too.

#911 spoilers #thank you bobby nash #this was so helpful and liberating for me #eddie diaz #911 abc

[buttercupbuck]

i'm not mad about the finale, I just think it's so unbelievably disappointing that in a potential series finale they just had to have buck end up with someone that doesn't care about him and eddie with a carbon copy of Ana and yes I know these will be walked off in S7 and I know "dating someone you meet on a call never ends well" is telling us none of these relationships will last but man what a bad shallow idea the couch ended up being

i feel that! but idk....i think while there are definitely parallels to their relationships with taylor and ana, i don't think natalia and marisol are taylor/ana 2.0 and i am hopeful for the potential these storylines can have.

like. i think natalia and buck DID reach a good point in the last episode and i think it's maybe a little unfair to say that she doesn't care about him. does she fully understand him and his motivations? no, but they only just started getting together. i think they've given enough indications that they aren't made to last but i think while we do have them, there are a lot of different ways they can explore the relationship and his overall arc that wouldn't feel repetitive of his relationship with taylor (mostly because she is So far from taylor that im not even really worried about that)

and for marisol and eddie, i think they're cute. i'm really happy to see eddie genuinely excited about a relationship and pursuing it for himself instead of forcing a relationship and rushing it through for christopher's sake, and overall i think it'll be a good thing for him, even if it doesn't last

so yeah, i get it but im just gonna have faith in the writers until they give me reason not to. we were all upset about eddieana and bucktaylor at the end of s4 and questioning what the point of these relationships even were, but both of those storylines ended up being really well-done and impactful imo. so! ofc im not thrilled, but for now im just here for the ride

#ask #anon #911 spoilers

[lover-of-mine]

I had a theory I wanted to share but bear with me while I get to it.

Thinking about how now we know for sure Eddie & Marisol are actually having sex regularly got me thinking about how Eddie & Shannon's problem was never their sex life and wondering how/if that plays into Eddie being with Marisol? Because we know things never seemed to click with Ana both emotionally and physically but they are clicking physically with Marisol up until the whole nun thing after which Eddie seemed to be like "well I guess we'll break up now" but didn't seem too devastated by it? If anything he felt more like someone in the beginning of relationship not someone after months of dating & then moving in together. Which of course they decided to slow that because he realized they were going too fast but he said he really wants this time to work out but I'm not seeing a convincing reason why? They're friendly sure & having good sex I guess but what's their emotional connection? How close actually are they? I'm having a hard time understanding it. But this is only his like 3rd ever relationship right? He doesn't have a lot to compare it to & so maybe because he clicked in a way he didn't with Ana that maybe reminds him of what he had with Shannon? Except he & Shannon were best friends, they had a deep emotional connection in addition to a pretty good sex life. So I don't know but maybe Eddie is thinking they needed to move in because it would help them get closer and now maybe they need more time or something? We know he hates dating and feeling like he needs to perform so maybe it's like this is the first woman since Shannon he's able to/enjoys sleeping with so he figures that must mean something more? And I love the idea of he's never considered men being an option before and him now starting on that journey or realizing he did like men or at least Buck and he's now realizing Buck could be an option, like any of those theories and then realizing maybe what he's actually missing in his relationship with Marisol he already has with Buck and realizing he can also have that good sexual part of it (not that he has to but it does seem important to him) too. Because for all of the problems that he & Shannon had they did love and care about each other. I like to think if she'd lived they would have still gotten divorced & actually settled into a solid friendship with each other. But that's neither here nor there.

Is this a crazy stretch? Maybe. I'm just trying to make sense of it all. And I'm a Buddie girlie at heart always so it makes me feel more hopeful.

No, I'm actually with you here. I think Ana was just the first person he thought he could latch onto back then, and she was pretty and nice and Chris liked her, so he thought he could learn to love her eventually. I mean the show does imply that eddieana had sex. I know we like to joke they didn't, but the show very much does imply that with the "you really like to dress me up" "and the other thing" comment at the store before the first panic attack. But they weren't clicking emotionally and we didn't see them connect physically, so Eddie was just "sticking it out". Shannon, the sex worked and I did know how to talk, I don't think you can fight the way they did if you don't know each other. Shannon knew exactly how to disarm Eddie. How to say the thing that would get him questioning his actions. So even if we didn't get to see a lot of moments in their marriage where they were just happy, we know they had good sex and we know they knew how to talk. With Marisol he seems to be connecting with her physically, but he can't seem to connect with her emotionally, because we don't know anything about Marisol because the impression they are giving is that Eddie doesn't know a lot about her. He could have thought that the shock of moving in would bring them closer and then make the relationship better, there is an argument to be made there. And like, he says he really likes her but his brain went to the break up route and he didn't seem that devastated about it. It is canon information that this is Eddie's 3rd relationship, assumed 3rd person he slept with. So he doesn't have a lot of reference points. Which is why he keeps chasing Shannon. But I also think that enough pent up sexual energy can make people see more in a relationship than there actually is, good sex doesn't equal a good relationship (just look at Buck and Taylor and the way they had the chemistry but lacked everything else). But Shannon worked because they had both the friendship and the chemistry. If Shannon was still alive I think they would very much learn to be friends for Chris' sake and eventually settle back into the friendship and figure out who they are together while better equipped to handle what's being thrown at them. But he's lacking the communication aspect of a good relationship with Marisol. He doesn't have the friendship. He does have the friendship with Buck though. And I guess having sex with men in general never occurred to him (but as a demisexual Eddie believer I think sex is not something he worries about a lot unless it's actively creating problems in his life like in merry exmas and you don't know me, both episodes who contain the two sex scenes that lead to problems in the relationship, and it is an interesting way to create problems on Eddie's relationship by calling back to that conflict with Shannon that eventually led Eddie to let Shannon back in but literally led to him kicking Marisol out, also interesting that he sneaks Shannon out of the house and leaves Marisol alone in it) so he never thought about having sex with Buck specifically, but I don't see how Eddie could go "oh maybe I want to have sex with men?" and not instantly attach that to Buck too, because he's Buck. Considering the way I don't think Eddie knows how to qualify who Buck is to him, but does have Buck stored away as the person he trusts the most, I think that attraction to men would instantly attach to the safest person, and that's Buck.

But the question is how they are gonna handle his sexuality. I don't know if they are ever gonna explicitly label him, or Buck for they matter, on the show, but on a meta level Buck is being thought of as bisexual and they are adding to the pieces that are already there to make Buck a bisexual man. I have no idea where Eddie's sexuality is going. I can give you an argument for that man to be demisexual and/or demiromantic with the last episode. The fact that he didn't know that aspect of her killed his boner and his excitement with the relationship. So much so he had to go back to the getting to know her step. But is the show ballsy enough to have a character like Eddie be demisexual? Are they ballzy enough to make the womanizer bi and the single father ace? I don't know. Probably not. I think Eddie has a complicated relationship with sex. Is it the religious trauma? Is the demisexuality? Is it both? ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ I also think that that complicated relationship with sex makes it harder for him to want to date, because dating comes with expectations. He's clearly not romance or sex repulsed, but he does have trouble connecting on a deeper level with these women. He doesn't have trouble connecting with Buck. I think if you plant the attraction to men seed with him, his brain would fill the empty space with Buck. Kinda in the same way he keeps trying to match these women to Shannon. So he could get there. He can absolutely get there. I see this being a route to be taken. I don't know if the show is brave enough to do it though.

#i have many questions about how they're gonna handle eddie being queer if thats where its going #because i cant get a read on that man's sexuality keowksokossos #i mean demisexual works beautifully but at the same time i keep thinking #this show is not brave enough to actually do this #like no way they would give us a demi/bi relationship between two men who truly love each other #that's an unrealistic expectation kskapskslspskps #but i am curious #911 #911 spoilers #911 speculation #i really need a tag for asks #anon 😌

[wackybuddiemewbs]

Some random thoughts about Marisol's reappearance I gotta put somewhere...

Disclaimer: This is no coherent analysis of any sort, but just something I have to note down in some way. And as per usual, I'm making my rambling everyone's problem.

Like, the big question for me:

What is Marisol's reappearance in Eddie's life meant to achieve on a narrative level?

At first glance, it seems rather random to bring back this woman they helped on a call (and helped fix the house in a not at all heterosexual way, but I digress....). Like, why would you bring back yet another woman fitting a very particular pattern in this part of Eddie's story arc? After all, guy's been thriving ever since he went to therapy, and just recently told Buck that he should not date people he's met on calls.

Now, is this just a simple case of "karma's a bitch" or foreshadowing that this is exactly what Eddie will be doing himself?

Might be, might not be.

But if it's not just a typical "gotcha" moment, if this is really meant to further Eddie's storyline this season, then what is the upshot?

Those are the reasons that currently come to my mind (and it's probably none of them, but here I go anyway). For the sake of the argument (if there is), let's play devil's advocate as a Buddie shipper first and propose this:

Marisol's supposed to be Eddie's endgame

Possible, but highly unlikely IMO. I find it very hard to believe that they'd potentially follow a very similar pattern with how Eddie met essentially all the women he's dated since Shannon's death, only for this to be the one. Sure, he's had some "animosities" about Ana before, until he met her again on a call and then warmed up to the idea of dating her. But the pattern would still be (oversimplified) along those lines with Marisol:

Eddie makes some kind of connection with a pretty "Latina" (Gabrielle Walsh is not, but for some reason they kept acting like that... I'll never get the move, whatever).

Eddie warms up to the idea of dating and/or being in a relationship again, which intertwines his arc with his ongoing struggle of grief, repression, and self-discovery.

Eddie reconnects with said woman, potentially on (another) call.

Eddie goes on a date with said woman.

Now, the rest would be just guess work. But if Marisol and Eddie are supposed to actually start dating and becoming a couple (as per the premise), then the pattern would either continue with Eddie dating other people anyway (to bypass making the same mistakes he's done dating Ana), or actually doing just that (because healing isn't linear and people repeat the same mistakes).

Ergo, that begs the question: What's to be gained from a narrative POV? Either Eddie was just not ready with Ana yet, and he'd be with Marisol... which, you know, fair, but is that such a grand reveal? And what would that make it particular about her and how they met that we didn't already have with Ana? Other than that it wasn't Eddie's time yet?

So, why bother with this potential repetition of set-up? To invent some deep backstory for Marisol? Again, possible, but... also again, what's the point? I mean, the writers gave one to Taylor and that wasn't what made her and Buck last, even though it may even have seemed like it at first (the trope of "couple goes through some hardships, but they show up when it matters, they grow stronger together, and they can move on to the future from there").

Which is to say, if that's what we might be led to believe by the narrative at this point... NGL, I'd see that as a red herring, similar to the Taylor teary backstory (not) reveal. I just don't see the "lesson" Eddie is supposed to learn from the same set-up, only for this to turn out to be the right reasons to want to be with Marisol and have that partner who's meant to be forever.

Sure, sure, they could build her to be that over as many seasons. But I'll just say that I find that unlikely. Already for the plain reason of potentially repetitive storytelling, and my failure to see how the same set-up leads to a different result and lets it be "right" in one instance and not the other - for the sole reason of timing on Eddie's end.

Now, let's entertain some other scenarios.

Marisol is supposed to be the alter!Ana

Now, not in the creepy kind of way, but it might be a very interesting writing choice to confront Eddie with just that similar set-up, only for him to realize that he can't do that again. Either to himself or the person he's dating.

It could very well show that Eddie has to come to realize that he's about to fall into a similar pattern as he did with Ana. For example, to conform with the "norm", to simply not be alone anymore (a wish he voiced), because being with her might be "easy" compared to being on his own, to skip all the points about dating that he's unfamiliar with – to the familiar zone of "Eddie being in a steady relationship".

Because the latter was basically his only pattern whenever he's not decisively single. Eddie didn't care about dating (self-discovery, figuring out what he likes and doesn't like in a partner or relationship). He skips right ahead to being in a relationship. And in that way is recreating what he's had with Shannon, as they married young and didn't have as much time as their peers to date other people and figure more things out about themselves before having to make their marriage work.

Which is a long-ass way of saying: Confronting Eddie with an awfully similar pattern, and him coming to realize that this is what it is, could be really great for him. And it'd make for neat storytelling. It may open the door for him to actually start dating for himself, to have fun with the discovery (and maybe even to explore his own sexual identity at long last, oh King of Repression).

Emotional readiness doesn't equal being ready

Another thing to focus on might be this: Eddie may now finally be in a place where he can actually date other people... and not just go on (1) date with (1) person and stick to that person indefinitely, while said person bakes indefinitely many cupcakes... Still he is not ready to date, i.e. be in a steady relationship again. Why? Because he can't keep skipping through the actual dating phase (or pretend to go on dates, only to get Pepa off his case).

Eddie told his father last season that he needed to get better for himself. He's done very well on that front in so many way, but this may actually continue to be his blind spot for now. Eddie doesn't currently date for himself. He dates for his aunt, or to make her stop meddling. He doesn't take this as a way to be kind to himself, to find himself. He treats it like a fun evening at best, chore at worst. And if he doesn't, he insists that him and Christopher are a great team and that this is totally enough. Even though it's not. Which shows that he is still firmly in his comfort zone on this matter.

Which is to say: Maybe dating Marisol will give him the insight that he has to date for himself, too. And that he actually has to go through that phase, can't just skip right to the relationship phase to stop being alone or to rely on his comfort zone to "be enough".

This all comes back to what started with him dating Ana, namely Eddie's ongoing struggle with his grief over Shannon's loss. Because we learned this season that her and Eddie basically skipped a long (mature) dating process, as they married young. And Eddie continues to repeat that pattern with Ana (Eddie bumps into her, goes on 1 date with her, and he never dated any other woman again during that time). And he may even continue to do that with Marisol. And by the power of three, the third time would be the one that does the trick to make him aware of that.

So part of Eddie's healing process and reconciliation with his past (Shannon's "ghost", his own repression, you name it), his quest out of romantic solitude to finally find that one person who'll stay by his side, so he won't feel alone anymore... might actually be just that.

Buck isn't the only one missing the assignment

I know there's a lot of talk going on about how Buck keeps missing the assignment, now with him being interested in the death doula. So what I can see working just the same way is that Eddie is actually not much better off.

Sure enough, he's come a long, long way ever since he started therapy. But. I can totally see Eddie and Buck essentially making the same mistakes in different ways. Which is to say: Buddie parallels and antitheses could be so damn delicious in this. Yum.

Like, even without the shipper goggles, it's hard to deny that Buck and Eddie have been paralleled by the narrative in many ways. Their storylines are strongly interwoven, not just qua being best friends (somehow unavailable parents, Buck's self discovery journey vs. Eddie joining the Army to "do what's right", Buck/Ana parallels yet again this season, both going through and witnessing the other going through a (near-)death experience and struggling in the aftermath, trying to seem fine for the people around them, etc., etc., etc.).

So, Eddie continuing to miss his own assignments would be well within the realm of possibility. That Eddie tells Buck what he's not supposed to do (date people he met on a call), only to do that exact thing. And that Buck continues to fool himself in his belief that Natalia sees him (when she is merely reflecting the image he wants to see of himself and his relationship with his own death), even though it is a certain someone who actually sees him.

And yeah, he starts with E, and continues the odd tradition of somehow rhyming with the name of Buck's sister (Abby, Ali, Taylor Kelly...).

Why make them both miss the assignment, then? Well, here go the Buddie goggles, but I think it'd set them up neatly for what's next in their relationship. If Eddie actually starts dating for himself, if he gains an understanding of what he wants in a partner, he might finally be in the place where he can have the Oh moment. Because what he wants in a partner is what he's already got in Buck. And for Buck, it might be about seeing that it's not the person looking at him with a fascination for what happened to him, but the person who had to suffer through seeing that happen to him. Someone who sees him not for what happened to him, but for who he is.

AKA: Buck has to turn his back on the way he wants to see himself through Natalia's eyes and instead see himself through Eddie's eyes (who's seen the terrifying reality of a life without Buck in it, 3 minutes and 17 seconds long).

And here comes the potential twist I can see: Eddie also has to see himself through Buck's eyes. To finally reckon with his own mortality after the shooting (as Buck saw the terrifying reality of the 3 minutes and 17 seconds, the time we as the audience were made to watch Eddie being brought to the ER, as someone was so brilliant to point out).

Like, there are two elephants in this room (kitchen, always the kitchen). One ever since the sniper attack, the other since the lightning strike. And those two continue to dance not so elegantly around it. Buck and Eddie touch on the topic, but they don't go much below the surface level. Buck asks Eddie about what it felt like. He touched on it last season, too. Eddie lets it shine through that he still knows the seconds it took to bring Buck back. But what they don't talk about in depth are:

What did it really feel like for me, to (nearly) die, and what does it do that with me now?

What did it feel like for me, watching YOU (nearly) die, and what does it do with me now?

The first, Eddie touched on in some way this season. Though it's still entirely possible he remembers more about the shooting than he let on, or it's too surface-level as he wanted to keep Buck focused on himself and give an opening. Or something entirely else.

But the latter point is what's been very much absent from their conversations with each other so far. What does it do with you, to have your best friend's blood in your mouth? What does it do with you, to see your best friend dangling in the air, unmoving, silent, actually dead? What does it do with you, to try to get your best friend to safety, but having to let others handle it, to stay behind the glass doors? What does it do to you, to have to explain to your kid/your best friend's kid that the other might die/actually died?

They don't talk about that. Maybe because it's too hurtful, maybe because it's still too scary. Because maybe, just maybe, talking about it would make it oh too real that this doesn't make them feel like best friends but something much more. It may make it too real, how terrible a world was where the other was no more. Even if it was "just" 3 minutes and 17 seconds.

Now, I've taken a sharp U turn away from Marisol as Eddie's newest love interest and the Buddie in it all, but to circle this back... if the latter point is really something they are going for with the narrative... then the theme of recurring patterns, making the same mistakes despite "knowing better" would neatly fall in place with Eddie dating Marisol, I believe.

If this season is meant to wrap up some part of Eddie's and Buck's individual paths towards self-discovery, then for Eddie, it might well be having to learn that he can't repeat things with Marisol as he did with Shannon and Ana. That choosing himself means trying himself out, finding himself worthy enough of making the effort to find out what he truly wants in a partner.

And as for Buck, him potentially having to gear up and face his trauma to save his friends (I swear to God, red string of life coming back with Hen and Chim maybe, with Buck on the other end of that rope, will kill me so, so dead!)... that will be some kind of catalyst for him. And depending on where they want to place Natalia by the end of the season, say, her continuing to be drawn to Buck's relationship with death and maybe continuing to be fascinated by it after Buck went through that... there's many more possibilities I'll spare myself here. The point being: Buck will also find himself in some variation of what he went through before. And that should bring about some self-discoveries for him that he's been searching ever since this season began. And that might just be what they need to change and to move on, to work through their issues another time.

They need to do similar assignments before they can get the initial assignment right at long last.

Alright, that's been waaaaay too long. Here's to more shenanigan and this season finale ripping our hearts out! Woohoo!

#911 spoilers #911 season 6 #911 season 6 spoilers #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #in which I ramble #and don't make any sense #but when have I ever???

[lemonzestywrites]

Intimate Moments: 1) Hugging them from behind, laying their head on the other's shoulder

(i cannot stress enough how sorry i am that this took for absolutely forever so i hope you will take this a good enough apology!!)

exactly what you were looking for

paring: buck x eddie

word count: 3,053

tw: n/a

[ao3 link]

_____

Eddie is 6 years old, sitting in Adriana’s room, watching as his older sister plays with her Barbies without a care in the world, when in the smallest, most curious voice, he asks, “How do you know when you’ve found your true love?”

He had come in here to ask her something; what the question was exactly is now long forgotten, but soon after, he caught himself becoming oddly mesmerized by what she was doing, the little story she had created for herself. He didn’t really understand the details all that well, something to do with a princess…and maybe a tiger, maybe? He just remembered his sister muttering something about a “true love’s” kiss, then the rest had all but gotten lost in his mind. He was vaguely aware of the concept, probably the product of his sisters watching Sleeping Beauty and Beauty and the Beast for hours on end, but he didn’t understand the how?

“You just do,” she had explained like it was the simplest thing in the world. A unanimous fact. Like the sky was blue and the grass was green. Like love was a magical but understandable process- as most 9-year-olds often view it. Back then, Eddie didn’t know any better, had no idea what kind of reality the world had in store in for him, but still, he listened. He remembered looking up at his sister as she brushed some hair from her doll's face, one that had been a little scratched at the edges, the product of tough childhood love. She placed the barbie back into the dollhouse alongside another, positioned to make them look like they were holding hands. “Everything in the world will feel right, and in that moment, you’ll know. You’ve found exactly what you were looking for.”

At 6 years old, little Eddie Diaz had taken those words to heart, a new discovery into the world beyond him. Wise insight on what the wild concept of love was really like. But the world kept growing, and reality became more brutal as he got older. He found that love wasn’t this mystical thing perfectly painted like it was in the movies. As much as he wished it was.

There was a while with Shannon, early into their relationship, where young Eddie could’ve sworn he had found it there. That fairy tale, perfect high school sweetheart kind of love. Youthful and free. But then, a positive pregnancy test and a sudden need for income changed a lot of that. It’s not that Eddie didn’t love Shannon; that couldn’t be farther from the truth. He loved her. Eddie’s pretty certain she loved him too. Life and happenstance had changed them a lot, taken more than what they were looking to give. 

Ana, on the other hand- she had been a different story entirely. Eddie was searching for a part of himself within Ana that she just couldn’t fill, to no fault of her own. He wanted perfect, he wanted nice, he wanted that kind of love that was so wondrously simple…just, not with her. 

Eddie had almost given up on the prospect entirely, convinced himself that fairy tale romance was just that, a fantasy. It was something that other people got- not him, though. 

That was until a couple months ago, when the product of a few beers and late-night confessions had led to Eddie kissing Buck in the middle of his kitchen. 

Before then, Eddie wasn’t sure if he’d ever feel that sensation of butterflies in his stomach or the feeling of his heart leaping out of his chest. But God, kissing Buck had made every shred of doubt melt off his shoulders entirely. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had kissed him like Buck had- loving and sweet, with the faintest hint of desperation that left Eddie breathless as he had pulled away.

It wasn’t long after that everything else had started falling in place, following suit with such an unspoken ease. They’re so ingrained in each other's lives, their routine practically effortless. 

It’s good. Really good.

The whole thing feels so natural. Eddie always wondered if dating a man would be different at all, and in some ways, admittedly, it is. Kissing Buck had been a lot different than anytime he had kissed a woman before. Before, his height had never been an issue when kissing his partner, but now Eddie finds himself having to tilt his head slightly up to kiss Buck. But Eddie’s getting used to it all now, the things that were once new and unsure to explore now come to him with ease. And as Eddie has discovered, there are definitely perks. Especially after recently finding out that Buck’s hoodies not only fit Eddie but are also very comfortable. 

He likes that he gets to have this now, this simplistic domestic life he’s always wanted, happy and fulfilling, shared with the man he loves. That now his weekends are comprised of going to the zoo or the beach. That their work bags sit together in their shared bedroom, their fridge now is intermingled with a combination of fresh produce from the farmers market and bottles of fancy creamer Buck is addicted to (that he may or may not also be getting Eddie addicted to).

It's these kinds of moments, kind and soft in nature, that he likes to bask in. To reminisce and take in the handcrafted intimacy they’ve made for themselves. And it’s in times like these, moments where the soft familiarity drifts in subtly in the late hour of the night as Eddie stands in the kitchen, finishing off the last of the leftover dirty dishes before he heads off to bed.

The water is running just low enough for him to catch the sound of the gentle footsteps padding up from behind him. Suddenly, a warm wave climbs up his back, coating his shoulders with a familiar solidity that Eddie has come to know time and time again. Buck tentatively wraps his arms around Eddie’s waist before pressing a lazy kiss to his temple. “Hi,” Buck greets softly into the tufts of Eddie’s hair, his voice low and still sweet in the quiet hours of the night.

Eddie smiles before shutting off the water and sinking further into Buck’s embrace. “Hi,” he whispers back tiredly. “Thought you went to bed.”

Buck nestles closer into his neck, causing Eddie to giggle at the sudden feeling of Buck’s cold nose pressing up under his jaw. “I missed you,” he murmurs, soft lips brushing up against Eddie’s collarbone. He kisses the exposed patch of skin there, as if determined to pry the sound from him again. Eddie is starting to regret telling Buck about the fact that he’s ticklish cause now it seems to be a piece of information that he appears keen on exploiting. 

Once he pulls one more laugh from Eddie’s lips, he thankfully withdraws with what Eddie can only picture as a very satisfied smile before Buck settles back into Eddie’s neck, snuggling against him a little further.

Right beside his ear, Eddie hears him let out a small curt yawn before settling his head back to where it was. “You’re warm,” he mutters, the hints of exhaustion still lingering to the ends of his words.

Eddie chuckles to himself and slowly turns the sink back on to finish up the dishes. There’s only one glass left, but he knows Buck doesn't like cooking in a dirty kitchen, not that he’d ever say anything about it, but as Buck is always saying, it's about the principle of it. The warm water cascades softly down his hands as he begins to work with Buck by his back, practically falling asleep on his feet. With every breath, a small puff of air will brush up against the underside of Eddie’s jaw. He finishes up eventually, washing the suds off the last glass, gently settling it down aside on the drying rack before grabbing a hand towel and drying his hands.

He tosses it to the side, and with a relaxing breath, Eddie leans back in Buck’s arms, taking in the warmth spread out along his shoulders, the soothing comfort that Buck’s embrace brings. Buck has always been a space heater of a human being, warm and cuddly in nature, as Eddie had come to find out. It's especially comforting now, in the low chill of their kitchen, that carries that same frigidity that spring nights often do. Here though, that coldness feels miles away as a gentle wave of tranquility floats along, surrounding them both in a kind of warm contentedness that Eddie wants to bask in. 

Blindly, he reaches to his stomach, searching for one of Buck’s hands, entangling their fingers once Eddie’s found it. Thankfully, he doesn’t seem to mind the clamminess of Eddie’s palms as Buck squeezes Eddie’s hand in return.

Everything around them goes silent. Not deadly or eerie, but comfortable. A delicate kind of serenity that couldn’t be matched anywhere else in the world. It’s the kind of wondrous contentment Eddie’s been trying to find for years. And here it sits, in his kitchen during the late hour of the night. 

There’s a soft flicker in his chest, subtle and quiet. Not much more noticeable than the hum of the fridge beside them, but here in the delicate silence they’ve created, Eddie can’t help but catch it. 

It’s not an unusual feeling. It’s one he’s noticed before a handful of times, this gentle wave capturing moments not too dissimilar to ones like this. In these soft fragments of time, only limited to them and the love they have for one another. Every now and then, that soft fluttering feeling that he’s been searching for ages comes rolling back around the edges as he shares this moment with Buck. Eddie never thought he’d ever get here, to find this kind of tranquility in his life.

(Everything in the world will feel right, and in that moment, you’ll know.)

He looks to Buck the best he can, given the angle. The overhead light is the only thing illuminating his features, the gentle glow being cast down, cradling the contours of Buck’s cheek, highlighting the messy curls deprived of product. 

For some reason, something Eddie can’t entirely explain, it suddenly all hits him.

(You’ve found exactly what you were looking for.)

It’s as if the world quietly clicks into place. Everything settling right in front of him. A quiet revelation, taking up only a few seconds in time. For years, he’s been trying to look for something just like this, and now it’s here. Right here in the center of his home. It's not grand or spectacular; there’s no wondrous firework show or glowing choir.

It just…is. 

Eddie loves Buck. He’s the most important person in his life, second only to Christopher. 

This little family he’s created and fought so hard to do so. He’s happy. Really happy. And right now, more than anything, Eddie wants to hold on to that. He looks to Buck, and there’s no question to it.

“Marry me.” 

His voice is quiet, no louder than a whisper, yet in the still solace of the nighttime hour, the words echo magnitudes in the gentle vastness of their kitchen. 

Buck’s arms shift from where they’re wrapped around Eddie’s waist, almost stilling but not quite. His head lifts from where it had been resting on Eddie's shoulder, and he turns his head to look directly at him the best he can, eyes widened, taken aback with surprise. “What?”

“Marry me,” Eddie repeats, soft and low once more, letting the delicate meaning fall and sink in. “Please?”

There’s a beat of silence, a moment where the words hang there in the air, being hung by anxious trepidation. Buck’s eyes scan his features for a moment before he relaxes and smiles. “Okay.”

Eddie blinks a couple of times. “Yeah?”

He was sure Buck would say yes, Eddie wouldn’t have asked if he wasn’t, but still, the excitement finds itself radiating from his heart. A flurry of Buck wants to get married, and We’re going to be husbands is swirling in his head, feeling overcome with the growing happiness within him, unable to contain itself any longer.

And Buck laughs, the kind of infectious, joyous laughter Eddie loves. “Yeah,” he says giddily as a smile begins to form at the edge of his lips. “Yeah, Eds, I’ll marry you.” 

Call him a sap, but suddenly Eddie finds himself unable to restrain himself any longer and surges forward to kiss him. The position is a little awkward, putting a strain on his neck as he turns over his shoulder to kiss his boyfriend- his fiancé- but he pushes the discomfort aside and leans into it as far as he can.

It’s late, and the weariness lingering on Eddie’s shoulders had all but made itself evident. Even in his tired state, Eddie feels himself overwhelmed by the delighted bliss running through his veins. It rushes him in volumes, feeling it course all the way down to his toes, this serene happiness flooding his senses.

The arms wrapped loosely around his waist now pull him in closer till the two of them are almost flushed together from ankle to lips. But the positioning is too far, not enough; Eddie needs to be closer. 

He pulls back just far enough for him to speak. “Buck, baby, I wanna kiss you.”

Buck smiles sweetly against Eddie’s lips. “Sweetheart, you are kissing me.” 

Eddie laughs, the sound partially muffled in the small space between them. “Properly,” he insists. Thankfully, Buck so graciously complies, letting his grasp loosen just long enough for Eddie to turn in his arms and face him. And not a second later, Buck’s lips are on his again. 

They’ve both kissed each other countless times before; god knows they must've traded at least a hundred kisses on Eddie’s couch the night they first confessed to each other. But here, there’s nothing else other than bubbling excitement shared between them. It’s sweet and loving. Filling their kitchen with silent fireworks and a burning kind of adoring passion Eddie can’t get enough of. 

He lets himself be gently pushed back against the counter behind him and welcomes that wonderful elation once again.

Eventually, there’s a point in which the kiss slowly dissipates in a series of giggles and shameless smiles, neither one of them able to contain their joy long enough to properly kiss each other. But Eddie doesn’t mind. He’s pretty sure Buck doesn’t either, this precious joy caught between them becoming wonderfully infectious. Instead, they carefully pull apart and settle for pressing their foreheads together.

Buck huffs, brushing their noses together. “God, I wanna marry you so bad. It’s not fair I have to wait.”

Eddie pauses for a moment, thinking. “Then let’s not wait,” he says simply. “First thing in the morning- you, me, and Christopher, we drive down to the courthouse, and we make everything official.”

Buck blinks at him in surprise. Which is understandable. Eddie is most definitely not an impulsive person by any means. But this feels like an exception. Eddie has waited years for this, to finally get to this point in his life, to experience this kind of happiness. On top of the years he and Buck had spent slowly realizing and coming to terms with their feelings, Eddie is pointedly deciding he’s not waiting any longer than he has to.

Despite the nighttime darkness peeking through the window, Buck glows in pure uninhibited elation. “Okay, let’s do it,” he beams excitedly. His smile is so bright and joyful, the kind of excitement so unrestrained that he doesn’t hesitate pulling Eddie into a sweet kiss. Cradling the side of his face and pulling him in, another rush of wild adrenaline capturing them both. It sends a ripple of goosebumps down his spine at the motion, it reminds him of their first kiss all over again. The feeling of warm hands gently stroking his face, Eddie’s heart singing and singing the same beautiful melody as it did the first time. He could live in this sensation forever if he could but suddenly he feels Buck slightly jolt above him, humming against Eddie’s lips as he pulls back just far enough to speak. “What about the others? Maddie’s gonna kill us if we get married without her there.”

“We’ll invite everyone, and they can meet us there.” Their friends will think they’re crazy for it, he knows they will, and Eddie is more than willing to endure the endless amount of teasing they’re about to go through. But he knows it’ll be more than worth it, especially to have everyone there.

It’s good they don’t have to plan for much. They both already have suits, and they can get flowers. The cake will be a mess, but they can figure that out later. Thankfully, though, Eddie doesn't even have to worry about the rings either, knowing at least that the one he bought Buck is sitting in the pocket of his blazer hanging in the back of his closet.

Buck looks at him with that adorable glint in his eyes, hopeful and bright. “Can we still have a ceremony?” he asks with that hopeful, sweet tone in his voice that makes Eddie’s heart flutter. “I’ve always wanted one of those.”

Eddie leans in, pressing a kiss to the corner of his smile. “Yeah, baby, of course, we can.” God, Eddie would find a way to get married on fucking Mars if that’s what Buck wanted. Besides, if he’s being honest, he’s always wanted a proper ceremony too.

That wave of joy comes back again and they find themselves tugging each other close till their lips meet once more. It's soft and content. Gentle and careful, singing soft praises of their love that reverberate out in a hazy glow. Around them, the world feels at peace. 

Eddie feels at peace.

It’s crazy to think he’s here. In this moment, basking in a glow he thought he’d never experience again. Distantly, he remembers being 6 years old in his sister’s room, pondering his life, wondering if he’ll ever find his true love. 

He’s more than glad to say that at 35, Eddie’s found him.

#911 #911 fox #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #zestywrites #i’m so sorry again for taking ages for this!! #rbing for the taglist soon!

[sevensoulmates]

Aight...here's my thoughts on the season 6 finale. As a SEASON finale, yeah it was pretty decent. I enjoyed the bridge collapse as an emergency and I thought that the season character arc culmination was where it needed to be for most of the characters with two notable exceptions.

This is about to be long, so if you want to read my ranty thoughts, it's under the cut:

Now, if this actually ended up being the SERIES finale? It would've been Okay for everyone with the big glaring exception of Buck and Eddie.

If they really ended the show this way....dear god I would've been PISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDD.

And not just because "waah! I want buddie!" but because imho it doesn't work for the journey Buck and Eddie are on individually (or together). It felt like the writers were like okay, we may not get renewed after this so we're giving Buck and Eddie the potential for new relationships and that's that. But....these relationships don't actually feel like a "happy ending" or "potential for a happy ending" they feel very much like another stepping stone on a story for these two that is very much incomplete.

If it had ended here, I personally feel like it would've been a metaphorical death for these two characters. In the sense that they're still in the middle of learning what they need, what they want, where they actually want their lives to go. In real life, people die unexpectedly, in their middle of their life, and all of those loose ends never get tied, but in a TV show? The hope is that the writers know where they want the character arcs to go and how and that by the end of the show, they reach a satisfying conclusion to their individual arcs. The season 6 finale was not that. Fuck, the entirety of season 6 was not that. Season 6 felt like a transitionary season, almost like season 1 where the show was still getting its sea legs and figuring out a direction for the characters to go moving forward. Which is bad if this actually ended up being the very last season of the show.

In the show, Maddie, Chim, Bobby, Athena, Hen and Karen are all in much different places in their lives than Buck and Eddie. Everybody else knows who they are as characters, and all of their plotlines don't really revolve around "who am I?" but rather "how does [insert plot line here] fit into who I already am?" For Buck and Eddie, they are still very much on their "who am I?" journey. And it is far from over.

Eddie's character arc in season 6 was very much at the point where he's made it over the big emotional hurdles in his life that revolves around his trauma of losing Shannon, the PTSD of war, the emotional abuse he suffered at the hands of his parents, and the question of whether or not he's a good father for Chris. All that's left is the big "who am I?" and we started to see some of that in his storyline revolving around Chris starting to grow up and gain some independence, leaving space open in Eddie's life to start thinking about what he wants for himself. The show keeps on having external characters harping on Eddie that he needs to get a partner, and he keeps going around in circles with that ever since he started dating Ana. To me, this season did not show me that what Eddie actually needs is a perfect woman to swoop in and make him not lonely. In fact, it's shown quite the opposite. I get wanting Eddie to have something happy at the potential end of the series, but it feels weird given that the WHOLE SEASON the writing kept showing us that jumping back into dating and finding a good woman to settle down with is not actually the solution for him. I can't say whether or not this is setting up for queer realization arc, because I don't work for the show, but in terms of the actual writing itself....there's not much else that makes sense. ((This is also not to say Eddie is fully "healed" of his trauma, he's just in a better place in terms of handling it than Buck at the moment imo.))

As for Buck, the whole sperm donor storyline was a massive regression in terms of his personal journey. It was a trauma response at the very best. To me, Buck has not yet gotten to the point where Eddie is in terms of actually being able to heal his personal traumas and not let that hurt effect his current decisions. He's still very much in the thick of his pain. This sperm donor storyline is very obviously a manifestation of his guilt surrounding being a bone marrow donor baby, not being able to save his brother's life, still feeling like the only time his parents care is when he's injured or helping someone else out, and still feeling like he's the odd one out when it comes to the rest of the firefam who all have their own "individual families". To me, at this point in the series, the only part of Buck's story that has reached its natural resolution is his relationship with Bobby. Those two have worked it through and have reached a point where they can acknowledge how they feel about each other and not let their individual trauma affect their professional or personal relationship.

But good lord, Buck has not actually faced most of the other stuff. And having that baby on his couch was nothing if not a brand new trauma to add to the list. If the series ended with Buck as he is now, I would've been horrifically sad for him. Because literally nothing else of his story was resolved. I hope this is worked through in s7 and beyond.

All I have to say is hallelujah that the show didn't end there and that ABC swooped in and snatched them up. Hopefully with this new found freedom with ABC we can actually start to see these storylines come to their natural progressions instead of just pushing it off later and later until neither of them ever gets a happy ending.

#911 rewatch #season 6 #season 6 finale #season 6 might actually be my least favorite season at the moment #I'm gonna need season 7 to swoop in and fix it #or at least put us on the path to fixing it

[outrunningthedark]

I think the next serious relationship Buck and Eddie are gonna have is gonna be with each other, I'd wager end of S6.

Eddie has never been the type to do 'casual'. He stayed loyal while married because he (obviously) had unresolved feelings about Shannon, and then his relationship with Ana became a 'ready-made family' because he thought Christopher would benefit from having a mother-figure in his life that was a 'sure thing'. (Ana is not Shannon. She would not have left the Diazes if Eddie didn't initiate that conversation.) Given how Eddie wasn't ready to commit to Ana despite how "perfect" she seemed on paper, he's not going to it make the same mistake twice. Narratively speaking, there is no logical way for Eddie to date someone new (to bring another woman into Christopher's life) only for them to break up because he's still unhappy with the direction his life is headed. The whole point of Eddie's therapy/healing arc is that he is learning to prioritize his own wants and needs, so the next person he dates has to be someone he can see himself marrying/growing old with. Who's the more likely option? A LI introduced in s6? Maybe even s7? Or the guy he's known for almost four years that he spends nearly all his free time with - even when in a relationship! - and trusts to care for Christopher as if he were his own? Buck, meanwhile, seems to be headed for a similar journey that will involve figuring out not only what he wants in a partner, but what he deserves. Entering a "serious" relationship soon after breaking up with his gf would be a failure before it really begins, and I think Buck will steer clear of that path - the desire to have "someone to come home to" is exactly how he ended up committing to a woman that he knew wasn't right for him, and the fallout is going to leave him wishing he listened to his instincts. If Buck does the work it takes to determine what kind of partner he wants for himself, it would appear that the next person he decides to date has to be someone who: - makes him happy just by being together - never makes him question their intentions or their love for him - never asks him to be anybody other than his true self Pretty sure there's already a potential LI on the show who does just that, but. What do I know? ;)

#anonymous #tina speaks #tv: 911 #tv: 9-1-1 #buddie

[littlespoonevan]

i really want to know your opinion on last night's episode! do you think we finally saw Eddie's oh moment? I see a lot of people talking about it and about his heartbreak but I'm not seeing it? like I see eddie upset about what buck is saying, but that could easily be platonic imo, my best friend saying someone else actually sees them? that would make me feel awful, like I'm here??? I see you??? and i get eddie feels lonely as well, but i dont ser that particularly related to him realizing he's in love w buck, idk idk what are your thoughts?

askjdhlf okay. where do i begin??? i should preface by saying i only got a chance to watch the last 25 mins of the ep like an hour and a half ago bc of how long it took for the ep to upload this morning so i'm still very much processing bUT

that cemetery scene was a lot.

to start by answering your question, i don't think we got an oh moment in the deliberate sense?? by that i mean, i don't think this was the show telling the audience "this is it!!!! this is the moment eddie realises he's in love with buck!!!!!" however i do think that scene did A Lot to suggest something big and buddie-related in the pipeline.

something about the tone of it felt very different to what we've gotten previously???? it's most certainly one of the longest conversations they've ever had at 3 minutes uninterrupted. it's also one of their most serious and touched on a wide range of topics (like it felt almost like a post-ep coda fic conversation to me????? askdjfh) and i think it's interesting that twice now in 6b we've had meaningful conversations between them that don't involve chris being brought up. because that's been something i've always said was maybe missing when it came to the possibility of them becoming canon??? we have so many conversations that emphasise buck/eddie/chris as a family but very few conversations between buck and eddie just about them and their friendship/relationship, y'know??

likewise eddie's reaction to natalia was in very stark contrast to the usual way he sort of snarkily comments on buck's relationships. @mellaithwen made the great catch that it paralleled buck talking about ana in 5x02 and it also reminded me of eddie's reaction to abby??? in the way it was this sort of weary-frustrated-resigned combination where he Knows this won't end well for buck and he's maybe a little bit annoyed at buck's lack of regard for himself (in 3x18 bc he's willing risk his own life for abby to save her fiancé even after she left buck the way she did and now with natalia in a 'how can you say she sees you better when the version of yourself you're showing her isn't you' way)

there's also just the big giant elephant in the room where buck is talking about how natalia sees him when eddie is the one who's always Seen him - all the way back to "to be seen to be found, isn't that what we're all searching for?". eddie is the one who constantly validates buck's feelings, who understands his reasons for the choices he makes, who knows exactly what to say to make buck open up. he even does it in this scene!!!!!! when he says "you don't have to be anything for anyone". it felt like a big fat example of dramatic irony tbh

and i think for me, regardless of what happens on the actual show, when it comes to how i write and approach canon in fic that scene acts as confirmation of my favourite headcanon that eddie knows about his feelings but buck has no fucking idea. and while we may or may not ever get real confirmation of that in canon, i think you can for sure read the scene that way without twisting it into something it's not :')

overall, you know i'm the most cautious person alive when it comes to canon buddie but i do genuinely, genuinely feel something has shifted in this scene even if it's not a definitive oh moment for now💛

#anon #asks #911 related #911 spoilers