#this is a very long rant i’m sorry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

messiahzzz · 2 months

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while it’s perfectly fine to have your own headcanons that are non-canon compliant — by all means, go wild. recognizing pieces of yourselves in fictional characters can be a very healing and validating experience. this is nonetheless a casual, well-intentioned reminder that gale, in fact, does not have bpd.

bpd is a pervasive pattern of instability affecting interpersonal relationships, self-image, and mood. the disorder is marked by impulsivity beginning in early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts. a diagnosis requires at least 5 of the following 9 criteria to be met:

Fear of abandonment

Unstable or changing relationships

Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors (e.g., excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

Suicidal behavior or self-injury

Varied or random mood swings

Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

source: [x]

i highlighted the criteria that do apply to gale in one way or another in a pretty purple.

i personally believe that it’s rather harmful to equate his relationship with mystra with her being “his fp”. she is a deity, his goddess, and the source of his powers, who is in in full control of the magic he wields.

gale: mystra commands all magic. salvation, if such a thing exists, is hers to bestow or withhold.

gale has been effectively groomed and conditioned to serve and revere her at every turn since early childhood. imo this comparison really undermines a lot of crucial points in gale’s story that deal with his overall trauma and abuse. after all, you wouldn’t call shar sh*dowhe*rt’s fp either.

gale doesn’t revile mystra, nor does he commit benevolent deeds solely motivated by the secret hope that she will somehow notice and take him back. when you meet gale in the game he has already fully come to terms with the fact that he has been abandoned by mystra with no hope of reconciliation whatsoever. he also had some very fitting lines in ea regarding this topic that i'm sad haven't been repurposed in the full release in some way.

gale: [the tadpoles] don't know that some things are impossible. they don't know that... they don't know. player: what is impossible about what you're being shown? gale: forgiveness. gale: it is mystra i see. and yet it cannot be her. there was a time when i would have believed - but no longer. gale: suffice it to say she would not bestow upon me the favors promised in these dreams. that is how i know they are delusions.

he has already reached the stage of acceptance. moreover, gale only starts to realize that mystra might have been in the wrong for requesting his death once the tadpole squad & tav speak some sense into him. and even then he doesn’t ever show that his emotions regarding mystra are anywhere along those lines. he is instead rightfully angered that she only saw value in his death, after he had been worshipping her loyally for years.

gale: i worshipped mystra loyally for years, and in that time she granted me the barest sliver of the power i was ready to wield. gale: even with the fate of the world at stake, she had little more to offer me than the means of blowing myself up at a more convenient time. she's done nothing to help us.

gale: you abandoned me in my hour of greatest need. i had no obligation to help you in yours. gale: because you had no right to ask that of me. you cast me out, remember?

gale doesn’t display rapid changes in mood either. he is a character who is generally very composed and has been known to remain nonchalant even in the face of utter horror. tim downie himself even commented on this once. source: [x]

the only instance i can think of is his sudden switch from resigned-to-death to utter-eye-sparkling-enthusiasm once he spots the crown of karsus. apart from crucial story reasons that i won’t touch upon in this post, i’d also like to add that it’s a rather common phenomenon for people who have just barely survived a suicide attempt to suddenly be filled with zeal and unbridled energy. he doesn't display impulsivity without thorough consideration when it comes to its acquisition either. he considers this a golden opportunity and is positively enthusiastic and elated that this might prove an alternative to him ending up in a cloud of netherese smoke. nonetheless, he knows what he is doing. evident in him actually succeeding in ascending in one of his endings.

gale: this is no passing whim, trust me. if i can obtain that crown, it will affect us all. it is not a decision i'll take lightly. gale: it's our future that i'm thinking of - we can't rely on anyone else to do it for us. gale: for now - we've learned all we can.

neither are his relationships that we do know of (namely elminster, tara, and morena) frequently changing. they are marked by years of mutual respect, care, and consistency. there is nothing unstable about them. while it's important to note that his relationship with tav is still in its honeymoon stages during the main game, there is no inclination of any push-and-pull dynamic between them whatsoever.

gale isn’t preoccupied with keeping up some sort of benevolent act in order to win (back) affection — he genuinely IS a good person and he proves this at every turn. moreover, to have a tressym become your familiar you must be of Good alignment.

(taken from tumblr user galedekarios's post.)

there is never a moment where his ideals or alignment suddenly change. in fact, i’d argue that he and wyll are most consistent in this regard when compared to the rest of the companions. gale makes his moral standpoint very clear from the beginning on and also explicitly states that he believes that in order to survive this entire ordeal it would be selfish of him if he wouldn’t be willing to compromise on his morals. this isn’t a sudden bout of ✨muahahaha wizard hubris✨ that he barely contained to hold in before, this is yet another act of selflessness — it is what he’s willing to do for the group and subsequently, the welfare of faerun.

player: i love unsavoury things. don't feel guilty on my account. gale: that's good to know. although i should say i do what i do out of a sense of utility and pragmatism, not a love of the unsavoury. gale: we're up against the greatest threat faerun has ever faced. i don't mind getting my hands dirty if it gives us a better chance of surviving. gale: whatever advantage i can gain for us. i will. and i refuse to feel guilty for it, no matter how much mystra's chidings might echo in my skull.

this is him, once again trying to be useful in whatever way he can. to give them an advantage, a slither of hope against seemingly impossible odds, so they might make it out of this in one piece. gale wouldn’t approve of those actions under normal circumstances, but their predicament is as far from any definition of “normal” as it can get.

gale is no fool, he realizes this is essentially about survival. he knows that he has no option left other than to tolerate, which is why he can be convinced to not immediately depart tav’s company even if they choose to commit atrocities. this is no character flaw of his or him displaying a previously dormant openness for cruelty, this is about recognizing the necessity.

player: you don't stand a chance alone. you're free to go. i dare you. gale: gods damn you - you're right. few things are more powerful than the will to live.

gale: i thought the orb to be the greatest of my sins, but i see now that there are darker depths to which i might yet sink. you may be content to sink into that abyss, but i assure you - i am not.

gale doesn’t lead a split existence. he has a very strong sense of identity. he knows what he wants, what he doesn’t want and he isn’t shy in expressing his boundaries either. which he has especially shown when it comes to his relationship with tav. i originally had intended to touch upon this in another post entirely but: i firmly believe his entire Gale of Waterdeep™ persona is more of a performance than him struggling to find a sense of identity and trying them on for size. it is an intentional decision to separate gale dekarios from the great wizard of waterdeep, to create distance and make sure his family name remains untarnished in case things should ever go sideways.

gale: i agree. and on the plus side, if i get myself into any truly cataclysmic straits during the remainder of our journey, my family name will go untarnished.

there is also a deep-rooted feeling of unworthiness and his firm belief that love and praise are conditional resources that he will only be granted through his talents alone, naturally. presenting himself as gale dekarios, the man, would mean highlighting his shortcomings and very human flaws, while distracting from the aspects of himself that are deemed praiseworthy, the ones that actually matter: his magical prowess.

i personally believe that part of the beauty of gale’s story is him realizing just how “little” it takes for him to be truly content. he gets his happy ending, with someone at his side who truly sees him, understands him and unabashedly commits to him. they worship and adore him in return — and it is well deserved. he isn’t reduced to be constantly and restlessly searching for some unattainable ideal to fill the gaping void within himself. he doesn’t secretly thirst for more power still or believes that in being with tav he is settling for something. instead, he is finally happy to just be. be and be accepted. teaching a class of unruly wizards and coming home to his spouse each day already fulfills him.

gale: that's how i feel with you - content. it's a rather unfamiliar feeling, i must say. not something gale of waterdeep ever craved.

even if he doesn’t pursue a romance with tav, he reaches a realization of “oh, it appears i am not irredeemably flawed and only able to reach true redemption through my own death. what i needed was actually with me all along.” throughout their journey and through his friend's support. i think that’s a very powerful and comforting message. he is very well capable of finding peace within himself.

devnotes: his default state is that he returned to waterdeep and became a professor of illusory magic at his former school, blackstaff academy. general vibe here is that this is a gale who's found peace with himself - he's a great teacher, one his students are mostly in awe of.

to repeat myself: sharing your headcanons is all in good fun, nor should you ever be discouraged from doing so. this is your personal tumblr experience, after all. but i personally think we should be mindful of unintentionally perpetuating negative stereotypes, such as narcissism being a general indicator or being deemed a classic depiction of bpd. i think we can all agree that the continuous longing for acceptance, connection, praise, and approval is something we all have in common deep down, regardless of whatever disorder we may have. [insert victoria justice meme here]

gale may be many things to many people, but he is no entitled narcissist.

#with love. a person diagnosed with bpd <3 #this turned much longer than i originally intended it to be (aka less of a reply and more of a character study)#by now you know that i am incapable of cutting myself short. i’m so sorry #i debated if i should put this in the tag at first #but i personally think that this is a very interesting discussion #also to reiterate: this is by NO MEANS a slight at the original poster #i just thought it more respectful to make my own post instead of invading theirs with my ranting #fandom is all about fun and escapism.#if you interpret characters in a certain way that i personally disagree with that is a-okay #BUT i’m also gonna have my own specific brand of fun by pointing out why you’re wrong (affectionately)#also i quickly want to add that if you're interested in a very accurate and respectful portrayal of bpd: watch crazy ex-girlfriend!!#its on netflix and genuinely such a funny and unapologetically weird show. the writers have really done their homework #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 meta #character analysis #it speaks #long post #suicide mention

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thresholdbb · 6 months

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Can we talk about The Dying Swan moment in Coda? As someone who was once a very serious ballerina, I need to talk about the Dying Swan. Here's your context --

CHAKOTAY: Harry's clarinet solo was okay. I could have done without Tuvok's reading of Vulcan poetry. But the highlight of the evening was definitely Kathryn Janeway portraying the Dying Swan. JANEWAY: I learned that dance when I was six years old. I assure you, it was the hit of the Beginning Ballet class.

Have you seen The Dying Swan? It is dramatic.

Here, take a minute:

youtube

First of all, this dance is much too advanced for a six-year-old, even if they’re doing it in demi pointe. (Six-year-olds emphatically should not be in pointe shoes btw.) The dance is almost entirely bourees and arm movements done to very subtle musical cues, not the foundational ballet moves typically taught in Beginning Ballet.

This is a very vulnerable, dramatic dance that is effective because of its subtleties. The performer would need to embody that vulnerability in some way for a convincing performance. It's short, but it's a solo piece -- all eyes on you. I mean, it was choreographed for a prima ballerina, BUT THAT'S NOT MY POINT

Can you imagine our unflappable Captain Janeway willingly getting in front of her crew to do this ballet? I get that it’s thematically relevant to the plot of Coda, but since Janeway is only vulnerable in front of her crew when it means putting herself in harm’s way, it seems like a wild decision. She tends to hold herself apart from her crew, maintaining the professional distance of the captain. Further, when she does any creative pursuit, it is almost always in private, since her sister was the artist in the family and she was the scientist. As a captain, she commands Voyager in a much different way than she would as a dancer with this piece. I'm not saying she never shows vulnerability because she definitely does, but not necessarily in this way. Then when she talks about it with Chakotay, she just casually brushes it off with a laugh like no big deal.

There’s also the question of costume – would she have gone full tutu? Done it in her Starfleet uniform? An impeccable yet flow-y white suit? She does get into costume and command a performance in Bride of Chaotica!, but Coda is still kind of early days for our captain. Arachnia aligns more with what we know about Janeway's character.

Granted, it is Chakotay laying down these complements about her dancing ability and he is clearly biased. To be fair, Neelix does too before they leave in the shuttle. If she did this dance and performed it poorly or amazingly, I feel like the crew would look at her a bit differently afterwards.

Canonically she did The Dying Swan, but I certainly have trouble picturing it happening.

#does everyone let it slide because she gets mind killed a bunch of times and attends her own funeral?#this throw away line has been living rent free in my mind for months now #coda is also a ballet term fun fact #star trek voyager #coda #Captain Janeway #this death doesn't mean anything though because no one else is saved so not janeway self-sacrificing goals #yes yes they probably just picked the first artistic performance with death in the title cause it's thematically relevant #i've thought about it much more than a normal person probably should #No one said I was a good ballerina but I did it for a long time #may or may not have filmed a video about this in my cosplay for a different platform #maybe have been sitting on it cause of editing and weird dudes being into me like why no #also let tuvok read his poetry i bet it's great #alien grim reaper dad is a great concept very creepy bring him back for more angst #just a little insane about the dying swan don't mind me #also insane about coda and voyager and janeway in general ok you got me #meta #I was falling asleep on the couch but then I had to rant about coda I’m sorry

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crybaby-bkg · 7 months

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it is so so so so soooo hard to unlearn that a problem not communicated directly to you shouldn’t affect your wellbeing and you can’t keep beating yourself up about something not being told to you!!!!!!!!????????? terrible thing to have to come to terms with. I hate it. (it’s helped so much of my anxiety when it comes to relationships with people.)

#it’s just very hard to unlearn #like I called my friend the other day and they didn’t answer #and my stomach instantly started hurting and my muscles kept twitching uncontrollably #bc I just assumed they were mad at me #but they called me the next day happy and we had a great conversation #turns out they hadn’t even seen the call and just wanted to hear my voice the next day #and to think I almost blocked them bc I assumed they hated me suddenly #it’s just so hard to not think like that tho #ESPECIALLY when you’re so sure someone ACTUALLY doesn’t like you anymore lmao #I’m pretty sure someone doesn’t like me bc of my depression rut on here and for so long I felt so bad about it #but if they haven’t communicated it to me then I can’t keep panicking and blaming myself and worrying myself sick with anxiety #I’m learning!!!! but it’s a process!!!!!#sorry for the rant but I’ve been thinking about this since my therapy appt #—in store chit chat! 🍫

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800db-cloud · 8 months

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I think you should be made aware that theres a minidrama on twitter claiming Shiver fans to be racist. Which...some might be. My mutual in law got DOGGED recently and i saw all of it (all they did was make a lil joke i think

so i’ve heard… :( the entire situation is terrible , honestly. i’m not big into splatoon but i am a brown person, and seeing the infighting between fans about the racism and colorism in the fanbase is. stressful, to put it VERY lightly

i’m very sorry to hear what happened to your mutual-in-law. the recent splatfest has a LOT of people agitated. thankfully nobody has been rude to me yet, but knowing the internet (and how things are going right now) who knows how long that’ll last

#era.txt #anon #this entire ‘situation’ is ridiculous in my opinion #i’m absolutely not discrediting the blatant racism and colorism of the fanbase because that absolutely exists #i’m talking about how RIDICULOUSLY rigged the splatfests are. especially the latest few #its horrible that one of the biggest reasons why frye isn’t winning is BECAUSE she’s brown. that’s it. its because people are terrible #its horrible to think that she has a disadvantage just because her skin is darker than shivers. i dont know how to articulate my feelings->#<-properly but just know that i find this entire thing EXTREMELY tiring. i feel like im walking on eggshells here #IM VERY SORRY FOR THE LONG RANT!#i know i couldve said some things better here but i just woke up from a 6 hour nap oops #if you need anything tagged here feel free to lmk

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mirokata · 9 months

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Seeing Isaac’s experiences with being aroace got me tearing up after Heartstopper… I relate to the isolating feeling so well.

The confusion with not relating to others in the room when people talk about crushes and romance.

The feeling of a weight being lifted upon discovering the aromantic label (and later on asexual, for me).

I feel so happy to see that expressed, even though a part of me wishes there could’ve been even more.

And I’m tearing up because I was watching the entire series with my mom and yet… she doesn’t seem to get it. I’m grateful that she’s willing to enjoy the show with me but her comments are just so conservative.

And the way she shrugs off all my mentions of aromantic/asexual identity and the times I pointed out how I related to Isaac’s experience was heartbreaking. It’s sent me spiralling back into wondering why I care so much about telling her anyway. Especially since she forgets what aro and ace mean every single time I bring it up. I’ve even made her watch Jaiden animation’s video on being aroace. Twice. (iykyk)

It’s alright to forget, but at least ask, you know? Don’t wait till I ask “Do you remember what aroace means?” Only to shake your head in “No”. Only to say that I’m just being young. Only to forget about it all over again.

Her words as my mother gets to me and every time I reflect on my identity I feel insecure. Invalid.

And now I try to bring it up again with Heartstopper so clearly putting out the aromantic & asexual experience on a plate for the world to see.

Yes, I don’t owe her coming out. But I want to, because being aroace is a big part of my identity and I just wish I could talk to her about this part of me. But it’s difficult when the comments I hear from her are precisely the type of conservative comments people don’t want to hear while we’re LITERALLY WATCHING HEARTSTOPPER.

“She’s trans but like, isn’t she still a man? Just dressing like a girl?”

“How could Nick know that he likes girls if he’s never liked any?”

“Darcy is dressing like a lesbian, of course her mom can’t take it” (imo, being any queer identity shouldn’t even have ‘a look’ in the first place…)

+ completely ignoring the aroace parts to talk about something else while I’m so clearly trying to highlight it

I want to understand what’s so difficult to accept that being queer is valid.

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why-the-heck-not · 8 months

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1, 2, 37, and a question you wish someone asked

Thank youu for asking !!

1: Age

2: Sexuality

37: Do you regret quitting any hobbies?

yeees big time. I used to do ballet for like 13 years but quit bc had to change to a different city bc they didn’t have advanced things where I used to go and all my friends quit somewhere at that point, so the last couple years I didn’t rly have friends there. Also I wasn’t like trying to go pro or anything and sort of that was as far I could go with it if I wasn’t rly going to be serious abt it. I think I also got too anxious and self-aware at that point (damn u 16-year-old-me)

96: What's the worst book you've ever read?

Picked this bc I’ve been wanting to rant about Normal People by Sally Rooney for a bit. Maybe it’s not The Worst book I’ve ever read, but it wasn’t good and for the amount of hype it has, it sucked.

My ”review” (if u can call it that) below SPOILERS FOR ”NORMAL PEOPLE” BY SALLY ROONEY

I feel like there was potential there but in the end it just kept repeating the same cycle of them being together and then getting separated. Like it just kept going???? It got old after like 2-3 times.

And there really wasn’t even an attempt made for character building. It was all very surface level and it felt like neither of them actually grew up during the years and got stuck with that high-school level of communication when they in fact were grown ass adults like?? Act like it!!!! What the fuck was the problem there like ,,?? If u want to be together, you can be together; you’re no longer in high-school and ”having to take care of ur social status” (which also is one tired old trope). Literally give us one (1) reason why tf it’s so hard to commit to eachother when u clearly can commit to other ppl?? If the intention was to make the reader frustrated with them, I’d be okay with it if the book gave actual reasons for that. But it didn’t bc it’s all so goddamn one dimensional. The ”they can’t be together bc they’re wired wrong and traumatized and mentally ill” just doesn’t work when you don’t dwell deeper into the underlaying issues. It especially felt like the author just gave up on Marianne’s character at the end and went with the ”oh she was traumatized? That means she has some kinks and that is now her entire personality”.

Also the ending just felt so rushed and I hated it. Nothing got resolved in a real way. The redemption arc? He got to succeed and had some opportunities etc., and she just got the guy and that’s about it. Yes, you could read it like in the beginning he had a loving family but no money, where as in she had money but not the loving family, so in the end they got what they wanted as a kid. But that’s so blah. There was nothing suprising about it. It felt like they both gave up and settled for whoever was left and it wasn’t out of actual love; just the residual feelings from pining after eachother for a million years.

Overall, it just felt pretentious and it didn’t have enough dimension to actually create believable mentally unwell characters. It barely had a plot. I get it from the marketing point of view bc an easy read that has some edgy topics sprinkled with fanfiction tropes, but it just wasn’t good.

(This is just my opinion, don’t let me deter you if I just bashed ur comfort book; you like it and that’s all that matters. Mine is A Little Life, so I’m in no position to judge lmao)

#idk that normal people opinion might be a very unpopular one #but i’m standing by it #sorry i turned an ask into a long rant-ish book review #i’ve just been meaning to write abt this since I read it like a month ago #august 2023 #2023 #asks

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here-there-everyfuckenwhere · 2 years

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Tedbecca stans that shit all over Sambecca do understand that the “but she’s his boss!1!!” argument is made completely redundant by the fact that she is also Ted’s boss, right...?

#ray rants and junk #ted lasso #guys I’m sorry I don’t like getting into discourse often but sometimes I think tedbecca stans can be-#*inhales*#not everyone!!!#and no hate to tedbecca at all!!!!#I prefer ted/trent personally but like I understand that tedbecca will (most likely) be endgame #and I’m fine with that!!! HAPPY even!!!!#and I’m not a fan of sambecca particularly #just because I feel as though they’re not gonna be happy long-term but like #honestly #the sHeS hiS bOsS!1!! argument is soooo exhausting coming from tedbecca stans because SHES ALSO TEDS BOSS #AND (even though she came clean about it) SHE HAS ABUSED HER POSITION OF POWER OVER TED BEFORE #!!!!#very important to keep in mind!!!#again #I’m NOT saying tedbecca is bad/problematic #and I don’t HATE tedbecca stans!! at all!!!#I just think that people tend to conveniently forget this small fact...

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raeofgayshine · 10 months

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*stares into void* How am I supposed to sleep knowing that doctors don’t take me seriously? That the pain I’m in, all over my body by the way, that was bad enough earlier I couldn’t turn my head very far because I was in pain and it felt stiff (and now I just have the pain left so I can at least turn it but will continue not to do so much). Pain that makes it hard for me to stand for very long because it kills my back and also my hip, who has a fuck ton of issues on my own, of course all the way to my feet, and there’s a reason I have frequent nightmares of my legs just giving out and no longer working, because the longer I stand the more that feels like it’ll be the case, and also that seems to be a lower bar lately which fucking great you know. The pain also, that goes from my neck like I said but into my shoulders and down my arms, sometimes. Sometimes also just my fucking wrists hurt, my hands will get so stiff I feel like I can’t do anything, can’t even close them around something to pick it up, and isn’t that my shittiest situation because I like to be doing stuff.

But instead of taking me seriously doctors have insisted it’s all my anxiety (except my wrists, which is clearly carpal tunnel despite multiple tests proving I have no fucking signs of that). Which is basically the modern day version of getting diagnosed with hysteria.

And so how can I sleep both knowing I will only continue to get worse and deal with more symptoms (pain and otherwise) until I reach a point I can’t actually fucking function anymore because no one will take me seriously, and also how can I sleep when I’m in fucking pain no matter how I lay and there is no medicine I have that will fucking help it?

#ravenpuff rambles #okay this is actually more of a rant but you know #sorry I’m pissed and can’t sleep because *see above*#despite the fact I am absolutely exhausted #which by the way my fatigue gets way worse the more pain I’m in but you know #I’m so tired. so tired.#fucking god bless though the one small part of my brain that is insistent there’s a chance things will get better #Im feeling very cynical and angry and hopeless #but damn if there ain’t a part of me I trained to be sunshine and happiness and a reminder of the good parts of life #it is annoying because I can’t even feel upset about something for too long before that part kicks in and logics out a future good #but I worked hard to have that part of me for a reason and it’s fueled by a very lovely bunch of people so unfortunately #I can’t get mad at it. because then I would be getting mad at my friends who made me see the good parts of life #and I could never be mad at y’all for that

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